I dunno... I went to Scotland and Ireland and they were surprised when my twinsie and I asked for doubles and they came back with about 1 oz of liquor. We said, come back with 8 more of these. Each. They looked like we were crazy. And that was just the first bevvy. They laughed and said they didn’t know Americans can drink. Game on!
Pretty sure the only silver bullet for an Irishman is to be trampled by a heard of sheep In the highlands on a Sunday. Nothing less will do other than some raw haggis and the shakes from a complete void of alcohol. But what Irishman would be caught dead in that particular scenario?
This sounds like the plot of an early 2000’s comedy film, a group of murderers try to kill an Irishman with alcohol, and the entire time he thinks he’s their friend.
So this homeless Irishman survived more than a dozen attempts on his life and proved to be harder to kill than a T-800 Terminator. Not only that, but the time that it took to kill him was the happiest of his entire life; he had friends (from his POV) he ate and drank as much as he wanted to AND he had a place to sleep. Finally, death came to him in one of the nicest ways that it could come - passed out from drinking and succumbing to Carbon monoxide poisoning. In life, he nearly bankrupted a notorious murder trust. In death, he provided the evidence necessary to put them away for life, he brought justice for another victim and he elevated one of the finest judges ever to come out of New York. Fare ye well, Michael Malloy. My next drink will be on you.
Mike was like a sort of karmic force. Not only was the last few weeks of his life undoubtedly being his happiest as you said, and, poetically exposed the evil of what he thought to be his friends without ever being aware of it. It truly feels like one of those taoist stories were homeless people punish the wicked. Truly a legend, the Iron Mike, The Alloy Malloy. What a legend
God really pointed at him and said "this man shall have a horrible life then he will be happy as can be before arriving to me and his killers will be brought to justice" Lucifer: "`wait a damn minute here"
If they wanted to kill Malloy, all they had to do was give him a glass of water. His body would have had no idea what to do with it and turn off from sheer shock and confusion.
i mean it might have actually worked to give him water it would sober him up faster which could cause alcohol withdrawals and if not at-least he is sober so the wood alcohol would work better
@@mykaruest3620 I've never heard that before. In fact a book of myths I once read debunked the idea that coffee has this effect by stating that there isn't actually anything you can do to accelerate the body's metabolism of ethanol.
Ah, Malloy. This man ate a literal garbage sandwich, drank wood alcohol, and lived. Shame he was a victim of a pretty ruthless life insurance scheme, but absolutely insane that he inadvertently foiled it multiple times.
@@gravynolastname3786 Can you read? We have clearly established that the "sesh" is, in fact, eternal. Is it more noble to have been born without the urge to have a sesh, or to overcome the urge to have a sesh through great hardship?
I find it extremely interesting that Mike Malloy exactly embodies an archetypical character found in many mythologies. What particularly comes to mind for me is in Taoist myth, where beggars and homeless men are often avenging demigods or spirits who punish those who wrong people through their greed or arrogance.
it appeals to mankinds inner view of themselves as natural underdogs we as a people tend to love seeing the small overthrow or humilate the big when pushed around. sun wukong is another figure that comes to mind a fool a prankster with no respect for any authority a literally monkey leading monkeys yet he humilated time and time again the greatest mightiest and most wise of gods threwout all of asia. nearly all of them underestimating him and treating him as lesser only to be made the punchline in the end.
The fact that Whiskey in the Irish language literally translates as "the water of life" should tell you all you need to know about our relationship with alcohol.
"Uisge beatha" (the Gaelic root of "whiskey") is a direct translation from the Latin term "aqua vitae," which also provided the names to akvavit, eau de vie and other beverages.
@@VunderGuy yeah that's true like in Warhammer 40K plenty of people with plot armor there. And for the main character one punch man it's explained why he's so strong so I wouldn't call it plot armor but from my take on his strength is that he has limitless potential to grow in power but does not have infinite power.
There's a Twilight Zone episode about this murder. I remember seeing it when I was a kid. I just remember the guy who's based on Malloy kept saying "I'm tirsty!"
I like to think Malloy was a supernatural being sent to put a stop to the Murder Trust by being a super tempting target and refusing to die; wasting their time and thus protecting others.
My kitty drank anti freeze 12 years ago. He was in agonizing pain. God bless the vet who had us promptly syringe feed him about a shot of vodka. He stopped howling after a bit then stumbled around drunkenly for a few hours. Which sounds funny but it was the saddest thing ever. He is still with us today. God bless the vet.
I get the attempts at dark humor, but maybe work on it a little more, saying "I kill cats, is funni" and "Kill hooman next, more funni" isn't as funny as you seem to think
@@thezambambo2184 the only reason I suggested humans is because humans can fight back resulting in him getting what he deserves instead of preying on helpless animals. I don’t think his comment was funny at all.
This is so depressing to me. This man, who had no friends or family, nobody loved him, and the people he thought were being nice to him were trying to kill him... He was a loner who lived in one of the worst periods in US history, and he only found solace in getting drunk. And he was murdered. _And_ no one would have heard of him if this story didn't become popular. We don't even know what his life was like beforehand, how he grew up. I feel so much sadness for this poor man. Rest easy, Irishman
All things considered it sounds like he died thinking he was surrounded by friends and he probably died painlessly so as far as deaths go not the worst?
I know it is a very sad, dark story, but it would make a good film if it was made respectfully funny, with Mike Malloy the obvious hero. It could be made as a great tribute to the man who deified all odds and although passed away, he kind of won in the end. It didn't seem like he would have that much time left in this world anyway. R.I.P Mike Malloy.
The best part of this video is whenever Markus refers to the Murder Trust by the shorthand “The Gang”, because that just makes this whole thing sound like an episode of Always Sunny. And that fits way too well.
Arrange a fight to the death between Mike Malloy and that other man who would not die, Rasputin, and you could potentially create a perpetual motion engine.
Sadly, Rasputin's death was nowhere near the spectacle we thought it was. It comes from his assassin's journal, who was probably exaggerating so that it would seem like he killed a demonic force.
Yea he was poisoned, stabbed, shot, and then wrapped in a carpet and thrown in a freezing river. They found his corpse, out of the carpet and crawled up on the bank of the river. The cold killed him.
I mean seriously, “I’m dying for a drink,” and how could he not realize there was glass in his food and then go on to say “you should open a restaurant,” dude had to be trolling.
Honestly, if I die and go to Heaven, I am gonna call up this guy’s Guardian Angel and cover his tab at the upstairs bar for all his hard work. What an unusual miracle of a man.
@@fertblusbenis5128 many officers in big cities in the US were payed off during prohibition, so after making some money off of Malloy through this scheme, they could have sold the scheme to a bigger market after getting the police off of their backs.
The middle-ground between a goofy comedy movie, and a religious story about an angel disguised as a drunken Irishman, sent to punish the wicked by the power of his divine liver.
There is a character like that in Chinese folklore called Ji Gong or The Mad Monk, who was basically a deity that disguised himself as a crazy and drunken monk to screw around with the bad people to help them correcting their wrong behaviors. There were quite a few movies and TV shows made about this character and they were hillarious as hell, there was even a movie directed by Stephen Chow, the same guy that directed Kungfu Hustle.
Cos he was living in a hell, where most people were completely broke, homeless and in serious trouble, maybe he had resigned himself to death..? Maybe, since he was an alcoholic, dying drunk would be the best way to go..? They offered him free booze and accommodation. In his situation i'd do the bloody same, but live long enough to piss those nasty bastards off royally 😄
@@ADogNamedStay na but scottish were the first I dont think they copied if they did they made their own type of whiskey thats why u get scotch n irish whiskey
I don't get why other Irish people don't like Mike Malloy. He basically took our greatest stereotype, and made it a superpower. He also exemplifies the Irish ideal of loving life regardless of circumstance. As someone with Irish heritage, I can't help but raise a glass to this sweet man. Sláinte, Mike Malloy!
Mike Malloy has to be some kind of karma for these men, because they murdered an innocent woman before him and were going to now murder an innocent man. Fate decided it's time for a bit of justice, so it sent Malloy to torment them and waste all of their time and money.
Or you could say God has a sense of justice and humor. "You shouldn't have murdered her. But since you did, I'm sending the juggernaut drunk your way."
lol i can see silent black and white characters , slapping their foreheads in frustration when they fail to kill him 😂 maybe one of the goons accidently takes a bite of the garbage sandwich , and somehow everyone just starts hitting eachother w pies
@@theeccentrictripper3863 only you do.....& its not a popularity contest, princess. are you talking about dog? or god? from the BUY-bull = bi-ble= 2-bulls. what two bull beings are you Prey-ing to? or allowing it to PREY/pray/feast on?....its all in the etymology & their fruits.....they bare rotten fruit= un-consumable fruitz. know you are accepting the dog of other lands which are not your own.....& serving Rev 2.9, 3.9. Question what you have been told & remember the truth that is, separate from the narrative....that we are inundated with. find peace in yourself, live the best version you can or yourself & those you love, not an allegory or archetype. trippccentrically, but question all you "know". constantly ask, "how do I know what I know?" what is at the core of Truth? consensus? because our parents & teachers taught it? be-LIE-fs? re-LIE-gion? Question who benefits & who control the whole realm.
but it warms the heart again when you realise because malloy never noticed his last weeks were likely the best of his life going from a total loner to all the free alchol and food he could eat alongside new friends he died happy and those who saught to make him suffer for fun ended up ruined in the end.
Malloy might've been Irish, but his liver was clearly Kryptonian. I also love the fact that he saw it as them just treating him to delicacies and exotic drinks. It's almost wholesome.
These guys: "Lets deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy!" Sam O'Nella: "Shut up" I knew the basics of this story as an alumnus of the illustrious Sam O'Nella Academy, but it's always great to hear the more full story from His Dankness. I love Sam's quick easy stories, but I also love the more fleshed out, more researched, comprehensive stories of the Count of Dankness.
There actually was an episode where one of the recurring characters was planning to drink himself to death, and they tried to take a life insurance policy out on him.
Nah... He would have caught the bug, not known it, and then bug would have hopped to another spices while thinking "SCREW THIS SPECIES! LIFE'S TO SHORT!" 😆
@@tuff_lover Also when it gave the Minutemen some inspiration to write the _song_ "Corona" in 1982, released for their 1984 double album, and then an instrumental version was used for the "Jackass" show. I still prefer the original version. It's not about drinking, but it's about the bottles that a Mexican woman took to a recycling plant for the deposit.
I've heard this story a good few times, but this is by far the most in depth version I've heard. As an Irishman I have a strange sense of pride in this man's alcoholism! Keep up the good work Dank!
when they died, the criminals probably have to suffer an eternal torment, suffering through an endless cycle of trying to murder "Malloy" and Malloy returning.
Malloy was the definition of tough. The man survived excessive alcohol poisoning, regular poisoning, eating glass, hypothermia, and getting crushed by a car twice. He must have had a stomach of iron and a liver of steel.
Gotta admit, the police, hospitals, and charities were really on their game for this guy. Always seemed to be ready for when he would randomly and publicly pass out
@@moodydude565 local churches still are better than relying on government Also Lyndon BJs Great Society started pushing the welfare state, with each new administration pushing harder or not doing anything to stop federal intrusion
@@moodydude565 Humans react to incentives. We killed the church, charity and community by replacing it with government money for filing out documents detailing our financial situation.
Welcome to the Dank Brigade. This is the comedian who mocked the Nazis by training his gf’s (at the time, wife now) pug to do a nazi salute and made a joke video about it. And then the fake news media labelled him a Nazi even though he’s a chad liberal (libertarian) now and a former communist (he still has a tattoo of a soviet star on his chest) and the government prosecuted him for a joke that nobody except the govt and some triggered pansies on Twitter even cared about, and the judge decided to ignore all the evidenced reality and make up their own fantastical version of reality where Dank is a bad person who was literally instructing people to Glass the Juice, which is obviously not the case from anyone with an iq above 65.
The methanol trick was done on house md. House had a suicidal inmate patient who drank copy toner (methanol) and house tricked him into saving himself by sharing a fifth of rum with him.
Imagine how embarrassing it must be to be so bad an assassin that your target DOESN'T KNOW someone is trying to kill them after the first few attempts.
I like to imagine that Mike knew exactly what was going on, but was in such a shitty situation he decided to just milk it for drinks for as long as it took to meet his inevitable end. Then he got extremely lucky, but ultimately laughed all the way to the grave.
@@user-zg5ey5xo9i 'European' has more connotations than just Geography. There's social, political, Nationality, and Ethnicity factors, which vary largely between Geographical locations. So, reducing an individual to your own personal idea of those who live in Europe, is grating at best, and is more likely to be offensive to many. I doubt you'd have trouble understanding Chinese people who wanted to be Chinese first, and Asian second, or understanding someone from Nigeria wanting to be referred to as a Nigerian first, and an African second, yet it escaped you here.
A man goes into a bar and says: One drink before the trobble starts. The barkeeper gives him a drink and asks "What troubble?" The man doesn't want to tell and drinks 5 other drinks "before the trobble starts" The barkeeper finaly asks if the man can pay his tap. The man "oh gosh, now the trobble starts."
Another man comes into this same bar, the next day, and orders the neatest vodka, necking it in one fell swoop. Immediately, he looks remorseful. "I shouldn't have drank that." He says, forlorn. "Not with what I've got." The barkeep looks concerned. "Good God, what have you got?" The man replies. "2p."
"This Drifting hobo had to be killed. But doing so proved maddeningly impossible. How had he survived the endless methanol, the icy weather, and the cab I delivered so enthusiastically into his limp body? How had he returned time and time again to rouse the speakeasy with his endless drinking?" Props to you if you get this reference
@@sh-hg4eg yeah man fuck mumble rap bro it’s all about real rap! Shh, you sound corny. Radio rap is gonna suck obviously, don’t make it seem like there’s no great hip hop albums and artists these days.
This video was recommended to me by RUclips and I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. It is a tragic story but told in such good humour. I was literally crying laughing when Malloy came back after being run over .... mmm sesh 😂 . I can't believe I knew nothing about this guy, I'm now a subscriber and plan to binge watch content over the weekend. Thank you for the laughs !!
Michael Malloy when getting regular alcohol: I’m not wasted and very disappointed Michael Malloy with wood alcohol: give me two more shots of that good shit and some sardine-nail sandwiches 😋😋
@@viscountrainbows6452 Distill it several times and it can serve as fuel for your car [James May did that with four-times distilled whiskey, but that is a bit expensive]. Some americans could probably use this advice in current day USA.
Yes. I miss Sam. He really needs to get his shit together, either flunk out of Uni or just Ace that shit and get back to making content once in a while every few months. I don't demand that much, just at least once a year, and write something funny and disparaging about his fans pestering him about making merch, just once in between the videos. That's not too much to ask, is it?
I genuinely laughed out loud when you got to the bit about the poisoned oysters and Mike just "hoovered" them down, then asked for more. I know it's a tragic tale but rarely does a storyteller manage to make me genuinely guffaw but you managed it with your telling of the situation. What a great researcher and storyteller you are. Subscribed.
Go to buyraycon.com/dankula 15% off your order! Brought to you by Raycon.
happy that dank got a sponsor but admittedly disappointed that it is not, in fact, our boy
@@sprite6550 at least it’s the best earbuds on the market 🤔
@@earthnormal7024 unfortunately they're pretty crap, not any better than a $30 WalMart pair
Raycons are very cheaply made, just get a $20 pair and use the money you save for Dank's Patreon instead.
@@startedtech don’t disrespect our lord and saviour and sponsor
Trying to kill an Irishman with booze is like trying to drown a goldfish.
I dunno... I went to Scotland and Ireland and they were surprised when my twinsie and I asked for doubles and they came back with about 1 oz of liquor. We said, come back with 8 more of these. Each. They looked like we were crazy. And that was just the first bevvy. They laughed and said they didn’t know Americans can drink. Game on!
@@emilyadams3228 I'm also an American. Irish/English, German and Native.
Pretty sure the only silver bullet for an Irishman is to be trampled by a heard of sheep In the highlands on a Sunday. Nothing less will do other than some raw haggis and the shakes from a complete void of alcohol. But what Irishman would be caught dead in that particular scenario?
@@megastoejoe dude haggis is scottish munch not irish , plus we dont have highlands or that many sheep we are not welsh
😄
Deploy a ploy to destroy that unnemployed Malloy.
-O'NELLA, Sam.
"He just drew from the stockpile while there were still moves to be made on the tableu"
-Sam O'nella
Shut UP
Continue!
Why did he stop making video so abruptly?
@@jaseburdette6639 “Oh, I liked that joke!”
@@GeeMannn from what I've heard he's back at the University
This sounds like the plot of an early 2000’s comedy film, a group of murderers try to kill an Irishman with alcohol, and the entire time he thinks he’s their friend.
I would absolutely watch that movie if it existed 😂
And that's what happened, which is really sad
@@jaanth314 Ladykillers with Tom Hanks is what you want.
Starring Tom Green in his cameo role as the less important cab driver
Would have been a great three stooges episode
So this homeless Irishman survived more than a dozen attempts on his life and proved to be harder to kill than a T-800 Terminator. Not only that, but the time that it took to kill him was the happiest of his entire life; he had friends (from his POV) he ate and drank as much as he wanted to AND he had a place to sleep. Finally, death came to him in one of the nicest ways that it could come - passed out from drinking and succumbing to Carbon monoxide poisoning.
In life, he nearly bankrupted a notorious murder trust. In death, he provided the evidence necessary to put them away for life, he brought justice for another victim and he elevated one of the finest judges ever to come out of New York.
Fare ye well, Michael Malloy. My next drink will be on you.
Mike was like a sort of karmic force. Not only was the last few weeks of his life undoubtedly being his happiest as you said, and, poetically exposed the evil of what he thought to be his friends without ever being aware of it. It truly feels like one of those taoist stories were homeless people punish the wicked. Truly a legend, the Iron Mike, The Alloy Malloy.
What a legend
@@erice5618 imagine telling that to the gang lol!
Just goes to show that a person's life holds purpose and value others can't see and often they will never know themselves
God really pointed at him and said "this man shall have a horrible life then he will be happy as can be before arriving to me and his killers will be brought to justice"
Lucifer: "`wait a damn minute here"
"The rich man burned in hell. As he looked up, he saw Lazarus with Jesus standing beside him"
-The bible, the Parable of Lazarus.
If they wanted to kill Malloy, all they had to do was give him a glass of water.
His body would have had no idea what to do with it and turn off from sheer shock and confusion.
underrated comment
i mean it might have actually worked to give him water it would sober him up faster which could cause alcohol withdrawals and if not at-least he is sober so the wood alcohol would work better
@@yoshi0k262 where'd you read that drinking water sobers you up faster?
@@benthomason3307 Isn't it a known fact that being hydrated slows you getting drunk and revives you in the morning?
@@mykaruest3620 I've never heard that before. In fact a book of myths I once read debunked the idea that coffee has this effect by stating that there isn't actually anything you can do to accelerate the body's metabolism of ethanol.
Imagine if this was a video game, and you're desperately trying to kill this guy, and you get a notification that your friendship with him leveled up.
I make simple video games as a hobby and I am stealing the SHIT out of that idea...
@@pirateman1144 Name checks out.
RANK UP!
@@redundantfridge9764 I'm stealing your name to use as a fictional chemical.
Yar Harr!!
Im getting GTA 4 Cousin vibes if that was a game
Ah, Malloy. This man ate a literal garbage sandwich, drank wood alcohol, and lived. Shame he was a victim of a pretty ruthless life insurance scheme, but absolutely insane that he inadvertently foiled it multiple times.
He did this all while having a good time
This guy was the wet dream of every insurance company that deals with life insurance
I get knocked down, I get up again. You're never gona keep me down!
The insane part is that he wasn't even aware of any of it lmao.
Common for us Maloy’s
His tombstone should say, Mike Malloy: Built Different
“Diffrent”
He was one of Gods Prototypes. One who is not made for mass production, a mutant of sole kind
Try to kill the man, the man says "Food good, you should start a restaurant." Fucking legend.
Giving a savage burn without knowing it
@wakenbaker-uk Trolling so legendary it wasn’t even intentionally done
Madlad Malloy: "Back from the hospital, dying for a drink."
The Gang: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Giving an irishman booze before trying to kill him is like giving popeye spinach before a boxing match
Lol we’re a strong breed
@@chowderwhillis9448 not you necessarily
Tarrare: Finally, a worthy opponent! _OUR MEALS WILL BE LEGENDARY!_
This comment wins
Big Sam o'nella vibes
Would you kindly...powerful phrase.. familiar phrase?
I wish Sam would make more videos. College must be hard for him.
Yes.
An *INDESTRUCTIBLE HOBO* reverted the notorious "Murder Trust" into "The Wet Bandits". Absolute legend.
“Pain is temporary, the Sesh is eternal.”
-ancient Celtic mantra
vetter to die a session man than live a sessionless women
Without the sesh are lives are seshless.
Pain is temporary, a "sesh" is even more temporary.
@@gravynolastname3786 Can you read? We have clearly established that the "sesh" is, in fact, eternal. Is it more noble to have been born without the urge to have a sesh, or to overcome the urge to have a sesh through great hardship?
@@jamesmackes4531 I can read fine, thanks for asking
his liver was completely rejecting the methanol, and he would piss it out. This man was pissin 90 proof
Glad this wasn't R Kelly. He'd be killing teenagers with golden showers.
@J F pp flame thrower
proud to be ur 69th like lol
They could have just lit a match when he was pissin to get him
@@soccerthing77 I want to try
"The police where getting reports of some indestructible hobo"
Man, I would die happy if I could get a nickname like that
i cried when i heard this line lmao
It sound like an old school rampage mission from grand theft auto.
For now you’re known as low bar McGee
Were
Abosulte chad
I find it extremely interesting that Mike Malloy exactly embodies an archetypical character found in many mythologies. What particularly comes to mind for me is in Taoist myth, where beggars and homeless men are often avenging demigods or spirits who punish those who wrong people through their greed or arrogance.
it appeals to mankinds inner view of themselves as natural underdogs we as a people tend to love seeing the small overthrow or humilate the big when pushed around.
sun wukong is another figure that comes to mind a fool a prankster with no respect for any authority a literally monkey leading monkeys yet he humilated time and time again the greatest mightiest and most wise of gods threwout all of asia.
nearly all of them underestimating him and treating him as lesser only to be made the punchline in the end.
its the ultimate up turn where the rich powerfull and supreme are brought low by something as small and worthless as a ant in there view
Dionysus smiled upon this man
Jael in the Book of Judges also comes to mind.
Thats an interesting thought, Bard of High Renown (renowned be his name).
The fact that Whiskey in the Irish language literally translates as "the water of life" should tell you all you need to know about our relationship with alcohol.
Video just proves that the Irish are truly built different.
Irish Gaelic
It means the same in Scottish Gaelic too.
"Uisge beatha" (the Gaelic root of "whiskey") is a direct translation from the Latin term "aqua vitae," which also provided the names to akvavit, eau de vie and other beverages.
uisce
It's like this guy has a real life plot armor. Like Some sort of gag character.
Ingesting Alcohol increased his defense and health regen by 5000%
Gag characters aren't the only characters with plot armor tho. And for the record, Saitama isn't a gag character.
@@VunderGuy yeah that's true like in Warhammer 40K plenty of people with plot armor there. And for the main character one punch man it's explained why he's so strong so I wouldn't call it plot armor but from my take on his strength is that he has limitless potential to grow in power but does not have infinite power.
@@izzymosley1970 If he has limitless potential, wouldn’t he, by using extremely powerful attacks, become much more powerful?
Bruh he is like Rasputin, Hitler, and Castro
They could've called him Alloy Malloy but I guess the world wasn't ready for that level of mad lad.
Alloy Malloy. That's clever!
M'alloy
😂
There's a Twilight Zone episode about this murder. I remember seeing it when I was a kid.
I just remember the guy who's based on Malloy kept saying "I'm tirsty!"
I like to think Malloy was a supernatural being sent to put a stop to the Murder Trust by being a super tempting target and refusing to die; wasting their time and thus protecting others.
Wasnt that a quest line in skyrim
@@themug406 Was it?
God decided to come down personally and stop their shit
🤜💥🤛
My kitty drank anti freeze 12 years ago. He was in agonizing pain. God bless the vet who had us promptly syringe feed him about a shot of vodka. He stopped howling after a bit then stumbled around drunkenly for a few hours. Which sounds funny but it was the saddest thing ever. He is still with us today. God bless the vet.
@@billybigballs9208 maybe you should try humans next.
Damn. Glad your kitty was ok! That's good information to have.
I get the attempts at dark humor, but maybe work on it a little more, saying "I kill cats, is funni" and "Kill hooman next, more funni" isn't as funny as you seem to think
@@thezambambo2184 the only reason I suggested humans is because humans can fight back resulting in him getting what he deserves instead of preying on helpless animals. I don’t think his comment was funny at all.
@@billybigballs9208 terrible
This is so depressing to me. This man, who had no friends or family, nobody loved him, and the people he thought were being nice to him were trying to kill him... He was a loner who lived in one of the worst periods in US history, and he only found solace in getting drunk. And he was murdered. _And_ no one would have heard of him if this story didn't become popular. We don't even know what his life was like beforehand, how he grew up. I feel so much sadness for this poor man. Rest easy, Irishman
Hey at least he left an amazing story, he will always be remembered.
We thought he was a mad lad…
But he was actually just a sad lad.
All things considered it sounds like he died thinking he was surrounded by friends and he probably died painlessly so as far as deaths go not the worst?
he wasn't the only one
I know it is a very sad, dark story, but it would make a good film if it was made respectfully funny, with Mike Malloy the obvious hero. It could be made as a great tribute to the man who deified all odds and although passed away, he kind of won in the end. It didn't seem like he would have that much time left in this world anyway.
R.I.P Mike Malloy.
The most amazing thing is that he didn't die from alcohol withdrawal in hospital.
Truth.
It's kinda crazy he didn't.
So several gallons of that alcohol we use for cleaning wounds has gone missing.
His body converted his liver into a brewery.
That's what I was thinking. I guess the hospital knew, and helped him through it somehow? No idea
@@mphase7575 I dont THINK they knew enough or had the meds to treat D.T's back them.
The best part of this video is whenever Markus refers to the Murder Trust by the shorthand “The Gang”, because that just makes this whole thing sound like an episode of Always Sunny.
And that fits way too well.
There is an episode where they try to take out a life insurance policy on a man drinking himself to death.
My goodness, you're right. Frank would definitely be the one suggesting ways to up the ante. Dennis would be the one actually doing it.
"The Gang Tries To Give Alcohol Poisoning To An Irishman"
(Rises from the grave) “Damn that was a bad headache, Gotta go visit that bartender I’m parched”
That woman who died of hypothermia got her revenge thanks to Malloy as well....
Iron Mike had so much respect for women that even the Grim Repear kept giving him another chance.
@@VioletDeathRei he probably kept challening the reaper into a drinking contest.
@@Wyzai Then the Reaper said: "Oh Hell no!"
As he was afraid to die from alcohol poisoning himself.
@@SergioKoolhaas Nah, the old man was like "No, no. I'll let you cook. This is funny."
When you dump all your XP in Iron Gut.
yep....and then nothing fases you at all.
Maybe take some points out of intel and re invest then just for good measure
Or pick the Irishman race
XP? Nah ... IQ!
All constitution build with die hard and several toughness feats.
The treatment for methanol is ethanol. Methanol causes blindness before it kills you.
Hence the polish joke: "Drink faster, it's getting dark."
Fuck thats funny
Dude survived eating literal *GLASS SHARDS* and was still standing, fuckin' legend.
no sri lankan can say that!
Imagine his shits
And carpet tacks!
"It's ya boi, Mike Malloy" is now and forever one of my favourite clips on the entire Internet. That was fucking amazing.
Yea this sounds like it would great movie. "Top of the morning to you Fucker!" sounds like something in one of those 90s comedies.
It's now my notification sound.
29:26
I honestly wanted the raid plug right then. I would have retired from the internet.
Mmm, Shesh.
Arrange a fight to the death between Mike Malloy and that other man who would not die, Rasputin, and you could potentially create a perpetual motion engine.
Sadly, Rasputin's death was nowhere near the spectacle we thought it was. It comes from his assassin's journal, who was probably exaggerating so that it would seem like he killed a demonic force.
@@TheVodkaHaze from what I understand it took multiple gun shot wounds a stabbing and poison to kill Rasputin .
@@gamingforever9121 Don't forget the drowning.
@@TheVodkaHaze why? was he planning on the journal to be found?
Yea he was poisoned, stabbed, shot, and then wrapped in a carpet and thrown in a freezing river. They found his corpse, out of the carpet and crawled up on the bank of the river. The cold killed him.
A part of me wants to believe that Malloy knew they were trying to kill him but he still wanted to see if they could do it.
I mean seriously, “I’m dying for a drink,” and how could he not realize there was glass in his food and then go on to say “you should open a restaurant,” dude had to be trolling.
@@Slender_Man_186 Either Malloy was completely naive or a Chad among Chads? Either possibility is really funny.
Honestly, if I die and go to Heaven, I am gonna call up this guy’s Guardian Angel and cover his tab at the upstairs bar for all his hard work. What an unusual miracle of a man.
What other fairytales do you still believe. What does the tooth fairy think of all this?
@@zpridgen75 Shut up
@@zpridgen75 found the edgy atheist
@@zpridgen75 you must be fun at parties
@@zpridgen75 the tooth fairy probably thinks you're a prick for dragging her into this.
I’m surprised they didn’t use Malloy as an attraction “outdrink this lad and your nights tab is half off!!!” But good luck with that
In the Times of Prohibition...
@@fertblusbenis5128 word of mouth is how those places lived. I wasn’t thinking big billboards or regular ads
And then take out life insurance policies on those that tried
@@fertblusbenis5128 many officers in big cities in the US were payed off during prohibition, so after making some money off of Malloy through this scheme, they could have sold the scheme to a bigger market after getting the police off of their backs.
That would've made them so much money
The middle-ground between a goofy comedy movie, and a religious story about an angel disguised as a drunken Irishman, sent to punish the wicked by the power of his divine liver.
I could see that
Someone in this story must have wondered if they'd been cursed with a leprechaun for their crimes.
@@hewhobattles8869 I would watch that
And there's no record of his birth since he's an immigrant. THINK PEOPLE, THINK
There is a character like that in Chinese folklore called Ji Gong or The Mad Monk, who was basically a deity that disguised himself as a crazy and drunken monk to screw around with the bad people to help them correcting their wrong behaviors. There were quite a few movies and TV shows made about this character and they were hillarious as hell, there was even a movie directed by Stephen Chow, the same guy that directed Kungfu Hustle.
They've literally spent more money trying to kill him than what the life insurance would have paid out. LMAO
I'm laughing thinking about the expressions on there faces when Mike walked back in the Bar saying "I'm back did you miss me?"
“I’m dying for a drink”
*No shit*
Lol all Irishmen have speechcraft maxed to level 100 and immunity to poison -alcohol
He was literally the “rev up those fryers” fish from Spongebob.
@@luxenutt that would be Fred
at that point accept god wants him to live and just let him stay
If a man can survive your poisoning, he will. We call that Murphy’s law
Malloy's Law
Everything that can go right at some point will
I see what you did there
I think Malloy knew they were trying to kill him and just acted like he knew nothing to spite the gang.
Best plot twist ever
Cos he was living in a hell, where most people were completely broke, homeless and in serious trouble, maybe he had resigned himself to death..? Maybe, since he was an alcoholic, dying drunk would be the best way to go..? They offered him free booze and accommodation. In his situation i'd do the bloody same, but live long enough to piss those nasty bastards off royally 😄
Malloy was nothing but absolute retribution set upon that gang.
This man literally had the luck of the Irish.
More like the liver of the Irish 😂
he was the concept of a irishman given solid form.
Nah. Just Irish.
Right up until he got murdered
Contrast with the Kennedys, who had the misfortune of the Irish
"The Gang Tries to Kill Iron Mike for Life Insurance"
*Cue the Always Sunny theme
Lol thats hilarious... Really funny. You should thank that funnier guy for saying it first and getting you likes...
Cricket would be their "Iron Mike"
He even calls it "the gang"
Cue the Larry David theme
“God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world”-Jim Bishop,1962
Hehe we have the world and the whiskey
There's a 200 year gap in the list of Irish inventions after whiskey
Scottish made it
@@russell9378 right, irish only copied it.
@@ADogNamedStay na but scottish were the first I dont think they copied if they did they made their own type of whiskey thats why u get scotch n irish whiskey
Malloy Palpatine: the attempts on my life has left me sore and sober.
"I... Love... Alcoholism..."
I am the alcohol!
I laughed way to hard at this
I don't get why other Irish people don't like Mike Malloy.
He basically took our greatest stereotype, and made it a superpower. He also exemplifies the Irish ideal of loving life regardless of circumstance.
As someone with Irish heritage, I can't help but raise a glass to this sweet man.
Sláinte, Mike Malloy!
Hey now. I'm black and Irish. Prison was fun times.
@@finished6267 demoman?
@@elikyiael8740 demo man tf2
@@elikyiael8740 Demoman was Scottish.
@@elikyiael8740 Nah demoman is Scottish smh my head
"Local man too drunk to realize he's supposed to be dead, more at 11"
"Sounds like Florida Man."
Me: Nah dude, he's Irish.
"Oh that makes sense."
Mike Malloy has to be some kind of karma for these men, because they murdered an innocent woman before him and were going to now murder an innocent man. Fate decided it's time for a bit of justice, so it sent Malloy to torment them and waste all of their time and money.
"I'm dying for a drink"
This is now my head-canon. I love karmic justice.
Or you could say God has a sense of justice and humor. "You shouldn't have murdered her. But since you did, I'm sending the juggernaut drunk your way."
@@101Volts yeah but that's obviously bullshit.
@@Izzmonster "Because I don't believe that..."
I could imagine an entire Charlie Chaplin comedy style movie about this
Hell yea
I also can imagine a Charlie Chaplin movie based on this
I was seeing it the entire video
lol i can see silent black and white characters , slapping their foreheads in frustration when they fail to kill him 😂 maybe one of the goons accidently takes a bite of the garbage sandwich , and somehow everyone just starts hitting eachother w pies
@@stonecoldsteveaustin9353 I was think of sam o nella when Malloy's ghost watches the execution and laughs his ass off
I love how even in death he still had the last laugh.
Primus made a song “You Can’t Kill Mike Malloy” I’m glad I know what that means now😂😂😂
Never heard that one..I like primus tho so.. off to check it out...
Mike Malloy big brown beaver
After "You Can't Kill Mike Malloy", the gangsters' song comes on:
My Name Is Mud
Really what album is that from
Primus Sucks!
Poison, hypothermia, incredibly dangerous levels of alcohol. This is a Friday night in Ireland.
Or the attempts on the Life of Gregory Rasputin.
Good old vehicular manslaughter
Dying is weird some people will trip and die while others will survive a free fall from an airplane with only a scratch
If god exists he has favorites
@@theeccentrictripper3863 only you do.....& its not a popularity contest, princess. are you talking about dog? or god? from the BUY-bull = bi-ble= 2-bulls. what two bull beings are you Prey-ing to? or allowing it to PREY/pray/feast on?....its all in the etymology & their fruits.....they bare rotten fruit= un-consumable fruitz. know you are accepting the dog of other lands which are not your own.....& serving Rev 2.9, 3.9. Question what you have been told & remember the truth that is, separate from the narrative....that we are inundated with. find peace in yourself, live the best version you can or yourself & those you love, not an allegory or archetype. trippccentrically, but question all you "know". constantly ask, "how do I know what I know?" what is at the core of Truth? consensus? because our parents & teachers taught it? be-LIE-fs? re-LIE-gion? Question who benefits & who control the whole realm.
Or, in the case of my father, fall down a cliff and suffer only a sprained pinky finger.
@@joeywantstoplay Also I think you drank too much, buddy. I cannot for the life of me understand what you're saying.
@@joeywantstoplay you are an absolute fruit
To be honest, this is quite sad, Malloy trusted Marino, he was loyal to him, and Marino continued to try to kill him
Was probably the best time of malloys life though
but it warms the heart again when you realise because malloy never noticed his last weeks were likely the best of his life going from a total loner to all the free alchol and food he could eat alongside new friends he died happy and those who saught to make him suffer for fun ended up ruined in the end.
What a brave statement
I'm not usually in favor of the death penalty but Marino got what he fucking deserved
"Randy, I am The Liquor."
Had me dead
Jim lahey what a character
@@ginge7945 RIP
RIP Mr. Lahey
RANDY! Randy the shit winds are blowing
@@TheDizastarmaster I'm mowing the air!
That "Randy, I am The Liquor" line was perfect.
Yup😎
RIP Jim Lahey
Rip Jim Lahey
Malloy might've been Irish, but his liver was clearly Kryptonian. I also love the fact that he saw it as them just treating him to delicacies and exotic drinks. It's almost wholesome.
himbo energy
These guys: "Lets deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy!"
Sam O'Nella: "Shut up"
I knew the basics of this story as an alumnus of the illustrious Sam O'Nella Academy, but it's always great to hear the more full story from His Dankness. I love Sam's quick easy stories, but I also love the more fleshed out, more researched, comprehensive stories of the Count of Dankness.
The best mad lad stories are the one’s that sound like they could be a comedy skit.
Agreed. This one, John Smeeton, and Saddam Hussein's son.
The real mad lads are the friends we made along the way
This whole tale sounds like an It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode.
The gang commits insurance fraud
There actually was an episode where one of the recurring characters was planning to drink himself to death, and they tried to take a life insurance policy out on him.
@@BlackIce3190 charlie?
@@5KM5K bill ponderosa
I feel like the universe had bigger plans for this man then drinking himself unconscious every day.
When an incompetent force meets an immovable object
If Malloy was around today he could have solved the pandemic by drinking all the Corona.
This beer was only cool once --- when it was featured in Fast & Furious "01.
Nah... He would have caught the bug, not known it, and then bug would have hopped to another spices while thinking "SCREW THIS SPECIES! LIFE'S TO SHORT!" 😆
@@tuff_lover Also when it gave the Minutemen some inspiration to write the _song_ "Corona" in 1982, released for their 1984 double album, and then an instrumental version was used for the "Jackass" show. I still prefer the original version. It's not about drinking, but it's about the bottles that a Mexican woman took to a recycling plant for the deposit.
I've heard this story a good few times, but this is by far the most in depth version I've heard. As an Irishman I have a strange sense of pride in this man's alcoholism! Keep up the good work Dank!
Me too mate. The man's a legend haha. Thats the leather irish stomach.
Super proud to be Irish
They made my boy the “nasty patty” like in the spongebob episode with the health inspector
that's what i was thinking too
I was just waiting for "And somehow, Malloy walks through the door again" after that final attempt. Such a great video.
when they died, the criminals probably have to suffer an eternal torment, suffering through an endless cycle of trying to murder "Malloy" and Malloy returning.
@@ownedmaxer607 lmao
This guy was literally just a real life Irish Tyrone Biggums.
"sprinkle some crack rocks on'em"
@@maximvsdread1610 They broke in and hung up pictures of their family all over the place.
“Imma tell you something about me, Joe Rogan, that you might not know. I smoke rocks.”
Y'all got any of them wood shots?
mmm MMM! Peanut butter and crack sandwich.
R.i.p. sam o'nella for first teaching me of this indestructible walking toxin
He’s not gone. Once he’s done with college he’ll be back, hopefully
it’s almost summertime. Unless Sam is a psychopath and does summer classes I think we are in for some vids in the foreseeable future :)
I think I missed the bit in Sam's video in which it was the mafia
@@ryanricke2247
Just like my dad, he'll come back from getting milk and smokes any time now.
I miss him sm
"... he asked for seconds!"
Second coming of Rasputin, that lad was.
Malloy was the definition of tough. The man survived excessive alcohol poisoning, regular poisoning, eating glass, hypothermia, and getting crushed by a car twice. He must have had a stomach of iron and a liver of steel.
'Randy, I am the liquor....'
F*ck that was funny. RIP Jon Dunsworth.
Gotta admit, the police, hospitals, and charities were really on their game for this guy. Always seemed to be ready for when he would randomly and publicly pass out
Back when the church did it's job
Back when society was somewhat functional
@@dragonbones3885 did government replace ministry or was it neglect on behalf of the church?
@@moodydude565 local churches still are better than relying on government
Also Lyndon BJs Great Society started pushing the welfare state, with each new administration pushing harder or not doing anything to stop federal intrusion
@@moodydude565 Humans react to incentives. We killed the church, charity and community by replacing it with government money for filing out documents detailing our financial situation.
man, I'm slowly becoming addicted to this series. Hearing hilarious stories being narrated by a heavy scottish accent? Who could ask for more?
Lmao I know, seen all the videos before but I binged watched the whole series in 4 days
Welcome to the Dank Brigade.
This is the comedian who mocked the Nazis by training his gf’s (at the time, wife now) pug to do a nazi salute and made a joke video about it. And then the fake news media labelled him a Nazi even though he’s a chad liberal (libertarian) now and a former communist (he still has a tattoo of a soviet star on his chest) and the government prosecuted him for a joke that nobody except the govt and some triggered pansies on Twitter even cared about, and the judge decided to ignore all the evidenced reality and make up their own fantastical version of reality where Dank is a bad person who was literally instructing people to Glass the Juice, which is obviously not the case from anyone with an iq above 65.
@@JesusFriedChrist Worst part is I knew of people that still think he was deserving to be thrown in jail for that. What a sad generation
@@JesusFriedChrist I have always been impressed that he was able to teach a pug that trick. Stubborn lil bastards
@@JesusFriedChrist ,, Glass the Juice" good one😂
"It's ya boy! Mike Malloy!" May he live forever in our memories this way and never grow old.
A Dragon Lord Part 3 is required. That guy officially does no longer consider himself a human being and is about to go to jail.
I haven't heard much about him since the last madlads video. As far as I knew he was still holed up in that little compound.
Are people still fucking with him? How has the plandemic affected him and his family?
@@obsoleteoptics just like everyone else, it hasn't.
@@obsoleteoptics pandemic hasn’t done much to people. It’s the government reactions/restrictions that are doing negative things to people
Rest in peace dragonlord
So long as dank says “Murder” on camera his little one will go to a nice college
It really is the best
MAERDAH
"Muuhhhhduerrr"
"Muoldeh"
“Randy, I am the Liquor” Rip Jim Lahey 😢
Rest in peace
Who else came looking for this comment?
Well done.
@@randycooks8597 no but I did seek knowledge about his about his own name change!
Dude! Such a great human being.
"I'm mowing the air randy!"
"GRRR, WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!"
"Irish machines, son! They harden in response to alcohol"
XD
The methanol trick was done on house md. House had a suicidal inmate patient who drank copy toner (methanol) and house tricked him into saving himself by sharing a fifth of rum with him.
I remember that episode lmao
This is like one of those cartoons where tom tries to kill jerry or the coyote tries to kill the roadrunner but it always backfires
Yeah, he was like a real-life Looney Tunes character.
*Drinks rat poison*
Mike Malloy: "-Thats some serious gormet shit"
Imagine how embarrassing it must be to be so bad an assassin that your target DOESN'T KNOW someone is trying to kill them after the first few attempts.
"And as they flipped the switch, Malloy's ghost drank antifreeze and chowed down on some sardine souls just laughing his ass off"
That would make for a great ghost story.
I like to imagine that Mike knew exactly what was going on, but was in such a shitty situation he decided to just milk it for drinks for as long as it took to meet his inevitable end. Then he got extremely lucky, but ultimately laughed all the way to the grave.
My mom said she kept hearing some "European guy" say alcohol over and over again and wondered what I was watching
I hope you corrected her
@@skinlesswalnut6259
Correct her on what?
@@skinlesswalnut6259 You do know Scotland is part of Europe?
@@user-zg5ey5xo9i 'European' has more connotations than just Geography. There's social, political, Nationality, and Ethnicity factors, which vary largely between Geographical locations. So, reducing an individual to your own personal idea of those who live in Europe, is grating at best, and is more likely to be offensive to many. I doubt you'd have trouble understanding Chinese people who wanted to be Chinese first, and Asian second, or understanding someone from Nigeria wanting to be referred to as a Nigerian first, and an African second, yet it escaped you here.
@@mr.anonymous5501 Do you really expect americans to do that?
This feels like an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
It basically is lol they did pul la scam like this on Bill Ponderosa, and it also failed for some of the same reasons lmao
"The Gang tries to kill the Irish Rasputin"
I remember his story popping up on QI all those years ago, good stuff.
I miss when QI was good
Same
I could barely watch when Toxic was a guest, now it's the host, nope.
As it was written in the irish pub in my local southern town; *”God gave the Irish whiskey so they wouldn’t take over the world”*
True that.
The great depression was tough indeed. Having people turning to MHARDARR and what not...
"Muldul"
I think it's both at the same time.
Hulduhl.
Merrrr derrrr
Murtdar
LMAO is great medicine!! Thinking of those guys minds reeling everytime Iron Mike showed up again had me dying and crying!!
RIP Mike Malloy
A man goes into a bar and says: One drink before the trobble starts.
The barkeeper gives him a drink and asks "What troubble?"
The man doesn't want to tell and drinks 5 other drinks "before the trobble starts"
The barkeeper finaly asks if the man can pay his tap.
The man "oh gosh, now the trobble starts."
Another man comes into this same bar, the next day, and orders the neatest vodka, necking it in one fell swoop. Immediately, he looks remorseful. "I shouldn't have drank that." He says, forlorn. "Not with what I've got."
The barkeep looks concerned. "Good God, what have you got?"
The man replies. "2p."
"This Drifting hobo had to be killed. But doing so proved maddeningly impossible. How had he survived the endless methanol, the icy weather, and the cab I delivered so enthusiastically into his limp body? How had he returned time and time again to rouse the speakeasy with his endless drinking?"
Props to you if you get this reference
Overconfidence is a slow, and insidious killer?
Dankest dungeon lololol
The speakezy ancestor
They call him iron mike
He liked to ride bikes
When the mafia came he made them take a hike
Syllables? Where?
@@pag3059 ma-fi-a
From America to Ireland
For drinks he scoured the land
They tried to take his liver.
They only lost their liquor.
Now, mumble this to a repetitive and generic rap beat and you've got yourself on the charts.
@@sh-hg4eg yeah man fuck mumble rap bro it’s all about real rap! Shh, you sound corny. Radio rap is gonna suck obviously, don’t make it seem like there’s no great hip hop albums and artists these days.
This video was recommended to me by RUclips and I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. It is a tragic story but told in such good humour. I was literally crying laughing when Malloy came back after being run over .... mmm sesh 😂 . I can't believe I knew nothing about this guy, I'm now a subscriber and plan to binge watch content over the weekend. Thank you for the laughs !!
The "Top of the morning to you, foockers. It's yo boy, Mike Malloy, sesh." Part Absolutely made my week. Great job as always, Count.
Can u just imagine if Michael and rasputin somehow had a child?
This is how we evolve!
But neither are women..
@@501ststormtrooper9 imagine if they both had babies with Jesus's mam
Thats... not at all what evolution is
@@501ststormtrooper9he does say "imagine" and "somehow" for a reason lmao
I've seen their child, his name is Logan, and he works at at Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters.
Michael Malloy when getting regular alcohol: I’m not wasted and very disappointed
Michael Malloy with wood alcohol: give me two more shots of that good shit and some sardine-nail sandwiches 😋😋
Great source or iron, those sandwiches. 😝 🥪 🐟
@@viscountrainbows6452 Distill it several times and it can serve as fuel for your car [James May did that with four-times distilled whiskey, but that is a bit expensive]. Some americans could probably use this advice in current day USA.
@@Muck006 True
being in georgia sucks ngl
@@Muck006 Everclear 190 proof is the best liquor
Dank saying "Randy, I am the liquor." killed me. All he needed to make me laugh harder would be a shit euphemism.
Having graduated from the Sam O'Nella Academy Of Knowing Stuff, I feel I am prepared for this episode.
Yes. I miss Sam. He really needs to get his shit together, either flunk out of Uni or just Ace that shit and get back to making content once in a while every few months. I don't demand that much, just at least once a year, and write something funny and disparaging about his fans pestering him about making merch, just once in between the videos.
That's not too much to ask, is it?
I genuinely laughed out loud when you got to the bit about the poisoned oysters and Mike just "hoovered" them down, then asked for more. I know it's a tragic tale but rarely does a storyteller manage to make me genuinely guffaw but you managed it with your telling of the situation. What a great researcher and storyteller you are. Subscribed.
OMFG! "Make me another one of those glass and metal sandwiches." I'm struggling to carry on here. I shall recompose myself and carry on in a minute.
“We deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy”