TIME STAMPS 00:40 Disclaimer 00:43 Is the relationship new or established 01:00 Story time with Michael 01:40 Wedding bells 02:02 A yes is yes and a no is no 02:40 Michael's mastermind tip 03:10 Honesty is the best policy 03:40 Hannah's annoying hair 04:42 Are soulmates even real 04:49 What if...? 05:17 A woman's time is shorter 05:52 Don't try to change someone's mind about children 06:40 What if I change my mind about having kids 06:58 Wise words about respecting your relationship 07:42 Stay with them even if they want kids 08:45 Having kids even though you don't want them 09:46 Don't settle for something you don't really want
Thanks for sharing this video. I need some tip of how or when you should ask a question about,do you want kids? To your partner. ( Tomorrow is my 17th birthday) great video as always.😁
@@jollycakes9881 I think it's probably different for each individual. I'm naturally a shy and introverted person, so until I felt comfortable, I wasn't going to bring it up. I waited a few months and then asked my bf (now husband) if he ever wanted kids someday. He's super open and talkative, so the conversation wasn't awkward at all. I've had some people disagree with me and say that it SHOULD be brought up right away, so it is a personal choice. I think age matters as well. If you are younger and the dating is more casual, there may not be such a rush to know if someone wants to be child free. However, if you are in your 30's and dating seriously to find a partner, you would probably want to know far sooner. HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY!!! Hope your day is extra special!!
I’m in this situation. I don’t want kids, but my husband does. The idea of being pregnant makes me cry... bc I love my husband with all my heart and it would be nice to give him children. But I know exactly what I would get into, I helped raised my brothers 2 kids and I know... I know and I don’t want that. This situation sucks
Do yourself a favor. If one wants kids and the other doesn't, leave. Leave as fast as possible to give each others the best chanse of building the lives you actually want. I wasted many years on compromise and it soured everything that was good before through resentment, by all means stay friends and root for each others, but leave ASAP.
If that works for you, no prob! I was way too introverted to bring that up on a first date back in the day. lol 😀 I also think that the urgency of knowing can change depending on age. If someone is casually dating and in their teens there may not be the same urgency to know as opposed to dating in your 30's and wanting to find a long term partner.
I agree! I know it was a little different in my 20s but when I got divorced at 35, it was time to find out well ahead of time that anyone I planned to date was on the exact same page!
I worked in the medical field for over 20 yrs. You can learn so much from the older patients if you just listen to them. Most of my older pts never gave me grief about not having kids. It was usually the ones around my age with a house full that was not happy. They were always warning me about my clock and disappointing my family, etc. Since June I have been at home full time and I have to say I have not been lonely or bored at all. I know I am not the oldest but at 54 I am having no regrets about being CF!!
Omg its so true to talk about it early! This topic broke up several relationships when I was younger but after 1-2+ years together. I started to say “I don’t think I’ll ever want kids, and if you do then we shouldn’t date.” I told my husband that in our first month of dating and he was the first to say “Oh, me either.” And we were really happy to continue dating, when in the past there was a unknown or fear about the future. Love you guys for sharing your story publicly ❤️
That was my husband and me until we've been together 6 years and married for 2... Now suddenly he is talking about babies and made a very hurtful "joke" that maybe we'll have to get a divorce so he can find someone else to make him a baby... 😬 Now my brain has been in chaos mode for almost 24 hours, and I don't know what to do and whether I should bring it up again or how to even bring it up...
@@OkyLegacy Hi, I think you should bring it up if you haven't already. I understand its scary but the sooner the better. Do not invest your life into someone who plays around with divorce. I think you need to have a serious conversation, try to find a solution to this
@@OkyLegacyI would start asking what made him change his mind and share your feelings. That gives you both a great insight what’s going on in the other person. I’m starting to think that dating in your 20s and 30s makes zero sense. That’s why I’m staying with my boyfriend for now, who wants kids, while I never wanted some but feel conflicted now. I do know people can change their minds but I wonder if I will? Who knows. I’ll focus on myself now more and let things develop organically. After your mid 20s dating is anyways ☠️
@@OkyLegacy so how is life now? what happened? my relationship is also about to break cause after many years now she changed her mind and wants a child and i very much dont. she also wants it so much she might leave.
I told every person I dated on the 2nd date that I didn’t want kids I saved myself a lot of time, majority of them wanted kids, my husband didn’t want kids and was so relieved that I didn’t either and I think at that point we knew we were meant for each other, we will be celebrating 11 years of happy marriage in 2 days
@@swatisaini6447 hopefully we will. Im not really child free, I have a daughter, just im nolonger interested in having more kids unfortunately I find people who want kids.
A reason why I choose to be "relationship - free" as well is because no matter how much someone agrees with me about not wanting kids either, they are the ones to always change their minds and hop on the baby train. My response: "Go hop on it with someone else, then!"
I wish there was a video like this when I was in my 20s! I wasted so much time and pain investing in relationships where old bf’s originally told me they were okay with not having kids, then later took it back. By that point I cared for them deeply, so I tried forcing myself to change my mind. I finally hit a breaking point in my late 20s because I felt like I wasn’t being true to myself. I told my now bf on our second date that I didn’t want kids and if he did even the slightest then it couldn’t go any further. We’ve now been together almost 8 yrs and we are truly happy being childfree!
You’re so lucky to find each other. I’ve went through the same emotional turmoil in my 20s. Now I know that no matter how much I would love someone, if he wants to become a father I would be ready... Ready to let him go.
@@iamauroraborealis Thank you! I hope you're able to find someone who shares the same wants as you soon! It is nice to know that someone can relate, but I am sorry you went through it as well!
@@iamauroraborealis I dated a guy, who said he never wanted kids. This was years ago. Then he changed his mind, 3 years later. I told him I don't want kids. He told there's something wrong with a woman who doesn't want kids. Then he dumped me for a divorced mother of 2 kids. I wasted 3 years of my life with him. I'm happy, single & childfree, with pets. My ex is miserable, with their own 3 kids & her other 2 kids, now. Karma happens !
You know you have TRUE LOVE when either person is not willing to up and leave if one person changes their mind over having kids or not wanting kids. I learned this over the years. I’m 39 and still haven’t found the right man though but I accept the fact I will probably end up alone.
Gosh I had this talk with my bf yesterday. I'm all crying and bf was like "yeah that's fine. Your happiness matters more than having a kid. Overpopulation" LOL I thought everything was over and he acted like it didn't matter at all XD.
Yes! You can always find a new partner. Next Level: feel as a whole happy person without the urgency of being in a relationship. You can't undo having children. You can't undo the #bodydamage.
I firmly believe that if you are CF and your partner is on the fence or not-CF, that's 100% a deal breaker, whether you're married or just dating. I don't understand how anyone can be like "Oh no, I'm CF but my partner suddenly wants kids. What do I do?" It's easy, break up or divorce. The only other options is to have kids, pray they suddenly don't want kids or resent each other for the rest of your lives.
@Mari I agree beyond 100% about the deal-breaker aspect BUT, you should be up-front with your partner/ possibly future spouse about it as soon as possible. If necessary, why not even the first date?! You save yourself (and your dating partner) a HUGE headache down the road. As far as I'm concerned, marriage is serious business and that's why I also firmly believe if a man and woman aren't on the same page, they have no business dating any further, much less getting married.
It’s not easy. It’s an absolute mess. Selling a house in a market that is crashing, losing my friendship group because they will be split down the middle and will ultimately choose him as he’s known them longer, finding a new home to buy, solicitor fees, selling wedding items…and on top of that, the excruciating pain of a decade of your life with someone you’ve shared every emotion and the best part of your life experiences with has to be let go of. And no, I’m not saying I would ever consider kids as a compromise, but it’s not easy and I honestly send my heart out to other people in this situation right now. It’s terrifying and it’s devastating to lose your life because someone changed their mind further down the line.
Thank you both for your thoughtful discussion!! I am 24 and my partner is really feeling anxious about my indecision to have kids. He doesn't want them now, or for the next five years, but he wants to know I want kids eventually. I, of course, don't want to foster resentment between either of us, but I can't help that I'm undecided. I'm incredibly worried about the physical effects on my body and the emotional toll that I could feel if I experience a loss of identity with parenthood. I know that I can see a life with a child, potentially a couple, but I'd need so many factors to align before that. Ideally, one factor would be science creating a pain-free birth lol. Not to mention, I still feel like a child myself sometimes. It feels frustrating to think that a version of me 5 years down the line might say yes or no, but I'm not able to give my partner a definite answer right now. I respect his decision if he needs that sense of security and wants to end the relationship. But jeez, I wish I knew now. (Hence me watching all the parenting decision-making videos I can find!) Thank you for your video!
It's a tough choice and definitely not straightforward for everyone. With time you'll probably get more clarity on what you want. I know that as I've gotten older my decision to not have kids has been reaffirmed in many ways. It's challenging when you're in a relationship because in general we like to make plans for the future and have some certainty. Keep exploring what's right for you! 🌷😃
Oh girl I feel the exact same as you and I’m also currently 24. My bf and I (of 2 yrs) for sure had this convo many times and at first I liked the idea but with wanting to change my career and other factors I changed my mind of not wanting kids. So I’m currently indecisive also. I think time can only help us for sure we have enough time on our hands but for sure I wish it was just as straight forward
Girllllll same here! 😩 I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and married for 1 year. The entire time we’ve been together, we’ve talked about having kids, we even came up with names for a boy or girl already! But then I’ve always harbored a feeling deep within me where, just like you, I was actually afraid of how much it will negatively affect my body, sleep, my mental health, finances and time freedom…as a 26 year old hustling and grinding it out with lots of career, personal, and financial goals…I started to see that I’m okay living the rest of my life being child free. I discovered the child free movement a week ago and it made me realize that I actually don’t want kids!! However, my husband is not entirely on board with being child free for the rest of our lives but agrees we’re not ready in the short term; and suggests we can delay parenthood (since my mom had me and my youngest brother when she was 38 & 44). In the end, I’ve agreed…but inside, right now, I still don’t want kids. Maybe I’ll change my mind, who knows? But I am soo scared he’ll resent me in the future for not giving him children and the chance to be a father. Sorry for the ramble! I find RUclips to be a safe space for me to let out my thoughts 💭
Im in the same situation as you, we've had this conversation many times but now it really feels we're at a cross road. Im curious to know did you guys find a solution in the end or called it quits?
I really agree with the non negotiable list. It sucks that it will drastically reduce the dating pool for you but those people wouldn't be right for you anyway. I definitely would bring it up on or before the first date though, otherwise you're just wasting time if you want to date. If you don't mind just making friends then it's fine but dating is time consuming and expensive so I wouldn't go into a date without agreeing on that fundamental. I think it's a relationship breaker if one person changes their mind, its such a huge thing that you can't compromise on. It would insult me if after years of love and care it's not enough compared to a person who doesn't even exist yet
The sooner you can tell someone the better. I waited longer and thankfully it turned out OK, but yes, it can be a deal breaker if people don't want the same thing.
That’s how I feel. I feel like I do not matter and that persons, who don’t even exist yet, are way more important and will receive the unconditional love I desire
I definitely changed my opinion within the last two years.. Which seemed to have shocked my SO. I got to know my emotional and psychological boundaries and realized I shouldn't have kids and it's been beating me up for a few weeks, I'm constantly crying because I'm sure we will break up over this in the future but I still love him so much..
Now its time to show him how much you love him. Forgiving someone to bare a child would make that person extremely resentful... forcing someone to be child free would also make that person resentful. Stay friends if you cant agree on this. have a long discussion first though.
Hi! Thanks a lot for this video. Im from argentina, and actually I am currently going through a separation with my partner of the last ten years, because i dont want to have kids. Its very sad, but ill be totally selfish to me to have a kid with the only reason for dont break the relationship. We need much people like you saying trulie facts about be parents. In my country the society dont think deeply whats mean have a child in a unstable economy. And here "born" a lot of problems, like crimes and violency. Thanks a lot for this videos. And sorry for my english. Cheers!
I brought it up on my first date with my husband that I didn't want kids. Now 5 years down the road he thinks I'm going to change my mind. (He already has kids.) 😐
I was friends with my fiancé for about six months before we became a couple. About a month into our relationship, we were driving back to the UK from Holland and I brought up this conversation during the drive. And I was lucky because he didn’t want kids either. Now we’re planning our wedding. Happy days!
I'm going through this right now. My boyfriend and I are so utterly in love and couldn't imagine our lives without each other but he doesn't want to ever have children and I do. I don't want kids right now but having children is something I feel very strongly about and he feels very strongly about not having kids. We've had several in depth conversation on this topic. We both aren't willing to break up right now over this. We're only a year and a half into the relationship but very serious and committed. I'd rather live our life together and cross that bridge when we get there. But that's so unfair for both of us as well. It breaks my heart so so much. I don't know if I could live without starting a family one day. I also don't know if I could live my life without my partner. I'm so so lost in what we should do. I pray so so much that he will change or that maybe I'd end up being able to give up my dream of having kids. I'm not ready to let go of this relationship.
Sara- curious to know an update. I’m in literally the same situation except we’ve been together nearly 4 years. I just can’t picture my life when I’m old never having a family. Hugs to you
This is exactly what my boyfriend said when I told him I dont want kids. He said we would cross the bridge when we get there.... I told him im never changing, he said ouk. Fast forward 2 years, im now selfish because I dont want kids. Make it make sense
My husband and I started dating when we weren’t even old enough to drink so the “Do you want kids?” talk seemed unnecessary/irrelevant. At 25 we got engaged- on a such a high about getting married the “kid talk” seemed too overwhelming to have. Now we’re married and own a home together... and finally talked about children. He wants them and I don’t.
Well that is a though situation but it is odd to get married in your 20's and not have that talk. Like, sure you could change your mind at that age but imo there shouldn't be a marriage if that si something a couple can't even talk about. But then again I personally broke off my engagement because my fiance said at first being with me would be more important than having kids, only to pressure me for them once we were about to tie the knots. So yeah it is definitely the one topic that can't be negotiated imo
@@melmel7011 The irony is he is now married to another women who as far as I know also wants kids. I was genuinely happy for him. She did get pregnant once some years ago and had a miscarriage. Till this day they are still childless which to me seems a strong sign that they struggle to have one. It's crazy to think about how sometimes it doesn't matter how well two people communicate and want the same things even. Sometimes life just has other plans.
I’m 42 never wanted kids been married for 13 years but been together with my wife for 22 years. And now she 39 she got the baby crazy. I’m like wtf? It’s been a tuff few months but I think we’re over that hump
This is a great video! My boyfriend told me on one of our first dates that he didn’t want kids and how important it was to him that I knew that, as a previous relationship of his had broken up because of this. At the time I was unsure where I stood on the idea of having kids but worried I might “someday”. I’m really pleased he told me back then so I could make up my own mind whether I wanted to pursue the relationship despite his views/wishes to be CF. I would be so hurt to put the time in a relationship to later find out we wanted different things!
As a man that’s in his early 30s. I compromised with my soon to be ex-wife about having kids even though I did not want kids already had two kids from a previous relationship and now I pay outrageous amounts of child support to both. Going forward I will not compromise on having kids it is a done discussion. I do not want any more kids. For all future relationships if she has kids that’s cool I will except them as my own and treat them like my own. But I do not want to have any more kids than any woman can weaponize against me. I will be getting a vasectomy soon. That way I can sabotage any chance of ever having anymore kids. That way if the conversation ever comes up again I can just say I’ve already had a vasectomy done. I watched your video to help prepare me for my next relationship. I would prefer to find somebody that does not want kids or want anymore kids. But if I can’t or I don’t at least I know how to approach the situation. But they’re going to have to understand if they can’t then I wish them the best of luck because like I said I will never let another woman have my children just weaponize against me
@@ladyfl0wers most couples have a conversation about children that does include some form of compromise with the people I know. I have yet to meet anyone who is a couple were both the people both knew they didn’t want any children and found each other.
Technically true. Men do also have a "fertility window". But in terms of quality. Like, bad math wise: After 40, just add an escalating "5 % per year" additional chance of birth defects.
@Lea Maybe you two shouldn't be together! I know that's a blunt suggestion but, if you're serious about not wanting children and you have that conflict of interest (and having a baby is no laughing matter); I mean, by the sound of things, at least you're not married and such conflict as is would only be worse if you were. As for me, I'm open to marriage but, I neither have nor want children and DEFINITELY would want a wife who wants the same (and thank God there's some of you women like that)!
My fiancée already has two kids from her previous marriage. When we met she told me on the second date that she had kids (I wasn’t dating single parents) and that she didn’t want more. I told her I was undecided on kids but if I married someone with kids, I’d probably want one of our own too. I knew I had to make a decision on continuing to see her for both of those reasons. Soon after, she told me she was open to kids. It came up several times during the relationship and it always ended with she was open even though she still hoped I would see her kids as “enough” in her words. Fast forward to a week after I gave up my apartment and she told me she didn’t want kids. I was devastated because of how sudden this was. Looking back it wasn’t sudden per say. I tried to offer everything and anything. I suggested surrogacy. She just doesn’t want another child. I get it and at the end of the day, her body, her choice. That being said, I was still hurt and felt rejected. Ultimately, that’s my own issue. I’m not blaming her. About 4 weeks later after bickering and overall a lot of uncomfortable interactions, I decided to rent a new place (for significantly more than what I was paying previously 😢). A week later she finally opened up more and said she hopped by me moving in that I would either see her kids “as enough” or that having breaks from kids is nice (she has 50/50 split custody). I wish she were clear about her assumptions before I made this commitment. I also explained to her that her kids are enough. I do care about them and we have been building our own relationship, but at the end of the day they have a dad and he’s very active in their lives. It’s not fair to me, him, or the kids to expect them to serve as surrogate children for me in terms of a parent/child relationship. Idk how to explain this better. One example I used is how she talks about how her kids resemble her biologically in both looks and behaviors. That’s a part of parenthood that I want to experience as well. Anyway, I told her today that I think we’re both too chickenshit to be the ones to end things. I don’t want to give up yet. I love her. I know she’s not going to have a kid. Idk, perhaps I’m hoping with some distance and time I can come to terms with this and we can continue. Or, I’ll finally once and for all realize this isn’t the future I want. I’m just not there yet.
I would prefer not to have kids but in dating it’s been hard to find men who feel the same. Can you discuss dating when you don’t want kids please? It’s seems so hard to find a compatible man and I second guessed myself and thought well maybe I could have kids because I don’t want to end up never meeting the right person because of it. I want to be a wife but not a mother but men who don’t want to be fathers seem so rare.
I worry about that too. Like you, I want to be a wife but not a mother or step-mother. Just ended a relationship because my ex had a child of 5 years old that he took care alone and was very fond of me. But I didn't love the little boy, sometimes I would look at him like he was an alien, the materialization of an error, or a stupid choice... I hate playing with children, to me is a waste of my time in somerhing dumb and stupid. I don't find cute or funny the things kids say and do, all the time I am conscious that they will suffer a lot in life, face violence, frustratation, won't find a job easyly etc, etc.. I see kids as burdens, inconveniences, mistakes, creatures I prefer had no interaction at all. If you feel like this, you have to avoid a life with children at all costs, otherwisr you'd live bitter.
@Mak Reviews If you don't want kids I wouldn't compromise on that. There are men out there that don't want children, although they are harder to find. I would just be honest about not wanting kids early in the dating relationship. That way you aren't investing time in someone that wants something totally different than you do. There are more people choosing to live child free for various reasons so there is hope! Don't be discouraged:) I will also mention that I love being married. Marriage does take effort though and if you truly don't want kids, I don't think it's a good idea to get married to someone that wants kids just to be married. I'm not trying to be mean when I say this: if you end up having kids to please your husband it might be a tough haul, especially if you don't want them. Kids are a huge commitment and I think people should be very sure that they want to be a parent before having them. (Unless you honestly change your mind then that's different.) When you do find someone that doesn't want kids, THAT is what you've really been waiting for and trust me, it's worth the wait.
@Mak Reviews If I only knew you, you could consider me! I'm single (but open to marriage) and don't have children and DEFINITELY don't want them ( being an uncle is good enough for me) so, we're possibly on the same page! I don't think there's a thing wrong with being that straightforward, ESPECIALLY if you're dating them. Why not even the first date (and I'm certainly not afraid of having such deep, candid and intelligent conversations; if anything, I relish them)?! Assuming you eventually marry the person you're dating, if you're THAT honest with them in the first place, chances are, it'll be same when you get married!
I lost my ex fiance over this topic. I was onboard with kids for 4 years bc thats wht i thought u were supposed to do and then when I changed my mind and told him how I felt he tried compromising but i knew it was hurting him so I had to end it. It sucks because he was my soulmate we spent 6 years together.
Hi I hope you see this because I really need some advice. I think I’m about to be going through the same thing… my boyfriend of 3 yrs has changed his mind and wants kids whereas I’ve been very vocal about how I do not and will not ever want them. How are you doing now? Are you alright? I’m just so scared to go through this break up. He is my soulmate too and I love him deeply. I’m just feeling so awful right now about this and I need to talk to someone who’s gone through it too.
@@alejandrofernandez5936 hey! So my boyfriend and I talked about it, argued about it, and let each other think on it. After some thinking time he decided he doesn’t really care, which is the position he expressed when we first started dating. He told me the reason he randomly decided he wanted a kid was that he likes to stay busy & have a purpose. I challenged him with questions like “do you want to be a parent? Do you even like kids? What would your parenting style be? What about paying for childcare? Do you know how much this all costs? Do you know what after pregnancy/birth healing is like? What if the child is disabled? What if I died in childbirth, what would your plan be?” Etc etc etc, all the hard hitting questions that one should REALLY think about. I showed him the cost of raising a kid in this day & age, showed facts and receipts for everything I said. There’s really only so much you can do to argue your point though because this is usually a topic where people don’t budge much on their stance. I could be persuaded to have a kid one day if he really wanted to, and we were in the right circumstances. But pretty much my whole life I’ve leaned on the side of not having them.
I actually broke up with someone who does want children and I move on with my life knowing he is upset with me for not wanting children. To be honest with you I will never want children if I do not like children aka hate children. I remember that my boyfriend Mike wouldn't stop arguing about it so I gave him a choice like for example I said that he either chose either raising children or having a girlfriend and not both so he said that he loves me but he wants children and I said fine raise them yourself because I dont want children
Funny how he didn't take your needs into consideration since you'll be the one making the children and not him. You'll be the one with sleepless and nights, and days, being miserable while being pregnant, having little creatures suck up all your nutrients, messing with your body, body chemistry and brain chemistry, while he'll be glamorizing how great it is to be having kids. Men say these things because they NEVER get the raw end of the deal. A good man is one that takes the needs of his partner into consideration if SHE wants kids.
I am an Asian and I dont want any children, and it is a huge deal here. So I will face the fact that I will never have a boyfriend or get married with a CF partner. But I know reasons why I dont want kids.
In some places in the world people have a more challenging time accepting that children are a choice and not a 'must have.' You are brave for speaking your mind.
Totally off topic... So after I had my second child I expressed to a “friend” that my husband and I are done having kids. Like none, no more we are totally happy with two. Then a year later or so she asked me about having kids, ummmm?? I gave her the same answer. She set set me up for failure and she totally judged me lol I think she was having a bad day or something 🤷♀️
I've never made a decision to be childfree. I just never had the urge for having kids. But I still get asked if I'm having any. Then I also hear all the stories like you with people who have or two kids and you're still asked if you're gonna have more. Or if you have three girls already, people ask when you're gonna try again for a boy and vise versa. I'm honestly to the point where if someone asks me about having kids. I'm just gonna tell them to go screw themselves. Breeders just aren't happy cause they're miserable and want you to be miserable with them. Keep doing what you're doing. Focus on the kids you have and actually want.
It's an interesting and hard 1 really I think if you really love that person then don't have kids because all your going to do is ruin your partners life, the kids life and your own life as you want to be happy but seeing your loved ones unhappy can be very stressful and sad
Interesting video as always! My husband and I got married in our early 20s. I’m now 29 and he’s 30. Before we got married I did worry about the fact that I “didn’t like kids” - that’s how I phrased it and I told him that. But I think like many people I didn’t realise not having kids was an option, and I thought it was: marriage and eventually kids would just happen or no marriage. I chose marriage obviously! I’ve brought it up with my husband now on a few occasions as we’ve been pushed by family members and I’ve started to worry that “my time is coming” but he’s very much on the fence. He’s said he wouldn’t want to lose his independence and that he doesn’t really know if he wants kids or not because (he said) “what does it even feel like to want kids?” I hope it works out. 🙏
My honest a opinion is that you should leave the kids decision to the girl (unless its really important for you) because she is the one actually carrying the baby the Dad just assists. Edit: I know the Dad is still an important part of the baby’s life but he’s not actually carrying the baby if you get what I mean 😂🤣
This was interesting. My sweetheart and I don't have kids but he has grown kids, grandkids and great grandkids. I had a hysterectomy in 2007 so kids were an afterthought. I don't fear being alone but you can understand about that, however he and I love each other and we have a great relationship for the last 13 years. By the way I am 56 and he is 75.
this is old... but my husband just threatened to kill himself because I said I don't want kids. I've SAID it for years and he just kinda agreed and now he's saying that he never thought I was serious.
@@WifeWithoutKids Not sure where to go with that response honestly. He pretends therapy is useless because it was difficult. But bringing a kid into that situation is an absolute no for me... you dont do that to a child
Damn I feel lucky to know my gf does want kids but I feel for the ppl whose partner doesn't but they do. It's a scary situation to be in because having kids is a CORE VALUE and you can't really compromise on that
Most men put that they want kids on their dating bio but when I ask them about it they say they don't really want kids or they say they want kids but it's not a deal breaker if I don't want them about 40% from online dating. ❤
@Wife without Kids, hi there you lovely couple! In my personal opinion, I'd rather a man who is childfree. The are some research that shows the reality and truth about parenthood. Haven't commented on your videos for a while.
If I ever come across someone who wants children in the future, I count that as a major red flag. Like I leave and give them their best wishes. But I'm not raising children with you or anyone. May sound extreme. But growing up, I've experienced a lot of failed/terrible relationships with couples being unhappy after their first child popped into their lives. Even people maliciously making their bf/gf become a parent behind their backs. (Aka, poking holes in a condom, or making shallow promises) If someone I met wants kids, most chances they won't respect your child free wishes and will probably betray you.
Dealing w/ ASD & T1D. (No Cure for Cancer No Cure Need for a Cure for Autism) I made the Right Choice👍🏼) I’d rather not add more to Struggling society/WORLD) (My Power Story Difficult Story) Take Care & Positive Vibes to ALL(🌎🌍🌏) 🇨🇦🇺🇸 ❤️🤍😘☯️
I married at 22. I know my husband since 11 years now and i decided to be CF a year ago. I told him in January and its been shit since then. We checked and we are both fertile and i am so scared he will leave me if i wont bear his child. I dont want kids and i will not budge unless i change my mind.
That's a difficult situation to be in. I'm sorry. I think it's a good choice to not have kids unless you really want them. Hope things will be OK for you both.
As a guy, I think the worst we could do is leave the question open and keep a woman hanging on when she wants children. We might become a serious obstacle for her.
Both are right both are not selfish not wrong not mean and both have the right mentality it’s not wrong for your boyfriend or girlfriend do you want a child and you’re not my child it is wrong when your boyfriend forces a child on you
I quit dating 7 years ago. Several women I dated were "uncertain" about kids. I never wanted them. These women obviously were lying. A few years ago, a wealthy ex adopted a little girl. I haven't seen her since. A mutual friend recently saw my ex, and said she looked 10 years older. That's what kids do to you.
I 😅 don't want 😉 kids 😔, but my friend does. He says that I'm good 👍 with kids 😑 and that I ♥ should have them. Whenever I 💙 say no 🙊, he gets very mad 😠 at me. He says that I have to have kids since I'm so good with them. Mommy tells me that pregnancy and childbirth is very painful, infinity times more painful than any menstrual period. Why does my friend want me to have kids for him?!
And then if they said the whole time they don’t and then nine years into being together (an engagement and mortgage later) they finally say they want one, what are you supposed to do?! I’ve built my life with someone who said all along they didn’t and now they do. I’m 37, that’s my life down the pan! I had so many years to build a life with someone else on the same level as me but I was sold a lie…and now I’m accused of not compromising. It’s not a compromise?! So now I have to start over at nearly 40. So ridiculous!!!
Im in the same bought dear. I told my man while he was still pursuing me that I nolonger want kids. I have 1 and he has 1. He said lets cross the bridge when we get to it. I insisted we talk about it... He finally said ouk Guess what, years later... Im the selfish one for not wanting kids, so he says. In our culture the woman is supposed to have kids so family on both sides not supporting me and think something is wrong with me. Id rather lose him
how is life now and what happened? im in the exact situation you describe. both were clearly child free but she changed her mind and wants a child now even if it means leaving me. idk what to do. leaving her is the worst pain imaginable but i hate children. she would leave me if i say no.
@@RR-kv1zw Two sets of our friends had kids and since then, he’s seen what having kids is like and dislikes it. Hence, we remained together and he no longer wants them! It was a horrible few months though and very awkward. I feel more prepared now to let go should it happen again. We have now been together a decade and I am too old for children now but also, I want my career more than children. It’ll work out, whether that is with or without that person and that’s what I’ve come to see but there is no compromise on such a big facet of life.
@@SKMusic1985 sadly she sees upclose with her sister who has 2 kids now. and she still wants one. every 'bad' thing i mention on having kids she is like 'ah it will be fine'
I didn’t think I wanted kids while I was in my 20’s. I woke up now at 32 and really want a kid. I have been looking up the birthing process, how long they breast feed, what age they start going to school, would I prefer to homeschool, and making lists of what to buy. All of a sudden it’s all I think about. I’ve been looking into everything ( no matter how small or how big ).
That was the issue with my fiance too, I wanted kids, priority for adoption than biological (we have enough misery to add numbers into our overpopulation), but she never wanted, as a person that analyses a lot, and anticipate many things, I decided to end a 6 year relationship 1 week after this conversation, I mean for a week I was so in a bad mood and I know myself, it would have gotten worse, that was the best choice even tho it completely destroyed her and I feel so guilty
Also went through that in my marriage. He was all on board for adoption so I agreed to it because I am a social worker and know there are so many kids out there that need a home. But we took the classes and that made him not want to foster/adopt. Ouch. We already had a ten year marriage at this point. But it brought up all sorts of emotions in me. Like...”you lied”. It about ended us. Now I am sliding into childfree mode...I do love him and we are now going on 18 years together. I am 44 now, he is 42. For me, I had to heal that all up and I need a support group of people with different stories of how they became childfree and maybe were childless. My husband has always need childfree and I was somewhat hoping for adoption. But here I am. We are making a move to a more liberal area....I am hoping to meet less traditional women. It’s hard where I live because it is really conservative and religious. The move would be a fresh start.
@@77Tadams There's a book by Jody Day Living the life unexpected. It's about how to fully grieve loss or change, accept and also find a plan and community after not having a family....for whatever reason. It was really wonderful. She did a Ted talk too. Anyhow, I hope this helps with your situation 💕
I already have a child. The person I’m with now wants kids. He’s such a great guy and I don’t want it to be a deal breaker but I don’t want anymore kids. Idk how to talk about it with him
I'm in the oppose boat. My boyfriend of almost a year adamantly did not want children and I'm not ready to close that door. We broke up and it's the biggest heartbreak I've ever felt.
What happens when you were upfront about being child free and they said they are cool with that and don’t want them and you brought it up multiple times you don’t want them and now they are like “I don’t want them but I want the option because of my grandma but I might want them later but I still might not want them”
As a male 39 I've never wanted kids and have dumped girls over this in the past. They will lie saying they don't want kids either just to get in the relationship and then change it up. All this does is prolong incompatibility with your partner.
My boyfriend just broke up with me because he realized he definitely wants kids and I don't want them. My heart is breaking, we are 25, I know I don't want them, but I'm considering to change my mind, but that's only cuz I love him so much. I don't know what to do, I hope this is the best decision and this hurt will pass
This is my only reason for maybe using dating apps, is to sort of narrow the dating pool down instead of randomly finding out the person does or unsure. But as I get older (36 m) I will likely open up the possibility of being a step dad to older children as well.
I think it is cool that you have that option in mind, my husband was the same way when I met him. He realized in his 30s that it was less likely to meet someone childfree. But also don't rule it out!
My wife always wanted kids but I didn't because she refuses to cook when I get off work or keep the house clean, or quit smoking, I should of never married her because all those things drug me down in life , Never Compromise, it's better to be alone than be stuck with somebody who doesn't make you happy, after ten years were probably about to divorce PS she swore she would quit smoking before we got married that was ten years ago
That's a whole other ball game. I honestly don't know if I would have dated him if he'd already had a child. It would have been dependent on many things. Thankfully that's not a decision I'll ever have to make:)
@@IntegratedSpirituality11 What did he say? Yeah, I don't know. I feel like if my girlfriend didn't share my values, I wouldn't be with her but you never know, right?
People say they don't want kids but when they have them they fall in love with them. Not always but it happens. Mothers especially become anxious or feel down when they are not around their children at times. It's not a "burden" . I can tell that's what you believe. More parents would choose to be "burdened " than to be child free. Yes, you won't have as much freedom but it would be worth it. You can still go on family vacations and have date nights, it just requires more planning.
TIME STAMPS
00:40 Disclaimer
00:43 Is the relationship new or established
01:00 Story time with Michael
01:40 Wedding bells
02:02 A yes is yes and a no is no
02:40 Michael's mastermind tip
03:10 Honesty is the best policy
03:40 Hannah's annoying hair
04:42 Are soulmates even real
04:49 What if...?
05:17 A woman's time is shorter
05:52 Don't try to change someone's mind about children
06:40 What if I change my mind about having kids
06:58 Wise words about respecting your relationship
07:42 Stay with them even if they want kids
08:45 Having kids even though you don't want them
09:46 Don't settle for something you don't really want
Thanks for sharing this video. I need some tip of how or when you should ask a question about,do you want kids? To your partner. ( Tomorrow is my 17th birthday) great video as always.😁
@@jollycakes9881 I think it's probably different for each individual. I'm naturally a shy and introverted person, so until I felt comfortable, I wasn't going to bring it up. I waited a few months and then asked my bf (now husband) if he ever wanted kids someday. He's super open and talkative, so the conversation wasn't awkward at all. I've had some people disagree with me and say that it SHOULD be brought up right away, so it is a personal choice. I think age matters as well. If you are younger and the dating is more casual, there may not be such a rush to know if someone wants to be child free. However, if you are in your 30's and dating seriously to find a partner, you would probably want to know far sooner.
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY!!! Hope your day is extra special!!
I’m in this situation. I don’t want kids, but my husband does. The idea of being pregnant makes me cry... bc I love my husband with all my heart and it would be nice to give him children. But I know exactly what I would get into, I helped raised my brothers 2 kids and I know... I know and I don’t want that. This situation sucks
I feel you. Listen to your pure soul. No matter how deeply you love someone, it would be miserable if even thought of pregnancy makes you cry.
What are you going to do?....
Send u hugs 💚
oh man i am in te same situation..
You don’t have to birth kids, there is always adopting. But you shouldn’t force yourself to raise a kid you don’t want too-
Do yourself a favor. If one wants kids and the other doesn't, leave. Leave as fast as possible to give each others the best chanse of building the lives you actually want. I wasted many years on compromise and it soured everything that was good before through resentment, by all means stay friends and root for each others, but leave ASAP.
Great point.
I kinda disagree with the first date thing. I wanna know BEFORE the first date that they’re childfree like I am.
If that works for you, no prob! I was way too introverted to bring that up on a first date back in the day. lol 😀 I also think that the urgency of knowing can change depending on age. If someone is casually dating and in their teens there may not be the same urgency to know as opposed to dating in your 30's and wanting to find a long term partner.
same here
Right fr I wanna know if the journey is worth the long haul from day 1
I agree! I know it was a little different in my 20s but when I got divorced at 35, it was time to find out well ahead of time that anyone I planned to date was on the exact same page!
Same. I know for sure that having a baby is NOT for me 😂
I worked in the medical field for over 20 yrs. You can learn so much from the older patients if you just listen to them. Most of my older pts never gave me grief about not having kids. It was usually the ones around my age with a house full that was not happy. They were always warning me about my clock and disappointing my family, etc. Since June I have been at home full time and I have to say I have not been lonely or bored at all. I know I am not the oldest but at 54 I am having no regrets about being CF!!
Yes, they have a lot of experience and knowledge we can learn from.
I am in medical school right now and i dont want kids. I am in my late 20s.. Would I change my mind ? :(
I heard something like "if it's not a fuck yes it's a fuck no" and that changed the way I viewed having kids
Omg its so true to talk about it early! This topic broke up several relationships when I was younger but after 1-2+ years together. I started to say “I don’t think I’ll ever want kids, and if you do then we shouldn’t date.” I told my husband that in our first month of dating and he was the first to say “Oh, me either.” And we were really happy to continue dating, when in the past there was a unknown or fear about the future. Love you guys for sharing your story publicly ❤️
Yes, it can save some heartache talking about it earlier rather than later. Happy you found someone that shares your CF choice!
That was my husband and me until we've been together 6 years and married for 2... Now suddenly he is talking about babies and made a very hurtful "joke" that maybe we'll have to get a divorce so he can find someone else to make him a baby... 😬 Now my brain has been in chaos mode for almost 24 hours, and I don't know what to do and whether I should bring it up again or how to even bring it up...
@@OkyLegacy Hi, I think you should bring it up if you haven't already. I understand its scary but the sooner the better.
Do not invest your life into someone who plays around with divorce. I think you need to have a serious conversation, try to find a solution to this
@@OkyLegacyI would start asking what made him change his mind and share your feelings. That gives you both a great insight what’s going on in the other person. I’m starting to think that dating in your 20s and 30s makes zero sense. That’s why I’m staying with my boyfriend for now, who wants kids, while I never wanted some but feel conflicted now. I do know people can change their minds but I wonder if I will? Who knows. I’ll focus on myself now more and let things develop organically. After your mid 20s dating is anyways ☠️
@@OkyLegacy so how is life now? what happened? my relationship is also about to break cause after many years now she changed her mind and wants a child and i very much dont. she also wants it so much she might leave.
I told every person I dated on the 2nd date that I didn’t want kids I saved myself a lot of time, majority of them wanted kids, my husband didn’t want kids and was so relieved that I didn’t either and I think at that point we knew we were meant for each other, we will be celebrating 11 years of happy marriage in 2 days
Love that! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY 💜
@@WifeWithoutKids thank you!
Wow wow. Im so happy for u guys, I hope to find a man who doesnt want them either
@@melmel7011 came here to type exactly that. Hopefully I too can find someone who is childfree
@@swatisaini6447 hopefully we will. Im not really child free, I have a daughter, just im nolonger interested in having more kids unfortunately I find people who want kids.
A reason why I choose to be "relationship - free" as well is because no matter how much someone agrees with me about not wanting kids either, they are the ones to always change their minds and hop on the baby train. My response: "Go hop on it with someone else, then!"
Aw, ya I think that does happen a lot.
Did they ever explain why and how they changed their mind?
That's why I tell the woman I meet first thing that I'm fixed. No kids from me.
I wish there was a video like this when I was in my 20s! I wasted so much time and pain investing in relationships where old bf’s originally told me they were okay with not having kids, then later took it back. By that point I cared for them deeply, so I tried forcing myself to change my mind. I finally hit a breaking point in my late 20s because I felt like I wasn’t being true to myself. I told my now bf on our second date that I didn’t want kids and if he did even the slightest then it couldn’t go any further. We’ve now been together almost 8 yrs and we are truly happy being childfree!
You’re so lucky to find each other. I’ve went through the same emotional turmoil in my 20s. Now I know that no matter how much I would love someone, if he wants to become a father I would be ready... Ready to let him go.
@@iamauroraborealis Thank you! I hope you're able to find someone who shares the same wants as you soon! It is nice to know that someone can relate, but I am sorry you went through it as well!
@@iamauroraborealis I dated a guy, who said he never wanted kids. This was years ago. Then he changed his mind, 3 years later. I told him I don't want kids. He told there's something wrong with a woman who doesn't want kids. Then he dumped me for a divorced mother of 2 kids. I wasted 3 years of my life with him. I'm happy, single & childfree, with pets. My ex is miserable, with their own 3 kids & her other 2 kids, now. Karma happens !
You know you have TRUE LOVE when either person is not willing to up and leave if one person changes their mind over having kids or not wanting kids. I learned this over the years. I’m 39 and still haven’t found the right man though but I accept the fact I will probably end up alone.
Gosh I had this talk with my bf yesterday. I'm all crying and bf was like "yeah that's fine. Your happiness matters more than having a kid. Overpopulation" LOL I thought everything was over and he acted like it didn't matter at all XD.
So glad you guys were able to talk about it:)
I wish mine could have said that. He said he’d just up and look for a new woman to have kids with🥲 ouch
@@somebodysomewhere358you're not for everyone 💅🏻 🙂
@@phendranaa not sure if you’re trying to bully me or be nice to me
@@somebodysomewhere358 wth, you deserve better ❤️🔥 get someone who isnt treating you like a baby machine that can just be replaced.
Yes! You can always find a new partner. Next Level: feel as a whole happy person without the urgency of being in a relationship.
You can't undo having children. You can't undo the #bodydamage.
Being happy on your own is important.
I firmly believe that if you are CF and your partner is on the fence or not-CF, that's 100% a deal breaker, whether you're married or just dating.
I don't understand how anyone can be like "Oh no, I'm CF but my partner suddenly wants kids. What do I do?" It's easy, break up or divorce. The only other options is to have kids, pray they suddenly don't want kids or resent each other for the rest of your lives.
@Mari I agree beyond 100% about the deal-breaker aspect BUT, you should be up-front with your partner/ possibly future spouse about it as soon as possible. If necessary, why not even the first date?! You save yourself (and your dating partner) a HUGE headache down the road. As far as I'm concerned, marriage is serious business and that's why I also firmly believe if a man and woman aren't on the same page, they have no business dating any further, much less getting married.
It’s not easy. It’s an absolute mess. Selling a house in a market that is crashing, losing my friendship group because they will be split down the middle and will ultimately choose him as he’s known them longer, finding a new home to buy, solicitor fees, selling wedding items…and on top of that, the excruciating pain of a decade of your life with someone you’ve shared every emotion and the best part of your life experiences with has to be let go of. And no, I’m not saying I would ever consider kids as a compromise, but it’s not easy and I honestly send my heart out to other people in this situation right now. It’s terrifying and it’s devastating to lose your life because someone changed their mind further down the line.
@@SKMusic1985 I'm with you, in the same situation. I don't know how I'm gonna go through this...
Going through this now, I agree
Thank you both for your thoughtful discussion!! I am 24 and my partner is really feeling anxious about my indecision to have kids. He doesn't want them now, or for the next five years, but he wants to know I want kids eventually. I, of course, don't want to foster resentment between either of us, but I can't help that I'm undecided. I'm incredibly worried about the physical effects on my body and the emotional toll that I could feel if I experience a loss of identity with parenthood. I know that I can see a life with a child, potentially a couple, but I'd need so many factors to align before that. Ideally, one factor would be science creating a pain-free birth lol. Not to mention, I still feel like a child myself sometimes. It feels frustrating to think that a version of me 5 years down the line might say yes or no, but I'm not able to give my partner a definite answer right now. I respect his decision if he needs that sense of security and wants to end the relationship. But jeez, I wish I knew now. (Hence me watching all the parenting decision-making videos I can find!) Thank you for your video!
It's a tough choice and definitely not straightforward for everyone. With time you'll probably get more clarity on what you want. I know that as I've gotten older my decision to not have kids has been reaffirmed in many ways. It's challenging when you're in a relationship because in general we like to make plans for the future and have some certainty. Keep exploring what's right for you! 🌷😃
Oh girl I feel the exact same as you and I’m also currently 24. My bf and I (of 2 yrs) for sure had this convo many times and at first I liked the idea but with wanting to change my career and other factors I changed my mind of not wanting kids. So I’m currently indecisive also. I think time can only help us for sure we have enough time on our hands but for sure I wish it was just as straight forward
same. I cant bear pregnancy of child birth. I am so scared of it that I refuse to give birth. Its just too much.
Girllllll same here! 😩 I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and married for 1 year. The entire time we’ve been together, we’ve talked about having kids, we even came up with names for a boy or girl already! But then I’ve always harbored a feeling deep within me where, just like you, I was actually afraid of how much it will negatively affect my body, sleep, my mental health, finances and time freedom…as a 26 year old hustling and grinding it out with lots of career, personal, and financial goals…I started to see that I’m okay living the rest of my life being child free. I discovered the child free movement a week ago and it made me realize that I actually don’t want kids!! However, my husband is not entirely on board with being child free for the rest of our lives but agrees we’re not ready in the short term; and suggests we can delay parenthood (since my mom had me and my youngest brother when she was 38 & 44). In the end, I’ve agreed…but inside, right now, I still don’t want kids. Maybe I’ll change my mind, who knows? But I am soo scared he’ll resent me in the future for not giving him children and the chance to be a father.
Sorry for the ramble! I find RUclips to be a safe space for me to let out my thoughts 💭
Im in the same situation as you, we've had this conversation many times but now it really feels we're at a cross road. Im curious to know did you guys find a solution in the end or called it quits?
I really agree with the non negotiable list. It sucks that it will drastically reduce the dating pool for you but those people wouldn't be right for you anyway. I definitely would bring it up on or before the first date though, otherwise you're just wasting time if you want to date. If you don't mind just making friends then it's fine but dating is time consuming and expensive so I wouldn't go into a date without agreeing on that fundamental. I think it's a relationship breaker if one person changes their mind, its such a huge thing that you can't compromise on. It would insult me if after years of love and care it's not enough compared to a person who doesn't even exist yet
The sooner you can tell someone the better. I waited longer and thankfully it turned out OK, but yes, it can be a deal breaker if people don't want the same thing.
It would insult me if after years of love and care it's not enough compared to a person who doesn't even exist yet...YES!
That’s how I feel. I feel like I do not matter and that persons, who don’t even exist yet, are way more important and will receive the unconditional love I desire
I definitely believe that just being yourself and being honest can really make a huge impact and is really how relationships can happen.
Yes!
I definitely changed my opinion within the last two years.. Which seemed to have shocked my SO. I got to know my emotional and psychological boundaries and realized I shouldn't have kids and it's been beating me up for a few weeks, I'm constantly crying because I'm sure we will break up over this in the future but I still love him so much..
Hi, im curious if you guys have talked about it.
Now its time to show him how much you love him. Forgiving someone to bare a child would make that person extremely resentful... forcing someone to be child free would also make that person resentful. Stay friends if you cant agree on this. have a long discussion first though.
Hi! Thanks a lot for this video. Im from argentina, and actually I am currently going through a separation with my partner of the last ten years, because i dont want to have kids. Its very sad, but ill be totally selfish to me to have a kid with the only reason for dont break the relationship. We need much people like you saying trulie facts about be parents. In my country the society dont think deeply whats mean have a child in a unstable economy. And here "born" a lot of problems, like crimes and violency. Thanks a lot for this videos. And sorry for my english. Cheers!
👏👏👏
I brought it up on my first date with my husband that I didn't want kids. Now 5 years down the road he thinks I'm going to change my mind. (He already has kids.) 😐
Yikes!
I was friends with my fiancé for about six months before we became a couple. About a month into our relationship, we were driving back to the UK from Holland and I brought up this conversation during the drive. And I was lucky because he didn’t want kids either. Now we’re planning our wedding. Happy days!
Congratulations! That's so exciting. 😀
I'm going through this right now. My boyfriend and I are so utterly in love and couldn't imagine our lives without each other but he doesn't want to ever have children and I do. I don't want kids right now but having children is something I feel very strongly about and he feels very strongly about not having kids. We've had several in depth conversation on this topic. We both aren't willing to break up right now over this. We're only a year and a half into the relationship but very serious and committed. I'd rather live our life together and cross that bridge when we get there. But that's so unfair for both of us as well. It breaks my heart so so much. I don't know if I could live without starting a family one day. I also don't know if I could live my life without my partner. I'm so so lost in what we should do. I pray so so much that he will change or that maybe I'd end up being able to give up my dream of having kids. I'm not ready to let go of this relationship.
I’m in the same situation but on the opposite side
Same here I don't want kids but my loved one does.
Hello Dears, Im in the same situation right know...and Im hopeless, what did you do? Something has changes in you life?
Sara- curious to know an update. I’m in literally the same situation except we’ve been together nearly 4 years. I just can’t picture my life when I’m old never having a family. Hugs to you
This is exactly what my boyfriend said when I told him I dont want kids. He said we would cross the bridge when we get there.... I told him im never changing, he said ouk.
Fast forward 2 years, im now selfish because I dont want kids. Make it make sense
Simply put.... it's a deal breaker.
I agree.
My husband and I started dating when we weren’t even old enough to drink so the “Do you want kids?” talk seemed unnecessary/irrelevant. At 25 we got engaged- on a such a high about getting married the “kid talk” seemed too overwhelming to have. Now we’re married and own a home together... and finally talked about children. He wants them and I don’t.
😔 That’s a tough one.
Well that is a though situation but it is odd to get married in your 20's and not have that talk. Like, sure you could change your mind at that age but imo there shouldn't be a marriage if that si something a couple can't even talk about. But then again I personally broke off my engagement because my fiance said at first being with me would be more important than having kids, only to pressure me for them once we were about to tie the knots. So yeah it is definitely the one topic that can't be negotiated imo
@@JustLIkerapunzel its hard leaving someone who said they were ouk with no having them then have them change their minds. It happened to me.
@@melmel7011 The irony is he is now married to another women who as far as I know also wants kids. I was genuinely happy for him. She did get pregnant once some years ago and had a miscarriage. Till this day they are still childless which to me seems a strong sign that they struggle to have one.
It's crazy to think about how sometimes it doesn't matter how well two people communicate and want the same things even. Sometimes life just has other plans.
I loved the editing it was hilarious 🤣
Aw, thank you!
I’m 42 never wanted kids been married for 13 years but been together with my wife for 22 years. And now she 39 she got the baby crazy. I’m like wtf? It’s been a tuff few months but I think we’re over that hump
Wow, yes that would be a challenge.
This is a great video! My boyfriend told me on one of our first dates that he didn’t want kids and how important it was to him that I knew that, as a previous relationship of his had broken up because of this. At the time I was unsure where I stood on the idea of having kids but worried I might “someday”. I’m really
pleased he told me back then so I could make up my own mind whether I wanted to pursue the relationship despite his views/wishes to be CF. I would be so hurt to put the time in a relationship to later find out we wanted different things!
@SmithOnToast I would've told you the same thing, right then and there!
I think wanting kids is the default assumption. I think it best to save time on dating profiles by stating childfree saves everybody time.
@ttrev007 I say if you're going to make an online dating profile, let it DEFINITELY be known whether or not you want children and stick to your guns!
As a man that’s in his early 30s. I compromised with my soon to be ex-wife about having kids even though I did not want kids already had two kids from a previous relationship and now I pay outrageous amounts of child support to both. Going forward I will not compromise on having kids it is a done discussion. I do not want any more kids. For all future relationships if she has kids that’s cool I will except them as my own and treat them like my own. But I do not want to have any more kids than any woman can weaponize against me. I will be getting a vasectomy soon. That way I can sabotage any chance of ever having anymore kids. That way if the conversation ever comes up again I can just say I’ve already had a vasectomy done. I watched your video to help prepare me for my next relationship. I would prefer to find somebody that does not want kids or want anymore kids. But if I can’t or I don’t at least I know how to approach the situation. But they’re going to have to understand if they can’t then I wish them the best of luck because like I said I will never let another woman have my children just weaponize against me
Im sorry that happened to you
Everything about marriage is comprise. Relationship and love is all about working it out together and finding ways to create new roads.
🙌😺
Yeah but not with a child, dear.
It's there or it's not. There is no compromise with that. Period.
@@ladyfl0wers most couples have a conversation about children that does include some form of compromise with the people I know. I have yet to meet anyone who is a couple were both the people both knew they didn’t want any children and found each other.
@@77scotchtape77what do those compromises look like?
Technically true. Men do also have a "fertility window".
But in terms of quality. Like, bad math wise: After 40, just add an escalating "5 % per year" additional chance of birth defects.
Having kids is a WANT
Not having kids if you don't want to be a parent is a NEED
I love this!
Its a need for both. Stop making the needs of a id wanting partner feel less important.
Sex is a want for partners who don't want kids lol...
My boyfriend wants kids...I don’t...😞
I’m sorry. That is a very difficult situation to be in.
Same 😢😢😢😢😢
@Lea Maybe you two shouldn't be together! I know that's a blunt suggestion but, if you're serious about not wanting children and you have that conflict of interest (and having a baby is no laughing matter); I mean, by the sound of things, at least you're not married and such conflict as is would only be worse if you were. As for me, I'm open to marriage but, I neither have nor want children and DEFINITELY would want a wife who wants the same (and thank God there's some of you women like that)!
My fiancée already has two kids from her previous marriage. When we met she told me on the second date that she had kids (I wasn’t dating single parents) and that she didn’t want more. I told her I was undecided on kids but if I married someone with kids, I’d probably want one of our own too.
I knew I had to make a decision on continuing to see her for both of those reasons. Soon after, she told me she was open to kids.
It came up several times during the relationship and it always ended with she was open even though she still hoped I would see her kids as “enough” in her words.
Fast forward to a week after I gave up my apartment and she told me she didn’t want kids. I was devastated because of how sudden this was. Looking back it wasn’t sudden per say. I tried to offer everything and anything. I suggested surrogacy. She just doesn’t want another child. I get it and at the end of the day, her body, her choice.
That being said, I was still hurt and felt rejected. Ultimately, that’s my own issue. I’m not blaming her. About 4 weeks later after bickering and overall a lot of uncomfortable interactions, I decided to rent a new place (for significantly more than what I was paying previously 😢).
A week later she finally opened up more and said she hopped by me moving in that I would either see her kids “as enough” or that having breaks from kids is nice (she has 50/50 split custody). I wish she were clear about her assumptions before I made this commitment. I also explained to her that her kids are enough. I do care about them and we have been building our own relationship, but at the end of the day they have a dad and he’s very active in their lives. It’s not fair to me, him, or the kids to expect them to serve as surrogate children for me in terms of a parent/child relationship. Idk how to explain this better. One example I used is how she talks about how her kids resemble her biologically in both looks and behaviors. That’s a part of parenthood that I want to experience as well.
Anyway, I told her today that I think we’re both too chickenshit to be the ones to end things. I don’t want to give up yet. I love her. I know she’s not going to have a kid. Idk, perhaps I’m hoping with some distance and time I can come to terms with this and we can continue. Or, I’ll finally once and for all realize this isn’t the future I want. I’m just not there yet.
I would prefer not to have kids but in dating it’s been hard to find men who feel the same. Can you discuss dating when you don’t want kids please? It’s seems so hard to find a compatible man and I second guessed myself and thought well maybe I could have kids because I don’t want to end up never meeting the right person because of it. I want to be a wife but not a mother but men who don’t want to be fathers seem so rare.
I worry about that too. Like you, I want to be a wife but not a mother or step-mother. Just ended a relationship because my ex had a child of 5 years old that he took care alone and was very fond of me. But I didn't love the little boy, sometimes I would look at him like he was an alien, the materialization of an error, or a stupid choice... I hate playing with children, to me is a waste of my time in somerhing dumb and stupid. I don't find cute or funny the things kids say and do, all the time I am conscious that they will suffer a lot in life, face violence, frustratation, won't find a job easyly etc, etc.. I see kids as burdens, inconveniences, mistakes, creatures I prefer had no interaction at all. If you feel like this, you have to avoid a life with children at all costs, otherwisr you'd live bitter.
@Mak Reviews If you don't want kids I wouldn't compromise on that. There are men out there that don't want children, although they are harder to find. I would just be honest about not wanting kids early in the dating relationship. That way you aren't investing time in someone that wants something totally different than you do. There are more people choosing to live child free for various reasons so there is hope! Don't be discouraged:)
I will also mention that I love being married. Marriage does take effort though and if you truly don't want kids, I don't think it's a good idea to get married to someone that wants kids just to be married. I'm not trying to be mean when I say this: if you end up having kids to please your husband it might be a tough haul, especially if you don't want them. Kids are a huge commitment and I think people should be very sure that they want to be a parent before having them. (Unless you honestly change your mind then that's different.) When you do find someone that doesn't want kids, THAT is what you've really been waiting for and trust me, it's worth the wait.
@@jessicabsable Motherhood definitely isn't for everyone and that's totally OK.
@Mak Reviews If I only knew you, you could consider me! I'm single (but open to marriage) and don't have children and DEFINITELY don't want them ( being an uncle is good enough for me) so, we're possibly on the same page! I don't think there's a thing wrong with being that straightforward, ESPECIALLY if you're dating them. Why not even the first date (and I'm certainly not afraid of having such deep, candid and intelligent conversations; if anything, I relish them)?! Assuming you eventually marry the person you're dating, if you're THAT honest with them in the first place, chances are, it'll be same when you get married!
@@thomasshort1784 let me have you for myself then 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I lost my ex fiance over this topic. I was onboard with kids for 4 years bc thats wht i thought u were supposed to do and then when I changed my mind and told him how I felt he tried compromising but i knew it was hurting him so I had to end it. It sucks because he was my soulmate we spent 6 years together.
Hi I hope you see this because I really need some advice. I think I’m about to be going through the same thing… my boyfriend of 3 yrs has changed his mind and wants kids whereas I’ve been very vocal about how I do not and will not ever want them. How are you doing now? Are you alright? I’m just so scared to go through this break up. He is my soulmate too and I love him deeply. I’m just feeling so awful right now about this and I need to talk to someone who’s gone through it too.
@@roxycockseyI'm also going through this right now..been with my fiance for 10 years..she doesn't want kids..and I do.. how did it go for you ??
@@alejandrofernandez5936 hey! So my boyfriend and I talked about it, argued about it, and let each other think on it. After some thinking time he decided he doesn’t really care, which is the position he expressed when we first started dating. He told me the reason he randomly decided he wanted a kid was that he likes to stay busy & have a purpose. I challenged him with questions like “do you want to be a parent? Do you even like kids? What would your parenting style be? What about paying for childcare? Do you know how much this all costs? Do you know what after pregnancy/birth healing is like? What if the child is disabled? What if I died in childbirth, what would your plan be?” Etc etc etc, all the hard hitting questions that one should REALLY think about. I showed him the cost of raising a kid in this day & age, showed facts and receipts for everything I said. There’s really only so much you can do to argue your point though because this is usually a topic where people don’t budge much on their stance. I could be persuaded to have a kid one day if he really wanted to, and we were in the right circumstances. But pretty much my whole life I’ve leaned on the side of not having them.
I actually broke up with someone who does want children and I move on with my life knowing he is upset with me for not wanting children. To be honest with you I will never want children if I do not like children aka hate children. I remember that my boyfriend Mike wouldn't stop arguing about it so I gave him a choice like for example I said that he either chose either raising children or having a girlfriend and not both so he said that he loves me but he wants children and I said fine raise them yourself because I dont want children
Funny how he didn't take your needs into consideration since you'll be the one making the children and not him. You'll be the one with sleepless and nights, and days, being miserable while being pregnant, having little creatures suck up all your nutrients, messing with your body, body chemistry and brain chemistry, while he'll be glamorizing how great it is to be having kids.
Men say these things because they NEVER get the raw end of the deal. A good man is one that takes the needs of his partner into consideration if SHE wants kids.
@@christins.1481that’s how I often perceive it as well. They know and expect women to do the main work while they only get to do the fun stuff
I am an Asian and I dont want any children, and it is a huge deal here. So I will face the fact that I will never have a boyfriend or get married with a CF partner. But I know reasons why I dont want kids.
In some places in the world people have a more challenging time accepting that children are a choice and not a 'must have.' You are brave for speaking your mind.
Totally off topic... So after I had my second child I expressed to a “friend” that my husband and I are done having kids. Like none, no more we are totally happy with two. Then a year later or so she asked me about having kids, ummmm?? I gave her the same answer. She set set me up for failure and she totally judged me lol I think she was having a bad day or something 🤷♀️
Aw, that's tough. It seems that even when you decide to have kids people make comments about how many you SHOULD have! So strange...
I've never made a decision to be childfree. I just never had the urge for having kids. But I still get asked if I'm having any. Then I also hear all the stories like you with people who have or two kids and you're still asked if you're gonna have more.
Or if you have three girls already, people ask when you're gonna try again for a boy and vise versa.
I'm honestly to the point where if someone asks me about having kids. I'm just gonna tell them to go screw themselves.
Breeders just aren't happy cause they're miserable and want you to be miserable with them.
Keep doing what you're doing. Focus on the kids you have and actually want.
@@christins.1481 yup...
It's an interesting and hard 1 really
I think if you really love that person then don't have kids because all your going to do is ruin your partners life, the kids life and your own life as you want to be happy but seeing your loved ones unhappy can be very stressful and sad
You’re perfect without kids.
They’re my relationship goal. Their example gives me hope.
Interesting video as always! My husband and I got married in our early 20s. I’m now 29 and he’s 30. Before we got married I did worry about the fact that I “didn’t like kids” - that’s how I phrased it and I told him that. But I think like many people I didn’t realise not having kids was an option, and I thought it was: marriage and eventually kids would just happen or no marriage. I chose marriage obviously!
I’ve brought it up with my husband now on a few occasions as we’ve been pushed by family members and I’ve started to worry that “my time is coming” but he’s very much on the fence. He’s said he wouldn’t want to lose his independence and that he doesn’t really know if he wants kids or not because (he said) “what does it even feel like to want kids?”
I hope it works out. 🙏
My honest a opinion is that you should leave the kids decision to the girl (unless its really important for you) because she is the one actually carrying the baby the Dad just assists.
Edit: I know the Dad is still an important part of the baby’s life but he’s not actually carrying the baby if you get what I mean 😂🤣
This was interesting. My sweetheart and I don't have kids but he has grown kids, grandkids and great grandkids. I had a hysterectomy in 2007 so kids were an afterthought. I don't fear being alone but you can understand about that, however he and I love each other and we have a great relationship for the last 13 years. By the way I am 56 and he is 75.
Im 37 and iv lost a partner because I dont want kids. You giving me hope that I can still find someone to grow old with
@@melmel7011 thank you
this is old... but my husband just threatened to kill himself because I said I don't want kids. I've SAID it for years and he just kinda agreed and now he's saying that he never thought I was serious.
Yikes...that's a very strong response. Hope you guys are OK.
@@WifeWithoutKids Not sure where to go with that response honestly. He pretends therapy is useless because it was difficult. But bringing a kid into that situation is an absolute no for me... you dont do that to a child
@@raywilliams212 That just wouldn't be fair to a child.
Very past due comment, but I thought to have your husband in a video on this topic was very validating. Good tips from both of ya 😊
Glad it was helpful! He may make another appearance at some point. 😀
BRING IT UP ON YOUR DATING PROFILE IF YOU DO NOT WANT THEM, DO NOT WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE
Damn I feel lucky to know my gf does want kids but I feel for the ppl whose partner doesn't but they do. It's a scary situation to be in because having kids is a CORE VALUE and you can't really compromise on that
I don't want kids but my wife is insisting on having kids..I need your help.. is there a way I can get in touch with you?
You can email me at wifewithoutkids@gmail.com
Most men put that they want kids on their dating bio but when I ask them about it they say they don't really want kids or they say they want kids but it's not a deal breaker if I don't want them about 40% from online dating. ❤
@Wife without Kids, hi there you lovely couple! In my personal opinion, I'd rather a man who is childfree. The are some research that shows the reality and truth about parenthood. Haven't commented on your videos for a while.
What if my partner wants kids but I’m not sure, should we continue dating?
What did you end up deciding?
@@ww21943 i didnt continue dating him but also figured lated im open to have kids w the right person
If I ever come across someone who wants children in the future, I count that as a major red flag. Like I leave and give them their best wishes. But I'm not raising children with you or anyone.
May sound extreme. But growing up, I've experienced a lot of failed/terrible relationships with couples being unhappy after their first child popped into their lives. Even people maliciously making their bf/gf become a parent behind their backs. (Aka, poking holes in a condom, or making shallow promises)
If someone I met wants kids, most chances they won't respect your child free wishes and will probably betray you.
Ty So much for this Amazing Video💛👍🏼💪🏼👏🏼
Dealing w/ ASD & T1D. (No Cure for Cancer No Cure Need for a Cure for Autism) I made the Right Choice👍🏼) I’d rather not add more to Struggling society/WORLD) (My Power Story Difficult Story) Take Care & Positive Vibes to ALL(🌎🌍🌏) 🇨🇦🇺🇸 ❤️🤍😘☯️
The chart at 5:32 had me scared - until I remembered my actual age and not the age “I feel like I am”. Phew 😅!
HA! Thank goodness for that!
I married at 22. I know my husband since 11 years now and i decided to be CF a year ago. I told him in January and its been shit since then. We checked and we are both fertile and i am so scared he will leave me if i wont bear his child. I dont want kids and i will not budge unless i change my mind.
That's a difficult situation to be in. I'm sorry. I think it's a good choice to not have kids unless you really want them. Hope things will be OK for you both.
How do you check if you’re both fertile?
As a guy, I think the worst we could do is leave the question open and keep a woman hanging on when she wants children. We might become a serious obstacle for her.
Both are right both are not selfish not wrong not mean and both have the right mentality it’s not wrong for your boyfriend or girlfriend do you want a child and you’re not my child it is wrong when your boyfriend forces a child on you
Force is never good especially when it comes to having a child.
I quit dating 7 years ago. Several women I dated were "uncertain" about kids. I never wanted them. These women obviously were lying.
A few years ago, a wealthy ex adopted a little girl. I haven't seen her since. A mutual friend recently saw my ex, and said she looked 10 years older.
That's what kids do to you.
I have issues with men wanting kids and I do not anymore. However, I do have a 16 year old daughter.... Just that im done
I 😅 don't want 😉 kids 😔, but my friend does. He says that I'm good 👍 with kids 😑 and that I ♥ should have them. Whenever I 💙 say no 🙊, he gets very mad 😠 at me. He says that I have to have kids since I'm so good with them. Mommy tells me that pregnancy and childbirth is very painful, infinity times more painful than any menstrual period. Why does my friend want me to have kids for him?!
🤔 That's a good question!
Honesty is the best policy / especially with becoming a parent
So very true.
And then if they said the whole time they don’t and then nine years into being together (an engagement and mortgage later) they finally say they want one, what are you supposed to do?! I’ve built my life with someone who said all along they didn’t and now they do. I’m 37, that’s my life down the pan! I had so many years to build a life with someone else on the same level as me but I was sold a lie…and now I’m accused of not compromising. It’s not a compromise?! So now I have to start over at nearly 40. So ridiculous!!!
Im in the same bought dear. I told my man while he was still pursuing me that I nolonger want kids. I have 1 and he has 1. He said lets cross the bridge when we get to it. I insisted we talk about it... He finally said ouk
Guess what, years later... Im the selfish one for not wanting kids, so he says. In our culture the woman is supposed to have kids so family on both sides not supporting me and think something is wrong with me.
Id rather lose him
how is life now and what happened? im in the exact situation you describe. both were clearly child free but she changed her mind and wants a child now even if it means leaving me. idk what to do. leaving her is the worst pain imaginable but i hate children. she would leave me if i say no.
@@RR-kv1zw Two sets of our friends had kids and since then, he’s seen what having kids is like and dislikes it. Hence, we remained together and he no longer wants them! It was a horrible few months though and very awkward. I feel more prepared now to let go should it happen again. We have now been together a decade and I am too old for children now but also, I want my career more than children. It’ll work out, whether that is with or without that person and that’s what I’ve come to see but there is no compromise on such a big facet of life.
@@SKMusic1985 sadly she sees upclose with her sister who has 2 kids now. and she still wants one. every 'bad' thing i mention on having kids she is like 'ah it will be fine'
I didn’t think I wanted kids while I was in my 20’s. I woke up now at 32 and really want a kid. I have been looking up the birthing process, how long they breast feed, what age they start going to school, would I prefer to homeschool, and making lists of what to buy. All of a sudden it’s all I think about. I’ve been looking into everything ( no matter how small or how big ).
You are allowed to change your mind! Good for you for looking into everything. 😃
That was the issue with my fiance too, I wanted kids, priority for adoption than biological (we have enough misery to add numbers into our overpopulation), but she never wanted, as a person that analyses a lot, and anticipate many things, I decided to end a 6 year relationship 1 week after this conversation, I mean for a week I was so in a bad mood and I know myself, it would have gotten worse, that was the best choice even tho it completely destroyed her and I feel so guilty
Those can be such difficult decisions to make, but kids are a big deal if you aren't on the same page. Sorry things did not work out for you guys.
Also went through that in my marriage. He was all on board for adoption so I agreed to it because I am a social worker and know there are so many kids out there that need a home. But we took the classes and that made him not want to foster/adopt. Ouch. We already had a ten year marriage at this point. But it brought up all sorts of emotions in me. Like...”you lied”. It about ended us. Now I am sliding into childfree mode...I do love him and we are now going on 18 years together. I am 44 now, he is 42. For me, I had to heal that all up and I need a support group of people with different stories of how they became childfree and maybe were childless. My husband has always need childfree and I was somewhat hoping for adoption. But here I am. We are making a move to a more liberal area....I am hoping to meet less traditional women. It’s hard where I live because it is really conservative and religious. The move would be a fresh start.
@@77Tadams There's a book by Jody Day Living the life unexpected. It's about how to fully grieve loss or change, accept and also find a plan and community after not having a family....for whatever reason. It was really wonderful. She did a Ted talk too. Anyhow, I hope this helps with your situation 💕
Did you find someone to have a family with?
My fiancé keeps changing my mind and making it hard for me but I truly don’t want kids !
You finally got Michael on your channel!
I did! 😀
Let him go so he can find another loving women.
just ask the first date if you feel the date is going well. If its a deal breaker for them, let it go.
Too bad there's no childfree dating apps
This is so helpful. Thank you
I already have a child. The person I’m with now wants kids. He’s such a great guy and I don’t want it to be a deal breaker but I don’t want anymore kids. Idk how to talk about it with him
It can be a difficult one to have for sure, but it’s a necessary one. You’ve got this. Being truthful about how you feel is probably the best way. 😃
Y'all are too cute literally goals😍😘
Geh
This helped me so much. Thank you.
Look if Linda Tripp can get remarried after all the shit that happened with her publicly, then we all have a chance
I'm in the oppose boat. My boyfriend of almost a year adamantly did not want children and I'm not ready to close that door. We broke up and it's the biggest heartbreak I've ever felt.
How are things now? I’m on the same
Boat as you except I’m the guy in the relationship.
What happens when you were upfront about being child free and they said they are cool with that and don’t want them and you brought it up multiple times you don’t want them and now they are like “I don’t want them but I want the option because of my grandma but I might want them later but I still might not want them”
As a male 39 I've never wanted kids and have dumped girls over this in the past. They will lie saying they don't want kids either just to get in the relationship and then change it up. All this does is prolong incompatibility with your partner.
My wife said she wanted kids but sabotaged our last adoption. I want to be a mom so bad that I’m willing to file for divorce
Man you guys tell the truth
My boyfriend just broke up with me because he realized he definitely wants kids and I don't want them. My heart is breaking, we are 25, I know I don't want them, but I'm considering to change my mind, but that's only cuz I love him so much. I don't know what to do, I hope this is the best decision and this hurt will pass
This is my only reason for maybe using dating apps, is to sort of narrow the dating pool down instead of randomly finding out the person does or unsure.
But as I get older (36 m) I will likely open up the possibility of being a step dad to older children as well.
It can be important to get straight to the facts!
I think it is cool that you have that option in mind, my husband was the same way when I met him. He realized in his 30s that it was less likely to meet someone childfree. But also don't rule it out!
@@seltzermint5 thanks. Just being realistic.
My partner is have already kids and she have trauma to have one to me . .how to talk to he's? Pls help me
I came on here to watch something for flight school and this popped up (probably because I subscribed lol). Thanks for your wise thoughts.
Nothing about flights, but hopefully you were entertained anyhow! I assume you are learning to fly? That's super neat!
You two should have your own show on FOX or SCIFI Channel. 😎
LOL!
Lol almost Thought that he did want kids and I’m like oh no that’s a disastrous relationship. 😹😹
Ha! That would make an entertaining video!
Wife Without Kids lol it would!! But glad you’re on the same page!! 😀💕
@@CatswithGuns1 Me too!
Yea I’m confused I thought the video was about him wanting kids and her not and how they came to the decision
I just experienced this :(
Being on opposite sides of "should we have a child" can be a really tough thing...
You kids are great. Just started watching. Never wanted kids.
Welcome to the community!
Money is my baby
You are a lovely couple! ❤
My wife always wanted kids but I didn't because she refuses to cook when I get off work or keep the house clean, or quit smoking, I should of never married her because all those things drug me down in life , Never Compromise, it's better to be alone than be stuck with somebody who doesn't make you happy, after ten years were probably about to divorce
PS she swore she would quit smoking before we got married that was ten years ago
I’m sorry, that is not a great situation you find yourself in. I hope at some point you will be able to find happiness in life.
You two are so adorable 🥰
Great video
What if Michael had a child would you date him? Would you be happy be a step-mom but remain child free yourself ?
That's a whole other ball game. I honestly don't know if I would have dated him if he'd already had a child. It would have been dependent on many things. Thankfully that's not a decision I'll ever have to make:)
@@WifeWithoutKids Betty White was child free but was a step-mom herself though. Each to their own difference and lifestyle.
Step parenting is not childfree.
4:43 😂😂😂😂
😄
Tell her RIGHT NOW no KIDS, ONLY 1 CHILD!!! Trust me when i say this: Having an only child is the ULTIMATE "SWEET SPOT" !!!
I could let my wife have a baby with someone else and bring the child home if she really really wanted to be a mother.
I told the same to my bf but i dont think it will work in reality
@@IntegratedSpirituality11 What did he say?
Yeah, I don't know.
I feel like if my girlfriend didn't share my values, I wouldn't be with her but you never know, right?
@@IntegratedSpirituality11 😅😅😅😅 I didnt tell him but I constantly think about it.
This is entirely anecdotal and not helpful at all.
People say they don't want kids but when they have them they fall in love with them. Not always but it happens. Mothers especially become anxious or feel down when they are not around their children at times. It's not a "burden" . I can tell that's what you believe. More parents would choose to be "burdened " than to be child free. Yes, you won't have as much freedom but it would be worth it. You can still go on family vacations and have date nights, it just requires more planning.
Uhh what is wrong with people like you. Telling people to have kids when they arent sure