WHY you think YOU ARE UGLY| Dr DRAY
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- Опубликовано: 7 ноя 2024
- Dermatologist Dr Dray on why you think YOU ARE UGLY. How social media and Zoom impacts your self image and can cause Zoom dysmorphia.
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Heroes don’t always wear capes. Sometimes they wear sunscreen. 💕
I love that!
💕👏🏼👏🏼
❤️
Aaaaaaw!
Love that, best comment ever - and so true❤️
This may sound weird but if you’re feeling bad about yourself, get out in public around lots of regular people and you’ll see most people just looks average and not like plastic photoshopped people. Go to a large grocery store or even a theme park and you’ll see so many normal bodies and faces and it’s really healthy to see 😊
Idk girl I’m in Phoenix az there’s always plastics around
It does the opposite for me honestly. I have bad undereye (genetic btw) and everyone looks normal and then there's me. Idk why, but I feel so out of place that I always have to subtly hide my face. So I guess it might be different for some people.
I never thought about this. I almost never make eye contact while shopping and I avoid aisles with people in them.
Not really… I get you meant well by this. But the truth is that some people are beautiful and some people are not. That’s just the truth. When I socialize, I get a reminder that I’m not one of the pretty ones. That’s okay, but it’s still hurtful. I’m working on it though
Tbh, going out makes me so anxious that I don't really notice how others look and I forget their faces 30 min later
“True beauty comes from how you treat people, how you carry yourself, your presentation, your kindness, your emotional intelligence", well said Dr Dray, well said 👏💕
It's so true... The only time I've thought someone was ugly was when they treated people badly, I think ugliness has more to do with behaviour than actual facial features...
How you perceive yourself, too, directs others on how to take you. Confidence is the prettiest thing that we all can wear.
Wise wise words
False!
Truly a quotable quote!
I always think I look ugly in pictures, but when I look myself In the mirror I don’t see the same thing. So weird.
But I hate taking pictures of myself.
@@orozcoaj69 so weird right?
And sometimes it’s like a mind trick cuz, you start wondering how do you really look?
100%!!! Every time I see a pic someone takes of me, it makes me feel like crap. But have you seen the recent posts going around that show different camera lenses and the effect they have on your facial structure in pictures? It’s so fascinating and actually reassured me that people are seeing what I see in the mirror, not in the photos.
Me too!!! Thought I was the only one, lol!!
@@sallars yes!!! That’s exactly how I was thinking and seeing it too.
@@sallars I feel exactly the same would like to watch that post you’re mentioning
“ Nobody is really looking that hard at you, they’re too busy looking at themselves. “
A truth that isn’t said loud enough! People are too damn self absorbed to give a rats a** about what you look like! Thank you Dr. Dray for re-establishing that!!!
But some people have time and make fun of others !!!
Hilarious
@@turquoiseturtle4174
Ofc its true
U told it generally i misunderestood
I am actually surprised how observant and critical some people can be. They will remember what I wore yesterday when even I don’t remember 🤣. The worst part is when you talk to a person and you see how they are assessing you head to toe. Like I am speaking with the person and see she is looking at what I am wearing, very awkward moment...
Thats not true. Go on a diet. Feel better about yourself, and coworkers will immediately decide your anorexic, monitor yor bathroom breaks, make comments about what you eat, and start bringing in snacks to push on you.And then want the talk their concerned Unprofessional! I had that happen 2x. 1 in college. I lost wt, and one woman made a comment about freshman 15, rolled her eyes, then gave nast laugh.The room got quiet, the professor looked right at me, and the room went completely awkward. And then he looked at her sort of mad bc he knew the comment was a jab at me. Thing was I lost weight! Go figure. You can't win.
When Dr. Dray said that women in particular reported that they feel, _”very to extremely exhausted after a zoom meeting.”_ - but not so much men. I wonder if it has anything to do with what I have observed in my zoom meetings. I see women adjusting their clothes and hair a lot during meetings and classes. Fidgeting a lot, almost trying to stay looking perfect for the duration of the meeting. Whereas guys don’t do any of that. It’s gotta be exhausting trying to maintain perfection for hours at a time. It’s no wonder they are so tired afterwards. I say everyone should turn their cameras off. They do more harm than good and interfere with concentration on what is actually going on during the meeting or class. This pandemic SUCKS.
Wow! That's so interesting! Thank you for I🤗🤗👏😚
People in my class sometimes got mad that I had my camera off. Like why the hell should people be entitled to seeing me in the only private space I have when it's completely unnecessary for class? Some of my profs would complain at how many people had their cameras off and some of them totally understood it. Not everyone is comfortable and plus meetings can be recorded. It genuinely makes me uncomfortable so yeah like you said I'm keeping my camera off whenever possible I don't care.
I keep me camera off unless I have to make a comment.
I think a lot of people are under the impression that men don't also feel like shit about themselves. I am insane self conscious about pretty much every aspect of my physical appearance and get depressed about it all the time.
@@halloweenheathen4394 not many people think that from my experience. But there's research that shows that on average women are more self conscious than men. That doesn't mean men are not self conscious, it just means women TEND to be MORE self conscious. Of course, this varies from person to person and there's probably men who are more self conscious than the average woman.
"They don't keep me here because I'm beautiful. They keep me here because I'm smart." Judge Judy
Judge Judy is actually very attractive too.
I love her!!! 😊
I mean I’m neither so 😢
bad for me cause im not smart either :(
She's gorg though! She's aged really well
As a psychotherapist I cannot tell you how grateful I am that this is being talked about! X
Me too! I am not a therapist, but I have struggled quietly. It's our actions that makes us attractive. Dr. Dray is a fantastic doctor.
@Turtle Riley and your science resources for such claims are...?
To this day, I cannot stand photos of myself. I'm absent in most of our family albums, like I dont exist. It's sad for my kids.
Even if I look ugly I still take the picture anyways because I want memories and I don’t want to regret it later.
I don't like photos of myself either but I think that cosmetic procedures should be reserved for actual problems a.k.a. people who literally lost their faces, can't breathe out of their noses etc.
@@maam-yj8ph I knew someone bullied to near suicide for their large hooked nose. She had surgery and it changed her life for the better in terms of how she perceived herself. People are allowed to choose and that's okay, but I get what you're saying.
@@traces2807 I would be on board with getting cosmetic surgery if it prevented suicide for the patient. Life-saving surgeries are life-saving surgeries.
@@maam-yj8ph Yes, but that's not cosmetic plastic surgery.. that's reconstructive plastic surgery. Big difference.
Big tip for zoom meetings- there’s a setting where you can hide “self view”. There’s nothing that makes me more self conscious than watching myself give a presentation😫
Good tip 👍🏼👍🏼
Sometimes you are required to have your camera on, though.
@@poxana2891 I think she means you are still on video so others see you but you don’t see yourself in the tile thumbnail.
@@poxana2891 Learn to actually think about what you're reading.
Great tip!
Bravo, Dr. Dray! As a 52 year old, our cultural obsession with a flawless, youthful appearance makes me fear for my daughters. Slather on your sunscreen, get good sleep, eat a mostly whole food diet, exercise daily because ITS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH! Then, get away from the mirror & phone & get on with your REAL life!♥️
Amen, Amanda. Awesome comment. 👍
Amen!! ❤🙏🏽
amen💛
I wish we would normalize healthy skin lightening. I simply don’t want my skin to be this dark. I should have options
best advice ever. Thank you
When I was in love with my ex I thought he was the best looking person on the planet. When I realized he was a narcissist and an abuser I thought he was physically unattractive.
SAME! omg this is so true. Plus allot of it is them manipulating you into thinking they are gods gift and you are lucky to be with them. When the fog has cleared you see they are 'ok' looking at best :D
exactly that!
No, this is just what you convinced yourself to cope.
@@ZelenoJabko that may actually be true
@@ZelenoJabko the power of love vs. the power of the ick make a huge difference in subjective perceptions of attractiveness. That's why you look back at old crushes in confusion and disbelief at your former tastes lol.
The fact that someone with a large audience like yourself is taking the time to make a video about this is huge! Thank you SO MUCH, dr. Dray! This is very important and impacts a lot of us. Truly hope your word gets to whoever needs it. You're a gem
I agree. This is a very compassionate video to make. Hmmm..compassion. Sounds beautiful to me 🙂
And that she is a dermatologist makes it more powerful, because some people would say that dermatologists make more money from people getting more and more cosmetic procedures.
@@saunterscamper3952 yesssss
I was so self-critical when I was younger. Now at 48 I look back at photos and videos of myself and realize how I took it all for granted and just focused on flaws and didn’t appreciate the positives. And we magnify those flaws too. No one is looking that closely. Now I try to focus on the positive because I know in ten years I will look back and be, “wow! I was amazing!” I want to feel it now too.
I feel the exact same as an almost 40 year old! Enjoy the age and how we look now cause time isn't necessarily on our side. Beautiful message!
I’m 40 and realized I’ve always done the same thing! It’s a shame because I feel like it really held me back up until my mid 30s! Now I don’t care what people think about me, no one is perfect anyway and life is too short to stress over minor things!
Same
The same here, I used to feel so ugly since I was a kids and when I was younger I did not get why some men looked at me like they where impressed and now when I watch my pictures I say wow I was cute and I did not know 😂😂😂
All I can say is wait til you are 70....you will really love yourself.
I needed this. I was so confident before the pandemic. then I started school and was always on zoom. I have never felt so disgusting in my life and even googled rhinoplasty last night. thank you for this :(
assuming that’s you in your pfp, you’re stunning. please don’t touch your nose, it’s so not needed.
Please stay strong! You look wise, full of life and beautiful. Stay off that slippery slope❤️.
How big IS your nose?🥸🤡👃
I mean, you do have a big nose but that's okay. I also have a big nose. I almost got a nose job but then I saw a pic of my grandfather whom I have never met. And he had my nose. I decided to keep my nose because obviously it's made its way to me after all these thousands of years. Pretty cool!
I can assure you that your nose is not big in my opinion. You look incredibly beautiful believe me you don’t need surgery you’re perfect the way you are !!!
This would be a great talk for high school girls. Social media is like a viper pit! Great job Andrea
Agreed 👍
100!
Yes and what's really important, dr Dray wasn't condescending or saying it's silly, which I find a lot of teachers at school do.
@@KK-gn8nm 100! ;)
YEAH RIGHT???? We should be taught things like that in school, alongside with maybe a 10 minute meditation break at school everyday. Think about how crazy things would be better then if everyone got a taste of such important things at school rather than (for most people) useless sh*t like how to interpret a 500 fucking years old poem or sth like that😂🙄
"Beauty is long lasting, hotness is fleeting" 💖💖
Best line I've ever heard regarding self-esteem 😇😇
@Turtle Riley Didn't you already unsubscribe? Pretty sure that means you're no longer interested in this channel, so you're welcome to leave the comment section at this time as well.
@Turtle Riley Dr. Dray provided some useful information about some necessary and alarming topics as well. No, self esteem is nowhere near the term 'ego'. If a person doesn't have self esteem, every other things or knowledge they possess isn't of any use. Self esteem is about loving ownself, and that's the primary and ultimate goal before anything.
Anyways you might have different opinion and I respect that. If you have any constructive criticism regarding her content, please let her know in your own comment box separately.
@@Jasapan-u4s Such a nice verse ❤️
True gem lies in a person's intentions and mentality, I believe. 💎💎
@Saiara Sajita Sajid, this needs to be on a t-shirt!
@@norarazaai yes indeed! 💞
Damn girl, came here for skin care tips but got a master class in self image 👏👏💕
I am a teacher and have been talking about this with respect to my students for the entire pandemic. If being virtual and on all of these zoom meetings has this strong of an impact on adult confidence, imagine the impact this is having on tweens, teens, young adults.
i’m so glad you’ve been talking about this with your students. my teachers could literally never, and just don’t show any empathy at all lol.
Wow!! Great job loving your students. You’re truly a wonderful teacher for that alone.
Yes, my teenage girl gets up extra early to put on makeup and do her hair when the online school is having zoom meetings. Even when the image is off she feels very exposed in that situation.
Outstanding comment 👌❤️
Is it just me, i always looked up to dr dray Bc she embraces her natural beauty. Her channel puts emphasis on caring for your skin and body, and she radiates this confidence because she knows she’s doing what she needs to do to care for herself. There’s a very pure form of beauty in it.
Completely agree. Her health and lovely skin are inspirational and beautiful
Great comments
Yes, she is a great model for this! Thanks to her I've learned to appreciate the skin I'm in versus covering it up with makeup like I used to. I still wear makeup, but it's more like once in a blue moon.
Yes and money
@@Me-ru6cl Plenty of wealthy, privileged people don’t have healthy, glowing skin.
As long as I do my best to look my best..I'm uniquely attractive
Yes 👏🏻
Another gem:"We only have so much time on this planet, do not waste it comparing yourself to other people." AMEN.
Also, if you GET to age, you're lucky. I've lost too many friends to other diseases and to COVID in the last few. years. Be grateful you're still here to read this and appreciate your body and face.
Amen, I've lost quite a few people as well during this pandemic. I second that amen!
You are so right. Thank you for your positive perspective!
Amen!!!! Very well said👏
Never really thought of aging as “GETTING” to age. I love that perspective. Thank you for sharing
Agreed. Health is more important than aesthetics by far.
Influencers can be very hypocritical in that they tell their viewers “you’re beautiful no matter what” then go have cosmetic procedures done. 🤣 Their own perceived beauty flaws are driving the perceived beauty flaws of their followers, it’s a vicious cycle.
AMEN
Exactly!!!
Then they need help and not the surgical kind.
and even worse, they lie about it... so you're just left wondering why you haven't left your ugly duckling phase, when there's really nothing wrong with you lol
@@zurzakne-etra7069 we are not ugly. we are just poor. i think about this a lot
I can't look in a mirror, take a front facing video, or a selfie. I can't stand myself in pictures. I try for my daughter though. If she ever wants to take a picture or video of me I let her. I don't want her to have the same problem I do.
I'm so the same ...I'm sorry you feel that way bc I know exactly how you feel.
I have a similar issue. I deal with it the same way….
As someone who grew up with parents with body and mental health issues I think you’re doing an amazing thing for your daughter. As I’ve grown and watched my mother deal with her challenges head on through therapy it has helped me rewrite the negative modelling she gave me. I’m really proud of you all!
Stopped everything to see why I'm so ugly. 😪 🤣
Thanks for watching 💙💙
You're not ugly
haha so true so true
😂 me too
😂
I'm 33 and got probably 1000 grey hairs in 2020. I decided I'm going to grow them out and see how it looks. Pray for my soul I can be strong enough to see it through, I'm scared 🙏
You should check out Tamara’s Timeless Beauty on RUclips. Tamara is in her 60s and she has beautiful grey hair. She has a video on her “going grey”: maybe it can reassure you.
Keep going. I’m growing mine out too after covering them for almost 20 years. I’m just past one year grow out after turning 40. You’ll look beautiful
Sydney...if you can accept the gray now, you'll be so much happier than trying to chase it by coloring for the rest of your life! It's SUCH a battle to worry if it's'time to color' again...not you mention if you pay to have it done $$$. Good luck!
@@colomtns745 🙏♥️🙏
My daughter is 40 yrs old and has a head full of gray hair, she’s a nurse practitioner with many COVID patients and deals with a lot of stress. Her hair is beautiful! Better than highlighting !
You should watch Peaches Skin Care. She embraces her beautiful gray hair! Gives you great hints.
As someone with severe body dysmorphia I appreciate you touching on it. The flaw can be very real and also perceived by others, it's the obsession with it that is the crux of this illness. People need to understand that it is on the OCD spectrum and not necessarily delusional (though it can be!).
"Hide Self View" is KEY in video meetings! You don't need to look at yourself allllll the time. It messes with your head.
Yeah lol
Your exterior may attract people, but it's internal beauty (how loving, kind, giving) is what makes people love you.
This is one of the healthiest video I have seen by a dermatologist. Thank you. This needs to be spoken of more often...beauty comes from within..,constant cosmetic procedures are not going to change the internal bad feelings about yourself. Thank you for speaking to the heart of this. Thank you!
I dumped social media years ago and its been more amazing than i could have ever imagined. I was addicted and quit cold turkey. Sometimes i think about life with social media and i do not miss it one bit. I now spend my "spare" time on youtube getting educated by Dr Dray ❤️
Good for you! Same here, 5 years without it and I don't feel FOMO at all! I'm still in touch with people that is important in my life and so much time available to grow internally!
Best thing ever
Same!❤️❤️❤️
Me too !
We are our own worst critics.
Yep 👍🏼
VERY true in my own case!
Yes, absolutely,
We are our worse enemy!
Thank you for this video! This made me cry. I have body dysmorphic disorder. I can't look at myself in the mirror, don't take pictures and avoid getting my picture taken and when the pandemic started and I had to do Zoom meetings, this was my worst nightmare. The first 10 times I had a meeting and couldn't do it because I was having really bad anxiety attacks and just the thought of seeing myself on screen made me cry. I made up excuse after excuse of why I couldn't attent the meetings and I knew I had to eventually. I finally did and what helped me was a wide angle so there was more of my surroundings in the shot than myself, and I also made the screen where I could see myself super small so I could hardly see myself. (not sure if this works on all phones).
I'm also kind of glad I don't have the money to do plastic surgery because I would change EVERYTHING about myself.
Most people don’t like taking pictures of themselves, but pics taken 3 years ago are a more attractive image of your present self. WHY ?? Your brain is fooling with you. SOFTLY CHASTISE it OFTEN, until it displays positive signs of reform. This daily action will undoubtedly raise you self image. You are now a CONTENTEDLY HAPPY PERSON. Your ATTRACTION is ENHANCED !!
I have always noticed and appreciated the fact that Dr. Dray doesn’t pile cosmetics, contouring, and overdone make up on her face like so many social media people do. Because she’s a dermatologist she has first-hand access to any type of procedure she might want to do to tweak her face and her looks. But she stays natural and simple which is (most of the time) the best approach toward looking fresh and beautiful
I think she looks great and has inspired me to do the same. I’ve spent a large portion of my life chasing perfection of physical appearance. Clothes, makeup, hair, working out to access…Exhausting. Dr. D is my hero!
@@gracefire9067 Nobody is shaming. The woman who commented merely pointed out that Dr. Dray chooses a natural look. It’s her choice. Everyone has the freedom to decide what they want to do (or not do) in terms of their appearance.
Fresher and younger, cosmetics procedures make people older. That's a fact .
I love how Dr Dray looks on camera now compared with a few years ago.
@@JessieLiutoronto when I've seen older videos it is strange to see her with her chin length hair! That she 'looks' better now, is that a testament to her years of taking care of herself? Exercise, healthy eating and constant consistent skin care? Her no nonsense attitude is my favorite feature.
As a clinical psychologist specializing eating disorders and body image, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this video. You’re amazing and I’m grateful you’re here! 💜
U what?specializing in eating disorders?
And u don't SEE how VERY small she is?
I see bones..i see what see eats, and how much she works out..
Big PROBLEM
@@michellecox8538 do you suggest she stop posting videos ?? People are allowed to struggle with things and not openly talk about them with everyone online! Someone thats struggling does not need to disappear because they make you uncomfortable.
@@rachelbritton3498
Im not uncomfortable..
@@michellecox8538 yeah...for sure
❤️❤️
Thank you, truly. As someone who works in the mental health arena, I've witnessed the horror that is the recent *significant* increase in mental illness first-hand, especially mental illness affecting our younger generations (and these issues are gradually increasing). Very few people use their platforms to address hard topics such as these, but you never fail to speak truth and advocate awareness, regardless of popularity of opinion. Keep up the incredible work, Andrea. You are appreciated and admired.
Being isolated really is not what Maslow meant when he studied the hierarchy of needs…may we all find strength and peace during these uncertain times.
i admire your sense of social responsibility as an influencer
This really hit me because as a teenager I always felt like I had no friends because I was too 'ugly' or because I had acne. It's always good to be reminded that we are worth way more then how you look.
Love your name and can relate to this 100% I’m 40 now so no more acne thanks to accutane but I have scarring...but I always felt like I didn’t have a lot of friends because of my face. I wish I knew then what I know now.
The coolest people look beyond our appearances. always always
I can really relate to you too. I had no confidence due to upbringing and my chronic acne. It really affected my education, career progression and mental health. I now have scarring but with age comes wisdom. I now work on loving myself and realising that I have a lot to offer.
Omg same!
“True beauty comes from how you treat people, how you carry yourself, your presentation, your kindness, your emotional intelligence" Brava, Dr Dray.
“Beauty is long lasting, hotness is fleeting.”💕💕 best quote ever!
I’m a 59 year old woman who asked my husband of 40 years to watch this video with me, just so he could say “told you so.”
He’s told me everyday of our relationship that I’m beautiful. I’m trying hard to hear that and stop picking myself apart for having the “audacity” to age. Lol.
Social media is the same toxic that magazines were when I was a young woman.
A lot of air brushing and perfection that doesn’t actually exist.
I HOPE you listen to your husband he sees and knows you as you truly are with and without artifice. My husband is the same...at 33 yrs old when I met him I felt I LOOKED so so...he thought I was gorgeous and smart and interesting...he told me I might be a little too young for him...I was five yrs younger...he said he usually liked to date womenmsñightly older than himself bec he didnt like airheads...well with my PhD i def wasnt an airhead but I felt onñy so so about my looks. As we have aged together I have felt more attractive each year I have been with him...and yes I have been happier and happier each year. I was contemplating an upper blepharplasty at 73 ...my opthamologist has done several of my friends....when I went for a consultation I found out I need cataract surgery....so now. i will be doing that...doubt I will ever do the blepharplasty.
I had to stop and laugh at myself because I realized I have the same toxic mindset of "having the audacity to age". Being able to grow older and spend more of your lifetime with loved ones is a privilege. I'm saddened by marketing aimed at making us feel bad for aging, especially as women because our "sex appeal" goes down.
@@KL-rd9tg Not to smart men in our own age group....
THANK YOU! I thought I was the only one feeling especially bad about myself lately. I really appreciate you talking about this.
💙💙
Me too. I'm not even on zoom so much lately, but just working like crazy from home, all I see is my crepey under eye xD
You are beautiful. Don’t let anything make you feel otherwise.
same here :(
Same😢
I've only been on zoom 4 times. I avoid it at all costs. It's too stressful, I feel like I'm under a microscope being examined by everyone. I hope things go back to the way they were. Thank you for your kind words, your very encouraging:)
I subconscious loath it so much that my computer camera broke down on its own.
"Beauty stays, hotness fades" / "Pretty is what pretty does"🌺 Thank you Dr.Dray, much needed ❤️❤️
This is so true. Maskne, zoom meetings and social media have really destroyed my confidence in the last year. I hate the mask and at the same time I don't feel confident anymore without it.
I am 63 and have had the worst 'maskne' especially on my nose! 😱 (Am retired so I don't even wear a mask that often.) Hope your confidence returns soon.
Yes ! Pimples all along my jawline . I went out today and all I could think about is how gross my face looks and how others must be thinking , what is up with her skin ?!
@@itsbritt9155 change the kind of mask u wear. Wear a fabric one or others
Sorry to ask, but do you change your mask often? Try the disposable masks and wear them maximum 1 time. It’s unfortunately a waste for the environment, but this helps with not over growing bacteria on the mask with the humidity.
@@platosfriend personally I would advice getting a large number of fabric ones and washing them after 1 day of use, similar to what we do with underwear. Much better for the environment. I believe silk or silver-embedded masks are better for maskne
Thank you for this video! All my life I've felt ugly. I had red hair and freckles and invisible eyebrows and eyelashes. I felt like a freak. Finally, when I was old enough to wear makeup, I felt better about myself on the outside, but still, there were days I felt ugly. Now, I'm much, much older. My red hair is now white. My freckles are gone, and I wish I had them back. I'm sick of wearing makeup, but don't want anyone to see me without it. I hear and know what you are saying about being beautiful on the inside and that people don't care about my appearance anyway. Thankfully, I learned that a long time ago. I am a fun-loving human being and can laugh harder at myself than anyone. I am who I am and love people for who they are; not for the way they look. Most of the time, I can walk away from the mirror liking myself regardless of my wrinkles and sagging skin because of who I am as the woman God created in His image. But then, something happens and, like today, I feel like I need to put a bag over my head. Thank you for caring about those of us who need encouragement; especially in the world today.
❤
I’ve never been more hyper aware of how my chin looks until this past year. This makes so much sense.
I feel like mines dissolving 😭
I noticed how I moved my mouth and my eyes. I was like what the heck.
I noticed how crooked my jaw is 💩💩
@@cinma4890 😀
Sameeee
Dr. Dray I am currently watching this video however I need to just comment ahead and say THANK YOU for this in advance because many of us NEED it!
Thanks for watching 💙💙
Dr. Dray, you are so admirable as a physician who speaks out on these issues. I’m a second year med student and I hope to speak out on controversial issues too later in my career.
Ive been diagnosed with BDD. I was told by a plastic surgeon i went to...u need some counseling not surgery...for real. I was pointing out things "wrong"with my face and she was like...those lines ur pointing at dont exist. She was extremely kind about it and i did get therapy. Its a terrible disorder. Never goes away. Mine was so bad i covered mirrors... wouldn't leave the house..would look up plastic surgery for hours on end. I still wont look at a picture of myself.I really appreciate this video. Thank u for this💜
Wow...this must have felt like an addiction, which makes you powerless in the face of it. I do hope your therapy goes well💖
🥺❤️
Wow I can relate. God bless ❤️
You are not alone. I also have BDD and it is a very difficult disorder to deal with. Only those that have it can truly understand. I hope it provides some comfort to know that there are many people who truly know and understand what you are saying and feeling. When I am getting my hair done or when asked to look in the mirror at myself I just cringe. Thank you for your comments. It helps me to feel less alone.
I can relate with covering the mirrors
If we know one thing we know Dr Dray isn’t ugly 💜
💙💙 hope you have a great day
She has the most amazing jawline and we're all thinking it 🔥🔥🔥
@@MarissaCooperButPoor yesss she’s stunning 🥺
Umm..flawless skin evn widout any filters and foundation!! She's d real skin goals!!
❤️❤️❤️
This woman has so much wisdom. I needed to hear this much!
i love the skincare community so much. no dramas and sh*ts, just beautiful people uplifting each other and helping everyone get better skin. ily'all
Yasss yassss! 😭❤️ I love you all too. ❤️
You must've missed Cassandra Bankson's newest video on drama lol.
But Dr. Dray and many in the skincare community don't have drama.
@@seeyoucu board-certified derms don’t cause the drama.
@@ManUntdForever the commenter means skin care enthusiasts & certain specialists. They hide it better than beauty gurus. Not disclosing affiliations for example & pushing a brand whilst trashing its competitor.
@@didostempest2966 also defending J* and SD and going to college with the express purpose of becoming a Christian missionary
"Remember 2019?"
Only 2 years and it feels like a decade ago.
Imagine us trying to explain to future generations that were born after 2019, the profound impact 2020 had on us.
@@ringwe 9/11/2001 was the same way for Americans.
It's been 84 years... 👩🏼🦳
Wow! So true. Life has changed so much and not for the better.
100%.... Not only COVID but everything else in our country. What has happened overnight??!
This is the dermatology appointment I would have needed when I was younger 😭
SAME!
Working in the beauty industry, I saw this happen as well. A lot of middle aged women came in complaining about how they look on Zoom. PLEASE, for the love of God, don’t think that Zoom is an accurate portrayal of your physical features. Seeing someone in person, or in a properly lit photograph, is a lot different than the quality of your webcam. Much love everyone! XoXo ❤️
But somehow I think that I wouldn't have crepey skin on Zoom if I was 35 years younger...🤔
😅
Try being almost 50 and divorced. The men on dating sites love to say, “Please no filters!” But then they only message women who use filters. So they expect to find perfection. 🤷🏽♀️
Why do you need a guy ?
I think living in a smaller place but not being picked on it is way better than sharing life with some childish guy and clean cook iron for him
I don’t know your personal situation but you mentioned dating sites Do you really need a guy ?
Dr.Dray I love you 🥰
@@sparkleglitz6743 That was quite an assumption. I never said I needed a guy. I made an observation. Want a companion, yes. Need a guy? No.
We can’t trust anything men say about beauty. They say the want a “real” or “natural” woman but they follow these women on Instagram that dr dray talked about. The filtered ones. Eh it’s a mess.
This comment is 100! xD Well, you really know none of those is worthy xD
@@NT-bz5nh They want a woman that has natural beauty but they don't know about the things we use for that no makeup makeup look.
Obsession with retaining youth is central! I love how Dr. Dray uses the term “getting wiser.” As a society we have to redefine aging and not view it so negatively. It is difficult, but take time to think about it. Try to shift your thinking.
As an older woman, I will tell you that spending so much time at home triggered a lot of self-criticism. Suddenly, I thought of plastic surgery; I made the decision to stop coloring my hair and was frightened of looking old. One of the side effects of the pandemic was (as you say) a form of dysmorphia and I didn't even zoom.
Now that the world is gradually opening up, I'm feeling better and I'm slowly returning to a sense of peace. BTW...my husband was not critical at all but even that didn't minimize the emotional turmoil. Thank you for posting this, Dr. Dray.
Appreciated reading this. I've been able to work in office this entire time, very few Zoom calls. I decided to stop coloring my hair as well and experienced what can only be described as a full-on identity crisis. To top it off, all this time isolated from other human beings further contributes to the out-of-touch beauty standards that are so prevalent in media and social media. I am 30, spend very little time on social media platforms, and still found myself affected. Seeing REAL women lately at restaurants, parks, etc. was a beautiful reminder that we are all unique and gorgeous!
As someone who schedules and organizes many Zoom meetings, I often make them “video discouraged”, meaning please don’t use your camera if you don’t want to. I find that people are much happier, more focused and participate more!
THANK YOU!!! We are always pushed to be on camera
That is great of you!!!!! I hope everyone would have that option!
When I am on Zoom calls I hit the "hide self image" button. I see everyone else just not staring at myself
You are so correct, Dr. Dray. God bless you in every way!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Yesterday we got a cellulite normalcy talk, a can’t-please-everyone rant, and now we get a wholesome social-media-is-fake LOVE YOURSELF video 🙌🏼 Loving these real talks, Dr. Dray!
I grew a lot from 9-13 and had my first cellulite and stretch marks by the age of 10. It certainly isn’t worth the amount of life wasted on it. I know that from personal experience.
There are so many negative things coming out of this pandemic. I’ve definitely noticed zoom dysmorphia in myself, and when I do I just think “I’m so much more than just my looks, and my coworkers see that.” Thank you Dr. Dray 🖤
You definitely are.
@@BearPawSwipe thank you kind stranger! You are as well 💜
The fact that men are less affected by "Zoom dysmorphia" is unfortunately a reflection of the pressure society places on women to look perfect at all times and to adhere to a standard of beauty that's both constantly changing and (therefore) impossible to achieve. (not that men are not affected at all)
Trust me, we're definitely greatly affected by it. Men just aren't expected to care about their appearances or to express their insecurities and weaknesses.
Men don't need to be beautiful to attract a beautiful woman, they just need to be financially successful to attract a beautiful Women. Women don't need to be successful to attract a successful man, they just need to be beautiful to attract a successful man.
Well said about beauty standards impossible to live up to because it's always changing.
@@strangerthingsaresaid7655 thanks for stating gender roles of the 1980s not exactly revolutionary or accurate lol
@@strangerthingsaresaid7655 Men don’t date women who outperform them because they become insecure
I'm an introvert. So yes, socializing can be soooo exhausting. 😯💕
Respect for using your voice to discuss this. It's like a friend or sister telling you what you need to hear.
I'm so glad you're talking about this! My confidence has decreased so much since I've started working from home and doing zoom calls, I hate looking at myself during them. I didn't know that it's general condition, zoom dysmorphia, I'm glad I'm not alone. Thank you!
I have a 17 year old who struggles with this. So it’s been the conversation in the house for a while. Thank you Dr. Dray for this talk as it’s always good to hear from a professional who sees this and can discuss it from a clinical perspective. It has given me some good taking points for the next time my teenager is stressing over her body image. I cannot stand social media - it is the scourge of the 21 century.
Good morning Dr.Dray! I just happened to read an article about how stressed people have become by seeing their own faces constantly on Zoom. It also spoke about how wearing masks actually gave them a sense of anonymity and normality.
Yes, I have heard that too
The mask analogy seems pretty sad to me.....
They should wear shades hides a bit of the face and makes you feel more invisible than wearing a mask 😂. And why are ppl wearing mask for a video message
@@Valley__ they are not wearing masks for video calls. The mask wearing which the article talks about is when they are out and about like the rest of us do. It is a seen as a reprieve from having seen your face plastered over the zoom call screen the entire working day.
I definitely feel that way. Wearing a mask makes me feel like my face is hidden and I don’t have to worry about how I look.
Thank you. As a dentist we see this too, but I think we health practitioners who work in cosmetic-adjacent industries need to stop thinking about our bottom lines and recognize that we have impossible standards of beauty that are actually hurting people.
As someone who has suffered with BDD since 5th grade thank you for posting this.
More “INFLUENCERS” really need to be grounded and open up and talk about this too. We are heading to destruction. The world of social media influencers can be very toxic and damaging to so many peoples mental health.
The entire internet, all social media, including youtube is destructive.
@@mymainecoons it very well can be. It can be accidental too. We’re not out seeking toxic and damaging content (well I can’t speak for everyone but I’d think most aren’t)
Such a powerful message. As a person who has never felt photogenic, this message resonates with me! I hate video meetings and video phone chats. They make most people feel bad about themselves.
Same as me
I just think that before social media- nobody looked at themselves in such a hyper focused way. There was no expectation or even thought that you have to look “flattering” all the time. People were able to live without this extra burden on themselves.
They did, except it was comparing yourself the photos in a magazine and on TV/movies. I distinctly remember this when growing up in the 90s.
🧡
@@AbstractMindsThinkAlike good point, very true, especially for POC
People are still able to live without this expectation- I do. My life is much more peaceful and enjoyable because of it. No pressure to be selfie ready lol
Watch some 80s movies and you will see what "attractive" people looked like before the digital age. Normal looking teeth (not whitened or capped), wrinkles, frizzy hair. It is so refreshing!
I watch only 90’s and early 2000 , normal clothes, makeup and body, normal talking
Or just visit Britain.
@@latinaalma1947 😳
Yes!!!! It’s so crazy watching older media. But refreshing. REAL people.
I became aware of my flaws when kids used to point them out to me in school 😐 and then I guess the insecurities just stuck ever since.
Same for all of us, if that helps!
Yeah I think this is common. Even though I don’t care what others think nowadays, those insecurities have stuck with me and effect my personal self-esteem
Everyone has had their insecurities pointed out during childhood, kids are honest, your problem isn’t special and everyone feels the same. Stop being insecure because of what a bunch of 8 years olds told you. ( sorry it’s harsh but being told this helped me )
@@adrienne2838 that's false. there's lots of people who've never had someone make fun of their looks because there's nothing for others to make fun of them about.
@@adrienne2838 the problem isn't who first mocks you, it's the fact that people will still point out those flaws as you age. Yeah 8 year olds put me on blast when I too was 8 years old, but plenty of my peers still point out those flaws if you happen to anger them, and I'm in my 20's. The problem still remains: unattainable and narrow beauty standards.
I started using retinol because of Zoom calls! I thought I was the only one 😂 But ultimately it led me to do more research and I learned all about the importance of SPF in preventing wrinkles and now I use it every day… along with my retinol. :)
I watched a few interviews with some actors who were doing projects for the lockdown; it was startling to see them via webcam, which made the angles and shapes of their face weird and almost ugly. These are very handsome, very fit people, yet the webcam made them look bizarre! Thank you for taking the time to address this!
As someone who fought cystic acne from teen to adulthood of 15 years, I spent large part of life in hiding and devastated. Every day Zoom meetings may make me look ugly but nothing compares to what I went through with acne and how I survived 😔
I also had cystic acne and have scarring. It is horrible and affects you throughout your life both mentally and physically and looking for every treatment there is to reverse the damage. I understand you completely.
Also, we are always so much more critical about ourselves than we are about others. Not once have I looked at someone with acne/acne scars and thought of them as being any less beautiful. I‘m sure you‘re stunning. You‘re beautiful, yes even your imperfections. You should remind yourself of that more often.
I, like many, feel tortured by daily mask wearing even though it is both necessary and easy. It surprises me everyday that it upsets me so much when I have had borderline disfiguring cystic acne since I was a tween. You'd think I'd embrace the silverlining of being able to hide behind a mask. But it has made me realize that I have body/beauty confidence, as imperfect as that confidence may be! I look forward to "flaunting it" when we make it to the otherside of the pandemic and can show my beautiful face again! Like Dr Dray says: beauty is from within. And beauty IS a journey, an affirmation, and a choice to embrace and accept yourself and others for who they are. :)))
I’m adding cellulite and stretch marks at age 10. I had a growth sprint and my skin and joints couldn’t keep up and it hurt. I also had my first cystic acne at age 4. That was in the 80s and no one had a clue what to do and everything hurt. I was miserable. The only place I felt okay was in the indoor swimming pool with my larger in life bathing suit. The water was such a relief.
I do love how much you made me love my own skin, It used to be about makeup and hiding flaws , now its about protecting, preserving and liking my skin and feeling comfortable with it without the need of invasive cosmetic procedures. Thanks Dray
I’ve recently been going down a rabbit hole of finding more and more things about myself to be unhappy about. It’s unhealthy for my mental health and well-being. Thank you for this ❤️
We will always be prone to focusing on negatively because that's what stands out, and they often portray a false and distorted image of reality, when there are so much to be thankful for. It's just human cognition errors and everyone succumbs to that! I often advise others to keep a little notepad and list down 1 to 5 (or as many as they want) things that they are thankful for, for the day. They can be as simple as "The weather is beautiful today", "I saw a beautiful sunset", "Snuggling between my sheets with a cup of tea". For myself, I am always thankful for being able to wake up from sleep because not everyone will be given the chance to.
Stay healthy and happy! :)
And sadly, it’s women who are hard on themselves regarding their images - more so than men are.
It can be addicting to only focus on the negative and things we wish we could change about ourselves. When I catch myself doing that I try to focus my thoughts instead on the things I’m thankful for, like having a strong healthy body. We really have to retrain our brains and undo all the damage and negative thinking that the media/social media has taught us.
Best video to date! I don't do Zoom, nor social media. I am 45, aging naturally. I am an aesthetician, so I take care of myself, and I embrace my body and face! I feel so sad for younger women who constantly compare themselves to "influencers" and such. Such a waste if youth and life! Thanks again for the great video!
Thank you, you are such a beautiful person. I wish influencers talked more about this stuff.
"Beauty is long lasting; hotness is fleeting." True beauty comes from the goodness of your soul.
Isn't there a bible verse that's very similar to that? Lol
She’s my favorite person on RUclips. What a human being.
Same. Sent from heaven. Thank you Dr. Dray🙌🏻💜
I have body dysmorphia and zoom calls really fuck me up- thank you for this!!!
She’s so intelligent & beautiful! Honestly she is my favorite person to watch on RUclips ! I can’t go a day without watching or rewatching her videos lol!!
So true there’s something about video calls where it’s just the least flattering thing ever, who could have thought all the ways that this pandemic could change things. It’s really all encompassing! thank you for covering this Dr Dray
💙💙💙
Have a great week💕🌞
Like moving passport photos
@@michelles2299 🤣Great analogy😂
My OCD and body dysmorphia got worse since the pandemic. All I want to do now is get cosmetic procedures.
For someone who technically profits off of people’s insecurities/flaws I think it is so admirable that you’re spreading this very important message. It’s almost as if body dysmorphia (in its many forms) has - in light of social media - become a pandemic in and of itself. It’s awful that we’re made to feel as though our self-esteem should be tangible to the way we look, especially since however perfect you may look, it seldom makes you happy/content. We are sold a lie. Furthermore, if the people in your life really do value you for your looks then surely you’re surrounded by the wrong people. Beauty, however wonderful, is fleeting. However, as Dr Dray notes, your personality: your interests, your emotional intelligence, your kindness and compassion, these all last a lifetime and will be valued long after your beauty has faded. I think if people spent as much time trying to cultivate these intrinsic virtues, rather than the external ones, we would live in a much kinder and happier world. Thank you for spreading this VERY important message.
What a great comment
Haven't we all known people who could never have claimed anything close to beauty, but their personality, kindness, loving attitude has made them ' beautiful'? Everyone loves them and their charisma is infectious. Taking the attention off your own self and concentrate on others can really change your perspective.
I think it’s so encouraging and meaningful to hear this coming from a dermatologist. Thank you. 💛
You are so welcome!
With your help on skincare and sunscreen, I actually feel better looking than I ever have without makeup. Sunscreen and moisturizer really does improve skin. It’s a little shocking
I was just thinking the same thing. My partner has always said that he likes the way I look in the morning without makeup. It's only now that I'm beginning to believe him. I actually receive more compliments about my looks when I am looking more natural. I now prefer if someone says that I look pretty, rather than compliment the way I've done my make-up. I actually look younger without make up too...so why do I spend so much effort to look older? Being petite, I think I have been stuck in the mindset of wanting to look grown up...but now that I am well and truly grown up, I don't need to do it with make-up!
👱♀️❤
I remember reading an article with Cindy Crawford and she said, "Even I don't look like Cindy Crawford." LOL. I shut down my Facebook and have very few followers on Instagram . Most of what I follow on Instagram are pictures of owls. :D
Dr. Dray you are so wonderful, thank you for this.
Who are these people giving a dislike to such a heart felt video ??
They're the real ugly people
Maybe the title. It seems clickbait-y. The content is good though so its not clickbait. People didn’t give it a chance.
I usually don’t comment on your videos (though I surely appreciate all your content, especially regarding health, sunscreen, etc.) but this might be one of the most important videos that you have made this far. Beauty certainly isn’t skin deep. Mental health is so very important to be discussed. Thank you.
Agreed. I’m very impressed with this video.
Thanks for this video. This is something that needs to be talked about.
Now this is the realist pep talk that’s needed right now! Thank you, folks please send this video to all the women and young girls in your life.
Ugh! THIS!!!! I am on zoom now every day and see big giant shadows in my horizontal neck lines that I don’t see in normal life. It’s made me wear turtle necks all winter. The person you are speaking to is me! Thank you for this. Thank you so much!
No, no, she's talking to me!😆
I was feeling crummy about how I look on camera, particularly because I'm anticipating being on a livestream panel this saturday. Thank you for this on-time message. I have a ring light coming in the mail to help, also. :)
Thank you so much! More dermatologists and "beauty influencers" need to address this