I Lost A Parent As A 20 Year Old | Confession Room - Episode 1
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- Опубликовано: 23 май 2022
- "I will always have the regret that he wasn't able to become a grandfather, he wasn't able to physically see any of us get married, he won't be able to be at my wedding..."
Confession Room is a new segment where we get people who have struggles to seek comfort, get advice and find solace in sharing; from a stranger that has gone through a similar struggle in life.
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Featuring:
Alison Tan - / alisonaliceally
Estee Woo - / esteewoo
Produced by:
James Rainier - / justispao
Alison Tan
Filmed by:
James Rainier
Charmaine Sew - / charmainesew
Gladys Phua - / lilglowglad
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Thank you everyone for listening to our stories and sharing your personal stories and experiences. I’m incredibly touched and comforted and as what estee said, it really means a lot to us. Grief is just love with no where to go and they will live on in our memories🤍 take care everyone.
Thanks for sharing Ally. Great to see you again
@@wongxinhao1996 😢
Thank you everyone for all the extremely kind, comforting words & for sharing your stories as well. You have no idea how much it means to us. Step by step we will all get there, big hugs 🤍
Stay strong Estee and Ally! Big hugs. You're really not alone in this.The moment I saw the title of the video, it kind of struck me again.
Lost my mom to metastatic breast cancer 2 years ago as well and, it's only right to say that we actually never gotten over it but we've learnt to deal with the grief since life has to go on. Regrets....not really regrets per se but we've always talked about her picking out my engagement ring and wedding bands with me, moving into my future place with me but unfortunately before we could do that, she left. Without her, I would never been able to have my own house as the money she left for me, I used it to do up my house renovation for her to have a part of it. I've always wondered how would things be like if she was still around. But I guess, that's just life. What made me felt better was that she was no longer in pain and suffering.
She's definitely an inspiration to me, to be as strong as her, raising 3 kids all by herself and still see life in a positive way.
Thanks for being so open to share your stories!! I can relate too since I lost a parent when I was really young, people should make efforts to be more encouraging and understand that everyone griefs differently. While this is mostly a taboo topic, seeking help when needed and acknowledging your feelings are steps in the right direction
❤️
This is a great idea, because things like this sometimes need to be talked about. We lost my sister in 2015 to cardiac arrest, I found her and tried to recover her with CPR, calling the paramedics, hearing my mum screaming, it was all so much. I was only 21 at the time. I blamed myself for her death for years and got flashbacks nearly every night until last year. She was only 29. Now, I’m going to start training to be a nurse in September, because of that day and the paramedic saying I should join the NHS here in England, it’s stuck with me
It's definitely annoying when someone tells you to "stay strong", "it will be over soon", "you're going to find happiness". I know your intention mean well but I don't need any of those words from you. I just want someone to be there when I need it.
agree, stay strong has got to be one of the most annoying things people say, largely intended cos they don't want to deal with you potentially being emotional
totally agree... plus they also say "everything is gonna be ok", "you have get over this", "God is greiving with you", "God is with you". I hate it. They don't know what the feeling of losing someone that close unless it really happened. It also depends on how close the person is to you. There are so much factors that they don't know. I know the good intention but it just irritating... I am also dealing with grief right now...
I completely agree that words like "stay strong", "it will get better" are really not words that the grieving person needs to hear at that point of time. I lost my mum to cancer 7 years ago when I was 18 and my relatives were like "stay strong for your family" because i am the eldest daughter and in my head i was just thinking "then who is going to stay strong for me?". I would have preferred if they gave me space to not be strong and allow me to just be a grieving child who just lost her loved one.
That being said, thank you for this video talking about such a heavy topic. And to anyone out there in a similar situation, go ahead and grieve and mourn in your own way and take as long as you need to recover from it.
Having watched TSL videos for some time, I always felt Estee is very matured for her age. Glad to see that she is doing well and hope her positive attitude carries her to even greater heights. To all who are grieving or going through a rough patch, take as much time as you need. Just know that the darkest nights will eventually pass and the sun will rise again.
I’ve lost my dad when I was 25. Now I am 32. Though it hurts less as time past, as new memories are made without him, when I reach new milestones in life, ie getting married, doing well at my job, or having a kid, I never fail to wish he was around to see it. Hoping he is smiling from Heaven.
As a person who lost his parent at my mid twenties, it was tough as well. Going through uni and grieve really took a toll on my grades and people be like thats not an excuse. The world continues to revolve with or without you.
When Allison said about the paying back period and wanting to show them who or what you are, I really lost it. I felt like I could not show my dad that side of me and I wished I could have been a better so that he was proud of.
You can never get used to losing a loved one 1time or 10 times. The grief is hard to get over 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or 10 years. Or many more years. People who never go through will never understand. I first experienced the loss of a loved one when I was 5 years old and every few years someone will pass away. I can never get used to the feeling of loss, grief, pain and the longing for the passing of your loved one. Your feelings will become stronger as you grow older.
alison is back ! i’m so happy 😁
Honestly by watching this video it really made me feel assured that I'm not the only one who's going through this alone. I used to think that even after almost a year of losing someone, it's not normal that you still cry whenever you talk about them. But now I know that it's totally normal for the pain to go on for years because that just signifies how much importance of the person is to our life. So for the people who's going through the same thing as well, please don't feel pressured, griefing is totally normal. Hugs
Thank you Estee for being so brave!!
Definitely not chopping onions on this episode. Thank you both for being real and raw on the struggles they are going through.
Hugs to Estee and Alison. I've lost my dad 11 years ago and thought that I grew out of the grief but like on his death anniversaries, I still feel emotional. Listening to this sharing makes my eyes well up once again by remembering the moment he left the world.
I love how to smartlocal dives deeper into the connections of people in singapore
My grandmother also passed away because of a heart failure when my mom was 20. Until this day my mom is still very emotional in special occasions. Thank you for sharing your personal stories and feelings online.
Grief has no timeline, take your time to grief. No one can dictate your feelings. Take your own time to heal but remember to love yourself. ❤️
Once i read a story (cant remember the details nor was it from Chicken Soup or Cup of Comfort?) about an orphan growing up alone. Life was hard but later on she met this guy. They are so happy together and soon after the guy wanna meet her folks. She smiled but she doesnt wanna bring him home. She was afraid that things may change after him learning the truth.
Until one day she mustered her courage and brought him to her empty home.
There was this moment of silence. And she was prepared to leave him that day. She felt inferior and incomplete and thought that he deserve someone better.
But amidst all these chaotic thoughts, he went down on one knee.
"Will you... marry me? I'll be your father, your mother, your brother and your sister from now on. I'll be your family. Your everything."
There was no ring or whatsoever. But those eyes dont lie. You can hear the tears falling.
It didnt take away her grief. But there was a layer of love now, protecting that grief. And that was enough.
Enough for her to feel complete.
this was such a good episode! thank you estee and alison for sharing
love this video so much !! it’s great to see people sharing similar experiences with each other and being able to relate to it and i appreciate tsl for these kind of vids
My dad passed away 2 months ago and everything Estee mentioned was everything I’ve been thinking and going through the past two months :(
I lost my brother to stage 4 cancer five years ago. And i agree... "stay strong" was the worst advice; I was being the strongest I could. And it's okay to be weak sometimes. Take care!
Lost my dad in 2019 and I am almost 55yo. I can talk about it and visit the cementary no problem. But anything from a video I am watching, to a song (especially taps) and I lose it. It is definitely something that stays with you and gets easier in some ways but harder in others.
I could relate to everything Estee and Alison shared. I lost my mother to stage 4 cancer 3 years ago 3 weeks before Mother’s Day when I was 26 yo. Thank you for being open about this, I feel very comforted by you girls 💜
I just lost my sister in law after 2 years battling with hiv this month, and she has a 9 yo child. I understand how you feel, there's no need to be strong when you still need to cry and pour out your grieves. I still cry sometimes and it just feels different now, especially I would visit her every 2 days and attend to her medical needs often. Hopefully, time will heal everyone.
Hugs to Estee and Alison ♥thank you so much for sharing your stories, this was such a good episode. Kudos to smartlocals for delving deeper into the connections of people, honestly the best channel I chanced upon on youtube and you guys deserve more subs!
Thank you for your honesty and sharing ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for creating this video, letting people like me know that we're not going through our losses alone.
What a wonderful, heartwarming, and humanising series.
Kudos to all the brave and strong participants and the team.
Thank u to 2 of them for mentioning about not invalidating your own grief n that we are allowed to grieve as long as we need coz that is so true n ppl need to acknowledge that
Losing a loved one is ALWAYS hard, regardless of age. I lost my dad to cancer when I was 16. We should ALWAYS remind ourselves to cherish what we have now and be kind to everyone.
Thank you for sharing your stories and your vulnerable sides. I also shared similar experiences... I lost my dad and my grandmother when I was 18 and during my internship. Their passings were just too sudden.. It was tough honestly breaking down was so common and not wanting to show people' my vulnerable side was just tiring and upsetting, but I am grateful for my friends and even own families for being there for me and how i managed to come so far. Besides, I can agree with your words like "Stay strong" and how they will not understand because they weren't in our shoes but honestly we might not even know whether they have been through it personally and all but I am forever thankful for them for giving me enough time and space to be alone when I need it and being there for me when I needed someone. But nontheless, I am proud of you guys and to the rest who shared similar experiences, you guys did great! I am sure they are up there celebrating your happiness and success from far
It is a good platform especially when dealing with struggles, emotions that we can have someone that is there to be the listening ear.
im about 20yr older and losing my mum was as painful as it was described in the video, i think about the things i can never do with her anymore and how i wasnt able to help her out of certain situations since i was young.. it is not easy to lose a parent at any age… my warmest hugs for you ladies
My sister and i lost my dad when we’re 7-8 years old. Back then it was definitely hard because being so young we didn’t fully grasp what was happening. We did not have anyone there to talk to us and prep us about grieving. As we aged now to our early 20s, definitely the pain is still there. Memories are still fresh. And i agree w them, its not about staying strong, its about being there when they need you on special occasions, death anniversary and even birthday mth. 15 yrs of grieve and it’s not easy to find someone to actually talk to abt yr memories w them. So perhaps a little advice, maybe if we come across someone who rlly misses their loved ones, get them to share a memory. I think it helps to lighten the mood by sharing. Im thankful to have my sister to share w as she’s the only one that understands the pain. So rlly, thank you Alison and Estee for being so brave to share yr story. (P.s. haha my sis is also called Estee haha )
another nice series by alison nicee
aww this rlly made me cry
I recently lost my grandmother in April and I agree the whole "stay strong" thing is the worst espically if you are a guy. I just lost the person who essentially took care of me from birth till now and just because I am male it mean I must be the strong pillar for the rest of my family. Don't I get to grief ? Don't i get to cry ?
The worst is those that pass remark that look at this grandson, not crying for his recently deceased grandmother. You cannot be given a break at all. When you go back to work you are automatically expected to be a robot and show no emotions at all. There isn't a deadline for grieving but you are expected to still function as per normal
Even when facing death at 30 is not easy, everyday will think of love ones , and for sudden death is more difficult because one min this person is alive and the next is no, how people wish to have just one more talk with the person and at time u dream about this person is Alive, one will never get over it but to get used to it, even how many years on I still can’t get over it
👍👍I never had the chance to feel grieve of losing a parent because I never had the chance to as I was really young, but I am grateful also my current family takes care of me as their own although I haven't amount to much compared to people at my age
My GF [now wife] lost her father while we were on vacation. He never got to see us get engaged nor married. Even after 4 years, the emotions are like a roller coaster, up and down, up and down.
I am still grieving the lost of my late mum and i am guess it is still painful….
I lost my brother when I was 20 years old. He was only 14 years old. I miss him, now im 23 years old however still can’t stop thinking of the moment on the day he passed away. When close one is gone.. what you think of are are the good times and good side. It so sad….🥹
I hope this is of any comfort for you two from a parent’s perspective. I am a father of a 5 months old girl. Another love of my life. However, I am in my 40s and by the time she reaches her 20s, I would be at an old age of 60s. I am so afraid to leave her behind, not being able to be her shield, support or guide as she transits into adulthood to face her challenges or experience her happiness. But I’ll be really upset if when I am gone, she doesn’t live her life to the fullest just like I did in my youth. All I would ever want for my girl is for her to be happy. If your loved ones love you as much as I love my girl. They would want the same for you too. Live your life right, the way they would be proud of you.
Omg Allison 🤩 and this is actually damn sad
Almost the same incident happened to me ard 4 years back. I can definitely relate to her very much
This reminds me of my moms mom aka grandma or grandmother.she died of stage 3 cancer. And I’m actually 9 at the moment so i have spent as many moments as I can with her.this might not be major but it’s my first time someone died close to me.
She actually had cancer a few times but was treated with chemotherapy.she died In April 2022.And when ever I hear her funeral song I get sad bc have only spent 9 years with her.and when ever I see or go somewhere where we always go together with our family I get sad and look back in time of what we did there.The sad thing is if I get married I won’t get to see my
Grandparents or even my aunts and uncles bc most of my mom’s side is older than me and my dads side every one is older than me.
I just wanted to share this story with every one thanks for reading this😁
I have lost my parent .... It's tough at times try not to think of .... Be bless !
Alison!
so sad 😭
the video really appealed to me, do you have other social media channels?
❤
Life is about loosing, you start with loosing your childhood, then your working life then your retirement years. proceeding to loose your health, your close friends then eventually your life.
No matter how old you are now 16,21,45,56 and even 80...Just know all of us will eventually come to the same point. Know you are loved and know you have deserved everything you have and your life.
在这个生活里， 我们总是会失去我们所永有的。K爱是， 我们会失去我们的童年，在过一阵子开始失去我们的工作生活。多了几年就是去我们的退休往年。身火的做黑一部分就开始失去我们的键康，失去我们的亲戚朋友。中是来到了你是去你的命。
不管你现在正是社么年龄16，21，45，56 或80 岁。记得我们以正群正在这个地球的人都会来到同样的深或目标。永远不要忘记我们这群人都会爱你，珍惜你，说你拥有的是你与努力在这个生活里赚到的。
Is that.. Alison?? Hevnt seen her in so long
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🥺🥺
Wish I can be on this series with Chiara T.T
As difficult as it is for someone to share their experiences like this, I think it's even more important that there's someone out there that is willing to empathise and listen to you. It isn't easy on BOTH ends (Speaker / Listener). In your life, you find someone that is able to sit down and just listen to you pour out your feelings, really treasure that person.
Also, be cautious when you use the phrase "You're not the only person in the world going through this grieve". It's like can you roughly imagine having to lose a loved one and having someone say that to you (Even with good intentions), it sort of invalidates that person's grief. Personally at that point of time, I would not want to hear this, I wouldn't care about other people, these feelings are mine (Especially when the memories is still fresh). This also emphasises my point on how rare it is for people to be good listeners / comforters.
You don't always need to give advice, for someone who is grieving, just some company would do so much for them, it's like knowing there's someone in their life who cares.
I remember when i was young during school time (decade ago), everyone used to "play mother". Iykyk lah boys always like this back then. One day my friend went overboard i said to just stop, he say ok to stop. then end up we all scold father die. Pcb end up awhile later only my father rly die. I tried to tell them dont play but they think im lying about father die. Even up till now some of my old sch friends think i lying haha. Thats what u get for being class clown
hello ali
Not to like offend anyone but.... Both my grandfathers (mother and father side) both died when my parents were less than 10 yrs old
second comment!!!
Hi hi appreciate both your open sharing of how you felt during the loss….I can just feel it with you too..
I lost my dad in 1972, when I was 14 yrs old and maybe was too young to really understand death and the loss that much. But my mom had to hold the fort to take care of my 2 older sisters and a elder brother and me…….mom was really really strong and determined lady🥰
Mom passed away of heart failure in 2015 at a ripe old age of 92, bless her soul 🙏 and I am always thankful of her sacrifice and taking good care of all of us, brothers and sisters. ….just sharing😊🥲