What is the End of Life Conversation
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 22 июн 2024
- Yes, it's going to be uncomfortable but it's a conversation that every one of us is going to have.
BUY THE BOOK HERE: www.hospicenursejulie.com/book
When dealing with any medically related events or medical emergencies, please communicate with your primary health care provider.
Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @hospicenursejulie
To learn more visit: www.hospicenursejulie.com/
Instagram: / hospicenursejulie
TikTok: / hospicenursejulie
Facebook: / 100077937666311
#endoflife #hospice #activelydying
My ex wife died in April from brain cancer. Rather than trying to reach people individually my daughter went to her mother’s facebook page and made the announcement that she had cancer. My daughter had the foresight to ask people not to send Get Well cards but instead send cards that were uplifting and include a note talking about some memory they had with her. My ex wife had been a speech pathologist and had worked in 3 different school systems and multiple schools during her 40+ year career. The cards started coming in and there were at least 200+ cards. My daughter, son and daughter in law all made sure they read each and every card to her. That brought her a great deal of joy. Something else our kids did was to sit with her and play her favorite music. They would even sing along with her. I had my time with her as well to relive some memories and to square some things up between us. Her passing was quiet and happened at 6 am. Our son was with her and holding her hand as she passed.
What a brilliant idea
Thanks for saying that a person "is not going to suddenly become emotionally mature". I needed to hear this.
Hi, Julie!
I love this channel and have recommended it to many others. In December, I’ll reach the grand old age of 80, and I really want to be prepared. I hope I will fall asleep one night and wake up in heaven, but in case I am suffering at the end, I want to know as much as I can about hospice before I need it.
I ordered your book just now and will receive it tomorrow. Thank you for your kindness and support in teaching us about death. I have always been an avid mystery reader, and this is the biggest mystery of all! 🌺
I love the last line of your post! It really opened up another line of thought for me... That crossing the veil should not just be only scary to contemplate, but a mystery that can also be looked at as an adventure - a voyage of discovery. Thanks!
I am fast approaching my 88th birthday and have been on palliative care at the local hospice and always try to watch this channel. I don't know how long that will be for but I can confirm that hospice is staffed with the most loving and thoughtful group of people I have ever met, who are making my life worth living for however long it will be.Thank you all the nurse Julie's.
Yes, I gave my son Julie's book since I'm old and my daugther-in-law's parents are around my age. Since I live alone and my son and family are some 45 minutes away, we've set up a daily text so they know I'm okay. They are very busy with 3 kids, a goat farm, and my son's carpentry business.
I just wanted you to know our resident 95 year old on hospice has found your channel and it has brought him so much comfort. The ripples of your acts of kindness are endless❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
As a nurse I found this helpful. It's so hard helping and listening to patients as they grieve their own life ending.
When I was placed in hospice’s care in September 2023, ( I accepted hospice early) I had people ask me how many liters of oxygen I was on. I stated 2 liters and there response was “ oh, you’re not that sick”.
I also was told by others, “ well, I know people that have been on hospice for 2 years” Personally, I took that as they didn’t take my illness seriously.
I’ve also had people drop out of my life.
There are many things that I’d like people to know and understand. I have so much to say yet, I have not said anything. I have end stage COPD and I continue to decline. I barely eat because it’s just too hard to eat. People don’t realize how hard it is to eat and breathe at the same time. I also just want to sleep but I fight it everyday. I love your channel, I started reading your book. Your channel and topics validate everything I am going through yet, the people in my life never appear open to hear what’s happening to me. My hospice team is wonderful to a point. It feels like even they don’t want to talk to me about dying. So I just want to say Thank you!! Thank you for your honesty. I know that I’m dying. I don’t know the how’s, when’s and what to expect. I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of suffocating. I’ve had a tough time with medication. Morphine worked beautifully for shortness of breath until the first increase then it became apparent that I am allergic to it. 💔 Nothing has come close to morphine for SOB. So I do still fear suffocating. My nurse keeps promising me that I will not suffocate. Time will tell.
Any way, your honesty has really helped me in my journey. ❤
Morphine is one of those medications that does several things at once. I don’t know how bad your reaction was to it but most narcotics can cause a histamine response in your body. If the histamine release is not life threatening you could get an anti histamine from your care team. Other narcotics are good with pain but morphine decreases pain, and can make you rest but it also decreases your need for oxygen and your thirst for oxygen and it decreases the load on your heart. Starving for oxygen is an awful feeling I hope you find another treatment that helps.
Hi Cindy. I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis yet happy to see you making the most of your time. Our hospice has pastoral counselors and grief counselors who call on clients weekly. Does your hospice group offer such services? Wish you the best on your journey. Blessings.
@@dagwood1327 , my reaction to morphine was pretty bad. It was a reaction that included swelling of the throat, tongue and lips. After several different opiates I became so depressed and frustrated. Since they have different manufacturers one being blue liquid and one pink we decided to try the one I hadn’t started with, same reaction. We also tried the pill form. Same reaction. The next drug I believe we tried was oxycodone , that did nothing for my SOB. On to Dilaudid, the liquid Dilaudid took a long time to kick in and the SOB relief was very short lived. So liquid lorazepam was added. Still nothing quite like morphine. I became despondent and so frustrated. Years of long term prednisone has caused me to develop avascular necrosis of my right femur and tibia so I can only use prednisone on very short term basis. Presently I take Dilaudid in pill form 3 times a day along with lorazepam, some form a cough medication 2x per day and 3 different nebulized medications twice a day. I still have SOB. I also take Daliresp for decreasing lung inflammation. This leaves me believing that I am going to die suffocating. 🤞🤞🙏
@@jojowallace5098 Thank you for your kind words. My team is amazing, I see my nurse twice a week, a health aide 5 times a week and a social worker weekly. They are all wonderful and caring .
@@dagwood1327 , I forgot my most important, I’m on oxygen 24/7. In the few weeks I’ve gone from 2 liters to 3.5, and 4 when up and walking.
My Grandma passed this Saturday June 22nd 2024 958am. Days prior to her passing I told her its okay and beautiful where she is going. She knew in my past I told her that I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to her and she worried about me. Even though it was hard I held my tears and told her I'll be alright she did an amazing job here on Earth. I listened to her speak while holding her hand to the other side and just embraced the experience she gave me. She seen her Mom and I strongly believe this. She said I had 2 kids a boy and a girl. Mind you I currently have 1 a boy. Only time will tell. RIP Grandma Carol 👼 I love you
I’m so sorry, I get it, my mom died 3-19-2024, it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever lived through. My dad is in hospice who is deaf with dementia, I live about 3,000 miles round trip. My husband has helped me so much. We just got back from visiting my dad & putting flowers on my mom’s grave. Hang tight…it will be okay.
@@jimrebr yeah I understand we all face it and boy it sure does suck but I appreciate that. Keep your head up to🙏💕💫
I had a nursing educator who told us “don’t make promises you can’t keep” I’ve always remembered that and used that great advice
I purchased your book yesterday. I supported my best friend with the help of hospice during her last few months. She survived 6 years with a glioma. The hospice folks were there for us and were very supportive and comforting.
Glioma s almost always a certain and somewhat close death sentence. Did she do treatment for it? I have worked in healthcare since the 70’s and have had several patients with Gliomas. I have always said if I was given that diagnosis I would go to Hawaii and die on the beach. For her to have 6 years is a miracle. God bless you for helping her through that season of her life. 🙋♀️🙏⚔️🛡️
I love that you honor the silence and then can be honest when you speak. I had a patient with AIDS while a student nurse and I felt I should have the "death and dying" speech with him. He absolutely refused to have it. He said he was going to take me to Jamaica when he got well. So we talked about Jamaica. It's always all about "reading" and honoring the patient. Thank you for all the good work you do! You help so many people! What a blessing that is for all of us!
Hi Julie, I was in the middle of your book when my mother passed away. you’ve been most comforting and it helped me tremendously. I owe you a debt of gratitude. Also, I had my mother on hospice too, and they were immensely helpful. She died last Tuesday.
Hello,
What you say is so true! I am thinking about when my Dad was dying from cancer nearly 20 years ago now. Mom was out walking the dog we had and it was the home care nurse, Dad, and me. He asked me if he could stop the chemo he was on as we knew it would only possibly extend his life by a few months and it was doing a number on him that other treatments had not done.
I told him honestly, I hate knowing that I am going to lose you but I hate even more seeing you like this. So he chose to stop the chemo and passed away a month or so later, 3 days after my birthday. Though to do but he had become a shadow of the Dad I knew at that point.
Sandra
I got your book about 2 weeks ago and although I’m only into the 2nd chapter, I’ve been telling others about it who have already lost loved ones. I believe it will/does bring comfort to those of us still here. I told them there is a chapter, #10, to deal with grief & sadness.
My parents are in their mid to late nineties & not doing well. I will miss them but I’m dealing better with what’s been termed ‘anticipatory grief’. Blessings, Marianne 😇❤️ 6:00
"I don't know" is my favorit honest answer in so many situations. I wish the answer itself was more respected.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, this is something I don't have to worry about anymore. For me, the two greatest things I had said to my mom just before she died was that I loved her, and that it's ok for her to go. (In a way I felf as though I had lied to her because I didn't want to lose her, but I knew it was more about her and her comfort than about my need to keep her here with me.) I'm glad I had said that. Thanks nurse Julie.
I told my dad it was ok to go and not to worry about my mum. He passed that night.
I so wish I had listened to this conversation last year October when my baby sister passed on after 4 months of brain cancer. My only consolation is that I showed up and was there for her - my head and heart will hurt forever 💔 but I am grateful I could show up
I am so upset I missed your book signing yesterday in Erie!!! Your book is awesome and I continue to love all the information you spread and help many people with.
I can really relate to what you said about anger. My mother died when I was 12 and i really had nobody to help me sort out my feelings. When i was in my 30's I had a dream that she really didn't die but ran away. I was yelling at her in my dream and woke up so angry. I felt better/stronger after that but wondered why. Your explanation helped me understand. Thank you so much!!! I am now 75 and preparing for my own time to go.
My wife volunteers at the local hospice. Your videos are very revealing and instructive. Please don't remove the spaces between your thoughts. The result is an unfortunate
barrage' of information and doesn't sound natural, the way speech has 'breaths'. I will send for your book. Your revelations are inspiring and honest.
We are all dying every day. I honestly can’t understand how this is different from the knowledge and understanding that we are dying.
This is an everyday thought and reality for me. Let me know.
If someone is actively dying, definitely do what you can to help them grieve themselves and definitely educate their pursuit to whatever realm they idealize.
Hi Julie, I’m close to the end and have been watching all your videos and I even bought your book. I have one question that I haven’t found in any of your videos and I don’t know myself, can you make a video on the cost of hospice care and how it really works financially? Thank you for all you do for us.
Hospice in the US is paid for strictly by Medicaid. We received no bills for the hospice care for my dad. Your insurance will no longer pay for treatment for the condition qualifying you for hospice, but you can still receive treatment for things that are NOT part of that condition.
They are paid through your Medicare and Medicaid...my mom went through all of this..
@reallifesurvivalschool6157 I hope you enjoy the rest of your life. ❤🙏🏻
@@melndeward786 thank you very much
@@lorpsandorps3729 thank you so much, God bless!
Thank you for sharing your experience and what you've learned. I appreciate your advice on not just saying everything "will be okay" or "happens for a reason" and ESPECIALLY not pressing your own religious or lack of religious beliefs on someone else.
Love you Julie. ❤
I have been present for few loved ones over the years, my grandpa, my mom, uncle, mother in law and my stepmom just passed away this past Saturday after receiving hospice care in her home going to miss her so very much she was an amazing woman, wife yes she was my stepmom but I just called her mom so did my husband and she was grandma to my children and she was an awesome grandma 💞🦋😊❤💔
Dear Julie, thank you so much for another wonderful video, for all your tips, and for these inspirational stories you relate! You really show and make us feel that death is truly smth. not to be feared. May you be blessed in every way, and let me wish you a wonderful and bright week ahead.
Thank you , Julie. You provide such valuable information. ❤❤❤❤
When you said…if your loved one wasn’t this way in life they probably won’t be at end of life. I’m gonna try the sharing with my non talkative loved one to see if I can get her to talk more and open up.
I’m going to get your book. When my dad died I was so angry and had to work through it with my psychologist. It takes time. Thank you for sharing because all of us need this.
Love 💕 and Hugs. 💙💙💙
We buried my father in law yesterday after a short stint in ICU. I wish your book had been available a month earlier… reading it so far has been so helpful in understanding the mentality difference between ICU care and end of life care. I’m only starting chapter 5 now but so far everything has tracked as the book says. Thank you.
You make everything simple and clear!
Julie, I was wondering if you followed Dr.Dan Says on You Tube. He is terminal and has fight cancer four years. He is now at the end and did his finally stage of life. He is a wonderful man, as you are a wonderful person also, I enjoy your videos.
I follow Dr Dan
Thank you so much for mentioning not to tell people about miracle cures. I have multiple sclerosis and I absolutely hate it when people tell me that bee sting therapy works or if I just changed my diet it would cure me.
YES!
Exactly the same here 😊
Julie, you are so human. I just love your level-headedness and your insights how about death and dying and the afterlife. I wish I could have you around as my hospice nurse and however many years. I'm 67 years old in Ohio. Hope you could drop by someday, (ha-ha). God bless you and you go and bless others. Thank you for yourself and your channel.
i love this channel,so honest-mother is in a carehome now,shes 87 with the onset of dementia,its heart breaking to see to be honest but i am starting to steel myself for the eventual shitty time when she passes.i really looking forward to it,thats for sure.i carry so much guilt cus of decisions i have to make(which kinda go against hers but we could never have that convo as it would defo finish her) but i know you have helped me see things clearly when its time.and that gives me comfort.THEN i will have to go thro it all again when my wifes parents pass,nothing in life is easy but,thats just life i guess.
I just bought and read your book. I’m encouraging all my pastor friends to read it too. Great resource and very helpful. Soooo good.
Hi Julie When my husband died he yelled out Help me I can't breath. He said this twice. I am having a trouble dealing with this. This was one of his biggest fears. There was nothing I could do. Is this common? It will effect me for the rest of my life. He was at home with me.
In my 'knowing' the moments of dying are our release from the body, and if he was shouting, or talking... he had breath, he had to breathe to speak. Please be comforted, he would not need you to carry that burden
My grandma said “help” in her final hour. I also can tell she didn’t want to go. I struggled with the fact that I thought a family member rushed it. The latter was really difficult at first, but I don’t feel as much pain anymore.
@@AllThingsGina I smiled at this one, I feel your funny old grandma was saying help to the thousands awaiting her in spirit realm, I believe that dropping the body is like getting out of a bath full of glue and jelly, I feel they were ALL collapsing in laughter at her struggle to leave the body, her included. You see, she had completed her perfect and beautiful life
Julie, You are such a blessing. I truly appreciate everything you share with us. Thank you.
Great suggestions. Minor last addition...this will never be easy.
Hello 👋Beautiful Lady 🌹..How are you and the weather condition like ?
Julie thank you for all of your RUclips videos. They give everyone watching them a better understanding of the death process. I will be ordering your book very soon. Thank you again.
Wow. Thank you for unravelling the emotions that we go through. It's like a tangled ball of wool.
You and your channel are a blessing. Thank you for sharing.
This is so helpful. We can all say things, with the BEST of intentions, and it comes out wrong, a few words needed to be added, or taken out - Be kind, be helpful, that can be cooking , cleaning, holding hands, giving the family a break
I just received your book today. Thank you for all the wonderful information in your book and on your videos. You are helping so many.
My sister passed from alcohol and pushed us away and sent her carers away, she was worried about us seeing the mess I feel so bad that she passed alone after a fall.
Julie, Thank you for this discussion, spot on. I had this very experience with my dad a few years ago during his time of needs/death. -Jim
I was able to get my grandmother to blink, once for yes & twice for no; her mind was with me till the end. I played her favorite hymns, brushed her hair & put lotion on her, as I always did. She died in my arms @96. Wish I could hold her again.
I'm glad you made this video, I can recall when I was homeless and faced with many things in life until $75,000 biweekly began rolling in and my Life went from A homeless nobody to a different person with good things to offer!!!!!!
That's lovely 🌹 if I may ask, How did you come up with so much biweekly?
It's Andrea Sheryl Fox doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.
$_700k and yet still counting on.
Andrea Sheryl Fox is the kind of person one needs in his or her life to be honest❤️❤️❤️>>>>
Wow 😱I know her too Miss Andrea Sheryl Fox is a remarkable individual who has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life. Her unwavering wisdom have been invaluable assets, enriching my journey in countless ways.
I googled about her and yes, she's won my heart. She just gained herself a new
Hi Julie l lost my sister-in-law last Thursday. I spent all day Wed with her, but she was right out of it. I just kept telling her how much l loved her and the family loved her. It is extremely sad and I'm trying to work through it. At least l was there. She is now in heaven with her 2 children 💔
Such a powerful story!!❤
Hello 👋Beautiful Lady 🌹..How are you and the weathet condition like ?
I can't thank you so very much, you helped me understand my Auntie's passing, thank you
Such a great video, Julie. You’re the best. Love your book SO MUCH ❤
Awesome ! Thank you for sharing . You appear to be close siblings.❤❤❤
My Dad passed last year 2023 from Esophageal Cancer, so sad myself, my sister & brother were not allowed to see him as his hideous, evil so called, self appointed carer/partner stopped any visits or communication with him, she controlled from the time he was diagnosed to the last 3 months of his life in Palliative Care. To this day, we (my siblings and children and nephew and neice) will never know his final days. We were such a loving close family, losing our Mum 20 years earlier😢💔
Tomorrow is one year since my mother died. She was gone in 36 hours, all in hospital. It was awful. She was clawing at the side of her bed, rolling quickly a couple of times. Emptying her bowels without noticing. She kept trying to pull her oxygen mask off. I kept trying to put it back on her. I didn’t know any better. Her hands were freezing. I wish I knew then what I know now. I was sure it would just be a few days of being unwell but couldn’t leave her side except to make calls to family. So much awful stuff in the last couple of hours. I was getting both my sisters from overseas on the one call beside her pillow for her last breaths. I wish I had known what was coming and would never have spent our last hours together like that. Her priest must have broken every traffic rule to get there in time for Last Rites.
I regret so much.
She is such a loving, giving, and thoughtful person who never had an unkind about anyone. She spent so much time doing things quietly for other people and always ready to laugh.
The only saving grace is that I said, “You can go to Nanna now.” Her whole body jerked. I hope that was when she truly left.
Wow, thank you. 🙏🏼💗
This is wonderful. I have enjoyed volunteering for hospice companies since January. I am driven to make a difference for people who are aging and at the end of life. I also attended my first death café yesterday and that was neat! I recently learned about death or end of life doulas who can take on the education and emotional support for this population. Have you ever worked with a death doula or know one that visited one of your patients? What are your thoughts on a death doula?
My mom was terrified of dying at 59 with lung cancer. She hung on through pain, bone fractures, etc. She would become very agitated if I tried to talk with her about anything even remotely connected with cancer or death. She loved hymns, I tried singing softly once and she shook her head vehemently. I think she was scared, literally, that crying would drown her. It was an awful death. I often wonder if her fear made the end worse.
My husband passed on March 6 he said please help me he wanted to come home to pass at that point he couldn't walk he couldn't get up to go to the bathroom.everything happened so fast he went to a doctor's appointment then the doctor said if u don't go to the hospital u will die at home. So he went to the hospital I thought that he was going to go home it was 6 days .i felt like I was on a roller coaster up and I thought he was going to get better and come home and down I thought he was going to die.it was the worst 6 days of my life.i am having a very hard time wishing I would have had things in place and a hospice nurse could have came in but everything just happened way to fast.i love my husband very much I always will but will never really know if I did the right thing by not bringing him home but what else could I have done
You did the best you could in a difficult situation. You did the right thing. Be kind to yourself. Sending light and love your way. ❤❤❤
Got your book, am reading your book, and love it. We communicated on your website recently ... anyway, I'm going to gift this to each of my clinical research study nurses... they've taken such good care of me, and maybe your book will help them with the difficult questions that cancer pts. may have. Thank you for doing what you do Julie. I think it will help many, many people. Dottie
This has bothered me since my husband passed a few months ago. He was in a nursing home to gain strength,was doing therapy,etc. I was not impressed with this place and was upset before he even got there because i was not notified 🙄. After about a week there, he started to act different. He didn't want anyone to stay long,not even myself. That was not his character. I kept visiting and he said he could do therapy but afterwards he was so tired. I wasn't extremely worried because this had happened before when he broke his tailbone.
This all occurred quickly as he was only in there for one month. What was the most concerning was him being distant. (2 times during his stay they had dicharge dates) I usually visited every other day or most days.
I came on a Friday and brought him lunch, Saturday I missed, then came Sunday. I called first because I seen they had called and they told me "yes he was calling for you to come during the night." That was not like Tay,so I got there as quick as I could. When I arrived, Ray said to me "you have to call an ambulance, I don't know what is happening!!" I got the nurse and she said as she sipped her coffee so nonchalantly, "I'm sorry but "Ray is actively dying ". I don't remember a whole lot, except that he had signed on to hospice on Thursday and that day, Sunday, he passed away.
I was told Ray did not want me to know. You would never have known he was THAT sick, I was told nothing. He was of sound mind so that was his right. I was not told he was even sick. I do not know why he didn't want me to know.
Julie, is it common for someone that close to death to not want to talk about it? What would be their reason? I'm confused and wonder if you have any thoughts on this?? Thanks!!
When my sister was dying from pancreatic cancer and in hospice the last 11 days of her life, I stayed with her during the night at the hospice facility and her husband spent the days with her. One night, she was very angry and insisted on getting up to use the bathroom taking the hanging drip with her. It took me by surprise and I didn't think to call the nurse. She made it there and back. Anger gives one plenty of energy. Frankly, she didn't look like she was dying, and you've explained this sort of rebound. The next day, she apologized to me for her action. I told her she didn't have to apologize for anything. She said she knew she was dying. I said, "Well, if you survive, that's a win. If you don't, it's a win because you won't hurt any more and you'll be on the other side. " I don't know if that makes any sense, but she seemed to accept that. I always told her I loved her when I left and she'd return the sentiment. I think it was just being there that made the difference. I lived about 300 miles away at the time, but came up when my borther-in-law called. He made the hospital wait to discharge her until I got there. I rode in the front of the ambulance from the hospital to the hospice facility so she could hear me. I'm not sure she fully understood or didn't want to understand what it meant to be going to hospice. Our mother was not much of a mother, and although we didnt' grow up together in the same house, she needed someone who would listen to her without judgment. I was 7 years older than her and 8 years older than our younger sister. I think our younger sister had trouble dealing with this, but finally stayed the last night so I could sleep in a bed. We found out the next day that she had passed when my youngest sister went out to the publilc bathroom. When she came back, our sister was gone.
Your videos are so helpful and great!
❤Thank you Julie❤ You're so beautiful!❤
You are an angel...have a great day ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I always believed the same regarding the "afterlife." Now I know we are not going to have our eyes and/or our brains, so certainly we are not going to see or think things. Aside from that, we'll all find out.
My mother tried to tell my sister something a couple of weeks before she died. She couldnt speak very loudly so my sister shouted at her. My sister has always had that guilt of not listening to her. My mum died of cancer 8 months ago
TY. Watch a video called the mourning booth by the skit guys! It's about just being present.
Thank you for doing these YT vids. You are gifted and this is what you were put here for. To help others.
New subscriber! 🎉. Love the channel 😊
Simply told my sister that I always loved her. she died two days later.
It's a new beginning.
I love ur videos plus ur absolutely gorgeous
God bless you Julie
❤
My husband died at home ..he had a horrific death.. H stopped talking to me about a week or two before he died....it was awful he used to talk nonstop then all the sudden nothing he died 12 days after he stopped dyalsis he was nt eating or drinking..i feel horrible...!
My dad asked me this ....I said I hope so ....and if he's there it's because mom's up there helping hand out the new babies ...she was married to him for thirty some odd years. Had seven children
2 Corinthians 5:8. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Wanda. Thanks
Trying to remember your three “rules”. Keep them clean, comfortable and? What is the 3rd one again?
My sister, who had been recently diagnosed with cancer, went to a big fancy hospital in Michigan last month. I live in another state, and my other sister was with her, but I saw the scans and watched the labs. Her liver didn’t seem to be working. But she didn’t have jaundice, you get yellow if your liver doesn’t work, right? I know nothing about medicine, and this was a big, huge, fancy hospital with a world-renowned cancer center. They would tell us if she was going to die, right? I kept asking my healthy sister, who was with my sick sister, “what are they telling you? What’s the plan?” And my sister said, “Not telling us anything yet. Maybe they’ll tell us tomorrow.” This is a big, miracle working hospital with a huge cancer center. They were experimenting with my sister’s kind of cancer. They were working on it. Maybe they’d tell us tomorrow. Okay. That was Thursday. They didn’t tell us the plan on Friday, either. Then it was the weekend. Not a lot happens in hospitals on weekends. Maybe they’d tell us on Monday. On Monday, I called my healthy sister, and asked again, “What was the plan?” They hadn’t told her. Maybe they’d tell her on Tuesday. When they didn’t talk to us on Tuesday, I called a friend of mine, who is a doctor. I sent her the mychart labs. I sent her the pictures of the scans. She told me that, though she hadn’t seen my sister, the labs and the films looked very, very bad, and that she didn’t think this looked like something my sister could recover from. She said, “sometimes, when a family is in shock, they get passive. It would really help if you get a little assertive. If you can, when we hang up, call the unit secretary and ask for a palliative medicine consult, and then call me back and let me know that you did it.” And so I did. Palliative medicine saw my sister the next morning. They set up an online family meeting for Friday at which they told us my sister was close to death, and that we should come in. We got there at 10 PM Friday night. They put her on comfort measures Saturday morning. She died Sunday at 8:15 AM. So, my point here is, even actual doctors and nurses at big fancy hospitals with world famous cancer centers don’t know how to have end of life conversations. Oncologists Oncology nurses: if you are reading this, for the love of God, stop being afraid of your hospital’s palliative care service!!! If you are too scared or too busy to talk to a family, you have a whole, underutilized service in your hospital who specialize in doing just that. Make them your partners. Don’t make the family, who are coping with shock, denial, and fear, do your job for you. Bring Palliative Medicine on to begin with! If we had been told, my family could have spent more than a day with my sister at the end of her life-a day when she was so (appropriately) out of it with morphine that she couldn’t communicate with us. Her friends could have come to visit. Our goodbyes wouldn’t have been the rushed emergency that they became at the end. That big fancy hospital TOTALLY failed us-not because my sister died of cancer-everybody dies of something, and cancer can be a formidable opponent. That big fancy hospital failed us because they neglected to tell us what was going on.
Hi Julie. I went on Amazon to look for your book and it said it's unavailable. ??. I was really looking forward to reading it. Any ideas?
I think it would be nice if we didn't wait until the end to apply some of these suggestions......
Thanks ☮ B w/ U
Thank you for your advice very helpful God bless you
These days silence is a skill 😊
What about end of life visions from noradrenaline ?
Have a mom in denial with metastatic colon to bone as per CT scan. Please advise next COA. THANKS. it’s my Dad and a generation of not living in reality.
Serious question: Is there any benefit to anyone involved in visiting a mother in Stage 7 dementia who doesn't know who I am and is afraid of visitors? My mother has been bedbound for a year and a half, is double incontinent, has to be spoonfed and sleeps 23 hours a day. The last few months, every time I visit her she acts scared and angry. She hasn't known who I am for at least two years. These visits are extremely unpleasant to her and to me. What's the use in continuing to visit her???
I have often heard that
Humanity are the only life to go to heaven WHY ? intelligence a different state of being
Still does not sell it if we go then all life goes
Are we the only ones that have soul again WHY
Hospice nurse jewellery is great butts with terminal visioning she does not talk about DMT release on the brain which actually allows us to access areas of thought we do not normally have and maybe hallucinations and voices
Very much I enjoy her videos
What is the name of your book? 📕
I thought you said, the donuts 🙃
Thank you for this channel and thank you especially for videos like this one. - a member of the Christian clergy
Our ypu the nurse that learned to travel to the otherside with your patients?
My husband at the end said nothing .
What if they never loved you and pretty much destroyed your entire life? They don't even think they did anything wrong. They want to be served at the end, but don't feel a sliver of regret for their reactions. Ah, I guess I'll say I can't handle it, and ask my sibling to show up, the Golden Child they loved and gave real estate to.
Perhaps you could consider a video about your experiences with end of life patients who profess a personal relationship with God as opposed to those who may not have a personal religious view of God. Do personal religious convictions play out in what you have experienced with hospice patients?
You can fake caring, but you can’t fake showing up.
I actually want to be alone with the Lord Jesus when I pass.
In "A Matter of Life and Death" (1946) starring David Niven, the moment you open your eyes you do not see God. Instead you get into line until you come to a celestial counter and the angelic bureaucrats process you in.
How I feel about my sister I am so mad at her for leaving me too
Julie, God is real and heaven is real. Jesus died on the cross and paid the penalty of sin that we are all born with. Sin isn’t always an action, it is a condition. If you acknowledge that Jesus is the son of God, ask forgiveness for your sin, when you die, you WILL see God.