When Someone You Love is Depressed
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 23 авг 2024
- In this video, author and Depression counselor Douglas Bloch talks about how to help a friend or family member who suffers from depression.
To visit my personal website which contains links to all of my books, websites, and newsletters, go to douglasbloch.com
To visit my depression recovery website, go to healingfromdep...
To visit my website on suicide prevention, go to www.overcoming...
To contribute to this channel so that its healing information can reach more people, visit / douglasbloch
To sign up for a free newsletter that provides valuable e-tips for healing from depression, click here: forms.aweber.c...
Hey, thanks for this.
My boyfriend is quite depressed right now, it manifests in irritability and being very on edge, outbursts etc. But that’s ok. I know he is hurting, I only see his pain. He is a beautiful person, and life is throwing a lot of unnecessary difficulties at him. It pains me to see his pain. I would walk with him to the edge of the earth if he needed it, and a million times back. I’m a deep feeler, and have spent years of my life fighting depression - finally having reached a long period of stability, and remembering what happiness feels like. This boy brought colour into my life by loving me, and me loving him. It is so important to tell someone you love them.
This was a nice consolidation. Makes me happy to see all the people who care for and want to help their depressed loved ones. Knowing those loved ones have someone watching a youtube video to understand them, help them, and love them. That they’re important to us.
Thank you for providing everyone with this insight. You are helping us, as well as our loved ones. Loving someone is a beautiful thing. It’s painful, but it is also beautiful.
Thank you for your kind comments and thank you for being there for your boyfriend. I hope he is reaching out for professional help. If not, perhaps you can support him in doing so. My partner Joan was there for me during each of my depressive episodes
Managing my depression since I was very young. When you were reading those things that are constructive for people to say, I really teared up. I think it is great that a therapist who manages their own depression can help others in a common bond.
Thank you. I am not actually a therapist. I am a mental health educator and depression survivor who is trying to help other people, just as I was helped
Exactly, someone who knows what they're talking about.
"You will get better" is a phrase that I find infuriating to hear for 3 reasons: 1) it downplays those in the world who don't get better or didn't get better before they died; 2) it pushes optimism and sets up the speaker as someone who cannot understand me, a pessimist; and 3) although lacking the words, "I promise . . ." it is a promise that the speaker cannot possibly keep. Of greater comfort to me along those lines would be, "Whether you get better or not, I will walk alongside you in this." That's something that the speaker can control. That's an offer to remove isolation.The other suggestions were spot on.
I'm FiNe I agree with this too because at the times of my worst depression I can’t see it ever going away. I’ve suffered depression my whole life and it’s something I was born with and runs in my family. I won’t ‘cure’ it, but managing it is what I have to do.
You cant expect people to think like you do and say the exact words you expect being appreciative is important too
@@africanqueenmo, do you even have the foggiest idea of what a clinical depression is???
People with clinical depression lacks the ability to "be appreciative" in their dark times. They may have good days and some even manage to move out a depression - and at those times, they will be appreciative of the help they've gotten.
But if you - as a friend of a clinical depressed person - expect appreciation in the midst of their depression, you are NOT treating them as a friend. You are treating them as a project...
I have not suffered through a depression myself, but my very good is, and I will NEVER expect of him to be appreciative for what I say or do... I can only hope he knows I love him and appreciate the help I offer, but I will never expect him to thank me. I just hope he get's the strength to battle his demons...
My friends broke my heart when they said I am annoying and need to grow up. They have their life so I need to stop being like that . I shut myself off for a week when I was depressed. Hearing those words it pushed me back to the dark hole again.
Perhaps you could speak positive words to yourself and tell yourself you’re a good person. Or talk about it with a counselor or someone you trust
Douglas Bloch I am born in household where mental health is irrelevant and I stay in a different country for my studies. I have no friends now to talk to or hang out with when I am at my lowest . I am watching your videos to help myself.
My wife seems to be suffering from depression. I am in the process of helping her find professional help. This pandemic has really taken a toll on many of us. Take care of one another. Thank you for making this informative video.
You're welcome.
Other phrase we can say to our loved one that he or she is going through depression , this is a beautiful phrase I’m with you all the way , we need to be there for our loved one and give their , the support they need from us
I wish I had that kind of support where at least someone would come and take me out for the day off their own backs. I've tried bringing it up to the ones closet to me but I always get that I basically have to do it myself. That's all I want but nobody seems to want to do that despite me trying to telling them time and time again. I like that they say they are here for me and stuff but as far as actions go I find myself having nobody to help me get there only myself.
Exactly the same here. I have ‘friends’ that say that they’re here for me. But they don’t know what that means. I need desperate help with just that daily stuff. My house is a disaster but I don’t have the energy to clean. I’m not taking care of myself, showering, brushing teeth etc. the tiniest thing is a monumental effort.
@@emilywilhite5807 Get an hour of help once a week of your friends. Then you have support and ease the depression gradually.
That sucks but in my case I have no one to even ask to help me. No wife, girlfriend, kids, friends and lost all three of my dogs in the past six months. Only person I have is my mother who was nice enough to let me move in with her four years ago when I lost everything to a drug addiction. I got sober over three years ago and have never been more depressed since then. You'd think that would have turned my life around for the better but it made it worse. I have nothing and no one at 44 now and just don't see the point anymore. The only thing that stops me from taking my life is not wanting to put my mother through that but at the same time I'm just a burden to her so I weigh which one is worse. I pray to God and read the bible all the time and stopped 99% of sinning and still it's like God isn't there. I just don't know how to get back on track and lately especially am more worried than ever that I will never and that there's only one answer. Just lost. Sorry about your pain and wish I could help but all I can do is pray for you. I hope you are feeling better or even somewhat better by now.
Helpful video, especially what to say to a loved one who is depressed.
Even during my most agnostic moments, I firmly believed in asking others to hold my vision statement. That way several others are sending it into the Universe and helping to increase hope. It worked for me many times. Thank you Douglas. I look forward to your next video.
THank you for your help. I've been going through a very difficult time.
More than welcome
Hi Doug
I was diagnosed with severe depression. It’s been about a year now since I was told. I listen to what you said, I still have the motivation to get out and ride my bicycle and hang out with my friends so I’m obviously a little bit better than severely depressed? What I do struggle with is sometimes at night my body is in such a state of arousal that I find it hard to go to sleep. Last night I may have gotten three hours sleep and I feel okay, but it’s not perfect by a long shot. I read that some people who are depressed find it hard to sleep where as some others find that they sleep way too much? My vision of health happened for me yesterday. I had a beautiful amount of sleep I had so much energy I was out and about on my bike riding in the beautiful sunshine, and that is my vision but I choose to remember of where I want to be soon. Last night was a hick up, having only a very short sleep. It’s these times when I’m tired, and grumpy but I need other people to help me remember my vision for health.
You are exactly on target. We need other people to hold a vision of healing for us. Here is a video I made that explains this.
ruclips.net/video/b8FfcdHGQVk/видео.html
My girlfriend has chronic depression, and everytime I say such words like "you're going to get better" and the like, it never helps, becuase she would always question that, but I always keep up being optimistic, praying, and hoping for the best. But sometimes it gets so tiring, so so tiring. I still love her and yes I will stick with her through it all.
Good work for stricken with her.
I have been dealing with debilitating anxiety and depression for 15 years. I once thought it would eventually subside. Now I’ve accepted that I will have to just survive this day by day or not. I would not wish this on anyone.
I hope you have some good tools to help you. Send me an email and I will send you a chart with some good self-care activities that can help to improve your mood.
douglasbloch@gmail.com
"I'm going to stick with you"
I wish someone could do that for me. I'm a clown. Everybody wants me to be happy and positive. But I have depression and anxiety. And PTD. No men stand when I'm down. It's like having my father abandoning me over and over and my mother abusing me time and time again. The only reason I still here is that I believe God exists and He will put me in hell for getting out this Life. And because of nature and the arts.
Can you find a counselor or therapist to work with. It’s good that you’re still here and I have something to live for
Is there any advice when your husband has depression but feels like you are the cause of his depression. He does not like me. Has isolated himself away from me. What should you do in that case?
My boyfriend (on and off) of the last 4 years dumps me every time I hit a low. Then later apologizes and says he’s really in it this time. Well, 2 nights ago he dumped me again.
Awesome video Doug!
Thanks. You should show it to your partner and see if she relates to it.
One of my good friends is in the mental health ward at the hospital . She is getting out soon. Thank you for the ideas. I hope I can be of some help to her
Good luck. If you watch some of my other videos you can get some ideas on mental health recovery
@@DouglasBloch thank you . I'm watching a ton of them tonight.
I hope you’re getting some good ideas
@@DouglasBloch yes , I am. You have lots of good info .
@@DouglasBloch I think I will send her some of your videos. I hope they will not upset her . I think they may help her.
Thank you Doug. A great video. Very helpful. Im thinking of dating someone who has depression and anxiety and your advice will help me decide the best steps forward 🙏🙏
Good luck
Don’t do it! I have both and barely existing. It very hard for my loved ones. It breaks the hearts of everyone involved.
You're video was very helpful, but I'm curious if you could answer my question.
My girlfriend and I have been separated now for almost a month. She chose to end our relationship rather suddenly, asking a month or so of no contact, all the while making it sound like she was doing me a favour. She told me thing like she "cares, but can't return my feelings" that I should "find someone who can."
There are a lot of things going on in her life right now are causing a lot of stress, and I had been trying to get her to open up about it, but she always said "I'm fine" or "I'll be alright". I never pushed her to tell me more if she didn't want to.
I guess my question is, how can I reach her and show her that I am here to support her? I'm a little hesitant to contact her for fear of her pushing away even more.
I agree. If you pursue her you will probably push her away. I would focus on your own self-care and every week or so reach out with an email or text, saying that you care about her and are available for support.
Hi, thanks for the reply. That make sense. I've crafted a simple text message that I plan to send out soon, something that doesn't require a reply but just says I'm here for her. Thank you again for your advice. She normally likes her solitude, and often needs time apart from people.
how are you two now? did you get back together?
my boyfriend did the same to me a month ago. I'm devastated but trying to help from a distance. Now quite sure it's happened because he's not well.
your*
Thank you so much.
You’re welcome
Very interesting. I never thought there was an end to it. 😱
I hope i can be a better from my depression 😢😢is not easy to live with depression, I'm suffering for almost 2 years of depression, sometimes i almost giving up, because no one comfort me and understand my situation 😢 I'm always fighting againts myself for the happiness of my love once even is not easy for me, i am daily fights of my depression 😭 but no one comes around me and talk to me.
Have you reached out to a counselor? He or she could give you comfort.
@@DouglasBloch nope, i never been to the counselor, but I have planed to do that, when I'm back in my country. Thank you for your video I learned a lot from you sir
I only want from my family is comfort and understanding and willing to listen to me, but nobody of my family cares about me. I was trying committed of suicide when I was 23 Yr old, but I stop because life is beautiful no matter what. I want to live normal and happy but I don't understand, i also have traumatic situation before that's makes me depressed for long years.
I'm searching how to heal when someone have depression that's why I'm watching and listening your program,. Because i feel that my situation is getting worse day by day. Hmm is there medicine for depression sir?
Your very kind
Thanks Douglas
Thank you! ☺
Watching this for myself.
my bf let me say on/off relationship He dont understand my situation we dont See eachother this last months since i isolate myself
we talk on the fone everyd,i lost interest on him my feelings are gone, i told him that and that He should leave me alone
he dont Take me serious, he say he love me but he is not there 4me,i Always helped him financial he is mostly broke He put alot of money to his adiction
i think thats why iam depressed now His moods took my good Energy and happyness,iam Happy to have my kids
If the relationship is not health for you, than you should probably not be involved in it. You might want to talk with a counselor about this to get support.
yeah its not healthy its toxic
i talked to s.o.i will make a therapy in a day clinic but it take weeks so i have to wait
It will be worth the wait to get good help.
Thank you
I have an older brother that I’m currently living with. Suffers from anxiety and depression.. I had tried multiple times to be there for him but It doesn’t seem to go no where... he doesn’t socialize or goes out.. I am currently the one taking care of the pets and keeping the home clean but is becoming to the point is taking a toll on me... I want to leave but I feel like I can’t leave him I just feel stuck on a loop I can’t get out of and I’m scared he’s depression will consumed me...
Depression can be contagious. I suggest you find a counselor or therapist or confidant to talk with and get some support in figuring out what is best for you and for your brother.
Your videos are helping me so incredibly. Thank you. I know this is a tough question, but my partner suffers from chronic depression, we are currently in a long distance relationship which makes everything harder. Since I can't physically be there for him what can I do? He goes sometimes days without saying a word to me and I give him space, but I really want to be there for him. Is there any way that I can help him from such a long distance? I'm not giving up.
The best thing you can do is to encourage your partner to seek mental health treatment. If you go to my web page healing from depression, there is a page called :When Someone You Love is Depressed" that has some other good information. You can also refer your partner to the web page as it has some good resources and links for people who suffer from depression.
Douglas Bloch Same situation here, but my boyfriend already goes to therapy regularly. What else can I do to help?
Not give up . Be there for him and who him your support , you will be together one day
What if he says he just needs to snap out of it?!?!?! Or get his shit together and he doesnt know what is what...what does that even mean?!
How can i contact you personally.. Need your help. My girlfriend is so depressed
Sir thanks so much. I just got diagnosed a week ago and am really scared of the recovery process
Depression is treatable and you can recover from it
Thank you so very much!
You are welcome.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
But what if the person going through depression consciously distance themselves from me and push me away? They give me the feeling that words like "I love you" and "I'm in this with you" would more annoy them and pressure them than help them. What should I do when their coping method is to close up and push me away? (They can't even discuss the idea of seeing a professional without getting hurt and really upset.)
+Tan Xu There is only so much you can do when a person doesn't want help. So be patient. In addition, you can watch this video which talks about what to say to a depressed person. ruclips.net/video/CJDMHoKXT3U/видео.html
Thank you，I will watch it.
How about be kind to yourself?
I pushed away people i care about they are not here for me i feel terible i dont know hoe to fix it i want them back zhey care but it was to much for them what can i do
I will find a good therapist or counselor and talk about what happened. Maybe he or she can help you come up with some good ideas to reconnect with people
Me and my girlfriend just broke up a week agoo and she told me she feels like she wants to die i show a lot of support to her make her feel good but thenn she just says im so sorry but i cant give you any more hopess even when i ask her do you still love me she says im sorry i dont want to dragg you down with mee i still love her so muchh but dont now what to do i feel very empty
I'm sorry to hear of the break-up. But you can still reach out to her and offer help. Most important, you should encourage her to seek mental health treatment.
Yes and you get help.
What can you do if they are pushing you away and shutting themselves our from you if you're in a long-distance relationship during the pandemic?
Keep reaching out using the phone, email, zoom, etc. and keep encouraging your friend to seek out mental health counseling.
@@DouglasBloch thank you but he’s shut his phone off so I have no way of contacting him! It sucks, I feel so helpless
I wish someone at home would understand my illness, and use the what "not to say".
Yes, people often misunderstand depression
Hello sir, my father is suffering from severe depression and I am trying every way possible to help him out. He met a counselor as well but all the things he has been asked to try out like reading and meditation, the will power to do is lacking in him . How do I help him inculcate that?
He knows and he agrees that it's good for him but again he doesn't try them unless being pushed.
It is hard to make somebody do something if they don’t want to. I would keep encouraging him. See if you can find other people to join him in the activities. That makes it a lot easier if you have somebody to do something with, like going on a walk or going to a movie.
Surely, will do. Thank you so much.
U can try to start with things that he was used to enjoy. Its easier to do that. Then slowly incorporate meditation or exercise into his existing daily schedule. So that he dont feel overwhelmed or tired. I hope it helps.
The will power is lacking as he has lost hope for his recovery. Tell him you are there and show him his progress. Give him hope
my boyfriend just shut me out, we were fine, we did not have any argument, this is the second time that he has done the shut out, the first time it was for ( 3 months) then he came back, no it is more than a week that i do not know anything about him, i tried to call him but he does not answer, i told his sister to check on him but she does not answer me, i am worried but also i told him how much it hurts me when he does this ,just shut out with any word, i am very supportive, but also it is a lot of pain, sometimes i wonder how long he will take, just one message to tell me that he is in the dark place, he has depression and anxiety, he has cut himself 4 times, he thought about suicide, he is in therapy once every two weeks, but now i do not know if he still have the sessions.... i do not want to give up on my relationship, but i do not know what to do honestly, i tried to reach out but nothing... we have a long distance relationship.. please help mee :(
You should talk with your own counselor about this. But I have learned that it is hard to help anyone who does not want to receive help. I have a nephew who has relapsed into alcoholism and doesn't return my calls. Until he admits he has a problem there is a little I can do
What if the person I care for and myself are suffering from depression?
Then both of you get help ASAP
Thank you very much for your helpful videos, i am here watching for my long distance boyfriend depressed i jusf want to know how to be there for him, sometimes he goes silent for many days , i dont know how to deal with that? Should i keep texting him daily & support him or just leave space for him ?? Can u help me what to do , i really do care for him and want to be always there for him
I would find a counselor to talk to, and get some advice from them. In myI opinion, I think you should continue to reach out to him with words of support, perhaps not every day, but every few days. Encourage him to Reach out for help and seek treatment for his depression
@@DouglasBloch thank you very much for replying me, i am so gratfull for you, he just blocked me today again and i text him from another number i wonder why he block me he just told me Because he think im too nice of a human being and he's going to hurt me, and that he knows he wiill, so he want to save me the trouble of it, and that he will not be very good to me , i start to be confused and scared in the same time dont want to let him alone what should i doooo plz plz
But what if someone that i loved is really far away from me? We're on a long distance relationship now, i really want to support her and help her but she always pushing me away from her, what should i do? Please help me i dont want anything bad happened to her.. Please
Perhaps you can send her some supportive videos from RUclips or a book about mental health recovery. You might also want to see a counselor to get your own support.
Let her know u are going to be there for her no matter what and u are going to help her recover. Keep asking her about her plans for the day by calling her various times throughout the day. She will know u r truly there. Plz dont move back by her initial resistance. I hope it helps
My friend had depression, anxiety, ADHD,he sometimes has suicidal thoughts but is to scared to carry it out, and his father did something horrible to him when he was little.
I want to help him but idk how, I listen to him when he needs it, and I don't judge him. but I not only want to help him as s friend he likes me and I like him. we want to date. I wnat to also help him as his gf but I really need to know how to help before I can be his gf.
if you have more tips please help me
what's worse is my parents don't like him at all
Encourage your friend to see a therapist where he can process the trauma he went through. He might also benefit from mediation, so you can also encourage him to see a psychiatrist or a nurse practitioner who can prescribe meds. Go too this link and find a NAMI chapter indoor area. They offer free classes for people who have family members or friends who suffer from mental health disorders. www.nami.org/Find-Support
It is good to be educated and to meet other people in your situation.
Douglas Bloch his mom doesn't want him on any meds, and I just found out he's going to start going to a therapist.
thanks for the advice 😆
+ seeing a therapist is more important than the medication Luna Bella
I didn't know that,
thanks
@@lunabella9372 he sounds exactly like me !! I have been ill for decades just keeps getting worse. I wouldn’t date him you will be settling for half a life unless you leave him at home and have a very active life independent of him. I’m only getting worse. I can’t work anymore. What if he can’t work and you are the sole supporter? You will be on your own with everything.
Yess
What if the person doesn't want to recovery from depression . He or she wants to stay where they are . He or she made the state of depression a comfort zone . Who likes to suffer and feel pain
In my book, healing from depression, I said that the first step in depression recovery is to set the intention to heal. This means make the decision that you want to get well, even if you don’t know how. If a person is not motivated to get well it is very difficult to achieve recovery. Were you referring to a friend?
Nice. But when there is no one to lookafter,can carry /follow u for a vv serious patient who remains in room all the time,can,t come out in day light,fears have covered severly,how i ll b recovered? Things r getting xtreme worse,help.plzzz😭😭😭😭😭😭
Do you what you can to encourage them to reach out for help. You might have them to call the crisis line or to go to an appointment with a counselor.
What jerk would dislike this😔
❤
Do you have suggestions for supporting a 48 very masculine male friend who appears to battle depression but would never admit it? I'm starting to notice a pattern of event triggered total withdrawal. How do you support him when he just disappears? Platonic big sister/brother relationship.
Thank you
It is difficult to help someone with depression if they are not receptive. Here is a video I made about how to help a loved one who is depressed.
ruclips.net/video/ZaWfcFH3wPI/видео.html
Thank you
Hi, thank you for your video. What if we are on a long distance relationship? the first time that we met, He was so misserable and emosionally closed, not too happy and had suffered depression in his past life. Then everything change when I starting to dating him, He become so happy, hopeful, caring and optimistic.
After he come back to his country, he said his life during exchange period is like a dream and now like a nightmare. He go back to his old pessimistic life (don't want relationship), his mom has a dimensia which make him more and more sad and depressed and the surrounding (rude/racist/not welcoming people). Once he was very sad, he thinks because I am not there for him,then in 1/2 months he is overwhelm and wants so cut everything off. This situation also effect me a lot, but I still wanna be with him in long term. Sometimes when he didn't reply, I go mad and calling like a crazy person.. he said it was too much and he hate it. But he relized of his situation and willing to get better and try to make our relations work. What should I do?
You need to recognize the limitations of having a long distance relationship. Still, you can continue to interact wth him video chats such as Skype, Face Time, Google chats, etc. In addition, see if you can visit him on a vacation or he can visit you. As always, if he is depressed, encourage him reach out to help with mental health professionals, ministers, friends, relatives, etc.
vivian chevy ::: it's happen with my boyfriend too , he lost and I just try my best to reach his country as soon - he never open about his issue -
I would say good luck for you. but remember that your life is as matter as his.. My bf was so open to me yet he still pushes me away, he realized he dragging me too and my day might be more miserable than his.. Don't ever let this happen to you, try to support him and offer him your help, but if he refuse.. don't force it. Just live your life and be happy. It's his lost to let go a good, understanding, supportive girlfriend!
viv Viv hi Viv sort of going through something similar, please be honest with me are you guys still together?
@@mushemunyanya2704 "still together" is as in a relationship? I can't say that specifically. But we definitely still keep in touch and honestly have a better communication than before. I hope after the pandemic, we can see each other.
Can my girlfriend still show me love ?
I keep getting mixed feelings that she cheating on me or idk ..
I would ask her
I would like to interview you when your new book comes out. I am a video producer for the government.
Which book were you referring to? I’ve written a number of them
but my bf doesnt want to get help. how can i help him get through it? im worried of him i have anxiety.
Just continue to be there for him and continue to encourage him to get professional help
Is it possible that depression may transfer to another partner ?
Yes. I believe there's a book called When Someone You Love is Depressed that talks about depression being contagious.
How to contact you?
You can send me an email. My email is listed at the end of my videos
Its almost impossible to help [alone] when the friend is housebound abusing the heck out of disassociation drugs called "Legal Highs" and will NOT answer the door; emails and no longer has a phone and whom challenges me with "Well then you know what its like cuz you were depressed too"
I think I will learn a bit more before tackling this: Thank You for your videos / help +Douglas Bloch
I empathize with you. It is hard to help those who are not open to receiving help. That is why the first step of my recovery program is setting the intention to heal.
Help, can u , make extra effort,God will reward u,Can u plzz.. ask someone, can u take me,can any angel come,im always Praying 4 death every second,😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭,
I read over 100 000 pages through years last year all dishes each meal cleaning everything I can review any research paper any new findings I articulated beyond epistemology assertiveness co dependency and I am defeated by darn medication lack of precise lab work cheezy theraphy wo any imaginable modality but preferencial bs your approach in todays world kindly and sincerely may work may be under 25 but how about those read over post doctoral crap just to find their way is that all you can say to them over 55 lmao great wonderful I should make a darn video explaining all neurochemistry and side effects of meds and additional devastating problems comes with lol man take it serious and why da heck you have to refer your own depression get over with it u know how serious is contingency of ptsd as a professional hazard
This guy is like a human Klonopin
I meant that as a compliment, Douglas, like soothing. :)
Thanks Douglas