--- Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-asd-men-struggling-in-their.html --- Group for NT Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-nt-women-struggling-in-their.html --- Online Group Therapy for Couples & Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/10/mark-hutten-m.html --- Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples: www.livingwithaspergerspartner.com/ --- Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2019/07/skype-counseling-for-struggling-couples.html --- Recovery from Emotional Deprivation for Neurotypical Partners in Neurodiverse Relationships: www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/
THANKS yet again, Mark!😊 Whenever my beloved husband would be 'acting-out', I would take it all personal. As if he was upset at me. As if he was deliberately been mean to me. One day, I perceived that there was much more to it. Instead of reacting mad at him, I said "You are sad" in a compassionate tone of voice. Sure enough, I later learned that there was an underlying reason for his suffering. Most of the time, this has nothing to do with ME!!! As always, right on target, Mark! Have a blessed weekend! ☺
The thing of it is this: it doesn’t really matter whether it’s Autism or narcissism, because you still have to deal with the behaviors. The reasons, while relevant, do not change the outcome. These people are tough to deal with.
It does matter though if it’s not both, because narcissists won’t change and will be furious if you tell them they need to, but (non-narcissist) autistics can at least try to change and recognize that they’re the problem
My spouse is BOTH and only God himself can determine the starting and ending line for each. He is never wrong or at fault, is manipulative, extremely inflexible, selfish and self-centered, etc, etc. He also taught himself and is fluent in 5 languages and is intelligent, but socially awkward, though he tries to mimic normal behaviors to fit in. My life with him has been and is a living hell. I believe he has both conditions, for sure, and that the narcissism ends up being more dominant. Being right, at all costs, is his "God". And I believe he could choose differently if he decided to do what's right... but he won't. It is tragic.
@@asmrmetalman1061 Actually it’s pretty common for narcissists to always insist on being right and attack you when you so much as suggest that they’re not
I agree wholeheartedly with Cindy. My husband is the same I believe. Especially the part about being right all the time. I went to Church after we split (the first time in 50yrs and it saved my life I believe. Everybody was so lovely and understanding of my shocked nature.
I have to figure out how to communicate better with my wife because apparently my facial expressions don't match my words. The other day I asked my wife, "what are your plans for tomorrow". I was merely wanting to know her plans for the next day so I could also plan my tasks ahead of time. In the past she asks me to do a task with no notice in the middle of my other tasks, so I try to plan ahead. She told me that my FACE told her that she was lazy and doesn't do anything and that I think I'm better than her because I plan my tasks. I didn't even know my face talked.
God I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting - it’s a common problem with women and men communicating that women read into things that aren’t even there because we usually communicate with more hidden meaning and a lot of women don’t realize that men don’t think the same as them, but she’s stepping way over the line with that aggressive defensiveness Sorry for rambling on lol but it’s not at all a problem with you
One thing I can’t figure out. Why do I get startled OFTEN by my hfa partner? I know I have cptsd however after over 20 years of therapy and personal coaches it’s much better . I rarely hear him approach as if he walks light possibly unconsciously to avoid disturbing me ( possibly as a child he had to be seen not heard )! He enters a quiet space where I’m meditating or reading your content after being missing and detached with special interest the BOOM “ Where u heading later today “ in a basketball coach voice 📢 which he has been for many years! Does anyone else experience this ? It’s not intentional but it’s startling and nerve racking yet once I jump out my skin he becomes collapsed , disappointed in himself feeling like a screw up since I express this each time it happens by saying … u scared me babe 😧calmly hoping to prevent him from activating pessimism around the event. He becomes enamored to the point of not being able to feel my feelings . Is this common ?
This is called "infantilizing". Which is to "treat (someone) as a child or in a way which denies their maturity in age or experience. " Thinking about it and viewing it like dealing with a child is a choice you make and strips autistic people of their autonomy. It trivializes their experiences and makes their condition and identity invisible. Try thinking about it the way it actually is- dealing with another human being.
--- Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-asd-men-struggling-in-their.html
--- Group for NT Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-nt-women-struggling-in-their.html
--- Online Group Therapy for Couples & Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/10/mark-hutten-m.html
--- Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples: www.livingwithaspergerspartner.com/
--- Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2019/07/skype-counseling-for-struggling-couples.html
--- Recovery from Emotional Deprivation for Neurotypical Partners in Neurodiverse Relationships: www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/
THANKS yet again, Mark!😊 Whenever my beloved husband would be 'acting-out', I would take it all personal. As if he was upset at me. As if he was deliberately been mean to me. One day, I perceived that there was much more to it. Instead of reacting mad at him, I said "You are sad" in a compassionate tone of voice. Sure enough, I later learned that there was an underlying reason for his suffering. Most of the time, this has nothing to do with ME!!! As always, right on target, Mark! Have a blessed weekend! ☺
Mine says everything is my fault, and I know he purposely does things to punish me.
@@repentorperish6414 Definitely a spectrum... some are mean on purpose some aren't 🫂
You are so on target! And a beacon to other struggling NT spouses. Thank you my precious MARIA :)
@@repentorperish6414 I think you're dealing with a narco. Most of us don't do this.
The thing of it is this: it doesn’t really matter whether it’s Autism or narcissism, because you still have to deal with the behaviors. The reasons, while relevant, do not change the outcome. These people are tough to deal with.
It does matter though if it’s not both, because narcissists won’t change and will be furious if you tell them they need to, but (non-narcissist) autistics can at least try to change and recognize that they’re the problem
Well not sure about that. My spouse has asd and refuses to change and blames me for all the things that.go wrong @@ravenID429
My spouse is BOTH and only God himself can determine the starting and ending line for each. He is never wrong or at fault, is manipulative, extremely inflexible, selfish and self-centered, etc, etc. He also taught himself and is fluent in 5 languages and is intelligent, but socially awkward, though he tries to mimic normal behaviors to fit in. My life with him has been and is a living hell. I believe he has both conditions, for sure, and that the narcissism ends up being more dominant. Being right, at all costs, is his "God". And I believe he could choose differently if he decided to do what's right... but he won't. It is tragic.
@@asmrmetalman1061 Actually it’s pretty common for narcissists to always insist on being right and attack you when you so much as suggest that they’re not
@@asmrmetalman1061 Yeah but I’m just saying it’s a very strong trait in narcissists especially
My ex was both. Absolutely horrific, vile behaviour. I am so sorry.
I can totally relate. 38 yrs of marriage and I am exhausted.
I agree wholeheartedly with Cindy. My husband is the same I believe. Especially the part about being right all the time. I went to Church after we split (the first time in 50yrs and it saved my life I believe. Everybody was so lovely and understanding of my shocked nature.
I have to figure out how to communicate better with my wife because apparently my facial expressions don't match my words. The other day I asked my wife, "what are your plans for tomorrow". I was merely wanting to know her plans for the next day so I could also plan my tasks ahead of time. In the past she asks me to do a task with no notice in the middle of my other tasks, so I try to plan ahead. She told me that my FACE told her that she was lazy and doesn't do anything and that I think I'm better than her because I plan my tasks. I didn't even know my face talked.
God I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting - it’s a common problem with women and men communicating that women read into things that aren’t even there because we usually communicate with more hidden meaning and a lot of women don’t realize that men don’t think the same as them, but she’s stepping way over the line with that aggressive defensiveness
Sorry for rambling on lol but it’s not at all a problem with you
One thing I can’t figure out. Why do I get startled OFTEN by my hfa partner? I know I have cptsd however after over 20 years of therapy and personal coaches it’s much better . I rarely hear him approach as if he walks light possibly unconsciously to avoid disturbing me ( possibly as a child he had to be seen not heard )! He enters a quiet space where I’m meditating or reading your content after being missing and detached with special interest the BOOM “ Where u heading later today “ in a basketball coach voice 📢 which he has been for many years! Does anyone else experience this ? It’s not intentional but it’s startling and nerve racking yet once I jump out my skin he becomes collapsed , disappointed in himself feeling like a screw up since I express this each time it happens by saying … u scared me babe 😧calmly hoping to prevent him from activating pessimism around the event. He becomes enamored to the point of not being able to feel my feelings . Is this common ?
This is like dealing with a child in many ways.😭
As an Aspie, I don’t disagree but what we lack in these areas, we make up in other ways.
Yes, dealing with mine is like dealing with a defiant child. He masked very well in the beginning then after marriage he showed his true colours.
This is called "infantilizing". Which is to "treat (someone) as a child or in a way which denies their maturity in age or experience.
"
Thinking about it and viewing it like dealing with a child is a choice you make and strips autistic people of their autonomy. It trivializes their experiences and makes their condition and identity invisible. Try thinking about it the way it actually is- dealing with another human being.
No its not. Aspies arent children no matter how much these angry NT women argue otherwise
Yep, the temper tantrums, name calling, the emotional abuse, the disorder is no excuse. These are big defiant kids.