All You Need to Get Out of a Damn Conversation Is One Thing You Don’t Know
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2022
- Watch the full episode - • 2017 Personality 10: H...
Dr. Peterson's extensive catalog is available now on DailyWire+: utm.io/ueSFn
// SUPPORT THIS CHANNEL //
Premium Podcast - jordanbpeterson.supercast.com/
Newsletter: linktr.ee/DrJordanBPeterson
Donations: jordanbpeterson.com/donate
// COURSES //
Discovering Personality: jordanbpeterson.com/personality
Self Authoring Suite: selfauthoring.com
Understand Myself (personality test): understandmyself.com
// BOOKS //
Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life: jordanbpeterson.com/Beyond-Order
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos: jordanbpeterson.com/12-rules-...
Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief: jordanbpeterson.com/maps-of-m...
// LINKS //
Website: jordanbpeterson.com
Events: jordanbpeterson.com/events
Blog: jordanbpeterson.com/blog
Podcast: jordanbpeterson.com/podcast
// SOCIAL //
Twitter: / jordanbpeterson
Instagram: / jordan.b.peterson
Facebook: / drjordanpeterson
#JordanPeterson #JordanBPeterson #DrJordanPeterson #DrJordanBPeterson #DailyWirePlus #2017 #Personality #Humanism #Phenomenology #CarlRogers #activelistening #conversation
The problem with many people that you're trying to engage in civil dialogue with is that they don't care about genuinely learning about what you have to offer, they're more concerned with dominating the conversation with their perspective and making sure that they walk away as the victor.
Couldn't agree more
Facts, that kind of person is of no value to anyone not even themselves and not worth your time or energy . Walk away . Game over
Or you could point it out to them that’s how you feel, maybe it’s also about being brave enough to be truthful with the person, even if they disagree it saves harbouring resentments for the future.
Doesn´t it make you (a bit) resentful about this fact ?
u tagged it as a problem, just move on, 8billion ppl on earth, and 90years on average for life, theres plenty of diff paths in life, go find urs
God bless this man.
Oh SHUT THE FUCK UP.
There are so many flaws in his logic that an intelligent person can easily say okay challenge one challenge two, challenge three, challenge for and he'd be stymy to try to find the answers to the questions from an intelligent person.
Number one his latest focus has been in religion and God. Well any intelligent person knows that religion is basically a sociological construct that is manifested itself over the several thousands of years that his is existed and the concept of God is completely irrational completely flawed and basically God doesn't exist. Why can't people understand the simple common sense revelations?
I can't have a joke that I love to perpetuate upon anyone who says God exists. Okay. Have God call a press conference. I'm sure the entire galaxy would be standing on edge everyone would be tuned to whatever channel he chose and every word he spoke would be recorded forever until the end of time.
Oh but wait it doesn't exist. So much for the advertisement revenue. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Amen ‼️ Him and his family.
Amen ❤🙌
NEEDED TO HEAR THIS. Tired of sounding like a know it all. I need to shut up and listen even if I’m bored out of my mind and “already know the outcome” thank you Jordan.
Same here. About a week ago, I made it a point to NOT say anything centered around myself, and not use the words "I", "me", or "my" in casual conversation unless I was directly asked about myself. I was, or AM, amazed at how full of myself I was/am...
Probably less conscious too
The feedback loop (where the listener/receiver repeats back to the speaker/communicator what they understood, for correction and/or validation) is INDISPENSABLE to effective communication; which is the foundation of all quality relationships.
My brother and I used to argue like idiots a lot and one thing our dad would have us do to resolve it was to repeat accurately the point that the other brother was trying to make, like Jordan suggests here. That really helped us communicate better without getting overly heated or frustrated. We still argue sometimes, as brothers do, but it's much more civil and productive than the alternative.
Same
I’m going to do that with my daughter.
Love this our parents had us so the same we all had to at some point agree on a solution that worked for us & have the resolution. Written down & hand it to them & they'd read it out loud & they would always ask....see was that so hard to do? 🙆♀️😉
When I was a young man, I worked with a fellow named Hardy Doshier. He once told me that he figured everyone he encountered had something to teach him. They would either show him something worthwhile, that he wanted to make part of his life - or they would show him something that he definitely wanted to avoid, and keep out of his life.
My life has changed because of you Mr. Peterson. Thank you.
I wish we could quantify it somehow. If not just for collectively telling and showing JBP how important he is to so many people
If we teach our young men and women how to see life through the lens he promotes it will be quantifiable.
When our kids build a better world than the one we leave for them.
💩 tastes the same
ThisGuy 😎🖕🏿
Threadstopper Vs 💩 🍦 💩
Jordan Peterson, I have really been trying to reprogram my mind by consuming as much of your content as I can if I go on RUclips. Your words have allowed me to repeatedly come to subtle but profound realizations about myself. To hell with the deadweight. Thank you so much Sir for all of your acts of courage and bravery in this crazy world.
Please suggest me his channels (or any channels really)
It might fix my miserable life
@@mshklh2099 ruclips.net/user/SUCCESSCHASERSvideos
This channel is great. It has all of Jordan Peterson's speeches and lectures and it is compiled in a motivating way. Keep your head up, brother Abdulwahab.
Have you listened to his audio book called “12 Rules of Life Antidote to Chaos”? It’s abundant with information like the kind he talks about in his lectures. I’ve been listening on audible for some time now :)
@@mshklh2099 His Biblical lecture series is far more practically helpful than it sounds.
@Meaning What I wouldn’t exactly use the word allegory, although that is somewhat descriptive. His own term is “hyper real,” that is (no matter what you believe) the stories are inescapably true, or, they can’t not be true. Or maybe another way to put it is that these are “perfect” stories, and that’s what makes them sacred.
Problem I have with a lot of people is how they just want to talk endlessly, with no response at all from me. The deeper into the "conversation" we go, the less they can tolerate any response. I suppose it's because all they want to do is talk with someone who is listening to them (which I do) but they don't want to think about anything, much less be challenged on it. But that's *not* a therapy session, where the person has come to you explicitly for the sake of change. That's just average conversation between coworkers or strangers.
There’s no shortage of people with hang ups and they just want to waste everyone’s time. When that happens I try to steer the conversation my way with something like “ I’m really excited about this Amazon package I’m getting tomorrow”
Goodness gracious welcome to my life.
Thank you for your comment, I'm just now realizing this is exactly what my boy friend does to me. He just talks on and on and on and when I try to interject I'm met with dizziness and isolation and thus the cycle continues. Ive always practiced proper, healthy communication with him but on his side its the polar opposite. It's insane to realize how I was never able to recognize my own self worth snd sense of self because he was always there clouding my judgement or trying to swoon me with empty words.
@@fatamorgana7777 It sounds like he may be a narcissist. There are tons of very good RUclips videos on that, I would suggest you listen to even if he is not, I think it would help you. Also make a list of 10 things you must have in a perspective spouse, and ten things you must not have. Sounds easy, but it's not. E.g. Lying is at the top of mine (must not have) and honesty--NO, integrity at the top on the opposite poll. One of mine was also "good communicator" which I changed to 'one who is able to resolve conflicts.' If you find your 'date' can't measure up to one of the ten, drop them like a hot potato. You will definitely find other stuff you don't exactly like, but no one's perfect. But the top ten are things you will find you can't live with (or without). Sounds like you might be co-dependent. Good luck and best wishes to you.
Me to a T, some folks need to get their words out and anyone will do. I call it being talked at.
My husband and I have been arguing a lot lately. It seems we're not having effective conversations. This clip from your lecture has given me food for thought and I plan to implement what you've taught next time I talk with my husband. Very timely upload in my life. It's like an answer to a prayer. Thank you!
That sounds like it sucks, but it's awesome that you're looking to making it better. I encourage you to keep trying if you feel like giving up, beause conversations are hard, especially if you implement what was said in the last minute of this video. I hope your life goes well.
Boundaries, fighting fair, argument or discussion styles, conversations can be very complicated. I compliment your efforts to establish more effective conversations, and I would just say don't ever give up. If you aren't able to do it on your own, you might consider having the discussions with a trained counselor who can help you learn how to have more effective, respectful, resolution-oriented conversations. Counseling was one of the best things I ever did as an adult. I'm reading a book on boundaries that is really good for me. So whatever you need, it's out there somewhere, you just have to find it. Hang in there and find what you want. Cheers!
Look up Dr. John Gott's work on happy marriages.
Interesting how you've outlined a simple situation, and people have made it into a big, life long trauma.
Hope you both get back on track, and communicating better.
❤️🙏❤️
I know the problem with my husband and my communication. He outright tells me now, he never listens. And proof of that is very evident over the years. So now, I barely tell him anything and just do whatever I want. When he gets surprised, it no longer bothers me. I don't even say, I did tell you. I just get on with my life.
He doesn't really like it, but it takes a long time to find ones autonomy in a marriage of decades. Especially on the heals of the traditional types of marriage.
Once a couples' children are raised, they should each spend time focusing on their own pursuits for a while and then join up again to make a better partnership.
That is my view.
Thank you Mr Peterson, you may not know how important you are but I do.
Dr Peterson, most parts of me that I'm proud were built with the foundation of your education. I won't be the same man without you. Thank you for everything. Love and strength to you.
Utterly brilliant! This act of listening to the point of being able to summarize the other person's perspective -- possibly even with a stronger point than they can convey -- is so generous, so transformative that it can't help but change the course of your own thinking and outlook. What is maturity if not this?
To all of us complaining that other people just want to dominate conversations, we just need new conversation skills to help bring the conversation into a genuine exchange.
some people over explain , recently learned that it stems from childhood trauma when a child feels the need to over explain so they don't get in trouble. My sister and I are major over explainers and it's something I've been consciously working on for years , while my sister thinks she doesn't have an over explaining problem 🙃
@@y.peffle2802 True, it can be a remnant of childhood PTSD/trauma. Also a remnant of any situation/condition where we don't yet have the emotional or internal boundaries to invite a consistent back-and-forth in conversations. Sounds like you've found a gold nugget for yourself there. Awareness is a powerful step.
people also need to take a step back and discuss context
we all have primary beliefs and the world makes sense to us (or frustrates us) because of these beliefs
beliefs such as about what motivates people, about self responsibility, about worth and so on
differences in these beliefs change our view of the world but they are the foundation of our conversations
dominance is often an implicit act of asserting these beliefs
in other words, the disagreements are below the surface
better communication skills can mean identifying differences in core beliefs and discussing them - as a way of better understanding how both we and others are viewing situations
Love your work Dr Jordon Peterson
Edited and still can’t spell the name right
@@mrclean1202 You see a one sentence expression of thanks and love and immediately turn it negative. Got em 👍
@@nuggert it was a statement of fact, you can feel negative if you want little biitchhboy
Thanks a lot. Recent clips been super super useful and right when I needed them.
My husband and I went to a therapist who saw us together, and when one of us made a statement, she would turn to the other and say, what did you just hear (him, her) say? And that person would say what they thought they heard, and most of the time the other person would say no, I meant xyz, not zyz. And it would take 2-4 tries before we could concentrate on what the other person had actually said without polluting it with our own expectations of rejection or accusation. It took a lot of work to separate ourselves from the way a lot of people had treated us in the past. Forgiveness is key.
"Stupid people always think they are right. Wise people listen to advice. When a fool is annoyed, he quickly lets it be known." -Salman Rushdie
"The worst vice is advice."
Once I feel someone is talking at me, instead of to me. I completely shut them out and stop wasting my time.
Dr. Peterson is a gifted teacher. He also demonstrating the value, efficacy and the classic superiority of the live, in-person classroom vs online instruction.
I misread the title as "All you need to get out of a damn conversation is [this] one thing you don't know" and I chuckled when I re-read it.
Me too!
Realization of my adversarial ways in my relationships has stunted me greatly. Resetting my approach won't be easy, yet I know I want to change for my relationships sake.
Thanks Dr Peterson, you’ve helped us in more ways than you could know.
?? He helped who? You? Well, how did he help you?
Repeating what you/they have heard is such a great practice!
6:24 😆 I love this man. To the point, and spot on.
I have found that a lot of times in conversation people aren’t really paying attention to you they’re only thinking about what they are going to say next
True. But capturing attention is a skill, and so is finding interesting people to be with. And: have you paid attention to absolutely everything anyone has ever said?
I think that the majority of us never learn how to have a truly engaging conversation and it's something we seldom if ever practice. Conversation is truly an art, its value significantly underestimated by many.
@@HansenFT no my mind drifts when they get boring..
This was Enlightening & such a great thing to know I learned a few communicating tool in this video but in gonngo back and watch it over & over till I get & understand then all & implement them in every conversation best as I can & that will improve my life in a positive e at. The most intrrsting thing I heard is about leaning to hear what the last person said & says it out loud (if in a group or a single conversation) and by hearing what they said you can expound and actually make their argument even better that was light bulb & that is some good listening ! 🤗🧐
JP YOU ARE A MADMAN!!!! ....in a good way. :) I love your lectures and you are teaching me more and more how to change the things I do not like ...however ...change does not come easy for most and I am not the exception. I see though how you are a caring man and I respect your advice because... IT JUST MAKES SENSE! I am listening ..I am at a stage of my life I am listening more now than probably ever in my life! I know what has to be done and my life is a struggle and I feel more wise everytime I hear your advice. Keep spreading good words and good advice and stay humble as you do, no matter what there will be critics but your listeners I PROMISE.. are much much more.
As always. A heartfelt Thank You Professor Perterson for helpful perspective & help.
Love the recent lectures. A-10 stuff.
This is priceless, more valuable than any financial gain. If only gaining a small portion of understanding, a small amount of application to ourselves, every relationship, starting with our own most important relationships, family/friends, how the world would change, richer relationships, one relationship at a time. Applies to every human being every where, every culture, every language. A design for healthy exchange in communication. It's absolutely brilliant. Given the choice, I would take this, the knowledge and understanding of it, even just the beginning of the ability to apply it, over a pile of gold. Thank you J.P.
In Each of these lectured i always find something new and enlightening... telling the truth brings health . Wow
You know that last line really hits hard. Maybe i've been doing it wrong all these years. I have always done that, and communication has always been difficult.
I don't find many people interested in being deeply truthful. I don't think they even know how. So caught up in preserving the ego.
Love your advice, Dr. Peterson!
Your a pure blessing Jordan
Love this professor
Yes changes happen in life all the time. But changes for the better are much rarer and much more difficult to recognize. Also a therapeutic relationship is as hard to find as genuine improvements in life. And i'm not talking about psychologists for hire. You can find them a dime - a - dozen. hahahahahahaha Thanks again *DOCTOR* Peterson. One of the very few who actually deserve the title.
👍 You are truly one of the smartest people in the world 🌎
Loving the awesome free amount of Motivation/ professional advice on Motivation Madness.
Love u Jordan & my other go to the mighty David Goggins. Nice to sit by urself & listen to rounded & professional discussion on how to improve/inspire
I need this.
This lecture is exactly what I was mentioning to somebody.
Dr Peterson always has something intelligent and interesting and useful to offer. The smart listener pays attention, and then thinks about what he just said. Try his suggestions. Take notes. Discuss. But Listen!
Jordan, Sir, you indicate that we can increase our aptitude by conversation. (On the basis that both/all parties want to be better)
I find a little humour, when you also say that you have a flaw of speaking a lot.
What a privilege to walk the earth at the same time as you!
Than you
Jordan IS a treasure! Be nice!
man what a teacher!!!!!!
I wish I had direct access to individuals of a certain ilk or could afford therapeutic competence such as this...this is certainly massively, vastly better than nothing.
Sadly at some point if you're quite educated on topics like this (e.g. watching and reading JP for a few years, but also reflecting and other things), then even good expensive psychologists I've talked to in Europe are not much more useful than just talking with your friends / family / intelligent people about your problems openly (if you're capable of being as open with those people as you are open with psychologist). So as a TL;DR I would totally find valuable having a psychologist of a level close to JP, however I doubt that there's many exist and they're probably working with top 1% of top 1% of top 1% etc
So TL;DR just keep facing your dragons. Orient yourself. And ofcourse clean up your goddamn door
Also check "Clean Up Your Room" song 🥰
Active Listening is the keyword here.
By pursuing discussion with people who are different than you, your horizons can be broadened by exposure.
Edit: 'understanding with the person you're listening to' is brilliant, I hadn't considered it that way. Thank you JP!
Am loving this lecture. It makes so much sense. I am very average but seeking wisdom. I once had a colleague complain about her “unreasonable” husband. Out of desperation I suggested that maybe she should stop going down a well beaten pathway and open a “gateway “ in their relationship to a fresh pathway. Having established she was open to reason I asked her that at end of her day as he came home what would commonly be his greeting? She was bemused. But conceded he normally complains of his day.....I then guessed her reply would likely be confrontational because she too had a hard day. I suggested she not go down that pathway (road to hell).
Say to him “darling, I’m sorry for you, go sit down before the tv I’ll bring you a drink”.
What WILL HAPPEN? He will be totally off balance and will likely ask “who have you been talking to?”
And yes that is exactly what happened.......how did I know that?
Result was both together sought collaboration which led to a baby......then divorce.
I’m thinking they possibly failed “to listen to each other”......continually....
This is why I'm subscribed
While usually I'm critiquing his various videos I will acknowledge this one as quite effective and hope we all grasp the difficulty in actually listening to another and the importance of figuring that out.
4:45 Freudian slip? :)
couldn't resist this one with all the surrounding context!
The way somebody, whose years of expertise, and talent come so profoundly together, can synthesise and summarise some of life's totems is like poetry of a truthful nature rarely seen.
thank you as usual Jordan.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Love this 👍
Love One Another
Something hardly anyone ever does nowadays is steel manning, ie, listening to an idea and repeating it back as best as you have understood it to the original interlocutor. A system predicated on every single subject we seriously study in this life. Conversely, there's an overwhelming abundance of straw manning around, where folks just try to destroy any argument or aspect or part of the sentence of what others are saying.
I thought this was about how to escape a conversation at first haha. I like this surprise
7:05 nailed it.
I must be pretty good at listening because I have people who spill their guts to me on the regular that I have either just met or barely know.
I’m so degenerate that I thought the title was describing how to walk away from a conversation when someone talks too much 😂
Same
This ones title doesn’t do it justice. That end experiment took me decades to learn on my own. Anyone is wiser for knowing it and I respect your expertise in condensing it to such a simple package.
This is could be written on my wall. All of it. My issue, is that I Need to be understood (working on it), and in this world, that's not an easy task, as I am a wombat too...
The person I struggle talking with the most is sadly my mother. I think I am broken. I love you mum.
Based on this title, I thought I was going to learn how I could escape conversations I didn’t want to be a part of 😂
I find explaining a person's position to them is extremely effective. First of all it allows me to understand their point. Second it allows them to know that I understand their point. Third, it allows me to expose why their point is incorrect.
Frequently their point would be valid if certain suppositions were true. So I simply tell them what suppositions would have to be true for their point to be valid, which breaks down their argument for me.
I came here to learn how to get out of a damn conversation and that wasn't discussed.
Lol thats exactly how I interpreted the title too. How do I gracefully escape a convo that wont end??
In many ways sir you are a Taoist master. thank you for guiding the way.
If you are right do they want to hear, embrace and then comply.
If you are wrong can you see why.
Embracing a position without reason is nihilistic.
Words are.
For by the word all things were created.
Can you see creation?
They are communication from Yah.
This is a conversation we must listen to.
To understand with a person....not about them ....pearl
My wife of 35 years comes from a remote Island and has a different way of looking at the world, We have very interesting conversations where we both learn. Nice thing is we know each other very well.
Newest comments were predicated upon your request. I am grateful
I didnt even see that. Phil said my cognitive blindspots were irreversibly set upon my listening skills. Thanks for proving us wrong
Jordan Peterson for Noble Peace Prize!!
Most people gain their knowledge by just thinking to themselves at most. Usually it’s just repeating what someone they trust said.
James 1:19 KJV
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
Yes! Sharp as a serpent and swift as a dove.
The truth is what we aim for in the end of the day.
People who live rough lives have little nuggets of wisdom that life taught them through hard knocks. I've learned things from homeless drug addicts in the midst of psychotic rambling. Some hells are better than others.
I recently saw his podcast episode with Russell Brand and you can see him applying these principles there. Kind of cool
A mundane example. We recently visited a couple on business. We have very little in common. She is obsessed with the material value of property. He is obsessed with power stations. (I think he worked on them.) I have cultivated being a 'good listener' which is often interpreted by the person I listen to as me being a 'good conversationalist' . Which tells you a lot about what people want from a 'conversation'...Most people simply want to be listened to. Anyways. I listened to an hour on power stations. I asked what I hoped were intelligent questions. Not much of it stuck because well, I am not truly interested at the level he was going. Still, somewhere or other he illustrated some point about the flow of power with a mole trap. I told him we had a terrible mole problem but seemed to have an issue with setting the 'scissor trap' correctly. He happily showed me and I could see where I was going wrong. I got something useful out of the whole episode. He was happy that someone had taken an interest and he was doubly happy that he could impart knowledge. All good. The power station stuff is filed under 'pending'. With the current energy crisis I may have to dredge some of it up.
"Proclivity to show you are right"
Since a child I ve molded my personality from most of what he says.. yet it seems I cannot find others who think this way. The older I become.. the more alienated I feel.
youll find them, dont give up
Seems harder and harder everyday to find anyone who is willing to actually converse. That's why I am here, the RUclips comment section, with all my friends
This one hits... It's paradoxical that this listening strategy seems passive but to some will elicit the response of being called intimidating which is "aggressive".
What do you mean?
How is silence and minimalist active listening considered aggression?
Perhaps the idea is being missapplied?
My only analogue from my experience in life is that some people get even more angry if you do not participate in recognizing their anger somehow. They would be less angry if you just say something like, "Whatever. Fuck you too. Peace."
Because atleast then they are fully aware that their anger was properly understood somehow. Not everyone wants to talk to an autism robot all of the time. Sometimes people just want to be people.
Anger and frustration is a part of the human experience.
@@py_a_thon he didn't suggest silence and minimalist active listening ...
@@drewdavidson663 Listening carefully enough to be able to accurately restate another's opinion is often best done when you are quiet, allow them to speak and ask only minimalist questions.
Or atleast that seemed to be part of the idea, even though that wasn't really his meta point.
30 seconds in... 👏👏👏
Not gonna lie. I thought this was going to be about how to avoid a conversation 🤣
👍
I think a lot of conversation that is not reciprocol is due to there being a passive aggressive undercurrent happening with one or both people in conversation. They aren’t relating with the other person with a clean slate or a renewed mind- they are stuck on something else.
The issue I have with this (is because I do this when I engage with people already particularly women) I will refocus it to make sure we are on the same page with their point. I address that issue, and once I do they go back and change what it is their grievance is about. So the thing is (my personal opinion) a lot of people in society are not happy having their voices heard. They are happy dictating the emotional submissiveness of everyone until they get warn down of doing it
The last sentence hits close to home
Finally figured out why strangers feel the need to confess secrets to me! 🤪
How am I having a "conversation" if I'm to just sit silent and listen while the other person talks?
I have often wondered about truth...How much of a role does truth actually play in our entire lives..? The more I think about it, the more I see REAL truth falling apart. I consider lessons I learned via observation, experience, and simply being a participant in the order of a family. I have come to the conclusion that the majority of, what I perceived to be truth as a pre-school child, was greatly flawed. Childhood was incredibly difficult for me, I realise now that almost all of the input that I was naturally absorbing, and processing, was quite toxic. I had to develop coping strategies and infantile psychological "tools" to survive...and I DO mean survive. My first attempt to end my own life out of abject misery occurred at age 10. I am nearly 62 now. I wasn't functioning on truth...I functioned on my own PERCEIVED truth. It's just hit me very recently, that I have, more then likely, eviscerated the human being that I was supposed to be. The quest for truth in most things, I believe, is alot more dangerous and confusing than I ever thought. Here's what I'm considering right now...As an adult, I was made aware that my mother had issues,and many breakdowns when we were children. I could retrospectively understand that. As a child, I suffered her spontaneous and indiscriminate physical beatings much more than anyone would care to remember...My father stood back and removed himself at these times..leaving me defenceless. But that wasn't my biggest problem. I learned to cope with the beatings and even developed a "scoring" system for her, based on level of blood letting etc. Sometimes, if I thought she had failed, by not managing to draw my blood, I would finish the job for her. It was the psychological abuse that hurt me the most. Injuries stop bleeding eventually, scabs form and fall off when the process is complete. Job done, all gone, no problem. But the constant misery of "You will never amount to anything" etc. being hammered in to me as a single digit aged kid, while my meek, but much loved by me, father retreated...that was different. My perceived truth at an age when Freud would show me the man was utterly wrong. I firmly beleived that my mother despised me and regretted my existance. I even beleived that she was trying to kill me..but hadn't figured out how to get away with it. My young friend told me he loved his mother, I laughed at him and told him he was mad..he cried. I regret that. I liked him. Maybe REAL truth is a myth. Maybe toxic females are the biggest problem, or, at least, damaged ones. Was Hitler a monster..? Or did his mother make a monster..? That's a perfectly acceptable truth for ME. Oh yeah... My mother......She was German. I suffered racism about WW2 and the German crap at primary school... Kids were allowed to goose-step and nazi salute me as gangs of them pursued me around the playground. All approved of by elderly lady playground monitors who probably lost family in that war. That's enough for now, I'm exhausted. I promise you that every word here is truth...REAL truth.
I've had this particular response to those who accuse me of being opinionated. I'm opinionated because I value your opinion. In fact, I believe I deserve your opinion. And by extension, if I believe I deserve your opinion, it seems reasonable that you deserve my opinion. I know this generally doesn't work for those unwilling and especially unable to defend their opinions, but I can't seem to stop myself because I keep thinking that I will someday have a worthwhile conversation with someone willing to either adjust theirs or my opinion (it does happen). When I was very young my sister had this habit of sayin "you think you know everything". Well, no, I don't think that. But I was a voracious reader and I do have a habit of sharing things I've learned. My sister is like a very large amount of people. Unwilling to learn.
Can anyone suggest a good, comprehensive as much as possible, book by Rogers?
Affections of religion - Jonathan Edwards
I took "to get out of a damn conversation" in the title as meaning getting someone to shut up.
My problem is I had no one to talk to. Then I finally get with somebody. And I can't stop talking. Just lonesome
Rumble DID take it down..
I suggested this to a friend while he was having a 2 year old’s meltdown & he absolutely HATED the idea. Because it meant he’d have to stop the toddler tantrum for a moment and actually listen & have a god damn conversation. …it was tragically comical.
I wonder what it says about me that I read this as "this one trick will get you out of continuing a damn conversation"
There is such a dark side to this.
"So you are saying...[x,y,z,w]...."
That is why you really need to accurately represent the positions of others. An honest desire to actively listen and understand others is an incredibly valuable skill.
Like all tools, that specific conversational tool(restating the words of others) can be used for good or for evil. Just like a hammer, the tool can be used to build a house or destroy a house.
You can hear someone without listening. And you can listen without understanding. That can lead towards problems.
I just say "excuse me" and walk away.