Shadow Work & the Dark Side of Childhood Trauma
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- Hello Everyone!
At the moment, I won't be releasing a weekly podcast but
I'd like to from time to time as requested by YOU the subscribers.
Thank you!
In this sixth episode, I want us to think about how there is a dark side to our childhood trauma symptoms... (muah ha ha). I’m trying to be funny to lessen this stuff.
This episode is about not taking our dark side so seriously by accepting it.
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
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⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
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When I was just starting to accept my shadow side and develop fledgling boundaries a coworker once teased me for being sensitive. I immediately snapped back something like, "Yes, and I'm sensitive about being called sensitive so back off." His genuine amusement and admiration for my sassiness was the perfect response. Keeping it light does indeed help. 😃💖
Oh. My... I've been sensitive about being sensitive before 😂
I had to make the distinction of kind vs nice. Nice has an agenda, kindness radiates from center. Anger I try to keep between passion and fierceness’s navigational beacons shadow wise. Nature is honest. Solitude is not selfish.
Difference between Kind vs Nice was a huge lesson for me to learn in order to heal. But yeah great lesson 🙂 I learnt.
I hit a wall of a kind. Someone on the 🐦x asked a general question "are you nice?" I went 😶 and replied "my nice died of exhaustion"
I like that phrase and will have to remember it! I'm nice overall, I think, but there are certain kinds of "nice" in me that have indeed "died of exhaustion." Not entirely sure if that's a bad thing.
my patience died of exhaustion too
@@helenarubio3371 Good point! Unlike my nice, my patience is *completely* dead, 100% due to exhaustion. I'd love to know some workarounds/hacks for that one!
This statement hits like a 💡moment.
"Nice" is a strategy
Sometimes when a person is triggered by another person's behavior, I see it as recognizing that the other person has a similar but more subtle quality as the past toxic person, that perhaps the trigger feeling is an early alert. It also means the traumatized person is hyper vigilant.
I agree 100%
Narc parents for me. I def got a lot of “repeats” and felt like a magnet for bullying, abuse, getting used and disrespect.
It was a process tho. Like yes they were ugly in their own right. And then it would have to be “processed” from childhood to release a bit of some of the trauma from my body. Often if I just “rode the wave” out tho, (did my process with my feelings and the why stuff etc) the issue would get resolved. (Such as what made me feel such intense terror or rage or profound sadness, etc). I had a lot of those for a very long time. Now they at least seem to be few and far between. So ya know it was kind of a combo of yes. I’m surrounded by jerks. But also maybe learning a new way to deal with it and also learning to avoid jerks more often.
I had body shaming family members and when my coworker was body shaming me recently it was extremely triggering. I decided to quit, as she was relentless with her mockery of me and I was done putting up with it.
Wow. I have injuries from a car accident in 2019. I can’t work, and I relate so much to feeling shame and feeling like there’s a conspiracy against me. The poorer you are, the less you’re able to access good healthcare care. I feel very stuck, and I hear my parents/family’s words in my head over and over about how worthless I am. It is a huge trigger that my EMDR therapist and I cannot solve. So yeah-the story about serving food to rich kids in Boston, and the world being unfair, that really resonates. And it’s causing so many problems.
man this guy gets it ❤️🙏
I never went to school after the 5th grade. I see now they didn't want anyone to learn about the horrific physical abuse I was suffering.
I’m sorry you went thru that. I finished 7th grade and then was illegally homeschooled had to get my g.e.d after I moved out.
I’m so sorry…..my husband went through same….he did EMDR, neurofeedback & cbt and has healed much…..you deserve happiness 💯
Dig in my shadow like Forty Six & 2
Love, tool!
This was so helpful. Thank you Patrick!
Oh wow, I identify with all of these. Some less than others, but 🤦♀️
Thank you for this insightful podcast 🙏
thank you this was so helpful!
Thank you very much!
20:00 "She took that very personally.
The way my dad said it: "That guy could pick up a piece of shit and put it in his pocket, and when he reached to take it out, it'd be gold. But me? I could put a piece of gold in my pocket, and it would be shit when I reached for it again."
PATRICK IM GOING TO NEED YOU TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD PLS 😭😭😭😭 this whole video was too real
What's the song that plays at the beginning?
The Blue and the Red by St Helena off of Modern Tan
@@patrickteahanofficial thank you!
I’ve been told I am intense, once. I didn’t ask her what she meant, I just have wondered about it ever since. Intense how? What does this mean?
Thanks!
thank you!
The video title suggests that there is a bright side of childhood trauma. Is it?
Not bright but a resilience,
@@BonnieNickle-xf1jm Do you mean it gave us more resilience towards adverse experiences?
Could be true; for me personally it feels like without those experiences, I could have turned out as a much stronger adult than I am now. However my perspective might be warped and/or biased.
I first read it that way but decided it must hv meant a trait that's somewhat toxic on others, rather than the posion we've taken ourselves.
Keep strong on the path to healing and somewhere along the way you will eventually find yourself with immense self-knowledge, insight into the human condition and ideas and thoughts to share and to help others just like Dr. Patrick. With shadow work we accrue self-knowledge and learnings, and these we get to take with us when we exit a dark night of the soul. So to answer you, we got shafted by being born to these families, but along with that we are given an opportunity for consciousness that allows for intentional goodness to flow from us in a way unconscious humans (like our abusers) are not capable of. All the best to you 🤍🤍🤍
Too many ads
RUclips Premium
I think this is one of the reasons I like books & shows where members of groups are accepted and liked WITH their mildly annoying quirks. 😉😄 My nervous system and inner child like to be reminded that it's safe to be your authentic self, *including* "flaws" and occasional overreactions. ❤❤
I think most people appreciate those stories for the same reason! They are so popular, especially in YA stuff. (Not trying to imply anything about you)
I relate to this so hard, I've been thinking about this since the short was published. I'm trying to remind myself, teach myself that not everything is so serious, but when you grow up with things really carrying that much weight it's tough but kind of liberating.
The biggest challenge is knowing when not to be too intense but also not being naive/a doormat.
a good analogy would be a friend's two recently adopted abused cats, one, named Courage the Cowardly Cat is super timid and scared of her own shadow and the other is agressive, she'll shred curtains, claw and hiss if she feels threatened. I don't want to be either.
Oh my gosh, THIS. I was just telling my (new) therapist yesterday that I am either at 0 or at 10. Doormat or nuclear. I almost always seem to use the wrong one at the wrong time. What usually happens is that I get trampled on over and over and don't speak up (which is what my brother and I were both taught to do as kids), and then on the very rare occasion I've had enough and been at "0" one too many times, I let the "10" out of its cage, and inevitably it will be the rare occasion that I should have been at "0." Then I end up looking and feeling like a complete heel. Being on the autism spectrum makes it worse.
Most of the time, I can analyze encounters after they've already happened, or play "what-if" scenarios in my head and analyze those, but in real-time, my brain doesn't work well enough to do anything but 0 or 10. Like you, I don't want to be either. Love the cat analogy (and cats in general)!
This so much !I’m struggling trying to find that place in myself where I’m not intense or a doormat !
@@sophiasometimes9818 so, there are two cats inside you too, a timid blue-gray and an aggressive orange.
but seriously, it's difficult, not necessarily the how to act part, I kind of learned that, but how to FEEL. There was a conflict at work ad I was just sick about it for two weeks, questioning whether I should even be in my profession or even alive at all. This is draining emotionally
of course, it doesn't happen in a vacuum, I'm alone in the world I've left ehind a toxic family and a toxic relationship and I live in a country experiencing unprecedented inflation, so work matters, but still, question my whole existence over a conflict that was more or less resolved in the end is not normal
Yep this is exactly how I am. Mom an alcoholic and neglectful, Father never around as he was serving in the USMC keeping the country safe while his children suffered greatly. Yep I’m intense, self consumed (which I’m misunderstood as being narcissistic) which is further from the truth. I put all people before me and I’m always trying to protect my family friends and strangers, while secretly frightened all the time. I am a private person but I use your videos as my therapist 😂. I am happy you are so well adjusted and confident with yourself. ❤
you wrote how i feel too, i see you and wish you well
Someone I know is very impatient and irritable and passive-aggressively does things for everyone but herself. Not sure if this is you, but if it is: You aren't required to protect your adult family and friends. Usually you can't anyway. Often it just hurts your relationship, making you less able to help them anyway. If you want to help people effectively, you have to pick a few battles and practice respect for their other choices, no matter how bad.
I wish I could snap back! I just freeze and feel like its all my own fault. Even now at 66 yrs, while being "the cool girl" and pretending it doesn't matter to me.
Me too
What I’d like to know is once you’ve identified your shadow, what is the next step?
What do you do with that now in your head?
wow, did we grow up in the same house?
That might be your question AND your answer…
This hurts so much. Thank you
I wish he'd film these for youtube as well.... i like to see who's talking, not just look at a picture
same
He does do some RUclipss
For the most part…
But I walk around with earbuds so a great deal of the time it doesn’t matter, at least to me at those times.
If you want video Patrick did this talk previously about 9 months ago. I'm not sure why but he releases some content more than once.
@@LikeToWatch77 good to know! Thanks!
😢 Thank You ! So needed this !!
wheres video about work struggles? I'm going through them right now , would greatly appreciate it, sending love
I have a friend who I wish I could send this to because I truly believe that she is a deeply hurt person who then hurts others. But I can't because she's so sensitive that suggestions to get help navigating her past/present are instantly interpreted as personal attacks and manipulations. She implodes any relationship that she cannot completely control which adds to her trauma/shame (unfortunately expressed as extreme people pleasing until it explodes in delusional, vicious rage). I'm in mental agony because I don't want to be yet another person who she pushed away but tiptoeing around uncomfortable truths isn't the type of friendship I value. All that venting to say that I'm proud of anyone who is strong enough to recognize they have a lot to be angry/hurt over but still realizes that they have to put the work in for healing to begin. It's not fair but none of us have that guarantee. And even if life is never fair, we have our own personal power to be better.
Don't be codependent to your friend. It's not up to you to fix them.
How kind of you to care about your friend, and possibly losing her. I can’t imagine what that feels like.
This explains so much. I thank you good sir 😊
I didn’t know you were in recovery and are sober. I had a difficult time sharing that I was in recovery with schoolmates in a counseling program attending University of Phoenix. When were u able to share that about urself with classmates or coworkers being in the helping profession? Thanku.
For us it wasn't failing at keeping up the facade, it was being terrified that dad would think we were talking about him...I freeze and fawn, collapse and then sometimes have seizures--all trauma response--and yes, it's all my fault, all the time...(I'm 56)
Thanks!
Danke!
Thank you!
Thank you
Thank you 👍
Perfectionism for me. Obsessive also. Just do everything excellently. A+ so that nobody could knock it or overdo so nobody ever has to bark orders at you. Occasionally taking things too personally. I think it’s more around feeling unwanted or excluded or ostracized. Many times this was happening but other times it was me just thinking it was happening (just like it really DID happen so many times before).
For me tho, I found that I was so many times having recycled abuse repeats and would often be under reacting as opposed to over reacting (like excusing new similar abusers and by default turning it on myself). What was happening inside tho was basically just a kind of despair. Like I was some eternal magnet for it and didn’t have any power to make it stop.
Thank you
This is painful. Not up to it
Do you know how I can approach whoever has implanted some kind of technology into my brain without my consent and how I tell them their betrayal trauma and constant tapping in my brain is a trigger and I will not relent until they approach me in a way that is effective and safer for my mental health? They were under the wrong impression I wanted to be abused as a fucked up form of appreciation and no, thats not even remotely accurate, and they have fucked me up in ways I will be recovering from for the next.. rest of my life?
Why do you think they implanted something in your brain?
Lol aren't all sides of childhood trauma dark?