Buddha - Drop Your Pride, Overcome Anger
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
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ABOUT
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In this video, I talk about the Buddha, Buddhism, flourishing, justice, anger, and how to overcome it.
In The Dhammapada, Buddha says that a wise man is beyond anger and that anger leads to sorrow, and I explored this idea more deeply through a dialogue. I was interested in the complete elimination of anger from the mind, and here’s where I’ve arrived.
The root of anger is pride. Pride is the belief that the world “should” be a certain way. Pride is believing that people “should” conform to my expectations of them. So when I’m prideful, I constantly think, you shouldn’t do that. And this thought leads to anger, anger leads to alienation, and alienation leads to sorrow. But when you drop pride, you drop your expectations of the world, and when you drop your expectations of the world, you see the world as it is, and when you see the world as it is, your understanding of it improves, and it’s only through understanding that we can move towards true justice-the mutual flourishing of all things.
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FURTHER READING
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The Dhammapada by Buddha: geni.us/xQQG
NOTES
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(1) Videos are just my opinion, for entertainment and informational purposes. Just some things to think about-not advice.
(2) Some of the links in the description are affiliate links which I get a kickback from-at no extra cost to you. Eg - any Amazon links.
“Fear is the path to the dark side … fear leads to _anger_ … _anger_ leads to hate … hate leads to suffering.” --Yoda 😉
"life is suffering"
Discuss?
Literally thinking the same thing when he was discussing the tree of anger 😂
Hear hear.
Thank you for sharing.
and hate leads to sucking it
i use to watch xplay X)
I have come to situation in my life where “I can water the tree but the tree will not give me fruits because it is already dead” at first it made me angry, because I invested so much effort, but received nothing… During this video I realized that I’m attached to my investment, and therefore I thought that I deserve the “fruit” by default. I know that any kind of attachment will lead to suffering. Even if not directly but thanks for reminding to me that.
Love it! Thank you for sharing. I am loving this Buddha series, please keep making more! :)
You’re an amazing man! The insights of these great works and people and your description of them are so thorough, reasoned and helpful that I’m addicted to your channel.
Thank you for this video!!
Your videos have really given me a new perspective of life. I am forever thankful to you and your work 🙌🏾
The main lesson. Thank you.
So so good!
Broooo fuuuuxk 😌🙏🙏🙏 thank you for this bro for real. I like the expectation and should clarification.
👍
To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
I wish you all the same
Why should anyone live up to [my] expectations? This flaw had destroyed my equanimity, productivity, and dignity in the past several years. I am trying to release this weakness.
Thanks for this. I plan on pushing forward, but any thoughts or advice for when confusion creeps nearby?
🙏🏽💖
@@DonnaSnydertrue, i just be learning to let it all go, I wish us all good luck
As someone who struggled heavily with
Anger in the past its okay to get mad. Its what you do when you are mad that defines everything
This is what I tell all my sponsees in the twelve step program I am a part of.
I have been less than able to stop or rid myself of my anger.
I strongly agree with you. Sometimes life become so stressful that you become mad or insane. However, I will restraint my act by for example going for a walk outside and talk to someone or alternatively I will listen to soothing music in the internet to contain my anger. Hope this advice will help somebody else to be a better person. 🕊️🕷️🤤🐻
The best way to deal with anger is to take it out in the gym and lift some heavy-ass weights! Which I'm about to do right now.
Also, weight lifting is great for relieving stress, controlling your emotions, staying focused, and in control.
It's the best kind of therapy for us men.
As long as you control your anger and don't let it go overboard where you get so caught up you are focusing more on yourself rather than the individual who made you mad, it's perfectly fine.
You shouldn't let people push you around in life, you need to stand up to them and show them that you have some damn teeth and that you won't put up with BS. Because if you do, they're just going to continue to walk all over you and take advantage of you.
Never let that be you.
What about social expectations? There are certain things that majority of people agree on. You can't help yourself from feeling angry, it's how you recognize and react to the anger that's important.
@Abika Ramdin Here's an example: Not following traffic regulations.
I expect somebody to stop at the red light.
I expect somebody to not cut me off.
The list goes on.
That's why you see so much anger on the roads.
Social expectations are created by common personal expectations (either formed from information or influence). For me, having expectations has no point at all, it is completely unnecessary compare to having motivation, inspiration, etc. As a teenager, I think I've spent the past years trying to know how to correctly respond to anger. Personally, I could say it's tough. But knowing the reason and the key to be free from anger, I believe was the best thing.
@@brendanvanbiljon3861 I was thinking something similar. Are we to imagine one won't be angry if someone blows through a stop sign and kills their child?
I also wanted to comment what you have commented. I have been tormenting myself for over a year now over a stupid fight between me and my relatives and I keep coming back to, "they JUST SHOULDN'T have behaved in the manner that they behaved in." Decency is a reasonable expectation that one can have, I believe. I have carried so much anger in me since then. I do not even know how to ease it
@Insomniacs you are so right! Diplomacy is so important when it comes to conflict resolution. And anger cuts the limbs of diplomacy and then the conflict is never settled
I'm usually not angry at other people. Most of the times I just don't care. I feel anger because I don't live upto my expectations. I ask myself "why are you so bad at this. You have spent so hours on the same thing and still you repeating same mistakes"( I'm a gamer and a science student). When I'm filled with rage I usually avoid people because I know I will shout at them or say something I don't mean. If I drop expectations for myself then how I'm going to get better at what I do?
Please share your thoughts on this
Hi there, having expectations and getting better is different thing. Having expectations meaning you set on something and you don't want to get any less than that. Getting better, just simply improve anything you want. For example, you feel this part of you lacking, then you make it better without expecting anything else. Having expectations is just standard, in which you can choose to use or not. But getting better is improving, innovating, and letting go of something unimportant and totally unrelated.
Have a great day, and think about this wisely. I hope you'll get some answer you need.
This video is talking about dropping the expectation of others, something you can't control. You are setting some standards or expectations for yourself. I guess you need to understand why you are making the same mistakes without progressing. I suggest you can watch other videos like "How to Get Unstuck" or "The Myth of "Working Hard". You may need to look in different ways and find another path for you to make progress. I hope you will stop your rage when you are trying things differently.
@@seeissee I think expectations and getting better goes hand in hand. To expect from yourself is to have a vision, a goal which has to be achieved. And getting better is working on your goals. Think about this - you wake up in the morning. You expect from yourself to work on your project for 7 hours. That's your goal for the day. And you will get better if you work towards your goal each day. I hope this makes sense to you. Thanks for your advice ❤️🙏
@@sandrawong421 thanks 👍🏽. I will watch your suggested videos
It is possible to do what you love and not have expectations. It is possible to learn from your mistakes and not have expectations also. So, do what you love and you'll become less concerned of the outcome and maybe this will broaden your perspective and see the mistakes that you think you are making.
this came at a great time in my life...but, i do wonder what about contracts and agreements? what about when these are broken? Not saying that this will necessarily leads to unbridled anger.
But i also wonder how this plays into economic and social injustice. Isn't complacency at the suffering of others an issue? Is it possibly an issue that wasn't as relevant for the Buddha? I mean, what would he say if he lived amongst the oppressed communities of minorities in the US?
I can see how this would apply for a privileged individual...but I am worried about how this might be applied to others' suffering, passivity, ignorance, and apathy being the replacement of anger and empathy in this scenario. Thoughts?
He didn't live in a hopless world/situation.. i wonder how you apply this to human trafficking victims. Before they become numb i am sure they have anger.. only after they lose hope they lose the anger..
Or how can you not be angry if your loved one gets killed and the murderer is free cause the system is corrupt.
In my opinion anger is needed. How you act on it is what defines you.
Hear me out…anger is the most wonderful source of energy. I do not think people should strive to remove this from their lives.
Seeing the world as is it is does not necessarially make everyone happy. Reality, at its most objective is NOT something that is, by its nature, objectively good because “good” is subjective. There is no widdling down reality to find an essence of pure happiness or full removal of pain/anger.
“True justice” is subjective even if you use the word “true”. if you want to make justice as objective as possible, you make laws everyone adheres and agrees to. People still get away with breaking them and that can lead to anger that would seem to be fair, as these are agreed upon expectations for people to adhere to, or be punished by. Even with laws for socieities, people dont agree on them or how they are implemented.
Any situation regarding justice will always have at least two sides. Was what happened just? Was it not? 100% agreement is…an expectation based on what YOU think is right.
If justice is subjective then it is just your biased expectation is it not? So then beleiving in your “true justice” will undoubtedly lead to anger when it is met with the opinions and actions of others. Is this bad? Well, yes and no. It can be wrong to another’s perspective but the anger that results allows for the development of a drive to change what that person considers “unjust”.
Minds are very different by nature. The experiences , and rationale for them, that a person encounters adds to that. Given this how could it be that everyone will agree on anything…let alone true justice. Bhudda may think true justice is no desire but maybe someone thinks its a fulfilment of all desires denied to you previously?
Do you study philosophy or smth?
I literally was discussing this today with my husband about my own anger in expectations. This is super synchronized for me lol. Thanks 😊
I feel the same way... Ive been pretty angry and this hit me right in my core situation. I can do things differently
I'm constantly angry lol now I finally can understand it better and try to make things different too, I wanna live in peace, not taking everything so seriously and understanding the world as it is 🌎
That's how it starts, the next is polygamy, congratulations, that's the true freedom in marriage
I want to free myself from anger in my marriage as well. As I listened to these words a thought I had was "what if my expectations are our wedding vows?"
Thoughts?
@@CaptainPhilosophical if it's about being faithful to eachother well you're staying faithful hoping in return that they do the same for you, so if they don't I believe that that is not justice so like the tree if Ur watering the plant hoping in return u get the fruit from it without hurting eachother in the process u should keep watering it but if it's a plant that doesn't grow fruits n Ur hoping for it to grow a fruit it's hopeless there's no point in watering it
Every friday morning after getting my bus to my office... My first thing to do this watching the weekly videos of your channel. It give us the way for solve every problems we facing day by day. Thank you mentor ♥️☺️💪🏾
The argument about "I need to have expectation that something I eat is safe" is not addressed at all, yet it is central - some expectations are not purely egoisitical and self-centered, but group-centered. Why is "people should not sell dangerous food" not an expectation ? It's even more than an expectation, it is written into "law", which is kinda the "expectations" that the society as a whole decides to live by. If someone breaks this expectation, maybe anger is not the right answer ; but I fail to see how "letting go of the expectation" leads to anything but apathy, despair and nihilism.
Fr.
There's a fine line between "letting all things be with no expectations, vs being a control freak, getting upset when u can't control everything, or certain things don't go ur way."
-You have to know when it's okay to let things be as they are. BUT also when to call things out, or stick up for yourself. It's not healthy to fully have "No expectations" and let everything go, - But also not healthy to 'hold onto everything' and get angry about it.
He addressed it at about 5 min in, specifically. It's about rethinking and contextualizing the definition of "expectiation"
@@legendaryzodiac574 that is just so he can continue with his viewpoint, doesn't make it right though.
Same as i can say anger is just the feeling not the action. You can be angry for an injustice that will que you that something is not ok.
He presents anger in video as always being an action.
See i also defined anger as something slightly different without changing anger as it is.
It's all in how you present or twist something.
I've been really trying to regain my mindset prior to my mom's death last year and catching up on these videos is a great help thank you
I am sorry for your loss.
Peace be with you.
i work in a toxic company, being angry is the only way out
To live a better life, just be indifferent. All the pain and sorrow in the world will never affect you, not even if your own mom dies, no matter how close you were. Because you see the simple truth of life is this: YOU are the only one on this planet who truly matters, not your mom, not your father, not your brother, and not anyone else. It's only you. And your goal in life should always be doing what is best for YOU. If you have a good mom, then that's what she would have wanted for you also.
Life's a bitch but it's all about perspective and how you deal with it. Because the harsh reality is that few people in this world really care if you die. You would have to be some kind of Superstar who has influenced millions of people for people to really "care". But that's ok, most of us are not Superstars.
im so sorry for your loss and wish you the best
It takes courage to drop expectations and pride. This empowers us and makes life more feasible. Courage is the next level of consciousness in David Hawkins Power Vs. Force. Thank you for these videos. You do great work!
Anger is like a fire. It can become incredibly hot and can destroy everything if it's not controlled. But anger, after a while, diminishes and goes away.
Hatred, instead, does not. Hate is like acid, it eats through everything and does not diminish. Hatred is anger turned disease, it's very difficult to remove and can pass generation to generation.
Both anger and hatred can be weaponized as tools for mental focus towards a desired objective, but hatred destroys much more than what it may protects or helps to achieve.
In my views anger is to be controlled and used for everyone's best interest, while hatred must not exist in anyone's "heart".
Bro please start uploading your work on Spotify, it will really help me. Because I want to reduce my screen time and I also want to listen to you.
I use Anger to fuel my motivation. If you cannot turn anger into actionable change.. as one cannot overcome generational anger while children are still being murdered and abused in even the most first-world words of countries.
Anger is surely one of the biggest hindrances to any form of success out there. First, get rid of the worst hindrances, and then the good things will almost happen automatically!
True but you can also channel your anger and impulses in a positive manner, mainly through work and projects. We all have aggressive impulses and we all have to deal with them some way or another. Working out is one of the best ways imo. It keeps you in check/balance when things get hard and you are under a lot of stress/pressure.
@@True38 i have a question what would you if someone caus pain to you...and you start to hate anything about him including his words and the way he talks..then you will be fear to use these words or hear it..but you have to because its a general words and live with this bad sitution every minute !!
@@mohammdbie6970 Easy, I don't take anything personally and suffer fools gladly :-) If you spend time holding a grudge and hating on someone else, that person has in fact power over you and is your Master.
There's nothing you can do to me that hasn't already been done to me throughout life. But I'm not a victim, I'm a truthful honest soldier and strategic warrior. The only thing that can really stand in my way is myself.
@@True38 what about narcissistic manipulative family members trying to hold you to familial obligations because they’ve done stuff for you in the past?
@@spajas8092 Just ignore them and move on with YOUR life and stop trying to please anybody else's life.
In general, you should never let anybody do you a favor in such a way that you feel obligated.
They are playing mind tricks on you, playing on your guilt, shame, and consciousness to make you feel bad.
You must inwardly laugh at such petty matters and never be influenced by such silly tactics.
They are just trying to use and control you. In life, you must learn to rely on your own arms, independence, and self-reliance by any means necessary.
If you don't have any of that, you are already doomed and a victim to everybody else around you. It is much better to be hated and feared than loved if it means you rely completely on yourself.
You can't please everyone anyway and you should never try to. Life is a game, there are winners and there are losers, and no one is inbetween.
Do what it takes to win.
Ohhhhh hellloooo? 4:09 when you are living together It’s important to know what other person is bothered with physically and mentally, when they are around you. That’s how words like compassion and care terms came into existence. Even saints like Dalai lama speak about this words😒
These kind of words are just going to increase narcissists confidence.
I get the spiritual meaning of this, but you should add that disclaimer 🙂
Good video but I have to slightly disagree. Sometimes it's necessary to experience and feel anger. Experiencing it will eventually make it dissolve. it's better than keeping emotions bottled up, denying our feelings and putting on a happy/calm face when it's the opposite of how we're truly feeling. For example, if I'm being treated unfairly, poorly, discriminated against and it's impacting my life, then I do have a right to feel upset and seek justice. As humans we have a right to assert ourselves (appropriately) and right a wrong. It's better than being a pushover and letting others walk all over you, negatively impacting your life.
100% agree.
Great video! I would like to add that anger is a natural reaction of the body to irritation not expressed in time. Irritation is an indicator that something is wrong, as is pain. Therefore, it is important to delve into the cause in time and express your emotions "eco-friendly".
That adds up to what Jim Carey told about depression. Thing is, Ive been there, and i still hold a lot of pain, even if the anger decreased.
It can be.
What about situations that we don't start and don't have control? like, walking on street, expeting nothing, but suddenly a person punch you the face and laughs 'cause you fall and are bleading, how to not have anger on this situation? the expectation of nothing is an expectation itself?
Personally, I am not sure whether my anger is caused by expectations. I actually believe it is mainly due to the disruption of my peace. I do not expect people to act certain way, just do not want them to bother me nor interfere with my life.
But you’re the one allowing them to disturb your peace
@@shae6101 hard to ignore when the goverment is taking away your freedom or your loved one getting killed and knowing the murderer will not be punished because the law is corrupt or your child raped and the rapist being protected by the law ( diplomats) and so on..
Anger has a purpose.. how we act on it is what defines us...
@@voidspirit111 Yeah it’s hard, my perception may be really warped but in my eyes the world will always have these serious frustrating things we can’t do anything about. I see it as everything happens for a reason and it’s a time to grow or to push ourselves to do best with what is in our control. Animals are dying the world is being destroyed humanity is slowly crumbling no one is opening their eyes. No one knows the secrets of the universe what will happen how these things work out but it’s all made up and none of it actually matters and dwelling on these things doesn’t change anything. All we can do is do our best to be our best. No point in feeling shitty. Nothing makes sense nothing is fair and nothing matters just so what you need to heal and feel better in the moment but inflicting pain and anger on others just throws it all back on you until it’s a built up ball of hate growing and growing being thrown around earth
@@voidspirit111 I know baby ❤️ I’ve just been around anger too long, I’m living in a dream world where love is more powerful and above all 🎭
So few days ago I've lend some money to my friend (i met him 1 month ago) and now he didn't receive my calls and don't answer me when i need my money
What should i do???
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
It sounds sweet but the teacher’s responses are manipulative. You can have a fair expectation of other’s actions. And the judge is calm because justice is being carried out. if there was no judge and no enforcement anger would be much higher in people. but not every situation has a judge and cop there; hence anger
A judge is often angry also, you are in court because you did something someone tells you you shouldn't have done. The judge punishes you for not living up to someone's expectations. He may be indifferent but punishes you anyway because you did not live up to the prosecutors expectations. The prosecutors expectations are supposedly the expectations of society. Society says what we should and shouldn't do. People are emotional and interpret things wrong at times. They get angry at their perception of situations and they react to their perceptions. Police are people just like everyone else who reacts to their own perceptions, emotions, and anger. Judges listen to prosecutors tell them someone has done something they shouldn't have because the police tell the prosecutors that person has done something they shouldn't have so who's pride is it? Who's the one who is saying everyone is expected to do the same thing the same way or else?
So, to let go of anger. Is to let go of expectations and desire?!
Positive emotions and negative emotions both have equal importance to live life
Few days back i was so angry on someone, that I was heartbroken and I lost my trust on tht person. And yes its because of expectations.. But what if they say mean things to you. 😔💔💔How to control that hurt??
my anger is about to take over me, so i decided to listen to something. luckily, i stumbled upon your video. thank you for sharing words of wisdom from buddah
I really loved your older videos
I just don’t prefer dialogue style videos
I think anger is more like this....watering the tree, expecting fruit in return and not getting any fruit in return. And then yes, feeling betrayed because you think the tree SHOULD bear fruit after you did what you felt was correct. Thsts more often hpw ppl get angry, you give in one place or same situation and then you dont receive. So is it wronf to have an expectation that your husband wont cheat when you have been dedicated to him for a decade. Can we say "oh who am i to think my way is best"? I want us to use better examples when we discuss topics like these. Real life example. So that the lesson can sink deeper in.
"A wise person is beyond anger"... According to the map you drew, does it mean the wise person is either isolated or sorrowful 🤭 jk...
Also, I think expectations are just, clinging onto them is not 🤷 but like you said, that's my perspective, not to be enforced upon anyone
Hmmm... I don't know... I believe that when we treat someone with respect, expecting them to treat us with respect in return is justifiable. If you continue to be kind and respectful to a person and they are repeatedly disrespectful and unkind to you - it's understandable that you would be angry/upset/hurt. Saying that our expectations of others only benefits us is questionable - in some instances yes, but not all. The world would be a better place if we all treated each other with respect. I'm not saying we all have to believe the same things, do the same things, etc., I'm saying that there's nothing wrong with expecting people to treat you with respect - that undoubtedly benefits everyone.
There are times when expectations are clearly laid out as part of a pre-arranged agreement or placed for the sake of collaboration/closeness. These expectations still qualify as 'should' statements, but do not seem like they are infringing on others rights or are the 'lie' that this video seems to posit. In a friendship, it is reasonable to have expectations for your friends. As an employee, it is reasonable to have expectations of your boss. Etc. etc. etc.
The video frames expectations as if they always happen in isolation. But, in a lot of ways, expectations are the ways that we form any sort of closeness or collaboration with others. The relationship between parent and child is different than the relationship between friends in part because of those expectations. Failure to uphold those expectations in relationships of course leads to anger. Rather than dismissing anger as an ultimate 'bad', I've always preferred to look at it as a neutral source of information. If I am angry at a friend about something, that means that I need to talk to them about our miscommunication of expectations. If we cannot agree on these expectations, we might need to stop being friends. All of this is better than having no expectations, because then we would lack any definition to our friendship and any ability to understand when its toxic/when it isn't.
Ultimately, I think this video was talking about resentment a lot more than anger. Especially in the judge examples.
I think getting angry it's ok.
In my opinion is the only way to get them know they hurted you.
And also a person who's never angry doesn't feel human (I can't relate) to me so I can't feel empathy to him/her.
The issue is how you show your anger (You don't have to exaggerate).
In the therapy world, we commonly ask, "how's that working out for you?" It is objectively NOT accurate to say that anger never has any function or positive result. It IS helpful to consider those functions and positive results, and to ask if there is a different, better way to fulfill those functions/achieve those positive results WITHOUT the negative outcomes that may also come with them. Very much in the same way that a drug might be a reliable and effective "means to some ends," and just happens to carry a mountain of harm along with it. The impulse may not be the way, is the heart of it.
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to wrath. And wrath leads to suffering.
i often think anger shouldn't be let go or suppressed; yes, it is unproductive and psychologically harmful to be angry all the time, but anger may be useful to keep our dominance so people won't take us for granted or even use or manipulate us...
...or at least that's what i thought. i may mistaken discipline and strictness with anger. i mean, i often see charismatic people is seeming less angry or i might overlooked something
Stumbled upon this bc I woke up angry today. And while listening to this, my anger turned into tears. Most of the time I mask sadness with anger so I, can be headstrong and motivated. However it gets tiring sometimes, so I meditate. I don't usually show feelings, so internalizing and hearing these words really helped.
Subscribing.
Thank you ❤️
Can relate to this, I've always been angry at the world for not meeting my expectations calling anyone incompetent if they don't.
I have also used anger as a coping mechanism whenever I'm sad, thinking how unjust the situation was and to stop hurting and crying I resorted to anger to stop the pain and to feel motivated.
I guess it's really true that everybody shares the same problems you've just never met them.
@@RemRise you are both dumb. Sorry "unwise"
How does one let go of expectations? For example, How can I not expect my partner to show me love? How can I not expect my friends to at least make half the effort I am putting into our friendship? Does this mean that I am supposed to do my part in all my relations around me without expecting anything in return? Is it humanly possible?
You re supposed To take care of your part of the job. Whether its your job, family, friends, health, behaviour regarding day To day stuff. Mind and body.
The rest is outside your reach.
A stoic would tell you To focus on what you can control only.
Thats my take
Do not completely get rid of anger. You can forget what it is used for and can lose the ability to use it where it needs to be, a semblance of when and where are required to make emotions useful, we were given the ability to have emotion, and all of them have a purpose, getting rid of your anger is not the key, controlling it so it is shown in the proper scenarios is as close to the key as you're able to get. Manage it, because it may be horrible the consequence if you cannot show any at all.
I am agry because I was raped at the age of 8 by my brother and it hurt the rest of my life it and so many other abuses my so called family put on me then left behind for me to clean up and then called it my life and left me to clean up at negative at my birth. It sucks . So what part should I not feel the way I do ? I feel that I deserve a I am so sorry that I put myself before you. I want anything but the bad people getting away with there dirty deeds and damn they are done cheap. I want justice. I want fair m I want safe . Abused people that have never had safty goes numb and then never form . This is how so many are living .
Anger is a secondary emotion.
The word "should" is irrational.
Feeling anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing. To me you’re more foolish to not have anger than you are to confront it and learn to control it and channel it into something positive
My stoned mind kept staring at buddha's leg's thinking why are his legs so fat ? until i realized that is a green cushion he is sitting on!
i'm fine with my anger. I enjoy being alone. I don't need anything outside of myself to be happy and content.
I'm the same way, although I strongly believe that you should always try to reach your full potential and go all out in life. It's much better than sitting around doing nothing, although that too I love at times, just being completely alone and listening to calm and beautiful music.
After adding self worth in this equation, this teaching could really fit in today's world. However we should not get confused between our self worth and pride. Someone without self worth and pride will be ill treated repeatedly and only a person with self worth will know when to walk away.
I feel like theres a heavy difference between expectations of what you have for others and how your feel others should treat you.
I can’t get mad because someone does something I wouldn’t do, I know we have different ways of navigating life. When it comes to who I keep around, talk to, etc, I have every damn right to have expectations especially when I put boundaries, and express how I feel calmly when they do something that hurts me or is disrespectful. I have no issue isolating from people who do no good for me as I do for them.
There’s no anger, just protecting my peace of mind.
Thank you. I've been learning Stoicism and Buddhism for the last 2 years. Anger is one of the weaknesses that I often feel. I still need to learn a lot to control my anger.
Don’t have anything against the message of this video, but most of what was said here was is NOT what the Buddha said. Please do not disrespect him by using your own views and opinions and putting his name on it. Thanks.
What did the Buddha say about anger?
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
I'm angry I can't dislike videos so every video I see gets an automatic
I have trouble accepting that my expectation of my dad not to hit me for using the wrong tone with him is rooted in my pride.
Thank you very much! Really brought clarity to a problem I’ve been trying to, but unable to solve through contemplation. Much love 💗
But anger helps you get focused. Gives you a drive. And I don't think, anybody who has achieved in ones life has no anger.
Exactly.
Would be interesting to see a video called: "The world is how it is, but, how is the world?"
This guy gets on my nerves. When did you become a master?
What about when someone keeps mistreating you? You shouldn’t get angry at them? Otherwise they don’t stop and will keep mistreating you
You don’t have to get angry. You can just ask them to stop or remove yourself from the situation. Anger is a reaction that rarely lets you control the situation.
Genuine questions: what if you water the tree consistently and carefully but it still never bares fruit? And Isn’t it still an expectation for you to water the tree and hope for fruit? I suppose the ideal solution would be to water trees expecting no fruit to ever bare.
I find myself arguing with customers and employees throughout the week. Now, I am a very kind man, buy once disrespected, I become an angry asshole. This might have opened my own mind as to how to avoid that feeling and just keep going forward.
This is very deep. .... .
Learn to take nothing personally and suffer fools gladly. They will get angry at you for not getting angry. Thus, you win :-)
@@True38 "They will get angry at you for not getting angry." In my own experience, you not reacting with anger tends to calm things down. If I react angrily it usually makes things worse.
@@True38 that is not true for all the cases.. but i guess it works for the ppl you encountered.
I have seen ppl humiliate employees and evem get physical. The employee remaining calm neither made them more angry or calm. They didn't see the employ as a human.
What you say works for cases where the customer is generally a decent persons but just has a bad day.
Will Smith should've watched this video before. 🗿
I met so many people who had a severe issue with pride.
In Bouddha's philosophy, he said that : imagine if someone gives you a present and you refuse to take it. Who gets back the gift at the end ? The present is gets back to the giver. So if someone insults or judges you, you can be anger against this person or as the present, you can refuse to accept that insult or judgement.
So.. how would.this go if someone kills a loved one or takes away your house? ( say in a countey where he dosen't get punished due to corruption)
You must be numb or not care for any of the things i mentioned to not get angry.
Wait how do I drop pride? What exactly is pride…I wanted that part to be explained too!
dhyāyato viṣhayān puṁsaḥ saṅgas teṣhūpajāyate
saṅgāt sañjāyate kāmaḥ kāmāt krodho ’bhijāyate
BG 2.62: While contemplating on the objects of the senses, one develops attachment to them. Attachment leads to desire, and from desire arises anger.
krodhād bhavati sammohaḥ sammohāt smṛiti-vibhramaḥ
smṛiti-bhranśhād buddhi-nāśho buddhi-nāśhāt praṇaśhyati
BG 2.63: Anger leads to clouding of judgment, which results in bewilderment of the memory. When the memory is bewildered, the intellect gets destroyed; and when the intellect is destroyed, one is ruined.
Anger still comes up in certain citations. It's okay to have that emotion, because we are still human.
Good video as always. I think it was important that you explained both definitions of "expectations" through the video. But I might have worded "pride" differently and have a different word to fit that definition. I think putting "expectations" on others comes from a lack of understanding usually. Or at least an unwillingness to try to understand. I have people in their lives that had other peoples expectations thrust onto them from a very early age. And they now have a tortured pride where they constantly think they're not good enough even though their metrics for how they come to this conclusion are muddy at best. This leads to anger at both themselves and others, and i'm sure they put expectations on others too. But i'm not sure the removal of "pride" as per the usual definition of finding satisfaction in your own deeds would do them good. So I think the way the term is used in the video muddies the water a little. When you're never proud of anything, of any expectation you set on yourself and fulfill, you'll become empty. you'll never have desires you think you're capable of fulfilling again. So you need pride to reward you when you fulfill your well thought out desires, goals and metrics.
This video makes me feel a lot of anger.
i cant.. finish watching..
i can't let go of this Anger
rooted in UNFAIR treatment
i need justice, i need fairness
but.. i can't do anything about it now 😔
i feel stepped on
I never get angry if someone breaks my expectations, as I have none, but what about when someone breaks the expectations we all have like that justice will be served, what happens when people out of self greed harm others, when a person breaks a fundamental things, integrity that all have, should we not get angry then....
anger đến vì bạn đã expectation " should" với tất cả mọi thứ. but hãy thử nhìn 3:34, sao ý kiến của bạn lại đc ngta ưu tiên hơn? no way, tại sao họ phải nghe lời bạn? yeah. từ bỏ anger, từ bỏ pride
Life is too short and precious, to live in anger.
We all have stories, the one who can tell the story the best way, gets what he/she desires...and you're a great storyteller, can you teach how to? 🙏🏼
Anger is something we need to work on because it prevents alot of things we might later regret from happening.
Jesus loves you and desires a relationship with you. Won't you open up the door and accept him into your heart today? Pray, read his word and repent. Stay safe and God bless!
There's such thing as righteous anger.If someone did something wrong to you on purpose,it's a natural reaction. There are circumstances where we needed to release the anger because holding it back it will make more problems.These emotions are what makes us human,what's important is considering reconciliation and forgiveness after having conflict with anyone.
Anger should be external only..not internal
1. I keep calm when anger until my stomach feel deep inside. And now, my stomach always hurt right now~
2. I keep distance from jealous people..is it okay? Bcoz jealous people never talk infront..they talk back..its bcoz their fault..not mine
Bhudda had some good insight for his era. But it’s incomplete. Any person that was a victim of abuse will be angry. Easier said that done to eradicate that. Because is it just people hurt kids when mean setting a bad start from the beginning. But as always better to fix it if it can be fixed by you. Because it ain’t no fixing others.
very small minded perspective
very good video-but i wish it included--expectations and anger--deeply rooted into fear... anger is fear in rage
Anger is a biological imperative, like hunger, fear or lust. Eliminating anger sounds like toxic positivity to me.
Yes, individuals can take any of these instincts to a place that's post healthy. But... does this mean entirely suppressing survival instincts 'should' be the goal?
Reciprocity is the balance of giving and receiving in a relationship, with the goal of creating a healthy and mutually beneficial partnership. When a relationship becomes unbalanced, anger, when employed constructively can be a useful impetus for difficult discussions or defending oneself. Unless you're cool with you and your family being raped/pillaged.
Sounds dramatic, but there are all kinds of people in the world, with all kinds of values. There are people out there who would eat the flesh off your bones if you'd let them.
Self respect/constructive anger isn't negative, imo it's important for survival.
Rightly or wrongly so, I have no doubt that judges get angry in their personal lives.
Great content and channel anyway, thanks for your work.
great video, it certainly has me more aware of the negatives of expectations, though I still consider expectations to be good in either way; all be it when I walk around being treated badly versus myself to others. My every expectation and belief is to treat others as you would like to be treated if someone chooses not to do this; what it leads to is accountability and education for that person to understand that you can go around being rude to people or even worst hating individual. I can tie this to one example be it racism or discrimination that many people deal with every day, of course, this is an issue that I pray that we as a society will move to pass someday. Thank you
Anger Seeking Justice: that anger is a result of others marginalizing, malicious anger and dangerous aggression - you cannot defuse a bimb with a flower.
"not fragile like a flower, fragile like a bimb"
Frida Kahlo
(aligned with Ruth Bader Ginsburg)
A person without pride isn't a person. I have worked hard to hone myself, my abilities, my appearance, my physique, my knowledge, working to reach for greater potential. Why shouldn't I feel pride in what I have accomplished. When I look around, i see people who aren't even trying to be better than who they are. As if they are perfect. I am certainly not perfect, but I acknowledge and accept when I make mistakes. Sometimes I go into things knowing they are mistakes, but that they are mistakes I have to make if I have any chance to learn from them. Also your buddha garbage didn't account for someone objectively wronging you. Life isn't fair and don't expect anyone to lift a finger to help you, if you can't stand up for yourself then go hide in a hole. This video is dumb. But obviously I am just angry because I am not wise😂 what an argument that your statement shuts down anyone who disagrees with you by calling them unwise😢
Wow, the Bhudda has some grade-A BS. You can *absolutely* be calm irrational, partial, and biased at the same time. These are not mutually exclusive things. I can't swing a dead cat without some smug intellectual or mansplainer going, "The fact that you're upset about the harm I knowingly, deliberately did to you is your fault and proof that you deserved what I did, because I can remain calm about the harm I did. It's your fault really, for having the expectation that I *shouldn't* go around hurting people." It's sodding victim-blaming.
The problem isn't "anger", it's an effect not a cause afterall, it's the stagnation that anger can cause.
As far as "shoulds"/expectations, that's correct.. this mode of thinking is "black and white" thinking and only leads to disappointment and anger. This source of anger is toxic, arrogant, and not based in truth. Essentially, it's limiting.
Idk I just think it's toxic to pose this all as "get rid of anger".. it's 1000% more effective to approach it as a process, 'I'm feeling angry because ______, what message is this sending me? What's the underlying need?'
We're in a perpetual state of flow.. resistance, aka not accepting something, halts your energy and puts you in a state of stagnation. That is quite literally the only thing that damages us
Thanks for this. What's behind pride? Low self esteem or simply rigidity? Either way it's probably because of poor parenting.
@Abika Ramdin thanks for the response. I partially agree with you on parenting. It might not be the only reason but one of the reasons. It was in my case at least.
I certainly had a lot of pride and ego when I was a kid but I was using it to mask low self esteem, similar to your case. Looking back I can now say that I had a lot of half knowledge about everything. I'd like to know what you think are the other reasons for pride and how you let go of it.
@Abika Ramdin thanks for the reply. It makes sense to me.
@Abika Ramdin i just love rewatching past mistakes and realising it was only partly my fault. Which gives my self hatred a hard time deciding whether To keep going on or not. Anger. Fear. Not understanding. Self sabotaging. Leading To what got me first. Abandon. So the cycle continues.
When the old man started talking way too much, i just naturally got angry. I had no expectation of him and i got angry. He just annoyed me. A physical response, like disliking a bad smell.
"A good judge wants both people to flourish, to be without hurt"
If by both people you mean the victim and the perpetrator of the crime, that's absolutely false.
The judge's role is to punish the one who strayed away form the rules of society and hurt it's members.
Furthermore, when people are brought before a judge, it's already to late in lost cases for having no one "without hurt". The victim has already been wronged.
Same thing later with "When people violate your expectations of them, you think "you shouldn't have done that ". That's the source of your anger."
That's not the conception of wrong that's causing anger, but the wrong himself. You can't just accept anything and then blame you own expectations to be respected or having rights. Saying that's you have the right to be angry, but you shouldn't have a angry mind can call for caution when expressing anger, of course, but can also lead to doubt yourself when you have all right to be resentful.
The morale should be : "you have every rights to be angry against the one who did you true arm. But have to direct your anger only against him, and if nothing can really be done, and only then, learn to let go."
That's what I think at least.
It's really, really difficult sometimes. I have a roommate. I have older dog. She needs to be on clean diet because her joints aren't as good and she's not losing weight. And I found out my roommate keeps feeding my dog human food like cheese and other fatty things she doesn't want to eat. I've told my roommate not to feed my dog anything. ANYTHING. And I keep catching her doing it. So finally I got so mad I'm kicking her out the house. I don't know how I could not be angry in this situation. Thoughts?
Expectations of people behaving good, is why I’m special and why my expectations should be met. Anger arises when people can’t be good. Now how do you get rid of my expectations or do you still believe my expectations are wrong?
idk what these videos are doing to me but i’m not complaining about finding this channel