Emotional Affairs: What to Do If Your Partner is Texting a Coworker
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- Emotional Affairs: What to Do If Your Partner is Texting a Coworker / Cheating in relationships and infidelity come up every now and then in my work as a relationship therapist. Clients often have questions about what an emotional affair really is, emotional affairs vs friendship, and what to do if your partner is having an emotional affair at work or an emotional affair with a coworker. Emotional affairs in marriage can be upsetting to navigate, but I’m here to help you understand what to do if you think your partner is having an emotional affair.
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If you want to learn more about what to do about other types of emotional affairs, leave a comment!
What about emotional affairs with exes? I'd be curious to hear more about that.
@@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794 That's a good one! Thanks for the suggestion!
@@AbbyMedcalfThriving i have questions do with affairs
1 if someone an affair without sex, is that really cheating?
2 can people have emotional affair with their ex boyfriends and girlfriends behind their husbands and wifes back?
3 what type of affair is only holding hands and kissing and hugging without having sex with them?
Thank you for your time from jess sellars
@@Jess-wk5jo Lots of great questions here, Jess! I actually cover all the answers in two podcast episodes I did about cheating. Give a listen, I think it’ll really help you find clarity and some actionable tools to use:
The Do's and Don'ts if Your Partner Cheated abbymedcalf.com/037-the-dos-and-donts-if-your-partner-cheated/
Can I Ever Trust My Partner Again if They Cheated? abbymedcalf.com/036-can-i-ever-trust-my-partner-again-if-they-cheated/
I hope this helps!
@@AbbyMedcalfThriving if someone an affair without sex, is that really cheating?
Your responsibility is to be a good partner - their responsibility is not to have an affair
By the time the spouse twigs to what is going on - the cheater doesn’t really care about their feelings... if they did- they wouldn’t put their spouse in this position... I tried sharing my feelings with my husband and discussed agreement on boundaries with her- he left 2 weeks later... They are breaking all trust in the relationship and the spouse becomes second to someone they are infatuated with... very difficult to recover from it as a couple... fantasy has a strong pull over the reality of a long term relationship with responsibilities
Yes - short term pleasure over the work and commitment of a long term relationship
Yes so true. He so called ended communication with this coworker and made me block her. Just to find out when I was out of town working he’s secretly emailing her on his work email
AMEN
I have seen enough tho and he admitted to me he talks to her and saw the texts and that’s all I needed I ignored it for year doing what you said and it didn’t work sometimes men just want other woman and best to move on
Not 100% convinced this is good advice
Unfortunately an argument about betrayal is not a typical argument or crisis - when someone betrays your trust it isn’t easy to stop the obsessing about it
Takes a lot of grace and forgiveness and time
Also - some spouses do it again so the trust gets shattered again
I disagree with you, a betrayal is the worst thing that any couple have to face, especially when it is a marriage, I can go broader with a simple word, BETRAYAL, deception, lying, covering up, undermine, manipulate, use, take advantage of, especially when a individual is at their most vulnerable state, and the list of a betrayal goes very deep.
@@ezequielriosgonzalez860
👍 Well put
Men pursuing women at work will spend months (sometimes years) building an emotional connection with that person. Therefore, as the connection has already been made, you could put in extra energy to slow the process but ultimately her interests are with him now. That's life.
I have seen txt msj on my gf phone she gives her adress co worker who is married man,he was replying saying he’s on train feeling all his body sore ,then she says ok l make sure you hooked first!When l confronted her she already deleted msj and refused ever happened.She knows him 10 years and flirts on fb.Even this was before l meet her I ended my relationship with her because she was keep bringing his name on the conversation between us all the time.l guess still this affair continues.
I agree he knew her before he met me I am not important enough he trying to make me sound crazy
@@mcd3549 that is a emotional affair, especially 10 years, unbelievable how can she be in denial.
Exactly it's very common!
@@mcd3549I think that was a good choice and wish you all the best!
My guy has been texting with a woman from his work. It started off innocent enough, and still might be. I just know how these things can potentially go. He is constantly talking about her and how great she is. They text crude jokes together.
It’s got me feeling some kind of way.
The biggest struggle is he hasn’t wanted me to “get close” to anyone of the opposite sex, even though of course it would be strictly friendship. I have basically cut out all male friends I had to keep him feeling secure. But he seems to do things he wouldn’t want me doing.
Ditto... feel your pain
My wife did this to me twice, about three years apart. I stepped back and took it, after-all if you put your foot down then suddenly you are a controlling spouse. It was awful for me. The texted nonstop and even went to dinner and movies. How much of a fucking sucker was I? 12 years later and 3 kids later, the hurt and resentment is still inside of me. I love my kids and I am glad to have them but I regret not getting out. A spouse should never build any kind of a relationship with another person at the expense of the relationship with you. Good luck
exactly what my mom and this 50 year old man are doing
Well beware my now newly ex boyfriend just admitted to talking to a coworker and yep it's an emotional fling that's happening. Oh which is why he is my ex now 😂😂😂 gtfoh
My husband was talking to his coworkers behind my back for a few months. Oct 16, I found out he was carpooling her for a month. She still works with her. I followed him to work and confronted her about it and all the calls out of work hours.
You treat people the way you want to be treated. If that isn't enough, you treat them the same way they treat you.
Emotional affairs for me is one of the worst things to do, regardless where it happens, work, lifelong friend, every single situation is different, for me that worst than actual sex, there is no absolute reason when a text or call is made after 1 am, bruh that is either a butty call, or a death in a family or friend, especially when they are sleeping.
Sad to say, my wife left the state of pa, with her sister picking her up, on a Saturday afternoon, while I was working, all I wanted to do is to say goodbye to a wife that I have spent 27 years with, her sister called the police on me, she wanted to feel safe, maybe she felt threatened, considering one of her own cousins got killed by her husband. What drove him to do that, I can tell u one thing, when a women get involved with someone emotional knowingly she is married by her and whatever u wanna call it, not cool, especially when love is involved.
How to approach someone if they are texting after midnight when they specifically said they were going to bed
When you are so hurt with betrayal how do you want to be with them?
This is not helpful. Her telling us to not feel. Get real
This is some of the most damaging advice I've heard on this topic as of yet.
My wife cares alot about her colleague at work, texting very late etc. I asked her to stop in nice manner explaining that it hurts me alot and how would she feel if I cheat on her emotionally...
This video also help me alot for good ideas, I like connect to correct.
*a lot. It's two words, not one.
excude weakness bro
This all are good advice. Same things I've been thinking. But to be honest, my wife does not understand that she is drifting away from me little be little. I've loved her and been honest. The thought that I should "win her back" makes me sick. Why? What if this happens again and again?!. Isn't love and commitment enough??
My current situation is my wife of 12 years has decided to reach out to a former coworker and make plans to hook up.. I didn't tell her I was angry, I simply said that I was disappointed and that if there was something I was doing wrong we needed to talk about it and try our best to work it out. She said that she felt lonely like I didn't care about her anymore and I said I'll do my best to fix that but she needed to stop this behavior. She agreed and we talked and things are getting much better.
Cheaters excuse you dont care about me bhahahahahh
That’s what you think . He is very likely just on the back burner for now . She can’t just suddenly turn that attraction off because you say so . Keep your ears and eyes wide open .
@deanwitt7903 Amen to that ! I'll never trust again like I use to !
I feel, betrayed.
I need you, to stay or leave.
If he / she feels or seems more important to you, than us, it’s already been decided.
They’ve been friends for years (and possibly hooked up) before I was in the picture. Now they’re great friends…who dont work together but in the same building and have similar professions
My new husband texts his x way too much about the kids. They all gave phones. I feel there may be something more than coparenting. Very thin boundaries
I have tried the I feel statements and What if he is lying about it and will not admit, but you know otherwise.
You’re right, they could be lying. It’s not about catching them in a lie. It’s about how you feel day-to-day in your relationship. Are you getting your emotional needs met? Do you feel loved? And cherished? If you’re looking to build more trust in your relationship, my podcast on trust might be helpful: abbymedcalf.com/027-the-three-keys-to-building-trust-in-your-relationship/
Sending all the love!
@@AbbyMedcalfThriving thank you for responding. And, the answer would be no. I knew something was going on because there was a switch in his behavior. I was correct and asked him about his constant texting and frequent conversations with his colleague. I told him that I did not feel comfortable with the behavior and he tried to flip it on me. I have been watching a number of your videos in an effort to get control of my emotions. But, he continues to still have conversations with this person and sometimes I feel helpless. Not sure what to do at this point.
@@jadevirtualbusinesssolutio2434 I am currently in the same situation. I have found that maintaining a loving posture while this bad behavior is going on keeps you in a state where you know that you are doing your part to build the relationship. I started requesting to speak to the AP's spouse and eventually this caused them to have to answer to their spouse as to why. People in affairs lie about everything. They are not to be trusted. Exposure is painful but best in the end.
Saying how you feel can be meaningless to them
How can you actually build trust when it’s been broken? The cheater would continue to cheat if they hadn’t been caught. Even once they’re caught, it’s highly likely that they will still cheat behind your back, especially if it’s brushed under the rug and not dealt with.
this is exactly what I needed thankyou for doing this
So glad it was helpful!
@@AbbyMedcalfThriving Ive been frustrated and sad the past few days but stumbling upon your channel is a blessing. I really said why it doesn’t have million views
My now newly ex boyfriend just literally sat me down and told me he's got something going on with a coworker that haven't had sex though. Lol if it's an emotional affair eventually it will lead to sex. Just end things and be on your way, like me I just got my ticket to freedom...good riddance 🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️
I'm not on his side, but want to point out how rare it is for someone to be straightforward like that. Usually it's just a ton of hiding, secrecy, lying, ETC. At least he had the guts to face it head-on.
Why does the woman have to do all the work?
Thank you for this video.
I need help, I don't know how and can't handling him cheating on me at work. He hides his phone, his watsup had a finger ID as a password.
He'd always on his , he texts even when we are sleeping at night. From there, his phone will be off.
He is always rude to me and very disrespectful whenever I Confront him about his relationship with this girl.
He always opt for us to breakup than fixing this problem he brought to our relationship.
What wound up happening with you two? To me it sounds like you should move on, it’s horrible how he’s treating you. If someone is hiding their phone and locking it down, I feel they know they are doing something you wouldn’t be okay with. Why else hide things. Cheaters (emotional and/or sexual) are so extremely selfish, they only care about what they want.
I am still grieving my husband affair. I have couples Counseling. I know it’s happened and I’m trying to get over it but it hurts so bad. We had our conversation and I felt positive about working out a relationship. I changed my way, but just ignore me. The biggest problem we have is communication. I feel ignored Stressed and sad. During our conversation, I realized he feels the same. I’m willing to move on and work on it, but he continuously ignores my needs.
I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain. Truly hoping the therapy (and any tips you glean from me) help. Sending a big hug your way
My confusion lies in that, if I am not telling my partner the texting is unacceptable and leaving when it happens or saying why it hurts me....he is getting the best of both worlds, a supportive fun wife and also this coworker who he can text...he gets the best of both worlds and sees there aren't consequences for how he is acting ...that his behaviours are reinforced with my positive attitude
Hmmmm - I think there might be a little misunderstanding here. You are absolutely allowed to draw boundaries also around this. It's not black and white. The point I tried to make is that the focus should be on the relationship between the two of you and not overly focused on this other person. How do you build together towards what you want? Sorry if that wasn't clear in this video. I have a LOT of other videos on communication, etc. that might help clarify. Please do some keyword searches here or on my website to get more help. Sending love in the meantime.
Saw a whole conversation with my ex and a coworker - too many love emojis and even sent a selphie to him even though he was married. She deleted it before our next meetup which made me suspicious so ended it
Ive been married 24 years 1 boy who now is 22 yrs old , my wifes phone went off (incoming txt) i read it and it started as follows “I know we can wait but i need to be inside you so we are one “ she redused to show me the rest or who iy was, And My House he hast to be a chickenshit to be hitting on married women like that but she also reciprocated with another text so what do I do????
Thank you for this video!! It was super helpful! I needed to hear this ❤️
Glad it was helpful!
i am still reeling from my bf having an emotional affair with a women from his church group. my bf and i do not live together.
she has been in a relationship since before him and i got together almost 4 years ago. about 2 years ago when attending a church function with him, i met her and her partner as they were sittingbehind us. my bf chose to seat him and i right in front of them. when being introduced, I felt this awkward vibe from her and my bf that i just couldn't shake. about a month later, i did the thing you said not to do and looked through his phone and found exchanges of messages between them sending pics blowing kisses to each other. my initial response was to shut down and he could tell i was upset. i finally told him what I saw and of course he got upset with me for looking through his phone. he said he would end it but ever since he makes sure his phone is always next to him. I've been a mess since and get triggers when he tells me he is going some where or doing something that I'm not a part of. I've never had such overwhelming stress and triggers like this before
Thank yoy for this video ❤
You're so welcome! Happy this might have helped you today. xx
So what if you text a co-worker . It depends what you are texting to the co-worker . Say for example if you start texting love messages.Then it is an emotional affair .
Emotional affair is not just about love and sex
@@KH-fv3vqshe mentioned it as an example.
My wife is friendly at work and all department Men likes her on Male way,she's telling me she got some friends (male) and she's trying to keep phone looked when I ask to look into it she's mad but she let me look at it,some simple lies I found nothing connecting male but lies,I talk to her to tell me the truth even I will be mad .not sure do I'm too jealous (that what she says)
My girlfriend has a gay friend. They tell each other how beautiful each other is and how much they love each other but she always tells me that I have absolutely nothing to worry about because he’s gay. I really don’t think this is right. What’s your opinion on this one?
I can't give "advice" here but I can only say that I have a very close "best gay" and we have a special relationship that enhances the relationship I have with my hubby, it doesn't detract. It allows me to get some things I need from someone else and not expect my hubby to be all things to me. I can better accept and love my man for who he is and not expect him to be "all things." (This is also true of my best girlfriend, by the way).
@@AbbyMedcalfThriving thank you. I’m still not sure how I really feel about it. I think the emotional connection is still crossing the line a bit. See how things go. If I’m still not comfortable about it over a bit more time I’ll move on.
@@adrenalinjunky1 Yes! At the end of the day, it's important that you take care of yourself and listen to that "inner gut" feeling.
My husband has a publishing company. He's been working on this ladies book in getting it published. He helped her launch. He also organized book launches and attended them coming home late, something he never do for other clients.
Lately same lady sent me a box of chocolates. Me and her haven't met.
Recently my husband has been invited to speak at an event. Of all the contacts in his phone, he decided to her about the event and invited her to come, she'll be there and but he never invited me. He also did not tell me she'll be there.
I'm not feeling comfortable about this whole thing. Is it right or wrong for me to feel this way? Please help.❤
See my answer on your other comment
I don't agree.
If a person is cheating a threat can be a gigantic wake-up call.
Thank you 🙏🏼
You're so welcome!! xx
They are cheating and you make it seem like it's our fault.
Just honor your threats.
This is so wrong on all levels. Not even listening to this crap
I agree. This is bullshit!
Sounds to me like you're in the cheaters corner, cheating is cheating regardless, it's never a mistake and always a choice, the cheaters are one hundred percent to blame. Emotional cheating is every bit as bad as physical cheating, they have to go.
The idea of "being the change you want to see" is the MOST ridiculous notion. Be more loving if you want her to be more loving?! Are you kidding?! She cheated. How could anyone" be more loving" to someone who betrayed you? Pure fantasy.
This is stupid. No
My experience in life is that the majority of so-called ‘cheating’ is because a person’s Needs are not being met. The person that does the cheating always gets blamed, but I think it’s more complicated. For example, the person doing the cheating may have already discussed with their partner why they are unhappy, yet nothing ever happens. In fact, the conversations often occur many times. So, they end up between a rock and a hard place. That is, cheat or get divorced. Two rotten choices, with cheating being the lesser of the two evils. Bottom line is that cheating usually doesn’t occur within a thriving relationship, where each person’s Needs are being met.
What a load of horseshit. If anyone of the partners feels like any need is not being met, discuss it with him/her. If he/she does not care about your concerns, LEAVE the relationship. DO NOT cheat.
Cheating is a choice, not a solution to any need not being met.
This is not the best advice I ever heard. It depends on the situation. I have a 60plus years of experience with a Narc.
I discovered recently that my boyfriend has been texting his new (1.5 months) friend min 3times a day. He said it is only friendship and she needs someone to listen to her because she is getting divorce now. He said that it is only spiritual connection because she is a vicar and he loves religions. I knew that he met her hut dodnt know that they is such often contact. Can you tell about similar situations please?
Wanna see if u have the right women , have her work at a factory and see how long she last.
👎
What terrible advice 🙄