The Tale of Michael Malloy

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  • Опубликовано: 19 янв 2018
  • I used the Smithsonian's account of this as my main reference so if you have some beef about somewhere else giving slightly different details, take it up with them
    Check out my other channel, Sam O'Nella Vlog!
    / @samonellavlog2445
    Follow me on twitter!
    / sam_onella
    Intro and outro song:
    "Brandenburg Concerto No. 4 in G, Movement I (Allegro), BWV 1049" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
    Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
    creativecommons.org/licenses/b...

Комментарии • 10 тыс.

  • @griffingresge7458
    @griffingresge7458 3 года назад +15127

    “Deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy” thats bars

  • @48kelvin
    @48kelvin 4 года назад +6565

    This is a homeless version of rasputin

  • @detectivetiershower1817
    @detectivetiershower1817 Год назад +9392

    He gained a life for every person he saved as a firefighter

    • @asackboyplush6508
      @asackboyplush6508 Год назад +131

      Yes

    • @Dr170
      @Dr170 Год назад +230

      Canon

    • @BillyisAmongUs
      @BillyisAmongUs Год назад +483

      "you, you saved me!"
      "Silence child, as a drain your life force"

    • @roycoll2123
      @roycoll2123 Год назад +110

      The only posible theory crazy enough to be canon

    • @Killbayne
      @Killbayne Год назад +46

      well he should've saved just 1 more and they would've moved on

  • @naka8899
    @naka8899 2 года назад +13739

    I like how the plan went from “hey let’s make money off his death” to “aight let’s try using the car. He can’t survive a car.”

    • @Andresalex4
      @Andresalex4 2 года назад +1

      I know right? It's like their motives went from making money off of him to literally just trying to see if they could figure out a way to actually kill him and it's beautiful

    • @flynn8845
      @flynn8845 Год назад +32

      xD

    • @MemeMachine-po9zo
      @MemeMachine-po9zo Год назад +523

      And then he survived the car

    • @slickman3975
      @slickman3975 Год назад +251

      And came back with no recollection of them running him over…. Twice

    • @Person-lk1vs
      @Person-lk1vs Год назад +5

      huh

  • @lostfauna6784
    @lostfauna6784 6 лет назад +3230

    “Motherfucker asks for another”

    • @niko7877
      @niko7877 6 лет назад +77

      He is the reason why Guinness World Records was created

    • @MrMoney-no8ry
      @MrMoney-no8ry 6 лет назад +14

      3:15

    • @MrLoger3
      @MrLoger3 6 лет назад +38

      I swear i dont laugh often because of a video....
      But this made me cry at 4am, waking the whole neighborhood

    • @fizzypebble332
      @fizzypebble332 6 лет назад +1

      MrLoger3 sure you did

    • @TheSpurion
      @TheSpurion 6 лет назад

      Was looking for this!

  • @chubbyudder9002
    @chubbyudder9002 4 года назад +20676

    Humans have two modes.
    1. *Slips in the shower and dies*
    2. *Gets ran over twice and comes waltzing in*

    • @hollowhoagie6441
      @hollowhoagie6441 4 года назад +1480

      We can survive nuclear fallout
      But oh boy beware of *_Stairs_*

    • @foserk7063
      @foserk7063 4 года назад +82

      You stole this comment but okay

    • @hollowhoagie6441
      @hollowhoagie6441 4 года назад +358

      @@foserk7063 shush, every meme is stolen, this comment itself is a meme

    • @strebicux6174
      @strebicux6174 4 года назад +12

      900th like

    • @AtariWow
      @AtariWow 4 года назад +60

      With how I treat my body I'll probably be the first mode

  • @magmat0585
    @magmat0585 2 года назад +9856

    According to Wikipedia, one of his nicknames was legitimately "The Juggernaut". Also, apparently he was so well known to the cops that THEY were the ones who questioned Iron Mike's "death by pneumonia" and had the body exhumed and studied

    • @Wildcat12
      @Wildcat12 2 года назад +15

      The “Juggernaut” title was added as a nod to this video, as were other parts of the article like the motherfucker quote.

    • @AceOfBlackjack
      @AceOfBlackjack 2 года назад +27

      @@Wildcat12 Where

    • @dylanpotato8739
      @dylanpotato8739 2 года назад +263

      @@AceOfBlackjack wikipedia

    • @neobell9511
      @neobell9511 Год назад +333

      @@AceOfBlackjack this may be 3months ago but its literally the 3rd word bruh

    • @enigmazero3082
      @enigmazero3082 Год назад +273

      "I'm the Juggernaut bitch"
      -Michael Malloy

  • @justmaxproductions
    @justmaxproductions 2 года назад +4777

    I was half expecting Sam to say something like "after surviving being hit by a car twice, Malloy was shot 5 times with a pistol, he showed up the next day with a limp, finally showing some signs of mortality"

  • @franceknop1155
    @franceknop1155 4 года назад +4642

    - Irishman
    - Kill with alcohol
    "orb effect does not stack"

    • @singeslayer8367
      @singeslayer8367 4 года назад +112

      to quote the video: "Oh, I like that joke!"

    • @Jjonahlamison
      @Jjonahlamison 4 года назад +8

      Hahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahah

    • @orbcat1790
      @orbcat1790 3 года назад +13

      *DID YOU SUMMON ME*

    • @franceknop1155
      @franceknop1155 3 года назад +8

      @@orbcat1790 *MY BRETHREN!*

    • @David-jn1gg
      @David-jn1gg 3 года назад +5

      @@orbcat1790 what reference joke is this

  • @oddsock3254
    @oddsock3254 6 лет назад +17757

    Killing an Irish man with alcohol.
    Someone forgot to do their research.

  • @bt-7justclowning
    @bt-7justclowning 2 года назад +2225

    I feel towards the end they stopped caring about the money they just wanted to know if he could die

  • @OptimusPhillip
    @OptimusPhillip Год назад +391

    Some extra tidbits not mentioned in the video (courtesy of Wikipedia).
    In addition to methanol, they also gave him shots of antifreeze, turpentine, horse liniment, and fucking rat poison.
    Malloy was saved from freezing to death by police, who brought him to a homeless shelter to recover.
    Apparently, Malloy was a subject of gossip around speakeasies, due to his seeming inhuman resilience. In fact, by some accounts, this is how the murder was discovered: police had overheard rumors of the unkillable Michael Malloy, and when they received word of his death, they got suspicious and dug up his body for examination.
    By some accounts, there was an additional party to the murder: a Dr. Frank Manzella, who falsely pronounced Malloy dead of pneumonia. After the crime was discovered, Manzella was imprisoned as an accessory to murder.

  • @someartist1908
    @someartist1908 3 года назад +6760

    Tarrare: Mega stomach
    Ubre Blanca: Mega milk
    Malloy: Mega Liver

    • @lego_grandmasteryoda6874
      @lego_grandmasteryoda6874 3 года назад +359

      Timothy Dexter: Mega luck with business

    • @SorowFame
      @SorowFame 3 года назад +288

      @@lego_grandmasteryoda6874 merge them all and you have the ultimate lifeform.

    • @kahiruo
      @kahiruo 3 года назад +40

      Malloy can recover really fast

    • @joelrobinson5457
      @joelrobinson5457 3 года назад +31

      Man with the immortal liver

    • @TamHoang-ck1rd
      @TamHoang-ck1rd 3 года назад +48

      @@SorowFame Give them a stone mask with the red stone of aja and we’re all doomed

  • @thisissparta789789
    @thisissparta789789 3 года назад +27754

    Also, he reportedly told Marino after eating the sardine sandwich that his cooking was first-class, and that he should open a restaurant.

    • @kishascape
      @kishascape 3 года назад +1668

      That was so mean smothering his face like with gas like that.

    • @calebmurray4438
      @calebmurray4438 3 года назад +852

      Maybe he knew and anti-poisoned himself just to piss them off....

    • @calebmurray4438
      @calebmurray4438 3 года назад +475

      No wait that’s stupid. He’s just some fucking monstrosity

    • @joekerr9150
      @joekerr9150 3 года назад +132

      @@calebmurray4438 ok

    • @jxmn._kxot2611
      @jxmn._kxot2611 3 года назад +88

      @@calebmurray4438 ok

  • @stuflu8380
    @stuflu8380 Год назад +852

    I like how Sam doesn’t tell us how he survived just to make sure we felt the same way as Marino. He survived the methanol since they’d give him regular alcohol and then after a few shots give him methanol, but ethanol naturally bonds to methanol which makes it no longer poisonous. As for getting hit with the car, two police officers found him soon after and took him to a hospital

    • @exotic1405
      @exotic1405 Год назад +79

      Then what the hell was the sandwhich

    • @turtlelord8021
      @turtlelord8021 Год назад +1

      @@exotic1405 just has fuckin strong teeth and strong stomach flesh.

    • @bierwolf8360
      @bierwolf8360 Год назад +112

      ethanol and methanol do not bind - they are just metabolized by the same parts in the liver. Methanol itself is not very poisnous but the enzyme "alcohol dehydrogenase" turns methanol into formaldehyde and then formic acid, which are way more toxic. By having excess ethanol, the methanol is actually prevented from being metabolized and is instead largely passed through. Same goes for the anti-freeze they tried to kill him with too.

    • @kattastic9999
      @kattastic9999 9 месяцев назад +19

      ​@@exotic1405probably just threw it up later

    • @robertt9825
      @robertt9825 8 месяцев назад +46

      @@kattastic9999 Yeah, given that level of alcoholism he was likely throwing up fairly regularly. So the damage POTENTIALLY could have been minimal. (Also don't try ANY of this at home kids)

  • @dantemacdonald7672
    @dantemacdonald7672 2 года назад +270

    The line itself plus the delivery of "let's deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy" makes me crack up time and time again

    • @MadLadJay98
      @MadLadJay98 8 месяцев назад +7

      The "shut up" line fucking gets me

  • @jerrendrummond7051
    @jerrendrummond7051 4 года назад +6597

    Had me dead when he asked for another sandwich lmao

    • @welcometothestream8860
      @welcometothestream8860 3 года назад +86

      Imagine getting all of your fingers chopped,and saying
      "Do that again lol"

    • @AxtroLeaf
      @AxtroLeaf 3 года назад +16

      Didn't have him dead, though.

    • @olliegoria
      @olliegoria 3 года назад +13

      That sandwich killed the wrong guy

    • @maurice1962
      @maurice1962 3 года назад +50

      “Motherfucker asks for another”

    • @Voidlingstudiosofficial
      @Voidlingstudiosofficial 3 года назад

      @James Bolton uoy teab em ot ti

  • @ARVash
    @ARVash 4 года назад +18290

    The thing they didn't consider with their method of poisoning, is that alcohol is one of the ways to treat methanol poisoning. The man was pickled in the cure while he was drinking the poison.

    • @Jjonahlamison
      @Jjonahlamison 4 года назад +822

      Alan Ball huh that’s cool

    • @ADAJ342
      @ADAJ342 4 года назад +283

      Neat

    • @arqwn4680
      @arqwn4680 4 года назад +436

      What about the nasty food,

    • @ARVash
      @ARVash 4 года назад +1217

      @@arqwn4680 no idea, I only know about the methanol.

    • @tabitharosefreeman1793
      @tabitharosefreeman1793 4 года назад +98

      Interesting fact, thanks for the info 👍🏾

  • @nataliehills2416
    @nataliehills2416 2 года назад +284

    The fact that I knew about this obscure person in history prior to watching this is potentially problematic

  • @legitspaghettinoodle5589
    @legitspaghettinoodle5589 2 года назад +122

    I love the implication that everyone knows about the Hindenburg disaster despite that event being five years in the future

  • @ReBlarted
    @ReBlarted 6 лет назад +3322

    He was Alcoholic *draws a beer*
    He was also irish *draws another beer*

    • @demondwilson706
      @demondwilson706 6 лет назад +105

      And a former firefighter *pastes Steve Buscemi's head*

    • @preludetodemise
      @preludetodemise 6 лет назад +220

      As a proud irishman I am deeply offended
      he should of had at least three more beers. four if he was catholic

    • @ReBlarted
      @ReBlarted 6 лет назад +6

      doctor death defying i couldnt agree more

    • @klutz3955
      @klutz3955 6 лет назад +7

      yeah, way too little for his nationality

    • @maxwellmendo2828
      @maxwellmendo2828 6 лет назад +4

      At least he wasn't married.

  • @carlwithhats4837
    @carlwithhats4837 3 года назад +15664

    It’s kinda sad to think that Malloy always came back to the same bar, maybe believing that he was gifted drinks, and that the 3 bar guys hang up with him because they liked him. He probably thought he had drinking pals and then they fricking killed him

    • @Mothlord03
      @Mothlord03 3 года назад +1947

      At least he never knew they were behind it. Woulda been worse if the last thing he knew was "they betrayed me" or whatever

    • @lollikabosso.w.n7153
      @lollikabosso.w.n7153 2 года назад +641

      At least his spirit couldve lived in peace laughing his head off

    • @longlivegarybusey6409
      @longlivegarybusey6409 2 года назад +124

      Better than being born with a micro penis. Trust me.

    • @Luckyroses
      @Luckyroses 2 года назад +109

      So were all just gonna ignore the fact that they're hanging up with him?

    • @sealbeegle9785
      @sealbeegle9785 2 года назад +274

      @@longlivegarybusey6409 my condolences

  • @faithnamer
    @faithnamer Год назад +252

    3:14 this part always kills me

    • @0BucketMask0
      @0BucketMask0 Год назад

      "Motherfucker asks for another."

    • @ChristianSandviknes
      @ChristianSandviknes Год назад +15

      That's good, because it surely didn't kill him.

    • @VERGILGASM
      @VERGILGASM 5 месяцев назад +4

      It's great because Sam swears so rarely

  • @alden1132
    @alden1132 Год назад +39

    The reference to Steve Buscemi when it was mentioned Malloy was a former firefighter is hilarious! Buscemi was also once a firefighter in NYC. He actually went to his firehouse, to work with his old Ladder company as a 1st responder, after the 9/11 terror attacks. He didn't do it for publicity, praise, or attention, didn't tell anyone from the news, or from show business, or anyone that tipnoff the wider world. There is at least one photo of him sitting on the Company truck, though, all of them were covered in ash, soot, dirt, blood (presumably, it was a wide shot), but he never sought recognition. He's a bona fide hero.

  • @shonklebonkle324
    @shonklebonkle324 3 года назад +5937

    The dudes: you have a lot of nerve being alive
    Malloy: i'm pretty sure i don't have nerves anymore.

    • @facelessmiasma4664
      @facelessmiasma4664 3 года назад +77

      Not sure why, but this hit me so hard I nearly choked on my water.

    • @maksanimates4456
      @maksanimates4456 3 года назад +80

      @@facelessmiasma4664 so did the car for Malloy

    • @thestoryman5706
      @thestoryman5706 2 года назад +19

      Man just pulled a life hack and removed his vital organs from his body so they wouldn't get damaged

    • @Year_of_the_Dell
      @Year_of_the_Dell 2 года назад +2

      I feel that

  • @reddarrick3921
    @reddarrick3921 6 лет назад +4116

    top 10 overpowered anime characters

    • @Wickerboker
      @Wickerboker 6 лет назад +52

      "The Gang Deploys A Ploy To Destroy That Unemployed Malloy" *THEME MUSIC PLAYS

    • @lelgie601
      @lelgie601 6 лет назад +2

      Jonathan Reyes *too

    • @twofeathers7834
      @twofeathers7834 6 лет назад +1

      Alpyroll no.

    • @lightningstrike6398
      @lightningstrike6398 5 лет назад +1

      No he's just got that Irish blood in him

    • @KosTis
      @KosTis 5 лет назад +1

      Za guret depureshon

  • @Skipmunk85
    @Skipmunk85 Год назад +59

    ok something I found out from reading the Wikipedia page is that Sam skipped a few steps between regular alcohol and wood alcohol. the most interesting to me is they tried giving him ANTIFREEZE which he chugged down no problem, probably because all the alcohol in his system stopped it from being absorbed by the liver. This detail might help explain all of the other poisons failing as well
    Also, the 5 men had a doctor sign the original death certificate and had him buried quickly, but when local police heard he died they were just like "No fucking way THAT guy died" and had him exhumed and reexamined. This was when they found that there was something up

    • @Lagonbreezey
      @Lagonbreezey Год назад +12

      Counter argument, the man was Irish, meaning all science is out the window and his liver is made of solid titanium and has a thirst for alcohol so great that he just doesn’t die.

    • @cumcumcum148
      @cumcumcum148 10 дней назад

      I know for a fact that the antidote for methanol is ethanol. So the idea "It didn't work because he had a lot of alcohol already" isn't far fetched

  • @komi-sanmustbeprotected5665
    @komi-sanmustbeprotected5665 2 года назад +79

    Best part is they spent around half of the equivalent to their insurance claim trying to kill him from the costs of the drinks, chemicals, and bribes, also if they'd bothered to pay to have him embalmed properly they wouldn't of gotten caught cause his body wouldn't of had the signs he was gassed to death

  • @Bonzane
    @Bonzane 5 лет назад +5258

    The quote “deployed a ploy to destroy the unemployed Malloy” is on his Wikipedia page.

    • @mrblazeapound7856
      @mrblazeapound7856 5 лет назад +69

      Bonzane lol

    • @KingKhanate1997
      @KingKhanate1997 5 лет назад +625

      So is the “Motherfucker asks for another” quip.

    • @DavidLopez-pc7yg
      @DavidLopez-pc7yg 5 лет назад +36

      MadMongol Metalhead they took it off.

    • @Burn_Angel
      @Burn_Angel 5 лет назад +131

      Death God They only replaced "Motherfucker".

    • @MeinUnterkampf
      @MeinUnterkampf 5 лет назад +128

      They actually mention this video on the page in the "Pop culture" section.

  • @bob69711
    @bob69711 3 года назад +18725

    I love how the new animation frame for the word "Irish" is just adding a 2nd bottle of beer to his other hand

    • @Mad-Dog-Majima
      @Mad-Dog-Majima 3 года назад +404

      As an Irish, I can back this up as true

    • @maisiemaisie123
      @maisiemaisie123 3 года назад +149

      @@Mad-Dog-Majima I agree, I'm Irish too

    • @maisiemaisie123
      @maisiemaisie123 3 года назад +82

      As an Irish person, I agree with this video

    • @4skintim962
      @4skintim962 3 года назад +50

      I can also confirm this

    • @Bigbaymonstermare
      @Bigbaymonstermare 3 года назад +91

      I love that all of your names begins with “O’”. There’s that joke that goes, “how many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?........none”
      I kid because I love, Irish are great people!

  • @aidan5720
    @aidan5720 2 года назад +50

    4:11 thats an understatement honestly

  • @madelrainwater4694
    @madelrainwater4694 8 месяцев назад +16

    The "mf asked for another" if my fav part and I ended up watching this month's later and still having a great time with that line

  • @bulletbill1104
    @bulletbill1104 6 лет назад +1557

    The virgin bartender vs THE CHAD MALLOY

  • @1D991
    @1D991 4 года назад +4032

    Malloy: Is murdered.
    Also Malloy: Y'know what, do that again.

    • @SexualIntercourse25
      @SexualIntercourse25 4 года назад +23

      Haven’t died yet

    • @Rexvivor
      @Rexvivor 3 года назад +11

      @Mathieu Galante hold up, *what?*

    • @grated_lemon5630
      @grated_lemon5630 3 года назад +2

      I'm your 1.4000th like

    • @ProctasisLimerna
      @ProctasisLimerna 3 года назад +8

      Marino: Finally, Malloy is dead, we can get that money
      Malloy: Hey I could use some of that money too

    • @lokeypokey9744
      @lokeypokey9744 3 года назад

      I hear no bell

  • @kawaiigirl1482
    @kawaiigirl1482 7 месяцев назад +7

    After the sandwich I’d just assume he’s immortal 💀

  • @goblinbabe
    @goblinbabe 8 месяцев назад +12

    “Oh I like that joke” is the best part of my day

  • @Tsunbanana
    @Tsunbanana 3 года назад +3489

    Malloy: f-ing drinks literal death juice
    Malloy: tasty, another please

    • @olliegoria
      @olliegoria 3 года назад +63

      They cut the methanol with real alcohol, which happens to be the cure for methanol poisoning

    • @skylerkishikawa2327
      @skylerkishikawa2327 3 года назад +11

      @@olliegoria Wait am I stupid what does cut the methanol with real alcohol mean

    • @olliegoria
      @olliegoria 3 года назад +78

      @@skylerkishikawa2327 They mixed methanol, or wood alcohol, with drinkable liquor, which cures methanol poisoning.
      Basically they were diluting the poison with the cure.

    • @skylerkishikawa2327
      @skylerkishikawa2327 3 года назад +6

      @@olliegoria Thank you for explaining

    • @cyrusjohnson2763
      @cyrusjohnson2763 3 года назад +9

      More like "tasty fifty more shots please."

  • @pollall2793
    @pollall2793 4 года назад +40491

    Trying to kill an Irishman with alcohol is like trying to drown a fish...

    • @gingermcgingin1733
      @gingermcgingin1733 4 года назад +1622

      You can actually drown most fish, just put them in the opposite water type (salt or fresh) from what they're supposed to be in.

    • @m4tt655
      @m4tt655 4 года назад +1676

      Ginger McGingin shut up

    • @Detahramet
      @Detahramet 4 года назад +2401

      @@gingermcgingin1733 That doesn't so much kill them by drowning as it does fuck with their internal salt levels, killing them. Putting a freshwater fish in the ocean is like force feeding someone salt.
      You can, however, kill a fish by putting it in water that is the appropriate salinity but has had all the disolved oxygen in removed, though that is more akin to suffocating someone with nitrogen than anything else, but fuck it, close enough.

    • @zlatanibrahimovic8329
      @zlatanibrahimovic8329 4 года назад +293

      deathtamer666 ah yes water, N2O

    • @spring1242
      @spring1242 4 года назад +227

      Fish can drown as long as the water isnt oxygenated

  • @JohnV33
    @JohnV33 Год назад +17

    You have to feel bad for Michael Malloy, he was basically tortured and given near fatal injuries multiple times. Not to mention he was a homeless ex-firefighter, he likely had a very tough life

  • @AnthonyHernandez-tr4sl
    @AnthonyHernandez-tr4sl 4 месяца назад +4

    We still miss you man. I loved to 2 new videos you put out can't wait to see more. I come back and just rewatch the videos regularly and laugh just as hard. Can't wait to see the next.

  • @greivoud7113
    @greivoud7113 3 года назад +10990

    You missed a couple of the best parts: After all the booze (even the wood one) he managed to walk in a straight fucking line. Also when they dumped him in the park he survived and another one of the men in the gang caught a cold.

    • @joelrobinson5457
      @joelrobinson5457 3 года назад +444

      Pretty sure that was a sign of things to come

    • @spiko1755
      @spiko1755 3 года назад +176

      I still think the silt are joke it the best with the old lady just saying ohh I like that one

    • @TerryTheTricky
      @TerryTheTricky 2 года назад +70

      Dude was saving his fortitude since he was a teenager

    • @frickedupfrenchcat6372
      @frickedupfrenchcat6372 2 года назад +6

      Haha Infographic Show

    • @Sarah12471
      @Sarah12471 2 года назад +7

      @sourcreampringles Or is both Irish and Scottish

  • @stupit467
    @stupit467 3 года назад +9855

    I actually feel bad for Malloy, he's just drinking his Acid they poured in to kill him, he takes a nap and they just take him in a room and directly murdered him. That sucks.

    • @kirisai7453
      @kirisai7453 3 года назад +376

      I mean he died unconsious and after doing what he liked

    • @stupit467
      @stupit467 3 года назад +150

      @@kirisai7453 yeah but he can't do it anymore, can he?

    • @kirisai7453
      @kirisai7453 3 года назад +264

      @@stupit467 still better than feeling pain
      If he could feel pain after all that

    • @BunnyOnASnuman
      @BunnyOnASnuman 2 года назад +28

      @@kirisai7453 up to debate

    • @thetexancrus2036
      @thetexancrus2036 2 года назад +101

      @@stupit467 Better than getting ran over conscious I can promise you that.
      Especially since in the story he was dodging the car so he was probably at least a little sober and aware if his surroundings.

  • @yoda8104
    @yoda8104 8 месяцев назад +5

    The “oh I like that joke” granny kills me 💀

  • @UnderTheLuxury
    @UnderTheLuxury 7 месяцев назад +3

    Welcome to The Salty Spitoon~
    How Tough Are Ya¿
    "More Carpet Tacks Please"

  • @alexlestrange8662
    @alexlestrange8662 5 лет назад +8173

    People: Rasputin the unkillable
    Malloy: hold my alcohol, antifreeze, turpentine, rat poison, and this funky tasting sandwich

    • @austin2787
      @austin2787 5 лет назад +216

      Alex Lestrange Rasputin the immortal Russian and Malloy the immortal Irishman

    • @simeondoesstuffbg3881
      @simeondoesstuffbg3881 5 лет назад +26

      Tammy Martel The immortal Irishman actually. Malloy I mean.

    • @austin2787
      @austin2787 5 лет назад +7

      SimeonDoesStuff BG changed, thanks!

    • @emberthewolf1297
      @emberthewolf1297 4 года назад +1

      Yep.
      Sans: wtf u eat more than ketchup out the bottle

    • @yourgrandaddy1083
      @yourgrandaddy1083 4 года назад +45

      The thing is, Rasputin's case is pure exaggeration and unverifiable, while motherfucking Mike Malloy's durability is a confirmed fact.

  • @sadlad1410
    @sadlad1410 4 года назад +9139

    Malloy: **drinks literal poison**
    Malloy: ight, imma head out.

    • @diabetes1191
      @diabetes1191 4 года назад +72

      Also Big Mick with the Mega d*ck: Aight imma head back in

    • @ScroogeMcWill
      @ScroogeMcWill 4 года назад +23

      bruh as my dinner once said: HELP ME

    • @croy1222
      @croy1222 4 года назад +33

      ra ra rasputin..

    • @YoungOddo
      @YoungOddo 4 года назад +9

      bing bong he could preach the bible like a preacher

    • @valdemarhoejlund6506
      @valdemarhoejlund6506 4 года назад +6

      But he also was the kind of teacher

  • @8b0i21
    @8b0i21 2 года назад

    God, i swear i dont know anymore how many times i keep rewatching sams videos

  • @TCBE
    @TCBE 2 месяца назад +1

    dude im just now realizing i havent watched every sam o’ nella video so now i can binge the ones i didnt watch and its like a new experience for me

  • @the711devin4
    @the711devin4 5 лет назад +2712

    “Hello this is the morgue”
    “Hey... any new bodies come in today?”
    *hangs up*

    • @blakejames9743
      @blakejames9743 4 года назад +136

      Tarrare will remember that.

    • @Great_Olaf5
      @Great_Olaf5 4 года назад +6

      Morino family mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em.

  • @Elzrydo
    @Elzrydo 3 года назад +27691

    The virgin Rasputin v.s. The chad Michael Malloy

    • @JustAnotherZoomer
      @JustAnotherZoomer 3 года назад +989

      Rasputin is his past life
      *big brain*

    • @dnolan.
      @dnolan. 3 года назад +468

      Rasputin in his current life.
      Biggest brain

    • @antares946
      @antares946 3 года назад +188

      rasputin
      (tier 1 ascended brain)

    • @anonymousonion551
      @anonymousonion551 3 года назад +492

      Rasputin didn't die, he just evolved into Malloy like a pokemon

    • @trashstorage1468
      @trashstorage1468 3 года назад +303

      @@anonymousonion551
      Pokémon : Mike Malloy
      Type: Irish
      Strength: Alcohol
      Weakness: None
      HP: 999999999
      Attacks:
      - Da police: 1/3 chance of instantly knocking out the last Pokémon to attack him
      - Heavy drinking: Every active Pokémon that has attacked Mike Malloy has a 1/2 chance of becoming asleep
      Special ability:
      - Blood of the Irish: Any alcohol type attack on your Pokémon can be absorbed by Mike Malloy. He takes no damage.
      - Unkillable: Any attack on Mike Malloy has a 95% chance of failing.

  • @thelytz9806
    @thelytz9806 2 года назад +29

    I love this story, also the way you said "They decided to ice some other drunkard, because this one's the fucking Juggernaut or something" just had me dead 😂

  • @bendthemrsover1
    @bendthemrsover1 2 года назад

    Thank you for sharing this! A Co-worker sent me your youtube link!!! Keep doing what you do!!

  • @szentesilazar8144
    @szentesilazar8144 4 года назад +1231

    -He was an alcoholic
    *draws a bottle in his hand*
    -Irish
    *draws an another bottle in his other hand*

    • @sage9662
      @sage9662 4 года назад +2

      i mean he wasn't _wrong_

    • @Human-gu2cx
      @Human-gu2cx 3 года назад +2

      Szentesi Lázár accurate

  • @obseed3041
    @obseed3041 4 года назад +1745

    Maybe Malloy was actually _death_ being bored of his job and planned this elaborate shit to eventually lead the three guys to their shocking deaths.

  • @pablonaranjo
    @pablonaranjo 2 года назад

    This is honestly one of my favorite videos on RUclips

  • @kingnestor3240
    @kingnestor3240 8 месяцев назад +1

    I revisit this channel every once awhile and it maked me laugh each time

  • @outsidehistorian7436
    @outsidehistorian7436 3 года назад +1264

    A Frenchman, A German, and an Italian are sitting at a bar when an Irishman walks in...

    • @olliegoria
      @olliegoria 3 года назад +61

      The bar then promptly closed down.

    • @konan8182
      @konan8182 3 года назад +80

      At least the German's method succeeded

    • @finlandball1939
      @finlandball1939 3 года назад +27

      @@konan8182
      *O o f*

    • @kingofthepod5169
      @kingofthepod5169 3 года назад +10

      *The Irishman*

    • @Galliut
      @Galliut 3 года назад +3

      Frenchman?

  • @clockworx7689
    @clockworx7689 4 года назад +1805

    2:42 that is Malloy’s liver to actual scale
    The man was all liver

    • @nickelmuncher
      @nickelmuncher 4 года назад +32

      That's an Irish man for ya!

    • @clarissarojas7959
      @clarissarojas7959 4 года назад +58

      Just like how Tarrare was all stomach

    • @CallenderMan
      @CallenderMan 4 года назад +19

      Just like the Demoman from tf2

    • @darkyoumemento5307
      @darkyoumemento5307 3 года назад +4

      His man's wasn't Oliver, it was Michael

    • @CallenderMan
      @CallenderMan 3 года назад +4

      Melanie Yadgar eh, a bit of a stretch but I appreciate the dad joke regardless

  • @aliaqarahimi5410
    @aliaqarahimi5410 2 года назад +1

    Thanks. You pleasured every single crevice and orifice of my mind with your jokes, the smartness of your jokes, and the actual educational content of your jokes...
    Lovely✌✌

  • @vietnamgamer9490
    @vietnamgamer9490 Месяц назад +1

    1:30 that joke lives in my head 24/7. Constantly. 6 years later and I had to hunt down this video and figure out where the hell it came from. Bless you Sam.

  • @Rukir
    @Rukir 5 лет назад +9823

    with tarrares appetite and michals uncanny ability to drink anything they'd be an unstoppable tag team

    • @kenfleischman
      @kenfleischman 5 лет назад +401

      In the words of Ryback, "FEED THEM MORE".

    • @fuzzytheduck6821
      @fuzzytheduck6821 5 лет назад +450

      Add a pinch of Diogenes for intelligence

    • @-dash.
      @-dash. 5 лет назад +242

      Rukir And the endurance of that "MOAR WEIGHT" guy

    • @poke2981
      @poke2981 5 лет назад +104

      -Dash. Then have them fuse into a demon love child

    • @jackfrager2542
      @jackfrager2542 5 лет назад +67

      Please no America would become the new Africa

  • @AzaratheFlea
    @AzaratheFlea 5 лет назад +5216

    "He was an alcoholic, Irish"
    So you just mean Irish right

    • @fcon8507
      @fcon8507 5 лет назад +286

      Hey, fuck you man...not all us Irish are alcoholics. Plenty of us are perfectly normal FUNCTIONAL alcoholics. There's a big difference.

    • @gwensmith7439
      @gwensmith7439 5 лет назад +7

      @Masahiro Sakurai wooosh

    • @barney1942
      @barney1942 5 лет назад +34

      Dudeface Everyone reddit get out

    • @elijahhayes9039
      @elijahhayes9039 5 лет назад +7

      @@fcon8507 dude it's a joke and if ur so offended why'd u only hate on this dudes comment the vid made the exact same joke

    • @fcon8507
      @fcon8507 5 лет назад +62

      @@elijahhayes9039 I was offended because I was drunk at the time. Might be drunk now too. Fuck you!

  • @larissahonda3053
    @larissahonda3053 2 года назад +1

    i recently listened to a podcast with this story and immediately remembered you
    it is so sad he actually died in the end :(

  • @amanzo6222
    @amanzo6222 11 месяцев назад +3

    The fact that I can no longer imagine certain historical characters as anything but his drawing is both scary and amazing

  • @LKNear
    @LKNear 6 лет назад +2042

    This guy was harder to kill than an anime protagonist

    • @namingisdifficult408
      @namingisdifficult408 6 лет назад +7

      Bazzralic exactly

    • @majorblitz3846
      @majorblitz3846 6 лет назад +19

      and Once You Finally Kill Him, You Realized all of Your Plan Is Get Exposed and The every Previous Attempt was for Nothing.

    • @brandonm3076869
      @brandonm3076869 6 лет назад +2

      Nate River thanks for blessing this comment section

    • @deadnardo2289
      @deadnardo2289 6 лет назад +1

      Nate River He IS an anime character!

    • @yaboy2588
      @yaboy2588 6 лет назад +3

      which means hes harder to kill than Natsu fucking Natsu

  • @theCodyReeder
    @theCodyReeder 6 лет назад +23283

    All the alcohol he drank is probably what kept him from being blinded by the methanol.

    • @lir207
      @lir207 5 лет назад +1401

      My god, what a find. Immense delight to find a favorite channel enjoying this stuff.

    • @koolfoolhost1
      @koolfoolhost1 5 лет назад +808

      Cody'sLab exactly what I thought, it's ironic how getting drunk can actually save your life

    • @dallen3000
      @dallen3000 5 лет назад +210

      holy fuck, Cody is here. i liked your comment and didn't even realize it was you.

    • @SoylentGamer
      @SoylentGamer 5 лет назад +502

      Yeah that's actually how they treat methanol poisoning in the hospital

    • @arhanbcey7292
      @arhanbcey7292 5 лет назад +165

      And freezing to death alchol gives you tempreture i think so at least

  • @vincentcampbell8314
    @vincentcampbell8314 2 года назад +8

    “Smells like the crevice behind an unwashed ear.”
    Me: *”Write that down, write that down! We can use that-“*

  • @user-gi8pk9uc7q
    @user-gi8pk9uc7q 7 месяцев назад +3

    Those guys were such idiots to think that the insurance companies wouldn't be suspicious!

  • @kermitsewerside
    @kermitsewerside 6 лет назад +1559

    "and till next time"
    guess i'm camping here for the next six weeks

    • @jacke6054
      @jacke6054 6 лет назад +2

      kermit sewerside 😂😂😂😂

    • @mercury6025
      @mercury6025 6 лет назад +3

      kermit sewerside you won't be alone my friend. . .

    • @samanthaperatsakis6341
      @samanthaperatsakis6341 6 лет назад +1

      Same

    • @Mr6Sinner
      @Mr6Sinner 6 лет назад +1

      I ruined it; I got like number 667.

    • @Radishals
      @Radishals 6 лет назад +1

      That profile pic tho

  • @Kpsla
    @Kpsla 3 года назад +5043

    The most incredible part of this story is how he not only took these attempts on his life like a champ but kept coming back for more.

  • @zeebeeplayz
    @zeebeeplayz Год назад +5

    This man is the real life equivalent of that one dnd friend who keeps doing dumb things but succeeding in all his saving throws.

  • @sqwimpy-4
    @sqwimpy-4 2 года назад +23

    3:03 *Meet the demoman*

  • @weaselingrentler508
    @weaselingrentler508 6 лет назад +8082

    a god amongst men

    • @piper964
      @piper964 6 лет назад +110

      A men amongst god

    • @lelgie601
      @lelgie601 6 лет назад +29

      Lines And boxes *man

    • @namingisdifficult408
      @namingisdifficult408 6 лет назад +2

      Pew PewAp Hello fellow human

    • @katasterr2759
      @katasterr2759 6 лет назад +2

      Pew PewAp cause that's not suspicious at all

    • @AQDuck
      @AQDuck 6 лет назад +4

      The Golden God!

  • @botep5529
    @botep5529 4 года назад +8756

    Malloy and Tarrare could be the first members of the weird humans extended universe.
    Edit* Who woulda thunk my most liked post was about two freaks of nature starting a film series.

    • @diolight9450
      @diolight9450 4 года назад +412

      Now imagine making a clone from Malloy's and Tarrare's DNA

    • @marvmurchins5355
      @marvmurchins5355 4 года назад +251

      Roblox Nublet *Jesus Christ no*

    • @devilconcrete2699
      @devilconcrete2699 4 года назад +307

      The unstoppable force and the immovable object

    • @vaxel6873
      @vaxel6873 4 года назад +140

      Add Timothy Dexter and you got an unstoppable team.

    • @LevatekGaming
      @LevatekGaming 4 года назад +107

      Roblox Nublet throw abit of Rasputin DNA in there and you’ve got a literal superhuman

  • @NFueL
    @NFueL Год назад +2

    Man maxed out his endurance stat.

  • @cyanidexo4512
    @cyanidexo4512 Год назад

    Bruh I just found this guy and binged all his videos in the last 3 days😂

  • @okokisafuckingloser6298
    @okokisafuckingloser6298 4 года назад +3246

    Thanos: I’m the strongest being in the universe
    Some random 60 year old Irish dude: Hold my methanol

    • @georgy2596
      @georgy2596 3 года назад +10

      Apparently, according to a reply, alcohol acts as a antidote

    • @datorangutan2696
      @datorangutan2696 3 года назад +12

      @@georgy2596 He was run over by a car twice and froze

    • @besquareorbethere2680
      @besquareorbethere2680 3 года назад +15

      He also ate a sandvich made of rotten fish and carpenter nails.
      Madlad can survive the snap probably.

    • @SharkOSix
      @SharkOSix 3 года назад +2

      @@besquareorbethere2680 thanos would need to do the cha cha real smooth

    • @gairisiuil
      @gairisiuil 3 года назад +4

      bruh you missed the biggest opportunity to just say "hold my beer"

  • @marvelgeek9577
    @marvelgeek9577 3 года назад +3438

    This story would totally work as an episode of It’s Always Sunny
    “The Gang commits life insurance fraud”

    • @morganjones4910
      @morganjones4910 3 года назад +74

      Michael reminds me of cricket

    • @red__guy
      @red__guy 3 года назад +13

      Too perfect!

    • @Doop_A_Derp
      @Doop_A_Derp 3 года назад +5

      Fooking underated

    • @itshammertime4297
      @itshammertime4297 3 года назад +79

      "Mac kills his dad"
      Bill ponderosa decides to drink himself to death and the gang pull out life insurance on him

    • @paolovallejo8022
      @paolovallejo8022 3 года назад +9

      @@itshammertime4297 indeed, good eye sir

  • @thedarknight307
    @thedarknight307 3 месяца назад

    Literally Sam’s funniest video
    I love Malloy

  • @CATCHTHERAINB0W_
    @CATCHTHERAINB0W_ Год назад +1

    I think this may be the single best story ever told

  • @mettatonneo1147
    @mettatonneo1147 4 года назад +4942

    1:17 “I say we deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy.”
    “Shut up.”

    • @frunklebunk
      @frunklebunk 4 года назад +175

      "...anyway go on."

    • @TheMacNilly
      @TheMacNilly 4 года назад +96

      This rhyme scheme impressed the hell out of me lol

    • @sebasdavis8081
      @sebasdavis8081 4 года назад +13

      Thank you for reminding of that part

    • @REMIREZZ
      @REMIREZZ 4 года назад +28

      Reminds me of Bojack Horseman!

    • @lewlew984
      @lewlew984 4 года назад +8

      Yes... that’s what happened in the video.... what was the point of this comment?

  • @Grand-pr6kj
    @Grand-pr6kj 6 лет назад +355

    "We deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy"

    • @nottoday5773
      @nottoday5773 6 лет назад +14

      “Shut up.”

    • @burdy2959
      @burdy2959 6 лет назад +13

      That line played just as soon as I read this

  • @JustJanitor
    @JustJanitor Год назад +1

    Still one of the greatest stories ever

  • @Leatherargento
    @Leatherargento 8 месяцев назад +2

    Malloy really had a great attitude about life! I wish I could be that positive and energetic after literally being run over.

  • @Mr6Sinner
    @Mr6Sinner 6 лет назад +8250

    Fuckin legend.

    • @idiotsupreme8685
      @idiotsupreme8685 6 лет назад +64

      The real life version of the Demo-man

    • @joshuaa825
      @joshuaa825 6 лет назад +25

      Random Derplord OoooooOo theyre gonna haft'a glue you back together, IN HELL!

    • @klutz3955
      @klutz3955 6 лет назад +13

      Legend is an understatment

    • @copiicopii1428
      @copiicopii1428 6 лет назад +1

      Karl Tanner can only bow to him

    • @shredneck2260
      @shredneck2260 6 лет назад

      Uriah Siner kachow

  • @westcrook2718
    @westcrook2718 6 лет назад +583

    *Gets Nuked*
    Crawls back to the bar

  • @AkaLxndon1
    @AkaLxndon1 2 года назад +3

    sam didn’t leave. we just graduated sam o nella academy

  • @TheFangirlOtaku
    @TheFangirlOtaku Год назад

    Lmao I love the way you tell these stories, please come back to us

  • @laughsatchungus1461
    @laughsatchungus1461 3 года назад +26216

    The fact that he drank like 60 shots of pure wood alcohol and didn’t die immediately is literally terrifying

  • @GrudgeyCable
    @GrudgeyCable 3 года назад +5378

    Fun fact: ethanol (alcohol) is actually a remedy for methanol (wood alcohol). It sits in the same receptors in the liver and is broken down into similar enzymes. Hence if Malloy had drank a lot of normal alcohol when or before he drank the wood alcohol it would have had either no or much less effect because those receptors were already occupied by the ethanol. Probably why he didn’t croke than... or he’s just an absolute bad ass take your pick lolz.

    • @alexia3552
      @alexia3552 2 года назад +487

      Okay it's good to know there's an actual medical explanation because that was too weird to pass over

    • @yuckfou514
      @yuckfou514 2 года назад +42

      Nah. He was just Irish. That's the most logical explanation there. Irish people have alcohol in their blood instead of plasma.

    • @GrudgeyCable
      @GrudgeyCable 2 года назад +12

      @@yuckfou514 xD

    • @azelfdaboi5265
      @azelfdaboi5265 2 года назад +258

      Man also ate a tack sandwich so he's just fuckin juggernaut

    • @someflatsoda9879
      @someflatsoda9879 2 года назад +279

      He survived extreme hypothermia, getting run over by a car twice, and took an hour to suffocate on a gas line
      Malloy was physically indestructible

  • @christopherellis2663
    @christopherellis2663 Год назад +1

    Such a charming story, just like the old TV show

  • @nicollekyostia6764
    @nicollekyostia6764 Год назад

    I must have missed this one! I've never seen it before. Anyway, this is one of the best examples of karma I've ever heard of. Priceless😂

  • @Iovetrain
    @Iovetrain 6 лет назад +889

    i got the bread crumbs

    • @Patchess
      @Patchess 6 лет назад +7

      *Yeah but... I got the breadcrumbs*

    • @firepower7017
      @firepower7017 6 лет назад

      rosemary But In reality I took them from you 😃

  • @ChickenNuggets-jf5uf
    @ChickenNuggets-jf5uf 3 года назад +14764

    “He was around 60 years old” *adds wrinkles*
    “Homeless” *adds background*
    “Alcoholic” *adds beer bottle*
    “Irish” *adds another beer bottle*

    • @Human-gu2cx
      @Human-gu2cx 3 года назад +358

      Chicken Nuggets I don’t see anything wrong with that description

    • @nexus8516
      @nexus8516 3 года назад +652

      "and a former firefighter" makes him Steve buscemi

    • @ihatefortnightgivemeareaso5659
      @ihatefortnightgivemeareaso5659 3 года назад +85

      ᏚᎪᎷᏌᎡᎪᏆ ᏟᏌᏟᏌᎷᏴᎬᎡ Steve was a firefighter back in the 80s

    • @nexus8516
      @nexus8516 3 года назад +35

      @@ihatefortnightgivemeareaso5659 I heard

    • @potatogod975
      @potatogod975 3 года назад +7

      @Lisa McIntosh samurai cucumber already said that

  • @isben_
    @isben_ 2 года назад

    This is most well put together you tube video ever. Dont even fight me about it.

  • @thefbiman2116
    @thefbiman2116 2 года назад +5

    I'm starting to think he knew exactly what they were up to, which makes this story that much more hilarious

  • @everestismad2560
    @everestismad2560 5 лет назад +2130

    "There Are 60 Year Olds Who Bite the Dust Just from One Wrong Step in the Shower, let alone the Force of a Half Ton of Steel going 50 miles an hour"
    Dang Sam got some bars.

    • @calamar1e320
      @calamar1e320 4 года назад +41

      *BARS*

    • @nolanpostal7540
      @nolanpostal7540 4 года назад +26

      Right when I read this he said it

    • @andresgarza6565
      @andresgarza6565 4 года назад +13

      Lmao thought this was my comment when I saw the pfp

    • @XXStrong1
      @XXStrong1 4 года назад +4

      Watch his accountant rap to see his full lyrical potential.

    • @Jerbod2
      @Jerbod2 4 года назад +13

      Why Do You Capitilise Every Other Word Like This You Fucking Maniac

  • @legendaryfella3236
    @legendaryfella3236 5 лет назад +5354

    Top 5 overpowered anime characters
    5. Fidel Castro
    4. Daniel Dancer
    3. Giles Corey
    2. Tararre
    1. Micheal Malloy

    • @iainballas
      @iainballas 5 лет назад +61

      Where's Shaggy?

    • @zug9466
      @zug9466 5 лет назад +142

      Iain Ballas Malloy is capable of beating him easily.

    • @jacobmichalski196
      @jacobmichalski196 5 лет назад +78

      Rasputin?

    • @legendaryfella3236
      @legendaryfella3236 5 лет назад +134

      Rasputin is indeed powerful and his ability to survive several gunshots is impressive however it was outmatched by Fidel Castro’s MILK

    • @GameyRaccoon
      @GameyRaccoon 5 лет назад +25

      No diogenes

  • @Joe-oi6eh
    @Joe-oi6eh Год назад

    Sam you are a bright spot in these dreary days, please come home ❤️

  • @Dr_Brown_Bro
    @Dr_Brown_Bro 2 года назад +4

    A movie needs to be made of this.