I love this. I fall into this trap of trying to do a million things each day/on the weekend & have recently been asking myself - "what is the minimum?" type of question and it leaves me feeling so much better. thank you for sharing this information and explaining how it relates to our nervous system.
As someone with self-diagnosed ADHD, this helps a lot. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I sit down and choose my top 3 priorities for the day and rank them. And I make sure they aren't "do an entire project," but something like: 1) Respond to these 3 most important emails 2) Cook and eat dinner 3) Wash my hair. I may have other things on my list that I need to do, and often I'll get to at least one or two of those things, but setting those 3 priorities as the minimum for me--and recognizing the "life stuff" that often takes so much effort to get myself to do--really helps.
I think it's hard to feel "finished" after only accomplishing the minimum - you'll naturally try to shift the goal posts and aim for something more. How do you avoid this sort of behaviour, and should you even want to avoid it?
so incredibly to the point! thank you for that🙏 - this is such a big learning field for me and I already sense that it will make such a difference on so many levels!
4:06 Such a profound point. I need daily non negotiables or daily minimums. I have done 0min of my most important work in the past week. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” -Albert Einstein I'll make the decision to do at least 30mins of work daily. Thanks for making a video about this David.
Hi David, very wise, I've never heard anyone talk about this. Coincidentally, this idea has also been on my mind for some time and I'd like to add my two cents. I find that many times setting objective goals for the day is hard and often impossible to decide what the right number is. Instead, what Ive been practising is as follows. I have decided that by 7pm every night I want to feel that sweet sense of completing a good day's work. Somehow with that decision, a guage is set in motion in my day where at any given moment in the day I am aware whether I'm on track to completing a 'good' amount of work or am I lazing around too much. Hearing you talk about this topic will not doubt solidify this understanding for me. Thank you.
Hi, David. I really love this video. It solves the problem that always tortures my mind every day. I think I am greedy in terms of making achivements but all I do is do nothing about my important tasks. I just being anxious and nervous but took no action. Now I tried your approach. It really changes. But I have a question to ask. After I have completed a "30 minutes", actually I was activated to do another "30 minutes" for the same project. But this arouse a new round of anxiety. Like, I will consciously tell myself that I will work for far more than 30 mins on a task. So should I actually stop once I reach the 30-mins, so that I could have a sustainability (consisitency) in the long run?
as you mentioned, the feeling of "I am finished" is really important. I think my question here is just a self-trap.... I never told myself that " I am finished"
I will watch this video again and agian whenever I feel unfinished....because my nervous system is always shouting for "higher and more", which I can't reach.
Hi David, Firstly, thank you very much. I find your videos extremely helpful, they resonate a lot with me. I also thank Oliver Burkeman for recommending your channel in his newsletter. I hope his recommendation results in you getting more views because I'm sure your take on things will help many people. So, this is such an important point for me to work on because I have a lot of anxiety about feeling like I don't have enough time. I'd like to ask you what you think about setting minimums, like 30 mins on one important task, 30 mins on another task where I feel I'm progressing, but then... - doing more! I tried this today. I set a minimum time, I did the minimum, I tried to feel satisfied that I was finished but I had an overwhelming desire to keep going. So I did!!! And I'm afraid that I don't feel that pleasant sense of satisfaction! Do you have any thoughts on that? (I'm thinking that I'm being over-demanding, overly-perfectionist and fundamentally trying to do too much! )
Hi Shona. Thanks for your comment. I will answer your question in a video. By the way, I wasn't aware that Oliver recommended my channel. I love his work. Is there a way you could share his recommendation with me? My email is david@drdavidmaloney.com
Thank you, David for the new video you uploaded today!! I really appreciate it! I've never had a video created "for me" before!!! I feel quite honoured (and a bit embarrassed too!!!). I have added a thank you in the video comments too, but I seem to have different RUclips profiles! No idea why. Anyway, massive thank you!!! ❤
Hi Dr. David. I was wondering why is it that I never feel finished and accomplished. Also if let’s say I might be showing symptoms of ADHD and my nervous system hates doing assignments because I would then have to make a lot of decisions that I would rather post pone to avoid making wrong decisions. Or If I don’t know how to exactly do something from start to finish my default behavior is to delay doing that thing.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy I relate to all what you just mentioned and I also have all the signs of chronic procrastination and managed to identify how my upbringing has lead to all this but where do I go from here? I still don’t want to do that complex task and I feel huge discomfort from starting it. I realized that I always have this need for control and when I don’t have it I don’t execute anything. So how do I go about making lasting changes in my behavior?
Also, funnily enough. When I hear that my need for control is holding me back then I would try to control it and think to myself I have to start doing work on this assignment even if I don’t feel like it. And here we go again now I “have to” get the work done despite not feeling prepared enough. The funny thing is that I am never prepared enough. It’s me who keeps re-creating the same situation over and over again with all the herculean expectations.
After the minimum is done, when there is time left. Feels guilty not to continue doing more until exhaustion/overwhelm. Is there any practical way to deal with this mindset? Thanks.
Great video, gives me lots to ponder ❤
I'm so glad!
I love this. I fall into this trap of trying to do a million things each day/on the weekend & have recently been asking myself - "what is the minimum?" type of question and it leaves me feeling so much better. thank you for sharing this information and explaining how it relates to our nervous system.
You are so welcome!
As someone with self-diagnosed ADHD, this helps a lot. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I sit down and choose my top 3 priorities for the day and rank them. And I make sure they aren't "do an entire project," but something like: 1) Respond to these 3 most important emails 2) Cook and eat dinner 3) Wash my hair. I may have other things on my list that I need to do, and often I'll get to at least one or two of those things, but setting those 3 priorities as the minimum for me--and recognizing the "life stuff" that often takes so much effort to get myself to do--really helps.
I love to hear this. What you are doing in very healthy 🙏
I think it's hard to feel "finished" after only accomplishing the minimum - you'll naturally try to shift the goal posts and aim for something more. How do you avoid this sort of behaviour, and should you even want to avoid it?
I'm shocked there's not more views on this. This really connects with me.
Thanks for watching!
so incredibly to the point! thank you for that🙏 - this is such a big learning field for me and I already sense that it will make such a difference on so many levels!
I hope it helps Heidi 🙏
Such a simple question yet quite profound.tks, you got me thinking😊
You're most welcome!
4:06 Such a profound point. I need daily non negotiables or daily minimums.
I have done 0min of my most important work in the past week.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” -Albert Einstein
I'll make the decision to do at least 30mins of work daily. Thanks for making a video about this David.
Most welcome Martin!
Hi David, very wise, I've never heard anyone talk about this. Coincidentally, this idea has also been on my mind for some time and I'd like to add my two cents. I find that many times setting objective goals for the day is hard and often impossible to decide what the right number is. Instead, what Ive been practising is as follows. I have decided that by 7pm every night I want to feel that sweet sense of completing a good day's work. Somehow with that decision, a guage is set in motion in my day where at any given moment in the day I am aware whether I'm on track to completing a 'good' amount of work or am I lazing around too much. Hearing you talk about this topic will not doubt solidify this understanding for me. Thank you.
Sounds like a great approach. Most welcome my friend!
Yes to all of this.
Many thanks!
Thank you❤
You're welcome 😊
Hi, David. I really love this video. It solves the problem that always tortures my mind every day. I think I am greedy in terms of making achivements but all I do is do nothing about my important tasks. I just being anxious and nervous but took no action. Now I tried your approach. It really changes. But I have a question to ask. After I have completed a "30 minutes", actually I was activated to do another "30 minutes" for the same project. But this arouse a new round of anxiety. Like, I will consciously tell myself that I will work for far more than 30 mins on a task. So should I actually stop once I reach the 30-mins, so that I could have a sustainability (consisitency) in the long run?
as you mentioned, the feeling of "I am finished" is really important. I think my question here is just a self-trap.... I never told myself that " I am finished"
I will watch this video again and agian whenever I feel unfinished....because my nervous system is always shouting for "higher and more", which I can't reach.
Great question. I'm going to post a video response to this 🙏
Hi David,
Firstly, thank you very much. I find your videos extremely helpful, they resonate a lot with me. I also thank Oliver Burkeman for recommending your channel in his newsletter. I hope his recommendation results in you getting more views because I'm sure your take on things will help many people.
So, this is such an important point for me to work on because I have a lot of anxiety about feeling like I don't have enough time. I'd like to ask you what you think about setting minimums, like 30 mins on one important task, 30 mins on another task where I feel I'm progressing, but then... - doing more!
I tried this today. I set a minimum time, I did the minimum, I tried to feel satisfied that I was finished but I had an overwhelming desire to keep going. So I did!!! And I'm afraid that I don't feel that pleasant sense of satisfaction!
Do you have any thoughts on that?
(I'm thinking that I'm being over-demanding, overly-perfectionist and fundamentally trying to do too much! )
Hi Shona. Thanks for your comment. I will answer your question in a video. By the way, I wasn't aware that Oliver recommended my channel. I love his work. Is there a way you could share his recommendation with me? My email is david@drdavidmaloney.com
Thanks for your reply David. I'll email you tomorrow and share Oliver's email with you there.
Thank you, David for the new video you uploaded today!! I really appreciate it! I've never had a video created "for me" before!!! I feel quite honoured (and a bit embarrassed too!!!).
I have added a thank you in the video comments too, but I seem to have different RUclips profiles! No idea why.
Anyway, massive thank you!!! ❤
Dr what if the goals are set for us externally and we have to do them anyway , theyre very important.
I may address this in a video 🙏
Hi Dr. David. I was wondering why is it that I never feel finished and accomplished. Also if let’s say I might be showing symptoms of ADHD and my nervous system hates doing assignments because I would then have to make a lot of decisions that I would rather post pone to avoid making wrong decisions. Or If I don’t know how to exactly do something from start to finish my default behavior is to delay doing that thing.
The need to control (excessively planing), complexity (challenging material), and uncertainty (focusing on outcomes) all play a part in this.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy I relate to all what you just mentioned and I also have all the signs of chronic procrastination and managed to identify how my upbringing has lead to all this but where do I go from here? I still don’t want to do that complex task and I feel huge discomfort from starting it. I realized that I always have this need for control and when I don’t have it I don’t execute anything. So how do I go about making lasting changes in my behavior?
Also, funnily enough. When I hear that my need for control is holding me back then I would try to control it and think to myself I have to start doing work on this assignment even if I don’t feel like it. And here we go again now I “have to” get the work done despite not feeling prepared enough. The funny thing is that I am never prepared enough. It’s me who keeps re-creating the same situation over and over again with all the herculean expectations.
Finsihed.
Lol! Totally missed that.
After the minimum is done, when there is time left.
Feels guilty not to continue doing more until exhaustion/overwhelm.
Is there any practical way to deal with this mindset?
Thanks.