Compared to What? | Doug Wilson
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- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2022
- In this episode of Blog & Mablog, Pastor Doug Wilson continues his series of letters to a fictional niece about the relationship between the sexes, this time discussing how to compare options in relationships.
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"This is the dogmatic foundation of the entire chick flick industry, and a lot of damage has been done by it.
'The one' looks into your eyes and discovers the depths of the real you.
'The one' is your best friend forever.
'The one' is a true soul mate, appointed as such by your guardian angel, or perhaps by Gabriel.
'The one' takes you as you are without ever requiring you to take him as he is.
And therein lies a tale."
Blog and Mablog is presented by Canon Press. 
Развлечения
A great deal of prayer is necessary as well. When my husband & I were courting, I acknowledged the deceitfulness of my own heart, so I was careful to ask the Lord for wisdom every step of the way. I’m so grateful God gave me a husband that has (like a fine wine) only gotten better over time!
Hi. Just thought I'd raise my hand as one ridiculously blessed Bill.
Hey John, I appreciate you want to be humble and express gratitude, but you really ought not to say things like that, such as you were a lucky second choice. By doing so you not only put yourself down, you put your wife down too by insulting her discernment in choice of husband.
Moreover such statements explicitly say she’s with a relative loser. No woman wants that.
Can't state enough how insightful these videos are for people like myself going through times of life such as the one in this video. Thanks uncle Doug
As someone who knew the moment he met his wife that he would marry her, I completely agree. My wife and I say all the time we do not want to encourage our daughter or (if the Lord wills) our son to have our story as their standard.
The story of the wheat field you can only walk through once, and the student who tried to pick the largest ear of wheat.
Be happy with the one you pick.
Once again, major lessons learned! I ain’t even a woman! We all need an Uncle Douglas in our lives😂
For the girls who don't know how to reject guys who approach them respectfully, I would point them to Proverbs 15:1: "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." That's better than saying, "You've got to be kidding!" or "How dare you!"
That's so mean. Who would say that to someone?! 🤦🏼♀️
@Prey R I guess....but the person is still a human being. If the guy was doing that backhanded compliment to try to make me feel bad like "I normally wouldn't date a girl who looks like you but you're nice to talk to." I might be rude in turning him down, but just because you don't like a guy isn't a reason to mock him. Everyone hates being rejected so it's just normal decency to do it gently.
You can do it respectfully and some guys will still get VERY angry. At its extreme leading to sexual assault and murder.
Yes, that IS an extreme. My point being that just being polite is no guarantee of anything. In fact, the more polite you are, the worse some guys react.
@Prey R Who spoke about doing wrong? But I do think it's a good excuse; I'm talking self protection here.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 and it's jackasses like that which ruin it for everyone. A handful of "men" that never learned how to control their emotions give women a good reason to feel frightened of men, so they're indirect about things and it leaves all of us men with our heads spinning! No one wins!
want a simple easy step to clear away confusion when it comes to meeting a man or a woman for a possible relationship? Get off of ALL social media. The only possible way to truly get to know if someone is relationship material is to actually, intentionally, spend time with them without the constant distraction of the inane and endless dribble of social media in your pocket tempting you with the newest useless fad, gossip or lie.
I never had my head screwed on well enough to pick decent boyfriends, so didn't marry until my 40s; and soon after, he abandon me. The Lord graciously saved me aound that time, and God's Word provides comfort in a way chick flicks/lit never can.
You should spend the rest of your life warning other women about the false delusions that you believed that led you into such situations. There is an overwhelming tide of narcissism, delusion, and ignorance among young women that needs to be dealt with, but the men's hands are culturally tied.
Mary your testimony is amazing. I’m glad that God rescued you. He found you and He saved you. You are not a cautionary tale you are the result of a savior with gracious love and who cared for you. And if our God sees fit He will send you a man and He can do that. He has been good to you and He will continue to be good to you!!
@@melissajordan159 Thank you, dear sister. God bless you. Indeed, I'm not a victim of my husband. I'm one of God's daughters and He has ordained this as the means He will use to humble and refine me. This is something I've recently come to acknowledge and accept. 1 Peter 1:3-9 (especially v6) and 3:19-25 (especially v19-20) have been instrumental in my acceptance. I find less bitterness and an increased desire towards forgiveness and reconciliation. No matter what His will for me and my husband's marriage, the Lord is right and just.
@@selohcin That overwhelming tide of narcissistic delusion you speak of goes for both genders. Men react to women by also shunning marriage and becoming whoremongers, drug addicts and vengeful A-holes who want to get back at all women for the betrayal from one or two.of them. Where does this tide of Narcissism, lack of discretion and lack of self control come from? In my personal little theory (take it with a grain of salt) it comes from our failing school systems and our parasitic, degraded Universities that serve as anti-marriage brothel and drug dens where everyone is taught to look out for #1, to game the system for personal advancement, not be charitable, friendly and faithful to others. We should do our best to have kids of our own and not let these institutions ruin their morals and minds. Alternatives to these decaying institutions would make this comment longer than it has to be. Take it or leave it. God bless.
Always find a nuggets wrapped in clean humor in these podcasts ,
That was an excellent emphasis on sanctification in every believers’ life. Amen, and may the Lord bless and keep you, Pastor Wilson!
I don't think my wife of 28 years became my soulmate until after about 22 years of marriage. I won't speak for her...
Being single only gets harder the older you get. Trust me
Sometimes.
Being single is also a gift.
If being single is a gift then I'd like my gift reciept ASAP!!!
@@kathyheavner3585 By about 99%, the only people who say that are married people. I'm in my 50s and I've only known 1 Christian woman in my whole life who intentionally wanted to be single for the sake of ministry. And it's not like she was so ugly that no one wanted her. She was cute and had guys interested in her. I have not seen her in probably 20 years, so maybe she's not even single anymore. I don't know. But of all the Christian women I can think of, none of them WANTED to be single.
Absolutely.
@@Yesica1993 I never wanted children; I never wanted to be married.
I'm the exception that proves the rule, I guess.
I've always had great friends, and have been a mostly happy person.
I was actually a little relieved when my sell by date had passed.....
Love this, Doug! I am definitely a Bill in this scenario. I am not the smooth talking devilishly handsome Prince Charming. But I will absolutely do everything in my power to be the best biblical husband I can be someday. I seek to be that man now, so I’m ready when a serious relationship comes my way.
I also strongly hold the opinion that many chick flicks, and shows like “The Bachelor” are emotional porn and should be viewed with a similar disdain. It’s one of my most controversial soapboxes lol
(3:40) "You have known me for long enough that perhaps you might anticipate my next question: By what standard?" You don't say.
It is a great question. I find myself asking it at least once a day.
My wife in an astounding moment of Revelation (Rhema) called the soul mates idea, Lust. It remains one of the more pivotal conversations in our marriage. To hear you describe it in the same way, using porn reminds me of my long updated understanding of the lie of 'soul mates'. Truth has a ring to it, like nothing else.
Very well done. Thanks, Doug!
Nice. I’ve been telling people that the “Disney Princess who finds her perfect soulmate and they live happily ever after” is the equivalent for girls and young women to what porn is for boys and young men; both create unrealistic expectations and leave them disappointed. Not to mention the theological implications: it’s ultimately gnostic; it denies flesh and blood materiality in favor of abstract “ideals” and thereby denies the Incarnation, at least by implication.
The Lord fulfills the requests/desires of them that fear Him. Fear Him brothers and sisters, and have faith (Psalm 145:19)!
Hahahahaha that introduction! Great stuff always, uncle Doug!
You are such an inspiration Uncle Doug. TBH , When I grow up I want to be like you.
I honestly had to watch this twice because I felt my brain overcomplicating this immediately 😂 I think I agree with everything you said, but I finished with more questions than answers 🥵 What did you mean when you said unrealistic expectations work their way out in all areas of life (Not that I have any suitors knocking down my door so it doesn’t really matter😅)?? How does one not do the whole “accept him as he is” thing and keep biblical standards but also not wait around until you’re 75 to get married? I usually just tell myself I don’t need to worry about it now, I’ll “just know” when the time comes, but now I guess I should rethink that 😂 Being single is confusing. I need more details, Uncle Doug 😂
If we were to distill this down to a formula, it would be found in Matthew 6:33.
Isaiah 66:2
@@jacobtdixon Indeed. That’s the goal!
Proverbs 19:11-A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. 1 Corinthians 13:5- (love) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily irritated, it keeps no record of wrongs.
That is how you get married before 75.
I am a bit of a paradox in that it is much easier for me to grow into who I should be as a husband if accepted for who I am now. It may be that way for many men.
Excellent and wise, this is helpful as I learn to maneuver my daughter through the pitfalls of our wretched society.
I needed to hear this today. Thanks Uncle Doug
I unfortunately, needed to hear this 20 years ago.
Very useful as always. Thank you
I didn't realize he was this red pilled. This is the message people need to hear. Bless you for this.
What a wonderful message. Definitely one for todays women.
This was depressing.
But I agree that chick flicks are appalling and for just the reasons stated. Even though I'm a chick, I've always loathed them.
The problem comes when Bill gives up all hope and stops bothering to persue because of constant rejection. Then everyone is lonely.
Not the woman! She still gets lots of messages from men with bad intentions.
@@selohcin Still loneliness, she won't have to sleep alone as long as she keeps lowering her standards but this too will end eventually as she will be pushed aside for younger idiots. Cause and effect comes for everyone.
Excellent, as always. Pastor Doug, are you a Gilbert & Sullivan fan? I caught a reference to Ruddigore in there.
And, "Bob's your uncle!"
Well done.
That is a great letter to the rhetorical niece. Has a PostScript or maybe in a forthcoming letter, I would hope to have the very clear understanding that if Bob is accepted and a marriage occurs that precludes the potential of any future John however convincing the case may be that he has arrived at last. The openness to a potential better suitor at some future date is utterly ruinous and completely excluded. Not only should it be precluded out of the gate, it should be fought against in any sort of thought or fantasy.
Cheddar’s Scratch Kitchen and Doug.
I'll be single my entire life. I already accepted my fate just coming to terms with it. There is a certainly a kind of freedom from expectations
Tough truths
The crazy part about all this is Uncle Doug hasn't told his neice to just get in contact with the guy that's been standing her up. Wouldn't it be better to just tell her to communicate with this guy and let him know how she feels? If she's waiting on this guy to show up, why doesn't she just go to him by communicating with him?
Quoteunquotetheone can go kick rocks!
Looking for and marrying “The One” is what has gotten us to over a 50% divorce rate. It would be nice to say that it was the abandonment of God in our lives that has brought this about, but the divorce rate among “Christians” is as high as it is in the general public.
Great
Nice
No man can compare to the perfect man in her imagination. ... So no man is her soul mate.
...so in other words...at some point put away some of those silly schoolgirl Disney® Princess Fantasies™...
Sounds like a Christian Romance novel
For the algorithm
Dear Pastor Wilson, please replace Bill with "Brad" and John with "Chad". The message will suddenly ring true for millions of new listeners.
Sincerely,
The Manosphere
Did I hear something about a single Christian gal? I'm a single Christian guy who's been looking for an eligible bachelorette...
But Doug, saying no to Bill and yes to John is *_discwimination_* !!!!
🤣
Only if John is white and bill is not. Otherwise, it is "social justice".
Hey Doug, can I get Darla’s number?
A big solution to all of these "problems" may be to go back to arranged marriages. Women need to realize (and some men) that marriage is not necessarily a romantic endeavor and finding a "soul mate". Its a covenant commitment that benefits both parties and civilization with the terms of that described in the marriage contract. It is a practical arrangement. Romance and romantic love may follow, but they are not the necessary ingredients.
Correct especially western “liberated” ones.
I actually met an indian couple who had an arranged marriage and it wasn't as draconian as you would think. Basically a mutual friend of both families mentioned that they knew a nice young man and a nice young woman both in need if a spouse. The families meet. If they get along, the potential grooms family meets the bride and vice versa. If everything goes well, then the two people meet and if they agree, then they get married. I think it prevents a lot of unnecessary heartache and potential rejection.
Yol
How can Doug not talk about Jewish Power, thats my only issue.
My wife of 19 years is my soulmate only when SHE like’s me! I don’t get to choose that either. Lol
I do get be the spiritual leader of our home. Secretly, I think she just Let’s me. 😬 🤣Good word Doug!
I do believe soul mates exist, as I believe in predestination which would imply it is written who and if we marry.
You just don’t know who your soulmate is until after you’re actually married.
The one you marry…is your soul mate.
If you want to marry your soulmate, pray.
way to miss the point entirely
I cannot find a real Christian woman. I’m 22.
Stay patient and keep praying for her, brother. You never know who God has in store for you, and when you might meet her
Of all the things that shape a person and their life, none have perhaps shaped mine more than loneliness and sadness. I am a fundamentally sad and lonely person. A lot of the reason for this is almost certainly my own personality, which I remain deeply conflicted about. On the one hand I exalt my traits as virtues, but on the other I despise what they make me. Staring this truth in the face, I begin to wish I was a different person. Then I see something like this and I throw aside my self pity. I remember who I am. And as miserable as that guy is, and least he’s not the sad fuck in this video.
Doug, you always ask "By What Standard". Don't know know? Ellenor Roosevelt helped to declare the Universal Declaration of Human Rights in 1948 which was adopted by the UN. So, we don't need God, we have Ellenor Roosevelt and the UN. (I wish I was joking)