Gabor Mate on How We Become Who We Are | Conversations with Tom
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- Опубликовано: 17 мар 2021
- Restart Your Life in 7 Days bit.ly/3PHvBaj
As adults we all have some degree of trauma from our childhood to cope with. Maybe it’s falling downhill and being left with a scar, or maybe it’s more severe and involves emotional neglect. For many adults, it’s easy to believe there was never any trauma, life was great and their childhood was filled with happy memories. In this episode, Gabor Mate explains how easily unconscious traumas from childhood can be identified. He shares years of experience and wisdom with Tom in this conversation that explores the depths of truth and meaning in life, and how that fits in with our physical and behavioral manifestations of broken adult expectations and stressors. Gabor Mate, is a deep thinker, childhood development expert, and expert of addiction. He shares his unique insights on how to deal with severe trauma and how to get the most out of life by moving beyond mere survival.
SHOW NOTES:
Reality | Gabor on how people view reality and the Johnny Cash song, In Your Mind [1:14]
Childhood Development | Gabor reveals the shaping window of development for children [3:01]
Stress Defined | Gabor explain the terminology of stress and its triggers [5:40]
Emotional Work | Ongoing emotional work that takes consciousness and awareness [9:13]
Trauma | Gabor discusses severe trauma, how it shows up physically and in behavior [10:12]
Being Sensitive | Advantage and disadvantage of being highly sensitive [12:18]
Empathetic Support | Gabor talks about empathetic support for persons with trauma [12:43]
Beyond Mental | Gabor reveals makes life more profound beyond the mental experience [20:04]
Feeling vs. Being | Gabor presents difference between feeling and a state of being [22:11]
Self-Isolation | Gabor explores self-isolation and the state of pain versus enlightenment. [22:32]
Expectations | Gabor describes the expectations of the nervous system [24:30]
Broken Society | how modern society is dysregulating us and how broken our society is [30:31]
Child Development | Gabor reveals what healthy child development [41:04]
Meaning & Purpose | Gabor pushes on Tom’s value for meaning equated with hard work [51:20]
Truth Not Facts | Gabor explains difference between truth and facts [59:54]
Life after 70 | Gabor shares what keeps him going in his seventies is just who he is [1:07:58]
Palliative Care | Gabor share his experience and perspective with palliative care [1:14:18]
Commitment | Gabor and Tom talk about commitment [1:30:42]
Marriage | Lessons from 51 years of marriage [1:35:23]
Unconscious Trauma | Processing trauma that you’re not consciously aware of [1:41:13]
Suffering From Past |Gabor shares a quote to explain how suffering isn’t always labeled [1:43:19]
Dissociated from suffering | Gabor explains pain suppressed and misinterpreted [1:45:54]
QUOTES:
“When people are just trying to survive it's hard for them to consider transformation, so people that are under economic pressure, or racially oppressed, or under economic threat, political conflict these make it difficult for people because people are just in survival mode.” [11:43]
“There’s essence, there’s truth that goes beyond what the mind can comprehend” [20:34]
“There’s a way of isolating yourself as a way of committing yourself to enlightenment which means that you’ll stay away from people for the rest of your life it just means you’re going to go deep into yourself and not be distracted by all that the world throws at you [23:32]
“Then there’s another way to isolate yourself which is a defensive one, which is ‘the world is so awful, the heck with them all, I don’t need anybody,’ that will protect you from some kinds of hurt, cause if you withdraw from relationships you’ll never be betrayed, so that’s true, on the other hand, that itself is a state of pain” 23:49
“Survival and fully being alive and fully living are not the same thing” [25:39]
“There’s lots of facts out there, but truth is much larger than facts, it’s integrating the facts in a picture of reality.” [1:00:05]
“A life without truth is not a meaningful life” [1:04:46]
“the beauty does not go away. Should your marriage come to 51 years, as mine has, you’ll be looking into your wife’s eyes and you’ll be seeing the same beauty that you saw the first day you met her” [1:34:02]
“You have to have the compassion to look at yourself not through the voice that tells you you’re worthless, but to say if I reacted that way it must be a good reason for it. Something in me, there’s something that happened to me that made me react that way at some point” [1:39:35]
“There’s all kinds of memory and the body carries memory even if it doesn’t carry recall” [1:41:45]
FOLLOW (NAME):
Website: drgabormate.com/
Twitter: / drgabormate
Facebook: drgabormate/...
RUclips: / @drgabormate9132 
Развлечения
What did you learn about your personality and how you developed?
The way he explains things gives me insight in how the lack of love and compassion from my mother and step father growing up created this environment where I no longer cared about my life and just turned to drugs and alcohol at the age of 15. Dr. Maté has helped me with breaking that trend when it came my turn to being a father and now I start with compassion and love instead of creating a fearful unloving environment like I had to live in before.
Please invite Andrew Feldmar, too! He's also from Hungarian origins, really wise and loving man! :) ❤️
I had learned I was submissive & mousy when responding to harassment & I developed a back bone & the confidence to remain kind but also firm & strong while setting necessary boundaries, it took years but I'm very proud of it ♥️
I was born prematurely in 1968 and spent almost 3 weeks in an isolette with no maternal contact. This set my brain up with less resilience going home to a chaotic and toxic environment. The result was complex ptsd which I have only recently come to be self educated about. It's never too late to address and heal your trauma.
Gabor has helped me reveal my underlying storylines around some of my triggers. The commitment issue was a profound insight also. I wish he would have done the line of question he did on Tim Ferris on Tom!
I actually just finished his book 'in the realm of hungry ghosts'....as i was detoxing. I literally can't put into words how life changing that book was for me. He's much more wise, intelligent, and caring than most intellectuals and so called doctors. He deserves more recognition and respect than Peterson in my opinion
Different philosophies for sure. Gabor actually lives with adhd and trauma. Jordan is definitely fueled by discipline .
Love them both, great lessons for different pain.
Looking forward to reading Gabor Matés book.
Oh!! I'm going to have to get this book. Thanks 😊
I watched a video a couple nights ago of someone interviewing him. He was asked about Peterson and gave an amazing/fair answer - put into words a lot of what I've been pondering, trying to figure out how to describe about Peterson, especially his ideas regarding communism and the way he uses Jung's writing/theories.
Def worth looking for it, I'll try to remember to find it in my YT history in a bit
Speaking of Peterson:
“ The shifty conman and alleged satanist Jordan Peterson, known for being brought on TV to timidly say that maybe, perhaps and possibly feminism and transsexualism have maybe, perhaps and possibly gone a tiny inch too far, has gained a huge following among normies for simply regurgitating decades old self-help talking points mixed with watered-down MRA boilerplate.
His brand is built on the idea that white men have a right to not commit suicide. Maybe.
Despite the fact that he has built an extremely successful brand around the very lowest hanging fruit, rallying people around the most agreeable and ostensibly sensible arguments for the continued existence of heterosexual men in society, he has decided to blow the whole show by becoming the healer of the Jews.
You would think that it would be the most obvious thing in the world for a man trying to ride the fence of political correctness to join with the overwhelming majority of men in America and support Brett Kavanaugh against the most high-profile and the most transparently absurd anti-male rape hoax witch hunt in all of human history.
A rape hoax which we all witnessed nearly crush the soul of a man who I can guarantee you has a very, very clean room.”
dailystormer.su/shifty-conman-jordan-peterson-serves-as-healer-for-jews-calls-on-kavanaugh-to-resign/
@@LaGrandeBayou lol in today's version of "the enemy of my enemy is NOT always my friend": Jordan Peterson hating antisemite Q-Anoners
That website o.O
Gosh! Gabor is unbelievably wise and authentic. A walking buddha - his voice is like zen music. His words like a brick of gold.
Canadian legend!
Hungarian legend . Yes 🙌
@@agnesgaal7571 ok fair, he was born there.
I totally agree, he is wonderful ... & then he gets interrupted at 37:37 by a stupid freaking Ad. I will continue learning from Dr. Mate on other channels that don't interrupt him with their stupid freaking Advertising.
Indeed!!!! Indeed!!!!!!!!! Indeed!!!!!!!!
Gabor, You are truly a life-changing human being!
"We may not be responsible for the world that created our minds, but we can take responsibility for the mind with which we create our world."
- Gabor Mate
Beautiful, and yes so grateful to have the knowledge to heal. I. Healing ourselves we heal so many more around us. 🕊
Children need us to be there for them in all our presence ..love is everything which we show by what we say and do
I had tears in my eyes when Gabor Maté said, "beauty does not go away. Should your marriage come to 51 years, you will be looking at your wife's eyes and you will be seeing the same beauty that you saw the first day you met her. It's going to be amazing. It's not the wrinkles and stuff. They don't take away the beauty. That's not where the beauty comes from. That's our society's travesty when it comes to defining beauty. "
Gee isn't that the truth, you don't look at old buildings and think they are ugly for their cracks, chips and unalignment.
me also, I guess it is a beautiful thing to hope for
I wonder if she feels that way. I feel the destain fullness and she divorced me. Thank you for your help Dr. Maté
The question is more like is there beauty in those eyes at first place? Or when we married we looked at something that was a fake beauty
Me too, tears and a full heart of memories and love. I had hospice at home and would not change a thing except to have loved even more effectively. But his forgiveness of my flaws was love and I'm eternally grateful.
As someone who has been married to someone psychologically scarred from their extremely abusive childhood, it has taken 27 years of unconditional love and 3 universal smack downs to heal my husband. But in the end, he did heal. He knows love, to love, to be loved. Tough journey, but the result is worth it.♥️
That's wonderful. Thank you for supporting him. Society has a way of being insensitive to the emotional needs of men and I'm really happy to hear that as a woman, you supported him like that without ever losing respect for him. It gives me hope that I'll find a wife who understands me that way.
@@iankamuri9090 Thank you for acknowledging that. My ability to be compassionate was certainly tested at times, but also grew stronger as we worked through the issues together. So, I too have grown and am grateful for the journey. Now we look back and are amazed at all that we have overcome together and we both feel proud. I respect him deeply for the extremely difficult work of facing his inner demons and choosing love.
May you find the one who sees your heart regardless of your flaws.♥️
@LA Heil oh my, what a loving answer
@Ian Kamuri you will be ok, i know from experience with loving an addict
@@wambuialice957 Thanks Wambui. ❤
From my experience : I adopted 4 siblings ( 6,6,5 and 4) that were tortured , abused etc and after 20 years of love I can tell you that they are the most wonderful, empathic and caring Human Beings. Patience and understanding, transforms and as I always sign my book about this magical and hard growth, Love and Light 🙏🏻💖🌷
Beautiful stuff. Take care.
Good work
Blessings! Love & light!
Incredible power of love and recovery. Thank you so much for sharing, you gave me hope.
@@santisanti8386 thank you for your kind words . This love and respect also give me hope 🙏🏻💖🌷
One of my big changing points in life when I was talking to an older friend of mine. I had to moved to a big city with very little money, in a recession. I told my friend that I didn't think I was handling things very well, that things were not going as I thought. He looked at me and said, "That's because what you are doing is hard." We often blame ourselves for our unhappiness or depression, without considering that sometimes we are in difficult or depressing circumstances, and we're not supposed to feel good. His simple acknowledgement of my difficulty was a huge thing for me.
"What we call the personality is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all, but the loss of it." - Gabor Mate
I don’t think the comments here are from Tom
@@TheListener01 They weren't. I have removed them.
@@TheListener01
This [the fake commenters taking the creators's likeness and name] happens with all popular channels... but they keep appearing even after a few months when the creators stop checking on them too often. If people would report them with the flag that appears on the side of the many that would help a lot, until they do whatever they come up with next.
15:05 ‘Somebody comes along and treats you compassionately... Oh maybe I’m not that bad person’ CHILLS. Anyone who has experienced a teacher or an adult (who isn’t your dysfunctional/abuse parents that you grew up with) actually believing in you has experienced this moment. It’s so important to support and encourage children or teenagers who obviously have low self esteem which most likely stemmed from their awful parents.
100%💙
My son has the same low self esteem that I had as a child. However I’ve been told I’m an unusually loving and supportive parent. 😔
My mother hated me
WoW Tom, I do hope you have had a chance to benefit from the wisdom so openly shared with you by this incredible soul. If you watch this when you're older, I wonder if you will cringe at how disconnected you were from the subject matter as demonstrated by your questions. May you find a way to connect to your heart. Gabor was so gracious and compassionate with your grasping.
You put your finger on it exactly. Grasping yes exactly. I would also add greedy as a prefix.
100% sally
Wow that was a hell of a kind thing to say
THIS
I know .. you worded that AMAZINGLY
Has this guy prepared himself for an interview with Gabor Maté? It feels like he hasn´t. Listening to his questions is painful at times. Gabor is carrying this whole interview on his back, but his insights are as always deep, heartfelt and rich in (much needed) wisdom.
Agreed
Are you serious? I m on the half of interview and I m amazed by this guy question, listening, going straight to the point and doing all that with critical thinking leaving Mate space to give his perspective (which we all are here for). I watched so many interviews with Mate and almost all interviewers give personal stories, moving away from Mate's story and in the end taking spotlight and precious time from Mate sharing his knowledge!
Totally agree. It is hard to even listen to him asking or commenting… specially in contrast to the depth and being of Gabor.
The dichotomy of the two is crazy. I agree.
Tom is simply not that evolved. He comes across as a jock who also misused vocabulary and also is not attuned or sensitive enough to understand Gabor. He asks ignorant follow-up questions too. He was even asking Gabor to tell him the tenets of Buddhism. Go read about it yourself and stop being spiritually lazy. 😂 He was painful to watch and listen to but thankfully Gabor had such profound insights and responses. He communicated so much through his presence and wisdom as always. We love ❤you, Gabor!
"Can you share some of the beauty?" "Well I think I just did." LMAO, bless his heart, seriously. This was a great conversation that covered some new Gabor territory for me.
It was an interesting interview. Though, Tom's lack of knowledge to his own causes of suffering disturbed his interview style at times. Tom was more occupied confirming his preconceived idea how things work instead of exploring how the world looks like through the eyes of Gabor Mate.
Also the technique of compassionate inquiry was only brought up very briefly, which is interesting as Tom is usually focused on finding universals truth and solution. I just wished that Tom (being a role model) should have been more brave and show his vulnerability by letting himself be guided by Gabor Mate using compassionate inquiry. If overwhelmed he could just stop like Tim Ferriss did in his interview with Gabor Mate. At least Tim Ferriss was brave and honest about the process, it's difficult of course and it's not for everyone. I'm still rooting for Tom and Tim and everyone who makes an attempt to see the world beyond the matrix.
That’s exactly what I felt like too, actually! Great comment. I felt this episode was more about Tom asking Gabor things on a personal level about his own ideas rather than having a discussion with and exploring Gabor’s ideas. But knowing Tom, I didn’t view it as intentional malice or anything, more he like just wanted to share his own thoughts maybe more to bounce ideas back and forth on a colleague level of sorts rather than to view Gabor as a guest to share his mind. Which isn’t bad per say, I just wished I heard more of Gabor for those who isn’t familiar with him because he just has so much wisdom and knowledge to give!
Tom WAS more occupiedwith his own ideas and his own insecurites kept bubbling to the surface. Its distracting.
@@jen-dy6tm It’s because Tom Bilyeu is a technical guy, ignorant and full of himself.
I just wonder when role models became what they are… WITHOUT the life experience lol.
@@christinacatalano Alot of people never really developed enough humility and open-mindedness as well.
11:19 Just hearing that ONE PERSON can make such a difference in someone’s life gives me hope and makes me want to be a kinder, better person.
Learn real empathy. People with pity, sympathy ("that must be so hard for YOU") and well intentioned advice are a dime a dozen and do more harm than good.
Helping that person seek out help from those who have been there would be a more useful service to those suffering.
The real empowered empathic listener shares from experience, holds space for the person who suffers to find their own solutions without getting lost in fixing or giving advice. Real empathetic listeners have done their inner work and understand deeply the power in the meaning making process, what trauma does to our brain and knows how to not get lost in the story because people love victims to rescue. We all suffer. We are not here to "fix" people. We are here for each other to give the all powerful "me too" moment if applicable and to show people solutions WE used in order to navigate this dark time of suffering in our lives.
People that are still in addiction (workaholism, drugs, Co-dependence, porn, alcohol, phone, people pleasing, ect) really believe that their advice is good when they haven't even put their toe in the water of what pain people feel because they have a system to manage it. These humans believe in simplistic answers to multilayered problem. Heal thyself first. Otherwise it's just called co-dependency and control.
“Truth is its own value.” So glad I took the time to listen to this. Gabor is a gift to humanity.
I see Gabor Mate, I click! This man is incredible, thank you for finally interviewing him!!!! ❤️❤️
Me too 😍
Gabor’s humility and wisdom are such breaths of fresh air. I love his ability to make tangible deep responses to impractical heady questions.
Agree!!!! Got tired of Tom's run on questions and listening to himself instead of Gabor.
I found his questions deeply meditated and enjoyed them more than the common audience ones.
I'm sure he would be the first to agree that he isnt all that humble... the rest I agree with
The guy doesn't know how to ask questions. Honestly I keep waiting for the questions and he keeps lecturing. Gosh let me just listen to Gabor mate
Yes I love listening to Gabor. ❤ Tom’s questions are very elementary and he keeps missing the point that spiritual insight is experienced and not something to be defined or intellectualized. He needs to do his own homework! Gabor is infinitely wiser and more intelligent as well as so gracious and humble and patient with Tom! 😂
*"Pain of regret is so much worse than pain of discipline."*
Love this. So very true, my friend😊
What does this have to do with the interview?
FACT!
In this pandemic I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I began sheltering myself from relationships and interactions: in some ways as an outcome of the endless lockdowns but also as a way of protecting myself from pain. I learned from Gabor that this itself is pain! I’m going to put myself out there and live again! Thank you!
If we can become friends with pain & hunger we will never be alone again.
I had to too as it has been too chaotic for me … I ve learnt about myself tho and being with children playing, painting and looking at nature has saved me from pain and myself
Feeling Same, not diagnosed with PTSD but I am a germaphob living in the time of a pandemic!!)...... I now feel that the isolation is so much more pain than worrying about the virus! I have already had the virus in my home in the very beginning of the pandemic, but I was a symptomatic. Thank you God❤️🙏🌿
Thank you 🙏 I don't know how anyone else feels after listening to Gabor, but there is this deep sense of peacefulness. Gabor is extraordinary person full of profound wisdom, humility, honesty. He stripped down the ego and labels. What a beautiful world that he lives in, free from defending, pretending, etc. A truth seeker that to him it's equivalent to Love. I remember the very first time I listened to Gabor, being it around noon on a sunny day a walk, trying to catch those warm sun rays was in order naturally, earbuds in, I'm ready! Not even 10min into his speech my knees became a jello and I nearly fell down. Revelation! Such a discovery! It's a honor to listen to him and gain his knowledge that he's been willing to share with us. He has incredible compassion for all human beings even if society 'has written them off' and he reminds us of the beauty of the native culture and their family values.
Tom what make you standout from other interviewers is not only that you have the right etiquette, asking great questions, etc..but because you genuinely want to learn. Most interviews are so focused on their next question that they are not paying attention to the answer someone is providing. You actually listen.
I've gone thru my fair share of trauma with that I've been faced with fair share of struggles, but I've always seen them as blessings because it gives you opportunity to see things also from a different perspective. It's like they say you can't know (appreciate) the light if you don't know darkness. You can't know beauty if you never seen ugliness, compassion if you've never experienced pain etc etc
What I've learned is what you surround yourself with, you become! That no matter what happens in life only matters are the lessons that you gained from them to become a better, stronger human being. That everything is a choice, choice of feelings, and choice of thoughts.
Much Love.
Insightful, heartfelt comment. Abrazos - hugs.
Hugs!
Be blessed you too❤
I feel exactly the same way about Gabor, Anna. Peaceful. At home.
Your comment on Gabor and Tom is spot on. :)
It was frustrating hearing Tom question Mr Mate in a way that made it obvious he doesn't understand childhood trauma. And at the same time, this makes me quite happy for Tom.
Yes, understandable! I appreciate Tom trying to understand him, yet I found it frustrating too, I feel like we all need a pause to FEEL into these ideas that Gabor shared - like how enlightenment can’t be contained in words, it goes beyond the mind, it’s a conscious experience. And this culture is so driven to have people in their heads and not really in their bodies ... people are trained to want answers in logical packages when many answers are best accessed beyond the logic, in the whole body, in sometimes illogical ways ...
Also in min 53:00 what is this guy (Tom) talking about giving him 30 days it looks like he is a machine life does not work like that. I don’t like this interview. To bad Tom waist his time! He doesn’t understand Trauma. Bad bad interview you should watch this video many times tom!
I was thinking the same
“I can’t explain what the Buddha experienced as I have not had that experience myself” bless his deeply philosophical heart 😝🙌💜
Wow...the contrast between a young time concerned brain centered achiever and a truly surrendered heart centered soul. I enjoy both of these men and their brilliant minds but as an older (58) woman I appreciate the wisdom of Gabor. Tom's fear of death may resolve with age as it has for me. I've buried my entire core family. Death is part of life...they go hand in hand.
Good perspective 🌹
Mr. Bilyeu’s life experience was not enough to prepare him for this interview . Once again, I’m amazed with gratitude for meeting Gabor Mate brilliant simplicity mind and perspective 🙏
I agree. Effort was there, but the clear difference between two cultures of men are evident.
Thank you Tom, Gabor is a gift to the world. A beautiful man of immense wisdom and humility. A Bodhisattva.
*"Everything in life is easier when you don't concern yourself with what other people are doing."*
The chances of you seeing this comment is pretty low, but if you did, *I hope you have an amazing day.* 🖤
74 likes indicate you were wrong about people not seeing it. 😁
@@user-qe7bt9dz1l 💯
We saw it! And personally I wish you a good day
YEA, AND MOST PEOPLE DO NOT FOLLOW THAT ADVICE!!🤷♂️
My old phone background said, "Imagine what you are capable of, if you didn't care what anyone thinks about you." 🤔 Maybe it was "Remember who you were before the world told you what to be?"
-Either way- I needed to be reminded that I need a reminder.
Thank you!🤘💓🤘
Devoted my morning to this, and I have no regrets. I find myself wanting to be a person of caring, thoughtful substance and for people to always walk away feeling encouraged and motivated from knowing me or talking with me. Showing more empathy and compassion is one of my personal goals this year.
ruclips.net/video/jAxJqr5fo40/видео.html
I don’t think think this is the real Tom, don’t get scammed
@ruclips.net/video/jAxJqr5fo40/видео.html
Take a look at your self, your true self. Your true self can be found when you let go of trying to be something you're not. .you are looking to blow up your ego to enermous proportions, to feel better about yourself, which is you wont be a good person. Tyou're doing it for selfish reasons when you are ready to accept yourself as you are and take away all thesebullshit goals and idealising,just you. When you can, you can actually be a helpful person who is not acting out of xompulsion to conform to some image.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
For the first time I realise how much Tom has still to learn about life. I'm saying this while being part of Tom's fanbase and thanking God for allowing me to learn from him.
Just give it time
I highly recommend everyone to listen to one of the most amazing and beautiful humans on the planet!! His work has had such a huge impact on my life and in helping me on my journey of healing childhood trauma.
Do you mean his RUclips videos? They're mostly about addiction. If you don't mind guiding, which ones in specific or the best ones in your opinion?
Thanks for watching
@@saltpepper7525 he has different point of adiction. Not just drugs are adiction, so is workholic, shopping and much more. He helped me with youtube videos to understand many things. To understand myself and i never been addict to drugs. You can see his videos on topic "When body says no" and i am sure you will understand his point and his words better.
@@grenabeocin thank you so much. Indeed, I've heard some of his talk. Infact I have ordered his book by this name "when the body says no". I hope it helps me too with my healing process. I'm glad to know that it helped you!
@@saltpepper7525 you are welcome. It gave me some other perspective that i needed. Enjoy book, and surely if you want watch video's and presentation because his explanations and examples gives a lot value and insights. I am sure that it will help you. Thank you for your wishes and good luck, hope this will help you.
Frustrating at times that the interviewer did not seem to have an understanding of childhood development and how trauma effects the brain, and seemed to want answers quickly in a package that would fit hustle culture and personal development. However, in that way it was also a beautiful interview to listen to, because the questions were answered in a way that taught some basics as well as deep insights. The mind is brilliant but limited. It's not about words.
I agree. love your answer
Profound... We will be studying his theories at some point in the future in mainstream education. Please bring him back again!
ruclips.net/video/jAxJqr5fo40/видео.html
I don’t think the comments here are really Tom
Quick way to know that the comments on here are not Tom - there is no check mark next to his username. I reported the comments as spam.
Whenever Tom was asking a question or commenting on something, I was thinking , yes! that must be true but when Dr Mate was answering or responding in a total different approach, I was thinking wow, how wise is this man, I would never think that way!
He is a blessing brilliant human being! I never saw anybody like him! 🙌
This man is the definition of greatness
Gabor Mate is simply one of my most valued guides
That's a fake Tom Bilyue account and is scamming.
ruclips.net/video/jAxJqr5fo40/видео.html
I am so grateful that Gabor Mate is on this planet and sharing his brilliant humble honest mind.
This world is a world of compensations.
We are all traumatized.
All traumatized.
It’s as if all we see in this world is sickness and manners to deal with it. All we see is compensations and coping mechanisms to deal with abnormal circumstances.
That’s the world we live in.
And instead of creating the paradise on earth with one another, we are all sick in psychiatrists to treat our childhood traumas which prevented us from being ourselves and happy.
Dr Gabor Mate is the first therapist who helped me understand all my maladies, all my dysfunctions, all my suffering.
Dear Tom please can you interview Gabor more times? He is saving lives.....he is saving mine.
Thank you so much for allowing us to sit in on your conversation with Gabor. What a wonderful exploration into the human mind. Much appreciated.
I nursed my first daughter for three years my second and third for two years each. I got a lot of shaming for it but we didn’t care. Best days of my life!
I'm so glad he mentioned the link between trauma and physical illness, not just psychological. Now if only family doctors would keep up with the research 🙄
I found this talk by Dr Robert Anda very informative in regards to trauma and illness and physical pain ruclips.net/video/QLfUi4ssHmY/видео.html
Everybody would heal thenselves naturally and there would not be need for drugs anymore, so they would go out of business very soon. They know what they are doing.
Gabor isn’t the most interesting person to listen to bc of his speaking style however, the things that he says is so priceless. It’s like thousands of textbooks and research that is stored in one human. Incredible
I love listening to him. I could listen to him for days. I love how thoughtful he is. How he speaks. He’s amazing. Beautiful. I like what you said: thousands of books and studies in one person.
He sounds like he’s one second away from falling asleep lol.
Fake Tom, don’t get scammed
I like the way he speaks . He thinks before he speaks . That seems rare with many humans . IMO
@@CentaurPress Eh you may negatively judge me for saying this which I expect but don’t care anyway BUT I don’t like his slow way of talking... just TOO slow.
Great listen. Gabor - all in the heart. Tom - all in the head
Hands down, my favourite interview! I've been following Tom since 2015, and there have been incredible and inspiring guests, but Dr Gabé brought the conversation to another level. What an incredible human being.
I checked this video when it dropped but left right away because I'm not feeling his manner of talking. Good thing I came back. This man is full of golden nuggets.
Always!!!👍 welcome back 😉
Always a pleasure to listen to Gabor Mate
THANK YOU for interviewing Gabor Mate!! He is so humble and is a wealth of knowledge. I was so honored to have met him and I value his work. He is like a walking textbook but full of understanding. I love his work so thank you thank you!
Omg. Good one Tom! I can't wait till after work to watch this. Gabor Maté has done more to heal me than anyone
Same
@Tom Bilyeu
Fake account scam
ruclips.net/video/jAxJqr5fo40/видео.html
This is by far the best interview I have ever seen here. They are so different, love Tom’s honest questions and became hypnotised by Gabor’s profound wisdom. Truly a gift
The difference is Tom is still working from Ego . Manor is working from soul . I’m not saying Toms ego is bad . I just feel like he has an attachment to self and what himself will accomplish in the material world . Where as Manor understands the body mind and soul from a wholesome perspective
Ego and an individualist perspective maybe, though that's part of the USA conditioning I guess
I've not seen any of Tom's work before this interview, however, I do appreciate the contrast between his and Dr. Mate's world views. In comparison Tom's views seem that of person who is a lot younger and more naïve at times, which is something I can relate a lot to. It's also important to recognise that Tom's role is that of introducing and relating his audience (which are probably younger men in their 20-30s) to the wisdom of his speakers. I started seeing him as a bridge part way though.
Admittedly some of the points that Tom brought up, made me recoil (which I'm sure speaks more about my judgmental reaction towards others), but other points have uncovered threads of thought that I had not considered. I do appreciate when a host is able to ask questions that I may be embarrassed to out of fear - he was humble and unpretentious which I respect.
The talk was really a great exercise in open-mindedness, and if Dr. Gabor Mate has afforded respect in listening and talking to Tom Bilye then it's only fair we do the same (for both of them and others). The whole conversation is such a goldmine of wisdom for me personally and has aligned with a lot of thoughts and concerns I have been dealing with recently, that I can only be thankful to the both of you - for Dr. Mate to share his learned wisdom and for Tom for making it accessible.
Tom is young enough to say he wants to live forever and doesn’t want kids, I guess there is a sizeable ego there too! I think he was more baffled by Sadghuru.
I've never seen Tom fumble, stumble, pivot and learn as much as he did in this interview. Gabor is on another level from most of his guests.
I hope Gabor’s wife listens to this - it’s a beautiful contribution to what they’ve built together. Favorite part - “beauty does not go away” ♥️♥️♥️
Dr Gabor Mate is an amazing soul , he’s incredibly generous with his time , knowledge, wisdom and kindness. His level of compassion , love for truth and humanity is inspiring. How could anybody not be touched by Dr Gabor Mate. The world is blessed to have Gabor , what he shares is vulnerable, valuable and priceless.
I didn't know I was an emapth for the longest time. I just new I could feel another person's pain. I walked through life feeling drained, energetically, and had no clue why that was. It wasn't until I had my spiritual awakening, where it all clicked. Best day ever for many many many reasons 💖
Hey Tom
Thanks for inviting Gabor on you show. I'm a guy, 62, and enjoyed the back and forth. Honest, respectful, interesting and enlightening. So much there. Thumbs up men!
Geez got goosebumps of him explaining the beauty in his wife's eyes and how the physical is immaterial
Animals teach their babies the abilities for survival through playing. How to protect themselves, how to hunt, look for food etc. They do that thru playing with them and they playing with their siblings as well.
Just listening to Gabor’s voice, puts me in touch with my deepest soul feelings. The kind of depth that only comes from a wounded soul. That’s really paradoxal, but had he not gone thru so much pain in his life and needed to come around that, he could have not offered people so much empathy, clarity and help. Thank you, Gabor.
I do relate so much to your North Star: finding the ultimate truth, that would be real enlightenment and liberation to me.
There's so much humility, respect and desire to evolve from both of these teachers. I aspire to be like this....
This interview had me with goosebumps during the definition of truth part then tears about how sometimes it takes immenint death to be able to let go of your responsibility to others. Wow
Thank you, Tom, for having Dr. Mate on your podcast. He is one of the most authentic and honest teachers I have had the honor of learning from to date. As he shares his personal struggles as well as his deep insights I can hear his heart in his words. Please keep on creating great content. You truly help people. I appreciate you!
"By stress I mean loss of control, uncertainty, lack of information, and confrontation"
I noticed this statement also, thinking, "yes, that's it."
The fact that life is so ridiculously complex and also the fact that once you understand how certain things work then it turns out to be a system that’s as extravagantly designed as a complex building, vehicle, computer or even a rocket. Once you can see the system operating in totality and understanding how it works, there is little to ZERO doubt that there is a creator. I’m willing to go so far as to say I guarantee there’s an afterlife and a creator of some sort. Because the randomness of life and how things happen is literally a work of art and is so masterfully designed. Like when you analyze life, it’s similarly masterfully designed much like some of the best inventions we have except it’s for life’s operation itself and not just some tool we temporarily use until it’s outdated. I’m not sure if anyone understands what I’m saying but the fact that everyone in this world can coexist, be completely different from one another, have their own “theory” and be their own version of that theory whilst existing in this same world with other people with completely different perspectives and ways of living is genius design in and of itself. Like life could’ve easily of been to just have one path or truth that everyone must follow but instead everyone can have their own truth and be their own person simultaneously while coexisting on the same planet. I don’t know, I know what I’m talking about and it’s complete genius in my eyes.
I love Gabor mate and Jordan peterson, hearing one interview so close to the other particularly makes the comparison inevitable. Peterson to this day reminds me of an authoritative parent who has no time for feelings while Mate truly exemplifies that parent that allows you yo express the wide range of emotions that make up you. Just like with parenting, I think both points of view are necessary, and life is about finding balance between both messages. Tom thank you so much for inviting these two absolute great minds, I would even name them philosophers of our time.
No one solution will fit all people or problem. Build the toolkit from all the smartest people you can find to create the best skills to help you navigate and succeed in this life.
@@TomBilyeu What about the Bible as a toolkit and having Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord...the best Mentor to navigate this life...
@@rosariob9426 The answer is in Tom's previous comment.
No one tool or model fits all. In many ways Christ is an exemplary role model and the Bible a guidebook with much wisdom -- but not in all ways nor for all people nor at all times.
Humans across different periods and humanity as a whole also benefits from the wisdom & knowledge in the Analects, Yogasutras, Dhamapada, Tao Te Ching, Bhagavad Ghita, Koran, Book of Mormon, Principia Mathematica, Wealth of Nations, and many other foundational works ...
... as from the insights of so many great humans... Pitagoras, Abraham, Aristotle, Sidhartha Gautama, Lao Tsu, St Francis, Galileo, Einstein, Gandhi ... so many.
Why only drink from a single fountain when Creation is so vast and love, light, and truth so abundant and spread across our whole world ...
Blessings.
I respectfully but profoundly disagree about your assessment of Jordan Peterson. He is very much focused on feelings and emotions and the pursuit of meaning. Yes, he is more inclined to promote individual responsibility but that's because you "must" do so because feelings don't matter, but rather because our whole community needs us to channel those emotions towards the greater good.
Interesting insight
I always enjoy listening to Gabor's interviews. He gives such great insight and he speaks from an earnest place of both personal and professional experience.
Jordan Peterson and Gabor Mate in the same month?! Tom, you’re too good to us!
Strongly dislike JP. You can't get rid of him but I love GM.
@@CaballeroOscuro82 jp is the best
@CaballeroOscuro83 Only learn from teachers that you like, or you will be unhappy. I like JP because I can relate to being disliked for being different, maybe it is from my own trauma.
Truth. I knew at three that my parents weren't capable. The world was not safe.
💔💔💔
Same. Hang in there
I feel privileged to have listened to this conversation. Blown away!
Thanks for watching.
But NOT because of Tom! Of course , Tom thought HE was the object being venerated.
Because of both!! It’s a 2 way street. Why say such a thing?
This is the best interview EVER. I LOVE Gabor Mate. I relate to so much of what he says. I could listen to him all day.
*If you are reading this, never ever give up. We will succeed. I'm cheering for you!*
Have a great day! 🖤
After 33 years of marriage what Gabor shared in this interview about long term relationship and its value towards well being is absolutely true. Deep respect for each other sustains us and seeing the beauty in our authentic aging is what love is.
I have so much respect for Gabor and his work. Namaste.
I am convinced that you Tom have created the most profound platform of all the internet. Your thirst for understanding and knowledge coupled with seeking out the deepest thinkers and researchers on the planet have made a place for literally millions of people to join you and your guests to learn the why, when, where and how to in our world.
You are truly an amazing person and I would love to meet you and shake your hand one day.
I have so much love and respect for you♥️🙏💯
"Truth is larger than facts" ... FUCK! I'm gonna need so much time to let everything gabor says sink in. Just to at a high level understand what he says and the meaning of his ideas on my world. I'm just half way through and it feels like the absolute best conversation Tom has had since starting this format. TOM, I can't thank you enough.
"To commit something is to invite pain rejection" - Gabor Mate
What a huge inside that sentence revealed🤯 healing childhood wounds 🙏🏾
The first 5 yrs my grandparents raised me then i had to be yanked out of a wonderful childhood to move to another state, new abusive stepdad, & an abusive mother i didnt kno but she was also a narcissist psychopath. It still screwed me up but at least i got some morals & learned to be a good person in the first few yrs of life so YES super important are the first yrs of development & stability.
Thank u both for an important & interesting video 💕🙏💕
I was under so so much stress when pregnant... my baby is now 13 and she is a genius, natural leader and extremely caring loving yet won’t take an%# from others bullying other kids. She steps in to defend or advise the kid being bullied...”it’s not about you...it’s them that is miserable!” Super mature for her age. All teachers and parents tell us over and over.
With my son I had way way less stress so much love and joy...he is a great smart kid but needs more attention than my daughter. I do more things for him then her. I know I shouldn’t compare...no parent should compare.
But I honestly feel inside that you can control your view and perception of environment and feel less stress. This is ultimately what I did... I does take TONS SELF awareness..it’s worth it 🙏❤️🤗❤️
This dynamic showed up with me and my sister. It caused a lot of harm in the long run. Giving equal attention regardless of the need is important, otherwise one child is enabled and grows up with being "over-parented" and are less capable. The child who received less attention is hyper independent but carries the pain of neglect and resentment. It's a difficult dynamic for parents to navigate, but this was our experience.
It's all about our actions that we take day in and day out. Be mindful of your choices.
I hope everyone has a great day!
Right back at you!
@@TomBilyeu lol I was surprised to see you respond because usually, it's these fake "Tom Bilyeu's" responding.
Isn’t it amazing how people whose brain were screwed from early on, find it twice as hard to make a good choice?
@@mybeautifuljourney7540 So true! They have to rewire their minds.
Thank you for this interview 🌹
Since I’ve read Gabor’s book I’ve became aware of my parenting style and what impact I’m making on human’s life
@ruclips.net/video/jAxJqr5fo40/видео.html
Could i please ask which book you read?
@@ppha0244 Hold in to your Kids
This helps when communicating with kids and adults
Very interesting conversation! Like Nietzsche said, "Become who you are. Do what only you can do. Be the master and the sculptor of yourself". Thank you for sharing with us🧡
i love his genuinity and simplicity : " we are two minds discussing the nature of reality " . so true once you feel what is your true nature is very hard to describe it or hold on to it.that's why many awakened beings dont talk ab it . cause is not much to say . whatever you say is the oposite of what is
"Life is a series of addictions, only way to break them is either spiritual revelation or replacing with a better habit"
Steve Hamilton
👍
@Tom Bilyeu I'm sorry, trading?
@@stevenhamilton801 it's not really Tom. Notice -- no checkmark.
Not verified.
ruclips.net/video/jAxJqr5fo40/видео.html
I don’t think that’s really Tom
I feel Tom is talking too much when replying to Gabor's questions....it is a bit annoying.
Gabor is even surprised how much Tom is disclosing!
It happens when the interviewer is enthralled with Dr Gabor Mate. Happens quite a bit... Just imagine how exciting it would be to have Dr Mate's full attention and answering your, questions! INTENSE 😬👍
Thank you Tom! I could happily have listened to you two for many more hours. Gabor Mate is a true gift to the world. ❤️
I find this gentleman equipped to provide cause and effect of our individual life’s and personalities. I’m taking this to heart and will attempt .to “heal thy self” with his presentation of “surfacing my truths”. I have reviewed several of his interviews and next the next step is to acquire his books. I believe we are capable of growing if we take this process seriously.👏👏
I wish this was 4h long. It's like getting live psychotherapy. Thank you 🙏♥
Maté always delivering powerful insights with compassion and consideration on all levels. Maybe the one interview that stumps Tom? 😂 both are so humble
ruclips.net/video/jAxJqr5fo40/видео.html
One thing that makes Gabor’s talks so amazing, is that he gives us the explanations we need, about how our mind-body-emotional connections develop in us, so early in life! Then, we begin to find our own ways about how we can begin to find ways to heal - we understand that our struggles are a result of early childhood stress, and that we are not he bad person we grew up believing we were.
Expanding spiritually, mentally and relationally welcomes the understanding of the change we are experiencing in different points of our lives. So what ever happens in our lives the understanding we give change is how free within we are living. Aging is a gift from God to allow ourselves to understand what happened to us in our 10s 20s 30s 40s 50s etc.. to allow ourselves to see the beauty within the situation of who we are and who the world is rather than staying stuck in the negative. We are built for this world.
Great stuff and that’s what I got from this beautiful conversation. Thank you.
Wow. Thinking about the fact that I messed up my kid when I was young and did not know better, is too much. That is really stressful to think about it.
I think we all do, more or less. Talk to him/her about it. 💚
Yeah, I feel the same way. I truly thought that I was doing the right things for the most part, and it does make one sad if genuinely being a good parent was your intention.
Oh my Goodness Tom...I still haven't begun listening to this but I know it's going to be profound and beautiful.
Thanks for bringing Gabor Mate on your show
Let me know your thoughts when you finish watching.
I think Gabor Mate is a beautiful man, he speaks the truth, addiction is from trauma he is so wise , a brilliant humble man, he is and has helped me soo much, thank you sir , Lisa from Dublin Ireland xx
Traumas are unavoidable, addressing them is. If this wonderful, brilliant doctor's words could be taught in schools, humanity could make greater steps towards evolution and self healing. It's a hard road to undo what's been done to us, but it's a very necessary one for self love and the love of all.
Thank you for this wonderful information.
I love waking up to the perfect video at just the right time. Needed this today. Thank you.
You are welcome!
Wow this is just pure wisdom, its almost scary how great this is! Our society can get better if more people know this stuff!
Truth stands on it's own, it does not need agreement, language, debate. It just is... Facts are knowledge, your soul is truth. Internal talk in the mind is what you listen to, who is listening? That is truth. We are light, breath...pure love, a luminous being.
I've read "When the body says no" but I still struggle to put limits sometimes. I feel guilty or ashamed even there is no reason for this. Gabor Maté is right when is saying that it's hard to flourish when you're on survival mode. I'm working on healing, to learn new things, to adapt, but looks like it's much harder than I anticipated.
For some reason, I always like these videos before they start because I know they are going to be good.
What an incredible interview, I lean in, I become quiet inside, I follow the conversation with a total openess. Gabor's presence and humbleness moves me into a totally new place within. Thank You from my heart to you both.
1:07 when Dr M spoke abt resistance it really hit a cord with me. I’m just out of a 24 yr marriage @72. He had yrs of relapse recovery,rinse repeat.
I let of & surrendered not out of lack of love or caring. For me my life was meeting resistance in joy & ongoing emotional growth. I enjoy this continual conversation & find such wisdom here.TY. I’m going back into my medical background to take this wisdom back. I wish my ex the best life has for him & grace that he may find these videos.
I feel Dr Gabor Mate is an infj. He is all for meaning and truth , finding the truth and sharing it with the world. Finding the roots. Living by roots.
Would love to see an interview between Jordan Peterson and Gabor Mate
I wanna see how jp a conservative reacts to a left wing professor.
Can I just say, he does NOT look 77! 💜
Fake Tom Bilyue scammer
@@chch2106 what are you talking about? 1st off that is Tom 2nd I was talking about the other guy obvs...
He's hot
LOOKS LIKE A BULLDOZER WENT OVER HIM, I BELIEVE THINKING OVER THINGS TOO MUCH AND ANALYZING THEM IN LIFE DOES THAT TO YOU!!!😉😬😬😂
@@Plainsimple67 that's a bit harsh. Who hurt you man
I exchanged emails with gabor a long time ago--before he became famous--and I found him to be extremely insightful and humanistic. So there I was--last night--listening to gabor's riveting and also soothing voice. I was relaxing in the dark. Then I get jolted by these obnoxious ads whose volume is about 5 times louder. And being in the dark, it was hard to hit the 'skip ads, button. I guess you have to accept this when listening to free videos.