Decode Secret Speech

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  • Опубликовано: 21 окт 2024

Комментарии • 143

  • @sandrathomas2893
    @sandrathomas2893 3 месяца назад +34

    My x would always use, " EVERYONE knows, EVERYONE thinks, EVERYONE says.... I would hold him to being specific and name 1 which he never would and just fly into a rage to evade answering. I'd wait until he finished and then say, "okay back to naming one person please"
    I'd get, I don't have to answer YOU!
    Me: i knew you couldn't.
    He hated me and wanted to kill me because his games couldn't work on me.
    Poor dear.

  • @JesuisLord
    @JesuisLord 3 месяца назад +61

    Mentally ill people can not be reasoned with … “double minded people are unstable in all their ways -“ quote the Bible

    • @saharkhalili5303
      @saharkhalili5303 3 месяца назад +7

      Comedians are double speakers. Irony is speaking from multiple views

    • @jeffwinters5362
      @jeffwinters5362 3 месяца назад +5

      The worst part is their hypocrisy. Do as I say not as I do. Rules for thee but not for me. Don’t cheat on me but I’ll cheat on you. Then attack you when they see a “threat” just talking to someone in their presence you get attacked make scene never let it go, after they cheated on you. Then they do it again with both. Cheat accuse - attack, flirt behind your back - cheat, accuse, attack again.

  • @JavierMares
    @JavierMares 3 месяца назад +89

    The density of high utility information in these videos is spectacular.

    • @TimothyArcher
      @TimothyArcher 3 месяца назад +14

      Agreed. Sam is spot on with his analysis and presentation every time.

    • @stacielivinthedream8510
      @stacielivinthedream8510 3 месяца назад +9

      Yes, if you could only listen to one channel on narcissism, this is it! 💎💯🫡

    • @santisanti8386
      @santisanti8386 3 месяца назад +2

      @@stacielivinthedream8510 Exactly! 👏👏👏

    • @LkG42n
      @LkG42n 3 месяца назад +1

      To a T

    • @stacielivinthedream8510
      @stacielivinthedream8510 3 месяца назад +2

      @burdinefox Yes, and he also has a brilliant deductive mind, so together, the information conveyed is ultimately correct.

  • @marianhaileymoss
    @marianhaileymoss 3 месяца назад +84

    I had a friend who used double speech or secret speech. I thought he was so intelligent and I was so intelligent to pick up on it when no one else did. To find out that it's standard narcissistic m.o. I guess I wasn't and he wasn't so intelligent after all.

    • @beautypablotamarini7315
      @beautypablotamarini7315 3 месяца назад +12

      You are intellegent.
      I'm sure 1000%
      You saw/felt others didn't.

    • @suzanneadey3448
      @suzanneadey3448 3 месяца назад +3

      Me too.

    • @FroggyFrog9000
      @FroggyFrog9000 3 месяца назад +4

      yep its standard narcissist mo. But not 1 person in 10000 knows of it.

  • @lisabaginski9155
    @lisabaginski9155 3 месяца назад +31

    “I’ve made up my mind. Don’t confuse me with the facts.” Is an amazing summary of gaslighting and communication with anyone who can’t handle the truth.

  • @TrentAdam
    @TrentAdam 2 месяца назад +3

    This is genuinely terrifying. I've realized that my mom purposely sabotaged my relationship with my older daughter cause she doesn't approve of me. Now I think shes after my younger one so im done speaking to her

  • @kuibeiguahua
    @kuibeiguahua 3 месяца назад +42

    This is one of his best lectures in my opinion
    Language really is reflective of the inner condition of the neurons
    It’s like a though tumour talking, a bundle of messy wiring that had to protect the vulnerable sections of the brains by making impassable mountains between departments

    • @tonijackson4460
      @tonijackson4460 3 месяца назад +7

      Regardless of what actually happens or what is said, they will lie and rewrite the interaction. It doesn't matter how you respond, they will write the script and continue the smear campaign behind your back.

  • @SQ_og
    @SQ_og 3 месяца назад +5

    Exhausting when having conversation with them.

    • @jordanr7290
      @jordanr7290 2 месяца назад

      I would feel absolutely depleted after talking to them, and they still wouldn’t say sorry

  • @lanahyde7588
    @lanahyde7588 3 месяца назад +34

    Our favourite author and teacher of how to deal with NPD partners ❤ yes!

  • @DH03USMC
    @DH03USMC 3 месяца назад +29

    That was the greatest explanation of what I’ve experienced with my narcissistic ex gf for the last year. Every single example was used to confuse me from the truth. Still can’t let go. Terrible.

  • @Peecup
    @Peecup 3 месяца назад +17

    Jesus, This is my mother! Holy sheet!! You’ve been to my mother’s house! You’ve had coffee with her and experienced the code!

    • @sunstardrummer
      @sunstardrummer 3 месяца назад +4

      They are All one body in the spirit

    • @frostykitties2050
      @frostykitties2050 2 месяца назад +2

      Your mom knows my mom? 😳 😂

    • @Peecup
      @Peecup 2 месяца назад +1

      @@frostykitties2050 the same code.

  • @RoseAzalee
    @RoseAzalee 3 месяца назад +29

    Another thing you can do is Always deal with Only the Facade or Surface. Choose to delete the secret dog whistle speech, just ignore it and deal in Facade level only.

  • @1RecluseBrown
    @1RecluseBrown 3 месяца назад +38

    "Let's move forward."

    • @1RecluseBrown
      @1RecluseBrown 3 месяца назад +10

      This is a pseudo humility statement after the narc realizes she is all out of options yet refuses to admit wrongdoing or to accept the need to address boundaries. Drop all contact.

  • @susantolle7599
    @susantolle7599 3 месяца назад +17

    You are Highly Respected.
    This is one of your most brilliant talks.
    I am in an ongoing situation with one of these characters .It is like wading thru a quagmire of abuse.
    I told the truth and was nearly destroyed.
    Standing my ground.

  • @ricksimmons2098
    @ricksimmons2098 3 месяца назад +7

    When asking about the infidelity, I was told by my spouse, "You're gonna believe what you want no matter what I say, so...". That's the best you're going to get with this type of person.

    • @r.bishop1127
      @r.bishop1127 3 месяца назад +1

      Right or they just shrug "I am who I am" like that somehow excuses them being total assholes.

  • @OuterSpaceTarot
    @OuterSpaceTarot 3 месяца назад +20

    Everyone needs to watch this video.

  • @janthys45
    @janthys45 3 месяца назад +28

    An anecdote
    An old friend of mine (no, I will not tell his IQ) recently wrote me that he is not responsible for any of his actions, because he does not believe in judges, nor in moral judgment, since he follows the nonjudgmental way of the TAO. That would have been fine for me, but he continued with the statement that, if anything goes wrong, only G*d is to blame, because he created me and that s*thole were we are.
    I was impressed.
    (Thanks again)

    • @W-superS
      @W-superS 3 месяца назад +4

      😂😂😂

    • @sonjafurst9148
      @sonjafurst9148 3 месяца назад +5

      perfect spiritual gasligthing. Spirituality can be used in a very destructive way.
      Run as fast as you can.

  • @belladonna70
    @belladonna70 3 месяца назад +18

    prof vaknim ,the ultimate only expert on narcissism...

  • @suzanneadey3448
    @suzanneadey3448 3 месяца назад +18

    I love you because you're a truth teller ❤

    • @DollFaceToo
      @DollFaceToo 3 месяца назад

      Are you aware he's a narcissistic psychopath?

  • @binilee4753
    @binilee4753 3 месяца назад +8

    I have a co-worker who's very scary. She tried to flip blame on me for quite a few incidents. I work as a support worker and she went behind and a person around their shoulders we support moving then backwards telling them the person "get away from that evil woman" as I was getting my things to leave at the end of my shift. Her eyes were different and very dark in colour. Shifts were always confusing and kitchen items and rota were always going missing. A lot of gaslighting and controlling behaviour, more like coersive behaviour sparking arguments and reported hostile towards her and having her flying monkeys to carry out her evil agenda. If I knew about this narcissistic pattern of behaviour They would have saved myself a lot of mental anguish.
    Very informative and enlightening channel.

  • @deadwolf3607
    @deadwolf3607 3 месяца назад +25

    -Dont open the front gate, our dog will go to the neigbours house.
    Narc: I dont care where he goes.
    -But the dog will go to the neighbor.
    Narc: I dont care about the dog, let it go.
    (I realised he isnt gonna get it at this point)
    -Thats not the point, the problem is the dog will go to the neighbor.
    (Repeat for 3 more times)
    This is a directly translated text from my native lang
    He didnt see where the problem is. Ps. Our dog is bigger than the neigbors child.

    • @curiousmind6472
      @curiousmind6472 3 месяца назад +4

      He knows what you’re saying, he’s just playing dumb. I would stop inviting him over lol

    • @tally551
      @tally551 3 месяца назад +8

      Wow that's like a recent conversation.
      Me: it is too much for me to go over weekly. This is my boundary, let's renegotiate.
      Mother: what are these so called boundaries you keep bringing up and you could just say if you don't want to come over weekly. But it's not too much to ask.
      Me..... I think I will get a better response from a brick wall at this point.

    • @deadwolf3607
      @deadwolf3607 3 месяца назад

      @@curiousmind6472
      Its a family member. Im not sure if he knew what I was saying. He often behaves (what people would call) autisticly.

    • @Lion-rf8xi
      @Lion-rf8xi 3 месяца назад +4

      ​@@deadwolf3607I'm autistic and I love my dog, I get you 😉. Your not describing autism.

    • @AddyBittler-
      @AddyBittler- 3 месяца назад

      Maybe the person is thick as two short planks 😆

  • @Dominatorforex
    @Dominatorforex 3 месяца назад +3

    Thank you! Exactly how I lived 15 years before she discarded me. In 5 weeks she went from texting me about how she loved me to completely ignoring me and not even calling me by name in texts anymore. Like I never existed. And I always see it in her eyes- complete emptiness - just nothing in them, weird feeling, but I can’t explain it. And because of it i even called her “my little alien “ or “my sweet alien “. Now i know i was right. All things was present, everything: double talk, memories fragmented, constant forgetting of things- even forgetting about money, she can have a checks to deposit 1-2 thousand dollars and she just put them in the desk and forget about them just to find them 2-3 months later, forget to pay bills, blame me for everything, make me feel angry at her . And on the time of discarding me she starts talking how she was hurt or feel upset about me being rude to her 12-15-20 years ago- never forgive me for even small fights we have- she is remembering them all!!(what a crazy person). Everything in this videos it hi quality materials, I wish someone educated me many years ago.
    Just after she discarded me I realized that this break up is way abnormal and I started looking for an answer- and i founded them. Thank you!

  • @sondra4789
    @sondra4789 3 месяца назад +4

    You just recounted my entire 40 year marriage in one video!!

  • @iheal-me
    @iheal-me 3 месяца назад +4

    Respect. Possibly the BEST lecture I've ever heard on the subject.... speaking as a CPTSD diagnosed, but more importantly self-liberated 🎉❤ survivor of systemic narcissistic abuse...may G-d bless you for speaking this hard truth so eloquently. Going into Recovery is the hardest work anyone will face in their lives... definitely not dor the faint of heart ... But, if you want it, Healing from this is possible.
    Step one: Listen to what this expert is telling you word for word ❤

  • @remilannes.linguistique6166
    @remilannes.linguistique6166 3 месяца назад +17

    You sound great professor and you are funny and witty at the same time

  • @susantolle7599
    @susantolle7599 3 месяца назад +10

    Exactly.
    They are masters of double speak.
    Example Safe means Obey me or ....

  • @LindaMaruta
    @LindaMaruta 3 месяца назад +3

    I divorced this. Hard to hear the facts presented here, but you are bang on.

  • @charmee4045
    @charmee4045 3 месяца назад +6

    So true, the day before the pandemic hit, I needed him at home, he didn't come home, busy on the bar stool. Such an excellent explanation for what I endured. Such a mind bending experience explained as only you can do it Sam.

  • @danadhorn
    @danadhorn 3 месяца назад +15

    "mini break" and the last "maybe" hilarious. The laugh as valuable as the lesson to me today. Thank you for both

  • @reinar915
    @reinar915 3 месяца назад +11

    This was the reason he didn’t want to meet my friends and family, cause they would not have heard the hidden messages, only the bs. 🤣

  • @jaimeamby5568
    @jaimeamby5568 3 месяца назад +7

    Incredible lecture. This really solved a big mystery for me. This is the last piece to the puzzle- maybe!
    Thank you.
    A devoted junkie.

  • @ChristinaD119
    @ChristinaD119 25 дней назад

    You mentioned his inexplicable absence. My mom died on December 24th, 2024. We went back to the hotel, and he watched as I had a nervous breakdown because the finality of it all hit me. He reminded me that we had agreed he would go to his parents for Christmas Day. I asked him to stay, and he looked me in the eyes coldly and said, "We had an agreement." I pleaded, "I'm hurting could you be here for me?" But again, he refused. I asked for some comfort, but he said he's calling an Uber. Sheer insensitivity, selfishness and lack of empathy. I ended up on my hands and knees in the middle of the hotel, and he told me to stop trying to control him, that I was embarrassing myself, and that the police would come if I kept behaving like that.
    That was the moment I saw the true darkness in him-the manipulation. My mom had just died, and he was accusing me of manipulating him. He used all his newfound therapy terms about boundaries, saying he wouldn’t let me control him anymore.
    And to top it all off, after being together for 10 years, he ghosted me a month later, only to tell me several weeks after that my family acted like a shit show and now he had fallen in love with someone else in our industry. I guess you can draw your own conclusion about who was really the controlling one.

  • @valb9963
    @valb9963 3 месяца назад +10

    This is such a valuable message

  • @almor2445
    @almor2445 3 месяца назад +5

    I always thought her compliments made no sense. 'You make the best cheese sandwiches I've ever tasted!' Was very common. Anything she knew i cared about.. the 'compliments' were all back handed. Instead of youre sexy, it would be a condescending 'aaw thats sweet!' Wasnt going for sweet and you knew it. Kind of thing.

    • @almor2445
      @almor2445 3 месяца назад +2

      'Well I think you look OK but noone else would date either of us' knowing she had moved on years ago! Engaged to an old man apparently.

    • @EmEftee
      @EmEftee 3 месяца назад +2

      “You look nice in that dress, not like the one you were wearing yesterday…”

  • @aaronferrie7124
    @aaronferrie7124 3 месяца назад +5

    Sir, Sam Vaknin, I’m just totally blown away of your explanations. Amazing

  • @andreajaouhari6486
    @andreajaouhari6486 3 месяца назад +4

    I have always called my ex “ master of words’. Now I know why. He used to hate it

  • @Ashleypoorman
    @Ashleypoorman 3 месяца назад +5

    This lecture has been so helpful! Amazingly explained in such great detail. Thank you so much!

  • @catelewis7223
    @catelewis7223 3 месяца назад +3

    Very helpful, thank you Sam Vaknin. Not sure why anyone would hate you.

  • @Serendipitous-Synchronicity
    @Serendipitous-Synchronicity 3 месяца назад +4

    This video is incredible.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Prof Sam 😘

  • @JamesWesten-k5k
    @JamesWesten-k5k 2 месяца назад

    Esteemed Professor Vaknin,
    I am profoundly grateful to you for sharing your theories and concepts with us, and for conveying these complex interconnections with such fearlessness and heroism, entirely devoid of any monetary consideration.
    With the highest admiration,
    James Westen

  • @gertrudmoller9401
    @gertrudmoller9401 3 месяца назад +2

    He is in fact charming and funny!

  • @Mountlougallops
    @Mountlougallops 3 месяца назад +7

    Thanks again Sam.

  • @consciouscitizen6211
    @consciouscitizen6211 27 дней назад

    I spent 14 years with a narcissistic. It’s so damaging.

  • @Scorpio200
    @Scorpio200 3 месяца назад +2

    You are amazing i can and do listen to you for hours ❤❤❤❤

  • @r.bishop1127
    @r.bishop1127 3 месяца назад +3

    "Believe what you want" when you present FACTS. ridiculous

  • @allanmeierjensen4925
    @allanmeierjensen4925 3 месяца назад +6

    Yes interesting topic..for sure sir

  • @beth7804
    @beth7804 3 месяца назад +5

    Thank you for explaining, ESPECIALLY in regards to word salad with psychosis and schizophrenia. ⚖️
    Your "Minnie Break" was very dry 🎉 (humour wise obviously)

  • @estresyaprende1612
    @estresyaprende1612 3 месяца назад +5

    Great knowledge

  • @curiousmind6472
    @curiousmind6472 3 месяца назад +4

    Brilliant as usual.

  • @eugene7492
    @eugene7492 2 месяца назад

    Поняла о себе, что я запрограммирована на привязанность к нарцу. Избавилась от своего токсика и перенесла свою привязанность на Сэма Вакнина. Так безопаснее!!! 😂❤
    Да, здорово продвинулась в изучении английского языка, спасибо, Сэм, за полезную информацию и за стимул в изучении языка 👍🥰

  • @nellytube4537
    @nellytube4537 2 месяца назад

    Amazing video!

  • @Picknjewels
    @Picknjewels 3 месяца назад

    Thank you for helping me through this at the right time

  • @leekasmar7508
    @leekasmar7508 3 месяца назад +5

    very good, thank you

  • @freeyourmindfromtheswarm
    @freeyourmindfromtheswarm 2 месяца назад

    haha love you! envelop message! oh oh

  • @SgtPepper396
    @SgtPepper396 3 месяца назад +3

    Thank you so much for your videos Professor Vaknin. I’ve learned so much from you. I look forward to your videos each and every day.

  • @angelicabussa1393
    @angelicabussa1393 3 месяца назад

    Love Love Love these clues!!!

  • @w1cked001
    @w1cked001 3 месяца назад +1

    Wow, reminds me of my childhood.

  • @Suzn-v4l
    @Suzn-v4l 3 месяца назад

    wow! This is so very informative. Many Thank You's to you. 🙏

  • @James-k9p4w
    @James-k9p4w 3 месяца назад +9

    this is two years old and sam vaknin showed it

    • @valb9963
      @valb9963 3 месяца назад +2

      Yes, it's a repeat

  • @prismbrandingrealestatebra6301
    @prismbrandingrealestatebra6301 3 месяца назад +2

    This is very prevalent in sermons given by pastors. In christian community they rely heavily on phrases and words that are left open for interpretation.

  • @darbydelane4588
    @darbydelane4588 3 месяца назад

    Brilliant.

  • @Picknjewels
    @Picknjewels 3 месяца назад

    You ARE our favorite

  • @freeyourmindfromtheswarm
    @freeyourmindfromtheswarm 2 месяца назад

    geeeeniiuis! thank you! trojan horse!

  • @DS-jf4kp
    @DS-jf4kp 3 месяца назад +2

    Spot on .

  • @gisella1350
    @gisella1350 3 месяца назад +1

    Thank you.

  • @1RecluseBrown
    @1RecluseBrown 3 месяца назад +10

    "We need to talk."

    • @1RecluseBrown
      @1RecluseBrown 3 месяца назад +6

      If you accept this statement, prepare for a royal reaming out.

    • @1RecluseBrown
      @1RecluseBrown 3 месяца назад +1

      Prepare for a tongue lashing by the bad breast.

    • @gregpendrey6711
      @gregpendrey6711 3 месяца назад +2

      Yes Ma’am. Don’t go there.

    • @1RecluseBrown
      @1RecluseBrown 3 месяца назад

      Funny how people instinctively are repelled by this statement.​@@gregpendrey6711

  • @Sdf9Sdf
    @Sdf9Sdf 3 месяца назад +1

    Selective forgetfullness, I would add :)

  • @apubanerjee5496
    @apubanerjee5496 3 месяца назад +3

    " Hidden Messages " or Signs .
    Respected , PROF SAM ,
    Wonderful . 👍👍👍
    I do agree to your's each and every
    word by word ,
    what have you said here .
    👍👍👍 .
    My , 🙏 regards to you 🙏 ,
    For such an unparalleled ,
    Pin point accurate content .
    🙏
    ❤ .

  • @allenalamillo3135
    @allenalamillo3135 Месяц назад

    @25:07 I understand that word salad might not be an optimum word or phrase, but what about word lasagne :)

  • @mississippiatheistette8769
    @mississippiatheistette8769 3 месяца назад

    my boyfriend loves to say," You know that I told you the other day about this and that." or something like that. and i always ask him, "what is this and that, please." he get a little frustrated, but he answers.

  • @SuperRajat1984
    @SuperRajat1984 2 месяца назад

    When the narcissist expresses sadness so is it always a manipulation and not genuinely sorry ? The narc ex I am dealing with puts stories on whatsapp sharing sad status and all.. His actions speak otherwise though.

  • @thebanane8588
    @thebanane8588 2 месяца назад

    All automotive Service centers

  • @AncientYouth64
    @AncientYouth64 3 месяца назад +1

    Is Narcissist another word for Ahole because i have met loads of them but no one i would describe as a classic narcisist as described here

  • @sandylu2668
    @sandylu2668 3 месяца назад +1

    Sure thing..always see the sub text

  • @cherylsavage6178
    @cherylsavage6178 3 месяца назад

    Does active listening like when they say the sky is blue when you say oh yeah the sky is blue does that drive them crazy like they say I’m gonna do this tomorrow and you got you’re gonna do that tomorrow and all night long ago you said you were doing that tomorrow are you doing that tomorrow? Does that make them crazy so thatthey are forced to do what they don’t want to do

  • @alistairmurray626
    @alistairmurray626 3 месяца назад +1

    A bit off topic but are there any other periods in history where narcissists have thrived like they do today? Is this the "first bloom/outbreak"?

  • @dakota-rt8kd
    @dakota-rt8kd 2 месяца назад

    Am not in a good mood 😮

  • @victoryamartin9773
    @victoryamartin9773 3 месяца назад +11

    I spent a few days visiting my son's family and had to leave suddenly in the middle of the night when my daughter in law burst into my room screaming viciously about things I had shared with her wounded 8 y/o daughter to help her understand and not take personally her mother's raging attacks. Her facade was being threatened and thus, her supply. That's a Narcissist.
    The squatters in my house who used to be friends but once inside my house began abusing me and taking advantage of my hospitality now scream at me and threaten to call law enforcement if I dare to obstruct their full use of my house. Recently, he called me, using my pastor to create a conference call to trick me into listening, breaking my no contact resolve. He revealed that he had been pursuing my desk when he found hidden eviction paperwork, so, as a preemptive strike, he threatened to countersue for $1 million if I filed the paperwork with the court. What supply could he possibly want but to secure a free place to live, all expenses paid, and a resident slave to do his bidding? That is a psychopath.

    • @audreyandrea460
      @audreyandrea460 3 месяца назад +1

      It doesn’t sound like you left in the middle of the night - it sounds like you were thrown out for manipulating your granddaughter.

    • @victoryamartin9773
      @victoryamartin9773 3 месяца назад

      @@audreyandrea460 I can understand and appreciate that perspective. I wondered that myself.

  • @Siricia119
    @Siricia119 3 месяца назад +1

    There is no such thing as narsisissssst😂 this is so perfectly said its scary good❤

  • @JFish-df2ep
    @JFish-df2ep 3 месяца назад

    Oh yes, nEx disappeared when I was in the hospital.

  • @brendalhunt9720
    @brendalhunt9720 3 месяца назад +2

    Yeah, like a five-year-old

  • @jaimeamby5568
    @jaimeamby5568 3 месяца назад +2

    I am a little confused. In earlier videos you have stated that narcissists don’t gaslight??? Have you changed your theory? Or are you gaslighting?

    • @nothingnessnonarcissism
      @nothingnessnonarcissism  3 месяца назад +16

      They are not aware that they are gaslighting because they actually BELIEVE the truthfulness of their own confabulations and fantasies. Gaslighting requires the self-awareness and premeditation of the gaslighter.

    • @beth7804
      @beth7804 3 месяца назад

      @@nothingnessnonarcissism
      Could the same be said with ASD?

  • @SilentFigure1
    @SilentFigure1 3 месяца назад +1

    I was unsubbed?

  • @Zrunawaybride
    @Zrunawaybride 3 месяца назад +2

    TU Sam once again.

  • @critter_paws
    @critter_paws 3 месяца назад +3

    Words are magical wands of war🪄 💩 🦄 ✨
    Meaning left the building a long time ago. Psyche? Nah it shattered.
    My academic passion has always been Philosophy. Helped keep me out of an asylum? Idk, worked against me really bc I was steel manning his words for a long time. I know nothing. Asylum is an option I would like to keep.
    Can you see me? Are there real things here? Was I alone with a twisted type of imaginary friend all of this time? Def not friend. Meat sack occupied by a swarm of demonic ghost thingydoooooos? 🥴💀
    Was it a delusion or illusion? Both? I need an emotional support animal, is there a reality testing support animal? Both. Need both
    Ha look^ it's true, I got "fleas" so I should go to vet? Man I sound cruel now. I'll accept that.
    Maybe once I finish with the crazy anger I can get back to a calmer empathetic place. Empathy (and my subconscious script of course) seemed to be the back door that let in the poison so that door, specifically with this individual and the parent with whom the relationship I've been reenacting was formed, is locked tightly and bolted up rn. I was half of the dynamic. I figured out things that have ruled me for decades so silver lining. Know myself better in a way now, although I lost more than I gained. Boundries are finally a thing I understand. Worth it though? Not from my current location- the pain, isolation, confusion, ...ugh & withdrawal😓😅 is too much to see recovery, healing, growth as a reality rn but I'm gonna fight for it anyway cause wtf do I have to do?