THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Case ########-10 The recollections of Martin Blackwood. Recorded in Situ.
Content warnings: - Isolation; Depression - Anxiety - Depersonalisation & self-disorder - Self-hatred - Financial distress ;Elderly neglect - Emotional / Caregiver abuse (mentioned) - Neurological impairment / Mental deterioration - Instances of memory loss - Funerals (mentioned) - Perceived abandonment - Persistent droning (SFX)
Thanks to this week's Patrons:MacKenzie Cummings, Elizabeth Boyer, cordsycords, Ace of Artemis, Amanda Dalton, Becky S Chapin, Lorec, Jessica Snyder, YungBrood, Sandra Vucenovic, Kimberly, John Biegel, Nemo Nemiroff, Paula Salkeld, Sophia Anderson, Rheine, William Wold, Milana Tatarenko, Haley Morris, elliot, Katie Barrowman, Bob Charlton, RinM, TeaReesa, Madison Mason, Charly Nygaard, Jurgen Leitner, crxcrvs, Andy Juell, Henry Tschudy, Eboni Daniels, Ms Natalie Catchpole, A_Wild_Sonne, Malediction, Alex, Dante Rowe, Katia, Eric Patterson and Lynn Coy, Harmony Mills, Ronnie Stewart
If you'd like to join them visit www.patreon.com/rustyquill
Edited this week by Annie Fitch, Elizabeth Moffatt, Brock Winstead & Alexander J Newall
Written by Jonathan Sims and
Directed by Alexander J Newall
Produced by Lowri Ann Davies
Performances: "Martin Blackwood" - Alexander J. Newall; "The Archivist" - Jonathan Sims;
For more information or to hang out with the Rusty Quill community, visit:
WEBSITE: www.rustyquill.com
FACEBOOK: therustyquill/
TWITTER: @therustyquill
FORUMS: rustyquill.proboards.com
REDDIT: www.reddit.com/r/TheMagnusArchives/
DISCORD: / discord
TWITCH: / rusty_quill
MERCH: www.redbubble.com/people/rust...
Sound effects this week by lwdickens, Sheyvan, altfuture, Anthousai, 13GPanska_Markova_Lucie, 190175, EricsSoundschmiede, mistorcaveman, Joljo, giddster, E0las, offthesky, lartti & previously credited artists via freesound.org.
You can subscribe to this podcast using your podcast software of choice, or by visiting www.rustyquill.com/subscribe
Please rate and review on your software of choice, it really helps us to spread the podcast to new listeners, so share the fear.
The Magnus Archives is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill Ltd. and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International Licence 
Развлечения
![Eminem - The Death of Slim Shady [Graveyard Album Trailer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vOJD-6vQpXU/mqdefault.jpg)
"I'm Martin Blackwood and I am *not* lonely anymore." Kills me every time.
“I am in love and i will not forget that” and then martins genuine relief when he hears jon the acting of this entire series is outstanding
Honestly Martin gushing about his crush on Jon in the first few mintues was equal parts sweet and sad. 😭
It also means he had a crush on Jon since pretty much day 1 and it's sweet but also hurts because it likely started because Jon's treatment of him was similar to his mother's and he interpreted it as the way he should be treated by loved ones. God I'm glad Jon got softer with him.
@@rorygiambalvo2955 Oh damn, I didn't consider that! Yes, I'm glad Jon shaped up about that.
@@rorygiambalvo2955:') Ty for pointing that out, even if it's really sad
I love how Martin always talks to tape recorders like their dogs. It sounds so cute even when the episode is super sad. Especially since the recorders are his connection to Jon
I think without the recorder he would have been lost. And I like to think about the tape like an extension of John. In the previous seasons, talking to the tapes was basicly talking to John and everyone knew that. Because John listen to all the tapes.
Even last season when Martin was with the Lonely he kept using the tapes to tell things to John.
So yeah, basicly I think John's connection to the tapes was what was needing be Martin to be strong enough to keep existing.
(Did I talk too much. I have feelings. Lots of them)
I’m now imagining Martin just has a tape recorder on a lead and is taking it for a walk as the sky stares at him and people suffer
@@yumiendercat3685 that's so weirdly wholesome and cute
@@yumiendercat3685 I will f*cking draw that
@@NerveUnderscore Please share it! I'd love to see it!
Drinking game - take a shot whenever martin politely greets inanimate objects
I would fukin die
also known as: welcome to alcohol poisoning
Alternatively, take a shot whenever cobwebs come up.
How about a sip?
Well as a drinking game thats going to be pretty boring only until you get into seasons 4 and 5
A nice touch was that the clock is always in the background, and that was the noise marker for Elais/Peter's office previously. I like to think it's there to remind Martin of his time embracing the lonely, working for Peter
This domain probably would have been Peter,s
stranger: horrific merry go round where people tear each other's faces off
desolation: hellscape of infinitely burning buildings with people burning alive
lonely: regular nursing home
AND YET IT WAS THE WORST SO FAR
Please let me out of the dementia ward, I'm not a suppose to be here vibes.
It's the most relatable to those of us living in the Lonely
I'M HUGGING YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW MARTIN!!😢
I can’t believe even The Magnus Archives has the power of love, this is just so great
"im in love, i won't forget that" bro i- when i tell you my heart melted
I mean Love can push you to do so many things like overcoming great fear
Just you wait, at the series finally, they are going to have a dramatic anime fight scene and realise love is the power that defeats all.
ok but the ACTING THO???
i was listening to this on a speaker (i was cooking and dont like headphones) and my mom (who doesnt speak english) was working in the same room. at one point she says "i had no idea of what hes saying but it makes me really sad" so great job alex!!
Yeah!! I know this is like a year late but this episode is one of the few that's made me cry, Alex did such a good job.
wow, that's impressive! really says something about just how good the acting is
I’ve always thought The Lonely was the fear that resonated the most with me but this one really drove that home. Sometimes it feels easier to hide behind the fog, because being invisible is better than being hated, right?
Same for me. It's unsettling how good this episode describes the feeling I have during more depressive episodes.
Absolutely. Sometimes you are just so sad, afraid and tired that you prefer disappeared and insolation feels safer.
And yet the ending is exactly what we need! It's important to keep telling truth we know because people can't reach us if we don't make ourself reachable.
So hung tight, try not to drown, and cry for help as loud as you can.
oh yeah definitely. it's also what made the ending of the episode so much more powerful
Right. Easier, I don't feel like "better" is really the right word for it. Man am I glad I had friends to push me out of that zone because I don't think I would have left it otherwise
Even when trapped in the realm of an existential representation of the horror of loneliness and forgetting Martin remembers the true horror: capitalism and housing prices
Without capitalism, housing would still be scarce and finite.
This made me kaugh so hard 😂😂😂😂
And why is that? It is thanks to capitalism you are listening to this podcast. And housing prices are high because of government restrictions on developers. With all due respect.
@@Shemagh4 doesnt mean we cant dislike the negative side affects
@@Shemagh4it's thanks to the creators of this show, actually. they didn't do the risky venture of creating a podcast because they wanted to be rich, they created it because they wanted to tell a story and connect with people.
The real crime here is when they teased us with Martin's poetry
I need to hear it
Ever since the little tease of audio from the Season 2 ending i have had a craving for Martin poetry
@@karenlinares7541 It's released now, coincidentally.
@@miette4918
Yeah ! There's a short anthology on Acast
ikr when he asked if we'd like to hear poetry i practically screamed YES, I WOULD. I VERY MUCH WOULD.
Gamzee
Ah yes the episode that killed all Martin is secretly evil theories
there were such theories? wow
@@Ria-rg9jm This is the first time I'm Hearing about them as well. I'm confused because Martin is basically the only character I always trusted to be on the "good" side. Then again, having him turn out to be evil is exactly the thing this podcast would do to me.
@@Ria-rg9jm I try to avoid looking into theories, but I heard some theory about Martin secretly belonging to the Spider. Luckily, that seems impossible now; not just with this episode, but with other things we see in the fearscape in later episodes (though I personally suspect we haven't seen the last of Annabelle Caine)
so, martin _isnt_ bad?
@@DerMoerpler yeah martin's the only one i've fully trusted the entire time (i mean, not counting being manipulated)
Me screaming: Jon saved Martin from the lonely twice oh my god
I'm not exaggerating when I say I was crying my eyes out for almost the entire runtime of this episode, the first time I listened to it. The writing, the acting, the painfully real parallels to things like mental illness, parental neglect, poverty, dementia... it's heartbreaking and brilliant in equal measures.
I KNOW OMFG
This one made me sob at some points. I deal these things (especially loneliness and the feeling that nobody cares for me), so it hit home for me
@@panickypatchwork8863 I feel you there. It's been pretty bad of late too so I wasn't sure I could even listen to the episode.
Yeah me too low ley made me spiral jesus christ, the way I can relate to Martin and the way his character is so well written is just astounding not to mention the entire structural setting of the video adds to everything honetsly
This really broke me when he forgot John's name the third time
me: no fear
me after old man's cave: one fear
me after alzheimer's episode: two fears
Do you mean the cannibal or the divers?
Omg. Martin is in the Lonely dementia palace but he can STILL Remember that mansions are EXPENSIVE. 😂🤑😭💀
Wait. Ok. Halfway through the episode in thinking... he's in the nursing home or care home his mother died in? ??? Palliative care homes will smell like chemicals from all the cleaning. Old fashioned furniture to make old folks nostalgic... And they are probably some of the loneliest places on the planet. I remember touring nursing homes in Colorado with my dad as my Grandma was getting older. They are horrifying places. Bless the people who work there and don't go mad or abuse the elders.
Ok but, there's the sound of Elias' clock. So, maybe it's Elias' office but smells like that to cover the smell of brutal pipe murder
@@tiredcatman7381i think the lonely is just mashing up all his trauma places to make a giant depression cocktail
170 episodes, and I finally broke down crying...
I feel so lonely
Same. The first episode that made me sob. Ouch.
We're all with you. 💚
Me too, even two years later
Same
The worst part about this though was that I tought Jon would leave Martin behind... that he would be so changed, especially after last ep, that he'd just... abandon Martin. Out of everything, that's what scares me the most.
Also, ppl saying yay Jon saved Martin, BUT Martin also saved himself, if he hadn't remembered and realized he has reasons to live he would've made it next to impossible for Jon to find him and oh my God I love them so much 😭
Jon would never leave Martin!!!!!
Yeah there was a point near the end where tensions between Martin and Jon were rising that I thought smth like that was gonna happen eventually, glad it didn’t though
@@nyxcat3621just saying, don't listen to mag 200
this makes Martin apologizing to Jon for leaving him behind in the tunnels in season 1 hit different
Time to drink my ‘Martin is sad so everybody’s sad’ juice 😔😔🥺🥺
Daisy Mae Lets bottom up those Caprisuns 😔😔😢
cheers
@@immapoisonyou5218 caprisads
Love that we get Martin's perspective too. Jon's statements are great, but this shakes it up a little
It is fitting, really. This was always the entity that had the strongest grip on Martin by a long shot, as Peter easily spotted. Though we found out recently he doesn't care much for the Desolation either ^^
Hi yes hello I just found one of my FAVORITE EPISODES???? The way it goes in circles? The inflection Alex uses everytime Martin says something along the lines of “Oh, hello” and starts again? The pure relief every time he remembers and the downfall every time he loses it again or realizes they don’t/didn’t care? This wasn’t an episode, this was a masterpiece!!!
Yes, just yes
Martin spending more time concerned about how he can't afford this place then scared by being alone really shows.
I've been burning through the Magnus Archives for the last few weeks and none of the horror stuff bothered me at all. But this episode? This episode broke me in ways I didn't know I could be broken.
Part of what does it for me is the victim blaming Martin does when he thinks about his mum, that's some real-life trauma built into a regular fear domain. We've known since s2 that his home life was difficult because of her illness, but the arson scene and this episode really solidify that he lived through straight up child abuse that continued until his 30s and only stopped when she died. Yet at the end of this episode, he still got back up and pressed forward. This man is my hero.
the bastard tape recorders just vibing with martin in the lonely
This is an incredible episode. I love Martin's arc so much. He pulled himself out of it, and i am so proud of him.
i can just hear the fandom (myself included) yelling: NO MARTIN YOU'RE WRONG WE LOVE YOUUUU
Me at start : Okay that's clearly the Spiral
Me at the middle : Okay that's the lonely and it's clear
On a side note, this is single handily became the most stressful episode (the second is the Stranger episode in the second season) and watching Martin cycling between "I'm a terrible person this is horrible" to "Oh hi it's nice to talk with someone" and I'm now emotionally invested
The fact that it took Jon even longer to find him because he didn't want to break Martin's boundary/ his promise that he wouldn't look inside his head, then Jon immediately apologized because he had to 😭
I'm living for the healthy relationship representation
I come back bc I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS EPISODE.
The voice acting? The writing ? The fact that Jon saved martin when martin realised that he wanted to be saved. That he deserved to be saved.
That is definitely my favourite episode so far.
I was wondering when TMA would finally have the Lonely cause every listener to feel guilty about not visiting their elderly relatives often enough.
probably would have visited them more if they hadn't abused me my whole life but it did indeed still make me feel guilty even if all those chances to go be hurt more are behind me now.
they'd love knowing i still sometimes feel guilty. they loved seeing it when they were alive, why would that have changed?
THAT aside though, goddamn. i'm nearing the end of my first go-through of this series and this is far and away one of the best episodes in a catalogue of pretty much non-stop great episodes. hits close to home in so many ways. it's the lonely and the vast that i think cut deepest for me, but this episode really drove home that if i ended up being an avatar of anything, it would definitely be the Lonely. fear of forgetting and being forgotten. forever wandering a fog of blurred focus. working memory and short term memory in particular aren't great, side effects of medication that is essentially necessary for me to function at all. this episode's a reminder of how much +it scares me when i can feel thoughts and ideas slipping through my fingers, but also kind of reassuring, because i don't think it's getting worse, and compared to the effects Martin goes through here, the effects that i've seen people with alzhemer's/dementia/etc go through... it really puts in perspective that no, i am definitely still here, i am not losing my grip on anything, not yet.
and anyway, like Martin, and in a somewhat similarly gay way, i'm not lonely anymore. so whatever happens, i think i'll be alright.
I’m going to go cry over Martin begging for Jon not to leave him 😭
I love how every time he triggers his memories on his own (looking at you, sense of smell) it's almost like the world goes "ah fudge, pushed that too far, reel it in, bring him back inside guys"
Everyone who this resonates with, do what Martin did and remind yourself that you're loved. Message someone, even just to tell them you hope their day is going well - It's what I did, and it's what reminds us that The Lonely isn't forever.
This is an incredibly well made episode, Rusty Quill. I think it might be my favorite, the way it hits so.. Close to home.
Ah, the mind of a depressed person with inattentive ADHD who hasn’t taken -her- their medication and supplements for a couple days very relatable
FELT
I think this it my favorite episode of The Magnus Archives. There's something about The Lonely that is so comforting and terrifying and relatable and Jonny really outdid himself with the writing here and Alex just brought it all to life. That moment when Martin pulls himself out of The Lonely by clinging onto the memories of those who still love him like a lifeline brings me to tears. I love Martin's character because even with all his character development his loyalty to those he cares about is unmatched. He'll push on for them just as he always has
Edit: Dang it okay this is moving to my second favorite because I just listened to MAG 186 :P
This conveys the feeling of brain fog so well! For me, it's not that I outright forget things, it's just that I don't realize there's something to remember + the effort to is usually more effort than it's worth, but it feels just like this episode!
Yeah now that you say it, I really have to agree
hi this hurt A LOT.
I thought i wouldn't cry but at the part where he talks about his granddad i just... Remebered my uncle who passed away some years ago and i genuinely realized that i can't remember what he looked like.
Now i'm sobbing like crazy.
Sorry you're having a hard time.
If it helps, it's pretty natural to forget details and faces of lost loved ones. Maybe you have some pictures?
As a lonely person who suffered from depression but mostly disassociation my whole life, it was very difficult to listen to this episode. At first, all I wanted was to hug and save Martin but then I wanted to get saved cause I was putting myself in his place. In the end, when he said it's a comfort that fades you, it couldn't describe better what disassociation feels like. Thanks, I literally cried the whole bloody episode
I was so sure the comment about smells being a strong way to trigger memory was going to lead to Martin smelling the tea in his bag-
“I am Martin Blackwood and I am in love!”
AAAAA MY HEART
I didn't expect to cry as much as I did listening to this. Really, REALLY well done!
I really started crying when he said "I'm in love, and I will not forget that" bc that's one of the only things I can't relate to in this episode.
This is the first episode that has actually got me to cry- well done Rusty Quill!
most episodes have made me cry lmaoo
I wish I could still cry :(
Same here! And I still hurt.
I both hate and love this episode. I hate it because it’s so sad, Martin trapped in the Lonely again, with only John to save him but John doesn’t know he’s missing. At the same time I love it because it shows how brilliant the acting and the writing is and Alex’s voice is so comforting even if what he’s saying is depressing. I always come back to this episode, listen to it over and over, so many times that I now have it memorized. Ugh, I love this podcast.
Martin forgetting things/dissociating so that he can escape for a little while hits so hard. This episode is incredible, makes me really want to give the whole show a re-listen and look for the Lonely in Martin's behaviors.
Martin sad hours Christ this one hits you in the feels
Okay, that episode really hurt. I'm glad Martin could remember enough for Jon to find him in the end, but I was seriously concerned for him, being in that loop... it hurt.
Very well done!
My husband sent me this episode to listen to. I think right after it came out and wanted me to start listening to the podcast. As I was listening I’d think about Martin yelling out for Jon and in the beginning I was wondering why he’d be yelling for Jon they didn’t seem fond of each other at all and it didn’t seem like they were even friends. And now I’ve listened up to this point and I’m just very happy for his progress. I don’t think he’d have made it out if he hadn’t convinced himself he was worth saving. Jon can look for him but I don’t think Jon would have been able to find him at all if Martin hadn’t believed in himself
This is by far the most emotional an episode has gotten me. It's incredible
“I don’t like me sometimes and I *am* me”. Same Martin... same
9:20 - 10:00 kills me I almost cried each time I listened to it
And the way he goes silent before re-greeting the tape recorder with such joy is just… so meticulously placed to make you so sad and confused
This type of memory loss is so powerful that it took The Archivist and The Web itself to release an avatar aligned with it from it's domain
I'm in incredible pain
No matter how many times he loses his memory he still goes to talk to the recorders like a pet. I love Martin so much.
I struggle with depression and ADHD-related memory issues...this was...hard...to listen to.
But it shows the complex nature of loneliness in a way that strikes home. To lose bits of yourself. To forget little things. And big things that aren't immediately relevant. And just how insidious and addictive that peaceful despair can be. To just...stop. To just not care. To abandon the stress and yearning for a dark comfort that numbs the pain in such a way that one could pretend that it had healed.
The fear doesn't come from isolation. Not just isolation, at least. But that this Fear is perhaps the only one that makes you crave the hell it puts you through. And that scares me far more than anything. Because I know that on some level...this is precisely what I wish for.
If anyone else feels this way, I urge you to get help. People are hard. And these struggles drain the energy from you. But you deserve to have a life. To be happy. Sometimes, this requires medicine, therapy, and a change of environment. But it's worth it.
Stay strong, my friends.
Oh I was not looking forward to re listening to this when it came out on RUclips. I think I speak for everyone when I say Very Very Very well done
As someone who struggles with depression and depersonalization, this is probably the one episode that kicked me in the stomach personally. The way he realizes just to immediately forget again, the way he speaks, it's just heartbreaking.
This is ep 26 of evangelion but with TMA and it makes me cry like a baby
Congratulations.
simply a shape, a form, and identifier.
Martin and the Uncomfortable Chair
this episode is the embodyment of "here we go again."
Oh, that's a tasty little morsel of lore, the implication that Martin was hired based off his fear of being found out, of being known, of being _seen._ Taken on as fuel for the Eye.
Welp, I'm crying.
This episode is SO GOOD! Alex's acting is just superb! 😩👌💖
to me, this is easily the scariest episode so far
In a Q and A Johnny was asked if all the Lonely Avatars we're the same. He said that they could all probably cast people into the lonely like Peter, but one for example could make you forget everyone who ever loved you, or make everyone forget you. Always scared the hell out of me.
Gonna go cry to this later, thanks 👍
i like your username and i wanted you to know
@@thistleywistley681 thank you, I also like your username :•)
wow... this episode hit so hard. absolutely stunning, i really really felt horrible for martin, and after last episode i was so scared jon might not come back for him?! martin breaking himself out of it and jon coming back for him... great stuff great stuff. i promise I'm not crying.
This episode hits so fucking hard. I know it's been two years, but omg this goddamn episode. Not only is it as creepy as all hell, but also annoyingly relatable and so well written. You go into it wondering what the hell's happened and slowly piece it together along with Martin, but also along with Martin you get the growing dread and unease that has been there from the start and just festered. It's sad, it's uneasy, it's scarily familiar. Every time Martin's memory resets it gets worse, until finally he gets out of it. You can seriously just feel the isolation. It's honestly amazing.
"Remember your mother."
Martin did remember. BUT he wasn't happy about it, so much that it was better to forget. There for, a good subject for The Lonely.
MARTIN
Oh! Hello. (bit of a halting laugh) …What are you? Do I - Do I know you? (heh) Can’t -
[THE FLOORBOARDS CREAK AS HE SHIFTS.]
MARTIN
Can’t tell through the - fog, sometimes. You feel - n,not friendly. Familiar?
Shape of you in my hand. I talk to you, don’t I? We talk. What do we - do we say? (under breath) Can’t quite -
[MOVEMENT.]
MARTIN
(normal) Th-There’s something there, but I just can’t see it.
Anyway. (slight sigh) Ni-Nice to sit down. Take a load off.
[HE SITS DOWN IN A CHAIR WITH A SCOOT.]
MARTIN
Not a comfortable chair, of course. No-None of them are, here. I’ve - I’ve been all over this house looking for a nice place to sit. (unsure) I - think.
Is that what I was looking for? (remembers himself) Um. Ei-Either way, this place is so huge… so… empty, by the time you find your way to anything at all, you’ve probably earned a sit-down.
[HE LETS OUT A SMALL LAUGH.]
[THEN THERE’S A CREAKING SOUND - LIKE A DOOR OPENING? OR JUST THE FLOOR AND WALLS AGAIN?]
MARTIN
(small laugh) I don’t think there’s anyone else here, I -
[ANOTHER CREAK.]
MARTIN
Pro-Probably never has been. Not that I can remember, at least.
[THE WIND/AIR BEGINS TO PICK UP.]
MARTIN
Is it my house?
It must be, right? It must be, ‘cause - why else would I be here?
You don’t just wander around other people’s houses alone; you don’t just…
You don’t just… just wander. (under breath, smaller) No…
[HE TRAILS OFF.]
MARTIN
(bit dazed) What, what was I saying? I don’t…
[A SQUEAK - AGAIN, POSSIBLY A DOOR - AND SOME BACKGROUND RATTLING.]
MARTIN
(to tape) Do you remember? You store them, I suppose. Keep, keep stuff locked up in those little wheels. That’s memory, isn’t it? (movement) Computers used to be like you. Big, whirring things with loads of - uh, tape. They called that memory.
But it’s not - not, not really; it’s just numbers and… (trails off) (movement)
Maybe you’re blank as well, same as me.
Are you? Can you remember what I’ve already said, - (movement) - cause I - I, I can’t; the words keep creeping away? Like - like, like when I try to think back, to focus - um, focus on - um -
[HE’S TRYING VERY HARD TO REMEMBER.]
[STATIC SWELLS.]
MARTIN
(pleasantly surprised) Oh, oh! Oh. Hello! What are you; I can’t quite - see. You feel - familiar. Do I know you, do we talk?
I hope so. (slight laugh) It’s good to talk with people. It’s - hm.
[PAUSE.]
MARTIN
Oh, I, I met someone; did I tell you? (movement) He’s - I, I don’t know. I like him. He doesn’t like me, though. Not really. I don’t blame him.
I don’t like me sometimes, and I am me. Plus he’s - he’s my, my boss? Is that right?
Ei, Ei,Either way, it’s probably for the best. Wouldn’t really be appropriate. You don’t need to worry; I’m not doodling his name on my desk or anything. (heh) His uh - his - his, um. His… name…
Wait.
[SQUEAK, LIKE A DOOR OPENING.]
MARTIN
Wait, what is his name? (distressed) I don’t - (more distressed, sharper) Why, wha- Why can’t I remember his name?
His, his face, I don’t -
[MORE MOVEMENT, AND A THUD. THE DOOR CLOSING?]
[MARTIN STEPS INTO THE NEXT ROOM.]
MARTIN
(still audibly agitated) Wh-Where am I? This, This isn’t my house!
H-Hello?
I don’t like it here. I can’t see anything with all this -
[HE MOVES SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS LIKE A CURTAIN ON A METAL ROD ASIDE.]
MARTIN
This fog; this - this is nothing out the windows, and it’s, it’s so cold.
[THE RUSHING OF THE AIR INCREASES IN VOLUME.]
MARTIN
(audibly shivering) The fireplace is dead and the curtains… there are mirrors but no…
No. Not mirrors.
Someone’s standing in them but I don’t, I don’t know who.
That face, who is… who is that? (under breath) I need to sit down.
[HE WALKS TO FIND A CHAIR, HIS BREATHS COMING SLIGHTLY SHAKIER AND FASTER, THOUGH STILL SOFT IN VOLUME.]
[THE CHAIR CREAKS AS HE SITS IN IT.]
[THE CLOCK TICKS AT A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT PACE.]
[A STATIC RISES.]
MARTIN
(pleasant surprise) Oh! Oh, hello. (small laugh) Who are you, then?
Hmm. Hm. Can’t quite make out a - A tape recorder? (heh) Can’t remember the last time I used a -
[CREAK.]
MARTIN
Hm. Blast from the past! Familiar…
Well, it’s good to have someone to talk to. Otherwise you can go strange, you… I, I don’t…
Hm. What was I saying?
This… this chair, - (an *ugh* and chair scraping back) - really isn’t comfortable. I had a look-round for better places to sit - did I tell you that? - but it’s, it’s big house.
My house, I think. (heh) Nowhere comfortable. So I suppose this is it.
It is my house, isn’t it? Must be. Must be.
I don’t really remember. Just… so tired. It’s hard to think when you’re this tired, hard to… to focus.
No, no, no, no, not, not tiredness, just the - fog. I - can’t see through the fog, and it - it smells! (movement) (sniff)
What - (sniff) What is that? Damp, sort of - chemical, almost. (larger sniff) I don’t like it.
Why does my house smell like that, I - It can’t be my house.
[HE STARTS WALKING AGAIN.]
MARTIN
No, no, no; my, (sniff) my - (sniff) My house doesn’t smell like this! My house smells… s-smells different. (pause) It’s sort of weird, isn’t it? Smell can trigger memory so… powerfully. Like this one, it, it makes me think of - (large inhale) Hm. (inhale) Hm. I - I don’t know. Is it a person? A place?
No, no; people - people don’t smell like that. Besides, I’m all alone.
[CREAK.]
MARTIN
I’m all - (movement) I’m all alone. (distressed) Why - Why am I alone? I, I shouldn’t be alone; there should be people! It’s such a - such a big house, my house - there mu- there must be other people! People who care!
[OPENING AND CREAKING OF THE DOOR, MORE WALKING.]
MARTIN
Hello?
[HE KEEPS GOING. THE DOOR CREAKS BEHIND HIM.]
MARTIN
He-Hello?
[HE KEEPS WALKING.]
MARTIN
All these rooms… I think they’re the same as this one. I, I don’t know why I’d decorate my house like this; I don’t like it! I like - (breaking off) Wh- I, It’s not my home; it can’t be. Do I have a home? This - this place feels like it’s all for me, I think, but I don’t -
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN.]
MARTIN
(shaky) I don’t like it here.
It - It can’t be cheap living here, house this big. I really need a job.
Started lying on my CV; did I tell you that. I didn’t want to. I-I mean I tried to be a good person, but we’re really up against it, and I - and I - I know they’re going to find me out; I just know it.
They’ll ask something, or I’ll say something stupid, and then - and then they’ll know. They’ll know, and then - (shaky exhale) (under breath) Oh, [unintelligible] (normal) What am I doing; I can’t afford a place like this! I need money, not just for me, but for - for… (suddenly less agitated) Wait. Wait, no; it is - it is just me, isn’t it? It’s always been just me.
[THE SAME STATIC AS ALWAYS BEGINS TO RISE FROM THE BACKGROUND.]
MARTIN
No… No, no, no, that’s not right! I-I’m not alone, no! Not alone, there’s - there’s - J-J-John? John. (suddenly realizing) John! John!
[A THUMP. MARTIN STARTS WALKING.]
MARTIN
(suddenly to John, frantic) John? John, I’m here; can you hear me? I can’t - it’s - it’s this place, I - wh-where are you; I need you, I nee- (laugh, but humorless) - I need you, John.
[THERE’S AN UNEASY DISCORDANT TONE PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.]
MARTIN
Where - Where did you go.
[A COUPLE MORE STEPS.]
MARTIN
(voice about to break) Please don’t leave me. I can’t do this on my own. Please. (inhale that could be a sob) I’m not enough on my own.
Alone. (small, shaky) All. All alone.
[HE STARTS TO CRY, SOFTLY, AS HE WALKS ON. THERE’S SOME RUSTLED MOVEMENT.]
[AND THEN - THE STATIC RISES.]
MARTIN
(pleasant surprise) Oh. Oh, hello. What’s this?
Wow, retro! What are you up to, little buddy; just - listening?
That’s okay. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.
[CREAK.]
MARTIN
Maybe you can keep a better handle on things than me.
It’s this fog, you know? Makes it so hard to see. (under breath) WhatwasIsaying? (normal) I feel like there’s somewhere I need to be. But no, no; this is my house; where else would I need to be?
I just -
[SCOOT.]
MARTIN
I wish I had comfortable chairs. (inhale) Would be nice to have somewhere relaxing to sit down. Rest a bit when Mum’s asleep.
Did I tell you about my mum?
[CREAK.]
MARTIN
(half-whisper) We should try to keep quiet actually, you know. Make sure not to wake her. The drugs - they, they hit her pretty hard, but - if you make enough noise and she wakes up, and - (quieter) and yeah, it’s not good. (bravado) Not a good time!
I-I know she loves me; I-I know she does.
But that doesn’t make it easy. There’s always so much to do, and I’m always forgetting something.
I do try, you know? I mean, I really try to keep on top of things, but I’m just - I’m just so forgetful, and she - she -
Sometimes I wonder if I forget things on purpose. Easier not to think about them, I guess. Easier to just let them… slip away. They can’t hurt you if you don’t think about them; they can’t shout at you or call you names. (increasingly emotional) And I, I always think of Mum’s face when I’ve done something wrong, and I - (dead sober) Wait.
[HE SHIFTS.]
MARTIN
Wait, her face, I - I don’t - I don’t remember her face.
Did - Did she have a face? (berating) D-Don’t - Don’t be stupid, Martin; of course she had a face! (increasingly agitated) You just can’t remember it ‘cause - (breathing heavy) ‘Cause you’re a bad son; because you left you left her to rot in - (brief pause) (despondent)
Wh-Where did she go?
She didn’t like it; I didn’t like it. S-Smelled. It smelled like -
Where am I? This isn’t right; I shouldn’t be here; I should be -
Somewhere, someone that - there, there are people who trust me, people who love me, so why can’t I remember them? Why, why can’t I see them?
Sasha. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, I, I remember; there was - there was Sasha! I can see her face!
No - no, wait, no; not, not Sasha, some - something else. The thing that isn’t Sasha, that, that took her, and, and made her - something else, and her - face, her - her face, I can still see it; it’s - laughing.
[HE’S BREATHING HEAVIER, NOW.]
MARTIN
Telling me that there’s - there’s nobody else. I’m alone. The only people who could ever stand to be around me are gone. Even from my mind. (tearful) Where is this place? So cold. And I can’t see anything through all this - fog. (hm) I must have - left the window open. (struggles with the next word) L, L-L,Let the fog in.
Oh, my heating bills must be through the roof, stupid; can’t afford that!
At least I’ve got a job now; did I tell you I’ve got a job? I mean, the interview was weird, I-I don’t really remember the man who talked to me. Just his eyes.
They stared at me. Th-Through me, and - and I knew he knew what I had done.
God. I was so scared, but then he smiled, and shook my hand.
What was his name?
He said I ‘had the job,’ (heh) that he ‘looked forward to working with me.’
I was still so scared I could barely move my arm. I was so terrified I’d let him down.
[THE STATIC IS ONCE AGAIN STARTING TO RISE.]
MARTIN
And then I met John, and I - (realization) John - John! John! John? John, I’m here! John, I-I think I’m lost, I think - I don’t - (losing his grasp) John.
[BUT HE’S LOSING HIS WORDS AGAIN.]
[ANOTHER CREAK.]
[THE CLOCK TICKS ON.]
[THE STATIC RISES AGAIN WITH A LITTLE SQUEAK.]
MARTIN
(pleasant surprise) Oh, he-hello! What are you?
Huh. Didn’t even know I had a tape recorder. Do you still work, or…
[HE TAPS ON IT.]
MARTIN
Yeah, seems like you’re running all right. (beat) Hey, I should do some poetry! You could give it a little, little bit of that funky lo-fi goodness! All the cool poets love a bit of tape hiss, right?
Maybe find somewhere different to sit, though.
[HE SCOOTS OUT OF THE CHAIR.]
MARTIN
(under breath) Hate these chairs. Don’t even know where I got them.
Did I tell you I’ve been writing poetry? N,Nothing much really, just fragments, thoughts. Haven’t written anything like it since I was a teenager, - (small laugh) - but my new job’s a lot, and - I don’t know. Something about that place, it just - it makes me feel weird?
But - the sort of weird you just have to get out somehow.
Maybe I - Maybe I should do some open mics, or something. Just for me, really, I think.
Oh! You - You want to hear some? (heh) (movement)
Uh - yeah! Yeah, okay, sure; well, I can - No. No, wait, no that - (movement) Hm, they’re gone; that’s weird. I thought - I, I can feel them, but the words, they just - just wash away.
Hm.
I, I m - I suppose that’s quite poetic actually, but - (sigh) Nothing else there.
I don’t like this place. (exhale) It’s so cold, and, and the logs in the fireplace are damp from the mist. I don’t know how I’d even light them, and they - they smell really bad, like they’re wet dirt.
Makes me think of - hm.
When I was nine, my grandad died. Did I tell you that? I went to the funeral, and the coffin was so - (small laugh) shiny. It was already sealed.
But on top there was a photo of a - young man. Someone who looked almost like my grandad, but - it, it wasn’t him. It wasn’t… finished? Not yet.
No, and - and I suddenly began to panic, because I was trying to remember what he looked like, his, his face, but I couldn’t do it. And I knew I’d never see him again.
He loved me and I couldn’t even remember his face!
(breathing heavy) It was - It was a horrid, drizzly morning, that day, and they put him in the ground and he - he smelled like earth. Cold, damp soil. (squeak, movement) What was I saying?
Ah - S, Sorry - (sorry exhale) It’s just this chair-
[SQUEAK AND MOVEMENT SOUNDS AS HE GETS UP.]
MARTIN
- it’s so hard to concentrate when you’re uncomfortable, isn’t it?
[HE SIGHS.]
[A FEW MORE CREAKS.]
[THE STATIC RISES.]
MARTIN
Now, I think - Hey, hang on. Where did you come from?
Tape recorder. (heh) What, you want me to give you a statement, I -
[THE STATIC PRESSES.]
MARTIN
(deadened voice) Why. The Eye has won. It can already see everything; it wouldn’t need a - w-wouldn’t need a -
[THE STATIC FADES.]
MARTIN
(stuttering, stumbling) Well it’s just, nice to talk to someone, I guess. No one real ever really listens to me anyway.
Oh, they nod and respond and say ‘No, Martin,’ or ‘Not now, Martin,’ or ‘Leave it, Martin -’ but, funny thing is - (false bright) I didn’t ask them to do anything!
Just wanted to see if they needed a hand. (heh, but humorless) Is that me? (unsure) Is - Is that me? Martin? Martin. Maartin. (close to John’s pronunciation) Martin.
Doesn’t sound right. But who else would I be? (hm) Whoever owns this house, I guess. It certainly doesn’t seem like the kind of place that somebody called Maartin would live.
Martin.
It feels like a small name. One that wants to be warm and happy. Not like here.
[CREAK.]
MARTIN
You know, I’ve wandered around all these rooms, and - they all just make me feel alone.
They scare me.
Even when I find someone else, I feel alone. Did I tell you?
I - found someone else, wandering around. They were all - thin and grey. Faded. Like they’d been here for ages. I think they’d been - crying, but it’s so hard to tell through the fog.
I tried to talk to them, but it was just - just difficult! I asked who they were, and they - looked at me like they had no idea what I was talking about.
“What’s your name?” I said, “Your name? You must have a name!” but they just - shrugged, and I - and - (movement) And they gestured at me. Like they wanted to know my name, and I - th- I couldn’t tell them! I couldn’t remember!
“Is this your house?” I asked, and they said, they said yes. But - then they stopped, and shook their head. And, and then they started to laugh.
Quietly, for a bit, and then they cried. And they wouldn’t stop. I - I -
They asked me who they were, if there was anyone looking for them. If there was anybody left who even cared, but I - I didn’t know. I, I didn’t know, and I -
[HIS VOICE IS SHAKING. HE’S CLEARLY EMOTIONAL.]
MARTIN
(tearful) I ran away - I had to run away! (sob) I, I had to go and have a sit-down, okay? I just - (creak, movement) I just wish I had thought to buy some nicer chairs.
Still. Not like I’ve got guests coming, is it? (shaky breath) The house is empty, and, and honestly? I - I can’t think of anyone in the world who would care if I lived or died.
[THE CLOCK TICKS ON, INSISTENT AND UNYIELDING.]
MARTIN
(sob, quiet) I-I-I’m scared. I think this fog is doing something to me; I can’t - (movement) I’m losing myself, and I - and I don’t know if I mind?
Maybe I deserve it. (shaky breath) So much of what’s behind the fog hurts. So much of it just makes me wanna curl up with pain and embarrassment and -
Maybe the fog’s here because I want it here.
Is that why I opened the windows?
Maybe I asked the fog to come. (beat) No. No, no - no, no, no, that’s not true, I - I remember! Hundreds, thousands of lost souls, wandering the halls. Hollow memories, with eyes full of tears.
I’ve seen them. (shaky) They’re all trying to remember. T-To recall, to picture someone, anyone who loves them, and their hearts are all full of fear.
Afraid that those people are gone forever. That maybe - maybe they never existed at all. (agitated) Why am I here?
I-I fell behind. I was - I was too slow, and, and, and the fog caught up; I was following. Al-Always following, never leading. Never leading.
Why did he leave me behind? D-Did he? Who are - Wh- Who are you? Who am -? (realization, movement) J-J-John.
[THE STATIC KICKS IN AGAIN.]
MARTIN
John, John. Yes. John, I remember him. (shaky exhale) I need to, I need to keep him here. If he can find me, I - he, he knows enough; surely he Knows enough to find me, but I can’t - (struggling) If I forget him, if, if I forget - me - maybe - maybe there’s nothing left to Know. No one to find.
[CREAKING MOVEMENT.]
MARTIN
Talking helps. I got you all here to listen; (tap) Just, just don’t stop talking.
You - You are Martin Blackwood. Yes. You, you didn’t choose to be here. John is coming. (stronger) I am Martin Blackwood, and I am not lonely anymore; I am not lonely anymore. (voice shaking with effort) I want to have friends; I - no, I have friends. I-I’m in love. (heh) I am in love, and I will not forget that; I will not forget. (stronger) I am Martin Black-
ARCHIVIST
(far off, calling) Martin!
MARTIN
Wai- wh- John?
ARCHIVIST
(getting closer) Martin! Martin?
MARTIN
John! John, over here!
[AND THE STATIC IS GROWING LOUDER.]
ARCHIVIST
Oh! Martin, hold on, I, I, I’m coming; I just -
[FOOTSTEPS.]
ARCHIVIST (ON MIC)
(relieved) Oh, Martin; thank god, I - I was -
[AND IT SOUNDS LIKE HE’S EMBRACING HIM]
ARCHIVIST
I, I thought you were behind me.
[MARTIN LETS OUT A SOFT OH.]
MARTIN
I thought you’d left me behind. Gone on without me.
ARCHIVIST
No, never. N-Never, I, I just -
[HE PULLS BACK FROM THE HUG.]
ARCHIVIST
I, I didn’t want to - Look too h- I,I,I promised I wouldn’t Know you, and, and with the fog, and, and all the rooms, I, I just - I lost you; I’m - (inhale) I’m sorry.
MARTIN
It’s okay.
[A BEAT OF JUST THEIR EXHALES.]
ARCHIVIST
No, I - I tried to use the - (sigh) to Know where you were, but it was - you, you were faint. It was so strange; it took me so long just to find you.
[MOVEMENT.]
MARTIN
John, it’s - okay. I promise, it’s okay. This place tried; it really did, and honestly, I - (inhale) I wanted to believe it.
But I didn’t.
ARCHIVIST
This… place, i, it -
[THE STATIC INCREASES.]
ARCHIVIST
My god.
[THE STATIC FADES.]
MARTIN
Yeah.
ARCHIVIST
M-Martin - if you - did. I,If you wanted to forget a,all of it, stay here and just - escape.
[THE WIND RUSHES IN THE BACKGROUND.]
ARCHIVIST
I-I would understand.
[BEAT.]
MARTIN
N,No. It’s comforting here, leaving all those - painful memories behind, but - (slight movement) It’s not a good comfort, it’s - i,it’s the kind that makes you fade, makes you dim and - distant.
ARCHIVIST
(barely a whisper) Okay. (pause, normal) Okay, good; I - (fortifying breath) I wanted to make sure you knew what this place was.
MARTIN
It’s the Lonely, John. It’s me.
ARCHIVIST
Not anymore.
[MARTIN MAKES A PLEASED LITTLE HM.]
MARTIN
No. (long inhale) No, not anymore.
[TAPE CLICKS OFF.]
@@stevenredacted1322 thank you
This one made me cry so fucking much oh my god
Thank you for writing it down, you save my life
I don’t like how much I can relate to this
Clearly you two need to hold hands to avoid getting split up again.
Like that would help. They might just forget to hold hands.
@@mimkyodar New headcanon: they *were* holding hands, but were dissuaded from it by supernatural Lonely influence.
@@dallydaydream That feels right
my heart broke every time martin got quiet and then said hi to the tape again
rusty quill owes me MILLIONS in emotional damages
Man this episode is scaring me like, more than the others. Because I can relate. Like, I forgot so many things, sometimes I remember them, I feel so sad, so sad, and then when I calm down I just forget it all again. So yikes
As someone who is so lonely it has nearly driven me to suicide on several occasions in the last few months, this one hits in a VERY weirdly relatable way
I hope it gets better soon. I won't patronise you with suggestions, but I will emphasise that your door only opens outwards. Good luck monkey.
This isn't my beautiful house?!
This isn't my beautiful husband?!
Same as it ever was.
WAIT WHEN THE CRACKLING SOUND PLAYED, IS THAT WHEN JON WAS REMINDING HIM WHO HE WAS I-
I think that was Martin's connection to the Eye kicking in.
You know, I just realised something about how Jon's ability to find people works.
The key is in when he tried to "see" Martin and he mentioned it was very faint. And martin was slowly losing and forgetting himself.
And if he succumbed to that, I dont think Jon would have ever found him.
I think Jon is able to "see" someone based on the reflection of that person's self in thier own eyed. He just dosnt see where thier body is, but who they are, what they know, and what they see and is therefore able to determine thier location based on that.
So if someone loses themselves completely, they would be "unseeable" if you get what I mean.
Dont know it that's accurate at all. I love the crazy little details like this. Holy heck.
"it's the Lonely. It's me Jon"
"Not anymore"
"No. Not anymore"
Hurts every time
* Familiarity setting in * - Me: 'Ah, yes, habituation'
"It's weird, isn't it? A smell can trigger memory so powerfully" - Me, fondly: 'Ah, episodic memory'
I'm sorry, those were just a few moments for me as a psych student that felt a little less angsty than the rest of the episode hh
Martin doing impressions of how Jon says his name just hurts and comforts me at the same time
This episode may be one of my favourite ones. It reminded me of this one encounter when I was visiting a nursing home (not a well-run one) and talked to this one very nice old lady. She had dementia but I didn't know that at first so we had a cordial conversation about life, and what I wanted to do in the future, but then she started asking the same questions over and over again. And she kept getting stuck on some persistent details, like how Martin kept talking about how the chairs were so uncomfortable. It scared me a lot as a child, and still does, but the fear wasn't of her specifically, it was of how sad it was that she was slowly losing herself.
It seems like The Lonely had taken Martin as one of its victims in this episode, but with Peter gone I would have thought that Martin would be next in line to rule The Lonely..... I wonder who's actually ruling it. Another Lucas maybe?
This episode made it official; Martin is my Favorite TMA character
i think what really got me was Martin forgets when he sits down in the uncomfortable chair, seeking a comfort that it cannot provide, letting him fade in its absence. sitting is so comforting when you arent up for dealing with people, but it can be so isolating as well as the arms of the chair prevent you from shifting fully, requiring you to move the chair and draw unwanted attention to yourself. gut punch of an episode right there. 10/10 would cry through again.
i,, i think this is my favorite episode by far
I love the "persistent droning" CW. Like, I know what it means but I prefer to interpret it as "CW: Martin won't shut the fuck up."
This was amazing! First of all I love hearing Martin talk. And all the emotions. Every time he forgets.. it just breaks my heart in pieces, ever so tiny.
And everytime he asks for John! Saying his name again and again. Like it's a lifebelt. And here comes the fog and he forgets. So much feelings.
I wish I had the words to properly describe what this episode did to me. Truly unsettling. Doesnt help that it started storming as I was listening to it. 😂😂 TOO immersive!!! Well done 👌
this episode made me sad but i couldn't help but laugh at the adorableness of Martin every time he just happily greeted the tape recorder, completely forgetting the several previous conversations. which i guess is also kind of sad, but it's still very cute
This made me cry so much. Everyone experiences loneliness, but there will always be someone by your side, even if you feel like there isn't. (༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ)
Is that a squiggly mouth or a moustache
"I like him... he doesn't like me though. I don't blame him." MARTIN BABEY NOO!!!!!
note to future self: read the content warnings cause **oof**. this episode really went for the throat huh.
i mean i loved it, don't get me wrong. but it was like listening to a younger version of myself. another added to the favorite episode list.
Man, this was heavy. Heartbreaking. I was so scared that Martin would be totally lost there… When even the knowledge gifted to him by the Eye wasn’t sticking, I got scared. Every time Martin remembered Jon, I had hope. Hearing Jon’s voice was such an incredible relief. Good episode, it made me thoroughly uncomfortable (like Martin’s chair), which I know was rather the point. Good job!
I found it. The best episode. No other episode has affected me as well as this beautifully written and acted piece. ;-; imma listen to it again.
WOW! This episode broke me a bit, made me understand how terryifing The Lonely can actually be. Forgetting has always been one of my top fears, so hearing Martin's emotions throughout the episode, so vivid in my own heart, it hurt more than I expected. I'm constantly amazed by how effective the acting, the atmosphere, the words are... even if it hurts to listen to, it's so well done, I cannot lie. Hats off!