FUCK hearing “Infodumping is a love language” actually broke me because everyone around me treats it like it’s a character flaw that needs to be fixed or regulated. I’m told it’s exhausting and I feel like I’m being treated like a burden but realising it’s actually my way of showing love and it’s being dismissed and actively forced out of me is just… I think I’m gonna cry.
That parallel play bit _really_ resonates with me. Girlfriends invariably think I lose interest after a while, but I'm really just relaxing my guard out of trust. That's _every_ relationship I've ever had.
@@lisaphares2286 I didn't have the words for it at the time, and I still don't know for sure that I'm autistic. I know from my experience having narcolepsy and ADD that a diagnosis doesn't always help normies understand.
@@indrahx5905 I've thought about that, but I'm not certain if I should on an ethical level. I may or may not be autistic, though I'm definitely somewhere on the spectrum. I've met autistic people who had very different levels of functioning, and I don't trust myself to judge where someone is on that spectrum in order to determine whether dating her would be exploitative. I'm higher functioning than any of the autistics I have met in person (that I know of), though not perfectly functioning myself anyway. I would just feel very guilty to find myself dating someone at a real disadvantage to me.
Parallel play reminds me of old couples in movies who sit in silence together, one reading, one knitting, or similar, and exchange an occasional smile or pat on the hand.
This is the best thing to me. Even if we started doing something together and you move on to something else as long as you're chilling with me still I couldn't give a heck. Like watching a movie together but if ya get bored pls don't hesitate to whip out your phone to stay entertained
Me and my husband do parallel play and it's so nice to just look up and smile and go back to what you are doing. Love is giving each space and freedom to do your own thing
Yes. In the past, autistic traits were considered more desirable and appropriate for polite society. Now it’s all flesh and all stimulation all the time YOLO!!!
I share/do a lot of these. My major one though is Penguin Pebbling. I share links, articles, videos, memes, pictures, etc with all of my friends over chats, and over time as I get to know a person the stuff I share becomes a lot more personalised toward the stuff I know they like. I have a friend I share all the dinosaur news I can find with, I have others that I share certain film news, etc, etc. When I have the money/time, I also like to give gifts to my friends. Little things that say "I'm thinking of you" I just made a whole bunch of bracelets for all of my friends and have been sending them out in the mail ^_^ Each bracelet is themed around their interests (dinosaur girl got 2 about dinos, etc)
Every time I doubt my having autism, you post a friggin video and I’m like, “Yep. That’s me.” I’m also learning to understand fellow autistics in a different way even though we might not share similar issues/hyperfixations/etc. One of my love languages is gift giving tbh, but I try to pick something I KNOW they can’t dislike. I always feel like it’s not appreciated though so I stopped doing it which is a bummer. But also listening and words of affirmation while allowing them to vent and get angry bc it’s not directed towards me and I know that’s something I need sometimes. Back in 2013, I desperately needed to vent when I came home from work but my mom thought I was somehow mad at her. I wasn’t and I’d tell her I wasn’t. I’m just venting, (probably a meltdown tbh) and panicking. 🤷♀️ We love you, Morgan! Hope you’re enjoying your trip!!! Stay safe! Praying only good things for you!
I so feel the parallel play vibe. Like how cool would it be to just perpetually be on a call with a bestie while doing normal errands and chores! Just existing together would make some parts of life way cooler
I did this a lot with a close friend after her and I graduated high school! we talked on the phone about our special interests/hobbies repeatedly and gave each other advice on setting boundaries and pet peeves with our bfs while I was doing my daily house chores in a spasific way for example I get up at 7:30 a.m. doing laundry, 8:00 shower, 10:30 put laundry in dryer, 12:15 make myself lunch, then the rest of my day involved diving deep into my hyperfixation on how constantly getting a dopamine fix often leaning towards overconsumption of that said thing. For examples sugar, drugs, alchol, video games, etc… constant prsuit of pleasure could lead down a path of pain.
My bestie and I do this!! Alot! 6-7 hours or until someone's phone dies. Doing our own things, 2 hours apart. Sometimes talking. Sometimes silent. It works!
Remember, though, if we feel like they don’t understand our particular love languages, and they don’t express their love for us using our love languages, it does go both ways. So even though surprises make me anxious, or someone dropping by my house unexpectedly completely tripped me out,it’s the exact same thing for them. They believe that they are showing love in that way.
I've learned with my autistic partner that Parallel Play is essentially Quality Time. While the definition in the book is centered more around undivided attention and mutual activity + conversation, I've definitely resonated with your experience. In the beginning it made me anxious with us sitting in silence, and it made her anxious feeling that she needed to mask and fill the silence with constant stimulus for me, but once I learned and fully understood how much peace and affection she feels and conveys just being able to fully relax and coexist with me, my heart instantly warmed. I adore just being with her and enjoying each others passive presence as we go about our tasks and hobbies. Neither of us feel pressure anymore, and the silence no longer fills me with dread or worry, it fills me with love just as it does for her.
Love your content! My Autistic love languages include infodumping and parallel play as well, but also include penguin-pebbling where I share info nuggets and small gifts with my loved ones about things that I know they enjoy/remind me of them; including pictures, videos, memes, and just random info I researched.
My partner is autistic and it took a long time for me to realize that they were happy sitting in silence for hours every day. I thiught they didn't want to talk to me, or weren't interested in me, or were just silently resentful of our relationship. It felt really lonely to me because I didn't know why they never wanted to talk to me. Anyway, it got easier when I learned that this was comfortable for many autistic folks, and it wasn't personal.
Ask about what they're thinking about. Dont push, though, you want to be led through the door, not barging in. Speaking slow and calmly can also help them be sure you are asking in a "hey buddy whatcha thinkin about" kind of way versus a "TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL IN WORDS" Sometimes tho all we want is just to be quiet and to ourselves.... just around someone trusted.
Helping your partner make decisions through research. E.g. my girlfriend couldn't decide what university course to pick so I researched all the ones she was interested in, researched all the subjects each has, even researched how would transferring work if she changed her mind later.
I love how you're talking about this while packing for a trip, going to the bank, and checking in for your flight. I NEVER, like, NEVER just sit down and watch a video. I do the dishes, clean, or aimlessly walk around while listening to a video and sometimes I feel bad about it because I'm like,"We'll, this YT person made this video for me, so I shoukd do them the justice of sitting down and watching it instead of cleaning." But I don't have time for that. So that you were doing your own thing and talking about this made me feel better because I was doing the dishes, and I was like,"Wow, this is great! We're both learning stuff and being so productive! Yay!!!"
The info dumping is really relatable. I occasionally just hijack a conversation and make it into a lecture/monologue. And then I’m gently being told they’d like a chance to speak themselves. The few really close people I have, I don’t tell them everything. But when something in me loosens I can reveal a lot about my inner world in rapid succession… and whoever is listening probably cannot keep up. In a way, it’s kind of a balance for being really introverted and not speaking up most of the time. I simply don’t add anything to conversations where there’s nothing for me to add. It’s unfulfilling. It’s draining. Why would I? But when some kind of special interest is touched upon, I can talk and talk and talk and talk… Basically into infinity. Lucid dreaming? Let me tell you about all the techniques. Writing? Let me tell you the intricacies of this character I haven’t written down yet, but is ingrained into my very being. Or even showing my parents a tribute to Chadwick Boseman in the Spider-Man 2 game, because we recently watched Black Panther, then proceeding to tell them a lot about the game.
Thank you for this. I've read the 5 love languages of Chapman and I was like "ah OK, now I understand". Then I saw your video, read about neurodivergent love locutions and be like "oh, this is what I feel, this is what I do, this is how I love". Thank you for this, it may change my life
@@simonedutch558 I am thank you, just over a year since my AuDHD diagnoses & I'm happier, less stressed & more in touch with who I am than ever before. I hope something similar can happen for your daughter :)
I've not been diagnosed with either (so disclaimer there) but I suspect I may be autistic with ADHD. Schedules for me are complicated. I like knowing what day and exact time others would like me to arrive places well ahead of time. I don't like do to things spontaneously - including going to the grocery store. Except once and awhile it's like I get SUPER spontaneous and just wanna go everywhere, anywhere all of a sudden, all day long. Otherwise, for me it's like I have an expectation for the day. And disruptions to that expectation, even scheduled ahead of time, are distressing. Edit: Thank you for your videos. I'm in my 30s, and relating to you so much and following some tips you (and other autistic creators) have given have helped me substantially in just a few short months.
One of the things people appreciate about me is my ability to remember different notable facts and so the memorizing details about others is something I'm involved in. One uncommon love language I have is photo projects...I'll take photos at different notable events in the life of my church (or other events I wind up being part of) and then gather them with other notable memories for people...at Eastertime every year I'll take pics of different crosses many local churches decorate and sometimes if I know friends have different connections to that church (either they tell me they belong to that church or in some cases friends have a parent or sibling pass away that belong to that church) and I incorporate them into projects (mainly for birthdays)...the other thing I'll do is with graduations coming up I'll pull up different graduations that a friend of mine has a son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter, niece, nephew, etc. and screenshot them and share with different friends/relatives/colleagues as it seems suitable...
You know what bums me out about remembering such details? It creeps people out. "Ew, why do you even remember that about me, that's so weird" So I remember where my dance teacher spends her vacation, I remember her hometown, I remember some other friend's favourite clothes shop, etc, but I've stopped bringing it up like I used to. They made me feel like I was a stalker, and I'm not! I just remember stuff about them that they don't care enough to know about me.... Oh, yes, and photography is totally my love language too.
This video was amazing! My son does the parallel play and info dumping all the time! Never knew that could ved love languages🥺 that is amazing! This has totally changed how I feel about the info dumping, thank you!
In addition to some of the ones you listed I like to show my affection by trying to give advice in solving their problems, whether they ask for it or not. The effort is not always appreciated. I often don't realize that some people just want to vent and be heard and that's all. I love your vlogs!
Oh boy feeling unloved because my love language doesn't match other people's makes so much sense... as a teen i clashed with my mum a lot and I remember specifically asking for someone to put the kettle on so that I could have tea when I got home and no one ever did it...
I NEED you to know that you have changed my life for the better. I am 39 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade and later with other mental health disorders but never autism and until recently I didn't think it was even a possibility. But then I found your channel and heard the words and thoughts from my head being explained out loud but I wasn't saying them and that was the first time I actually felt like I wasn't alone in this world.
Hi Morgan! I discovered your channel a couple weeks ago, and I can't explain how amazing it has been for me. I'm not autistic (at least I'm not diagnosed), but I'm diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), and as a little girl I had extreme social anxiety. As an adult, I have suffered from terrible burn out and anxiety episodes, as well as weird social interactions and love communication. Even if we are not diagnosed with the same, I have identified with several things you have mentioned to us, and with these love languages as well.Thank you for sharing all of this, and putting a name or putting words to situations that I constantly feel but I have no idea how to call. Enjoy your trip and be happy!!
Me and my closest friend are both autistic, and info-dumping is literally why our relationship works. Neither one of us have actual friends because we cannot keep them for the life of us. By info-dumping, we literally know more about each other than our own parents do. In reality, all of these love languages just keep our friendship alive. We both live off of the other because we both do all of these things.
I actually do parallel play a lot with people I love, and it includes family members and friends. I also find it funny cause I don't thrive on schedules even though I'm autistic. For me, schedules sound very restricting and I like to do my own thing. Such as times for school, or a set time to do my chores, I don't like it for some reason. I know I should probably start having a routine but it never sticks in my brain. And my mom also doesn't go with a complete schedule either since she's always busy. Most of the time it's whatever we can make do. I respect people who do schedules, but I might forget that they have a schedule. But however, I do respect boundaries and I will never touch your stuff unless if you really want me to and I expect that as well. Also about surprising things, I really love it when people I know are trying to get me something as a surprise but they "try" to lie on purpose. One thing my mom does sometimes when we are out shopping or something and it's close to a holiday if she sees something I like I already know what she's doing and she'll try to "lie" and say something like "Whatttt, nooo, you totally didn't see that" and it's the funniest thing ever. I like those kinds of "surprises". Also about just talking to someone for an hour I will do that to people Im comfortable around and sometimes its like Im not in control of my own voice, sometimes it always feels like my brain controls me more then I control it.
I am continuing my conversation here cause my phone is literally the worst when it comes to type 🙄 Anyway, about the talking thing. I also really enjoy listening to other people talk, my favorite quality time is just talking about anything. I don't even care if it's something we have talked about before already, it's something I really love to do with people I'm comfortable with. And I enjoy it when we are both listening to each other and giving each other time to speak. I do get pretty annoyed when I'm talking but then one of my family members talks over me, because then I abruptly will stop what I was saying. I also enjoy memorizing details about others, like I'll remember the food you like, type of clothes or animals you like. Sometimes it gets really confusing for me though since most people tend to change their responses a lot. Like this one time, I have a friend who was a little older than me and you know that whole "figuring yourself out" kind of thing that most teenagers do? Well she was starting to do that, which I understand is apparently normal. Do I remember once she told me she was Bi, I think and I was fine with it. But then a few days she started saying she was a lesbian and that kind of stuff. I always get nervous when talking about this kinds of stuff, but anyway, those kinds of things really really confuse me. I really like it when people only tell me about certain things they know they love or that they have interests in that they know they will have forever, it helps me to not be so confused. I definitely understand the feeling of others not really understanding you or loving you because of that. My preferred love language is usually with words or actions. Such as me remembering something that you like, or spoiling you with something that I know you would like. I also will always spend the holidays with you, and I never ignore you or anything like that. Holidays are also another big thing where I actually do more communicating and I do more for you than on any other day, cause for me Holidays are supposed to be fun. Those are my kinds of love language. I also love receiving gifts, or small things that I enjoy. It makes me feel special lol, but maybe that's because I am spoiled. I don't necessarily surprise people with gifts, but if I know you're, like, craving something that you've been wanting I'll probably get it for you if I can lol Or if I feel like giving you something I'll probably ask you "hey, do you want anything?" For me, gift giving makes me feel really special and I know when I'm older and I have friends of my own that's more then likely something I would do is gift giving even for no reason. But I would always let someone know, such as on text message. Also, what I consider a gift is just getting me something that I like or have been wanting such as a chocolate bar, or a specific makeup I've been wanting or slime. Some of my family members don't understand that though. I don't mind light hugs, but my memmaw always hugs me a bit too tight and always makes me feel like I have to hug her a certain way? I know she means well, and touching is her love language and I respect that. I don't mind the hugs nowadays, but the thing I dislike the most is when she does the kiss on the forehead. Idk, her touch is just weird to me. My mom's touch is comforting, and I don't mind my aunt's hugs either. My memmaw knows I'm autistic but she doesn't understand it. Whenever I try to tell her why I do these things it's like she doesn't take it into deep thought. I know my Papa does that too, but he's not that bad he just came from a generation of where you did these things and you had to. But this is my preferred love language. I know that one day when I am in a love relationship with someone I will do everything with them and I'll always be there for them and cherish them lol
I am under assessment right now, and listening to you explain your love languages is just so awesome!!! I know my outcome, by listening to other autistics explain how it works for them, I never thought I had all of these subtle traits when I read about it, explained by neurotypicals. Knowing what I like is a great one! I remember when a guy wanted me to move in with him. He renovated a whole apartment, and didn’t want me to see it untill he was done, furnishing and all. He did all of that for me, he said. When I walked in, the walls and floors were nice, but the furnishing and decor actually made me cry! It wasn’t to my taste AT ALL, and I felt like he didn’t know me, and had lied about doing all that for me😭 I think it’s safe to say that he was disappointed with my reaction to all his hard work😅
Neuro divergent people have issues with sensitivity which can be texture, smells, even how food looks. Finding food that they enjoy is a must and they tend to stick to it. They are safe to eat because they don't have an adverse reaction to it. Routine is key for a stress-free living.
My besties and I are all AuDHD one of our main love languages is what we call “pebbling.” We will send videos, pictures, recipes, etc. to each other through out the day. Sometimes they are things that we think they would like, sometimes they are things that make us think of them, sometimes it’s just stuff we think is cool. We also parallel play.
1. 'Parallel play' : Quality Time, being present to the other as you spend time together. 2. 'Notice and respect routines & coping strategies (Including tems laid out/arranged) No surprises, get on the schedule' : I think this would be under 'Acts of Service' as you are giving time and space for the other to manuver though life. In the example of your loved one taking a shower at a certain time, your Act of Service is to leave the bathroom available for them. 3. 'Info dumping'; being open & sharing what interests you, being present as loved one shares verbally with you : Quality time. 4. 'Memorize likes and dislikes' : depending on what you do with that information it may be 'Gifts', 'Act of Service' or one of the others. In the example of feeling unloved by Mother not bringing home special grocery items, She was hoping Mother would show she was thinking of her, recall her specific grocery item likes, & bring those items home for her in particular, not just the household in general. I think that is 'Gifts'. However, "Picking up their favorite snack when shopping for groceries" is 'Act of Service', so not sure, maybe depends if the emphasis is on the gift-like presentation, or ...? Overall I think being open and at ease together, allowing yourself and your preferences to be known, and showing that you see and respect the other's way of being (likes & dislikes) in the world is the main love language discussed. I that that is 'Quality Time'.
One love language that is common among autistic people is called pebbling. The term derives from penguins, wherein in some species of penguins, the male will find a pebble and present it to a female. If she accepts the pebble, the two go on to mate. The idea here is similar, in that a person on the spectrum might present someone else with an object at an opportune time to express they care about the other person.
I think it can all be clustered into the "original five", but it's completely fine and valid to redefine more. 😊 I, personally, love the interpretation that the five languages all have dialects - just because we have the same primary love language doesn't mean we understand each other right away. To me info dumping and remembering (key) details fall under words of affirmation, and parallel play can be quality time, but that might be because I've grown up with the five live languages and therefore just categorize everything that way. I may change my opinion as I think more on it... 😅😊
The memorising one hit hard, part of unmasking and skill regression has left me unable to do that any more, but I realised it was response to trauma for me, I had to do it to be liked and it caused burnout three times, the last one I’m still recovering from 10 years later 😵💫 it’s nice to see it can be a healthy way to show love for some people.
I just stumbled across this video (am not autistic/on the spectrum) and you sound like such a considerate person. :) Also, I get very anxious when people just come into my place and start using things and doing things "wrong" and I would love someone to notice that and not do that, that would be amazing :) I feel like you're doing great.
1. The remembering details love language is one of my most important ones to me. It’s so fun being able to do things with that information but I don’t think a lot of neurotypical people realize that it’s a love language. I know that it doesn’t get reciprocated to me often which I find to be sad. 2. Travel is also one of my special interests and I too am a completely different person when I am traveling. I feel so energized, but it can be exhausting when I get home since I’ve spent so much extra energy during that time. I love hearing about your experiences and perspectives. It’s nice to know that there’s other people out there like me.
Thank you Morgan! Love your videos! These examples make so much sense. Including the excitement when doing something you enjoy. Have a wonderful vacation.
Oh my god thank you so much! I finally have a short and simple name for it! Parallel play. I remember having such a tough time explaining it to an ex of mine but when she finally got it, I was soooo comfortable when we we're hanging at her place. Not that I wasn't before but it was like a whole new level. Feels good to know a short and snappy name for it. Thanks!
That is such an awesome way for you guys to find middle ground and do what you both need as part of the relationship 💙💙💙. You have forewarning, he gets to surprise you 💙💙💙 love that Remembering details, it's a big thing for me too. It's really nice to hear someone else do this too!
Ive found myself shifting into the love language opposite of infodumping lol i prefer to be talked at, my boyfriend loves to talk and goes on rants about things so i will just sit there and just listen to him ramble, i think my main love language is mothering like making sure they are ok and getting them things and helping with things.
Laughing about your hatred of surprises. I’m autistic too and once I was driving to the grocery with my husband and he pulled into a parking lot along the way and was like “surprise! I scheduled you a manicure!” I don’t remember if I started crying, but needless to say I did not get a manicure. My brain was ready for the grocery, not a stranger poking my hands and I had never even had one or done research about it to know what to expect. Pretty sure most neurotypical girls would have been excited to do it but just the thought of it made me more stressed than if he hadn’t tried to give me anything special 😅.
One of the ways I show love is identifying a need a person has and finding a method or item to accommodate that need. So if I buy a present, it's specific and serves a practical purpose. I will also clean a space and put all the piles and groups of items back exactly where those were so if they have a system, it's minimally disturbed (phone camera is great to make sure it's as close to the original look as possible, photos are deleted as soon as those aren't needed, and that's only if I need to clean under the pile). I also fix minor inconveniences around houses like if the sink isn't draining, toilet handle sticks in the wrong place when flushed so the water runs, etc. But seriously, info dumping is the best thing ever. I love doing that, and listening to it.
Parallel Play is the equivalent of Quality Time Deep Pressure is the equivalent of Physical Touch Infodumping is the equivalent of Words of Affection Penguin Pebbling is the equivalent of Gift Giving And Support Swapping is the equivalent of Acts of Service. This can be helpful to oversee in a neurodivergent relationship between a neurotypical and an autistic because if one person needs either one of these, the other partner knows how to translate their affection to fit the other person’s neurotype. This way, nobody feels misunderstood and instead feels comfortable and loved.❤
I'm not autistic but I do a few of those things. My boyfriend and I enjoy doing things together, but everybody needs a break to themselves sometimes. So we balance that by just "being" together but doing our own thing. And every once in a while we'll just tell each other "I love you" or hug or something like that, and then go back to our own thing. We also tell each other our schedules not necessarily like it's the same everyday, but whenever we have plans with someone else so that we don't have a situation when one of us thinks it's going to be quality time together, but the other one suddenly says "Ope sorry I gotta go." This also helps because we are long distance most of the time and we video chat around the same time everyday. ~:~
morgan, i just want to say thank you. i am about to get diagnosed with PANDAS, and if you dont know what that is, it's basically autism caused by strep throat. your videos have helped me express to my family and friends what's going on with me, and everything you say is just so relatable! thank you
It's actually really nice to hear.Someone's passion come through when they're in.For dumb thing usually it's something they care about and I hear they're joy more than anything else
I have been watching your videos and so much of the time it’s like looking in a mirror. I’m almost 40 and believe that I might be autistic. I took some online assessments and they all said there’s a strong possibility too. Not sure I can get my insurance to pay for a diagnostic but I’m 95% sure. Travel is one of my special interests too! Anyways, one of my special love languages is sharing a song with a loved one where the lyrics are directed at them. Most of the time they don’t even catch that. They judge the song by their musical tastes and miss the message completely. I’m like…those words are literally what I would say to you if I could express my feelings and you just ignored it all because you didn’t like the beat 😭. And if someone sends me a song I think the words are their literal feelings when they just like the sound of it…so disappointing every single time
If you told me a year ago that I might resonate with this as much as I do now I would have thought you were crazy! I had a meaningful friendship that ended badly, and couldn’t understand why I’ve been so affected. I never saw how similar we were or why I felt we shared some unspoken understanding that never surfaced so clearly in interactions with most other people. when I came across your videos, I noticed how strangely familiar your experiences of autism sounded to what I noticed unique about my friend and never could notice in myself. Thank you for speaking about your experiences openly, I might not have been able to make that connection otherwise!
First of all, I think that it's so cool that you can make a video and pack at the same time! I vibe with that. I feel the atmosphere of the room so "Parallel Play" can feel comforting at times. I love it when my mum makes me lunch and tells me that I have food waiting for me at home because I have a long uni day and finish at 12 for "Respecting Routines and Schedules". I info dump all the time and no one in my family likes it, my hairdresser who has become a close friend of ours tolerates my info dumps but a couple of friends I made at uni listen and respond to my anime references which I deeply appreciate. I always find it sweet when I see movies and TV shows that have characters having a conversation about something or a character notices something while the two of them are talking and remembers the detail and it comes up later, I just... 😁😁😁😁😁eeeeee! Also, I'm a level 2 autistic person and understand all of these love languages and would greatly appreciate them! 🤗🤗💕 "Info Dumping" made me laugh because I do it all the time and everyone in family hates, somehow everyone outside of my family either tolerates or entertains it. So relatable
I totally relate but I also try to remember that if people need to adapt and understand my autistic love languages I also have to accept as possible their love languages like giving gifts even though that makes me anxious because, unless they have other options of love language, but if I don't like to be hugged/touched, receive gifts nor talk too much maybe they are also out of options and I need to try accepting one of those. For me what worked out is about the gifts, I really love that people thought about me and went out of their way to gift me, and I appreciate but explain that I can't react properly in the act, only later, usually per messages I will thank them better and tell how much I liked. And in the act I will only say thank you very much once and hug them (hugs work for me as well)
Thank you so much for this!. I'm not autistic at least not diagnosed, but I can relate to almost everything here! It makes me feel so understood especially about parallel play and info dump. Because if I don't like you, I don't even wanna be in the same room as you or even talk to you.
Thank you so much for sharing about your love languages. I'm still trying to figure myself out and hearing about how you express your love to others has helped me realize more about myself and how I express my own love.
These love languages you mentioned here are incredibly informative. A long time ago, around 2005, my parents surprised me with a cruise trip. In the beginning, I couldn't explain why, but I felt so betrayed and was moody for about half an hour. Now I see that I don't like surprises however good they may be.
Ok this is so true as someone who is autistic I relate a lot ❤ Including overpacking I’m going to Spain in like a month for like 5 days and I’ll probably pack like 8 outfits 😂😅
Info dumping is another issue I relate to. Since I have an obsession with science, people usually see me as trying to make them feel dumb, or just droning on and on, or an ego thing. I really just hope that knowing these things will bring them the same joy it does for me.
I have always considered a perfect relationship is where two people can sit in silence and do their own thing. I wasn't aware there was a name for it. Normal love language has been very hard to understand and express, but the explanation of your love language was so familiar, relatable and understandable. Thank you. And I hope you enjoyed your trip 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and the things that make you feel loved❤️ its so important to love people the way they need to be loved and if their way is similar to our love language its amazing 🦋🐿️
This is very insightful. I accepted the whole thing about five love languages, without thinking of these other things which are also vital. Yes, I need to share with others what I think, feel and know. Yes, I am very curious about people and the world, so I want others to share all that with me. Normies seem so cold to me because they are so incurious and actively avoid making those human connections. Love for them mostly seems to mean possessiveness.
This was really interesting and informative. It also only ever increased my doubts about whether I'm autistic or not, although I'm pretty convinced on the ADHD anyway. I think I like parallel play (I often don't want to interfere with others but still be around), respecting schedules (but I usually don't know other people's schedules which frustrates me a lot), info dumping (once I let myself tell my mom or brother something that really interests me, I cannot stop and I'm so happy), I *can* memorize random details about people, I also like memorizing random details in general. Programming has been my special interest ever since I realized I can make a computer do anything. I get so excited if I can get other people I care about involved with that. I just realizerd that possibly the reason I'm *so* frustrated that people don't understand the coolness of open social media like Mastodon or PeerTube is that I'm so focused on it recently aaaand I'm very likely neurodivergent. I want to share my interests!
You have my ex’s or friend’s (maybe that was the autism in her she left me hanging lol but said to others boyfriend but didn’t officialize it so it hurt me) mannerisms and prosody down to the tee. She kept saying she was ADHD which she was and I can’t officially diagnose her as that would be unethical. She was seeing a therapist because of family trauma and rarely shared anything with me and acted all perky, chatty, hyper vigilant, aggressive, cat-like. I adored her. I think she was like me though and didn’t want to admit she was autistic because of the societal norms. Again, I can’t label her but she had strong emotional iq and had every single way about you and how conducted herself. I had the hardest to stating why I loved her because she didn’t do the typical things a allistic would and kinda made her seem like she never cared about me. I know that’s not true. It was the “little things” that were a stand out. 1. She remembered the way I expressed myself on what did for a living and said “I got all wide eyed and excited about it” 2. Inviting me around her son which she kept a small circle 3. Making time for me 4. Kinda feeding into my quirks that made zero sense like eating and facetiming because I always thought that was so funny watching people eat so she did and just chatted away and info dumped forever 😂 5. She was feisty and abrupt be we were passionate talkers. 6. She hated touch 7. she hated surprises and I thought it killed the magic but I understood where she was coming from. She always wanted me to be literal on what I was buying her and where which kinda killed the mystique. But I adored her for that. 8. She was direct on what she wanted and why 😂. Why thought the conversation we had was important and how she felt after. She was so articulate. I know she was autistic but it is autistic of her to not tell as she is private. 😂 not saying all autistic people are like this. I told her I may be on the spectrum because my therapist said I could be and wanted me to take the test. It cost 500 dollars so not yet. The break up and not seeing her son and cousins anymore destroyed me and really left on bad terms. I am devastated to this day. I appreciate you sharing life and gives me healing onto what I may not ever knew about her. Again, I will never know for sure if she had it but she definitely emulated you and I miss her and her 5 year old son so much. I have sobbed every other day to every week since August 2023 of my last convo with her.
I definitely do a lot of info dumping become chatty Cathy when I’m talking about my special interest with someone that I care about. It’s just a really nice feeling to talk about something that makes you come alive and you’re passionate about and they see that and they like that about you! It’s sooo different from when I was a kid and I got, “you’re too loud, you’re too talkative, you’re just too much!” that I would get from a lot of people at school on the playground. Then other people if they just knew me from the classroom it was “you’re too shy and you’re too quiet!” It was very confusing! 🤪🤪 The more I accepted and embraced being different the more I found friends who loved the real me, which is awesome, and they don’t get offended if I can’t text them back in 5 minutes because I’ve got something else going on like a doctor’s appointment. I also remember little details about people from about 10 years ago like their favorite flower and favorite animal etc that they always seem surprised that I still remember. So, I figured out from that amazed reaction every time I share a picture of their favorite flower when I’m thinking about them or know they’re having a hard time that not everyone does that. I thought that was interesting since my closest friends always share elephant things and purple flowers with me. So, I just thought everyone did that at first. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ I’m really good at picking out a gift for people based on a passion of theirs that they mentioned to me several years ago and remembering what their favorite foods are. I wouldn’t expect that level of detail from anyone but my parents, my aunt, my best friend, a couple close cousins and a few more family friends I’ve known since I was like 5. So, when it does happen with someone else who I wasn’t expecting it from, I always find it to be such a lovely surprise that someone remembered something so specific about me! I definitely feel loved when people do that, but I know not everyone is wired the same way. Physical touch for instance is sometimes really difficult for me because of chronic pain and being AuDHD, and my mom really thrives on hugs. So, I initiate a hug if I’m having a moment where I genuinely want to, and it always makes her face light up so much! So, when she asks if she can hug me or just kiss my head or just touch me somewhere that’s not going to hurt me and will be OK for me, I think a few moments and offer her the top of my right hand or my right elbow or the top of my right elbow and she kisses just that spot, smiles and thanks me. On a good day I enjoy hugs with someone I care about but if I’m in a chronic pain flare, have a migraine or am recovering from a seizure a couple days before or a meltdown the night before and everything is just too raw emotionally and my skin hurts everywhere, I politely decline. I’m so grateful my parents never tried to make us hug people unless we genuinely felt like it as little kids as autonomy is really important! So, when my mom listens when I say I’m hurting too much to be touched and doesn’t make me feel guilty for that, I’m so thankful! Also, I’m learning that eye contact is still a struggle for me even if they don’t usually see it like we did as a kid because I learned to mask about that and hiding, modifying or stopping most stims completely. So, for my mom to now be a safe space whete I can rock back and forth, flap my hands, twirl my hair, talk differently and look up at the ceiling as I talk to her and try to recover from the meltdown I had in front of her means a lot to me. She doesn’t stare or comment on the hair thing, which is the one I remember making myself doing in kindergarten at 5 because I always got, “Don’t do that. You’re a big girl in big kid school now, remember? You need to be a big girl.” comments. She just lets me info dump as I rock and stim without having to stop myself, which made me feel safe enough to do more than the two she’d seen before. That was definitely a way I felt loved- the way she let me lead things in my meltdown recovery and she didn’t bring up the hand flapping etc until I mentioned it the next day, explained again how much stimming helps me and how much I appreciate her be in there for me. She info dumps on me about soccer, and it’s just really nice to have a few people in my life that I can really talk to! My best is the same way and loves to see me excited about something and eagerly chatting away and keeping attention off of her, because she’s an introvert. When we’re together, she never tells me I talk too much and I never tell her she’s “too quiet”. We just accept, appreciate and love each other as we are. 😃😃 What you said about respecting other people’s schedules and space is another one that I really relate to. My big brother and I didn’t steal each other’s stuff, knocked on each other’s doors, were excited to be asked to play with the other’s toys but didn’t nag to be involved. I was utterly shocked when I went to sleepovers and other kids were running in and out of each other’s rooms and taking toys or clothes without asking and just not respecting each other’s space or things. I would not have done well with that environment. I was always saving my brother extra pieces of our grandma’s fudge from my tin even though he’d always eat his up first. He was always extra nice to me and thanked me for sharing with him and he shared the last piece of pizza or last bites of queso etc in return. It worked well for both of us, and we felt loved and respected from a young age. We also played Monopoly where I wanted all the railroads and I’d buy things he wanted so he’d trade me the last railroad he’d been holding onto all game. My dad thought I didn’t understand the game. I understood. I just thought both my brother and me having a good time and walking away happy at the end of the game was more important than who won, plus I always got some great properties from my brother that I then put houses on by the railroads and I’d end up giving him a run for his money. No one told us to play that way. I just recognized we had different aims and we could both get what we wanted from the same game and truly enjoy it. My family just letting me play my way and not trying to get me to play their way was another love language for me for sure! 🎲🎲
Info dumping is definitely a love language for me lol! Surprises are tricky for me because I love surprising my girlfriend and my best friends and I like to think I like receiving surprises but actually I hate them and they stress me out lol
Damn, i was like "i do speak those love languages mate! D:" - and then the first point 'Parallel Play', "yep, totally applies to me too!" 😅 Being together without needing to speak or doing anything together is indeed a big love letter, most ppl are to annoying, to talkative, to attention grabbing to concentrate on something ;-)
Edit-- You actually did have your own version of this at the end, "sharing special interests", I just was stuck on your particular message about being "Travel Morgan" who's more high-energy and outgoing/fun-to-be-around, etc., which made me go, oh! And sharing special interests! Because, yeah, "Boardgame Party Brett" is a fun Brett, both for me and others, and it's one of the few times when I'm actually more outgoing/ somewhat-extraverted. Lol but anyway... 😅 what I wrote was: Another to add: Inviting loved ones to engage in our special interest activities, maybe? Perhaps it's better when tailored to something they're also interested in doing, as a sort of common ground activity... This one's tricky, though, if they aren't that into your special interest activity. For example, mine is boardgames. So, for someone who isn't that into games, but perhaps loves crime-mystery tv shows, finding a boardgame themed like a murder-mystery to try out, or maybe doing an escape room, those might be common grounds.
For me personally number one is talking and sharing openly my ideas and feelings. I mean a very deep conversation (mostly on special interests). Mostly all are same with you. PS: music is very distracting and very hard to focus on the speech itself :(
Wow, thank you for making this video! I can't put into words how i feel or what i need from others and now I can just have them watch this instead cause you said everything im feeling.
Remembering stuff about people is not a particular love language of mine; it's just a thing I do with little effort. I can't remember names or faces, but I do remember some weird details. I've learned that if I haven't known people for very long to do my best to not repeat anything they've mentioned previously, because either 1) the other person thinks I'm creepy, or 2) the other person thinks I'm interested in them.
My wife talk at me all the time. She also talk to me. I find it hard to figure out which is which. I find it hard to figure it she wants me to do something or she's just talking at me. For me info dumping isn't talking at someone, it is sharing my world with them and I appreciate questions because if they don't respond I feel rejected. I know that's not what it is logically but emotionally that what I feel.
that whole bit about love language disconnect, and feeling unloved because others people's love languages don't connect for you (and vice versa) - oh man, definitely
as an autistic person i can actually relate to neurotypical love languages but i do have a unique combo. mine include physical touch, quality time, deep conversations, connecting on a soul level. and respecting boundaries/how each other are along with sharing our interests and stories. and talking isn't mandatory we can just touch or even check our phones, listen to music, watch a movie
Yes I'm Autistic, although Allistic people want to deny it, maybe because my #1 love language is sharing hours in deep conversation filled with self-disclosure aimed at personal growth.
I really like one of my friends, and I remember most of our conversations and she forgets all of them 😂 I used to think it means she doesn’t like me, but I realized she just has a different love language than me!
My autistic love languages are also infodumping, memorizing little things about people I care about, and parallel play. I info dump to my mom all the time as well such as my special interests. I always memorize little things about the people I care about and only one person (my bestfriend who is also neurodivergent with adhd) acknowledges and reciprocates it back to me. I also would add pressure play in my autistic love language such as hugs (with consent). When it comes to parallel play, a lot of my family members don’t understand why I don’t try to make an effort to spend time when I feel like everyday I am spending time with them such as simply being next to them
I info dump and I'm still learning how to gauge the give and take of conversing. Touching is an intimate thing for me and only one person I know is allowed. I use to do gift giving, but, it was only because the people I did it for were materialistic - their love language.
My love language was always gift giving and parallel play. Gift giving to people who I really wanted to be friends with when they didn't see me the same way I saw them and valued their friendship.
Same here 😊 Except traveling. It is so exhausting for me. I go through multiple shutdowns. It goes against everything I need to stay regulated and feel safe.
The 3rd and 4th love language is also mine. I thought I'm just too talkative and too annoying and people usually don't like it. But now I realised that talk so much only to people I really like and it's really my love language. And also giving food. I love food so much, that I must really really like that person when I give them part of my food 😅
I can see that you're really in your element while preparing for a travel.... you're speaking so feely and there's a sparkle in your eyes and you're packing the things while talking about sth different.... I could never do so! Travelling is a big stress for me, i have to find the acurate correct place to go with the acurate perfect fitting hotel or hostel for everyone who comes along, then i book the train or flight and make surethat there's really more than enough time to change, then, very important: i make a big list with everything i need or might need or could prefer to have in case of.... and a list of things to pack in the last hour before i leave the house and a list about everything in the house i must not forget to switch off, empty, or clean up before i leave, oh, and i have a list of sights and activities.... horroble 😂
I guess I mask a lot because I can relate to the things you said and they are autistic but I have learned that I have to try to do the opposite so I do it mostly to my close ones and it's easier to do that when I have energy and in a good mood. When I succeed with that behavior I can feel happy and relaxed but later I am probably tired and wants to be alone or if it's okay to be with few people but minding my own business or that I don't need to be happy and social. Lucky if people around me can be understanding. But Swedish people I guess like their own personal time and space so it can work out well.
Omg Morgan... I think I might be in love with you...? Lol Or, at the very least, I love how easily and succinctly you just named all of my own love languages. Besides the, I'm in love, joke at the beginning, I've only watched two of your videos so far including this one. But I really like your personality. I really like the way you talk. I would probably have a great time hanging out with you. And you, more than anyone I've ever seen in real life or on RUclips, has convinced me that I am autistic. And for now on, anytime I meet a potential future partner, I am going to show them this video. Lol. And say, look, that's how I am! 😊😊😊 So not only are you enjoyable to listen to, very entertaining, and informative, you are also creating great resources for people like us, to show other people. To let them know how we think, and feel, and love other people. Thank you so much for creating this video. I appreciate it more than you probably know. 😊
FUCK hearing “Infodumping is a love language” actually broke me because everyone around me treats it like it’s a character flaw that needs to be fixed or regulated. I’m told it’s exhausting and I feel like I’m being treated like a burden but realising it’s actually my way of showing love and it’s being dismissed and actively forced out of me is just… I think I’m gonna cry.
That parallel play bit _really_ resonates with me. Girlfriends invariably think I lose interest after a while, but I'm really just relaxing my guard out of trust. That's _every_ relationship I've ever had.
Tell them. And get the diagnosis so you can back it up. Just tell them you feel comfortable doing your own thing together.
Why not get an autistic girlfriend then? Neurodivergent people tend to vibe the best with each other
Or find an autistic girlfriend. In a relationship I like nothing better than parallel play (only I never knew that was even a thing until now).
@@lisaphares2286 I didn't have the words for it at the time, and I still don't know for sure that I'm autistic. I know from my experience having narcolepsy and ADD that a diagnosis doesn't always help normies understand.
@@indrahx5905 I've thought about that, but I'm not certain if I should on an ethical level. I may or may not be autistic, though I'm definitely somewhere on the spectrum. I've met autistic people who had very different levels of functioning, and I don't trust myself to judge where someone is on that spectrum in order to determine whether dating her would be exploitative. I'm higher functioning than any of the autistics I have met in person (that I know of), though not perfectly functioning myself anyway. I would just feel very guilty to find myself dating someone at a real disadvantage to me.
Parallel play reminds me of old couples in movies who sit in silence together, one reading, one knitting, or similar, and exchange an occasional smile or pat on the hand.
It shows the couple are comfortable with one another. People seem so caught up on passion and excitement 24/7 nowadays.
This is the best thing to me. Even if we started doing something together and you move on to something else as long as you're chilling with me still I couldn't give a heck. Like watching a movie together but if ya get bored pls don't hesitate to whip out your phone to stay entertained
Me and my husband do parallel play and it's so nice to just look up and smile and go back to what you are doing. Love is giving each space and freedom to do your own thing
@@Sky-Childlove this❤
Yes. In the past, autistic traits were considered more desirable and appropriate for polite society. Now it’s all flesh and all stimulation all the time YOLO!!!
I share/do a lot of these.
My major one though is Penguin Pebbling. I share links, articles, videos, memes, pictures, etc with all of my friends over chats, and over time as I get to know a person the stuff I share becomes a lot more personalised toward the stuff I know they like.
I have a friend I share all the dinosaur news I can find with, I have others that I share certain film news, etc, etc.
When I have the money/time, I also like to give gifts to my friends. Little things that say "I'm thinking of you"
I just made a whole bunch of bracelets for all of my friends and have been sending them out in the mail ^_^
Each bracelet is themed around their interests (dinosaur girl got 2 about dinos, etc)
Omg I do the same! Calling it Penguin Pebbling is really cute 😭❤️
@@unrulycrow6299 I saw a post about it years and years ago, and that's the name for it that has stuck with me 😅💝
I love that!
🥹😭
You are a great friend!
Every time I doubt my having autism, you post a friggin video and I’m like, “Yep. That’s me.” I’m also learning to understand fellow autistics in a different way even though we might not share similar issues/hyperfixations/etc.
One of my love languages is gift giving tbh, but I try to pick something I KNOW they can’t dislike. I always feel like it’s not appreciated though so I stopped doing it which is a bummer. But also listening and words of affirmation while allowing them to vent and get angry bc it’s not directed towards me and I know that’s something I need sometimes. Back in 2013, I desperately needed to vent when I came home from work but my mom thought I was somehow mad at her. I wasn’t and I’d tell her I wasn’t. I’m just venting, (probably a meltdown tbh) and panicking. 🤷♀️ We love you, Morgan! Hope you’re enjoying your trip!!! Stay safe! Praying only good things for you!
I so feel the parallel play vibe. Like how cool would it be to just perpetually be on a call with a bestie while doing normal errands and chores! Just existing together would make some parts of life way cooler
I did this a lot with a close friend after her and I graduated high school! we talked on the phone about our special interests/hobbies repeatedly and gave each other advice on setting boundaries and pet peeves with our bfs while I was doing my daily house chores in a spasific way for example I get up at 7:30 a.m. doing laundry, 8:00 shower, 10:30 put laundry in dryer, 12:15 make myself lunch, then the rest of my day involved diving deep into my hyperfixation on how constantly getting a dopamine fix often leaning towards overconsumption of that said thing. For examples sugar, drugs, alchol, video games, etc… constant prsuit of pleasure could lead down a path of pain.
My bestie and I do this!! Alot! 6-7 hours or until someone's phone dies. Doing our own things, 2 hours apart. Sometimes talking. Sometimes silent. It works!
That would be heaven for me, but finding someone I trust to share that time with is impossible.
Remember, though, if we feel like they don’t understand our particular love languages, and they don’t express their love for us using our love languages, it does go both ways. So even though surprises make me anxious, or someone dropping by my house unexpectedly completely tripped me out,it’s the exact same thing for them. They believe that they are showing love in that way.
I've learned with my autistic partner that Parallel Play is essentially Quality Time. While the definition in the book is centered more around undivided attention and mutual activity + conversation, I've definitely resonated with your experience.
In the beginning it made me anxious with us sitting in silence, and it made her anxious feeling that she needed to mask and fill the silence with constant stimulus for me, but once I learned and fully understood how much peace and affection she feels and conveys just being able to fully relax and coexist with me, my heart instantly warmed.
I adore just being with her and enjoying each others passive presence as we go about our tasks and hobbies. Neither of us feel pressure anymore, and the silence no longer fills me with dread or worry, it fills me with love just as it does for her.
Love your content! My Autistic love languages include infodumping and parallel play as well, but also include penguin-pebbling where I share info nuggets and small gifts with my loved ones about things that I know they enjoy/remind me of them; including pictures, videos, memes, and just random info I researched.
same :D
My partner is autistic and it took a long time for me to realize that they were happy sitting in silence for hours every day. I thiught they didn't want to talk to me, or weren't interested in me, or were just silently resentful of our relationship. It felt really lonely to me because I didn't know why they never wanted to talk to me. Anyway, it got easier when I learned that this was comfortable for many autistic folks, and it wasn't personal.
Ask about what they're thinking about. Dont push, though, you want to be led through the door, not barging in.
Speaking slow and calmly can also help them be sure you are asking in a "hey buddy whatcha thinkin about" kind of way versus a "TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL IN WORDS"
Sometimes tho all we want is just to be quiet and to ourselves.... just around someone trusted.
Helping your partner make decisions through research. E.g. my girlfriend couldn't decide what university course to pick so I researched all the ones she was interested in, researched all the subjects each has, even researched how would transferring work if she changed her mind later.
I was bored one time and i researched my family tree from my fathers side.
@@jolandafrijlink6103 did you find anything interesting?
I love how you're talking about this while packing for a trip, going to the bank, and checking in for your flight. I NEVER, like, NEVER just sit down and watch a video. I do the dishes, clean, or aimlessly walk around while listening to a video and sometimes I feel bad about it because I'm like,"We'll, this YT person made this video for me, so I shoukd do them the justice of sitting down and watching it instead of cleaning." But I don't have time for that. So that you were doing your own thing and talking about this made me feel better because I was doing the dishes, and I was like,"Wow, this is great! We're both learning stuff and being so productive! Yay!!!"
The info dumping is really relatable. I occasionally just hijack a conversation and make it into a lecture/monologue. And then I’m gently being told they’d like a chance to speak themselves.
The few really close people I have, I don’t tell them everything. But when something in me loosens I can reveal a lot about my inner world in rapid succession… and whoever is listening probably cannot keep up.
In a way, it’s kind of a balance for being really introverted and not speaking up most of the time. I simply don’t add anything to conversations where there’s nothing for me to add. It’s unfulfilling. It’s draining. Why would I? But when some kind of special interest is touched upon, I can talk and talk and talk and talk… Basically into infinity. Lucid dreaming? Let me tell you about all the techniques. Writing? Let me tell you the intricacies of this character I haven’t written down yet, but is ingrained into my very being. Or even showing my parents a tribute to Chadwick Boseman in the Spider-Man 2 game, because we recently watched Black Panther, then proceeding to tell them a lot about the game.
Thank you for this. I've read the 5 love languages of Chapman and I was like "ah OK, now I understand".
Then I saw your video, read about neurodivergent love locutions and be like "oh, this is what I feel, this is what I do, this is how I love".
Thank you for this, it may change my life
From the 5 Love languages, mine has always been quality time, now I understand it’s parallel play 😅❤
Love this, I’m trying to learn about autism for my newly diagnosed daughter whose 24 so this was really helpful ❤
I'm a newly diagnosed 22yr old & it's very cool that you're learning about this for your kid :)
@@c0niferal thank you that’s really kind of you. I hope you’re doing well 😊
@@simonedutch558 I am thank you, just over a year since my AuDHD diagnoses & I'm happier, less stressed & more in touch with who I am than ever before. I hope something similar can happen for your daughter :)
@@c0niferal 😀🤩💝
Oh that´s so lovely You do this, do research on it at watching autistic YTers🥰
I've not been diagnosed with either (so disclaimer there) but I suspect I may be autistic with ADHD. Schedules for me are complicated. I like knowing what day and exact time others would like me to arrive places well ahead of time. I don't like do to things spontaneously - including going to the grocery store. Except once and awhile it's like I get SUPER spontaneous and just wanna go everywhere, anywhere all of a sudden, all day long. Otherwise, for me it's like I have an expectation for the day. And disruptions to that expectation, even scheduled ahead of time, are distressing.
Edit: Thank you for your videos. I'm in my 30s, and relating to you so much and following some tips you (and other autistic creators) have given have helped me substantially in just a few short months.
One of the things people appreciate about me is my ability to remember different notable facts and so the memorizing details about others is something I'm involved in.
One uncommon love language I have is photo projects...I'll take photos at different notable events in the life of my church (or other events I wind up being part of) and then gather them with other notable memories for people...at Eastertime every year I'll take pics of different crosses many local churches decorate and sometimes if I know friends have different connections to that church (either they tell me they belong to that church or in some cases friends have a parent or sibling pass away that belong to that church) and I incorporate them into projects (mainly for birthdays)...the other thing I'll do is with graduations coming up I'll pull up different graduations that a friend of mine has a son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter, niece, nephew, etc. and screenshot them and share with different friends/relatives/colleagues as it seems suitable...
You know what bums me out about remembering such details? It creeps people out. "Ew, why do you even remember that about me, that's so weird" So I remember where my dance teacher spends her vacation, I remember her hometown, I remember some other friend's favourite clothes shop, etc, but I've stopped bringing it up like I used to. They made me feel like I was a stalker, and I'm not! I just remember stuff about them that they don't care enough to know about me.... Oh, yes, and photography is totally my love language too.
This video was amazing! My son does the parallel play and info dumping all the time! Never knew that could ved love languages🥺 that is amazing! This has totally changed how I feel about the info dumping, thank you!
In addition to some of the ones you listed I like to show my affection by trying to give advice in solving their problems, whether they ask for it or not. The effort is not always appreciated. I often don't realize that some people just want to vent and be heard and that's all. I love your vlogs!
Oh boy feeling unloved because my love language doesn't match other people's makes so much sense... as a teen i clashed with my mum a lot and I remember specifically asking for someone to put the kettle on so that I could have tea when I got home and no one ever did it...
I NEED you to know that you have changed my life for the better. I am 39 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade and later with other mental health disorders but never autism and until recently I didn't think it was even a possibility. But then I found your channel and heard the words and thoughts from my head being explained out loud but I wasn't saying them and that was the first time I actually felt like I wasn't alone in this world.
Hi Morgan! I discovered your channel a couple weeks ago, and I can't explain how amazing it has been for me. I'm not autistic (at least I'm not diagnosed), but I'm diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), and as a little girl I had extreme social anxiety. As an adult, I have suffered from terrible burn out and anxiety episodes, as well as weird social interactions and love communication. Even if we are not diagnosed with the same, I have identified with several things you have mentioned to us, and with these love languages as well.Thank you for sharing all of this, and putting a name or putting words to situations that I constantly feel but I have no idea how to call. Enjoy your trip and be happy!!
Me and my closest friend are both autistic, and info-dumping is literally why our relationship works. Neither one of us have actual friends because we cannot keep them for the life of us. By info-dumping, we literally know more about each other than our own parents do. In reality, all of these love languages just keep our friendship alive. We both live off of the other because we both do all of these things.
I actually do parallel play a lot with people I love, and it includes family members and friends.
I also find it funny cause I don't thrive on schedules even though I'm autistic. For me, schedules sound very restricting and I like to do my own thing. Such as times for school, or a set time to do my chores, I don't like it for some reason. I know I should probably start having a routine but it never sticks in my brain. And my mom also doesn't go with a complete schedule either since she's always busy. Most of the time it's whatever we can make do. I respect people who do schedules, but I might forget that they have a schedule. But however, I do respect boundaries and I will never touch your stuff unless if you really want me to and I expect that as well.
Also about surprising things, I really love it when people I know are trying to get me something as a surprise but they "try" to lie on purpose. One thing my mom does sometimes when we are out shopping or something and it's close to a holiday if she sees something I like I already know what she's doing and she'll try to "lie" and say something like "Whatttt, nooo, you totally didn't see that" and it's the funniest thing ever. I like those kinds of "surprises".
Also about just talking to someone for an hour I will do that to people Im comfortable around and sometimes its like Im not in control of my own voice, sometimes it always feels like my brain controls me more then I control it.
I am continuing my conversation here cause my phone is literally the worst when it comes to type 🙄
Anyway, about the talking thing. I also really enjoy listening to other people talk, my favorite quality time is just talking about anything. I don't even care if it's something we have talked about before already, it's something I really love to do with people I'm comfortable with. And I enjoy it when we are both listening to each other and giving each other time to speak. I do get pretty annoyed when I'm talking but then one of my family members talks over me, because then I abruptly will stop what I was saying.
I also enjoy memorizing details about others, like I'll remember the food you like, type of clothes or animals you like. Sometimes it gets really confusing for me though since most people tend to change their responses a lot. Like this one time, I have a friend who was a little older than me and you know that whole "figuring yourself out" kind of thing that most teenagers do? Well she was starting to do that, which I understand is apparently normal. Do I remember once she told me she was Bi, I think and I was fine with it. But then a few days she started saying she was a lesbian and that kind of stuff. I always get nervous when talking about this kinds of stuff, but anyway, those kinds of things really really confuse me. I really like it when people only tell me about certain things they know they love or that they have interests in that they know they will have forever, it helps me to not be so confused.
I definitely understand the feeling of others not really understanding you or loving you because of that. My preferred love language is usually with words or actions. Such as me remembering something that you like, or spoiling you with something that I know you would like. I also will always spend the holidays with you, and I never ignore you or anything like that. Holidays are also another big thing where I actually do more communicating and I do more for you than on any other day, cause for me Holidays are supposed to be fun.
Those are my kinds of love language. I also love receiving gifts, or small things that I enjoy. It makes me feel special lol, but maybe that's because I am spoiled. I don't necessarily surprise people with gifts, but if I know you're, like, craving something that you've been wanting I'll probably get it for you if I can lol
Or if I feel like giving you something I'll probably ask you "hey, do you want anything?" For me, gift giving makes me feel really special and I know when I'm older and I have friends of my own that's more then likely something I would do is gift giving even for no reason. But I would always let someone know, such as on text message. Also, what I consider a gift is just getting me something that I like or have been wanting such as a chocolate bar, or a specific makeup I've been wanting or slime.
Some of my family members don't understand that though. I don't mind light hugs, but my memmaw always hugs me a bit too tight and always makes me feel like I have to hug her a certain way? I know she means well, and touching is her love language and I respect that. I don't mind the hugs nowadays, but the thing I dislike the most is when she does the kiss on the forehead. Idk, her touch is just weird to me. My mom's touch is comforting, and I don't mind my aunt's hugs either. My memmaw knows I'm autistic but she doesn't understand it. Whenever I try to tell her why I do these things it's like she doesn't take it into deep thought. I know my Papa does that too, but he's not that bad he just came from a generation of where you did these things and you had to.
But this is my preferred love language. I know that one day when I am in a love relationship with someone I will do everything with them and I'll always be there for them and cherish them lol
I am under assessment right now, and listening to you explain your love languages is just so awesome!!! I know my outcome, by listening to other autistics explain how it works for them, I never thought I had all of these subtle traits when I read about it, explained by neurotypicals.
Knowing what I like is a great one! I remember when a guy wanted me to move in with him. He renovated a whole apartment, and didn’t want me to see it untill he was done, furnishing and all. He did all of that for me, he said.
When I walked in, the walls and floors were nice, but the furnishing and decor actually made me cry! It wasn’t to my taste AT ALL, and I felt like he didn’t know me, and had lied about doing all that for me😭
I think it’s safe to say that he was disappointed with my reaction to all his hard work😅
I so enjoy how you explain autism traits. I’d love to hear more about “safe foods”. Love your videos!
Neuro divergent people have issues with sensitivity which can be texture, smells, even how food looks. Finding food that they enjoy is a must and they tend to stick to it. They are safe to eat because they don't have an adverse reaction to it. Routine is key for a stress-free living.
My besties and I are all AuDHD one of our main love languages is what we call “pebbling.” We will send videos, pictures, recipes, etc. to each other through out the day. Sometimes they are things that we think they would like, sometimes they are things that make us think of them, sometimes it’s just stuff we think is cool. We also parallel play.
1. 'Parallel play' : Quality Time, being present to the other as you spend time together.
2. 'Notice and respect routines & coping strategies (Including tems laid out/arranged) No surprises, get on the schedule' : I think this would be under 'Acts of Service' as you are giving time and space for the other to manuver though life. In the example of your loved one taking a shower at a certain time, your Act of Service is to leave the bathroom available for them.
3. 'Info dumping'; being open & sharing what interests you, being present as loved one shares verbally with you : Quality time.
4. 'Memorize likes and dislikes' : depending on what you do with that information it may be 'Gifts', 'Act of Service' or one of the others. In the example of feeling unloved by Mother not bringing home special grocery items, She was hoping Mother would show she was thinking of her, recall her specific grocery item likes, & bring those items home for her in particular, not just the household in general. I think that is 'Gifts'. However, "Picking up their favorite snack when shopping for groceries" is 'Act of Service', so not sure, maybe depends if the emphasis is on the gift-like presentation, or ...?
Overall I think being open and at ease together, allowing yourself and your preferences to be known, and showing that you see and respect the other's way of being (likes & dislikes) in the world is the main love language discussed. I that that is 'Quality Time'.
One love language that is common among autistic people is called pebbling. The term derives from penguins, wherein in some species of penguins, the male will find a pebble and present it to a female. If she accepts the pebble, the two go on to mate. The idea here is similar, in that a person on the spectrum might present someone else with an object at an opportune time to express they care about the other person.
I just realised my love languages are all of the "normal"/"regular" love languages AND also all of these, so damn
so vaild
I think it can all be clustered into the "original five", but it's completely fine and valid to redefine more. 😊
I, personally, love the interpretation that the five languages all have dialects - just because we have the same primary love language doesn't mean we understand each other right away. To me info dumping and remembering (key) details fall under words of affirmation, and parallel play can be quality time, but that might be because I've grown up with the five live languages and therefore just categorize everything that way. I may change my opinion as I think more on it... 😅😊
@@tabitas.2719 I think that's cool actually
@@tabitas.2719 nice thought
@@meowsticity Thank you! :)
The memorising one hit hard, part of unmasking and skill regression has left me unable to do that any more, but I realised it was response to trauma for me, I had to do it to be liked and it caused burnout three times, the last one I’m still recovering from 10 years later 😵💫 it’s nice to see it can be a healthy way to show love for some people.
I just stumbled across this video (am not autistic/on the spectrum) and you sound like such a considerate person. :)
Also, I get very anxious when people just come into my place and start using things and doing things "wrong" and I would love someone to notice that and not do that, that would be amazing :) I feel like you're doing great.
1. The remembering details love language is one of my most important ones to me. It’s so fun being able to do things with that information but I don’t think a lot of neurotypical people realize that it’s a love language. I know that it doesn’t get reciprocated to me often which I find to be sad.
2. Travel is also one of my special interests and I too am a completely different person when I am traveling. I feel so energized, but it can be exhausting when I get home since I’ve spent so much extra energy during that time.
I love hearing about your experiences and perspectives. It’s nice to know that there’s other people out there like me.
I'm an allistic introvert that's hearing impaired, parallel play is awesome. I love it.
Thank you Morgan! Love your videos!
These examples make so much sense. Including the excitement when doing something you enjoy.
Have a wonderful vacation.
Oh my god thank you so much! I finally have a short and simple name for it! Parallel play. I remember having such a tough time explaining it to an ex of mine but when she finally got it, I was soooo comfortable when we we're hanging at her place. Not that I wasn't before but it was like a whole new level.
Feels good to know a short and snappy name for it. Thanks!
That is such an awesome way for you guys to find middle ground and do what you both need as part of the relationship 💙💙💙. You have forewarning, he gets to surprise you 💙💙💙 love that
Remembering details, it's a big thing for me too. It's really nice to hear someone else do this too!
Ive found myself shifting into the love language opposite of infodumping lol i prefer to be talked at, my boyfriend loves to talk and goes on rants about things so i will just sit there and just listen to him ramble, i think my main love language is mothering like making sure they are ok and getting them things and helping with things.
Laughing about your hatred of surprises. I’m autistic too and once I was driving to the grocery with my husband and he pulled into a parking lot along the way and was like “surprise! I scheduled you a manicure!” I don’t remember if I started crying, but needless to say I did not get a manicure. My brain was ready for the grocery, not a stranger poking my hands and I had never even had one or done research about it to know what to expect. Pretty sure most neurotypical girls would have been excited to do it but just the thought of it made me more stressed than if he hadn’t tried to give me anything special 😅.
I actually loved how you explained your love languages. ❤
One of the ways I show love is identifying a need a person has and finding a method or item to accommodate that need. So if I buy a present, it's specific and serves a practical purpose. I will also clean a space and put all the piles and groups of items back exactly where those were so if they have a system, it's minimally disturbed (phone camera is great to make sure it's as close to the original look as possible, photos are deleted as soon as those aren't needed, and that's only if I need to clean under the pile). I also fix minor inconveniences around houses like if the sink isn't draining, toilet handle sticks in the wrong place when flushed so the water runs, etc.
But seriously, info dumping is the best thing ever. I love doing that, and listening to it.
Parallel Play is the equivalent of Quality Time
Deep Pressure is the equivalent of Physical Touch
Infodumping is the equivalent of Words of Affection
Penguin Pebbling is the equivalent of Gift Giving
And Support Swapping is the equivalent of Acts of Service.
This can be helpful to oversee in a neurodivergent relationship between a neurotypical and an autistic because if one person needs either one of these, the other partner knows how to translate their affection to fit the other person’s neurotype. This way, nobody feels misunderstood and instead feels comfortable and loved.❤
I'm not autistic but I do a few of those things. My boyfriend and I enjoy doing things together, but everybody needs a break to themselves sometimes. So we balance that by just "being" together but doing our own thing. And every once in a while we'll just tell each other "I love you" or hug or something like that, and then go back to our own thing.
We also tell each other our schedules not necessarily like it's the same everyday, but whenever we have plans with someone else so that we don't have a situation when one of us thinks it's going to be quality time together, but the other one suddenly says "Ope sorry I gotta go." This also helps because we are long distance most of the time and we video chat around the same time everyday.
~:~
morgan, i just want to say thank you. i am about to get diagnosed with PANDAS, and if you dont know what that is, it's basically autism caused by strep throat. your videos have helped me express to my family and friends what's going on with me, and everything you say is just so relatable! thank you
all so interesting, i could listen to you go off about this forever, preach sis😊
It's interesting to see just how many ways there are for humans to show love and how they can reach or not to our loved ones.
It's actually really nice to hear.Someone's passion come through when they're in.For dumb thing usually it's something they care about and I hear they're joy more than anything else
I have been watching your videos and so much of the time it’s like looking in a mirror. I’m almost 40 and believe that I might be autistic. I took some online assessments and they all said there’s a strong possibility too. Not sure I can get my insurance to pay for a diagnostic but I’m 95% sure. Travel is one of my special interests too! Anyways, one of my special love languages is sharing a song with a loved one where the lyrics are directed at them. Most of the time they don’t even catch that. They judge the song by their musical tastes and miss the message completely. I’m like…those words are literally what I would say to you if I could express my feelings and you just ignored it all because you didn’t like the beat 😭. And if someone sends me a song I think the words are their literal feelings when they just like the sound of it…so disappointing every single time
If you told me a year ago that I might resonate with this as much as I do now I would have thought you were crazy! I had a meaningful friendship that ended badly, and couldn’t understand why I’ve been so affected. I never saw how similar we were or why I felt we shared some unspoken understanding that never surfaced so clearly in interactions with most other people. when I came across your videos, I noticed how strangely familiar your experiences of autism sounded to what I noticed unique about my friend and never could notice in myself. Thank you for speaking about your experiences openly, I might not have been able to make that connection otherwise!
First of all, I think that it's so cool that you can make a video and pack at the same time! I vibe with that.
I feel the atmosphere of the room so "Parallel Play" can feel comforting at times. I love it when my mum makes me lunch and tells me that I have food waiting for me at home because I have a long uni day and finish at 12 for "Respecting Routines and Schedules". I info dump all the time and no one in my family likes it, my hairdresser who has become a close friend of ours tolerates my info dumps but a couple of friends I made at uni listen and respond to my anime references which I deeply appreciate. I always find it sweet when I see movies and TV shows that have characters having a conversation about something or a character notices something while the two of them are talking and remembers the detail and it comes up later, I just... 😁😁😁😁😁eeeeee!
Also, I'm a level 2 autistic person and understand all of these love languages and would greatly appreciate them! 🤗🤗💕
"Info Dumping" made me laugh because I do it all the time and everyone in family hates, somehow everyone outside of my family either tolerates or entertains it.
So relatable
I totally relate but I also try to remember that if people need to adapt and understand my autistic love languages I also have to accept as possible their love languages like giving gifts even though that makes me anxious because, unless they have other options of love language, but if I don't like to be hugged/touched, receive gifts nor talk too much maybe they are also out of options and I need to try accepting one of those. For me what worked out is about the gifts, I really love that people thought about me and went out of their way to gift me, and I appreciate but explain that I can't react properly in the act, only later, usually per messages I will thank them better and tell how much I liked. And in the act I will only say thank you very much once and hug them (hugs work for me as well)
Thank you so much for this!. I'm not autistic at least not diagnosed, but I can relate to almost everything here! It makes me feel so understood especially about parallel play and info dump. Because if I don't like you, I don't even wanna be in the same room as you or even talk to you.
Thank you so much for sharing about your love languages. I'm still trying to figure myself out and hearing about how you express your love to others has helped me realize more about myself and how I express my own love.
These love languages you mentioned here are incredibly informative. A long time ago, around 2005, my parents surprised me with a cruise trip. In the beginning, I couldn't explain why, but I felt so betrayed and was moody for about half an hour. Now I see that I don't like surprises however good they may be.
Ok this is so true as someone who is autistic I relate a lot ❤
Including overpacking I’m going to Spain in like a month for like 5 days and I’ll probably pack like 8 outfits 😂😅
Info dumping is another issue I relate to. Since I have an obsession with science, people usually see me as trying to make them feel dumb, or just droning on and on, or an ego thing. I really just hope that knowing these things will bring them the same joy it does for me.
I have always considered a perfect relationship is where two people can sit in silence and do their own thing. I wasn't aware there was a name for it. Normal love language has been very hard to understand and express, but the explanation of your love language was so familiar, relatable and understandable. Thank you.
And I hope you enjoyed your trip 🙂
I felt so called out during the info dumping part lolll literally word for word is me
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and the things that make you feel loved❤️ its so important to love people the way they need to be loved and if their way is similar to our love language its amazing 🦋🐿️
This is very insightful. I accepted the whole thing about five love languages, without thinking of these other things which are also vital. Yes, I need to share with others what I think, feel and know. Yes, I am very curious about people and the world, so I want others to share all that with me. Normies seem so cold to me because they are so incurious and actively avoid making those human connections. Love for them mostly seems to mean possessiveness.
This was really interesting and informative. It also only ever increased my doubts about whether I'm autistic or not, although I'm pretty convinced on the ADHD anyway.
I think I like parallel play (I often don't want to interfere with others but still be around), respecting schedules (but I usually don't know other people's schedules which frustrates me a lot), info dumping (once I let myself tell my mom or brother something that really interests me, I cannot stop and I'm so happy), I *can* memorize random details about people, I also like memorizing random details in general. Programming has been my special interest ever since I realized I can make a computer do anything. I get so excited if I can get other people I care about involved with that.
I just realizerd that possibly the reason I'm *so* frustrated that people don't understand the coolness of open social media like Mastodon or PeerTube is that I'm so focused on it recently aaaand I'm very likely neurodivergent. I want to share my interests!
You have my ex’s or friend’s (maybe that was the autism in her she left me hanging lol but said to others boyfriend but didn’t officialize it so it hurt me) mannerisms and prosody down to the tee.
She kept saying she was ADHD which she was and I can’t officially diagnose her as that would be unethical. She was seeing a therapist because of family trauma and rarely shared anything with me and acted all perky, chatty, hyper vigilant, aggressive, cat-like. I adored her.
I think she was like me though and didn’t want to admit she was autistic because of the societal norms. Again, I can’t label her but she had strong emotional iq and had every single way about you and how conducted herself.
I had the hardest to stating why I loved her because she didn’t do the typical things a allistic would and kinda made her seem like she never cared about me. I know that’s not true.
It was the “little things” that were a stand out.
1. She remembered the way I expressed myself on what did for a living and said “I got all wide eyed and excited about it”
2. Inviting me around her son which she kept a small circle
3. Making time for me
4. Kinda feeding into my quirks that made zero sense like eating and facetiming because I always thought that was so funny watching people eat so she did and just chatted away and info dumped forever 😂
5. She was feisty and abrupt be we were passionate talkers.
6. She hated touch
7. she hated surprises and I thought it killed the magic but I understood where she was coming from. She always wanted me to be literal on what I was buying her and where which kinda killed the mystique. But I adored her for that.
8. She was direct on what she wanted and why 😂. Why thought the conversation we had was important and how she felt after. She was so articulate.
I know she was autistic but it is autistic of her to not tell as she is private. 😂 not saying all autistic people are like this.
I told her I may be on the spectrum because my therapist said I could be and wanted me to take the test. It cost 500 dollars so not yet.
The break up and not seeing her son and cousins anymore destroyed me and really left on bad terms.
I am devastated to this day.
I appreciate you sharing life and gives me healing onto what I may not ever knew about her.
Again, I will never know for sure if she had it but she definitely emulated you and I miss her and her 5 year old son so much.
I have sobbed every other day to every week since August 2023 of my last convo with her.
You sound very thoughtful and loving. Grief takes time.
Gift giving 👍 nothing expensive, just little things that mean a lot to the individual subliminally.
I definitely do a lot of info dumping become chatty Cathy when I’m talking about my special interest with someone that I care about. It’s just a really nice feeling to talk about something that makes you come alive and you’re passionate about and they see that and they like that about you! It’s sooo different from when I was a kid and I got, “you’re too loud, you’re too talkative, you’re just too much!” that I would get from a lot of people at school on the playground. Then other people if they just knew me from the classroom it was “you’re too shy and you’re too quiet!” It was very confusing! 🤪🤪 The more I accepted and embraced being different the more I found friends who loved the real me, which is awesome, and they don’t get offended if I can’t text them back in 5 minutes because I’ve got something else going on like a doctor’s appointment. I also remember little details about people from about 10 years ago like their favorite flower and favorite animal etc that they always seem surprised that I still remember. So, I figured out from that amazed reaction every time I share a picture of their favorite flower when I’m thinking about them or know they’re having a hard time that not everyone does that. I thought that was interesting since my closest friends always share elephant things and purple flowers with me. So, I just thought everyone did that at first. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ I’m really good at picking out a gift for people based on a passion of theirs that they mentioned to me several years ago and remembering what their favorite foods are. I wouldn’t expect that level of detail from anyone but my parents, my aunt, my best friend, a couple close cousins and a few more family friends I’ve known since I was like 5. So, when it does happen with someone else who I wasn’t expecting it from, I always find it to be such a lovely surprise that someone remembered something so specific about me! I definitely feel loved when people do that, but I know not everyone is wired the same way. Physical touch for instance is sometimes really difficult for me because of chronic pain and being AuDHD, and my mom really thrives on hugs. So, I initiate a hug if I’m having a moment where I genuinely want to, and it always makes her face light up so much! So, when she asks if she can hug me or just kiss my head or just touch me somewhere that’s not going to hurt me and will be OK for me, I think a few moments and offer her the top of my right hand or my right elbow or the top of my right elbow and she kisses just that spot, smiles and thanks me. On a good day I enjoy hugs with someone I care about but if I’m in a chronic pain flare, have a migraine or am recovering from a seizure a couple days before or a meltdown the night before and everything is just too raw emotionally and my skin hurts everywhere, I politely decline. I’m so grateful my parents never tried to make us hug people unless we genuinely felt like it as little kids as autonomy is really important! So, when my mom listens when I say I’m hurting too much to be touched and doesn’t make me feel guilty for that, I’m so thankful! Also, I’m learning that eye contact is still a struggle for me even if they don’t usually see it like we did as a kid because I learned to mask about that and hiding, modifying or stopping most stims completely. So, for my mom to now be a safe space whete I can rock back and forth, flap my hands, twirl my hair, talk differently and look up at the ceiling as I talk to her and try to recover from the meltdown I had in front of her means a lot to me. She doesn’t stare or comment on the hair thing, which is the one I remember making myself doing in kindergarten at 5 because I always got, “Don’t do that. You’re a big girl in big kid school now, remember? You need to be a big girl.” comments. She just lets me info dump as I rock and stim without having to stop myself, which made me feel safe enough to do more than the two she’d seen before. That was definitely a way I felt loved- the way she let me lead things in my meltdown recovery and she didn’t bring up the hand flapping etc until I mentioned it the next day, explained again how much stimming helps me and how much I appreciate her be in there for me. She info dumps on me about soccer, and it’s just really nice to have a few people in my life that I can really talk to! My best is the same way and loves to see me excited about something and eagerly chatting away and keeping attention off of her, because she’s an introvert. When we’re together, she never tells me I talk too much and I never tell her she’s “too quiet”. We just accept, appreciate and love each other as we are. 😃😃 What you said about respecting other people’s schedules and space is another one that I really relate to. My big brother and I didn’t steal each other’s stuff, knocked on each other’s doors, were excited to be asked to play with the other’s toys but didn’t nag to be involved. I was utterly shocked when I went to sleepovers and other kids were running in and out of each other’s rooms and taking toys or clothes without asking and just not respecting each other’s space or things. I would not have done well with that environment. I was always saving my brother extra pieces of our grandma’s fudge from my tin even though he’d always eat his up first. He was always extra nice to me and thanked me for sharing with him and he shared the last piece of pizza or last bites of queso etc in return. It worked well for both of us, and we felt loved and respected from a young age. We also played Monopoly where I wanted all the railroads and I’d buy things he wanted so he’d trade me the last railroad he’d been holding onto all game. My dad thought I didn’t understand the game. I understood. I just thought both my brother and me having a good time and walking away happy at the end of the game was more important than who won, plus I always got some great properties from my brother that I then put houses on by the railroads and I’d end up giving him a run for his money. No one told us to play that way. I just recognized we had different aims and we could both get what we wanted from the same game and truly enjoy it. My family just letting me play my way and not trying to get me to play their way was another love language for me for sure! 🎲🎲
Enjoy your trip, Morgan!!! ❤ Remember to pack sunscreen! ❤😊
Thank you for your content. My two year old son was just diagnosed and now I can uderstand him better
Great video Morgan! It's very reassuring that I can relate to so many of the things you mention 🙂
Info dumping is definitely a love language for me lol! Surprises are tricky for me because I love surprising my girlfriend and my best friends and I like to think I like receiving surprises but actually I hate them and they stress me out lol
OMG the second one I didn't realise it was a love language thing I do this all the time.
Thank you for putting words to my actions.
😅❤❤
Damn, i was like "i do speak those love languages mate! D:" - and then the first point 'Parallel Play', "yep, totally applies to me too!" 😅
Being together without needing to speak or doing anything together is indeed a big love letter, most ppl are to annoying, to talkative, to attention grabbing to concentrate on something ;-)
Edit-- You actually did have your own version of this at the end, "sharing special interests", I just was stuck on your particular message about being "Travel Morgan" who's more high-energy and outgoing/fun-to-be-around, etc., which made me go, oh! And sharing special interests! Because, yeah, "Boardgame Party Brett" is a fun Brett, both for me and others, and it's one of the few times when I'm actually more outgoing/ somewhat-extraverted.
Lol but anyway... 😅 what I wrote was:
Another to add:
Inviting loved ones to engage in our special interest activities, maybe? Perhaps it's better when tailored to something they're also interested in doing, as a sort of common ground activity...
This one's tricky, though, if they aren't that into your special interest activity.
For example, mine is boardgames. So, for someone who isn't that into games, but perhaps loves crime-mystery tv shows, finding a boardgame themed like a murder-mystery to try out, or maybe doing an escape room, those might be common grounds.
14:30 - love is - buying someone their favourite chocolate 😊
it's super sweet hearing about your partner. gives me hope lol
Another great video Morgan. Super insightful as always, keep it up ❤🔥❤🔥
For me personally number one is talking and sharing openly my ideas and feelings.
I mean a very deep conversation (mostly on special interests).
Mostly all are same with you.
PS: music is very distracting and very hard to focus on the speech itself :(
Wow, thank you for making this video! I can't put into words how i feel or what i need from others and now I can just have them watch this instead cause you said everything im feeling.
Remembering stuff about people is not a particular love language of mine; it's just a thing I do with little effort. I can't remember names or faces, but I do remember some weird details. I've learned that if I haven't known people for very long to do my best to not repeat anything they've mentioned previously, because either 1) the other person thinks I'm creepy, or 2) the other person thinks I'm interested in them.
My wife talk at me all the time. She also talk to me. I find it hard to figure out which is which. I find it hard to figure it she wants me to do something or she's just talking at me. For me info dumping isn't talking at someone, it is sharing my world with them and I appreciate questions because if they don't respond I feel rejected. I know that's not what it is logically but emotionally that what I feel.
Yeah I am autistic and I dont do the one-way info dumping thing. I want responses. We are all unique.
Havent watched this yet but...THE QUEEN HAS UPLOADED EVERYONE🩷
OMG.. I have the exact same bag as you that I use for school, and I also have autism, and I like to watch your videos to understand more about myself!
Hey Morgan thanks for this gives me inspire to my two autistic boys and I am reaching them ty
that whole bit about love language disconnect, and feeling unloved because others people's love languages don't connect for you (and vice versa) - oh man, definitely
as an autistic person i can actually relate to neurotypical love languages but i do have a unique combo. mine include physical touch, quality time, deep conversations, connecting on a soul level. and respecting boundaries/how each other are along with sharing our interests and stories. and talking isn't mandatory we can just touch or even check our phones, listen to music, watch a movie
also i actually do like surprises as an autistic person 😂 but i can understand why it can be hard
i also like it when there's a little info dumping but i do like to have two way conversations
Yes I'm Autistic, although Allistic people want to deny it, maybe because my #1 love language is sharing hours in deep conversation filled with self-disclosure aimed at personal growth.
I really like one of my friends, and I remember most of our conversations and she forgets all of them 😂 I used to think it means she doesn’t like me, but I realized she just has a different love language than me!
My autistic love languages are also infodumping, memorizing little things about people I care about, and parallel play. I info dump to my mom all the time as well such as my special interests. I always memorize little things about the people I care about and only one person (my bestfriend who is also neurodivergent with adhd) acknowledges and reciprocates it back to me. I also would add pressure play in my autistic love language such as hugs (with consent). When it comes to parallel play, a lot of my family members don’t understand why I don’t try to make an effort to spend time when I feel like everyday I am spending time with them such as simply being next to them
You explained my love languages so well.
I usually love listening to them, and sometimes talking about my interests. Parallel Play might be the most important to me
My sister went to Puerto Rico and there was horses walking around randomly 🤣
I info dump and I'm still learning how to gauge the give and take of conversing. Touching is an intimate thing for me and only one person I know is allowed. I use to do gift giving, but, it was only because the people I did it for were materialistic - their love language.
i completely related to these love languages. I love just existing with someone
Yes infodumping is one of mine too!
My love language was always gift giving and parallel play. Gift giving to people who I really wanted to be friends with when they didn't see me the same way I saw them and valued their friendship.
Absolutely love Puerto Rico. Used to travel there once or twice a year, but havent been there in a while. Such a chill island. Enjoy.
Same here 😊 Except traveling. It is so exhausting for me. I go through multiple shutdowns. It goes against everything I need to stay regulated and feel safe.
The 3rd and 4th love language is also mine. I thought I'm just too talkative and too annoying and people usually don't like it. But now I realised that talk so much only to people I really like and it's really my love language. And also giving food. I love food so much, that I must really really like that person when I give them part of my food 😅
I can see that you're really in your element while preparing for a travel.... you're speaking so feely and there's a sparkle in your eyes and you're packing the things while talking about sth different.... I could never do so! Travelling is a big stress for me, i have to find the acurate correct place to go with the acurate perfect fitting hotel or hostel for everyone who comes along, then i book the train or flight and make surethat there's really more than enough time to change, then, very important: i make a big list with everything i need or might need or could prefer to have in case of.... and a list of things to pack in the last hour before i leave the house and a list about everything in the house i must not forget to switch off, empty, or clean up before i leave, oh, and i have a list of sights and activities.... horroble 😂
I guess I mask a lot because I can relate to the things you said and they are autistic but I have learned that I have to try to do the opposite so I do it mostly to my close ones and it's easier to do that when I have energy and in a good mood. When I succeed with that behavior I can feel happy and relaxed but later I am probably tired and wants to be alone or if it's okay to be with few people but minding my own business or that I don't need to be happy and social. Lucky if people around me can be understanding. But Swedish people I guess like their own personal time and space so it can work out well.
Omg Morgan... I think I might be in love with you...? Lol
Or, at the very least, I love how easily and succinctly you just named all of my own love languages. Besides the, I'm in love, joke at the beginning, I've only watched two of your videos so far including this one. But I really like your personality. I really like the way you talk. I would probably have a great time hanging out with you. And you, more than anyone I've ever seen in real life or on RUclips, has convinced me that I am autistic.
And for now on, anytime I meet a potential future partner, I am going to show them this video. Lol. And say, look, that's how I am! 😊😊😊
So not only are you enjoyable to listen to, very entertaining, and informative, you are also creating great resources for people like us, to show other people. To let them know how we think, and feel, and love other people.
Thank you so much for creating this video. I appreciate it more than you probably know. 😊