You are absolutely right. I took it upon myself to break some of these generational cycles. I have learned in my journey that it takes A LOT of ego checking as a woman. Trusting my husband to be a man instead of a unicorn; trusting myself to be a soft woman instead of a hypervigilant survivor AND ACTING like a soft woman.
@@nnekaonyilofor given that you're of Nigerian descent, even back home you can see that our women do not subscribe to the feminist ideology. I don't know how African Americans became so liberal in their view of life.Even Beyonce said in her song Halo "I found a way to let you win",so you're correct,she surrendered to her husband in order to be happy and she's reaping the rewards.
This was a great video, i think in the black community we dont want to give yt people credit for anything. But there is a lot that we can take about the way they live that can benefit us. It really is all about learning from the people who win no matter the color.
@@Unseen_but_Well_Heard your missing the point. We should be learning from people who win. It isn't personal. In the black community we tend to throw out good information because it may come from other races and especially if it comes from yt people. We should be listening and learning from people who are getting what we desire.
No offense, but that isn't always optimal for every parent or child, even if it were affordable for all. People are individuals, with individualized needs.
@@hzlkelly Some children are very social at a young age, and enjoy being around other children. You might have them go to preschool part time. It's an individualized decision for both mother and child, with many factors to balance. Some adult woman may have the beginnings of a career in mind, and it could benefit her and her child to be educated and prosperous down the road. It's a balancing act, that takes ongoing consideration of the whole family.
Yeah but white women are the ones who fought for the right to work. When more women started working it caused inflation and now it's way to expensive to live for the average family off of one income.
Definitely a conversation that needs to be had among Black women. I have been saying to my friends for quite some time... we Black women have been misinformed and misled. It continues to amaze me how a Black woman can ascribe to white feminism and believe she's winning.
@tiffanyjay20 yea , the same white feminist is is the same one yoir going to take advice from. The truth is , it doesn't sound right unless it comes from white with most of you. Brothers have been saying this for years. It's a shame you give credit to the same people who destroyed your mind
Feminist fought to make domestic violence illegal? Before 1920 a man could beat his wife just like his kids. Feminist fought for women’s rights to open up a bank account. Before 1973 a woman couldn’t open a bank account without a man’s signature. Your idea of feminism is based on ignorance not research.
I had to unlearn a lot. I was working in the World Financial Center surrounded by the men I wanted & I couldn't understand, why not me?!?! It was the masculinity, they saw me as a partner, not wife. Out of all things COVID allowed me the time to have these realizations. I'm so grateful that I adjusted my perspective leaving me open for my husband to find me in the midst of covid. I never knew how incomplete I was until I became one with him and leaned into my femininity. I love nurturing and spoiling him! Thank you for talking about this.
@@diplomatdiplomat2800 it's not 100% lost, I think we need a bit in us. I got a lot of therapy. It helped me find the underlining issue with why I was so masculine by identifying my triggers and traumas. It was learning my defense mechanism and their origins, being comfortable with being vulnerable and accepting help, dressing more feminine and natural, don't be overly suspicious of men and have trust in their guidance, reminding myself that although I may be able to do things I rather my husband do it by respecting our different strengths/skills, letting go of being overly controlling, etc. A lot of the work starts with you because you can only fake femininity for so long. You have to actually heal, be friendly, cooperative, fit, nurturing help mate. It's more peaceful that way for him and you.
Women, notice how she did not say her feminity was dependent on anything or anyone other than herself. if you keep doing the whole I cannot be feminine unless... you will keep attracting pookie. good luck, and congrats to you queen.
This is such an interesting topic! I see more often than not that black women complain about men not being men, yet won't acknowledge that many of these men were boys who were raised and influenced by only women. Single black mothers run the household and at school 81% of primary school teachers are women. The earliest most men have a male influence is most likely a coach in high school and by then it's too late. The problem with men these days isn't toxic masculinity but a lack of masculinity. It's why so many young teens turn to gangs or sleep around with little to no discretion or discipline. They're starving for male approval/leadership and a father figure.
Sadly many BM just abandoned their role as parents. The expectation that a BW can force a BM to parent then blames her when he doesn’t is why the BM are so deficient…no accountability for the outcome as men for their children’s lives
@@jmjenkins97 the many black men that abandoned their role are the 20-30% of black men that the majority or women are sleeping with and giving sex too. Women aren't stupid to any degree, they know more often than not that a dude isn't father material and will still have unprotected sex hoping that having his baby will change him.It's no surprise that a man can have 2-4 baby mamas or women can have children by multiple men. Sadly women are more than happy to share men, look at Future as an example. Women control access to sex so that responsibility falls to them. Men are exercising our control to marriage and relationships by not marrying American women in general i.e. passport bros ,you can see it play out everyday
This hits right home. As a the only son who never bonded with my Father,.I was raised amongst 3 girls and grew up with an aunt and a granny. My own mother will never allow me discipline my sisters. She will tell me I have no right to discipline her daughters. I remember warning my sister about a friend got attacked by Mom for trying to control her daughters. 1 month later my sister gets arrested and Mom turns to me to help out which I did. Today I really don't even know how to lead😭😭😭😭. I cry every day because I had no one teach me how to do it. I am 37 single, and lack leadership skills which is why I suffer from indecision. Most of you mothers destroy us sons in the name of discipline and too much love..I am so hurt right now. Many people see potential in me but I am aware of how shallow I am. @Nneka I really need your help or anyones please
There are plenty of White women who are feminists and have masculine and dominant energy. Black women are often more into feminine dress, makeup, hair, etc. than White women in progressive areas. White women are more athletic and dress more casually where I live.
There are a lot of successful marriages in my family on both sides, maternal and paternal. So I grew up with nothing but respect for my dad, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, etc. The women in my family are strong but by no means are they masculine and neither am I. But again, I had those healthy examples (NOT perfect) of relationships and women who strike an amazing balance between strength and love in my family. I feel like that's where it all begins, with what we've experienced. But I also believe this: when we get to a certain age, if we haven't learned who God created us and called us to be, we're always going to be looking for love in all the wrong places and making piss poor choices, especially in men. We can do that until we're bitter and broken beyond the ability to realize that we're choosing wrong because, at the end of the day, we don't know who we are.
Ignore all of this woman’s videos and video titles it’s just someone who needs therapy for trauma she is projecting her life onto every person that looks like her. It’s projection plan and simple.
19:15 As a Black woman who is generally considered "sweet" and "easy going" by both men and women who know me personally, I am sharing my perspective because someone asked. I'm sure we all know Black women who are "sweet hearts". Like me, some are born with a "timid", "easy going", "agreeable" disposition. We are not push overs, but we avoid the drama and conflict. I did not need a relationship coach to teach me not to argue with my partner and loved ones. I *easily* understood that arguing just created confusion and hurt, so I DO NOT ARGUE with loved ones.
I'm not timid but I am known in my family for not arguing. Arguments make you hurt the people you love. I would rather approach the conversation when a person is calm.
You are so so right. My grandmother told me to go to college so I could have a career and not have to depend on a man. But she never taught me to be a wife. So when I got married, I struggled to make sense of it all for years. I had to learn the rules the hard way.
@@shaquayalewis5495I don't see why you ladies should regret what your dearest family taught you. A woman can NEVER be too independent. This world is too dangerous for women and children. Keep "resting in your femininity" and wait until there is a war and your men fight and kill each other, leaving you weeping day and night, not knowing what to do. There are no straight answers in life. Or more to the point, there is no right or wrong way except in Disney world.
There many african mothers or even our grandmothers who never tought us how to be good in marriages but most of us do without blaming our parents for our mistakes.
@@wozanawewoz979 yes I’m sure of that, but keep in mind that you’re raised in a country or environment with a completely different culture when it pertains to marriage and relationships with the opposite sex. It’s apples and oranges. Black American and even Caribbean society is not encouraging us to get married young and actively encourages us to peruse careers and be independent and we don’t need a man lol I know it sounds strange but if society/culture is telling you to prioritize a career and your parent at home is also telling you the same thing and no one around you is in a healthy marriage, you won’t be equipped to deal with men. Most of us, we’ve fell on our face a few times and then realized that we had to make some changes, or just simply matured, traveled, experienced new things and then realized that we would need to make some changes if we’re going to have the family we desire. I have many west African friends, most of them grew up in the home with both parents but even the ones that didn’t still have those traditional values because of their environment and I think it’s a good thing, I wish black American and Caribbean culture would be more family centric.
Sorry for my long comment! but I'm a blk woman, 41. Got married in 2004. Listen, I want to ENCOURAGE other blk women out there. KEEP AIMING HIGH. The way someone treats you is a reflection of themselves... you can be "submissive" , you can be silent, you can be damn near invisible, and many black males WILL STILL DISRESPECT YOU. Stop this obsession with marriage because if you pair with the WRONG MAN, it can be detrimental to your health and long term well being. Focus on YOU, and stop letting them gaslight you with the word "submission." That is a level of TRUST that should only be reserved for a man who has proven himself to be a SAFE SPACE for you. And it does not mean that he gets to domiate you, abuse you, cheat, or take you for granted! It does not mean that you relinquish your job, your craft, or whatever brings you joy. You DO NOT give "submission" simply because he is blk and male... and sadly, that is what they are whining abt all over the internet, then they wonder why NO WOMAN sticks around them. The reason ww have better outcomes with partnership with her counterpart is because WHT MEN SOCIALIZE OTHER WHT MEN TO SUSTAIN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND FAMILIES. On the flip, Blk males socialize other black males to value degeneracy... glorify pump & dump, glorify child abandonment, glorify disrespecting bw, devalue education and forward progression, avoid manhood, and glorify every woman on the planet that does NOT look like you. In these spaces, we see so many blk men referring to NICE guys as "simps." Red pill incel mindset is running rampit among black males, and even penetrating the minds of guys that have wives or girlfriends, then they end up with nobody because they're listening to noise acting it out in their relationships. I'm an Industrial Hygienest for the Government, and a fitness trainer for 14 yrs, (side business). I work around non blk men, and I'm very good friends with my boss and his family. He and I have deep cultural conversations! He has told me himself that they admire black women and they see a STARK DIFFERENCE between bw & bm. Your ambition, your desire for growth, is starkly different from a lot of your counterparts. No hate, it just is what it is. Just like we observe their communities, they observe blk communities. Keep your jobs & businesses because in a capitalist nation, with an uncertain economy and rising inflation, you need your financial independence, PERIOD!! This world is unpredictable. If a man is offended by you being a normal adult with a job and education and calling that "masculine," then he is NOT a man... that's an effiminate boy. If a man wants to marry you... HE WILL PURSUE & ASK. A lot of these ninjas are infamous for creating baby mamas acoss all races of women and mistreating, or NOT MARRYING A SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Stop listening to gaslighting, stop worrying about them and live your life. God will send you your equal, and it won't be a power struggle! He will send you someone that you don't have to lower yourself or dismiss your accomplishments for; somebody who sees you as a blessing, and will match you in every aspect. Bw raise your self esteem, I love you! ❤️ And increase your awareness & observation of the nasty behavior many blk men are displaying toward you (observe online especially...its everywhere)
@freddyfred4858 sir, if that's what you took away from that, you need comprehension skills! Hit dogs will holler. If you are not doing those harmful traits, then you shouldn't even think like that..but if you're an honest person, you cannot lie that blk men are doing these things, its literally in our faces, including yours. Nobody can tell the truth and uplift blk women without yall assuming that means "anti blk male". 🙄. We all have to stop playing. Nothing I said was "anti blk male", it was truthful observation that the entire world sees. Truth be told, I WISH majority of blk males would straighten up so that they CAN lead their homes properly and safely! And the bw can actually rest!! Not quit her ambitions, not lower herself to make him feel better, not feeling like she has to accept nonsense, but actually rest, and feel safe IF she chooses to be with a blk man.
U mite as well join the Klan and I don't Mean WuTANG....WHO RAISED THESE BLK MEN U DESPISE? WHO ALLOWED LOSER BLACK MEN TO IMPREGNATE THEM OUT OF WEDLOCK WITH NO FAMILY STRUCTURE. BELOVED I THAINQ FOR TAKING YOUR WEAK MIND OUT OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY. LIFE IS TOUGH FOR US REAL KINFOLK AND WE ARE HAPPY TO LET YOU LEAVE ✊🏿❤️🖤💚
@ineedhoez thats exactly what these dudes mean whining all over the internet, that's why they're trying to brow beat women into it...and that's why NOBODY is going for it. From a spiritual context, it means nothing more than equal compromise born out of trust from both sides. Partnership is 2 parties making decisions together.
My families broken because of feminism. I’m a white father, not black and your videos are very healing to me. Even though that’s not what you’re trying to do. Thank you. ❤
That’s why they have predicted the human race will end in about 2 billion years. Low Marriage rate. High divorce rate. In about 40 years from more than 40% of women will be single and childless. We would also have more older women dating younger men.
Families are broke because abuse from men. Feminism is about women having equal rights. If you believe that women having equal rights and not being second class citizens is the reason why families are broken, then you believe that women are second class citizens and the only way for relationships to work as for you to control them. That's the implication of your statement.
Yes, Nneka my dear sister, you are very correct. You can also see this relationship among the Igbo's, our men marry us and take care of the family because we women are willing to be feminine and supportive to our family, regardless of how well educated an average igbo woman nurtures her home and in return our men take care and give us the best
This is 💯💯💯💯! I was raised to be masculine and then while dating I couldn’t be feminine the way I truly wanted to be because the men were raised to be taken care with no work. The mothers were raising them to expect the woman to do it all and if not drop her. However recently I met someone and automatically fell into my feminine way because he was sooooo capable of being the masculine one and take care of things, tell me put ur feet up u worked hard this week I got it because u got me. It was so and still is refreshing. So now I cater to him all week and when the weekend hits he is like sit enjoy some time take a nap go get ya nails done u deserve it. The best ever and I’m glad I have found my feminine side again with someone who is masculine enough to allow me to fall back
Just remember YOU picked those feminine men and THEY were raised by a Mother who picked a loser. The Onus is ALWAYS heavily on the female who is the foundation of family. Women DECIDE what man will be a FATHER good or bad qualified or INCOMPETENT
@@arizonaaliasofficial4733Nah it’s on men to be better fathers and to be better options to pick from. You can’t blame someone that didn’t pick a big Mack when they are at Burger King. We always talk about black women pick pookie and ray ray all the time but we never address why are there so many of them around to pick from?
I'm intensely interested in this topic and Suzanne's video you mentioned was suggested to me a few weeks ago. I see alot of what you say in my psychotherapy practice: many Black women struggling to make ends meet and white women struggling for fulfillment. Masculinity and femininity exist on a continuum and both sexes have access to each one. A healthy masculine man will be able to access his feminine when its appropriate, and a woman who is healthy in her femininity can do the same. If you can figure out when, where, and how to lean into one energy or the other, I think you'll see the benefits whether you are man or woman, black or white. Running my business, I lean into my masculine energy. Daily life with my husband requires different energy. A struggle life will naturally put one into more of a masculine energy because that's what it takes to survive. I've also been watching The Universe Guru who is from a Pakistani background and she explains masculinity and feminitiy from a cultural and an evolutionary standpoint.
I love this anwser, because masculinity and feminity exist in EVERYONE. WW have been placed on a petal stool that BW have not due to patriarchy. In order to transend into self actualization you cannot be worried about food, shelter, clothing or your safety. This keeps us in our lower nature because BW are constantly in fight or flight, as well as our BM. Conditioning is key. If your raised in an enviorment where you are allowed to flourish and you only know struggle you will continue to operate in the energy that keeps you safe and allows you to get things done. BW NEED REST and an enviorment that allows this!
RESPECTFULLY No MA'AM you are not a Man. Let MEN RAISE MEN. Men are not supposed to "access their feminine". Men are supposed to stay in MASCULINE FRAME. Women with their ideas of "masculinity" is why there are so many overly emotional and feminine men now. The same type of men WOMEN DO NOT WANT. Single Dads raise kids without "getting into their Feminine"
I recently started binging on her shows and thought to myself, I would love to hear a black woman’s perspective… because I have my own lol. Thanks for your thoughts
In full agreement ; Long-story-short . Black women NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND LEARN and KNOW HOW TO SEPARATE THEIR FEELINGS / EMOTIONS OF WORK ? FROM THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO THEIR HUSBAND :
Lady… you are right on task with this one. You are smart. I think apart of the reason why a lot of black women get it wrong because they don’t have a lot of friends outside of being black. You can’t surround yourself with liked minded women with no results and expect a different outcome
I think this is such an important topic. Thank you for this perspective. I also think Asian women can be observed as well on this topic. One thing i noticed though is that you commonly interwove black women and masculinity but instead chose to say feminist when it came to white women. As you didn’t think to use white women and masculinity in the same sentence even though there are masculine white women lol
In my profession, most if not all of the ww on a certain level are extremely masculine, not in a sexual way but how they interact, what they expect, and productive outcomes. It’s about balance; turning it off when it’s time to turn it off.
Black women have not always been allowed to be soft. Some black women do not always have the environments/ communities to be protected & safe. Many times we have to protect ourselves.
Took me years to accept the jealousy I seretly held for nonblack women because they had a covering that black women seem to never be able to recieve from men. A strong woman is not defined the same way as a strong man. A strong man is defined by strength and independence. A strong woman is a woman that is cherished and protected by strong men. In any animal kingdom an independent female is considered vulnerable. Ive correlated this to why black women are stereotyped simultaneously as the strongest women but also the most unprotected with the highest rates of public humiliation, domestic violence, femicide, r8pe, and human trafficking. By natures definition this would make black women the weakest and most vulnerable females.
Girl I have been LOOKING FOR YOU. THANK YOU FOR SPEAKING UP! And even this threat of taking our black card is straight manipulation....whatever I do, I am black. Period. This realization just came to me and I realize it's how "they" try to keep black women down! Let's rise above! ❤
Hi I’m new here and I’ve watched Suzanne’s channel too and it is insightful! I have coaches/mentors who are in traditional marriages and best believe they have learned from other races of women. They are in interracial marriages though but one of them has gotten coached by Lebanese, Caucasian and Indian women over the years. She admits that the struggle black women have is they aren’t marriage minded or think it’s okay to be this way. They view it as the “next step” but don’t have the strategy to achieve a successful marriage.
Agree. And the separation is a setup for failure. Being in LA one thing you see with both the Asian and Latino communities is they do everything together. I'm not just talking couples. I'm talking the entire family. They'll be at the grocery store in an entire group. How do we expect to compete economically against people who are moving as a group? Answer: You can't.
@eujinlee9936 To much false ego, pride,scared to submit because most Black women think submission is weak. A major lack of communication taking accountability when wrong.Also black men and women look at eachother as competition instead of partners/ help mates/ there peace❤
I’m a guy and periodically listen to Suzanne Venker’s cultural perspectives on relationships. There are a few others out there that are challenging what we have been taught about careerism, daycare culture, roles. We all have been lied to about finding happiness with work, a degree, and rolling solo
New subbie, haha literally had this same thought. God is so good! I was just thinking about how all of my white girlfriends are married or on husband number 2. And we’re all under 35, meanwhile my black girlfriends haven’t been married but have children. I told god I’m going to sit back and observe how white women do it. We’re getting degrees to provide and survive. Their getting degrees to have something to do.
He did it right. No western ways but also no negros.. Which means no Americans, or the islands, or south america thats all the west.. The best possibility is getting a woman from the east
Well said and much needed. Another perspective is look at African women in the diaspora and bring them this conversation. I know that in the African community, divorces are rare and both hubby and wife have great careers. Grandparents should be asked how they did it. I often wonder how did my parents and their friends do it, 50 60 years of marriage. How did we get to this point?
@@missklassy9783what you said makes sense and Louis Farrakhan refers to it at as negro logic. BM primarily choose their women from the waist down. I’m glad you summed this up well
First I want to let you know that I have your book and I really love it. Thank for sharing your experience and perspective. As for this video I thank you for being a black woman and speaking on this topic. I know many black women don’t want to hear this and many will not like you for this. I am glad that a black woman with a view similar to mine see that I don’t hate woman, just want the best for my community
Thank you for supporting my book and videos Danny 🙏🏾. You are correct, many BW are mad at me lol. My criticism comes from love. I appreciate the ones who get me. 😊
I subscribed for this 'Title' alone. There are certain topics or discussions I refuse to watch on social media platforms from our sisters (zero apology for that). I live in the Caribbean where 99.9% is my race of women and I am so hurt for myself in the past and other women I see around me, the highest percentage of single parent household, most successful women in the boardroom 100% masculinity, majority of our women death is from domestic violence. and it is sad to see how we still embrace this way of lifestyle where our women are the Provider, the Protector and the Leader of the Household and the Community and we are passing it on to our baby girls and for the women who speaks otherwise look at in scorn, so I am so in Love with this video soooooooo much. Thank you.
We can absolutely take feedback an advice from WW however we can’t go about things in similar ways the men in the their communities are completely different then BM.
Hi Nneka. I am a 63 year old Pacific Islander man. I absolutely agree with you by sharing your valuable experiences and observations to many modern women. Many of my good looking Caucasian High School teachers; including many University professor instructors were married to less attractive Pacific Islander women. For curiosity, we did asked many of them why they chose the women they marry when there’s a lot of beautiful Caucasian intelligent women to choose. Simple answer, they were trained to be a wife, to respect and support their husbands. None of them file for divorce to my knowledge.
You just explained survival mode in the first part. It's also being humble to hear things we may not even be ready to hear or even it may sound terrible to the ear.
It's interesting to me how much black women invest in "observing" and "learning from" other races of women, but i rarely, if ever, hear black men doing the same introspection or trying to learn from other races of men how to be better men and husbands. At this point, i really don't care what black men want. I'm ok with being alone. I nurture my friendships and familial relationships and i am fulfilled. ❤❤❤
Because black men already learn from other races. Most of the succesful black men learned from white, asian, arab etc. men how to be a man. It's funny how you are complaining about black men not wanting to learn, but if you look up women of other races talking about black men then you will see that most of them give a positive feedback. How is it that the women of other races all agree that we are indeed good men, but the black women will always critisize us for the tiniest and dumbest reasons.
@juanluisabreugomez8462 NOPE! Most successful Brothers learned from their DADS! End of sentence!! Knowledge coming from other races and ethnicities are just positive condiments!
I like what you did here. this is good stuff. Somewhere - black folk have been taught that what matters MOST in life is MONEy. MONEY MONEY MONEy. Happy marriages and family life have very little to do with money. Life is so much more than just eating and clothing and something to drive. Love, protection, acceptance, support. These are the things we need to live and thrive. Black folk MUST re-adjust priorities if we are to make it into the future. Putting family and marriage first, is a start. Cheers!
Happens in Asian countries, Central and South America daily and In Black America up until the 1970s. In those places and periods of time, men were not strong safe providers, but yet women played their role.
If BW can't be a woman without a BM being a man...then we need to put almost 100% of our resources into the positive development of our boys. We don't do that, we do the opposite and then complain about the results.
@@1991-present Not at all. A woman and man roles are equal to create a strong family. A woman by herself can't create a strong family just like a man myself. Per the Bible and today's data, women lead household do not create great results. Children need a man and woman
Took me losing my job to actually let my man take care of me …it felt so uncomfortable and I felt like a burden throughout…until I just didn’t feel that way anymore not only financially,spiritually and mentally.I watched my man pour into me without guilt and he enjoyed it …I got a good job now but I am not guarded to provision as before ..I don’t over compensate cause someone did for me or anything …
Interesting perspective. Side note FYI: Branches and leaves that touch the siding of your house can leave the home susceptible to water damage, pets, rot, mold, and mildew. If you have trees or shrubs that touch your house, be sure to keep them pruned 6-36 inches away from the siding so that nothing is actually touching your house.
That is hard for our women because they have had to be alone and strong after broken relationships, still raising children on their own without little to no help. Being by themselves.
I just discovered your channel. I would say that we are on similar journeys. I was just having this conversation with my therapist on Saturday, September 17, 2023 about WW & the falsehoods, fairytales, & cultish of the Purity Culture Movement, that Joshua Harris who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye has openly recanted within the last 3 years about the demise of the Purity Culture. When speaking with my new therapist (whose married said that she would marry a bus driver. She said she has ALWAYS BEEN the highest earner in her marriage) that due to my previous TRAUMA, that I wasn't even paying attention to WW in college & I should of been rubbing elbows with them while attending to the University of Michigan-Flint. You are right. My experience was about survival. I was always a non-traditional student. My mom put me out at 18, so I had to pay bills & had to take care of expenses for school. I also didn't have the support that I needed in school. Here's what I learned. WW grooming is DIFFERENT than BW & their GROOMING STARTS MUCH YOUNGER than ours! While in college, I would earl hustle WW conversation & they would say, "Yeah! Johnny has 3 yrs left in the military. Once he gets out the military, we're gonna get a house. He's gonna get a job at the police department or the fire department." This WW was thinking about legacy. She was securing her bag w/a blue collar worker so she will receive his Veteran Benefits, sis government benefits by working for a local government agency. Same thing when I worked in the hospital for 3 1/2 yrs. My major is Health Education. I worked as a Porter & in Medical Records Department. What I learned & observed is the nurses worked 12-hour shifts. Why? The wife went to school first because it was shorter & cheaper. She would work 12 hrs so she could be at home w/the children during the week. Then the husband would go back to medical school because he already had a Bachelor's degree. They both driving Honda Accords. They do the Dave Ramset Debt Snowball & complete the Financial Peace University plan. Once their student loans are paid off, their children are pre-teens/teens & now they move in the 5,000 square foot house & they upgrade their vehicles. I do agree in being coached by a non-Black woman in this season. I get emails from Sami Wunder. I have read her content & I would say once I can afford a coach, it would be with someone like her. She looks Middle Eastern Indian decent & she married a Caucasian man. There is another WW I used to listen to hear & there & I would receive her podcasts via email. Basically her platform is geared towards better communication with your male partner or husband. She doesn't say she used to be masculine, but you can tell that her content is along those same lines. Once I dig through my emails, I will post her name. I have noticed Black people who are NOT MARRIED, BW more than BM are enamored about what their relationship should look like when they have yet to encounter that journey. Over the weekend I was trying to enlighten a RUclipsr during his live about love & relationships & a different perspective. He made mention about desiring a Submissive Woman & wanting a woman to cook. He mentioned that he would only help his wife if she is sick!🥺 I said desiring that is great. I said however, most BM rarely provide the space for BW to be completely Traditional. I mentioned how even wealthy WW who don't work still have maids & butlers because one woman would not be able to keep up with typical household chores depending on the size of the home. I also mentioned how in even lower socioeconomic societies in other countries, the women til this day STILL have maidservants. He also mentioned that his wife may have to work during their marriage. I mentioned you do whatever is necessary for your household during that season of you alls lives. Case & point, I mentioned if his wife called him & said, "Hey babe! Keisha called off today, which means I have to work late. I already prepped dinner can you put the food in the oven & put it on 400°?" or "Hey babe! Keisha called off today & I gotta work late! Can you make something quick like burgers & fries or tacos for the clidren. Can you also help them make their lunch & get their clothes out for tomorrow? By the time you do that, I should be home. I will load the dishes in the dishwasher, I will check over the children's homework, & I will put the children to bed." Sre you not gonna do those things because you feel like gender roles are specific to chores where women do tasks inside the home & men complete tasks outside the home (which is what he mentioned) vs. each spouse being a Servsnt Leader & we each play the part, carry the relationship for what's needed in that season. I mentioned postpartum os teal & that stay-at-home wives are frustrated. I said go to YT & look at the compilations of BW stating they love their children & their husband provides financially, but they are tired & need help. I daid our grandmas maid it look easy because they never had a voice. It was survival for them. Women were still not too long ago seen as property. But trust our grandmothers weren't stupid & they knew our grandfathers were chippy chasing. I mentioned that you don't know the silent cries that our grandmothers experienced behind closed doors, yet you say you want a "Traditional Marriage & a Traditional Woman"! This is why behind closed doors our grandmothers & mothers told us to be independent & get an education. Now don't get me wrong, I am working on a 5 yr SMART Goals Plan so that I can be married again within that rime frame & sit my butt down somewhere & homeschool my babies while we make passive income so we can work smarter & not harder!
I hope you know how much you are helping so many of us black women with these topics🥹🥹🥹….. I share them with my friends all the time. You are a blessing. It’s time to continue doing the work of undoing the programming that was not healthy that most of us had since childhood. I’m African but grew up in the states…. And even in African households who had fathers there are still so many unhealthy programming for women. I was just telling another black friend of mine what my white girlfriends has taught me too. All women teach each other something. ❤
Nneka, I stumbled across Suzanne Venker 5 months ago and she is the best thing that has happened to me, my career goals, and my relationship. My fiancé has commented repeatedly that our relationship is nicer recently (he doesn't know I've been listening to her). I'm so relieved that I don't need to scramble up the career ladder for roles that force me to be more masculine. I'm so relieved that I'm not weak if I don't want to be decisive and independent. I prefer being more feminine and my fiancé prefers me like this as it empowers him to be more masculine, too
Glad that you discovered another option to this thing called life. I fully agree that we should listen to those that are achieving what we desire. Understanding love and relationships is key to maintaining strong families… You can’t be great at everything, we must prioritize. That is the overall lesson of Suzanne V. As a culture, we must once again prioritize family first! That takes two people playing their respective roles, period. Excellent video. Good luck on your new journey! Stay blessed!
Lovely video! Yet more well laid out food for thought. Would u argue that submission and surrender and are different things? Submission is a space that is constructed by the submitter where as surrender is a total release of power?
Wow. You just gave me something to think about Lana. I do agree that submission holds a sense of power because one has to be willing to do it. I'll have to think about how that compares to surrendering. 🤔
This is a fascinating topic! when given opportunity to meet those first two levels of need our minds also need to catch up. There are those of us who have safety and physical need met but we have lived inside that narrative of lack of safety and basic need for so long it is easier to default back to discussions of lack than to strive for the upper levels in fear that we won’t get them. Fear drives us back to the mental sense of lack while our entire environment speaks a different story, often a story of hard fought opportunity. It’s why rich and famous black people default to stories of lack of safety because it gives them belonging with “the majority” of their people. I may have all my needs met but look see I am still unsafe! But what is the cost of that narrative? One of the costs is we tell black women that they will never receive love or that if they do it must hurt! (Watch any Tyler Perry movie and you will see this play out in one hour and forty-five minutes). We have to have conversations about this because we are unknowingly keeping ourselves in a trap of pain and low expectations and away from what could be beautiful and bountiful lives.
"How to be a women when you've been groomed as a man" (true) but I believe this started in slavery working back breaking work side by side(with men) day and night in the cotten fields and being left alone to survive.... On the other hand I hv watched white ppl freely live, automatically go to college, travel and seek a future without reservation( self actualize ) I've always for the most part saw them thriving.( due in part to privilege with no restrictions)Thats when i started desire to live a fuller life. It takes alot of trauma healing and displine to get to a place of freedom. I definitely agree that your material does add to the conversation. 🙏🏾
You have your "Career"... which will require you to work all your life.. that's what you..wanted....you can do as you please... what's the.. problem?...Men don't.. understand?...🤔..B1$
I'm completely baffled as to how Black women can be oblivious to these obvious things. Like, "don't try to dominate and be combative with your husband". How is this not already crystal clear?
Because black women don’t like to be pushovers We choose men wrong and then think he will change That’s the crux of the problem Many black men are abusive because that’s what they know from childhood
Likewise I'm completely baffled as to how BLACK MALES are oblivious to the obvious notion that your lady is Not an object to be placed under your feet to be trampled on, abused, or mistreated. I'm 41, got married at 23. I watch this mess from the sidelines and its sad. This "submission" yall whine about that you can't get, is simply because that is a level of TRUST that is earned, and sooooo many men do not understand this. You do not get "sumission" simply because you are black and male. Furthermore, submission is not a case of dominant vs subserviant..... its simply equal cooperation and sacrifices from both sides. I truly feel sorry for blk women seeking partnership with majority of blk men now because the red pill incel mindset is rampit like a cancer. The reason many wht women obtain partnership is cultural differences in their communities.... their men for the most part, are SOCIALIZED BY OTHER WHT MEN to sustain healthy relationships and families. Blk males socialize other blk males to do the opposite... glorify players, glorify pump & dump, glorify child abandonment, glorify dengeracy. And any race of woman that gets involved with most blk men, get the same outcomes. That has a lot to do with why their urge their daughters to not get involved with blk males. They too, see and observe the patterns of most blk men, and the blk woman working her butt off to stay afloat. No hate It just is what it is!!
Women usually push back against men when his decision making cannot be trusted and he is not leading with honor. Many men act like children in the home and are not contributors. Also, because they feel a lack of power in the world, they come home and expect to be bowed down to excessively, to make up for the lack of respect they receive as they journey through life.
@@shewoke9268those aren't men trying to get married and have quality relationships. These are women acting like they want to be someone's wife, and yet are oblivious.
My Parents wouldv've been Married 68 years. My Father passed away 3/1997. 😢 My Hubby & I celebrated 24 years of Marriage on 7/27. My Parents, GrandParents, Sibling, Aunts & Uncles are my Blueprint. I never look at celebrities or any other race for answers. My Mother, Sisters, Aunts & I are not Masculine Black Women. The Masculine Black Women will call us a Pick Me.
This was a really interesting video. The 3rd level of the pyramid is a need, even though in our community so many of us have been conditioned to think it isn't. Hopefully anyone struggling with this will watch and be open to what you're trying to convey
Its not quite the sane in Africa or the Carribbean. Its mostly westernized issues. I however agree with you, its a perfect topic to deal with. If you're dealing wuth money issues within your community, then you can't focus on loving fully. I think it would be great if you look at what caused these things & then correct it. LOVING THIS content. I will be purchasing your bokk.
There's was a time fathers had to approve his daughters selection. That was just as much for the boyfriend/fiancée as it was for the daughter. Father in laws teach/ reinforce son- in laws in how to treat their daughters.
Interdependence > Independence > Hyperindependency & Codependency My Healthy happy Interdependent marriage to my loving husband will always be my biggest success in my eyes. I know not everyone had the guidance I did though so Thankyou for teaching girls who weren’t taught this.
I can give you my perspective I was never masculine but was being programmed to be masculine or rather to be a worker but i resisted it since i was a young girl. I lived prediminantly in white neighborhoods so i can learn first hand. Now i live in a town with less than 1% black population and my mindset has completely changed.
I would love to see an experiment of this approach. I would love to see how a BM responds to a woman of this kind. I wonder if he would treat her the same as a WM would treat his WW. I understand we are a half of the problem, however, the other half of the problem is BM.
Interesting topic! I mostly agree. I think the dynamic has a lot to do with trust. If the black women relaxed in their feminine energy, would today’s black men be able to realistically support her?
Women should be submissive and helpful to men. Both men and women are equal with different roles to play in marriage. Since two aggreable heads ia better than one, both men and women should complement each other.
Great video. However I disagree with 1 thing you said. Feminism did not fail modern woman. On the contrary, it's working exactly as planned. It was never about freeing woman from a perceived oppressor, it was all about Socialism 💯%, and the goal was to destroy the nuclear family unit. Turn woman against their own men, and children against their parents. Destroy the family structure and cause people to be divided. So in that since it's working as intended. Unfortunately it's taking longer than it should for woman to figure out they've been used.
@@nnekaonyilofor We live in the information age. Anything you want to know is literally at our fingertips. Yet it's almost embarrassing how easy it is for the "power's that be" to keep us ignorant. None of this stuff is a secret. Just do a little research on Who started the feminist movement, and what their true agenda was about. It's not even hidden, but when you try to explain it to most BW they are not trying to hear the truth. They act like people in a cult who don't want you talking them out of their new family. It's crazy.
I love this. I did grow up valuing the role of a man and husband in society. When I did I was able to see my deficit. So I was able to focus on being a good wife mother and embrace my role as a woman in society. Then I was able to work on being the woman I wanted. First thing was learning etiquette and not only expect a man to do xyz but allow him the space to do so.
You are absolutely right. I took it upon myself to break some of these generational cycles. I have learned in my journey that it takes A LOT of ego checking as a woman. Trusting my husband to be a man instead of a unicorn; trusting myself to be a soft woman instead of a hypervigilant survivor AND ACTING like a soft woman.
Understanding that my femininity is not dependent on his masculinity. My femininity is dependent on MY femininity.
I like this.
Yes to everything! Esp the ego checking part. 💯
@@Secretelover12 that part!!!
@@nnekaonyilofor given that you're of Nigerian descent, even back home you can see that our women do not subscribe to the feminist ideology. I don't know how African Americans became so liberal in their view of life.Even Beyonce said in her song Halo "I found a way to let you win",so you're correct,she surrendered to her husband in order to be happy and she's reaping the rewards.
That's the reason I chose GOD as my protecter. With out GOD nothing is going to work
Yes!
This was a great video, i think in the black community we dont want to give yt people credit for anything. But there is a lot that we can take about the way they live that can benefit us. It really is all about learning from the people who win no matter the color.
Exactly 💯
Our Blueprint is low-key already outlined within the Bible
@@Unseen_but_Well_Heard your missing the point. We should be learning from people who win. It isn't personal. In the black community we tend to throw out good information because it may come from other races and especially if it comes from yt people. We should be listening and learning from people who are getting what we desire.
@@misosouperman No, you're deflecting. If you're gonna respond to my comment address what I actually said or take your ass on somewhere.
@@misosouperman💪🏽
I’ve always believed mothers shouldn’t work. Your kids need you home. They should come home from
School to love & support ❤️
No offense, but that isn't always optimal for every parent or child, even if it were affordable for all. People are individuals, with individualized needs.
@@katherinechase3674Explain. Why isn't it?
@@katherinechase3674that’s why a mother is a person who meets her children’s “personalised” needs.
@@hzlkelly Some children are very social at a young age, and enjoy being around other children. You might have them go to preschool part time. It's an individualized decision for both mother and child, with many factors to balance. Some adult woman may have the beginnings of a career in mind, and it could benefit her and her child to be educated and prosperous down the road. It's a balancing act, that takes ongoing consideration of the whole family.
Yeah but white women are the ones who fought for the right to work. When more women started working it caused inflation and now it's way to expensive to live for the average family off of one income.
I believe it takes a certain level of selflessness, intellect and common sense to be capable of maintaining a long term relationship.
I agree. If you want to learn how to be/do better, you should watch/copy someone who is where you want to be (white or black).
Definitely!
Definitely a conversation that needs to be had among Black women. I have been saying to my friends for quite some time... we Black women have been misinformed and misled. It continues to amaze me how a Black woman can ascribe to white feminism and believe she's winning.
@tiffanyjay20 yea , the same white feminist is is the same one yoir going to take advice from. The truth is , it doesn't sound right unless it comes from white with most of you. Brothers have been saying this for years. It's a shame you give credit to the same people who destroyed your mind
Feminist fought to make domestic violence illegal? Before 1920 a man could beat his wife just like his kids. Feminist fought for women’s rights to open up a bank account. Before 1973 a woman couldn’t open a bank account without a man’s signature. Your idea of feminism is based on ignorance not research.
I had to unlearn a lot. I was working in the World Financial Center surrounded by the men I wanted & I couldn't understand, why not me?!?! It was the masculinity, they saw me as a partner, not wife. Out of all things COVID allowed me the time to have these realizations. I'm so grateful that I adjusted my perspective leaving me open for my husband to find me in the midst of covid. I never knew how incomplete I was until I became one with him and leaned into my femininity. I love nurturing and spoiling him! Thank you for talking about this.
So what did you do to lose your masculinity and to gain your femininity? Please shy with us so we can learn❤
@@diplomatdiplomat2800 it's not 100% lost, I think we need a bit in us. I got a lot of therapy. It helped me find the underlining issue with why I was so masculine by identifying my triggers and traumas. It was learning my defense mechanism and their origins, being comfortable with being vulnerable and accepting help, dressing more feminine and natural, don't be overly suspicious of men and have trust in their guidance, reminding myself that although I may be able to do things I rather my husband do it by respecting our different strengths/skills, letting go of being overly controlling, etc. A lot of the work starts with you because you can only fake femininity for so long. You have to actually heal, be friendly, cooperative, fit, nurturing help mate. It's more peaceful that way for him and you.
Women, notice how she did not say her feminity was dependent on anything or anyone other than herself. if you keep doing the whole I cannot be feminine unless... you will keep attracting pookie. good luck, and congrats to you queen.
This is such an interesting topic! I see more often than not that black women complain about men not being men, yet won't acknowledge that many of these men were boys who were raised and influenced by only women. Single black mothers run the household and at school 81% of primary school teachers are women. The earliest most men have a male influence is most likely a coach in high school and by then it's too late. The problem with men these days isn't toxic masculinity but a lack of masculinity. It's why so many young teens turn to gangs or sleep around with little to no discretion or discipline. They're starving for male approval/leadership and a father figure.
Wow. Great point. I also didn’t have a positive and consistent BM role model until I was in my 30s.
I agree my peers didn't have father in home. I did
Sadly many BM just abandoned their role as parents. The expectation that a BW can force a BM to parent then blames her when he doesn’t is why the BM are so deficient…no accountability for the outcome as men for their children’s lives
@@jmjenkins97 the many black men that abandoned their role are the 20-30% of black men that the majority or women are sleeping with and giving sex too. Women aren't stupid to any degree, they know more often than not that a dude isn't father material and will still have unprotected sex hoping that having his baby will change him.It's no surprise that a man can have 2-4 baby mamas or women can have children by multiple men. Sadly women are more than happy to share men, look at Future as an example. Women control access to sex so that responsibility falls to them. Men are exercising our control to marriage and relationships by not marrying American women in general i.e. passport bros ,you can see it play out everyday
This hits right home. As a the only son who never bonded with my Father,.I was raised amongst 3 girls and grew up with an aunt and a granny. My own mother will never allow me discipline my sisters. She will tell me I have no right to discipline her daughters. I remember warning my sister about a friend got attacked by Mom for trying to control her daughters. 1 month later my sister gets arrested and Mom turns to me to help out which I did. Today I really don't even know how to lead😭😭😭😭. I cry every day because I had no one teach me how to do it. I am 37 single, and lack leadership skills which is why I suffer from indecision. Most of you mothers destroy us sons in the name of discipline and too much love..I am so hurt right now. Many people see potential in me but I am aware of how shallow I am. @Nneka I really need your help or anyones please
There are plenty of White women who are feminists and have masculine and dominant energy. Black women are often more into feminine dress, makeup, hair, etc. than White women in progressive areas. White women are more athletic and dress more casually where I live.
True. Go into science, business, tech and law spaces. You'll see them everywhere.
you think is is about aesthetics, lol, yall will never get it. lol
@@t33mc, it is partly about aesthetics but also about power.
You’re the black women I want to be listening to! Thank you for this. Let’s build each other up and foster a new thing in our children. 🙏🏾
There are a lot of successful marriages in my family on both sides, maternal and paternal. So I grew up with nothing but respect for my dad, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, etc. The women in my family are strong but by no means are they masculine and neither am I. But again, I had those healthy examples (NOT perfect) of relationships and women who strike an amazing balance between strength and love in my family. I feel like that's where it all begins, with what we've experienced.
But I also believe this: when we get to a certain age, if we haven't learned who God created us and called us to be, we're always going to be looking for love in all the wrong places and making piss poor choices, especially in men. We can do that until we're bitter and broken beyond the ability to realize that we're choosing wrong because, at the end of the day, we don't know who we are.
#TrueStory
Ignore all of this woman’s videos and video titles it’s just someone who needs therapy for trauma she is projecting her life onto every person that looks like her. It’s projection plan and simple.
19:15 As a Black woman who is generally considered "sweet" and "easy going" by both men and women who know me personally, I am sharing my perspective because someone asked.
I'm sure we all know Black women who are "sweet hearts". Like me, some are born with a "timid", "easy going", "agreeable" disposition. We are not push overs, but we avoid the drama and conflict. I did not need a relationship coach to teach me not to argue with my partner and loved ones. I *easily* understood that arguing just created confusion and hurt, so I DO NOT ARGUE with loved ones.
I'm not timid but I am known in my family for not arguing. Arguments make you hurt the people you love. I would rather approach the conversation when a person is calm.
@jamelcarpenter327 now that's a fact
are you in a relationship?
You are so so right. My grandmother told me to go to college so I could have a career and not have to depend on a man. But she never taught me to be a wife. So when I got married, I struggled to make sense of it all for years. I had to learn the rules the hard way.
My dad did the same to me and a few years ago he apologized became I’m now “too independent “
@@shaquayalewis5495I don't see why you ladies should regret what your dearest family taught you. A woman can NEVER be too independent. This world is too dangerous for women and children. Keep "resting in your femininity" and wait until there is a war and your men fight and kill each other, leaving you weeping day and night, not knowing what to do. There are no straight answers in life. Or more to the point, there is no right or wrong way except in Disney world.
There many african mothers or even our grandmothers who never tought us how to be good in marriages but most of us do without blaming our parents for our mistakes.
I didn’t know anything when I got married. My mother in law had to teach me to cook & clean and to be my husbands wife. Thank God she didn’t mind. ❤
@@wozanawewoz979 yes I’m sure of that, but keep in mind that you’re raised in a country or environment with a completely different culture when it pertains to marriage and relationships with the opposite sex. It’s apples and oranges. Black American and even Caribbean society is not encouraging us to get married young and actively encourages us to peruse careers and be independent and we don’t need a man lol I know it sounds strange but if society/culture is telling you to prioritize a career and your parent at home is also telling you the same thing and no one around you is in a healthy marriage, you won’t be equipped to deal with men. Most of us, we’ve fell on our face a few times and then realized that we had to make some changes, or just simply matured, traveled, experienced new things and then realized that we would need to make some changes if we’re going to have the family we desire. I have many west African friends, most of them grew up in the home with both parents but even the ones that didn’t still have those traditional values because of their environment and I think it’s a good thing, I wish black American and Caribbean culture would be more family centric.
Sorry for my long comment! but I'm a blk woman, 41. Got married in 2004. Listen, I want to ENCOURAGE other blk women out there. KEEP AIMING HIGH. The way someone treats you is a reflection of themselves... you can be "submissive" , you can be silent, you can be damn near invisible, and many black males WILL STILL DISRESPECT YOU. Stop this obsession with marriage because if you pair with the WRONG MAN, it can be detrimental to your health and long term well being. Focus on YOU, and stop letting them gaslight you with the word "submission." That is a level of TRUST that should only be reserved for a man who has proven himself to be a SAFE SPACE for you. And it does not mean that he gets to domiate you, abuse you, cheat, or take you for granted! It does not mean that you relinquish your job, your craft, or whatever brings you joy. You DO NOT give "submission" simply because he is blk and male... and sadly, that is what they are whining abt all over the internet, then they wonder why NO WOMAN sticks around them.
The reason ww have better outcomes with partnership with her counterpart is because WHT MEN SOCIALIZE OTHER WHT MEN TO SUSTAIN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND FAMILIES. On the flip, Blk males socialize other black males to value degeneracy... glorify pump & dump, glorify child abandonment, glorify disrespecting bw, devalue education and forward progression, avoid manhood, and glorify every woman on the planet that does NOT look like you.
In these spaces, we see so many blk men referring to NICE guys as "simps." Red pill incel mindset is running rampit among black males, and even penetrating the minds of guys that have wives or girlfriends, then they end up with nobody because they're listening to noise acting it out in their relationships.
I'm an Industrial Hygienest for the Government, and a fitness trainer for 14 yrs, (side business). I work around non blk men, and I'm very good friends with my boss and his family. He and I have deep cultural conversations! He has told me himself that they admire black women and they see a STARK DIFFERENCE between bw & bm. Your ambition, your desire for growth, is starkly different from a lot of your counterparts. No hate, it just is what it is. Just like we observe their communities, they observe blk communities.
Keep your jobs & businesses because in a capitalist nation, with an uncertain economy and rising inflation, you need your financial independence, PERIOD!! This world is unpredictable. If a man is offended by you being a normal adult with a job and education and calling that "masculine," then he is NOT a man... that's an effiminate boy.
If a man wants to marry you... HE WILL PURSUE & ASK.
A lot of these ninjas are infamous for creating baby mamas acoss all races of women and mistreating, or NOT MARRYING A SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Stop listening to gaslighting, stop worrying about them and live your life.
God will send you your equal, and it won't be a power struggle! He will send you someone that you don't have to lower yourself or dismiss your accomplishments for; somebody who sees you as a blessing, and will match you in every aspect.
Bw raise your self esteem, I love you! ❤️ And increase your awareness & observation of the nasty behavior many blk men are displaying toward you (observe online especially...its everywhere)
you are anti BM. No need to even mention us
@freddyfred4858 sir, if that's what you took away from that, you need comprehension skills! Hit dogs will holler. If you are not doing those harmful traits, then you shouldn't even think like that..but if you're an honest person, you cannot lie that blk men are doing these things, its literally in our faces, including yours. Nobody can tell the truth and uplift blk women without yall assuming that means "anti blk male". 🙄. We all have to stop playing. Nothing I said was "anti blk male", it was truthful observation that the entire world sees. Truth be told, I WISH majority of blk males would straighten up so that they CAN lead their homes properly and safely! And the bw can actually rest!! Not quit her ambitions, not lower herself to make him feel better, not feeling like she has to accept nonsense, but actually rest, and feel safe IF she chooses to be with a blk man.
U mite as well join the Klan and I don't Mean WuTANG....WHO RAISED THESE BLK MEN U DESPISE? WHO ALLOWED LOSER BLACK MEN TO IMPREGNATE THEM OUT OF WEDLOCK WITH NO FAMILY STRUCTURE. BELOVED I THAINQ FOR TAKING YOUR WEAK MIND OUT OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY. LIFE IS TOUGH FOR US REAL KINFOLK AND WE ARE HAPPY TO LET YOU LEAVE ✊🏿❤️🖤💚
Submission means to bend to the will of another by force.
@ineedhoez thats exactly what these dudes mean whining all over the internet, that's why they're trying to brow beat women into it...and that's why NOBODY is going for it. From a spiritual context, it means nothing more than equal compromise born out of trust from both sides. Partnership is 2 parties making decisions together.
My families broken because of feminism. I’m a white father, not black and your videos are very healing to me. Even though that’s not what you’re trying to do. Thank you. ❤
That’s why they have predicted the human race will end in about 2 billion years.
Low Marriage rate.
High divorce rate.
In about 40 years from more than 40% of women will be single and childless.
We would also have more older women dating younger men.
Families are broke because abuse from men. Feminism is about women having equal rights. If you believe that women having equal rights and not being second class citizens is the reason why families are broken, then you believe that women are second class citizens and the only way for relationships to work as for you to control them. That's the implication of your statement.
Explain how feminism broke your family yet feminism has existed since the 1800’s
Notice that nobody is challenging you on this? Let this been a brother who said the exact same thing!
Praying for you and your family bro. It will get better. Been down this road...
Yes, Nneka my dear sister, you are very correct. You can also see this relationship among the Igbo's, our men marry us and take care of the family because we women are willing to be feminine and supportive to our family, regardless of how well educated an average igbo woman nurtures her home and in return our men take care and give us the best
So true 💯🙌🏾👑
The divide between traditional West Africans and Black Americans is too great, we have to close the divide.
I agree, upgrading my wife's ring this Christmas
This is 💯💯💯💯! I was raised to be masculine and then while dating I couldn’t be feminine the way I truly wanted to be because the men were raised to be taken care with no work. The mothers were raising them to expect the woman to do it all and if not drop her. However recently I met someone and automatically fell into my feminine way because he was sooooo capable of being the masculine one and take care of things, tell me put ur feet up u worked hard this week I got it because u got me. It was so and still is refreshing. So now I cater to him all week and when the weekend hits he is like sit enjoy some time take a nap go get ya nails done u deserve it. The best ever and I’m glad I have found my feminine side again with someone who is masculine enough to allow me to fall back
What a beautiful story! I can relate. Thank you for sharing this. 💎👑🙏🏾💯
Just remember YOU picked those feminine men and THEY were raised by a Mother who picked a loser. The Onus is ALWAYS heavily on the female who is the foundation of family. Women DECIDE what man will be a FATHER good or bad qualified or INCOMPETENT
@@arizonaaliasofficial4733Nah it’s on men to be better fathers and to be better options to pick from. You can’t blame someone that didn’t pick a big Mack when they are at Burger King. We always talk about black women pick pookie and ray ray all the time but we never address why are there so many of them around to pick from?
I'm intensely interested in this topic and Suzanne's video you mentioned was suggested to me a few weeks ago. I see alot of what you say in my psychotherapy practice: many Black women struggling to make ends meet and white women struggling for fulfillment. Masculinity and femininity exist on a continuum and both sexes have access to each one. A healthy masculine man will be able to access his feminine when its appropriate, and a woman who is healthy in her femininity can do the same. If you can figure out when, where, and how to lean into one energy or the other, I think you'll see the benefits whether you are man or woman, black or white. Running my business, I lean into my masculine energy. Daily life with my husband requires different energy. A struggle life will naturally put one into more of a masculine energy because that's what it takes to survive. I've also been watching The Universe Guru who is from a Pakistani background and she explains masculinity and feminitiy from a cultural and an evolutionary standpoint.
I love many of the Universe Guru's videos. You explained this topic so well. Thank you for your insight. 🙏🏾💜💯
I love this anwser, because masculinity and feminity exist in EVERYONE. WW have been placed on a petal stool that BW have not due to patriarchy. In order to transend into self actualization you cannot be worried about food, shelter, clothing or your safety. This keeps us in our lower nature because BW are constantly in fight or flight, as well as our BM. Conditioning is key. If your raised in an enviorment where you are allowed to flourish and you only know struggle you will continue to operate in the energy that keeps you safe and allows you to get things done. BW NEED REST and an enviorment that allows this!
RESPECTFULLY No MA'AM you are not a Man. Let MEN RAISE MEN. Men are not supposed to "access their feminine". Men are supposed to stay in MASCULINE FRAME. Women with their ideas of "masculinity" is why there are so many overly emotional and feminine men now. The same type of men WOMEN DO NOT WANT. Single Dads raise kids without "getting into their Feminine"
I recently started binging on her shows and thought to myself, I would love to hear a black woman’s perspective… because I have my own lol. Thanks for your thoughts
Yes! She has some very binge worthy podcasts. I’m glad I’m not the only BW who thinks so ☺️.
In full agreement ; Long-story-short . Black women NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND LEARN and KNOW HOW TO SEPARATE THEIR FEELINGS / EMOTIONS OF WORK ? FROM THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO THEIR HUSBAND :
Lady… you are right on task with this one. You are smart. I think apart of the reason why a lot of black women get it wrong because they don’t have a lot of friends outside of being black. You can’t surround yourself with liked minded women with no results and expect a different outcome
That is why I do not hang out with all black women -even in college ! It is like the BLIND LEADING THE BLIND
Black woman here. Married 3 years now. I love me some Suzanne. I’ve been challenged to grow and stay married.
Asian woman are on the top of the Hypergamy game sis!!
The husbands are too, because they know what they are supposed to do
We need more of you out here to balance out the self sabotaging media we black women indulge in. ❤❤❤
Thank you! 🙏🏾 I agree.
I think this is such an important topic. Thank you for this perspective. I also think Asian women can be observed as well on this topic. One thing i noticed though is that you commonly interwove black women and masculinity but instead chose to say feminist when it came to white women. As you didn’t think to use white women and masculinity in the same sentence even though there are masculine white women lol
Right, I noticed that too.
In my profession, most if not all of the ww on a certain level are extremely masculine, not in a sexual way but how they interact, what they expect, and productive outcomes. It’s about balance; turning it off when it’s time to turn it off.
Black women have not always been allowed to be soft. Some black women do not always have the environments/ communities to be protected & safe.
Many times we have to protect ourselves.
Took me years to accept the jealousy I seretly held for nonblack women because they had a covering that black women seem to never be able to recieve from men. A strong woman is not defined the same way as a strong man. A strong man is defined by strength and independence. A strong woman is a woman that is cherished and protected by strong men. In any animal kingdom an independent female is considered vulnerable. Ive correlated this to why black women are stereotyped simultaneously as the strongest women but also the most unprotected with the highest rates of public humiliation, domestic violence, femicide, r8pe, and human trafficking. By natures definition this would make black women the weakest and most vulnerable females.
#BOOM!!! Not alot of sisters will like your assessment but this is one of the REALEST comments I have read on the internet
Another trait that makes a woman strong is her ability to keep moving forward in the midst of difficult times while avoiding immortality.
@@exoticallovergirlAgreed
This assessment is 100% on point
Yes ma’am
Girl I have been LOOKING FOR YOU. THANK YOU FOR SPEAKING UP!
And even this threat of taking our black card is straight manipulation....whatever I do, I am black. Period. This realization just came to me and I realize it's how "they" try to keep black women down! Let's rise above! ❤
So very true! 🙏🏾💯🙌🏾
Hi I’m new here and I’ve watched Suzanne’s channel too and it is insightful! I have coaches/mentors who are in traditional marriages and best believe they have learned from other races of women. They are in interracial marriages though but one of them has gotten coached by Lebanese, Caucasian and Indian women over the years. She admits that the struggle black women have is they aren’t marriage minded or think it’s okay to be this way. They view it as the “next step” but don’t have the strategy to achieve a successful marriage.
Yes! Your last sentence here is golden. 💎
Black men and women aren’t cohabitating enough. We’re so Separated compared to other races. So this can be so hard to teach younger generations.
Why do you think we’re more separated than them?
Very true.
Agree. And the separation is a setup for failure. Being in LA one thing you see with both the Asian and Latino communities is they do everything together. I'm not just talking couples. I'm talking the entire family. They'll be at the grocery store in an entire group. How do we expect to compete economically against people who are moving as a group? Answer: You can't.
@eujinlee9936 To much false ego, pride,scared to submit because most Black women think submission is weak. A major lack of communication taking accountability when wrong.Also black men and women look at eachother as competition instead of partners/ help mates/ there peace❤
@@bluewave3417You are correct!
I’m a guy and periodically listen to Suzanne Venker’s cultural perspectives on relationships. There are a few others out there that are challenging what we have been taught about careerism, daycare culture, roles. We all have been lied to about finding happiness with work, a degree, and rolling solo
New subbie, haha literally had this same thought. God is so good! I was just thinking about how all of my white girlfriends are married or on husband number 2. And we’re all under 35, meanwhile my black girlfriends haven’t been married but have children. I told god I’m going to sit back and observe how white women do it. We’re getting degrees to provide and survive. Their getting degrees to have something to do.
The pickings are slim for black women and marriage unfortunately is no longer part of culture for mainstream black America 🇺🇸
White males are more marriage minded & are focused on dominance, it has nothing to do with this "special skill" that WW have.
Elba’s wife is from Africa and carries herself that way! She does not behave like a western woman. Her husband is definitely the MAN!
He did it right. No western ways but also no negros..
Which means no Americans, or the islands, or south america thats all the west.. The best possibility is getting a woman from the east
Well said and much needed. Another perspective is look at African women in the diaspora and bring them this conversation. I know that in the African community, divorces are rare and both hubby and wife have great careers. Grandparents should be asked how they did it. I often wonder how did my parents and their friends do it, 50 60 years of marriage. How did we get to this point?
Yes! Great questions and insight. I will continue to explore this topic. Thank you! 🙏🏾
@@missklassy9783omg you hit it right on the nail! So true
@@missklassy9783what you said makes sense and Louis Farrakhan refers to it at as negro logic. BM primarily choose their women from the waist down. I’m glad you summed this up well
@@missklassy9783you are so right 💯
African men also tend to have relationships outside of their marriage, even a have an entire family. They will take care of each household.
First I want to let you know that I have your book and I really love it. Thank for sharing your experience and perspective.
As for this video I thank you for being a black woman and speaking on this topic. I know many black women don’t want to hear this and many will not like you for this.
I am glad that a black woman with a view similar to mine see that I don’t hate woman, just want the best for my community
Thank you for supporting my book and videos Danny 🙏🏾. You are correct, many BW are mad at me lol. My criticism comes from love. I appreciate the ones who get me. 😊
I subscribed for this 'Title' alone. There are certain topics or discussions I refuse to watch on social media platforms from our sisters (zero apology for that). I live in the Caribbean where 99.9% is my race of women and I am so hurt for myself in the past and other women I see around me, the highest percentage of single parent household, most successful women in the boardroom 100% masculinity, majority of our women death is from domestic violence. and it is sad to see how we still embrace this way of lifestyle where our women are the Provider, the Protector and the Leader of the Household and the Community and we are passing it on to our baby girls and for the women who speaks otherwise look at in scorn, so I am so in Love with this video soooooooo much. Thank you.
Thank you for watching! 🙏🏾
Idris Elba’s wife didn’t get him. Idris DECIDED he wanted to get married and married her.
Yes, I stand corrected on that.
If the man doesn't desire to be married, woman you can forget about it!
We can absolutely take feedback an advice from WW however we can’t go about things in similar ways the men in the their communities are completely different then BM.
BUT THEY ENVY OUR STRENGTH!!!!! THEY WANT TO BE US TO A CERTAIN DEGREE.
Yes, that is another video lol.
But are they willing to deal with the consequences of emulating BW?
Hi Nneka. I am a 63 year old Pacific Islander man. I absolutely agree with you by sharing your valuable experiences and observations to many modern women. Many of my good looking Caucasian High School teachers; including many University professor instructors were married to less attractive Pacific Islander women. For curiosity, we did asked many of them why they chose the women they marry when there’s a lot of beautiful Caucasian intelligent women to choose. Simple answer, they were trained to be a wife, to respect and support their husbands. None of them file for divorce to my knowledge.
You just explained survival mode in the first part. It's also being humble to hear things we may not even be ready to hear or even it may sound terrible to the ear.
Thanks for the Abraham Maslow observation.
It's interesting to me how much black women invest in "observing" and "learning from" other races of women, but i rarely, if ever, hear black men doing the same introspection or trying to learn from other races of men how to be better men and husbands. At this point, i really don't care what black men want. I'm ok with being alone. I nurture my friendships and familial relationships and i am fulfilled. ❤❤❤
Why limit yourself to black men?
Why be alone. There are so many other men besides BM. Consider dating out. It can’t hurt.
Because black men already learn from other races. Most of the succesful black men learned from white, asian, arab etc. men how to be a man. It's funny how you are complaining about black men not wanting to learn, but if you look up women of other races talking about black men then you will see that most of them give a positive feedback. How is it that the women of other races all agree that we are indeed good men, but the black women will always critisize us for the tiniest and dumbest reasons.
@juanluisabreugomez8462 NOPE! Most successful Brothers learned from their DADS! End of sentence!! Knowledge coming from other races and ethnicities are just positive condiments!
@@MitchMitch77-77 That's literaly wrong. Most of the succesful black men grew up without a father. The one thing that changed his life was discipline
Idris Elba's wife is not a typical example.
I'M THANKFUL TO BE A TRADITIONAL WIFE OF 13 YEARS!HAPPY HOUSE!HAPPY SPOUSE!I DON'T MIND CATERING TO HIM!❤
That is beautiful 🙌🏾.
🩷🩷🩷
You can't measure black life through celebrity relationships -
This is a juvenile conversation -
Exactly!
I like what you did here. this is good stuff. Somewhere - black folk have been taught that what matters MOST in life is MONEy. MONEY MONEY MONEy. Happy marriages and family life have very little to do with money. Life is so much more than just eating and clothing and something to drive. Love, protection, acceptance, support. These are the things we need to live and thrive. Black folk MUST re-adjust priorities if we are to make it into the future. Putting family and marriage first, is a start. Cheers!
Black women cannot be submissive and soft if their counterpart isn't a strong safe provider.
I agree!
Happens in Asian countries, Central and South America daily and In Black America up until the 1970s. In those places and periods of time, men were not strong safe providers, but yet women played their role.
If BW can't be a woman without a BM being a man...then we need to put almost 100% of our resources into the positive development of our boys. We don't do that, we do the opposite and then complain about the results.
@@menofthemetaversesounds like an unfair exchange
@@1991-present Not at all. A woman and man roles are equal to create a strong family. A woman by herself can't create a strong family just like a man myself. Per the Bible and today's data, women lead household do not create great results. Children need a man and woman
Took me losing my job to actually let my man take care of me …it felt so uncomfortable and I felt like a burden throughout…until I just didn’t feel that way anymore not only financially,spiritually and mentally.I watched my man pour into me without guilt and he enjoyed it …I got a good job now but I am not guarded to provision as before ..I don’t over compensate cause someone did for me or anything …
Interesting perspective. Side note FYI: Branches and leaves that touch the siding of your house can leave the home susceptible to water damage, pets, rot, mold, and mildew. If you have trees or shrubs that touch your house, be sure to keep them pruned 6-36 inches away from the siding so that nothing is actually touching your house.
That is hard for our women because they have had to be alone and strong after broken relationships, still raising children on their own without little to no help. Being by themselves.
Thank you for this video. Indeed we need to lean from other cultures.
Nneka, found your channel this week and your messages are ON POINT. I am a new subscriber and love the work that you are doing.
I love this tutorial perfect examples of the family, destructionn in America within, the black community, in particular.
I just discovered your channel. I would say that we are on similar journeys. I was just having this conversation with my therapist on Saturday, September 17, 2023 about WW & the falsehoods, fairytales, & cultish of the Purity Culture Movement, that Joshua Harris who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye has openly recanted within the last 3 years about the demise of the Purity Culture.
When speaking with my new therapist (whose married said that she would marry a bus driver. She said she has ALWAYS BEEN the highest earner in her marriage) that due to my previous TRAUMA, that I wasn't even paying attention to WW in college & I should of been rubbing elbows with them while attending to the University of Michigan-Flint.
You are right. My experience was about survival. I was always a non-traditional student. My mom put me out at 18, so I had to pay bills & had to take care of expenses for school. I also didn't have the support that I needed in school.
Here's what I learned. WW grooming is DIFFERENT than BW & their GROOMING STARTS MUCH YOUNGER than ours! While in college, I would earl hustle WW conversation & they would say, "Yeah! Johnny has 3 yrs left in the military. Once he gets out the military, we're gonna get a house. He's gonna get a job at the police department or the fire department." This WW was thinking about legacy. She was securing her bag w/a blue collar worker so she will receive his Veteran Benefits, sis government benefits by working for a local government agency.
Same thing when I worked in the hospital for 3 1/2 yrs. My major is Health Education. I worked as a Porter & in Medical Records Department. What I learned & observed is the nurses worked 12-hour shifts. Why? The wife went to school first because it was shorter & cheaper. She would work 12 hrs so she could be at home w/the children during the week. Then the husband would go back to medical school because he already had a Bachelor's degree. They both driving Honda Accords. They do the Dave Ramset Debt Snowball & complete the Financial Peace University plan. Once their student loans are paid off, their children are pre-teens/teens & now they move in the 5,000 square foot house & they upgrade their vehicles.
I do agree in being coached by a non-Black woman in this season. I get emails from Sami Wunder. I have read her content & I would say once I can afford a coach, it would be with someone like her. She looks Middle Eastern Indian decent & she married a Caucasian man. There is another WW I used to listen to hear & there & I would receive her podcasts via email. Basically her platform is geared towards better communication with your male partner or husband. She doesn't say she used to be masculine, but you can tell that her content is along those same lines. Once I dig through my emails, I will post her name.
I have noticed Black people who are NOT MARRIED, BW more than BM are enamored about what their relationship should look like when they have yet to encounter that journey. Over the weekend I was trying to enlighten a RUclipsr during his live about love & relationships & a different perspective. He made mention about desiring a Submissive Woman & wanting a woman to cook. He mentioned that he would only help his wife if she is sick!🥺 I said desiring that is great. I said however, most BM rarely provide the space for BW to be completely Traditional. I mentioned how even wealthy WW who don't work still have maids & butlers because one woman would not be able to keep up with typical household chores depending on the size of the home. I also mentioned how in even lower socioeconomic societies in other countries, the women til this day STILL have maidservants. He also mentioned that his wife may have to work during their marriage. I mentioned you do whatever is necessary for your household during that season of you alls lives. Case & point, I mentioned if his wife called him & said, "Hey babe! Keisha called off today, which means I have to work late. I already prepped dinner can you put the food in the oven & put it on 400°?" or "Hey babe! Keisha called off today & I gotta work late! Can you make something quick like burgers & fries or tacos for the clidren. Can you also help them make their lunch & get their clothes out for tomorrow? By the time you do that, I should be home. I will load the dishes in the dishwasher, I will check over the children's homework, & I will put the children to bed." Sre you not gonna do those things because you feel like gender roles are specific to chores where women do tasks inside the home & men complete tasks outside the home (which is what he mentioned) vs. each spouse being a Servsnt Leader & we each play the part, carry the relationship for what's needed in that season. I mentioned postpartum os teal & that stay-at-home wives are frustrated. I said go to YT & look at the compilations of BW stating they love their children & their husband provides financially, but they are tired & need help. I daid our grandmas maid it look easy because they never had a voice. It was survival for them. Women were still not too long ago seen as property. But trust our grandmothers weren't stupid & they knew our grandfathers were chippy chasing. I mentioned that you don't know the silent cries that our grandmothers experienced behind closed doors, yet you say you want a "Traditional Marriage & a Traditional Woman"! This is why behind closed doors our grandmothers & mothers told us to be independent & get an education. Now don't get me wrong, I am working on a 5 yr SMART Goals Plan so that I can be married again within that rime frame & sit my butt down somewhere & homeschool my babies while we make passive income so we can work smarter & not harder!
“A silent and loving woman is a gift of the Lord"
- Ecclesiasticus 26:14 🙏🏾✝📖
This is why they say if you want a women to be submissive then take her out of survival mode ❤
This should be #1 comment!
Spot on!
BM get your passports!!! do not engage, go see what true virtuous women are, women whose femininity is not dependent on anything but themselves.
Not our fault but our responsibility 👍🏾absolutely awesome video
I have a career and enjoy making my own money. However, im thankful and appreciative for my husband, and the things he does for our family.
I hope you know how much you are helping so many of us black women with these topics🥹🥹🥹….. I share them with my friends all the time. You are a blessing. It’s time to continue doing the work of undoing the programming that was not healthy that most of us had since childhood. I’m African but grew up in the states…. And even in African households who had fathers there are still so many unhealthy programming for women. I was just telling another black friend of mine what my white girlfriends has taught me too. All women teach each other something. ❤
Nneka, I stumbled across Suzanne Venker 5 months ago and she is the best thing that has happened to me, my career goals, and my relationship. My fiancé has commented repeatedly that our relationship is nicer recently (he doesn't know I've been listening to her). I'm so relieved that I don't need to scramble up the career ladder for roles that force me to be more masculine. I'm so relieved that I'm not weak if I don't want to be decisive and independent. I prefer being more feminine and my fiancé prefers me like this as it empowers him to be more masculine, too
Wow! I relate to everything that you are saying. Thank you for this! 💜
@@nnekaonyilofor 💕
I love your videos. Keep teaching our sisters.
Thank you!
I found out about Suzanne Venker podcast about 2 months ago! I love her show!
Glad that you discovered another option to this thing called life. I fully agree that we should listen to those that are achieving what we desire. Understanding love and relationships is key to maintaining strong families… You can’t be great at everything, we must prioritize. That is the overall lesson of Suzanne V. As a culture, we must once again prioritize family first! That takes two people playing their respective roles, period. Excellent video. Good luck on your new journey! Stay blessed!
Lovely video! Yet more well laid out food for thought. Would u argue that submission and surrender and are different things? Submission is a space that is constructed by the submitter where as surrender is a total release of power?
Wow. You just gave me something to think about Lana. I do agree that submission holds a sense of power because one has to be willing to do it. I'll have to think about how that compares to surrendering. 🤔
This is a fascinating topic! when given opportunity to meet those first two levels of need our minds also need to catch up. There are those of us who have safety and physical need met but we have lived inside that narrative of lack of safety and basic need for so long it is easier to default back to discussions of lack than to strive for the upper levels in fear that we won’t get them. Fear drives us back to the mental sense of lack while our entire environment speaks a different story, often a story of hard fought opportunity. It’s why rich and famous black people default to stories of lack of safety because it gives them belonging with “the majority” of their people. I may have all my needs met but look see I am still unsafe! But what is the cost of that narrative? One of the costs is we tell black women that they will never receive love or that if they do it must hurt! (Watch any Tyler Perry movie and you will see this play out in one hour and forty-five minutes). We have to have conversations about this because we are unknowingly keeping ourselves in a trap of pain and low expectations and away from what could be beautiful and bountiful lives.
I found that podcasts, thank-you really nice topic.😊
New sub!! I love the content and would love to be apart of the conversation! It’s so necessary!! Kudos to you🥰
Thanks for joining my community! More to come like this. 😊
You are half way there good job😊
"How to be a women when you've been groomed as a man" (true) but I believe this started in slavery working back breaking work side by side(with men) day and night in the cotten fields and being left alone to survive.... On the other hand I hv watched white ppl freely live, automatically go to college, travel and seek a future without reservation( self actualize ) I've always for the most part saw them thriving.( due in part to privilege with no restrictions)Thats when i started desire to live a fuller life. It takes alot of trauma healing and displine to get to a place of freedom. I definitely agree that your material does add to the conversation. 🙏🏾
I’m a black men. I like your mindset and everything u doing. Keep it up.
You have your "Career"... which will require you to work all your life.. that's what you..wanted....you can do as you please... what's the.. problem?...Men don't.. understand?...🤔..B1$
The struggle to overcome systemic poverty even with a partner.
Right, some of us don't even get to think about it.
I'm completely baffled as to how Black women can be oblivious to these obvious things. Like, "don't try to dominate and be combative with your husband". How is this not already crystal clear?
Because black women don’t like to be pushovers
We choose men wrong and then think he will change
That’s the crux of the problem
Many black men are abusive because that’s what they know from childhood
Likewise I'm completely baffled as to how BLACK MALES are oblivious to the obvious notion that your lady is Not an object to be placed under your feet to be trampled on, abused, or mistreated. I'm 41, got married at 23. I watch this mess from the sidelines and its sad. This "submission" yall whine about that you can't get, is simply because that is a level of TRUST that is earned, and sooooo many men do not understand this. You do not get "sumission" simply because you are black and male. Furthermore, submission is not a case of dominant vs subserviant..... its simply equal cooperation and sacrifices from both sides.
I truly feel sorry for blk women seeking partnership with majority of blk men now because the red pill incel mindset is rampit like a cancer.
The reason many wht women obtain partnership is cultural differences in their communities.... their men for the most part, are SOCIALIZED BY OTHER WHT MEN to sustain healthy relationships and families. Blk males socialize other blk males to do the opposite... glorify players, glorify pump & dump, glorify child abandonment, glorify dengeracy. And any race of woman that gets involved with most blk men, get the same outcomes. That has a lot to do with why their urge their daughters to not get involved with blk males. They too, see and observe the patterns of most blk men, and the blk woman working her butt off to stay afloat. No hate It just is what it is!!
Women usually push back against men when his decision making cannot be trusted and he is not leading with honor. Many men act like children in the home and are not contributors. Also, because they feel a lack of power in the world, they come home and expect to be bowed down to excessively, to make up for the lack of respect they receive as they journey through life.
Provide and protect is crystal clear too yet these men won’t do it
@@shewoke9268those aren't men trying to get married and have quality relationships. These are women acting like they want to be someone's wife, and yet are oblivious.
Im glad i came across your video ❤️. I agree with you!
This concept is my exact reason for following Mina Irfan a few years ago.
I really like her!
You can learn from everyone and everything. Great Video !
God set it up in his creation! Men are protective and provider’s!
My Parents wouldv've been Married 68 years. My Father passed away 3/1997. 😢 My Hubby & I celebrated 24 years of Marriage on 7/27. My Parents, GrandParents, Sibling, Aunts & Uncles are my Blueprint. I never look at celebrities or any other race for answers. My Mother, Sisters, Aunts & I are not Masculine Black Women. The Masculine Black Women will call us a Pick Me.
That's so fortunate that you had a blueprint...unfortunately most don't know what that kind of love looks like.
This was a really interesting video. The 3rd level of the pyramid is a need, even though in our community so many of us have been conditioned to think it isn't. Hopefully anyone struggling with this will watch and be open to what you're trying to convey
I am a black woman with no male tendencies. Don't blame yourself. If he wanted to be married, he would.
Its not quite the sane in Africa or the Carribbean. Its mostly westernized issues. I however agree with you, its a perfect topic to deal with. If you're dealing wuth money issues within your community, then you can't focus on loving fully. I think it would be great if you look at what caused these things & then correct it. LOVING THIS content. I will be purchasing your bokk.
I like the content. Easy listen. You get your points across. Win win..Subbed!
Thank you!
There's was a time fathers had to approve his daughters selection. That was just as much for the boyfriend/fiancée as it was for the daughter. Father in laws teach/ reinforce son- in laws in how to treat their daughters.
You were absolutely spot on ma’am. Great to see a beautiful woke black woman who isn’t afraid to speak the truth.
Interdependence > Independence > Hyperindependency & Codependency
My Healthy happy Interdependent marriage to my loving husband will always be my biggest success in my eyes. I know not everyone had the guidance I did though so Thankyou for teaching girls who weren’t taught this.
I can give you my perspective I was never masculine but was being programmed to be masculine or rather to be a worker but i resisted it since i was a young girl. I lived prediminantly in white neighborhoods so i can learn first hand. Now i live in a town with less than 1% black population and my mindset has completely changed.
Great insight, I'll definitely repuropse this content.
I would love to see an experiment of this approach. I would love to see how a BM responds to a woman of this kind. I wonder if he would treat her the same as a WM would treat his WW. I understand we are a half of the problem, however, the other half of the problem is BM.
Those women aka their preferences get turned into baby mamas as well ..look what Jeezy just did to Jeanie
Interesting topic! I mostly agree. I think the dynamic has a lot to do with trust. If the black women relaxed in their feminine energy, would today’s black men be able to realistically support her?
You look so pretty and feminine in that black dress. I loved this video and so I have subscribed 😃
Thank you I’m touched ❤
Women should be submissive and helpful to men. Both men and women are equal with different roles to play in marriage.
Since two aggreable heads ia better than one, both men and women should complement each other.
Yes. It’s like a dance. I agree.
Three Igbo folks in here talking sense, but these western women will jump down your throat when you tell them to be submissive. Ndi be anyi, ọbu asi?
Submission means to bend to the will of another by force. What you described is not submission. You described cooperation.
Thanks for such a thoughtful and very honest perspective. Also pretty brave, considering the world today.
It is my prayer that you understand that everything you 'learned' was strategically coveted and or outright stolen from your foremothers.
Yes! I agree. It was adapted to the modern times though.
Great video. However I disagree with 1 thing you said. Feminism did not fail modern woman. On the contrary, it's working exactly as planned. It was never about freeing woman from a perceived oppressor, it was all about Socialism 💯%, and the goal was to destroy the nuclear family unit. Turn woman against their own men, and children against their parents. Destroy the family structure and cause people to be divided. So in that since it's working as intended. Unfortunately it's taking longer than it should for woman to figure out they've been used.
This is so sad and very true. Thanks for clarifying this.
@@nnekaonyilofor We live in the information age. Anything you want to know is literally at our fingertips. Yet it's almost embarrassing how easy it is for the "power's that be" to keep us ignorant. None of this stuff is a secret. Just do a little research on Who started the feminist movement, and what their true agenda was about. It's not even hidden, but when you try to explain it to most BW they are not trying to hear the truth. They act like people in a cult who don't want you talking them out of their new family. It's crazy.
Great points made in this video.
I love this. I did grow up valuing the role of a man and husband in society. When I did I was able to see my deficit. So I was able to focus on being a good wife mother and embrace my role as a woman in society. Then I was able to work on being the woman I wanted. First thing was learning etiquette and not only expect a man to do xyz but allow him the space to do so.