Father Knows: Uh Ohs -- Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 24 янв 2022
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD.
This episode features write-ins about people that are having some "uh oh" type difficulties. When you google the definition of "Uh Oh" the part that stands out to us is "realization of difficulty", and it seems that's exactly what these people have in common with their dilemmas.
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One day we are going to need a power point presentation explain Morgan’s family tree
Hahaha it is so wild diagrams don’t even capture it -Morgan
I was just thinking this
😂😂😂😂 my family is the same way as Morgan’s all my siblings but 1 are half siblings but we never ever called each other half siblings!
I was literally thinking this in the night. It was actually keeping me awake haha. I wanna knowwwwww
@@laracolt2708this!
As someone whose parents only stayed together because they both were afraid the other would get custody, I can tell you that I would have preferred two happy separate parents to ones that fought all the time and made each other miserable.
I love my dad to pieces, but he’s from another generation, a “manly man” that was taught that emotions are bad. It’s really comforting to me to see Jerry sharing some emotionally intelligent dad advice. Thank you for providing this safe space for us ❤️
As someone who grew up with two Moms, I never really gave much thought to a “dad” my Mother taught me so many “dad” related things, and how to take care of myself. At 29 years old my bio dad reached out to me but I have zero interest. I would have if I had biological siblings but he never married or had other kids, (so he says). And both my grandparents had passed. He had many chances to reach out but never did and he went into the arrangement knowing my mom just wanted a baby and nothing else. I never held resentment but someone else might.
The Mom has ZERO idea of knowing what the future holds and should do what’s best for her at the current time. Speak with the future child and answer any questions it may have. Keep an open conversation. Loving parents are what matter not if one has a penis.
to the baby mama drama story: i've been there. your story quite literally sounds like what i was going through 5 years ago. if he's telling you he wants to make things work with his ex, that's what he wants. end of story. if he wanted to be with you, he'd put his foot down and tell his ex exactly that. let him go.
Yea, I am not gonna take a backseat in my relationship! This ex didn’t want him when he was sniffing around her, but as soon as he goes and finds another woman, she’s back to”bring your attention back to me!” She doesn’t want him, but she revels in the knowledge that he wants her and hates it when his attention veers off to someone else. He is oblivious to what she is doing to him and until he puts his foot down, he will be a miserable SOB!
No wonder Morgan is so put together. I mean, look at the man who raised her!!! So damn put together ❤️❤️
So the wedding situation happened with me & my sister. I've been with my husband for 5 years, and had our date picked out for over a year (oct 23 2021). My sis met a dude 10 months ago, he ended up proposing after 4 months of knowing her and HE PICKED THEIR WEDDING DATE 5 WEEKS BEFORE MINE. yep. 5 weeks before my wedding day. They were going to wait til this spring, but he ultimately decided that he needed to marry her NOW, causing a rift in our family & damaging mine and my sisters relationship. They did indeed get married before me, their wedding was kind of a shit show, so I just got blackout with my bestie to make the most of it. My sisters and I relationship was strained until she decided to leave his ass only 2.5 months after her wedding . Yep. Heard that right. Turns out the (obvious) psycho was super controlling & abusive. Were all happy that she's left him, and her and I were able to repair our relationship.
He did that to alienate her from her support system so he could try to control her. Might have worked for him in past relationships, but I am happy your sister had the strength to say NO, you aren’t doing that to me!
Speaking of best friends and brothers, I brought my best friend home to meet my family three years ago and now she's marrying my brother later this week 💕 it really is beautiful! I've always wanted a sister and now I will truly have the best one!
1:14 write in one
9:44 write in two
13:53 write in three
18:11 write in four
27:07 write in five
35:04 write in six
42:55 write in seven
LOVE THIS PODCAST. GO JERRY
Jerry Jerry ! 😅 Wops was thinking the show, but fits.
Thank you for the support. Jerry
To the story about the 14 year on and of relationship: she said he is from a broken home and would do anything to make sure the son would not have the same life. He is doing the complete opposite by getting back with the mother. The son will grow up in a fucked up household🙄
There needs to be an episode dedicated to all the updates write-ins provide after taking (or not taking) their advice!
Lets get a few more months under our belt then we can have a enough content.. Good idea, and thank you for suggesting it. Jerry
So glad to have found this channel, I’m happy to see more of Jerry and I love this podcast 😁
Gotta say as a girl with a brother who a lot of friends like: unless they get married when the situation goes bad it ALWAYS affects the friendship. Even if your friend is the one who screwed it up. Mainly because the friend will withdraw (as here) for whatever reasons (hurt feelings, anger, embarrassment). Because generally your brother isn’t going to stop being in your life. But I never put the onus on my friends. I have had the conversation with my brother after losing one too many friends, and because he loves and respects me, he treats my friends as off limits. It’s a non-starter for him. So that writer might want to direct her convos to her brother. Especially now that it has impacted her BEST friendship
Jerry actually brought up a really great point about the baby Mama drama that I think applies to all relationships. The first 3-6 months of a relationship are supposed to be like a honeymoon faze. That being said if the first 3-6 months are riddled with red flags, and arguments, and issues... gtfo, I learned this far too late in one of my relationships.
When I have a bad day, I love to turn on this podcast. Jerry's voice and just general gentle nature is calming.
even if my partner was intentionally trying to give me the flu i would be questioning the relationship cause like why would you want to give me an illness that’s gonna make me feel like crap?
The story about the sister's and brother wedding was sad. Someone I know was gutting married in 2020 had to cancel. Instead of rescheduling to the next year they chose to have just a small group of 10 poeple and a very expensive photoshoot (didn't wanna loose that deposit as well). No reception and they had originally had more then a 100 guest coming. She chose not reschedule because her sister was getting married the next summer a month after when she could have rescheduled. She wanted her sister to have that moment. Now her and her husband are gonna do a five year reception instead. Lost a lot of money In deposits. That's how siblings should act! The brother in that story sucks and should not be invited to the wedding.
This sucks since the government was the one saying no social gatherings allowed. Government should reimburse!
i really loved this episode! you really had some wedding wisdom; don't worry abt who will or won't show up. the people who really care for you will be there anyway!
I became pregnant and engaged to a loving caring person and within days they became cruel and scary. I definitely relate to the end story.
Yay it’s like another Two Hot Takes with you two together! Love it!
For the girl who didn't want her friend dating her brother. I think the friend is wanting one of two things:
1. She wants to date or is dating the brother and is trying to avoid her so they don't stop being friends.
2. She and the brother had a one night stand and now its awkward and she doesn't want to own up that she broke the rule because it will cost her a good friend because of her own choices.
She said they haven’t been friends for 2.5 years already, so Ithink the friendship has already been over though?
Love Jerry and Morgan🥰🥰🥰 On the last story, as someone who was on a several year relationship with someone who was emotionally and psychologically abusive (edging up to physical abuse and id rather not get into that) I feel that every person needs to know, if that person is acting like you’re stupid, they think you’re stupid and less than them, if someone is using you as a punching bag especially in front of other people, that’s all you’re to them.period. GET OUT. They way people treat you is how they see fit to treat you, that’s how they think of you and that’s what they think you deserve, YOU DONT. You don’t need to stay with someone who is not going to change their pov of you. You deserve more and you don’t have to stay, just leave, take this coming up as a sign and just go, start getting your ducks in a row and if you’re scared, it’s totally ok to just disappear one day, the way they treat you,it’s scary and they make you feel small because they think you’re small. Just leave one day, don’t try to talk through a break up or amicably because that’s not how they see you, you’re not equal to them and they never see you as such so doing something of your own volition is just going to anger and shock them because they don’t think you’re possible of as much and it’s going to break their reality of some invisible grip on you. It’s okay to end a relationship with someone who doesn’t like you! If they aren’t treating you like they like or love you, they don’t. My abuser always said i was to good for him and that i looked like a super model and our children were going to be gorgeous, but would also always point out that i looked like i gained 3ibs when i was bloated or would question some interesting fact i told him or really anything intellectual, like he didn’t believe i had an interest or knew about science and philosophy or psychology even though he knew i was going to school and taking those classes by choice. He hit me once because he didn’t like the way i looked at him and when i was done crying from the shock he said it would never happen again and that he didn’t know what happened blah blah blah and two years later he tried to grab me by the arms and force me into his car and this was after a pregnancy scare, he didn’t know i had taken self defense and dated an mma fighter while we were broken up and i was with my parents in another state. so i flipped him over my body and he landed on the gravel. i walked home, moved in with a friend the next day, out two weeks in at my job and joined the army because i honestly didn’t have money for college and had no discipline or positive prospects for my future and my parents weren’t in a place to help me with anything. I met my husband 2 years later and after a deployment to afghanistan we got married and have been together for 10 years. My husband respects me, loves to hear about my interests and things i’m studying or researching and reading/watching. We are one, equal and together in everything we do and he has never lifted a hand against me or made me feel less than.
i love this podcast so much, i love just putting it on & get good advice while i’m cleaning and doing work. LOVE IT
Yes!!!!! I love you guys!!! I follow all 3 of your guys podcasts and RUclips channels! I can’t get enough!!
What’s the third podcast? I know of this one and Two Hot Takes.
@@shenaynay27 whats the third!
@@shenaynay27 they have THT unsupervised too!
im so glad this podcast exists now, i love how levelheaded and kind jerry is. it really is like getting the fatherly advice i never had.
Thank you ❤️
I JUST FOUND THIS CHANNEL AFTER LISTENING SINCE LIKE 5k SUBS ON YT omg I’m HERE for this CONTEEEEEENNNNT!!!!! Never been so excited to to chores to y’all’s voices and wisdom
Thank you….
In response to Mama To Be in the first story, just wanted to give her a shoutout. The beginning of her question was very "Her" centric, like her main premise to start with was essentially "I can't handle my potential kids being curious about where they come from, it threatens how I'll feel as their Mother, so I'm going to take the choice out of the equation". Essentially, there was no tangible reason that the child should be left without the choice that would affect their safety and security, so the choice to take it away is inherently selfish. (This isnt actually true, see below, but that was how she articulated and understood the situation to be)
I was worried with how this started and I was so happy to hear when she started acknowledging her child-to-be's feelings in the latter part! That's how it should be! The child's feelings about their lineage matters the most in this situation and needs to be prioritized, because they're the ones who will directly deal with the emotions. The Mama To Be only has to contend with her own apparent jealousy but the kid would be contending with a life potentially unfufilled in a huge way. You are on the right track with this way of thinking Mama! Even if the right choice is still anonymous donation, as long as the child's emotions were at the forefront of the considerations.
All of this isn't to say I agree or disagree with an anonymous donor for other reasons. Personally, I think this situation is vastly different than the way it was answered here. It seemed like the perspective came from one that is sort of similar to the approach if there was a baby daddy, aka there is some inherent attachment because its a baby he put inside someone. In the donation world, there is no emotional attachment and it takes place in a sterile, medical environment. It just isnt the same thing because the donor is just that, a donor.
(Super long diatribe on my experience donating eggs thats probably only relevant to mama to be 😅) I'm speaking from personal experience as I went almost all the way through the egg donation process as a donor. It was stressed that I am not a parent to this child, i gave some genetic material but nothing about this child is mine, like giving blood but obviously a bit more intensive of a process. MOST egg donors choose to be anonymous and I would guess even more sperm donors would too. I chose being open to either option, with the strict instructions to the parents that I am more than happy to field questions and help the child come to terms with whatever they might struggle with, but I am not another parent. they need to ensure that their child is prepared and knows they aren't reaching out to make contact with a long-lost mother. It would honestly be super inappropriate for this child-to-be to reach out thinking they're reaching out to their father figure because that is not emotionally where donors are at, at all. (Hopefully, that is the goal when the donation place vet us that we understand our place, some people have issues separating the emotions after the fact but thats rare with the proper vetting) The absolute only reason I chose to remain open if the parents wanted was because I couldn't morally be involved in the creation of a child and not make myself available if my decision caused them emotional harm that I could have helped with.
There are tons of good and valid reasons to go anonymous, the absolute top reason being legal stuff. When donations go badly and the donor does decide they want to try to lay claim to a child, its intense and traumatic for everyone involved even when they won't win. And that can happen with donors you know in real life, and non-anon donors from an agency or similar. Babies and human emotion can cause some unpredictable results. Going anonymously through a reputable agency means they can't lay claim to your child, and a good agency will have piles of contracts for donors to sign that include ramifications if they attempt to sue for visitation. They also take a complete genetic history/tons of medical testing/anything that would be relevant that a relative would want to be aware of in their bloodline. Essentially, they should take down everything important that a child would need to know from the person they share genetic material with.
Woof sorry for all that, just kept writing what I hoped would be helpful for that OP 😅 At the end of the day, you got this and you'll be okay!
You did a beautiful summation, I agree with your thought process on this, the donor is just that the “Donor” not the parent. The parents are in fact the The nurturing person/persons raising the child. That stated as DNA services/tracking ability do exist. I think that when a Donor does give the gift of life they should be prepared to answer questions should they receive a knock on the door one day, as that may be a bigger gift…Jerry
Omg! I subscribed so fast, I can’t wait to binge watch every video 😊
Yay!! Im so stoked Jerry has his own pod now!!
Omg I had no idea this was a podcast! I legit go back to listen to the Jerry podcast all the time this is awesome!!!
To the sperm donor lesbian: please follow accounts of donor conceived adults. You will learn a lot. What they have taught me is the importance of not centering yourself when creating a family. Center the child.
Ooo do you have any specific accounts you could share?
I'm curious as well
yay another podcast! i love how much content you guys put out (generalizing the family) even after finishing all the tht episodes i’ve still have something almost everyday. must be a lot of work so, you guys are so awesome!
to the first story; as a queer woman, that question really hit. i do think it’s quite different from yours and jerry’s. The concern is that they are queer, there is NO FATHER. it’s just a medical procedure that is required for the lesbian couple to have a child. like IVF for a straight couple. i just think it’s more sensitive and relevant to being gay than it is just ‘an anxiety’ i think there’s a part of it that concerns identity. Queer couples have such a hard time completing a family, whether medically or even legally. i think it’s a super fair fear to have, not exactly because i would be anxious that the child does not love me or my wife or that we are not enough, but that they would think that a father is still a part of their family; the family is complete; the child isn’t ‘missing’ a parent.
At the same time, i also see how the child may see this biological aspect as a part of THEIR identity, as for that, i would support them. I think it strikes me more as a principle issue of like ‘the nuclear patriarchal family’ because i think? you guys would identify as a blended family, but you are all family. the person that donates sperm is NOT family. hopefully that makes sense. i don’t think youre “wrong” or anything i just think there’s more to it that has to do with being queer and the fears that come with not being accepted or being seen even by others as a ‘real family.’ I would be incredibly torn if my child reached out to a stranger to build a relationship in hopes of having a “dad” because they believe that is required to complete 'their family/parents'. that kinda invalidates the mother’s as a complete family. Like with straight couples struggling with fertility, they usually just say that they are their parents, MAYBE revealing it later. Here it’s unavoidable, and right from the start there’s the fear of being invalidated by others, but from your child; i would be torn.
Thank you for personal reaction, concerns, and most of all input.. Jerry
The worst outcome for kids is a toxic household where there is no escape or reprieve. At least when parents separate there is another option
I grew up with 2 moms and met my dad at 10. My mom and dad lost touch when my sister and I were 2 years old and I wished on every birthday cake until I was 10 that I could meet him. I wanted a dad like my friends. I love my moms but still wanted to know him. I ended up meeting him and was actually disappointed. He was a grumpy, strict, alcoholic unfortunately. I deserved to know him though.
HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS EXISTED. omg I'm so excited for another podcast from you😭
You comment is Inspirational
Love you guys!!
Loving this podcast
I love jerry !!! So happy you started this podcast
Thank you Elsie
As someone with a step dad and step brother, I was so scared to tell my 10yo brother that we’re really half siblings… my mom told him on my behalf and he said that nothing changed, I’m still his sister. Family dynamics don’t change when it’s based on love, not really
Love all of you guys keep it up
Tara, thank you for the support. J
We love Jerry!!!!
This is everything!
Hello Katie, I just saw this… sending you Big XOXO …Jerry
Go Jerry!! This is awesome! I'd love to see a different backgroud tho
What are you thinking? :)
Dad u gotta say “I’m here with Morgan the host of two hot takes “
I will come up with something along that theme.. thank you…
Just personal opinion as one lesbian to another. Depending on what you go through you have an option to know the donor but not be able to access the donor info until the child is 18. That way if your child wants to know they can access it and find them. That’s what my wife and I will be doing. We will also in our baby book put a picture of our donor and info about them that they put on the website. Just as a way to raise our kids. Telling them the things we know about the donor and thanking the donor for giving us the option to have you the child
Saw this channel and insta subscribed
Thank you Ashley, tell your friends. Also could you somehow see what your parents vibe is on the podcast if you introduce them to it… Jerry
Yessss🙌🏽 we love jerry
35 min in- the best friend's brother- why wouldn't you want to be sister in law's with your best friend if they really hit it off? And if they don't, then just don't coordinate events where bro and bff have to see each other.
Go Jerry Go!!!!
My Dad would make me uncomfortable with some things he says. "I'm not one of your guy friends Dad" usually nips it right there.
regarding the story where the girl does not want her friends to date her brothers…. I wonder if she has been used in the past as a way to get to her brother. if it has happened before I can understand why she would feel so strongly about it, but it also makes me wonder if that is why her friend does not want to reach out. She used the sister for her purpose and is now done with her.
If i was the bride in the wedding story, i'd secretly plan my wedding even before the brother's and after the brother is mostly done with the payments, i'd send out the save the dates.
My biggest concern with a 100% anonymous sperm donor is what happens when there are possible health complications down the road. You have no idea what those genetics completely carry and anonymity can lead to so many problems through health alone. I understand not wanting to know for the purpose of "we're your parents and all you need" in that realm, but it's irresponsible to not be open to knowing when such a huge problem can exist. I feel for you, but it's not worth the risk to your child's health in the long run. I'm not saying you have to have a relationship with them, but knowing and being able to reach out for a full health history and check is invaluable
Omg I want an update on some of these!!! I would love to know what that girl ended up saying to her creepy dad.
This woman is a mathematician, will be saying this from now on
Every child has the right to know where they come from, if the child wants to know where they come from they have every right, and the person who participates in creating that life should not have a say in saying that the kid does not have the right to know. So if you’re going to be a sperm donor understand that you’re helping create a life and that life has the right to know their lineage, same thing with egg donors or any other kind of mix matched family combination
Well Said
15:53 #ThatsNotHowThisWorksThatsNotHowAnyOfThisWorks It's no different than parents not wanting her to wear inappropriate clothing.
In the Philippine Catholic culture, you can't schedule 2 weddings in a family within a year. Specially among siblings. 😁
It’s interesting how cultures come in the practice. It seems that the elders of that time must have experienced some of these issues and found a wonderful way to get through them.
Superstitions say that a family member will die if 2 weddings happen in a year. 🙊
I want Jerry to be my dad in another life
I’m sorry but idk how yall aren’t more 17:42 enraged by the dad and daughters story. It sounds like if found on Facebook that fb page “*stares in CPS*” would be tagged. Shoot depending on the age I’d be calling CPS. It sounds like he’s lusting after his daughters looking at them in such an inappropriate way, sexualizing them a concerning amount. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was even wanting to pimp them out to his buddies the way he brings them to the bars and stuff. Is the mother in the picture? The dad could be replacing the mother with his daughters if not. Enmeshment can go the other way too it’s just dads are disgustingly more obvious about the sexualizing of their child when that becomes the case. But god this enraged me and makes me sick. If that was my dad I’d be staying away or trying to get out. Even if I had to stay with cousins or grandparents or friends. I couldn’t be comfortable around that.
My dad and I also have a different dynamic so I wouldn’t be afraid to be a little disrespectful and tell him how it is. How extremely disgusting it is and how it’d make me uncomfortable and that it needs to stop or I’m cutting him off. But be wary cause men with that much testosterone and hormones like that can also tend to get violent. Idk if he has ever shown any signs of aggression but keep it in the back of your mind cause I mean my dad had never retaliated physically towards my mother until this year. And I’m 24. This is also the year I’ve found out he has a porn addiction and how it’s gotten worse too. That’s not just a coincidence. So in case things go left, I’d have a trusted friend or family member with a getaway car on standby and a go bag packed just in case he gets offended and acts out. But this is only the beginning of a SERIOUS problem.
i think you look so much like ur dad!! eventho hes not genetically your father 🤣🥰 i would've never guessed
38:54 Bingo.
Morgan, what was beyond the camera you kept glancing at? It seemed impatient for your demeanor. So, was just curious what was distracting you. Sorry! I have ADD so was getting distracted with you with those glances XD lol You guys are great and hope all is well.
My dad used to tell us with his whole ass shirt off to put a bra on in our own home. It didn’t take long until I started judging him for it and telling him that if he wants us to make ourselves uncomfortable in our home by wearing something that uncomfortable, then he can put a damn shirt on. He quickly changed his attitude. Like bro why you gotta sexualize your own kids like that? Grow up! Glad he did lol
The story at 13:54 - the father sexualizing his daughters - That's a type of incestuous SA. Conversation is not always an options. Best bet is to go no contact. I'm sorry to say, but I was her, I tried talking to him and it did nothing. It was all about his ego and gaslighted me until it was too late. Girl, take your sister and run.
He wants to be with her. That’s a joke telling her about “it’s not you blah blah blah” you can co parent and have a happy relationship and that is 10X more healthy then staying in a toxic relationship. Honestly DUMP him forever that’s gross
The girl hasn’t been friends with her bff for 2.5 years for hooking up with her brother? Has the friend tried to send talk or does she not care at all? I recently talked to my hs bff and we both apologized for 2 totally different things that neither of us even remembered that was the reason we weren’t friends anymore lol
Kids are curious about biology but they love who cares for them Dna doesn’t make you a parent time & effort does
Wait how is he not your dad? You have the same face
I am her Dad , just not DNA …
@@FatherKnowsSomething so crazy I always watch you two thinking you're twins!