My ex wife died in April from brain cancer. Rather than trying to reach people individually my daughter went to her mother’s facebook page and made the announcement that she had cancer. My daughter had the foresight to ask people not to send Get Well cards but instead send cards that were uplifting and include a note talking about some memory they had with her. My ex wife had been a speech pathologist and had worked in 3 different school systems and multiple schools during her 40+ year career. The cards started coming in and there were at least 200+ cards. My daughter, son and daughter in law all made sure they read each and every card to her. That brought her a great deal of joy. Something else our kids did was to sit with her and play her favorite music. They would even sing along with her. I had my time with her as well to relive some memories and to square some things up between us. Her passing was quiet and happened at 6 am. Our son was with her and holding her hand as she passed.
@@Dave-hc6pp , what a beautiful story of your ex wife’s journey. Your children made certain that her days were filled with love and made beautiful memories each and every day. Ex husband….. you did right by your children and by your ex wife. Not many men would have done that. Sounds to me like she must have been a remarkable woman in her lifetime here on earth. Thank you for sharing your story.
What a beautiful idea! I'm sure she loved hearing the stories and memories! To hear the differences she made in so many lives must have been so rewarding for her! I'm sorry for your loss. Like Julie and many other hospice nurses have said, she'll come to get you when it's your time, and what a glorious reunion it will be. I'm the meantime, take care of yourself and enjoy your loved ones and friends. Sending peace to you ❤
My father died 30 years ago at the age of 59. When Mom and I were having a quiet conversation by his bedside in the days before his passing, he lifted his finger to his mouth.... slowly. And he said, "Shh....we have guests." Mom and I looked at each other in a bit of confusion, since we were the only two people in the house besides my dad. So, I asked him, "Daddy, who's here?" And he pointed to the corner of the room, across from where he was laying, sitting propped up. He quietly said, "There are three of them. And they're wearing beautiful clothes." So Mom and I just looked at the empty corner and back at each other. I turned back to Daddy and said, "We will be quiet. Thank you for telling us they are here " And so....even though neither my mom nor I could actually see anyone, we believed the room was full. And we felt honored and a bit awed that Dad could see them so clearly. It was obvious to us he was in a place in between his life on earth and the spiritual one that awaited him just a few hours later. I was with him when he passed. It was peaceful. Death came for him like it does for us all, but Daddy wasn't alone. I feel great comfort in that memory.
@@laurajane213 That is a beautiful story, Laura Jane. I’m convinced I’ll see my son, Scott, who died at the age of 36. That was 21 years ago, and not a day has gone by that I don’t think of him. I’m sure he’s with my Mom and Dad, so that’s 3 people that I hope to see waiting for me at the end. 💜🩷💙
I 100% believe what your father saw. I've heard similar stories from some friends. One of them lost her mother, and her mom told her that there were some gentlemen in the room who had come to tell her it was time to go with them, that they were coming for her soon. She passed away two days later. Another friend’s father saw his mother-in-law, who had already passed away and adored him like a son. He said she had come to visit him, and about a month later, he passed away. In my case, I visited my grandfather a week before he passed, and he told me that he knew he was going to die very soon. At that time, I didn't know how to react, and I just told him no, that he was going to get better. I was in denial. A week later, he passed away. Now I understand that he was warning me because, in some way, he already knew.💖
Sorry to pour a bit of cold water on this but I think we all need to also be aware of deceptions and lies as what happened right from the beginning of mankind. Satan told the first lie recorded in the Bible at Genesis 3 v 4 when he contridicted GOD and told the woman " you positively will not die ". This was the original lie that killed them and the rest of us who have been born ever since. If satan could deceive them back then who knows how much deception he has created about death since. Of course thats only a biblical truth, we have free choice to believe whatever we like and if it makes loved one,s feel happy then so be it, there are many theories about death and the life after out there, Im just showing a biblical view on the matter.
Hi. I’m a nurse at a nursing home..just worked a 16 hour shift (7a-11p) and lost a 91 year old patient around 6pm..and it was hard..when they are sick, when they are on hospice, etc, you’re prepared. But we weren’t prepared for this. She just became unresponsive and that was it. And it was so hard and it really sucked. And now, even though I have to be back to work in less than 5 hours to work another 16 hour shift, I’m sitting here on RUclips bc I am NOT OKAY. I’m sad. This shit really HURTS..I decided to go onto RUclips when I got home and found your channel and you are an absolute godsend. Thank you for doing what you do.❤️❤️
I'm a daughter who had to put my 89 yr old mother in a nursing home( i could no longer care for her once she started falling. I cannot pick her up. heartbreaking for us both) THANK YOU for what you do. This facility helped not only my mom by giving her a better level of care than I could, it also took a tremendous weight off my back I didn;t realize I had been carrying. All because of skilled, caring nurses. Thank you for being one of those. You may never know how many you have helped who are not your patients.
Thank you for your service. My Mom just went into nursing care and the people at the facility all know her, small town, the love she receives has eased my anxiety. Bless the health care workers.
You work too much, and that must change, but you already know that. Your 91 year old patient, whom you clearly loved? She was well aware of your love, and you did well for her. Be at peace!
@@e-spy she was grateful for you even tho she never got a chance to say this. My mom (95yo) says I don’t know what I’d do if I had no one. So know it matters so much🙏
While my husband was dying, he would see angels, and ask me if I saw them, and I said no, but that doesn't mean they dont exist. He would see loved ones who had passed on. And then while he was taking his last breaths, he said I love you, and I said it back and then he was gone.
I just wanted you to know our resident 95 year old on hospice has found your channel and it has brought him so much comfort. The ripples of your acts of kindness are endless❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
When I was placed in hospice’s care in September 2023, ( I accepted hospice early) I had people ask me how many liters of oxygen I was on. I stated 2 liters and there response was “ oh, you’re not that sick”. I also was told by others, “ well, I know people that have been on hospice for 2 years” Personally, I took that as they didn’t take my illness seriously. I’ve also had people drop out of my life. There are many things that I’d like people to know and understand. I have so much to say yet, I have not said anything. I have end stage COPD and I continue to decline. I barely eat because it’s just too hard to eat. People don’t realize how hard it is to eat and breathe at the same time. I also just want to sleep but I fight it everyday. I love your channel, I started reading your book. Your channel and topics validate everything I am going through yet, the people in my life never appear open to hear what’s happening to me. My hospice team is wonderful to a point. It feels like even they don’t want to talk to me about dying. So I just want to say Thank you!! Thank you for your honesty. I know that I’m dying. I don’t know the how’s, when’s and what to expect. I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of suffocating. I’ve had a tough time with medication. Morphine worked beautifully for shortness of breath until the first increase then it became apparent that I am allergic to it. 💔 Nothing has come close to morphine for SOB. So I do still fear suffocating. My nurse keeps promising me that I will not suffocate. Time will tell. Any way, your honesty has really helped me in my journey. ❤
Morphine is one of those medications that does several things at once. I don’t know how bad your reaction was to it but most narcotics can cause a histamine response in your body. If the histamine release is not life threatening you could get an anti histamine from your care team. Other narcotics are good with pain but morphine decreases pain, and can make you rest but it also decreases your need for oxygen and your thirst for oxygen and it decreases the load on your heart. Starving for oxygen is an awful feeling I hope you find another treatment that helps.
Hi Cindy. I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis yet happy to see you making the most of your time. Our hospice has pastoral counselors and grief counselors who call on clients weekly. Does your hospice group offer such services? Wish you the best on your journey. Blessings.
@@dagwood1327 , my reaction to morphine was pretty bad. It was a reaction that included swelling of the throat, tongue and lips. After several different opiates I became so depressed and frustrated. Since they have different manufacturers one being blue liquid and one pink we decided to try the one I hadn’t started with, same reaction. We also tried the pill form. Same reaction. The next drug I believe we tried was oxycodone , that did nothing for my SOB. On to Dilaudid, the liquid Dilaudid took a long time to kick in and the SOB relief was very short lived. So liquid lorazepam was added. Still nothing quite like morphine. I became despondent and so frustrated. Years of long term prednisone has caused me to develop avascular necrosis of my right femur and tibia so I can only use prednisone on very short term basis. Presently I take Dilaudid in pill form 3 times a day along with lorazepam, some form a cough medication 2x per day and 3 different nebulized medications twice a day. I still have SOB. I also take Daliresp for decreasing lung inflammation. This leaves me believing that I am going to die suffocating. 🤞🤞🙏
@@jojowallace5098 Thank you for your kind words. My team is amazing, I see my nurse twice a week, a health aide 5 times a week and a social worker weekly. They are all wonderful and caring .
My Grandma passed this Saturday June 22nd 2024 958am. Days prior to her passing I told her its okay and beautiful where she is going. She knew in my past I told her that I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to her and she worried about me. Even though it was hard I held my tears and told her I'll be alright she did an amazing job here on Earth. I listened to her speak while holding her hand to the other side and just embraced the experience she gave me. She seen her Mom and I strongly believe this. She said I had 2 kids a boy and a girl. Mind you I currently have 1 a boy. Only time will tell. RIP Grandma Carol 👼 I love you
I’m so sorry, I get it, my mom died 3-19-2024, it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever lived through. My dad is in hospice who is deaf with dementia, I live about 3,000 miles round trip. My husband has helped me so much. We just got back from visiting my dad & putting flowers on my mom’s grave. Hang tight…it will be okay.
Hi, Julie! I love this channel and have recommended it to many others. In December, I’ll reach the grand old age of 80, and I really want to be prepared. I hope I will fall asleep one night and wake up in heaven, but in case I am suffering at the end, I want to know as much as I can about hospice before I need it. I ordered your book just now and will receive it tomorrow. Thank you for your kindness and support in teaching us about death. I have always been an avid mystery reader, and this is the biggest mystery of all! 🌺
I love the last line of your post! It really opened up another line of thought for me... That crossing the veil should not just be only scary to contemplate, but a mystery that can also be looked at as an adventure - a voyage of discovery. Thanks!
I am fast approaching my 88th birthday and have been on palliative care at the local hospice and always try to watch this channel. I don't know how long that will be for but I can confirm that hospice is staffed with the most loving and thoughtful group of people I have ever met, who are making my life worth living for however long it will be.Thank you all the nurse Julie's.
Yes, I gave my son Julie's book since I'm old and my daugther-in-law's parents are around my age. Since I live alone and my son and family are some 45 minutes away, we've set up a daily text so they know I'm okay. They are very busy with 3 kids, a goat farm, and my son's carpentry business.
I purchased your book yesterday. I supported my best friend with the help of hospice during her last few months. She survived 6 years with a glioma. The hospice folks were there for us and were very supportive and comforting.
Glioma s almost always a certain and somewhat close death sentence. Did she do treatment for it? I have worked in healthcare since the 70’s and have had several patients with Gliomas. I have always said if I was given that diagnosis I would go to Hawaii and die on the beach. For her to have 6 years is a miracle. God bless you for helping her through that season of her life. 🙋♀️🙏⚔️🛡️
I so wish I had listened to this conversation last year October when my baby sister passed on after 4 months of brain cancer. My only consolation is that I showed up and was there for her - my head and heart will hurt forever 💔 but I am grateful I could show up
As a nurse I found this helpful. It's so hard helping and listening to patients as they grieve their own life ending. Especially knowing there's nothing I can do to help or make them feel better.
I was able to get my grandmother to blink, once for yes & twice for no; her mind was with me till the end. I played her favorite hymns, brushed her hair & put lotion on her, as I always did. She died in my arms @96. Wish I could hold her again.
I love that you honor the silence and then can be honest when you speak. I had a patient with AIDS while a student nurse and I felt I should have the "death and dying" speech with him. He absolutely refused to have it. He said he was going to take me to Jamaica when he got well. So we talked about Jamaica. It's always all about "reading" and honoring the patient. Thank you for all the good work you do! You help so many people! What a blessing that is for all of us!
In Islam.. we are taught that when we visit someone dying, we should start by telling them they look good today and listen to them more than talk , respect their pain, we say only positive comments, pray for them and stay for a short time to allow them to rest.. We are also taught to take care of their family and loved ones ❤️
My Mother was in Hospice Care for 2 1/2 years. She passed yesterday. Your channel helped me to understand a lot about the dying process for ESRD. Everything that you said, happened. I always wondered how I would be when that time came. Although the reality of her passing hit hard, I was not afraid as she went through each step of the dying process. Thank you for sharing and helping those like me, to understand the dying process.❤
Tomorrow is one year since my mother died. She was gone in 36 hours, all in hospital. It was awful. She was clawing at the side of her bed, rolling quickly a couple of times. Emptying her bowels without noticing. She kept trying to pull her oxygen mask off. I kept trying to put it back on her. I didn’t know any better. Her hands were freezing. I wish I knew then what I know now. I was sure it would just be a few days of being unwell but couldn’t leave her side except to make calls to family. So much awful stuff in the last couple of hours. I was getting both my sisters from overseas on the one call beside her pillow for her last breaths. I wish I had known what was coming and would never have spent our last hours together like that. Her priest must have broken every traffic rule to get there in time for Last Rites. I regret so much. She is such a loving, giving, and thoughtful person who never had an unkind about anyone. She spent so much time doing things quietly for other people and always ready to laugh. The only saving grace is that I said, “You can go to Nanna now.” Her whole body jerked. I hope that was when she truly left.
Hi Julie, I was in the middle of your book when my mother passed away. you’ve been most comforting and it helped me tremendously. I owe you a debt of gratitude. Also, I had my mother on hospice too, and they were immensely helpful. She died last Tuesday.
Hello, What you say is so true! I am thinking about when my Dad was dying from cancer nearly 20 years ago now. Mom was out walking the dog we had and it was the home care nurse, Dad, and me. He asked me if he could stop the chemo he was on as we knew it would only possibly extend his life by a few months and it was doing a number on him that other treatments had not done. I told him honestly, I hate knowing that I am going to lose you but I hate even more seeing you like this. So he chose to stop the chemo and passed away a month or so later, 3 days after my birthday. Though to do but he had become a shadow of the Dad I knew at that point. Sandra
Fortunately, or unfortunately, this is something I don't have to worry about anymore. For me, the two greatest things I had said to my mom just before she died was that I loved her, and that it's ok for her to go. (In a way I felf as though I had lied to her because I didn't want to lose her, but I knew it was more about her and her comfort than about my need to keep her here with me.) I'm glad I had said that. Thanks nurse Julie.
I did exactly the same with my mum 2 weeks ago. I didn't want to say these words. I wanted her to be here. But, it was not about me and the pain and suffering she was in. She needed to hear that from me. She would've known I was saying it for the right reason and that deep down I was not ready. However, she would've known I know that it was the right time. She passed two days later. I'm broken. I miss her.
I got your book about 2 weeks ago and although I’m only into the 2nd chapter, I’ve been telling others about it who have already lost loved ones. I believe it will/does bring comfort to those of us still here. I told them there is a chapter, #10, to deal with grief & sadness. My parents are in their mid to late nineties & not doing well. I will miss them but I’m dealing better with what’s been termed ‘anticipatory grief’. Blessings, Marianne 😇❤️ 6:00
When my father was dying of a stroke, I told him I loved him, he shocked me when he asked me why ? I was speechless. He passed away four hours later. I always asked him if he wanted anything and in the end he always said no. Making him comfortable was the key thing, just being there meant so much.
I can really relate to what you said about anger. My mother died when I was 12 and i really had nobody to help me sort out my feelings. When i was in my 30's I had a dream that she really didn't die but ran away. I was yelling at her in my dream and woke up so angry. I felt better/stronger after that but wondered why. Your explanation helped me understand. Thank you so much!!! I am now 75 and preparing for my own time to go.
Hi again, love your channel ! I remember sitting alone with my Mom in her bedroom - I would say about 2 weeks before she passed - I was flipping through one of her catalogs and she ( is sitting up in her bed ) I was going to order a pair of gold shoes in there but I won’t be here 😢 I kept my head down looking at catalog but I couldn’t say anything and prayed for her to say something - anything - it still haunts me I didn’t say something and I know wonder if she “ needed “ to talk about it - but I knew if I said anything I couldn’t hold it together and didn’t want her to se me falling apart - one of her nurses in the hospital when we went to see her said “ your mother cares more about all of you kids more than herself ) she had 12 children 1 whom was a still born back in early 60’s so they went in thinking they would be bringing home a new baby - but that was Our Mother “ she was the sweetest and kindest person I have ever known 😞 thank you for letting me share
Hi Julie, I follow you from France, Thank you for your videos and to make this difficult topic of death reachable and more understandable. I'm about to lose my father who has a pancreatic cancer, I think it's now a question of days, weeks... That's so hard, And I feel less alone around you and your community followers. Love and light on you all ❤✨️🙏🏻
@juliepeltier-lalot6419 Hi Julie, My mother is also dying from pancreatic cancer in hospice. I am so afraid and don't know what to say to her apart from I love you. 💔 I don't think I know what this really means, I can't imagine a world without her. Her unconditional love and care is so unique and can't be found anywhere else. Can't believe its almost over so soon. I had many years to try to reconnect in our relationship but we were both traumatised and hurt. So different in our personality. But her terminal illness has laid those sins to rest and forgiveness is there instead. I pray I will see her in heaven one day and be granted enough time by God's grace to share the whole truth about his salvation plan. Feeling lonely and not sure where to go or live in future. May God make it clear. X
Hi Julie, I’m close to the end and have been watching all your videos and I even bought your book. I have one question that I haven’t found in any of your videos and I don’t know myself, can you make a video on the cost of hospice care and how it really works financially? Thank you for all you do for us.
Hospice in the US is paid for strictly by Medicaid. We received no bills for the hospice care for my dad. Your insurance will no longer pay for treatment for the condition qualifying you for hospice, but you can still receive treatment for things that are NOT part of that condition.
We are all dying every day. I honestly can’t understand how this is different from the knowledge and understanding that we are dying. This is an everyday thought and reality for me. Let me know. If someone is actively dying, definitely do what you can to help them grieve themselves and definitely educate their pursuit to whatever realm they idealize.
It's always appropriate to say, "I don't know." The key is the tone and sincerity with which you say it. Try not to be too clinical unless it is the first time a patient is receiving information. Listen!, Listen!, Listen! Affirm their feelings. Don't try to blow smoke! Be honest. Most know they are dying, they just need hand holding going through it. Yes indeed share, but this is not about you, don't dominate the discussion. Listen, Listen, Listen!
I am so upset I missed your book signing yesterday in Erie!!! Your book is awesome and I continue to love all the information you spread and help many people with.
My husband was in a medically induced coma, we were told that he would never make it through, so I had to make that horrible decision to let him go. But to keep him from feeling pain they gave him meds to let him go but never regain consciousness. So we just told him we loved him over n over it was OK to let go. He was gone within 10 mins of the receiving life ending meds. I have always wondered if we were right but I do believe that he heard us.
@@rebeccac.1758 I really feel you as my father has cancer and was committed to hospital where I saw lots of children with cancer. But believe me you can just ask God for help and I am sure He will show up. He did help me through this!!
Thank you so much for mentioning not to tell people about miracle cures. I have multiple sclerosis and I absolutely hate it when people tell me that bee sting therapy works or if I just changed my diet it would cure me.
My wife volunteers at the local hospice. Your videos are very revealing and instructive. Please don't remove the spaces between your thoughts. The result is an unfortunate barrage' of information and doesn't sound natural, the way speech has 'breaths'. I will send for your book. Your revelations are inspiring and honest.
I have been present for few loved ones over the years, my grandpa, my mom, uncle, mother in law and my stepmom just passed away this past Saturday after receiving hospice care in her home going to miss her so very much she was an amazing woman, wife yes she was my stepmom but I just called her mom so did my husband and she was grandma to my children and she was an awesome grandma 💞🦋😊❤💔
Julie, when Christians expresse a need for comfort it is helpful to share God's word. Here are my favorite scriptures, and they speak to the Christian heart. Psalm 23, Romans 8:38 and John 3:16. ❤ You dont really need any more than Gods word; it fills the soul with peace and gives rest from care. Bless you for being present with those who need it the most. ❤
Shortly after my wife passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, I found a piece of paper in her bible with Psalm 17 vs 15 written on it, "Because I am righteous I will see you, when I awake I will see you face to face and be satisfied" This blew me away at the time. God’s word is relevant and timely.
It seems more prudent IMHO to have family, friends, and/or clergy provide such readings. Also, her answer was entirely appropriate because how does she know her patient will see God or go to heaven? It might be a different outcome according to her religion. Also, do non-Christian patients get ignored if they express a desire to hear/talk about what their beliefs and their religion (or no religion at all) has to say about the dying process?
Julie thank you for all of your RUclips videos. They give everyone watching them a better understanding of the death process. I will be ordering your book very soon. Thank you again.
Thank you for sharing your experience and what you've learned. I appreciate your advice on not just saying everything "will be okay" or "happens for a reason" and ESPECIALLY not pressing your own religious or lack of religious beliefs on someone else.
@tange7521 Please believe this lady. I had a NDE . You will not be alone very long. You will immediately ascend to a different realm. It's so peaceful there.
There is nothing wrong with saying you dont know, if you dont..but since I feel I know what is on the otherside I wouldn't hesitate to tell a dying person I know they are going to feel more alive after their passing..only our body dies and it only restricts our soul..I studied near death experiences for over 20 years. We go home!.
When you said…if your loved one wasn’t this way in life they probably won’t be at end of life. I’m gonna try the sharing with my non talkative loved one to see if I can get her to talk more and open up.
I’ve been no contact with my narcissistic mother for 10 years and I don’t expect her to be here much longer. I have a mixed bag of emotions, but part of me will feel relief.
Durelle, that's OK. I have very limited contact with my 3 brothers and no contact with my half brother. We are recognizing that we can't turn back the water that has gone under the bridge.
I'm a chaplain and I love that you added to ask the social worker or the chaplain! We all work together and we want to help our patients. I love your channel. Your information is wonderful!!! Thank you so much for what you do!
Oh Julie this one has hit home for sure. I missed seeing my Father in his last few hours, So there it is I felt so guilty that I was not there for him. I did tell you before I don't think I could have coped anyway so was that destiny ? You are so right I carried the guilt for a very long time but eventually because I visited my Father where his ashes were scattered the last time I did visit about a year ago I heard him say it is ok you must not feel guilty. Yes I know that was in my imagine but after that visit I felt free of guilt. I try to visit every year where possible as there are many miles between myself to where my Father is resting. I am visiting him again this coming February and I will mention you Julie and the help you have given to me and so many others. I thank you again so so much.
I'm glad you made this video, I can recall when I was homeless and faced with many things in life until $75,000 biweekly began rolling in and my Life went from A homeless nobody to a different person with good things to offer!!!!!!
Wow 😱I know her too Miss Andrea Sheryl Fox is a remarkable individual who has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life. Her unwavering wisdom have been invaluable assets, enriching my journey in countless ways.
This is so helpful. We can all say things, with the BEST of intentions, and it comes out wrong, a few words needed to be added, or taken out - Be kind, be helpful, that can be cooking , cleaning, holding hands, giving the family a break
I’m going to get your book. When my dad died I was so angry and had to work through it with my psychologist. It takes time. Thank you for sharing because all of us need this. Love 💕 and Hugs. 💙💙💙
My sis had end-stage liver disease and was hospitalized and brought to ICU/intubated for blood loss from esophageal varices. No hope of recovery, but they repaired the varices once she was stable, and she woke up after 11 days. They temporarily removed the tube, then had to reinstall it 2 days later as she declined. She remained that way for 3 more days. Intubation can only be used a total of 14 days before a tracheostomy is necessary, and a decision was made to allow her to pass due to her extremely poor overall conditon. Her uncaring H was absent during her passing, only stopping in a few times to see how much longer. My other sis and I stayed w/her - she was heavily sedated with morphine. We ea took a hand in ours and spoke softly about mostly mundane things, occasionally telling her we loved her. It took several agonizing hours and we watched her breathing slow and saw/heard the heartbeat monitor slow till the end. I don't know if my sis knew we were there, but i hope she did and that it brought her some comfort. Otherwise she might have been left to die alone.
You reading that part in your book... very poignant and relatable. I am sure the "5 stages of Grief" by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression and 5. Acceptance; which I learned many years ago is exactly reality. We go through these stages, all or some and not in particular order. Finding the best ways to deal with these stages is of utmost importance as we need to still care for ourselves throughout the process.
Thank you Julie, I lived this too. Ultimately her death shaped the contours of the deep spiritual growth I have experienced since I lived that same horrific day. I believe that your loss has perhaps shaped your life too.? You are giving so much back to the world!!!I am so grateful to you for sharing 🙏💜
i love this channel,so honest-mother is in a carehome now,shes 87 with the onset of dementia,its heart breaking to see to be honest but i am starting to steel myself for the eventual shitty time when she passes.i really looking forward to it,thats for sure.i carry so much guilt cus of decisions i have to make(which kinda go against hers but we could never have that convo as it would defo finish her) but i know you have helped me see things clearly when its time.and that gives me comfort.THEN i will have to go thro it all again when my wifes parents pass,nothing in life is easy but,thats just life i guess.
Hi Julie l lost my sister-in-law last Thursday. I spent all day Wed with her, but she was right out of it. I just kept telling her how much l loved her and the family loved her. It is extremely sad and I'm trying to work through it. At least l was there. She is now in heaven with her 2 children 💔
Julie, you are so human. I just love your level-headedness and your insights how about death and dying and the afterlife. I wish I could have you around as my hospice nurse and however many years. I'm 67 years old in Ohio. Hope you could drop by someday, (ha-ha). God bless you and you go and bless others. Thank you for yourself and your channel.
Dear Julie, thank you so much for another wonderful video, for all your tips, and for these inspirational stories you relate! You really show and make us feel that death is truly smth. not to be feared. May you be blessed in every way, and let me wish you a wonderful and bright week ahead.
The biggest regret I had when my Dad was dying was I said “ we had some great times Dad “ I didn’t realise he could hear me I was so shocked in a very quiet voice he said “ we can have some more “ it haunts me to my grave 😢 it was the last thing he said
Thanks for your helpful comment🙏🏻 My father is dying from a pancreatic cancer, it's a question of days... I had in mind that maybe at the very end, I could have some profound words with him but I think he 's able to cope the idea of his end of life with a certain denial.... Your comment helps me a lot to accept and respect that even if it burns my lips to tell him what lies in my heart...
Your channel is so needed. Thank you! Would you consider covering what not to say once a loved one has transitioned to the other side? Thank you so much for sharing your time here!❤
Thank you Julie. It's good to hear about death and dying from your perspective. I honestly think we're eternal beings and are all experiencing aspects of life before, after, and thereon. So why not have a bigger picture on lifes nuances. Im 70 but would not presume how many years I have in this incarnation. And whatever it will be..... it will be. I appreciate your overview. Thanking you, love Gary from Seaton in Devon UK X
What my son and I did when my mum was dying was to express gratitude for all that she did for us and we told her to continue on her journey and not to be afraid, we told her not to be afraid or scared and that we were there with her in this part of her journey. It soothed her and we apologized to her for the wrongs that we did to her. We both felt at peace with her because we showed her our feelings and I think she appreciated that
You are a very wisdom filled soul. If only people could also carry out your don’t list during loved ones lives, and not just at the end, the world would be a more beautiful place 🙏
I had a fabulous nurse in hospice whi said: " talk to her ( my mother), she can hear you. Hearing us the last to go". I said to my mother ( in her mother tongue) :" its ok, you can go. I'll be alright ".
Got your book, am reading your book, and love it. We communicated on your website recently ... anyway, I'm going to gift this to each of my clinical research study nurses... they've taken such good care of me, and maybe your book will help them with the difficult questions that cancer pts. may have. Thank you for doing what you do Julie. I think it will help many, many people. Dottie
Hey Julie, this is the Bluesman from Nashville and just had to drop by and say you remind me of my granddaughter and she is very special and looks at things a lot like you do, I thank God has gives you a voice that makes the listener feel better and also your book is awesome, how can I get an autographed copy? Thank you and God Bless
I always believed the same regarding the "afterlife." Now I know we are not going to have our eyes and/or our brains, so certainly we are not going to see or think things. Aside from that, we'll all find out.
This is all great advice! No one knows what to say or what to do so this is very helpful. I’ve been that person to over show my own emotions. Im working on that 😅. Hearing you say not to do that helps! Thank you for sharing your stories about such a sensitive topic. We need to open up more dialogue about death.
Julie, I was wondering if you followed Dr.Dan Says on You Tube. He is terminal and has fight cancer four years. He is now at the end and did his finally stage of life. He is a wonderful man, as you are a wonderful person also, I enjoy your videos.
When my sister was dying from pancreatic cancer and in hospice the last 11 days of her life, I stayed with her during the night at the hospice facility and her husband spent the days with her. One night, she was very angry and insisted on getting up to use the bathroom taking the hanging drip with her. It took me by surprise and I didn't think to call the nurse. She made it there and back. Anger gives one plenty of energy. Frankly, she didn't look like she was dying, and you've explained this sort of rebound. The next day, she apologized to me for her action. I told her she didn't have to apologize for anything. She said she knew she was dying. I said, "Well, if you survive, that's a win. If you don't, it's a win because you won't hurt any more and you'll be on the other side. " I don't know if that makes any sense, but she seemed to accept that. I always told her I loved her when I left and she'd return the sentiment. I think it was just being there that made the difference. I lived about 300 miles away at the time, but came up when my borther-in-law called. He made the hospital wait to discharge her until I got there. I rode in the front of the ambulance from the hospital to the hospice facility so she could hear me. I'm not sure she fully understood or didn't want to understand what it meant to be going to hospice. Our mother was not much of a mother, and although we didnt' grow up together in the same house, she needed someone who would listen to her without judgment. I was 7 years older than her and 8 years older than our younger sister. I think our younger sister had trouble dealing with this, but finally stayed the last night so I could sleep in a bed. We found out the next day that she had passed when my youngest sister went out to the publilc bathroom. When she came back, our sister was gone.
My ex wife died in April from brain cancer. Rather than trying to reach people individually my daughter went to her mother’s facebook page and made the announcement that she had cancer. My daughter had the foresight to ask people not to send Get Well cards but instead send cards that were uplifting and include a note talking about some memory they had with her. My ex wife had been a speech pathologist and had worked in 3 different school systems and multiple schools during her 40+ year career. The cards started coming in and there were at least 200+ cards. My daughter, son and daughter in law all made sure they read each and every card to her. That brought her a great deal of joy. Something else our kids did was to sit with her and play her favorite music. They would even sing along with her. I had my time with her as well to relive some memories and to square some things up between us. Her passing was quiet and happened at 6 am. Our son was with her and holding her hand as she passed.
What a brilliant idea
Of a sad thing, love and joy were chosen. Well done all. 🙏🕊️
@@Dave-hc6pp , what a beautiful story of your ex wife’s journey. Your children made certain that her days were filled with love and made beautiful memories each and every day. Ex husband….. you did right by your children and by your ex wife. Not many men would have done that. Sounds to me like she must have been a remarkable woman in her lifetime here on earth. Thank you for sharing your story.
What a beautiful idea! I'm sure she loved hearing the stories and memories! To hear the differences she made in so many lives must have been so rewarding for her!
I'm sorry for your loss. Like Julie and many other hospice nurses have said, she'll come to get you when it's your time, and what a glorious reunion it will be. I'm the meantime, take care of yourself and enjoy your loved ones and friends. Sending peace to you ❤
Absolutely beautiful. You obviously raised thoughtful, intelligent kids and I’m glad you had the time to share memories and square things up.
My father died 30 years ago at the age of 59. When Mom and I were having a quiet conversation by his bedside in the days before his passing, he lifted his finger to his mouth.... slowly. And he said, "Shh....we have guests."
Mom and I looked at each other in a bit of confusion, since we were the only two people in the house besides my dad. So, I asked him, "Daddy, who's here?"
And he pointed to the corner of the room, across from where he was laying, sitting propped up. He quietly said, "There are three of them. And they're wearing beautiful clothes."
So Mom and I just looked at the empty corner and back at each other. I turned back to Daddy and said, "We will be quiet. Thank you for telling us they are here "
And so....even though neither my mom nor I could actually see anyone, we believed the room was full. And we felt honored and a bit awed that Dad could see them so clearly. It was obvious to us he was in a place in between his life on earth and the spiritual one that awaited him just a few hours later.
I was with him when he passed. It was peaceful. Death came for him like it does for us all, but Daddy wasn't alone.
I feel great comfort in that memory.
@@laurajane213 That is a beautiful story, Laura Jane. I’m convinced I’ll see my son, Scott, who died at the age of 36. That was 21 years ago, and not a day has gone by that I don’t think of him. I’m sure he’s with my Mom and Dad, so that’s 3 people that I hope to see waiting for me at the end. 💜🩷💙
I 100% believe what your father saw. I've heard similar stories from some friends. One of them lost her mother, and her mom told her that there were some gentlemen in the room who had come to tell her it was time to go with them, that they were coming for her soon. She passed away two days later. Another friend’s father saw his mother-in-law, who had already passed away and adored him like a son. He said she had come to visit him, and about a month later, he passed away. In my case, I visited my grandfather a week before he passed, and he told me that he knew he was going to die very soon. At that time, I didn't know how to react, and I just told him no, that he was going to get better. I was in denial. A week later, he passed away. Now I understand that he was warning me because, in some way, he already knew.💖
Sorry to pour a bit of cold water on this but I think we all need to also be aware of deceptions and lies as what happened right from the beginning of mankind. Satan told the first lie recorded in the Bible at Genesis 3 v 4 when he contridicted GOD and told the woman " you positively will not die ". This was the original lie that killed them and the rest of us who have been born ever since.
If satan could deceive them back then who knows how much deception he has created about death since. Of course thats only a biblical truth, we have free choice to believe whatever we like and if it makes loved one,s feel happy then so be it, there are many theories about death and the life after out there, Im just showing a biblical view on the matter.
Hi. I’m a nurse at a nursing home..just worked a 16 hour shift (7a-11p) and lost a 91 year old patient around 6pm..and it was hard..when they are sick, when they are on hospice, etc, you’re prepared. But we weren’t prepared for this. She just became unresponsive and that was it. And it was so hard and it really sucked. And now, even though I have to be back to work in less than 5 hours to work another 16 hour shift, I’m sitting here on RUclips bc I am NOT OKAY. I’m sad. This shit really HURTS..I decided to go onto RUclips when I got home and found your channel and you are an absolute godsend. Thank you for doing what you do.❤️❤️
I'm a daughter who had to put my 89 yr old mother in a nursing home( i could no longer care for her once she started falling. I cannot pick her up. heartbreaking for us both) THANK YOU for what you do. This facility helped not only my mom by giving her a better level of care than I could, it also took a tremendous weight off my back I didn;t realize I had been carrying. All because of skilled, caring nurses. Thank you for being one of those. You may never know how many you have helped who are not your patients.
Thank you for your service. My Mom just went into nursing care and the people at the facility all know her, small town, the love she receives has eased my anxiety. Bless the health care workers.
You work too much, and that must change, but you already know that. Your 91 year old patient, whom you clearly loved? She was well aware of your love, and you did well for her. Be at peace!
@@e-spy she was grateful for you even tho she never got a chance to say this. My mom (95yo) says I don’t know what I’d do if I had no one. So know it matters so much🙏
Don’t forget to listen to the Holy Spirit whisper in caring, for yourself. 🕊
While my husband was dying, he would see angels, and ask me if I saw them, and I said no, but that doesn't mean they dont exist. He would see loved ones who had passed on. And then while he was taking his last breaths, he said I love you, and I said it back and then he was gone.
Thanks for saying that a person "is not going to suddenly become emotionally mature". I needed to hear this.
I just wanted you to know our resident 95 year old on hospice has found your channel and it has brought him so much comfort. The ripples of your acts of kindness are endless❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
When I was placed in hospice’s care in September 2023, ( I accepted hospice early) I had people ask me how many liters of oxygen I was on. I stated 2 liters and there response was “ oh, you’re not that sick”.
I also was told by others, “ well, I know people that have been on hospice for 2 years” Personally, I took that as they didn’t take my illness seriously.
I’ve also had people drop out of my life.
There are many things that I’d like people to know and understand. I have so much to say yet, I have not said anything. I have end stage COPD and I continue to decline. I barely eat because it’s just too hard to eat. People don’t realize how hard it is to eat and breathe at the same time. I also just want to sleep but I fight it everyday. I love your channel, I started reading your book. Your channel and topics validate everything I am going through yet, the people in my life never appear open to hear what’s happening to me. My hospice team is wonderful to a point. It feels like even they don’t want to talk to me about dying. So I just want to say Thank you!! Thank you for your honesty. I know that I’m dying. I don’t know the how’s, when’s and what to expect. I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of suffocating. I’ve had a tough time with medication. Morphine worked beautifully for shortness of breath until the first increase then it became apparent that I am allergic to it. 💔 Nothing has come close to morphine for SOB. So I do still fear suffocating. My nurse keeps promising me that I will not suffocate. Time will tell.
Any way, your honesty has really helped me in my journey. ❤
Morphine is one of those medications that does several things at once. I don’t know how bad your reaction was to it but most narcotics can cause a histamine response in your body. If the histamine release is not life threatening you could get an anti histamine from your care team. Other narcotics are good with pain but morphine decreases pain, and can make you rest but it also decreases your need for oxygen and your thirst for oxygen and it decreases the load on your heart. Starving for oxygen is an awful feeling I hope you find another treatment that helps.
Hi Cindy. I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis yet happy to see you making the most of your time. Our hospice has pastoral counselors and grief counselors who call on clients weekly. Does your hospice group offer such services? Wish you the best on your journey. Blessings.
@@dagwood1327 , my reaction to morphine was pretty bad. It was a reaction that included swelling of the throat, tongue and lips. After several different opiates I became so depressed and frustrated. Since they have different manufacturers one being blue liquid and one pink we decided to try the one I hadn’t started with, same reaction. We also tried the pill form. Same reaction. The next drug I believe we tried was oxycodone , that did nothing for my SOB. On to Dilaudid, the liquid Dilaudid took a long time to kick in and the SOB relief was very short lived. So liquid lorazepam was added. Still nothing quite like morphine. I became despondent and so frustrated. Years of long term prednisone has caused me to develop avascular necrosis of my right femur and tibia so I can only use prednisone on very short term basis. Presently I take Dilaudid in pill form 3 times a day along with lorazepam, some form a cough medication 2x per day and 3 different nebulized medications twice a day. I still have SOB. I also take Daliresp for decreasing lung inflammation. This leaves me believing that I am going to die suffocating. 🤞🤞🙏
@@jojowallace5098 Thank you for your kind words. My team is amazing, I see my nurse twice a week, a health aide 5 times a week and a social worker weekly. They are all wonderful and caring .
@@dagwood1327 , I forgot my most important, I’m on oxygen 24/7. In the few weeks I’ve gone from 2 liters to 3.5, and 4 when up and walking.
My Grandma passed this Saturday June 22nd 2024 958am. Days prior to her passing I told her its okay and beautiful where she is going. She knew in my past I told her that I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to her and she worried about me. Even though it was hard I held my tears and told her I'll be alright she did an amazing job here on Earth. I listened to her speak while holding her hand to the other side and just embraced the experience she gave me. She seen her Mom and I strongly believe this. She said I had 2 kids a boy and a girl. Mind you I currently have 1 a boy. Only time will tell. RIP Grandma Carol 👼 I love you
I’m so sorry, I get it, my mom died 3-19-2024, it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever lived through. My dad is in hospice who is deaf with dementia, I live about 3,000 miles round trip. My husband has helped me so much. We just got back from visiting my dad & putting flowers on my mom’s grave. Hang tight…it will be okay.
@@jimrebr yeah I understand we all face it and boy it sure does suck but I appreciate that. Keep your head up to🙏💕💫
Hi, Julie!
I love this channel and have recommended it to many others. In December, I’ll reach the grand old age of 80, and I really want to be prepared. I hope I will fall asleep one night and wake up in heaven, but in case I am suffering at the end, I want to know as much as I can about hospice before I need it.
I ordered your book just now and will receive it tomorrow. Thank you for your kindness and support in teaching us about death. I have always been an avid mystery reader, and this is the biggest mystery of all! 🌺
I love the last line of your post! It really opened up another line of thought for me... That crossing the veil should not just be only scary to contemplate, but a mystery that can also be looked at as an adventure - a voyage of discovery. Thanks!
I am fast approaching my 88th birthday and have been on palliative care at the local hospice and always try to watch this channel. I don't know how long that will be for but I can confirm that hospice is staffed with the most loving and thoughtful group of people I have ever met, who are making my life worth living for however long it will be.Thank you all the nurse Julie's.
Yes, I gave my son Julie's book since I'm old and my daugther-in-law's parents are around my age. Since I live alone and my son and family are some 45 minutes away, we've set up a daily text so they know I'm okay. They are very busy with 3 kids, a goat farm, and my son's carpentry business.
I had a nursing educator who told us “don’t make promises you can’t keep” I’ve always remembered that and used that great advice
That's fantastic! 👍
One day my kids asked me why I rarely promise them anything. I don't make a promise that I am not sure I can keep, and I always keep my promises.
I purchased your book yesterday. I supported my best friend with the help of hospice during her last few months. She survived 6 years with a glioma. The hospice folks were there for us and were very supportive and comforting.
Glioma s almost always a certain and somewhat close death sentence. Did she do treatment for it? I have worked in healthcare since the 70’s and have had several patients with Gliomas. I have always said if I was given that diagnosis I would go to Hawaii and die on the beach. For her to have 6 years is a miracle. God bless you for helping her through that season of her life. 🙋♀️🙏⚔️🛡️
I so wish I had listened to this conversation last year October when my baby sister passed on after 4 months of brain cancer. My only consolation is that I showed up and was there for her - my head and heart will hurt forever 💔 but I am grateful I could show up
As a nurse I found this helpful. It's so hard helping and listening to patients as they grieve their own life ending. Especially knowing there's nothing I can do to help or make them feel better.
Thank you for absorbing this for us, take care of you. 🙏🕊️
I was able to get my grandmother to blink, once for yes & twice for no; her mind was with me till the end. I played her favorite hymns, brushed her hair & put lotion on her, as I always did. She died in my arms @96. Wish I could hold her again.
I love that you honor the silence and then can be honest when you speak. I had a patient with AIDS while a student nurse and I felt I should have the "death and dying" speech with him. He absolutely refused to have it. He said he was going to take me to Jamaica when he got well. So we talked about Jamaica. It's always all about "reading" and honoring the patient. Thank you for all the good work you do! You help so many people! What a blessing that is for all of us!
In Islam.. we are taught that when we visit someone dying, we should start by telling them they look good today and listen to them more than talk , respect their pain, we say only positive comments, pray for them and stay for a short time to allow them to rest..
We are also taught to take care of their family and loved ones ❤️
Sounds perfect a d the fact that you have conversations about it and everyone is on board is fantastic.
My Mother was in Hospice Care for 2 1/2 years. She passed yesterday. Your channel helped me to understand a lot about the dying process for ESRD. Everything that you said, happened. I always wondered how I would be when that time came. Although the reality of her passing hit hard, I was not afraid as she went through each step of the dying process. Thank you for sharing and helping those like me, to understand the dying process.❤
Tomorrow is one year since my mother died. She was gone in 36 hours, all in hospital. It was awful. She was clawing at the side of her bed, rolling quickly a couple of times. Emptying her bowels without noticing. She kept trying to pull her oxygen mask off. I kept trying to put it back on her. I didn’t know any better. Her hands were freezing. I wish I knew then what I know now. I was sure it would just be a few days of being unwell but couldn’t leave her side except to make calls to family. So much awful stuff in the last couple of hours. I was getting both my sisters from overseas on the one call beside her pillow for her last breaths. I wish I had known what was coming and would never have spent our last hours together like that. Her priest must have broken every traffic rule to get there in time for Last Rites.
I regret so much.
She is such a loving, giving, and thoughtful person who never had an unkind about anyone. She spent so much time doing things quietly for other people and always ready to laugh.
The only saving grace is that I said, “You can go to Nanna now.” Her whole body jerked. I hope that was when she truly left.
Hi Julie, I was in the middle of your book when my mother passed away. you’ve been most comforting and it helped me tremendously. I owe you a debt of gratitude. Also, I had my mother on hospice too, and they were immensely helpful. She died last Tuesday.
Hello,
What you say is so true! I am thinking about when my Dad was dying from cancer nearly 20 years ago now. Mom was out walking the dog we had and it was the home care nurse, Dad, and me. He asked me if he could stop the chemo he was on as we knew it would only possibly extend his life by a few months and it was doing a number on him that other treatments had not done.
I told him honestly, I hate knowing that I am going to lose you but I hate even more seeing you like this. So he chose to stop the chemo and passed away a month or so later, 3 days after my birthday. Though to do but he had become a shadow of the Dad I knew at that point.
Sandra
Fortunately, or unfortunately, this is something I don't have to worry about anymore. For me, the two greatest things I had said to my mom just before she died was that I loved her, and that it's ok for her to go. (In a way I felf as though I had lied to her because I didn't want to lose her, but I knew it was more about her and her comfort than about my need to keep her here with me.) I'm glad I had said that. Thanks nurse Julie.
I told my dad it was ok to go and not to worry about my mum. He passed that night.
I did exactly the same with my mum 2 weeks ago. I didn't want to say these words. I wanted her to be here. But, it was not about me and the pain and suffering she was in. She needed to hear that from me. She would've known I was saying it for the right reason and that deep down I was not ready. However, she would've known I know that it was the right time. She passed two days later. I'm broken. I miss her.
I got your book about 2 weeks ago and although I’m only into the 2nd chapter, I’ve been telling others about it who have already lost loved ones. I believe it will/does bring comfort to those of us still here. I told them there is a chapter, #10, to deal with grief & sadness.
My parents are in their mid to late nineties & not doing well. I will miss them but I’m dealing better with what’s been termed ‘anticipatory grief’. Blessings, Marianne 😇❤️ 6:00
When my father was dying of a stroke, I told him I loved him, he shocked me when he asked me why ?
I was speechless. He passed away four hours later. I always asked him if he wanted anything and in the end he always said no. Making him comfortable was the key thing, just being there meant so much.
❤
I can really relate to what you said about anger. My mother died when I was 12 and i really had nobody to help me sort out my feelings. When i was in my 30's I had a dream that she really didn't die but ran away. I was yelling at her in my dream and woke up so angry. I felt better/stronger after that but wondered why. Your explanation helped me understand. Thank you so much!!! I am now 75 and preparing for my own time to go.
Hi again, love your channel ! I remember sitting alone with my Mom in her bedroom - I would say about 2 weeks before she passed - I was flipping through one of her catalogs and she ( is sitting up in her bed ) I was going to order a pair of gold shoes in there but I won’t be here 😢 I kept my head down looking at catalog but I couldn’t say anything and prayed for her to say something - anything - it still haunts me I didn’t say something and I know wonder if she “ needed “ to talk about it - but I knew if I said anything I couldn’t hold it together and didn’t want her to se me falling apart - one of her nurses in the hospital when we went to see her said “ your mother cares more about all of you kids more than herself ) she had 12 children 1 whom was a still born back in early 60’s so they went in thinking they would be bringing home a new baby - but that was Our Mother “ she was the sweetest and kindest person I have ever known 😞 thank you for letting me share
You know what? Your mother needed nothing more than to know you loved her, and you showed her that. Be at peace!
Hi Julie,
I follow you from France,
Thank you for your videos and to make this difficult topic of death reachable and more understandable.
I'm about to lose my father who has a pancreatic cancer, I think it's now a question of days, weeks... That's so hard,
And I feel less alone around you and your community followers.
Love and light on you all ❤✨️🙏🏻
@juliepeltier-lalot6419 Hi Julie, My mother is also dying from pancreatic cancer in hospice. I am so afraid and don't know what to say to her apart from I love you. 💔 I don't think I know what this really means, I can't imagine a world without her. Her unconditional love and care is so unique and can't be found anywhere else. Can't believe its almost over so soon. I had many years to try to reconnect in our relationship but we were both traumatised and hurt. So different in our personality. But her terminal illness has laid those sins to rest and forgiveness is there instead. I pray I will see her in heaven one day and be granted enough time by God's grace to share the whole truth about his salvation plan. Feeling lonely and not sure where to go or live in future. May God make it clear. X
Hi Julie, I’m close to the end and have been watching all your videos and I even bought your book. I have one question that I haven’t found in any of your videos and I don’t know myself, can you make a video on the cost of hospice care and how it really works financially? Thank you for all you do for us.
Hospice in the US is paid for strictly by Medicaid. We received no bills for the hospice care for my dad. Your insurance will no longer pay for treatment for the condition qualifying you for hospice, but you can still receive treatment for things that are NOT part of that condition.
They are paid through your Medicare and Medicaid...my mom went through all of this..
@reallifesurvivalschool6157 I hope you enjoy the rest of your life. ❤🙏🏻
@@melndeward786 thank you very much
@@lorpsandorps3729 thank you so much, God bless!
We are all dying every day. I honestly can’t understand how this is different from the knowledge and understanding that we are dying.
This is an everyday thought and reality for me. Let me know.
If someone is actively dying, definitely do what you can to help them grieve themselves and definitely educate their pursuit to whatever realm they idealize.
It's always appropriate to say, "I don't know." The key is the tone and sincerity with which you say it. Try not to be too clinical unless it is the first time a patient is receiving information. Listen!, Listen!, Listen! Affirm their feelings. Don't try to blow smoke! Be honest. Most know they are dying, they just need hand holding going through it. Yes indeed share, but this is not about you, don't dominate the discussion. Listen, Listen, Listen!
I am so upset I missed your book signing yesterday in Erie!!! Your book is awesome and I continue to love all the information you spread and help many people with.
My husband was in a medically induced coma, we were told that he would never make it through, so I had to make that horrible decision to let him go. But to keep him from feeling pain they gave him meds to let him go but never regain consciousness. So we just told him we loved him over n over it was OK to let go. He was gone within 10 mins of the receiving life ending meds. I have always wondered if we were right but I do believe that he heard us.
Never say "God only gives people what they can handle" As a mother of a child with cancer, DON'T SAY THAT!!!
I always thought it was a weird saying!!
@@rebeccac.1758 I really feel you as my father has cancer and was committed to hospital where I saw lots of children with cancer. But believe me you can just ask God for help and I am sure He will show up. He did help me through this!!
My husband went peacefully after he was taken off the ventilator. No death rattle, just normal breaths and then he smiled.
Thank you so much for mentioning not to tell people about miracle cures. I have multiple sclerosis and I absolutely hate it when people tell me that bee sting therapy works or if I just changed my diet it would cure me.
YES!
Exactly the same here 😊
My wife volunteers at the local hospice. Your videos are very revealing and instructive. Please don't remove the spaces between your thoughts. The result is an unfortunate
barrage' of information and doesn't sound natural, the way speech has 'breaths'. I will send for your book. Your revelations are inspiring and honest.
I have been present for few loved ones over the years, my grandpa, my mom, uncle, mother in law and my stepmom just passed away this past Saturday after receiving hospice care in her home going to miss her so very much she was an amazing woman, wife yes she was my stepmom but I just called her mom so did my husband and she was grandma to my children and she was an awesome grandma 💞🦋😊❤💔
Honestly invites trust; trust allows for openness; openness to connection; connection to healing.
Julie, when Christians expresse a need for comfort it is helpful to share God's word. Here are my favorite scriptures, and they speak to the Christian heart. Psalm 23, Romans 8:38 and John 3:16. ❤ You dont really need any more than Gods word; it fills the soul with peace and gives rest from care. Bless you for being present with those who need it the most. ❤
Shortly after my wife passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, I found a piece of paper in her bible with Psalm 17 vs 15 written on it, "Because I am righteous I will see you, when I awake I will see you face to face and be satisfied" This blew me away at the time. God’s word is relevant and timely.
It seems more prudent IMHO to have family, friends, and/or clergy provide such readings. Also, her answer was entirely appropriate because how does she know her patient will see God or go to heaven? It might be a different outcome according to her religion. Also, do non-Christian patients get ignored if they express a desire to hear/talk about what their beliefs and their religion (or no religion at all) has to say about the dying process?
Julie thank you for all of your RUclips videos. They give everyone watching them a better understanding of the death process. I will be ordering your book very soon. Thank you again.
Wow. Thank you for unravelling the emotions that we go through. It's like a tangled ball of wool.
You have such a beautiful channel. Thank you for speaking on this.
Thank you for sharing your experience and what you've learned. I appreciate your advice on not just saying everything "will be okay" or "happens for a reason" and ESPECIALLY not pressing your own religious or lack of religious beliefs on someone else.
I'm all alone in this world, so when I die, I'll be alone, and I'm okay with it. I'm hoping my end will be quick.
I used to feel that way. You really are not alone as there are people who do want to connect with you on many different levels. Just let them in.
God and Jesus are Really Real. Sweetheart, you are not alone.
@tange7521 Please believe this lady. I had a NDE . You will not be alone very long. You will immediately ascend to a different realm. It's so peaceful there.
I’m looking forward to seeing the only people who really cared about me.
@@deborahmorgan8731 Did you see elephants there? If not, count me out.
"I don't know" is my favorit honest answer in so many situations. I wish the answer itself was more respected.
There is nothing wrong with saying you dont know, if you dont..but since I feel I know what is on the otherside I wouldn't hesitate to tell a dying person I know they are going to feel more alive after their passing..only our body dies and it only restricts our soul..I studied near death experiences for over 20 years. We go home!.
I had a NDE. It's true. There is something on the other side/ on the next realm.
When you said…if your loved one wasn’t this way in life they probably won’t be at end of life. I’m gonna try the sharing with my non talkative loved one to see if I can get her to talk more and open up.
2 Corinthians 5:8. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Wanda. Thanks
@@jamesgross5052 AMEN
I’ve been no contact with my narcissistic mother for 10 years and I don’t expect her to be here much longer. I have a mixed bag of emotions, but part of me will feel relief.
Durelle, that's OK. I have very limited contact with my 3 brothers and no contact with my half brother. We are recognizing that we can't turn back the water that has gone under the bridge.
I'm a chaplain and I love that you added to ask the social worker or the chaplain! We all work together and we want to help our patients. I love your channel. Your information is wonderful!!! Thank you so much for what you do!
Thank you, Julie. 🌹💝🙏🏽
Your channel is so helpful, Your videos are amazing. Thank you so much for everything you explain to us. 🙏
Ur a Great teacher!
Oh Julie this one has hit home for sure. I missed seeing my Father in his last few hours, So there it is I felt so guilty that I was not there for him. I did tell you before I don't think I could have coped anyway so was that destiny ? You are so right I carried the guilt for a very long time but eventually because I visited my Father where his ashes were scattered the last time I did visit about a year ago I heard him say it is ok you must not feel guilty. Yes I know that was in my imagine but after that visit I felt free of guilt. I try to visit every year where possible as there are many miles between myself to where my Father is resting. I am visiting him again this coming February and I will mention you Julie and the help you have given to me and so many others. I thank you again so so much.
I'm glad you made this video, I can recall when I was homeless and faced with many things in life until $75,000 biweekly began rolling in and my Life went from A homeless nobody to a different person with good things to offer!!!!!!
That's lovely 🌹 if I may ask, How did you come up with so much biweekly?
It's Andrea Sheryl Fox doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.
$_700k and yet still counting on.
Andrea Sheryl Fox is the kind of person one needs in his or her life to be honest❤️❤️❤️>>>>
Wow 😱I know her too Miss Andrea Sheryl Fox is a remarkable individual who has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life. Her unwavering wisdom have been invaluable assets, enriching my journey in countless ways.
I googled about her and yes, she's won my heart. She just gained herself a new
You make everything simple and clear!
This is so helpful. We can all say things, with the BEST of intentions, and it comes out wrong, a few words needed to be added, or taken out - Be kind, be helpful, that can be cooking , cleaning, holding hands, giving the family a break
Great suggestions. Minor last addition...this will never be easy.
I’m going to get your book. When my dad died I was so angry and had to work through it with my psychologist. It takes time. Thank you for sharing because all of us need this.
Love 💕 and Hugs. 💙💙💙
My sis had end-stage liver disease and was hospitalized and brought to ICU/intubated for blood loss from esophageal varices. No hope of recovery, but they repaired the varices once she was stable, and she woke up after 11 days. They temporarily removed the tube, then had to reinstall it 2 days later as she declined. She remained that way for 3 more days. Intubation can only be used a total of 14 days before a tracheostomy is necessary, and a decision was made to allow her to pass due to her extremely poor overall conditon.
Her uncaring H was absent during her passing, only stopping in a few times to see how much longer. My other sis and I stayed w/her - she was heavily sedated with morphine. We ea took a hand in ours and spoke softly about mostly mundane things, occasionally telling her we loved her. It took several agonizing hours and we watched her breathing slow and saw/heard the heartbeat monitor slow till the end. I don't know if my sis knew we were there, but i hope she did and that it brought her some comfort. Otherwise she might have been left to die alone.
She knew.
Thank you , Julie. You provide such valuable information. ❤❤❤❤
I’m currently supporting my best friend who has metastatic melanoma.
I am so grateful for your advice. It’s been really helpful.
You reading that part in your book... very poignant and relatable. I am sure the "5 stages of Grief" by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression and 5. Acceptance; which I learned many years ago is exactly reality. We go through these stages, all or some and not in particular order. Finding the best ways to deal with these stages is of utmost importance as we need to still care for ourselves throughout the process.
Respect and meet them where they are the things Mom liked best when she was dying.
“It’s funny how things unfold as you breathe” I deeply felt that
Thank you Julie, I lived this too. Ultimately her death shaped the contours of the deep spiritual growth I have experienced since I lived that same horrific day. I believe that your loss has perhaps shaped your life too.? You are giving so much back to the world!!!I am so grateful to you for sharing 🙏💜
Love you Julie. ❤
i love this channel,so honest-mother is in a carehome now,shes 87 with the onset of dementia,its heart breaking to see to be honest but i am starting to steel myself for the eventual shitty time when she passes.i really looking forward to it,thats for sure.i carry so much guilt cus of decisions i have to make(which kinda go against hers but we could never have that convo as it would defo finish her) but i know you have helped me see things clearly when its time.and that gives me comfort.THEN i will have to go thro it all again when my wifes parents pass,nothing in life is easy but,thats just life i guess.
Such a powerful story!!❤
Hi Julie l lost my sister-in-law last Thursday. I spent all day Wed with her, but she was right out of it. I just kept telling her how much l loved her and the family loved her. It is extremely sad and I'm trying to work through it. At least l was there. She is now in heaven with her 2 children 💔
Julie, you are so human. I just love your level-headedness and your insights how about death and dying and the afterlife. I wish I could have you around as my hospice nurse and however many years. I'm 67 years old in Ohio. Hope you could drop by someday, (ha-ha). God bless you and you go and bless others. Thank you for yourself and your channel.
Dear Julie, thank you so much for another wonderful video, for all your tips, and for these inspirational stories you relate! You really show and make us feel that death is truly smth. not to be feared. May you be blessed in every way, and let me wish you a wonderful and bright week ahead.
Julie, Thank you for this discussion, spot on. I had this very experience with my dad a few years ago during his time of needs/death. -Jim
The biggest regret I had when my Dad was dying was I said “ we had some great times Dad “ I didn’t realise he could hear me I was so shocked in a very quiet voice he said “ we can have some more “ it haunts me to my grave 😢 it was the last thing he said
Thanks for your helpful comment🙏🏻
My father is dying from a pancreatic cancer, it's a question of days... I had in mind that maybe at the very end, I could have some profound words with him but I think he 's able to cope the idea of his end of life with a certain denial....
Your comment helps me a lot to accept and respect that even if it burns my lips to tell him what lies in my heart...
I don't get your feelings. Your dad heard you and and it must have pleased him, according to his answer.
Your channel is so needed. Thank you! Would you consider covering what not to say once a loved one has transitioned to the other side? Thank you so much for sharing your time here!❤
Thank you Julie. It's good to hear about death and dying from your perspective.
I honestly think we're eternal beings and are all experiencing aspects of life before, after, and thereon. So why not have a bigger picture on lifes nuances. Im 70 but would not presume how many years I have in this incarnation. And whatever it will be..... it will be. I appreciate your overview. Thanking you, love Gary from Seaton in Devon UK X
You are helping us to deal with losing parents and adult kids. THANK YOU!
Julie, You are such a blessing. I truly appreciate everything you share with us. Thank you.
Awesome ! Thank you for sharing . You appear to be close siblings.❤❤❤
What my son and I did when my mum was dying was to express gratitude for all that she did for us and we told her to continue on her journey and not to be afraid, we told her not to be afraid or scared and that we were there with her in this part of her journey. It soothed her and we apologized to her for the wrongs that we did to her. We both felt at peace with her because we showed her our feelings and I think she appreciated that
You are a very wisdom filled soul. If only people could also carry out your don’t list during loved ones lives, and not just at the end, the world would be a more beautiful place 🙏
I just bought and read your book. I’m encouraging all my pastor friends to read it too. Great resource and very helpful. Soooo good.
I just received your book today. Thank you for all the wonderful information in your book and on your videos. You are helping so many.
Thank you, this helps so much .
You and your channel are a blessing. Thank you for sharing.
You are so wise! I cannot thank you enough
I had a fabulous nurse in hospice whi said: " talk to her ( my mother), she can hear you. Hearing us the last to go". I said to my mother ( in her mother tongue) :" its ok, you can go. I'll be alright ".
Thank you for educating us on all end of life stuff
I can't thank you so very much, you helped me understand my Auntie's passing, thank you
Got your book, am reading your book, and love it. We communicated on your website recently ... anyway, I'm going to gift this to each of my clinical research study nurses... they've taken such good care of me, and maybe your book will help them with the difficult questions that cancer pts. may have. Thank you for doing what you do Julie. I think it will help many, many people. Dottie
All great advice! Love your content!
Hey Julie, this is the Bluesman from Nashville and just had to drop by and say you remind me of my granddaughter and she is very special and looks at things a lot like you do, I thank God has gives you a voice that makes the listener feel better and also your book is awesome, how can I get an autographed copy? Thank you and God Bless
I always believed the same regarding the "afterlife." Now I know we are not going to have our eyes and/or our brains, so certainly we are not going to see or think things. Aside from that, we'll all find out.
This is all great advice! No one knows what to say or what to do so this is very helpful. I’ve been that person to over show my own emotions. Im working on that 😅. Hearing you say not to do that helps!
Thank you for sharing your stories about such a sensitive topic. We need to open up more dialogue about death.
Julie, I was wondering if you followed Dr.Dan Says on You Tube. He is terminal and has fight cancer four years. He is now at the end and did his finally stage of life. He is a wonderful man, as you are a wonderful person also, I enjoy your videos.
I follow Dr Dan
Thank you sooo much for your videos, I am starting Hospice volunteer care and your videos are so vey helpful..
Thanks 🙏
Best episode. Thank you.
When my sister was dying from pancreatic cancer and in hospice the last 11 days of her life, I stayed with her during the night at the hospice facility and her husband spent the days with her. One night, she was very angry and insisted on getting up to use the bathroom taking the hanging drip with her. It took me by surprise and I didn't think to call the nurse. She made it there and back. Anger gives one plenty of energy. Frankly, she didn't look like she was dying, and you've explained this sort of rebound. The next day, she apologized to me for her action. I told her she didn't have to apologize for anything. She said she knew she was dying. I said, "Well, if you survive, that's a win. If you don't, it's a win because you won't hurt any more and you'll be on the other side. " I don't know if that makes any sense, but she seemed to accept that. I always told her I loved her when I left and she'd return the sentiment. I think it was just being there that made the difference. I lived about 300 miles away at the time, but came up when my borther-in-law called. He made the hospital wait to discharge her until I got there. I rode in the front of the ambulance from the hospital to the hospice facility so she could hear me. I'm not sure she fully understood or didn't want to understand what it meant to be going to hospice. Our mother was not much of a mother, and although we didnt' grow up together in the same house, she needed someone who would listen to her without judgment. I was 7 years older than her and 8 years older than our younger sister. I think our younger sister had trouble dealing with this, but finally stayed the last night so I could sleep in a bed. We found out the next day that she had passed when my youngest sister went out to the publilc bathroom. When she came back, our sister was gone.
Such a great video, Julie. You’re the best. Love your book SO MUCH ❤
Thank you!
Thank you so so much for you videos julie. ❤