Ignoring red flags and misgivings or inconsistancirs leads to suffering. They are never wrong. Narcissists do betray themselves, even when they are tricky and charming early on. That is the point when one should stick to their boundaries. If you are confused, you are being decieved. If you don't extricate yourself or hold fast to the boundaries you value, you are responsible for what befalls you. This is a harsh lesson that many of us have had to learn.
@Fluff Your Garfield missing the point. We do play a role, to some extent, because we allow it to happen. We're not doing it consciously, but we have to acknowledge it at some point or we're doomed to repeat it. This does not absolve or excuse the narc, but we need to change within ourselves what attracts them to us to begin with.
I'm happy for those that don't understand, and I tell them so. May you come to define your life and self, not by suffering, but by the joy and love you're now free to create in your life.
Unless someone has experienced it they will never truly understand. We've very blessed the knowledge and support is getting better though. Thank The Lord for RUclips.
they have so many different faces like those incredible chinese magicians called "face changers" narcs are scary and my life with this person os getting frightening
I still have trouble with buying "the wrong" brand of anything after two years of being free. I still feel guilty for spending money, period. 25 years of narc abuse is no joke.
Signs also include: Feeling the need to explain yourself or justify your actions, minimizing your own feelings, being too accomodating and self-doubt. I'm sure there are others.
oh my god so true!!! we are surrounded a swamp of potentially lethal unthinking abuse vegetables mimicking their way into your life using others to do that its nuts!
I totally agree! When I tell my mother about something good that’s happened to me, she shows no joy, no happiness for me, nothing. I was just diagnosed with high blood pressure and her response was “I don’t know anything about that”. That’s her response to a lot of things. It’s odd and makes no sense. It’s her way of ending the conversation. But if she needs something (like me to watch her animals while in vacation) she will be happy. The day she came home from vacation, my husband came over and fixed her sink (never asking for a dime for the parts). She looks at him and says “you had all day to do this, why wait till now?”. Mind you.. He was at work all day and drove 1hr and 27 min to get spoken to like that! She never thanked either of us. Just went to her room and shut the door. She’s absolutely insane. I haven’t told her that I’m moving further away from her yet. I have to get my family away from her or I can’t be mad.
This made me cry for the little child I was growing up, my childhood was truly awful. No doubt it led me here, at least now I'm working on healing it for real.
@@giovanniremondini2042 make it change, a little bit at a time. Don’t give up. Don’t ever ever give up. Even if physically cannot remove yourself from the situation, mentally not anyone can hold you. Your mind is yours and free to fly away anywhere you want. Use it. Visualize your future. And one, one day, before you even realize it, your vision/freedom/future comes true! It’s true! It’s everywhere. In the Bible the apostle Paul was in jail but his mind was free. In life, Nelson Mandela, was in jail, but ohhh his mind was free. And did he not get out of jail after 26+/- YEARS and became president? Why not you? Whateeeeeever you set on your mind, you, you, will see it come true. Please, remember to come back and tell us. I’m waiting.. and I’m one of those people that keeps their word.. even if I get lost.. I find my way.. and come back .. I am waiting.. blessings
Highly insightful and lines up with Dr Ramani’s work and how she refers to narcissism as the “secondhand smoke of mental health.” Mere exposure to trait narcissism can be extremely exhausting and have significant consequences
Yeah, I finally got away, after a year with a female narcissist. Total burnout. She also had borderline traits that were murder, worsening the narcissism. The good thing is that I got her into therapy, which she had put off for decades. However, her going to treatment, which she announced, will probably turn out to be a con........which I did not fall for. I The manipulation of narcs is transparent, once you know the signs. Such a relief to be out of the meat grinder.
That's very insightful. I think it applies to subclinical narcissism as well. It would be very interesting to see a long term study into narcissism and childhood development. How much of a factor is childhood narcissism and environmental subclinical narcissism in the development of personality and intelligence?
I burst into tears when you said lack of confidence doesn’t cause someone to behave narcissistically. I have been told over and over it was my fault my ex partner was abusive. If I’d been stronger he’d have respected me etc, believe me I fought for fairness and kindness from him, I repeatedly tried to explain how painful his behaviour was. That comment feels like the best validation in the universe. Thank you for this video Doctor Grande
A narcissist will build you up for a while to get you to commit to them, then break you down and blame you for failing to live up to their standards. Their standards for other people that is - which is an entirely different set than what they hold themselves to.
Adrienne Jensen I know, huh? I validate you totally because the same thing happened to me 💗💗💗 Much new internal joy and an inner strength I wish for you soon !!
🤗 once in one of our typical all-night yelling and crying not-taking-no-for-an-answer parties, in desperation i yelped "what do you want from me?" his answer? "i want you to fight back!" for real.
@@karlijnlike4lane mine told me towards the beginning of our relationship there was no point fighting with him because it was his specialty. Seems it was. He also told me after a few months he thought treating me badly would make me love him more. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.
When I have exposure to the Narcissist I typically shut down from them and go away. I have zero patience for it. I got that attitude because of years of dealing with it from my family.
In one video, the doctor said that its not a problem-solver to leave the job where you are being abused by narcs....but for gods sake, you often have no other choice if you want to keep your sanity and health.....you must leave......but then the unfortunate truth is that nowadays liiterally in every workplace you can find toxic people and narcs.....I dont know how to live in this society anymore....its like narcs and other toxic personalities are in every corner.....
If someone makes you feel good about your life and encourages your dreams, without trying to change you, marry them! If someone keeps trying to change you, avoid them! Because they will never stop!
Coverts can be really sneaky. Mine didn’t care and just said what I liked to hear regarding my career ambitions. Sometimes he even gave good comments but all other traits of narcissist existed including subtle devaluation and then finally discarding by ghosting after a year and half. This mind you was a high ranking military officer who had even deployed. Someone who sacrificed for country can be very mean and callous kicking you out like you’re not human. They take as long as they want something from you and then they are done. So cruel!! Mentally mitigation and emotional torture for sure. It takes a long time to heal. It’s all subtle. The smarter they are harder to detect. Coverts are dangerous!!!
My father always told me; "ALWAYS PAY CLOSE ATTENTION to the way your date treats your waitress, because that will be YOU in a few months" & believe me, ive gotten burned every time ive ignored that advice!
Beware...my father was a grandiose narc and was always utterly charming to waiting staff, on 1st name terms, big tipper....could not be nicer to them. At home, he was a violent, unpredictable, irrational, rageaholic bully.
I get that. But I think that advice is a bit overused. I think a more likely silver bullet is how they treat/refer to the female members of their fam (As a straight woman). Like many said here, many people act nice in public. And I think everyone has gotten annoyed or testy at all kinds of service people: airport staff, call center people, the plumber... I have seen guys who will maybe pick a fight with another patron or complain because the other patron is on the phone and that is mildly annoying. Or will try to schmooze their way into a better table or to get ahead in line if there is a waiting line. The issue there is that they will be very entitled or pushy about it. Some NP are extremely aware of social norms, and cannot believe you or anyone would break them. Of course, when THEY act rude, that is A-OK because they are cool..
1) feeling hated, despised and/or unwanted. 2) an exaggerated startle response 3) Feeling afraid or nervous over an every day decision for fear of violating the expectations of the narcissist 4) having those same feelings (anxiety, fear, shame) ie. as in 3) when you make a small mistake. 5) Worry anxiousness about separation, leaving, then within the first day you feel much better with feelings of anxiety returning at the end. 6) self-talk - if you tell yourself you deserve the bad relationship for something you have done. 7) Something good has happened to you and you want to tell someone. With narc exposure, you do not want to share it with them as you know the excitement will be diminished. 8) If one envies how another couple interact, or in terms of employment relationship. 9) Contemplating manipulative behaviour, self talk about defending yourself but you do not want to say it for fear of being bad or wrong ie resignation. 10). ????? 11) add your own in the comments...... There are the main points along with some great insight and advice from Dr Grande.
Went from parental to romantic narcissists...low self esteem, people pleasing, depression, sensitive to loud sounds, anxiety....thanks so much for what you do Dr. Grande...it's life changing.
It's been 4 years since I left my narcissist. We had been married over 30 years. I had therapy, medication and now I practice yoga and mindfulness. The day he left, as ordered to by the court, is the day when I started breathing and living again. Still I have an exaggerated startle response...sudden noises, or unexpected events. My children are used to my screams and jumps. It can be a long time healing, especially if the narcissist still wants to be into your life. They just don't hear the word 'no'. I'm making my own way and have more self confidence and peace of mind than I ever had with him. Just want to say to others in my position be brave and cut the narcissist out of your life. If I can so can you.
Strong faith in God through Jesus Christ our savior Lord you can have joyful journey through rest of your life. Please stay away from Yoga as it's demonic spirit which works against God and becoming popular by distracting people from truth. This is my personal experience that today I'm a happiest person because of my faith in my faithful God Lord, and the Holy Spirit is my constant help, protector, guide and my strength. I'm too married to narc for the last 30yrs and still live with him. I have cut off my emotions with him though, I believe the word of God which says, God makes our enemies to be in peace with us if we relay on God and commit our lives into HIS caring hands. I give thanks and praise to God for blessing me to face the evil and over come all the sufferings and live a successful survivor. In Jesus Christ. Amen & Amen
@@RN-gx7wt Yes! Perfect analogy! No moving forward if you are perpetually confused and fighting to assert the obvious and true narrative of any given situation. Spinning wheels and no growth for any one!
What an awesome video! I'm just beginning to really understand my past. 65 years of emotional nonsense …..I would have been better off if I had left......and never looked back. What can you say.... when you are over 70......and yet feel like other people feel.....when they are 30. I need to live to 105 to make up for lost time. Well, at least I have a purpose! LOL
@@1DaTJo Thanks for your reply. Tears come into my eyes when I think of family members.....and their lost years. But I'm grateful for the peace and sanity in my life now. It was the right path.
Sun Dancer It’s wonderful to hear that you have peace and sanity now. Well done getting away from the narcissist. May you live long and may all your dreams come true. 💕
@@1DaTJo I really appreciated your kind words.....my heart goes out to you.....I would do emojis......but don't know how to do on Firefox. Emojis don't come up.....
After divorcing and strictly maintaining no contact, i found myself unable to buy clothes for myself. I honestly had no idea what colors or styles i liked or felt good about. It made me feel very anxious.
my mother is a narcissist.....I just graduated from the university and got my bachelors degree in psychology...and she did not congratulate me instead she screamed at me that ...i should have finished years ago and that i was to old (im 29)...she also ruined my relationships siad that i was worthless and ...she is very manipulative and evil...I feel sorry for her...
My heart goes out to you. I'm in a similar situation but I've had to remove myself & kids from the abusive situation. I'll always love her but cannot allow myself to continue being abused
I started watching this video ironically as I linger in bed from waking up this morning. I hear him in the kitchen and I dread what is awaiting me today. Thank you for validating my experiences.
Made notes for myself, delete if not wanted! These shoes fit me. I actually relayed feeling a lot of these feelings to someone a few years back. I called them "lightbulb moments" when I became aware I felt this way, ie feeling taken off-guard when I was treated with respect 1) Feeling unwanted, hated, despised - or odd, taken off-guard /surprised when someone treats you with respect. 2) Exaggerated startle response (when engaged in normal activity) 3) fearful, nervous or worried when you make a relatively benign decision. 4) Anxiety - nervous or worried feelings when you make a small mistake 5) Worried prior to putting distance between you and the narcissist, feeling better once you do, anxiety is alleviated. 6) Feeling deserving of being treated poorly. 7) Not wanting to share good news - expecting a negative or neutral reaction to your good news from the narcissist 8) Envious when seeing healthy relationship interactions between others. 9) Creating arguments/self talk for yourself, why you have value but never sharing with the narcissist - resignation. Narcissists will even blame their narcissism on others' weaknesses - ie I treated you that way because you have low self-esteem/you let me treat you that way because your self-esteem is so low - it's your fault I treated you this way, you allowed it.
Sheila Ja same here, I can relate to so much in this video. I went to a psych who would immediately pull me up because I would give an immediate nervous laugh after each time I spoke. We worked on that and other things with EMDR therapy, it worked a treat.
thanks for putting it into written words, it's everything spot on, what I experienced too. I would ad something he did not mentioned clearly enough (i think) in this clip: Narcisists impose on you that feeling that you are the one who is prone to wrongdoing andhas a bad intentions by default, so you have constant feeling of being 'a bad person', unworthy and guilty of 'something' you can't even clearly define....even if you did your best, made a greatest effort, and you absolutely didn't do anything wrong. It creates all kind of self-doubts if you deserve to be accepted, praised, benig paid for a work, make suces on anything. Instead you should appologize that you simply exist, because your existence is somehow just a burden for a world and people around you. Pepole give you a favour if they hardly accept you, so you must constantly prove that you are not 'that bad' person by doing/giving more than other and work harder to please them. But whatever you do, it's never enough to prove that you are 'ok', you are simply not allowed to feel good and you cannot afford to be relaxed, happy, satisfied, you should not expect anything good for you. You strugle to be 'positively motivated', your motivations to action come rather from the fear of being completely rejected if you do not please endlesly excesive and unjustified demands imposed on you.
I really resonate with sign number one. Despite all of his “I love yous”, in the end it felt like he really didn’t even like me, maybe even hated me. It’s strange because as much as I felt like I adored him, I didn’t like him either. Two years of meanness, misery, confusion, guessing games and mood swings will tend to have that effect on you. When I left him, I felt better mentally and emotionally almost immediately and definitely within a week...I suddenly had clarity. Crystal clear. Breaking the trauma bond was really tough and went on for months but I definitely felt better as soon as I left.
Mine is still here BUT, instead of being around him when I'm not at work. I have begun spending one day a week with MY friends having fun. I dress, put makeup on and forget he exists. Back focused on church and "pre narc " activities without him. Learning everything I can about both CPTSD and healing myself as well as narcissistic abuse. The healthier I am and the more of my old normal I have....the less it will affect me when he's gone......
I find myself needing a psych counselor after prolonged exposure to my mother in law who is a covert narcissist and completely checks every vulnerable narc box. If it wasn’t for Dr. Grande I would lose my mind. Hubs is now listening to Dr. Grande and realizing the truth about his own mother. It’s a hard pill to swallow
It really is it took me until I was in thy 30s to realize how narcissistic my mother was. And it is a hard pill to swallow. Just the deep understanding of how they actually feel about you, there own child, can be hard to believe or even think.
This is so horrifically true. The amount of damage a narcissist causes, especially with long term exposure, such as in a relationship, is paralyzing. It leaves you barely holding on to life.
09:46 #7 I know someone who would suddenly ask me a question about something else that would ruin my feelings of elation. Narcissists thrive on watching the smile fade from your face.
Great video and love the fact this was flipped round for someone that's been exposed to a narcissist as opposed to spotting a narcissist. My mother is a narcissist and it greatly affected me growing up. I still struggle now and I'm 40!
I have a parent with BPD with Narcissistic features. I am exhausted daily by any interaction with them even being 1500 miles away. I will never subject my child to this torture, if i can help it. Thank you for this insight, it helps my siblings and I cope.
My father is BPD with narc features, too. I have a BPD, well controlled, thanks to the presence of my mom in my life and my desire to not let my BPD lead my life. It is exhausting indeed, and I find it hard to go no contact with him cause I feel sorry for him and I have few to no abilities to understand when I'm being manipulate...
@@A_Foolish_Arrangement I went no contact for 5 months and am slowly allowing more contact. Her behavior has changed, but I am always wary. Keep your head up and set healthy boundaries. Much love to you!
Somatic symptoms too: stomach drops, immediately wanting to cry, nervousness and a feeling of immediate fear that seems disproportionate to the conversation w the Narc. It signs physically something is off too! Because an highly intelligent narc. Can be so smooth in their words it sneaks up on you. Physical sensations of fear help me recognize abuse
Characteristics of person exposed to narcissist. 1 feeling unwanted. Hated. Despised. Feeling odd when somebody treats you with respect / like a person should be treated. 2 exaggerated startle response in regular everyday activity. 3 Fearful or worried when you make a different everyday decision. Sense of dependency because you’ve violated what narcissist wants. 4 nervousness and worry when you make a small error. Late fees. Forgetting something. 5 You or partner (Narc) is going on vacation and you are anxious. But after first day, you feel really good. (Exposure has been cut off) 6 Self Talk - relationship was your fault for things you’ve done but you still don’t believe it. Narcs gaslight. 7 When you have good news and you don’t want to tell Narc. You want to share with somebody else because Narcs won’t really listen and care. 8. See another couple in love and acting without fear - you’ve probably been Narc exposed 9 Resignation - contemplating manipulative behaviors and coming up with a defense against the Narcs gaslighting, but you don’t say it because we are made to feel bad or wrong and told we are wrong and bad. Narcissism is established early in life and level of narcissism has already been established. Narcs are not created by their victims actions.
You are right about all these nine signs and you said them correctly. I have gotten exposure to them and exactly the person who get exposed to narcissism act or feel.
The problem with these symptoms is that you don’t feel they are that bad when you are still in the relationship. Because you are gaslighting yourself, it feels like all the things you are feeling are not that extreme and quite normal levels for a relationship. The one I did feel very clearly is the bliss when they are away for a long time! One of the best periods during that relationship!! After the relationship ends, if you take time to recover, you do start to feel just how bad it actually was
I wish I hadn't waited so long to talk to a clinician . Towards the end I couldn't stop crying and feel broken . I truly appreciate you Dr Grande 🙏🏼 and wish I was more educated and aware of mental health and recovering from abusive relationships .
Your video finally explained to me the difference between Scot Peterson and Chris Watts, when they were both described as narcissists by a lot of doctors. I found it hard to believe, because one was raised as a spoiled brat (Scot) who could do no wrong and on the other hand Chris, who grew up as almost invisible in a very controlling environment. Great work! I am fascinated by your site!
I'm the adult daughter of a narcissistic father. I'm 58 years old, and it has taken a lifetime of study and self-assessment to understand the effects of narcissistic sbuse on my whole self. I struggle daily with the negative patterns instilled in me from very early childhood. I have forgiven my late father for his defects of character, but I still experience grief and resentment from time to time. I learned how to be a good parent (and now, grandparent) by remembering how bad parenting hurts. Life presents an abundance of painful lessons...parents should offer lessons with love, so the child can develop confidence in their ability to grow in joy. I'm certainly not perfect, but now, at least, I don't feel that I MUST be perfect all the time. Thank you for this wonderful video. May it be of help to those who still suffer.
I’ve watched so many of your videos about this topic and when you got to number 6 I started to cry. I realized I am constantly trying to convince myself I’m not wrong.
Excellent explanation of the signs of exposure to narcissists and their abusive behaviour. The only solution to those who aren't stuck with as children one (or both) parents being narcissists is to cut off contact as soon as possible. The difference in one's psychological and physical health as a result of being narcissist-free is astounding, especially when one looks back!
I have Avoidant PD and what you're describing is my daily life. The difference is that it's not attached to one individual person, it's with everyone, regardless of how close they are to me.
Me too! Because of that I can't get close to people sometimes even my own kids. I also have to work with some narcissistic people and I just can't deal with that which makes my job so much harder.
When you're in it you make excuses for the narcissist. So you need to hear specifics like these to convince yourself. These are spot on! Thank you for this!.
I've experienced most of these. One of the worst is the loneliness my ex created. He is a highly successful man and I was a stay at home mom. The inequity in power allowed him to have full control during our divorce both socially and economically. My ex told lies about me...and what can you do when false claims or things are twisted so you appear to be the one with the problem? I just retreated. It was painful to realize many of our so called mutual "friends" were more concerned with maintaining a relationship with my ex as he is involved with business and most decided he could do something for them...and I was deemed the less valuable friend. Money and power enable the narcissist to nearly destroy me. At times, I wanted to die. I prayed that I just would not have to face another day. The loneliness was crushing. The only thing that saved me was knowing my kids, who were junior high and high school aged, knew the truth and no matter what my ex did to try and isolate them from me, they never played into it. They were old enough to see what was taking place, but powerless to help or change things. And they should not have ever seen many things my ex did. The divorce is final and starting a career is impossible with my ex's shadow looming so large. Everytime I thought of foing business in any capacity, the thought of running into someone my ex had slandered me too caused me so much anxiety. Unfortunately, it is so bad I needed to work an hour and half away just to get through a work day. Next time you hear of a divorced couple and don't know both parties well, please do not be so quick to believe all that is said by the party who is bad mouthing his/her spouse. I seldomly said anything about my ex to anyone and believed issues should be private.. but this left me at a disadvantage during the slander campaign. I am not sure how I could have handled it to regain some control... I just was trying to survive it all at the time.
I went through your experience twice. Each time losing the home I had put together before I met either of them. They arrived with very little and parted with my assets. On my own and too old to start again. Hoping for a miracle, or at least somewhere to live I can afford. Big startle response.
As usual you hit the nail right on the head. My narcissistic ex would blame me for my depression that was actually due to the way he treated me and disappeared once I left him. He was cruel and heartless. After a few months of no contact - I still have dreams about him trying to control me, telling me that I can't do anything right and acting like I am a burden for him. Thanks for a great video Dr Grande!
There’s a lot of crossover here between exposure and the effect of abuse., so this is more a description of the experiential feel of being around a narcissist. I could not buy a different brand of anything, especially medicines when I was with a narcissist. He would never go out and buy anything, I had to keep the house totally stocked with everything he might want or need, and if the antihistamine cream (for e.g) was not his brand, he would complain bitterly.. Many of your instances of exposure coincide with aspects of parental treatment, the exposure to which, i would definitely class as abuse, mainly because of the length of exposure and also the relative helplessness of the victim. It’s so important for teachers, carers, family members to be educated about these signs of exposure so that children can be supported. Thank you Dr Grande, another useful video
Excellent excellent... I scored high on all 9. I feel so validated just hearing what you say and the examples you gave. So grateful this video comes from this quite different angle, highlighting how exposure to narcissists can impact and cause one to start compromising our behaviour, reactions etc, doubtless at both a conscious and unconscious level. I'm living proof of this, since early childhood to nowadays decades on. This video is highly informative THANK YOU x
Raised by two narcissist parents. Later married to a psychopath. Recently coming out of job with a narcissist boss. I strongly display every one of these nine.
If there are 2 types, my husband showed both types in his behaviour. Strong signs of all what you said in one individual. Anxiety, lack of sleep, nightmares when i do sleep, lack of appetite, always felt not good enough, I felt ruined, worthless was every step I took being around the NARC. I visibly aged 20 years by being with Stefan Burgess, my ex in a 4 year relationship and 2 babies back to back. Being with a NARC was my death sentence. Super great video Dr. You need to speak in the courts of Trinidad and Tobago, make the legal system understand and make informed rulings according to this knowledge.
I was with my narc ex 24/7 for 5 years. I remember commenting to my therapist less than 2 weeks after I left that I felt like a totally new, different person. My anxiety was GONE. I felt like I could breathe. I genuinely felt like I had been released from imprisonment. She was less surprised than I was, most likely bc of what the doc talks about here... as soon as you're away the effects dissipate. That is so so true.
Spot on, in my opinion. Thank you again. I'm on the 3rd week since a judge granted a PPO and the eviction my 'romantic partner' of 10 years. The 'good news' sign in particular hit home for me.
I relate to the 9th sign you listed: resignation!! This is true in both definitions of the word!! (resigning the job as well as resigning---giving up trying to convince the narcissist!)
👏 Dr. Grande. 👍🏻 You explained these 9 signs very clearly! I agree that recovery begins quickly when exposure diminishes or ceases all together. Like you said, often people feel “ better then ever” immediately, and then with awareness and effort all aspects of the person will heal over time. Lastly, when you fix your glasses is is 100% adorable. 💗
Wow, I phased out so many times and really gave my left-arrow a real workout trying to get through this. Every single one of those things plays through my mind every day. Wake up call, indeed! I have to get some support fast. Thank you.
Power differential is what makes this possible 1. Feeling hated 2. Exaggerated startle response 3. Fearful about benign decision 4. Fearful about a small mistake 5. Worried about separation, followed by elation at the distance 6. You tell yourself you deserve it, but youre not convinced, called gas lighting 7. Good news is not shared with the narcisisst 8. Envy other couples which are healthy 9. Come up with arguments as to why you have value These videos are EXTREMELY good and helpful.
My whole life has been narcissistic exposure, my parents, sibling, friends, boyfriends, exhusband. No wonder I've had extreme anxiety and low self esteem all my life.
I'm glad you addressed this topic. I had a narcissistic boss in a religious institution once. I was so stressed all the time that i would get physically ill and my hair would fall out almost in chunks. It was terrible. Felt like a rabbit around a lion. I was so beat down and was definitely affected by him but was youg and didn't understand it at the time. I remember once when i asked him a question he told me to stop being so narcissistic- now i know he was projecting. Hope someone is helped out there and will escape as soon as possible.
Thank you this video gave me HUGE INSIGHT. My mother is a narc and she has caused me great grief and this video touched on some things that I really experienced. About a year ago after doing some self educating homework (because I really have to know why ,it helps me to come to terms with outcomes and acceptance.) That my mother is in fact a terrible narcissist beast,....and up into this.......point I just thought that she hated me so badly,....my whole life. And things are really coming up for me. ...thank you.
Another reason it is a bad idea to tell your narcissist about good news is because they may, in my experience, lash out at you in jealousy and either try to take away your new benefit or punish you for having such good luck! I know with my ex-husband, I always heavily downplayed anything wonderful yhat had happened to me,and if I had an object that I valued I would try not to attract too much attention to it.
Thank you Dr. Grande. Excellent video. Very educational. Your knowledge and your message is like a lighthouse for those of us sailing the treacherous sea of the narcissist. Again thank you.
Holy crap! My ex-husband was a pretty benign narcissist but I have 8 out of 9 of these signs. Now I understand why I was so happy when he went out of town, even thought it left me alone with 2 challenging children. Your channel is offering a great service! I appreciate the science and honest content. Many other sights are about anger and blame. Feels good for a moment, but “winning”, as many suggest you need to do, does not help you grow or recover. It just keeps you in the relationship. Thanks!
Number one was spot on for me. I was recently trying to describe how much I felt this intense hatred directed at me and how unnerving it is to feel like somebody loathes you with such intensity.
can these symptoms cross over into other relationships, so that you have these levels of reactions in response to people who aren't narcissists? kind of inbuilt pre-emption to expecting the same results to come from anybody - I think exposure to narcs in the family from a young age shapes your view of the expectations people in general have of you. maybe growing up around narcissism to the extreme is how people become so nervous and always needing to please people and afraid to say no or to displease anybody.
Yes, and I think you can even develop Avoidant Personality Disorder or become a people pleaser, because you're afraid to disappoint others. You have developed fears of rejections, abandoment, punishment towards everyone else. You didn't have developed a safe attachment style. You have a low self-esteem and self-worth, and so on. You even might have developed co-dependency. So....you see the world as a dangerous place and you mostly get involved in toxic relationships, because you think you're the problem. You have not developed any healthy boundaries and people can easely take advantage of you. Finally you have to seek treatment and therapy..... That's why this channel of Dr. Grande can be a great help to start with getting the insights you need, what's going on!
@Ben Hackett So Ben, you already have been working on this for yourself. Yes, it's not easy, but I have many respect for people like you and I hope you will become better and better to know how to deal with it in your life. Wishing you all the best Ben 👍
Holy crap, does this one ever hit close to the bone! Recently I've been getting very accusatory emails from my sister which do not seem to be based on anything other than about her side of things no matter how delicately I try not to step on any eggshells. I've been reflecting back on how things started to shape up when we were very young girls - we had different responses to the way our parents brought us up. Then I get into my parents as individuals, and I reflect on that. It all makes me very thankful that I have been living in a single bedroom apartment for the last 20 years; it has been very good for me because I finally have the courage to be myself and not be afraid of offending anyone or setting them off somehow. Usually, I still have to work at it, but not as hard as I used to.
SO RIGHT: pathological narcissism needs to be addressed and understood. It's a serious and dangerous problem in our society. People turn away from this subject because is harder to understand, so uncomfortable, very hard to counter. LET'S KEEP TRYING !
Throughout my youth I had people tell me that I look and act abused. I always responded that I was just extremely shy because I was never physically abused and grew up in what most would call a solid and good household. But I have all 9 of these signs and I can now see how my home was very controlling. And, surprise surprise, I have always attracted domineering "alpha male" types who coincidently often have high levels of narcissism. I married one. 13 years later, I finally reached my breaking point and we are in counseling now. We have 3 kids and he really has some redeeming qualities that I love. I just hope and pray that we can BOTH work on ourselves enough to create a healthy marriage and home.
Dr. Grande thanks for explaining the following signs and symptoms of narcissism exposure: 1. Feeling unwanted by people and believing that the narcissist despises them. 2. Exaggerated startle response. 3. Difficulty making less important decisions. 4. Sense of dependency while making any less important decisions. 5. Anxiety when making a major decision and then feeling relief after going through that major decision. 6. Feeling over responsible for the actions others do that affects your life. 7. Fear of sharing anything positive with the narcissist. 8. Longing to have a more normal life like others do. 9. Feelings of resignation while often withholding worthy to share logical arguments to help advance any goal on a team and while often withholding important information only because of a perceived higher probability of influence coming from a narcissist there from outside the team or within the team.
At 8:50 you mention that separation from a narcissist can be a disaster. That would mean that "no contact" is not always the initial option when dealing with a narc. Sometimes, it's just not possible. I've been saying this for years only to be met with a lot of resistance to fighting back and getting what's yours in the relationship, or minimizing the damage of the narc BEFORE no contact. Some relationships can be very complicated. (marriage with kids for example) It's not always as clear cut as simple "no contact". Can you Please elaborate on this? Thank you.
I have spent three years with a narcissist and I have every sign that you described..and probably even more.. Thank you for your videos they are very informative and are helping me see and understand the damage he has done to me.. i never even knew it was abuse!
I've watched this about 5 times now and can't figure out how you managed to get surveillance footage of my former marriage of 25 years Dr. Grande! Hahaha Seriously though, your video hit on some things that I don't think I would've ever attributed to narcissist exposure! Hell, I didn't even consider the possibility that my former spouse was a narcissist until recently! That's why I had to watch this so many times for it to sink in! It's been 6 years since I moved out and can tell I've gotten better as you say because I can actually joke around about it now! The tricky thing right now is to avoid getting into another relationship until I do some more healing! Good news is, I haven't felt like punching myself in the face in a very long time. (Yep, that was a real thing. 😔)
They destroy people, and when they see they haven't done a good enough job, they come back to finish the job. and they'll keep coming back. Even when you have locked every door, they keep trying to find ways back in to do more damage. I'm so relieved professionals like Dr Grande are bringing the seriousness of exposure to this disorder to light. We are for the most part alone, as most people don't understand what we have been through. And why we act the way we do in life, to certain situations, and people and triggers. its not a generalised trauma that they inflict on us, its deep cutting, its a whole different trauma.
This is important viewpoint, thank you for talking about it. There's a lot of stuff about what is narcissism, but it's also important to talk about the mental health consequences it has on people around. So everyone, if you think about discussing this public, go for it! ;) I had my narcissism exposure in childhood, and had these signs at the time when I wasn't aware of that exposure. I would add another - feeling guilty after any pleasure or relief. After I got aware and took actions, they slowly got better. But still, it wasn't just: "narcissist has the problem, I don't, and when I get away, everything is better". There were consequences on my own mental health which I still deal with. By hearing stories in the community I've learned that exposure in adulthood can also cause (or grow some seeds from childhood) consequences, and it takes some time to deal with them. It doesn't get fixed magically when you get away from the narcissist, and that should be acknowledged instead of just focusing on the narcissism. When or if the relationship evolves, the "non-narcissist" starts to adapt in maladaptive ways too as a surviving mechanism. Then there's a fertile ground for all kinds of gaslighting: you don't know why you are like that and feel like you we're the problem from the begin. Lastly, the most painful issue is that it's just impossible to be around a highly narcissistic person, even if that person had good qualities and the human beneath it all, and you could understand the trauma they had, it's just impossible to be around without getting hurt. It would be easy to just say they are evil demons, but they are humans too. Getting an understanding and peace without splitting takes time.
I was eviscerated by a narcissist over 20 years. Separated 3 years ago and thankfully the abuse from her stopped last year as thankfully she died. She's left behind family and friends who have been poisoned against me, the whole thing was like something from a horror movie. These creatures are evil behind the mask of being so 'nice' when they chose. I can spot one at once now though - I think! Thank god for Facebook and You tube as that's where I began to understand what was going on and got fantastic support. I'm coming through the experience stronger, best wishes to all who have experienced this pain.
My complements go out to you. You have such an organized mind. The examples are spot on and apply to everyday life. I don't think that I have heard anyone deliver so much useful information in such a concise manner. I wish you were my professor in psychology in medical school. You would have saved me many miscalculations and mistakes. Thank you.
Another great video and I know what he's talking about to definitely be found in reality. I experienced all that at some point in the past. Yeah, my Ex Narc used that kind of gaslighting technique all the time, always saying everything he does to me was my fault because I was this or that. And at some point I was always just responding with something along the lines of "yaya, you always come up with new ridiculous excuses for why you were an asshole to me. You are the only one who has control over what you do. How about taking responsibility for what you choose to do?" As to be expected, that usually made him furious but I didn't care. I sometimes enjoyed that little power of being able to set him off, hihi. He definitely did enough to deserve that and more. Glad I finally found an apartment for my own later and could get away from him. I actually broke it off with him as soon as I realized he didn't have all of his five senses together. He tried very hard for 6 months before that to keep up the facade of a normal person. As soon as I had moved in (was always planned to be nothing more than a temporary solution) he showed his true face. And it was extremely ugly. But whatever. That experience really showed me how strong I am as a person and I left the relationship with higher self-confidence in fact. It wasn't a fun time though, don't get me wrong.
Wow! This hit home for me.My father and most of his family are narcissistic. After I moved out, the sense of relief I felt was indescribable. I do go there occasionally to help my mom out and yes, i feel so much dread and anxiety going there because of my dad's narcissistic behaviour. Thanks for the information!
"The only way to win is not to play."
Peter Cook yes its like gambling
That's worse than gambling because with a naccisist, your always garunteed to loose & loose big time.
Not always as the Narc is Ego driven (
@@kathryncarter6143 Russian Roulette with 6 rounds instead of 1. We should always be considerate and let them go first. LOL 🤣😂 🤣.
They' often manipulate such that it's not possible to Not play. Can ne playing that game a long time without even knowing it
Sign one. Your gut feeling has been bypassed for a while.
Ignoring red flags and misgivings or inconsistancirs leads to suffering. They are never wrong.
Narcissists do betray themselves, even when they are tricky and charming early on. That is the point when one should stick to their boundaries. If you are confused, you are being decieved.
If you don't extricate yourself or hold fast to the boundaries you value, you are responsible for what befalls you.
This is a harsh lesson that many of us have had to learn.
@Fluff Your Garfield missing the point. We do play a role, to some extent, because we allow it to happen. We're not doing it consciously, but we have to acknowledge it at some point or we're doomed to repeat it. This does not absolve or excuse the narc, but we need to change within ourselves what attracts them to us to begin with.
@@katiess9708 9
Sorry mistake.
THIS!! Absolutely this.
The hardest part of the experience with a NPD is that NO ONE understands.
I'm happy for those that don't understand, and I tell them so. May you come to define your life and self, not by suffering, but by the joy and love you're now free to create in your life.
We do. I do. I understand completely, Debbie.
Or they say "get over it".
@@fractalentanglement8485 Hear hear
Unless someone has experienced it they will never truly understand. We've very blessed the knowledge and support is getting better though. Thank The Lord for RUclips.
This makes my skin crawl; it's all too familiar.
James Vitale oh yes indeed
Yes for me as well they are very strange people
they have so many different faces like those incredible chinese magicians called "face changers" narcs are scary and my life with this person os getting frightening
I still have trouble with buying "the wrong" brand of anything after two years of being free. I still feel guilty for spending money, period. 25 years of narc abuse is no joke.
Heard that!
Signs also include: Feeling the need to explain yourself or justify your actions, minimizing your own feelings, being too accomodating and self-doubt. I'm sure there are others.
Well said
Feeling mistreated, low self esteem
Also abusive, see a Narc Counselor
oh my god so true!!! we are surrounded a swamp of potentially lethal unthinking abuse vegetables mimicking their way into your life using others to do that its nuts!
Yes! Thanks Tina
10:30 The narcissist will put you down if you give them good news about yourself. It's second nature to them.
Agree. It's their arrogance ...they have to be the most successful and superior one in the room. So in turn, they invalidate.
Saii Kik my ex narc was seething with jealousy when I upgraded my
iPhone . How insanely ridiculous
Saii Kik : yes, I lived with it!
I totally agree! When I tell my mother about something good that’s happened to me, she shows no joy, no happiness for me, nothing. I was just diagnosed with high blood pressure and her response was “I don’t know anything about that”. That’s her response to a lot of things. It’s odd and makes no sense. It’s her way of ending the conversation. But if she needs something (like me to watch her animals while in vacation) she will be happy. The day she came home from vacation, my husband came over and fixed her sink (never asking for a dime for the parts). She looks at him and says “you had all day to do this, why wait till now?”. Mind you.. He was at work all day and drove 1hr and 27 min to get spoken to like that! She never thanked either of us. Just went to her room and shut the door. She’s absolutely insane. I haven’t told her that I’m moving further away from her yet. I have to get my family away from her or I can’t be mad.
@@lindsayramagnano2350 I had a mother like that. I told her I had pneumonia and she didn't respond at all. She ignored me.
This made me cry for the little child I was growing up, my childhood was truly awful. No doubt it led me here, at least now I'm working on healing it for real.
God bless you! Call on Jesus, he loves you!
Best of luck to you. I hope you find the peace you're looking for.
Same!
Man, you are not alone on this.
Has anything changed after a year? Hopefully yes. For me, not yet.
@@giovanniremondini2042 make it change, a little bit at a time. Don’t give up. Don’t ever ever give up. Even if physically cannot remove yourself from the situation, mentally not anyone can hold you.
Your mind is yours and free to fly away anywhere you want. Use it. Visualize your future. And one, one day, before you even realize it, your vision/freedom/future comes true! It’s true! It’s everywhere.
In the Bible the apostle Paul was in jail but his mind was free. In life, Nelson Mandela, was in jail, but ohhh his mind was free. And did he not get out of jail after 26+/- YEARS and became president?
Why not you? Whateeeeeever you set on your mind, you, you, will see it come true. Please, remember to come back and tell us. I’m waiting.. and I’m one of those people that keeps their word.. even if I get lost.. I find my way.. and come back .. I am waiting.. blessings
Highly insightful and lines up with Dr Ramani’s work and how she refers to narcissism as the “secondhand smoke of mental health.” Mere exposure to trait narcissism can be extremely exhausting and have significant consequences
Zachary Rodrigues Dr Ramini really enlightened me during a dark period in my life. She is heaven sent, her vids have helped me so much!
Yeah, I finally got away, after a year with a female narcissist. Total burnout. She also had borderline traits that were murder, worsening the narcissism. The good thing is that I got her into therapy, which she had put off for decades. However, her going to treatment, which she announced, will probably turn out to be a con........which I did not fall for. I The manipulation of narcs is transparent, once you know the signs. Such a relief to be out of the meat grinder.
I think thats. a pathetic analogy and not helpfull TBH .
"secondhand smoke of mental health" that is AMAZING!!
That's very insightful. I think it applies to subclinical narcissism as well. It would be very interesting to see a long term study into narcissism and childhood development. How much of a factor is childhood narcissism and environmental subclinical narcissism in the development of personality and intelligence?
I had almost all of these signs at one point. Six years Narc-free now. It’s lonely but peaceful.
Have no doubt you taught me a lot too. Now it's armor.
Randy Andretti Beautiful description - lonely but peaceful. 🌿
@@1DaTJo who needs a bunch of excited misery...peace at all cost
Lilee Lisa Mc. I hear you!
Well done Judy.
I burst into tears when you said lack of confidence doesn’t cause someone to behave narcissistically. I have been told over and over it was my fault my ex partner was abusive. If I’d been stronger he’d have respected me etc, believe me I fought for fairness and kindness from him, I repeatedly tried to explain how painful his behaviour was. That comment feels like the best validation in the universe. Thank you for this video Doctor Grande
A narcissist will build you up for a while to get you to commit to them, then break you down and blame you for failing to live up to their standards. Their standards for other people that is - which is an entirely different set than what they hold themselves to.
Adrienne Jensen I know, huh? I validate you totally because the same thing happened to me 💗💗💗 Much new internal joy and an inner strength I wish for you soon !!
@@castirondude 100% - the double standards are breath taking
🤗
once in one of our typical all-night yelling and crying not-taking-no-for-an-answer parties, in desperation i yelped "what do you want from me?" his answer? "i want you to fight back!"
for real.
@@karlijnlike4lane mine told me towards the beginning of our relationship there was no point fighting with him because it was his specialty. Seems it was. He also told me after a few months he thought treating me badly would make me love him more. I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.
When I have exposure to the Narcissist I typically shut down from them and go away. I have zero patience for it. I got that attitude because of years of dealing with it from my family.
Me too,exactly as you describe
That’s where I am in many of my relationships, as soon as I discover someone with narcissist traits, I suddenly pull out.
I turn into a clam, and just breeze... If you see the look of confusion you'd dwl
i tend not to realize until after they have their claws hooked in, but I'm learning
In one video, the doctor said that its not a problem-solver to leave the job where you are being abused by narcs....but for gods sake, you often have no other choice if you want to keep your sanity and health.....you must leave......but then the unfortunate truth is that nowadays liiterally in every workplace you can find toxic people and narcs.....I dont know how to live in this society anymore....its like narcs and other toxic personalities are in every corner.....
If someone makes you feel good about your life and encourages your dreams, without trying to change you, marry them! If someone keeps trying to change you, avoid them! Because they will never stop!
Coverts can be really sneaky. Mine didn’t care and just said what I liked to hear regarding my career ambitions. Sometimes he even gave good comments but all other traits of narcissist existed including subtle devaluation and then finally discarding by ghosting after a year and half. This mind you was a high ranking military officer who had even deployed. Someone who sacrificed for country can be very mean and callous kicking you out like you’re not human. They take as long as they want something from you and then they are done. So cruel!! Mentally mitigation and emotional torture for sure. It takes a long time to heal. It’s all subtle. The smarter they are harder to detect. Coverts are dangerous!!!
My father always told me;
"ALWAYS PAY CLOSE ATTENTION
to the way your date treats your waitress,
because that will be YOU in a few months"
& believe me, ive gotten burned every time ive ignored that advice!
Beware...my father was a grandiose narc and was always utterly charming to waiting staff, on 1st name terms, big tipper....could not be nicer to them.
At home, he was a violent, unpredictable, irrational, rageaholic bully.
Amanita Muscaria -- I think we have the same dad.
They’re the cancer cell of cells.
The narc I married flirts with the waitress
I get that. But I think that advice is a bit overused. I think a more likely silver bullet is how they treat/refer to the female members of their fam (As a straight woman). Like many said here, many people act nice in public. And I think everyone has gotten annoyed or testy at all kinds of service people: airport staff, call center people, the plumber...
I have seen guys who will maybe pick a fight with another patron or complain because the other patron is on the phone and that is mildly annoying. Or will try to schmooze their way into a better table or to get ahead in line if there is a waiting line. The issue there is that they will be very entitled or pushy about it.
Some NP are extremely aware of social norms, and cannot believe you or anyone would break them. Of course, when THEY act rude, that is A-OK because they are cool..
@@amanitamuscaria7500 I have seen that on dates. And then they treat their roommates or fam members like crap.
1) feeling hated, despised and/or unwanted. 2) an exaggerated startle response 3) Feeling afraid or nervous over an every day decision for fear of violating the expectations of the narcissist 4) having those same feelings (anxiety, fear, shame) ie. as in 3) when you make a small mistake. 5) Worry anxiousness about separation, leaving, then within the first day you feel much better with feelings of anxiety returning at the end. 6) self-talk - if you tell yourself you deserve the bad relationship for something you have done. 7) Something good has happened to you and you want to tell someone. With narc exposure, you do not want to share it with them as you know the excitement will be diminished. 8) If one envies how another couple interact, or in terms of employment relationship. 9) Contemplating manipulative behaviour, self talk about defending yourself but you do not want to say it for fear of being bad or wrong ie resignation. 10). ????? 11) add your own in the comments...... There are the main points along with some great insight and advice from Dr Grande.
Your comment hit me like a sledgehammer. Spot on. Thank you.
☑️☑️☑️☑️☑️☑️☑️
Ruminating about different scenarios and "rehearsals " of what to say and how to act
Great info yet again. The biggest wake up call for me was how relaxed I felt when the person I should be wanting to be with wasn’t around.
Sophia Lahen strike should from your vocabulary ( with narcs )there is only what is
Went from parental to romantic narcissists...low self esteem, people pleasing, depression, sensitive to loud sounds, anxiety....thanks so much for what you do Dr. Grande...it's life changing.
It's been 4 years since I left my narcissist. We had been married over 30 years. I had therapy, medication and now I practice yoga and mindfulness. The day he left, as ordered to by the court, is the day when I started breathing and living again. Still I have an exaggerated startle response...sudden noises, or unexpected events. My children are used to my screams and jumps. It can be a long time healing, especially if the narcissist still wants to be into your life. They just don't hear the word 'no'.
I'm making my own way and have more self confidence and peace of mind than I ever had with him. Just want to say to others in my position be brave and cut the narcissist out of your life. If I can so can you.
Thank you for sharing this.
Same boat. 30 years! It’s difficult to get this divorce done! God girls and guys run! Don’t spend your best years like this!
Same boat for 29 years. I recognize every single one of the points mentioned. It's completely and utterly exhausting, an invisible prison.
Strong faith in God through Jesus Christ our savior Lord you can have joyful journey through rest of your life. Please stay away from Yoga as it's demonic spirit which works against God and becoming popular by distracting people from truth. This is my personal experience that today I'm a happiest person because of my faith in my faithful God Lord, and the Holy Spirit is my constant help, protector, guide and my strength. I'm too married to narc for the last 30yrs and still live with him. I have cut off my emotions with him though, I believe the word of God which says, God makes our enemies to be in peace with us if we relay on God and commit our lives into HIS caring hands. I give thanks and praise to God for blessing me to face the evil and over come all the sufferings and live a successful survivor. In Jesus Christ. Amen & Amen
Liz Robertson I’m with a narcissist husband for 38 years. Dependent on him, he has moved on means found a new supply. I don’t know what to do.
Narc radiation exposure is just as bad as regular radiation! Thanks for the awesome video, Dr. G! 💯
Nancee-Laetitia Marin Nice way to put it...
@@RN-gx7wt Yes! Perfect analogy! No moving forward if you are perpetually confused and fighting to assert the obvious and true narrative of any given situation. Spinning wheels and no growth for any one!
Nancee-Laetitia Marin ha yeah!
Well, my ptsd is very clearly caused by a narcissist.
Same.
Yes. CPTSD
Solution. Self-love, boundaries and letting go. Keep them away
What an awesome video! I'm just beginning to really understand my past. 65 years of emotional nonsense …..I would have been better off if I had left......and never looked back. What can you say.... when you are over 70......and yet feel like other people feel.....when they are 30. I need to live to 105 to make up for lost time. Well, at least I have a purpose! LOL
Sun Dancer I hear you! Regret for time used up by the narcissist can be so strong. Enjoy every moment of your life of freedom! 🌺🌿💫
@@1DaTJo Thanks for your reply. Tears come into my eyes when I think of family members.....and their lost years. But I'm grateful for the peace and sanity in my life now. It was the right path.
Sun Dancer It’s wonderful to hear that you have peace and sanity now. Well done getting away from the narcissist. May you live long and may all your dreams come true. 💕
@@1DaTJo I really appreciated your kind words.....my heart goes out to you.....I would do emojis......but don't know how to do on Firefox. Emojis don't come up.....
Sun Dancer Thanks for saying that. I wish you only the best! Xxx
I find myself being jealous of others relationships. Your video was 100% correct, ty.
After divorcing and strictly maintaining no contact, i found myself unable to buy clothes for myself. I honestly had no idea what colors or styles i liked or felt good about. It made me feel very anxious.
my mother is a narcissist.....I just graduated from the university and got my bachelors degree in psychology...and she did not congratulate me instead she screamed at me that ...i should have finished years ago and that i was to old (im 29)...she also ruined my relationships siad that i was worthless and ...she is very manipulative and evil...I feel sorry for her...
lejla fazlic pathetic and jealous. Is it really too much to be happy for others?
I'm sad to read this! Please for your sanity, go low or no contact! Self preservation is not selfish, take care of you x
Feel sorry but get away and don t go back.
Don't feel bad for her. She only wants to hurt you.
My heart goes out to you. I'm in a similar situation but I've had to remove myself & kids from the abusive situation. I'll always love her but cannot allow myself to continue being abused
I started watching this video ironically as I linger in bed from waking up this morning. I hear him in the kitchen and I dread what is awaiting me today. Thank you for validating my experiences.
Made notes for myself, delete if not wanted! These shoes fit me. I actually relayed feeling a lot of these feelings to someone a few years back. I called them "lightbulb moments" when I became aware I felt this way, ie feeling taken off-guard when I was treated with respect
1) Feeling unwanted, hated, despised - or odd, taken off-guard /surprised when someone treats you with respect. 2) Exaggerated startle response (when engaged in normal activity) 3) fearful, nervous or worried when you make a relatively benign decision. 4) Anxiety - nervous or worried feelings when you make a small mistake 5) Worried prior to putting distance between you and the narcissist, feeling better once you do, anxiety is alleviated. 6) Feeling deserving of being treated poorly. 7) Not wanting to share good news - expecting a negative or neutral reaction to your good news from the narcissist 8) Envious when seeing healthy relationship interactions between others. 9) Creating arguments/self talk for yourself, why you have value but never sharing with the narcissist - resignation.
Narcissists will even blame their narcissism on others' weaknesses - ie I treated you that way because you have low self-esteem/you let me treat you that way because your self-esteem is so low - it's your fault I treated you this way, you allowed it.
Sheila Ja same here, I can relate to so much in this video.
I went to a psych who would immediately pull me up because I would give an immediate nervous laugh after each time I spoke. We worked on that and other things with EMDR therapy, it worked a treat.
thanks for putting it into written words, it's everything spot on, what I experienced too.
I would ad something he did not mentioned clearly enough (i think) in this clip:
Narcisists impose on you that feeling that you are the one who is prone to wrongdoing andhas a bad intentions by default, so you have constant feeling of being 'a bad person', unworthy and guilty of 'something' you can't even clearly define....even if you did your best, made a greatest effort, and you absolutely didn't do anything wrong. It creates all kind of self-doubts if you deserve to be accepted, praised, benig paid for a work, make suces on anything. Instead you should appologize that you simply exist, because your existence is somehow just a burden for a world and people around you. Pepole give you a favour if they hardly accept you, so you must constantly prove that you are not 'that bad' person by doing/giving more than other and work harder to please them. But whatever you do, it's never enough to prove that you are 'ok', you are simply not allowed to feel good and you cannot afford to be relaxed, happy, satisfied, you should not expect anything good for you.
You strugle to be 'positively motivated', your motivations to action come rather from the fear of being completely rejected if you do not please endlesly excesive and unjustified demands imposed on you.
@@miras2222 Yes projection, all of that, that you mentioned. I guess they make us feel that way because unconsciously they know they ARE that way.
Sheila Ja, wow, you hit the nail on the head! With the narc since 2000. Still trying to find a way out.
Thanks so much, Sheila Ja. This really helps me to remember what he said in the video.
I really resonate with sign number one. Despite all of his “I love yous”, in the end it felt like he really didn’t even like me, maybe even hated me. It’s strange because as much as I felt like I adored him, I didn’t like him either. Two years of meanness, misery, confusion, guessing games and mood swings will tend to have that effect on you. When I left him, I felt better mentally and emotionally almost immediately and definitely within a week...I suddenly had clarity. Crystal clear. Breaking the trauma bond was really tough and went on for months but I definitely felt better as soon as I left.
Mine is still here BUT, instead of being around him when I'm not at work. I have begun spending one day a week with MY friends having fun. I dress, put makeup on and forget he exists. Back focused on church and "pre narc " activities without him. Learning everything I can about both CPTSD and healing myself as well as narcissistic abuse. The healthier I am and the more of my old normal I have....the less it will affect me when he's gone......
Excellent! Narcissism exposure is a severe illness that can make you mentally and physically sick.
Mental health 😢
I find myself needing a psych counselor after prolonged exposure to my mother in law who is a covert narcissist and completely checks every vulnerable narc box. If it wasn’t for Dr. Grande I would lose my mind. Hubs is now listening to Dr. Grande and realizing the truth about his own mother. It’s a hard pill to swallow
It really is it took me until I was in thy 30s to realize how narcissistic my mother was. And it is a hard pill to swallow. Just the deep understanding of how they actually feel about you, there own child, can be hard to believe or even think.
This is so horrifically true. The amount of damage a narcissist causes, especially with long term exposure, such as in a relationship, is paralyzing. It leaves you barely holding on to life.
09:46 #7 I know someone who would suddenly ask me a question about something else that would ruin my feelings of elation. Narcissists thrive on watching the smile fade from your face.
Great video and love the fact this was flipped round for someone that's been exposed to a narcissist as opposed to spotting a narcissist. My mother is a narcissist and it greatly affected me growing up. I still struggle now and I'm 40!
My mom too, I'm 59 on my next birthday.
My mom always finds something different to use to out me down.
I have a parent with BPD with Narcissistic features. I am exhausted daily by any interaction with them even being 1500 miles away. I will never subject my child to this torture, if i can help it. Thank you for this insight, it helps my siblings and I cope.
My father is BPD with narc features, too. I have a BPD, well controlled, thanks to the presence of my mom in my life and my desire to not let my BPD lead my life. It is exhausting indeed, and I find it hard to go no contact with him cause I feel sorry for him and I have few to no abilities to understand when I'm being manipulate...
@@A_Foolish_Arrangement I went no contact for 5 months and am slowly allowing more contact. Her behavior has changed, but I am always wary. Keep your head up and set healthy boundaries. Much love to you!
@@vidkidz83 Thank you ! And I wish you luck with that recontacting. May it be a relationship with healthy boundaries. Take care. :)
Somatic symptoms too: stomach drops, immediately wanting to cry, nervousness and a feeling of immediate fear that seems disproportionate to the conversation w the Narc. It signs physically something is off too! Because an highly intelligent narc. Can be so smooth in their words it sneaks up on you. Physical sensations of fear help me recognize abuse
Characteristics of person exposed to narcissist.
1 feeling unwanted. Hated. Despised. Feeling odd when somebody treats you with respect / like a person should be treated.
2 exaggerated startle response in regular everyday activity.
3 Fearful or worried when you make a different everyday decision. Sense of dependency because you’ve violated what narcissist wants.
4 nervousness and worry when you make a small error. Late fees. Forgetting something.
5 You or partner (Narc) is going on vacation and you are anxious. But after first day, you feel really good. (Exposure has been cut off)
6 Self Talk - relationship was your fault for things you’ve done but you still don’t believe it. Narcs gaslight.
7 When you have good news and you don’t want to tell Narc. You want to share with somebody else because Narcs won’t really listen and care.
8. See another couple in love and acting without fear - you’ve probably been Narc exposed
9 Resignation - contemplating manipulative behaviors and coming up with a defense against the Narcs gaslighting, but you don’t say it because we are made to feel bad or wrong and told we are wrong and bad.
Narcissism is established early in life and level of narcissism has already been established. Narcs are not created by their victims actions.
You are right about all these nine signs and you said them correctly. I have gotten exposure to them and exactly the person who get exposed to narcissism act or feel.
The problem with these symptoms is that you don’t feel they are that bad when you are still in the relationship. Because you are gaslighting yourself, it feels like all the things you are feeling are not that extreme and quite normal levels for a relationship. The one I did feel very clearly is the bliss when they are away for a long time! One of the best periods during that relationship!! After the relationship ends, if you take time to recover, you do start to feel just how bad it actually was
Very helpful to hear narcissism exposure being taken seriously. Thank you.
Could you do one on narcissistic family members? I had two narcissistic parents and a narcissistic grandmother.
I wish I hadn't waited so long to talk to a clinician . Towards the end I couldn't stop crying and feel broken . I truly appreciate you Dr Grande 🙏🏼 and wish I was more educated and aware of mental health and recovering from abusive relationships .
I don't have words big enough or clear enough to thank you for this.
This video…OMG. This is how I feel. Shocked. The best video
Your video finally explained to me the difference between Scot Peterson and Chris Watts, when they were both described as narcissists by a lot of doctors. I found it hard to believe, because one was raised as a spoiled brat (Scot) who could do no wrong and on the other hand Chris, who grew up as almost invisible in a very controlling environment. Great work! I am fascinated by your site!
Interesting...
I'm the adult daughter of a narcissistic father. I'm 58 years old, and it has taken a lifetime of study and self-assessment to understand the effects of narcissistic sbuse on my whole self. I struggle daily with the negative patterns instilled in me from very early childhood. I have forgiven my late father for his defects of character, but I still experience grief and resentment from time to time. I learned how to be a good parent (and now, grandparent) by remembering how bad parenting hurts. Life presents an abundance of painful lessons...parents should offer lessons with love, so the child can develop confidence in their ability to grow in joy. I'm certainly not perfect, but now, at least, I don't feel that I MUST be perfect all the time. Thank you for this wonderful video. May it be of help to those who still suffer.
You wrote this 3 years ago. I hope things are better. I saw myself in what you wrote. I’m 59.
I’ve watched so many of your videos about this topic and when you got to number 6 I started to cry. I realized I am constantly trying to convince myself I’m not wrong.
Excellent explanation of the signs of exposure to narcissists and their abusive behaviour. The only solution to those who aren't stuck with as children one (or both) parents being narcissists is to cut off contact as soon as possible. The difference in one's psychological and physical health as a result of being narcissist-free is astounding, especially when one looks back!
I have Avoidant PD and what you're describing is my daily life. The difference is that it's not attached to one individual person, it's with everyone, regardless of how close they are to me.
I am sorry to hear that. I wish you happier times.
Me too! Because of that I can't get close to people sometimes even my own kids.
I also have to work with some narcissistic people and I just can't deal with that which makes my job so much harder.
@@ladymopar2024 I feel sad for you, x S
@@scarlettchappendenden9059 thank you watch videos I guess how to evaluate my life get some knowledge keep working on the situations
@@ladymopar2024 I hope things turn around for you. Soon! XXX
When you're in it you make excuses for the narcissist. So you need to hear specifics like these to convince yourself. These are spot on! Thank you for this!.
Thank you for making this informative video. It makes a lot of sense as to why I am the way that I am upon leaving a narcissistic abuser.
Excellent video. I experienced every single element you discussed. I will never let myself doubt my abuse ever again. Thank you Dr. Grande.
EXCELLENT explanation of the differences between NPD, vulnerable and overt narcissism. You made it simple and clear. Bravo. 👏🏻
I've experienced most of these. One of the worst is the loneliness my ex created. He is a highly successful man and I was a stay at home mom. The inequity in power allowed him to have full control during our divorce both socially and economically. My ex told lies about me...and what can you do when false claims or things are twisted so you appear to be the one with the problem? I just retreated. It was painful to realize many of our so called mutual "friends" were more concerned with maintaining a relationship with my ex as he is involved with business and most decided he could do something for them...and I was deemed the less valuable friend. Money and power enable the narcissist to nearly destroy me. At times, I wanted to die. I prayed that I just would not have to face another day. The loneliness was crushing. The only thing that saved me was knowing my kids, who were junior high and high school aged, knew the truth and no matter what my ex did to try and isolate them from me, they never played into it. They were old enough to see what was taking place, but powerless to help or change things. And they should not have ever seen many things my ex did. The divorce is final and starting a career is impossible with my ex's shadow looming so large. Everytime I thought of foing business in any capacity, the thought of running into someone my ex had slandered me too caused me so much anxiety. Unfortunately, it is so bad I needed to work an hour and half away just to get through a work day. Next time you hear of a divorced couple and don't know both parties well, please do not be so quick to believe all that is said by the party who is bad mouthing his/her spouse. I seldomly said anything about my ex to anyone and believed issues should be private.. but this left me at a disadvantage during the slander campaign. I am not sure how I could have handled it to regain some control... I just was trying to survive it all at the time.
kwiet23
I am sorry, you went through all that pain.
Sounds horrific!
I went through your experience twice. Each time losing the home I had put together before I met either of them. They arrived with very little and parted with my assets. On my own and too old to start again. Hoping for a miracle, or at least somewhere to live I can afford. Big startle response.
@@لمىالشريف-غ8ك it will be okay. I took many lessons away from this and will heal.
As usual you hit the nail right on the head. My narcissistic ex would blame me for my depression that was actually due to the way he treated me and disappeared once I left him. He was cruel and heartless. After a few months of no contact - I still have dreams about him trying to control me, telling me that I can't do anything right and acting like I am a burden for him. Thanks for a great video Dr Grande!
Yes...very weird dreams.
There’s a lot of crossover here between exposure and the effect of abuse., so this is more a description of the experiential feel of being around a narcissist. I could not buy a different brand of anything, especially medicines when I was with a narcissist. He would never go out and buy anything, I had to keep the house totally stocked with everything he might want or need, and if the antihistamine cream (for e.g) was not his brand, he would complain bitterly.. Many of your instances of exposure coincide with aspects of parental treatment, the exposure to which, i would definitely class as abuse, mainly because of the length of exposure and also the relative helplessness of the victim. It’s so important for teachers, carers, family members to be educated about these signs of exposure so that children can be supported. Thank you Dr Grande, another useful video
Excellent excellent... I scored high on all 9. I feel so validated just hearing what you say and the examples you gave. So grateful this video comes from this quite different angle, highlighting how exposure to narcissists can impact and cause one to start compromising our behaviour, reactions etc, doubtless at both a conscious and unconscious level. I'm living proof of this, since early childhood to nowadays decades on. This video is highly informative THANK YOU x
Raised by two narcissist parents. Later married to a psychopath. Recently coming out of job with a narcissist boss. I strongly display every one of these nine.
If there are 2 types, my husband showed both types in his behaviour.
Strong signs of all what you said in one individual. Anxiety, lack of sleep, nightmares when i do sleep, lack of appetite, always felt not good enough, I felt ruined, worthless was every step I took being around the NARC.
I visibly aged 20 years by being with Stefan Burgess, my ex in a 4 year relationship and 2 babies back to back.
Being with a NARC was my death sentence.
Super great video Dr.
You need to speak in the courts of Trinidad and Tobago, make the legal system understand and make informed rulings according to this knowledge.
I was with my narc ex 24/7 for 5 years. I remember commenting to my therapist less than 2 weeks after I left that I felt like a totally new, different person. My anxiety was GONE. I felt like I could breathe. I genuinely felt like I had been released from imprisonment. She was less surprised than I was, most likely bc of what the doc talks about here... as soon as you're away the effects dissipate. That is so so true.
Spot on, in my opinion. Thank you again. I'm on the 3rd week since a judge granted a PPO and the eviction my 'romantic partner' of 10 years. The 'good news' sign in particular hit home for me.
I wish you happiness and peace. S x
Now this is a different perspective and a good one to save,for future reference, thanks Dr Grande 👍🏽👏🏽
I relate to the 9th sign you listed: resignation!! This is true in both definitions of the word!! (resigning the job as well as resigning---giving up trying to convince the narcissist!)
👏 Dr. Grande. 👍🏻 You explained these 9 signs very clearly! I agree that recovery begins quickly when exposure diminishes or ceases all together. Like you said, often people feel “ better then ever” immediately, and then with awareness and effort all aspects of the person will heal over time. Lastly, when you fix your glasses is is 100% adorable. 💗
Giggles, True;)
Wow, I phased out so many times and really gave my left-arrow a real workout trying to get through this. Every single one of those things plays through my mind every day. Wake up call, indeed! I have to get some support fast. Thank you.
I now know how strong I am.
Thank you 🙏🏻
Seeing a vlog like this two years ago would have cleared up a lot, a lot sooner. Saved to inform another when needed.
Agreed, wish I also knew sooner.
Power differential is what makes this possible
1. Feeling hated
2. Exaggerated startle response
3. Fearful about benign decision
4. Fearful about a small mistake
5. Worried about separation, followed by elation at the distance
6. You tell yourself you deserve it, but youre not convinced, called gas lighting
7. Good news is not shared with the narcisisst
8. Envy other couples which are healthy
9. Come up with arguments as to why you have value
These videos are EXTREMELY good and helpful.
My whole life has been narcissistic exposure, my parents, sibling, friends, boyfriends, exhusband. No wonder I've had extreme anxiety and low self esteem all my life.
I'm glad you addressed this topic. I had a narcissistic boss in a religious institution once. I was so stressed all the time that i would get physically ill and my hair would fall out almost in chunks. It was terrible. Felt like a rabbit around a lion. I was so beat down and was definitely affected by him but was youg and didn't understand it at the time. I remember once when i asked him a question he told me to stop being so narcissistic- now i know he was projecting. Hope someone is helped out there and will escape as soon as possible.
Thank you this video gave me HUGE INSIGHT. My mother is a narc and she has caused me great grief and this video touched on some things that I really experienced. About a year ago after doing some self educating homework (because I really have to know why ,it helps me to come to terms with outcomes and acceptance.) That my mother is in fact a terrible narcissist beast,....and up into this.......point I just thought that she hated me so badly,....my whole life. And things are really coming up for me. ...thank you.
Me too.
Another reason it is a bad idea to tell your narcissist about good news is because they may, in my experience, lash out at you in jealousy and either try to take away your new benefit or punish you for having such good luck! I know with my ex-husband, I always heavily downplayed anything wonderful yhat had happened to me,and if I had an object that I valued I would try not to attract too much attention to it.
Thank you Dr. Grande. Excellent video. Very educational. Your knowledge and your message is like a lighthouse for those of us sailing the treacherous sea of the narcissist. Again thank you.
Holy crap! My ex-husband was a pretty benign narcissist but I have 8 out of 9 of these signs. Now I understand why I was so happy when he went out of town, even thought it left me alone with 2 challenging children. Your channel is offering a great service! I appreciate the science and honest content. Many other sights are about anger and blame. Feels good for a moment, but “winning”, as many suggest you need to do, does not help you grow or recover. It just keeps you in the relationship. Thanks!
This is eye opening, years ago when i was going thru this, i chalked it up to him being a LEO! lol.
Number one was spot on for me. I was recently trying to describe how much I felt this intense hatred directed at me and how unnerving it is to feel like somebody loathes you with such intensity.
can these symptoms cross over into other relationships, so that you have these levels of reactions in response to people who aren't narcissists? kind of inbuilt pre-emption to expecting the same results to come from anybody - I think exposure to narcs in the family from a young age shapes your view of the expectations people in general have of you. maybe growing up around narcissism to the extreme is how people become so nervous and always needing to please people and afraid to say no or to displease anybody.
Totally!
Yes, and I think you can even develop Avoidant Personality Disorder or become a people pleaser, because you're afraid to disappoint others. You have developed fears of rejections, abandoment, punishment towards everyone else. You didn't have developed a safe attachment style. You have a low self-esteem and self-worth, and so on. You even might have developed co-dependency.
So....you see the world as a dangerous place and you mostly get involved in toxic relationships, because you think you're the problem. You have not developed any healthy boundaries and people can easely take advantage of you.
Finally you have to seek treatment and therapy.....
That's why this channel of Dr. Grande can be a great help to start with getting the insights you need, what's going on!
pocoeagle2 Agreed! And I always look forward to your lovely comments 🙂
@@tarrenhunt Thank you Tarren 😃
@Ben Hackett So Ben, you already have been working on this for yourself. Yes, it's not easy, but I have many respect for people like you and I hope you will become better and better to know how to deal with it in your life. Wishing you all the best Ben 👍
So on point. I get so angry when I think of all the abuse I accepted growing up.
This is excellent information!Thank you, Dr. Grande. I appreciate you work.
Holy crap, does this one ever hit close to the bone! Recently I've been getting very accusatory emails from my sister which do not seem to be based on anything other than about her side of things no matter how delicately I try not to step on any eggshells. I've been reflecting back on how things started to shape up when we were very young girls - we had different responses to the way our parents brought us up. Then I get into my parents as individuals, and I reflect on that. It all makes me very thankful that I have been living in a single bedroom apartment for the last 20 years; it has been very good for me because I finally have the courage to be myself and not be afraid of offending anyone or setting them off somehow. Usually, I still have to work at it, but not as hard as I used to.
Beautifu thank You! l I've been learning to be myself too it's grande
Great video! I'm all better now. Yesterday just wasn't right with out a video.
SO RIGHT: pathological narcissism needs to be addressed and understood. It's a serious and dangerous problem in our society. People turn away from this subject because is harder to understand, so uncomfortable, very hard to counter. LET'S KEEP TRYING !
I’ve definitely been exposed to narcissists. Thank you for this Dr Grande 💕
Throughout my youth I had people tell me that I look and act abused. I always responded that I was just extremely shy because I was never physically abused and grew up in what most would call a solid and good household. But I have all 9 of these signs and I can now see how my home was very controlling.
And, surprise surprise, I have always attracted domineering "alpha male" types who coincidently often have high levels of narcissism. I married one. 13 years later, I finally reached my breaking point and we are in counseling now. We have 3 kids and he really has some redeeming qualities that I love. I just hope and pray that we can BOTH work on ourselves enough to create a healthy marriage and home.
Have to have my Dr Grande fix.😄 Thanks again for such a great video. 👍👍
I know! x
Everyone has some degree of narcissism to survive. I didn't realize that. Thank you.
About time you took a day off! ☺ Thank you for this video. Everything you've said is accurate *and* interesting. 🌸🐯
Dr. Grande thanks for explaining the following signs and symptoms of narcissism exposure: 1. Feeling unwanted by people and believing that the narcissist despises them. 2. Exaggerated startle response. 3. Difficulty making less important decisions. 4. Sense of dependency while making any less important decisions. 5. Anxiety when making a major decision and then feeling relief after going through that major decision. 6. Feeling over responsible for the actions others do that affects your life. 7. Fear of sharing anything positive with the narcissist. 8. Longing to have a more normal life like others do. 9. Feelings of resignation while often withholding worthy to share logical arguments to help advance any goal on a team and while often withholding important information only because of a perceived higher probability of influence coming from a narcissist there from outside the team or within the team.
At 8:50 you mention that separation from a narcissist can be a disaster. That would mean that "no contact" is not always the initial option when dealing with a narc. Sometimes, it's just not possible. I've been saying this for years only to be met with a lot of resistance to fighting back and getting what's yours in the relationship, or minimizing the damage of the narc BEFORE no contact. Some relationships can be very complicated. (marriage with kids for example) It's not always as clear cut as simple "no contact". Can you Please elaborate on this? Thank you.
yes please elaborate
I have spent three years with a narcissist and I have every sign that you described..and probably even more.. Thank you for your videos they are very informative and are helping me see and understand the damage he has done to me.. i never even knew it was abuse!
I've watched this about 5 times now and can't figure out how you managed to get surveillance footage of my former marriage of 25 years Dr. Grande! Hahaha
Seriously though, your video hit on some things that I don't think I would've ever attributed to narcissist exposure! Hell, I didn't even consider the possibility that my former spouse was a narcissist until recently! That's why I had to watch this so many times for it to sink in! It's been 6 years since I moved out and can tell I've gotten better as you say because I can actually joke around about it now! The tricky thing right now is to avoid getting into another relationship until I do some more healing! Good news is, I haven't felt like punching myself in the face in a very long time. (Yep, that was a real thing. 😔)
They destroy people, and when they see they haven't done a good enough job, they come back to finish the job. and they'll keep coming back. Even when you have locked every door, they keep trying to find ways back in to do more damage. I'm so relieved professionals like Dr Grande are bringing the seriousness of exposure to this disorder to light. We are for the most part alone, as most people don't understand what we have been through. And why we act the way we do in life, to certain situations, and people and triggers. its not a generalised trauma that they inflict on us, its deep cutting, its a whole different trauma.
This is important viewpoint, thank you for talking about it. There's a lot of stuff about what is narcissism, but it's also important to talk about the mental health consequences it has on people around. So everyone, if you think about discussing this public, go for it! ;) I had my narcissism exposure in childhood, and had these signs at the time when I wasn't aware of that exposure. I would add another - feeling guilty after any pleasure or relief. After I got aware and took actions, they slowly got better. But still, it wasn't just: "narcissist has the problem, I don't, and when I get away, everything is better". There were consequences on my own mental health which I still deal with. By hearing stories in the community I've learned that exposure in adulthood can also cause (or grow some seeds from childhood) consequences, and it takes some time to deal with them. It doesn't get fixed magically when you get away from the narcissist, and that should be acknowledged instead of just focusing on the narcissism. When or if the relationship evolves, the "non-narcissist" starts to adapt in maladaptive ways too as a surviving mechanism. Then there's a fertile ground for all kinds of gaslighting: you don't know why you are like that and feel like you we're the problem from the begin.
Lastly, the most painful issue is that it's just impossible to be around a highly narcissistic person, even if that person had good qualities and the human beneath it all, and you could understand the trauma they had, it's just impossible to be around without getting hurt. It would be easy to just say they are evil demons, but they are humans too. Getting an understanding and peace without splitting takes time.
100% accurate description of the exposure I experienced with a person who exhibited narcissistic behavior.
Best video of all time on this topic!
Thank you very much.
I was eviscerated by a narcissist over 20 years. Separated 3 years ago and thankfully the abuse from her stopped last year as thankfully she died. She's left behind family and friends who have been poisoned against me, the whole thing was like something from a horror movie. These creatures are evil behind the mask of being so 'nice' when they chose. I can spot one at once now though - I think! Thank god for Facebook and You tube as that's where I began to understand what was going on and got fantastic support. I'm coming through the experience stronger, best wishes to all who have experienced this pain.
Disturbing to find out as you mature but it happens I guess, better late than never...
Bailey Gregg Exactly!
I was always like " why she always treating me like this"" !!☹️
My complements go out to you. You have such an organized mind. The examples are spot on and apply to everyday life. I don't think that I have heard anyone deliver so much useful information in such a concise manner. I wish you were my professor in psychology in medical school. You would have saved me many miscalculations and mistakes. Thank you.
Its getting very clear to me that I have characteristics of 6 extremes: cptsd, empath, codependent, vulnerable narcissist, bold narcissist.
Simple, clear, informed, waffle free, and therefore the best thing I have seen on the subject.
Another great video and I know what he's talking about to definitely be found in reality. I experienced all that at some point in the past. Yeah, my Ex Narc used that kind of gaslighting technique all the time, always saying everything he does to me was my fault because I was this or that. And at some point I was always just responding with something along the lines of "yaya, you always come up with new ridiculous excuses for why you were an asshole to me. You are the only one who has control over what you do. How about taking responsibility for what you choose to do?" As to be expected, that usually made him furious but I didn't care. I sometimes enjoyed that little power of being able to set him off, hihi. He definitely did enough to deserve that and more. Glad I finally found an apartment for my own later and could get away from him. I actually broke it off with him as soon as I realized he didn't have all of his five senses together. He tried very hard for 6 months before that to keep up the facade of a normal person. As soon as I had moved in (was always planned to be nothing more than a temporary solution) he showed his true face. And it was extremely ugly. But whatever. That experience really showed me how strong I am as a person and I left the relationship with higher self-confidence in fact. It wasn't a fun time though, don't get me wrong.
Wow! This hit home for me.My father and most of his family are narcissistic. After I moved out, the sense of relief I felt was indescribable. I do go there occasionally to help my mom out and yes, i feel so much dread and anxiety going there because of my dad's narcissistic behaviour. Thanks for the information!