hi so sorry to here this happened to you but you can’t blame dating sites maybe you wasn’t in the right place to go into them when we feel low and are looking for happiness from something else than ourselves we need to learn to love and have our self worth before we go looking for something else or somebody else to make us happy work on you and be happy with who you are and it will happen when you least expect it glad your feeling better ❤️🙏🏻
I too did the same! Maximum guys on them are only looking for casual things.. People nowadays don't want to genuinely invest plus maximum people are heart broken, not over their ex or wants some kind of rebound! Too over board for me to handle it! Had worst experience.. My tym was wasted almost 2 yrs! The dating apps should mention.. Use at your own risk!
@@teresareid5034 dating apps only benefit top 20% beautiful people it’s all about looks so the majority of people will have negative issues using them.
honestly I have taken a break from using dating apps because I find that it really affects my mental and emotional health. I like putting investment into people while dating and it's hard to filter through the people that aren't interested in the same thing. I've had more success meeting people through friends or at random clubs / activities that I already do
Omg I'm so glad you said that, I felt I was the only one that felt it was not good for my mental health. It really leaves me with this hopeless sinking feeling
I somewhat agree, but dating apps is the same thing about meeting new people. Besides I've tried to meet someone by going out and even been introduced by friends and both times didn't last..so what's really the difference here? It's a matter of who uses it and how it's used.
online dating has been a godsend to the average women....you want 50 notes of admiration with zero risk online date. You feel fat and don't want to work out but want to feel great....online date.....50 guys in 5 hours will tell you that you look amazing! You don't like your husband or boyfriend because he's not perfect? great get online and find 50 men who say they will do what he didn't do.
Very true. And it seems harder and harder for me to read people's true intentions. I recently met a guy in person and I thought we clicked. Turns out, I was dead wrong! It's very discouraging when that happens.
So true, I find most people on dating apps are lonely and not willing to do the work for a committed relationship. Or they are looking for a one off or a friend with benefits. Of course they all are looking for a long term relationship. They lie!! Actions speak louder then words has never been more true. It’s truly exhausting.
I have had a chat where we actually stroke hours of hard but meaningful questions and answers. We fixed dates & hours to just talk… it lasted 3 days max. Then silence… He said his past haunts him and my communication style is too strong but his mind very occupied. So, chat was abandoned, no will to meet me… That was the final effort; I do not even know why people use dating apps if they are unwilling to give a chance. Possibilities I will die alone increase day by day… I should start liking cats.
@@PapillonColore I no longer see myself getting married anymore, either. So, I aspire to, at church, be that crazy uncle kind of guy the kids have around. You know, the one that gives good life advice, also shows them how to shoot a bow, and likes wearing a tunic and axe head as many weekends as applicable.
I stopped using dating apps. It affected my mental and emotional health. I woul like to meet and get to know someone organically. ❤️ love to all of you
Well, you brought this upon yourself. Men can no longer ask you out in a bar because you are busy partying. Men can no longer ask you out at a bus stop because it is harassment. Men can no longer ask you out at a coffee shop because it is inappropriate. Men can no longer ask you out at your workplace because it is #metoo at the workplace. Men can no longer ask you out at the gym because it is creepy and stalking. Men can no longer ask you out on Instagram or Facebook because it is cyberstalking. Men can no longer ask you out on Linkedin because it is inappropriate for a professional platform. You closed off all the "natural ways" What hopes do you have. Adil Mehtal Founder & CEO United pet foods PTY. LTD.
@@navalfa7291 wow I completely disagree these are all healthy places to ask a person out. How are you going about it? Is it genuine, organic and heartfelt?! Imho you seem to have a chip on your shoulder. Shake it off.
It sucks so bad! I’ve been single 6 years. Was married almost 20 years. So this is really hard for me! The games, the fake profiles, the ghosting, the hookup mentality. So yep! It sucks!
@@polycrasethe hookup issue is a problem when those who know they only want a hookup use them telling people they’re looking for a relationship to get that hookup. There’a really no issue if people are upfront about it and use the sites designed for that versus lying
Had a lovely date last Friday. Met him on bumble and we went for lunch. We had a lot of fun and in the end of the Date he said „the rest of the Story I will tell you next time.“ 2 days later I texted him and said, that it was nice meeting him etc… no answer. I follow Matthew for years and I’d say I learned a lot about dating and texting. Honestly I am so tired. I try to walk around with an open mind, an open heart, but I find it very frustrating …
I was told to never chase the man sense they are natural hunters. I’m gonna go about it as if he wants to take me out great but I’m doing my own thing and that’s okay. I honestly get so drained of people to the point where I just want to be alone anyways.
@@EdithBurchett Understood. However, if a man made a comment about what you discussed, (basically how a woman seemed to be interested, then turned out she wasnt) he would be laughed out of town and told "well you're just dating the wrong women" aka "its always the man's fault" So I guess could say "well you're just dating the wrong men" But regardless, why date men anyways, men are the ones who: have oppressed women, manspread, mansplain, and have toxic masculinity etc... :)
I matched with a younger guy on a dating app. It all seemed to fit, he looked for a long term relationship and we talked every day for 2 weeks. And not just simple stuff, we followed up abbout things we said earlier and it actually felt like we already were part of each others lives on a simple level. Like he would ask how the flat mate search from the week before was going. He made a reservation at a burger restaurant and told me the night before how happy he was to see me. I show up and he is a no show. I literally took the train for half an hour and wore my burger and fries socks... i wouldn't have minded if he had told me before "hey sorry i am not feeling it / matched with someone else better". But this feeling of looking forward to the date and just anxiously waiting, to realize he wouldn't come... it really killed the joy of dating apps for me
This is serious unacceptable....what a piece of sht. And this is coming from a guy. My advice, lower your standard on looks....there might be more quality value men.
I had situation like so. We also was chatting every day. And the date was really good. We kissed hugged each other. I even was feeling like finally I would not spend more time dating but this girl suddenly said to me when planning new date: you know actually I don't live here I live abroad and after a few days she just went. I was never told she live abroad, she just used me for one date. Like I am 0 value for all the girls I met. Even if they like me, it does not help.
After reading many of the comments below, I am left with this question: How in the world do people ever meet and stay together?? There is so much dysfunction in this dating site thing!!
I have no idea. All my friends basically have relationships from people they met in highschool and I'm almost 28. None of them know anyone who I can date. My friends aren't very social, so I have nobody to go out with and meet new people. It is extremely rare for me to meet anyone new, so it's basically impossible to find a partner.
Exactly, so many wantt to meet before getting to know anything about each other, or when you do find someone you click with string you online i definately. wth?
I tried dating apps first time this summer. It gave me the feeling like being a product on Amazon prime with a free return policy. I dated 12 different guys over the course of 3 months and it was terrible. I felt dishonest, exhausted from trying to forge a connection with every date, and used by these men that treat you like some sort of punching bag for their own frustration. I dont think that they are bad people to be honest. I think the system broke them and dehumanised dating.
I absolutely agree and it's sucks so much that this is a universal thing around the world. Everyone is lonely. Everyone wants to find love because everything sucks but we end up as products.
ye... I feel angry and dehumanised. I'm fine if someone says "hey sorry I met someone else" but instead we put in effort and just get stood up or blocked.
As a dude trying these apps, i feel like I'm invisible or simply the bottom of the barrel - like the faceless blob of "better men" I have to compete against me have relegated me to a dark closet, never to be seen. Hundreds of messages, greetings, intros, etc, I only get maybe about 3% of them back as responses, and only about 10% of these into any conversation. No dates. Also getting left on read hurts. I get that alot too.
I met 2 types of ppl on there, narcissists/psychopaths and ppl who weren’t trying very hard. Online dating is exhausting, dehumanizing and can affect your mental health.
1 month in I’m giving up on dating apps. It brings out the worst in people. I have been flaked on 3 times so far and I will never ever do this to anyone. When I did not feel like going out with someone I was honest with them. Ghosting and treating others humans as they don’t matter at all, you definitely don’t want to date such a people. I’m so out of this.
I only did it for about two weeks (trying to be exact) and decided to not do it ever again. It was more than enough for me. I did go out on about 5 different dates. It felt like a part time job with no compensation. Edit: Im not trying to show off that I went on that amount of dates. The point is that they were a waste of time despite the fact that I was clear with my intentions even on my profile. I went on more than one date with some of them. It wasn’t just about what they wanted. There were other things like “ Im might have to move, and or just going with the flow.” As if they think they can convince me for something casual. I don’t f around. I’m not even flirty.
I had a few first dates and tbh, I don’t even feel like it is a date. Feels like meet and greet. Complete strangers to me. And yes it feels like a part time job with no compensation.
easy for you to say, try doing it for 3 years and getting 1 meaningful date. not trying to down play your experience but for men its a completely differing battle
@@harmondraws Obviously I dont know the mens side. But I feel like many of the men in the apps don’t know what the want, many think they’re going to be forever young, and others are there for the sexual encounters. People need to be straight forward men and woman.
@@dulceaidavp9716 i know exactly what i want but the amount of times ive been unmatched is exhausting. the last girl i got my hopes up for said she hoped to exceed my expectations, i told her they were very low, and then she ghosted me after the first night. feels like women just go on it as a game or to pass time
I don’t use dating apps at all. I like the idea of meeting someone by fate and in a ”natural“ way. What I seek, is seeking me too (law of attraction) ☺️🙏🏼
Jill K. I agree this is my new way of thinking too!! Last time I tried a dating app was like in 2007. Lol not since and I won't even bother. No hurry either. Just got out of a 3 and a half yr thing. Someday, sometime. Just not today. Lol although i did have a guy come up and introduce himself to me at the beach today. So its something. 😊 just trying to be more positive. ✌
What if you live in a small town, you’re in your 30’s and you have zero options? Also, your thinking is naive, there is no fate, you Make your own fate! Learnt that the hard way!
@@ai-no3ib Yes, you make your fate by taking inspired action and listening to your own inner voice. And my inner voice doesn't tell me to join dating apps. Yours might tell you something different so go for it. We're all on a different journey. All the best for you
The biggest frustration for me with dating apps is I'll have a good convo, get their number, then half the time they don't even respond to my text. The ones who do respond will play games by being always apparently too busy to hangout/go on a date. The other frustration is after the first date I get completely ghosted. We'll have a great time with high chemistry, typically a makeout/sex at the end, then boom never hear from them again. Probably because there are so many other options to choose from. It's craziness out here.
My struggle with online dating is the dishonesty. I use my current-year pictures, but most men seem to use 30-year-old pics, take photos that hide the 40 extra pounds, wear a hat instead of showing the smooth top, hide their eyes with sunglasses, and often don't even seem to read my profile. I'm trying to save us all time, but they seem to be looking for an opportunity to snow me. It's time-intensive, slogging through all the bullshit. But I met my late husband in online dating. He told the truth and we proceeded deliberately. Ours were the best years of my life, so far.
I totally agree. Most men don't put clear pictures on their profiles, they often put pictures of their hobbies, friends, or v far away pictures. I need to see what they actually look like to decide if I'm attracted to them. They also often don't fill in the profile. Often it turns out they have children already, but many of them leave the 'do you have children' section blank, forcing me to ask questions and find out awkwardly what should've been on their profile already. Lots of them match and then either don't talk, or they don't ask questions, or they ghost. It's exhausting and depressing. I much prefer meeting people in person.
That happened to me with the last guy I met up with before I swore off dating apps. I used current photos. He didn’t. When I met up with him, he looked NOTHING like his photos. Such is life 🤷🏾♀️
I have found my partner through Hinge. It’s been a year and a half now. Although, when I was in the dating scene I had to take lots of breaks and learn from each date. Dating is exhausting and you must remember, finding a partner isn’t the ultimate goal in life. At least I believe that you need to learn how to balance and when to invest some time into looking for a partner. Dating isn’t a priority over your mental health.
Yeah I agree and I really wanna balance it out well, but I can't deny it's so hard to do that especially when you really want to meet a partner and get into a serious relationship.. Finding a partner may not be the ultimate goal in life, but it also counts a lot in life..
@Chris Chu you’re complaining about not being able to get a match whilst one of your comments is “most of my tinder gold likes are below average” - this is where the problem lies. people like you constantly whine about not having supermodel-looking women at their disposal and the high standards of women when you’re honestly ‘below average’ yourself. maybe do some self-reflecting, lol.
Well its easy to be shallow when you give someone the choices to be shallow. Are we really expecting anything greater from humanity these days?!!?!?! We are fucking animals and that's a huge low blow to Animals.... Plus the Dating App algorithms are all meant to make them money and probably own the limitless supply of Bot accounts running on the online dating sites to make attempts at scamming people or keeping them on the hook in the app just so the company's metrics look good... Notice how hard their customer services are to reach, its for a reason and its not to provide good customer services... People need to hang out more with their friend circles and not be so committed to embellishing your social media world to stroke your egos and vanity.
@@mariia099 Well its easy to be shallow when you give someone the choices to be shallow. Are we really expecting anything greater from humanity these days?!!?!?! We are fucking animals and that's a huge low blow to Animals.... Plus the Dating App algorithms are all meant to make them money and probably own the limitless supply of Bot accounts running on the online dating sites to make attempts at scamming people or keeping them on the hook in the app just so the company's metrics look good... Notice how hard their customer services are to reach, its for a reason and its not to provide good customer services... People need to hang out more with their friend circles and not be so committed to embellishing your social media world to stroke your egos and vanity.
I struggle as a 21 year old because I’ve never experienced dating without social media so with the added pressure and expectation to date online I feel lost- I feel I’m not made for this modern world as I am old at heart and feel yearning for the traditional values of life back to our grandparents ways ♡ like if u feel the same x
Women like you are very rare these days, and theres alot of guys out there who want this. Dont compromise on your values, and find a good guy. You're on the right track, even though it may seem lonely atm.
Same I'm a traditional man at 23 years young. I am a college student and I'm still struggling to find someone I want as my friends told me thay university is the easiest place to find good women but lots of good women are taken or not interested
Yeah I can definitely agree, 28 and as I guy I feel like I'm going to come off creepy or get in some sort of trouble if I approach in person so I feel like the apps are my only option.
Yup almost 30 here and only met one girl on a dating app in 10-15 years maybe, which didn't go well. It really is depressing how dating app affect your mental health. Better not use it and go meet people outside, but i am fucking social awkward as hell bro
Dating apps have been putting me off men, so I decided to delete them so I can allow myself to heal and work on the better version of me and attract the right guy! 😊✨
@@JoyJoy-uq7vb I'm not wasting my time here, I chose to comment and interact with others because we can all grow and learn from each other. Some random guy will not solve my problem, I am solving it.
Fabulous timing. I’m getting nowhere with it, the only interest is from scammers posting fake profiles then eventually directing me to Western Union to send them money.
You’re better off just letting it happen probably. It must be hard to ask a woman out and get rejected or for a woman to ask a man out and get rejected to. It’s pretty soul crushing for a man or woman.
Met this kind guy on hinge, he asked me out, we talked really good , even the deep stuff. He treated me so respectful and caring. Really a kind hard. I looked forward to meeting him everytime. After date 3 the texting became colder and more ' friendly" 3 days before our 4th date he cancelled. His ex texted and he wants to go back to her. Im hurt because i thought i found a gem.. but then again, i didnt know him that wel. Still hurts
Online dating paralysis when it come to many options is a real thing. You become more hopeless and depressed as time goes on. Plus your not forming any meaningful connections. Usually they are just looking for a one night stand or a friend with benefits. This destroyed my mental health.
dating apps have broken courtship and dating completely.. even those who get matches end up just hooking up and moving on... we need to have a world wide ban.
I tried dating apps. I gave up because I just dont have the time to answer messages from multiple people - filtering who's serious or not. Being a single working mom, I just decided to stay single and concentrate on myself and my child
Energy: My rule is, with dating apps, if I “match” with someone, I require a phone call before a date. That gives me an idea of who they are before I put in the effort to drive out and have a date.
Hello, I recommend you to Dr Ezekiel, he was the one who helped me restore my 6 years broken relationship, he can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. Also, Dr Ezekiel always keep to his promise. I will advice you seek his help thanks.
It would be so much easier if you see someone in person the first time and see if you have chemistry "live". There are so many choices on the dating site but very few people on there can actually match up well. Linda
Lovely to see so many people sharing familiar stories. It's reassuring to hear that I'm not alone in this journey. It's a shame that (particularly in the UK), it's so hard to meet people naturally (or at least it can be). These apps also appear to be banning people quite harshly. I am sure there's plenty of people who deserve to banned but equally there's a lot of "successful gamblers" who are being removed for rebooting the app one too many times. The monetizing of love and using algorithms to manipulate dopamine levels is truly evil.
they arent making me feel hopeless, honestly, after years of wasting my time with those toxic things, its been giving me motivation to go out more and be more social, now im saying hello to everyone i pass by when im out and about, i hope anyone seeing this does the same. dont waste your time on dating apps, try to learn over time its not hard to talk to people in real life, just say hello, thats all it takes, one word and you've already put yourself out there, in most cases it will be up to the other person if they want to respond and engage in further conversation or not. even if you get alot of people saying hi back, and then they keep walking, dont stop, keep going, there are so many people out there if you make yourself friendly and outgoing, you'll find someone who will stop and talk to you and get to know you eventually. remember, you miss every shot you dont take
@@tinalove7860 Very true! And nobody really mentioned it that's why men keep moaning about not enough matches etc. I would rather don't get any matches than most from men just after one thing.
@@tinalove7860 yeah its so beneficial matching with 1/20 of your swippes and then closing 1/25 of those matches.. must be so hard for you having so many options, I feel your pain girl.
my biggest issue with dating apps is that it creates this sort of fantasy environment where there is no real life consequences for our own behavior. so people throw their manners right out the window. I miss a man being polite to me. My profiles are always specific that I'm not into one night stands or fwb. why am I constantly propositioned for those things? if people really want to have a meaningful relationship then why don't they speak with respect? it's a cesspool out there. Which makes me sad because I'm sure there are good men out there.
Sadly with dating apps, what you say does not matter, I use to write on my bio, what I did for living, what I was looking for, what I went to school for, my passions and visions, everything and people still ask me these questions. I hate reading women bio's because most of them are so toxic tearing down guys and women saying they wanting x, y and z, you saying I am what she said she is looking for you send a message to her, only for her to reject you anyway, overtime this wears on your physical and mental well being.
Anecdotally, every one night stand I have had from a dating app the woman had put those same monikers in her profile: “No ONS” “No FWB” or “Friends first”. Most women’s profiles are like a direct copy and paste of each other which is why so few men care to read them. Unfortunately, Nothing you put in your profile is going to prevent certain types of men from saying something indecent. However other women state these things but then “hook up” with a guy anyway if he checks the right boxes, so some of the blame falls on women as well.
I don’t do dating apps- just not for me. Problem is socialising is also difficult for me. If I try to give that extra few % or “drop the hankie” I’m so awkward I look like a right weirdo.
I feel ya on that. Me either. I'll just go about my business and see what happens. I seen a guy at the grocery store that i used to see quite a bit at the store closest to me. Well i think he moved because i see him on the other side of town now. I just seen him the other day. I can tell he's attracted to me. I am to him too. I had forgot my bank card in my car. So i had to run out to get my card as i was at the checkout. Well when i came back He was waiting next in line to be rung in. He said Hi!! I said Hi back. Then i left. Then i watched him come out of the store and saw him look for me. He got in his truck and i pulled out behind him. Seen him watching me from his mirror. I was thinking is this guy my future husband? Lol he's so cute. I can feel the chemistry. He's checked me out for yrs. As I also noticed him too!! He's always alone. Hopefully he doesn't have an invalid wife or something. So ya never know. 😊 one can dream. 😉 now i keep checking back to see if hes there. Ha ha!! One day we'll meet again. 🌞
@@ambiecats6189 haha! Mine is a gym crush. I walked into the punching bag as I was checking him out. Same thing: I smiled, he smiled back. We graduated to “hi”, at some point he winked at me as he said goodbye, next day it’s “hey you” so I thought it was a good sign. Small talk & chit chat but never gained momentum. I’m giving up.
@@FP-rw6yk Never give up!! If not him it'll be someone else. Just smile and let everyone see it. I was doing that today on my walk at the beach. A guy came up and introduced himself to me. Just a short conversation but it still felt good. 😊 its when we're not looking is when it usually happens. When you don't give a crap. Lol 😉✌walking in to the punching bag. Thats kinda cute you know? Ha ha!! Bet he thought it was too. If he caught it. 🙂 oh and just an fyi that never happens to me. 🙂
My biggest ghosting experience was when I thought my mate was pushing me quickly down a steep hill in my wheelchair.. I turned round to tell him to slow down realising he was at the top still on his phone… So I’m well prepared to be ghosted on tinder.
They aren't struggling like the rest of us. I've seen the women Matt has dated. He's fine. The rest of us are screwed. We need more women less focused on looks and money.
He’s not that hot or much of an expert. He says a lot of the same things that Greg from “He’s Just Not That Into You” have said. I don’t understand why he’s an expert for saying what we already know. The guy is clearly very rich and comfortable. He’s just fine.
Worst thing about these apps are that if you're over 30, this is your only option outside of going out to bars multiple times a week.. and even if you still do that in your 30s, you're only able to potentially meet a vert slim % of women. When you're working, your energy is gone. You just want to go home and relax. Not "prowl" in public for women. So the ease of mixing your relax time with an easy app.. is far to convenient. Even if it's shit.
I think it's interesting to consider what kind of energy you bring to a room, or to a date, or an interaction. It's not like that energy is lost and can't ever be regained; it's the kind of energy you have yourself, as a person; it's the energy you exude simply because that's who you are, not because you're putting it out and trying to get something out of it.
I understand the notion of being friendly to folks and setting the mood...I have been very polite and friendly and I was getting bombarded with inappropriate and abusive messages. Sometimes you can only take so much before you just can't anymore. I would love to know how the dating apps contributed to suicide rates, I am sure it is not a small percentage because some hurt and sick people out there are out to destroy others.
Was on Tinder and got this match with a woman who looked really good. I send a nice message and she responded with "I'm g, h r y" #unmatch At least type all the words so I see a minimum of effort. I mean, she was 38, not 15. I just can't be bothered.... waste of my time.
😂😂😂🤣 oh my goodness! This is quite funny. I’m in my twenties and I had to read that twice to even get what it was saying. That’s a major turn off for me actually. I don’t do text talk, sorry.
The thing is only around 5-10% of guys get match in dating sites but that small proportion of men get 100s of match. Why would they put effort for long term relationship if they can just have fun and hookup one by one?
Needed this!! I got off dating apps a while ago bc I seemed to be the only serious one & it seemed to scare guys that I was actually proactive in getting to know them. So, I just prefer to hopefully meet someone organically through people/friends. I’m not afraid to approach someone in public either if the situation permits. You never know what that can lead to. I’ve met amazing people that way & they will say “hey I want you to meet someone”. Even if it may not work with that person, it allows meeting even more people. But I would be honored to meet someone like you, Matthew. You set the standards high for me.
Just started on a dating app. My problem is how superficial it is. There are some photos and if you're lucky a little text and then you have to decide if you like them. I hate to judge on so little information. If I saw them in a bar. I could observe their behaviour and jugde on a more valid reason. I feel bad for the people who aren't photogenic. They lose so many opportunities. I'm doing it because it's still hard to go out do to covid.
I matched up with someone recently, they rejected and discarded me because (and get ready for it) I'm "good looking but not attractive". I'm not even sure how that works. She wasn't even all that herself.
You’re so right. A person’s vibe and energy goes beyond photos and text. It’s so superficial. I remember matching with someone. I’m African and Australian. They asked me if I had the Aussie accent. I said I did but I do pronounce certain words with a different accent since I speak 3 other languages…and they said something along the lines of “what a shame, I want a pure Aussie accent” and I unmatched them. 😂😂 It’s almost funny but it’s not. I guess they wanted a custom made woman. I’m on an app now but I’m getting anxiety. Ive been talking to 2 nice people but I’m stepping off app. I tried. I’ve been stood up and misled (toxic relationship where he lied that he wanted something more then flaked out 3 months later).
After using dating apps off and on, I think I've finally found a keeper. I'm excited to see where it goes. Yes, there are scammers and time wasters, but apps give you a greater access to the opposite sex.
I thought I found a "keeper" on a dating app and we were exclusive, and then he just flipped a switch and changed his mind. After that I basically stopped existing to him and might as well have been dead. That really fucked me up. I don't trust people anymore
This actually finally made me delete the app again which I already deleted a dozen times. But this time hopefully for good. Dating apps are way too superficial. It's burning me out mentally so much. As a guy it feels like a fierce competition to even get responses or engaging talks which don't end with being ghosted after 2 days. Others might not have a problem with it but for me it's hard to deal with. I like closure and dislike the unknown. So I always question and wonder if I did something wrong or what is the problem with me or the way I chat. I really felt what you guys said. I want something real and serious. I want to commit. One off flings are just not my thing and I don't get any enjoyment out of them so figuring out if they really are ready to invest some effort to get to know each other and see if it would be a match is so frustrating. I can't wait for covid to be over and being able to go out more again...
Us guys have it WAAAY worst then women experience on dating apps its been proven an its just how the way it is women are WAAAYYYYY more picky then despite whatever they say.
You sound like me!!! Ghosting angers me. I have been ghosted in mid conversation. I’m a words guy I don’t do hints. Too many cowards out there afraid to say anything so they just ghost. I feel ya
I prefer real time, real life interaction. You can feel the energy & connection. Online just doesn't feel real. However as you reach your 40s, the social opportunitys get slimmer. So that's why some choose to go online. I'm just not feeling that option right now & so I'm leaving it up to fate.
I’ve got to the point where after 8 years of trying I am going to remain single. Some people are meant to be alone. BUT that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I’m just content with myself and my kitty cats right now and IF that were to change it be because I met someone extraordinary who meets my standards.
I hope it gets easier. I have found doing self healing has helped me a lot. Just to reclaim the fragmented parts of myself, wr all have trauma that needs healing xx
The latter half of this video is so relevant for anyone who has or is holding on to a dead relationship. If someone isn’t investing in you, but you’re throwing so much of yourself into them, the problem isn’t with them. I love this! Thank you, Matthew.
Yes I agree, dating apps are not the ideal place to meet people. It's very hard to connect and be vulnerable with a stranger when they are only giving a snapshot of a curated life. A "meaningful" conversation doesn't seem to hold as much weight as one feels it should, especially in a world where having a conversation in the first place is difficult. Being in a relationship doesn't seem much better. I feel like a lot of people in relationships are staying in them because they are "comfortable enough" and not willing to confront difficult issues or have uncomfy conversations. We live in unprecedented times, where we are able to sit with ourselves and address what we really want/need in relationship. That can be scary. All of us are having a hard time with vulnerability and are choosing the easy fix. Until we are all able to be honest and sit in with loneliness, we won't see the shift that's needed.
I've been open and friendly to everyone equally. It just got me sexually abused and harassed. Even when I set boundaries and make them clear, being open and friendly just gets a person abused or taken advantage of or manipulated by people who don't care to force themselves on others. And that is dangerous for any female. I don't think the problem is us friendly people, I think emotionally unintelligent people and abuser's are the problem and they need to take responsibility and grow as people, for the good of everyone.
I don't understand how are dating apps even existing. Would you be comfortable with your partner if you know that he/she IS seeing someone else in his/her free when you are busy with work or something? Then how can we be so comfy with dating apps where we know that he and she both have so many options. Are we so lonely now that we have started polygamy willingly? Spend time with friends, buddies, family, pets, yourself, build up hobbies, instead of setting down for being an option not a choice!
This dating thing is absolutely exhausting. Is like a mindfuck game never ending to end up wasted, fucked... giving up so much energy, sexual partners... people that shows interest one day and the next chao. None's willing to open themselves, nobody wants to create real friendship, is everything straight to fuck. I am sick of this.
I didn’t like dating apps it was messing with my emotional health. I’d be on tinder because I heard loads of people I know in person found the person they’re dating on that app so I tried it out looking for a relationship, I had over 100 matches but most of the guys didn’t message me and the ones that did were just guys looking for something casual 🤦♀️ not a relationship. I feel like tinder is just an app to find something casual not a relationship. So it sucks if you’re looking for a relationship.
I started eHarmony 2 weeks ago. I posted realistic pictures of myself, and clearly stated my most basic standards. I also allowed myself to be the first person to say hello most times. I was mostly ignored. I encountered one creep, many impatient men, and a few domineering men. I speak to three people. One is new. One is my favourite, and last, but not least, is the young man that unnerved me once or twice. It may have been unintentional, Im not sure. My point is Ive put myself out there, and yes the response is underwhelming as it relates to volume. However, as it relates to quality, i have been pretty happy with my favourite chat person. We're growing to be friends I think. So far it hasnt bothered my mental state, but now that youve brought light to the situation, I will guard myself against that. What are dating apps for if not to meet people? Who goes on a site specifically made to reach people, only to behave boarishly? This is why I don't worry about the masses.
I’m actually going to groups and learning new things in order to meet people organically, while keeping my dating apps running in the background, looking at them once awhile. Balancing out the light and the dark when it comes to meeting people y’know? Light being meeting people in person and having the brass cajoles to approach them, and dark being the use of dating apps. A perfectly balanced mindset so that if I get rejected on an app, I can still have the idea of abundance intact.
To be honest, I can't stand the apps. You can't really make a connection there. It is far too easy to be fake and, for some, even to be disrespectful. Ever since there were dating apps, mankind has forgotten how it really works.
It's soo sad really, that's why I'm always really glad when people share testimonies of how they get into working relationships on dating apps, cos I understand how difficult it is.
The apps are really depressing. They're soul crushing and make you feel absolutely worthless. They're full of people who are users. Majority of people on there are doing it for their own benefit and don't care who they hurt in the process, they have no problem treating human beings as disposable.
I found the love of my life on tinder after moving to a new state. Don’t be afraid to swipe right on those that aren’t your usual type lol! Edit to say I went thru an entire city dump of trash before this tho.
It would be so awesome if there was a dating site exclusively for those of us who follow relationship coaches. At least in that case, we would be in a pool of like-minded people on a mission to improve themselves and genuinely seeking a healthy relationship. I’m curious if this concept is integrated into the conferences you guys host- like a speed dating activity or something. Lol
I love the convo about saying “hi,” etc. My natural instinct is to smile when I pass people on the street. For me, it’s about acknowledging our shared humanity. It’s also a great way to assess how much of their humanity they’re willing to share with the world. But I haven’t had much luck with it, tbh. Many people respond as if you’ve done something invasive-almost as if they (arrogantly) assume that you’re going to want to stop and talk to them if they make eye contact (the horror 😱, haha). Today, I walked past two youngish, attractive guys unloading a moving van. They stopped talking and looked at me, so I said “hey” because it seemed more rude/awkward not to. It literally took the one guy a few seconds to respond-he essentially said it to my back-in this indifferent way, like I was trying to flirt with someone who wasn’t interested in me. Like chill, dude. I’m just being friendly/polite. This is always the vibe I get from “grownups” my own age. It would be flattering to believe that I’m so awesome they just don’t know what to do with me, but I highly doubt that’s the reason that some people act so strange. Seriously, where are all the transparent, socially adept guys who know that a smile isn’t a marriage certificate?
Hey Kirsten, it's worthwhile to study a bit of trauma psychology. Most people have trauma that's unhealed. We close off our hearts due to previous bad experiences. We've had abusive childhoods that we haven't yet faced or healed. I've now become one of those people who doesn't smile or interact with fellow humans because I live in cutthroat London, where everyone has some really dark trauma or extreme arrogance. People have severe mental health issues. I've lived in Pakistan as well, another cutthroat country. Toronto, the same. People are doing the best they can each day... I hope you find friendly people and hopefully the right life partner for you ☺️🙏🏾
@@skyejacques I'm sorry to hear that. I actually have a mild-moderate form of social anxiety disorder that can make interacting with people in certain situations quite difficult. When I studied abroad in London in 2016, I experienced similar issues and started speaking as little as possible in public. In fact, most of my interactions with people in the British Isles have been negative, despite the fact that (shameless back-pat alert) I'm very polite, conscientious, unassuming, and adaptable (i.e., not your typical tourist). When I'm traveling, I essentially just try to observe the "rules," mind my own business, and appreciate the country/culture for what it is. Sadly, this doesn't prevent some people from hating you simply because you're foreign. Thank you! I hope you do too if you haven't already met your match
Dating apps strip away the very important aspects of human connection. The internet, in general, has done that. I always think its better to meet in person. You can feel that energy immediately which is essential in connecting with another human. Dating apps sound great on paper but at the end of the day they are completely backwards in terms of how a true connection should happen.
We do exist, and I’ve had the same experiences for the most part. Me smiling at someone is like saying hello, there’s sometimes I simply say hello with a smile, but usually I say hello in combination. I think it’s an attractive quality to have.
Love this comment! I do the same exact thing and have similar experiences. One woman on TikTok did an experiment where she smiled and said, "hi" to 50 people and only 5 said "hi" back! In the comment section one person said, "No one owns you a smile". It's wild out there. I am generally a happy friendly guy and depending on where I go people are more or less friendly. I wish more people were friendly.
As a guy that has studied Matthew's work from back in 2008, I can honestly say his work changed my dating life forever. If you put in the work to learn you will never worry about it again. Now I just need a really good coach after marriage.
I met my now fiancé on bumble last May but it took a lot of bad ones to find him. I took a break, did some personal development and after some work on myself we found each other ! It can be done ! I tell people all the time you attract what you put out. I’m a plus sized girl, so if I keep thinking I’m ugly because of my size, I’m going to attract men who also think plus sized women aren’t attractive.
The idea that a match over photos tells a clear picture. Honestly getting off SM and other instant gratification makes you so much happier. Even RUclips I argue just to watch educational purposes
Why people complain so much? "Oh it's so much work." If you want a good partner you HAVE to invest time/money/effort into it, just like we do for getting a good job or getting into a good school. That includes setting time to take pictures, time to go on dates, money for dates and clothes and whatever you need to put your best foot forward, etc. You have to have to have milestones, and time frames, and then avoid getting overwhelmed. I honestly don't like it when people don't put in the work and expect results. This is just like the gym, you get what you put in.
I was totally naive about using a dating app for the first time. I felt like the app marketed a brilliant simple way you can use their platform and find your prince charming! I got into it thinking it would be similar to ordering a pizza....you put all this info in and say what you want and boom ..it would match you quickly. The truth of my experience was finding out people flat out lie about one thing or everything. The two guys I did actually meet up with turned out to be MARRIED ! But there they were posting their own pictures on a dating app saying they are single- for all the world to see. I don't understand that frame of mind. Obviously they had no fear of being caught- it didn't matter. So if that doesn't matter then I doubt anything mattered to them.
I'm a 39 year old guy who's been on and off the apps for a few years. I've had one serious relationship come from an app (it did not work out in the long term, but my ex is/was an incredible person and a catch, but was not the right long term fit for me). When I match with someone, I quickly ask to meet in person. If they don't agree, I move on. I'm more than willing to put effort into going on a first date, and making it fun and a good experience. I'm getting better at moving on, but for a long time it was hard to let go of a match and trying to force things. It's important as a confident, high value person to measure the effort you are seeing in return from the other person, and act accordingly. If you aren't getting a similar effort in return pretty quickly into meeting someone, it's time to let go.
I’m curious, when you say right away, how soon is right away? I had a guy who wanted to meet IRL after two messages on the same day. It was a no for me. I felt that we should have at least one or two conversations over the phone. We did converse on the phone, he pushing his point about IRL. He didn’t see my point in let’s talk first. In the end, I did not like the vibe I got over the phone. Would love a guys perspective.
@@trr2055 I mean I understand from your perspective that talking on the phone may be a better option than meeting, but I'm terrible at talking on the phone... I've had girls ask to talk on the phone first and I've tried that with really bad results. It's just not a good way for me to communicate so I don't give off a good impression. I'm a totally different in person. I think girls should be careful about meeting in person and should only meet in a safe, public place, but to me it's just better to meet/talk in person, and at some point you'll have to meet a person face to face anyway...
@@DH-kl3ob I can see it from your point of view. I guess it all depends on the vibe you have when exchanging the first messages. I believe in going with your instincts. Thanks for the reply!
@@trr2055 Plus I might add could be odd and uncomfortable during a call if you don´t see other people´s reaction. I am 38 same situation (in and out form dating apps) and I am so UP to meet soon, to chat to someone I haven´t met in person turns a little bit akaward and artificial. I´ve been having good experiences, none to long term unfortunately but very good short and esporadic dates (sorry if the grammar is not correct, not my native language, greetings from Mexico).
Dating is messy ... but messy can be fun! I think Matthew and Stephen you both had it right in your call to change our viewpoint upon rejection and bringing our own energy into any situation ☺️ We have control and choice over both 😉 Hugs ... as always 🤗
Hi Sir ...This wonderful video leads to 2big conclusion .1st is If the person feels falling into the transactional pattern of "giving to get ."that relationship is draining and exhausting rather than life giving .2nd conclusion is if the relationship is to be build on strongest foundation ,it's not about what you get but who you get to become in the process ."Relationship is a platform for growth ". Thanks Sir so much for bringing amazing things each time . Regards and Much Care 🤗💝
This video was so needed right now. Thank you. I am back off them. Happily single is my mindset or depression could become an issue. I find most men are LF a young barbie instead of seeing value in a mature woman. Nice to see men discussing this
Yea ngl studies show that youth and beauty is what attracts men the most out of everything. And as a man I have to say it's unfortunately true. I wish it wasn't, but it is.
Yes, just recently on Tinder a man asked me to send a photo. I had already posted one on Tinder. Our convo was okay ... I don't take very good photographs though I believe I look nice enough IRL it's just I think I don't look great in photos. Anyway, after I sent this guy a photo he unmatched me. I'll survive but it didn't feel great to be honest! 🤦♀
I quit the online dating world in 2017 and decided to focus on video games instead. Happiness is at levels beyond belief, and depression does not exist
As a young woman who doesn't want children I thought dating apps were a good idea. I would never want to derprive a man of kids and it's so hard to bring this topic up (and when). I'm sterilized, so the choice was made. I feel more broken than before with these apps.
To having kids is probably one of the last reasons to commit to marriage. Even though it's rigged for men with high divorce rate initiated most of the time by women. So..
I treated online dating like entertainment because I kept getting scammers! Those who meet their better half are blessed. I tried several dating sites and the last guy called me fat and ugly because I wouldn’t let him call me sweetie. I think all dating apps should be made to down load state drivers license info when a member sign up , so these scammers and abusive people can be held accountable for their actions. Ghosting Narcissists love bombing etc . Grown men looking or women way younger than them is gross so than validate themselves. I am definitely not in a hurry to be in the wrong relationship again being 5 years single I felt it was time to put myself out there . I did it and it didn’t work four apps later. I learned a lot about me and I learned to set boundaries!!! I also learned a man doesn’t deserve me if he doesn’t have core values and respect me as much as he loves me. I share my story not for pity but to inspire others not to let dating apps allow you to settle and sell yourself short! All of us have someone out there it is just a matter of when the universe thinks you are ready!!!! Never give up on 💕 love 💕
I don’t use dating apps at all…I don’t think intelligent and charismatic men use them 😂 mainly weirdos without social skills looking to cheat…quite personally I haven’t really made an effort in meeting men and dating as those things weren’t a priority to me, I mainly connect with people via mutual activities. I think if I wanted to find a guy to date firstly I’ll think about the kind of man I want, then I will analyse where he would be and what he would be doing, then I’ll place myself in those groups or activities he would most likely be, then focus on myself like being a ray of light that draws positive energy, and further develop my wit and humour, and then I’ll see the kind of men drawn towards me and choose from there…
Dating apps made me miserable. As an average guy, the women I want physically and emotionally reject me, ghost me or won't give me the time of day. Those who write to me are unattractive women who think they are attractive, have children, women that are too old (I'm 39 and looking for women in their late twenties and up to my own age), or don't meet my values. I'm not even being unrealistic. I just want a woman who's on the average side of good-looking and has a great personality.
I’ve matched and met with a few people on dating apps before. (No flings or hookups. I’m against that and do mention that on my profile. It IS frustrating trying to get connected with people though.) Why open a profile or keep it active if you’re not going to even bother saying hi back… or take 24+ hours to reply. I know people are on their phone all the time but don’t give me that “I was busy” BS excuse. The guy I’m dating now, I met him on FB dating. Great guy so far. We’ve been together three months now.
Great discussion. I love the idea to practice bringing the love and the light into your everyday interactions with intention without being married to certain outcomes. That feels right to my heart, and is something within my control.
wish i can let go of dating apps but in this pandemic where its nearly impossible to hang out and meet new people conveniently its the only thing im clinging to..
I think the problem with dating apps is that people use them for very different purposes, i would say one purpose for each person. For example I'm the kind of girl that have one big crush at a time, obviously they dont reciprocate, so I go into an app to see that other great guys exist, and bring me some hope, haha
Yes Ana.. I totally agree with u on that!! Each person with solely different reasons why they're there on the app, that's why it's very important to ensure to find out the particular interest of anyone you're getting into a conversation with on any dating app.
Social media and dating apps have amplified the effects of hypergamy where dating market value of men and women are disproportionate. Women are aiming across and up the ladder of men, and with social media most modern women sense of worth is exaggerated to the point where they are aiming to date men 2-3 points above their rating but these types of men are within the top 10% of males leaving the bottom 90% more competitive and increasingly lonely without a chance to meet women at their level. Women are also left unsatisfied when they feel used by these high value men who have more options from uncontrolled hypergamy.
Its hard dude, most girls on Tinder just want another Instagram/TikTok follower...or just want to be friends... Its like ppl don't want long-term relationships these days...
That's why I don't use any social media, apart from whatsapp to keep in touch with loved ones. I'd rather put myself out there and see whom I'll meet. Not easy these days.
@@mariac6280 How do you even put yourself out there? I'm 27 and have absolutely no idea where to meet someone who's right for me. I'm probably not going to find someone I'd want to date at a bar/club/venue, and none of my friends socialize and are basically with their highschool sweethearts.
I spent 3 months on a dating app and that turned out to be 2 months and 3 weeks too long. That's what happens when you're a pretty average looking guy like me. It was an interesting if somewhat uncomfortable experience that I won't be repeating. I think I'll take my chances in the real world from now on.
This resonated SO much with me. It's what I've come to realise for the past 9 months or so being on and off the app. Thank you for distilling the learning points for me. ❤️
For a while I really tried on dating apps, assuming eventually it would work out but I got tired of the cycle of having the best chemistry ever for like 3 days and then never hearing from them again. All I'm saying is it would be pretty cool to have somebody put in effort for me, bc it hasn't happened yet.
Well done on you I do this every time I take my dog out for a walk I pass somebody I smile say good morning etc you never know you could be the first person that’s spoke to them all day and when we smile it can make the most sadness person feel so much better about trot world ❤️🙏🏻
That's Soo true, we really never know when we'd be impacting people's lives with just a smile on our face and a good morning.... It might even go a long way than we'd imagine
Ive been on dating app for a year now, but no luck so far! I was chatting to a guy who matched me seemed genuine at first we spoke for few days then when I told him it will be great if we could meet, he started giving me excuses and that he want to take his time so I unmatched him, he disappeared. Ive been on few dates with guys I met on instagram but turned out they only wanted a hook up. I don’t know how some people find love and get married lol really I prefer meeting people IRL but men nowadays hardly approach.
I am scared to approach girls in real life because I am scared that she might find me creepy and might call cops or something. I am a 21 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before and I had been using tinder and Hinge for 5 months and got only 3 matches on tinder and 8 matches on Hinge so far. My tinder matches never replied to me whereas my Hinge matches do reply a bit and end up ghosting me. Most of my matches are 18-22 year old girls and idk why they all ghost me. I just got matched today by a girl on Hinge who is also 21 and really pretty but she only replied to my comment on her prompt and after that no reply to my last message.
@@samholden4171 lol I don’t need pet, I have children from previous marriage. But it’s nice to have someone you can share life with as kids grow up and gets busy with life too
Dating apps are going to be brutal for men cause even average women have tons of matches. Its like 4-1 ratio of men to women. Go to dance meetups most of the time there are more women then men. Don't fight for women in a sea of sausage. Trust me just stay off those apps. I am 6-4 speak multiple languages and can do social dancing. I have never been on a tinder or bumble date.
+1 a:( 2 :a 1:a 3:)a 4:a 4 :a 1:s 1:a 2: a1: a3 whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here..
If you want to feel true loneliness, get on a dating app.
Hanne Howie,You got a lovely smile 😊
Same Hannie...I feel ya girl
Sad truth 😕
Neh I have a really fun life, I use dating life just for fun I don't feel lonely
Amen
It's a sad time for dating. Everything is too disposable.
Cannot say it any better.
Yes!! Absolutely!
Exactly!!!
Agree
Ugh yes modern dating sucks. Ppl are less committed and more confused. Sigh
I deleted a dating app about 3 months ago. People and their behaviours kinda destroyed my mental health. I'm feeling much better now!
me neither
hi so sorry to here this happened to you but you can’t blame dating sites maybe you wasn’t in the right place to go into them when we feel low and are looking for happiness from something else than ourselves we need to learn to love and have our self worth before we go looking for something else or somebody else to make us happy work on you and be happy with who you are and it will happen when you least expect it glad your feeling better ❤️🙏🏻
I too did the same! Maximum guys on them are only looking for casual things.. People nowadays don't want to genuinely invest plus maximum people are heart broken, not over their ex or wants some kind of rebound!
Too over board for me to handle it! Had worst experience.. My tym was wasted almost 2 yrs!
The dating apps should mention.. Use at your own risk!
Hello Mr ( Wilson ) he is the best when it comes to recovery relationship. He was the one that helped me
@@teresareid5034 dating apps only benefit top 20% beautiful people it’s all about looks so the majority of people will have negative issues using them.
That's why I quit the dating apps. It's just a big game to see who can care less first.
😂🤣
Yep and a majority are females
@@Shotzzilla Not true at all.
I always care.
Unfortunately my matches seem oblivious
lol🤣omg so toxic
honestly I have taken a break from using dating apps because I find that it really affects my mental and emotional health. I like putting investment into people while dating and it's hard to filter through the people that aren't interested in the same thing. I've had more success meeting people through friends or at random clubs / activities that I already do
Absolutely queen, I feel you. It's hard to find love on dating apps.
I agree. Just have difficulty going out to places alone. Kinda stuck.
Facts! Totally agree
Omg I'm so glad you said that, I felt I was the only one that felt it was not good for my mental health. It really leaves me with this hopeless sinking feeling
@@bearc5737 I can feel your pain also...I don't think it's good for the mental health lots of fakes
Dating apps feel like I have an influx of choices at a landfill 🗑😂
Lmaooo this 🤣
Yeah … 💯yeah. 🤦🏻♀️
FACTS
😅😅😅
I do not use them but you have a point.🌿🌼😁😄
We need to stop relying on dating apps to meet people; we need to undo the damage that cell phones have done to our ability to be social.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
It keeps going unfortunately
I somewhat agree, but dating apps is the same thing about meeting new people. Besides I've tried to meet someone by going out and even been introduced by friends and both times didn't last..so what's really the difference here? It's a matter of who uses it and how it's used.
online dating has been a godsend to the average women....you want 50 notes of admiration with zero risk online date. You feel fat and don't want to work out but want to feel great....online date.....50 guys in 5 hours will tell you that you look amazing! You don't like your husband or boyfriend because he's not perfect? great get online and find 50 men who say they will do what he didn't do.
yes!! this is so true! people forget how to communicate and approach each other. this is so sad!
“It becomes like another job. It becomes overwhelming.” So true to my experience. And I agree - timing is such a huge part of this process.
Same here. Just time consuming.
@XtraPixel I find that hilarity in it being most of these women don't seem to be on dating sites to date. I think the 3 word sentences are the worse.
Getting rejected 500 times in a row is a job too... you know what I'm saying? Of course you don't
@@Lukrafiveman So what keeps you on dating apps then?
Very true. And it seems harder and harder for me to read people's true intentions. I recently met a guy in person and I thought we clicked. Turns out, I was dead wrong! It's very discouraging when that happens.
So true, I find most people on dating apps are lonely and not willing to do the work for a committed relationship. Or they are looking for a one off or a friend with benefits. Of course they all are looking for a long term relationship. They lie!! Actions speak louder then words has never been more true. It’s truly exhausting.
Lol! If a woman used words like you do, I'd probably have a date. So many women limit each message to at most 3 words.
@@Berserker793 Same with men. Zero communication.
@@Bogna1 How did we get to this lack of communication as a society?
I have had a chat where we actually stroke hours of hard but meaningful questions and answers. We fixed dates & hours to just talk… it lasted 3 days max. Then silence… He said his past haunts him and my communication style is too strong but his mind very occupied. So, chat was abandoned, no will to meet me… That was the final effort; I do not even know why people use dating apps if they are unwilling to give a chance.
Possibilities I will die alone increase day by day… I should start liking cats.
@@PapillonColore I no longer see myself getting married anymore, either. So, I aspire to, at church, be that crazy uncle kind of guy the kids have around. You know, the one that gives good life advice, also shows them how to shoot a bow, and likes wearing a tunic and axe head as many weekends as applicable.
I stopped using dating apps. It affected my mental and emotional health. I woul like to meet and get to know someone organically. ❤️ love to all of you
Well, you brought this upon yourself.
Men can no longer ask you out in a bar because you are busy partying.
Men can no longer ask you out at a bus stop because it is harassment.
Men can no longer ask you out at a coffee shop because it is inappropriate.
Men can no longer ask you out at your workplace because it is #metoo at the workplace.
Men can no longer ask you out at the gym because it is creepy and stalking.
Men can no longer ask you out on Instagram or Facebook because it is cyberstalking.
Men can no longer ask you out on Linkedin because it is inappropriate for a professional platform.
You closed off all the "natural ways" What hopes do you have.
Adil Mehtal
Founder & CEO
United pet foods PTY. LTD.
@@navalfa7291 wow I completely disagree these are all healthy places to ask a person out. How are you going about it? Is it genuine, organic and heartfelt?!
Imho you seem to have a chip on your shoulder. Shake it off.
That’s the best way to do it
It sucks so bad! I’ve been single 6 years. Was married almost 20 years. So this is really hard for me! The games, the fake profiles, the ghosting, the hookup mentality. So yep! It sucks!
It's the ghosting and flaking that suck. The hooking up would be amazing, but there's none of it as far as my experience.
@@polycrasethe hookup issue is a problem when those who know they only want a hookup use them telling people they’re looking for a relationship to get that hookup. There’a really no issue if people are upfront about it and use the sites designed for that versus lying
14 years single here. I became single just before dating apps took off and its been absolute bullshit ever since.
Had a lovely date last Friday. Met him on bumble and we went for lunch. We had a lot of fun and in the end of the Date he said „the rest of the Story I will tell you next time.“ 2 days later I texted him and said, that it was nice meeting him etc… no answer. I follow Matthew for years and I’d say I learned a lot about dating and texting. Honestly I am so tired. I try to walk around with an open mind, an open heart, but I find it very frustrating …
Wow some people same I have had with numerous girls smashes your confidence and mental health deleted the apps now ...
I was told to never chase the man sense they are natural hunters. I’m gonna go about it as if he wants to take me out great but I’m doing my own thing and that’s okay. I honestly get so drained of people to the point where I just want to be alone anyways.
Big deal.... he wasn't interested in you, get over it and move on. Men face rejection like this constantly.
@@themensroom02 yes it’s ok. It was just quite confusing because he seemed to be interested
@@EdithBurchett Understood. However, if a man made a comment about what you discussed, (basically how a woman seemed to be interested, then turned out she wasnt) he would be laughed out of town and told "well you're just dating the wrong women" aka "its always the man's fault" So I guess could say "well you're just dating the wrong men"
But regardless, why date men anyways, men are the ones who: have oppressed women, manspread, mansplain, and have toxic masculinity etc... :)
I matched with a younger guy on a dating app. It all seemed to fit, he looked for a long term relationship and we talked every day for 2 weeks. And not just simple stuff, we followed up abbout things we said earlier and it actually felt like we already were part of each others lives on a simple level. Like he would ask how the flat mate search from the week before was going. He made a reservation at a burger restaurant and told me the night before how happy he was to see me. I show up and he is a no show. I literally took the train for half an hour and wore my burger and fries socks... i wouldn't have minded if he had told me before "hey sorry i am not feeling it / matched with someone else better". But this feeling of looking forward to the date and just anxiously waiting, to realize he wouldn't come... it really killed the joy of dating apps for me
This is serious unacceptable....what a piece of sht. And this is coming from a guy. My advice, lower your standard on looks....there might be more quality value men.
Dang, my bf from dating app is way more younger than me. 🥲 Anyways, if it's meant to be, it will be, Imma focus with my life.
I had situation like so. We also was chatting every day. And the date was really good. We kissed hugged each other. I even was feeling like finally I would not spend more time dating but this girl suddenly said to me when planning new date: you know actually I don't live here I live abroad and after a few days she just went. I was never told she live abroad, she just used me for one date.
Like I am 0 value for all the girls I met. Even if they like me, it does not help.
That's appalling that somebody did that to you. I'm sorry for that. You deserve better.
I'm sorry that happened. That is awful and painful. You sound funny and sweet. Hope things have improved for you.
After reading many of the comments below, I am left with this question: How in the world do people ever meet and stay together?? There is so much dysfunction in this dating site thing!!
I have no idea. All my friends basically have relationships from people they met in highschool and I'm almost 28. None of them know anyone who I can date. My friends aren't very social, so I have nobody to go out with and meet new people. It is extremely rare for me to meet anyone new, so it's basically impossible to find a partner.
Through social circles, setimes at job(not really good in case of breakup) and sometimes at local bars/events
I'm really exhausted with dating apps. People are either moving too fast or too slow.
Yes! 💯 agree Darsha !
Exactly, so many wantt to meet before getting to know anything about each other, or when you do find someone you click with string you online i definately. wth?
I think it's faster to know each other on a date after you matched a bit online, instead of wasting days to talk online
I tried dating apps first time this summer. It gave me the feeling like being a product on Amazon prime with a free return policy. I dated 12 different guys over the course of 3 months and it was terrible. I felt dishonest, exhausted from trying to forge a connection with every date, and used by these men that treat you like some sort of punching bag for their own frustration.
I dont think that they are bad people to be honest. I think the system broke them and dehumanised dating.
I absolutely agree and it's sucks so much that this is a universal thing around the world. Everyone is lonely. Everyone wants to find love because everything sucks but we end up as products.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I wish you well in finding your Match.
ye... I feel angry and dehumanised.
I'm fine if someone says "hey sorry I met someone else" but instead we put in effort and just get stood up or blocked.
They probably have the same or more options as a men. And this changes everything. Statistics wise most men have a hard time on Dating apps
As a dude trying these apps, i feel like I'm invisible or simply the bottom of the barrel - like the faceless blob of "better men" I have to compete against me have relegated me to a dark closet, never to be seen. Hundreds of messages, greetings, intros, etc, I only get maybe about 3% of them back as responses, and only about 10% of these into any conversation. No dates.
Also getting left on read hurts. I get that alot too.
I met 2 types of ppl on there, narcissists/psychopaths and ppl who weren’t trying very hard. Online dating is exhausting, dehumanizing and can affect your mental health.
1 month in I’m giving up on dating apps. It brings out the worst in people. I have been flaked on 3 times so far and I will never ever do this to anyone. When I did not feel like going out with someone I was honest with them. Ghosting and treating others humans as they don’t matter at all, you definitely don’t want to date such a people. I’m so out of this.
I only did it for about two weeks (trying to be exact) and decided to not do it ever again. It was more than enough for me. I did go out on about 5 different dates. It felt like a part time job with no compensation.
Edit: Im not trying to show off that I went on that amount of dates. The point is that they were a waste of time despite the fact that I was clear with my intentions even on my profile. I went on more than one date with some of them. It wasn’t just about what they wanted. There were other things like “ Im might have to move, and or just going with the flow.” As if they think they can convince me for something casual. I don’t f around. I’m not even flirty.
I had a few first dates and tbh, I don’t even feel like it is a date. Feels like meet and greet. Complete strangers to me. And yes it feels like a part time job with no compensation.
easy for you to say, try doing it for 3 years and getting 1 meaningful date. not trying to down play your experience but for men its a completely differing battle
@@Enchanteralle YES!! Like a meet and greet! Perfectly said!
@@harmondraws Obviously I dont know the mens side. But I feel like many of the men in the apps don’t know what the want, many think they’re going to be forever young, and others are there for the sexual encounters. People need to be straight forward men and woman.
@@dulceaidavp9716 i know exactly what i want but the amount of times ive been unmatched is exhausting. the last girl i got my hopes up for said she hoped to exceed my expectations, i told her they were very low, and then she ghosted me after the first night. feels like women just go on it as a game or to pass time
I don’t use dating apps at all. I like the idea of meeting someone by fate and in a ”natural“ way. What I seek, is seeking me too (law of attraction) ☺️🙏🏼
🌻YES🌻
Jill K. I agree this is my new way of thinking too!! Last time I tried a dating app was like in 2007. Lol not since and I won't even bother. No hurry either. Just got out of a 3 and a half yr thing. Someday, sometime. Just not today. Lol although i did have a guy come up and introduce himself to me at the beach today. So its something. 😊 just trying to be more positive. ✌
Hello Mr ( Wilson ) he is the best when it comes to recovery relationship. He was the one that helped me
What if you live in a small town, you’re in your 30’s and you have zero options? Also, your thinking is naive, there is no fate, you Make your own fate! Learnt that the hard way!
@@ai-no3ib Yes, you make your fate by taking inspired action and listening to your own inner voice. And my inner voice doesn't tell me to join dating apps. Yours might tell you something different so go for it. We're all on a different journey. All the best for you
The biggest frustration for me with dating apps is I'll have a good convo, get their number, then half the time they don't even respond to my text. The ones who do respond will play games by being always apparently too busy to hangout/go on a date.
The other frustration is after the first date I get completely ghosted. We'll have a great time with high chemistry, typically a makeout/sex at the end, then boom never hear from them again. Probably because there are so many other options to choose from.
It's craziness out here.
He has no money to court you
My struggle with online dating is the dishonesty. I use my current-year pictures, but most men seem to use 30-year-old pics, take photos that hide the 40 extra pounds, wear a hat instead of showing the smooth top, hide their eyes with sunglasses, and often don't even seem to read my profile. I'm trying to save us all time, but they seem to be looking for an opportunity to snow me. It's time-intensive, slogging through all the bullshit. But I met my late husband in online dating. He told the truth and we proceeded deliberately. Ours were the best years of my life, so far.
@shrimpsauce True enough.
@@biondna7984 you look like you have flaws yourself
I totally agree. Most men don't put clear pictures on their profiles, they often put pictures of their hobbies, friends, or v far away pictures. I need to see what they actually look like to decide if I'm attracted to them. They also often don't fill in the profile. Often it turns out they have children already, but many of them leave the 'do you have children' section blank, forcing me to ask questions and find out awkwardly what should've been on their profile already. Lots of them match and then either don't talk, or they don't ask questions, or they ghost. It's exhausting and depressing. I much prefer meeting people in person.
That happened to me with the last guy I met up with before I swore off dating apps. I used current photos. He didn’t. When I met up with him, he looked NOTHING like his photos. Such is life 🤷🏾♀️
Filters are a problem
I have found my partner through Hinge. It’s been a year and a half now. Although, when I was in the dating scene I had to take lots of breaks and learn from each date. Dating is exhausting and you must remember, finding a partner isn’t the ultimate goal in life. At least I believe that you need to learn how to balance and when to invest some time into looking for a partner. Dating isn’t a priority over your mental health.
Yeah I agree and I really wanna balance it out well, but I can't deny it's so hard to do that especially when you really want to meet a partner and get into a serious relationship.. Finding a partner may not be the ultimate goal in life, but it also counts a lot in life..
stf u you dont know it on a mens perspective
@Chris Chu you’re complaining about not being able to get a match whilst one of your comments is “most of my tinder gold likes are below average” - this is where the problem lies. people like you constantly whine about not having supermodel-looking women at their disposal and the high standards of women when you’re honestly ‘below average’ yourself. maybe do some self-reflecting, lol.
Well its easy to be shallow when you give someone the choices to be shallow. Are we really expecting anything greater from humanity these days?!!?!?! We are fucking animals and that's a huge low blow to Animals.... Plus the Dating App algorithms are all meant to make them money and probably own the limitless supply of Bot accounts running on the online dating sites to make attempts at scamming people or keeping them on the hook in the app just so the company's metrics look good... Notice how hard their customer services are to reach, its for a reason and its not to provide good customer services... People need to hang out more with their friend circles and not be so committed to embellishing your social media world to stroke your egos and vanity.
@@mariia099 Well its easy to be shallow when you give someone the choices to be shallow. Are we really expecting anything greater from humanity these days?!!?!?! We are fucking animals and that's a huge low blow to Animals.... Plus the Dating App algorithms are all meant to make them money and probably own the limitless supply of Bot accounts running on the online dating sites to make attempts at scamming people or keeping them on the hook in the app just so the company's metrics look good... Notice how hard their customer services are to reach, its for a reason and its not to provide good customer services... People need to hang out more with their friend circles and not be so committed to embellishing your social media world to stroke your egos and vanity.
I struggle as a 21 year old because I’ve never experienced dating without social media so with the added pressure and expectation to date online I feel lost- I feel I’m not made for this modern world as I am old at heart and feel yearning for the traditional values of life back to our grandparents ways ♡ like if u feel the same x
Women like you are very rare these days, and theres alot of guys out there who want this. Dont compromise on your values, and find a good guy. You're on the right track, even though it may seem lonely atm.
I am same way and age as you! Haha that’s rare
Same I'm a traditional man at 23 years young. I am a college student and I'm still struggling to find someone I want as my friends told me thay university is the easiest place to find good women but lots of good women are taken or not interested
Yeah I can definitely agree, 28 and as I guy I feel like I'm going to come off creepy or get in some sort of trouble if I approach in person so I feel like the apps are my only option.
Yup almost 30 here and only met one girl on a dating app in 10-15 years maybe, which didn't go well. It really is depressing how dating app affect your mental health. Better not use it and go meet people outside, but i am fucking social awkward as hell bro
Dating apps have been putting me off men, so I decided to delete them so I can allow myself to heal and work on the better version of me and attract the right guy! 😊✨
@@JoyJoy-uq7vb I'm not wasting my time here, I chose to comment and interact with others because we can all grow and learn from each other.
Some random guy will not solve my problem, I am solving it.
@@krisztinakobanyai when there's a WhatsApp number in a comment, it's a scammer.
@@_example Thanks Andrew, I figured! 😅
@@JoyJoy-uq7vb reported
lol when women say they're working on themselves they are never doing anything that is actually attractive to men 😂
Fabulous timing. I’m getting nowhere with it, the only interest is from scammers posting fake profiles then eventually directing me to Western Union to send them money.
Totally agree with it’s either they are scammers of bloody perverts
I agree too!!
Youre a man called Louise? Cute...
So gold diggers is whats seeking you out. Buggers eh? Lol sorry couldn't resist. Just Kidding!! 😊✌
U and me both...tired of being catfished
dating apps are soul crushing experience for average men. i tried it for a few months and i'd rather stay alone and preserve my sanity.
women live on easy mode mate, and most guys on nightmare mode.
@@taketheblackpillneo3940 nope, same nightmare mode
You’re better off just letting it happen probably. It must be hard to ask a woman out and get rejected or for a woman to ask a man out and get rejected to. It’s pretty soul crushing for a man or woman.
Newsflash (as you can tell from the comments here)- it's a nightmare for women too.
@@LittleMissHoop the women i know have different problem with online dating - hard to find a decent guy, but they get lots of dates.
Met this kind guy on hinge, he asked me out, we talked really good , even the deep stuff. He treated me so respectful and caring. Really a kind hard. I looked forward to meeting him everytime. After date 3 the texting became colder and more ' friendly" 3 days before our 4th date he cancelled. His ex texted and he wants to go back to her. Im hurt because i thought i found a gem.. but then again, i didnt know him that wel. Still hurts
Online dating paralysis when it come to many options is a real thing. You become more hopeless and depressed as time goes on. Plus your not forming any meaningful connections. Usually they are just looking for a one night stand or a friend with benefits. This destroyed my mental health.
Same
Yeah it's awful
dating apps have broken courtship and dating completely.. even those who get matches end up just hooking up and moving on... we need to have a world wide ban.
at least they get to do that
I concur. But no one can ban them.
I tried dating apps. I gave up because I just dont have the time to answer messages from multiple people - filtering who's serious or not. Being a single working mom, I just decided to stay single and concentrate on myself and my child
I totally agree. Same here
Same here, just time consuming.
I mean, you’re a single Mom so that says enough imo 🪦
Energy: My rule is, with dating apps, if I “match” with someone, I require a phone call before a date. That gives me an idea of who they are before I put in the effort to drive out and have a date.
Same here. 90% of time after phone conversation I do not meet them.
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@@musicdesign7264 😆 🤣 😂
It would be so much easier if you see someone in person the first time and see if you have chemistry "live". There are so many choices on the dating site but very few people on there can actually match up well. Linda
Also you cannot tell if there is chemistry through a computer screen.
Yeah it’s called meeting someone in person.
But even the hottest ones do not get a repaonse. I have 600 likes in less than a day and never had a connection with someone!
Lovely to see so many people sharing familiar stories. It's reassuring to hear that I'm not alone in this journey. It's a shame that (particularly in the UK), it's so hard to meet people naturally (or at least it can be). These apps also appear to be banning people quite harshly. I am sure there's plenty of people who deserve to banned but equally there's a lot of "successful gamblers" who are being removed for rebooting the app one too many times. The monetizing of love and using algorithms to manipulate dopamine levels is truly evil.
I second that @Daniel Shipley, my current mood: Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
The faking ad scamming in those apps is really sucking ones peace to stay a minute on those apps.
Exactly my point.
I agree. After the pandemic and working remotely from home, it's hard to meet anyone, especially if you're an introvert or with social anxiety.
Yes! From the UK also and I relate
they arent making me feel hopeless, honestly, after years of wasting my time with those toxic things, its been giving me motivation to go out more and be more social, now im saying hello to everyone i pass by when im out and about, i hope anyone seeing this does the same. dont waste your time on dating apps, try to learn over time its not hard to talk to people in real life, just say hello, thats all it takes, one word and you've already put yourself out there, in most cases it will be up to the other person if they want to respond and engage in further conversation or not. even if you get alot of people saying hi back, and then they keep walking, dont stop, keep going, there are so many people out there if you make yourself friendly and outgoing, you'll find someone who will stop and talk to you and get to know you eventually. remember, you miss every shot you dont take
I've had the same experience...these last several months trying the apps has pushed me to be more open in real life and more engaged.
Hello
@@FloopidyMcDoopidyHey 👋
Thank God someone is talking about this, dating apps are my own personal hell. 😒
To be honest I think dating apps benefit men more than women because women focus on quality and men on quantity from biological perspective.
Text him would explain how it works
+ 2 3 4 8 1 0 3 3 7 8 3 1 0 !!!!!!!!
@@tinalove7860 Very true! And nobody really mentioned it that's why men keep moaning about not enough matches etc. I would rather don't get any matches than most from men just after one thing.
@@tinalove7860 yeah its so beneficial matching with 1/20 of your swippes and then closing 1/25 of those matches.. must be so hard for you having so many options, I feel your pain girl.
my biggest issue with dating apps is that it creates this sort of fantasy environment where there is no real life consequences for our own behavior. so people throw their manners right out the window. I miss a man being polite to me. My profiles are always specific that I'm not into one night stands or fwb. why am I constantly propositioned for those things? if people really want to have a meaningful relationship then why don't they speak with respect? it's a cesspool out there. Which makes me sad because I'm sure there are good men out there.
Sadly with dating apps, what you say does not matter, I use to write on my bio, what I did for living, what I was looking for, what I went to school for, my passions and visions, everything and people still ask me these questions. I hate reading women bio's because most of them are so toxic tearing down guys and women saying they wanting x, y and z, you saying I am what she said she is looking for you send a message to her, only for her to reject you anyway, overtime this wears on your physical and mental well being.
Anecdotally, every one night stand I have had from a dating app the woman had put those same monikers in her profile: “No ONS” “No FWB” or “Friends first”. Most women’s profiles are like a direct copy and paste of each other which is why so few men care to read them.
Unfortunately, Nothing you put in your profile is going to prevent certain types of men from saying something indecent. However other women state these things but then “hook up” with a guy anyway if he checks the right boxes, so some of the blame falls on women as well.
What kills me is that everyone says they like to go hiking. Come on, how many people actually go hiking on a regular basis? 😂
@@As_A________Commenter agreed, there's blame on both sides of that type of culture.
@@ajh.4131 lol
I don’t do dating apps- just not for me. Problem is socialising is also difficult for me. If I try to give that extra few % or “drop the hankie” I’m so awkward I look like a right weirdo.
I feel ya on that. Me either. I'll just go about my business and see what happens. I seen a guy at the grocery store that i used to see quite a bit at the store closest to me. Well i think he moved because i see him on the other side of town now. I just seen him the other day. I can tell he's attracted to me. I am to him too. I had forgot my bank card in my car. So i had to run out to get my card as i was at the checkout. Well when i came back He was waiting next in line to be rung in. He said Hi!! I said Hi back. Then i left. Then i watched him come out of the store and saw him look for me. He got in his truck and i pulled out behind him. Seen him watching me from his mirror. I was thinking is this guy my future husband? Lol he's so cute. I can feel the chemistry. He's checked me out for yrs. As I also noticed him too!! He's always alone. Hopefully he doesn't have an invalid wife or something. So ya never know. 😊 one can dream. 😉 now i keep checking back to see if hes there. Ha ha!! One day we'll meet again. 🌞
@@ambiecats6189 haha! Mine is a gym crush. I walked into the punching bag as I was checking him out.
Same thing: I smiled, he smiled back. We graduated to “hi”, at some point he winked at me as he said goodbye, next day it’s “hey you” so I thought it was a good sign. Small talk & chit chat but never gained momentum. I’m giving up.
@@FP-rw6yk Never give up!! If not him it'll be someone else. Just smile and let everyone see it. I was doing that today on my walk at the beach. A guy came up and introduced himself to me. Just a short conversation but it still felt good. 😊 its when we're not looking is when it usually happens. When you don't give a crap. Lol 😉✌walking in to the punching bag. Thats kinda cute you know? Ha ha!! Bet he thought it was too. If he caught it. 🙂 oh and just an fyi that never happens to me. 🙂
@@FP-rw6yk so why don’t you ask him out for a drink?
Hahahaha, high five! Me too! I'm working on doing self healing through shamanic and other methods. Plant medicine helps so much xx
The thing too with these dating apps is you match with the person and once you start a conversation; they simply vanish.
Agree. This aspect of it can be the most draining.
My biggest ghosting experience was when I thought my mate was pushing me quickly down a steep hill in my wheelchair.. I turned round to tell him to slow down realising he was at the top still on his phone…
So I’m well prepared to be ghosted on tinder.
If Matthew Hussey, a relationship expert and hottie is struggling with dating apps, that’s very telling to how hard everyone else is struggling. #woke
True
They aren't struggling like the rest of us. I've seen the women Matt has dated. He's fine. The rest of us are screwed. We need more women less focused on looks and money.
@@virtual240 we need more men who groom, don’t try to weaponize sex and focus less on dating out of their league.
He’s not that hot or much of an expert. He says a lot of the same things that Greg from “He’s Just Not That Into You” have said. I don’t understand why he’s an expert for saying what we already know. The guy is clearly very rich and comfortable. He’s just fine.
Worst thing about these apps are that if you're over 30, this is your only option outside of going out to bars multiple times a week.. and even if you still do that in your 30s, you're only able to potentially meet a vert slim % of women.
When you're working, your energy is gone. You just want to go home and relax. Not "prowl" in public for women. So the ease of mixing your relax time with an easy app.. is far to convenient. Even if it's shit.
I agree, plus the cost of going out multiple times a week will far exceed the cost of most of dating apps, many of which you can use for free.
@@nelsonkingjr1 exactly, plus we're happier doing our own thing rather than chasing women at expensive bars each weekend 😅
Life is about falling - Living is about getting back up
I think it's interesting to consider what kind of energy you bring to a room, or to a date, or an interaction. It's not like that energy is lost and can't ever be regained; it's the kind of energy you have yourself, as a person; it's the energy you exude simply because that's who you are, not because you're putting it out and trying to get something out of it.
I understand the notion of being friendly to folks and setting the mood...I have been very polite and friendly and I was getting bombarded with inappropriate and abusive messages. Sometimes you can only take so much before you just can't anymore. I would love to know how the dating apps contributed to suicide rates, I am sure it is not a small percentage because some hurt and sick people out there are out to destroy others.
Was on Tinder and got this match with a woman who looked really good. I send a nice message and she responded with "I'm g, h r y" #unmatch At least type all the words so I see a minimum of effort. I mean, she was 38, not 15. I just can't be bothered.... waste of my time.
This make me laugh. 🤣 Sorry
Yeah ages says nothing!
Well, the number one factor on that sight is looks and you fell for it!
I had to look it up. I hate all the acronyms .. 😂
😂😂😂🤣 oh my goodness! This is quite funny. I’m in my twenties and I had to read that twice to even get what it was saying. That’s a major turn off for me actually. I don’t do text talk, sorry.
This is my situation right now. I'm so hopeless all of them are just perverts and no serious one
I'm tired don't think true love can be found there
Met so many ppl who treat apps like the path to hookup. Sigh…3 dates rule…omg, I don’t even know the person.
@@Enchanteralle can be tiring
Same here
Non-human relationships are the way forward.
The thing is only around 5-10% of guys get match in dating sites but that small proportion of men get 100s of match. Why would they put effort for long term relationship if they can just have fun and hookup one by one?
Because you want to be loved and love someone.
Needed this!! I got off dating apps a while ago bc I seemed to be the only serious one & it seemed to scare guys that I was actually proactive in getting to know them. So, I just prefer to hopefully meet someone organically through people/friends. I’m not afraid to approach someone in public either if the situation permits. You never know what that can lead to. I’ve met amazing people that way & they will say “hey I want you to meet someone”. Even if it may not work with that person, it allows meeting even more people. But I would be honored to meet someone like you, Matthew. You set the standards high for me.
He is pretty cute eh? 😊
No,men are not scared by proactivity lol
Your post makes it clear you have very high masculine energy. Men don't want to fuck men 😂
@@FA9082 I was going to say, your first message was a lot nicer than this one that you edited .. but actually you’re not nice at all!
@@lmariecarroll I re-read your post and realized ur problem is that your oblivious to ur masculine energy.
Just started on a dating app. My problem is how superficial it is. There are some photos and if you're lucky a little text and then you have to decide if you like them. I hate to judge on so little information. If I saw them in a bar. I could observe their behaviour and jugde on a more valid reason. I feel bad for the people who aren't photogenic. They lose so many opportunities. I'm doing it because it's still hard to go out do to covid.
I matched up with someone recently, they rejected and discarded me because (and get ready for it) I'm "good looking but not attractive".
I'm not even sure how that works. She wasn't even all that herself.
You’re so right. A person’s vibe and energy goes beyond photos and text. It’s so superficial.
I remember matching with someone. I’m African and Australian. They asked me if I had the Aussie accent. I said I did but I do pronounce certain words with a different accent since I speak 3 other languages…and they said something along the lines of “what a shame, I want a pure Aussie accent” and I unmatched them. 😂😂 It’s almost funny but it’s not. I guess they wanted a custom made woman.
I’m on an app now but I’m getting anxiety. Ive been talking to 2 nice people but I’m stepping off app. I tried. I’ve been stood up and misled (toxic relationship where he lied that he wanted something more then flaked out 3 months later).
Wow! Matthew this makes so much sense, "what causes us to continue investing in people who are not investing in us is equally." 🙌🏽❤
After using dating apps off and on, I think I've finally found a keeper. I'm excited to see where it goes. Yes, there are scammers and time wasters, but apps give you a greater access to the opposite sex.
❤️
How are you now lol
I thought I found a "keeper" on a dating app and we were exclusive, and then he just flipped a switch and changed his mind. After that I basically stopped existing to him and might as well have been dead. That really fucked me up. I don't trust people anymore
This actually finally made me delete the app again which I already deleted a dozen times. But this time hopefully for good.
Dating apps are way too superficial. It's burning me out mentally so much.
As a guy it feels like a fierce competition to even get responses or engaging talks which don't end with being ghosted after 2 days.
Others might not have a problem with it but for me it's hard to deal with. I like closure and dislike the unknown.
So I always question and wonder if I did something wrong or what is the problem with me or the way I chat.
I really felt what you guys said.
I want something real and serious. I want to commit.
One off flings are just not my thing and I don't get any enjoyment out of them so figuring out if they really are ready to invest some effort to get to know each other and see if it would be a match is so frustrating.
I can't wait for covid to be over and being able to go out more again...
Us guys have it WAAAY worst then women experience on dating apps its been proven an its just how the way it is women are WAAAYYYYY more picky then despite whatever they say.
You sound like me!!! Ghosting angers me. I have been ghosted in mid conversation. I’m a words guy I don’t do hints. Too many cowards out there afraid to say anything so they just ghost. I feel ya
I prefer real time, real life interaction. You can feel the energy & connection. Online just doesn't feel real. However as you reach your 40s, the social opportunitys get slimmer. So that's why some choose to go online. I'm just not feeling that option right now & so I'm leaving it up to fate.
Dating apps..hmmmmmm sometimes I think my profile can't be viewed, like it doesn't exist!!!
Dating apps enable shallowness where people are first and mainly judged based on looks.
I’ve got to the point where after 8 years of trying I am going to remain single. Some people are meant to be alone. BUT that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I’m just content with myself and my kitty cats right now and IF that were to change it be because I met someone extraordinary who meets my standards.
I hope it gets easier. I have found doing self healing has helped me a lot. Just to reclaim the fragmented parts of myself, wr all have trauma that needs healing xx
Kitty cats ftw. I'm at a point where I am going to add my first ever doggo dog to the bunch!
The latter half of this video is so relevant for anyone who has or is holding on to a dead relationship. If someone isn’t investing in you, but you’re throwing so much of yourself into them, the problem isn’t with them. I love this! Thank you, Matthew.
Yes I agree, dating apps are not the ideal place to meet people. It's very hard to connect and be vulnerable with a stranger when they are only giving a snapshot of a curated life. A "meaningful" conversation doesn't seem to hold as much weight as one feels it should, especially in a world where having a conversation in the first place is difficult.
Being in a relationship doesn't seem much better. I feel like a lot of people in relationships are staying in them because they are "comfortable enough" and not willing to confront difficult issues or have uncomfy conversations. We live in unprecedented times, where we are able to sit with ourselves and address what we really want/need in relationship. That can be scary. All of us are having a hard time with vulnerability and are choosing the easy fix. Until we are all able to be honest and sit in with loneliness, we won't see the shift that's needed.
❤ your comment
I've been open and friendly to everyone equally. It just got me sexually abused and harassed. Even when I set boundaries and make them clear, being open and friendly just gets a person abused or taken advantage of or manipulated by people who don't care to force themselves on others.
And that is dangerous for any female.
I don't think the problem is us friendly people, I think emotionally unintelligent people and abuser's are the problem and they need to take responsibility and grow as people, for the good of everyone.
I don't understand how are dating apps even existing. Would you be comfortable with your partner if you know that he/she IS seeing someone else in his/her free when you are busy with work or something? Then how can we be so comfy with dating apps where we know that he and she both have so many options. Are we so lonely now that we have started polygamy willingly? Spend time with friends, buddies, family, pets, yourself, build up hobbies, instead of setting down for being an option not a choice!
T H I S
What does that have to do with dating apps? If I match with someone and start dating them, I'm not gonna be seeing anyone else.
This dating thing is absolutely exhausting. Is like a mindfuck game never ending to end up wasted, fucked... giving up so much energy, sexual partners... people that shows interest one day and the next chao. None's willing to open themselves, nobody wants to create real friendship, is everything straight to fuck. I am sick of this.
I didn’t like dating apps it was messing with my emotional health. I’d be on tinder because I heard loads of people I know in person found the person they’re dating on that app so I tried it out looking for a relationship, I had over 100 matches but most of the guys didn’t message me and the ones that did were just guys looking for something casual 🤦♀️ not a relationship. I feel like tinder is just an app to find something casual not a relationship. So it sucks if you’re looking for a relationship.
It is surprising to me that you personally have difficulty with dating, makes you so much more relatable
I started eHarmony 2 weeks ago. I posted realistic pictures of myself, and clearly stated my most basic standards. I also allowed myself to be the first person to say hello most times. I was mostly ignored. I encountered one creep, many impatient men, and a few domineering men. I speak to three people. One is new. One is my favourite, and last, but not least, is the young man that unnerved me once or twice. It may have been unintentional, Im not sure. My point is Ive put myself out there, and yes the response is underwhelming as it relates to volume. However, as it relates to quality, i have been pretty happy with my favourite chat person. We're growing to be friends I think. So far it hasnt bothered my mental state, but now that youve brought light to the situation, I will guard myself against that. What are dating apps for if not to meet people? Who goes on a site specifically made to reach people, only to behave boarishly? This is why I don't worry about the masses.
I’m actually going to groups and learning new things in order to meet people organically, while keeping my dating apps running in the background, looking at them once awhile. Balancing out the light and the dark when it comes to meeting people y’know? Light being meeting people in person and having the brass cajoles to approach them, and dark being the use of dating apps. A perfectly balanced mindset so that if I get rejected on an app, I can still have the idea of abundance intact.
To be honest, I can't stand the apps. You can't really make a connection there. It is far too easy to be fake and, for some, even to be disrespectful. Ever since there were dating apps, mankind has forgotten how it really works.
It's soo sad really, that's why I'm always really glad when people share testimonies of how they get into working relationships on dating apps, cos I understand how difficult it is.
The apps are really depressing. They're soul crushing and make you feel absolutely worthless. They're full of people who are users. Majority of people on there are doing it for their own benefit and don't care who they hurt in the process, they have no problem treating human beings as disposable.
Even with so many people that seem to be online it seems like its a ghost town literally; sad how immature people can be.
I found the love of my life on tinder after moving to a new state. Don’t be afraid to swipe right on those that aren’t your usual type lol!
Edit to say I went thru an entire city dump of trash before this tho.
That's very nice to hear 🙂
Wishing u both all the best.
This girl gets it.
It would be so awesome if there was a dating site exclusively for those of us who follow relationship coaches. At least in that case, we would be in a pool of like-minded people on a mission to improve themselves and genuinely seeking a healthy relationship. I’m curious if this concept is integrated into the conferences you guys host- like a speed dating activity or something. Lol
Dating app are the last place you can meet someone 😅
True
I love the convo about saying “hi,” etc. My natural instinct is to smile when I pass people on the street. For me, it’s about acknowledging our shared humanity. It’s also a great way to assess how much of their humanity they’re willing to share with the world. But I haven’t had much luck with it, tbh. Many people respond as if you’ve done something invasive-almost as if they (arrogantly) assume that you’re going to want to stop and talk to them if they make eye contact (the horror 😱, haha).
Today, I walked past two youngish, attractive guys unloading a moving van. They stopped talking and looked at me, so I said “hey” because it seemed more rude/awkward not to. It literally took the one guy a few seconds to respond-he essentially said it to my back-in this indifferent way, like I was trying to flirt with someone who wasn’t interested in me. Like chill, dude. I’m just being friendly/polite. This is always the vibe I get from “grownups” my own age. It would be flattering to believe that I’m so awesome they just don’t know what to do with me, but I highly doubt that’s the reason that some people act so strange. Seriously, where are all the transparent, socially adept guys who know that a smile isn’t a marriage certificate?
Hey Kirsten, it's worthwhile to study a bit of trauma psychology. Most people have trauma that's unhealed. We close off our hearts due to previous bad experiences. We've had abusive childhoods that we haven't yet faced or healed.
I've now become one of those people who doesn't smile or interact with fellow humans because I live in cutthroat London, where everyone has some really dark trauma or extreme arrogance. People have severe mental health issues. I've lived in Pakistan as well, another cutthroat country. Toronto, the same.
People are doing the best they can each day...
I hope you find friendly people and hopefully the right life partner for you ☺️🙏🏾
@@skyejacques I'm sorry to hear that. I actually have a mild-moderate form of social anxiety disorder that can make interacting with people in certain situations quite difficult. When I studied abroad in London in 2016, I experienced similar issues and started speaking as little as possible in public. In fact, most of my interactions with people in the British Isles have been negative, despite the fact that (shameless back-pat alert) I'm very polite, conscientious, unassuming, and adaptable (i.e., not your typical tourist). When I'm traveling, I essentially just try to observe the "rules," mind my own business, and appreciate the country/culture for what it is. Sadly, this doesn't prevent some people from hating you simply because you're foreign.
Thank you! I hope you do too if you haven't already met your match
Dating apps strip away the very important aspects of human connection. The internet, in general, has done that. I always think its better to meet in person. You can feel that energy immediately which is essential in connecting with another human. Dating apps sound great on paper but at the end of the day they are completely backwards in terms of how a true connection should happen.
We do exist, and I’ve had the same experiences for the most part. Me smiling at someone is like saying hello, there’s sometimes I simply say hello with a smile, but usually I say hello in combination. I think it’s an attractive quality to have.
Love this comment! I do the same exact thing and have similar experiences. One woman on TikTok did an experiment where she smiled and said, "hi" to 50 people and only 5 said "hi" back! In the comment section one person said, "No one owns you a smile". It's wild out there. I am generally a happy friendly guy and depending on where I go people are more or less friendly. I wish more people were friendly.
As a guy that has studied Matthew's work from back in 2008, I can honestly say his work changed my dating life forever. If you put in the work to learn you will never worry about it again. Now I just need a really good coach after marriage.
I met my now fiancé on bumble last May but it took a lot of bad ones to find him. I took a break, did some personal development and after some work on myself we found each other ! It can be done ! I tell people all the time you attract what you put out. I’m a plus sized girl, so if I keep thinking I’m ugly because of my size, I’m going to attract men who also think plus sized women aren’t attractive.
The idea that a match over photos tells a clear picture. Honestly getting off SM and other instant gratification makes you so much happier. Even RUclips I argue just to watch educational purposes
Why people complain so much? "Oh it's so much work." If you want a good partner you HAVE to invest time/money/effort into it, just like we do for getting a good job or getting into a good school. That includes setting time to take pictures, time to go on dates, money for dates and clothes and whatever you need to put your best foot forward, etc. You have to have to have milestones, and time frames, and then avoid getting overwhelmed. I honestly don't like it when people don't put in the work and expect results. This is just like the gym, you get what you put in.
I was totally naive about using a dating app for the first time. I felt like the app marketed a brilliant simple way you can use their platform and find your prince charming!
I got into it thinking it would be similar to ordering a pizza....you put all this info in and say what you want and boom ..it would match you quickly.
The truth of my experience was finding out people flat out lie about one thing or everything. The two guys I did actually meet up with turned out to be MARRIED !
But there they were posting their own pictures on a dating app saying they are single- for all the world to see.
I don't understand that frame of mind. Obviously they had no fear of being caught- it didn't matter. So if that doesn't matter then I doubt anything mattered to them.
I'm a 39 year old guy who's been on and off the apps for a few years. I've had one serious relationship come from an app (it did not work out in the long term, but my ex is/was an incredible person and a catch, but was not the right long term fit for me). When I match with someone, I quickly ask to meet in person. If they don't agree, I move on. I'm more than willing to put effort into going on a first date, and making it fun and a good experience. I'm getting better at moving on, but for a long time it was hard to let go of a match and trying to force things. It's important as a confident, high value person to measure the effort you are seeing in return from the other person, and act accordingly. If you aren't getting a similar effort in return pretty quickly into meeting someone, it's time to let go.
I’m curious, when you say right away, how soon is right away? I had a guy who wanted to meet IRL after two messages on the same day. It was a no for me. I felt that we should have at least one or two conversations over the phone. We did converse on the phone, he pushing his point about IRL. He didn’t see my point in let’s talk first. In the end, I did not like the vibe I got over the phone. Would love a guys perspective.
@@trr2055 I mean I understand from your perspective that talking on the phone may be a better option than meeting, but I'm terrible at talking on the phone... I've had girls ask to talk on the phone first and I've tried that with really bad results. It's just not a good way for me to communicate so I don't give off a good impression. I'm a totally different in person. I think girls should be careful about meeting in person and should only meet in a safe, public place, but to me it's just better to meet/talk in person, and at some point you'll have to meet a person face to face anyway...
@@DH-kl3ob I can see it from your point of view. I guess it all depends on the vibe you have when exchanging the first messages. I believe in going with your instincts. Thanks for the reply!
@@trr2055 Plus I might add could be odd and uncomfortable during a call if you don´t see other people´s reaction. I am 38 same situation (in and out form dating apps) and I am so UP to meet soon, to chat to someone I haven´t met in person turns a little bit akaward and artificial. I´ve been having good experiences, none to long term unfortunately but very good short and esporadic dates (sorry if the grammar is not correct, not my native language, greetings from Mexico).
Couldn't agree more...
Dating is messy ... but messy can be fun! I think Matthew and Stephen you both had it right in your call to change our viewpoint upon rejection and bringing our own energy into any situation ☺️ We have control and choice over both 😉 Hugs ... as always 🤗
Hi Sir ...This wonderful video leads to 2big conclusion .1st is If the person feels falling into the transactional pattern of "giving to get ."that relationship is draining and exhausting rather than life giving .2nd conclusion is if the relationship is to be build on strongest foundation ,it's not about what you get but who you get to become in the process ."Relationship is a platform for growth ". Thanks Sir so much for bringing amazing things each time . Regards and Much Care 🤗💝
This video was so needed right now. Thank you. I am back off them. Happily single is my mindset or depression could become an issue. I find most men are LF a young barbie instead of seeing value in a mature woman. Nice to see men discussing this
Women expire at 30
Blame your mother. She should have told you this.
Yea ngl studies show that youth and beauty is what attracts men the most out of everything. And as a man I have to say it's unfortunately true. I wish it wasn't, but it is.
Nothing good can go from people who judge each other by how they look
Some times people do look exactly like what they are though.
@@ashgreen3574 as you say, look.
Honestly this is so true
says the member of the more judgemental and shallow gender lmao
Yes, just recently on Tinder a man asked me to send a photo. I had already posted one on Tinder. Our convo was okay ... I don't take very good photographs though I believe I look nice enough IRL it's just I think I don't look great in photos. Anyway, after I sent this guy a photo he unmatched me. I'll survive but it didn't feel great to be honest! 🤦♀
I quit the online dating world in 2017 and decided to focus on video games instead. Happiness is at levels beyond belief, and depression does not exist
𝗖ōo𝗠𝐞𝑟
As a young woman who doesn't want children I thought dating apps were a good idea. I would never want to derprive a man of kids and it's so hard to bring this topic up (and when). I'm sterilized, so the choice was made. I feel more broken than before with these apps.
To having kids is probably one of the last reasons to commit to marriage. Even though it's rigged for men with high divorce rate initiated most of the time by women. So..
Sorry to hear that, hope you can heal yourself. X
That's called the decline of western civilization.
❤❤❤ God bless you
Yeah get off that sht
I treated online dating like entertainment because I kept getting scammers! Those who meet their better half are blessed. I tried several dating sites and the last guy called me fat and ugly because I wouldn’t let him call me sweetie. I think all dating apps should be made to down load state drivers license info when a member sign up , so these scammers and abusive people can be held accountable for their actions. Ghosting Narcissists love bombing etc . Grown men looking or women way younger than them is gross so than validate themselves.
I am definitely not in a hurry to be in the wrong relationship again being 5 years single I felt it was time to put myself out there . I did it and it didn’t work four apps later. I learned a lot about me and I learned to set boundaries!!! I also learned a man doesn’t deserve me if he doesn’t have core values and respect me as much as he loves me. I share my story not for pity but to inspire others not to let dating apps allow you to settle and sell yourself short! All of us have someone out there it is just a matter of when the universe thinks you are ready!!!! Never give up on 💕 love 💕
Beautiful- and true - words Maia! 💓💓💓
I don’t use dating apps at all…I don’t think intelligent and charismatic men use them 😂 mainly weirdos without social skills looking to cheat…quite personally I haven’t really made an effort in meeting men and dating as those things weren’t a priority to me, I mainly connect with people via mutual activities. I think if I wanted to find a guy to date firstly I’ll think about the kind of man I want, then I will analyse where he would be and what he would be doing, then I’ll place myself in those groups or activities he would most likely be, then focus on myself like being a ray of light that draws positive energy, and further develop my wit and humour, and then I’ll see the kind of men drawn towards me and choose from there…
+2349019021202
Dating apps made me miserable. As an average guy, the women I want physically and emotionally reject me, ghost me or won't give me the time of day. Those who write to me are unattractive women who think they are attractive, have children, women that are too old (I'm 39 and looking for women in their late twenties and up to my own age), or don't meet my values. I'm not even being unrealistic. I just want a woman who's on the average side of good-looking and has a great personality.
Dating apps can be very discouraging. I totally agree with Matthew.
I’ve matched and met with a few people on dating apps before. (No flings or hookups. I’m against that and do mention that on my profile. It IS frustrating trying to get connected with people though.) Why open a profile or keep it active if you’re not going to even bother saying hi back… or take 24+ hours to reply. I know people are on their phone all the time but don’t give me that “I was busy” BS excuse. The guy I’m dating now, I met him on FB dating. Great guy so far. We’ve been together three months now.
Great discussion. I love the idea to practice bringing the love and the light into your everyday interactions with intention without being married to certain outcomes. That feels right to my heart, and is something within my control.
wish i can let go of dating apps but in this pandemic where its nearly impossible to hang out and meet new people conveniently its the only thing im clinging to..
I think the problem with dating apps is that people use them for very different purposes, i would say one purpose for each person. For example I'm the kind of girl that have one big crush at a time, obviously they dont reciprocate, so I go into an app to see that other great guys exist, and bring me some hope, haha
Yes Ana.. I totally agree with u on that!!
Each person with solely different reasons why they're there on the app, that's why it's very important to ensure to find out the particular interest of anyone you're getting into a conversation with on any dating app.
Social media and dating apps have amplified the effects of hypergamy where dating market value of men and women are disproportionate. Women are aiming across and up the ladder of men, and with social media most modern women sense of worth is exaggerated to the point where they are aiming to date men 2-3 points above their rating but these types of men are within the top 10% of males leaving the bottom 90% more competitive and increasingly lonely without a chance to meet women at their level. Women are also left unsatisfied when they feel used by these high value men who have more options from uncontrolled hypergamy.
Its hard dude, most girls on Tinder just want another Instagram/TikTok follower...or just want to be friends... Its like ppl don't want long-term relationships these days...
That's why I don't use any social media, apart from whatsapp to keep in touch with loved ones. I'd rather put myself out there and see whom I'll meet. Not easy these days.
@@mariac6280 How do you even put yourself out there? I'm 27 and have absolutely no idea where to meet someone who's right for me. I'm probably not going to find someone I'd want to date at a bar/club/venue, and none of my friends socialize and are basically with their highschool sweethearts.
I spent 3 months on a dating app and that turned out to be 2 months and 3 weeks too long. That's what happens when you're a pretty average looking guy like me. It was an interesting if somewhat uncomfortable experience that I won't be repeating.
I think I'll take my chances in the real world from now on.
This resonated SO much with me. It's what I've come to realise for the past 9 months or so being on and off the app. Thank you for distilling the learning points for me. ❤️
For a while I really tried on dating apps, assuming eventually it would work out but I got tired of the cycle of having the best chemistry ever for like 3 days and then never hearing from them again. All I'm saying is it would be pretty cool to have somebody put in effort for me, bc it hasn't happened yet.
It's amazing how well we can talk about these topics while stuff goes on under the table. So much pressure
Well done on you I do this every time I take my dog out for a walk I pass somebody I smile say good morning etc you never know you could be the first person that’s spoke to them all day and when we smile it can make the most sadness person feel so much better about trot world ❤️🙏🏻
That's Soo true, we really never know when we'd be impacting people's lives with just a smile on our face and a good morning.... It might even go a long way than we'd imagine
Ive been on dating app for a year now, but no luck so far! I was chatting to a guy who matched me seemed genuine at first we spoke for few days then when I told him it will be great if we could meet, he started giving me excuses and that he want to take his time so I unmatched him, he disappeared. Ive been on few dates with guys I met on instagram but turned out they only wanted a hook up. I don’t know how some people find love and get married lol really I prefer meeting people IRL but men nowadays hardly approach.
I am scared to approach girls in real life because I am scared that she might find me creepy and might call cops or something. I am a 21 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before and I had been using tinder and Hinge for 5 months and got only 3 matches on tinder and 8 matches on Hinge so far. My tinder matches never replied to me whereas my Hinge matches do reply a bit and end up ghosting me. Most of my matches are 18-22 year old girls and idk why they all ghost me. I just got matched today by a girl on Hinge who is also 21 and really pretty but she only replied to my comment on her prompt and after that no reply to my last message.
I would give up and get a cat or dog like am gonna do
@@samholden4171 lol I don’t need pet, I have children from previous marriage. But it’s nice to have someone you can share life with as kids grow up and gets busy with life too
Dating apps are going to be brutal for men cause even average women have tons of matches. Its like 4-1 ratio of men to women. Go to dance meetups most of the time there are more women then men. Don't fight for women in a sea of sausage. Trust me just stay off those apps. I am 6-4 speak multiple languages and can do social dancing. I have never been on a tinder or bumble date.
+1 a:( 2 :a 1:a 3:)a 4:a 4 :a 1:s 1:a 2: a1: a3 whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here..