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Why Do Marriages Tend Not to Work? DeVon Franklin Says It’s Due to ‘Unspoken Expectations’
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- Опубликовано: 13 май 2021
- In his new book, “Live Free: Exceed Your Highest Expectations,” DeVon Franklin breaks down why relationships tend not to work, blaming our unspoken rules and expectations for their demise. We weigh in on the importance of managing expectations and why sex could be clouding your judgment.
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#DeVonFranklin #UnspokenExpectations #LiveFreeExceedYourHighestExpectations
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Do you agree this is why relationships tend to not work?
Why you’re not talking about what is happening in Palestine? Your tax money is murdering families at they’re houses! The lord the fairest sees y’all staying quiet while claiming believing in him and humanity.
@@cherri6388 You mean what happened in Israel . Hamas shot rockets into Israel .
You cant have a marriage if two people act like they are just together for now and not for a lifetime
Simply put both parties tend not to communicate their true words and emotions.... Oh and actually getting to know their partner whether it be husband or wife in all seasons
@@christiansoldier77 bc israel bombed Gaza and al aqsa mosque
Loni .... girrrrrrrl .... Loni has been slaying her own hair and makeup all season! All the ladies are but Loni really doesn't need a team. She got this.
The only way to make any relationship work is by having open lines of communication with respect and boundaries. Thats it.
Communication is great, only if both parties understand what one another is communicating and willing to make the adjustment!
It needs LOVE too.
@@anacontreras4490 And God
Communication only works if you can accept whats being said to you without taking it personal and holding it against your partner.Somethings you are going to just have to let go.I ask do you want to be right or do you want to stay in your relationship? Pick what you want to make an issue of.Something are not worth mentioning for real.
I couldnt agree more
Ariana Grande said “I saw your potential without seeing credentials. Maybe that’s the issue.” That’s the tea.
Don’t even get me started, I love that song and that part specifically lol
@@gabbypetty7291 what song?
@@kattodoggo3868 In My Head, it’s off her Thank U, Next album. Lyrically fire and this one run she does? Perfection 🤌🏾
Me at 20, never been in a relationship or in love, gathering all this information for when one day I do find the one lmao ✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽
Saaaaammmeee 😂😂
Yes girl. And please dont conform to the ways of sinful society. Chose a partner to marry, under God. Not just a partner to live with. And try to not be sexually active until marriage. Because god said, two will be united into one in Flesh. When God unites them. So he didnt say we can unite our flesh(have sex) with eachother outside of Gods unification of us(Marriage)
Its a sin, my sister ❤
Girl take notes. I wish I got those insights in my 20s. There are some mistakes , assumptions, I could have avoided about men and relationships.
That's exactly what you should be doin cause you need it n the back of your head when you start dating cause these things don't go perfectly
Same😂😂😂
Adrienne was so on point. I'm from the Caribbean and trust me when I say that we Caribbean people don't like confrontation because of how it is portrayed. A lot of people would rather not speak up and suffer in silence. I am learning how to unlearn this
Yes! True
Same girl.
very true
Yup!
@Shaunice Spence you're very right!!!!Coming from a Jamaican and Trinidadian household that's exactly what I have to do!Unlearn the fact that confrontation is not always a bad thing.
The fact that marriages back in the day lasted longer wasn't entirely a good thing. A lot of times women were the ones keeping the marriage together despite infidelity and abuse cause that's what was expected of them. The women also usually depended on the man financially due to systemic sexism. Things have changed and thank God for that. Higher divorce rates is a result of this good change.
Thank you! I do not know why a lot of people have not grasped that concept.
Exactly people always ask why aren’t marriages lasting longer like our grandparents it’s because women today aren’t putting up with things that men did I completely agree with you
Amen. I was thinking about that the other day. We compare divorce rates forgetting that back in the day, it was next to impossible leaving your spouse for financial or societal reassigns. The real question is how many of your grandparents were actually in happy loving relationships and how does that compare to the number of healthy relationships now.
Adrienne always gets the maya angelou quote wrong. It goes like “when someone shows you who they are, believe them THE FIRST TIME”
Marriages require HONESTY the most!!!
This is true
Best comment
Unspoken expectations leads to frustration. I agree with that 😊
Marry the man, not the potential.
Exactly. Fall in love and marry the person in front of you and not potential.
I totally agree! Too many times, we women think we can change the person in front of us, mould them. But it never really happens. People often change on their own accord
I love this! Yes !
AMEN
Preach sis
Adrienne's blouse is everything!!. I see you too Jeanie understated but fabulous top.
Never lower your standards for someone else's convenience
My ex told me that my expectations were too high of him and I believed him. We are both happily with other people. No hurt feelings.
🤣 "Stop taking no projects, you're not a construction worker" Yass Loni, louder for the people at the back!👌
Are you in love with him or are you in love with his potential? HELLO!!!!!
Woman! 🎯
Women being so fixated on men's potential is our downfall when it comes to relationships bc what if it never comes?? Or, what if his potential is negative?
"God has not given us a Spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind"
Operate from those realms when dealing with everything because it's already in your DNA...
Blessings❤️
Amen!
And we gotta stop conforming to sinful society. Being in courtship without marriage is a sin!.
God never said unite yourselves in flesh without me. Two into one Flesh(having sex) under Gods unity(after marriage in gods name)!
Bless you
Adrienne has matured from when the Real started... I love it so much
I like what Loni is saying. Being realistic about life is real. Loni is keeping it real. Marriage is hard and social media ain’t portraying this. I don’t think Loni is scaring people into marriage. I think she is being real.
trust and believe having kids changes EVERYTHING in your marriage..for better and worst! they are the greatest blessing but it brings another level of challenges on the couple
It is a real commitment!! Even before marriage we decided to be faithful, honest, honorable, comunícate, and are on 32 years of marriage!! It’s been damn hard but I won’t change a thing!! 3 kids, 3 grandkids it just got better!! God is good!! Life is ups and downs
Man and woman change naturally, these changes must be discussed, so that the relationship is updated.
I agree with everything here, communication is key. I also think communicating respectfully is part of it. When I have a partner unless my partner cheats on me or abuses me I will do my best to communicate as gracefully as I can, because sometimes people are just different and don't have bad intentions. I can take correction that's given respectfully very well. I don't like hot headed people, I like sensitive people and it's very important to communicate but communicating respectfully is most important. I will see someone for who they are and not their potential again, it ends up coming back to bite you.
So true, Adrienne. Things change. Yes Garcelle, I'm not lowering my standards. Jeannie, yes maybe they are for him but my standards aren't too high. Yes Lonni, stop taken on these projects. ❤️❤️❤️
Lonnie: you ain’t no construction worker 👷🏽🦺 yass
It’s all about prayer, intention, and wanting your marriage to work. I feel like it stops working when people stop trying. People become roommates 😩 and that is the worst. I agree with Devon
Communication is the number 1 needed thing in a marriage or any relationship really
Wow they dropped facts on this chat❤👏
How do I get Adrienne's wardrobe? Like, where??? I love her top!!! All of them.
jeannie'S Highlighter is poppin😍
One of their best girl chats, just loved these ladies speaking facts!!!
Marriage is a selfless thing, both people must be willing to sacrifice and compromise.
Marriages tend not to work out because of one thing... and that is lack of communication...when I tell you communication is EXTREMELY important... I mean we’ve seen it with Jeannie’s first marriage this woman stayed consistent about not wanting children and later on she saw a change in him and despite him wanting that feeling for himself instead he decided he wanted to make her happy... and that also brings in the other major component which is compromise.... there are times where certain couples can’t agree on things even the most smallest things... from who should handle what bills and utilities.... to where to stay when on vacation... to who is doing what around the house when it comes to cleaning..and the biggest one how to MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER! There are so many people that are wrapped up in their work that they don’t even have time or can’t make time for their partner and that can be th death of a marriage cuz they can’t make a balance
Some people have expectations way too high no matter who the guy is. They are unrealistic for any human being.
All facts. It doesn't hurt to voice your expectations no matter how unrealistic they may be, if you have a good spouse then it can even be a good laugh to get what you need. Marriage is many, many seasons of love good and difficult💕
Mr. Franklin has a good point. Expectations will disappoint you every time. So expect the unexpected. And when it comes to marriage, there's the fairytale idea of it, once people find out it's not that or what they thought it would be, they start looking like what did I get myself into.
Facts to everything that was said. Facts 💯💯
Loni!!!!! Yes sis you hit the nail on the head jumping in the bed too soon....that’s me right now praying to get over this fool
Just because a couple has been married for a long time doesn't mean the marriage is healthy. Open, HONEST communication is key. People say a lot when dating and during marriage but it ain't always truthful.
Also stop being with people that are convenient and stop settling for just anyone
You need to like the person you’re with
You can love whatever you want but
BUT if you don’t like the person you’re
Going to fall out of love quickly
Preach!
So true!
Omg I loved this girl chat! And Adrienne at the end “Yes you are.” I felt that 😩 that was me every time. Why we do that to ourselves. Well no more lesson learned.
Adrienne is very naive, she said all that one word would've done it "communication". Many people mostly women think marriage is a fantasy a happy life continuously; marriage is work after that year is over (or sooner) change happens and all of it isn't good especially when it comes to finances. Don't marry a man who makes less than $40,000 and expect to buy designer clothes without arguing. When I hear people say "he/she completes me" they have issues that they aren't talking about. Live your life, every marriage is not the same, what works for me, may not work for you. I've been married decades, I know.
True. No one should complete you. You complete yourself. Once a woman realizes this, it will make a lot more sense.
Construction worker…LOL!! Loni is so right, as partners we shouldn’t be taking on individual projects. Good chat…took lots of notes. 📝
I don’t really trust what Adrienne says too much because seeing how she was in her last relationship, seeing how Lenny treated her so bad and the whole time Adrienne painted a great picture of them on the show. She would always say Lenny was the best and he this, he that, all while she was suffering a lot behind the scenes. And she is doing the same with Israel, supposedly he is the “perfect guy”. Like I just don’t trust her. She fronts a lot for the world. Or maybe she really lies to herself to make herself feel good.
What if people can learn from their mistakes & change? 👀
Jeanie did the same, had her ex husband on the show and talked about how they were fit for another.
Then suddenly divorce and she knew the first year that it wouldn't last but stayed for 10 years.
The way she used to talk about her ex when they were married reminds me of how she talks about her current husband.
@@aquarius-woman5364 oh that’s true actually, yea I forgot about her doing that too 😲 I guess hindsight is 2020
@@aquarius-woman5364
Eh, I actually think Jeannie was a little TOO honest about her marriage issues; so much so that commenters began saying her marriage was odd and would never last years before she formally announced it.
@@kemery22222 yeah I definitely remember Jeannie being very open about the negative aspects of her marriage to the point that it made us viewers feel a little uncomfortable sometimes because we're so used to people like Adrienne who like to paint their relationship as a fairytale romance.
Does Loni Love have to be such a flame in the mist of a pandemic honestly🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. Go ahead and chop us Loni L ove we are your vegetables. Love you all ladies 😘😘😘
😂😂 I can tell that you're from S.A
Loni love not Lona love
@@joyakahome7594 Auto correct kaloku I'm South African.
@@inathisofika1669 🤣🤣 mtase
@@MahasheS the "chop us we're your vegetables" gave it away 😂😂😂😂😂
I like that Loni is real about them vows!
I love me some @Loni!!!!! Stop taking on these projects! U ain’t no construction worker!👀That had me weak!!!😂😂😂
hahahahaha me too! that was good!
This was a very good conversation, and each host had great input! It made me think about how I need to do a better job of communicating my expectations to my husband.
Yes Adrienne confrontation is soooo hard!
It is
The words of Maya Angelo ..When someone "show" you who they are believe them
💯I hate it too! Trying to work on it though😓
Auntie Loni with the truth🙌🏽
When men marry we hope the woman remains the same, when women marry they hope the man changes 💯
Wow... Lies, lies, lies. Every men in my life has tried to control and let a woman know what her role as a woman should be. I just came out of a relationship myself, where I was little by little being trained to be silent. I didn't notice it at 1st, because he did it in a very sneaky and smart way, through deep conversations. It wasn't till one day when I joined a conversation with another woman (friend of his) in front of him, that I caught on, when he interrupted me to say, 'And sometimes it's better to practice being silent'. After that he was on a roll, constantly shaming me and even making me feel insecure about how I spoke English, my voice, and constantly knocking down who I was. Three things I often heard him say: #1 Practice silent. Silent is beautiful. But he was talkative. #2 It is women's nature to..... It is in your nature as a woman to..... The nature of women is.... #3 'That's a turn off'. He even tried often to get me to change my straight hair to dreadlocks and the way I dress.
Well that's machismo !!! Why wouldn't you want your lady to change? The change has to be for the good of both, the same for women. Both change naturally, these changes must be discussed, so that the relationship is updated. Just saying.
@@florarosario5888 OH MY GOD!!!! The same thing happened to me!!!! I just came out of a relationship In November 2020. We were together for almost 2 years. He Destroyed me completely!!! He said i was too smart, and that it wasn't good. He said i was disrepectful (i never EVER insulted him), but he said that i should be a traditionnal woman (submissive to him), wear traditional clothes from my culture. That i was not correctly raised, and that i would not make a good mother. Either i changed and became traditionnal (submissive) or we break up.
I was silent the whole time, just in shock!!!!! I tried reasoning with him, he wouldn't have it. So, after a week of thinking about it, i decided to break it off. I simply told him that we were not compatible. But since then, i have been feeling so much pain. I wonder how i didn't see it before, how i got into that relationship. I still don't understand.
This had NEVER happened to me before, and i am still IN SHOCK.
6 months later, i think about it every day.
Most absolute statements aren't true
@@marinakeza5141 you aren't destryed completely. you give him too much power. practice forgetting him.
Don't marry potential, marry patterns. Usually when we say he or she has potential (before a relationship) we are trying to convince ourselves or see something that isn't there yet which can be misleading.
That was funny Jeannie… Re Loni scaring people out of marriage LOL😂
Loni Love you funny, 'you ain't no construction worker' lololol
"You ain't a construction worker"😂😂😂#word
Since Loni landed James, she’s turned to being a preacher on relationships. Quite funny. Before James she was vocal on not needing a man
people evolve
This is a complete and utter lie. Loni has been advising women on relationships since the pilot season of this show, she even wrote a whole relationship/dating advice book. Stop trying to rewrite history to fit your narrative.
she was always a preacher. always
I like what Adrienne said.
Very true ladies, speaking truth! 💕✨Everyone’s looking gorg
ADRIENNE! BABY as how you say! Honey your blouse is everything! Where did you buy that blouse ? 😍😍😍😍👏👏👏🌹🌹🌹🌹
This was so helpful & so true
Thanks ladies
Def needed to hear this episode 💯
3:05 truth. It's to be taken seriously
...
And to be honest you need to pray that the LORD gives your wisdom to give you a marriage that is Glorifies God also pray for God to help you keep your marriage.
Some people suck, some people change for the worst, some people are just selfish and don't care about what their spouse needs ....that's why some marriages don't work.
Loni and Adrienne are SO on point with this👌
The reality is people change, wants change.
Sexuality changes .. Bodyies change. .sometimes you can get to confortable with a person and boredom sets in not the person per say the situation .
The boredom is my worst fear.
In my opinion marriages don’t work because no one is truly committed to the process.
Commitment looks like having bad communication confronting it and working together to fix it. Even if someone waited 20 years to confront you, commitment is still staying.
When you COMMIT for life, with God through Christ, length of endurance doesn’t give you an outing. People feel if things don’t change when they need it to they can divorce, but that’s not the vow you said before God. People don’t want to stay for the worst part. They don’t wanna stay during the storm when it seems like no sun is in the forecast for the next month.
They simply don’t mean the vows when they say it, and that’s the real reason.
Unless it’s infidelity, or you become a widow, or there is domestic abuse, there’s no reason to leave. Leaving for your “happiness” is not a good reason.
Here’s some biblical motivation I saw the other day to my engaged and married couples:
“Love is a choice COMMANDED by God”
Commanded - authoritative order
(He’s not asking you, he’s TELLING you)
“You SHALL love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” ~ Deuteronomy 6:5
YOU SHALL is a commandment.
“I don’t love my wife anymore.” (Your feelings)
“Then repent and love her.” (Gods command)
“Husbands, YOU SHALL love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her,” ~ Ephesians 5:25
Conclusion, if you try your best to serve God, you understand this is a rule. You don’t have a choice. Your love has to be greater for God, even when the feeling for your spouse is withering, you must commit. Even if it never gets better.
Guuurl this is everything! Thank you for this.
@@DaughterOfLove17 awwww your welcome 🤗 God blesss
So good advices .specially loni so good
Marriage is not to be entered into lightly.
I hope the gals will listen 👂 to what u guys are saying and they will change from feeling so proud of themselves by not listening to advise
Yep everyone needs to pay attention and take notes 🎯
The REAL should also address what’s been happening in Palestine since they talk about Black lives matter and Asian hate crimes.
Why would they? There is no Palestine. There's just an unnecessary situation of Arab interlopers in ISRAEL. Read the Holy Bible & you'll find out who gets the land. (Spoiler alert: the ones it was promised to 4,000 years ago.)
So they are saying not to have unrealistic expectations but at the same time when somebody tells them it’s to high, they won’t lower the bar. Hippocracy?
Loni Loni ,Stop taking these projects,You are not a construction worker 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Garcelle puts a lid on it !
Great segment. Love it! I agree
Its really better when you confront a person immediately,i agree with adrienne,if not you will suffer years down the line
No construction 🚧 zone! No playing Barbara the builder with these men!
You must take responsibility for your part in every relationship!
Yep Adrienne (that part)‼️
🤣🤣...."cause he NOT"... 🤣🤣
Coming from a Caribbean household, I can tell you that some of them are terrible at communicating with each other. I’m happy millennials are at least open to communication. Marriage takes a lot of intention.
Marriage is a living and breathing thing.
I'm sweet as candy but you'll love me like a gift! As I stated beforehand! Happy early Holloween and well Christmas Eve! Gee! I feel like we're all one little happily ever after family!
My word is good enough!
Because neither are taught properly in how marriages actually work and exactly the true nature of a man and a woman that have a reflection on the marriage. Think about it did your parents teach you anything on this subject like thorough details...Big facts or undeniable facts?
Nope
He’s right
I would ask him HOW?
if it doesn't convince me then they are just lowering your to theirs and we don't need that.
Loni convinced me last year and frankly it's THEE best decision I have made, thanks Loni Love 😃
What’s that
Haha Adrienne got told. She's so full of crap! She just got told...She acts like she has the perfect marriage and the perfect husband. Get a grip and get REAL. Well said Loni
Adrienne is happy and she's allowed so please leave her alone. It's not about her acting like she has the perfect marriage, when you're happy it just shows in everything you do and say. Please leave her alone.
@@olamideajayi6462 she's not happy she's desperate and fake. Anyone can smile for the camera for ten mins and act happy. She's so inauthentic and ingenuine. She craves attention and validation from the ladies and audiences. She does not care about you, us or her husbands kids or his ex wife. She's disgusting
Anyone can put on a show, plaster make up on and have good lighting, rehearsing all the right words. Good for her but I don't care about her or what you think because she is gross
@@kyliewilson2911 thank you for stating facts.
@@kyliewilson2911 your just made because she's happy in her relationship and you might not be
The best way to make a marriage👰🤵 last is to "Actually" follow the manufacturers instructions, The Bible, and Pray to Founder of Marriage, God. Simple has. If I wanted to have to best running car, I would go to manufacturers, best body, I would go to a fittness coach. Its the same thing🤷🏽♂️. Common Sence.
You know what? We throw out the word "realistic" as if it is normal, but you have tons of people who are not living in the real world. They are in the fantasy world being dramatic and thinking that people will react like the actors in a movie. Speak on this, ladies.
There are none that shine well bright as Tis of Thee! Oooweee! Golly me!
Cue the song expectations by Lauren Jauregui
Damn. I needed this. Lol. #notaconstructionworker
I wasn't the only one who heard the Cheetah Girls' harmony
“I saw your potential without seeing credentials, maybe that’s the issue”-THE ONE AND ONLY Ariana Grande
Looking beautiful ladies!
Yes 🙌 stop taking projects
Divorces arent lasting because blk woman are more independant now. Our granparents and great grand parents couldnt afford to seperate especially with 8 and 9 children.
can you guys please come up with a plan of who will talk and when?
It would not feel natural
@@josephlovely7759 couldn’t be much worse
Loll
♥️ Lonnies Look ♥️Adrienne’s Blouse ♥️♥️♥️♥️
I think marriage doesn’t last bc human beings aren’t meant to be with one person their whole lives. We grow & evolve everyday, it sounds nice to just be with one person forever but we change too much inevitably