You have surpassed average ability in your chosen profession in my honest opinion. I'm kinda jealous I dont have you as a therapist but I'm ok with just watching your videos.
100% same. But I feel it would be almost selfish to have him as a personal therapist when he can put out videos like this that help tens of thousands of people.
I am so sorry you had to experience ableism! I am disabled too and it is true that the real struggles are not just the disability itself, but the stigma connected to it and how awful people can treat you. Thank you so much for opening up about this, it was really helpful and gave me hope, that as a disabled person I can accomplish things, not just "despite" my disability but also because of the empathy my disability has given me. Thank you for being such a good role model.
Dr.Grande this video was very helpful. I am touched by the way you opened up to us. You are very important in my therapy. You helped me so much to understand myself. I told my psychiatrist about you. I am sending you love. Thank you for everything.
@Anne Descoteaux That's a great idea! I'm going to let my psychiatrist know about Dr. Grande, too. Love the science + fairness + balance, and I think she'd appreciate it too.
I shared Dr Grande's videos with my Therapist. I am not sure if he watched them, yet I think everyone can take away a lot of knowledge from Dr Grande's information.
@@DrGrande. Thanks for your balanced personal ingredient in this good video. I appreciate you even more for it. How come i can't comment+ is it becauseI commented too many times on another video? Is there a limited number of comments wished? I tend to get stuck , carried away, and teh kind of compulsion and over-working that comes with exhaustion. If you care for it, I recommend you Dr Joe Dispenzas videos on healing from incurable injuries. I am wanting to do that sort of thing sínce YEARSt hindered by external malevolence and sabotage, abuse. With traumatized Aspergers and 22 years of stress insomnia etc, I don't know hosw I shall solve it It seems they demand me to be super human, although not even they could function well withoput their sleep and under constant fear, terror, deceptions, under-mining measure. Not even a machine can work without rest, did you know ? So i have no further image to give for comparison. I thought about and reseacrhed evil. CAme to the conclusion, unwhole people without a longing for truth , goodness and healing themeselve, can be against it in others. They hate vulnerability and weakness, exposure, since it subconsciously reminds them of their own weakness as human beings, their own powerlessness, lack of control and of their mortality. Just as some can be jealous of one's abilities, good qualities etc, because it shows them some shadow, inability contrast to themselves. Forgetting that I may have dark difficlult things beside my gifts which they have no idea about. There is no reason to be jealous of me. I see you have a critique of Prof Peterson; one good one is about meeting and working through one's shadow. HAve you worked with that? I couldn't meet mine the once I tried, only mu True self, which was wonderful. I think my stress and weakness, traumatization , sleep need was too great for me to stand seeing my Shadow. I'll have another go later. Warmth and best wishes to you, and take care of yourself.
Wow. Thank you so very much for opening up this way to us, who are already grateful to you for your work and for so generously making your teaching videos available - to anyone, any time. The clarity, patience and calm of the way they are presented is healing all by itself. ... I would say that I'm sorry for the suffering you went through, and for the part of it that is still with you today. And how could anyone not feel sympathy for such an ordeal? But the good that's come out of it, through your hard work (in so many ways, and for such a long time) has turned it into 'gold', for all if us who need and find it. "Thank you" seems inadequate; but what else is there to say?
“You’ll never defeat this with hate.” You said you didn’t know what the Dr meant but I think I do. When people are cruel, I have a tendency to have such overwhelming emotions of despair, that I can feel hatred consume me. He was cautioning you to not allow that to happen to you. Why? It is a constant struggle not to let that hatred take over in the form of rumination and rage. These manifestations of hatred are debilitating (as you witness in your field). I know first hand and I still am trying to learn how to deal with them. You have certainly followed that advice without even realizing what he was saying: by helping thousands to millions of other people who follow your channel to defeat the scourge of hate that often occurs in people who suffer from mental health issues. And he knew a mental health issue could occur as a result of the way people might treat you. There was a greater danger in the emotional pain you might feel than the physical you had ahead. At the root of all hatred is pain. You really can’t defeat emotional suffering with hatred. It only fuels it. And when that happens, the cycle is difficult to break because people don’t know how. You are helping us find other ways to cope with our suffering. Thank you Dr Grande!
Yes, people who feel great hatred have often suffered great pain in orthey have been taught to hate certainpeople, ideas etc because something hurtful was done to some oftheir family, tribe, ethnic group generations before and so they perpetuate the hatred, with no rational reason. I once met an old Irish convicts descended Australian family. They were goodpeople but they had this almost pathological hatred of police and the government, which isnot uncommon among Australian working class people. I am of European background, so I found this attitude incomprehensible, as the cops or the government hadnot done any specific thing to these people that I thought might give them reason to hate them. They simply hated them because of what they stood for. I avoided the subjects of "authority". It waspointless discussing this topic because their minds were so made up, fixed, rigid. But they kept wanting to discuss it and know my views on cops and government etc. I just shrugged my shoulders and replied that I guess they are there to just do their jobs, maintain law and order, run the country properly and so on. This only infuriated them further. Then their daughter walked in towardscend of herlast week of High School and they demanded to know ehen she was ever going to find a proper man to settle down eith, start a family, get off their hands etc because they were sick of so much work supporting useless kids. "Never" she replied "Well, you'll have get your own worm... What are you going to do for a crust, apart fromnot wash out your knicker?" her father asked snd got a dirty lookfromhis annoyed wife. "I'gonna trainto be a cop and rescue babies in distress"the daughter replied "What!?!" her parents shouted. "No kid of mine is ever going to be a cop,no way... They wouldn't want you,anyway... Do you have any idea what cops actually do? Book prople for speeding, gine eople, th5ow them inthe slammer, standin the middle of the street waving their arms around like crazy lunatics but if we did that, they arrest us and throw us in jail or the Looney Bin...Choose a real job, real work! " they ordered her. But, she was adamant she wanted to be a cop and rescue abusedchildren indomestic violence scenarios and, of a weekend, she could be found scaling walls and jumping fences etc carrying a weight and running. "WTF do you think you're doing, you deranged silly bitch" her father would yell at her and she relied "Practising saving abused kids in distress"she replied,not realising that she herself was also being subjected to a form of parental emotional abuse. It just didn't register as abusive parental behaviour because that's all she had ever know, so it was "justnormal mum and dad" typebehaviour. But, to me, an outsider there, such irrational hatred of cops, government, authority for no reason just made no sense. Until one day, the Ptotestant, conservative, more rational side of that familwere tryinghave apeaceful Christmas dinner with the radical Catholic side with all these hatred of authority ideas and a discussion about jistory started, which ended in amassive familybrawl. I then understood why the Irish Catholic side were so anti police and authority. This hatredwent back many generations and it related to politics back in the UK. There wasnothing I could do about such intense hatred and I did not wish 6o become involved in it. But, oneday, I was out with the Irish Catholic mother and I and hersndothers werediscussing politics and religion andhow bad it got in Ireland. "Well, they're all the same, all Irish to us here in Australia...As far as we're concerned... Don't look no different to us. All Christians, except for pagans and infidels...." an Aussie country woman commented and it set the Irish Catholic lady off on another hate filled tirade. "No, they are not. There is us and there is them... They treated our people so badly, they oppressed us... Wenearly all died of famine..." And on and on it went. We tried to change the subject but it was pointless. She felt this intense hatred because of all the pain her ancestors had suffered and it kept reverbating through the generations to the present. I don't know how this type of "historical hate" can be neutralise. A versionof it exists with the people grom countries, like in Africa, who were once colonies of empires, like the British or slaves in the US.All the hurt and paintheir ancestors suffered is still felt today and no amount of financial compensation can make it go away. Norcan overly caring,politicallycorrect behaviour some show towards such people, which can appear very patronising. Maybe just say a very genuine, profound, heartfelt public "Sorry" and then try and treat them just like ordinary people, like everybody else, perhaps... If I was a descendant os black slaves or some poor colonial working for slave wages on some white master's plantation, I would prefer that, I think. And then just move onwith my life, forget all this past abuse. Just be treated like everybody else. Not superior, not inferior, just normal and ordinary. Just one of the run of the mill citizens. Expecting no preferential treatment, but no unfair, discrimminatory treatment, either.
Annemarie May that was perceptive of you to notice the people’s behavior in your experience was from a very long line of pain that occurred at the hands of those who abused authority. It’s almost an expected reaction when people have been treated that way. And it gets perpetuated through generations.
You have definitely found your calling. Your education, objectivity, insight, obvious care for others, and willingness to be vulnerable with your own experience, which did fit with the added message of not living in hate. You can relate. You get it. I wish you were my therapist but I'm eternally grateful that with your platform, you are reaching, helping, saving, myriads of people. I use my history as fuel for positive. I try to be the one I needed growing up, for others. A million times thank you Dr. Grande.
Pain is an unspoken language only understood by those who share it Thank you Dr. I have PTSD and I am enrolled in psychology. I have struggled to keep up with my studies. Your video today has helped me remember how important my goal is and that I have to keep going. I’ve worked really hard at my studies only to have the disorder interfere. Often that is to do with my struggles around relationships that are affected by stigma. I have thought it is too hard. It’s not fair. But I’ll keep going..thank you
Leah, I have the same issues with my school work. All of my classes bring up the baggage from my childhood and from being married to a narcissist for 23 years. Thankfully I have an amazing therapist who goes the extra mile to help me on my journey to recovery. He calls my classes "fertile learning experiences." Stick with your plan, don't allow your limitations to stop you, and above all else, be good to yourself.
Keep at it. I have PTSD as well I understand all too well people don't understand. I try to anticipate because I know they'll be an episode or something that will set it off so I try to prepare I work with the public it's very hard
I appreciate your self-disclosure here. As someone who has always walked with a slight limp due to a brain injury at birth and subsequent surgery, I’ve let it be my biggest insecurity and assumed everyone would judge before they do, and that’s probably not the best way to respond, either.
I have a friend who has a very heavy limp. My impression is that he is friends with everyone. I have known him for about a decade. Recently it struck me that I don't think I have ever asked him why he limps. Now that I'm older, I think it might be Polio. My point is that obviously people immediately notice that he's limping, but the focus immediately switches to his personality when they talk to him.
As an Introvert suffering from life long major depression, I never thought of myself having super powers before. I am observant, quite and empathetic towards others like me. I always thought of my awkwardness and anxiety as drawbacks, maybe not. Yin-Yang flipping a negative to a positive. Eye opening Doc. 👍🏻
I've known with b.p.d., I can pick up cues and essentially read what people are up to, regardless of them attempting at coercing lol... Then again I've probably endured emotional torment Very few have ever survived, but luckily I've known for every curse somewhere there is a hidden blessing, sooner or later at least.... Extremely hard to believe, but again the emotions/ inner mind is where most of the issues are anyways xD
Sounds to me like you've got outstanding qualities as well as self awareness and humility. We are all frail and fragile human beings in one way or another but sometimes our failings are our strength and confirm our humanity. Hang on in there.
Thank you Dr Grande for sharing your car accident story. At 26 in the spring of 1978, I had a motorcycle wreck, and this resulted in a near fatal head injury. This injury left me in I C U and unconscious for two weeks. Your experiences coming back around and mine were the same. First just flashes of things that are remembered later, then more and more. After coming back around, I laid flat on my back in the hospital for the next two weeks and thought about my life and how stupid I had been! The result of this soul searching was that my drunken wreck straightened me out. I stopped drinking and tried to be a better more productive person. It took about a year to fully recover. Over the years if anyone asked about my wreck, I say it was the "Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me". That gets lots of funny looks but questions. I just say that the wreck straightened me out. No Personality Disorder for me, but ever since then I have not been too quick to judge people and their actions or personality or physical abilities or inabilities !! Thanks Again for all your insight that helps us understand and maybe aid our fellow man!!!
I’m so sorry at what you went through Dr Grande. At 17 I was dx with Ankylosing Spondylitis and yes, I limp too, and if flaring I can barely walk; people stare and sometimes tell me positive thinking will cure me etc etc etc. But like with mental disorders I think there’s a lesson in disability, exactly as you say - a super power of understanding is gained. Thing is, many mental disorders are chemically based, or abuse based, but they’re all disabilities. Suffering is suffering. Thank you for sharing something about you, it totally resonated for me to understand your video. Please don’t stop your great work on here!
Beautifully said, Dr. Grande. How generous of you to have shared your story. I am happy you survived your accident at 17 and hope you are having a wonderful life.
I'm late to comment, but I wanted to say that as the daughter of a wise, kind, disabled father I found your personal anecdote very moving and also familiar. I know now where my father was coming from when he gave me the advice that has stayed with me all my life. I was upset at being bullied by kids at school because my father and brothers were disabled - mostly upset because I knew how wonderful they were and the kids were judging them for something that they had no control over. My father told me to always remember: No one you will ever meet is better than you are - and you are no better than they are, either. Both halves of that statement have guided me my entire life. Thank you.
Thank you, Dr. Grande. I suffer from depression and anxiety. My life hasn’t been easy, but thanks to medications I’ve able to work hard, put my daughter through college and save up for retirement although I’m only 49. Some of my friends tell me “why do you take medications, it’s all chemicals, you should try to think positively and meditate”. These comments upset me a lot. They don’t understand that without the proper meds I might kill myself. Things can look so good on the outside, but they don’t understand the everyday struggle of even getting out of bed. It was nice to hear your comforting words. Thank you for being there for us. 🙏🏻
This touched me deeply. I have Tourette’s and have faced the problem of the jobs I couldn’t get, closed opportunities. My older sister advised me to not dwell in my failures. I was very athletic, but that ended at age 30 when I had knee injuries and surgeries that left never being able to run again. I’ve two failed marriages, but the third is over twenty years and is wonderful. I’m a CPA licensed in two states, MS Tax and protecting people from IRS is my business, and I’m good at it. I find the IRS personnel very helpful and professional. I had two instances of sepsis, then severe sepsis, then septic shock. I understand being hospitalized for a week at a time, bits of awareness, small important memories. My daughter drove from Utah to see me and I only remembered it because of the stuffed dog she left me. We’ve raised eleven children. We watch your videos with great interest, and now that I’ve seen this video, I understand a lot more about you. My wife is quite introverted. I asked her if your place on the introversion scale is obvious, and she said yes, you are quite introverted. That’s a good thing and well understood here.
I had some very traumatic experiences as a child that later on made me have severe anxiety to an extreme level .I found a way to help myself through creating music and doing research in science .And I always evolve through time the stigma has contributed to it creativity is my defense mechanism .Thank you for this video
You’re really on a whole new level. I really look up to you for not only your logical ability, but your ability to just understand others on a more fundamental level. Like, wow.
That surgeon was a God-send :). I'm so glad he took time to invest in patient's lives as he did - wow. I'm so glad you listened to him & learned, developed your character which is clearly just as he said you could achieve. You're a God-send now too :). Thank you for sharing this - very special.
Wow, Dr Grande, wow. What a great video--maybe your best. I really got a LOT out of the story you shared; that you were able at such a young age to understand a concept as complex as irrational anger/hatred is inspiring. I often feel like I'm missing some unknown essential part of "self" that so many others seem to possess. I know my BPD colors my view of what's "normal"; but to hear you talk about your experience with someone else's baseless feelings towards you--and how you were able to just work that out and ACCEPT her callousness is amazing to me. Thank you for sharing something so personal for our benefit.
I’ve watched this a few times doc, it’s a good reminder for anyone dealing with chronic pain that we can thrive, it’s just takes a bit more effort and a lot of self-compassion 💕
I loved hearing your personal story! I think this is the first video when you actually talked about your own experiences. As someone who watches your videos regularly, I really like knowing more about you and understanding where you're coming from. You are a font of knowledge and while scientific research and peer-reviewed studies are key in understanding mental health topics, your personal observations and experiences are also very valuable! I hope you'll speak more about your experiences and opinions! Your story was a wonderful parable, and I'm glad you told it. Personally I have CPTSD. It's been a rough road. However, the insight I have gained through having to cope with the process, and understanding the nature of the severely disturbed person who brought this trauma on, has given me a new perspective on humanity. I'm actually even more confident about my ability to read people after learning so much about predatory behavior, I am determined to learn from my experience and never let what happened to me before, happen again. I also have been able to help others who may be going through similar relationships resolve questions or struggles and sort out the motivations of potentially toxic people in their lives. I'll never see the world the same way and my life is so much more screwed up than it was before. Sometimes having this insight makes it difficult to relate to others because they don't have the same level of understanding. But it's been a gift and a curse!
Thank you so much! You make such an interesting point about insight making it challenging to relate to people. In the mental health community, we value insight so much, I wonder if we have ever considered that it could have a downside in certain dimensions.
Thank you Dr. Grande for your feedback. I am an empath (who many are also sufferers of CPTSD because we make excellent targets). I often think of Anthony Bourdain and why he committed suicide. I don't believe he was truly depressed. I think he saw a darker side of humanity, and as an empath made it difficult to relate to others who hadn't had the same kinds of experiences. These things change you. They did me! I've spoken to people who knew Bourdain about my conjecture. Nobody has disagreed. Empaths have tremendous insight, and others whom I know, say it's a blessing and a curse. In a society that rewards psychopathic behavior, its difficult to be empathetic- especially in cutthroat environments - such as the one I work in. With so much talk about psychopathy, I'd love to hear more about empathy and perhaps some of the mental conditions commonly seen in them (such as CPTSD) and discuss how insight can be isolating and possibly present additional mental health challenges.
Dr. Grande, I have never before seen a video like this. I always love your calm, non-judgmental, rational videos, which have helped me understand myself immensely. Many other videos about mental disorders seem to come from a place of negativity, describing them in the language of weakness, lack, and pity. Yours is the first video I have seen that gives me hope that there is a silver lining in this, especially because I think in society today, empathy is in such short supply. Thank you for this.
Dr. Grande, thank you for sharing. I went through a similar situation at the end of 2005, I lost my voice and ability to walk. I wasn't that fortunate to have a doctor to tell me in that I had to prove myself to be better and work harder than others to fight the stigma. I learned it through all these years, I experienced discrimination and bullying. Right now, I talk with some difficulties, I walk and even drive. Also, I'll graduate, God willing, at the end of the year from a master in social work. I was looking into the psychodynamic therapy, and I found this video. Honestly, I value a lot your insight, and I think the best way to identify with our clients is by being honest and showing our human side, care and compassion. Thank you, Luisa F. Kim
I never thought I would actually cry over a Dr. Grande video but this one went straight to my heart. When I was 14 I found my Mother's murdered body. I had no other family members so I was in the foster care system. I was not treated very well and was sexually abused by one of my foster parents. At 15 I had enough of that and went on to petition for my emancipation and become independent. I finished High School and went on to College where I completed my BA in Music performance and BS in education. I was diagnosed with PTSD and bi-polar disorder in my mid 20s. I have been a professional musician an educator for 30 years. I am a very good teacher (not being arrogant) because I love working with young people and I am extremely intuitive and creative in my approach to individual learning. I have often wondered how successful I would have been in life if none of those watershed moments had ever occurred. I have often not been forthcoming about my mental illness because I found out early that there is a stigma and even a certain degree of wariness associated with it. I only relate this because I have often wondered "why" I had to be like I was and tonight my question was finally answered. Thank you Dr. Grande and blessings to anyone out there who has, or still does, suffer a mental illness.
I had a motor vehicle accident 5 years ago too still have pain in my shoulder and leg all the time but being in pain makes you understand people's pain and empathize more than you would have if you were completely healthy I think God wanted us to be kind and more empath that we already were by puting us through everything painful to reach the ultimate level of humanity and make us better people thank you for sharing your story with us you are the best doctor ever kind and most importantly human with a golden heart God bless you for helping us out through this channel hope you all happiness and luck in your life ❤
I have BPD and I definitely have turned my disorder into a power of sorts. I have a great deal of empathy naturally, and my BPD allows me to pick up on the more hidden moods someone has and understand them on a more fundamental level. It allows me to feel what the other person is feeling in a much more somatic way that you would normally with empathy. I use it to the betterment of those around me. I have a lot of people telling me that I would make a great therapist, but I have to disagree with them there. I would get too involved with the people I am trying to teach. I'll just keep trying to help one person at a time view the world in a new and exciting way as I go through life.
As someone who struggles with a few comorbidities .... thank you 🙏🏼 We’re not demons 😢 I was hospitalized for mental health support this year and it’s astounding people’s reactions. You tell them one thing about yourself, they tell you everything you need to know about them
Oh we are demons. People are right. Where they make the mistake is assuming they are angels. They are just like us, just more judgmental and less self aware
Love your positive approach to disorders that can cause both the people with them and the people around them to come completely unglued. I'm so sorry you had to learn what was ultimately a valuable life lesson for you at the hands of an extremely thoughtless medical "professional" and also that the surgeon and his awesome advice in some way made up for her...great video, as always...
The young nurse saw unpleasant changes which could happen to her, or disability which will come with age or death itself. She did not like the potential for change. These potential changes were what motivated Siddhartha Gautama who became the Buddha on his journey of enlightenment. One basic premise of Buddhism is that everything changes but we are attached to the status quo and that attachment causes suffering. Ironically, the more life expectancy has increased, the greater our fear of death. The more optimistic we have become, the angrier we are have become, because optimism is basically a delusion, one which is reinforced by culture and one which collides with reality. We have an increasing cycle of hysterias, left and right, arising from an excess of optimism.
Yes. That was one young woman who was in the wrong profession to say the least. As a nurse myself, I find people like that a true embarrassment to the profession. I do hope -- for her patients' sake -- she left nursing and moved into work that didn't bring her into contact with humans. Dr. Grande -- even at that young age -- was able to turn a really negative encounter into a positive experience. Kudos!
Man, this is my favorite video of yours. I had a brief psychotic disorder a couple years ago that lasted a full hellish month, and it's true to say that my episode granted me the "superpower" of which you speak. I feel incredibly lucky to have attained such a depth of understanding from a transient and ultimately inconsequential event in my life. Mental illness is a realm of human experience that's practically impossible to fathom unless it's happened to you personally, so I'm not sure what the solution to the "stigma" might be. It really is unfortunate.
So very sorry you suffered. You have so many people who appreciate your insight understanding & knowledge I too have had to try to overcome many disabilities. People can be hateful
Thank you for sharing your personal story. My 17 year old son was hospitalized in August and it was serious organ failure, he was not responding treatment and it took 5 days to find the cause, during the tests and specialists other diseases were found that are life long. My son at 17 was heartbroken his body was failing him. One of the doctors told him better you learn this at 17 and can treat it preventable now and for your life, most people only find out after it's too late. That comment was a lifeline to him. yes there were nurses and doctors who's comments were thoughtless and hurtful. He will be ok and am glad you are, too. Thank you, Dr Grande. You inspire me. ❤
wisdom that people don't actually judge your personalliy but the traits/symptoms, wich you have no control over, and therefore, eventhough they might think that you and the traits are the same, you know that the traits and you as a person, are different. The fact that they can't see that and you can is weird, yet it can be empowering to know it's not out of hate or loathing they have this belief but from ignorance, and that can be forgiven. thanks again for your rationallity and wisdom, truely sorry to her what happened to you, but glad to hear you turned it into af form of gold.
Really powerful, wow. As someone who struggles with chronic pain and disability, as well as mental health struggles, your personal story and connection to the stigma really touched me. It brought me to a whole new level of appreciation for this channel. It shouldn't matter to me rationally, but it does somehow seem to matter that you care about the stigma and are perplexed by it. It means a lot. 👍🏻
As someone with chronic pain and disability I really think that what you shared about your personal experience and how you let it influence your personality was uplifting.
I think you actually did this topic justice. There's been this.. well.. some people that want to romanticize mental illness but when put near someone that actually has these issues, they look away in disgust and see them as 'lower'. Others that saw the person that romanticized it go for what they, and that person, wants to believe these illnesses are instead of the truth to them. Someone with actual issues ends up being called a faker and doing it only for attention when it's the people that romanticize it for whatever sick, selfish reasons that really are. ... but nobody really sees or even wants to really see who or what they claim they do. Us trying to be out there and not feeling so afraid or pushed away for what we've been through that makes these people see us as broken and useless. It may seem like we do get some more positive traits for having been through so much like in the past... but I question even that sometimes when it comes to mind. I wish I never went through so much in the first place. Sure, I've changed as a person from it but.... being or feeling alone, talked down to, trash talked, harassed.. all manner of things... I don't feel like it's worth it if I can barely take care of myself ( physically or mentally ).
your story is highly emotional i felt tears in my eyes you are an epitome of perfection and exceptionalism thank you for your courage to overcome obstacles and achieve your dream to be a doctor lots of pride and appreciation from me to you dr grande you are such an inspiration you inspire me to study more and love education more thank you again for dedicating your time efforts and energy for your clients
This was a great one. I learned a lot about you here and I I agree with you about having these experiences giving you a different perspective and insight. I think the way we learn from them is everything. It’s so good to hear people who treat people with mental illness explain the automatic struggle it brings.
When I have come home from a stay in the psychiatric hospital no one has ever brought me a casserole. Or a get well card, or flowers. Even friends who are nurses have not addressed it at all. When I had my gallbladder surgically removed cards, flowers, food and even a stuffed animal. Yep a stigma. My husband has added also that people just don't know what to say or do. Such a good video Dr. Grande. Thank you.
This insight is truly powerful and by gifting those without mental illnesses with your perspective, I believe you’ve done a compassionate and immense service for those suffering not only from the symptoms of mental illness, but the negative stigma attached. Thank you for this opportunity to expand compassion.
You chose the right words. I'm suffering from organic insomnia and depression gradus moderati. Nobody understands the way I feel. Not even my family. Your videos make me feel better. Thank you, dr. Grande, thank you.
Dr. Grande, thank you for being the light in the world. In Dari language there is a saying "adab ra az kee amokhtee? Az be adaban" means "who did you learn manners from? From ill-mannered people". Ignorance is a disability of mind where one can't connect with feelings of others. It's shocking how insensitive people can be, but minds like yours is a guide and light in this messy world of ours. Humanity is somewhat lost and the condition is getting worst with population growth. Ppl who are ignorant, they are guaranteed suffering. Thanks for being there and for untangling and shedding light on the human mind for us so that we are "less ignorant". I don't know if ultimately and eternal human enlightenment is possible but making the world less ignorant suffices for me. You are the manual to humanity that we didn't come with, but very much need. Much Love
Hello Dr. Grande-I was very moved by your story and very appreciative that you chose to share it. It was telling to me, how you absorbed what was going on around you at a young age. Being hospitalized with major injuries and taking in what this wise doctor was passing on to you while also recognizing how the ignorant comment spoken by the other person fit into the doctor's narrative. I think you did exactly what you spoke of, taking something painful and traumatic and making something positive out of it. Hats off to you!
I am open and honest about having mental disorders, because I realized that my openness has helped other people. I never want someone to feel alone, even when I almost always do.
Dr. Grande thank you for uploading. I appreciate that you use your platform to disseminate research and break down stigma for those without a voice. This was an outstanding display of vulnerability and courage, and while I may not always agree with some of your theorizing, your channel has my respect and support
It was indeed an uplifting story Doc. Thank you for sharing. I knew there was a reason your videos, messages and mannerisms resonate with me and so many others. Please continue doing the valued work you are doing. You are truly appreciated!✊🏽
Thanks for sharing your life experience with your subscribers. You seem like an understanding and caring person. You are quite compassionate when discussing these mental health topics. ❤
Great video Dr. Grande. It is nice to hear your personal story. It’s hard going through life with people always looking down on you. It’s so refinishing knowing there are people like you that do not sum up someone’s self worth by their disability. You are a gift not only to the mental health field.. but to the world. If only there were more people like you. My disability had hindered me greatly growing up. It robbed me of so much. At one point I thought there was nothing left for me. However I pushed through the hopeless and pain and have achieved great things. Im married have a business and a handsome 11 year old son. I had to struggle 5 times as hard as others.. but it made my victory that much better. I love reading the comments knowing I’m not alone. Keep up the great work. You are an inspiration.
With that one story, you summarized the purpose of life and why it has to be so hard sometimes. You really get it. I have a young son with a limp. He is not able to run or jump. He has a lot of pain, has had two surgeries, and will need a third. Another member of my immediate family lost her leg in a motorcycle accident five years ago. She still struggles. Suffice it to say, your story personally resonated with me. Thank you for sharing your story. Now, I will have to watch all of your videos because this one was so good! Thank you for being real! Also, you are better than average. You are one of the best of us.
I love your anecdote and overall narrative on the benefits of having a mental disorder. So often, many medical professionals zone in on the disadvantages of having a mental disorder. Oddly enough, we had similar aspirations around the same age...it's funny how that works.
Dr. Grande I'm sorry you had to go through what you did, that terrible accident and some people's attitudes, but you came out on top because of your kindness and caring for people. You're a class act! Anyone, including myself, who finds your channel is blessed
Thank you for your personal story, Dr Grande. The first thought I had was that I hope your pain will go away one day because it wouldn't be fair for such a empathetic person to be in pain all the time. Thank you for all your understanding and compassion and your mind-opening videos.
Dr. G holy shit - you've blown me away. NHS put me on wait list for psychodynamic last week, about a year wait, I told the assessor about your videos and said she should watch them - this one blew me away more than you usually do. I think it was the admission of common ground. I knew you'd suffered in some way in your life - people just don't develop the way you have without experiencing severe adversity, not in my experience anyway. Thanks for doing all this work and building the channel in this way - you really are a role model.
Thanks for this video. It can be really difficult to stay positive when bombarded by such negativity over the way my brain works, from internal and external sources. This helped, and thanks for sharing your personal experience.
It was very cool to hear a personal story from Dr. Grande and get a little bit of a sense of who he really is as a person besides extremely intelligent and incredible at what he does. He is definitely a person I would want to have in my everyday life because he always seems to be his very best self that he can be while also making others feel that they can too, no matter what. The world needs more like him.
Dear Dr. Grande, This almost brought tears to my eyes - I am ofcause trying my Best to be reasonable:). This is so profound - and is something that really can change perspectives for those of us (and others) who live with mental issues. Thank you, also, for Sharing your personal story.
What a gift that ICU doctor gave you as a young, impressionable, injured man. What a gift you are sharing it’s so many here. It’s really very meaningful and touching and bringing me to tears. Thank you for speaking from your heart about your experience.
Thank you for sharing your story. It will help a lot of people who go through injuries and other challenges to see what they might be able to do it their adversity.
Tod, I think this was a beautiful lecture. You covered a deep subject laconically. Many people would have done a diatribe of " I did it my way" sort of bragging. You seem to be at perfect peace. Bravo.
Dr. Grande, I believe I have watched nearly 100 of your videos. I guess that makes me a fan. This video was different. I know you said it wasn't uplifting but, I disagree. I found it very uplifting & inspirational. Thank you for sharing a part of your history that made you who you are. I cried. Thank you for showing us how to see our superpowers when we may feel all is lost. You have helped so many people through this format ... You don't even know. Thank you.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this empowered and motivated. Your story and what you’ve said had me glued to the screen. Thank you so much Dr. Grande.
Dr Grande! You're my idole. Such an intelligent and nice person. If only I had a therapist like you. Happy to get to take some part in your thoughts by this youtube channel anyway. Thank you for an awsome work.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is nice when someone can empathize with you. It is sad when people discriminate against people with disabilities or other differences. Would you consider doing a video about age discrimination? I feel it’s becoming an epidemic.
That’s real. Dealt with age discrimination a lot in the Marine Corps. Then, they turn around wandering why you’re not helping as much. Who needs help from an old man, right? Makes you bitter.
I'm 75 and still working full time. I went through a couple years of hatred because I was still working and not retired and no one could understand why? It seems the younger people don't want to be reminded of their future.... After they got over me being there and having no desire to leave they started to see a different side of the equation as I joyfully continued in my occupation. Finally they begin to blur the age difference and I was able then to be a value to them because of my kindness and experience. Most have not enjoyed the grand relationship of a loving grandmother and grandfather much less mother and father. I can help to fill in what is missing like the puzzle piece that fell on the floor and was discovered later. I think if we value ourselves then others tend to value us also and if we can laugh at hardship and overcome our perception of their hatred for us which is, when more closely inspected, not hatred but curiosity. Others may want to take us down like old statues but others want us to remain standing for the old and traditional values.
Wow! That's some story Dr. Grande… I'm speechless I really don't know what to comment. Other than it is really lovely how you used your own experience, to empathize with others. Now we know how someone can be so understanding. Thank you for sharing That was really touching
Thank you Dr Grande for all you do to try to explain these conditions in detail. I have been being treated for bipolar for many years with mainly medications. They never stopped my drug usage or explained why I have been in many relationships that never worked out. When I found your videos and you gave the symptoms of borderline disorder a huge light came on. The doctors called my episodes being a rapid cycler. No, it has been borderline all this time. I have a new understanding of myself, despite being discouraged to learn that I am not my own person, but a victim of a disorder that has affected my entire life. Had I known this I could have, at least, spared myself and others the chaos of my dramatic abandonment issues. I could never understand how people could just break up with each other. To me, it felt like death and was just awful. The old come here, go away cycle. At those times my heart was just cold to them, then they would leave and I would go crazy until I practically forced them to come back. Just to do it again. It has been a pretty rough life. Please continue to make these videos. They really do help people.
@betty muhlhauser Is it true that in the United States a psychiatrist needs to diagnose you at the first visit? For insurance purposes? I was just diagnosed bipolar but the psychiatrist here saw me 3 times over a 2-month period so that made me really happy that he took the time to get to know me a bit better. And he refused to give me any drugs! I was actually disappointed but he says I've developed a lifetime of coping mechanisms and the drugs can be so harmful with all the side effects. Unfortunately, many of us come from very abusive childhoods/toxic families and we get drawn into bad relationships with the wrong people. Learn to love yourself and take care of yourself first and better than anyone else ever could. Then you will be much stronger in a partnership with someone else. Self-care is the key. Lots of videos about that on RUclips.
Don't forget about the stupid nurse stories: recovering a few months ago from a major heart atack, after I'd used the bedpan a nurse offered me some wipes for my "wee wee". I wouldn't use that expression to a child, and I'm 74! Don't start me on the stupid doctor stories, but you won't hear any stupid ambo/paramedic stories from me: they've saved my life 4 times now.
@@ElizabethWatfordasu Your story reminded me of when I had my appendectomy, and my highschool/college girlfriends father had his appendectomy. The story always makes me laugh. They are the same story. So, like you I was having a really rough time for a couple days leading up to when I actually went to the hospital and had surgery. For a week preceding this, my gf's father had been complaining his stomach was sore, and was drinking Pepto like it was rootbeer. We are both from Hawaii, where Spam is a staple. As I got sicker, my gf and her mom thought I had contracted a stomach bug from the father. When things got really painful, we would eat spam, because it helped quell the pain. After a couple days, I had to go the hospital. They gave me an ultrasound, scheduled me for surgery, it went off without a hitch, and I woke up a day later. The partition was drawn, but I woke up because I heard a familiar voice. I knew it to be my gf's father. I called out to her, assuming she was there, but he said, "nope, sorry. Just me." I asked what he was doing there, and he said, "I thought my stomach thing would pass, but it got worse, and I spent a night in the bathroom. In the morning, they brought me here. I have to get my appendix removed in the morning." "You're nowhere near where I was when I came in. How are you so chill?", I said. He responded, "you know all the spam? Well, since I'm so much older then you, I've had alot more. All the cholesterol formed around my appendix, which burst, but the hardened blob of cholesterol contained it. Spam saved my life." I still love it, but I don't eat as much. I don't know about him, but I suspect he swears by the stuff, and will never stop.
Im on the Autistic Spectrum and this resonates with me. I was diagnosed all of 3 weeks ago. I've known I was different for some time now. I know that certain people will always treat me differently and it will be hard to get used to, but im just glad that I have my diagnosis. I love your videos anyway, I always learn something.
Honestly I've never met a person (that I got to know well) who didn't have symptoms to some degree of mental disorder. "Normal" people are probably just unexamined and undiagnosed. Everyone's got some neuroses and issues, never met someone who didn't. So the stigma is something I will happily point out is the stone to be cast by the one without sin. Show me someone perfectly formed and psychologically flawless... such a person might have the 'right' to look down on others. As it is, knowing what I now know about the vast majority of people who are imperfect, I don't look down on myself for my own issues, and I don't put other people on a higher pedestal than me because I have some. The stigma of diagnosed mental illness is bizarre when you can see the symptoms just about everywhere.
Normal people are unexamined and undiagnosed because they're not mentally ill. If they were truly mentally ill they would have been examined and diagnosed.
@@Chrisdvc26 lol so you think every single person who hasn’t been diagnosed doesn’t have any mental issues? You know that unless your a minor nobody can make you go to a counselor and get checked out. And even when one is a minor, not everyone’s parents or caregivers seek help for kids with obvious issues or they don’t understand that their child’s behavior is unhealthy. We don’t all get checked out but that doesn’t mean everyone who has a mental disorder has been diagnosed. There is Lots of people who do have mental issues and never seek help Because of those issues or because they don’t have medical care, or are drug users. And you know all the people with diagnosed mental disorders were not diagnosed at birth, so there was a point in the past where they were still undiagnosed but that doesn’t mean they didn’t have their disorder back then. Lots of people have issues and are going to be diagnosed in the future. What you’re describing would only be reality in a perfect world. That’s like saying all criminals are in jail. Obviously they aren’t or there would be no crime. Life isn’t a perfect system, get real.
@@bananabreadloaf I think I was exaggerating for effect. My point is that “most people” do not have a serious mental illness. That’s like saying “well, most people have cancer”. To quote the previous post, having “some neuroses and issues” is not at all the same as having a true mental illness. Of course everyone has some neuroses but only some people have issues that are so extreme that you would call it a disorder. I believe everyone on this earth would benefit from going to a therapist but that does not mean that everyone on this earth is mentally ill. By saying everyone is mentally ill you’re minimizing the struggles of people who actually have mental illness. It’s just a bit insulting.
I SINCERELY thank you for publicly & humbly sharing your personal experiences & insight. (Thank you for all of your videos!) Snippets like this one though, help to "humanize" professionals in the counselling/mental health field whom can sometimes come across as cold, detached, clinical, evaluating etc. If I may be so bold to offer constructive feedback regarding this video specifically, please consider substituting the first few words in your title/description to include "PERSONAL" experience/insight. Call it mere click bait if you will, but I honestly think it'll reach more people, more quickly (assuming that effect is desired!) Thank you again for all that you share :-)
I was very moved by this video. But I also feel like this profound sense of empathy, understanding, and advocacy, only comes when the mental disorder in question is being effectively treated. For me, being mentally ill has certainly made me a more understanding and thoughtful person, but with my struggles with interpersonal relationships, with my own security and self esteem, I don't think I've reached the level of empathy that is required to help other people. I feel like in the majority of situations, my mental illnesses take precedent over anything else, including others in need. I am still at the point where I feel a lack of attention, perhaps resources, or self assurances, which prevent me from wanting to help other people. I always say, in theory, I want to help others, in theory, I care deeply for others, but in practice, I am selfish, I am needy, insecure, and unfulfilled, and often, I will dismiss others in favor of myself. There was a point when I began college, that I thought about going into social work. In theory, I wanted to help others, the most vulnerable people, and considered that type of work to be very vital. In practice, I had no desire to do that work. Recently a professor asked me if I ever considered doing art therapy, because of my background with mental health issues. I told him that of course I had considered it, it sounds in theory that it would be ideal or great to do, but in practice, I know I just don't care that much about other people's problems. I'm far too fixated on my own struggles to invest (large amounts of) energy or pain in someone else, where I was getting little reward from it. I feel I understand and relate highly to certain niches of people, and maybe more generally with other people who share my illnesses. Autism for example, is something that I have and something that I relate strongly to with others. I have empathy with them, but mostly because I understand it myself. I try to have perspective on other peoples issues, but I usually always come back to how it relates to myself. I'm very ego-centric in that I seem to only be able to truly empathize when I relate their pain to my own. I feel this is normal, but because I have so much unresolved pain, an attempt to empathize with other's pain would trigger my own too strongly. I also think my self esteem is too weak right now to set aside myself and help others. No matter what good I may be doing or trying to do, I feel a sense of personal emptiness and failure. And sometimes, when I hear about other mentally ill people being super extra nice and friendly or whatnot, I feel guilty, because I am not that way. I lash out, I am defensive, and I sometimes don't bother to empathize. And I often feel like this is the difference between a "bad" person and a "good" person, even though those categories are impossible to measure. A good person manages their mental illness, and helps others going through the same thing. They are kind and good. A bad person resents their mental illness, and attacks others despite of them being mentally ill themselves or not, if they wrong them. They are an asshole and bad. So I feel like sometimes failing to have extra care and concern for people, because I know what it's like, worsens my feeling of shame about being mentally ill. My illness is controlling me too much, therefore I am weak and need to hide this weakness from others. I also just really don't trust other people. I've had some abuse, I have ptsd, a lot of rejection. So, yes, I understand those who are misfits and outcasts, but that wont stop me from rejecting them or anyone else who wrongs me somehow. In short, my mental illness has made me a worse person, not better. And when people try to console me, and they assume that I must be this open minded caring soul with a lot of empathy, I feel shame, because I am still struggling to function basically, let alone being open to others issues. So yeah, at this point, there is no superpower. if anything, the mental illnesses drain the superpowers I have just being a human being. They distort me or rather I let them distort me. And then mental illness once again becomes the stigmatized fucked up erratic person, who doesn't value themselves or others, and who should be avoided and forced to live out their miserable life alone. At least that is what multiple people across family, friends, and relations, have told me, as well as my own inner voice. Lmao just venting in the youtube comments section
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Dr. Grande. Much appreciated. It was an uplifting story actually. This was what I was taught growing up as a Black female in America. There will be hate and discrimination directed toward me for no legitimate reason. My mental strength and determination has served me well. I am now going to consider it my Super Power now. Thank you. I love all your videos but this is my new favorite.
Yes, it's so hard for others to understand mental health illnesses if they have never gone through it. My own family made it very hard for me when I found out I was having anxiety attacks, depression and then diagnosed with ptsd. I would be told just stop being anxious, stop worrying, you are lazy, you aren't depressed. It caused me to get worse fir awhile. Until I became an adult, and have a wonderful husband that understands, his mother has depression and anxiety so he understood. Thank you, so much for making these RUclips videos, it helps so much and I don't feel as alone.
Loss combined with insight can be the seeds of growth; for the self then for others to harvest. So, thanks for sharing. This leads me to ask the question - can a counselling session (of any/all varieties) truly be effective without the counsellor also giving a bit of self? it also demonstrates a conjecture I have always held; loss and gain walk hand-in-hand, like lovers (albeit not aways into the setting sun). BTW I love your channel - I stumbled here on a quest to understand more about narcissism in the workplace, and now I watch it all. Fascinating.
Kungfujoe, appreciate our solidarity in being able to read a room; its a hell-of-a way to trasnsform what was a learned patterning from a confused childhood (not knowing if your next move would result in kind calmness or an outraged ass whoopin) into an adulthood ability to intuit traces (anything erased leaves a trace) when performing architectural site analysis
This is a very candid presentation in my opinion. Dr Grande has many core skills. His weakest, though certainly not completely lacking, trait may be street smarts. This quality and ingredient puts the frosting on a top-notch counselor. It is nice to know Dr Grande is moving forth, too. He raises a great point about stigma. I have observed this type of hate myself, and experienced it. When I am in-between symptoms, I notice, for instance, I am greeted with many more welcomes. Yet, this is human nature, too. But the times where it is just raw hate can be overwhelming overwhelming. I, too, have tried to become a better man through this very difficult lesson. This is something that motivates me. I could say even more about this subject, yet for now, this is enough. Thank you Dr. Grande for being your best self, and sharing that while being vulnerable yourself. PS - Hopefully that nurse was never transferred to the psych ward. But you may have never really answered that doctor's statement if she would have not behaved like that?! A great irony. Kind of like your named plants: they grow in dirt!
You have surpassed average ability in your chosen profession in my honest opinion. I'm kinda jealous I dont have you as a therapist but I'm ok with just watching your videos.
100% same. But I feel it would be almost selfish to have him as a personal therapist when he can put out videos like this that help tens of thousands of people.
Or simply have both!
#DrGrandeisGrande
Great comment about being jealous of not being their therapist!
V V n
Agreed. I wish I could find someone this understanding and knowledgeable
You seem like a truly sincere and sweet person.
Daddy Grande. 💕
@@alwaysyouramanda IKR 😬
yes he is
I see him as more dry than sweet, but sincere surely! ;D
I absolutely believe this. (And I’ve never even met the man.. only fawned over him💞and his merch ❣️) 🙌😘 Dr. Big en español
"I know that's not a very uplifting story"
*Me, wiping tears from my eyes because of the inspirational story:* dude that was motivating as heck
Same here.. Whoa.. Much Respect Dr Grande❤️
Same
Same!
I didn't want to say so... but im balling my eyes out too.
Truly an amazing, uplilfting story.
I am so sorry you had to experience ableism! I am disabled too and it is true that the real struggles are not just the disability itself, but the stigma connected to it and how awful people can treat you. Thank you so much for opening up about this, it was really helpful and gave me hope, that as a disabled person I can accomplish things, not just "despite" my disability but also because of the empathy my disability has given me. Thank you for being such a good role model.
Dr.Grande this video was very helpful. I am touched by the way you opened up to us. You are very important in my therapy. You helped me so much to understand myself. I told my psychiatrist about you. I am sending you love. Thank you for everything.
That is so kind - thank you!
@Anne Descoteaux That's a great idea! I'm going to let my psychiatrist know about Dr. Grande, too. Love the science + fairness + balance, and I think she'd appreciate it too.
I shared Dr Grande's videos with my Therapist. I am not sure if he watched them, yet I think everyone can take away a lot of knowledge from Dr Grande's information.
@@DrGrande. Thanks for your balanced personal ingredient in this good video. I appreciate you even more for it.
How come i can't comment+ is it becauseI commented too many times on another video? Is there a limited number of comments wished? I tend to get stuck , carried away, and teh kind of compulsion and over-working that comes with exhaustion.
If you care for it, I recommend you Dr Joe Dispenzas videos on healing from incurable injuries. I am wanting to do that sort of thing sínce YEARSt hindered by external malevolence and sabotage, abuse. With traumatized Aspergers and 22 years of stress insomnia etc, I don't know hosw I shall solve it It seems they demand me to be super human, although not even they could function well withoput their sleep and under constant fear, terror, deceptions, under-mining measure. Not even a machine can work without rest, did you know ? So i have no further image to give for comparison. I thought about and reseacrhed evil. CAme to the conclusion, unwhole people without a longing for truth , goodness and healing themeselve, can be against it in others. They hate vulnerability and weakness, exposure, since it subconsciously reminds them of their own weakness as human beings, their own powerlessness, lack of control and of their mortality. Just as some can be jealous of one's abilities, good qualities etc, because it shows them some shadow, inability contrast to themselves. Forgetting that I may have dark difficlult things beside my gifts which they have no idea about. There is no reason to be jealous of me.
I see you have a critique of Prof Peterson; one good one is about meeting and working through one's shadow. HAve you worked with that? I couldn't meet mine the once I tried, only mu True self, which was wonderful. I think my stress and weakness, traumatization , sleep need was too great for me to stand seeing my Shadow. I'll have another go later. Warmth and best wishes to you, and take care of yourself.
Wow. Thank you so very much for opening up this way to us, who are already grateful to you for your work and for so generously making your teaching videos available - to anyone, any time. The clarity, patience and calm of the way they are presented is healing all by itself. ... I would say that I'm sorry for the suffering you went through, and for the part of it that is still with you today. And how could anyone not feel sympathy for such an ordeal? But the good that's come out of it, through your hard work (in so many ways, and for such a long time) has turned it into 'gold', for all if us who need and find it. "Thank you" seems inadequate; but what else is there to say?
I didn't think this would get so personal! Very big respect for daring sharing this with the world
“You’ll never defeat this with hate.” You said you didn’t know what the Dr meant but I think I do. When people are cruel, I have a tendency to have such overwhelming emotions of despair, that I can feel hatred consume me. He was cautioning you to not allow that to happen to you. Why? It is a constant struggle not to let that hatred take over in the form of rumination and rage. These manifestations of hatred are debilitating (as you witness in your field). I know first hand and I still am trying to learn how to deal with them. You have certainly followed that advice without even realizing what he was saying: by helping thousands to millions of other people who follow your channel to defeat the scourge of hate that often occurs in people who suffer from mental health issues. And he knew a mental health issue could occur as a result of the way people might treat you. There was a greater danger in the emotional pain you might feel than the physical you had ahead. At the root of all hatred is pain. You really can’t defeat emotional suffering with hatred. It only fuels it. And when that happens, the cycle is difficult to break because people don’t know how. You are helping us find other ways to cope with our suffering. Thank you Dr Grande!
A wonderful and very very helpful and encouraging response. Thank you!
Ruth Nelson thank you Ruth!
Yes, people who feel great hatred have often suffered great pain in orthey have been taught to hate certainpeople, ideas etc because something hurtful was done to some oftheir family, tribe, ethnic group generations before and so they perpetuate the hatred, with no rational reason. I once met an old Irish convicts descended Australian family. They were goodpeople but they had this almost pathological hatred of police and the government, which isnot uncommon among Australian working class people. I am of European background, so I found this attitude incomprehensible, as the cops or the government hadnot done any specific thing to these people that I thought might give them reason to hate them. They simply hated them because of what they stood for. I avoided the subjects of "authority". It waspointless discussing this topic because their minds were so made up, fixed, rigid. But they kept wanting to discuss it and know my views on cops and government etc. I just shrugged my shoulders and replied that I guess they are there to just do their jobs, maintain law and order, run the country properly and so on. This only infuriated them further. Then their daughter walked in towardscend of herlast week of High School and they demanded to know ehen she was ever going to find a proper man to settle down eith, start a family, get off their hands etc because they were sick of so much work supporting useless kids. "Never" she replied "Well, you'll have get your own worm... What are you going to do for a crust, apart fromnot wash out your knicker?" her father asked snd got a dirty lookfromhis annoyed wife. "I'gonna trainto be a cop and rescue babies in distress"the daughter replied "What!?!" her parents shouted. "No kid of mine is ever going to be a cop,no way... They wouldn't want you,anyway... Do you have any idea what cops actually do? Book prople for speeding, gine eople, th5ow them inthe slammer, standin the middle of the street waving their arms around like crazy lunatics but if we did that, they arrest us and throw us in jail or the Looney Bin...Choose a real job, real work! " they ordered her. But, she was adamant she wanted to be a cop and rescue abusedchildren indomestic violence scenarios and, of a weekend, she could be found scaling walls and jumping fences etc carrying a weight and running. "WTF do you think you're doing, you deranged silly bitch" her father would yell at her and she relied "Practising saving abused kids in distress"she replied,not realising that she herself was also being subjected to a form of parental emotional abuse. It just didn't register as abusive parental behaviour because that's all she had ever know, so it was "justnormal mum and dad" typebehaviour. But, to me, an outsider there, such irrational hatred of cops, government, authority for no reason just made no sense. Until one day, the Ptotestant, conservative, more rational side of that familwere tryinghave apeaceful Christmas dinner with the radical Catholic side with all these hatred of authority ideas and a discussion about jistory started, which ended in amassive familybrawl. I then understood why the Irish Catholic side were so anti police and authority. This hatredwent back many generations and it related to politics back in the UK. There wasnothing I could do about such intense hatred and I did not wish 6o become involved in it. But, oneday, I was out with the Irish Catholic mother and I and hersndothers werediscussing politics and religion andhow bad it got in Ireland. "Well, they're all the same, all Irish to us here in Australia...As far as we're concerned... Don't look no different to us. All Christians, except for pagans and infidels...." an Aussie country woman commented and it set the Irish Catholic lady off on another hate filled tirade. "No, they are not. There is us and there is them... They treated our people so badly, they oppressed us... Wenearly all died of famine..." And on and on it went. We tried to change the subject but it was pointless. She felt this intense hatred because of all the pain her ancestors had suffered and it kept reverbating through the generations to the present. I don't know how this type of "historical hate" can be neutralise. A versionof it exists with the people grom countries, like in Africa, who were once colonies of empires, like the British or slaves in the US.All the hurt and paintheir ancestors suffered is still felt today and no amount of financial compensation can make it go away. Norcan overly caring,politicallycorrect behaviour some show towards such people, which can appear very patronising. Maybe just say a very genuine, profound, heartfelt public "Sorry" and then try and treat them just like ordinary people, like everybody else, perhaps... If I was a descendant os black slaves or some poor colonial working for slave wages on some white master's plantation, I would prefer that, I think. And then just move onwith my life, forget all this past abuse. Just be treated like everybody else. Not superior, not inferior, just normal and ordinary. Just one of the run of the mill citizens. Expecting no preferential treatment, but no unfair, discrimminatory treatment, either.
Annemarie May that was perceptive of you to notice the people’s behavior in your experience was from a very long line of pain that occurred at the hands of those who abused authority. It’s almost an expected reaction when people have been treated that way. And it gets perpetuated through generations.
Paul Revere hi Paul! I do enjoy stoic and eastern philosophy. :) I was intrigued by your response. How so?
You have definitely found your calling. Your education, objectivity, insight, obvious care for others, and willingness to be vulnerable with your own experience, which did fit with the added message of not living in hate. You can relate. You get it. I wish you were my therapist but I'm eternally grateful that with your platform, you are reaching, helping, saving, myriads of people. I use my history as fuel for positive. I try to be the one I needed growing up, for others. A million times thank you Dr. Grande.
Pain is an unspoken language only understood by those who share it
Thank you Dr.
I have PTSD and I am enrolled in psychology. I have struggled to keep up with my studies. Your video today has helped me remember how important my goal is and that I have to keep going. I’ve worked really hard at my studies only to have the disorder interfere. Often that is to do with my struggles around relationships that are affected by stigma. I have thought it is too hard. It’s not fair. But I’ll keep going..thank you
You are quite welcome!
I will quote your first sentence. Succinct and spot on.
This is a wonderful, very poetic and concise answer. I would add that pain is a mystery, an initiation to humanness.
Leah, I have the same issues with my school work. All of my classes bring up the baggage from my childhood and from being married to a narcissist for 23 years. Thankfully I have an amazing therapist who goes the extra mile to help me on my journey to recovery. He calls my classes "fertile learning experiences."
Stick with your plan, don't allow your limitations to stop you, and above all else, be good to yourself.
Keep at it. I have PTSD as well I understand all too well people don't understand. I try to anticipate because I know they'll be an episode or something that will set it off so I try to prepare I work with the public it's very hard
I appreciate your self-disclosure here. As someone who has always walked with a slight limp due to a brain injury at birth and subsequent surgery, I’ve let it be my biggest insecurity and assumed everyone would judge before they do, and that’s probably not the best way to respond, either.
I have a friend who has a very heavy limp. My impression is that he is friends with everyone. I have known him for about a decade.
Recently it struck me that I don't think I have ever asked him why he limps. Now that I'm older, I think it might be Polio.
My point is that obviously people immediately notice that he's limping, but the focus immediately switches to his personality when they talk to him.
I bet you're awesome in ways many wish to be
This is incredibly profound. Thank you. And thank you for sharing your experience.
You're welcome!
As an Introvert suffering from life long major depression, I never thought of myself having super powers before. I am observant, quite and empathetic towards others like me. I always thought of my awkwardness and anxiety as drawbacks, maybe not. Yin-Yang flipping a negative to a positive. Eye opening Doc. 👍🏻
I've known with b.p.d., I can pick up cues and essentially read what people are up to, regardless of them attempting at coercing lol... Then again I've probably endured emotional torment Very few have ever survived, but luckily I've known for every curse somewhere there is a hidden blessing, sooner or later at least.... Extremely hard to believe, but again the emotions/ inner mind is where most of the issues are anyways xD
I think people who are gentle and tentative and maybe a bit battered by the world are lovely people to know
Sounds to me like you've got outstanding qualities as well as self awareness and humility. We are all frail and fragile human beings in one way or another but sometimes our failings are our strength and confirm our humanity. Hang on in there.
@@user-ps9yy5cb6f He is truly a great speaker.
@@Dman9fp your feelings are not facts
The ability to dissociate or compartmentalize is definitely useful in many situations.
YES
Thank you Dr Grande for sharing your car accident story. At 26 in the spring of 1978, I had a motorcycle wreck, and this resulted in a near fatal head injury. This injury left me in I C U and unconscious for two weeks. Your experiences coming back around and mine were the same. First just flashes of things that are remembered later, then more and more. After coming back around, I laid flat on my back in the hospital for the next two weeks and thought about my life and how stupid I had been! The result of this soul searching was that my drunken wreck straightened me out. I stopped drinking and tried to be a better more productive person. It took about a year to fully recover. Over the years if anyone asked about my wreck, I say it was the "Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me". That gets lots of funny looks but questions. I just say that the wreck straightened me out. No Personality Disorder for me, but ever since then I have not been too quick to judge people and their actions or personality or physical abilities or inabilities !! Thanks Again for all your insight that helps us understand and maybe aid our fellow man!!!
I wouldn't wish what happened to you to EVER happen, but glad you're okay and glad it worked out! My Rock Bottom was also the best day of my life!
I’m so sorry at what you went through Dr Grande. At 17 I was dx with Ankylosing Spondylitis and yes, I limp too, and if flaring I can barely walk; people stare and sometimes tell me positive thinking will cure me etc etc etc. But like with mental disorders I think there’s a lesson in disability, exactly as you say - a super power of understanding is gained. Thing is, many mental disorders are chemically based, or abuse based, but they’re all disabilities. Suffering is suffering. Thank you for sharing something about you, it totally resonated for me to understand your video. Please don’t stop your great work on here!
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!
I love what you say: Suffering is suffering.
Very poignant and yet simple.
Well said. You are awesome.
Love and respect.
Beautifully said, Dr. Grande. How generous of you to have shared your story. I am happy you survived your accident at 17 and hope you are having a wonderful life.
I'm late to comment, but I wanted to say that as the daughter of a wise, kind, disabled father I found your personal anecdote very moving and also familiar. I know now where my father was coming from when he gave me the advice that has stayed with me all my life. I was upset at being bullied by kids at school because my father and brothers were disabled - mostly upset because I knew how wonderful they were and the kids were judging them for something that they had no control over. My father told me to always remember: No one you will ever meet is better than you are - and you are no better than they are, either. Both halves of that statement have guided me my entire life. Thank you.
Thank you, Dr. Grande. I suffer from depression and anxiety. My life hasn’t been easy, but thanks to medications I’ve able to work hard, put my daughter through college and save up for retirement although I’m only 49. Some of my friends tell me “why do you take medications, it’s all chemicals, you should try to think positively and meditate”. These comments upset me a lot. They don’t understand that without the proper meds I might kill myself. Things can look so good on the outside, but they don’t understand the everyday struggle of even getting out of bed. It was nice to hear your comforting words. Thank you for being there for us. 🙏🏻
That was beautiful, man; thank you
Thank you - You are most welcome!
This touched me deeply. I have Tourette’s and have faced the problem of the jobs I couldn’t get, closed opportunities. My older sister advised me to not dwell in my failures. I was very athletic, but that ended at age 30 when I had knee injuries and surgeries that left never being able to run again. I’ve two failed marriages, but the third is over twenty years and is wonderful. I’m a CPA licensed in two states, MS Tax and protecting people from IRS is my business, and I’m good at it. I find the IRS personnel very helpful and professional. I had two instances of sepsis, then severe sepsis, then septic shock. I understand being hospitalized for a week at a time, bits of awareness, small important memories. My daughter drove from Utah to see me and I only remembered it because of the stuffed dog she left me. We’ve raised eleven children. We watch your videos with great interest, and now that I’ve seen this video, I understand a lot more about you. My wife is quite introverted. I asked her if your place on the introversion scale is obvious, and she said yes, you are quite introverted. That’s a good thing and well understood here.
Get into golfing brah. You'll be a legend.
I had some very traumatic experiences as a child that later on made me have severe anxiety to an extreme level .I found a way to help myself through creating music and doing research in science .And I always evolve through time the stigma has contributed to it creativity is my defense mechanism .Thank you for this video
You are most welcome!
You’re really on a whole new level. I really look up to you for not only your logical ability, but your ability to just understand others on a more fundamental level. Like, wow.
For what it's worth, Dr. Grange, I appreciate your temperance and objectivism.
Thank you!
That surgeon was a God-send :). I'm so glad he took time to invest in patient's lives as he did - wow. I'm so glad you listened to him & learned, developed your character which is clearly just as he said you could achieve. You're a God-send now too :). Thank you for sharing this - very special.
Wow, Dr Grande, wow. What a great video--maybe your best. I really got a LOT out of the story you shared; that you were able at such a young age to understand a concept as complex as irrational anger/hatred is inspiring. I often feel like I'm missing some unknown essential part of "self" that so many others seem to possess. I know my BPD colors my view of what's "normal"; but to hear you talk about your experience with someone else's baseless feelings towards you--and how you were able to just work that out and ACCEPT her callousness is amazing to me. Thank you for sharing something so personal for our benefit.
Those are such kind words - thank you so much!
Agreed
I’ve watched this a few times doc, it’s a good reminder for anyone dealing with chronic pain that we can thrive, it’s just takes a bit more effort and a lot of self-compassion 💕
I loved hearing your personal story! I think this is the first video when you actually talked about your own experiences. As someone who watches your videos regularly, I really like knowing more about you and understanding where you're coming from. You are a font of knowledge and while scientific research and peer-reviewed studies are key in understanding mental health topics, your personal observations and experiences are also very valuable! I hope you'll speak more about your experiences and opinions! Your story was a wonderful parable, and I'm glad you told it.
Personally I have CPTSD. It's been a rough road. However, the insight I have gained through having to cope with the process, and understanding the nature of the severely disturbed person who brought this trauma on, has given me a new perspective on humanity. I'm actually even more confident about my ability to read people after learning so much about predatory behavior, I am determined to learn from my experience and never let what happened to me before, happen again. I also have been able to help others who may be going through similar relationships resolve questions or struggles and sort out the motivations of potentially toxic people in their lives. I'll never see the world the same way and my life is so much more screwed up than it was before. Sometimes having this insight makes it difficult to relate to others because they don't have the same level of understanding. But it's been a gift and a curse!
Thank you so much! You make such an interesting point about insight making it challenging to relate to people. In the mental health community, we value insight so much, I wonder if we have ever considered that it could have a downside in certain dimensions.
Thank you Dr. Grande for your feedback. I am an empath (who many are also sufferers of CPTSD because we make excellent targets). I often think of Anthony Bourdain and why he committed suicide. I don't believe he was truly depressed. I think he saw a darker side of humanity, and as an empath made it difficult to relate to others who hadn't had the same kinds of experiences. These things change you. They did me! I've spoken to people who knew Bourdain about my conjecture. Nobody has disagreed.
Empaths have tremendous insight, and others whom I know, say it's a blessing and a curse. In a society that rewards psychopathic behavior, its difficult to be empathetic- especially in cutthroat environments - such as the one I work in.
With so much talk about psychopathy, I'd love to hear more about empathy and perhaps some of the mental conditions commonly seen in them (such as CPTSD) and discuss how insight can be isolating and possibly present additional mental health challenges.
Dr. Grande, I have never before seen a video like this. I always love your calm, non-judgmental, rational videos, which have helped me understand myself immensely. Many other videos about mental disorders seem to come from a place of negativity, describing them in the language of weakness, lack, and pity.
Yours is the first video I have seen that gives me hope that there is a silver lining in this, especially because I think in society today, empathy is in such short supply.
Thank you for this.
Dr. Grande, thank you for sharing. I went through a similar situation at the end of 2005, I lost my voice and ability to walk. I wasn't that fortunate to have a doctor to tell me in that I had to prove myself to be better and work harder than others to fight the stigma. I learned it through all these years, I experienced discrimination and bullying. Right now, I talk with some difficulties, I walk and even drive. Also, I'll graduate, God willing, at the end of the year from a master in social work. I was looking into the psychodynamic therapy, and I found this video.
Honestly, I value a lot your insight, and I think the best way to identify with our clients is by being honest and showing our human side, care and compassion.
Thank you,
Luisa F. Kim
I never thought I would actually cry over a Dr. Grande video but this one went straight to my heart.
When I was 14 I found my Mother's murdered body. I had no other family members so I was in the foster care system. I was not treated very well and was sexually abused by one of my foster parents.
At 15 I had enough of that and went on to petition for my emancipation and become independent.
I finished High School and went on to College where I completed my BA in Music performance and BS in education.
I was diagnosed with PTSD and bi-polar disorder in my mid 20s.
I have been a professional musician an educator for 30 years. I am a very good teacher (not being arrogant) because I love working with young people and I am extremely intuitive and creative in my approach to individual learning.
I have often wondered how successful I would have been in life if none of those watershed moments had ever occurred.
I have often not been forthcoming about my mental illness because I found out early that there is a stigma and even a certain degree of wariness associated with it.
I only relate this because I have often wondered "why" I had to be like I was and tonight my question was finally answered.
Thank you Dr. Grande and blessings to anyone out there who has, or still does, suffer a mental illness.
This video bestows the potential for 'turning point' impact. I am incredibly moved.
I had a motor vehicle accident 5 years ago too still have pain in my shoulder and leg all the time but being in pain makes you understand people's pain and empathize more than you would have if you were completely healthy I think God wanted us to be kind and more empath that we already were by puting us through everything painful to reach the ultimate level of humanity and make us better people thank you for sharing your story with us you are the best doctor ever kind and most importantly human with a golden heart God bless you for helping us out through this channel hope you all happiness and luck in your life ❤
I have BPD and I definitely have turned my disorder into a power of sorts. I have a great deal of empathy naturally, and my BPD allows me to pick up on the more hidden moods someone has and understand them on a more fundamental level. It allows me to feel what the other person is feeling in a much more somatic way that you would normally with empathy. I use it to the betterment of those around me. I have a lot of people telling me that I would make a great therapist, but I have to disagree with them there. I would get too involved with the people I am trying to teach. I'll just keep trying to help one person at a time view the world in a new and exciting way as I go through life.
You're probably bipolar......borderlines don't have the ability to self explore or truly explore the emotions of others.
As someone who struggles with a few comorbidities .... thank you 🙏🏼
We’re not demons 😢
I was hospitalized for mental health support this year and it’s astounding people’s reactions.
You tell them one thing about yourself, they tell you everything you need to know about them
Oh we are demons. People are right. Where they make the mistake is assuming they are angels. They are just like us, just more judgmental and less self aware
Dr Grande is such an amazing psychologist. Beyond professional, poised and empathetic. Amazing.
Love your positive approach to disorders that can cause both the people with them and the people around them to come completely unglued. I'm so sorry you had to learn what was ultimately a valuable life lesson for you at the hands of an extremely thoughtless medical "professional" and also that the surgeon and his awesome advice in some way made up for her...great video, as always...
Thank you so much!
The young nurse saw unpleasant changes which could happen to her, or disability which will come with age or death itself. She did not like the potential for change. These potential changes were what motivated Siddhartha Gautama who became the Buddha on his journey of enlightenment. One basic premise of Buddhism is that everything changes but we are attached to the status quo and that attachment causes suffering.
Ironically, the more life expectancy has increased, the greater our fear of death. The more optimistic we have become, the angrier we are have become, because optimism is basically a delusion, one which is reinforced by culture and one which collides with reality. We have an increasing cycle of hysterias, left and right, arising from an excess of optimism.
Yes. That was one young woman who was in the wrong profession to say the least. As a nurse myself, I find people like that a true embarrassment to the profession. I do hope -- for her patients' sake -- she left nursing and moved into work that didn't bring her into contact with humans. Dr. Grande -- even at that young age -- was able to turn a really negative encounter into a positive experience. Kudos!
Man, this is my favorite video of yours. I had a brief psychotic disorder a couple years ago that lasted a full hellish month, and it's true to say that my episode granted me the "superpower" of which you speak. I feel incredibly lucky to have attained such a depth of understanding from a transient and ultimately inconsequential event in my life. Mental illness is a realm of human experience that's practically impossible to fathom unless it's happened to you personally, so I'm not sure what the solution to the "stigma" might be. It really is unfortunate.
So very sorry you suffered. You have so many people who appreciate your insight understanding & knowledge I too have had to try to overcome many disabilities. People can be hateful
Thank you for sharing your personal story. My 17 year old son was hospitalized in August and it was serious organ failure, he was not responding treatment and it took 5 days to find the cause, during the tests and specialists other diseases were found that are life long. My son at 17 was heartbroken his body was failing him. One of the doctors told him better you learn this at 17 and can treat it preventable now and for your life, most people only find out after it's too late. That comment was a lifeline to him. yes there were nurses and doctors who's comments were thoughtless and hurtful.
He will be ok and am glad you are, too.
Thank you, Dr Grande. You inspire me. ❤
wisdom that people don't actually judge your personalliy but the traits/symptoms, wich you have no control over, and therefore, eventhough they might think that you and the traits are the same, you know that the traits and you as a person, are different. The fact that they can't see that and you can is weird, yet it can be empowering to know it's not out of hate or loathing they have this belief but from ignorance, and that can be forgiven. thanks again for your rationallity and wisdom, truely sorry to her what happened to you, but glad to hear you turned it into af form of gold.
You're welcome!
Really powerful, wow. As someone who struggles with chronic pain and disability, as well as mental health struggles, your personal story and connection to the stigma really touched me. It brought me to a whole new level of appreciation for this channel. It shouldn't matter to me rationally, but it does somehow seem to matter that you care about the stigma and are perplexed by it. It means a lot. 👍🏻
Your kindness regularly bring me to tears and your insights have become a building block in my further growth. Thank you so much Dr Grande!
That story was amazing!
Also, anxiety occasionally helps me speed clean my house 🤷
This came at a good time for me. I really appreciate these videos.
As someone with chronic pain and disability I really think that what you shared about your personal experience and how you let it influence your personality was uplifting.
I think you actually did this topic justice. There's been this.. well.. some people that want to romanticize mental illness but when put near someone that actually has these issues, they look away in disgust and see them as 'lower'. Others that saw the person that romanticized it go for what they, and that person, wants to believe these illnesses are instead of the truth to them. Someone with actual issues ends up being called a faker and doing it only for attention when it's the people that romanticize it for whatever sick, selfish reasons that really are. ... but nobody really sees or even wants to really see who or what they claim they do. Us trying to be out there and not feeling so afraid or pushed away for what we've been through that makes these people see us as broken and useless.
It may seem like we do get some more positive traits for having been through so much like in the past... but I question even that sometimes when it comes to mind. I wish I never went through so much in the first place. Sure, I've changed as a person from it but.... being or feeling alone, talked down to, trash talked, harassed.. all manner of things... I don't feel like it's worth it if I can barely take care of myself ( physically or mentally ).
It's so easy to be something other than what we are out here in the virtual world.... 😬
your story is highly emotional i felt tears in my eyes you are an epitome of perfection and exceptionalism thank you for your courage to overcome obstacles and achieve your dream to be a doctor lots of pride and appreciation from me to you dr grande you are such an inspiration you inspire me to study more and love education more thank you again for dedicating your time efforts and energy for your clients
Nailed it. I’m a therapist and draw from my own experience. A therapist once said, “In life you do what you know best.”
This was a great one. I learned a lot about you here and I I agree with you about having these experiences giving you a different perspective and insight. I think the way we learn from them is everything. It’s so good to hear people who treat people with mental illness explain the automatic struggle it brings.
Exactly, we understand how it feels to stand outside the norm, to feel different from others.
When I have come home from a stay in the psychiatric hospital no one has ever brought me a casserole. Or a get well card, or flowers. Even friends who are nurses have not addressed it at all. When I had my gallbladder surgically removed cards, flowers, food and even a stuffed animal. Yep a stigma. My husband has added also that people just don't know what to say or do. Such a good video Dr. Grande. Thank you.
This insight is truly powerful and by gifting those without mental illnesses with your perspective, I believe you’ve done a compassionate and immense service for those suffering not only from the symptoms of mental illness, but the negative stigma attached. Thank you for this opportunity to expand compassion.
You chose the right words. I'm suffering from organic insomnia and depression gradus moderati. Nobody understands the way I feel. Not even my family. Your videos make me feel better. Thank you, dr. Grande, thank you.
The most motivational speech with the most calm voice
Dr. Grande, thank you for being the light in the world. In Dari language there is a saying "adab ra az kee amokhtee? Az be adaban" means "who did you learn manners from? From ill-mannered people". Ignorance is a disability of mind where one can't connect with feelings of others. It's shocking how insensitive people can be, but minds like yours is a guide and light in this messy world of ours. Humanity is somewhat lost and the condition is getting worst with population growth. Ppl who are ignorant, they are guaranteed suffering. Thanks for being there and for untangling and shedding light on the human mind for us so that we are "less ignorant". I don't know if ultimately and eternal human enlightenment is possible but making the world less ignorant suffices for me. You are the manual to humanity that we didn't come with, but very much need. Much Love
Hello Dr. Grande-I was very moved by your story and very appreciative that you chose to share it. It was telling to me, how you absorbed what was going on around you at a young age. Being hospitalized with major injuries and taking in what this wise doctor was passing on to you while also recognizing how the ignorant comment spoken by the other person fit into the doctor's narrative. I think you did exactly what you spoke of, taking something painful and traumatic and making something positive out of it. Hats off to you!
I am open and honest about having mental disorders, because I realized that my openness has helped other people. I never want someone to feel alone, even when I almost always do.
Dr. Grande thank you for uploading. I appreciate that you use your platform to disseminate research and break down stigma for those without a voice. This was an outstanding display of vulnerability and courage, and while I may not always agree with some of your theorizing, your channel has my respect and support
I just wanted to say thank you for candidly talking about your pain. I respect you so much and even more now.
Dr grande, thank you for helping me understand.
The allegory of the cave, Plato.
Once understood , forever changed.
Love the Cave.... 🔥☀️
It was indeed an uplifting story Doc. Thank you for sharing. I knew there was a reason your videos, messages and mannerisms resonate with me and so many others. Please continue doing the valued work you are doing. You are truly appreciated!✊🏽
Thanks for sharing your life experience with your subscribers. You seem like an understanding and caring person. You are quite compassionate when discussing these mental health topics. ❤
Dr Grande, don’t ever stop making videos! It’s so great to hear smart people share their thoughts. Especially now.
Great video Dr. Grande. It is nice to hear your personal story. It’s hard going through life with people always looking down on you. It’s so refinishing knowing there are people like you that do not sum up someone’s self worth by their disability. You are a gift not only to the mental health field.. but to the world. If only there were more people like you. My disability had hindered me greatly growing up. It robbed me of so much. At one point I thought there was nothing left for me. However I pushed through the hopeless and pain and have achieved great things. Im married have a business and a handsome 11 year old son. I had to struggle 5 times as hard as others.. but it made my victory that much better. I love reading the comments knowing I’m not alone. Keep up the great work. You are an inspiration.
Thank you for those kind words!
With that one story, you summarized the purpose of life and why it has to be so hard sometimes. You really get it. I have a young son with a limp. He is not able to run or jump. He has a lot of pain, has had two surgeries, and will need a third. Another member of my immediate family lost her leg in a motorcycle accident five years ago. She still struggles. Suffice it to say, your story personally resonated with me. Thank you for sharing your story. Now, I will have to watch all of your videos because this one was so good! Thank you for being real!
Also, you are better than average. You are one of the best of us.
I love your anecdote and overall narrative on the benefits of having a mental disorder. So often, many medical professionals zone in on the disadvantages of having a mental disorder. Oddly enough, we had similar aspirations around the same age...it's funny how that works.
Thank you!
Same here. Business, psychology, and being a pilot (helicopter). (also human rights and education). Worth looking into why that is.
These videos are profound. My friend and I have become completely enamoured by your thoughtfulness and intelligence. Thank you.
I've watched many of your videos, but I'll never forget this one! Thank you 💙
Dr. Grande I'm sorry you had to go through what you did, that terrible accident and some people's attitudes, but you came out on top because of your kindness and caring for people. You're a class act! Anyone, including myself, who finds your channel is blessed
Thank you for your personal story, Dr Grande. The first thought I had was that I hope your pain will go away one day because it wouldn't be fair for such a empathetic person to be in pain all the time. Thank you for all your understanding and compassion and your mind-opening videos.
Dr. G holy shit - you've blown me away. NHS put me on wait list for psychodynamic last week, about a year wait, I told the assessor about your videos and said she should watch them - this one blew me away more than you usually do. I think it was the admission of common ground. I knew you'd suffered in some way in your life - people just don't develop the way you have without experiencing severe adversity, not in my experience anyway. Thanks for doing all this work and building the channel in this way - you really are a role model.
Thanks for this video. It can be really difficult to stay positive when bombarded by such negativity over the way my brain works, from internal and external sources. This helped, and thanks for sharing your personal experience.
It was very cool to hear a personal story from Dr. Grande and get a little bit of a sense of who he really is as a person besides extremely intelligent and incredible at what he does. He is definitely a person I would want to have in my everyday life because he always seems to be his very best self that he can be while also making others feel that they can too, no matter what. The world needs more like him.
Dear Dr. Grande,
This almost brought tears to my eyes - I am ofcause trying my Best to be reasonable:). This is so profound - and is something that really can change perspectives for those of us (and others) who live with mental issues. Thank you, also, for Sharing your personal story.
What a gift that ICU doctor gave you as a young, impressionable, injured man. What a gift you are sharing it’s so many here. It’s really very meaningful and touching and bringing me to tears. Thank you for speaking from your heart about your experience.
Thank you for sharing your story. It will help a lot of people who go through injuries and other challenges to see what they might be able to do it their adversity.
This kind of sincerity must be what RUclips was made for!
Tod, I think this was a beautiful lecture. You covered a deep subject laconically. Many people would have done a diatribe of " I did it my way" sort of bragging. You seem to be at perfect peace. Bravo.
Dr. Grande,
I believe I have watched nearly 100 of your videos. I guess that makes me a fan. This video was different. I know you said it wasn't uplifting but, I disagree. I found it very uplifting & inspirational. Thank you for sharing a part of your history that made you who you are. I cried. Thank you for showing us how to see our superpowers when we may feel all is lost. You have helped so many people through this format ...
You don't even know.
Thank you.
Loved loved loved this video. Your personal story really drove home the point. Thank you for sharing!
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this empowered and motivated. Your story and what you’ve said had me glued to the screen. Thank you so much Dr. Grande.
Dr Grande! You're my idole. Such an intelligent and nice person. If only I had a therapist like you. Happy to get to take some part in your thoughts by this youtube channel anyway. Thank you for an awsome work.
You are far too kind - thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing your story. It is nice when someone can empathize with you. It is sad when people discriminate against people with disabilities or other differences. Would you consider doing a video about age discrimination? I feel it’s becoming an epidemic.
That’s real. Dealt with age discrimination a lot in the Marine Corps. Then, they turn around wandering why you’re not helping as much. Who needs help from an old man, right? Makes you bitter.
I'm 75 and still working full time. I went through a couple years of hatred because I was still working and not retired and no one could understand why? It seems the younger people don't want to be reminded of their future.... After they got over me being there and having no desire to leave they started to see a different side of the equation as I joyfully continued in my occupation. Finally they begin to blur the age difference and I was able then to be a value to them because of my kindness and experience. Most have not enjoyed the grand relationship of a loving grandmother and grandfather much less mother and father. I can help to fill in what is missing like the puzzle piece that fell on the floor and was discovered later. I think if we value ourselves then others tend to value us also and if we can laugh at hardship and overcome our perception of their hatred for us which is, when more closely inspected, not hatred but curiosity. Others may want to take us down like old statues but others want us to remain standing for the old and traditional values.
Wow! That's some story Dr. Grande…
I'm speechless
I really don't know what to comment.
Other than it is really lovely how you used your own experience, to empathize with others.
Now we know how someone can be so understanding.
Thank you for sharing
That was really touching
You are quite welcome - Thank you for your kind words!
I am grateful for the video. Have a disability, as well as depression, your advice is priceless. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Dr Grande for all you do to try to explain these conditions in detail. I have been being treated for bipolar for many years with mainly medications. They never stopped my drug usage or explained why I have been in many relationships that never worked out. When I found your videos and you gave the symptoms of borderline disorder a huge light came on. The doctors called my episodes being a rapid cycler. No, it has been borderline all this time. I have a new understanding of myself, despite being discouraged to learn that I am not my own person, but a victim of a disorder that has affected my entire life. Had I known this I could have, at least, spared myself and others the chaos of my dramatic abandonment issues. I could never understand how people could just break up with each other. To me, it felt like death and was just awful. The old come here, go away cycle. At those times my heart was just cold to them, then they would leave and I would go crazy until I practically forced them to come back. Just to do it again. It has been a pretty rough life. Please continue to make these videos. They really do help people.
@betty muhlhauser Is it true that in the United States a psychiatrist needs to diagnose you at the first visit? For insurance purposes? I was just diagnosed bipolar but the psychiatrist here saw me 3 times over a 2-month period so that made me really happy that he took the time to get to know me a bit better. And he refused to give me any drugs! I was actually disappointed but he says I've developed a lifetime of coping mechanisms and the drugs can be so harmful with all the side effects. Unfortunately, many of us come from very abusive childhoods/toxic families and we get drawn into bad relationships with the wrong people. Learn to love yourself and take care of yourself first and better than anyone else ever could. Then you will be much stronger in a partnership with someone else. Self-care is the key. Lots of videos about that on RUclips.
Heh. Everyone who's stayed in a hospital long enough has a mean nurse story. 😂
Don't forget about the stupid nurse stories: recovering a few months ago from a major heart atack, after I'd used the bedpan a nurse offered me some wipes for my "wee wee". I wouldn't use that expression to a child, and I'm 74! Don't start me on the stupid doctor stories, but you won't hear any stupid ambo/paramedic stories from me: they've saved my life 4 times now.
@@ElizabethWatfordasu Your story reminded me of when I had my appendectomy, and my highschool/college girlfriends father had his appendectomy. The story always makes me laugh. They are the same story.
So, like you I was having a really rough time for a couple days leading up to when I actually went to the hospital and had surgery. For a week preceding this, my gf's father had been complaining his stomach was sore, and was drinking Pepto like it was rootbeer. We are both from Hawaii, where Spam is a staple.
As I got sicker, my gf and her mom thought I had contracted a stomach bug from the father. When things got really painful, we would eat spam, because it helped quell the pain.
After a couple days, I had to go the hospital. They gave me an ultrasound, scheduled me for surgery, it went off without a hitch, and I woke up a day later. The partition was drawn, but I woke up because I heard a familiar voice. I knew it to be my gf's father. I called out to her, assuming she was there, but he said, "nope, sorry. Just me."
I asked what he was doing there, and he said, "I thought my stomach thing would pass, but it got worse, and I spent a night in the bathroom. In the morning, they brought me here. I have to get my appendix removed in the morning."
"You're nowhere near where I was when I came in. How are you so chill?", I said.
He responded, "you know all the spam? Well, since I'm so much older then you, I've had alot more. All the cholesterol formed around my appendix, which burst, but the hardened blob of cholesterol contained it. Spam saved my life."
I still love it, but I don't eat as much. I don't know about him, but I suspect he swears by the stuff, and will never stop.
I've worked in hospitals long enough to have a few mean nurse and mean doctor stories.
Very good story. I really empathised. Greetings from Argentina.
Thank you!
Im on the Autistic Spectrum and this resonates with me.
I was diagnosed all of 3 weeks ago. I've known I was different for some time now. I know that certain people will always treat me differently and it will be hard to get used to, but im just glad that I have my diagnosis.
I love your videos anyway, I always learn something.
Honestly I've never met a person (that I got to know well) who didn't have symptoms to some degree of mental disorder. "Normal" people are probably just unexamined and undiagnosed. Everyone's got some neuroses and issues, never met someone who didn't. So the stigma is something I will happily point out is the stone to be cast by the one without sin. Show me someone perfectly formed and psychologically flawless... such a person might have the 'right' to look down on others. As it is, knowing what I now know about the vast majority of people who are imperfect, I don't look down on myself for my own issues, and I don't put other people on a higher pedestal than me because I have some. The stigma of diagnosed mental illness is bizarre when you can see the symptoms just about everywhere.
Normal people are unexamined and undiagnosed because they're not mentally ill. If they were truly mentally ill they would have been examined and diagnosed.
@@Chrisdvc26 lol so you think every single person who hasn’t been diagnosed doesn’t have any mental issues? You know that unless your a minor nobody can make you go to a counselor and get checked out. And even when one is a minor, not everyone’s parents or caregivers seek help for kids with obvious issues or they don’t understand that their child’s behavior is unhealthy. We don’t all get checked out but that doesn’t mean everyone who has a mental disorder has been diagnosed. There is Lots of people who do have mental issues and never seek help Because of those issues or because they don’t have medical care, or are drug users. And you know all the people with diagnosed mental disorders were not diagnosed at birth, so there was a point in the past where they were still undiagnosed but that doesn’t mean they didn’t have their disorder back then. Lots of people have issues and are going to be diagnosed in the future. What you’re describing would only be reality in a perfect world. That’s like saying all criminals are in jail. Obviously they aren’t or there would be no crime. Life isn’t a perfect system, get real.
@@bananabreadloaf I think I was exaggerating for effect. My point is that “most people” do not have a serious mental illness. That’s like saying “well, most people have cancer”. To quote the previous post, having “some neuroses and issues” is not at all the same as having a true mental illness. Of course everyone has some neuroses but only some people have issues that are so extreme that you would call it a disorder. I believe everyone on this earth would benefit from going to a therapist but that does not mean that everyone on this earth is mentally ill. By saying everyone is mentally ill you’re minimizing the struggles of people who actually have mental illness. It’s just a bit insulting.
Exactly.
Everyone is mentaly ill some just doesn’t know it yet or don't want to admit it.
I am sorry to hear about your accident and what you went through. Your RUclips channel is one of my favorites. Merry Christmas 🎄
I SINCERELY thank you for publicly & humbly sharing your personal experiences & insight. (Thank you for all of your videos!) Snippets like this one though, help to "humanize" professionals in the counselling/mental health field whom can sometimes come across as cold, detached, clinical, evaluating etc. If I may be so bold to offer constructive feedback regarding this video specifically, please consider substituting the first few words in your title/description to include "PERSONAL" experience/insight. Call it mere click bait if you will, but I honestly think it'll reach more people, more quickly (assuming that effect is desired!) Thank you again for all that you share :-)
Thank you so much for sharing this incredibly insightful video. I’ve never been able to relate this much to a stranger on the internet before.
I was very moved by this video. But I also feel like this profound sense of empathy, understanding, and advocacy, only comes when the mental disorder in question is being effectively treated. For me, being mentally ill has certainly made me a more understanding and thoughtful person, but with my struggles with interpersonal relationships, with my own security and self esteem, I don't think I've reached the level of empathy that is required to help other people. I feel like in the majority of situations, my mental illnesses take precedent over anything else, including others in need. I am still at the point where I feel a lack of attention, perhaps resources, or self assurances, which prevent me from wanting to help other people. I always say, in theory, I want to help others, in theory, I care deeply for others, but in practice, I am selfish, I am needy, insecure, and unfulfilled, and often, I will dismiss others in favor of myself. There was a point when I began college, that I thought about going into social work. In theory, I wanted to help others, the most vulnerable people, and considered that type of work to be very vital. In practice, I had no desire to do that work. Recently a professor asked me if I ever considered doing art therapy, because of my background with mental health issues. I told him that of course I had considered it, it sounds in theory that it would be ideal or great to do, but in practice, I know I just don't care that much about other people's problems. I'm far too fixated on my own struggles to invest (large amounts of) energy or pain in someone else, where I was getting little reward from it.
I feel I understand and relate highly to certain niches of people, and maybe more generally with other people who share my illnesses. Autism for example, is something that I have and something that I relate strongly to with others. I have empathy with them, but mostly because I understand it myself. I try to have perspective on other peoples issues, but I usually always come back to how it relates to myself. I'm very ego-centric in that I seem to only be able to truly empathize when I relate their pain to my own. I feel this is normal, but because I have so much unresolved pain, an attempt to empathize with other's pain would trigger my own too strongly. I also think my self esteem is too weak right now to set aside myself and help others. No matter what good I may be doing or trying to do, I feel a sense of personal emptiness and failure. And sometimes, when I hear about other mentally ill people being super extra nice and friendly or whatnot, I feel guilty, because I am not that way. I lash out, I am defensive, and I sometimes don't bother to empathize. And I often feel like this is the difference between a "bad" person and a "good" person, even though those categories are impossible to measure. A good person manages their mental illness, and helps others going through the same thing. They are kind and good. A bad person resents their mental illness, and attacks others despite of them being mentally ill themselves or not, if they wrong them. They are an asshole and bad.
So I feel like sometimes failing to have extra care and concern for people, because I know what it's like, worsens my feeling of shame about being mentally ill. My illness is controlling me too much, therefore I am weak and need to hide this weakness from others. I also just really don't trust other people. I've had some abuse, I have ptsd, a lot of rejection. So, yes, I understand those who are misfits and outcasts, but that wont stop me from rejecting them or anyone else who wrongs me somehow. In short, my mental illness has made me a worse person, not better. And when people try to console me, and they assume that I must be this open minded caring soul with a lot of empathy, I feel shame, because I am still struggling to function basically, let alone being open to others issues. So yeah, at this point, there is no superpower. if anything, the mental illnesses drain the superpowers I have just being a human being. They distort me or rather I let them distort me. And then mental illness once again becomes the stigmatized fucked up erratic person, who doesn't value themselves or others, and who should be avoided and forced to live out their miserable life alone. At least that is what multiple people across family, friends, and relations, have told me, as well as my own inner voice. Lmao just venting in the youtube comments section
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Dr. Grande. Much appreciated. It was an uplifting story actually. This was what I was taught growing up as a Black female in America. There will be hate and discrimination directed toward me for no legitimate reason. My mental strength and determination has served me well. I am now going to consider it my Super Power now. Thank you. I love all your videos but this is my new favorite.
YES! When I had children, I was told this: Why did you have them if you knew you had illness? I was in shock.
I will DM you my story and you can post it if you want.
How awful -- I am glad they are here 😉....
@@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098 They are blessings and wonderful human beings.
Amen. Life is a gift....
that's like saying, why would you have children when you know you are human...
Yes, it's so hard for others to understand mental health illnesses if they have never gone through it. My own family made it very hard for me when I found out I was having anxiety attacks, depression and then diagnosed with ptsd. I would be told just stop being anxious, stop worrying, you are lazy, you aren't depressed. It caused me to get worse fir awhile. Until I became an adult, and have a wonderful husband that understands, his mother has depression and anxiety so he understood. Thank you, so much for making these RUclips videos, it helps so much and I don't feel as alone.
Loss combined with insight can be the seeds of growth; for the self then for others to harvest. So, thanks for sharing. This leads me to ask the question - can a counselling session (of any/all varieties) truly be effective without the counsellor also giving a bit of self? it also demonstrates a conjecture I have always held; loss and gain walk hand-in-hand, like lovers (albeit not aways into the setting sun).
BTW I love your channel - I stumbled here on a quest to understand more about narcissism in the workplace, and now I watch it all. Fascinating.
I have watched so many of your videos, but this is my favorite. Thank you. I cried grief and joy tears!!!!
my supperpower is that i'm good at figuring people out
Me too! but is exhausting it has got me sick ☹️
Me too, I think. This made me dissociate from society.
same
Kungfujoe, appreciate our solidarity in being able to read a room; its a hell-of-a way to trasnsform what was a learned patterning from a confused childhood (not knowing if your next move would result in kind calmness or an outraged ass whoopin) into an adulthood ability to intuit traces (anything erased leaves a trace) when performing architectural site analysis
This is a very candid presentation in my opinion. Dr Grande has many core skills. His weakest, though certainly not completely lacking, trait may be street smarts. This quality and ingredient puts the frosting on a top-notch counselor. It is nice to know Dr Grande is moving forth, too. He raises a great point about stigma. I have observed this type of hate myself, and experienced it. When I am in-between symptoms, I notice, for instance, I am greeted with many more welcomes. Yet, this is human nature, too. But the times where it is just raw hate can be overwhelming overwhelming. I, too, have tried to become a better man through this very difficult lesson. This is something that motivates me. I could say even more about this subject, yet for now, this is enough. Thank you Dr. Grande for being your best self, and sharing that while being vulnerable yourself. PS - Hopefully that nurse was never transferred to the psych ward. But you may have never really answered that doctor's statement if she would have not behaved like that?! A great irony. Kind of like your named plants: they grow in dirt!