Why Men Ignore The Women They Care About | New Research
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- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2024
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I love love your shirt
He's a player!!!!
1. 🖤 He needs to feel emotionally safe
2. 🖤 He feels overwhelmed
3. 🖤 Unresolved trauma, are wearing a mask of confidence, and don’t actually value themselves
4. 🖤 Chaos going on in his life
5. 🖤 Only capable of companionship and sex, and not capable of commitment
No.6. Good luck to him if he only want companionship he should not expect someone to care for him when he is incapacitated when is unable to commit..
This is why I'm single. I don't resent men or hate them or anything but I can't do all the work dancing around hoping to understand why he doesn't understand so I can learn to help him learn that he needs to learn to learn how to learn to learn to learn..... It's too much. I'm chillin' watching columbo picking the show I like once in a while. Not dealing with a dude who acts like he's doing ME a favor by allowing me to cook and clean for him. Like. .. You for real dude? Lol. Byyyyyyeeeeee. There's always more D around the corner if I really need it.
@@youtubingbabs I do feel you on those key points!!!
Wouldn’t be getting sex of me ! If he was ignoring me !
@@beverlyford4592 thanks. And I know it's not every guy but we do need to look at ourselves and demographics what our ttraps can be!!!
Men and women see commitment differently! Women see it as an act of Love. But men see it as Responsibility!
Men are problem solvers and planners! If they really care about a woman - they often withdraw/ ignore to think and process! They consider do they have all their ducks in row, can they be a good provider, can they meet the womans expectations etc!!
Men lead with their heads - women lead with their hearts!
Well said!
Thanks for sharing.
Very well put 👏
Yes!
You nailed it!
"You WANT to overwhelm the wrong guy"
Oh this hit so hard and so dead center. Thank you for those words. If establishing what I need and asking what they're looking for overwhelms them then it is better to remove them from your dating pool early in the process and not waste your time.
Exactly 👍🏼 💯 👍🏼
my buddy always says... be too much !
He grabbed my attention with that line & I subbed him too!
@@ginpepper me too😂
Yikes. You hit the nail on the head as always. I am remembering the first date I went on two years after my divorce. Met a man long distance 14 years older than me. We really clicked over phone calls and plenty of back and forth emailing. I flew out from Europe to Southern California to meet him. First date was awesome. It was my first date in 20 years. I bought a beautiful elegant top to wear and I felt confident and good about myself. We went for fish tacos by the marina with beautiful lights and boats and herons. We were the last to leave the restaurant. As he walked me back to my hotel he said "Can't see what you could see in the likes of me....here you are stuck with someone like me" My heart absolutely sank into my shoes. I realised that his confidence was rock bottom and that this thing would never work out in a million years. Fell in love with SoCal and I ended up staying in SoCal for nearly three months as I am a digital nomad and we went on plenty of amazing days out. No sex before marriage as we are both Christian. But the red flags of his insecurity and fake bravado just kept piling up until I actually began to suspect that he was on the covert narcissist scale and I walked. We are not even friends anymore. I should have walked after that first evening. Now I know to listen for the warning signs and to bail early......I was so enchanted by that magical first date.......
"You want to overwhelm the wrong guy"
"You can't say the wrong thing to the right person"
There is something called communication I heard it works wonder in all kinds of relationship so maybe we should apply this rather than the easy way out called " Ignoring "
Ignoring is a lack of maturity and carring, I think.
I think that a lack of communication is a disease of self- absorption. ( when you always have yourself on your mind ) - women or men - when you actively seek out communion.. you WILL COMMUNICATE.. !! MAYBE that's what we should call an interest for a committed companionship..how can you have companionship without an interest to commune with ANOTHER... BE INTERESTED to bring some interaction and don't become a lazy brain..
Love does NOT solve everything! Sometimes love just isn't enough. I speak as a woman who truly loved her ex and yet...his depression frustrated me, he would not get proper treatment. Emotional maturity...yes! A lot of people are struggling with active listening and communication. Being irgnored actually pisses me off even more than being hated. At least if you are hated, you are getting a RESPONSE.
So very true! But my experience is more like 90% of the dating pool aren’t able to have real relationships
I feel you there....since your a stranger to me,i felt like my secret is safe....im a lesbian mom from philippines,after 22years straight of having relationships with different women,i finally oneday fell for a man that so quick though we dont had sex(thankfully🤣)we text a lot,he shows interests since he found me smart and beautiful🤭..his not handsome but his a goodman(yes he is☺️)...heres the thing,he ghosted me😩😩😩i um heartbroken☹️
Truth I know exactly how it feels to be ignored it really burns 🔥 and yes hatred is a much easier response to deal with thank you for this 🙏 😊 ❤
You are very right. Being with a guy who ignores you completely is so frustrating. I am getting tired. Sometimes I try to talk to him that he should open up but it doesn't work. It's like he wants to be with me but he has issues in life that he is ashamed of sharing.
I am really exausted
@renee johnson very true!
Actually I love to ignore man. And refusing relationship with man is real strength & peace ✌️🕊️ in true sense. Find worth in myself is much more necessary then seeking worth from man 👍👍👍✌️
If they ignore you, someone else will pay attention to you and men either don’t realize that or don’t care.
Love your red t shirt ❤️
Narcissistic psychopaths never feel emotionally safe with anyone. You could hold space until you’re a corpse, listening to their dissociative fantasies, and they would still be paranoid and project their fears onto you.
You will never meet their emotional needs due to unresolved childhood trauma.
Well stated in this podcast 😃
I believe when a man cares for a woman they will say I'm going through something I might need a month or so to have space to myself not just go .Even if he claims he don't know how to communicate his feelings ...he can communicate that something is wrong even when he doesn't know exactly what that something is yet .
But they wont.
This should be good. The ignoring gets old and makes me want to leave.
I hear ya...
That's because we feel unloved.
I truly despise most advice given to women about dating, thank you for saying not only can we reach out first but should!
Me too... and yes, a woman can make effort.
I love that. "You want to overwhelm the wrong guy....". Very true.
Exactly 👍🏼
Thank you so much! I needed this word today. I just started dating again after being deceived/ cheated on a year ago. I will be asking men the questions you suggested before we meet. I don't have time for games or being "F" over again! 🙅♀️🙅♀️
awe... thank you.
Your point aren't clear 🙃
Hang in their beautiful... It gets better 😘
@@kimgordon3695 Thank you.
You go girl! 🎉
These videos are life changing for me but I think this is the best yet for me personally and trying to further my own understanding of men. I love being vulnerable and honest and seeing if it pulls them closer or pushes them away. Because that’s THEIR authentic answer. Things are super clear with men if we just listen/watch to what they’re showing us
WOW, thanks 😊
I couldn’t agree more, thank you 🙏
Yes illuminosity thank you never heard it called that before makes sense now thank you Jonathan
100%
Women also have to feel emotionally safe!!!!
True
I love your ‘no BS’ delivery. You are spot on. None of this ‘no contact’ crap. Confront them! The right ones will stay, the wrong ones will leave. Save yourself prolonged anxiety and wasting time waiting for nothing. Communication is the key!! My personal experience. But this guy hits the nail on the head every time with every video, cheers for your wise words Jonathon 👌and totally love your tshirt hahaa, typical Leo🤣
Awe... thank you 🙏
Ignoring me leads to me asking why they are ignoring me.Then if theres no good explanation it's time to think about bouncing.That being said i make sure they can talk to me without judgement. I set up guidlines on telling each other when we need a moment of space.There is nothing wrong with moments of self reflection with space.Its communication on when it's needed.I ask for thinking time when i need it
I am close to my 30s and I am listening to your advice. They are gold, especially for someone who doesn’t want to waste time on emotionally immature men. Thanks! Subscribed
I can care about myself. I need to love and be loved in return .
Just what I needed to hear! Awesome thanks Jonathan. I just got back into dating. My boundaries are no sex. I don’t want to chemical and spiritually connect to the wrong person. I did that after my divorce it was harder to get over that man then my ex. It’s taken me 2 years 🤭
My partner had his booster jab yesterday. I checked in this morning to see how he was. He really appreciated that.
So?
I love your advice ! Everything you are saying makes complete sense. Maybe because I am also a Leo. But honestly I needed to hear that men also have trauma and need time to heal. Women tend to blame themselves when they don’t get the results they want from a new relationship. I will Have to keep reminding myself, men have feelings too. And it’s not your job to heal him with your love. Your a stranger, he doesn’t trust your love or intentions yet. 😍🥰😇😘🥳
First off, I think you are really spot on! I love watching your videos! When my partner is unavailable for me nowadays I don’t get upset cause it’s a waste of my time. I’m the only one suffering getting mad and upset. I’m too old for that. I know what he can offer me when he’s able to and when he can’t be there for me for whatever reason I just make myself busy and find other things to do that I love and enjoy until we both have time for each other again and it’s so much better then cause we’ve had time to miss each other. I’m 50 years old already but I still find myself reverting back to my youth but I’m learning. “Work smarter not harder”!
I've had a positive experience so far with online dating. I dont know what I would have done without it after losing my wife last year after 26yrs of marriage and struggling to raise 2 teen girls. I'm no longer using it as a frequent chat tool. Thank you for that healthy advice. And no fears of committment. That is essential for me. Until i lost my wife I didnt realize just how important family was to my existence. You are on target as usual Jonathan - my fear is how to blend 2 completely disparate families together. Mine, partially broken and still struggling due to tragic loss. The yet unknown other, may just be from another planet....
Good luck. I must say I had a similar experience after losing my husband suddenly leaving me and 2 young teen girls. The only relationship I had after was such a struggle in every way you could possibly imagine. So many issues with him and the blending of the families as you say. I'm too sensitive to date online. Just dont feel I could go through all the sifting and sorting to be honest.
Just hope to meet someone naturally. 🤔
@@sandrareid1418 thanks for commenting. Yes, definitely not easy. I've only had 1 second date in 6 months, but met for coffee with maybe 4 women. Each time was pleasant and never felt like waste of time. i'm probably going at a snails pace. Very sorry to hear about your experience. The 2 teen girls are my biggest struggle. I dont want to halt my own needs for 2 years until they launch. But, the daily demands of single parent household leaves no time to see a possible relationship develop. All the best to you as well....
As Steve Harvey said,” the right guy will do the changes growing, if not, he’s not the right guy”.
I've learned 10 months in..that it isn't always about me. I ask directly if there's any issue we need to clear up or be square on ..
I also realize that if we have our space even when we are together in house. . it's ok . We are comfortable in silent company. 🤞
This video answered a lot of my uncertainties about my situation with a gentleman. The balance in communication is not there. He is more absent than present. I have suspected unresolved issues of his past. After listening to you, I am more certain. We all have a past, however how we deal with it, or not that makes the difference. I am at the point that I am ready to flee. I have made several attempts to speak about why the level of connection is absent from him. That is it in a nutshell. Your video gave me insight and confirmation of what I felt was missing. Thanks for sharing.
Would you initiate contact first? Let us know how it goes. Good luck
@@lalaheart76, Yes of course. Generally he is a great person, very successful, gentleman, concerned... just those hidden agendas, make me hold back.
My love and devotion does not
come easy. I don't fall for the surface of a man. I need to know his heart is pure, although it has been wounded. Guess what? We all are wounded vessels. I have worked on my healing and still healing. So I would respect the fact that he would be willing as I am, or he has done the same! I don't see the evidence of that process.
Jonathon,
Your iceberg chart could not me more accurate. A woman won't attach to the wrong guy if she loves herself. When you truly love yourself you know what you a worth. I was a woman who had no sense of self worth, I attached to the wrong men putting my worth in their hands, working to be deserved to me loved and of course that love I gave was abused.
I have abstained from relationships for three years and invested my energy in me, BEST INVESTMENT EVER. Ladies buy a book on self love. I am entering the dating seen again and I will have no trouble in walking away from a man who does not value me as much as I value myself. I will never put another man's needs ahead of my own. Balance as said in 'eat pray love' is not allowing anyone to love you less than you love yourself. If you don't love yourself then how can you ask someone else to love you, they see what we show them..we lead the path.
Sending all you lovely ladies out there love.
This is why Fathers are SOOOOO IMPORTANT to their daughters...
You are making a difference in my life Johnathan. Like the big brother I never had. Big hug back! 🥰
WOW! Thank you
Hi Jonathan.. this is by far a simple yet profound explanation of this behaviour. I love your teddiness at the end..
Childhood trauma is a pandemic and when a person doesn't even understand how dysfunctional they are it's even more devastating and putting on a mask.. but thank heavens for people like you who help us understand the nature of this energy. I am seeking help back home with my experience of this mayhem.. and this helped clarify things about a recent infliction and how I shouldn't internalise it... much love and light to you and Ur people..
Emotional maturity is the hardest after going deep no matter how long I have to stay single at this time I made peace with myself.
I really value your approach - I combine it with different things as well... I think the key to any relationship is wholesomeness- we have got a saying in Poland - the person is good enough to dance with but also you can pray with them when the need occurs as well- that’s loose interpretation of it in English - someone who wants to stick around and keep on giving - but it’s not just you being this lady on pedestal and lean back but also keep on exchanging energy, build together, create together- be equals
Absolutely making sense, it is a 2 way street and requires equal effort from both people for things to grow! We are adults and need to get out of the cookie cutter/story book mindset as its not real life!
Great words of wisdom!!!
I hope you're making a great living from your books and videos and anything else you do. You deserve every success. You give us such great advice. I was wondering whether or not to check in after 3 days, so I messaged my new fella. He rang me almost immediately. He'd just been busy doing his renovations and had hurt himself and was a bit annoyed by the whole thing. He seemed so happy to let of steam with me . And to think I was worried he was losing interest...he hasn't....Thank you!
This is one of your BEST videos ‼️. I wished I could have heard this years ago when looking for a REAL 2 sided Relationship and if I would have started out asking these questions before a long drawn out year of dating one man , I wouldn’t have been hurt and wasting precious years of my life with the wrong men ‼️. Thank u Johnathon for opening my eyes ! 😍 🙏
You're right, Jonathan, when we women have sex with someone, we are immediately bonded to that person. I have spent YEARS trying to change that person just by loving them. Well, needless to say it didn't work. We are separated now and he's treating me like I'm at his beckon call. I'm tired of it after months on and off of no communication. We also have a two year old and he lives with me. I need to work on that self love part of things because at this point , I wonder, if the love of my life doesn't want me, in the future who will? Thanks for sharing your insight!
If your expecting men to be the leaders of a relationship , you’re giving the job to the wrong person 😂😂😂😂😂I’ll keep that in mind and plunge ahead
My guy ignored me yesterday because he thought I was ignoring HIM. lol. We made it up the same day but I did make the point of nipping that kind of "tit for tat" behaviour in the bud by talking him civilly later about it. It's immature behaviour in my book and a turn-off.
Thanks for sharing
Yessssss
Very wise
Thanks for sharing I agree it’s immature behavior
@@Scorpio12348 You're welcome. Fortunately it seemed to have a positive effect on him and he's much more relaxed about things between us now (which is what I wanted). He had a couple of bad rejection experiences in the past which I don't think he healed from. I hope I can give him that space to do that as he's truly wonderful in all other respects.
So true, this is such a great piece of knowledge. Thank you. It should not all be on his shoulders. Sad that people don’t like themselves. I think I meet too many that absolutely love themselves and I’m not talking about women but men even though I do know some men who fit this explanation. Don’t date those going through divorces, it’s not the right time.
I came of Dating sites 4 years ago as men play too many games and i just got fed up with it. And found even if they like you they have one eye open over your shoulder for a ' nicer woman' in their eyes
Thank you so much….I am being ignored and pushed away…..your video gave me a peace and understanding today.
Love that tshirt!!!
Great info as always! Thank you!
This was the best video I’ve seen of yours. Clear and concise. Thank you!!!!
Wow, thank you!
This makes perfect sense!! Thank you 🙂
You definitely have attracted this Libra, thank you for explaining about relationships over 50, it is definitely important and you are helping me understand what an entire generation previous to mine did not have a clue.🌟🍀🤓
Thanks for sharing!!
Thanks Jonathon! It resonates with what I thought and trying to do right now🙏
Jonathan I'm so glad you've started to use your more recent pictures in your thumbnails. It shows your authenticity and that you are comfortable in your own skin as you age! We can all learn from this! 😇🙏
👍
I absolutely agree with the trauma theory giving the illusion of self-confidence, which is false. Thank you
I’m a millennial, but I resonate with this greatly. Thank you!
Happy to hear 🙏
@@JonathonAslay Gen Z here
This is really good and true. Some men drag their painful past into their current relationship thereby ruining it.
Woman do it too, probably more then men
Thanks for all of the book recommendations!!
👍👍👍
Great info. Something to ponder! Thank you!
Fear of commitment to avoid future hurts
That shirt is epic! I chuckled when I saw it. 👀 Awesome video as usual. 👏🏾
Glad you liked it!!
The things I didn't know about relationships caused my divorce. Taking time to learn about my values and unpack baggage led me to better friendship and self relating.
Now to find that mix of compatability and attraction to experience the chemistry.
Thank you for this info. Definitely see the dysfunction in dating (immaturity in feminine and masculine seems like a big part of it) and learning to cut things off faster if lust is present.
Wow, thankyou
I stumbled across you & this makes a lot of sense
💜
Great topic.. like how you bring it to reality.. so true..
Leo's need to feel appreciated. You are appreciated Jonathan 🙌
awe... thank you.
Thank you Jonathan! You’re awesome!
Another great one full of valuable insights. Thanks much🙏
Glad it was helpful!
I needed to hear this today, thank you!!!
So glad!
Thank you sooo much. You are so sweet. I always take your advice. My daughter lives this but does nothing about it . I see the hurt.
This is real quality advice Jonathan! As always, thankyou! 😁💗
My pleasure 🙏
@@JonathonAslay 🤗😁💗
We are not perfect all of us ,but to cause other person unnecessary pain , it is a pure abuse. If you are not deserve any of the pain and so do I.!!!
Very cool! Thank you for the CLARITY! ❤️
You are so welcome!
Johnathan , I get what you say about asking the questions up front and believe me I have and I had a guy go off the apps, doing incredible things and being vulnerable just to say a month later that he is unsure. I guess what I’m trying to say is that even if you say what you want and they say they are on the same page it won’t work with an anxious - avoidant type man (or woman I guess)
And, I do believe in being intentional instead of passive...
I love yr T shirt Jonathan Wasn't it Socrates who said "The ONE thing I DO know is : that I know nothing " and your T shirt reminded me of this ! A great video Jonathan thank you ! Maresi
Feels a little dull and hurtful but I lost and sm detatching from all my illusions and going even more through heartopening, thruthfullness and being more in my body.
You are so nice and I like the way you explain things. Saw you by incident and going to steek around.( Sorry for my english). Have a great week!
What an excellent video 😀, it's something we should know about, Thank You 🙂 Jonathon 🙂
This one is great video!! So much good info!!! Keep these coming!!!!
🙏
You're awesome Jonathan!!!👍👍
Jonathan, your videos always make a difference in my life! This comes from a lady over 55 years from Germany! Excuse my English, I'm trying :-) Greetings from the heart.
Happy to hear 🙏
@@JonathonAslay thank you! Sometimes I looked your videos a whole day long when necessary, for example before a date or because I'm getting to know somebody new. That ist the fact at this time, on tuesday we will have our second date, and he will have to answer a loooooot of questions, coming from the meantime. So: thank you so much. I always can see your special effort to make us women understand - and give. And lead the process :-)
Fantastic insights and content, thank you!
The statement on your t-shirt totally rings true! Even a fool is thought wise when he is silent.
Love the message on your t-shirt.
You brought up some very valid points
Yes you make a difference. Thank you. You opened my eyes. I have some clarity.
🙏
How funny you are! So smart & such good information! I love the shirt! Totally would buy it!
Glad you liked it!!
Great video as always. Love all your t-shirts. Best wishes from UK 🇬🇧 ❤
Thanks 😊
Sweet thank you for sharing all of this
Missed you and your videos. I can see the teddy 🧸 in the teflection. Big thankful hug 🧡💯
Here in Lock down Ontario, my Mom & I brushed the snow off of the picnic table bench to eat our A&W. It’s the January, take out only, dining experience in T.O.🇨🇦
🙏
I lioved that, "you want to overwhelm the wrong guy".
Yes, weak emotional skills I agree. Thanks so much for posting this, it really puts perspective into some of the things Im going through regarding my circumstances. The scary part is how much our thoughts/feelings really do create all this nonsense. This IGNoRe topic is a slow burn for me because we all know at the end of the day people can and will do this “ignore” thing to each other out of pure spite , hate, jealousy and fear, no matter how much we love each other/care, we’re all guilty of it even if it’s a little bit. We have evolved into a society where you can’t tell people anything anymore even if it’s for their own good, you can’t even say hi, people will hurt one another. I don’t personally operate that way, I have no limits 😂 but many people do, at least it seems that way more often than not, so maybe if I change the way I think about it, maybe it will hurt me less, maybe I won’t walk into situations like that anymore, as poor self concept and poor friendship skills at the end of the day, have a lot to do with it, and some don’t even realize it. What is really disturbing is I noticed to be more traditional is being thought of as straight up bonkers, or stalker or just a little too weird and awkward because DMs and IMs and Txt msssgs and social media is communication with out emotion and is evolving us into feeling more overwhelmed by feelings and emotions in general all around, and orbiting heh don’t get me started 😹 or even cat fishing have become more popular methods of getting to know someone or vet them, now that’s just crazy to me, all serious scary stalker red flag stuff to me.. and it’s all been pulled on me too. Sometimes I can’t even tell the difference between ignoring/orbiting/ghosting and a person liking me or having interest.. it’s like hey you ever die and haunt yourself?! Cuz I have.. Ever miss your own voice?! I do.. and I regret the time wasted playing this game of bones. My dogs game of bones is more interesting 😂 Give me a white pages and a typewriter and let me write and send my anon Valentine’s in peace and happiness through USPS the old fashioned way, let me send my fav 45 vinyl singles from 1956 to tell a person how I feel about them, let me call you on the phone and sing you to sleep kind of thing.. I think people want romance Jon.. just some of them have forgotten all of young loves joy and or don’t know what it is.. because they’ve been socially turned off by social media and don’t even realize it. Social media has created new victims for past/present/future covert narcissist and sociopaths, and some of them don’t even know they’re one, till it’s too late. I have had plenty of girlfriends who thought the dating apps would bring them true love, but most of them got to the point where they were putting a lot of work into finding the right sex partner instead of the meaningful relationship they wanted, sometimes it got so bad I would have to remind these ladies of their self worth and that they could be making 7 figures as a sex worker and actually get respect/money they want with as many of the free tricks they were giving out daily. To me it’s really sad when you see a friend you care for and they wanted to really make a commitment to a person and be with them for the rest of their lives but were too afraid to open up to or find a way to say it because of the fear of being ignored or rejected. I hate that when we grow up we can’t just be friends anymore, something always leads to that yellow brick road of piss.. 😂 and that broken heart soon follows after ❤️🩹 and then you end up on channels like this trying to find life’s meaning again , somebody call the love police, peoples hearts gone missing ! @jonathonaslay
Thank you for sharing
@@JonathonAslay
@MollyTaylor I think this will help you my friend ^^
It's cold out...this is bugging me! 😂 Really enjoyed this video. I'm just looking to enjoy life to the fullest. Having a wonderful man to share it with would be like the icing on the cake. Enjoy this beautiful day. 🏖❤🙏
Thank you! You too!
Thank you! I’m in the middle of what you talked about…painful
Control , control , control …..this is the only answer .
Your videos make a positive difference in my life! 💯🙏🐬🐬
Luv you, Jonathon!
Thanks...
Pimp shirt, J, it gave me a good chuckle ;)
As a bespectacled person myself, I enjoyed your little Clark Kent moment half-way into this video. 😀
Clark Kent moment? What was that? 🤔
I watch you from the distant Bulgaria,you are great,helpful..God bless you!
TY 🙏
I love ❤️ this! It makes perfect sense
TY 🙏
Definitely making a difference, thank you!
Great to hear!
Something similar I saw to the words on your T Shirt 👕
People who think they have all the answers haven’t been asked all the questions! 😂
So looking forward to this one
Hope you enjoy it..
This is great!