Agreed there’s almost 8 billion people on this 3rd rock from the sun and chances are good a person will find someone who has the same life goals.Whether it’s to have children or not.If I were wanting children I wouldn’t even consider dating anyone who didn’t and move on find someone who does.Be upfront and honest
I'm going through this right now. My boyfriend and I are so utterly in love and couldn't imagine our lives without each other but he doesn't want to ever have children and I do. I don't want kids right now but having children is something I feel very strongly about and he feels very strongly about not having kids. We've had several in depth conversation on this topic. We both aren't willing to break up right now over this. We're only a year and a half into the relationship but very serious and committed. I'd rather live our life together and cross that bridge when we get there. But that's so unfair for both of us as well. It breaks my heart so so much. I don't know if I could live without starting a family one day. I also don't know if I could live my life without my partner. I'm so so lost in what we should do. I pray so so much that he will change or that maybe I'd end up being able to give up my dream of having kids. I'm not ready to let go of this relationship.
Okay, so let's say you keep the relationship going and you two eventually have a baby. If he's doing that just for the sake of your happiness, and he's not 100% willing and committed, he's going to end up resenting you and the baby. That's a guaranteed way to end up with a breakup/divorce. Same thing on the flipside with you. If you end up agreeing to not have a baby for the sake of him, even though you still want one, you're also going to end up harboring tons of resentment for him. Especially as you two get older and your biological clock starts to tick down. You two need to be on the same page now or break up while you're only a year and half in, rather than 5-10 years in.
Dear Sara. I have had 4 kids. You are better off not having any. Kids steal your time for 18 years. They are a nuisance. They make continual demands. When they are 18 they leave home and you never see them again. Your boyfriend understands that his life belongs to be him, not to a kid. If you force or trick him into a kid, he will hate and resent you. Do you even know how much it costs to raise a kid? Be satisfied with your life. You will find out how easy it is to have Child Protective Services on your butt if the little monster learns how easy it will be to control you by screaming when he can't get what he wants That usually brings the policexto your door and you get accused of child abuse because you told thr little monster he couldn't con you out of something
@Patricia Martin I understand that children are a forever life changing commitment and that everything in your life now changes and it's not just about you any more. Your child becomes your sole responsibility. I understand that. Difference is none of that bothers me. I'm completely willing to adjust my entire life around a child. Absolutely none of that is a deal breaker for me. Once I'm a mother I will be a mother for the rest of my life. And they are expensive and take all of your time. But again, I'm okay with that. Thats the difference between my boyfriend and I. We both understand what it takes to be a good parent but are on completely opposite ends.
I adore my partner very much but she doesn’t want a child. I eagerly want a baby and show it the beautiful world. The reason I have worked so hard is to give my future baby a good life. I feel stuck and regrets having spent 3 years for this relationship.
I feel ya.. in the same situation. My girlfriend just got pregnant, im all bout keepin it and formin a family, shes all bout abortion and lets travel the entire globe…..
6 years ago when I was a teenager I would never have searched or watch this video, now here I am. Lately I have been seeing someone, and we've had a few deep conversations as to what what we expect of a potential relationship - marriage. Last evening I mentioned about would like to have kids and she didn't seem very ok with that. I did not want to open up that much on that topic, so I plaid it off. Since last nigh I have felt really depressed and I just start to realize it's better I talk this out with her once and for all before emotions get too strong and we can't handle it anymore. I think I just have to be straight up with her from the start.
I can recommend you to some one who can help you out with your wishes any kind of wish you desire ...because I tried this several times but no result ....he help out.. with my wishes
I'm 35 now and we were together since I was in my 20s. It was always later later later. Now he has accomplished little and still has a grand future. My dad is dying and won't see his grandchildren. I don't want a damaged child bc of my maternal age. This has destroyed me and he doesn't understand. I have nothing. I feel like I'm going to die.
You are depressed. Sounds like your partner is the cause. While I am spreading awareness of the childfree movement, I am also for living your best life. If that includes babies, you need to go to therapy to help you cut the ties with your partner
My partner and I both started as "maybes" when we first started dating four years ago. Unfortunately we have both gradually moved to complete opposite positions on this topic. It's heartbreaking because I think we have to end the relationship over it. Everything else in the relationship is great and she is the most amazing woman.... But I fear resentment on both sides.
That’s exactly why I had a vasectomy done. I made that decision as a single man of course I have children but I wanted to take that option off the table. I can never see myself ever having any children with any woman ever again. I’ve made my decision it works well for me. I will tell women straight when we start dating but I do not wish to have any kids if they bring the subject up.
You should only date women with children then. Not fair to date women who don’t. Or simply don’t date at all and stay happy with your children and their mother
How about you don't push people into having a baby? If they don't want kids don't force them to have kids. They will hate them and you for trapping them
Most people are just bad at choosing a partner. For both women and men, it really comes down to what you want from a relationship. You have to make your intentions clear from the start.
My boyfriend today does not want to have kids and so am I (we are both in our 40s) but he was in a longterm relationship before he met me. Ex Gf wanted to have kids even he told her from the start that he does not want any. Initially it was okay for her but then years after she realized she wanted kids and so they broke up after almost 8 years of being together
You've never been in love. I didn't "choose" to love this man. I chose to date him and get to know him but love isn't something you choose. I can't choose to unlove him. My love for him is unconditional. It knows no bounds. I'd do anything for him. I'm not in this relationship to get something out of it. I'm here cause I love him.
@@MsBlackEclipse it crushes you! You think you found your FOREVER and turns out he is just your FOR NOW. We currently are in process of divorce. Good luck to you.
Tell me about it. That's why we had kids when we did. It was supposed to be kept on the back burner for awhile, but then no, my husband pushed to have them right away, hence a miserable life for me, because I was the one who wanted to wait till we had our feet on the ground financially and whatnot, and guess who gets stuck with all the work while he gets a paying career.
@@idotgotitme3280 I think you should’ve made an agreement with him that he would stay home with the kids because he was the pusher on this decision. You consciously made the choice to have y’all’s kids. Don’t ever blame him or your kids. Blame you inability to stick to your plan. Dissect why you chose to stray from what you wanted. Was it fear of losing him? Are you a people pleaser? Or did you really want kids but was afraid of the responsibility and that’s why you wanted it on the back burner?
@@yourlovelybabe1 No, it was him that didn't stick to the plan, we agreed that I would get a temporary tube tying to make sure there were no accidents before I was ready, I had the appointment and everything, I was the one who fully intended to stick to the plan, but I no sooner had that appointment, then suddenly he got weirded out or something and made me cancel the appointment, and he didn't believe in birth control pills or anything (I don't like anything going into your body, he would say) so because of that, then a short time later, an accident happened that ruined the rest of my life, so don't tell me about inability to stick to a plan, that was him. He would admit it now as well, but too late for me. Also, check the comment I posted in the reply's from the comment that says "the answer is simple, your not compatible" I did that awhile back.
@@Klaudia-hj3xs You shouldn’t assume it’s a women who wants kids, if one parter has a dream of having a kid and the other doesn’t want kids then it’s not gonna work. Someone who doesn’t want kids and would clearly be a bad parent if they were forced shouldn’t have kids and someone who wants kids shouldn’t be forced not too. Also you can have kids with a significant other if that’s “her” dream she can get a sperm doner.
That’s why I left my partner’s they didn’t like kids and I love kids I can’t be with someone that doesn’t want the same thing as me, I am married to a amazing man that loves kids like me and before I met him I never really wanted kids because of how toxic my ex partners were, but now that I’m married to someone that loves children and isn’t toxic towards me I want a kid and want to start a beautiful family but for now I only want (1) child ❤️and in the future 2, after 2 I think I’ll be done ❤️
Nope 👎 , wrong. Because that is like the world telling you we can’t afford you , we need to get rid of you . See you don’t provide, but it is God only that provides.
@@zainzoala1083Man it’s okay to be religious but can yall be realistic ever? God doesn’t not pay your bills. If so, what about all the homeless people and children sleeping on the street corners? Money pays bills and some people barely have enough of it to take care of themselves, let alone children. I’ve seen so many children suffering because their parents can’t afford daily food, proper shelter or basic healthcare for them. How is that fair to a child? Are you gonna tell them God will provide?
This issue has really brought my dating life to a halt. I strongly believe that I never want kids.. my last 3 serious relationships have all ended due to the fact that the women couldn't see a life with me without starting a family.. I'm starting to feel like I have to either live My life alone or I will have to put my views aside and have a child because the person I love wants one as Im feeling like I won't really find someone that shares my views.
if you hate life now imagine being stuck with a decision you can’t undo. I am alone but not lonely, and having disposable income does wonders for my mental health. I can book a flight at a moment’s notice without having to arrange for childcare
He could have stayed with u my boyfriend stayed with me I didn't want kid s but he did .I think that is just wrong to leave a woman because she won't have your baby.
Stay strong about your decision don't give into her. If you have kids and it doesn't work out you'll end up in divorce and child support. With child support you won't have money for anything let alone dating again. Trust me I know.
I can’t say this enough guys, if you don’t know you want kids get a vasectomy. Better then her using birth control and it’s reversible. Otherwise you are highly at risk of getting into something you don’t want. kids don’t come with a return policy.
Hey, in the same boat. But not sure what our next steps are. Seems like were both just being hopeful that the other will change their mind but I don't want to makes the next steps in our relationship without figuring this part out. Where are you at? What does your partner think?
I am in the middle of my heart breaking abortion. I keep weeping. I don’t even want to be with my partner anymore. Just because he didnt own up and became a protector of our purest love. To me that has been completely uncomforting. I don’t feel like I love this person anymore. And now my dream of marrying him has vanished. I really regret not having my baby right now. I am also regreting being in this relationship. I didnt think I was wasting my time. And I thought aborting was going to make us happy, but now I feel so bad. I don’t want to be in this. I am so hurt. I feel rejected and like a piece of meat. This man is not for me.
Yes samething my husband doesn’t want to have a baby so I don’t because all i want us to have a baby I’m just felt bad because he doesn’t want a baby!! I don’t want us break up but I have to do something
My partner already has a child from previous relationship and I don’t. I’m in a stage in my life where I desperately want a baby and he says he’s not ready. I’m 30yrs and I feel like my life is on hold. I want to move on but I love him
My dear friend, If your partner has a child from a previous relationship and doesn't want more children, it's important to respect his decision. Parenting is a big commitment, and it's crucial to be realistic about the challenges involved. While having children can be incredibly rewarding, it's not for everyone. If you strongly want a child and are determined to fulfill your dreams as a mother, there are two options: adopt a child or find ways to nurture and connect with children in your life. This could involve volunteering, mentoring, or simply spending quality time with the children of friends and family. When it comes to the subject of having children, compromise might not be possible because that is a once in a lifetine decision that you cannot escape. What you need is an open dialogue between you and your spouse where regular communication is essential to build trust and understanding. There are many things we may easily compromise on with our spouse : - Household chores: Who does the dishes, laundry, or yard work? - Finances: How much money to save, how to budget, and how to spend. - Social activities: How often to go out, what activities to do together, and how to balance individual hobbies and couple time. - Vacation planning: Where to go, when to go, and how to travel. - Decorating: What style of furniture and decor to have in your home? But children is either one wants or does not want.
Well not on the first date, it's usually something that comes up after you get to know the person more. It's like that episode of Big Bang Theory where Raj just meets someone and already has them married with children in his mind before they've barely gone out, that's why he doesn't keep his relationships, cause he basically scares them off before they can find out that he is a good guy. I know that's just a show, but it can be true in real life as well.
Can’t always count on that. I wound up changing my mind 4 years into our relationship because his character proved to me that wonderful fathers could exist. His childhood was not easy and we’re working through the PTSD he has from it. He doesn’t want to be a father because of what he went through. I won’t force him but it’s tough knowing you could have a lovely beautiful family with a great man and it only being a dream you carry in your heart, not even something you can share with him because it could hurt him. Therapy is the solution for both. And time, patience, and love.
This is a no compromise issue! It needs to be talked about before you even develop an emotional bond with one another! I would almost say it should be discussed on the first date so that time isn't wasted!
I decided to finish two relationship because of that. Please men if you don't want kids don't waste the time. Also if you wanted and later said that a child it is expensive don't waste my time.
When my partner and I met we both had kids and neither of us ever thought we would want more kids. As Our relationship grew and became stronger I found myself wanting to have another child. It took me too long to express my feelings about it. Originally he said he wasn’t open to it but over the last year he has said he is considering it and finds himself “theoretically” wanting to have another child. Now that I see the option may be possible I have found the yearning to have a baby with him becoming more and more strong. I think he’s only like 60/40 70/30 about it but I am like 90/10. I don’t know what to do with my feelings during this period of time. I get so emotional and feel such a longing and I can’t set it aside. I know I want to be with my partner more than this longing (I think I know this). I am so confused.
There are chemicals in your brain making you want these babies. Not logic. Why add the stress of a baby all over again? Enjoy your other kids, save up so you can help them in this tough world because the new gen won’t be able to afford a house anymore
What if the guy want kids just cuz all his friends family have kids and the age factor he is 31 and I’m 28 ? It has been brought up a lot especially by his parents n friends and it make me feel peer pressured like how u kno ur ready ?
You will know once you consciously think about it, start planning it ijn your head, and start talking about it and discuss when you and your partner think it possibly could be in the future abd then just live day by day until you want it every day for months
Me too. I'm 29 he's 32. He wants, I really don't want. Guys get to carry on their career, all the pain, isolation and burden of childbirth and care predominantly goes on us ladies. Compromise- 5 years time :/
@@0kisshun0 no way. I earn my own money. Not a gold digger at all. Just not everyone wants to be pressured into having kids. Maybe in the future I would be ready for kids. But not untill both people are ready and willing. Just my thoughts anyway
I had a totally hysterectomy at 30 (cancer). I have grown 2 children. My current husband of 4yrs dropped a bomb on me. He wants a child..."a legacy". He says I'm selfish to not want him to have a child. He still wants to stay married to me, though..in my eyes ..he just wants a sidechick/ Baby momma...
Tell him: Get your potential kids' permission (and the rest of the world's permission) first, before you breed. Do that first. Then you may breed. Don't know how to do that? Too bad for you pronatalists out there: GO FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF! STOP regurgitating pro-breeders' opinion as if it is "society" or "society's opinion". THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL NOTHING IMPORTANT ABOUT THEIR particular political opinion compared to ANYONE ELSE'S. Pro-breeders' opinion is 100% ENTIRELY THEIR INDIVIDUAL CHOICE: they CANNOT blame society for it. THEY are responsible for holding a fucked-up evil opinion. Outlaw all breeding of all animals, including humans. Mandate vasectomies! Mandate abortions! Practice antinatalism! Spread antinatalism!
He decided he totally lost interest in ME. Wants FREEDOM. His FOCUS and PRIORITIES have changed now since he got to USA ... He was a lesson. I'm filing DIVORCE Monday
I can recommend you to some one who can help you out with your wishes any kind of wish you desire ...because I tried this several times but no result ....he help out.. with my wishes
I wanna date but as time goes on there’s that talk about kids and I do not want anymore. Whoever I date, I’ll do whatever I can for her, be there, be loyal etc.. but having kids is where I draw the line.
This is a valid reason to break up. Best not to keep hanging on. The partner should not be pressured, either, otherwise they will not be in it with their heart.
I feel hopeless been with my girlfriend since 2016 until know and nothing yet I feel like she don't want nothing with me seriously I want at least 1 child get married and be a good dad and good provider to them be happy but I dought that will ever happen idk what's going through her mind she just works works and we hardly see each other unless it's a Friday and she doesn't work.. I feel like loser I really love her with all my heart but idk I don't want to leave her and look again and start over again tired of that.. she's a good women and loves me well I hope so but idk I want a child and be happy I can't force her to anything she don't want to do.. Al keep trying with her hopefully god sends us a baby if not then I won't try anymore real simple
@@Tionaintown876 yeah ur rite man... just want to have my own little family 👪 one day and be happy and feel appreciated loved etc.. maybe am just to of a nice hearted guy that's why they do that to me.. life is short to be wasting it on a person like that!! But yes ur rite about what u saying
I love my boyfriend very much, I always told him that I always wanted to be a mother and he would compliment me being a wonderful mother One day he told me that "I actually really don't want kids" My heart broke, I was so sad I really wanted to cry because before that he would say things that he would be a wonderful father or I would be a wonderful mother... But all of that wasn't real to be said when reality he never wanted kids It makes me worse that he keeps talking about making babies joke but doesn't want to actually take care of them and plans to just leave them with me It really breaks my heart so I decided to make the decision to not have kids, when I told him he was surprised and told me that I always wanted it why did I change my mind? Well I would have to anyways, since he never wanted them in the first place Still breaks my heart though 💔
At least you have a solid and wonderful relationship now. It would not be better to be in a shitty marriage with kids to manage. There are other ways to be involved with children, if your partner loves you, im sure that he will consider those options with you. You might even discover a new purpose you never thought you could have before due to the opportunities that being childfree can bring. Keep your head up and look on the bright side. Everything is going to be okay. ❤
@@michaelh7527 Dumbest advice ever. Trust and Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, if you do something like this he‘ll just leave you and in such a situation I cant blame him.
My husband and i have been married for 13 years we have 3 kids 2 with special needs and it's really hard financially were okay but i don't want anymore kids but my husband wants one more and we have been arguing about it for 6 months how do i convince him ?? He says same as you described "don't worry about it ill take care of everything " yes he's very responsible and spends time with them but im done
It’s your body abs if you don’t want to go through that again and if it’s hard with money then you shouldn’t feel like you have to. Hope you 2 figure something out. ❤️
Are you kidding? Why would you partner with someone who wants the opposite of you? That should be discussed before you become partners, like first date. Wow.
I do want to say that prior to marrying my husband we had the same views & wanted 2 kids. With our first kid he quickly realized how much more he had to let go of, & now he doesn’t want another but I do. & it honestly sucks going into it thinking we had the same views, & wants out of life but now it has been changed. He did say yes once, & we became pregnant a second time but miscarried, so after that he went back to saying no. Some people promise & say things to get you, maybe. I don’t know.
Break up - because the resentment has already started. Resentment builds and builds. Some people can make it work- 10 years of resentment, then as the clock runs out deeper resentment, then what? Every argument you have has this issue at the base. The one who wants babies wants a reason to leave you so the arguments get bigger and bigger from small things that seem unrelated- but every argument is based on this subject- the secondary subject which you think is the topic of the argument doesn’t even matter.
Break up. Not only are you putting your partners in danger your putting your kids in danger too thinking they’re gonna save your marriage but that’s not their job there’s 8 billion people in the world anyway it’s not like they’re the only one. Be smart about this don’t get your feelings in the way.
I'm currently in the opposite situation my husband wants another child and I'm not so keen on having another one yet it's not that I don't want another child I do but I want to be able to give our first all the attention
I'm 24, husband is 34. We have been married for over 2 years, been together for 4. When we were dating he said he wanted 2 kids but now he says he doesn't want any. Now what?
So genuine question guys why do people get with people who don't want kids are okay with it in the beginning and then change their mind did you even love the person to begin with cuz it's obvious you didn't and then you try to guilt them into thinking they have to have a kid with you that's wrong
Looking for somw advice. Me and boyfriend have beem together 4 years, both 19. I love kids and am pretty sure I want them but not an absolute yes. Boyfriend is totally on the fence but leaning towards nor wanting kids. Not interested in breaking up and we are in committed relationship, at same college, met the famil, etc. I don't know what to do if he decides in a few years that he doesn't want kids after all.
I never cared either way. My wife is infertile she wants to have a baby with my sperm and another woman's egg. I was shocked and replied we already have one of those. I have a kid from an ex, my wife is a good mom. The problem is she is 46 and I'm 50😮. WTH
I am pregnant now and he left me without asking or letting me know He went to his country in algeria and left me here in dubai and in from Philippines now i ask him that i should go with him he keeps saying his done
People who make the decision to have sex which should between a husband and a wife should be wise enough to understand the possibility of becoming a parent and be open to that . Not everything in our lives can be controlled and there are severe consequences to our decisions .
That’s a very narrow view of the world. Marriage is just a social contract made to give you benefits in case one of you dies. It’s not a moral obligation for sex to turn into babies, we are not wild animals. We have a consciousness and we have science to help us defeat our instincts
Then you should either accept that he does not want children and live childless or leave him because what you both want in incompatible. I tend to be flexible with the idea of children but would prefer not to have them as they are expensive and mean no more wild random adventures at last minute,
While having sex he was happy to have a baby but when I became pregnant he refuses for child that this is not his child kill it what should I do I'm very stressed out what to do what to tell my family about it because I dnt want to hurt all with my husband behaviour
Maybe he wasn't actually happy to have a baby, just saying it as long as it wasn't real, but then when it became real, he showed his true colors about how he really feels and saying it's not his to justify himself.
When youwant a baby but your partner doesn't you become a mooch and a freeloader. You re asking a person to give up their life so you can have what you want. A pregnant woman is whinny, complaining and is not very attractive. She expects the daddy to spend every spare dollar on the kid. Have you ever done some research on how much diapers and formula cost. Your partner will be expected to buy all this(also baby furniture and medical bills) Thr price he will pay is to be second place in your life as you will no longer to have time for him. When you have tricked him into be your personal bank to support the kid and he gets tired of being used you will push him out of your life but demand child support for 18 years. Ladies, quit being selfish and realize guys deserve a life
Then break up. No way to compromise on the life-long commitment of a kid.
True, you're just gonna end up miserable
Agreed there’s almost 8 billion people on this 3rd rock from the sun and chances are good a person will find someone who has the same life goals.Whether it’s to have children or not.If I were wanting children I wouldn’t even consider dating anyone who didn’t and move on find someone who does.Be upfront and honest
I'm going through this right now. My boyfriend and I are so utterly in love and couldn't imagine our lives without each other but he doesn't want to ever have children and I do. I don't want kids right now but having children is something I feel very strongly about and he feels very strongly about not having kids. We've had several in depth conversation on this topic. We both aren't willing to break up right now over this. We're only a year and a half into the relationship but very serious and committed. I'd rather live our life together and cross that bridge when we get there. But that's so unfair for both of us as well. It breaks my heart so so much. I don't know if I could live without starting a family one day. I also don't know if I could live my life without my partner. I'm so so lost in what we should do. I pray so so much that he will change or that maybe I'd end up being able to give up my dream of having kids. I'm not ready to let go of this relationship.
Just end the relationship. Don't force him into being a dad. He will not forgive you for forcing him into fatherhood.
Okay, so let's say you keep the relationship going and you two eventually have a baby. If he's doing that just for the sake of your happiness, and he's not 100% willing and committed, he's going to end up resenting you and the baby. That's a guaranteed way to end up with a breakup/divorce. Same thing on the flipside with you. If you end up agreeing to not have a baby for the sake of him, even though you still want one, you're also going to end up harboring tons of resentment for him. Especially as you two get older and your biological clock starts to tick down. You two need to be on the same page now or break up while you're only a year and half in, rather than 5-10 years in.
Dear Sara. I have had 4 kids. You are better off not having any. Kids steal your time for 18 years. They are a nuisance. They make continual demands. When they are 18 they leave home and you never see them again. Your boyfriend understands that his life belongs to be him, not to a kid. If you force or trick him into a kid, he will hate and resent you. Do you even know how much it costs to raise a kid? Be satisfied with your life. You will find out how easy it is to have Child Protective Services on your butt if the little monster learns how easy it will be to control you by screaming when he can't get what he wants That usually brings the policexto your door and you get accused of child abuse because you told thr little monster he couldn't con you out of something
@@patriciamartin6756 18 years at minimum. With the way the economy is, they will probably stay until 25-30 unless you forcibly kick them out.
@Patricia Martin I understand that children are a forever life changing commitment and that everything in your life now changes and it's not just about you any more. Your child becomes your sole responsibility. I understand that. Difference is none of that bothers me. I'm completely willing to adjust my entire life around a child. Absolutely none of that is a deal breaker for me. Once I'm a mother I will be a mother for the rest of my life. And they are expensive and take all of your time. But again, I'm okay with that. Thats the difference between my boyfriend and I. We both understand what it takes to be a good parent but are on completely opposite ends.
I adore my partner very much but she doesn’t want a child. I eagerly want a baby and show it the beautiful world. The reason I have worked so hard is to give my future baby a good life. I feel stuck and regrets having spent 3 years for this relationship.
World is beautiful really
So what happened
I feel ya.. in the same situation. My girlfriend just got pregnant, im all bout keepin it and formin a family, shes all bout abortion and lets travel the entire globe…..
The world beautiful? You do not want a baby in this ugly world especially in these times
Why don't you spend those money on a child who is already here instead of creating a new life
6 years ago when I was a teenager I would never have searched or watch this video, now here I am. Lately I have been seeing someone, and we've had a few deep conversations as to what what we expect of a potential relationship - marriage. Last evening I mentioned about would like to have kids and she didn't seem very ok with that.
I did not want to open up that much on that topic, so I plaid it off. Since last nigh I have felt really depressed and I just start to realize it's better I talk this out with her once and for all before emotions get too strong and we can't handle it anymore. I think I just have to be straight up with her from the start.
Do you really need help???
I can recommend you to some one who can help you out with your wishes any kind of wish you desire ...because I tried this several times but no result ....he help out.. with my wishes
➕ ②③④⑨①⑤⑧⑧②①⑤⑦⑨
Whatspp Dr Odoho for any kind of help....
I'm 35 now and we were together since I was in my 20s. It was always later later later. Now he has accomplished little and still has a grand future. My dad is dying and won't see his grandchildren. I don't want a damaged child bc of my maternal age. This has destroyed me and he doesn't understand. I have nothing. I feel like I'm going to die.
you can adopt. it would still be your kid
You are depressed. Sounds like your partner is the cause. While I am spreading awareness of the childfree movement, I am also for living your best life. If that includes babies, you need to go to therapy to help you cut the ties with your partner
You are still young. Don't wait any longer for him. Find another man. There are a lot who dream to be father and have family with you.
@@cuentaccuentos she is young, she can have her biological kids but with someone else
I hope you are doing good :) and you left that man
My partner and I both started as "maybes" when we first started dating four years ago. Unfortunately we have both gradually moved to complete opposite positions on this topic. It's heartbreaking because I think we have to end the relationship over it. Everything else in the relationship is great and she is the most amazing woman.... But I fear resentment on both sides.
Same stuff
A very valid concern. I have severe resentment but that is my issue to deal with.
A very valid concern. I have severe resentment but that is my issue to deal with.
That’s exactly why I had a vasectomy done. I made that decision as a single man of course I have children but I wanted to take that option off the table. I can never see myself ever having any children with any woman ever again. I’ve made my decision it works well for me. I will tell women straight when we start dating but I do not wish to have any kids if they bring the subject up.
Got snipped, too. One of the best decisions I've ever made.
Ayeee #snippedgang
Got my snip at 28. Problem solved.
You should only date women with children then. Not fair to date women who don’t. Or simply don’t date at all and stay happy with your children and their mother
😂 smart
How about you don't push people into having a baby? If they don't want kids don't force them to have kids. They will hate them and you for trapping them
So do you just move on?
@@amandabaker7654 yes
@@amandabaker7654 yes
@@amandabaker7654 yes
My boyfriend stayed with me he wanted kids I didn't .I told him I don't want any kids I wasn't having any kids.He stayed with me .
Most people are just bad at choosing a partner. For both women and men, it really comes down to what you want from a relationship. You have to make your intentions clear from the start.
My boyfriend today does not want to have kids and so am I (we are both in our 40s) but he was in a longterm relationship before he met me. Ex Gf wanted to have kids even he told her from the start that he does not want any. Initially it was okay for her but then years after she realized she wanted kids and so they broke up after almost 8 years of being together
You've never been in love. I didn't "choose" to love this man. I chose to date him and get to know him but love isn't something you choose. I can't choose to unlove him. My love for him is unconditional. It knows no bounds. I'd do anything for him. I'm not in this relationship to get something out of it. I'm here cause I love him.
People change their minds. You can agree on 2 kids, have one, then a spouse changes their mind. Shit happens. Not everything is preventable.
Probably should've discussed this before getting married, just sayin'.
Exactly
We did. We discussed in detail.. He knew! You can bake a cake without a oven👌
Agreed
I know myself and my husband did discuss to great length and almost 5 years in he has changed his mind
@@MsBlackEclipse it crushes you! You think you found your FOREVER and turns out he is just your FOR NOW. We currently are in process of divorce. Good luck to you.
Then accept his decision? It’s unfair to push.
Tell me about it. That's why we had kids when we did. It was supposed to be kept on the back burner for awhile, but then no, my husband pushed to have them right away, hence a miserable life for me, because I was the one who wanted to wait till we had our feet on the ground financially and whatnot, and guess who gets stuck with all the work while he gets a paying career.
@@idotgotitme3280 I think you should’ve made an agreement with him that he would stay home with the kids because he was the pusher on this decision. You consciously made the choice to have y’all’s kids. Don’t ever blame him or your kids. Blame you inability to stick to your plan. Dissect why you chose to stray from what you wanted. Was it fear of losing him? Are you a people pleaser? Or did you really want kids but was afraid of the responsibility and that’s why you wanted it on the back burner?
@@yourlovelybabe1 No, it was him that didn't stick to the plan, we agreed that I would get a temporary tube tying to make sure there were no accidents before I was ready, I had the appointment and everything, I was the one who fully intended to stick to the plan, but I no sooner had that appointment, then suddenly he got weirded out or something and made me cancel the appointment, and he didn't believe in birth control pills or anything (I don't like anything going into your body, he would say) so because of that, then a short time later, an accident happened that ruined the rest of my life, so don't tell me about inability to stick to a plan, that was him. He would admit it now as well, but too late for me. Also, check the comment I posted in the reply's from the comment that says "the answer is simple, your not compatible" I did that awhile back.
But he can push her to not have baby if this is her dream? How that is fer?
@@Klaudia-hj3xs You shouldn’t assume it’s a women who wants kids, if one parter has a dream of having a kid and the other doesn’t want kids then it’s not gonna work. Someone who doesn’t want kids and would clearly be a bad parent if they were forced shouldn’t have kids and someone who wants kids shouldn’t be forced not too. Also you can have kids with a significant other if that’s “her” dream she can get a sperm doner.
That’s why I left my partner’s they didn’t like kids and I love kids I can’t be with someone that doesn’t want the same thing as me, I am married to a amazing man that loves kids like me and before I met him I never really wanted kids because of how toxic my ex partners were, but now that I’m married to someone that loves children and isn’t toxic towards me I want a kid and want to start a beautiful family but for now I only want (1) child ❤️and in the future 2, after 2 I think I’ll be done ❤️
U dumb bitch why did u leave
The first decision is if you can financially have a baby.
lol AMEN 🙌
Nope 👎 , wrong. Because that is like the world telling you we can’t afford you , we need to get rid of you . See you don’t provide, but it is God only that provides.
@@zainzoala1083Man it’s okay to be religious but can yall be realistic ever? God doesn’t not pay your bills. If so, what about all the homeless people and children sleeping on the street corners? Money pays bills and some people barely have enough of it to take care of themselves, let alone children. I’ve seen so many children suffering because their parents can’t afford daily food, proper shelter or basic healthcare for them. How is that fair to a child? Are you gonna tell them God will provide?
This issue has really brought my dating life to a halt. I strongly believe that I never want kids.. my last 3 serious relationships have all ended due to the fact that the women couldn't see a life with me without starting a family.. I'm starting to feel like I have to either live My life alone or I will have to put my views aside and have a child because the person I love wants one as Im feeling like I won't really find someone that shares my views.
if you hate life now imagine being stuck with a decision you can’t undo. I am alone but not lonely, and having disposable income does wonders for my mental health. I can book a flight at a moment’s notice without having to arrange for childcare
He could have stayed with u my boyfriend stayed with me I didn't want kid s but he did .I think that is just wrong to leave a woman because she won't have your baby.
@ladylove4087 I feel like this but I think imma get dumped
Stay strong about your decision don't give into her. If you have kids and it doesn't work out you'll end up in divorce and child support. With child support you won't have money for anything let alone dating again. Trust me I know.
I can’t say this enough guys, if you don’t know you want kids get a vasectomy. Better then her using birth control and it’s reversible. Otherwise you are highly at risk of getting into something you don’t want. kids don’t come with a return policy.
Going through this now. My partner wants a baby I do not
Hey, in the same boat. But not sure what our next steps are. Seems like were both just being hopeful that the other will change their mind but I don't want to makes the next steps in our relationship without figuring this part out. Where are you at? What does your partner think?
That means you're not compatible. The answer is simple, leave!
I no a man that can help you get a child
He also help me for my life them I have a child now
Whattsapp him##+2349152052063
I am in the middle of my heart breaking abortion. I keep weeping. I don’t even want to be with my partner anymore. Just because he didnt own up and became a protector of our purest love. To me that has been completely uncomforting. I don’t feel like I love this person anymore. And now my dream of marrying him has vanished. I really regret not having my baby right now. I am also regreting being in this relationship. I didnt think I was wasting my time. And I thought aborting was going to make us happy, but now I feel so bad. I don’t want to be in this. I am so hurt. I feel rejected and like a piece of meat. This man is not for me.
sorry dear
My deepest condolences.
Im so sorry you had to go trough this, hope you can find some peace soon 😔
Oh my dear, pray to God to help your healing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Hope you are keeping well
Yes samething my husband doesn’t want to have a baby so I don’t because all i want us to have a baby I’m just felt bad because he doesn’t want a baby!! I don’t want us break up but I have to do something
My partner already has a child from previous relationship and I don’t. I’m in a stage in my life where I desperately want a baby and he says he’s not ready. I’m 30yrs and I feel like my life is on hold. I want to move on but I love him
It feels good to know I'm not alone. I'm in the exact same predicament but I'm 34. My boyfriend has three children.
Sisters, love yourself and leave. Those guys just string you along and you accept that
Please love yourself more and live God. He will guide you!
My dear friend,
If your partner has a child from a previous relationship and doesn't want more children, it's important to respect his decision. Parenting is a big commitment, and it's crucial to be realistic about the challenges involved. While having children can be incredibly rewarding, it's not for everyone.
If you strongly want a child and are determined to fulfill your dreams as a mother, there are two options: adopt a child or find ways to nurture and connect with children in your life. This could involve volunteering, mentoring, or simply spending quality time with the children of friends and family.
When it comes to the subject of having children, compromise might not be possible because that is a once in a lifetine decision that you cannot escape. What you need is an open dialogue between you and your spouse where regular communication is essential to build trust and understanding.
There are many things we may easily compromise on with our spouse :
- Household chores: Who does the dishes, laundry, or yard work?
- Finances: How much money to save, how to budget, and how to spend.
- Social activities: How often to go out, what activities to do together, and how to balance individual hobbies and couple time.
- Vacation planning: Where to go, when to go, and how to travel.
- Decorating: What style of furniture and decor to have in your home?
But children is either one wants or does not want.
This should be the first question on your first date.
Ppl change their minds tho
Well not on the first date, it's usually something that comes up after you get to know the person more. It's like that episode of Big Bang Theory where Raj just meets someone and already has them married with children in his mind before they've barely gone out, that's why he doesn't keep his relationships, cause he basically scares them off before they can find out that he is a good guy. I know that's just a show, but it can be true in real life as well.
Can’t always count on that. I wound up changing my mind 4 years into our relationship because his character proved to me that wonderful fathers could exist. His childhood was not easy and we’re working through the PTSD he has from it. He doesn’t want to be a father because of what he went through. I won’t force him but it’s tough knowing you could have a lovely beautiful family with a great man and it only being a dream you carry in your heart, not even something you can share with him because it could hurt him. Therapy is the solution for both. And time, patience, and love.
@@beautyintheskies
Dump such people who aren't trustworthy
@@mirroruniverse9331 people actually genuinely do change their mind
This is a no compromise issue! It needs to be talked about before you even develop an emotional bond with one another! I would almost say it should be discussed on the first date so that time isn't wasted!
The answer is simple. You're not compatible.
That's not true..
@@ashleykk9414 'fraid so!
@@speakfreeley4473 you can always meet in the middle.
@@twe146 With difficulty!
@@speakfreeley4473 not really, there are a couple of good solutions.
If you disagree on progeny, you need to break up. Simple.
I decided to finish two relationship because of that. Please men if you don't want kids don't waste the time. Also if you wanted and later said that a child it is expensive don't waste my time.
babies ???
nooo waaayyyy !!
When my partner and I met we both had kids and neither of us ever thought we would want more kids. As Our relationship grew and became stronger I found myself wanting to have another child. It took me too long to express my feelings about it. Originally he said he wasn’t open to it but over the last year he has said he is considering it and finds himself “theoretically” wanting to have another child. Now that I see the option may be possible I have found the yearning to have a baby with him becoming more and more strong. I think he’s only like 60/40 70/30 about it but I am like 90/10. I don’t know what to do with my feelings during this period of time. I get so emotional and feel such a longing and I can’t set it aside. I know I want to be with my partner more than this longing (I think I know this). I am so confused.
There are chemicals in your brain making you want these babies. Not logic. Why add the stress of a baby all over again? Enjoy your other kids, save up so you can help them in this tough world because the new gen won’t be able to afford a house anymore
What if the guy want kids just cuz all his friends family have kids and the age factor he is 31 and I’m 28 ? It has been brought up a lot especially by his parents n friends and it make me feel peer pressured like how u kno ur ready ?
You will know once you consciously think about it, start planning it ijn your head, and start talking about it and discuss when you and your partner think it possibly could be in the future abd then just live day by day until you want it every day for months
Me too.
I'm 29 he's 32. He wants, I really don't want. Guys get to carry on their career, all the pain, isolation and burden of childbirth and care predominantly goes on us ladies.
Compromise- 5 years time :/
@@nikkiclarke5935 so basicaly your boyfriend just a walking wallet/fuckbudy...
@@0kisshun0 no way. I earn my own money. Not a gold digger at all. Just not everyone wants to be pressured into having kids. Maybe in the future I would be ready for kids. But not untill both people are ready and willing. Just my thoughts anyway
I had a totally hysterectomy at 30 (cancer). I have grown 2 children. My current husband of 4yrs dropped a bomb on me. He wants a child..."a legacy". He says I'm selfish to not want him to have a child. He still wants to stay married to me, though..in my eyes ..he just wants a sidechick/ Baby momma...
Tell him:
Get your potential kids' permission (and the rest of the world's permission) first, before you breed.
Do that first. Then you may breed. Don't know how to do that? Too bad for you pronatalists out there:
GO FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF!
STOP regurgitating pro-breeders' opinion as if it is "society" or "society's opinion". THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL NOTHING IMPORTANT ABOUT THEIR particular political opinion compared to ANYONE ELSE'S.
Pro-breeders' opinion is 100% ENTIRELY THEIR INDIVIDUAL CHOICE: they CANNOT blame society for it.
THEY are responsible for holding a fucked-up evil opinion.
Outlaw all breeding of all animals, including humans. Mandate vasectomies! Mandate abortions!
Practice antinatalism! Spread antinatalism!
He decided he totally lost interest in ME. Wants FREEDOM. His FOCUS and PRIORITIES have changed now since he got to USA ... He was a lesson. I'm filing DIVORCE Monday
@@sandradarlene2710 oh well he is at that 2 chance of feeling young huh
Do you really need help??
I can recommend you to some one who can help you out with your wishes any kind of wish you desire ...because I tried this several times but no result ....he help out.. with my wishes
I wanna date but as time goes on there’s that talk about kids and I do not want anymore. Whoever I date, I’ll do whatever I can for her, be there, be loyal etc.. but having kids is where I draw the line.
“As time goes on” you need to stop deceiving people and let that be known from the get go!!
Sounds like you’re the man for me because I don’t want children neither.
This is a valid reason to break up. Best not to keep hanging on. The partner should not be pressured, either, otherwise they will not be in it with their heart.
I feel hopeless been with my girlfriend since 2016 until know and nothing yet I feel like she don't want nothing with me seriously I want at least 1 child get married and be a good dad and good provider to them be happy but I dought that will ever happen idk what's going through her mind she just works works and we hardly see each other unless it's a Friday and she doesn't work.. I feel like loser I really love her with all my heart but idk I don't want to leave her and look again and start over again tired of that.. she's a good women and loves me well I hope so but idk I want a child and be happy I can't force her to anything she don't want to do.. Al keep trying with her hopefully god sends us a baby if not then I won't try anymore real simple
You need a new woman. One who shares your goals in life
@@Tionaintown876 yeah ur rite man... just want to have my own little family 👪 one day and be happy and feel appreciated loved etc.. maybe am just to of a nice hearted guy that's why they do that to me.. life is short to be wasting it on a person like that!! But yes ur rite about what u saying
I love my boyfriend very much, I always told him that I always wanted to be a mother and he would compliment me being a wonderful mother
One day he told me that "I actually really don't want kids"
My heart broke, I was so sad I really wanted to cry because before that he would say things that he would be a wonderful father or I would be a wonderful mother...
But all of that wasn't real to be said when reality he never wanted kids
It makes me worse that he keeps talking about making babies joke but doesn't want to actually take care of them and plans to just leave them with me
It really breaks my heart so I decided to make the decision to not have kids, when I told him he was surprised and told me that I always wanted it why did I change my mind?
Well I would have to anyways, since he never wanted them in the first place
Still breaks my heart though 💔
At least you have a solid and wonderful relationship now. It would not be better to be in a shitty marriage with kids to manage. There are other ways to be involved with children, if your partner loves you, im sure that he will consider those options with you. You might even discover a new purpose you never thought you could have before due to the opportunities that being childfree can bring. Keep your head up and look on the bright side. Everything is going to be okay. ❤
Just go ahead and get pregnant. I have a feeling he would change his mind once you give the good news.
@@michaelh7527 Dumbest advice ever. Trust and Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, if you do something like this he‘ll just leave you and in such a situation I cant blame him.
@@melissamclane8314 Oh well
I feel you so much. I'm literally in the same page as yours.
My husband and i have been married for 13 years we have 3 kids 2 with special needs and it's really hard financially were okay but i don't want anymore kids but my husband wants one more and we have been arguing about it for 6 months how do i convince him ??
He says same as you described "don't worry about it ill take care of everything " yes he's very responsible and spends time with them but im done
It’s your body abs if you don’t want to go through that again and if it’s hard with money then you shouldn’t feel like you have to. Hope you 2 figure something out. ❤️
Stick to your guns. Don't do it.
it's your body , u have to go through pain , don't do it if u don't want to
That’s a trap don’t make another one.
Are you kidding? Why would you partner with someone who wants the opposite of you? That should be discussed before you become partners, like first date. Wow.
I do want to say that prior to marrying my husband we had the same views & wanted 2 kids. With our first kid he quickly realized how much more he had to let go of, & now he doesn’t want another but I do. & it honestly sucks going into it thinking we had the same views, & wants out of life but now it has been changed. He did say yes once, & we became pregnant a second time but miscarried, so after that he went back to saying no. Some people promise & say things to get you, maybe. I don’t know.
People change their mind for various reasons on the journey of life.
@Duke E Not really.
Just tell your partner, you were kid once. Who take care of you when you were kid?
what if i don't kids but my partner does is my question
I want the answer to that too
Then he will get someone else pregnant and leave you simple as that..
Break up - because the resentment has already started. Resentment builds and builds. Some people can make it work- 10 years of resentment, then as the clock runs out deeper resentment, then what? Every argument you have has this issue at the base. The one who wants babies wants a reason to leave you so the arguments get bigger and bigger from small things that seem unrelated- but every argument is based on this subject- the secondary subject which you think is the topic of the argument doesn’t even matter.
Break up. Not only are you putting your partners in danger your putting your kids in danger too thinking they’re gonna save your marriage but that’s not their job there’s 8 billion people in the world anyway it’s not like they’re the only one. Be smart about this don’t get your feelings in the way.
I'm currently in the opposite situation my husband wants another child and I'm not so keen on having another one yet it's not that I don't want another child I do but I want to be able to give our first all the attention
I feel sorry for your husband. I am here to learn how to convince my wife for a third kid 😢
I'm 24, husband is 34. We have been married for over 2 years, been together for 4. When we were dating he said he wanted 2 kids but now he says he doesn't want any. Now what?
Break up
Your the best giving advices, thank you very much
So genuine question guys why do people get with people who don't want kids are okay with it in the beginning and then change their mind did you even love the person to begin with cuz it's obvious you didn't and then you try to guilt them into thinking they have to have a kid with you that's wrong
Looking for somw advice. Me and boyfriend have beem together 4 years, both 19. I love kids and am pretty sure I want them but not an absolute yes. Boyfriend is totally on the fence but leaning towards nor wanting kids. Not interested in breaking up and we are in committed relationship, at same college, met the famil, etc. I don't know what to do if he decides in a few years that he doesn't want kids after all.
I never cared either way. My wife is infertile she wants to have a baby with my sperm and another woman's egg. I was shocked and replied we already have one of those. I have a kid from an ex, my wife is a good mom. The problem is she is 46 and I'm 50😮. WTH
I am pregnant now and he left me without asking or letting me know
He went to his country in algeria and left me here in dubai and in from Philippines now i ask him that i should go with him he keeps saying his done
Tht is sad.
Dump them and move on a your life.
Tbh there’s a TON of good reasons why I don’t want kids ever.
How your partner say's don't want baby ,maybe after 5yrs. And he's turning 40s me turning 33 and want to have baby maybe after 2yrs...
People who make the decision to have sex which should between a husband and a wife should be wise enough to understand the possibility of becoming a parent and be open to that . Not everything in our lives can be controlled and there are severe consequences to our decisions .
That’s a very narrow view of the world. Marriage is just a social contract made to give you benefits in case one of you dies. It’s not a moral obligation for sex to turn into babies, we are not wild animals. We have a consciousness and we have science to help us defeat our instincts
i want bebe
What about DIVORCE and child support?. Men say NO THANKS.
Thanks for the thought process steps
Then you should either accept that he does not want children and live childless or leave him because what you both want in incompatible. I tend to be flexible with the idea of children but would prefer not to have them as they are expensive and mean no more wild random adventures at last minute,
Im so sad😔😞😓😣
me too.😩☹️ I mean literally.
Sameee 😢
While having sex he was happy to have a baby but when I became pregnant he refuses for child that this is not his child kill it what should I do I'm very stressed out what to do what to tell my family about it because I dnt want to hurt all with my husband behaviour
Leave him he is a shit
Maybe he wasn't actually happy to have a baby, just saying it as long as it wasn't real, but then when it became real, he showed his true colors about how he really feels and saying it's not his to justify himself.
My man doesn’t want kids eiter
Am 49, shes 40 we just met 6 months ago. Both of us have grown up kids. She wants a baby from me and thats like a non stop night mare.
Hmm😔
We got divorced he didnt even help with the baby he kept whining wantinf another baby ahh men
Tinder is full of women who have already kids and don't want more. So my answer is I will find a younger partner. Much younger.
Yip
When youwant a baby but your partner doesn't you become a mooch and a freeloader. You re asking a person to give up their life so you can have what you want. A pregnant woman is whinny, complaining and is not very attractive. She expects the daddy to spend every spare dollar on the kid. Have you ever done some research on how much diapers and formula cost. Your partner will be expected to buy all this(also baby furniture and medical bills) Thr price he will pay is to be second place in your life as you will no longer to have time for him. When you have tricked him into be your personal bank to support the kid and he gets tired of being used you will push him out of your life but demand child support for 18 years. Ladies, quit being selfish and realize guys deserve a life
Pickme, much!
@@Queen-of-Swords you know deep down he's right
Moment of silence for those whose partner doesn't want a kid