"Playing House" Is NOT A Path To Success
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- Опубликовано: 13 апр 2019
- Ally is planning to move in with her boyfriend this summer and asks Dave if she should rent out or sell her house.
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Keep dating but just live separately.
Why
Every time i bring this up to a partner they think I’m crazy
Agreed.
@K W 50% divorce rate. The other 50% about 1/3 are unhappy, 1/3 are meh, and 1/3 are happy. 17% chance of being happy, while married.
Yes
If anything happens to that relationship then she's gone and he keeps his house but she has nothing. Do not move in ********
This is why chicks want marriage...So they can take a dudes stuff when it fails.
@@_tim___4234 A lot of dudes don't have 2 nickels to rub together, women marry them anyway even when they have nothing. A lot of dudes out there looking for rich women to marry also...goes both ways Dude!
@@_tim___4234 thats why smart man dont get maried .
_Tim_ __ This is about her not losing HER stuff, not taking his...
@@AnnissaMW let her lose her stuf f , just for balance sakes 😂😂😂
No more free samples, buy the cookie jar 🙂
$60K as a custodian AT 22? Even engineers starting salary is not always that much. Time to live in Ohio.
She's gotta be lying through her teeth!
Yea but that wage will never change. Custodian=custodian whether 22yr old or 45 yr old
@@MoD3RnHD still good money
@@MoD3RnHD $60k a year is more than most folks her age (and older) are earning, per year. Unless she owns the business (or is related to the owner), I doubt she's earning that much as a custodian.
Yep, and how does she have a fully paid off house already? She is in a crazy good position for 22.
good point tho, he wont marry her but wants her to sell house? that's not a fair playing field.
True but she didnt say it was his idea it may be hers she may just be moving fast and that's why he hasn't asked to marry her and she took the initiative so he just agreed 🤷♀️
@@marcarrera4904 people get blinded with relationships
Women want marriage so they can take half of a mans stuff when it ends. It is so obvious that there is ZERO benefit for a man to marrying.
@@JOSELIKESFISHING yes!
@@_tim___4234 lol not in this case.
Papa Dave! No moving in without marriage.
@M J Don’t forget who you’re talking about. God is not someone to play with
@@slyne307 What if someone doesn't believe in your line of religion to the same degree ? I think it is acceptable to move in with someone without being married depending on the situation.
@@BronsonWally listen I was simply warning that person. People will do what they want regardless at the end of the day but those who are wise will listen.
@@slyne307 Which one of the thousands of gods are you referring to?
@@Machiavelli876 The True God of the Holy Bible. All other gods are frauds. It’s all the devil’s schemes
Don't get it confused. Dave is not saying that getting married will solve all your money problems by it self. He's saying that when sharing finances with someone you love, getting married is the first step toward success.
No it’s not the dude always gets divorced and loses everything getting married by law is the worst thing the modern man can do today. Your livelihood of you going broke is on the line every day when you are married
@@braylenrochell women be shoppin right!?
@@braylenrochell not if you marry the right way find a person who respects you and has the same goals and you respect them. If you truly get to know one another as friends and have the same mentality for marriage it's a wonderful thing. Kids are never good to bring into the marriage to quickly either they will put a strain on it especially if the foundation wasnt there to begin with this is were marriages fail that's why so many single parents. Men and women tend to argue about kids and money.
@@marcarrera4904 Your comment is closest to the spirit of what I hear Dave saying. Those who do things in the wrong order generally haven't thought things through, and lack discipline and self-esteem. It's not the act of getting married that makes financial success more likely, it's having self-respect, making conscious decisions and being committed to the right person that makes the difference.
@@braylenrochellAlways is a strong, and inaccurate, word.
Get a ring first!
A ring doesn't mean anything until you make it to the altar and seal the deal. Not all engagements end in marriage.
Mini Tebow Marko Finance Guy!
He just want help on the mortgage she better keep her house 🙄
It sounds like someone did you dirty to assume such low things about a man you don’t know.
First comment that makes sense. Funny how you can say a truth and all these comments men say about women taking everything is overlooked.
The stats about marriage reflect disipline not marriage. People who have kids after marriage are the type of people to do well with money etc.
In other words
Having kids after marriage won't save you, but the discipline to wait will
I don’t really get why people would call Dave a loyal Christian debtphobic for his opinion on things like this (living together before marriage, if leasing a car is a good idea, etc.) you know exactly what he’ll say
Agree but I dont think she was looking for advice on the moving in part she was looking for advice on to sale or rent she got more then she bargained for lol.
Mar Carrera Dave’s opinions on the relationship/marriage itself are always unsolicited 💀💀
@@52andattitude48 correct but on point!
Exactly what youd expect from any papa even if it wasnt papa dave
People always call about how they live with their significant other and not being married or engaged and very rarely does he say anything about it. It was a financial question not a bible one.
@@amiskinis1515 because they are already in that step in their life he cant tell them to break up but I have heard him say and why are you not married yet and alot say we are planning on it...but if he can help before they make that mistake he will.
It's not a bible "thing" it's a common sense thing if you want to join your life with someone why not do it through marriage. Then there are no questions of who's money is who's who's house is who's. Life becomes one.
Wow David did not hold back. I like it!
Most teachers don’t even make $60,000 a year! WTH?!?!
Nic E well there’s fewer custodians responsible for the whole school
Nic E Searching shows the average salary in the US in 2019 was 61,000 annually.
No marriage. No living together. Been there done that twice! I am not shacking up. People do not sell your talents short. People need to get married. Someone has to end up moving out and they lose everything and have to start over.
When people are shacking up someone is taking advantage of the other. IMO.
There's zero protection in shacking up....can we say ROOMMATE WITH BENEFITS? That is what it is.
There is ZERO benefits for a man to get married.
@@_tim___4234 Unless she is well connected and has money
There's no BENEFITS for a woman to marry either.
@@hackedaccount3424 Yes, there are. If getting divorced, the woman wins in the majority of cases. By winning, I mean financially.
@@Michael-ke8on why would a man marry a "broke" gal? Best suggestion-marry someone whom is already "established" like yourself, if they are a dependent or needing upkeeping, then it should be a "no brainer". Keep looking. :)
You bought a house but u gonna move into someone else’s house 🤦🏽♂️people these days u got ur own house girl live there
$60K a year as a custodian, she must be in the union!!!
I know that is what I thought too. That's pretty good.....
Plot twist: she actually said 16
She must work in a good paying district. 60k as a custodian? Our teachers don't make that around here.
That's what I was thinking. Good for her.
Dave is as always giving common sense to the senseless..
Its stupid not to live together before marriage
Thats why americans have the highest divorse rate in the world
This is all true at least in my situation. I did it backwards 3 times! You’d think I’d have learned 😂 Don’t worry Dave, it’s not old fashioned. It’s legit. My 3rd husband and I managed to stay together and I can tell you it’s because we brought God into our marriage and He became the center. We still struggle with money aka student loans but we are on the right path.
Well I’m sure marriage wasn’t easy mentally for the first two husbands judging by your videos you suffer from depression, fibromyalgia, and mensural migraines. Even though marriage is for better or for worse.
Won’t be long before RUclips requires Dave to put a trigger warning on videos like this
Tell it, Dave! If the relationship doesn't work out, one of you will be out in the streets high and dry! It will take an average of 5 years to financially recover. But wait, a custodian who makes $60k a year??
I doubt a 21 y/o is making 60k a year in Ohio as a janitor. She is either counting both her and her boyfriend or she is straight up lying.
@@Davidchhoun agreed. ✌
She might work alot of hours, or more than one job guys :)
@@Davidchhoun custodians are people who care for assets. Could be infrastructural or financially. She's probably a financial custodian like a baby accountant. And you would be surprised; even if she were a janitor, those jobs tend to pay fairly well because no one wants them.
Wow, this is the nicest I've ever heard Dave talk to a caller 😀👍
very interesting talk!
I agree. Made that mistake twice.
I know people who live together and end of up fools in the end , they ended up with nothing..
I know people who have got married and got divorced and got completely cleaned out by what turned out to be a bad partner. They too ended up with even less.
My girlfriend lives with me and contributes more than my ex wife did.. and my ex wife got me for pretty close to $50,000 at 26 years old.
Did everything in the right order. Met a girl, finished post secondary, married at 25, then bought home and had kid at 27. No debt, no stress. Didn't stop me from being completely destroyed in the divorce 3 years later. Now I'm 40 and still trying to get back to where I was in my 20s.
That's very sad. Hope your doing better
You haven't provided the full story. If you want empathy or you're trying to teach us something, you're going to have to elaborate.
A relationship that's not just based on lust and vanity will lead to marriage sooner or later. Typically within 1 - 2 years of dating. If a person that claims to "love" you seems to be avoiding marriage and doesn't seem interested in the idea, that's usually a sign of lust or vanity being the base of the relationship which will lead to failure. Why would a person not marry someone they claim to truly "love", yet do everything a married person would do with them in terms of shacking and fornication?
If you're going to do all of that, you might as well get married because you're already doing everything you would do if you were married except it'd be legal and beneficial. And why would you want to do such things with someone you can't even get to marry you? Do you not value yourself more than that? Think about it... Why would you even want to give yourself up sexually and shack up with someone you don't know loves you enough to marry you?
Was in the exact same situation 10 years ago, we lived together, we are now married and are well off. This is a reliously inspired answer not a financial fact and a twist of statistics.
Grandpa Dave , I love the way you handled this call.👴
Keep your house and rent it out. You'll want that backup residence. Same business mindset for the cohabitation, written agreement.
Everyone's so righteous in the comments. The divorce rate in the U.S is near 50%--how many calls has Dave got that the husband wants a divorce or infedelity and there's children involved or she's been a stay at home wife, etc. "Marry the right person", everyone thinks its the right person till their not. I never put anything past anybody. You never know what anyone is capable of. Anyone.
Shoutout to uncle Dave for the excellent advise
statics also say those who get married have a high rate of divorce.. marriage and the subsequent divorce is the greatest threat to your wealth..
if I only heard advice like this when I was younger it would've saved me alot of emotional, spiritual and financial hardship. When I look back, (I lived with my boyfriend in my 20's & 30's and I was always broke and in debt, and money burned a whole in my then boyfriends pocket) he loved to spend, if only I waited and saved my money, stayed out of debt I too could have been a millionaire by now. I'm not in debt and own my own home but won't see being a millionaire now.
I left on a one month trip with my best friend and we learned A LOT about each other. Our friendship was tested because we have different lifestyles. There was a lot of compromising there on and so forth and made our friendship stronger. That being said there’s no need to live together before marriage combine finances. Like Dave says one is just basically roommates. Travel with the person see how well you guys can work together and depend on each other.
0:31 the point where Dave is deciding to preach bible or give financial advice. He gave her good advice! If they get married she can sell her house, put the profits into paying his house after he puts her name on the deed with his.
Yes! Thank you
so much grace in his answer! great Dave!
Great advice
60k as a school custodian?!?!?! Wait a freakin’ minute?!?!??
Smell BS thats more than the teachers lol
If she started at 18 pretty sure that accurate. Union people get full pay after 5 6 years on the job
@@al.e123iis7 in Cleveland, OH? Let's fact check.
Wow... Really? What worth has a marriage today beside a symbolic guesture? If you can't function together what change will a ring and some words make? Sure, don't play house with someone you aren't serious about staying with... But marriage won't garantee you will 🤔
I am aware his viewpoint is rooted in religion, so I guess that's probably the answer: something about god...
It helps a woman steal a mans assets in court when it comes divorce time. For men obviously it has ZERO up-sides.
A marriage is more than a symbolic gesture it legally binds two people.
@@AnnissaMW In any ways that you cannot make legal agreement's on without being married? And in a way that excludes the need for other legal agreements?
You are giving your man a very easy out the minute he is feeling bored if you don't require him to marry you. A lot of men aren't actually that serious about the relationship and they don't marry a girl for years to keep their options open.
This one is such a common thing I think in the states.
Your right it is. I bought a house at 20 when I was dating and then she moved in little after we had 1 kid got engaged had twins and then had to postpone the wedding bc we are paying cash for it and dont want a big one 😅
GuthanNight Tech News and Reviews very nice.
Wow, @1:40, so many women needed to hear that. Thank you beyond words, Papa Dave
This is one of the most informative and inspiring videos I've ever seen on this channel. He paints such a clear picture here. This is gold. Everyone should watch this at least once.
So true
He’s right!
Daaam Dave's layin down the TRUTH
papa dave.....yeah im definitely using that from now on
It’s a tricky one. Don’t know why they wanna move in together, they can keep their relationship and see how it goes ...
Been common law for 11 years and have 2 kids. I'm a French Canadian atheist and marriage doesn't bear the same meaning for us than it does for you Dave.
You could have asked her a bit more about her cultural views before pushing your own.
You didn't even care asking how long they've been together.
In my view, I'd believe more in a relationship with a lengthy history than a couple that get married after 6months.
I have seen people getting married 6 and 7 times; it doesn't mean much. I trust someone by their actions, and not by their ability to say "yes I do" one time.
Also: I'd appreciate you to show your sources for all your statistics.
Thank you, I hope the caller sees this.
I totally agree with you Dave 👍
Great advice to take with me forever
At a glance I thought the title of this clip said "Paying your house is NOT the path to success"....immediately thought Wat!.. Papa Dave has lost his mind! Lol.
Been living with my sons mom for the past 12 years and we aren't married nor plan to be. It works but the numbers are very low.
Personally, I don't mind moving in with someone that you fully intend on marrying one day. My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together next year. We've been together for 6 years and definitely want to get married someday. I'm 23 and he's 26. We have great heads on our shoulders, don't hold back, and love each other unconditionally. We just want to hold off on marriage so we can enjoy being young first with no real responsibilities. I don't see us arguing much at all when we move in together other than silly things (one of them not being money). As long as you know you'll get married someday, why not live together?
Marianna Rounbehler did you listen to the stats at the end of the video?
@@anthonyc362 No, but it's just my personal opinion. My parents have been engaged since I was born and never got married.
Not to mention imagine if you marry someone and you can't stand living with each other? What then? You'll end up getting divorced a lot faster
Marianna Rounbehler your parents are the exception and not the rule. They are very rare statistically. I haven't been married so I'm not judging you or them, but I do know that I am a statistics outline and would not recommend my path in life to younger people as there is a very slim to almost no chance of financial success when one doesn't do life in the proper order.
Don't take our words for it, research marriage vs living together studies. Take several of them, read them, read some that have no religious ties and was done on non religious people, then make your own decision.
No custodian makes $60,000. That’s utter B S . She lied
Playing house....all this time I've been playing dead
She making more than the teachers lol
Dave is boarderline my pastor
I had a friend who bought a house with a co-worker who he barely knew for a year. Guess how long that lasted before they were sick of each other.
So it came about because my friend and his fiance wanted to buy a house but they couldn't get a loan together because the fiance had bad credit and his credit wasn't good enough on it's own to get a mortgage. So my friend came up with this great idea to be able to afford the house by getting a 4 bedroom house and having three room mates and for the co-worker to be one of the roommates/owners. No freaking clue why someone would agree to be part owner of a house when they aren't in a relationship with the other owner. But anyway, after about a year the co-worker found out how toxic and rude my former friend was and he moved out, as well as the fiance after they broke up, and the other room mate.
I don't know the details, but I can only assume that after they paid the mortgage for a year that he was able to refinance on his own or he got his new boyfriend to agree to refinance with him. They got two new roommates and everything is going fine I guess. I cut my friend out after all that went down even though he did nothing wrong to me because I just didn't like how he was treating other people.
Love it Dave!
So true please dont just shack up! If a man truly loves you and respects you he will marry you dont sell yourself short.
Then sale your house and that money will become for both of you not just yours or just his. It's a beautiful thing. ❤❤❤
I came from a broken marriage home and I have seen how it affects a grown mother and her kids. It's so sad when maturity and love is not there before people shack up it doesn't just affect the couple if kids are brought into the picture kids suffer as well.
Marriage is not the answer for everyone! Do NOT get married if you are not ready to. It will cost you more to get divorced later
Keep doing your thing and wait on that ring. I would wanna know what the hold is asap if it were me.
KEEP YOUR HOUSE.
I agree, don't give up your property in case you break up then you have no home. Don't rent since it's not an investment property renters will most likely destroy it and it's a big headache if you need to quickly move back in in case of breakup. You will help his equity not yours.
Question. The white mug with the red writing. What does it say?
Custodians at certain places like Kaiser hospital and VA make 25-30 an hour
I call bs on this. 22, owns a home on a custodian salary and has no debt? 🤔
Casual dating is plague on society
I know people married with kids that are struggling financially & couples living together that aren’t married that manage their money quite well. I don’t necessarily think getting married is the key to financial success. I think it’s discipline being with someone who sees eye to eye with you as far as finances are concerned.
Absolutely.
Absolutely excellent advice!
Just curious what do you consider success? Money value? Or being debt free and being happy able to pay bills on time?
Success is doing what YOU want to do, when you want to do it. Debt free is number one. Get rid of that and you're well on your way. Start a home-based business so that you're living and working on your schedule.
HOOA Golf what if you’re happy debt free living on the road working as a waitress? Yes I don’t make 300k a yr but everything I have is paid for and I’m not stressed out, my quality of life is better than anybody I see working 9-5 just to get money in their retirement
If you are over 14 years old and have a “boyfriend” it’s embarrassing
It is, indeed, the one thing I “think” I see, as an always single woman, that with married people, they can be blind, crippled, dumb as a post, hideous, and crazy - but they more often wind up financially solved anyway. It’s almost as if they can fall but so far, merely because they’re married. As a single person, you feel that, even when you’re doing well, you’re far more likely to end up at the bottom.
Poverty in those studies is income below 19000 a year
She definitely shouldn’t sell the house but I’m a bit confused how renting it out and living together wouldn’t be financially better? Then a renter pays off her house and the two of them split payment on his house since essentially she’s like a roommate. Or if she was living there rent free then she has no rent and a renter pays off her house? Am I missing something? I see the moral standpoint of not shacking up but I’m just not sure about the financial since I assume if she paid half the rent at his place, it would be less than her current mortgage. I live in California and this is done all the time. Is this not a thing in other states? Even if they break up, she could just get the renter out if they are month to month and stay somewhere else for a month. If she and her bf make a housing contract then she could even make it for 30 days and then he can’t make her leave for 30 days and the the renter also get 30 days so it’d just be 30 days at max of being uncomfortable around your ex.
Call me crazy but I don't see how waiting to move in until getting married is any better. How do you know you can live with that person before you get married? Keep your finances separate if you want, but only put one person's name on the place you're living in.
Exactly it’s crazy how people shack up with no timeline or plan of getting married !!
Its true
Key is never have kids till marriage
Dont get married till after age 25
Get your career on first
What counts as a career and financial stability?
BigSCTVfan At least have 100k In your bank and get your degree anything else comes after that
Rise and grind Yeah, I’ll likely never have $100 K in the bank at any given time.
BigSCTVfan what counts as financial stability is being debt free with 3-6 months of expenses saved along with a game plan for living under your means (spending less than you make). What counts as a career is doing something that’s not just a job to pay the bills but something that pays the bills, invests in retirement/future AND supports what you’re passionate about.
Zach Lafferty That sounds like a better definition of financial stability. Thanks.
I am just here for the rants... this is like watching american choppers.
It’s this trying tho ha out mentality. Marriage is figuring out how to live together for better or worse. My fiancé’s parents tried to tell us that when they didn’t want
Him to marry me. But I told him I don’t shack up with dudes I’m not married too. He hanged his mind quickly after that.
I disagree with these layman terms marriage is just a piece of paper, plus marriage simply makes it more financially destructive and adds complication, his own words divorce makes a marriage a business transaction! So avoid it all together.
How is she making $60 as a custodian??? Im making $20K as a dishwasher.
daniel kofman unionized public sector worker
Girl, let me answer this for you since he didn't. If your house is in a pretty good area, and you think the value of your house will go up or at least stay stable, I would not sell, I would rent. That way you can keep the value of your house and earn rental income while staying with your bf. You can always vet your renters too, background checks, references, etc. And if something goes sideways with your bf, you would have a house to go back to. By the way, congrats on owning a home at 22! That's really great.
Dont get married!
Also, the "97%" point is really misleading. It's not as if one graduates, gets married, then has a kid and therefore avoids poverty, but more likely just correlates with people who were supported and came from solid households. and correlation = / = causality.
Do him a favor Ally and don't marry him. He'll be way better off for it later on in life.
I am a PICU nurse and do not even make $60k a year... 🥴
I don't think anything wrong with shacking up before tying the knot. It's better to know before if you couldn't live together before it's too late. I mean you could ended up killing each other, it happens literally. You could then kill each other too even after many years in a marriage. So why are so many arranged marriages lasted forever sight unseen from days of old? I think many were miserable couples but stick it out for the children, family good name, family fortune, whatever.
Yes. You kill each other with STDs! No, just no!
60k as a custodian? That’s awesome! I’m also one and love my job, but I’m nowhere near that
I doubt a 21 y/o is making 60k a year in Ohio as a janitor. She is either counting both her and her boyfriend or she is straight up lying.
Dave you didn't even ask what she could get in rent... rental income can be great!
He is ok with having a rental if you own it outright.
Rent it out and the house pays itself off
I think a lot of these quotes are from cultures and pockets of people who live this and were already poor to begin with. Let's analyze some confounding variables like parent's income and high school education
How do I call this guy.
The average salary for a custodian in Cleveland, OH is $12.17 an hour with the highest rate at $16.65. Is she working two jobs or something to make $60k a year? @2:42
I'd bet she's counting both her and the boyfriends income as well ...they're probably both custodians.
@@hines862009 oh, geez...lol! 😂
I was a custodian years ago and made about $8.00 per hour. The head custodian who managed a bunch of people made about 35-40k per year. How is she making 60k at 22 years old?
@@joeb1522 Yeah, she's either counting both hers and her boyfriends incomes or just lying to feel better. Most teachers only make 55-60k at the top of the scale and most are more like 45-50k.
@@KatieBellino if janitors are a university are making $60k, can you imagine what faculty and staff make?
Shacking up, or getting involved with a single mother are NOT strategies for success... married my wife in 91, our son was born in 93, and we've bought two homes and never, ever looked back, or depended on the Government to feed us.
Grover Watson What kind of job did you have to where you could afford two homes?
😂😂😂😂they’re not on food stamps cause they don’t qualify DAVE LOL
Thank God she called Dave because noooo we cannot be moving in with men we aren't married to. Let him buy the rock first and recite them vowels before we start playing Barbie Dreamhouse. 🙅🏡
She would like the guy to move in so that he can do the maintenance around the house. She'll save a lot of cash by not hiring a gardner, plumber, security etc. This is something I have witnessed in a few of my friends and even a close relative. I love your videos, Dave!
I don’t personally agree that you have to get married for a successful financial relationship. Or a successful relationship in general.
If I were her, I wouldn’t sell my home if I moved in with him. Just rent it out.
While I agree with Dave, I think this is a lost cause. My sister has decided to live this lifestyle and it has deeply damaged her relationship with my parents. I'm not sure if it's worth arguing about at this point.
So stop telling people the truth? Some maybe, after at least a few times
That’s on the parents, not your sister. The is absolutely no reason not to live together before marriage.
In fact, it’s better to. That way you get to know each other better and make sure it’s a good fit before signing legal documents