AITA For Refusing To Let My Stepdaughter Wear My Daughter's Wedding Dress? - REACTION
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- Опубликовано: 17 май 2022
- AITA For Refusing To Let My Stepdaughter Wear My Daughter's Wedding Dress? - REACTION
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Hey ya'll! Today on my channel we are reacting to some posts on one of the spiciest reddit threads around, AITA.
#aita #bride #bridezilla #entitledbride #wedding #aitapost #redditaita #reaction #charlottedobreio #react #reactionchannel #charlottedobreio #charlottedobr
Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I crack a joke or two. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
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I have a friend who lost his fiancé in a car accident, he gave her mother back the wedding dress because he thought It would mean more to her mother than for him to keep it and his mother gave him pictures from the day they went dress shopping together. They both cried together. About Two years later his late fiancé’s mother asked him if he would be OK with it if she offered the dress to his late fiancé’s little sister, he said that he thinks that she would’ve liked to that. The little sister wore the dress and he felt like it was a very respectful way to honor her memory. The thing is everybody was respectful of each other‘s feelings in that story.
also the sisters in your story probably grew up together. in the video they probably didn't even meet before her death so the step sister had no reason to wear it other than not wanting to pay for a dress...
Im definetely not crying right now. This is so sweet. Communication, respect and understanding of others feelings.
This is totally the right way to go about this. A close family member essentially bringing a bit of their lost loved one with them to their wedding is super sweet and lovely if everyone feels okay with it. A stingy stepdaughter who had no relation to the deceased insisting on wearing the dress is....not 😬
I love that he offered the dress to her mother as a keepsake. That guy was a keeper and I hope he eventually found another partner that was deserving of someone so caring.
Absolutely beautiful !!
So stepdaughter's response is basically "you met me when I was a grown-ass adult, but you don't love me more than the deceased daughter you raised from birth?" Damn straight. There is not a mother daughter relationship, there is just an "I am OK with you marrying my dad. If stepmom had done something like "that is against my rules", I am sure she would have been met with some version of "it's my life" and "you're not my mom".
Yeah that was extremely manipulative in an effort to just get what she wants. Of course she doesn't love you the same, she's known you for a few years. She can love you very much and it's still wouldn't be the same
I don't call my stepdad's wife, stepmom ffs. That is bizarre. It just feels wrong. Am not a big fan of my stepdad though so that factors in.
There are very few moments when a step child can be hurt by not being treated the same as a bio child and this girl fell into none of them. I would be incredibly hurt if my step mom ever said she didn't love me like she loves my brothers, but that is because I've literally been in her life longer than they have. She was my step mom 7 years before the oldest of my little brothers was born. She's literally only 6 months + time for gestation away from being in my life as long as my Mom has been. She's literally my second mom. I call her mom or by her first name. I only refer to her as my step mom to differentiate her from my birth mom in conversation with people who don't know.
You don't get to be upset your step mom loves her birth child who has over 20 years longer in her life than you... more than you. That's not how this works hon.
@Jessi RaRaRa Yeah. Claiming a mother daughter relationship only 2,5 years after meeting for the first time on equal terms as the mother daughter relationship with her actual biological child where all parties as adults is kind of insane. Sure relationships can develop quickly, but among adults? This isn’t a small child. It’s so weird.
Honestly I was worried that the story was going to go in the direction of the stepdaughter being the reason the other daughter had mysteriously died beforehand. She seems like the type that would’ve poisoned your food for a dress
"her dad doesn't see why I'm against it." He. . .can't see why his daughter mutilating the dress of his wife's deceased daughter would make her. . .not okay??? Someone get this man a copy of 27 dresses, right now.
I am so sorry for her mother and fiance, for everyone involved.
Having said that, the mother's husband is giving me serious red flags.
The first story really makes my blood boil. The manipulation, gaslighting, and guilt tripping to get a wedding dress that has indescribable sentimental value to a grieving mom... Absolutely disgusting. Shame on the stepdaughter and husband. I hope the mom will find new people that respect her and what she went through. She deserves better.
Absolutely agree! Those people are disgusting and they both showed who they really are. If I were that woman, I would think about divorce. She lost the most important thing in her life, the last thing she needs right now is dealing with that kind of inhumans for the rest of her life.
Right?! I think the ONLY thing that would be acceptable would be if the step sister didn't change the dress at all (except maybe the fit lol)
If it was me I would have asked as yeah I ask abt stuff and regret it and say I am sorry I shouldn't have asked tht thts stupid of me to ask and if it's already said would have said if it's fine with you if I wear it and it's not going to change besides the size if I am a different sicmze but u don't need to say yes and would have been really close to my step mother as my mom has always told me to be respectful abd get close to people who are close to u and no I am thankful my mom is still here and married with my father just saying if people think in some way
@waterdragon55 I think it was fine that they asked. Nothing wrong with asking, but you are right, the response to her no was what was bullcrap.
Do we have any update on OP?? Like did she keep the dress somewhere safe because I was worried the stepdaughter would steal it or the husband would steal it and give it to his daughter 😢
Asking to wear the dress is okay, but the “No” should have been accepted immediately. If was really about bonding, she could ask the new stepmother to go dress shopping with her. But I’m most appalled by the husband’s behavior. Inexcusable for him to try to guilt his wife into giving his daughter her dead daughter’s dress.
@@missmayflower I agree. And I ran it by my husband (we both have,ids from previous marriages) and he was horrified by the father’s behavior.
Yeah. As a parent, he should sympathize with another parent's grief over the loss of their child.
As a husband, he should be looking out for his WIFE'S FEELINGS. And he should INSIST that his daughter RESPECT his wife.
He should most certainly not badger her or disrespect her RIGHT TO REFUSE, let alone get MORE people to harass her.
IF the subject had been sex, and not a dress, there'd be no question that badgering someone who said "no," is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. Because "No means no!" and "But, your honor! I badgered her for days, until she finally gave in! That makes it fully consensual, and not rape!" does NOT hold up in court. At least, not today.
He has shown complete disrespect for his wife, by refusing the allow her the right to refuse ABOUT HER OWN PROPERTY. And he's been CRUEL about her feelings, completely disregarding and belittling them, and basically telling her, "My daughter matters, but YOU DO NOT MATTER. How DARE you actually stand up for yourself? Wicked woman! You think YOU matter to ME?! Absolutely NOT!"
He's a horror and cruel, and she needs to get away from him, before he pulls this crap about something else, like home ownership, or her family heirlooms, or her inheritance (What do you MEAN, you're not giving ME all of your inheritance from your late parents' wills? You can't keep that for yourself, no matter WHAT the law says! You're being selfish and disrespectful of ME and MY child! We just want to BOND, and you giving us your property is how you show you're open to bonding! It has nothing to do with taking ACTIONS together and making memories together. JUST GIVE ME YOUR STUFF!"). Or even sex, for that matter.
After this, I wouldn't put it past him. When you show that blatant disrespect for a person's right to say "no," about something as serious as THEIR DEAD CHILD'S WEDDING DRESS, and them NOT WANTING IT TO BE CHANGED, then there is definitely a non-zero chance that you'll disrespect their right to say, "Not right now, honey. I've just had surgery and am bedridden for the week."
Do you know many times men HAVE forced their wives/girlfriends/fiancees to have sex WHILE IN A HOSPITAL BED?! It's sickening that it ever happened, at all, let alone how often it actually has.
As a recent widow, who understands PROFOUND grief...no, even asking is so weird. The only excuse is that she's only 23 and probably dumb. But, as you said, the "no" should have been accepted immediately.
As I said, even asking a mother to wear a dead daughters wedding dress (AND ALTER IT!!!!) is inappropriate.
Its also hurtful to the man who would have been the husband.
I don't see an issue with asking politely and gently. Like "you can absolutely say no, there is no pressure. I know you have her dress, would you be okay with me wearing it? It's just a thought, if not it is completely okay. I completely understand and respect whatever you feel is best."
But I've never been in that situation, so I can see someone not being okay with them asking. But she hasn't either so I can see how she didn't see an issue with asking, but after that she completely was out of line. I agree, the moment no was said, that should have been respected.
That being said, I don't think op said how long it had been. If her daughter's death was anywhere near recent, then it was completely inappropriate.
The fact the step-mom is still grieving over her daughter passing away AND YET THIS STEP DAUGHTER HAS THE AUDACITY TO BE SO THICK FACED FOR A WEDDING DRESS SHE DIDN'T EVEN WEAR AND BUY AT THE FIRST PLACE!! ASDFGHJKL I'm so heated over that step-daughter and father saying there shouldn't be a problem WTFFFFF. I would divorce the dad ASAP if they still continue to insist. so insensitive
Are you gay by any chance
Preach!!!!!!!
In my culture there is a specific day, usually a few months after the funeral the deceased clothes are distributed among their living relatives. Sometimes holding on is more painful, but it's still early for the mom and the stepdaughter was rude and demanding. Mothers shouldn't have to bury their children, how sad.
Yeah, this would be a deal breaker for me.
OMG right? She she be grateful that her step mother is even willing to discuss wedding planning with her let alone attend hers after this tragedy. The audacity of this little monster.
If I was the woman with the pregnancy jar, when the mother started talking about how everyone was worried cause she was in her thirties. I would’ve just pulled the jar out.
Thats what I was thinking.
Seriously mom and sister need to contribute to the jar. And be the first to pay the inflation rate.
my thoughts exactly! hahahaha
Stonks!
Well snot 😂. Just found ur response to preg jar and saw we had same response. Excellent 👍🏼
Someone made me cry when they asked if I was going to have another kid. We had two miscarriages that they didn't know about. We ended up having our second kid and that same person asked when we were going to have another kid while I was pregnant. Some people don't learn and they should stay out of other people's business.
Those are the kind of people to avoid.
I can’t even tell you how many of my friends have gotten asked this question just after a miscarriage or just after starting their period AGAIN after trying to conceive for years…I work in a profession surrounded by women, so you’d think they’d be more sensitive, but no. People did eventually stop asking me, but I had to come up with some pretty radical and slightly rude responses to the question to make sure it stuck. The pregnancy jar is the most polite way of doing this that I’ve ever heard, personally. I just shamed ppl into the ground for sticking their nose in my uterus alongside the government, right where it doesn’t belong. lol
@@Miss_Camel Is that a U$ thing, because i'm Canadian and i have never asked that.
@@ireallyreallyhategoogle being nosy/invading personal space/saying inappropriate things/asking rude, nosy, and inappropriate personal questions? I mean, I’ve only ever lived in the US so I can’t say for sure it’s only us, but it’s definitely a thing here, yes. I don’t want to gatekeep being a nosy asshole, I’m sure there are plenty of other countries and cultures that are waaaayyyyy too up in everyone’s business.
@@Miss_Camel I think it's really not a Quebec thing. People here can be assholes, but rude and obnoxious assholes quickly get put back in their place.
Handicap one: my brother was run over and lost his leg in the ‘accident’ (it was his ex who did it). He now needs those parking spots and it pisses me off so much when people assume that he doesn’t because he’s young and ‘walks fine’. He’s lifted his jeans to tell people to eff off multiple times, jumped around without a leg to embarrass people trying to make him move, etc. and it’s hilarious every time. We support him and stand by the pettiness.
This was lovely to read. He's a funny, witty and great person. You're blessed to have him. He should smack with the truth as many a**holes as he can. Great and funny methods too
I can't believe people even assume they would be faking! If you've got the damn placard, then obviously you have been deemed to have some sort of disability, ffs people!!!!
@@danielleking262 a lot of abled bodied people use the disabled placards of friends or family for convenience, that’s why people get upset about it. There are literally never enough spaces, even just for disabled folks.
This is AWESOME!!! I was in a horrible accident and thankfully did not lose my leg but only because they were able to put it back together with a bunch of metal lol. I cannot stand when people make me feel like I am not disabled enough to have the placard that the doctor felt I needed. People really just need to mind their own dadgum business!!!
Plus it's really nobody's place to ask! Especially if he has the appropriate placard's and markings on his license plate, or hanging in his mirror that prove that he is obviously eligible to park there. People need to mind their business! Disabilities come in all forms and somebody may look and act like they completely are fully functional but then maybe they have a breathing problem or something else severe enough to warrant a disability parking plaque. I've even seen people who get out of surgery who are given temporary disability parking passes because their recovery process prevents them from being able to walk for long periods of time , and it's nice for them to be able to park closer to their store. All in all, unless you really are a jerk taking a spot from somebody, nobody has the right to come up and ask you whether or not you have a disability, or ask you to prove something.
DEFINITELY a HUGE NO on the dress! The audacity of her even asking....smh. Get your own damned dress!!!!
I bet she will steal the dress and gaslight the mom later. I would put that dress into a safe space, a bank locker maybe? and the dad is just wtf...........................
Especially when she said she would alter it. There was personal touches by her daughter that would be lost of it was altered, the step mum would not be crying with happiness at the wedding.
especially bc she didn’t want it how it originally looked she wanted to “make some changes” like girl no
@@pinknotthebarbie Exactly! I think if the stepmom brought the dress to the stepdaughter and told her she wanted her to wear the dress it would be different. Freaking vulture of a stepdaughter has some issues. The husband made it worse too. I hope the mom heals
Stepdaughter sounds awful. When someone tells you how they feel about something, "No, it's actually fine" is never a good response. And that bs about "do you love me?" is manipulation 101. Her dad not recognizing this and encouraging this behavior is worrying. I'd be telling him I'm going into therapy, and he can simultaneously decide if it's couple's therapy and if he's still in a relationship.
Husband too. Manipulative.
Completely selfish, insensitive, and manipulative. I feel so bad for this woman, especially after all that she's been through 😢
What's she going to do with the dress? Be buried with it? I guess maybe it was too soon. It's a dress.
@Laura Booth thank you for demonstrating the problem behavior so perfectly
@@laurabooth6752 Are you for real? I guess there really are people out there who lack empathy... Losing a child is hands down the most painful thing in existence, and how she copes with her grief is her business. The stepdaughter should not have asked; it was very inappropriate. I am baffled by how entitled some people can be. That's her baby's dress, her baby whom she will never see again, and she can do what she wants with it. I just can't believe this 23-year-old grown woman asked a grieving mother this question for her own needs. Unbelievable.
One time, my Dad parked in a handicap spot, and a Karen approached him and proceeded to yell at him for parking in a handicap spot while being perfectly healthy. A lot of people were staring at the spectacle she was making. My Dad calmly unbuttoned his shirt and the lady was freaking out seeing his scar from his triple bypass and his catheter protruding from the bottom part of his stomach.
Oof that is disturbing but love that for him not because of the scar but being petty
I have an invisible disability so I just show them my pwd ID
Can't you just call the police? Its harassment... Its scary that people like that walk on streets 🙄
@morganablackwater2017 My Dad was not a shy person and petty to boot. I'm pretty sure during another situation what TSA did to him in MCO airport would have resulted in a lawsuit with anyone else. They forced him to strip down to his underwear in front of everyone. Despite telling them he had staples in his chest from his heart surgery before going through security. Seriously, no asking him to go to a private room away from other patrons just straight up had him strip there when he and I were our way to a funeral in another state.
I think the reason handicap people have so much pent up anger is that healthy people really do take stuff that isn't for them sometimes. Like I'm taking the bus now because of an injury, and every day a gang of 16 year olds will take every last seat in the front of the bus that are labeled for the disabled and elderly. If just one of them sat there while the others stood or sat in the back, I'd assume that one person had some kind of invisible disability, but the likelihood that all these public school children are secretly disabled when we just watched them sprint to the stop is pretty low. If you're someone who struggles to do basic tasks and feels a lot of pain, I can see why that would be grating after a while.
That said, when it comes to parking people have a badge on the windshield. You don't have to wonder if they're disabled or not, they have proof from the government!
The girl that took her leg off is not the a hole, she's my hero!
I swear Reddit is great for this. A lot of people have toxic families and it's so great they can get validation when needed - or trashed when they're the toxic ones
There are so many amazing support groups on there, particularly r/raisedbynarcissists.
@@VampiraVonGhoulscout yes, I'm in a CPTSD on Reddit, it's literally been a lifesaver.
I wasn't raised by a narcissist but I was married to one. I'm so sorry, they are the absolute worst
@@justhearmeout3959 I have CPTSD as well, I should look that one up. I'm in a group for people with BPD and for ADHD though.
@@VampiraVonGhoulscout the group is incredible. Even the mods are really great, there was a post at one point that was really triggering for me and I talked to the mods about it, and they talked me through hiding the post.
I hope to see you there!
@@justhearmeout3959 definitely look it up, and look up Dr. Snipes on youtube, so informative and helpful about cPTSD
So, not the same really, but I lost a baby due to prematurity. She lived for two hours. My next baby is alive and well, but there are some clothing items I had been given for my first baby that I can not bring myself to put my living baby in. They've never been worn, but I can't do it. They're hers. Particularly the one I used to announce my first pregnancy. I rummaged through some of them when I was desperate because clothes were being outgrown, and STILL couldn't do it. And it had been 4 years. Honestly, even if there WASN'T a plan to alter the dress and this was a blood child, I'd still call it justified. YOU DON'T GET OVER THAT KIND OF LOSS. EVER. You just learn to live with it.
I had made a blanket for my child when I was pregnant. When I miscarried, I couldn't bear the thought of one of my other kids using it or even someone else I knew using it. I ended up donating it, because somehow the thought of some little baby somewhere being blessed with it was comforting. It's hard making those kinds of decisions. It's a deeply personal thing.
❤
Reminds me of that line from a movie, said: if a wife/husband loses their partner, they're called a widow/er. If a child loses paren/s, they're orphans. But for parents who lose their child, there isn't a word for it.
Me: there will never be a word that could describe your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re doing better.
@@Mrs.Silversmith I am so, SO sorry for your loss. I think what you did with your child's blanket was beautiful. Every person is different, and everyone deserves the right to grieve in their own way.
This reminds me of my friends family who kept asking her to give them grandkids so she told them "If you want grandkids then pay me to have them."
She gave them a estimated price for 18 yrs and sent them a email requesting a down payment of 10,000. They haven't asked her since. Though she keeps reminding them about it.
Hahaha I love that she keeps reminding them about it 😂
If I asked my parents they would say yes lol😂😂mabey I should try that...
😂😂😂
This is brilliant! Tell your friend I applaud her. I never had the interest in having kids and got SO SICK of people telling me that I'd change my mind when I met the right person. Gag. My sister stuck up for me with my mom finally, and told her that she had five grandchildren so I was off the hook. LOL. My mom still bugged me at times, but when I tried internet dating she started up again and told me that I might fall in love with someone who had kids, and then what? I told her it wouldn't be a problem, because I wasn't even communicating with men who had or wanted kids. That shut her up for good. People need to stop trying to force their antiquated ideas of happiness on others.
@@LoomofDreamsit’s called self preservation. If you don’t have children you don’t continue your family line.
The stepdaughter is just trying to get a free dress. If she was actually the sister of her recently deceased daughter and wanted to wear it as a way to honor her, that would be nice. But it seems like they barely knew each other.
There's nothing to indicate that they ever even met! I agree, that would make a huge difference.
Stepmom should provide the name of the shop where the dress was purchased. Then she'll find out if daughter liked the dress, or liked it as a free dress.
Get rid of the dress and there is no issue.
..and dad/husband just wants to not pay for his daughter's dress.
Wow the emotional blackmailing of the stepdaughter. The audacity!
Right?! The whole you don’t love me as much or whatever, that was some manipulative bs right there
I relate to the asking about kids story! My husband and I tried for years and went through several losses. I wish I'd though of having a 'pregnancy jar' cause my family would not stop asking. Especially my parents who would always say "We want grandkids you know!"
After my third miscarriage when my parents asked I ended up blowing up at them, shouting that I want a child more than they want a grandchild and the pressure they are putting on timing is just making everything more difficult, and if they didn't stop asking they wouldn't get to meet any grandkids whether or not we had any. They stopped asking.
Happy ending, we had our rainbow baby this February, he's my whole world and his grandparents dote upon him.
So glad you could have your rainbow baby. I was one. I still feel like I have older brothers even though I haven't met them.
What's a rainbow baby? Is that a term for in vitro? Sincerely confused.
@@rwg5167 A rainbow baby is a healthy baby born after a miscarriage or still birth. The baby is considered the 'rainbow' after the 'storm' of losing a baby.
I’m a rainbow baby too. I was never called that cuz the term wasn’t really well known then. I’m fairly certain I would’ve had an older brother if he hadn’t passed. I also should’ve had a little sister. It feels like they’re there sometimes you know? I don’t know I just feel like I have a big brother and baby sister watching over me.
You didn't tell them that you had been having miscarriages? I get not wanting to tell coworkers and everyone, but I can't imagine not telling my mom.
My dad once had the pregnancy talk with me. He simply said: “Having children is a wonderful experience that changes your life. There is no pressure, I just want you to make an informed decision about what you might or mightn’t miss out on, and not have that choice taken from you by the passage of time. Your mother and I were older when we had kids, which had both advantages and drawbacks. We were well settled with jobs, but it was also harder to keep up physically with you as we got older.”
And then my mom said: “I wouldn’t pressure you to have children, but I do have some information I hope you will think about. I was older when I had you, and even older when your brother came. It was hard. The older you are the more physically demanding having children is. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t waited so long. Remember my first birth lasted 16h. It was not fun. Nor was being a decade older than the other parents of the kids in your class. So if you are going to do it, don’t wait til the last minute.”
Honestly that is pretty useful info, and I thought fairly respectfully done.
Glad they discussed n shared important info instead of just demanding u procreate asap as ur 'clock is ticking'
That sounds like what my mom told me. She ended it all with: "I would love to have a grandchild, but I will never, ever place that burden on you. That is not my decision, it's yours. Your old baby clothes I save are just for the 'what if'. Also, if you want to freeze your eggs, I will pay for that. You can take as much time as you want, if you do want it, and not feel the pressure of having kids before you are ready." (She got cancer and had to have her eggs removed before I could have a sibling, which was why she felt so strongly about that.")
Average labor for a first time mom is 12-24 hours regardless of age. Even if she was 17 when she had you it probably would have lasted that long, likely the recovery would be easier though.
My parents never pressed about kids, but they already had more than a dozen grandkids. My husband and I were not having any kids........SURPRISE! First baby was born when I was 36 and second was born at 38. The childbearing experience and the toddler years is definitely more physically draining later in life, and it's really hard not having other moms your age with toddlers the same age - all of our friends have kids that are on high school or even older. It's rough. We also have to think about how we won't be around for as much of our kids's lives as we would if they were younger and may miss out on some of their life milestones.
I bet they only had the talk with you once, respectfully. Not hounding you every time you meet. Good parents. 😊
As a person with an invisible disability, I respond to anyone who questions my parking placard by loudly stating “I’m so glad I live in a country where I am not required to discuss my health issues with strangers” and then walk away 🙂
YES. THAT !!!!!
Good for you! I’ll have to remember that the next time I get accosted by a stranger.
That one got me too. I been discounted on my mental health issues.
Notice also that the guy made this into an excuse to be an old man yelling at cloud in public and when proven wrong still acted like the situation he created for himself to try to shame and humiliate her was still somehow her fault. Dude deserved every bit of his discomfort.
I usually reply, "Are my F*cking doctors?"... It takes days to save the energy and the courage (anxiety) to go anywhere. Dealing with A-holes used to draining, now I'm so aggravated by it, I go off on them... LOUDLY!
As mother of a dead adult child I say it was not right to ask/demand. If mum had a good relationship with stepdaughter and OFFERED it would have been so sweet. And "changing it's look" NO. Oh my goodness what a messy family dynamic.
Sorry for your loss!
Right??? If she were the same size and didn’t make any changes… maybe. Mayyyyybe. Because it would be nice for it to be worn for the intended purpose. But also then it should return to the mother, which based on the step-daughter doesn’t sound like she’d agree to that either. Messy messy messy.
From (grand)mother to (grand)daughter, sure, if offered. At that point it's an heirloom and everyone benefits. From recently deceased daughter to stepdaughter, on demand? I think not. Only cheapskate stepdaughter wins and adds to mom's grieving.
Regarding that last one, I went to my friend's wedding some time ago. Super cute couple so happy for them and their future. Years later we happened to all be going to a mutual friend's wedding and touched base for a little bit during dinner. I was joking a with them, asking if they were going to have a bunch of kids. Her face immediately fell. Her whole body slumped down into such a sad state and her husband looked very sad too. I did a lot of growing up in that moment. Just because it's the "norm" in society to tease newlyweds about having kids, doesn't mean we actually should. Now I don't say anything about kids if the couple doesn't have any or isn't expecting.
I hope u apologised or said something to make them feel better.. sounds like they either had a miscarriage or can't hv kids at all 😢😢
Yeah even with friends, I think that unless they bring it up with you first and make it clear that they want to confide in you about their situation regarding children, you shouldn't bring it up. Having kids is such a personal decision, and you never know someone's circumstances.
9:00 Exactly! Not all physical disabilities involve a wheelchair, walker, cane, etc. I’ve read so many entitled people stories like this. Never assume the person doesn’t have a disability just because it’s not obvious to your eyes.
My friend has COPD and believe me he needs that handicap parking spot. He also has a service dog who signals him to use the emergency medicine before his lungs fail.
I feel like the only way to get people to stop asking about pregnancy is to make it as uncomfortable for them as it is for you... and the pregnancy jar achieved that. A total win for that lady, a great idea
I agree !!!! Like people touching women's pregnant bellies without asking and making them super uncomfortable. That should probably be a jar too!!!
She's definitely NTA. They're basically asking about her & her husband's sex life and/or fertility issues. Way too personal.
@@jenny2245 on top of the most important thing -- it's their CHOICE if they want kids or not!!! Not up to the rest of the family, ffs
! I'm 35 and just finally had a baby this year and for the last 10 years it made me sick to my stomach the dozens and dozens of people that continually asked me when I was having a baby having no idea whether or not I could even have one
@@tesspalmer992 Congratulations! I hope you're all happy and healthy ❤️
I'm a mom, stepmom, daughter, and stepdaughter, and from every single angle, that's a big fat no from me, dawg. Dress shopping for THIS DRESS was the last happy, cherished memory from her daughter's life, and no, you may not disregard her grief and try to gaslight her into compliance. Not happening. SD can go find a copy or similar to cut up.
As a same everything you said I agree with you 100%.
You’re a G.👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
As someone who also looks “normal” but has a handicap placard and uses it for my MS/fatigue/pain…. You’re amazing and I freaking LOVE that you did this!
As someone who has had arthritis since I was 14 have had sepsis 3 times, countless operations and a knee replacement and am only 38. I constantly get judged for being 'too young to be disabled' so I get how she was feeling. My petty ass would have acted the same and have in the past. Prejudice is ugly and not your fault for someone and the actions they choose to take. Most definitely NOT the AH. 💜
Love your videos Charlotte 🧡
Much love from London, England 🇬🇧 ❤️
I'm 41 and been needing a knee replacement now for many years. I had a work-related injury that the doctor didn't diagnose correctly, which led to me not being able to walk for a while. He refused to do an MRI when the knee joint had been injured, said I was fine, and that the ongoing pain was all in my head. So... I understand everything you've been suffering. ❤️
I really don't get this "you're too young to be disabled" thing... No one told me that disability had an age limit! 🙄
A guy told me I needed to start thinking of marriage as I'm 30. He explained that for women in their 30 things become much more difficult. Started questioning him about why hasn't he gotten married yet. As he is still single. He asked me to stop as the conversation was making him uncomfortable. Only asked the same questions he did.
Double standard much
It's the hypocrisy for me
Exactly, I had that issue too, the problem is that colleague enjoys my reaction to him asking the que and he asked me more than parents would. It’s annoying really.
He likes you and eww 😂
@@LadyMarigoldWithers oh no, pls don't 🥲. I rather jump off the bridge. U know my manager said he like me too but he has gf. He's just love pissin me off.
The pregnancy one: my solution is usually TMI. Once you start getting into the reasons and start talking about uteruses people generally feel weird and want to stop talking. This is when you don’t. You talk louder and more about periods and ovulation. Trust me. No one asks again ha ha!
Oh my good one 😂
As someone currently going through infertility treatment I must say that family are disgusting. While I am very lucky to have a supportive family who are either being my rock through this or know they have no right to bring it up.
Her brother embarrassed? They are asking you to practically give them an update on your current sex life and health!!
I would 100% go down the TMI solution! If that was happening over multiple years I would probably throw my privacy to the wind.
"Oh I'm glad you asked brother. We just had our most recent appointment with the gyno and while my follicles are not quite there size wise for the past two cycles, the daily injections are working okay. It is looking mildly positive, despite the bloating and bruises on my stomach. I must saw ice packs are a life saver, am I right ladies?!
Of course each period is devastating and we might still have to go down the ivf route.
I actually got this jar to give you a chance to help us towards the $15,000 IVF bill each cycle. They say it takes on average 3 cycles so may need some more support to put a second mortgage on the house. But its obviously important! Particularly to my loved ones. I mean for you to bring up over dinner with the whole family! So I'm happy to give you more updates when they do the next vaginal scan if you'd like? They'll be looking at how my fallopian tubes are travelling ...."
Very true 👍 Perfect plan
That would be something I would do. Ask me a super uncomfortable question, I'm gonna give you a super uncomfortable answer. Lol
I think she did good though. It's free to mind your own business!
I did this to someone asking me about something I use in the bathroom and I gave them every detail. They’re like “Ok I get it” never asked again
Thank you for covering the pregnancy jar one, its made me wanna get a stutter jar for everytime someone tells me to “slow down” or “think about what im gonna say” because ive recently developed a VERY bad stutter and “slowing down” and “thinking about what im gonna say” isnt how it works, maybe now they will finally stop
My advise is to seek good speech therapist and ignore those people trying to help you. Tell yourself they only trying to help you and not get mad about it. If it bugs to the extreme don't talk to them. Your choice.
@@LittleImpaler
Doesn't matter if "they're trying to help".
Impact over intent.
Girl, taking your leg off sounds incredible funny! I would have cheered for her there!
Am chronically ill, too.
Also thank you for sharing this stories. My life feels easier now.
It would be extremely hard for Mom to see step daughter wearing the dress. It would make her relive her daughters death all over again.
Yes, on a day she should be celebrating
Agreed
especially with the dress being altered. if the stepdaughter wants a dress like the daughter's but not exactly like it, let her buy her own and have it tailored to her desires.
Would the stepdaughter pay to have the dress returned to its original condition after so that it can continue to be a memento? of course not. she just wants a free dress.
Especially because the daughter's death is such a new event. If it were 10 years ago, OP might feel a bit different but right now is way too soon.
@@hectorsmommy1717 Yeah and her daughter didn't even get to wear the dress. I don't understand how her husband could not understand. I think he was just thinking about his daughter but he should consider his wife's feelings too. And if someone is in mourning I think others should be more considerate to their wishes not make up what her dead daughter would have wanted. How would they know and also, doesn't it matter that their actions are hurting someone who is alive and grieving? I don't think any dress is that important that you have to hurt someone like that.
The moment Charlotte read that the daughter passed the same month as her wedding... nah that dress would be in a glass shrine with lights and flowers
Also that whole "im you're daughter too" bs. Well in that case she was her sister and that should automatically make her respect the fact OP doesn't want someone else wearing the dress
This mother has had very little time to get to know the stepdaughter, and so far she's just proved herself to be an entitled brat!
When I married my 2nd husband (now ex), he had 2 adult children and was close to his daughter. She pretended that we were going to be friends at first, she suggested we bond by getting tattoos (she already had a lot). I declined, because I don't want any tattoos. That annoyed her. Before I married her dad, after she had only known me a couple of weeks, she asked to "borrow" $10,000 because her dad told her I had recently inherited money from my parents. I told her "no", and she hated me from that day on. I knew that money would never be repaid because she squandered every dime she got her hands on.
It cost me $20,000 to divorce her dad after 15 years of marriage, and it was worth every penny!
@@LazyIRanch Ew... people that think they're entitled to other people's money disgust me... and TEN GRAND??? BORROW??? I don't even want to know what she thought she needed that for....
Who on earth would want to wear and alter their dead sister's wedding dress she never got to wear herself?? Just no.
As a step daughter of two really wonderful, and very loving people, I would never assume they love me the same way they have loved the kids they actually had and raised. Especially not if one of their kids had died tragically, at a young age, right before their wedding. That's just audacious
I appreciate you saying "just because you cannot see someone's disability doesn't mean they don't have a disability". I have a disability you cannot see. Love your videos!! 🤗🤗❤️❤️
I can't understand how it must feel to loose a child. And then get told by your loved one, who has a child of a similar age, that you're being too harsh and should get over the last important possession of your child. The thing you both spend time one and have memories of together. A symbol of a last wish that never came true...
It’s not just that though, they worked on it together. The dress has thread that her daughter sewed in it. I can’t even begin to understand how they think it’s okay to take it from her and then cut it apart and changed?
The way the step daughter said is a problem she even said i want to change something clearly knowing that the mom’s daughter especially made some extra changes by herself , and lept guilty tripping the mom so no its not harsh
lose*, not "loose"
I have a slightly similar story as the first one. My husband was upset that I told him I wanted to pass on my grandmother's pearls to my baby cousin when she gets married. He wanted me to give them to his daughter (not biological) and by me saying no, he tried to use that to justify how I don't like her. That is far from true. I do like her, but those pearls were the only inheritance I received and I want them to stay in my family. I didn't like feeling that I had to justify my reason as to who I wanted to give my pearls to.
My wedding ring has the diamonds from my late grandmother's diamonds (the setting was falling apart). The condition is they have to stay in the family. I don't plan to have kids and my only brother has one daughter, guess who's getting the ring when I die. Its not that I don't love brother in-laws daughters (I really do) but they aren't from my side of the family. Can only hope my neice follows the rules. She can be a little rebel. Or I wait until I'm a greataunt lol.
Just tell him that those are family heirloom, emphasize the word family and that it must be past on the biological line of the family... And they're yours to begin with, you're the only one who gives the shots in who will receive those...
@@sunnydoom2726 girl get those stones reinforce on the ring....
@@ranniemanangan5371 no need to be nasty by emphasizing she's not "family".
@@issecret1 sorry for the tune, what I mean is that "blood related family".. They still a family but not in that level...
As a young married woman who was infertile, I wish I had thought of that "when are you going to have a baby" jar. Might have made tiny dent in the infertility tests and treatments that we paid for? I also should have had a "when is the baby due?" jar when I was going through menopause and looked way younger than I am. Not having known about the jars, I just chose to burst into tears and say "I'm infertile!" or "I'm too old for that, and I was infertile when I was in my reproductive years thanks to hereditary birth defects, thank you for bringing up my emotional pain of being barren!"
Rule no. 1 about asking people about their baby plans:
DON'T
You don't know if they're having infertility issues, disagreements between themselves as to when to have kids (or maybe one spouse doesn't want them at all) and so it's probably a sore spot. They know they're getting older!!! Don't remind them!!!!!!!
Pregnancy jar. Standing ovation. That is genius. I am doing this for my sister-in-law. She gets asked all the time and yet those that know them know how many times they have tried and it didn't work out for them. So to hear family ask when she brought herself to a gathering even though she was mourning has even upset me for her. This is genius.
Oh please show her this video, it may take the stress out of it for her and her husband 😊
I can completely relate to "Pregnancy Jar". You cannot believe how many people feel obligated to discuss your childbearing (or non-childbearing) choices/issues with you. The OP should keep the money she collects in the jar to provide the payers visual proof of how often she is cross examined over this very topic.
Also if she happens to want a baby but the "normal" way just doesn't happen, she could use that money for trying out alternatives! Like let them ask and pay up and have yourself money for hospital bills. I wonder how many of her relatives would stop asking if she would tell them its for exactly that "paying of the hospital bill" ..or maybe more of them would start giving more than a doller ...
Charlotte screaming NO! In response to wedding dress!! My instant reaction too! I laughed so hard when we screamed it together!
I come from a culture where a woman without a family is useless/nothing/sick. I have been described these way many times. I had so many miscarriages, last one almost killed me out of bleeding. Stay strong sisters, i know i am not alone ❤
Respect to you for being you! It must be hard sometimes to remember that you're special whether or not you are partnered/a parent
For the artificial leg story…I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 18. This has happened to me countless times. Public shaming in the correct circumstances is a powerful deterrent to stupid behavior. I’m literally standing and clapping for OP.
I completely agree! I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis at 15, I wish I had a “you’re too young to have arthritis jar”
@@TheWoolJunkie Please make one!
@@TheWoolJunkie Same... Even my PE teacher told me that I had caused my own juvenile arthritis... I got it when I was 1,5 years old...
Yep. I have multiple sclerosis.. deal with chronic pain daily, muscle spasms, poor balance, and all of these are worse in the summer. Yet to look at me… I apparently “don’t look disabled”. I’ve been accosted multiple times, always by people older than me (I’m late 30’s), and usually by seniors. The joys of an “invisible” illness
YES! Me too! Nothing wrong with what she did, I thought it was hilarious.
The girl who took her fake leg off is a LEGEND!!!! I died😂😂😂 If I was there and part of her group I would’ve pissed myself laughing😂 she’s got a decent sense of humour and humiliated that guy in front of everyone, exposing him as the prick he is. A LEGEND!!!!!
Even if I had just been a random passer-by I would have full on applauded.
I'd be the friend that was cheering her on.
My thoughts exactly! And I think it’s great she’s not ashamed of her body, stumps, scars and all! What a Queen! 👸🔥❤
@@vkestrel3519 stop calling women queens. y'all got overinflated egos as it is.
As an autistic person, I wish I could show people I am disabled. I am living vicariously through her.
Cheers for the comment about invisible illness/disabilities! People need to stop assuming they can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there. I have fibromyalgia and suffer from chronic migraine. I have often been accused of faking my pain to get out of things, which isn't true. I take medication to manage my pain but it can only do so much. I really wish that everyone could understand that. I have always enjoyed your vids and your comment about people needing to stop assuming they can't see a disability doesn't mean it's not there. Thank you for this.
I am a dialysis tech and when my son was 3 he came to work to see me and I was wheeling a patient out when he came in and I hugged him and introduced him to my pt a very nice older man with no kids. My son kept looking at my pts legs due to the prosthetics I bent down and was explaining why his legs were different to help my pt took his leg off and handed it to my son the look on his face was priceless and he bonded with that pt and to this day my son still helps people everywhere he goes.
I remember the first story. I could never, EVER imagine the AUDACITY to ask for her deceased daughter's wedding dress.
I think it's okay to ask. Not okay though to guilt trip her into doing it when she declined.
It depends on the intention. Asking to honor is different than asking to wear to change the dress in more than one way is ridiculous.
@@KwispyZ I think it's also okay to ask to change the dress. It happened before that people changed clothing from passed friends or relatives to wear them happily on special days. I mean, you can ask anything. As long as you are fine with a no. Also I just don't get it: If you apparently don't even like the dress, just take another one, that you do like.
I think I would ask, but asking is different than guilting. She best get rid of that propensity to use guilt to get her way, or her kids will be messed up.
The audacity of someone in their 20s asking is reasonable. But it's cruel to try and force it by using her father as a weapon.
The wedding dress thing makes me so mad! Can they not understand her grief and that she wants to preserve a momento of her daughter?! Also, why does she want *that* wedding dress so badly if she wants to change it? And the person who replied about the husband and step daughter not respecting her feelings and boundaries is SOOOO true
Boah, this makes me tear. I would never give the dress out of my hands. On the time being with this discussion, I would rent a safe at the nearest bank and put the dress there. If they are pushing, I would tell husband that if he comes again with that that I will leave him. If they are pushy like this, they will do it again at other occassions //. The pregnancy jar is just so clever.
I cannot imagine greater pain than when a parent loses a child. No one has to right to tell a grieving parent what is the right way to grieve. That dress clearly meant a lot to that poor woman, why would they insist on it? Ugh, this made me so mad.
My friend has Crohn’s disease and had an ostomy bag and had most of her intestines removed so she had a handicap parking placard. Once I went to Walmart with her and she drove and we parked and when we got out of the car some older guy started yelling at her for parking there and saying she didn’t need to park there. Instead of arguing with the guy she lifted up her shirt to show all the scars from surgeries on her stomach and pulled her pants down enough to show her ostomy bag. The guy just said sorry and drove away real quick. Think before you speak. Just because you can’t see something wrong doesn’t mean there isn’t.
I had ulcerative colitis, and IBDs were less known then. I’d ordered a wheelchair to go from the gate to baggage claim. (At that time, it was a long distance-and I’d come to town to go into the hospital). But I looked normal, apart from prednisone puffiness. The guys with the wheelchair didn’t believe me and insisted on waiting until everyone was off the plane. Luckily, it was before 9/11, so my mother was at the gate; she spoke to them, and we were on our way.
The mother was just not ready for giving the dress. Had this happened 10 years after her daughter passing maybe just maybe if asked nicely, it would have been a nice tribute. But the lack of empathy is appalling
Exactly what I was thinking
Maybe if she hadn't wanted to change majority of the dress, I think it's the "I need to change a few things" that made the Step Mom say no.
She should have the dress stored somewhere else and inform them it’s gone… so there’s no dress to pressure her about.
This is why used to have etiquette books! 📚 I'm so happy, and grateful that I was taught not to ask for things if those things haven't been offered, and not to ask to visit, but to wait to be invited. Honestly, I can't stand people who ask for money, or things and or who try to invite themselves to my home, or parties if they haven't been invited. So many entitled people in this world need to just bugger off!
LIVING for the disability one! I have Multiple Sclerosis, and even tho I "look" extremely healthy, sometimes something as simple as walking from my car to the store to the grocery shop is EXHAUSTING and painful. BELIEVE me if I could SHOW my condition I would. SO GOOD ON HER!! So sick of people assuming just because "we don't look sick" that we don't deserve to use specific parking.
I learned young not to question it. My mother had a heart condition, so you couldn’t tell from looking at her. She died at 53, and I’d rather have her back and deal with the questions, than not.
FTR, I now have one, because I need a hip replacement at 55, but I’m overweight so they won’t do the surgery. The looks I get for using a mobile cart. Like people think I’m using it because I’m fat (I’m not that fat).
So yes, sometimes it would be nice to wear a sign saying, “needs new hip. Disk degenerative disorder” (I have that too)
100% agree! My pain from 5 herniated discs in my lower back and degenerative arthritis in my hip has finally gotten so bad that recently I have started to use a cane. The only good thing about this is at least I’m no longer being accosted by people who question my right to a handicap parking spot.
I was paralyzed 10 years ago. I live to make able bodied people uncomfortable. It’s my superpower !
I'm so sorry you are dealing with MS. I know it's devastating but often can be one of those "invisible" diseases.
I learned my lesson at age 19, when I said something stupid because I didn't know a person's condition.
I was at a party, and had been flirting back and forth with this cute, funny guy named "Blue". I was walking to the ice chest to get a beer and he said, "Hey, hon, could you grab me one too?" My first thought was, I'm not a dang servant, so I said, "Hey, you've got two good legs, get it yourself!" All his friends looked horrified at what I said, but Blue just grinned and pulled up his jeans to show me he had an artificial leg. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me! Of course, I waited on him the rest of the evening and couldn't apologize enough. We got to be friends and even dated for a short while.
BTW, legal drinking age back then was 18. Blue lost his leg at age 15 when he crashed his motorcycle and a stop sign severed his leg. He still rode a bike, but I never got on it with him. I was scared of those things before I met him, he just confirmed I had good reason to stay off them!
I have a genetic disorder called EDS... it's a connective tissue disorder that my type affects the joints by becoming arthritic very early as well as fibromyalgia. And on good days I can walk without my cane... I've had a few good days turn bad after being accused of not needing my HP placard. The world would be a better place with a little more empathy and understanding that we all have shit going on in our lives and we don't know the struggle the next person is dealing with. Stay Well & Stay Blessed 💜
About a year after I got married my moms bestie kept asking when I was gonna have a baby, my husband and I weren’t quite ready yet, but she wouldn’t stop. I finally pulled her aside and whispered conspiratorially “ I don’t want my mom to know I’m having sex yet, so no babies yet”. She never asked again!
My son was in a motorcycle accident before he was 21 he lost his leg below the knee. He would go to a bar n sit on a stool, he'd turn his prosthetic leg around so his foot would be turned backwards. He'd wait till the drunks would tell him something looks wrong. He's great about his loss. He helps other amputees to cope.
Thank you so much for saying that people shouldn't assume that someone doesn't have a disability just because you can't see it. You are a queen, and I just subscribed.
I literally SCREAMED "THANK YOU!" When that gal with the injury said, "I'm tired of people assuming that just because I'm young, I'm not in pain." As a young woman who also suffers from a back/spine/shoulder injury (I was 21 when the event occurred and 25 now) I COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY understand what she has to endure. The embarrassment and shame inflicted on young people with injuries is unbelievable. Thank you for sharing that one Charlotte, it's so wonderful to have some representation for someone in my predicament. God bless you and God bless that girl for her bravery and tenacity in that situation. Someone's got to stand up, and I love how she did it.
The times I've had people assume I'm drunk or high or even tell me I should be ashamed of myself for being drunk in the middle of the day because I'm unsteady on my feet because of permanent nerve damage from a broken back...but if I use my cane I get told "you're too young for a cane". Oh I didnt know pain had a minimum age requirement
Agreed
And they also always say ‘you look fine’
@@caseyc2497 I didn't see your comment until now, that just breaks my heart! I'm so sorry that people are so mean...It hurts, but at least we know we aren't alone. There are still good people out there, you just have to look a little hard to find them sometimes 😂🥲Keep going forward my friend! If we stick together and continue to bring awareness, the future can get brighter. God bless you and I pray both you, and, and any others with pain and injuries one day find healing from the pain.
@@relent-lass7510 That's the one that irritates me the most. I always think "If only you had x-ray vision buddy..." 🤣
@@auburnsongbird2044 exactly, not all disabilities are visual A
When we first got married, straight away people kept asking that question, we were building a house & a business, decided we would try in 4 years, but it didn't stop. After hundreds of that same question I decided to say "oh we just found out we can't have children", it shut them up & we divorced without having kids, so they must have thought it was true. Got married again & had 4
Ah well, you said 'we' couldn't have children - meaning you and your ex TOGETHER.
Even if both of you got remarried and had children by other partners, it still wouldn't necessarily make the first fact untrue!
Sometimes two particular people are incompatible for reasons which elude medical science! :p
i work at a hospital, Sepsis is so dangerous and quick, once you go beyond a certain stage there’s nothing anyone can do…don’t delay getting medical treatment.
One thing I've realised about people with disabilities being an "a-hole" is that it comes from a place of deep exasperation. Whether they're actually an a-hole in their everyday lives or not, if they happen to behave like a jerk when they're asked/said something regarding their disability, it's because they've heard the same questions/suspicions countless times before & they're genuinely just tired of engaging in such discussions anymore.
For the pregnancy jar one, the person asking could say, "what are you gonna do with the money?" And the couple can say, "for the baby y'all want us to have so badly."
Sadly, they were spending it. I'd have kept every dollar so that the family could see just how much they were asking.
@@silversamurai0267 Same! Either that or at least keeping track of the money before spending it. And everytime I collect a new dollar I would tell them exactly how much I already earned by doing that just so that they can see how incredibly annoying and invasive they are
Actually, now that I think about it, maybe *I* should start a partner/pregnancy jar. Like, my family keeps keeps pestering me about getting a partner and having kids (I dont want any and said so countless times, btw)... The thing is: I'm literally 18. Why do I even have to *think* about having kids?!
-If anyone takes this as an invite to say "Well, you are still young and can/will change your mind" I'm literally gonna bite your head off. Because thats exactly what my mom keeps saying and it's the most annoying thing ever-
@@FennekinBraixen ikr! And that "you will change your mind" BS is annoying AF! Like come on! Let us live our lives, understand ourselves, be happy, explore the world and if at some point we want to marry, we will! We haven't lived our lives, we haven't understood what we want and you want us to get into marriage or have kids... I face the same and I know it will get worse in 2 years... So I am thinking of getting a job and moving to another city.. Or else my family is gonna keep pushing me to marry 24x7 and if I get angry, they will try to act as victims and guilt trip me.. LMAO!
@@mrinalkiran7013 Seems like I got kinda lucky in the marriage department, considering they probably never gonna pressure me into one (all of the married couples in my close family split up and my mom didnt even marry to begin with. Also, she doesnt like weddings).
I hope if you do move to another city, it gives you some space between the whole pestering and guilt-tripping. Tho it's kinda sad it has to go this far just so they stop. Anyway, I wish you best of luck!
@@FennekinBraixen thanks dear! All the best to you too! ❤️
The guy saying someone is “too young” to have a disability is just insulting and stupid. I’d say ignorant, but claiming someone is too young to be disabled is just stupidity. There are people who are BORN deaf and blind, and with missing limbs, among other disabilities. My sister was born with a literal hole in her hip, something that she had no control over and has been dealing with her entire life. There’s no age limit on either end for disabilities.
I injured my back at 18 and spent a couple of months having AH people tell me I was too young to have a bad back so I get it.
Such a queen for always spilling the tea while being honest about people’s stories on Reddit, and you always got to have that judge Judy once in a while.
As someone who used to be asked constantly if we are having another baby I totally love the "swear jar" idea lol seriously my son is turning nine and I still get asked every once in a while!
I had exactly the same problem as the girl with the amputation. I’m disabled as is my daughter. I parked in a disabled spot (as they’re called in the UK). A elderly woman walked over to me & said that we we (myself and my daughter) was too young, to be needing a disabled space and we needed to move, so that an elderly person could park there. I got out of my car, got my daughter’s wheelchair out & my crutches, she just stood there, stuttering and not knowing what to say! We went into the shopping centre and I swear we didn’t try to, but we kept seeing her, in various shops, she blushed and turned away, every time we saw her. I’d love to say that, that was a one off event, but sadly variations of it, happened quite frequently sadly!
I feel for the lady with the prosthetic leg. My mom was a double amputee with 2 prosthetic legs and people gave her grief all the time for taking handicap spots or seats because she was young. Handicap people include more than just old farts! You go girl!
Question, don’t people who really need handicapped parking get a special license that you need to visibly leave in the car to show you are entitled to the P-place?
@@womenfrom0202 Yes. Handicapped people are licenced a tag that you are supposed to hang from your rearview mirror, or can even have the hadnicapped symbol put on your licence plate.
@Women From 020 Yeah, but it’s not like you have one of those for public transport. Someone sitting in a handicap seat on the buss with no visible disability might still get dirty looks.
As someone with invisable disabilities I 100% agree we need to stop judging people who look healthy if they need to use the priority seating or handicap spots etc. However, there are a lot of selfish people out there who are healthy and do not care if they take that away from someone who needs it. Which at the end of the day hurts us even more because thats why we have to prove we're disabled. I avoid using priority seats etc now because of that, I dont want to explain my illnesses to a stranger who may not believe me anyway.
I hear you. No one can see my disabilities. And no one can understand my disabilities. And no one wants to understand my disabilities.
Love the pregnancy jar.
I'm 19 and luckily people still just ask about a couple, I never had one and I'm not actually looking for one. My family knows there's two main reasons why I wouldn't have a child:
1- I don't like children, I can take care of them and enjoy with them but I just like them if they are good kids and for a few hours, more and I start to get really irritated.
2- I'm lesbian, and unless I failed Biology, I'm pretty sure you can't get pregnant by having lesbian sx, there's other ways of course but if I ever have the intention to have a child it's probably going to be adopted or a robot.
That's why when they ask about my future they go directly to studies and work, not couple and children bc for years I showed how angry it make me every time they asked and my response was always the same "I hate children" with a very disgusted face and a disdain in my voice so they would have it clear.
Another reason that only my friends know is that I have a lot of sh1t in my mind, a lot of trauma from the past, some of them bc of my family and my own family project their traumas on us, the youngest, so at the end I just don't want another traumatized child in this damn family, I have my own problems and I don't want them to be theirs.
Nowadays having children is very expensive and stressful, with my friend's we all agree that having kids is a 30-35 years old project, once you already had your life, you healed a lot of scars, you have the money, the time, not when you are 20, still deciding which career or which work would be better and living with your parents. Also having an adult life, alone, is expensive, every year it gets more impossible to live whiteout your parents, couple or roommates, you just can't live alone bc it's so expensive and it gives you so little in exchange that it's not worth it.
The girl who showed her leg: NTA!!!! My partner’s father lost his leg almost exactly a year ago today. The amount of grief and pain he and his family have been through could never compare to him sitting down and showing someone his stump and prosthetic to make them feel bad for assuming the ability of others. The woman who caused his accident (basically tore his leg off with her car; he was riding his motorcycle) literally never suffered any consequences, despite driving with a suspended license, 3 young and unrestrained children in the car, a long list of crimes (many violent), as well as these same crimes I mentioned in that list multiple times. He’s the one that’s suffered for someone else’s.. well, basically, bad character, and therefore, bad decisions. Same with OP. I’m sure it was beyond a nightmare for her at first and for a long time.
The girl’s group that felt awkward-maybe you’re just uncomfortable with her disability. She’s been through so much more than you could imagine, so… screw off. Let her stand up for herself. She wasn’t able to for a while 😉 but fr though. She’s NOT disgusting, and she’s NOT the a-hole
You just know if she told him she was an amputee he wouldn't have believe her.
I’m so sorry about your partner’s father, hope he’s doing well. What happened with the ahole driver?
“I think that people need to stop assuming that because you don't see a disability it’s not there”
THIS 10000000 times 👍🏼
As someone with an invisible, yet devastating disability, I want you to be our ally poster child!!!!!
This happens all the time. There are people who don't understand disability and don't have a placard that patrol parking spots like they are our saviors. This will not get them into heaven! It only makes them look dumb. Most disabilities are invisible. It’s only the assistive devices that are visible. The fact the OP felt the need to describe her disability in detail for the post is an example of how we always feel like we have to justify. I LOVE that she waved her prosthetic like a badge of honor.
If there is a license plate or placard Saying Handicap, a Dr. & a Government & the DMV have already made the Decision! Nobody Asked For Yours!
As someone with chronic pain, YES. I thankfully don't need a disabled placard or mobility aids, but I've gotten looks and comments when I show up to my PAIN SPECIALIST for regular appointments lol. I know I'm young at 29, but yeah I'm also on medication like y'all for chronic pain 😅
Seriously. I have chronic back pain, and I hate when people say shit like, "You're too young to have back pain." I've been putting off getting a handicap tag for years because I don't want to be harassed about it.
@@jessicamadere So what you're saying is you would rather suffer pain than suffer the humiliation of people’s inevitable harassment? That sounds just like what every disabled person has to decide every time they park. It sounds insane when we say it out loud, yet this is just a sliver of the emotional torture we go through on the daily.
@@jessicamadere PS I suggest you get the placard. You don't have to use it if you have it, but if you need it, you’ll have it.
The way I got my mom to stop asking “when am I going to become a grandmother?”: I told her on April 1st I was expecting. She got all excited and then I said “April Fool’s.” She stopped asking after that. (We ended up having two sons, but on OUR timetable. We had been married five years and were in our mid-30s before we got pregnant.)
Scenario 2: I knew of a young woman when I lived in Boston that developed bone cancer (only early 20's). She was at a doctor's appt. feeling very ill but amazingly went alone and was stoic. Same thing. Some guy was giving her crap for parking in handicapped parking. She pulled off her WIG! He was horrified. People were horrified. Well, Guess What? Things aren't always as they appear to be. I don't know how she made out because I moved months later but BLESS HER and her courage. I admire people's strength. They are special. They are extraordinary. ♥♥♥
It's grinds my gears when ppl assume you don't have illness or pain because you are young. I constantly get "but you are too young to have arthritis...you are lying" 🙄. I think the young lady was amazing and brave for standing up to the parking space bully.
OMG yes! Like dude I've been predicting the weather more accurately than the Weather Channel since I was 14! Tell me I don't need to park here and I will take an appendage of YOURS of next! 😂
Story one,: just... no! You never ask something like that.
Story two: Queen! Absolute queen! My disability is visible, but I know so many who get attacked over theirs. It is disgusting.
Story three: whether they don't want kids, can't have kids, or it just hasn't happened... our society needs to change the expectation. Unorthodox way to handle it, but it is their choice to ask and actually pay.
It was straight up disrespectful to even ask without her bringing it up herself.
You know what I hate? (Last story) I hate people who assume/think that thier kids (infertility or not) actually owe them grandkids. I knew before I found out I was infertile that I wouldn't be giving my parents any grandkids. Nobody needs to have to deal with them as grandparents, being thier kid is bad enough. My brother isn't planning on having kids either, for the same reasons.
Re: taking off the prosthetic leg - my best friend (rest her soul) used to do this to people all the time when they picked on her for using disabled facilities; she had a prosthetic leg from the age of 19 because she had to have it amputated (cancerous lump in her knee).
My favourite time was when we were on a bus, and an old lady sitting behind us was not-so-quietly complaining about two 'healthy young people' using the disabled seats. My friend turned to me and said "my leg is itchy", then rolled up her leggings, pulled off her leg and handed it to me. I've never seen anyone shut up so quick in my life - this old lady went as white as her hair when she saw it.
I suffer with osteoarthritis myself (broke my hip in a car accident) and often feel judged when I use accessible facilities. I look perfectly fine, but the pain is horrific and I wish people wouldn't be so quick to judge just because they can't see it.
😂 The story on the bus, omg that is brilliant. Your friend must have been a great person!
@@meisjeViv thank you 💜 she really was an absolute treasure, and I miss her every day xx
Sorry for your loss. Your friend sounds like she was an awesome lady who would have been an amazing person to have a friend. Wish I’d been on that bus seen the look on the old bags face.
@@Hermioneswish thank you ❤️ we were very close - she was my sister in everything but blood - and I was blessed to have her in my life for 10 years xx
@@ChiBiMo that’s absolutely lovely. Glad you had each other. 🥰
Charlotte, exactly, if the step daughter had said, “ I want to honor my half sister and wear her bridal dress just as it is with no changes at my wedding, and if you aren’t comfortable with it then I’ll never mention it again”. Not the a-hole!!!! Thanks!!!!
But she's not the half sister though.. that would mean they share a parent.. she's just the Step sister.. that too not for any large amount of time
@@ananyasuchindra6567 agreed. & imo, it’s still rude of her to ask that. Would be different if the mother asked the stepdaughter if she would like to wear it to honor her, but assuming that position for yourself is not cool
@@ananyasuchindra6567 I also thought it was weird of her to say don't you love us the same? Especially the age she's at. I could see a 10 year old ask that question but not a 20 something year old that no longer needs mothering. She just needs support from an adult woman. Also to ask don't you love us the same is a stupid question. My mom loves me and my brother with love as a mother but completely differently because we're different people
@@imperviousdonut Agreed. Zoey has been OP's stepdaughter for less than a year. It's not like OP had anything to do with raising her.
More like It would be an honor for me if it would consider letting me wear my sister's dress down the isle. If they had been close in the time the parents started dating
My 19 year old son died 7 years ago and I can not believe how her husband and SD are acting. She is definitely not the a hole. I am disabled and have bren since I was 31 from an accident. I have had older people scream at me when I park with my placard saying I borrowed it. I would finally flash my medicare card and ask if people my age usually had that. Once I ended up in a wheelchair the BS stopped. It is infuriating people do that!!
I can't have kids and I got tired of people asking, like it really hurt. Eventually I just started telling everyone I didn't want them. Still hurts but they changed the subject
I absolutely love the lady in the car accident. ABSOLUTELY NOT THE A HOLE. Being a young disabled lady I've been in a similar situation. She handled it perfectly. I would have done the same. 👏👏👏 it sucks having 2 prove that u have an illness. It's hard enough getting a blue badge never mind dealing w a-holes making u feel bad about it.
The fact that her group of friends wasn't completely supportive of how she handled it is what gets me hot, smh
I don't understand people. If a car in a handicapped space has a handicap badge, that means that a doctor (probably a whole slew of them) has determined that they need it. There are many debilitating medical conditions that aren't obvious to strangers. If there's a badge, they need that spot. Period.
So many awful people around these days.
@@JamieM470 not to mention, a lot of doctors make it impossible for people who need it to get the placard unless they are over 70 years old.
@@OofWillis I can agree with this, I Lost my leg in December and it took my doctors office months to do the simple paperwork to get the placard for the car!!!!
@Jamie Madison I agree. However, in the U.S. the law states the handicapped person is required to be in the car to park in handicapped spots, and we have too many REAL AO who use the car of a handicapped loved one. My co-worker used their handicapped spouses car to come to work, and parked in the handicapped spot everyday!!! Our government won't give any oversight....so then people get rude like this guy.
I'm so fed up of people treating young people with invisible disabilities like they don't exist. The amount of times people have been rude to me for parking in a disabled spot (even though I had a valid disability card). The amount of times I've been shouted at for "walking too slow" at crossings or in shopping aisles. I was even once pressured by the instructor to jump off a horse during a trip FOR DISABLED PEOPLE to the local stables when everyone else was allowed to use a block to get down. My legs couldn't take it, I fell to the floor and was in pain for the next 3 days.
My health has improved a lot since those days, but I'll never forget the way people treat you differently.
Thank you! I have a minor in disability studies and I have learned so many things about how society is so ignorant towards people with invisible disabilities. Also how very tone deaf some people are at people who have a physical disability. For some reason, able-bodied people have an image that you are only disabled if you are in a wheelchair, if you have a visual impairment or things of the sort. One of my professors has a son who does have a physical disability and actually uses a wheelchair quite frequently and he still drives and people are for some reason shocked that he drives. She told us a story about how he pulled into his parking space for someone who is disabled and a lady started telling him how he should be ashamed of parking there and that there’s people who really need it. He then calmly started getting out of his car and then grabbed his wheelchair from his backseat and she said “I kid you not, she burst into tears”. I really wish that more people took courses that taught them about disability topics because I know it really has helped me understand a lot of things I didn’t before!
If they have a handicap parking sticker then it’s none of anyone else’s business what your disability is. Also anyone in that group could have been the one who had the disability. This guy was a jerk.
This was my thought exactly! How could it cross that man’s mind to play the “I have it worse because I’m older” card. It shouldn’t matter! OP has the sticker to park there. End of story! It shouldn’t be a game of “who has it worse?”!
I'm 22 and have a handicap placard in Canada, I've gotten a lot of looks from people when I'm sitting in my car before I get out because I look young. Then when I grab my forearm crutches, people look so unnerved and agitated like they're mad that I proved their judgemental thoughts wrong (aka, that I am disabled even though I'm young).
I have two preschool age sons with autism. If you didn’t know them you wouldn’t know. There are no visible markers that they have this disorder. Because they are considered run risks and can put themselves in danger’s way we were provided a handicapped placard. Other than once, I have not used it and often regret not using it but it’s happened before where I was berated for parking in a handicapped spot. What I wouldn’t give to be able present people with a visual of their needs. People can be cruel and ignorant and I think what OP#2 did was not only brave but amazing. A wonderful way to reveal an otherwise invisible disability. Bravo!
One more thing about that last one: What if they don't even want to have kids! As a woman ( or anyone else), you are not obliged to have kids! Just don't ask that question!
I'm heavily in the boat of not wanting kids, and my sister-in-law's mother told my niece's (6&8) that I'm "less of a woman." What a great way to teach young girls that they aren't worthy unless they have children...😑
Whenever my aunt was pressed for having grandkids for my grandma, she just dryly said "My answer will the same as your answer to me whenever I asked if I can get a pet cat growing up- so for the next twenty years; 'nope. Can't afford it'."
Always respected my snarky ass aunt lmao
As someone living with an invisible disability (rheumatoid arthritis), I appreciate your comment about not assuming a person isn't disabled because you can't see it. I receive dirty looks all the time and have actually had a Karen stop her car right behind mine, so I could not back out and threaten to call the cops on me. People suck sometimes!
Jup. I have a cane and part of what makes it helpful (beside balance, pain and energy), is that it makes my disability 'visible'. Makes life so much easier
@@christafranken9170 Same with gray hair!
I clapped for her. Good for her. I'm 36 and have had physical limitations and disabilities for years. I get dirty looks for using disabled parking. I was confronted by an older woman who said, "being overweight doesn't make you disabled". I replied, "being stupid does, do you want this space instead?" Then walked away.
They have to stop judging.
I got asked a lot in my 30s when I was going to have kids. I had lost 4 pregnancies. Just think before you ask. It can be sensitive and really sad for some people. Sometimes I would feel hurt/mad and want to lash out with, “as soon as they stop dying inside me,” but I realize people usually have good intentions when they ask. They didn’t want to hurt me.
We have a healthy 4-month-old now and we are over the moon in love.
I am really happy for you that it worked out in the end 😁❤!
@@Freya778 thank you! ❤️
i am (by choice) not able to have children, as i have decided not to have any. but every. single. time. i am asked why i dont/when will i have children (im 40) my response is to look that person in the eye and say truthfully, "i am unable to have children" yes, it makes them uncomfortable and back off, and no, its not a touchy subject for me, but maybe it will stop them asking something like that to some one to which it IS a painful and upsetting question, because people do need to learn that its none of their business, and that you can really hurt someone if you ask the wrong person.
i am happy you were able to have your child, they must be so loved. i may not have a wish for children, but i am always so happy for people that DO want them, when they have them.
Any question of a sensitive nature that is intrusive should be met with "No 👏 One 👏Ask 👏 You. Mind yo biz. They're taking applications you want one?"
@@Freya778 àà ok
Pregnancy jar.
Just a perfect response to the nosy, intrusive and obnoxious people who are making demands on her reproductive choices.
In my twenty plus years of marriage, I have been asked that question a hundred thousand million times. At the beginning of my marriage, it was hurtful. But as I grew in my understanding of the situation, I realized people ask out of genuine curiosity, and there is nothing wrong with that. I realized they were not trying to hurt my feelings. I was in control of my feelings, and it didn't have to hurt. So I gave a simple explanation. "We tried, and it didn't work."
I made a "wedding jar" joke when we were getting married. We got engaged right before COVID, and opted to put off the ceremony until it was safe for my spouse's grandmother to travel. Every time someone asked (like there wasn't a pandemic!) I joked that I'm putting five dollars in a jar, and if I get enough saved to just elope we're doing that.
We ended up having a very nice, very small wedding once everyone could be well-vaccinated (including the kids!) and had a lovely time.
I knew someone who told me they didn't think of me as mentally disabled (which they whispered as if it was a cuss word), because I acted normal. I'm still disgusted by this interaction, and fear for her child who was recently diagnosed with a disability
A year later, this is still a powerful and valuable post. Best wishes, and not in a whisper.
Story one: Incredibly sad and emotional.
Charlotte: "I'm going to lighten the mode here..."
Story two: Incredibly sad and emotional.
Classic Charlotte!
Story three: It's no one's business and she's totally in the right for embarrassing people who ask. Hopefully people will learn to mind their own business but probably not.
Lol I loved that too it was like yeah let's lighten things up again with a story about an amputee 😂
My family is like this too. And if I tell them I don’t want them to ask me certain questions, I’m being “rude” if they continue I’ll show them how “rude” I can actually be. My sass will come out for real.
This maybe a bit too sassy, but when my mom asks when me and my husband are going to have kids I say soon, because in America I'm not going to have a choice.
@@jessicasnider1872 Permission to use this
@@jessicasnider1872 What do you mean "In America you have no choice" Mean?? As an Aussie that really confuses me
I once went with my SIL who had MS to Target. She had the handicap sticker. She parked in the handicap spot and was walking around to the back of her SUV (no cane, but she walked stiffly). We were getting her scooter out of the back of her SUV when someone came up and started to chastise her for taking the space and then saw the scooter. He actually apologized and walked on. She said she deals with that a lot. There was a lot of no eye contact in the store when he'd run into us. He was the AH.
On another occasion with a friend, whose son has CP and is in a wheelchair and so they have a handicap sticker, she parked in the handicap spot in front of the store, her son was not with us. I told her this was not right and she needed to move the van as I was not comfortable with it. She said she does it all the time, I said 'not with me'. To her credit she moved to a more appropriate parking spot.
That last one I feel soo hard! My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a little over 3 years and I've been asked way too many times (for only being 22) "are you pregnant yet" "when are yall having kids" it's exhausting and we aren't even married (something I prefer personally) and live in a no so good neighborhood! Why would I have kids at this sage in my life?! 😅 just very tiring all the way around
Charlotte's sheer joy about a bottle of flower soap is adorable!
Now i NEED some!🤣🤣🤣
I totally forgot about it until she showed the flower shape lol
I was wondering what that was?.
@@drewbone1 A soap dispenser! When pushed, it gives you the soap in the shape of a flower. You can find it on many websites :)