Don't expect recognition: why no one cares about your thing
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- Опубликовано: 5 апр 2022
- Human beings seem to have a need for recognition and acknowledgement. I have it. You have it. We all have it. However, the fact of the matter is that we can can't reasonably expect recognition. And this is because recognition requires some degree of mastery. Without it, brilliance could be staring you in the face and you would lack the ability to see it. Pearls before swine. I'll discuss further in this episode.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#recognition #mastery #truth
"only a wise man can recognize another wise man"
It's kind of like that.
I feel like a dumbass made that quote
Takes one to know one ;)
This was so comforting to hear as a recovering people pleaser
I'm glad you liked it, Mignon. If you haven't done so already, you may want to check out "The fear of disappointment."
Love, love, love, LOVE these short talks. I think we can all relate to the subjects discussed but barely anybody speaks about them!
Haha I'm glad you're enjoying the content!
Yes. We’ve hit a goldmine 😂
Really true. I'm a musician and know some excellent fellow musicians and have watched them play to both small select audiences who are enraptured by what they do but equally play to crowds who completely ignore them and talk over them - the latter situation is by far the more common.
I’ve been working on integrating my golden shadow because I have a tendency to pedostolize people with unique genius like you. And I realized, one of the things that means so much to me about connecting with people like you is that on some level I’m recognizing that I’m capable of seeing this brilliant because I just have some brilliance inside myself in order to appreciate it.
I think you are right on! Most people don't have the confidence to recognize the competence of others without envy.
The best defense against envy at the competence of others is the cultivation of competence in yourself.
I understand the concept , but I think it's more complicated. The chess board is a good example, however there's less mastery wisdom required for many things that still would go unrecognized. A person may not know how to compose a piano solo but can audibly tell if it sounds good to the ear. A person may not be able to paint, yet still know they find something beautiful. Yet in these examples the musician and painter still may go unrecognized. Why? In my opinion, envy and jealousy play a role as you alluded, but also because self absorption is so rampant nowadays that society at large views it as a burden to compliment or recognize another person's achievements/abilities, because it takes away from self preoccupation. Life has become one big class reunion so to speak. " oh you climbed Mt. Everest on one leg? So cool! Now let me show you pictures of my dog skippy and son Kermit" essentially, even when recognition is given, its usually on a superficial level. Not that they don't recognize your ability, nor are they always envious. It's far sadder: indifference, if it's not about them, they just don't really care.
Hm. I'm not so sure. I think there's a difference between personal taste (i.e., what "sounds good" or "looks beautiful") and the ability to recognize mastery. The first performance of Stravinsky's "The rite of Spring" (now recognized as a modern masterpiece) ended in a riot of appalled and unsatisfied customers, to give just one example. That said, indifference certainly plays a role in unrecognized mastery, and that indifference is predicated on personal irrelevance. I'm not sure this is "sad," per se. Just a fact of life.
I agree whole heartedly on the indifference. And it's a trait of the narcissistic personality type. It all has to be about them and nobody else worthy of any attention, credit or merit apart from them 🤦🏽♀️
@@1nilu1 I've known several narcissists in my time, and you're absolutely correct. That said, while narcissists will generally show a good deal of indifference, not everyone who shows indifference is necessarily a narcissist.
@@psychacks agreed as there's no mistaking when u encounter a narc. They wreak of evil 😖
I would say empathy and understanding is one thing that our social media driven society lacks. Realness and loyalty are no longer recognized, better yet are ridiculed. Same goes for work, unless you take charge completely of a situation others don't recognize your competence. Great content. Thanks.
That is the experience of many people. I would argue that empathy and understanding, realness and loyalty are still valued, but that there are also strong forces opposed to those values. But if they can survive that opposition, they can be real blessings to others.
@@psychacks Very well said Thanks
Absolutely true.
Most people would lead better lives if they understood it.
I for one have realized way back in my youth... I dont yearn for stupid things like that... Call me lazy but i look far ahead than most people, and while they waste time fighting for stupid prizes, i am at peace with myself, not caring for what they could misjudge me for.
So much problems in this world exist and are created just because of people's ego, and desire for stupid recognition...
We should be striving for the common humane good, not fighting like there is not tomorrow
Plus envy from others
Yes, that definitely plays a part.
This talk is great. I think I'm a 40 year old autistic savant and I can't get any recognition at work or by family. That gets me really frustrated. I end up being a looser. I'm also physically ill so I can't be impressively good, better than everyone else. So, I'm bullied by lots of people around me , who I think are less smart than me. I think you are right about recognition.
Agreed. Very thoughtful approach and yet another thing we don't have to waste our energy on. Makes sense.
Always best to limit your action to objectives within your domain of control.
I am recognized at my job ( I am a supervisor for a major metropolitan transit authority) by my bus operators, fellow supervisors, managers and customers. My work ethic, patience, humor and compassion are appreciated by many. I have become an unofficial mentor to many employees. I feel good about going to work every day.
That's great sounds like you have a nice work family
Doc, I think that you make us accept what is. It's time to leave behind fantasy and what we would have loved it to be..... By it, I mean LIFE. Thank you.
I'm glad you're enjoying the channel, Mayimelle :)
Very good point, but I stopped expecting recognition long ago. When I receive it, it’s a pleasant surprise.
That's why I recognise MySelf 🤗🖐️.
This is painfully true. Especially because your friends and family may ignore you and as mentioned, the given subset of people who understand your thing may try to stab you in the back. What a bitter pill to swallow.
I am new here, liking your content very much. You really touched on a point for me regarding when one is actually exposed to people equal to your caliber and not being corrupted by envy and resentment. You are of course right. Recognition is very unlikely to occur and when it does it must be suspect of ulterior motives. True recognition that comes from respect and compassion is a very rare thing and it is possible that we will never see it in a lifetime.
this is why I love this channel, your insight into psychology is top tier!
This channel needs to and WILL blow up. Keep working, buddy.
This is your most brilliant video Orion ✨ I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. Yet, you’re here to put the proper words around it 🙌🏻
I appreciate the way you use simple yet very expressive examples to tackle complicated subjects.
I love the male brained presentation style - Straight to the point with no female typical zig-zag all over the road presentation of ideas with distractions. LOL!
Love your videos Orion exactly what I’ve been looking for for years someone to clarify and explain what I’ve had thoughts about for years.thank you GOOD DOCTOR 😀
I just found your channel and honestly it’s the best channel ever made! 💕💕 keep it up you’re amazing! Xxx
Haha thanks, Ella. Keep coming back and help spread the message!
He who has ears, let him hear. Then the disciples came and said to him, "Why do you speak to them in parables?" And he answered them, "To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. Indeed, in their case the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled that says: "'"You will indeed hear but never understand, and you will indeed see but never perceive." For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.' (Mat 13:9-15 ESV)
I tried to explain to a few preachers and defenders of the Gospel, that the writings of Paul serve the purpose of telling parables to the masses, but none of them agreed.
P.S.: And the moral of the story is that Jesus was absolutely right in teaching parables because most of the people are just a waste of time.
If recognitions are so rare to come by, employers shouldn’t expect so many workers to go above and beyond.
I think that you are right yet again, J. Thx.
Another one word rebuttal - performance.
Personally as a musician the recognition of my abilities is often heightened in proportion to the audiences lack of understanding.
IE something simple to even a beginner musician can even earn accolades from someone with relatively no musical understanding.
To a degree the phenomenon often depends on that deficit.
Perfect summary of what I experienced working my guts out for a city that only ever even spoke to me when I did something wrong. Wasted 7 years working so hard and was treated like trash towards the end of my time there so I decided to quit.
The video is SO short, but it's deadly effective in delivering the message. I don't know how you do it, or do I ? It seems going with a practical example before explaining the why of the concept is incredibly effective.
Super insightful.Thanks for making this
Wonderful ❤
As an Associate Professor in a College , I realise this . Most of the students are not interested in studies , I do my job (I like to teach) , get my salary, & come home .
I was literally mid flow bitchin’ about not getting recognition, opened RUclips and this video popped up… 😮
Recognition is not necessary if you love your art. Imagine if you were a famous painter, do you care if your name is mentioned on the bottom corner...no. The product that you created is more important and it uses even more so.
Man, I've not had recognition in 43 years. Check this out though, I got sucked out in a riptide with my younger brother as kids, like 10ish and 8ish. Treading water a long time he eventually started panicking and climbing me. I went under and held him up, and he had a chance to breathe. A bunch of times till our poppop came out, and we all agreed he could only manage 1 of us and to take him or we'd all be screwed. They made it in and some teenage boys came and we all helped each other and somehow made it in.. 6 people total. Anyway I didn't even know that was a big deal until the universe ripples it back to me 30 years later,. Just last year. In music. The song riptide, at the door, red light the ocean breathes salty, a minute to breathe, gold on the ceiling, reptilia, and more. Then the realization that it's the opposite of crabs in a bucket, it's the flip side of cancer, and the army of spirits I'm surrounded with is because I lifted the son of Man. And the attempts on my life and freedom was from the ones trying to "discover" the cure for cancer. And the bone pain in my arm that was consciously interacting needed a minute to breathe, and a safe place from the science. Everything has a spectrum but who gives cancer a safe place? Someone who trusts their own cells stuck in survival mode and backed into a corner more than any organization. Humanity is so malignant that they would completely ignore and gaslight someone who is clearly being chased to be harvested and dissected. Not recognition, but understanding, safety in numbers. Not 1 person, not my brother, not my family, nobody. It's mutually assured destruction if I'm cornered but I'd rather not have to choose. Not especially if whatever I'm a part of trusted me, but that's a cyclical event that ensures all involved parties are entangled and sure understudies. And kamikaze is the way from someone who has such traumatized cells, we had enough. So they care about my thing, stick a flag in it
I agree ,thank you for the reminder I needed it.
This is most useful thing I've heard in a long time
Glad you liked it, Victor. Keep coming back.
Unique and refreshing take.
This is amazing Thank you so so much. Everything makes more sense now. I appreciate this video so much and recognise deep insight.
Thanks for the kind words, Tanya. I'm glad you're finding value in the channel.
Aww, Yeah, so much appreciation for this. It dropped into my notifications even I was feeling so in need of recognition by my boss.
But as soon as I watched it. 💥 BOOM 💥 IT all fell into place. And the relief was incredible.
You are your state of mind. Your state of mind creates your view, or your window, on life.
Frederick Lenz
this channel is criminally underrated.
I love your videos! I shared few of them on my Facebook and follow you on Instagram. I wish you the best!
Thanks for the support! It means a lot to me.
excellent - very commonplace, and so very true!
great example, btw...
thanx much.
Thanks for watching, Ricarda. I hope you'll keep coming back.
Yes another hard pill to swallow. Best to be real.
Good to know Doctor..
V important! Good one!
Yeah I have to remind myself of this one a lot.
"Those who matters knows, those who don't know don't matter."
Dealing with this right now with a client...arranged to deliver a high level product to their project that NO ONE ELSE has access to in our area at the moment, it can give their business a competitive edge. They flaked on the meeting, which only leaves me to conclude that they don't comprehend my level of expertise and what it can do for them.
It's more than Mastery that is unrecognized -- It is also Super-Achievement (SA). SA is its own language. Consider having an accomplishment that not one in ten-million individuals on Earth have ever accomplished. This level of achievement is so far to the right on the bell-curve, that it offers illumination to a distant other-worldly domain. Instead of seeking the recognition from the outside / others, always set the focus on Self-Recognition.
Brilliant
Can you do a short clip about over consuming information and how to be practice when it comes to the learning process. You the man doc!
I have an episode coming out soon called "Ignorance and intelligence" that touches on patience in the learning process. Stay tuned!
The short video format is great 👍🏻. Thank you. Could you make one on missed opportunities and how to deal with them? Like, how to deal with the heartbreak once realized? I feel this happens due to societal programming and isn’t real in a sense, but what’s your take on it?
I'm not sure I fully understand the question, but I've made a few episodes on loss. You might want to check out "The truth about romance (Tragedy)," "The myth of closure," and "The function of grief." Maybe those will help to answer your question?
I do care about your thing and I think you're a master of it. First time I ever felt like a psychologist could actually help someone..😆
I found recognition to be annoying. I was more interested in my work and going some place to be recognized just took time away and being around people made me nervous.
Word!
Other Pathologists recognize my brilliance and that's enough for me. 😃😀
Well there you go! And there's some truth in that: certain people's recognition is worth much more to us than others'.
This should be obvious, it should be a simple truth, but it wasn't obvious to me for most of my life. I expected many people to see things they were not able to...
Game recognizes game. I don’t need recognition from the uninitiated, I need them to stay out of my way.
Thanks!
depends on the industry. in the entertainment industry. such as a film maker, CERTAINLY CAN garner recognition from laymans.
Perfect
This might be true for many disciplines but for many also not. For example nearly everybody can taste a high competence in cooking. You can see a high competence in acting or sport. You can see a high competence of craftmanship. With high competence you can get successful in your field and get higher status and through that higher status others can see your high competence indirectly even if they do not understand it at all.
Good luck finding somebody above you and in the position to give you the opportunities you deserve, not corrupted by envy and resentment lol.
I loved the analogy, you have a a skill in clearly unpacking certain concepts and ideas. I felt so much ease in my being listening and seeing the truth of this. I feel so grateful for your channel, your content is very valuable and transformative Dr Orion 🙏🤍
I'm glad you're enjoying the content. Your support means a lot to me. :)
good point. I like how you twist things makes me think......:P
That's the whole point of the channel. Glad to hear that it's working 😅
Reminds me of the story of Jesus speaking to the 5000. It might have appeared that he was getting the recognition he wanted to fairly represent. But then he realized they were going to crown him king--by force. For Jesus anyway in this story, he said they were looking for him because they were fed by the fishes and the loaves and not by who he was and whom he represented. Jesus was literally their meal ticket. It didn't seem that Jesus was satisfied with the status quo of what their "recognition" had to offer. I personally think we should appreciate it when it's there but not put too much stock in it. The more you know about the person or persons giving it, the less you'll probably appreciate it - - on average.
Needed.
Thanks for watching, Amber. Keep coming back.
Hopefully people have some sort of recognition of qualities in the person. Which leads them to the decision that this is the person they want tomarry or spend the rest of their life with. Given the high divorce rate it would seem not...
If I was expecting recognition I would have actually put myself out there in the last 8 years 🤣😂
brilliant take!
I get zero recognition😂
Doesn’t mean I’m brilliant but good God I get zero recognition 😂
Tabatha, Stephen's Domestic Partner... Writes and publishes much thicker volumes. "Carrie White" was rescued from a trash heap by Tabitha. ( What else is there to do other than Cleaning Clothes, in 1974 ?!!)
Damn, I've been a fool!
Makes me think of the saying, ‘Casting pearls before swine’
There’s nothing wrong with swine, it’s just that they don’t care.
💯
i prefer ‘walking about in stealth mode’ with the exception of my significant other of significance to me…
Incidentally, Jesus is my All-in-All… my one true friend & sole (soul) focus
I think you need to be around the best chess players possible or move. Using that analogy.
As enthusiastic consumers of the arts or sport we must attain some degree of mastery - how else could we appreciate the brilliance of for example Federer or The Beatles?
My dad and uncle are still seeking recognition for being well known musicians in their home country of Sri Lanka and this goes back to the fifties I play music firstly for fun and the goal is to be a working musician not a shallow celebrity my former defacto was into other things and tolerated the noise wasn't quite her thing being older than me some like being in a fantasy world
Maybe I won't ever see the fruits of my little messanger work in this earthly life, only God. I don't know.
Our work have eternal effectivity. More than we can imagine. This world's recognition is not our true goal. "Collect treasure in heaven!"
If things are done for
Recognition even in part
Would take longer to achieve mastery
If at all.
Well said, Yonis. I suppose in a perfect world this wouldn't be an issue. But people are people...
I wonder why some professions like in sports, music and art are so much easier to be recognised by the uninitiated than others?
Yup “Brain’s recognise genius, but mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself”, as a famous philosopher, whose name I forgot, once said😁
There is always the possibility that a person can have an inflated sense of greatness or be just plain delusional. Our worth is how we treat ourselves and others. At all times. Kindness is the highest order.
That's certainly true. Most of us seem to have a slightly elevated conception of our value, and some much more than that. I guess my point here is that, even when this is not the case, recognition and appreciation can't reliably be expected.
@@psychacks I agree. Seeking approval may be in the nature of most livng organisms.
@@psychacks I think it is wise for people to not rely too heavily on praise or dissent from others. I know it is difficult but knowing one's strengths and weaknesses and working toward a balance probably has a less self destructive outcome than depending on praise or fearing the opposite.
@@cr4228 I agree. Striving for outcome independence is the ideal.
@@psychacks u got that right
Only game recognise game.
Most of them are corrupted by envy and insecurity, they may feel that their value gonna diminish if they acknowledge your work or your contribution, speaking from experience, no matter how much you do, they will make you feel not good enough, just move on
I think that's the new normal attention spand
It is difficult to maintain people's attention these days...
I think what you state is very logical. However, before I had any training whatsoever with the piano, I often marveled at great piano players. How would you reconcile your theory with things like that?
Good question. You were able to marvel at these players because (a) you were sufficiently different from them to prevent the formation of any envy or jealousy, and (b) you weren't competent enough to really understand what they were doing. A marvel is an unexplained mystery, which suggests you could only appreciate what they did in a general, awe-inspired sort of way. There's nothing wrong with that, of course. However, it means that you probably couldn't recognize what was brilliant about their brilliance.
@@psychacks Perhaps not being able to sit down with no training or knowledge at that time and unable to play Hungarian Rhapsody #2 off the cuff had something to do with it too... I recognized the delta. Great content. Thank you.
If someone can't speak a lick of English, how can they tell if someone is speaking broken English or perfect flawless English (if they can't speak the language)?
🤷♂️
Those who do in fact gain widespread recognition are probably doing it for the love and joy of it, and for money and adoration.
Well if you win the world cup, or win an oscar, and so on... you will get recognition from people who know nothing about your field. If you show a regular person your gold medal in the Olympics or in another field, they would recognize your talent is above the rest.
Semen retention is only way a man stands out
Hurts Deeply... yet you've seen Stephen King, Author - and what publishers are looking for.
Explains why I get none from work. They don't know shit there
Chess gm s get probably the least respect.... soccer players the most...and rockstars.
And that is why there are lots of lonely gamers.
Now. Yeah. Agree! Truth be told! But a little free hack from my side for you. If you want to win clients through this... why not offer some sort of solution or hope to this problem lol! Like yeah. That shrink just gonna tell me that life REALLY sucks. Cool. That's just the guy I was always looking for! 😂😂😂
Haha oh I don't think that life sucks. So I hope I didn't give that impression in the episode. In point of fact, letting go of the expectation of recognition and appreciation can be incredibly liberating.
I already have plenty of work. So I don't need to drum up business with the channel. And even if I did, I'd probably still try to tell people the truth as I see it. In my experience, that's one of the only things that really helps people. Thanks for watching!
Well it ain't all rainbows and unicorns princess. HTFU!
Sometimes as the past president of a writers' club I wanted to scream "No one cares!" when writers went on about their latest work, published or not. If it's not selling it's not worth bragging about was my attitude. If I said something like "you'll never make any money writing poetry" omg. Toiling in obscurity is fine if you understand the basic principle being explained so well here. I do understand the point that it would take another writer at the same level or higher to recognize the genius of written work, and that envy often precludes such recognition (saw it all the time). But the marketplace can also confer recognition even on "inferior" work.
Ironic that you’re wearing the green Zellensky-shirt costume.
What’s ironic about it? Other than you thinking you have anything variable to contribute?
Women also get corrupted as they get older into their 30s and 40s. In multiple ways. It goes both ways.
Spoken like an incel.