Opening the relationship and making it poly for my bf (I am mono, my feelings just don"t work that way) is only making everything a lot worse for me. Because those feelings of unworthiness, now that he is dating someone aside from me? They're hitting me like a bullet. I get angry, jealous, and overall I'm feeling utterly miserable. And he and the other girl are wonderful people and they don't deserve to be dragged down by me. I clearly have a lot of therapy to do before I can be on a relationship with anyone (and still I doubt any ammount of therapy will ever make me feel less of a piece of shit). So I have made up my mind. The kindest thing I can do both for them and for myself is to break up with him and let him go, even if it kills me. Better me than them.
I’m in one and hate it. Has nothing with being insecure it’s just some people are wired differently. Doesn’t make one person better than another. But there are definitely times that the open relationship cost a price. There’s times where I can tell he’s clearly not into intimacy and he’ll go out and find someone else for the night. Telling someone that is ok and it’s just insecurity is kinda wrong in my opinion. Think it’s just people who can’t control themselves justifying their inability of control. I find other guys attractive too but I don’t have this issue of staying monogamous.
Hit the nail on the head. I had a lot of nerves going into it. But once we'd both had our own relationships and still found a place for each other, it helped me a lot. I learned that all relationships end, and to appreciate the ones who choose to stay even when they are free not to. I've also learned a lot about living in faith, not necessarily in a religious context, but getting comfortable with not really "knowing" how it's going to go. That the script is a facade. It's a lot to work through, but it was worth it in my case. And most exciting is all the lives you get to learn about in a more intimate detail. My partners have made me a better person.
@@thisisbgm I am jealous of my girlfriend new female friend she told me she loves me just me only me and she hang with her new friend how stop been jealous and what I tell her ??.
Jealous is a normal emotional response, communication and processing are the difference between it being a negative things for your relationship vs a growing point for your relationship. Analyze it from your own side with a lot of self awareness based questions. What is specifically bothering me? Is it that person or the setting? What would help me feel better about that?. Are my expectations with this realistic? Is my partner understanding, listening and helping me with through this? Literally, question it to the point you narrow down exactly what your fear is and how to process it, then work past it together.
All the arguments about monogamous relationships were also true for open relationships. Not everyone feels insecure or jealous in a monogamous relationship; probably the ones who do are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be. The real problem is the two people aren’t compatible. Plenty of people feel jealous and insecure in open relationships. I know very well, first hand.
Thank you so much for making this video. My partner has recently brought it to my attention that they might want an open relationship one day. At first I felt I was doing something wrong. I felt they just weren’t satisfied with me but now I’m understanding that it’s not that. They want to be with me and love me and I feel a lot more settled after watching this video. So thank you!
What if I am less comfortable finding relationships outside of our core relationship than my partner. I dont want things to feel one sided if we decide to open our relationship. Any advice on dealing with those negative emotions?
Something to remember: Don't call monogamous people "jealous". What they're experiencing isn't jealousy, because jealousy implies selfishness. A selfish person doesn't say "I bind you to me and I to you". A selfish person demands polyamory, saying "I will indulge with as many people as I want, and you must let me". What a monogamous person experiences isn't jealousy; it's simply pain, incurred by unrequited love. "I am loyal to this person. I love them, why don't they love me back?" Never forget: what a polyamorous person calls "jealousy" is simply the pain they inflict on those who've fallen in love with them.
My monogamous relationship works well for me. I can't speak for my partner, as he is a grown man. To others who embrace open relationships, I'm very happy the arrangements are working for you. I, on the other hand, could never engage in one.
People in open arent less jealous they set different boundaries and if they worry they will worry about that, alot complain that the other had en “emotional bond “ lolwhen it was suppose to only be sexual lol
You have to take what therapist say with a grain of salt in 1980 when aids first started in NYC my therapist told me to go to the bath houses I did not take his advice If I had I probably would have died a slow agonizing death with no medication
I think understanding you can't control the other person and it's possible they will do things you might not like. Communication is everything me. I'm not in a open relationship but we are open to most stuff and communicate our boundaries. We had a threesome mmf my wife wanted only to give oral to the other guy but it was such a fun and hot experience. But you do have to accept there is someone out there better with more money etc. but take care of you be your best self iif that isn't enough for you partner well it's best to move on. Live communicate and have fun. 😊
you can call it whatever you want, but having a threesome with your wife means you're not monogamous! welcome to the club 💙 Hope the videos on this channel can you help you navigate your feelings and any issues that come up. Always happy to help if I can.
Monogamy isn’t for the purposes of protecting each other from jealousy and insecurity. It serves as the foundation to a fulfilling, loving, mature and trustworthy relationship. Open relationships only serve to mask the fact that there is something lacking in the first place. Every single couple I know that have been in so called “open and transparent” relationships at some time or another have lied to their partner and broken their number 1 rule about honesty. Open relationships are complete BS in my opinion but good for you if you believe it’s the answer to unresolved issues.
I agree with you but so much of the gay world is so dependent on hookups they use open relationships as an excuse for just wanting to follow around and or being attracted to other people.
Connecting because you enjoyed a date with someone other than me? Lmfao. Yea, no. 😂 Unrelated sidebar No, this isn't scratching the surface.This is click bait. The only tool that was actually offered is that relationships are hard. Main point here is "Hey come spend money For generic advice" because i'm a Clickbait youtuber. 👍
Opening the relationship and making it poly for my bf (I am mono, my feelings just don"t work that way) is only making everything a lot worse for me. Because those feelings of unworthiness, now that he is dating someone aside from me? They're hitting me like a bullet. I get angry, jealous, and overall I'm feeling utterly miserable. And he and the other girl are wonderful people and they don't deserve to be dragged down by me. I clearly have a lot of therapy to do before I can be on a relationship with anyone (and still I doubt any ammount of therapy will ever make me feel less of a piece of shit). So I have made up my mind. The kindest thing I can do both for them and for myself is to break up with him and let him go, even if it kills me. Better me than them.
I’m in one and hate it. Has nothing with being insecure it’s just some people are wired differently. Doesn’t make one person better than another. But there are definitely times that the open relationship cost a price. There’s times where I can tell he’s clearly not into intimacy and he’ll go out and find someone else for the night. Telling someone that is ok and it’s just insecurity is kinda wrong in my opinion. Think it’s just people who can’t control themselves justifying their inability of control. I find other guys attractive too but I don’t have this issue of staying monogamous.
Hit the nail on the head. I had a lot of nerves going into it. But once we'd both had our own relationships and still found a place for each other, it helped me a lot. I learned that all relationships end, and to appreciate the ones who choose to stay even when they are free not to. I've also learned a lot about living in faith, not necessarily in a religious context, but getting comfortable with not really "knowing" how it's going to go. That the script is a facade. It's a lot to work through, but it was worth it in my case. And most exciting is all the lives you get to learn about in a more intimate detail. My partners have made me a better person.
Yup! That sounds so much like my experience. Thanks for sharing all of that here, Nathan.
Stop using my grannies words phony
@@thisisbgm I am jealous of my girlfriend new female friend she told me she loves me just me only me and she hang with her new friend how stop been jealous and what I tell her ??.
Jealous is a normal emotional response, communication and processing are the difference between it being a negative things for your relationship vs a growing point for your relationship.
Analyze it from your own side with a lot of self awareness based questions. What is specifically bothering me? Is it that person or the setting? What would help me feel better about that?. Are my expectations with this realistic? Is my partner understanding, listening and helping me with through this?
Literally, question it to the point you narrow down exactly what your fear is and how to process it, then work past it together.
All the arguments about monogamous relationships were also true for open relationships. Not everyone feels insecure or jealous in a monogamous relationship; probably the ones who do are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be. The real problem is the two people aren’t compatible. Plenty of people feel jealous and insecure in open relationships. I know very well, first hand.
2:00 You're speaking my language. I want to learn to let go of these insecurities/fears. I have both fears but mainly fear of abandonment.
Thank you so much for making this video. My partner has recently brought it to my attention that they might want an open relationship one day. At first I felt I was doing something wrong. I felt they just weren’t satisfied with me but now I’m understanding that it’s not that. They want to be with me and love me and I feel a lot more settled after watching this video. So thank you!
you're welcome! I'm glad this video was helpful for you. And if you ever want some extra support, reach out!
@@thisisbgm of course!
What if I am less comfortable finding relationships outside of our core relationship than my partner. I dont want things to feel one sided if we decide to open our relationship. Any advice on dealing with those negative emotions?
Hit the nail...cried a bit.. thanks!
Something to remember:
Don't call monogamous people "jealous". What they're experiencing isn't jealousy, because jealousy implies selfishness.
A selfish person doesn't say "I bind you to me and I to you". A selfish person demands polyamory, saying "I will indulge with as many people as I want, and you must let me".
What a monogamous person experiences isn't jealousy; it's simply pain, incurred by unrequited love. "I am loyal to this person. I love them, why don't they love me back?"
Never forget: what a polyamorous person calls "jealousy" is simply the pain they inflict on those who've fallen in love with them.
*watching a video on having a relationship with 2 people.. when I cant even find ONE person*
My monogamous relationship works well for me. I can't speak for my partner, as he is a grown man. To others who embrace open relationships, I'm very happy the arrangements are working for you. I, on the other hand, could never engage in one.
My husband just came to me expressing a desire to explore an open polyamorous situation. This has helped... now to dig deeper into your content.
People in open arent less jealous they set different boundaries and if they worry they will worry about that, alot complain that the other had en “emotional bond “ lolwhen it was suppose to only be sexual lol
You have to take what therapist say with a grain of salt in 1980 when aids first started in NYC my therapist told me to go to the bath houses I did not take his advice If I had I probably would have died a slow agonizing death with no medication
Thank you so much!
you're welcome!
The superficiality of our society is just disgusting. It’s called selfishness- not LOVE.
Polygamy is sick.
Amazing stuff
thanks, glad you liked it!
I think understanding you can't control the other person and it's possible they will do things you might not like. Communication is everything me. I'm not in a open relationship but we are open to most stuff and communicate our boundaries. We had a threesome mmf my wife wanted only to give oral to the other guy but it was such a fun and hot experience. But you do have to accept there is someone out there better with more money etc. but take care of you be your best self iif that isn't enough for you partner well it's best to move on. Live communicate and have fun. 😊
you can call it whatever you want, but having a threesome with your wife means you're not monogamous! welcome to the club 💙
Hope the videos on this channel can you help you navigate your feelings and any issues that come up. Always happy to help if I can.
Monogamy isn’t for the purposes of protecting each other from jealousy and insecurity. It serves as the foundation to a fulfilling, loving, mature and trustworthy relationship. Open relationships only serve to mask the fact that there is something lacking in the first place. Every single couple I know that have been in so called “open and transparent” relationships at some time or another have lied to their partner and broken their number 1 rule about honesty. Open relationships are complete BS in my opinion but good for you if you believe it’s the answer to unresolved issues.
100%
I agree with you but so much of the gay world is so dependent on hookups they use open relationships as an excuse for just wanting to follow around and or being attracted to other people.
Open realtionships don't last
If you want multiple partners, stay single
You’re a force of nature Brian! ❤
chears Brian ill take alot of what you said on board
My girlfriend walk other got man say to me too jealous
She’s a liar
Connecting because you enjoyed a date with someone other than me? Lmfao. Yea, no. 😂
Unrelated sidebar
No, this isn't scratching the surface.This is click bait. The only tool that was actually offered is that relationships are hard.
Main point here is "Hey come spend money For generic advice" because i'm a Clickbait youtuber. 👍
You misled me with the headline. NEXT!
Can't stand effeminacy
I have been reading and watching things on jealousy for the past 2 months... and your 6 minute video was more helpful then all of it.
more now please!