I’ve been with my therapist for a year and a half now and have never really asked her anything personal, partially because I didn’t think she’d answer (huge transference, BPD, attachment, etc) and partially because I couldn’t find the nerve to ask. I’ve spent all this time compiling a list of questions I’d ask if the opportunity arose but never thought I’d ask them. She’s given me bits and pieces in recent months, but widely doesn’t self disclose. Last week, we were talking about my intense fear of touching her and what it means and chiseled it down to me viewing her as an angel-type, beyond-human entity. The conversation progressed and we moved on and it naturally led into me asking her why she became a therapist. She was like “that’s a big ask!” and i divulged that it’s one of many on my list of questions I wanted to ask her. To my surprise, she told me to ask her, like an interview. So I got to ask her all the things I’ve wondered, like what kind of music she listens to, what extracurriculars she did in high school, why she moved across the country, etc. She answered all of it without hesitation and I left on cloud 9, honored that she’d give me that. In retrospect, it’s clear that she let me ask because of our preceding conversation about viewing her as a higher entity rather than a real life person, and it’s amazing that the conversation aligned with my confession that I had a list because I don’t think she would have answered 6 months or a year ago, or maybe even on a day in the future. It wasn’t like “okay we’ve been together long enough so now you get to know about me”, but more like “this is relevant and will be helpful TODAY because you need to know that I’m a human.” Just an example of what I think is probably healthy, productive self disclosure and how it can be used in a powerful way to progress therapy and break down what’s probably a rather common idea: that therapists are ethereal beings sent down from heaven to save us. Thank you for your videos! You’re my favorite clinician on RUclips and I respect your insight greatly.
Thank you for making this video. As a patient, I appreciate when a clinician limits self disclosure. I feel that I have a right to be a patient and not worry about the clinician’s feelings/personal views. If I am aware of a particular detail in their personal life it could (even unconsciously) limit what I feel comfortable telling them. I care for those that look after me, but they are not my friend and I am not theirs. I’d like to add that it is definitely possible to have great communication with empathy and humour in session without know the details of their personal life.
In CBT self-disclosure is as much an art as it is science. The ideia is never to only self-disclose, its always therapeutic - For example, for patients who regard their psychologists too high and have inflexible beliefs about them being "perfect" or "having it all together" like a socially anxious patient, disclosing you too have anxieties and make a fool of yourself helps create a spectrum of belief and make beliefs such as "if I make a mistake or get anxious, I'm useless\Worthy people never make mistakes or feel anxious" more flexible. I've had this work well both ways - in my own therapy and with patients. But it's almost always a gamble, even if you know your patient very well, because you can never be 100% sure how it will come across. Hope my english is understandable!
A little bit of self-disclosure is natural. To totally deny it in all its forms seems a bit 'contrived'. It's human to share a little bit. And the client/therapist relationship is all about rapport. You can't have rapport whilst being totally shut off. That isn't to say you should answer any specific questions from the client. But offering a little bit as a 'fig leaf' can only be a good thing. A therapist should know when a client is trying to glean information from them. A lot of therapists as well do this as a form of therapy for themselves (that's ok), so a certain amount of sharing is expected in these cases. In fact, it can help the client to help the therapist. It empowers them. As for leading the client on to divulge information they wouldn't otherwise share? Well, really, come on, they are laying their lives bare for you. They shouldn't need to be 'led on'. If you are a good therapist your main problem should be how to 'shut them up'. When a client trusts you they will bear their soul. It's a very unequal relationship anyway. The therapist is God to the client's Dog. Unless a therapist actually rapes a patient or physically assaults them, they will get away with anything. And they do. And this is why therapy has such a bad name. Therapists are unaccountable. They have extreme power over patients. To give a little bit back to the patient, and display a little vulnerability is a good offering in the name of the client/patient relationship. But then again, that's just my opinion, and I'm sure any professional in the field will have their own views (and even horror stories) about this. Thank you Dr. Grande.
I've only seen a FEW therapists do self disclosure and it was always to gain trust and identify with the client. To validate and alleviate the client's fears and concerns that were previously voiced to the clinician in prior sessions. I have not seen it done in an impulsive way and when I have seen it I felt it was helpful but I can see the idea that it should not be for all clients and clinicians and may be better to avoid if possible.
Comment 15: 3631 comments and I thot it was good. I’ve seensome self disclosure like when KB talks about common background. Makes me comfortable in a sense...
The essence of the whole video: self-disclosure is ONLY for those clients or patients who need it.. there, I've managed to use the counseling technique of summarizing and have summarized 9 minutes and 50 seconds of his speech for you. (Need some clarification as well...? Well, let's see what he has to say in response to this summary that I've made.. 😆😆)
I’ve been with my therapist for a year and a half now and have never really asked her anything personal, partially because I didn’t think she’d answer (huge transference, BPD, attachment, etc) and partially because I couldn’t find the nerve to ask. I’ve spent all this time compiling a list of questions I’d ask if the opportunity arose but never thought I’d ask them. She’s given me bits and pieces in recent months, but widely doesn’t self disclose. Last week, we were talking about my intense fear of touching her and what it means and chiseled it down to me viewing her as an angel-type, beyond-human entity. The conversation progressed and we moved on and it naturally led into me asking her why she became a therapist. She was like “that’s a big ask!” and i divulged that it’s one of many on my list of questions I wanted to ask her. To my surprise, she told me to ask her, like an interview. So I got to ask her all the things I’ve wondered, like what kind of music she listens to, what extracurriculars she did in high school, why she moved across the country, etc. She answered all of it without hesitation and I left on cloud 9, honored that she’d give me that. In retrospect, it’s clear that she let me ask because of our preceding conversation about viewing her as a higher entity rather than a real life person, and it’s amazing that the conversation aligned with my confession that I had a list because I don’t think she would have answered 6 months or a year ago, or maybe even on a day in the future. It wasn’t like “okay we’ve been together long enough so now you get to know about me”, but more like “this is relevant and will be helpful TODAY because you need to know that I’m a human.”
Just an example of what I think is probably healthy, productive self disclosure and how it can be used in a powerful way to progress therapy and break down what’s probably a rather common idea: that therapists are ethereal beings sent down from heaven to save us. Thank you for your videos! You’re my favorite clinician on RUclips and I respect your insight greatly.
Thank you for making this video.
As a patient, I appreciate when a clinician limits self disclosure. I feel that I have a right to be a patient and not worry about the clinician’s feelings/personal views. If I am aware of a particular detail in their personal life it could (even unconsciously) limit what I feel comfortable telling them. I care for those that look after me, but they are not my friend and I am not theirs. I’d like to add that it is definitely possible to have great communication with empathy and humour in session without know the details of their personal life.
You're welcome!
In CBT self-disclosure is as much an art as it is science. The ideia is never to only self-disclose, its always therapeutic - For example, for patients who regard their psychologists too high and have inflexible beliefs about them being "perfect" or "having it all together" like a socially anxious patient, disclosing you too have anxieties and make a fool of yourself helps create a spectrum of belief and make beliefs such as "if I make a mistake or get anxious, I'm useless\Worthy people never make mistakes or feel anxious" more flexible. I've had this work well both ways - in my own therapy and with patients. But it's almost always a gamble, even if you know your patient very well, because you can never be 100% sure how it will come across. Hope my english is understandable!
A little bit of self-disclosure is natural. To totally deny it in all its forms seems a bit 'contrived'.
It's human to share a little bit. And the client/therapist relationship is all about rapport. You can't have rapport whilst being totally shut off. That isn't to say you should answer any specific questions from the client. But offering a little bit as a 'fig leaf' can only be a good thing.
A therapist should know when a client is trying to glean information from them.
A lot of therapists as well do this as a form of therapy for themselves (that's ok), so a certain amount of sharing is expected in these cases. In fact, it can help the client to help the therapist. It empowers them.
As for leading the client on to divulge information they wouldn't otherwise share? Well, really, come on, they are laying their lives bare for you. They shouldn't need to be 'led on'.
If you are a good therapist your main problem should be how to 'shut them up'. When a client trusts you they will bear their soul.
It's a very unequal relationship anyway. The therapist is God to the client's Dog. Unless a therapist actually rapes a patient or physically assaults them, they will get away with anything. And they do. And this is why therapy has such a bad name. Therapists are unaccountable. They have extreme power over patients.
To give a little bit back to the patient, and display a little vulnerability is a good offering in the name of the client/patient relationship.
But then again, that's just my opinion, and I'm sure any professional in the field will have their own views (and even horror stories) about this.
Thank you Dr. Grande.
I've only seen a FEW therapists do self disclosure and it was always to gain trust and identify with the client. To validate and alleviate the client's fears and concerns that were previously voiced to the clinician in prior sessions. I have not seen it done in an impulsive way and when I have seen it I felt it was helpful but I can see the idea that it should not be for all clients and clinicians and may be better to avoid if possible.
Thank you. Very helpful.
You're welcome!
Comment 15: 3631 comments and I thot it was good. I’ve seensome self disclosure like when KB talks about common background. Makes me comfortable in a sense...
102 likes and 1 dislike...
The essence of the whole video: self-disclosure is ONLY for those clients or patients who need it.. there, I've managed to use the counseling technique of summarizing and have summarized 9 minutes and 50 seconds of his speech for you.
(Need some clarification as well...? Well, let's see what he has to say in response to this summary that I've made.. 😆😆)
Why do you always frown Dr. Grande? I’ve never seen you smile!
IDK for certain - I guess that I get into the zone when recording these videos, especially those with serious topics.
Watch the video with recovery mom or something like that. I think he smiled in that one.
Samina Yaghouty guess when he is with someone who smile, he 😀😀😀😀😀😀😄😄😄🌈🌈
ruclips.net/video/G5fBlHDVFT8/видео.html