Starting New Relationships - The R Spot Season 3 Episode 10
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- Опубликовано: 15 авг 2017
- The R Spot Season 3 - Episode 10 "Starting New Relationships"
12 episodes delivered every Tuesday at 3:00pm est only at RUclips - Subscribe Today!
The R Spot episodes are where Iyanla shares messages, stories, and ideas to develop healthy relationships, and mend the ones that are broken. If you want to send Iyanla questions or share relationship issues; send correspondence below.
Email:
IyanlasFixins@gmail.com
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ruclips.net/user/IyanlaVanzant...
7:03 🤔« Don’t go along just to get along »👏👏 somebody give this sister a Nobel
I love her she's like the mentor I never had.
Dearest Iyanla,
Your video appeared on my RUclips feed one day and that video made me step down from a ledge.
After suffering from emotional abuse from someone whom I thought I couldn't live without for almost 2 years even after the break up, I was ready to throw in the towel because death was a much better solution than being in heartbreak with each waking moment.
I cried listening to your videos one by one and I am here today to tell you THANK YOU for saving me. I literally reclaimed my dignity and self worth with no hate, no resentment but just my genuine best wishes for the both of them.
My story is long and I can't possibly type it here but yes! I survived this seasonal relationship of 10 years together plus another two years of emotional breakdown. I went to hell (trust me) and back. Today I celebrate each day, picking up the pieces with no more hatred.
Once upon a time, I prayed for an angel to come guide me and that was when I saw your video for the first time. I thought my heart was dead and frozen forever but I realized that it has got so much more to give and receive. Your videos are my encyclopedia to living life with a smile from within and a laugh just like yours.
I thank God each day for you and its because of you that I too believe in Him more than ever.
Thank you God for Iyanla.
Thank you Iyanla for being on Earth. May you be blessed with abundance of health and laughter, and all that you desire.
With Eternal Gratitude.
if you don't ask for what you need, the need gets bigger.
BC VC yesss
I agree with everything that's being said here. It's exactly how I view things.
I'm just struggling in this generation where everyone has trust issues.
Everyone has a ex their not over.
Everyone has options.
And no one wants to put in the effort.
I'm 27.
People always advise me to date older but a lot of older men have multiple babies mothers.
I never go and meet someone unless I've spoken to them for a while and feel comfortable enough to meet them. Because I hate wasting my damn time on a date with someone who doesn't share the same values as me. Everyone wants to rush and most of the time rush into sex. Sex is sooooo easy to find. Intimacy and love is hard now.
Amen. I am also not into all this 'hookup' culture. I once went on a first meetup with a guy who wasn't even listening to me much when I talked and in the end of the date he said that he's not had sex for a year and what will I cook for him. No thanks.
N Camara - they make me sick 🤣
eww thats absolutely disgusting, the fact that the guy thought that was acceptable ahaha. There is no hope
You're telling the absolute truth! Dating can be so disappointing, but I'm remaining hopeful.
Dr. Honey Trap Bih • The Honey Experience • kar
When they tell/show you what they want. BELIEVE THEM. Amen Iyanla. 💯💯💯
We to qàsddfyiq
We must set standards and then men will either leave or respect them
True. This will always separate the "men from the boys". Steve Harvey said it: "A real man is not going to ask you for money, use your car, live with you, etc. He will have his own car and place". Men like this who want quick sex, want you to pay for meals, etc. use your car, live with you are nothing but con artists. They are NOT looking for a lasting relationship. Also, always do a background check. Too many women have been robbed, raped, beat, and killed because they fell for the lies of many men.
"When someone shows you who they are the first time, BELIEVE THEM!" (Dr. Maya Angelou - RIP).
Books4LitSouls amen
POINT. BLANK! Brightest comment I've read thus far!
Books4LitSouls, I’m not going to ask your age, but your comment surprised me that you appear so young yet seem so grounded. 🤗
Books4LitSouls and sadly most of the time they will leave.
Love this queen mother since I discovered her books in High School (1996) , to the starting over house in the early 2000's, up until this very day. Iyanla is like my GOD MOTHER I ONLY KNOW BY SPIRIT. One of these days we will meet!! Ase' . Women like her, I sit at their feet , shut up and learn since I was a kid. Thank you, Queen Mother.
AMEN
Where have you been in all my adulthood????😭😭😭😭 I discovered you and wont stop listening to your wise word.thank you
I'm starting a new relationship and this is just what I needed to hear. I'm excited and my new man seems to be a wonderful person. I'm looking forward to it
"Don't go along, just to get along." 7:05
asantecrypto yesss
A lot of time people don't take people with morals and values serious and challenge what the say and mean and if u don't stand on it they knew u were just like them
I love her 😍 every single thing about her.....her looks, style, laugh, intellect, wisdom, compassion, humour, advice.....
it work for me
My ex have come back to me
WhatsApp him for help
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This was perfect for me as I've just started a new relationship
Run a background check. You can go on Beenverified.com. Trust nobody. People have "hidden agendas". Best advice an old lady told me years ago: "A man is NOT going to tell you anything to hurt his chances with you. It is up to YOU to find out who he really is. Most men now are looking for easy quick sex, money, using you for your car, living with you, etc. Always take things SLOW. Keep your mouth and your legs CLOSED, and your eyes and your ears OPEN. Good luck, and be safe!
God bless you
Be blessed!
I love her discussions. Thank God that I found this and Subscribed!
I’ve always loved what Iyanla said on Oprah about dating.
“Don’t look for the feelings. Look for the experience when you are getting to know someone new.”
I love your personality Iyanla! The fun you incorporate in these sessions are inviting and engaging - thx!
This video came right on time. I never was in a real relationship. So I never knew how to get started. Thank you God for placing this on my First Lady to share with me.
I love your laugh Iyanla! I cant help laughing along when you do lol. On a serious note this episode was very helpful to me. Instead of being frustrated or angry at how I feel treated in my relationships, I really have to look at what boundaries and talks did we setup in the beginning? What things have I let slide until it got out of hand? Time for me to reflect
"I saw it on LOVE & HIP HOP " 😆 girl
Thank you auntie. Good advice. God bless you. I just love ya.
Iyanla you don’t know how you’ve helped me heal and grow- thank u for what you do
it’s good to ask questions and getting to know the person if they are authentic.
I love these segments, but I hate the theme music
😂😂😂
Its hideous isnt it🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣
😂😂
🤦🏾♀️😂
She is an amazing mentor. Good luck and blessings to everyone!
I love her peaceful tone. You are an amazing person
I have listened to this one video for 2months now and i listen to it EVERY SINGLE DAY
That was very veryyyy helpful Iyanla.. thank you soooooo much!!!!! I needed. God bless! 😘❤❤❤❤
I tthinkni will be ready for something new ans just wanted to watch this to get in the right mindstate and not carry over from previous relationships. Thank you for this!
The courtship is very special dating after 24 years of marriage; everyone want everything now.. you're a blessing😍
Thank you!!! Wish I had known when I met my first boyfriend 45 years ago!!! I know better now!
I’m just here to listen and learn😌
How awesome is it to listen to the rules of the game from previous generations because she experienced things before the social media days when everything made sense
Youre soo beautiful--inside & out! Loving the new look! WOW! Gorgeous! ❤❤❤
"A woman can't hear what you don't say." Oh that's good! Making assumptions ALWAYS gets me into trouble. A guy will act a certain way, but never say the words to match the actions & I end up confused. Thank you Miss Iyanla 🙂
Nice
Appreciate you and this,yep I've been questioning
HI ,i just started watching your shows on RUclips, and i really love each of them.
Your show is very inspiring
I admire you Iyanla......you are so wise and charismatic. And I love the message on the t-shirt too😃
Thanks Iyanla for your inspiring, informing and grounding words. Your charisma is everything! You really helped me. Been watching some videos of yours in the last couple days. It's great seeing an individual living their passion and looking good while doing so ;) It impresses me and gives me courage to examine my life too. Much Love from Switzerland
I do not agree that one should automatically forget someone if they have problems with siblings or parents. Sometimes the problems are those other family members and not the person you are in a new relationship with. More information is needed of course, to determine where the problems really lay.
It's more about how we deal with such hardships.
If the person has taken a conscious step to cut some ties and take his distances to a certain extent, it will show positiviely on him/her: they're more relaxed, more determined and... more reassuring.
But when the same person is still showing a lot of stress, talking badly about his relatives then it's a bad sign: there are always two sides of the story, just make sure to have the good side by having a calm, a respectful (even if you had the worst family ever) and dignified attitude.
Old School Advice Thank U Keep em coming
11:30 you better eat that pizza and keep on moving, LOL! I love Iyanla!
No peeing on the bushes~~ LOL~~Thank you for adding playful humor on a delicate topic!
6yrs later its feels fresh like posted 1 minute ago...God real bless you sisterlove
Bless you Iyanla, I really sent you so much love, thank you for being!
The beginning was probably the best thing I’ve ever seen. 😊
This was very helpful. Thank you 🙏🏽
Thanks for your video. It made sense and this is what I do in all relationships. I wanted to know if you could speak about long distance relationships...if they're worth the time, who visits who first, etc. Thanks in advance
One thing about dating I don't like is talking about my family. Its so dysfunctional and don't think it makes me appealing to a potential partner :(
awwww.🤗
Love your hair those colors look good on you
Thank you, very helpful
Great Information . Got into 1 without any of these conversations . Red Flags too !
I love this! I had to giggle with the man that wrote in and said...why women don't like when I have multiple women. Lol. I loved her answer... but wanted to crawl through the phone and strangle him lol. She's too precious
Love your work! Such a beautiful soul x
Thank you I really enjoyed your message!!!❤
My sister LQQKs Dyno-Mite !!!!!! at her age, and so much wisdom
Thank you
Don’t be pissing in my bushes!!! Yes love you 🙏🏾💋
Just love listening 2 u...u just capture my attention n it's even better with your kick ass sense of humor❤😆
Thanks for the golden key prayer it is awesome and right on time!
Kamilah Jackson,
Prayer Changes Things & It Is POWERFUL!!! 😇
Wonderful as always! Thanks again Iyanla.
Awesome words of knowledge.
Helpful and Inspiring..Also look and pay attention to Red Flags..Anger, possessive , Money borrower,Veeery Important..Thankyou Dear..Kind Regards from Germany
Thank you very much mum. This is so helpful.
I love you, Miss Iyanla.
Iyanla, thank you very much for your great advice. 😁
I’ve been down the marriage road twice...two entirely different types of men. Buried the second one in 1995....the alcoholic. Everything she says amounts to a hassle I can do without. I haven’t been unhappy, lonesome or anything like that. I don’t have to make any compromises or answer to anyone but myself, which is what counts. When I want to go out, I go anytime I want to. So, like the past 23 years or so, I shall remain happily unencumbered. hehehe!!.....don’t much think any man worth his salt would agree to my house rules‼️ And, BTW, if I should get into any kind of conversation with any man.....regardless of how much I might like him, there’s no way on this earth that I’d ever reveal everything about myself. That’s a trap you don’t ever want to step into!!! You never know when a time might come...no matter how much you like him right now...that you’ll decide to throw him to the curb‼️
I respect most points here but the one about family is a no no. Unfortunately you can’t choose your family and some are extremely dysfunctional and toxic so you create your own family with friends etc, basically the people who are down for you and vice versa. I think it’s incredibly unfair to judge someone on people outside of themselves who we had no freedom to choose. Unfortunately as children we have no control but as adults we get to have our say and take action and if that means removing hurt, pain and destruction then it will be done. From What Iyanla has also expressed about her own past I was quite surprised to hear this point made in this talk. I come from an abusive home and don’t wish to carry on a relationship with people whom have shown me NO respect, love or care and expect to keep them in my life and then be judged by others for not wanting them there! You know what’s best for you, don’t let anyone tell you any different. It’s your life!
Im workin on me now i been watchn these vids to help encourage me my husband keep cheating im tryin to be strong
Thank you for being a Blessing to me😍🤗
I have and still do appreciate you and all you do for folks and your knowledge. That being said, I disagree about cutting someone off because they may not be speaking to their family. Sometimes not speaking to an abusive family after trying all other measures maybe be the best option for someone's health, healing and well being and it just might be one of the most difficult and painful decisions they ever had to make
Jen NY,
Yasssss Lawd, I agree with what U r saying, cause family can cause U to have a break down like no otha when U have given all U got & they still being STUPID, so yes gooooooood BYE to the Bafoolery!!!! Ironic how U r reading my mind, because this is happening to a member of my family now & it has happened to me on a number of occasions dealing with family for years before I finally hit that wall for the Last Darn Time!!! 😲😯
i totally agree. i was put off when iyanla said that too, because there are plenty of family members who i had to cut off or talk to less because they were toxic or just not adding any value to my life. but i think iyanla may have meant that if the person has no interest in talking to their family because they just dont value their family relationships or they aren't responsible with keeping up with important people in their life, then that's a bad sign.
Jen NY
listen from 11:20 again. She's not saying that you can't date anyone who has cut off crippling family members. She's just saying to get to know all of the details to be informed. Sometimes it's the family members, or sometimes it's the person we're dating who has the deep internal issues and the family had to cut them off. As she said, you can still move forward in the relationship even if they don't have the best relationship with their family. But if you get true signs of crazy... cross to the other side of the street! I agree with Iyanla
Why am I just finding this channel
Fix My Life Is Awesome T.V. Show & So Is lyanla Vanzant
I feel like you talk people from the ledge. Lol!. thank you!
miss iyanla this is so good! love you
Bring these back ppllleeeaaaasseee
Thank you Queen Mother Iyanla.❤
Thank you Iyanla
I don't like when you go a first date, with someone they always be expecting sex, rather before meeting you or after, and when you say after 90 days, they are never seen again. or they keep trying in hopes to get lucky before you go out a second time or if ever. How do you get them to understand you don't want the sex, until after you get to know each other?
Right,,And the funny part is the ones, you know you would never date, for whatever the reason, are the ones who chase you till they drop, seems like lol.
Geraldine Wallace that's correct. i told a couple of them ...get to know me or at least be honest abput what you want. there is no need to wear masks and play around. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, wishing you an excellent weekend & i hope you find your "equal" soon.
This is so true. And this is because there ARE women that will do that. Men just want to take you out and then, like a trade off if they buy you a meal, they want sex. I tell them I am not a prostitute! If you would like to get to know me, then it will take some time. If not keep it moving. My positive energy and my self esteem and body are too important to just give away to the first thing smoking! We as women need to all unite and stop this free give away that is going on out here!
Isn't it so sad and I agree that these habits people have are animalistic! I don't see how people can just lay down with anyone😷and you don't need sex to survive! Keep hope alive for good mates!!!
I buy my own dinner. I owe him nothing. There is no sex ledger to keep track of. When he knows I 'owe' him nothing, does he want to see me again? Now I know what he wants. Lol
Family history is important. If someone is at odds with multiple family members.. that's not a good sign . Especially if the other family members all get along, just not with that person . But of course there's always exceptions .. family members can be toxic and have issues
In the start I'm learning all this & more! No subject of limits because if you cringe at what I say about anything (especially answers to your questions about my past) in the first conversation, there won't be a second one. I want MR. unconditional not Mr. maybe!!! If your all in, my past won't matter! City girl seen a lot, lived through a lot & not ashamed because I rose above my environment & that's the take away. Not the ugly parts...Just how beautiful it's turning out! I want a guy that see's how much more I shine because of it. If he tells me he can't hear about things like that or sorry he asked in sarcasm.... Next! Peace out boy scout!
I loved this episode
Amen and to add with that it's such a beautiful blessings to have someone that's going to be there when your health may need some support someone that's going to really be with you threw that Whole Hog threw beginning to end of recovery whenever you or that person get sick that's a big big part of relationship
my search did not disappoint! I am so grateful for my curiosity, and your wisdom Iyania!
Blessings
it work for me
My ex have come back to me
WhatsApp him for help
This is the truth! I'm not currently dating but I'm definitely baring these tips in mind. This lady just speaks wisdom and has inspired my love of inspirational quotes. Love her!
Family history was a major part of why i didnt want a relationship with theblast person i had as you say play dates with lol. Cuz i knew early from hom showing me then seeing later proof he was lying about alot. But his family had alot of stuff going on that wasnt being fixed. I think when you not begging to be with them they kind of get upset sometimes. Not that he wasnt good his age showed alot in the situation like a whining kid if he didnt get his way.
Good topic!!
I love this
I enjoy your videos so much 🥰
You were speaking to me
Thank you
2:10 "Getting to know you" from "The Sound of Music," maybe?
Energy is everything ☺ Thank you ♥
WhatsApp him for help
Perfect timing 💞
Family History 🤙🤙🤙 YES. TRUTHS
Hey! How do you ask nicely, "Have you been tested for STDs lately? Do you have proof of the results...like I do?" Are the results from a decade ago?
Like this " Hey babe, since we are starting this relationship... I think we should do it the right way. Let's go get tested together!" That's one way...OR if you have your prepared to show while asking to see theirs...just ask!! " Hey love, When is the last time you have been tested? I was tested (insert when) and since we have gotten a bit closer, I think it's right that we share that information with one another!" If this person refuses to show information or refuses to get tested with you..OR gets tested ALONE after you have already established that you'd like to go together. Run! They are hiding something
Gabrielle LeBeau they act like I'm insulting their purity by wanting to get tested. I've had to run. Lol
@ Gabrielle LeBeau - #AWESOME
Leslie Bonner Leslie Bonner I agree with this comment me and a mate did this and all you are doing is ensuring everyone's health...
Don't ask them have you been tested because they could potentially take that the wrong way (people can be sensitive) so try saying hey "let's or we should" get tested and show eachother our results... regardless if you got tested just a month ago that person doesn't know what you've been up to too so you should be willing to go again while you are asking them.
I'm re-watching these episodes in 2021. Love and gratitude for you dear Iyanla. You can't imagine how much you did helped me through my growing and evolving journey. I'm sending prayers for you. Stay well, healthy and happy. ❤❤
it work for me
My ex have come back to me
WhatsApp him for help
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Thanks so much
Although brothers sometime can know things you do not.
Thank you ❤️
LoL!!!! This is spot on.
love you iyanla you are so funny . wish one day i could have the honor of meeting you. i just purchased your lotion on hsn. i have your books from way back when they where helpful . you are such a wise woman really love your messages. may god always bless you with good health and much success. malena xxoo