Should I Talk to My Wife’s Toxic Boss?
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
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My wife once had a nasty boss, she complained to me all the time about her boss. She called me at work one day crying. I told her, "Reach down, pick up your purse and walk out the door. You don't have to take it."
Good advice! Or start looking for another job before grabbing the purse, but still. It does take much courage to quit sometimes due to guilt.
Same. My husband said "Come home and don't go back.". I've NEVER regretted it.
She didn’t though did she?
@@patty109109why do you assume she didn't?
This is no different than a mom calling her teenager's workplace to whine to the management. They usually just fire the kid.
My boyfriend and I have a rule that if you continue complaining about something past a certain point, you have to either 1) do something about it or 2) stop complaining. It’s super helpful to make us consider whether something is worth changing or worth toughing it out!
Just reading the thumbnail, you cannot fight your wife’s professional battles for her.
Nope, and that could get him in legal trouble which will then lower his chances of getting a police job!
Yep, I tried that with an ex many many years ago and she lost her job because of it. Till this day I still regret it. So stupid.
Flip the scenarios. If he has a tough time with his sergeant, would he want his wife to go talk to him on her behalf? He’d have a million explanations why it’s a bad idea
Wife is venting about her job, does not mean hubby go slay this dragon for me. My wife worked for a superior court judge who was a jerk and she complained often about it…. I sure wasn’t going to go call him out 😂 if it’s that bad she should find another job. Definitely stay out of it. I agree this could sabotage your LE career very easily ..I’m retired LE myself.
@@TonyCox1351not the least of which, all the sexism.
If you step in and interfere in your wife's job, you will completely undermine any authority or standing she has at work. Do not ever do this.
The fact that he is even considering stepping in to straighten out this boss speaks volumes about what type of cop he is going to be. It should be obvious he has no place to interfere here.
No one is perfect, especially at such a young age. If he continues to question himself and to consciously seek wisdom, he will be one of the good ones.
I wouldn’t be shocked if he shows up with his badge and gun one day in an attempt to flex
@@nailatiyllufand when he gets in trouble for it, complain about woke policies lol
@@derekd1510 Maybe, but he is not a child learning right from wrong. He's already an adult. One would hope he'll figure it out before he ruins his, his wife's and potentially the bosses lives.
Ding ding ding!! Best comment on this video. ❤
Sounds like she’s just wants to vent about work to her husband.
Lol! 😅 And like most husbands, instead of just listening and comforting her, he wants to find a solution to the problem NOW. 😅
He jumps in, she loses a job. She doesn't like it, she can leave.
Yep
Facts
She can't leave if she has no job and no references.
@@jenniferpearce1052 she still has the option though
@@TheRealMrHighOffMusic True. But it makes it a lot harder
She's venting. That what ppl do. He is overreacting. He can be supportive and listen and she can cut some of it out if is truly affecting him that much. Have a conversation together and work something out.
@erica1898 yes she is venting but he is a protector, he’s just trying to be protective. She just needs upfront and say I’m just venting.
@@wbexteriors9808But he is making assumptions instead of asking her if he can do anything about it!
@aphiwemagaya3279 I agree with, it’s his protective nature that wants him to do something about it, is my point. I went through the same thing early on in my marriage. Boss being a jerk to the woman I love and adore, yes I wanted to do something about it, I knew better and of course my wife said she was just venting but it’s still the urge to want to protect her that is driving him. This is why I assume they are young and newly married.
@@wbexteriors9808yep. Me and my wife have been married almost 30 years, she can fight her own battles lol
Needing money will have you stuck with a toxic boss. My dignity is not for sale. Love to hear it.
If I ever talked to my wife's boss like that, I'd never know the results because I'd soon be single. They got the answer right.
My father in law who is a retired lawyer told us when my mother-in-law was pregnant and it was icy outside. Her boss told her she still had to come in. My father in law told him she doesn’t HAVE to do anything. Men should always be in a place where his wife can quit. At least work towards that as a man. He is in a position where his wife has a disrespectful boss which is different than just having a difficult boss and he can’t do a thing about it because they’re financially strapped
See, you went there...100% true too.
LMAO such a cop thing to ask 😂
Facts
It's like a parody.
Never fight your wife's professional battles for her. It is his job to provide a situation where if she wants or has to leave she can. That is the conversation he should have with her rather than building an environment where they feel trapped.
Yes, let her advocate for herself and stand up for herself. That will give her agency in the situation. He can be confident in saying: You can leave whenever you are ready to find a healthier work situation and I support you in that.
@@Books_Makeup exactly. You have a better way for words than me. Bravo. Lol
"It is his job to provide a situation where if she wants or has to leave she can"
No, that is NOT his job. What about feminism and equality? I notice that such equality ALWAYS ends the moment it comes to being self sufficient. It is NOT the job of men to provide for women who are perfectly capable of providing for themselves. What a MASSIVE simp!
Let the wife find out it's the same everywhere. My gripe is that the hosts think it's so easy to find a job. WRONG job seekers are sellers of labor and it's a permanent buyers' market
My gosh. Stand up for yourself. If this was your kid and it was their teacher who was a jerk, then yes. Your wife is an adult.
Co workers and bosses can make your life hell. If you can't deal with it, leave. You can't fight others battles.
And an investigator can make you life even worser.
Sounds like they don’t have a choice bt to deal with it. If Ramsey were on he’d tell them to work their butt off, get out of debt and you won’t have these problems
If he uses his official position as a detective to harass someone instead of just having his wife quit, he can wind up costing the city millions and losing his job. Being considered "annoying" by your emplyees is not a crime. He needs to get a job stat.
@@aao449My sister's ex did this. It was so weird, she dated him AGES ago, like about 30 years, got a call from the current woman he was supposedly with out of the blue and she was asking for information on if he was abusive, if my sister had experienced abuse with him, etc. She was like how tf did they get my work number, etc.. he is in CHP so I'm sure he did something shady.
Baloney is 100% correct here, tell her to quit and you go get 3 jobs until she finds a new one. If she doesn't want to quit, then she gets deal with it. You have a pending career with the Police, don't commit a crime by harassing or assaulting this clown. Good luck.
Baloney🤣🤣🤣
You’re a clown
'Dignity not for sale' - sounds good and is true after a point, but an absolute would mean nobody would deliver pizzas (as Dave famously advises everyone except his mother). Join the real world John. They should swallow their pride for a season if they need the money.
The fact he was foolish enough to call in and ask this during his background investigation is not good. He could be dumped by a bi just for this call and considering confronting the wife's boss.
As a business owner, if one of my employee's spouse come and did what he wanted to do. I would politey tell him i understand and fire them the same day.
Honestly at that point if the boss is so insecure, they deserve to lose employees left and right.
@towel-ie7554 Not insecure at all. No boss should have a random come and dictate how they should run their own business. If the employee has a problem, they need to take it up with the boss. The boss don't need outside interference. Once there is outside interference and its from an employee, the best action from that boss is to cut ties.
@@Jay-sy8ls It reeks of insecurity. Going in to yell at not-your-boss is a weird move, but honestly at that point call the boss out on the floor and quit. Doesn't matter - a bad boss is a bad reference, nothing to lose.
Also dictate implies forced changes. I suggested strongly recommending.
@towel-ie7554 why would it reek insecurity? To fire an employee that bought in outside interference? Smart boss. Nip it in the bud
@@Jay-sy8ls Because it means the boss can't take criticism.
I don’t think this guy should be a cop….
😂😂
Guys like this give police a bad name.
@bob0in0 I would… but I’m an active duty Marine so I’m kinda busy 😂
He definitely does not need to be a cop 😬
I remember a story my granny told me. She was a working young woman, whose boss was speaking in a rough way to her. She shushed him! She literally shushed him. He was so astonished that he just walked away. Later, she ap- proached him, and asked what it was that he had wanted from her earlier. He replied that he didn't remember, because she had scared him so bad. 😄
Imposing himself into other peoples business with force, he will be an excellent officer.
I am hoping you are being sarcastic.
I'm sure that's sarcasm 🙄
I’ve been there… a well paying corporate job with a horrible, abusive boss. My significant other was supportive of me sticking it out or leaving. I ended up sticking it out and the boss was fired within a month (I wasn’t the only one he was making miserable). I love my job now. His job as a spouse is to be supportive and let her be an adult and handle her own affairs.
Happens quite often. If someone is a jerk to you, good management will pull the weed and never look back.
@@towel-ie7554 Yes, but if your boss is a jerk it is possible that your boss's boss is too, because it may be an institutional problem. I had an incompetent boss and her boss was even worse. She did not last 18 months, but he (i.e., the boss's boss) kept his job for 10 years, and during that period I never heard anyone make a positive comment about him; not once in 10 years. Both are gone now, but that was 10 years of value destruction going on above me (and the organization went from no debt to $100m debt in that period). It can take time for the weeds to be pulled if there is an institutional problem.
Spouse. Significant other.
It's okay to say husband.
"People don't wanna hire her for some reason". It's weird that he didn't bring up the job market or any other valid reason. Maybe his wife isn't very agreeable.
Good point. Hadn’t thought of that.
The reason is that jobs are scarce and everyone is looking because they either don't have one or want a pay increase
@@econdude3811 he could have said that but he didnt
Jade, in Dave’s words it’s “paint or get off the ladder” 😂 I like yours better though 😭
I once had a colleague’s husband who did this and it worked. My colleague went home crying one day from the direct supervisor and her lawyer husband came in and had words with the man. She was completely against it and didn’t know until after the fact.
"My dignity isn't for sale"... sometimes it literally is... you need money to live
I'd be so embarrassed if my partner jumped in to talk to my boss, even if they meant to protect me. When it comes to your job, you have to face it yourself. Get in a union job if you can't fight on your own and let them help you fight for change if necessary. Getting involved as a partner is such a bad idea.
She might need to walk off and THEN go find another job.
I have a job that I hate and have been looking for another one, but I get home from work so tired and drained that I don't have the energy to look for something else. I have decided to leave first and then look for something else in order to have the energy to do so.
I hope everything is going well for you:)
What a joke, dude thinks this is middle school or what
I’m trying to follow the Ramsey plan in all areas except for the starter emergency fund for this very reason. I live alone, hundreds of miles from my family. Having a few months worth of savings allowed me to quit a toxic job a couple of days ago. They don’t get to gaslight me and chew me out for their mistakes. My dignity is not for sale.
Good for him for calling in and asking instead of doing something unwanted and asking for forgiveness later.
She wants to vent and he wants to fix. This is a typical female/male approach. Just listen to your wife and know that you are helping to fix the issues by listening to her vent. That helps her to figure things out in her own mind.
If this is how he reacts to his wife's boss, I can't imagine how triggered he'd be with a gun and a badge.
Your place is to stay out of your wife's career. Allow her to confront him and use the process they have in place to resolve conflicts. Be a great husband and support her from home.
Your wife wants to vent about her boss. It's not for you to do anything, but to listen to her and support her.
Your wife: "My boss is a jerk. You can't believe what he did today."
You: Oh, I know. You are so awesome, I don't know how you put up with that."
Going in to fight her battles for her will 1) probably get her fired, and 2) probably start a big fight between you and your wife for overstepping your bounds. She doesn't want you to *do* anything; she just wants you to listen.
You'll get her fired dude good on John calling him out being a budybody and this dude wants to be a cop 😵💫
They love sticking their noses where it don't belong
If he is in the background stage for Dallas PD, he should stay way from her boss. If he confronts the boss, the boss can drop a dime to the police department and he's finished there. His wife is an adult and he should let her fight her own battles.
Dallas is a huge metropolitan area. There are thousands of jobs there, paying at least $50,00 per year.
I work in marketing. I make the same amount as her. She can find other jobs, ESPECIALLY in marketing because so many of the roles are fully remote now. She doesnt have to work for a company that is in Dallas. And I'm about to leave my job for a slight pay cut but where I'll be happier as well. Theres options out there, just never ever stop looking so that when the right job comes up you'll be ready to apply.
I was pregnant and being intimidated by a new boss in an organisation I had worked for 13 years. My husband went in and told my male boss that I had bad health. Had 5 strokes in past and was pregnant and to back off. It was good to have someone to back me I didn’t know until after he did it I ended up joining a union and they backed right off. They were totally in the wrong.
John is talking about dignity and stuff.. Bills are real, buddy. They come every month in the mail. Until until she finds something else to replace her income, she has o choice.
It sounds like she's the problem. Employers are sensing this and are reluctant to hire her. If she gets another job she will probably be saying the same thing.
A control freak that’s joining the police force, makes sense.
My ex did this one day, I was super embarrassed and ashamed walking into my workplace for weeks on end. Although it is cute that he wants to take it up for his wife, she is an adult and should dealt with her boss herself.
Someone is going to recognize who this woman is from her husband's phone call. She may end up getting fired sooner rather than later.
Guys, I used to serve at a restaurant, this other server was fighting with me, constantly, cussing me out about side work, customers, tips. One night he called his wife to come straighten me. I told the lady “please don’t do this to yourself, it’s so embarrassing…he did it a few times…
Someone being bothered by someone disrespecting his wife isn’t acting like a middle schooler. Any strong protector wants to protect his wife. He has to be mature about it but I’d be more bothered if it didn’t bother him at all
He can be as bothered as he wants, he just can't butt in, uninvited. She's not in any danger, she's just not being treated with the deference she thinks she deserves, as the husband he probably can't suggest that *she's* the problem, but the odds are about even that she is.
These people have more problems than normal, like if HE didn't have a good job coming in,
and SHE didn't have a good job coming in, why did they move here?
He can be bothered by it but she’s an adult. She needs to fight her battles.
Tell your wife to read Ask A Manager. Heaps of advice about the workplace. As a long-time reader of AAM, I can say it is better to go from one job to another and to interview for a new job while still employed.
The only thing you speak to your spouse's boss about is your spouse being too sick to go to work and too sick to call in themselves. If the boss knows their job, they won't even engage with you about anything else.
either she's just venting or wanting him to say it's ok for her to quit
If you are applying as a police officer and hat the boss files a police report saying you threatened him...true or not.. Your career ends before it even starts.
My wife's aunt called up her father's boss and yelled at him for being mean to her brother (my wife's father). The result: he got fired. Great move, aunt, getting your brother fired.
His problem is he has the I'm a cop, I'm always right, and you have to do as I see correct attitude for life's problems.
He is the type cop that worries me.
Crossed this bridge recently. Said we can find you a new job (which is what happened) but you can't step in to solve it. Absolutely not. The person has to advocate for themself.
“Don’t say anything. She is an adult”
“That’s what I’m thinking”
No it isn’t what you were thinking. If you were thinking it you wouldn’t have called in.
I’m scared he wants to be a cop.
This exactly happened to me a month ago. My boss one night after I closed lost his marbles because I called him while he was putting his kids to bed. He lost it over the phone. I grabbed a box with my belongings and called my husband distraught and told him I no longer have a job and we will be ok. I rather work three jobs that being disrespected this way. My boss met with me privately and begged me to come back. I set the boundaries pretty solid and since that day his behavior towards me has changed. You have to be your own advocate. Its up to us to stand up for ourselves.
She apparently loves her job and team, but hates her boss and work inefficiencies. Those two aspects contradict each other.
Agreed. Seems contradictory. He’s only getting her side of the story. All he knows for sure is that his wife is constantly talking about her boss. Who knows why she’s painting him in a bad light? Hubby might be in for a rude awakening if he confronts the boss and finds out there is a lot more going on.
Says “ I’ll be on the PD payroll next month”. Buddy, not a guarantee because you may not pass that background... not to mention, you still have to make it through the academy. Going off this call, you might not have the judgement skills to do it.
Jacob's trying to be the strong, rescuer husband. Pour your wife a glass of wine, sit and listen, and don't even THINK about confronting the boss. Don't even.
respect the dude for not wanting someone for talkin smack to his wife, but really agree with John's response
I know how he feels. My husband's boss is a certified A hole who gets to abuse the employees because he's friends with the manager. Well someone secretly taped him multiple times and they had a meeting where he had to apologize.
1. Coming up to the job to confront her boss could get her fired.
2. Depending on how the "confrontation" plays out you could end up not being a police officer too!!!!
We all need to put up with horrible bosses, sometimes it’s best to ride it out and other times you need to leave. Complaining to HR etc I don’t think is worth the trouble. Support her, tell her she matters and help get her a new job.
He doesn’t want to sacrifice anything, he just wants her to sacrifice
Jacob wants to shake this boss up "Tony Soprano " style.
This isn't recess 😂😂😂😂 spot on!
Unles you are a lawyer or union rep never ever go to someone elses work/boss about their job, not your parter, husband, wife, kids, grandkids, parents, friends or random guy from the street. You can only make things worse.
And just to be clear, the child or grandchild part includes underage children. If they are old enough to work they are old enough to go to job interview etc. alone.
The husband going in to confront the boss will only lead to the boss having less trust on his wife or have her fired. It doesn’t resolve any issues. His wife is determined enough she can even get a part time job or delivery to make ends meet and quit. She’s still hanging in there. She needs to set aside some time to polish her resume and massive apply to every job out there to find a new job!
Feels like high school drama
There are two sides to every story. How do you know she isn't part of the problem? She doesn't want to stay but can't go either.
No job is perfect. We've had these situations, and we dealt with them. We would talk about work to each other, but both positive and negative.
I believe all she wants is to vent to her husband who should always be her safe space! if he confronts her boss, the husband will no longer be her safe space! She will no longer want to tell him anything! He is going to be a police officer now, he will definitely need to learn to set boundaries of his authority! He will need to learn to separate his role as a husband and as a police officer or else he will be abusing his power of authority!
Most of us DO have less than ideal bosses. We either take it, or go find something else. The caller has to be PRISTINE to get his LEO job. Easiest way to not get hired, now or EVER, is to go after this guy, even if just verbally.
Something like four to the last five Ramsey highlight videos have been from a caller I'm not sure I believe. The numbers, the dramatic situation, and the way they converse with the hosts sounds like they are living on their own planet.
Wife should give boss one warning-- "I will not tolerate being spoken to in this disrespectful manner." ONE warning. The next time it happens, she walks out the door with a smiling, "I warned you." Or, if she likes the job and wants to stay, the initial conversation should be that, with "But I could accomplish much more if you would stick to your own sphere and allow me to do what you hired me to accomplish," Either way, she makes her life better and is in a position to decide whether to job hunt while working there and see if he improves or just quit. Her job is her problem and caller needs to stay out of it. She is a professional and a big girl and she doesn't need daddy to make everything right.
Apply at Temp Agencies to get "immediate" work.
Them telling her just to quit is super irresponsible. They rlly don’t understand how hard the job market is right now
Exactly when you have bills to pay next situation may not be any better
you can't drown people with constant negatives.... no one wants that
Yeah if you want to get your wife fired.
Jacob, sir, I question how long you've been married and may not know, or if this is part of your character and personality (which is amazing for an officer or deputy to have).
Your wife, as many wives, trusts you enough to use you as a sounding board and is simply venting. She may merely need your support, not one who is going to step in and confront this man who is being a jerk to your beloved. If she ever needs THAT, she will tell you.
Confronting him should only happen, if ever, as you are helping her clear out her office after she hands in her resignation, or when she's fed up, calls you, and relays to you that's she's quit.
She's far from that. Pro-actively listen to her, support, and encourage her! 💐 Do not step up for her (as of yet!). 😉
Much appreciation for the wonderful husband you are. Continue to love on her, and support her!
BTW, two decades ago, I netted just over $4k a month in marketing at a 501c3 in Addison, Dallas County. She CAN make substantially more, today, should the need arise! Prayerfully, you both thrive in North Texas!
The necessity for two incomes is commonly to fund day care and pay taxes. This is unfair to both partners and especially to the kids. I wish there another way around this sad fact.
They created the situation to paint themselves into a corner. Stick it out and lesson learned.
The caller is so controlling it is frightening.
The wife needs to quit.
This man's personality would make him a terrible officer.
I am thinking he will bully people because he need to control things.
The caller with a badge is public enemy #1
If he is a month away from being an officer…. I wouldn’t tell him to quit now. She can quit and work at McDonald’s if she has too.
Everybody is missing the point! Jade's hair looks spectacular!!!
I’m suspicious about a product or service launch moved from 9 months up to 6 weeks. This may have crash and burn all over it.
Yeah I think they should give advice for the broader audience.
There’s gotta be a more educated response than this. I would tell her to formulate a professional email, also if she’s apart of a union speak to the representative, also Cc in email someone in a higher position.
Only hubby can be controlling, not the boss right??
It’s not the husband’s battle to fight. I was in a similar situation as well.
No, she needs to leave the toxic job. I love that he's trying to protect her but it's her duty to leave the job to keep the husband from getting into a problem.
I get the need to want to protect the one you love. I really hate how that potato makes him feel. Good advice john. My dignity is not for sale. 🎉🎉🎉
Potato= my husband's boss
freedom. its what we all want. freedom of choice and not feel like someone controls your every move.
Once he's a cop he can abuse his power and make this guys life hell like he did to this guys wife.
A cop is always a cop.
I dont buy tbis guys end story now because in the beginning he said hes saying"babe you cant just leave , you gotta have another job first, and you gotta put up with that boss for one more month til Im on police payroll"" which makes it sound like you're telling her no, you cant quit yet...own that your not supporting her decision to quit..so shes complaining more..
Never ever say anything negative to someone’s boss. You are just going to get them fired and get yourself into a bad situation. If it’s enough of a problem, they need to stand up for themselves or find another job.
She needs to document everything and get a labor attorney involved.
Has see confronted him? If is she comfortable confronting him. If she she she needs to give some ultimatum and back it up. If she is not comfortable she probably needs to just quit.
I think this discussion was suppose to sit between you and your wife. We all vent about our jobs with no action needed from whom we vent to!
Or wait a month and raid the place with your new buddies from the police department 😅