The older I get, the more I learn that "love" in relationships is really about letting out the love within us and sharing that energy. It's not about getting something out of someone else. True love is just self-love that you let out of your cage.
This video brought tears to my eyes. I’m turning 31 in a few days. Never been in a relationship because I don’t feel good enough. “Maybe when I lose weight” “maybe when I have a better job” “maybe when I have a better personality” and constantly making excuses “I’m too busy”
When You have a relationship with yourself, then you will stop feeling not good enough, when you relate to yourself you will love your body enough not to over feed it, and give it healthy exercise to keep it fit, when you truly love yourself you will start living the vocation you truly aspire to, and when you undo the fate of the personality that was created for you by your family and culture in childhood, you will begin to create a mature adult taking full responsibility for your own destiny creating the life you want to live, every morning when you wake up you have 2 choices, make excuses or take actions to implement your highest potential and then loving yourself that much will attract another compliment who also loves themselves and open to sharing that love. You have another 5 years before you peak, best not waste another day. Good luck.
As an artist, I find that seeking love is like painting a perfect masterpiece-all the colors need to harmonize, but they don’t always blend as I envisioned. No matter how much I pour my heart into things and people, this canvas of true love often ends up in incomplete tones. It’s often how people navigate their feelings, that constant fear of taking risks and opening up. Yet, deep down, I hope to discover which colors will finally fit into this picture. And just as Bob Ross reminds us, 'We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.' Maybe these unexpected turns in my journey are simply part of the process, leading me to a love that is richer and more vibrant than I ever imagined.
I'm a hesitator for sure. It was subconsciously ingrained in me when I hit puberty. You can't date, you need to finish your education, have a stable job, be more responsible, be more put together, be mature...And bcos I haven't felt I've accomplished all of this, I never felt I'm ready to be in a relationship
Every relationship experiences challenges, but there is always a way to progress. My marriage was tested by significant problems, but with appropriate help, my wife and I worked through them and strengthened our bond. Solutions are available if you’re ready to put in the effort and work together. Stay hopeful-there’s always a way.
I’m dealing with major issues in my relationship and can't imagine losing her. I love and miss her dearly and am prepared to do whatever is needed to have her back in my life. Any advice or direction you can offer would mean a lot to me.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I appreciate your direction. I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
Love means putting the other ahead of yourself, very hard work long term, but when each does this for the other, long term love happens. It's not luck, it's work, feelings grow stronger with mutual self sacrifice. Good luck.
Thank you for this comment. I always think about love as a moment with a very beautiful woman, but maybe that's not the best strategy. While it is difficult to search for long-term serenity qualities in ourselves and others, still I find it difficult to focus on those qualities when I am thinking about someone. They don't seem to be there. And I have another issue which is that I can be clear in my intentions not only within myself but also expressing them to the other person. But usually it seems that when we express an appreciation people usually run away from us. If I tell a woman I've met for the first time that I really liked her appearance and I would want to know her better maybe she will tell me that A she's already engaged or B she won't answer. Maybe I should try, but still difficulty arises easily in this situations.
I disagree, love means loving tourself first, putting that boundary and then comes the harmony between two people. Without self love there can never be mutual love
The reality is, love has nothing to do with relationships, the best description of love is selfless giving without any expectation of reciprocity. Relationships are mostly about what value both parties provide each other. Love is something that can’t be exchanged as value, it’s given at the pleasure of the giver
Not going to lie, a maximizer type of partner sounds like an absolute nightmare to me. I'd be crushed if I found out the person I loved secretly wished I was "5% hotter" or compared me to someone they deemed more attractive or "better" than me.
Yeah and one of the conclusions of the video is to settle. And I’m not sure if it would be that comforting to the partner that they are secretly being settled for
"maximiser" is just a term for people who always keep their options open. they always want the better looking, more successful more this and that etc. the grass is greener on the other side type.
But that's the beauty of it though, there probably is someone 5% hotter somewhere out there but like Chloe said it's that constant commitment everyday to give everything you have to this person despite all these idealistic thoughts and noise, to cultivate something much deeper is what I assume love is
Nobody is in one single category, everyone has more or less measures of each. People need to stop putting tags and systemitizing things, people used to take things simple back then, no systems just go out and live life.
Great advice and I can attest to it. When I was in my twenties and thirties, I was chasing perfection. I dated, went around and around emotionally from one woman to the next. Thought I had found THE ONE twice only to have things fall apart. Was lonely and hopeless at 39. Then in my forties, I tossed away the list I had in my head. I tried to live in the moment. When I met my wife, I knew very quickly she was someone I could make a life with. We have been together for twenty-one years now. I can say hands down that my fifties were the most enjoyable decade of my life. So, bottom line, is it is never too late. Life is full of twists and turns. You just need to be self-aware enough to see love (whatever that means) when it is staring you in the face. That comes by first loving yourself.
@@xpiredskillz5326 Communication. It sounds so cliche, but it's true. Take the time to talk each day, even if it is only for a few minutes. "How was your gorgeous day" is a daily question we ask each other. Then we either laugh and complain how lousy it was or regale each other with something good that happened. My wife is a natural comic. She can mimic anyone and tells great stories. I guess it was something she learned when she was a school teacher in Japan. I bring a more analytical approach to dealing with whatever problem she might be dealing with, which she appreciates. "I have a question, Mr. Analyst," is the question that often leads to an hours-long discussion that can range from international affairs to the cost of living to quantum mechanics. We listen to each other. We fill in each other's gaps. We complement each other. And, most importantly, we give each other step massages when the other is down and needs to feel good.
There is someone and that someone is you. The Universe can see you through your eyes. Be appreciative of yourself because regardless of someone else being there (They will come one day), you got you until the end of the line. Wishing you the Love you deserve. 💙💙
@@Patapoon Exactly this! I’ve struggled with believing that I need someone else to appreciate my beauty, but I recently started learning to do so with myself 🩷
I feel it too. I guess you're a woman, I am and this is something deep, perhaps we're taught to feel* worthy only when others look at us. The revolution is to understand that ourselves are the primary givers and receivers of that beauty. Be kind to yourself ❤
Hesitator here. I always knew about me hesitating in relationships because I'm extremely introverted. To be weary of those blindspots is something that will hopefully help me in the future.
I got goosebumps seeing this ,she explained it perfectly, I feel like love cant be truly defined, everyone has their own definition of love ,falling in love is this weird feeling but u like it ,it's like this person is ur home ,it's beautiful and risky
Honestly, I enjoyed this video with soft and warm expressions, slowing down that makes the purpose of love so touching. Love is accepting someone as they are and trusting each other even if the future is unsettling. Even with the up and down being committed to each other is what sparks quality in that person.
Tip #1: Know Your Blindspot, are you a Romanticizer? Maximizer? Hesitator? Tip #2: Throw Away Your Checklist, instead of surface level qualities, prioritize maturity Tip #3: Don't Fall Into the Interview Trap, be present like with friends, try to have fun Tip #4: Take An Experimental Approach, try new activities to keep things fresh Tip #5: Don't Let Perfect Be the Enemy of Great, constantly wondering what else is out there makes you miss out on what you already have, appreciate the love and support you have I summarized the tips in hopes that it would help cement these ideas into my head. I'm a hesitator, but not anymore, I thought that I didn't have the right to love, because of my current circumstances of being jobless, not having everything figured out, and idea that I should be focusing more on studying how to break into another career field. But now I see that I can still prioritize loving and being loved, it's always been a matter of will, not time or what I should or shouldn't be doing. I'm still figuring out how to meet new people to vibe with though. Maybe I'll update my old dating profile with better pictures. Love, to me, is loyalty, being there when things are bad, and being there when things are good. Never giving up on them. I just have to get better at choosing who to be loyal to, maybe by focusing on a person's long term qualities and maturity. Take care, thanks for sharing, I subscribed
the part of being jobless and not knowing what to do hits home, i feel afraid of properly telling someone how i feel because i don't believe the current me could be liked or loved back but your comment gives me a bit of courage 🫡
This guy gets it. Especially with the perfect, great part. Guys and girls: don't pay attention to social media when it comes to relationships. It will mess up more things than you realise. Itl make you doubt yourself- doubt your partner. Trust me, trust your partner, don't trust social media May you all find love one day
Beautiful notes. I would just say, don't entertain yourself too much with dating apps. I've been there for some time but the harsh truth is that people there think the others are replaceable, your crush might be some swipes away. When you're in person, you bring more effort and presence into the moment and can see a person through their dimensions, Vs in dating apps you only measure by looks or filters!! Go outside, force yourself to meet people in real life, no matter how small the interaction is
Hey Chloe! Very well put together video - great structure, clear message and a pleasant voice. Kept me hooked all the way through. I think people often confuse love with lust. Your ending words sum it up perfectly: love is choosing a person again and again even if someone better comes along.
Can totally relate to that struggle. Meeting people was never an issue for me. Finding that connection is. I don’t fall into any of those categories. I recently found out that some people are more rationally attracted to others. It’s that case when you go down your list of specs and fall for the person you admire (理性吸引）. Some people are instinctive （直觉吸引）that’s my case. There’s no reason why instinctive fall for someone, they just do. My piece of advice would be “learn to be happy with yourself and being happy with someone as a bonus. Don’t put your happiness on someone’s else shoulders”. For me love is a lot of things. If I had to put it in one word I would say that love is faith.
I'm the hesitator. I really thought I wouldn't be included in the archetypes when you first mentioned them, none really stood out to me just by their names. Then you explained each one of them and it made perfect sense.
I never imagined that I could find something so relatable in a random RUclips video. I hadn't heard of the term before, but now I know I'm definitely a hesitator, not only in romantic matters but also in every other aspect of life. I'm always hesitant to do things because I suppose I'm not good enough. I need to prepare a lot of things in advance, try to be the perfect version of myself before attempting to do anything, otherwise, I would fail or couldn't enjoy the result as much as I expected. I've missed a lot because of that, and when I realized, I was also aware of the fact that time was not waiting for me, I'm not young anymore. But it's never too late. I'm starting to change my messed-up life, giving up on playing games all day, learning new things for a new career journey, trying to use dating apps again, going out more often, interacting with more people... then hopefully I can find someone out there to experience something people call love.
Love is being kind to each other, caring and cherishing, working together to find a solution and building happiness and making life and the world around us more precious for each other. Every women that I’ve been with refused to accept this, and always, always strive for more, and more. And the one who remained is defeated into submitting to kindness, cherishing and growing together, like a beautiful flower reaching out to the sun, but can never touch it.
Stumbled upon this in my front page and glad I clicked. I have realized alot of what is mentioned myself already over the endless nights of reflecting, but it's always great to see it put into words/video and pick up a few other tidbits. I identify most with the hesitator, but I am learning to let go of it (partly) and just let myself go along with what comes.
one advice. nobody likes when their own beauty is based on someone else. just say she's beautiful. thats enough. comparing or making ocmment like what u did does not make the reciever happy about it. example. Omg u look a lot like fiona from shrek. not really a good compliment eventhough I have good intention
Chloe, you have a wonderful outlook and passion on life. The one for you is simply someone who has the same love for the artistry of living, as you do - through which you will find true understanding and connection. Even if you are not "perfect" for each other, the most important thing is that you see beauty in the same places as one another, because to me there is no purer form of love than to share the things that matter to you with the people you care about. Don't overthink it; that person is out there, becoming ever closer the more you live your authentic self. They will be inspired the way you have inspired me and many others, and will inspire you in turn. As a wise man once said, "you cannot connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards." Find a place, an environment, a community, and surround yourself with people with whom you can unashamedly express and be yourself (like you have done on RUclips), and the rest will follow. You got this!
One of my favorite love songs is Compartir by Carla Morrison and my favorite line goes like "Quiero aprender a entender al mundo contigo" which translates to "I want to learn to understand the world with you." The first time I heard it just struck me as such a beautiful sentiment.
I just want to comment on the cinematography - it’s beautiful and reminded me of the feelings I’ve felt when I watched early Wong Fu Productions videos. Please continue creating!
Tip 2 : Drop the checklist. (instantly make a new checklist ^^) And yes, I sadly relate to the 12 years apart parents who are constantly bickering, giving us their children a really not healthy model to shape our conception of love and couple. I've also struggled a lot to value love over other things like my passion and career (animation, and later on, photography), or friends, as my views on couple dynamics was always heavily polluted by my parents constant fights since I was a kid. So in a sense, pretty early on, I linked my celibacy as independence and freedom (I could travel wherever I wanted whenever I wanted at the pace I wanted, could go watch whatever movie or eat whatever food without having to wait or agree ith someone else, could go out and back to sleep at the hour I wanted without anyone nagging me...), which were far more valuable to me. Only problem is : I got a bit too comfortable in my singleness. While I certainly enjoyed it in my 30ies, now in the middle of my 40ies (and no job prospect, since AI has destroyed my entire industry), I'm stuck living with my mother at 40+ yo, with a misery salary from some side gigs, and no financial independence to be even able to date. But well, I guess since I'm single and without a family to take care of, I can still somehow survive the blow. It would be that much more painful if I had to raise a family. So yeah, while singleness is great, don't get oo comfortable in it in the long run... As for all your tips, all those are great tips. I would add a few things about why it's so hard to find love nowadays : Your generation (gen Z, born post 2000's) have grown up in the era of Internet, that was compounded by the creation of smartphones, which have been ubiquitous since the early 2010's. That, coupled with the fact that social medias (regardless of if it's IG, FB, Twitter, Tinder, RUclips, Snap, Tik Tok, etc) are inescapable, since everyone has direct access to them at the tip of a finger, is a direct obstacle to patience and commitment. After all, "Since the whole world is accessible at my fingertips, why should I settle for the less perfect version of the man I can find /deserve ?". It's very much the maximizer mentality you mentioned, which hits pretty much 80+% of youngsters nowadays. That mentality is what transforms anyone showing up in pictures on your tinder or bumble or whatever as mere pixels in jpegs instead of fully fleshed individuals. It's a miracle if people even bother read the bios, now (happens only if the person is easy on the eyes first). Add on top of that 8 years of post MeToo neo-feminism that pits all women vs all men without exceptions, and while MeToo itself was a long overdue movement that had all the best intentions of the world (justice for the sexually abused women in the world), its aftermaths also managed to do a lot of collateral damage by giving power to a lot of opportunistic women eager to by ruin a lot of innocent men's lives and careers in court by gaslighting any attempt of advance as sexual harrasment or assault. And now, after 8 years in a row of this sh*t, people are wondering why men flirting with girls is a thing of the past ? Add on top of that 2-3 years of social jail due to the pandemics lockdown, where lot of your generation should have been out and partying, mingling, dating, and instead were locked at home doing zoom parties, and are now completely pulling a blank when it comes to act as a human being in front of other people. Dating was already not an easy task back in my days, 20 years ago, but goddamn, at least we were the last generation who did it the old way, face to face, human to human, with actual consequences should we mess up (like a slap in the face), and actual tingles in the spine when we actually ended up together. And that was precious ! Seeing how it has devolved these past 10 years, with nobody meeting face to face at first, swiping left and right like there's no tomorrow, as if it was some sort of twisted online videogame, I can't help but feel for your generation. We didn't have it easy, but it was still much easier than the shitty hand you guys and girls were handed. Good luck to you. You seem to be an actual treasure, both emotionally and intellectually, on top of looking like an fairy of ancient chinese legends, and the man who you will settle with might be an extremely lucky guy (I say might coz of course you might not be perfect, and I'm sure there are a lot of quirks and flaws you carefully leave out of your vlogs, but I mean, who is perfect, nowadays ? ^^). To finish, that was a fantastically narratively built video. I can tell you took a long time to shoot and edit it. For some reason (might be my animation short director bias), I feel like you'd make a fantastic animation film director. You certainly got the eye, the emotion and the pacing for it. Starting with your parents arguing in the distance to loop it back at the very end with the family photo album with them during your childhood is some high level emotional storytelling loop worthy of Pixar (great ref to UP, btw). Take care, I hope you can one day find someone to settle with and be comfortable, and stay safe inside during this horrendous typhoon day (I've heard it's the biggest to hit Taiwan since 1996).
Love ❤️ is Who you Are as Eternal Consciousness having a temporary journey in the space suit of the body until discarded at death, to die to each moment is to Live the Love that you allready are always have been always will be, and when one stops pretending to be otherwise by clinging to the temporary for security when there is none, the bubble of delusion bursts and you wake to the reality of the Love that you are, and then you will naturally attract a compliment, birds of a feather stick together, be the one you seek, find the lover that you are. Be Love Beloved One! ❤
My perspective of love is from someone who’s completely in love and each day even harder, there was no checklist, just someone I met whom after that I missed without reason.I didn’t met him with the context of dating, in fact not even in the context of meeting each other, we just met and eventually found excuses to meet each other, other times we met by accident… we just kept seeing each other, out of wanting to be with each other, out of wanting to be ourselves with someone else. We tend to not be ourselves with others, well that’s one of the reasons I decided, I don’t care how he views me, even if we don’t get to be a couple but I gotta see him constantly, I cannot let this synergy end here or be forgotten. Eventually we got a little tipsy and kissed each other. For me love, romantic love, is something that could grow beautifully with anyone if both put the effort, but there are sometimes when is something more than beautiful by it’s nature, the only effort you put is searching time to be there, time to be with that person whom if you’re with you feel yourself, you feel free, someone who if you’re with you feel like your own person grows, your spirituality grows. Love has endless beautiful surprises, hope y’all get to experience it
The effort, detail and delicacy put into this video is outstanding. Well done girl, I love that you're bilingual and some way uniting people from your asian roots. Very cinematic experience, i think you should be doing more mini movies ❤
this video is so... touching, levetating, eye opening, refreshing? you really managed to create this special atmosphere and open my eyes to some things i didnt know before. thank you so much
This is a wonderfully warm and inspiring video. And you, Chloe, seem a gift to us all. Any guy would be truly blessed to grow old with you (and, full disclosure, that’s coming from a guy). Be patient - something tells me that you’ll find the one who recognizes that instinctively and the ‘decision’ to which you allude will come very naturally.
She finally made it to the place where we both belong. I thought i was the only one who knew where it was. Even if she just visits from time to time. I am not alone.
I love how you post about stuff very relatable to women in their early to mid 20s I love your editing, videography, your voice, and the message of the video! I hope that you can continue to enjoy posting videos without being fixated on the number of views or likes as your channel grows bigger! Your channel is such a gem!
I'm a hesitator type mixed with the romantic type. Beautiful video! I hope you and all the people in the comments find a lovely relationship and their missing partner. I really get that "want to connect emotionally, intelectually and spiritually". I have drift away even from friends because of wanting this connection with people... It's hard, it's lonely but we'll get there. Good things take time.
Thank you for your insightful mindset about not only love but also our daily lives. Nothing contains meaning inside it inherently, we are the ones who pour our values, thoughts, feelings, and experiences to fulfil that jar of love.
Love this, it really brings up some aspects of love that go unappreciated or that aren’t really thought about very often. Definitely earned the like with this one. Also, great music choices all around, the vibes were immaculate.
You seem like someone who genuinely has all the qualities for a loving and supportive relationship. Lot of women today are competitive, combative and extremely picky that it is ruinous to the whole process of finding and choosing to stay with someone
This is one of the highest quality, most sincere, and most impactful videos I've ever watched. So, so much to think about and feel into. What a treat, thank you! 🙏
im def a hesitator, after my last relationship i constantly felt like i wasn’t enough for them or for the next person. which is totally not true. i think for you, being a maximalist isn’t a bad thing. i think it’s great to have high standards, as long as you are willing to connect with someone. if your standards are getting in the way of you getting to know if someone is right for you then maybe it’s a sign to lean into that fear and just try. thank you for this video, you seem very sweet and it’s really admirable how much thought you’ve put into thinking about love. unfortunately it’s so rare to find that these days.
I’m definitely the Hesitater, I wanted to be proud of myself before being able to accept someone else’s opinion again. I’ve put myself as a main priority the last couple years as a response to a breakup & now I remember the joy it gave me being there for someone. I just hope I still know how to do that 😅 lol
This made me cry, literally! 😭 It's incredibly relatable. Growing up without a father has been tough for me. I've always longed for a father's love. I'm really broken inside because of his absence. I always think that love isn't genuine. I feel it from people around me. My mum married another one - who's a narcissist and manipulative - which really made me realize it's better to be alone than being with someone who'll torture you physically and emotionally. I'm really afraid to embrace love because something is holding me back, and that is ... I don't want to experience what my mum went through with her husband. Although I know not everyone is bad and there are still good people out there, seeing many broken marriages in this generation makes me wonder if true love exists anymore. P.S. I forgot to mention... I identify as both a maximizer and hesitant dater. I really have high expectations for physical appearance, emotional compatibility, and social status, yet I'm hesitant to try due to feelings of inadequacy. Aside from my trauma, I've also got many insecurities that hold me back from trying dating. I'm still 23 and I think that's okay. I'm still exploring, and figuring all things out.
I rarely comment but I just wanted to say - This is a really well made video; it felt like I was watching a lovely film. I also love the movie About Time as it's a cute story but also taught me to be more grateful and appreciative of every moment in our life. Thank you for allowing us to join your journey of searching and reflection.
I’m a hesitater…I often find myself delaying putting myself out there to get the love I want and deserve. All because of superficial things; my status, my appearance, and overall who I am as a person was what I thought I needed to change to get that love. But you shouldn’t have to change and wait to have a person fall for you. Growing in love matters more than falling in it…go find your person :))
I relate to this so much… I’m the hesitator. I kept saying once I heal my eczema, once I fix my teeth, once I’m mentally stable and love myself… and then 10 years passed. Now I feel too old, even if I’m told I’m still young.
A lot of this is true. I used to really care about how I look. Now I’ve come to realize that pretty good looking. Lots of self love and self focus fixed a lot of my insecurities. I believe I’m getting closer to finding my someone. You seem like a chill person. Very pretty also. I think you’ll find someone to connect with! :)
I completely agree with your definition of “Love”.. To me, “Love” is… elusive.. Life throwing a lot at me right now more than ever before and I can’t even begin to try to look.. for love. There are of course different levels of love. There is the primal attraction and physical attributes. Then there are the qualities in one’s personality that you only get to know over time. Then there are fundamentals themselves needed to make any relationship work: open honest communication to build trust, emotional intelligence, kindness, willingness to forgive, ability to compromise, empathy.. and the list goes on.. It’s difficult, time consuming, expensive, and you need attention to detail.. to say the least.. Maybe.. one day..
Can we talk about how amazing the vid is beside its content!!! The filming, the music, the short clips, the script! It's beyond awesomeness FR😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖 The content is a whole different story. I need a whole page to talk about it 😭😭 Keep going on Chloe! I'm in love with your channel 🫶💖 + I guess I am a romantisizer :)
Your outlook on all of this is very similar to my own. It makes me hopeful that there are more people out there like this :] I have yet to meet them in my life, but I wish the best of luck to all of us. Love is a decision.
That’s a good video, nice transition from your personal life to the summary points of the book, yet connecting back to your personal experience. Although, I think love is mixture of a cake, with the ingredients of passion, commitment, compromise, and cooperation. You can’t bake a good cake if the ratio isn’t right.
Glad this video came across, everything in this video were the same thoughts I have been marinating with for a while, and watching this video is like talking to someone who's going through the samething. Love it.
1. no, there will be no perfect guy/girl for you out there. if there are, they're mostly players. 2. you already know this. the older you are, the longer your list will be. 3. I agree with you, in the end it is just commitment. because no matter how much you love him/her now, it will fade away and commitment is the only thing that keep us together. 4. if you do not want to be dissapointed then don't go out in the first place because they will dissapoint you. btw you look like Moon Ga Young.
I left all of my girlfriends because I focused only on the parts that were not compatible with my "Ideal partner". I am very much so a maximizer as well. I have come a similar conclusion about love on my own, but worded this way is just incredible to hear, while also quite saddening. Thank you for this
I think so much of these tips are things often exclusive for women. Being able to say dating was once easy is a privilege most men will never be able to say, and I think it's a big part of why so many men settle on anyone who is willing to them a chance because they don't have an in depth checklist they can pick and choose from. They take what they can get.
Very nice video! I love the aesthetic, your tone of voice, the way you articulate your message, and how you shot your video. Subscribed. Dating in this age really sucks. The dating apps make it 100x worse by monetizing people's loneliness and desperation. Plus, making it super surface level and time consuming. I joined a run club to meet people.
I appreciate the effort you put into the cinematography, also your descriptions are like poetry. Very pretty 🙏 I'm a hesitator in that I guess at the moment I'm not actively searching and dating around. I relate to the challenge of finding someone I'm compatible with.
Okay, I've never known that me wanting to be sure I'm 100% compatible with the person I choose to be with, was stemming from living with parents that seemed so incompatible to me..! Thank you for that eye-opening thought! Amazing delivery, videography and editing
I don't about the love life. But the way you structure the video is really amazing. I felt like am watching old love story movie. Really amazing video❤
I feel like you're INFP. High standards, uncertainty, constantly looking for a better option. Its nice to see that you are getting wiser and sharing your wisdom. If you want a good book recommendation for your journey, try "Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection".
Hey Chole Shy, thank you for making this video. I've been struggling to get into a relationship for years now. This video came by and deeply touched my feelings, especially at the what love means to you part. And thank you for sharing the book! 你的影片做得很棒! 有美感、有架構更有內容，我會繼續關注你的!
While this all address the mindset behind dating, it doesn't actually answer how you actually go about finding people to even go out on dates with. Nowadays, everyone is unwilling to even get to know you if you don't already know each other. People have very closed circles and they're very judgy on first appearances. Most people will be ready to dismiss you right away as a non-option. That is the most challeging part in my experience.
yes i exist.... and i am here jokes aside.... u r beautiful...... and keep grinding i am an hesitator. i dont have ideal type, i just fall in love with whom i fall in love with no reason. And i am not the 4 things u mentioned.... and i dont like interview..... and i dont do it unless i have sth to do with the info..... and i just love the small moments and never fell in love at 1st sight.... i am a perfectionist but i value my efforts i put into doing just that. if my outcome is bad, i accept it rather than getting upset about it, cuz at the end of the day, i have given my best..... my satisfaction depends on the process rather than the result..... To me, love is love. i dont know its definition. i just feel it. i dont have reasons of why i fell in love, i just fall in. i never experienced love at first sight. so maybe i dont know. but what i know is, i believe imperfection leaves for u a place, where u can grow. and in those imperfect moments, i find growth for my love for someone. and btw, dont take my words... I never experienced dating nor did i ever make a gf. I am just speaking from what i felt when i fell in love, and when i imagined myself as the main protagonist of whatever romantic book i am reading or romantic film i am watching. So i can speak only from those POV, and not from a reality POV. IDK why i am commenting for so long, but maybe it just shows that your vid is great. now lemme finish the rest of the vid
I hope you can find your true mate. For me I don't know if I found my true or not, but I'm always trust my instinct that this woman is my true mate lol. And because of that whatever happens I will do anything for her. I love her so much. I can do anything because of love. I can be better person because of love. Love is powerful.
feel the same, love is about the decision and commitment. there's a saying that we choose to love someone so that he/she becomes "the one." start loving the people around you and i think you will be able to make this decision one day :) p.s. nice music and cut scenes, "about time" is really a good movie to watch :D
I usually dont make any comments, let alone like or subscribe, but ur cinematography is so good i had to. On top of that, content is very relatable , insightful, find it very helpful . ❤
Came for the face, stayed for the music and watched until the end because of the sincerity. Went from a superficial man to a one who decided to give you a like.
I think finding someone you feel you can trust helps. From my experience it is usually the ones I feel I can trust tend to be more compatible. Also I noticed throughout my time the people that got married the easiest and less likely to get divorced were boring people getting married. Good communication isn't really just speaking well and accurately. It is when in arguments and debates both sides making a sincere effort to solve a problem and not letting ego get in the way. And about finding a better person. Yes looking externally from the outside you can judge someone is better. But only god knows who is truly better
Settling is never right. What would the other person feel if they knew you let your true aspirations for a partner go?Respect your journey and what god has laid forth for you and the timing will happen when it’s right. If it hasn’t happened yet then that means there’s more work to be done on yourself before you can be with the person who’s right for you.
what is love seriously. The answer might remain unknown eternally. It means different to everyone I guess. We all might have experience it already but somehow you don't notice becuase it is that simple and you just ignored. Having and ending a relationship which I have given so much has truly make me think about the essence and the meaning of love. I think you've done a great job discussing it in this video. Yet, what is it? I mean, nobody will tell you that. It'll be out there for you to figure it out. You might not find it, but what's interesting is that, you might
this is such a great video, I stumbled upon it a bit by chance but I do share the same feelings as you towards love, towards what it means to find love I am 25 years old but still feel young and I know that love always triumphs :) I wish you the best of luck in your journey and a big hug from Portugal!
Oh boy can I relate! Especially the part about your parents and trying to find someone really compatible. On the other hand I've been dating indiscriminately, trying to be really open and just meet anyone who would have me, until burn out and I stumbled into Buddhism to end my suffering haha. But now I feel like it actually is something you have to make work, since you are part of the equation. So now I'm just trying to find someone who is attractive enough and have enough of a talking base with, but even that seems to be challenging.
The only thing people should look for is compatibility. You don't need to find someone "above you" which a lot of young folks have mistaken for a success match these days. Because even finding someone in a higher income range is not a guaranteed win. If you're incompatible, the relationship won't last and you'll be back at square one. But maybe five or ten years will have passed and it will be a different pool of people, and possibly more difficult for you to be back on the market in your 30s, 40s or later as the prospects diminish.
Chloe I'm so glad I found u..I wanted to knwo what love really was tooo..im young but I just wanted to know it..and I kind of have someone in mind whom I think of everyday..whether someone else comes or not..I always seem to kee my eye for him. It's my first time feeling lot of new feelings. Its hard but at teh end of the day I always turn out to be grateful..I literally talk to God abt him..I want to know him better..truely..I am ready to get to know him..I might also be a maximizer haha..I seem to be inbetween that or hesitator..but anyways..this video was sooo pretty to watch. You are soo gorgeous btw :)
As someone older and wiser, let me give you some advice. The only thing you should be concerned with when finding a partner is are you compatible, do you trust them, and do you love each other. If you worry about those things, but also worry about what type of job they have, how much money they make, or how good looking they are, you will be waiting a LONG TIME, possibly forever, to find that person, and then you'll be old. Being compatible and having common goals is the most are the most important things.
Dating is so exhausying, I can totally relate to this video! Also the pressure from my Chinese parents to get married. 😅 Just want to find someone I believe I could have a long lasting relationship with, but maybe dating apps (like Hinge) are not the way to find those people.
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The older I get, the more I learn that "love" in relationships is really about letting out the love within us and sharing that energy. It's not about getting something out of someone else. True love is just self-love that you let out of your cage.
This video brought tears to my eyes. I’m turning 31 in a few days. Never been in a relationship because I don’t feel good enough. “Maybe when I lose weight” “maybe when I have a better job” “maybe when I have a better personality” and constantly making excuses “I’m too busy”
When You have a relationship with yourself, then you will stop feeling not good enough, when you relate to yourself you will love your body enough not to over feed it, and give it healthy exercise to keep it fit, when you truly love yourself you will start living the vocation you truly aspire to, and when you undo the fate of the personality that was created for you by your family and culture in childhood, you will begin to create a mature adult taking full responsibility for your own destiny creating the life you want to live, every morning when you wake up you have 2 choices, make excuses or take actions to implement your highest potential and then loving yourself that much will attract another compliment who also loves themselves and open to sharing that love. You have another 5 years before you peak, best not waste another day. Good luck.
Just fucking start giving the guys who do hit on you and download all the apps you can and find a gentleman!!!!! Sorry became a bit toxic
@ lol I’ve been on and off apps for over 12 years. Made some friends but no relationships.
@@no-one0425 maybe u r not taking care of your personal health and wealth?
happy late 31st birthday
As an artist, I find that seeking love is like painting a perfect masterpiece-all the colors need to harmonize, but they don’t always blend as I envisioned. No matter how much I pour my heart into things and people, this canvas of true love often ends up in incomplete tones. It’s often how people navigate their feelings, that constant fear of taking risks and opening up. Yet, deep down, I hope to discover which colors will finally fit into this picture. And just as Bob Ross reminds us, 'We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.' Maybe these unexpected turns in my journey are simply part of the process, leading me to a love that is richer and more vibrant than I ever imagined.
This comforts me, thanks
i love how you described it! so thoughtful and poetic but very true 🤍
I'm a hesitator for sure. It was subconsciously ingrained in me when I hit puberty. You can't date, you need to finish your education, have a stable job, be more responsible, be more put together, be mature...And bcos I haven't felt I've accomplished all of this, I never felt I'm ready to be in a relationship
Every relationship experiences challenges, but there is always a way to progress. My marriage was tested by significant problems, but with appropriate help, my wife and I worked through them and strengthened our bond. Solutions are available if you’re ready to put in the effort and work together. Stay hopeful-there’s always a way.
I’m dealing with major issues in my relationship and can't imagine losing her. I love and miss her dearly and am prepared to do whatever is needed to have her back in my life. Any advice or direction you can offer would mean a lot to me.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I appreciate your direction. I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
You should... I promise you will not regret it
The cinematography is through the roof.
The effort into detail is amazing. I had the same impression, such good quality
I'm for sure a Hesitator. My inner voice always reminds me I'll be ready when I'm emotionally intelligent and available
Love means putting the other ahead of yourself, very hard work long term, but when each does this for the other, long term love happens. It's not luck, it's work, feelings grow stronger with mutual self sacrifice. Good luck.
Thank you for this comment. I always think about love as a moment with a very beautiful woman, but maybe that's not the best strategy. While it is difficult to search for long-term serenity qualities in ourselves and others, still I find it difficult to focus on those qualities when I am thinking about someone. They don't seem to be there. And I have another issue which is that I can be clear in my intentions not only within myself but also expressing them to the other person. But usually it seems that when we express an appreciation people usually run away from us. If I tell a woman I've met for the first time that I really liked her appearance and I would want to know her better maybe she will tell me that A she's already engaged or B she won't answer. Maybe I should try, but still difficulty arises easily in this situations.
I disagree, love means loving tourself first, putting that boundary and then comes the harmony between two people. Without self love there can never be mutual love
The reality is, love has nothing to do with relationships, the best description of love is selfless giving without any expectation of reciprocity. Relationships are mostly about what value both parties provide each other. Love is something that can’t be exchanged as value, it’s given at the pleasure of the giver
Not going to lie, a maximizer type of partner sounds like an absolute nightmare to me. I'd be crushed if I found out the person I loved secretly wished I was "5% hotter" or compared me to someone they deemed more attractive or "better" than me.
Yeah and one of the conclusions of the video is to settle. And I’m not sure if it would be that comforting to the partner that they are secretly being settled for
"maximiser" is just a term for people who always keep their options open. they always want the better looking, more successful more this and that etc. the grass is greener on the other side type.
But that's the beauty of it though, there probably is someone 5% hotter somewhere out there but like Chloe said it's that constant commitment everyday to give everything you have to this person despite all these idealistic thoughts and noise, to cultivate something much deeper is what I assume love is
@@monkeyseemonkeydo1794 jiat do looksmaxxing bro
Nobody is in one single category, everyone has more or less measures of each. People need to stop putting tags and systemitizing things, people used to take things simple back then, no systems just go out and live life.
The camera work, editing and storytelling of this video is fantastic! Well done 👍
Exactly!
Great advice and I can attest to it. When I was in my twenties and thirties, I was chasing perfection. I dated, went around and around emotionally from one woman to the next. Thought I had found THE ONE twice only to have things fall apart. Was lonely and hopeless at 39. Then in my forties, I tossed away the list I had in my head. I tried to live in the moment. When I met my wife, I knew very quickly she was someone I could make a life with. We have been together for twenty-one years now. I can say hands down that my fifties were the most enjoyable decade of my life. So, bottom line, is it is never too late. Life is full of twists and turns. You just need to be self-aware enough to see love (whatever that means) when it is staring you in the face. That comes by first loving yourself.
that's so inspirational. Do you have any specific advice for maintaining a healthy/happy relationship?
@@xpiredskillz5326 Communication. It sounds so cliche, but it's true. Take the time to talk each day, even if it is only for a few minutes. "How was your gorgeous day" is a daily question we ask each other. Then we either laugh and complain how lousy it was or regale each other with something good that happened. My wife is a natural comic. She can mimic anyone and tells great stories. I guess it was something she learned when she was a school teacher in Japan. I bring a more analytical approach to dealing with whatever problem she might be dealing with, which she appreciates. "I have a question, Mr. Analyst," is the question that often leads to an hours-long discussion that can range from international affairs to the cost of living to quantum mechanics. We listen to each other. We fill in each other's gaps. We complement each other. And, most importantly, we give each other step massages when the other is down and needs to feel good.
@@sandbagger1912 That’s beautiful 🥹 I’m happy that you found each other 🩷
It's a real pain, when you're dress and look so cute and you look so young and shiny, but there's nobody who can receive and enjoy all that beauty.
There is someone and that someone is you. The Universe can see you through your eyes. Be appreciative of yourself because regardless of someone else being there (They will come one day), you got you until the end of the line. Wishing you the Love you deserve. 💙💙
😅@@Patapoon
@@Patapoon😅
@@Patapoon Exactly this! I’ve struggled with believing that I need someone else to appreciate my beauty, but I recently started learning to do so with myself 🩷
I feel it too. I guess you're a woman, I am and this is something deep, perhaps we're taught to feel* worthy only when others look at us.
The revolution is to understand that ourselves are the primary givers and receivers of that beauty. Be kind to yourself ❤
Wowwwwww you made this like a real tv drama. Well done!
Hesitator here. I always knew about me hesitating in relationships because I'm extremely introverted. To be weary of those blindspots is something that will hopefully help me in the future.
I got goosebumps seeing this ,she explained it perfectly, I feel like love cant be truly defined, everyone has their own definition of love ,falling in love is this weird feeling but u like it ,it's like this person is ur home ,it's beautiful and risky
Honestly, I enjoyed this video with soft and warm expressions, slowing down that makes the purpose of love so touching. Love is accepting someone as they are and trusting each other even if the future is unsettling. Even with the up and down being committed to each other is what sparks quality in that person.
Love to me is the commitment to making the other person's happiness one of the most important things to you, and vice-versa
Tip #1: Know Your Blindspot, are you a Romanticizer? Maximizer? Hesitator?
Tip #2: Throw Away Your Checklist, instead of surface level qualities, prioritize maturity
Tip #3: Don't Fall Into the Interview Trap, be present like with friends, try to have fun
Tip #4: Take An Experimental Approach, try new activities to keep things fresh
Tip #5: Don't Let Perfect Be the Enemy of Great, constantly wondering what else is out there makes you miss out on what you already have, appreciate the love and support you have
I summarized the tips in hopes that it would help cement these ideas into my head.
I'm a hesitator, but not anymore, I thought that I didn't have the right to love, because of my current circumstances of being jobless, not having everything figured out, and idea that I should be focusing more on studying how to break into another career field.
But now I see that I can still prioritize loving and being loved, it's always been a matter of will, not time or what I should or shouldn't be doing.
I'm still figuring out how to meet new people to vibe with though. Maybe I'll update my old dating profile with better pictures.
Love, to me, is loyalty, being there when things are bad, and being there when things are good. Never giving up on them. I just have to get better at choosing who to be loyal to, maybe by focusing on a person's long term qualities and maturity.
Take care, thanks for sharing, I subscribed
the part of being jobless and not knowing what to do hits home, i feel afraid of properly telling someone how i feel because i don't believe the current me could be liked or loved back but your comment gives me a bit of courage 🫡
This guy gets it. Especially with the perfect, great part.
Guys and girls: don't pay attention to social media when it comes to relationships. It will mess up more things than you realise. Itl make you doubt yourself- doubt your partner.
Trust me, trust your partner, don't trust social media
May you all find love one day
Beautiful notes. I would just say, don't entertain yourself too much with dating apps. I've been there for some time but the harsh truth is that people there think the others are replaceable, your crush might be some swipes away.
When you're in person, you bring more effort and presence into the moment and can see a person through their dimensions, Vs in dating apps you only measure by looks or filters!!
Go outside, force yourself to meet people in real life, no matter how small the interaction is
@@marte1376 You're probably right, it's more fun to try to get to know people in person anyway.
Hey Chloe! Very well put together video - great structure, clear message and a pleasant voice. Kept me hooked all the way through.
I think people often confuse love with lust. Your ending words sum it up perfectly: love is choosing a person again and again even if someone better comes along.
Can totally relate to that struggle. Meeting people was never an issue for me. Finding that connection is. I don’t fall into any of those categories. I recently found out that some people are more rationally attracted to others. It’s that case when you go down your list of specs and fall for the person you admire (理性吸引）. Some people are instinctive （直觉吸引）that’s my case. There’s no reason why instinctive fall for someone, they just do. My piece of advice would be “learn to be happy with yourself and being happy with someone as a bonus. Don’t put your happiness on someone’s else shoulders”. For me love is a lot of things. If I had to put it in one word I would say that love is faith.
I'm the hesitator. I really thought I wouldn't be included in the archetypes when you first mentioned them, none really stood out to me just by their names. Then you explained each one of them and it made perfect sense.
I never imagined that I could find something so relatable in a random RUclips video. I hadn't heard of the term before, but now I know I'm definitely a hesitator, not only in romantic matters but also in every other aspect of life. I'm always hesitant to do things because I suppose I'm not good enough. I need to prepare a lot of things in advance, try to be the perfect version of myself before attempting to do anything, otherwise, I would fail or couldn't enjoy the result as much as I expected. I've missed a lot because of that, and when I realized, I was also aware of the fact that time was not waiting for me, I'm not young anymore. But it's never too late. I'm starting to change my messed-up life, giving up on playing games all day, learning new things for a new career journey, trying to use dating apps again, going out more often, interacting with more people... then hopefully I can find someone out there to experience something people call love.
Love is being kind to each other, caring and cherishing, working together to find a solution and building happiness and making life and the world around us more precious for each other. Every women that I’ve been with refused to accept this, and always, always strive for more, and more. And the one who remained is defeated into submitting to kindness, cherishing and growing together, like a beautiful flower reaching out to the sun, but can never touch it.
Stumbled upon this in my front page and glad I clicked. I have realized alot of what is mentioned myself already over the endless nights of reflecting, but it's always great to see it put into words/video and pick up a few other tidbits. I identify most with the hesitator, but I am learning to let go of it (partly) and just let myself go along with what comes.
OMG, she looks like Hanni fron New Jeans 😻😻😻😭😭😭😭
Na more like a mix of minji and hanni
one advice. nobody likes when their own beauty is based on someone else. just say she's beautiful. thats enough. comparing or making ocmment like what u did does not make the reciever happy about it. example. Omg u look a lot like fiona from shrek. not really a good compliment eventhough I have good intention
@@albertjai9174Why are you speaking on behalf of everyone? How do you know nobody likes it?
Yeah specially at the last part of the video .
She reminds me of Sully from fx
Chloe, you have a wonderful outlook and passion on life. The one for you is simply someone who has the same love for the artistry of living, as you do - through which you will find true understanding and connection. Even if you are not "perfect" for each other, the most important thing is that you see beauty in the same places as one another, because to me there is no purer form of love than to share the things that matter to you with the people you care about.
Don't overthink it; that person is out there, becoming ever closer the more you live your authentic self. They will be inspired the way you have inspired me and many others, and will inspire you in turn. As a wise man once said, "you cannot connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards." Find a place, an environment, a community, and surround yourself with people with whom you can unashamedly express and be yourself (like you have done on RUclips), and the rest will follow. You got this!
One of my favorite love songs is Compartir by Carla Morrison and my favorite line goes like "Quiero aprender a entender al mundo contigo" which translates to "I want to learn to understand the world with you." The first time I heard it just struck me as such a beautiful sentiment.
This is the best video i’ve seen in a long time. The message: amazing, the technical execution: amazing
Love is extremely rare but nothing matters more. Good luck on your journey and don’t give up.
I just want to comment on the cinematography - it’s beautiful and reminded me of the feelings I’ve felt when I watched early Wong Fu Productions videos. Please continue creating!
Tip 2 : Drop the checklist. (instantly make a new checklist ^^)
And yes, I sadly relate to the 12 years apart parents who are constantly bickering, giving us their children a really not healthy model to shape our conception of love and couple.
I've also struggled a lot to value love over other things like my passion and career (animation, and later on, photography), or friends, as my views on couple dynamics was always heavily polluted by my parents constant fights since I was a kid.
So in a sense, pretty early on, I linked my celibacy as independence and freedom (I could travel wherever I wanted whenever I wanted at the pace I wanted, could go watch whatever movie or eat whatever food without having to wait or agree ith someone else, could go out and back to sleep at the hour I wanted without anyone nagging me...), which were far more valuable to me.
Only problem is : I got a bit too comfortable in my singleness. While I certainly enjoyed it in my 30ies, now in the middle of my 40ies (and no job prospect, since AI has destroyed my entire industry), I'm stuck living with my mother at 40+ yo, with a misery salary from some side gigs, and no financial independence to be even able to date.
But well, I guess since I'm single and without a family to take care of, I can still somehow survive the blow. It would be that much more painful if I had to raise a family.
So yeah, while singleness is great, don't get oo comfortable in it in the long run...
As for all your tips, all those are great tips.
I would add a few things about why it's so hard to find love nowadays :
Your generation (gen Z, born post 2000's) have grown up in the era of Internet, that was compounded by the creation of smartphones, which have been ubiquitous since the early 2010's. That, coupled with the fact that social medias (regardless of if it's IG, FB, Twitter, Tinder, RUclips, Snap, Tik Tok, etc) are inescapable, since everyone has direct access to them at the tip of a finger, is a direct obstacle to patience and commitment. After all, "Since the whole world is accessible at my fingertips, why should I settle for the less perfect version of the man I can find /deserve ?". It's very much the maximizer mentality you mentioned, which hits pretty much 80+% of youngsters nowadays.
That mentality is what transforms anyone showing up in pictures on your tinder or bumble or whatever as mere pixels in jpegs instead of fully fleshed individuals.
It's a miracle if people even bother read the bios, now (happens only if the person is easy on the eyes first).
Add on top of that 8 years of post MeToo neo-feminism that pits all women vs all men without exceptions, and while MeToo itself was a long overdue movement that had all the best intentions of the world (justice for the sexually abused women in the world), its aftermaths also managed to do a lot of collateral damage by giving power to a lot of opportunistic women eager to by ruin a lot of innocent men's lives and careers in court by gaslighting any attempt of advance as sexual harrasment or assault. And now, after 8 years in a row of this sh*t, people are wondering why men flirting with girls is a thing of the past ?
Add on top of that 2-3 years of social jail due to the pandemics lockdown, where lot of your generation should have been out and partying, mingling, dating, and instead were locked at home doing zoom parties, and are now completely pulling a blank when it comes to act as a human being in front of other people.
Dating was already not an easy task back in my days, 20 years ago, but goddamn, at least we were the last generation who did it the old way, face to face, human to human, with actual consequences should we mess up (like a slap in the face), and actual tingles in the spine when we actually ended up together. And that was precious !
Seeing how it has devolved these past 10 years, with nobody meeting face to face at first, swiping left and right like there's no tomorrow, as if it was some sort of twisted online videogame, I can't help but feel for your generation. We didn't have it easy, but it was still much easier than the shitty hand you guys and girls were handed.
Good luck to you. You seem to be an actual treasure, both emotionally and intellectually, on top of looking like an fairy of ancient chinese legends, and the man who you will settle with might be an extremely lucky guy (I say might coz of course you might not be perfect, and I'm sure there are a lot of quirks and flaws you carefully leave out of your vlogs, but I mean, who is perfect, nowadays ? ^^).
To finish, that was a fantastically narratively built video.
I can tell you took a long time to shoot and edit it. For some reason (might be my animation short director bias), I feel like you'd make a fantastic animation film director. You certainly got the eye, the emotion and the pacing for it. Starting with your parents arguing in the distance to loop it back at the very end with the family photo album with them during your childhood is some high level emotional storytelling loop worthy of Pixar (great ref to UP, btw).
Take care, I hope you can one day find someone to settle with and be comfortable, and stay safe inside during this horrendous typhoon day (I've heard it's the biggest to hit Taiwan since 1996).
Love ❤️ is Who you Are as Eternal Consciousness having a temporary journey in the space suit of the body until discarded at death, to die to each moment is to Live the Love that you allready are always have been always will be, and when one stops pretending to be otherwise by clinging to the temporary for security when there is none, the bubble of delusion bursts and you wake to the reality of the Love that you are, and then you will naturally attract a compliment, birds of a feather stick together, be the one you seek, find the lover that you are. Be Love Beloved One! ❤
Some of the best 15 minutes and 37 seconds I've spent on RUclips
My perspective of love is from someone who’s completely in love and each day even harder, there was no checklist, just someone I met whom after that I missed without reason.I didn’t met him with the context of dating, in fact not even in the context of meeting each other, we just met and eventually found excuses to meet each other, other times we met by accident… we just kept seeing each other, out of wanting to be with each other, out of wanting to be ourselves with someone else. We tend to not be ourselves with others, well that’s one of the reasons I decided, I don’t care how he views me, even if we don’t get to be a couple but I gotta see him constantly, I cannot let this synergy end here or be forgotten. Eventually we got a little tipsy and kissed each other.
For me love, romantic love, is something that could grow beautifully with anyone if both put the effort, but there are sometimes when is something more than beautiful by it’s nature, the only effort you put is searching time to be there, time to be with that person whom if you’re with you feel yourself, you feel free, someone who if you’re with you feel like your own person grows, your spirituality grows.
Love has endless beautiful surprises, hope y’all get to experience it
The effort, detail and delicacy put into this video is outstanding. Well done girl, I love that you're bilingual and some way uniting people from your asian roots.
Very cinematic experience, i think you should be doing more mini movies ❤
this video is so... touching, levetating, eye opening, refreshing? you really managed to create this special atmosphere and open my eyes to some things i didnt know before. thank you so much
This is a wonderfully warm and inspiring video. And you, Chloe, seem a gift to us all. Any guy would be truly blessed to grow old with you (and, full disclosure, that’s coming from a guy). Be patient - something tells me that you’ll find the one who recognizes that instinctively and the ‘decision’ to which you allude will come very naturally.
I love this comment. Thanks for empathizing with the struggle of someone who doesn't know when true love is coming
She finally made it to the place where we both belong.
I thought i was the only one who knew where it was.
Even if she just visits from time to time.
I am not alone.
I love how you post about stuff very relatable to women in their early to mid 20s
I love your editing, videography, your voice, and the message of the video!
I hope that you can continue to enjoy posting videos without being fixated on the number of views or likes as your channel grows bigger!
Your channel is such a gem!
I'm a hesitator type mixed with the romantic type.
Beautiful video! I hope you and all the people in the comments find a lovely relationship and their missing partner.
I really get that "want to connect emotionally, intelectually and spiritually". I have drift away even from friends because of wanting this connection with people... It's hard, it's lonely but we'll get there.
Good things take time.
Thank you for your insightful mindset about not only love but also our daily lives. Nothing contains meaning inside it inherently, we are the ones who pour our values, thoughts, feelings, and experiences to fulfil that jar of love.
"The answer was never out there to be looked for..." that's it right there 👏thank you for sharing
Love this, it really brings up some aspects of love that go unappreciated or that aren’t really thought about very often. Definitely earned the like with this one.
Also, great music choices all around, the vibes were immaculate.
You seem like someone who genuinely has all the qualities for a loving and supportive relationship. Lot of women today are competitive, combative and extremely picky that it is ruinous to the whole process of finding and choosing to stay with someone
For sure, I am the hesitator when it comes to love and I am working on that.
This is one of the highest quality, most sincere, and most impactful videos I've ever watched. So, so much to think about and feel into. What a treat, thank you!
🙏
im def a hesitator, after my last relationship i constantly felt like i wasn’t enough for them or for the next person. which is totally not true. i think for you, being a maximalist isn’t a bad thing. i think it’s great to have high standards, as long as you are willing to connect with someone. if your standards are getting in the way of you getting to know if someone is right for you then maybe it’s a sign to lean into that fear and just try. thank you for this video, you seem very sweet and it’s really admirable how much thought you’ve put into thinking about love. unfortunately it’s so rare to find that these days.
I’m definitely the Hesitater, I wanted to be proud of myself before being able to accept someone else’s opinion again. I’ve put myself as a main priority the last couple years as a response to a breakup & now I remember the joy it gave me being there for someone. I just hope I still know how to do that 😅 lol
This made me cry, literally! 😭 It's incredibly relatable. Growing up without a father has been tough for me. I've always longed for a father's love. I'm really broken inside because of his absence. I always think that love isn't genuine. I feel it from people around me. My mum married another one - who's a narcissist and manipulative - which really made me realize it's better to be alone than being with someone who'll torture you physically and emotionally. I'm really afraid to embrace love because something is holding me back, and that is ... I don't want to experience what my mum went through with her husband. Although I know not everyone is bad and there are still good people out there, seeing many broken marriages in this generation makes me wonder if true love exists anymore.
P.S. I forgot to mention... I identify as both a maximizer and hesitant dater. I really have high expectations for physical appearance, emotional compatibility, and social status, yet I'm hesitant to try due to feelings of inadequacy. Aside from my trauma, I've also got many insecurities that hold me back from trying dating. I'm still 23 and I think that's okay. I'm still exploring, and figuring all things out.
I rarely comment but I just wanted to say - This is a really well made video; it felt like I was watching a lovely film. I also love the movie About Time as it's a cute story but also taught me to be more grateful and appreciative of every moment in our life. Thank you for allowing us to join your journey of searching and reflection.
I’m a hesitater…I often find myself delaying putting myself out there to get the love I want and deserve. All because of superficial things; my status, my appearance, and overall who I am as a person was what I thought I needed to change to get that love. But you shouldn’t have to change and wait to have a person fall for you.
Growing in love matters more than falling in it…go find your person :))
I relate to this so much… I’m the hesitator. I kept saying once I heal my eczema, once I fix my teeth, once I’m mentally stable and love myself… and then 10 years passed. Now I feel too old, even if I’m told I’m still young.
A lot of this is true. I used to really care about how I look. Now I’ve come to realize that pretty good looking. Lots of self love and self focus fixed a lot of my insecurities. I believe I’m getting closer to finding my someone. You seem like a chill person. Very pretty also. I think you’ll find someone to connect with! :)
your reflections are comforting and your soundtrack is amazing! i love the cinematography of this film
That was the best video Ive seen in a long time! So well edited!
I completely agree with your definition of “Love”..
To me, “Love” is… elusive.. Life throwing a lot at me right now more than ever before and I can’t even begin to try to look.. for love.
There are of course different levels of love. There is the primal attraction and physical attributes. Then there are the qualities in one’s personality that you only get to know over time. Then there are fundamentals themselves needed to make any relationship work: open honest communication to build trust, emotional intelligence, kindness, willingness to forgive, ability to compromise, empathy.. and the list goes on..
It’s difficult, time consuming, expensive, and you need attention to detail.. to say the least..
Maybe.. one day..
Can we talk about how amazing the vid is beside its content!!!
The filming, the music, the short clips, the script! It's beyond awesomeness FR😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖
The content is a whole different story. I need a whole page to talk about it 😭😭
Keep going on Chloe! I'm in love with your channel 🫶💖
+ I guess I am a romantisizer :)
Your outlook on all of this is very similar to my own. It makes me hopeful that there are more people out there like this :]
I have yet to meet them in my life, but I wish the best of luck to all of us.
Love is a decision.
That’s a good video, nice transition from your personal life to the summary points of the book, yet connecting back to your personal experience.
Although, I think love is mixture of a cake, with the ingredients of passion, commitment, compromise, and cooperation. You can’t bake a good cake if the ratio isn’t right.
What an underrated channel, this is art
Thank you, Chloe. Your video means more to me than you could imagine.
Glad this video came across, everything in this video were the same thoughts I have been marinating with for a while, and watching this video is like talking to someone who's going through the samething. Love it.
I laughed when she slowly grab the blanket. Haha. Love this video!
I couldn't have come across this video at a better time. Thank you for making this.
1. no, there will be no perfect guy/girl for you out there. if there are, they're mostly players.
2. you already know this. the older you are, the longer your list will be.
3. I agree with you, in the end it is just commitment. because no matter how much you love him/her now, it will fade away and commitment is the only thing that keep us together.
4. if you do not want to be dissapointed then don't go out in the first place because they will dissapoint you.
btw you look like Moon Ga Young.
I like the format on how you made this video, the script the ideas. Your thought experience. I like it. 😊
I left all of my girlfriends because I focused only on the parts that were not compatible with my "Ideal partner". I am very much so a maximizer as well. I have come a similar conclusion about love on my own, but worded this way is just incredible to hear, while also quite saddening.
Thank you for this
I think so much of these tips are things often exclusive for women. Being able to say dating was once easy is a privilege most men will never be able to say, and I think it's a big part of why so many men settle on anyone who is willing to them a chance because they don't have an in depth checklist they can pick and choose from. They take what they can get.
Your voice is so calming...Just what I needed right now. Thank you💙
this video is just so clicking with me, especially the intro. hope u are doing great and good luck🥺🥺💗💗
Very nice video! I love the aesthetic, your tone of voice, the way you articulate your message, and how you shot your video. Subscribed. Dating in this age really sucks. The dating apps make it 100x worse by monetizing people's loneliness and desperation. Plus, making it super surface level and time consuming. I joined a run club to meet people.
I appreciate the effort you put into the cinematography, also your descriptions are like poetry. Very pretty 🙏
I'm a hesitator in that I guess at the moment I'm not actively searching and dating around. I relate to the challenge of finding someone I'm compatible with.
this is so beautiful - i love the hook you started with. nice storytelling with a lot to walk away thinking about
Okay, I've never known that me wanting to be sure I'm 100% compatible with the person I choose to be with, was stemming from living with parents that seemed so incompatible to me..! Thank you for that eye-opening thought! Amazing delivery, videography and editing
Love and commitment in a relationship are two different things.
I don't about the love life. But the way you structure the video is really amazing. I felt like am watching old love story movie. Really amazing video❤
We're all in this together!
I feel like you're INFP. High standards, uncertainty, constantly looking for a better option. Its nice to see that you are getting wiser and sharing your wisdom. If you want a good book recommendation for your journey, try "Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection".
Hey Chole Shy, thank you for making this video.
I've been struggling to get into a relationship for years now.
This video came by and deeply touched my feelings, especially at the what love means to you part.
And thank you for sharing the book!
你的影片做得很棒! 有美感、有架構更有內容，我會繼續關注你的!
While this all address the mindset behind dating, it doesn't actually answer how you actually go about finding people to even go out on dates with. Nowadays, everyone is unwilling to even get to know you if you don't already know each other. People have very closed circles and they're very judgy on first appearances. Most people will be ready to dismiss you right away as a non-option. That is the most challeging part in my experience.
Agreed 100%. Even I'm very skeptical about making new friends
@@rosesareromsee even making new friends is really hard, i find that i can only do it online reliably
yes i exist.... and i am here
jokes aside.... u r beautiful...... and keep grinding
i am an hesitator. i dont have ideal type, i just fall in love with whom i fall in love with no reason. And i am not the 4 things u mentioned.... and i dont like interview..... and i dont do it unless i have sth to do with the info..... and i just love the small moments and never fell in love at 1st sight.... i am a perfectionist but i value my efforts i put into doing just that. if my outcome is bad, i accept it rather than getting upset about it, cuz at the end of the day, i have given my best..... my satisfaction depends on the process rather than the result.....
To me, love is love. i dont know its definition. i just feel it. i dont have reasons of why i fell in love, i just fall in. i never experienced love at first sight. so maybe i dont know. but what i know is, i believe imperfection leaves for u a place, where u can grow. and in those imperfect moments, i find growth for my love for someone.
and btw, dont take my words... I never experienced dating nor did i ever make a gf. I am just speaking from what i felt when i fell in love, and when i imagined myself as the main protagonist of whatever romantic book i am reading or romantic film i am watching. So i can speak only from those POV, and not from a reality POV.
IDK why i am commenting for so long, but maybe it just shows that your vid is great. now lemme finish the rest of the vid
I hope you can find your true mate. For me I don't know if I found my true or not, but I'm always trust my instinct that this woman is my true mate lol. And because of that whatever happens I will do anything for her. I love her so much. I can do anything because of love. I can be better person because of love. Love is powerful.
I love the presentation and aesthetics, more importantly, I received something valuable today. ✨
feel the same, love is about the decision and commitment. there's a saying that we choose to love someone so that he/she becomes "the one." start loving the people around you and i think you will be able to make this decision one day :)
p.s. nice music and cut scenes, "about time" is really a good movie to watch :D
I usually dont make any comments, let alone like or subscribe, but ur cinematography is so good i had to. On top of that, content is very relatable , insightful, find it very helpful . ❤
Came for the face, stayed for the music and watched until the end because of the sincerity. Went from a superficial man to a one who decided to give you a like.
Great storytelling,,,,, genuinely felt real and good❤
I think finding someone you feel you can trust helps. From my experience it is usually the ones I feel I can trust tend to be more compatible.
Also I noticed throughout my time the people that got married the easiest and less likely to get divorced were boring people getting married.
Good communication isn't really just speaking well and accurately. It is when in arguments and debates both sides making a sincere effort to solve a problem and not letting ego get in the way.
And about finding a better person. Yes looking externally from the outside you can judge someone is better. But only god knows who is truly better
I'm the Hesitator, since life now need more money and to be in a relationship means I need to be ready financially and mentally
Settling is never right. What would the other person feel if they knew you let your true aspirations for a partner go?Respect your journey and what god has laid forth for you and the timing will happen when it’s right. If it hasn’t happened yet then that means there’s more work to be done on yourself before you can be with the person who’s right for you.
It’s not sound to compare your path to others, everyone is unique with their own journey.
what is love seriously. The answer might remain unknown eternally. It means different to everyone I guess. We all might have experience it already but somehow you don't notice becuase it is that simple and you just ignored. Having and ending a relationship which I have given so much has truly make me think about the essence and the meaning of love. I think you've done a great job discussing it in this video. Yet, what is it? I mean, nobody will tell you that. It'll be out there for you to figure it out. You might not find it, but what's interesting is that, you might
this is such a great video, I stumbled upon it a bit by chance but I do share the same feelings as you towards love, towards what it means to find love
I am 25 years old but still feel young and I know that love always triumphs :)
I wish you the best of luck in your journey and a big hug from Portugal!
I feel like the more I've learned about my own flaws, the closer I've gotten to finding the person I'd like.
Oh boy can I relate! Especially the part about your parents and trying to find someone really compatible. On the other hand I've been dating indiscriminately, trying to be really open and just meet anyone who would have me, until burn out and I stumbled into Buddhism to end my suffering haha. But now I feel like it actually is something you have to make work, since you are part of the equation. So now I'm just trying to find someone who is attractive enough and have enough of a talking base with, but even that seems to be challenging.
The only thing people should look for is compatibility. You don't need to find someone "above you" which a lot of young folks have mistaken for a success match these days. Because even finding someone in a higher income range is not a guaranteed win. If you're incompatible, the relationship won't last and you'll be back at square one. But maybe five or ten years will have passed and it will be a different pool of people, and possibly more difficult for you to be back on the market in your 30s, 40s or later as the prospects diminish.
Chloe I'm so glad I found u..I wanted to knwo what love really was tooo..im young but I just wanted to know it..and I kind of have someone in mind whom I think of everyday..whether someone else comes or not..I always seem to kee my eye for him. It's my first time feeling lot of new feelings. Its hard but at teh end of the day I always turn out to be grateful..I literally talk to God abt him..I want to know him better..truely..I am ready to get to know him..I might also be a maximizer haha..I seem to be inbetween that or hesitator..but anyways..this video was sooo pretty to watch.
You are soo gorgeous btw :)
To everyone reading this comment, I hope you find your love."
As someone older and wiser, let me give you some advice. The only thing you should be concerned with when finding a partner is are you compatible, do you trust them, and do you love each other. If you worry about those things, but also worry about what type of job they have, how much money they make, or how good looking they are, you will be waiting a LONG TIME, possibly forever, to find that person, and then you'll be old. Being compatible and having common goals is the most are the most important things.
Dating is so exhausying, I can totally relate to this video! Also the pressure from my Chinese parents to get married. 😅 Just want to find someone I believe I could have a long lasting relationship with, but maybe dating apps (like Hinge) are not the way to find those people.