I've wondered for years if my anxiety and sensory issues are actually autism. I'm lucky enough to live in a state with low income healthcare available and the way you explained things comforted me and gave me confidence to ask my therapist about it
I hope that journey goes well for you! I received my diagnosis for autism and adhd on state/low-income insurance as well so I just wanted to provide some tips: It differs by state but what I had to do was call the mental health number on my state insurance card, request referral to a psychologist and/or center that can provide a psychological evaluation, and they gave me a list to call from. Some states you need a referral from doctor and/or therapist. I hope the process is smooth for you and you get the support/answers you are looking for!
New viewer here, late-diagnosed middle-aged AuDHD. Re: adult autism services, while the lack of them certainly makes the effort and expense of diagnosis seem questionable, the more officially diagnosed cases there are, the easier it becomes for governments to justify the expense of supporting adult autism services and programs. It may seem pointless in the short term but slow bureaucracy is still the fastest way to progressive change in the long run.
I'm a 51 year-old Brazilian woman, a professor, 4 languages, 3 colleges, Master Degree and married. I received my diagnosis last week. Autism level 2 and ADHD. All my life has been a struggle and now I can understand why. 😢
You know, people always sound amazed when they hear I'm going for my PhD, and I realize, I always thought they were just being nice, but for them, it is actually that much harder than what they've done before. For me, yeah, it's harder, but what came before wasn't that much easier. It was just hard in different ways.
Hi, I am 48 years old and I got my autism diagnosis about one year ago. I just needed to know for sure, and I wanted my husband to believe me. I was hoping for some accommodations at my job, but got fired instead shortly after telling them I was autistic. I am in autistic burnout since then and not able to work at the moment. But I still think it was worth it, because it explains so much. I am still learning new things about myself every day. So thank you for sharing your story.
You should have sued after getting fired. That was clearly discrimination and often the company will have to pay your lawyers once you win the case. I understand that it takes effort and it's hard to do things when you're burnt out, but I wish I could have sued when I was wrongly fired years ago. No pressure. Just a thought.
@@fanime1 Thank you for this thought. I guess I should have, but I am not sure if I would have had a chance to win this. They didn’t tell me that they fired me because of my autism. The official reason was financial cuts. But I know this is a lie. After I told my boss she was very friendly first and asked me if I needed anything. I told her it would be helpful for me if I could sit at the same desk everytime I was working and she said this was no problem. But a few weeks later suddenly it was a problem and they tried to find a different solution and this didn’t work well for me. And then I got fired. I am very sorry this happened to you too. 💛
It is definitely worth it. My husband left me because he wasn't interested in "forgiving" me for having ADHD and autism. I've been fired in the past; I found a job that was a good fit but I recently got laid off. For sure, my life is in a terrible set of circumstances right now. BUT! The way I see it, the masking to keep my life the way it was was DESTROYING my mental and, eventually, physical health, so it would've broken dramatically if I'd kept pushing it. My life as I knew it was unsustainable. The ONLY way I'm making it through and up, taking care of my kids and my mom in the midst of all this, is by understanding and loving my real self. The support that I've found by embracing who I really am makes a material difference. My life was never going to stay like it was, but my diagnosis is helping me make sure it has somewhere to go from here.
I'm a self diagnosed 39 year old that is in tears right now because your story mirrors mine so much. I remember feeling from a young age that I wasn't meant for this world and just couldn't cope with life. People that I've known for many years tell me I'm not autistic even though my own mother still mentions my quirks to this day..like how I was a sickly, difficult child, not wearing pants until I was in 6th grade, complaining about sock bumps, itchy clothing and how I would want my "santa presents" display to stay up for as long as my parents would let me. I was considered gifted and have a photographic memory. I learned to mask early on due to bullying and other trauma so when I started having extreme meltdowns as an early teen I was hospitalized and (mis)diagnosed multiple times. After my daughter was born and I saw similar issues with her, I started to research autism and adhd...and that's when my whole life started to make sense. I hated myself for so long and still do sometimes, because I can't be like everyone else. I can't "just be normal" It's hard but I'm learning to accept that there was never anything "wrong" with me. I get to experience this world in full color and surround sound...in many ways its a gift and I can't imagine life any other way ❤ I appreciate your vulnerability and giving space to others to open up
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I have recently been forced to face my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I was aware that it was associated with ADHD, and related to past experiences, but being in the position of having it actually disable me, hold me back from something I really want to do, and having other people accuse me of are being overly dramatic, and 'taking it too hard'. Nobody wants to feel like this, no one wants to disempowered by their own nature and hit a brick wall they didn't create. Knowing it is a condition, helps a lot. As a fellow ND Mom and woman, I relate to your struggles of never quite understanding why things were the way they were.
My god this hit hard. I was always the weird kid,the one who hid in the forest for years every recess on the playground because I didn't know how to make friends, the one who rocked and kicked so much at night my siblings couldn't sleep, the one who hit herself for no reason, the one who wrote and lived in fabricated stories. I think im starting to realize. Thank you
So love you mamma Wolf, so much stronger than you believe yourself to be. Fellow late diagnosed female adhd autistic, high masking. What you have done for Toren is so amazing, your patience and ability to help him through his struggles whilst dealing with your own is truly breathtaking. From one Mumma bear to another I'm proud of you and appreciate you, blessed be
Thank you so much. As a self diagnosed person who can’t afford the official diagnosis but really struggles with imposter syndrome, it’s so helpful and validating to see others (especially who have the official diagnosis) speak positively about self diagnosis. I had such a fear when I first realized I was autistic, that it would be the autistic community that questioned and doubted my self diagnosis but I’ve not experienced that at all. However those doubts coming from neurotypical people, especially people who have “known me” a long time, is very real and difficult. I’m just trying to understand myself and find ways to better support myself. I love that you called it the path of “grief relief”. That resonates so much. ❤
I've gotten the "Noooo you're totally normal don't say that" a couple of times from NT friends. In my case it wasn't that they doubted me, it was that they heard "I'm autistic" as a negative thing and rushed to be positive. Unfortunately that's their own bias and they don't realise that knowing is actually a good and helpful thing. It wasn't that they doubted the existence of autism or accuracy of the diagnosis, it was them hearing a friend say "I learned I have this *problem* " and kneejerk reaction "No you're great, there's nothing wrong, don't be mean to yourself". What I said wasn't *problem* but that's how they heard it and that's what they respond to. Luckily with another few minutes of talking I could remove this bias and explain how helpful knowing is. These experiences made me think about how for ND folks a diagnosis is a helpful, freeing, sometimes life-affirming thing, and for NT DiAgNoSis means you need help, there's something wrong, you don't function correctly. What they don't understand is we've known those things (or been told by the world) for most of our lives. A diagnosis for us is a way to access assistance and prove to at least some people that when we say we are struggling it's actually true and no, we can't "Just do the thing." Immediately undercutting that proof by denying it is hurtful, but in my experience rarely intentionally so. Just another way we have trouble understanding one another but it's certainly possible to overcome. Can't be mad at people for not understanding something they have 0 experience with. Also another multi-paragraph musing that started as a short comment but thinking through this helped me so it might help other people. Into the ether it goes! 🫶
@@RunningShovelso true. For me it is a relief to know but everyone just keeps saying no way! As if it’s bad or HAHA bc they think im kidding. It is a major relief to understand that I wasn’t wrong. Everyone kept saying I had an attitude. I am trouble. But I don’t want to be. I never wanted to be. They were too dumb to understand what a different brain can function like. They saw my gifts as a threat but moments where I stood up to the bullies I was considered a threat or a trouble maker, those were my most autistic moments. I would just start counting out loud. My step dad would bring me to my mother, Karen, Your daughter is acting weird again. 💔 then they sent me to a behavior modification school for several reasons but the place ended up being completely abusive. I am in my late thirties and I still am figuring this all out.
I absolutely love the gentleness, kindness and compassion that was exhibited for yourself and others. Thank you for your transparency and love you have for yourself, children and the world!
Serenity -- thank you for bringing to light the perspective of a "late diagnosed" woman who is also the mom of an audhd teenager. My sons are in their mid twenties now -- I'm 45, only diagnosed autistic officially myself last summer. Of course, like you said, the docs didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. I couldn’t have raised my sons without noticing myself in them -- in fact, I knew I was like them when they were initially diagnosed autistic at 4 yrs and 18 months respectively. But it wasn’t until last summer that I had the freedom to be assessed myself. It would have been safer for me, I could have avoided decades of trauma and abuse, if I had been diagnosed as a child. It is a relief to be diagnosed at all now - and I am glad that women are at least being diagnosed late in life instead of not at all. But I really hope we can start carching girls young -- before the decades of trauma and abuse happen. I'm sending lots of love to you today. Thank you for being you.
Thank you for sharing here.... publicly. Do you mean it's hard to share in person "publicly"? When Toren shared recently about Delayed Response, that was very useful and helpful to me. It's something I've struggled with for my whole life. It was a big aha moment for me. I used to say it was because I'm extra sensitive, but I think it's delayed response, an autism symptom. I have been trying to self diagnose, and this was a big piece for me. Thank you both!!
Thank you so much for sharing. I am a mother of a preschooler with autism… during my research for him, I began to see the similarities and signs for myself. I will not be getting a formal diagnosis, but I’m happy to learn more ways to help understand this journey. I was easily manipulated as a child through adulthood. I’ll be thirty years old in August and I finally feel like I’m starting to understand myself. Thankful to you and Toren for being so amazing and sharing your story with the world! God bless you both.
Very well said, as I am newly self diagnosed as autistic, it sure does make me feel validated for once in my life. I am a mother of two , now a grandmother at the age of 56 finally realizing why I am so different. I have struggled my whole damn life and now I am trying so hard not to mask. Your content sure is helpful. Thank you
Hardcore relate to having imposter syndrome across my life. It’s comforting to know that most medical professionals who know what they’re talking about when it comes to autism will confirm all the suspicions you already collected about yourself.
Your explanation of imposter syndrome brings so much clarity to my life. I do like to paint and was told I was good at it... but I do not call myself a painter nor do I like to show my work. Same with writing and apparently autism. You are such a lovely person and I thank you for sharing this. I can relate so much. ❤
I was recently diagnosed this year after being self-diagnosed for over a year while I sought a clinician. I’m certainly glad I did, though. It’s enabled me to seek and get workplace accommodations I needed for my sensory issues. Plus, it’s really explained so much of my life over the past 53 years, and why I was treated by others the way I was while growing up. Please keep up the great work! 😃
Diagnosed in my 50s after having been misdiagnosed as Bipolar when I was 19 and a lifetime of trauma as a result of that...Finally knowing why I am the way I am and that I'm not alone in my experience and learning strategies to minimise overwhelm has been the BEST thing to happen to me! I do feel sad that my younger self struggled so hard being teased, bullied, rejected and taken advantage of and do wish our "lost generation" had the kind of awareness we have now but I'm just happy to know now, for the first time in my life, that being myself is OK 😍
YES! it changed my life. I stopped wondering "what is wrong with me" and started wondering "so what can I actually do" - a much more healthy approach. - Whether there are services, if you are trying to keep a job, telling the people you work for that you just got this official diagnosis, and that it explains why you have been having trouble, and that you will be learning more about how it really effects you - if your bosses are decent, they will listen. If they aren't, you may need a new job. I got my diagnosis before I was able to hold down a job for more than a few months, and the people I work with are very understanding about it.
Thank you much for making this video, there were so many points you made that resonated with my own experiences and brought me to tears. I'm a 45 year old mom of 2 with my eldest having diagnosed Asperger's and like yourself had people saying you must be on the spectrum you're just so alike! I'm currently in trauma therapy and my psychologist told me that i express signs/traits found in Autism ADHD and PTSD .... Total bombshell! So I'm currently on the road to being diagnosed and learning to understand and accept myself. which is where I came across yourself and Toren ❤ I love your content and I'm so grateful for you both, I've even found myself stimming more freely because of you both so thank you again Emma 💋
Great channel, I love the thoughtfulness and loving vibe of it. It's never too late to grow and learn. I've had similar experience with other mental health diagnosis, for me was essential to accept it after years of repressing my emotions. It is definitely an emotional rollercoaster, but today I can say I know myself better than I ever have, and because of that I compare myself a lot less to others and am happier with myself, more free of what others think. And I've found that, not only the people in my life respect me more too, but I naturally gravitate towards people who accept me as I am, instead of trying to please others
This is my new favorite channel about the autism journey. My son is 14, and I see so many parallels in our family’s experience with yours! Thank you so much Toren. And thank you for being such a support for your mom in her journey as well. My son is also a huge support for me as I start to understand myself at age 45. And omg… tell your mom what an amazing songwriter she is!!
Toren and Serenity! I didn't realise you had a RUclips channel too. And yes. Yes, you should (if it's financially feasible and practical), IMO, especially if you're struggling with everyday living. The validation of knowing that I'm not broken or just failing at life is so powerful, plus it opens you up to getting help, accommodations and/or meds that might help your life become easier. But if self-diagnosis is all you have, then no skin off my nose, either. I was self-diagnosed for sixteen years before I finally was officially diagnosed at forty-two. But being able to understand my wiring and how I think, and how that differs from allistic people has been the biggest part for me. It doesn't fix things, of course, but at least I understand a little more now why I have the issues that I do.
Dear Serenity you are a hero for bringing this to the world. I recognize so much in your words. Especially the imposter syndrom and the beating yourself up for all these hard years. And still it is hard to be gentle to myself. All the love from a 52 yo that got diagnosed at 50
Just discovered your channel and only a couple of videos in but really appreciating the education you are both offering. Just beginning the journey, and learning a lot. Thank you!
I'm 46 and was just diagnosed a couple years ago. I suspect autism too, but I don't think I'll ever get tested for that. It was enough for me to know it's definitely ADHD. I have zero doubt that I have anxiety too. I wanted to know for myself, so I could better navigate life and be more sure of who I am. I could write a novel on the many things and feelings that led me to finally seek out a diagnosis. My doctor helped me through it and put a piece of paper in my file, but we both agreed to not make it "official" for a variety of reasons. I'm not on meds, but I have a great husband and many coping mechanisms to get me through each day. I enjoy this channel and always look forward to new videos. It's a great place to be. :)
Thank you for being helping in the advancement of understanding. Looking at the difficulties of raising my children and having constant panic attacks about what if I did something wrong. Worried excessively how people were going to view my parenting and teaching skills. Getting frustrated constantly about my speech, since forever always mixed up names, sentences, not finishing sentences or thoughts, forgetting so much, constantly corrected. Among many traumatic events. After reading much about ADhD, autism, and OCD, I am coming to realize these three things, in all members of my family. One child with I thinkvjust ADhD, another with ADhD with OCD, Another with ADhD and possibly autism, and last but not least my husband very much OCD. We are all beginning to recognize it after years sadly of me not trying to understand what or how my children were feeling because I was stuck in my own world. When I started investigating it, some people were like it's about time you realized it. During my boys young growing up days many told me or assumed my boys were autistic. I could not accept this,at the time because of my true lack of understanding. And the people who brought it to my attention had education in these areas. But I thought wel autism shows like this, as does ADhD. So sad I did not recognize it to get help much sooner for my self, and definitely for my boys. My pediatrician was a great guy but was not greatly educated in this area. My kids just had there quarks and were shy. I have the resources to be tested or my boys tested, but do not want meds, tools, exercize, nutrition. But I have one son who has many allergies not to mention many food aversion and the other doesn't think to eat. Ages now by the way are 18 and 23. I'm grateful I homeschooled both of them. But I think theycprobaly would have done fine 11th and twelfth. Grade. But they were always all over the place like there mother, got overestimated easily, could not stay focused except on there likes, which was often obsessive in that fact that's all they talked about. Had a hard time making friends. My youngest is doing well making friends often with others similar to him. He has a hard time understanding his own emotion as well as others. Sorry so long, I often go on and on. What I wanted tocsay is just knowing thatcI have these symptoms are actually normal for me and others similar to me, had made me feel much better. Have regrets about past but can't change that can only go forward and the thing that haunts me the most are those who may treat me differently. I've always managed I have it together which is far from the past. So do I or one of the boys get tested. That is the question. If they need help through talking about what the past and feel more comfortable working with someone else, if insurance will cover it, yes, whoever wants help with a certified psychologist in this area will do, If we can just have a large chest of tools to use and we each pick and choose what to use to help us and we help each other. Most definitely open to that. Anyways thanks for reading and understand. You and your son are doing a great thing. Many blessings to your family.
I’m 39. In my early 20s, a therapist made a passing comment that I might have ADHD and it’s lived in my brain ever since. Over the last few years with the rise of social media and other ND folks being so open about their experiences I’ve become pretty sure I definitely do have ADHD. I have brought it up with my doctor and we are taking (baby) steps to address it. Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you to Toren for sharing his. You’re both such beautiful humans and I feel so validated watching you both.
I didn't. I don't think there was such a thing while I was growing up. My dad said I was an odd child. As an adult I figured out things on my own. My one and only child was diagnosed with ASD due to school issues. I found him to be a very unique and interesting child. He is a lovely adult now.
Thank you for sharing this. I realised in January that I might be autistic, it's a rollercoaster of joy for understanding my life but also grief at all the miscommunication, the isolation I felt all my life because I had no idea others function differently, and the intense feeling that things won't get easier. I already went through 2 burnouts, I struggled with depression and low self esteem my entire life, anxiety since I'm an adult, I felt like an alien abandonned on this planet my whole childhood, ... Right now, I'm trying to learn yet a new job (carpentry... I was an occupational therapist for 4 years, burnout, I moved to Germany, learned German and started working on fantasy festivals for 6,5 years, second burnout, since 2020 I try to get back on track.) I'm 39, nowhere in life, and I feel like I'm every day one step closer from complete exhaustion. I don't do anything social after work or during the weekends because I need this time to recover somehow so I can face the next week of work. Due to my mental health, I have support twice a week, for administrative things and keeping my apartment somehow more or less in order. I'm looking into a diagnostic because as things are, I'm not sure I can work full time again without spiralling down. And it's possible that this diagnostic might lead to an invalidity grade, so I could get support to work only part time but still have enough to eat, pay the rent, ... and have maybe a chance to actually live outside of work. Also because as long as I don't have a diagnosis, I'll say "I might be autistic " no matter how much I look into it and it fits.
I think everyone that thinks they’re autistic should pursuit a diagnosis. One of my biggest reasons for myself being persistent on getting diagnosed was because my at the time psychiatrist kept on insisting I’m bipolar and schizophrenia and putting me on abilify which caused me to have seizures. Turns out I’m just autistic and adhd lol but good news is I have a new psychiatrist that actually helped push me to get my autism diagnosis
The photo of Mama Wolf as a little kid in the laundry basket looking so sad, lost and forlorn made me feel profoundly sad. My heart goes out, zooming back in time, to little Mama Wolf and I whisper to her "It's going to be okay one day! You will have a family and love and answers and support. You will make it! You are safe." That's what I would say.
At this point, my whole life has been work ... I'm not sure if I could handle a late diagnosis only to wonder what my life would have been like had I been diagnosed young.
I'm 48 and have been self diagnosed adhd for a few years. I've been masking my entire life. I recently started therapy and have been thinking about getting a professional diagnosis. I paint chainsaw carvings, and although my boss calls me his painter, i won't call myself that.. even tho i know I'm pretty good and get tons of compliments. It was wild that was your first example of imposter syndrome. I've watched several of Toren's shorts and was just truly drawn in by yalls light and kind energy. And my mother loved wolfs so i feel it's meant to be. I'm subscribing to the pack now. ♡✨️
I have recently been diagnosed with both. Has been extremely enlightening but honestly, also messed me up. I havent really told anyone including family, because i dont think it will be helpful to me and they will not know what it even means. Im still learning about it myself.
Remember that you are YOU, and you have not changed. There is a stigma. I have ADHD, but waiting for assessments for that and ASD. I just wanted to talk to my sister, and she started researching. All 4 of us kids maybe on the spectrum. I am 52 and my eldest sibling is 66. I am doing this for me, to make my life better, and it will likely help them as well. You have not changed. Self-awareness will go a long way!
Do you remember the TV show, “Parenthood”? When Ray Romano’s character started to wonder if he might has Aspergers, I was feeling the same thing. Like his character in the show, I have been very into photography for my entire life, but just as a hobby. The show ended in 2015 and I stopped thinking about it at that time. In 2018, I was laid off and found a new job about 3 months later. I remember watching some shows during the lay over, which had me thinking about it again. When the pandemic hit, I had a LOT if time alone at home and watched even more shows. Then in December of 2020, I saw quite a few shows with people on the spectrum in many different capacities. I was identifying with may of the experiences, and spend the next year learning more and more. There were some incidents with work where certain people were trying to bully me, and this was the first time in 58 years that I tried to be proactive and fight back. I let HR know what was going on, something I would have never done previously, and also let HR know that I think I might be on the spectrum. I don’t want to go into any details, but things changed at work, and got much better. A year later, things got worse, but that’s a different story. In December 2022, I watched a LOT of shows that had people on the spectrum in them, real and acting, which just happened. It seems that a lot of shows were just released at the time, plus Mark Rober had the “Color The Spectrum” fundraiser around that time. Over Christmas, I read a TON of information for like 2 straight weeks. I heard that there were some tests that could be taken to indicate whether or not you might be on the spectrum, so I tried to find them. In early January 2023, I found the test that everyone was saying is a good test to begin with, especially for adults. It was a 50 point test, where a score of 32 or higher meant that you are on the spectrum. 26-31 meant that there was an 86% chance that you are on the spectrum, and below 25 pretty much meant that you aren’t on the spectrum. I took the test, carefully thinking out my answer for each question, as I was extremely nervous. I was nervous because if the test indicated that I’m not on the spectrum, then I’m back at step 1, and have no idea why my life has been as it has been. I completed the test, and pressed the button to see my score. 33. I think I cried for like 10 straight minutes. At that moment I realized that even though I had been masking for 58 years, and had been having trouble maintaining that masking at the same level over recent years, I had been doing the best that I could. I am direct, and always have been, as it was something that all of my teachers from elementary through high school, instilled in me. This is also when Critical Thinking was the norm, though I don’t remember any teacher using the term. Anywho, long winded story leading to, “Do I want to get a clinical diagnosis?” The answer is yes! However, as you’ve stated it is complicated. It will most likely cost me a minimum of $6,000 for the assessment, and several months to a year to complete. I’ve left out a lot of things over the years, but you can’t really write a novel in a comment. Have a freakin’ AWESOME week!
Law enforcement is very ignorant in these areas. I was asked by a sheriff if my 14 year old son was an idiot, when I was trying to explain that he had learning disabilities!
@ndb_1982 both! And if you can't see the disabilities they don't exist. Also, it's a common assumption that one out grows these things. I'm not bitter, just so tired of stupid.
Thank you for making this video. I have been struggling with the decision of being diagnosed. It would take a year or two due to me being on government insurance. Everything points to me having it. And when I broached the subject with my mom she thought back to my childhood and it explained so much. Tip toes, picking my lips and skin, biting my nails till they bleed. Not wanting anyone to touch me. Definitely no hugs, it hurt my mom's feelings a bit (understandably so). I'm a picky picky eater, like about how I have to eat. I was reading too much too fast once I learned. Aversion to the heat, cannot get into a hot car. All my sound and tactile aversion. Since it would take so long I think I will start the process of finding out. That way I can take my time with getting used to things.
Thank you, valuable information. I do need a formal diagnosis as my entire life has been masking and filled with doubt. I do have the ADHD diagnosis but need further investigation I was told as in Canada. Our medical system is in chaos and has been for too long. At almost 64 this is to help not just myself but for all those who’ve been ignored
Many years ago i was blessed to get the "official" diagnosis. But honestly, it didn't change my life because you can't explain your behavior to everyone and if you had the luxury to explain, honestly in my humble opinion, the majority would just blow you off. I'm a single mom with 2 adult children on the spectrum and we're each other's support system and honestly we get on each other's nerves at times too😂
Hmmm I have been thinking about this so I’m glad your video popped up for me. I think I know the answer myself, but knowing for sure would help. I might get this figured out formally one day. I wish everyone good luck with their journey because I know it can come with a lot of difficulties. But I do think it is ultimately a positive thing…. Knowing yourself can be very valuable to see it that way.
I was Diagnosed with Autism last week, the psychologist also recommended i get assessed for dyspraxia. I always knew that i was different but being officially diagnosed with Autism still feels surreal, it has not registered fully with me yet. I have only told a few people and other than my partner who supported me through the whole thing everyone else has been somewhat ignorant or at least dismissive which does not help as i process all of this. Your videos are very helpful
Serenity, your and Toren's content has been so, so valuabe to me and my family. I have a 7-year-old girl who was diagnosed with level 2 autism at age 3. I learned about PDA from your channel and it's been so helpful. And I'm positive that I'm neurodivergent in some way. But I wonder if getting a diagnosis is worth it.
My child's diagnostic therapist has urged me to seek a diagnosis for myself, but only works with children. After, this I sought an adult diagnostic therapist, there aren't any within hours and that's not happening with 5 kids and a MIL who has Parkinsons. The one service I would be seeking is available with diagnosis. Basically, during my child's IEP, an advocate would tell the large group of people overwhelming me to slow down. That's what I want most, to not feel like I have to battle through a school meeting.
I haven’t been professionally diagnosed because my mother refused to take me anywhere when I was younger. I had the very same symptoms as selective mutism. I’m better now, but still have some trouble making eye contact, talking to people, and just being around others. I was mostly non-verbal at school when I was younger, and got bullied, by three different female teachers as well. The bible teacher was very bad to me. She took me into a room and said I had the devil in me. I only told the girls that I wasn’t saved and it got around to her. I never disrupted the class or anything and always did my work (made very good grades as well.)
Both of my children and both of my grandchildren are autistic. I have failed so many times because I always stress when things go well. I struggled in school. I now work for a sensory special education school and so many things make sense as I work around an environment that specializes with these needs.
I'm 23 years old and I've wondered if I'm neurodivergent since I was about 18 because I had to do some research on autism for a college work and found quite a few relatable aspects. I've been considering getting a diagnosis for a couple of years now. What you said about getting a diagnosis to get the reassurance that the way you are has a reason... is also why I would want to do it. I've felt my whole life that I don't belong, that I'm sort of out of place and neurodivergent people resonate with me a lot, but I'm still a little afraid that the diagnosis is negative and it turns out that... I'm neurotypical, just "weird". I'm also kind of embarrassed to say to a professional therapist "I did a bit of research and I might have suspicions"... I'm still trying to save up some money to get the diagnosis, but at the same time I'm trying to delay it as much as possible... Guess I'll see what happens. Your videos have been quite comforting! I'm really glad I found them
Thank you so much for sharing.. I’m 38 & only learned that this may be a possible explanation for me a few months ago. I wish I could get a professional diagnosis just to have confirmation but I feel like certain judge-mental people in my life still wouldn’t accept it. I get made out to be a horrible mother by my ex’s family for things that I don’t do intentionally or because I don’t think like they do.
Got pretty much every one of these! No problem, it's how I've always been, I accept my -isms and hypersensitivities and am okay with them, have learned from them, have found ways to adapt and make it work. Plus, these traits have their gifted aspects. The PTSD may be more of the issue here given it seems pretty much everyone these days will find themselves somewhere on the scale. No matter a diagnosis, if life isn't working for you, please get competent help and support. PS. I'm 60.
I cant even imagine the money and expenses it could take to get professionally diagnosed in USA or other places where paying for even basic health care is normal... now I live in Denmark where most healthcare is free including the mental stuff so I got my diagnosis for free. free healthcare isn't always great though but in this case I think it helps a lot for people like you and me who are scared of self diagnosing in case that we are "too over dramatic" or "faking it" or "being stupidly sensitive" as many people say if we do.. or even if we do have a diagnosis officially- I am grateful I was able to call my doctor when 18 and living alone as a broke student and still be able to get answers and my diagnosis without worry about finances.
turns out, I just have complex-ptsd, despite having so many traits of adhd and autism. with bonus traits of borderline personality and obsessive compulsive. all caused by abuse and neglect. pretty incredible because i'm quite the chameleon for adhd and autism. stimulants even make me calm. it has been a very lonely empty life.
Awesome video! I feel like a lot of people when making this type of video can unintentionally bring their own personal biases into the discussion and try to coax people into making the same decision about their diagnosis as they did, but you were very clearly neutral while also explaining how it was beneficial for you. I personally discovered I was autistic 3 years ago and intend to remain undiagnosed until we see greater social justice for autistic people. I am confident I am autistic without a diagnosis. Services for autistic adults do not exist in my area. As a traumatized individual who came from an unsafe home, I do worry about being discriminated against by doctors or government officials and being told I cannot make decisions for myself and that I require a caretaker. I also want to explore the world one day and I know that having an autism diagnosis on my medical records would make accessing a visa much more difficult. For me, diagnosis is just too dangerous and expensive with mininal benefit at the moment. But I am glad you got the answers you needed to hear and I wish the same for anyone else pursuing diagnosis. ❤
One thing to be careful of is state laws. Freind of mine is a psych and will do remote counseling sessions. One client sought diagnosis and lost their legal ability to drive. Until the medical community &society catch up it’s probably safer to stay quiet.
I plan to get reevaluated for ADHD since they have more information. I was diagnosed with it and still believe to have it, but it’s always nice to check. I also think I have autism and the reason I want to get evaluated is because I feel the same as Toren’s mom. I feel like an imposter.
If you are wanting to seek out a diagnosis and don’t have the funds or connections, and you believe your undiagnosed “disability” is impacting your ability to find, maintain, or advance in employment- the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation (every single U.S. state has an office) can provide and fully cover the costs of assessments. I highly recommend people utilize these services if they’re in the U.S. and can accessed starting at the age of 14 all the way up to retirement age.
My youngest is AuDHD, in fact all of my children are though my youngest has the highest support needs. I had always believed I was ADD since I was in high school (terms and understanding were different and limited back then), but no one ever attempted to get me any help. I was just "lazy", and a "day dreamer" and I just didn't "apply myself" because I did so well in some subjects yet struggled in others. And I never did homework. 😂 But then I moved out and got married and started my own family so my own needs were never really a concern, until I just felt like I was completely loosing it. I got put on ADHD meds but too many things didn't "go away", in fact they came out to the surface even more now that I was able to concentrate and focus better. I did a lot of research, and self reflection, and when I went to my doctor and said that I think that I might be autistic as well he told me he had known for years. 😂 Aparantly I was better at masking it from myself than him (he had a sibling on the spectrum). I have gone on to realize so many things I always assumed as normal were in fact NOT! I have hEDS, I have aphantasia, and I am discovering I may very well have ARFID, which would explain why I have always been the pickiest eater I have ever known. 😂 So much about me I am only learning as an adult that would have made my childhood so much easier had anyone taken the time to even attempt to look at the blatantly obvious signs. All we can do is share what we do know so that the new generations can have a better experience than we did because they deserve it!!!!!
Yup, imposter syndrome is why self-diagnosis wasn't enough, I had to get diagnosed. I am 49, I am going in this week for the results. Part of me wonders if it wlll be enough, if my brain will still consider me an imposter? When I started self-diagnosing, I told my parents.Mostly because since I was a kid I was told I was odd or quirky. So once I felt like I figured it out and my parents would get that light bulb moment, instead I was told "no, you were always odd but you are not autistic." I told them how it all made sense since all my kids are on the spectrum, like "Duh, this is why!" But nope, they wouldn't accept this as an answer. I no longer talk to them about it,
I have recently hit a situation where a formal diagnosis would have been handy: I am a witness in a murder trial, and have to give evidence in court. With a diagnosis I could automatically have been allowed to give evidence over video, but since I don't have one I may have to be there in person. However, I don't think it makes sense to put myself through what it takes to get diagnosed just in case something like this happens again, so I'm still sticking with self-diagnosis.
I was just diagnosed as autistic and bipolar this year as an adult. I'm still not sure what to do with this new knowledge. I suspected but it was the diagnosis of all three of my children as autistic and my husband who pursued his diagnosis of autism and convinced me to do it. I've masked for so long I'm not sure how to move forward.
I will probably never be able to get diagnosed. I have I am a mom of three kids and I'm stuck with a part-time job and I know there's something exactly like this happening to me
Thank you for sharing this. I know I'm not the only person coming away from watching this who feels this. I'm heading into a forest assessment because my life is weird. But that's okay We know where the assessments fall.
What a lovely video. You explain everything in such a calm, kind manner. I have struggled with imposter syndrome my whole life. May I ask you a question? You mentioned trauma in your life. I have that as well, big time. I've spent COUNTLESS hours researching, trying to figure out if I have ASD, or if I'm just a highly sensitive person w trauma. WHICH CAME FIRST?? Do you personally think you experienced trauma due to having ASD? Or was your trauma amplified because you have ASD? Thanks in advance! I welcome answers from anyone!! ❤
if depend on what priority is choose. i am poor and i paid for the diagnostic, i found that i was gifted, at first i tought i was autism because many caracteristics was similar,and adhd is often associated like with austism (i think autism and gifted was the same in fact but autism was better seeing in this society). so i paid because i want to know, its releiving to have answers. when i talk to people i don t said i am gifted, its like autism so excuse me to my weird behavior! people should stop to victimized, we all must made with what we have anyway, not to other to conform with us, just acceptance and if we are not confortable stay away. find peace inside and be a better person for a better world, that is what count really! big hug all
![Diggy Graves - Red Vineyard [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8Ro085T0mnQ/mqdefault.jpg)
"It's very difficult for me to imagine someone pretending to have these issues. They are not fun." - very well said!
I've wondered for years if my anxiety and sensory issues are actually autism. I'm lucky enough to live in a state with low income healthcare available and the way you explained things comforted me and gave me confidence to ask my therapist about it
I hope that journey goes well for you! I received my diagnosis for autism and adhd on state/low-income insurance as well so I just wanted to provide some tips:
It differs by state but what I had to do was call the mental health number on my state insurance card, request referral to a psychologist and/or center that can provide a psychological evaluation, and they gave me a list to call from. Some states you need a referral from doctor and/or therapist. I hope the process is smooth for you and you get the support/answers you are looking for!
New viewer here, late-diagnosed middle-aged AuDHD. Re: adult autism services, while the lack of them certainly makes the effort and expense of diagnosis seem questionable, the more officially diagnosed cases there are, the easier it becomes for governments to justify the expense of supporting adult autism services and programs. It may seem pointless in the short term but slow bureaucracy is still the fastest way to progressive change in the long run.
Yessss! ❤❤❤ Well said!!
I'm really hoping for that too!
I'm a 51 year-old Brazilian woman, a professor, 4 languages, 3 colleges, Master Degree and married. I received my diagnosis last week. Autism level 2 and ADHD. All my life has been a struggle and now I can understand why. 😢
You know, people always sound amazed when they hear I'm going for my PhD, and I realize, I always thought they were just being nice, but for them, it is actually that much harder than what they've done before. For me, yeah, it's harder, but what came before wasn't that much easier. It was just hard in different ways.
Thank you
Hi, I am 48 years old and I got my autism diagnosis about one year ago. I just needed to know for sure, and I wanted my husband to believe me. I was hoping for some accommodations at my job, but got fired instead shortly after telling them I was autistic. I am in autistic burnout since then and not able to work at the moment. But I still think it was worth it, because it explains so much. I am still learning new things about myself every day. So thank you for sharing your story.
You should have sued after getting fired. That was clearly discrimination and often the company will have to pay your lawyers once you win the case. I understand that it takes effort and it's hard to do things when you're burnt out, but I wish I could have sued when I was wrongly fired years ago. No pressure. Just a thought.
@@fanime1 Thank you for this thought. I guess I should have, but I am not sure if I would have had a chance to win this. They didn’t tell me that they fired me because of my autism. The official reason was financial cuts. But I know this is a lie. After I told my boss she was very friendly first and asked me if I needed anything. I told her it would be helpful for me if I could sit at the same desk everytime I was working and she said this was no problem. But a few weeks later suddenly it was a problem and they tried to find a different solution and this didn’t work well for me. And then I got fired.
I am very sorry this happened to you too. 💛
I'm hoping that you at least got a financial settlement 😞 I'm sorry you're going through this
@@myimperfectlife2023 Thank you 💛 Yes, I am financially ok because my husband is working and so we can live from that. It takes the pressure of. 💛
It is definitely worth it. My husband left me because he wasn't interested in "forgiving" me for having ADHD and autism. I've been fired in the past; I found a job that was a good fit but I recently got laid off. For sure, my life is in a terrible set of circumstances right now. BUT! The way I see it, the masking to keep my life the way it was was DESTROYING my mental and, eventually, physical health, so it would've broken dramatically if I'd kept pushing it. My life as I knew it was unsustainable. The ONLY way I'm making it through and up, taking care of my kids and my mom in the midst of all this, is by understanding and loving my real self. The support that I've found by embracing who I really am makes a material difference. My life was never going to stay like it was, but my diagnosis is helping me make sure it has somewhere to go from here.
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As a late diagnosed person at 33. I am so relieved to know it wasn't just me. ❤
I'm a self diagnosed 39 year old that is in tears right now because your story mirrors mine so much. I remember feeling from a young age that I wasn't meant for this world and just couldn't cope with life. People that I've known for many years tell me I'm not autistic even though my own mother still mentions my quirks to this day..like how I was a sickly, difficult child, not wearing pants until I was in 6th grade, complaining about sock bumps, itchy clothing and how I would want my "santa presents" display to stay up for as long as my parents would let me. I was considered gifted and have a photographic memory. I learned to mask early on due to bullying and other trauma so when I started having extreme meltdowns as an early teen I was hospitalized and (mis)diagnosed multiple times. After my daughter was born and I saw similar issues with her, I started to research autism and adhd...and that's when my whole life started to make sense. I hated myself for so long and still do sometimes, because I can't be like everyone else. I can't "just be normal" It's hard but I'm learning to accept that there was never anything "wrong" with me. I get to experience this world in full color and surround sound...in many ways its a gift and I can't imagine life any other way ❤ I appreciate your vulnerability and giving space to others to open up
We are the same!! I literally could have written this myself (except it was my son who was diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers).
You're not alone! ❤
Woah are you me? Exact same experience
❤🩷🥹
Thank you, Serenity, for your bravery. I’m sure it is extremely hard to share these things with strangers. I’m completely in awe of you.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I have recently been forced to face my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I was aware that it was associated with ADHD, and related to past experiences, but being in the position of having it actually disable me, hold me back from something I really want to do, and having other people accuse me of are being overly dramatic, and 'taking it too hard'. Nobody wants to feel like this, no one wants to disempowered by their own nature and hit a brick wall they didn't create. Knowing it is a condition, helps a lot. As a fellow ND Mom and woman, I relate to your struggles of never quite understanding why things were the way they were.
My god this hit hard. I was always the weird kid,the one who hid in the forest for years every recess on the playground because I didn't know how to make friends, the one who rocked and kicked so much at night my siblings couldn't sleep, the one who hit herself for no reason, the one who wrote and lived in fabricated stories. I think im starting to realize. Thank you
Thank you! ❤ I can’t afford and access a diagnosis but I know I am autistic. Thank you for validating us.
So love you mamma Wolf, so much stronger than you believe yourself to be. Fellow late diagnosed female adhd autistic, high masking. What you have done for Toren is so amazing, your patience and ability to help him through his struggles whilst dealing with your own is truly breathtaking. From one Mumma bear to another I'm proud of you and appreciate you, blessed be
Thank you so much. As a self diagnosed person who can’t afford the official diagnosis but really struggles with imposter syndrome, it’s so helpful and validating to see others (especially who have the official diagnosis) speak positively about self diagnosis. I had such a fear when I first realized I was autistic, that it would be the autistic community that questioned and doubted my self diagnosis but I’ve not experienced that at all. However those doubts coming from neurotypical people, especially people who have “known me” a long time, is very real and difficult. I’m just trying to understand myself and find ways to better support myself. I love that you called it the path of “grief relief”. That resonates so much. ❤
I've gotten the "Noooo you're totally normal don't say that" a couple of times from NT friends. In my case it wasn't that they doubted me, it was that they heard "I'm autistic" as a negative thing and rushed to be positive.
Unfortunately that's their own bias and they don't realise that knowing is actually a good and helpful thing. It wasn't that they doubted the existence of autism or accuracy of the diagnosis, it was them hearing a friend say "I learned I have this *problem* " and kneejerk reaction "No you're great, there's nothing wrong, don't be mean to yourself". What I said wasn't *problem* but that's how they heard it and that's what they respond to. Luckily with another few minutes of talking I could remove this bias and explain how helpful knowing is.
These experiences made me think about how for ND folks a diagnosis is a helpful, freeing, sometimes life-affirming thing, and for NT DiAgNoSis means you need help, there's something wrong, you don't function correctly.
What they don't understand is we've known those things (or been told by the world) for most of our lives. A diagnosis for us is a way to access assistance and prove to at least some people that when we say we are struggling it's actually true and no, we can't "Just do the thing."
Immediately undercutting that proof by denying it is hurtful, but in my experience rarely intentionally so. Just another way we have trouble understanding one another but it's certainly possible to overcome. Can't be mad at people for not understanding something they have 0 experience with.
Also another multi-paragraph musing that started as a short comment but thinking through this helped me so it might help other people. Into the ether it goes! 🫶
@@RunningShovelso true. For me it is a relief to know but everyone just keeps saying no way! As if it’s bad or HAHA bc they think im kidding. It is a major relief to understand that I wasn’t wrong. Everyone kept saying I had an attitude. I am trouble. But I don’t want to be. I never wanted to be. They were too dumb to understand what a different brain can function like.
They saw my gifts as a threat but moments where I stood up to the bullies I was considered a threat or a trouble maker, those were my most autistic moments. I would just start counting out loud. My step dad would bring me to my mother, Karen, Your daughter is acting weird again. 💔 then they sent me to a behavior modification school for several reasons but the place ended up being completely abusive. I am in my late thirties and I still am figuring this all out.
I absolutely love the gentleness, kindness and compassion that was exhibited for yourself and others. Thank you for your transparency and love you have for yourself, children and the world!
Serenity -- thank you for bringing to light the perspective of a "late diagnosed" woman who is also the mom of an audhd teenager. My sons are in their mid twenties now -- I'm 45, only diagnosed autistic officially myself last summer. Of course, like you said, the docs didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. I couldn’t have raised my sons without noticing myself in them -- in fact, I knew I was like them when they were initially diagnosed autistic at 4 yrs and 18 months respectively. But it wasn’t until last summer that I had the freedom to be assessed myself. It would have been safer for me, I could have avoided decades of trauma and abuse, if I had been diagnosed as a child. It is a relief to be diagnosed at all now - and I am glad that women are at least being diagnosed late in life instead of not at all. But I really hope we can start carching girls young -- before the decades of trauma and abuse happen. I'm sending lots of love to you today. Thank you for being you.
I admire the way you keep your composure whilst talking.
Thank you for sharing here.... publicly. Do you mean it's hard to share in person "publicly"?
When Toren shared recently about Delayed Response, that was very useful and helpful to me. It's something I've struggled with for my whole life. It was a big aha moment for me. I used to say it was because I'm extra sensitive, but I think it's delayed response, an autism symptom. I have been trying to self diagnose, and this was a big piece for me. Thank you both!!
Thank you so much for sharing. I am a mother of a preschooler with autism… during my research for him, I began to see the similarities and signs for myself. I will not be getting a formal diagnosis, but I’m happy to learn more ways to help understand this journey. I was easily manipulated as a child through adulthood. I’ll be thirty years old in August and I finally feel like I’m starting to understand myself. Thankful to you and Toren for being so amazing and sharing your story with the world! God bless you both.
Very well said, as I am newly self diagnosed as autistic, it sure does make me feel validated for once in my life. I am a mother of two , now a grandmother at the age of 56 finally realizing why I am so different. I have struggled my whole damn life and now I am trying so hard not to mask. Your content sure is helpful. Thank you
Such a beautiful kindhearted soul. ❤
I need to watch this again & again.
Hardcore relate to having imposter syndrome across my life. It’s comforting to know that most medical professionals who know what they’re talking about when it comes to autism will confirm all the suspicions you already collected about yourself.
Your explanation of imposter syndrome brings so much clarity to my life. I do like to paint and was told I was good at it... but I do not call myself a painter nor do I like to show my work. Same with writing and apparently autism.
You are such a lovely person and I thank you for sharing this. I can relate so much. ❤
I would like to say that the voice you have here is soothing and comforting, and I find you very relaxing. ❤
I was recently diagnosed this year after being self-diagnosed for over a year while I sought a clinician. I’m certainly glad I did, though. It’s enabled me to seek and get workplace accommodations I needed for my sensory issues. Plus, it’s really explained so much of my life over the past 53 years, and why I was treated by others the way I was while growing up.
Please keep up the great work! 😃
Diagnosed in my 50s after having been misdiagnosed as Bipolar when I was 19 and a lifetime of trauma as a result of that...Finally knowing why I am the way I am and that I'm not alone in my experience and learning strategies to minimise overwhelm has been the BEST thing to happen to me! I do feel sad that my younger self struggled so hard being teased, bullied, rejected and taken advantage of and do wish our "lost generation" had the kind of awareness we have now but I'm just happy to know now, for the first time in my life, that being myself is OK 😍
YES! it changed my life. I stopped wondering "what is wrong with me" and started wondering "so what can I actually do" - a much more healthy approach.
- Whether there are services, if you are trying to keep a job, telling the people you work for that you just got this official diagnosis, and that it explains why you have been having trouble, and that you will be learning more about how it really effects you - if your bosses are decent, they will listen. If they aren't, you may need a new job. I got my diagnosis before I was able to hold down a job for more than a few months, and the people I work with are very understanding about it.
Thank you much for making this video, there were so many points you made that resonated with my own experiences and brought me to tears. I'm a 45 year old mom of 2 with my eldest having diagnosed Asperger's and like yourself had people saying you must be on the spectrum you're just so alike! I'm currently in trauma therapy and my psychologist told me that i express signs/traits found in Autism ADHD and PTSD .... Total bombshell! So I'm currently on the road to being diagnosed and learning to understand and accept myself. which is where I came across yourself and Toren ❤ I love your content and I'm so grateful for you both, I've even found myself stimming more freely because of you both so thank you again Emma 💋
Great channel, I love the thoughtfulness and loving vibe of it. It's never too late to grow and learn. I've had similar experience with other mental health diagnosis, for me was essential to accept it after years of repressing my emotions. It is definitely an emotional rollercoaster, but today I can say I know myself better than I ever have, and because of that I compare myself a lot less to others and am happier with myself, more free of what others think. And I've found that, not only the people in my life respect me more too, but I naturally gravitate towards people who accept me as I am, instead of trying to please others
This is my new favorite channel about the autism journey. My son is 14, and I see so many parallels in our family’s experience with yours! Thank you so much Toren. And thank you for being such a support for your mom in her journey as well. My son is also a huge support for me as I start to understand myself at age 45. And omg… tell your mom what an amazing songwriter she is!!
Toren and Serenity! I didn't realise you had a RUclips channel too. And yes. Yes, you should (if it's financially feasible and practical), IMO, especially if you're struggling with everyday living. The validation of knowing that I'm not broken or just failing at life is so powerful, plus it opens you up to getting help, accommodations and/or meds that might help your life become easier. But if self-diagnosis is all you have, then no skin off my nose, either. I was self-diagnosed for sixteen years before I finally was officially diagnosed at forty-two. But being able to understand my wiring and how I think, and how that differs from allistic people has been the biggest part for me. It doesn't fix things, of course, but at least I understand a little more now why I have the issues that I do.
Dear Serenity you are a hero for bringing this to the world. I recognize so much in your words. Especially the imposter syndrom and the beating yourself up for all these hard years. And still it is hard to be gentle to myself. All the love from a 52 yo that got diagnosed at 50
OMG. That really spoke to me. I wanna cry.
Hi Serenity,
You have a beautiful, soft way of speaking and a way with words. This was so concise, compassionate and comforting - thanks!
Just discovered your channel and only a couple of videos in but really appreciating the education you are both offering. Just beginning the journey, and learning a lot. Thank you!
I'm 46 and was just diagnosed a couple years ago. I suspect autism too, but I don't think I'll ever get tested for that. It was enough for me to know it's definitely ADHD. I have zero doubt that I have anxiety too. I wanted to know for myself, so I could better navigate life and be more sure of who I am. I could write a novel on the many things and feelings that led me to finally seek out a diagnosis. My doctor helped me through it and put a piece of paper in my file, but we both agreed to not make it "official" for a variety of reasons. I'm not on meds, but I have a great husband and many coping mechanisms to get me through each day. I enjoy this channel and always look forward to new videos. It's a great place to be. :)
Thank you for being helping in the advancement of understanding. Looking at the difficulties of raising my children and having constant panic attacks about what if I did something wrong. Worried excessively how people were going to view my parenting and teaching skills. Getting frustrated constantly about my speech, since forever always mixed up names, sentences, not finishing sentences or thoughts, forgetting so much, constantly corrected. Among many traumatic events. After reading much about ADhD, autism, and OCD, I am coming to realize these three things, in all members of my family. One child with I thinkvjust ADhD, another with ADhD with OCD, Another with ADhD and possibly autism, and last but not least my husband very much OCD. We are all beginning to recognize it after years sadly of me not trying to understand what or how my children were feeling because I was stuck in my own world. When I started investigating it, some people were like it's about time you realized it. During my boys young growing up days many told me or assumed my boys were autistic. I could not accept this,at the time because of my true lack of understanding. And the people who brought it to my attention had education in these areas. But I thought wel autism shows like this, as does ADhD. So sad I did not recognize it to get help much sooner for my self, and definitely for my boys. My pediatrician was a great guy but was not greatly educated in this area. My kids just had there quarks and were shy. I have the resources to be tested or my boys tested, but do not want meds, tools, exercize, nutrition. But I have one son who has many allergies not to mention many food aversion and the other doesn't think to eat. Ages now by the way are 18 and 23. I'm grateful I homeschooled both of them. But I think theycprobaly would have done fine 11th and twelfth. Grade. But they were always all over the place like there mother, got overestimated easily, could not stay focused except on there likes, which was often obsessive in that fact that's all they talked about. Had a hard time making friends. My youngest is doing well making friends often with others similar to him. He has a hard time understanding his own emotion as well as others. Sorry so long, I often go on and on. What I wanted tocsay is just knowing thatcI have these symptoms are actually normal for me and others similar to me, had made me feel much better. Have regrets about past but can't change that can only go forward and the thing that haunts me the most are those who may treat me differently. I've always managed I have it together which is far from the past. So do I or one of the boys get tested. That is the question. If they need help through talking about what the past and feel more comfortable working with someone else, if insurance will cover it, yes, whoever wants help with a certified psychologist in this area will do, If we can just have a large chest of tools to use and we each pick and choose what to use to help us and we help each other. Most definitely open to that. Anyways thanks for reading and understand. You and your son are doing a great thing. Many blessings to your family.
I’m 39. In my early 20s, a therapist made a passing comment that I might have ADHD and it’s lived in my brain ever since. Over the last few years with the rise of social media and other ND folks being so open about their experiences I’ve become pretty sure I definitely do have ADHD. I have brought it up with my doctor and we are taking (baby) steps to address it. Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you to Toren for sharing his. You’re both such beautiful humans and I feel so validated watching you both.
I’m 44 and felt this to my soul. Thank you. I’m glad I found your channel.
I didn't. I don't think there was such a thing while I was growing up. My dad said I was an odd child. As an adult I figured out things on my own. My one and only child was diagnosed with ASD due to school issues. I found him to be a very unique and interesting child. He is a lovely adult now.
I appreciate you sharing this so much. I am 53 and was diagnosed just over a year ago. I relate to a lot of things you talked about here.
Thank you for sharing this.
I realised in January that I might be autistic, it's a rollercoaster of joy for understanding my life but also grief at all the miscommunication, the isolation I felt all my life because I had no idea others function differently, and the intense feeling that things won't get easier.
I already went through 2 burnouts, I struggled with depression and low self esteem my entire life, anxiety since I'm an adult, I felt like an alien abandonned on this planet my whole childhood, ...
Right now, I'm trying to learn yet a new job (carpentry... I was an occupational therapist for 4 years, burnout, I moved to Germany, learned German and started working on fantasy festivals for 6,5 years, second burnout, since 2020 I try to get back on track.)
I'm 39, nowhere in life, and I feel like I'm every day one step closer from complete exhaustion.
I don't do anything social after work or during the weekends because I need this time to recover somehow so I can face the next week of work.
Due to my mental health, I have support twice a week, for administrative things and keeping my apartment somehow more or less in order.
I'm looking into a diagnostic because as things are, I'm not sure I can work full time again without spiralling down. And it's possible that this diagnostic might lead to an invalidity grade, so I could get support to work only part time but still have enough to eat, pay the rent, ... and have maybe a chance to actually live outside of work.
Also because as long as I don't have a diagnosis, I'll say "I might be autistic " no matter how much I look into it and it fits.
I was lucky to have a therapist who believed in me. Wonderful video!
I think everyone that thinks they’re autistic should pursuit a diagnosis. One of my biggest reasons for myself being persistent on getting diagnosed was because my at the time psychiatrist kept on insisting I’m bipolar and schizophrenia and putting me on abilify which caused me to have seizures. Turns out I’m just autistic and adhd lol but good news is I have a new psychiatrist that actually helped push me to get my autism diagnosis
The photo of Mama Wolf as a little kid in the laundry basket looking so sad, lost and forlorn made me feel profoundly sad. My heart goes out, zooming back in time, to little Mama Wolf and I whisper to her "It's going to be okay one day! You will have a family and love and answers and support. You will make it! You are safe." That's what I would say.
At this point, my whole life has been work ... I'm not sure if I could handle a late diagnosis only to wonder what my life would have been like had I been diagnosed young.
I'm 48 and have been self diagnosed adhd for a few years. I've been masking my entire life. I recently started therapy and have been thinking about getting a professional diagnosis. I paint chainsaw carvings, and although my boss calls me his painter, i won't call myself that.. even tho i know I'm pretty good and get tons of compliments. It was wild that was your first example of imposter syndrome. I've watched several of Toren's shorts and was just truly drawn in by yalls light and kind energy. And my mother loved wolfs so i feel it's meant to be. I'm subscribing to the pack now. ♡✨️
I have recently been diagnosed with both. Has been extremely enlightening but honestly, also messed me up. I havent really told anyone including family, because i dont think it will be helpful to me and they will not know what it even means. Im still learning about it myself.
Remember that you are YOU, and you have not changed. There is a stigma. I have ADHD, but waiting for assessments for that and ASD. I just wanted to talk to my sister, and she started researching. All 4 of us kids maybe on the spectrum. I am 52 and my eldest sibling is 66. I am doing this for me, to make my life better, and it will likely help them as well.
You have not changed. Self-awareness will go a long way!
Do you remember the TV show, “Parenthood”? When Ray Romano’s character started to wonder if he might has Aspergers, I was feeling the same thing. Like his character in the show, I have been very into photography for my entire life, but just as a hobby. The show ended in 2015 and I stopped thinking about it at that time.
In 2018, I was laid off and found a new job about 3 months later. I remember watching some shows during the lay over, which had me thinking about it again. When the pandemic hit, I had a LOT if time alone at home and watched even more shows. Then in December of 2020, I saw quite a few shows with people on the spectrum in many different capacities. I was identifying with may of the experiences, and spend the next year learning more and more.
There were some incidents with work where certain people were trying to bully me, and this was the first time in 58 years that I tried to be proactive and fight back. I let HR know what was going on, something I would have never done previously, and also let HR know that I think I might be on the spectrum. I don’t want to go into any details, but things changed at work, and got much better. A year later, things got worse, but that’s a different story.
In December 2022, I watched a LOT of shows that had people on the spectrum in them, real and acting, which just happened. It seems that a lot of shows were just released at the time, plus Mark Rober had the “Color The Spectrum” fundraiser around that time. Over Christmas, I read a TON of information for like 2 straight weeks. I heard that there were some tests that could be taken to indicate whether or not you might be on the spectrum, so I tried to find them.
In early January 2023, I found the test that everyone was saying is a good test to begin with, especially for adults. It was a 50 point test, where a score of 32 or higher meant that you are on the spectrum. 26-31 meant that there was an 86% chance that you are on the spectrum, and below 25 pretty much meant that you aren’t on the spectrum. I took the test, carefully thinking out my answer for each question, as I was extremely nervous. I was nervous because if the test indicated that I’m not on the spectrum, then I’m back at step 1, and have no idea why my life has been as it has been.
I completed the test, and pressed the button to see my score. 33. I think I cried for like 10 straight minutes. At that moment I realized that even though I had been masking for 58 years, and had been having trouble maintaining that masking at the same level over recent years, I had been doing the best that I could. I am direct, and always have been, as it was something that all of my teachers from elementary through high school, instilled in me. This is also when Critical Thinking was the norm, though I don’t remember any teacher using the term.
Anywho, long winded story leading to, “Do I want to get a clinical diagnosis?” The answer is yes! However, as you’ve stated it is complicated. It will most likely cost me a minimum of $6,000 for the assessment, and several months to a year to complete. I’ve left out a lot of things over the years, but you can’t really write a novel in a comment.
Have a freakin’ AWESOME week!
Law enforcement is very ignorant in these areas. I was asked by a sheriff if my 14 year old son was an idiot, when I was trying to explain that he had learning disabilities!
I don't know if it is law enforcement or just some people are simply ignorant and refuse to be educated.
@ndb_1982 both! And if you can't see the disabilities they don't exist. Also, it's a common assumption that one out grows these things. I'm not bitter, just so tired of stupid.
Thank you for making this video. I have been struggling with the decision of being diagnosed. It would take a year or two due to me being on government insurance.
Everything points to me having it. And when I broached the subject with my mom she thought back to my childhood and it explained so much. Tip toes, picking my lips and skin, biting my nails till they bleed. Not wanting anyone to touch me. Definitely no hugs, it hurt my mom's feelings a bit (understandably so). I'm a picky picky eater, like about how I have to eat. I was reading too much too fast once I learned. Aversion to the heat, cannot get into a hot car. All my sound and tactile aversion.
Since it would take so long I think I will start the process of finding out. That way I can take my time with getting used to things.
Thank you, valuable information. I do need a formal diagnosis as my entire life has been masking and filled with doubt.
I do have the ADHD diagnosis but need further investigation I was told as in Canada. Our medical system is in chaos and has been for too long. At almost 64 this is to help not just myself but for all those who’ve been ignored
Serenity and Toren, thank you for everything you are sharing. You are giving me hope ♥️
I’ve really enjoyed the videos you and Toren have created. I was diagnosed at 46, and my experience has been very similar to yours.
Many years ago i was blessed to get the "official" diagnosis. But honestly, it didn't change my life because you can't explain your behavior to everyone and if you had the luxury to explain, honestly in my humble opinion, the majority would just blow you off. I'm a single mom with 2 adult children on the spectrum and we're each other's support system and honestly we get on each other's nerves at times too😂
This was so very helpful! I have experienced very similar issues in my 41 years. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your videos. You and your son are a pleasure to listen to.
Hmmm I have been thinking about this so I’m glad your video popped up for me. I think I know the answer myself, but knowing for sure would help. I might get this figured out formally one day.
I wish everyone good luck with their journey because I know it can come with a lot of difficulties. But I do think it is ultimately a positive thing…. Knowing yourself can be very valuable to see it that way.
Thank you so much for sharing. I love hearing from you and Torren. He is an amazing young man and you are a great mom!!❤❤
Mental health is rare and precious.
❤ Great Video! Thank you! I am 43 and waiting on my diagnosis. 😊
I got a diagnosis of ADHD at 24. I am so glad I have medication that helps my brain function better.
So grateful for you and Toren ❤️❤️❤️
I appreciate everything u just said. Thank u.
Serenity, I appreciate you so much! Your voice has such a powerful presence.
Thank you for the honest info.
I was Diagnosed with Autism last week, the psychologist also recommended i get assessed for dyspraxia. I always knew that i was different but being officially diagnosed with Autism still feels surreal, it has not registered fully with me yet. I have only told a few people and other than my partner who supported me through the whole thing everyone else has been somewhat ignorant or at least dismissive which does not help as i process all of this. Your videos are very helpful
Thank you so much for sharing, it has been unbelievably helpful! ❤
Serenity, your and Toren's content has been so, so valuabe to me and my family. I have a 7-year-old girl who was diagnosed with level 2 autism at age 3. I learned about PDA from your channel and it's been so helpful. And I'm positive that I'm neurodivergent in some way. But I wonder if getting a diagnosis is worth it.
My child's diagnostic therapist has urged me to seek a diagnosis for myself, but only works with children.
After, this I sought an adult diagnostic therapist, there aren't any within hours and that's not happening with 5 kids and a MIL who has Parkinsons.
The one service I would be seeking is available with diagnosis. Basically, during my child's IEP, an advocate would tell the large group of people overwhelming me to slow down. That's what I want most, to not feel like I have to battle through a school meeting.
I haven’t been professionally diagnosed because my mother refused to take me anywhere when I was younger.
I had the very same symptoms as selective mutism. I’m better now, but still have some trouble making eye contact, talking to people, and just being around others.
I was mostly non-verbal at school when I was younger, and got bullied, by three different female teachers as well. The bible teacher was very bad to me.
She took me into a room and said I had the devil in me. I only told the girls that I wasn’t saved and it got around to her. I never disrupted the class or anything and always did my work (made very good grades as well.)
Both of my children and both of my grandchildren are autistic. I have failed so many times because I always stress when things go well. I struggled in school. I now work for a sensory special education school and so many things make sense as I work around an environment that specializes with these needs.
Serenity! You have such a wonderful speaking voice! It seems that you should be a book narrator for Audiobooks! So much love to you!
Thank you for this video! ❤️🙏❤️
I do want to be able to accept myself 😭❤🙏
I love these old pictures of you!
I'm 23 years old and I've wondered if I'm neurodivergent since I was about 18 because I had to do some research on autism for a college work and found quite a few relatable aspects. I've been considering getting a diagnosis for a couple of years now. What you said about getting a diagnosis to get the reassurance that the way you are has a reason... is also why I would want to do it. I've felt my whole life that I don't belong, that I'm sort of out of place and neurodivergent people resonate with me a lot, but I'm still a little afraid that the diagnosis is negative and it turns out that... I'm neurotypical, just "weird". I'm also kind of embarrassed to say to a professional therapist "I did a bit of research and I might have suspicions"... I'm still trying to save up some money to get the diagnosis, but at the same time I'm trying to delay it as much as possible... Guess I'll see what happens. Your videos have been quite comforting! I'm really glad I found them
Thank you so much for sharing.. I’m 38 & only learned that this may be a possible explanation for me a few months ago. I wish I could get a professional diagnosis just to have confirmation but I feel like certain judge-mental people in my life still wouldn’t accept it. I get made out to be a horrible mother by my ex’s family for things that I don’t do intentionally or because I don’t think like they do.
My ex's family is the same exact way
Got pretty much every one of these! No problem, it's how I've always been, I accept my -isms and hypersensitivities and am okay with them, have learned from them, have found ways to adapt and make it work. Plus, these traits have their gifted aspects. The PTSD may be more of the issue here given it seems pretty much everyone these days will find themselves somewhere on the scale. No matter a diagnosis, if life isn't working for you, please get competent help and support.
PS. I'm 60.
I cant even imagine the money and expenses it could take to get professionally diagnosed in USA or other places where paying for even basic health care is normal... now I live in Denmark where most healthcare is free including the mental stuff so I got my diagnosis for free. free healthcare isn't always great though but in this case I think it helps a lot for people like you and me who are scared of self diagnosing in case that we are "too over dramatic" or "faking it" or "being stupidly sensitive" as many people say if we do.. or even if we do have a diagnosis officially- I am grateful I was able to call my doctor when 18 and living alone as a broke student and still be able to get answers and my diagnosis without worry about finances.
turns out, I just have complex-ptsd, despite having so many traits of adhd and autism. with bonus traits of borderline personality and obsessive compulsive. all caused by abuse and neglect. pretty incredible because i'm quite the chameleon for adhd and autism. stimulants even make me calm. it has been a very lonely empty life.
Awesome video! I feel like a lot of people when making this type of video can unintentionally bring their own personal biases into the discussion and try to coax people into making the same decision about their diagnosis as they did, but you were very clearly neutral while also explaining how it was beneficial for you.
I personally discovered I was autistic 3 years ago and intend to remain undiagnosed until we see greater social justice for autistic people. I am confident I am autistic without a diagnosis. Services for autistic adults do not exist in my area. As a traumatized individual who came from an unsafe home, I do worry about being discriminated against by doctors or government officials and being told I cannot make decisions for myself and that I require a caretaker. I also want to explore the world one day and I know that having an autism diagnosis on my medical records would make accessing a visa much more difficult. For me, diagnosis is just too dangerous and expensive with mininal benefit at the moment. But I am glad you got the answers you needed to hear and I wish the same for anyone else pursuing diagnosis. ❤
I was diagnosed with severe adhd at 37. A new therapist actually told me.
One thing to be careful of is state laws. Freind of mine is a psych and will do remote counseling sessions. One client sought diagnosis and lost their legal ability to drive.
Until the medical community &society catch up it’s probably safer to stay quiet.
I plan to get reevaluated for ADHD since they have more information. I was diagnosed with it and still believe to have it, but it’s always nice to check. I also think I have autism and the reason I want to get evaluated is because I feel the same as Toren’s mom. I feel like an imposter.
Thanks you❤❤❤
You're helping me💛🌼
Resonant. Thank you.
If you are wanting to seek out a diagnosis and don’t have the funds or connections, and you believe your undiagnosed “disability” is impacting your ability to find, maintain, or advance in employment- the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation (every single U.S. state has an office) can provide and fully cover the costs of assessments. I highly recommend people utilize these services if they’re in the U.S. and can accessed starting at the age of 14 all the way up to retirement age.
My youngest is AuDHD, in fact all of my children are though my youngest has the highest support needs. I had always believed I was ADD since I was in high school (terms and understanding were different and limited back then), but no one ever attempted to get me any help. I was just "lazy", and a "day dreamer" and I just didn't "apply myself" because I did so well in some subjects yet struggled in others. And I never did homework. 😂 But then I moved out and got married and started my own family so my own needs were never really a concern, until I just felt like I was completely loosing it. I got put on ADHD meds but too many things didn't "go away", in fact they came out to the surface even more now that I was able to concentrate and focus better. I did a lot of research, and self reflection, and when I went to my doctor and said that I think that I might be autistic as well he told me he had known for years. 😂 Aparantly I was better at masking it from myself than him (he had a sibling on the spectrum). I have gone on to realize so many things I always assumed as normal were in fact NOT! I have hEDS, I have aphantasia, and I am discovering I may very well have ARFID, which would explain why I have always been the pickiest eater I have ever known. 😂 So much about me I am only learning as an adult that would have made my childhood so much easier had anyone taken the time to even attempt to look at the blatantly obvious signs. All we can do is share what we do know so that the new generations can have a better experience than we did because they deserve it!!!!!
Yup, imposter syndrome is why self-diagnosis wasn't enough, I had to get diagnosed. I am 49, I am going in this week for the results. Part of me wonders if it wlll be enough, if my brain will still consider me an imposter?
When I started self-diagnosing, I told my parents.Mostly because since I was a kid I was told I was odd or quirky. So once I felt like I figured it out and my parents would get that light bulb moment, instead I was told "no, you were always odd but you are not autistic." I told them how it all made sense since all my kids are on the spectrum, like "Duh, this is why!" But nope, they wouldn't accept this as an answer. I no longer talk to them about it,
I have been hospitalized repeatedly into a mental health (lockdown) facility, so YES BE CAUTIOUS
I did last year and it explains a lot.
I have recently hit a situation where a formal diagnosis would have been handy: I am a witness in a murder trial, and have to give evidence in court. With a diagnosis I could automatically have been allowed to give evidence over video, but since I don't have one I may have to be there in person. However, I don't think it makes sense to put myself through what it takes to get diagnosed just in case something like this happens again, so I'm still sticking with self-diagnosis.
Thank you for your fascinating contribution!
I was just diagnosed as autistic and bipolar this year as an adult. I'm still not sure what to do with this new knowledge. I suspected but it was the diagnosis of all three of my children as autistic and my husband who pursued his diagnosis of autism and convinced me to do it. I've masked for so long I'm not sure how to move forward.
I will probably never be able to get diagnosed. I have I am a mom of three kids and I'm stuck with a part-time job and I know there's something exactly like this happening to me
Thank you for sharing this. I know I'm not the only person coming away from watching this who feels this.
I'm heading into a forest assessment because my life is weird. But that's okay We know where the assessments fall.
What a lovely video. You explain everything in such a calm, kind manner.
I have struggled with imposter syndrome my whole life.
May I ask you a question?
You mentioned trauma in your life. I have that as well, big time.
I've spent COUNTLESS hours researching, trying to figure out if I have ASD, or if I'm just a highly sensitive person w trauma. WHICH CAME FIRST??
Do you personally think you experienced trauma due to having ASD?
Or was your trauma amplified because you have ASD?
Thanks in advance!
I welcome answers from anyone!! ❤
You are very strong! It's admirable
Mrs. Wolf, I have a question
How did you learn to sing? I love your voice
if depend on what priority is choose. i am poor and i paid for the diagnostic, i found that i was gifted, at first i tought i was autism because many caracteristics was similar,and adhd is often associated like with austism (i think autism and gifted was the same in fact but autism was better seeing in this society). so i paid because i want to know, its releiving to have answers. when i talk to people i don t said i am gifted, its like autism so excuse me to my weird behavior! people should stop to victimized, we all must made with what we have anyway, not to other to conform with us, just acceptance and if we are not confortable stay away. find peace inside and be a better person for a better world, that is what count really! big hug all
Yes I think that makes sense