Dying for Beginners | Dr Kathryn Mannix
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2025
- In modern British society, death is out of sight and behind closed doors. Many of us lack direct exposure to the dying process - with all sorts of potential emotional and spiritual consequences for how we grieve our loved ones, as well as how we prepare for our own deaths.
What does the dying process actually look like?
A short animation by Emily Downe, and voiced by Dr Kathryn Mannix which guides you gently on a step by step journey through the process of dying.
Acclaimed author, speaker and former palliative care physician Dr Kathryn Mannix has spent her medical career working with people who have incurable, advanced illnesses. The author of two Sunday Times Bestsellers - With The End in Mind and Listen, Dr Mannix is on a mission to reclaim the public’s understanding of dying.
CREDITS
Written and voiced by Dr Kathryn Mannix
Directed and designed by Emily Downe
Animated by Martha Halliday
Music and sound by Jan Willem de With
Produced by Theos with thanks to The Fetzer institute
Find out more about Theos' work in the area of death, dying and the afterlife here: www.theosthink...
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This is exactly how I watched my Mom pass. Days before, as the family sat and watched an old football game, talking and reminiscing, my mother just watched my daughter, who sat next to her, with the most incredible look of love in her eyes. I will never forget that moment. The last day was exactly as this film describes. She was unconscious, shallow breathing, the "death rattle", the family all gathered around her. Two daughters, my husband, and her three grandchildren. We watched her take her last breath and she was at peace. I hope my last moments will be spent with my family. I will never regret being there for her. When she was younger, she was frightened of dying. As she grew older, she no longer feared it, but she never discussed it. That was okay. My job was to make sure she went out with love and peace around her. I accomplished that. This is a beautiful film.
Thanks so much for sharing!
I'm currently sitting with my mum who is dying, and I'm playing the sound of the sea as she loved the sea. This video is beautifully made. Thank you x
Thank you for sharing 🙏
Is she dead now? If so, im so sorry for your loss
@Bep101 Thank you for your kind words. She is now. I provided her care as she was dying. She had a good death and was not in pain and was at peace, thank you.
After watching this video, I feel reassured that my Dad may have heard our comforting words during the final few hours of his death.
What a beautiful film! It was such a pleasure to write music for this animation gem and important topic. Thank you Emily, Kathryn and Theos for having me!
Thanks for composing such a beautiful score!!
I lost my Nan only two weeks ago. After hearing Kathryn talk only 3 months ago. I felt more prepared, more at peace, and more capable of enduring the process of being there for her whilst she was dying because I'd had space to think about it prior to needing to deal with it in person. Her talk helped me enormously to understand what to expect and helped me model how to approach those conversations with my family. Talking about death, and allowing space to understand and learn about death is such a gift. Thank you for working with Kathryn and making this animation.
Very sorry for your loss, but glad that Dr Mannix's work helped you feel more prepared. And glad you enjoyed the animation!
I wish I had seen this before my loved one died. I laid down next to her, knowing the end was near & cancer had won, I kinda knew the signs, but doubted myself. I didn't know whether to call for help (it was the middle of the night, we were very isolated, & her journey was already known to be nearing the end). Instead of being at peace with her in those last hours, I was fidgeting, googling on my phone, looking at the dying process, which I already knew, & if that had been someone I didn't love & my head was clear, I would have recognised clearly with no doubt they were dying. Prehaps it was denial or desperation, or being too distraught to think clearly, but I was distracted by anxiety, doubts & questions about what I was seeing, & restless as what to do. I should have just been present. I should have just spoken to her, I shouldn't have left the room for 10 minutes to attend to a work thing I needed to do which looking back was so insignificant, I should have left it & taken the fallout of not completing the task. I shouldn't have been on a messenger chat talking to someone who was facing the same cancer with their loved one, discussing what was going on & questioning what I should do. I shouldn't have been Googling the dying process when I already knew it, but my head was in disbelief. I shouldn't have paced the room. I shouldn't have been so absorbed in my own grief & fear. I should have just accepted this journey of passing, & be glad I could be with her at the end, like her mother was at the start. I should have been there for her, present, & just there, mentally. I was there in body, but in mind I couldn't think straight & was just cortisol & confustion. She was unconscious most of the time, but I should have just laid next to her, all of the time, & spoken to her. My last words to her were "I will see you later, I love you" at least I have that, but I was in the toilet when she passed, for a much needed wee. I had no idea how close she was. I don't think it was a coincidence either, I think something about those words, or leaving the room, led to her slipping away, either because she felt she could go, or because my presence & voice wasn't keeping her bound to this world, that her brain waves slipped away with nothing to connect to. I don't know. But I know its very common people die once loved leave the room. But I felt guilty for that, I felt I abandoned her, but at least I said I would see her later, & I loved her. See you in the next life, my beautiful, perfect, Tara. ❤
Just how my mum passed. Now I understand. Ty ❤
It’s not always so “normal.” My little sister who passed away from breast cancer did not go so quietly. My brother in law told me her last words were Help Me. He told me she was scared and didn’t want to go. The hospice people gave her medications morphine to help calm her but she wanted to live. So I wonder if some people do have a hard time leaving life as we know it. I think it’s important talking about difficult endings as well. Also both of my parents were scared - they had heart attacks and were in the emergency room at the hospital after being brought there by ambulance. It’s not always so calm and easy which is why living in the present moment and loving as much as we can is so important. But I feel it is important to acknowledge sometimes it’s not as this video described.
I think it's for old age death mostly
Sometimes morphine can make people panic (it does for me… it did for my mother who went similarly.)
Thank you now i know everyone is end is different 🙏
Maybe that was guilt; regret ..
It only applies to dying of being too old. Otherwise, you are right, not everyone experiences a peaceful death.
This is so needed for adults and children. Existential anxiety is at the root cause of much suffering. Thank you for what you've put into the world.
That is beautiful. Thank you! I lost both my parents in a short time period, and in painful ways. Dying from cancer is not as soft and gentle as described in the video, but I found it comforting anyway.
With your beautiful voice Kathryn, this simple powerful message, artfully animated and sweetly accompanied, is perfect in every way!
Thank you for this. My elderly mother passed recently. She basically went to bed for 17 days taking only sips of water. Everything was peaceful. Myself and the Care Home staff sang hymns around her bed during those days and I prayed. In the last two days mum repeatedly pointed across the room and said that someone was there. She eventually said it was her sister. She just stopped breathing one morning, no death rattle and no distress. I miss her very much.
I read both of Katheyn's books as my mum's journey with dementia reached its end. I'd hoped that knowing more would help me, but it didn't. Because if her books, I trusted that the staff would make sure my mother was comfortable. I made sure that they had scripts ready to help with pain and restlessness. Then we found ourselves going through hell with her, surrounded by uncaring staff and an rn who was too scared to give her the morphine we felt she needed. We are haunted by the fear that she suffered in her last days and we have no way of knowing when her awareness left because her dementia meant she could not communicate with her and nobody was there to tell us what was happening at each stage. It was terrible. Your books gave me a false sense of trust in the professionals around us. I feel betrayed twice. Once by the system and once by you, Kathryn, for making me think it would be ok. It was not. It was far from ok. 6 months later I am still haunted.
Excellent! I hope this is made into a booklet that can be used (and read!) by health workers involved in the care of dying patients., perhaps adding the role of medication to control distressing symptoms.
My Dad died in agony in hospital (of sepsis) aged 95. I had always wanted to be with him but it happened so quickly.
Can you do a grieving for beginners PLEASE I have recently lost a family member but still not informed by remaining family members this feels like I too am dead
Thank you - this video is a gift
You put me at ease thank you
Beautiful! Thanks Kathryn. As an End of Life doula I love the content and style of this "normalizing" video
I’ve watched this so many times today. It’s so gentle yet so informative. I will be sharing with my patients and their relatives. I think it will help them all xx
我陪伴了爸爸的离去时间。视频里描述的所有关于呼吸和知觉的消失过程，我也一一见证💔 感谢Kathryn，给出了平静安逸的说明，让我伤感的记忆，增添了美好和无悔的鲜花和光线❤️ 天上父母永远爱着我们，一切都在。
This is incredibly beautiful. Thanks to all who were involved for putting it together.
At every step of the way the Hospice folks were great at helping us understand what we were seeing was normal and was not being experienced by my mom as distress.
Looking back on it, that way of presenting information piecemeal felt herky-jerky and left me wondering at each point what sort of mysterious thing would happen next.
I wish I could’ve seen this video early in the process as it gently demystifies the arch of what would likely happen in her final week & more importantly what my mom’s experience of it would be.
Thank you, so reassuring.
I think this is one of the best videos which RUclips showed me.. Thank you so much Kathryn Mannix. I am so proud to be a colleague of yours. Lots of love from Turkey
High praise! Thank you so much ❤
Thank You for posting, such an important and needed conversation. Excellent animation and narration. Will help reduce peoples fear of death
Beautifully done, Kathryn and team.
What an excellent video. Thank you Kathryn, Emily and the Thoes team
Absolutely brilliant. Everybody should see this.
Thank you so much for that - wonderfully reassuring.
I wish that I'd seen this before my mother died several years ago. I would have done things a lot differently. Thank you for making this video.
Thank you so much for making this and sharing it with everybody. It was incredible.
My Mom and Dad are now dancing with our Ancestors.
Beautiful film 🥰
Two words Dr Kathryn....Thank you. :)
Thank you very much.
Thanks
Beautiful and inspiring film Kathryn…. From
Sheena, Flo’s Auntie xxxxx❤
Woah thank you so much for sharing
Wonderful animation, Emily! ❤
So good. thank you.
brilliant.
om supratishte vajra svaha
No fear or panic? Lady, you have only observed death of people who pass from old age naturally. Trust me, seeing someone die from unnatural cause such as in combat, there is fear and panic in them. It is unnatural and the helplessness is the worst part.
Kathryn why have you left out the important if not MOST important factors of spiritual, unexpected and other worldly encounters and episodes? Why did you not normalise this aspect if dying? With your experience you must know how normal these experiences are and how most people are frightened and confused by what is very normal in the days or weeks before a person dies. I feel this was very irresponsible and inauthentic of you. If we cannot normalise this aspect of dying, the fact that we don’t simply cease to exist and that we in fact live on how can we ever return to people not being sacred of the dying process and help them embrace what is a normal and beautiful part of our life here on earth? Instead people like you keep the fear going and make death scary and difficult for not only those passing over but also for those who are caring for them and especially those who are so scared by the process that they make themselves altogether absent and miss out in what can be some of the most beautiful, growth promoting and life changing experiences of their lives. Those who are exposed to death through their careers should do everything they can to educate and help others become more comfortable with the life event which is as important and as precious as birth.
I challenge you to go further in your work and be completely open with what else you know about the process of dying and by doing so really help us to normalise death.
Ok kooky boochek
Sorry, while this person makes some valid comments about dying, this seems something of a fluff piece to mollify and comfort the living. I have had experience of five dying persons, some stoic, some frightened, some not wanting to die, some wanting to die, but not one has been a good death. I am not saying that a good death is not possible; I'm sure it is. But that has not been my experience.
Five? Hardly a representative sample size - KM has personally witnessed over 10,000 - the excellent video is about 'ordinary death'. As for 'something of a fluff piece' - that's quite rude. Take the time to read Dr Mannix's 'With the End in Mind' - your perspective might alter.