This is good advice for all ages, even teenagers! As teacher my simple behaviour rules are: 1) Model good behaviour. If you want kid to say please and thank you, make sure you say it to them as standard, if you don't want them to get angry and yell, then learn to manage your own anger and frustration, if you don't want them to ignore you when they are on device/screen, don't ignore them when you're on your device. 2) Reward good behaviour. Smile, give them thumbs up, give some kind of positive feedback when they are doing things well. We tend to ignore kids when they are being 'good', eg playing quietly. 3) Don't reward bad behaviour. We most often do this by getting upset and raising our voice, and generally giving a lot of attention. In the classroom if you calmly ignore the kids mucking up and give lots of positive rewards to the kids behaving well you get a lot further, a lot quicker, than if you pay attention to 'naughty' kids and try to tell them to stop. It's hard because it's counter-intuitive, but it works.
My mom was a teacher and I remember her telling me that when kids were running in the hallway she would always say "walk" and never "don't run" because inevitably they would skip or gallop or turn cartwheels 🤣
Teach a child in the way that they should go and they will never depart from it….teaching them the RIGHT way means they will always do the right things but focusing on the bad behavior and never giving wisdom will teach the child the wrong way while they grow up confused and not able to trust us….thank you for your wisdom!!!
Iam a Granmaw and I’m watching this at my age .lol I see now why Grandparents are the ones to get thru to the children and calm them down .I think it’s because we are selves are calmer .When my children were young I was always doing ten things at once ,I responded faster thinking I would prevent the episode,I would yell more .I find myself calmer now because I’m not under all the stress I had back then .Now I’m patient with the grandkids .Iam able to talk calmer and not jump up with quick responses .I guess it gets better with age .Itell my daughter ,just calm don’t ,don’t yell ,don’t react negative and she’s only copping what I did .So ,I think this is a great video for new mom or moms just looking for better skills .Thank you
Im a granny too watching here in Ireland 🇮🇪 😊I’m so much calmer with my grandchildren than I was when my children were growing up. I was always doing a million things and was under pressure to get everything done at once. I look at things now as a second chance to do it better and actually sit and enjoy doing activities with my 2 wee grandsons and granddaughter 🤗
I work in daycare with infants but sometimes I have toddlers. What I have noticed is that teachers and parents will notice when a child is doing something they shouldn't be doing and fuss at the child but they don't say anything when the child is behaving. Like praise them. So, it's often the case where a child will do something they aren't supposed to do just to be acknowledged because it's attention. Children want attention and far too often , they will misbehave just to get that negative attention because negative attention is still attention.
Only paying attention to a child when they misbehave reinforces the bad behavior because they learn to seek out the negative reward of your attention. I totally agree with this video, a calm and neutral voice is so powerful, guide by example not only by words and the child will follow. No matter how young, it’s never too early to create healthy communication and habits, a grown adult seeking negative reward is a terrible prospect, they will suffer in many aspects of life. Thank you for sharing this!
Omg I love this video! For a little while now if my baby hits I say “We are gentle” and stroke her arm. Now when I say gentle she has just started saying it too and stroking her own arm! It provides her the distraction and she loves being able to do it too. Thank you for this video!
Two years ago I had just gotten my puppy and would watch videos that explained how much further you can get with positive reinforcement, now I'm here watching for the benefit of my 3m twins and it's the same principles. ❤️
As someone who is married to an adult twin, please do take the time to read about twin-specific needs, and follow the recommendations (healthy individuation, supporting their bond, never treat them as a unit, teach them to celebrate each other's successes...) it's not as "fun" as dressing them up like cute dolls, but you'll save them mental health issues that they would otherwise have to carry for life. Thank you!
I used to get absolutely horrified looks, for teaching my children like a puppy with basic behavior, and having the nerve to actually SAY it🙈. I didn’t Preach it or anything. This was the early 80’s. Well, my kids behaved, theirs didn’t, and they ASKED lol. 🤷♀️. It just seemed really simple to me. Mean it. Good behavior gets rewarded. Bad behavior doesn’t. My dogs behaved too lol. (Another “miracle” lol). Of course, they had dogs “that wouldn’t listen”. too. 🙄 I didn’t hit, and yeah, sometimes I raised my voice to get their attention. Big deal. They’re grown now, obviously, and we all have really good relationships.
My son loves throwing blocks especially seeing the reaction when it hits us lol now i used to say no throwing but he found this funny...his only 2 lol so now i put the blocks away when he starts n i take them out once he has calmed down. I do actually say play nicely and no throwing whilst putting them away because i think its important for him to know no throwing is allowed and he will associate the no throwing n seeing me putting them away so he knows for next time. It is working....
yes, as a 30 yr teacher, it’s called consequences for undesirable behavior. Talk means nothing. Actions mean everything. Show them that you mean business.
I have worked in Behavioral Intervention Therapy for 7 years and this entire video is exactly what we teach during Parent Training! This is an excellent resource for all ages! We always teach "Avoiding Attention Based Reinforcement for Undesired Behaviors", "Behavior Redirection", and "Correcting Behavior through Modeling & Guiding" as foundational skills for Behavioral Intervention!
I love how you’ve stayed so genuine and open and vulnerable throughout the years. It’s such a pleasure to share your family’s experiences and watch it grow! Always brings a smile to my face watching your videos ❤
Thank you so very much! When I say stop, my infant starts to laugh and do even more of what I'm asking her to stop! So this is so true. Thank you! Valuable advice. 👍
Im experienced in dog training and I'm a new nom. Every single advice here applies to dog training as well and is what I show owners work. I'm happy all the same principles apply to babies as it is my natural way of behaving as the mommy/owner.
Definitely!!!! Learning about positive reinforcement and animal behaviour in order to have a great relationship with my border collies made me so much better prepared for helping to raise three grandchildren. Of course, border collies are very smart and know that there are only two genders.
Such good advice, Emma! Sometimes I feel like a broken record around my son "no, no, no, no". I will definitely be taking a different approach from now on!
This video helps about 20% of people. Not every child is the same regardless if yelling or not some kids need reinforcement of their bad behavior. I've tried speaking calmly to one of my children who in turn continued. But when I raised my voice and expressed anger they stopped completely and moved on. As well as having to be removed from the area completely of something they wanted.
Every kid is different. And yelling is detrimental for each one. It's not like making instant noodles, you probably need to work on your patience, instead of culling your child out from accepted and encouraged treatment methods.
I love this so many people give advice telling me to say no and be more aggressive about it like Louder and make a stern face and that has made my son laugh and he doesn't stop so I've no learned what to actually do, plus I learned that people give stupid advice on things they know nothing about and have never tried to learn. My husband and my grandma!
When I was in college, I accidently ended up in a childhood development class. It's one of the best accidents of my life. I had never had children, but I realized that a lot of things that I thought I knew were wrong. I will never forget finding out that the reason babies throw their food on the floor is because they're learning about dropping or something. I can't remember. But what I realized is that I shouldn't get upset, it was part of the learning process.
So true, a lot of their behaviour is just learning! The reason you're referring to re: dropping their food is object permanency. Which just means they have learnt that something continues to exist even when they can't see it and this often results in them dropping the food off the table to find it.
My baby is 11 months and has started kind of testing what she can do. Whenever she does something she shouldn't, I sit there completely calm (unless I actually need to run and save her from something, obviously) and I say "uh-uh" (meaning no). Just a simple sound, but she will stop whatever she's doing. She MIGHT do it one or two more times. All I say is uh-uh and she will find something else to do. 😄🙌
Your channel is awesome! Thank you so much for all your hard work! From tracking my baby's growth in my tummy to now dealing with the toddler attitude almost 2 years later, you have given me so much helpful advice and encouragement, ideas, and knowledge. Thank you!!
That is so nice to hear! It is so nice to know that this information is making you feel confident in your parenting choices. Enjoy the crazy ride of parenting!😊
LOL, I work with developmentally disabled adults and your strategy is basically what we do: ignore the behavior, redirect, and lavish praise for appropriate behavior. Although, sometimes, because I have a good rapport with most and know when they can take a joke, I'll react hysterically in a funny way and they'll get the message. Thanks for all your good advice!
Love your videos and advice. I have sent the links to my daughter who has a 17 month old. I know it will be helpful. She is a wonderful Mom but being a first time Mom of an active toddler is always a challenge.
For the most part, I have adapted the approach of telling my toddler what he can do as opposed to what he cannot do. The problem is that for some actions, there is no alternative. For example, if he is trying to touch the stove, there is no alternative to that. The bottom line is that he cannot touch the stove.I’ll try to distract him with something, but he becomes locked in on the stove until I say “no”. Side note: he understands the concept of hot. He doesn’t touch the oven when it’s on. But he does try to play with the nobs when it is off.
I love all these advices which I did with my first son and it was affective how ever when he was barely 2 I had a second baby and he would almost get hurt many times which I did not have free hands to stop him in the moment with an infant and unfortunately yelling was the only way I could get him to stop, I ask people all the time what else I could have done better and the answer was always have someone help you and unfortunately I do not have that support in life but now they are both toddlers and I'm still engaging in anger when I can physically remove things more which after this video I plan on doing because I am causing bad behavior with my bad behavior
Great video! I dont yell at my child but I do become more animated when I am trying to divert her attention when she is making a mess. I noticed that if I say to not do something she does it. I figured she doesn't understand but I wasn't sure how to address these problems when they come up. Telling them what to so makes so much sense. Thanks!
This is an AMAZING video!!! Such great tips with very clear “why”’s and what to do instead. It seems so simple, but this is a rare teaching video that’s ACTUALLY helpful. Thank you thank you thank you.
@@EmmaHubbardMy lil cousin Magdalene (she is 4)throws a tantrum and said to me swear words that i dont know the meaning like:Oh macarois poop or other swear words that i know the meaning:disgusting pervert,etc.,and my cousin's brother Is 8 and says words like:sh!t,etc.
Emma, can you pleaseeee do a video on excessive thumb sucking?! My daughter is 16 months old ( not walking yet!) and sucks her thumb when she is: bored, annoyed, sad, tired… pretty much for everything! She never took a pacifier so I didn’t give much attention but don’t want her palate and teeth to be messed up. Redirecting or saying thumbs down doesn’t really work and am unsure of safety of nasty tasting polish. It’s even cracking the skin of this particular thumb:( I used to bite my nails for over 20 years and the idea of these harmful oral coping mechanisms really scares me… please share your wisdom on a detailed video!! Love your channel, it’s very helpful!! Priscila from Boston USA
Hi @Pri USA thanks for the suggestion. I don't currently have a video on this topic but I do have one on thumb sucking in general. Some of the information might be helpful. Here is the video in case you would like to watch it: ruclips.net/video/OZjLwaXcRWY/видео.html
Hi everyone. I'm a breastfeed mom of 4months Baby Girl. She is co sleeper. She didn't sleep in her bed. And her cat naps in day time are not finished yet. She sleep well in night. Its hard for me to hold her all day her Dad went on work and i have no other member in ireland. Watch alot of videos and tricks to train her but she is the Boss 😍
My son will be 2 next month.. it’s been so difficult the last few weeks I feel like he has gotten out of that stage where he was my sweet little baby boy and he’s more independent and doesn’t listen unless we raise our voice and even then that doesn’t work all the time. so stressful, and I try to just get through it day by day, without ruining him, and constantly looking for tools to be a better mother, to give him the proper tools to grow and express his self.
I had similar problems although I didn’t have boys but what has helped some is raising the consequence instead of raising my voice (it doesn’t always work! Sometimes I do have to raise my voice; but i try to be mindful of giving attention and praise even for little things they do to help before and after misbehavior, because I want them to feel like they are good at something even on their bad days). If they dint listen to me or their sister the first or second time (depending on circumstances) they lose something important to them and have to earn it back. On their bad misbehavior days it’s so rough, but the upside is it’s kinda nice to not have so many toys cluttering everything 😅 Hang in there❤
Thank you !!! I do notice my son wanting to hit me even more when I tell him “no hitting mommy “ he thinks it’s the funniest thing I probably look silly to him with my reaction 😅
I have a daycare and I use the phrase no, no, no throughout the day and it works for me. Now granted I'm not yelling and waving my arms. I simply say no, no, no and state whatever behavior I'm no to, then redirect them. This works for me.
Thanks so much for your video! It helped me a lot with my 13 months old she likes hitting me,dad and her brother, since I started applying your advices instead of saying “ no! Stop!” I’ve had seen a huge difference!
My 6months old bubba throws more toys on floor when he's in high chair when I say NO But when I realise he wants me there and my attention n I start play with him then he doesn't do that Thank you for sharing this video to understand baby's behaviour 💜
Avoid saying no? No its not a bad word. It teaches boundaries. So what would happen when they start interacting with people other that you when they get older? They wouldn't understand what it means to hear the words, No! Stop, don't do that! I dont like that!! Ect We all know how that would end....
I love love love these video's. However it is sometimes really hard to understand what you're saying due to the background music. Wish I could turn that off somewhere :D Other than that, thanks again for all the insights!
I wish I knew this before I had my 2 boys but never the less am still going to use it with my third boy he's only a month though but am preparing. Thanks Emma
Great advice I’m definitely a yeller and working on better communication! Totally unrelated but where did you get those beautiful earrings? They’re so unique
Hello, Thank you so much for this video. This is what i was looking for. Please please make more videos on this topic. My 13 month old starts crying and hitting when i dont give him something or i stop him.. i find myself saying no or stop every single time. Its difficult not to.. Please teach me how to calm a toddler while he is crying.. how to make them actually listen when you are telling them not to do something..
Emma, I absolutely love your videos. They're unfortunately not timely for me because my kids are already grown up, and my first two grandsons are no longer toddlers. I have my fingers crossed that my daughter will change her mind and decide to have children in the next year or two... In the meantime, I will always recommend your channel to others.
I wish I had a mother in law like you. We told my mother in law that our 2 yr old is going to be a big sister soon and she started screaming in my face making a scene and screaming lies about my medical information to everyone who was congratulating her. Then slammed the door on me.
Great video!! Very helpful as I've been trying different ways to stop my 12 month old from doing things that I don't like. The first time she hit me with a toy.. I said Ouch..because it hurt me but she laughed and hit me again because she thought it was funny. She likes to pull my hair, but they don't understand that it hurts... do they? Sometimes When I try to stop her from doing something she hits herself.. how do i deal with her?😒 Thanks very much Emma! Please make more videos on this topic.
Hi @deepali pai so glad you found this video helpfu! You’re correct in thinking your little one doesn’t know that she is hurting you when she throws a toy or pulls your hair. You might find she stops doing this things after you start to tell her what to do when she does things you don’t like. So for example if she throws the block, direct her to put the blocks into a container. When she pulls your hair it is important to figure out why she is doing it. If she is doing it because she is upset you could say, I can see your upset, it is ok to be upset but it is not ok to pull mummy’s hair and I would recommend you place her on the ground beside you or you stand up so she can’t pull your hair. Then tell her what she can do instead. Hope that helps!
Great video! I learned lots of helpful strategies to employ with my little one. Thank you so much! Hope you can do a series on this and/or gentle parenting.
I give a stern face, say no in a stern voice and remove the object-stop the action. If they do it again I put them in time out = their playpen. They cry and I’ll ignore it. It’s worked well for me.
Emma you always read my mind at the right time. I have been thinking about buying a book to teach good manners to my baby to learn how to stop them from doing undesirable things and how to and wat to do. Thanks for putting up this video😀😍
I've always just calmly told them that that's not acceptable and that the activity is over if they do it again. Always give a warning and explanation first, then let them feel an immediate consequence if the keep doing it. Never make a threat you're unwilling to actually do. Never make a promise you can't keep either.
And thank you for all your hard work and guidance. Knowing your research is peer reviewed along with your extensive experience really provides a comforting relief especially for this 1st time type A mama.
I wish our older parent’s generation had this video accessible. We used to get the snots slapped out of us when we did something undesirable. But the older method also worked.
I know this comment is on an old video and might not be seen at all, but something really helpful to me as a soon-to-be new mom and current new stepmom to toddlers would be a video dedicated to alternative actions for undesirable behavior. Often I find myself saying no or stop, and since I can't find an appropriate alternative in the moment, I get frustrated and just leave it at that. For example: our almost 2yr old hits his big brother who is doing something he doesn't like. He doesn't yet have the words to TELL his brother he doesn't like that, so saying "use your words, bubba" doesn't really help. "Be nice" isn't specific enough, and "gentle" just ignores the fact that he's upset and needs something to stop happening. Any advice?
She kind of addresses that @5:00 Maybe you could try grabbing his hands and say "nice hands" and then demonstrate by turning to his brother holding your hand up like a stop sign and say "no"
Love this! I have two year old twins and one will often get frustrated and push her sister, even if they aren’t near each other. We’ve taught “nice hands” but that doesn’t help when she’s angry. I would love some suggestions!
Can you please cover taking turns and how to stop a 2 yr old from snatching toys away from other kids. I have tried so many times but it is exhausting and he does seem to get it
Yes perfect timing! We are constantly saying “no, that’s not a toy, why don’t we go play with your toys…no don’t throw your toys, they will break…no don’t hit mommy that’s not nice” It makes sense they throw their toys when they’re done playing, since they throw food when they’re done eating. We will try this
My son is almost 2 and he pushes anyone in reach at seemingly odd times. We don't know what he is thinking. I say Be gentle! Don't push. Be gentle. I either put him in time out or take his favorite toy.
Hi Lawain it can be hard to identify why a toddler is doing a behaviour. But it is important to remember that behaviours are a form of communication. Your toddler might use the same behaviour (pushing) to communicate multiple things. What's important is to try and identify why the behaviour is occurring and then teach your little one the skill or words to express what they are trying to communicate. It might also be worth trying to tell your little one what to do. So if they are pushing to be affectionate instead of saying Be gentle! say "Pat, pat" and hold their hand if needed to pat your arm.
I started watching these with baby #2, and it’s discouraging to see how wrong I approached some things with my first baby. Really makes me feel bad, like somehow I may have hurt his development. I hope maybe there is a way to fix some mistakes from earlier childhood phases now that he’s almost three. 😢 That would be a really helpful video-something for parents who think they messed up but want to help change it, if it’s not too late.
That was never my intention with these videos. I am sure you did and continue to be an amazing parent! Just being there for your first child and responding to their needs was enough. Also it’s important to remember that it’s never too late. Kids are so adaptable and as parents we are constantly learning.
@@EmmaHubbard thanks! I guess it’ll just be a work in progress haha. And of course I don’t think it’s your fault or anything about how you made the video that’s wrong, it’s just me lol. Sometimes the parent guilt strikes at odd times.
This is usually working well for us with our 1 year old appart from something he started recently which is he wont stay on his back on the changing table. Like he instantly want to flip and move. We keep telling him like 'on your back on the changing table', but its not working. It is really hard to change him and keep our cool when he does that :p. He has always been very fast on the motor side, hes walking very well and he does not like being hold when hes doing his things. On the positive side he recently started (sometimes) pushing his food when hes finished like I showed him instead of throwing it!
I don't know how well this would work with a boy but my 9mo old girl is bad about not wanting to stay on her back for diaper changes too. I have found it's easier now to do diaper changes standing up. She still has to hold on to something and I put the wipes up where she can reach them standing up & let her pull the wipes out (I just stuff them back when we're done) to keep her occupied. The area is easy to clean just in case. I use a big slick leather chair when downstairs. I've also started sitting her on a little potty periodically (about 2 hours after the last diaper if she isn't already wet) I tell her "it's potty time" and at first I started with sitting her on the potty in her diaper and I used the potty in front of her and had a tiny barbie toilet I sat one of her toys on. When I noticed she started using her diaper while on the potty I started taking her diaper off for potty time and I give her some toilet paper she tears into confetti to keep her occupied or put wipes where she can pull them out. I've never had a boy so I realize that presents a challenge I don't have experience with. I celebrate and praise her for just sitting on the toilet for a couple of minutes, put her hand on my shoulder to clean her up and put the new diaper (or the same one if it's still clean) on letting her hold a wipe in the other hand to wipe her hand (to keep her occupied) then we wash our hands at the sink. Look up videos on "elimination communication" for more tips about early potty training. My 9 month old has peed in the potty a few times and I make a big celebration of it. She loves playing with the dangles from the ceiling fan, pulling it to turn the light off and on, so I use that as a reward.
I have actually been hitting my one year atimes thinking am disciplining him, but after I feel sad coz he remains puzzled not knowing what's going on....but thanks so much for this video it has taught me
This is good advice for all ages, even teenagers! As teacher my simple behaviour rules are:
1) Model good behaviour. If you want kid to say please and thank you, make sure you say it to them as standard, if you don't want them to get angry and yell, then learn to manage your own anger and frustration, if you don't want them to ignore you when they are on device/screen, don't ignore them when you're on your device.
2) Reward good behaviour. Smile, give them thumbs up, give some kind of positive feedback when they are doing things well. We tend to ignore kids when they are being 'good', eg playing quietly.
3) Don't reward bad behaviour. We most often do this by getting upset and raising our voice, and generally giving a lot of attention. In the classroom if you calmly ignore the kids mucking up and give lots of positive rewards to the kids behaving well you get a lot further, a lot quicker, than if you pay attention to 'naughty' kids and try to tell them to stop. It's hard because it's counter-intuitive, but it works.
Thanks so much for sharing this important information!
👏😊 Very well explained! Thank you a lot!
Wow that's parenting 101, in 1 paragraph. I'm 46 with only 1 child, she's 4, so this information was very beneficial!
0æ oi we
My mom was a teacher and I remember her telling me that when kids were running in the hallway she would always say "walk" and never "don't run" because inevitably they would skip or gallop or turn cartwheels 🤣
Teach a child in the way that they should go and they will never depart from it….teaching them the RIGHT way means they will always do the right things but focusing on the bad behavior and never giving wisdom will teach the child the wrong way while they grow up confused and not able to trust us….thank you for your wisdom!!!
Thank you for putting a biblical perspective on this
Iam a Granmaw and I’m watching this at my age .lol I see now why Grandparents are the ones to get thru to the children and calm them down .I think it’s because we are selves are calmer .When my children were young I was always doing ten things at once ,I responded faster thinking I would prevent the episode,I would yell more .I find myself calmer now because I’m not under all the stress I had back then .Now I’m patient with the grandkids .Iam able to talk calmer and not jump up with quick responses .I guess it gets better with age .Itell my daughter ,just calm don’t ,don’t yell ,don’t react negative and she’s only copping what I did .So ,I think this is a great video for new mom or moms just looking for better skills .Thank you
Exactly this! As a grandparent I’m so much wiser and calmer now than in my 20’s when I had mine!
Im a granny too watching here in Ireland 🇮🇪 😊I’m so much calmer with my grandchildren than I was when my children were growing up. I was always doing a million things and was under pressure to get everything done at once. I look at things now as a second chance to do it better and actually sit and enjoy doing activities with my 2 wee grandsons and granddaughter 🤗
Thanks for your input!
Asking for what you want is one of the most effective ways to improve children’s behaviour, great advice.
This makes so much sense. When ever my daughter hits me I yell no and she just smiles and continues to hit. This was very helpful, thank you.
I say be gentle with mommy. Then i grab babies hand to caress my face
I work in daycare with infants but sometimes I have toddlers. What I have noticed is that teachers and parents will notice when a child is doing something they shouldn't be doing and fuss at the child but they don't say anything when the child is behaving. Like praise them. So, it's often the case where a child will do something they aren't supposed to do just to be acknowledged because it's attention. Children want attention and far too often , they will misbehave just to get that negative attention because negative attention is still attention.
So true I'm working on this too.
Only paying attention to a child when they misbehave reinforces the bad behavior because they learn to seek out the negative reward of your attention. I totally agree with this video, a calm and neutral voice is so powerful, guide by example not only by words and the child will follow. No matter how young, it’s never too early to create healthy communication and habits, a grown adult seeking negative reward is a terrible prospect, they will suffer in many aspects of life. Thank you for sharing this!
Omg I love this video! For a little while now if my baby hits I say “We are gentle” and stroke her arm. Now when I say gentle she has just started saying it too and stroking her own arm! It provides her the distraction and she loves being able to do it too. Thank you for this video!
Well Done! That was all you!
Aww ❤
I love this approach and do something similar with my 18 month old!!
My daughter does this too now, i say "be gentle" and she would caress my face 😂
Easy when they're babies
Two years ago I had just gotten my puppy and would watch videos that explained how much further you can get with positive reinforcement, now I'm here watching for the benefit of my 3m twins and it's the same principles. ❤️
As someone who is married to an adult twin, please do take the time to read about twin-specific needs, and follow the recommendations (healthy individuation, supporting their bond, never treat them as a unit, teach them to celebrate each other's successes...) it's not as "fun" as dressing them up like cute dolls, but you'll save them mental health issues that they would otherwise have to carry for life. Thank you!
I was just thinking how much this has in common with dog training so I’m glad somebody else had the same thought as me! 😂
If you can't train a dog, don't have children. Simple as that. Should be law.
Behavior is behavior
I used to get absolutely horrified looks, for teaching my children like a puppy with basic behavior, and having the nerve to actually SAY it🙈. I didn’t Preach it or anything. This was the early 80’s. Well, my kids behaved, theirs didn’t, and they ASKED lol. 🤷♀️. It just seemed really simple to me. Mean it. Good behavior gets rewarded. Bad behavior doesn’t. My dogs behaved too lol. (Another “miracle” lol). Of course, they had dogs “that wouldn’t listen”. too. 🙄 I didn’t hit, and yeah, sometimes I raised my voice to get their attention. Big deal. They’re grown now, obviously, and we all have really good relationships.
My son loves throwing blocks especially seeing the reaction when it hits us lol now i used to say no throwing but he found this funny...his only 2 lol so now i put the blocks away when he starts n i take them out once he has calmed down. I do actually say play nicely and no throwing whilst putting them away because i think its important for him to know no throwing is allowed and he will associate the no throwing n seeing me putting them away so he knows for next time. It is working....
This is great advice. Thanks for sharing ❤
yes, as a 30 yr teacher, it’s called consequences for undesirable behavior. Talk means nothing. Actions mean everything. Show them that you mean business.
I have worked in Behavioral Intervention Therapy for 7 years and this entire video is exactly what we teach during Parent Training! This is an excellent resource for all ages!
We always teach "Avoiding Attention Based Reinforcement for Undesired Behaviors", "Behavior Redirection", and "Correcting Behavior through Modeling & Guiding" as foundational skills for Behavioral Intervention!
What a lovely compliment! Thank you so much for sharing!
I love how you’ve stayed so genuine and open and vulnerable throughout the years. It’s such a pleasure to share your family’s experiences and watch it grow! Always brings a smile to my face watching your videos ❤
Thank you so very much! When I say stop, my infant starts to laugh and do even more of what I'm asking her to stop! So this is so true. Thank you! Valuable advice. 👍
You are so welcome!
Im experienced in dog training and I'm a new nom. Every single advice here applies to dog training as well and is what I show owners work. I'm happy all the same principles apply to babies as it is my natural way of behaving as the mommy/owner.
Definitely!!!! Learning about positive reinforcement and animal behaviour in order to have a great relationship with my border collies made me so much better prepared for helping to raise three grandchildren. Of course, border collies are very smart and know that there are only two genders.
It's all based on the same behavioural understanding and condition psychology.
@@PureAdrenalin3342 What a strange ending to your comment.
Such good advice, Emma! Sometimes I feel like a broken record around my son "no, no, no, no". I will definitely be taking a different approach from now on!
Thanks so much. Hope it helps!
Excellent advice. Not for just children but relating with other adults state what you want not what you don’t want.
This video helps about 20% of people. Not every child is the same regardless if yelling or not some kids need reinforcement of their bad behavior. I've tried speaking calmly to one of my children who in turn continued. But when I raised my voice and expressed anger they stopped completely and moved on. As well as having to be removed from the area completely of something they wanted.
Every kid is different. And yelling is detrimental for each one.
It's not like making instant noodles, you probably need to work on your patience, instead of culling your child out from accepted and encouraged treatment methods.
I love this so many people give advice telling me to say no and be more aggressive about it like Louder and make a stern face and that has made my son laugh and he doesn't stop so I've no learned what to actually do, plus I learned that people give stupid advice on things they know nothing about and have never tried to learn. My husband and my grandma!
Dear Abby said it years ago- instead of telling a child what not to do, tell them what to do.
Great advice from you both.
When I was in college, I accidently ended up in a childhood development class. It's one of the best accidents of my life. I had never had children, but I realized that a lot of things that I thought I knew were wrong.
I will never forget finding out that the reason babies throw their food on the floor is because they're learning about dropping or something. I can't remember. But what I realized is that I shouldn't get upset, it was part of the learning process.
So true, a lot of their behaviour is just learning! The reason you're referring to re: dropping their food is object permanency. Which just means they have learnt that something continues to exist even when they can't see it and this often results in them dropping the food off the table to find it.
@@EmmaHubbard Thank you for that reminder, that class was like 30 years ago.
@@EmmaHubbardand cause and effect 😊
I've just started working at a childcare centre. I'll definitely try it out!
My baby is 11 months and has started kind of testing what she can do. Whenever she does something she shouldn't, I sit there completely calm (unless I actually need to run and save her from something, obviously) and I say "uh-uh" (meaning no). Just a simple sound, but she will stop whatever she's doing. She MIGHT do it one or two more times. All I say is uh-uh and she will find something else to do. 😄🙌
Thanks so much for sharing. Sounds like this strategy is working well for you and your little one!
Your channel is awesome! Thank you so much for all your hard work!
From tracking my baby's growth in my tummy to now dealing with the toddler attitude almost 2 years later, you have given me so much helpful advice and encouragement, ideas, and knowledge. Thank you!!
This just happened to me at lunch today with my toddler. I didn't even search for this video it just came up. I clearly needed to see it. Thank you!
Hope it helps! 😊
You always make me feel so confident in my parenting choices! Thank you!
That is so nice to hear! It is so nice to know that this information is making you feel confident in your parenting choices.
Enjoy the crazy ride of parenting!😊
I'm Also a glam-ma and watching this video. I see myself doing much better than 25 yeara ago. Thanks.
I have been yelling at my 18 months old baby boy and tngs went hard on me but now after seeing your video I know how to deal with him ....tnx Emma
No worries at all. Parenting can be so hard. Just remember to be kind to yourself. It’s ok to not do it perfectly every single time.
Hello Emma, Thanks for your efforts to teach parents how to be better at parenting.
I applied your suggestions and I can really see the difference. You're a life saver.
Sending to my daughter, thank you! Wish I’d see this as a new mother. ❤️
Thank you so much for this. We are really going through it with our 2.5 year old and I know this will help us a lot.
No worries at all. Hope it helps!
Same, girl! Hang in there! 😭
Thanks, Emma. Another great video at the perfect time. I always look forward to what advice you will share next.
🙏
Hope the video was helpful!
LOL, I work with developmentally disabled adults and your strategy is basically what we do: ignore the behavior, redirect, and lavish praise for appropriate behavior. Although, sometimes, because I have a good rapport with most and know when they can take a joke, I'll react hysterically in a funny way and they'll get the message. Thanks for all your good advice!
Love your videos and advice. I have sent the links to my daughter who has a 17 month old. I know it will be helpful. She is a wonderful Mom but being a first time Mom of an active toddler is always a challenge.
Thanks for sharing!!
For the most part, I have adapted the approach of telling my toddler what he can do as opposed to what he cannot do. The problem is that for some actions, there is no alternative. For example, if he is trying to touch the stove, there is no alternative to that. The bottom line is that he cannot touch the stove.I’ll try to distract him with something, but he becomes locked in on the stove until I say “no”. Side note: he understands the concept of hot. He doesn’t touch the oven when it’s on. But he does try to play with the nobs when it is off.
I love all these advices which I did with my first son and it was affective how ever when he was barely 2 I had a second baby and he would almost get hurt many times which I did not have free hands to stop him in the moment with an infant and unfortunately yelling was the only way I could get him to stop, I ask people all the time what else I could have done better and the answer was always have someone help you and unfortunately I do not have that support in life but now they are both toddlers and I'm still engaging in anger when I can physically remove things more which after this video I plan on doing because I am causing bad behavior with my bad behavior
I hope you're doing well now 😊
Great video! I dont yell at my child but I do become more animated when I am trying to divert her attention when she is making a mess. I noticed that if I say to not do something she does it. I figured she doesn't understand but I wasn't sure how to address these problems when they come up. Telling them what to so makes so much sense. Thanks!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for this video! I've been doing it wrong. I don't know why I didn't look this up sooner!
Thanks for telling me what to do. my baby is an example of this undesirable behavior
Been stuck inside with teething baby on a stormy day.. video deffo came at the right time thank you!!
Glad I could help!
This make totally sense, for luck my little girl is 6 months old so I can try this from the beginning 🙏
Fantastic! Definitely a good idea to start saying this at the start because it will make it so much easier.
This is an AMAZING video!!! Such great tips with very clear “why”’s and what to do instead. It seems so simple, but this is a rare teaching video that’s ACTUALLY helpful. Thank you thank you thank you.
You're so welcome!
@@EmmaHubbardMy lil cousin Magdalene (she is 4)throws a tantrum and said to me swear words that i dont know the meaning like:Oh macarois poop or other swear words that i know the meaning:disgusting pervert,etc.,and my cousin's brother Is 8 and says words like:sh!t,etc.
Emma, can you pleaseeee do a video on excessive thumb sucking?! My daughter is 16 months old ( not walking yet!) and sucks her thumb when she is: bored, annoyed, sad, tired… pretty much for everything! She never took a pacifier so I didn’t give much attention but don’t want her palate and teeth to be messed up. Redirecting or saying thumbs down doesn’t really work and am unsure of safety of nasty tasting polish. It’s even cracking the skin of this particular thumb:( I used to bite my nails for over 20 years and the idea of these harmful oral coping mechanisms really scares me… please share your wisdom on a detailed video!! Love your channel, it’s very helpful!! Priscila from Boston USA
Hi @Pri USA thanks for the suggestion. I don't currently have a video on this topic but I do have one on thumb sucking in general. Some of the information might be helpful. Here is the video in case you would like to watch it: ruclips.net/video/OZjLwaXcRWY/видео.html
I need that, too
Love this video, thank you. Seding this to my colleagues asap
Hi everyone. I'm a breastfeed mom of 4months Baby Girl. She is co sleeper. She didn't sleep in her bed. And her cat naps in day time are not finished yet. She sleep well in night. Its hard for me to hold her all day her Dad went on work and i have no other member in ireland. Watch alot of videos and tricks to train her but she is the Boss 😍
I found the papoose was a life-saver for me in this situation.
My son will be 2 next month.. it’s been so difficult the last few weeks I feel like he has gotten out of that stage where he was my sweet little baby boy and he’s more independent and doesn’t listen unless we raise our voice and even then that doesn’t work all the time. so stressful, and I try to just get through it day by day, without ruining him, and constantly looking for tools to be a better mother, to give him the proper tools to grow and express his self.
I had similar problems although I didn’t have boys but what has helped some is raising the consequence instead of raising my voice (it doesn’t always work! Sometimes I do have to raise my voice; but i try to be mindful of giving attention and praise even for little things they do to help before and after misbehavior, because I want them to feel like they are good at something even on their bad days). If they dint listen to me or their sister the first or second time (depending on circumstances) they lose something important to them and have to earn it back. On their bad misbehavior days it’s so rough, but the upside is it’s kinda nice to not have so many toys cluttering everything 😅
Hang in there❤
Thank you !!! I do notice my son wanting to hit me even more when I tell him “no hitting mommy “ he thinks it’s the funniest thing I probably look silly to him with my reaction 😅
I have a daycare and I use the phrase no, no, no throughout the day and it works for me. Now granted I'm not yelling and waving my arms. I simply say no, no, no and state whatever behavior I'm no to, then redirect them. This works for me.
U r wrong
@@sanjidaislam1396 can’t be wrong when something works for you
Thanks so much for your video! It helped me a lot with my 13 months old she likes hitting me,dad and her brother, since I started applying your advices instead of saying “ no! Stop!” I’ve had seen a huge difference!
That’s so good! Awesome work!
I was wondering why my son laughs and repeats the behavior 🙈...thank you!!
You’re welcome 😊
How's your baby now
My 6months old bubba throws more toys on floor when he's in high chair when I say NO
But when I realise he wants me there and my attention n I start play with him then he doesn't do that
Thank you for sharing this video to understand baby's behaviour 💜
So glad this video has helped you understand your baby's behaviour!
@@EmmaHubbard I wait for your videos as they're very helpful for new parents .
God bless you
That's so nice. Thanks so much!
Perfect timing 👌 for us. Will gladly use these steps. Thanks
Perfect!
Avoid saying no? No its not a bad word. It teaches boundaries. So what would happen when they start interacting with people other that you when they get older? They wouldn't understand what it means to hear the words, No! Stop, don't do that! I dont like that!! Ect
We all know how that would end....
Perfect timing, thank you for this🙂… I’ve been struggling with my 10 month old ever since she turned 5months😅.
You are so welcome!
When my parents told me “No” in a loud voice, I knew exactly I was doing something that was not allowed and stopped the wrong behavior.
Thank you for this information. Ive been struggling with this.
You are so welcome!
I love love love these video's. However it is sometimes really hard to understand what you're saying due to the background music. Wish I could turn that off somewhere :D
Other than that, thanks again for all the insights!
Excellent advices for Families and TEACHERS. Thank you for sharing this amazing information 🙏🙏
It's my pleasure
I wish I knew this before I had my 2 boys but never the less am still going to use it with my third boy he's only a month though but am preparing. Thanks Emma
Great advice I’m definitely a yeller and working on better communication! Totally unrelated but where did you get those beautiful earrings? They’re so unique
Hopefully the tips in the video help!
The earrings are pretty nice! I got them from a small coastal town in Australia by a local. Sorry!
Hello,
Thank you so much for this video. This is what i was looking for.
Please please make more videos on this topic.
My 13 month old starts crying and hitting when i dont give him something or i stop him.. i find myself saying no or stop every single time. Its difficult not to..
Please teach me how to calm a toddler while he is crying.. how to make them actually listen when you are telling them not to do something..
Thanks for the video topic suggestion. I'll try to do more in the future!
Thank you! A beautiful summary of behavioral psychology principles from a wonderful OT lense.
Emma, I absolutely love your videos. They're unfortunately not timely for me because my kids are already grown up, and my first two grandsons are no longer toddlers. I have my fingers crossed that my daughter will change her mind and decide to have children in the next year or two... In the meantime, I will always recommend your channel to others.
I'm so glad!
I wish I had a mother in law like you. We told my mother in law that our 2 yr old is going to be a big sister soon and she started screaming in my face making a scene and screaming lies about my medical information to everyone who was congratulating her. Then slammed the door on me.
Great video!! Very helpful as I've been trying different ways to stop my 12 month old from doing things that I don't like. The first time she hit me with a toy.. I said Ouch..because it hurt me but she laughed and hit me again because she thought it was funny. She likes to pull my hair, but they don't understand that it hurts... do they? Sometimes When I try to stop her from doing something she hits herself.. how do i deal with her?😒 Thanks very much Emma! Please make more videos on this topic.
Hi @deepali pai so glad you found this video helpfu!
You’re correct in thinking your little one doesn’t know that she is hurting you when she throws a toy or pulls your hair.
You might find she stops doing this things after you start to tell her what to do when she does things you don’t like. So for example if she throws the block, direct her to put the blocks into a container.
When she pulls your hair it is important to figure out why she is doing it. If she is doing it because she is upset you could say, I can see your upset, it is ok to be upset but it is not ok to pull mummy’s hair and I would recommend you place her on the ground beside you or you stand up so she can’t pull your hair. Then tell her what she can do instead.
Hope that helps!
My problem right now 😢❤
Great video! I learned lots of helpful strategies to employ with my little one. Thank you so much! Hope you can do a series on this and/or gentle parenting.
Thanks for the idea!
I give a stern face, say no in a stern voice and remove the object-stop the action. If they do it again I put them in time out = their playpen. They cry and I’ll ignore it. It’s worked well for me.
I will definitely try this today with the children
Emma you always read my mind at the right time. I have been thinking about buying a book to teach good manners to my baby to learn how to stop them from doing undesirable things and how to and wat to do. Thanks for putting up this video😀😍
It's my pleasure 😊
this was very helpful and makes a lot of sense! thanks! definitely in that phase now - food throwing and hitting ha.
Glad it was helpful!
Love this video, please make more. What can you say to your toddler who is pushing his little brother or anyone at the park to prevent this behavior ?
My son (almost 2) does that too...
I've always just calmly told them that that's not acceptable and that the activity is over if they do it again. Always give a warning and explanation first, then let them feel an immediate consequence if the keep doing it. Never make a threat you're unwilling to actually do. Never make a promise you can't keep either.
And thank you for all your hard work and guidance. Knowing your research is peer reviewed along with your extensive experience really provides a comforting relief especially for this 1st time type A mama.
V helpful video, currently I'm going through such situations. Thank u.🙏🏼
I have a very active and spoiled 12 month old. This video came just in time for me, thank you so much!
I wish our older parent’s generation had this video accessible. We used to get the snots slapped out of us when we did something undesirable. But the older method also worked.
Great simple advice. And you're an Aussie. Instant subscribe. Thank you from Hokkaido Japan
Thanks for the sub!
It's working for me thanks 👍
Welcome 👍
Much needed video at the right time..Thanks for sharing
My pleasure!
Thank you so much. My baby is 9 months. So glad I learned this on time. I just realise that this might work the same for adults. What do you think.
This is so useful! Thanks for sharing.
I know this comment is on an old video and might not be seen at all, but something really helpful to me as a soon-to-be new mom and current new stepmom to toddlers would be a video dedicated to alternative actions for undesirable behavior.
Often I find myself saying no or stop, and since I can't find an appropriate alternative in the moment, I get frustrated and just leave it at that.
For example: our almost 2yr old hits his big brother who is doing something he doesn't like. He doesn't yet have the words to TELL his brother he doesn't like that, so saying "use your words, bubba" doesn't really help. "Be nice" isn't specific enough, and "gentle" just ignores the fact that he's upset and needs something to stop happening.
Any advice?
She kind of addresses that @5:00
Maybe you could try grabbing his hands and say "nice hands" and then demonstrate by turning to his brother holding your hand up like a stop sign and say "no"
Love this! I have two year old twins and one will often get frustrated and push her sister, even if they aren’t near each other. We’ve taught “nice hands” but that doesn’t help when she’s angry. I would love some suggestions!
Can you please cover taking turns and how to stop a 2 yr old from snatching toys away from other kids. I have tried so many times but it is exhausting and he does seem to get it
Great parenting tips. Thanks so much!!
No worries at all!
Excellent video. Thanks Emma❤
Glad you liked it!
Hi Emma I’m really going to try this technique thank you .
I can assure you that when I say something in an “intense” toke my kid is NOT thinking I’m “funny”…
Great advices..is kinda funny that the advices are similar like teaching a puppy😂😂😂
Really good advice, well explained, thank you
Glad it was helpful!
Yes perfect timing! We are constantly saying “no, that’s not a toy, why don’t we go play with your toys…no don’t throw your toys, they will break…no don’t hit mommy that’s not nice”
It makes sense they throw their toys when they’re done playing, since they throw food when they’re done eating.
We will try this
Hopefully it helps!
My son is almost 2 and he pushes anyone in reach at seemingly odd times. We don't know what he is thinking. I say Be gentle! Don't push. Be gentle. I either put him in time out or take his favorite toy.
Hi Lawain it can be hard to identify why a toddler is doing a behaviour. But it is important to remember that behaviours are a form of communication. Your toddler might use the same behaviour (pushing) to communicate multiple things. What's important is to try and identify why the behaviour is occurring and then teach your little one the skill or words to express what they are trying to communicate.
It might also be worth trying to tell your little one what to do. So if they are pushing to be affectionate instead of saying Be gentle! say "Pat, pat" and hold their hand if needed to pat your arm.
Loved the video! Thanks Emma for sharing your knowledge it is always appreciated! 😊
Glad it was helpful!
It’s just normal child behavior and most of the kids going through all. I am EYFS teacher and also a Mom I know it’s not staying long if I ignore
I started watching these with baby #2, and it’s discouraging to see how wrong I approached some things with my first baby. Really makes me feel bad, like somehow I may have hurt his development. I hope maybe there is a way to fix some mistakes from earlier childhood phases now that he’s almost three. 😢 That would be a really helpful video-something for parents who think they messed up but want to help change it, if it’s not too late.
That was never my intention with these videos.
I am sure you did and continue to be an amazing parent! Just being there for your first child and responding to their needs was enough.
Also it’s important to remember that it’s never too late. Kids are so adaptable and as parents we are constantly learning.
@@EmmaHubbard thanks! I guess it’ll just be a work in progress haha. And of course I don’t think it’s your fault or anything about how you made the video that’s wrong, it’s just me lol. Sometimes the parent guilt strikes at odd times.
This is usually working well for us with our 1 year old appart from something he started recently which is he wont stay on his back on the changing table. Like he instantly want to flip and move. We keep telling him like 'on your back on the changing table', but its not working. It is really hard to change him and keep our cool when he does that :p. He has always been very fast on the motor side, hes walking very well and he does not like being hold when hes doing his things.
On the positive side he recently started (sometimes) pushing his food when hes finished like I showed him instead of throwing it!
I don't know how well this would work with a boy but my 9mo old girl is bad about not wanting to stay on her back for diaper changes too. I have found it's easier now to do diaper changes standing up. She still has to hold on to something and I put the wipes up where she can reach them standing up & let her pull the wipes out (I just stuff them back when we're done) to keep her occupied. The area is easy to clean just in case. I use a big slick leather chair when downstairs. I've also started sitting her on a little potty periodically (about 2 hours after the last diaper if she isn't already wet) I tell her "it's potty time" and at first I started with sitting her on the potty in her diaper and I used the potty in front of her and had a tiny barbie toilet I sat one of her toys on. When I noticed she started using her diaper while on the potty I started taking her diaper off for potty time and I give her some toilet paper she tears into confetti to keep her occupied or put wipes where she can pull them out. I've never had a boy so I realize that presents a challenge I don't have experience with. I celebrate and praise her for just sitting on the toilet for a couple of minutes, put her hand on my shoulder to clean her up and put the new diaper (or the same one if it's still clean) on letting her hold a wipe in the other hand to wipe her hand (to keep her occupied) then we wash our hands at the sink. Look up videos on "elimination communication" for more tips about early potty training. My 9 month old has peed in the potty a few times and I make a big celebration of it. She loves playing with the dangles from the ceiling fan, pulling it to turn the light off and on, so I use that as a reward.
Thanks for those advices , it's very helpful 😍😍
My pleasure 😊
Thank you so much Emma! I'm going to be a prepared first momma 😄👏🏼👏🏼🙏🏼
You're so welcome!
Here because my boy thinks “no” is funny. Now I understand why. Time to switch up my approach!
Thanks so much for watching. Hope this helps!
I have actually been hitting my one year atimes thinking am disciplining him, but after I feel sad coz he remains puzzled not knowing what's going on....but thanks so much for this video it has taught me
So glad it has helped!
Such good information! This is a reminder for myself.
Glad it was helpful!
How about sockets? Cables? The older brother’s toys?