Focusing Too Much on Others Damages Your Life (4-Video Compilation)
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- Опубликовано: 22 июн 2024
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Many people misunderstand what codependency actually is -- a compulsion to donate all your focus to another person's life, and then to try to control them and extract your happiness from the hope that THEY will change. In this compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about codependency and the ways people with trauma are particularly vulnerable to it. If you know the signs, you can stop codependent tendencies before they ruin your relationship and drain everything good from your life.
Signs You are in a Codependent Relationship: FREE PDF Download: bit.ly/3pwt5c6
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Both of my parents were violent alcoholics. I don't hate them anymore. They're gone. I'm 68 and thriving well in my own right after decades of struggling with mental health issues. Their lives were always important. Not mine as the fifth child of six. I got attention for wanting to do things for them. It took me many years to realize that my life had meaning in and of itself - separate from my family entanglements and separate from feeling compelled to always wait on others in the hopes of being loved. I'm not all the way healed but have consistently done inner work that has brought me much closer to loving myself. Thank you Anna for all that you do. You help thousands of people come to a place of validation for what they experienced, self-acceptance and self-love. Sounds cliche but it's actually a vitally important process for each one of us and our birthright. God bless you Anna and all of your viewers.
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
So many slackers in my life! My husband, my son, my brother. It’s like I’m running circles around them. It’s true the more you do, the less they do.
goes for friendships too...all relationships.
Hi, I just found you on my feed, 34 male suffering frim cptsd,im looking forward to going through your content. Thank you for sharing 😊
Welcome to our CCF community! Hope you'll find help and support here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I think it’s important to remember that “co-dependent” refers to a pattern of relationship involving two people. It’s not an identity for one person, it’s a way of relating involving someone overfunctioning and someone underfunctioning, and the cycle depends on both people fulfilling these roles.
Helpful thanks
yes, and relationships of ALL types. I just totally burned out from being the overfunctioner - I had to literally die to learn that though. Die from other causes, but it was in the line of duty as a nurse....go figure.
Absolutely!
No not really, a person can be co dependant
@@annaspratt361 I’m saying that isn’t true. “Co” means with. Two people can be in a codependent relationship. I disagree with describing an individual as “a codependent.” It’s a lazy way of describing a relationship style as a personality. You may be a person attracted to codependent relationships. Or a chronic over or under- functioner.
I can see co-dependency in myself and my partner. He is the "I do everything for you" type. He does things I don't need or ask him to in a critical way which triggers the "under-acheiver" in me - because if I "don't do it right" then why waste time doing it at all? I am the one who minimizes myself to make people happy to the point of enmeshment. I have a habit of picking guys who are emotionally immature (I guess it feels like home). I am working on healing that, creating boundaries and many other things. He won't change but that is no longer my problem. Thank you Anna ❤
THIS IS ME!!!!! This is me... for so long I've spent my willpower and emotional fantasies thinking that if I could find the right person I'd be able to flourish into this role of success and sufficiency - and always felt like I'm projecting the reasons for my success onto those people, telling myself that their imperfections are making me feel like I can't heal or create... I ALWAYS feel like theres someone in my life that is missing my advice and my advice only, and I flourish in relationships where people need me - but in reflection I constantly feel drained by other peoples need for my support......! I know on a very surface level that these co dependencies are stopping me from truly growing and I've kind of remained abstinent for a long period to try and work on that shadow but the second a woman gives me attention I fall back into the pattern of believing that maybe this is the relationship that turns me into the person I truly want to be... Will I ever be able to be that person myself? Like with my own sense of will? Who am I asking....?
Tou are asking your SELF.
This is me. 😫 I've known this for some time. It’s never been broken down this articulately before. I’ve healed from much and better, but much here that is still me.
If you want to change the other - change yourself.
Your video hits me in the midst of my slip back into codependency. A very painful reminder for me today. Feeling so ashamed at the moment. Yes I signed onto this moment in time and doing the work to make it right for myself.
Hope you can find some room to be kind to yourself in the midst of this. You've made progress and none of us do things perfectly.
You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm actually relieved to observe that the work I have done for the last 20 years had as a result I don't relate anymore to half of the points that are mentionned here. I still have a blurry line over investing in projects and leading them. I'd rather follow than lead, and then I'm not happy with how people are leading.
17min….’reality will help you get to know your own mind & heart’…..wow! That sounds excellent…..joy & relationships where people care about you🎉….good stuff, ty Anna🌸
Thank you so much for your channel ,for each one of your videos and for your theories. You are saving thousands of human beings.
So nice of you
Your relationship videos have been spot on for me the last few months. Thanks for these longer compilations; they help me to snap out of it when the withdrawal feelings of leaving a bad situation kick in.
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
SOmetimes I hear a voice in my head when things go wrong saying "How can I take this out on someone or blame them? I'm sure I can make someone feel like this is their fault..."
I may not respond... or react... but I hear it...
Revelations to me to reconnect with my inner child and deepen the healing journey. Brilliant content and generosity! Huge Thank you! ❤
I know I reached the bottom when I needed a bloody break fixing anyone....this is what happens when you work healthcare when you have your breakdown. I just cam't stop reviewing this....excellent.
I had a mother like that. She followed me around the house. Constantly hoovered over me. And, a father who was physically abusive and emotionally distant.
I'm sorry to say that I cut them off 18 years ago. I did not keep in touch with any relatives because they were all on their side. What I did was and is frowned upon. Being Asian makes things worse because it's culturally unacceptable to cut off one's parents. This is something I can't openly talk about because I will definitely get ostracized.
I was in therapy for 10 years and am on antidepressants. I'm doing better without them but I still have a lot of healing to do. I did struggle with codependency when I was younger. But, I no longer feel the need to be the one to fix someone else's problems.
Good for you! I can't even imagine how frustrating the added angle of cultural expectations must have made all of that. Really proud of you, internet stranger 👍
I love your videos so much because I feel like I can relate to every single thought that comes out of your mouth but I gotta be honest when I say, it seems so complex that I feel hopeless that I can just function as a relaxed person in a relationship deeper than friendship. Ive almost taken on an observer role just to keep my love internal and protected from all this complexity. I'm not a genius by any means and I can't recall a lot of these understandings at times when they would be the most useful so I generally take the path of least resistance which is distancing myself emotionally but staying close enough to feel the warmth
Unfortunately, very literally its all me. Finally got enough guts to walk away and leqve behind a long time marriage. 4kids took it very hard. Now im foxusing on working on myself and wokr on ebing aware of the desire to "fix , help " my current partner.
Thank you for this one, especially!
We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I second guess myself a lot...
Could you do a video about how to live independently (mostly financially) from your parents when in a codependent relationship with them?
Edit: my therapist gives plain “you need to budget😌” advice and that doesn’t help me
Hmm..how do we differentiate between codependence and contributing/serving others in healthy way?
If it's healthy you don't feel angry or tortured by it.
🧭 all of this I needed to hear.
What is the difference between codependent & trauma abandonment attatchment??
I am the latter but have some symptoms of Codependency 😢
I wouldn't worry too much about labels. Focus on the symptoms you recognize in yourself, and work to heal them.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy OK Thankyou....🙏🙏
His dad sent him the books
I needed this right now
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
3:30 role of the giver
I’m starting to face this but it’s super hard.
We're here to support you!
Nika@TeamFairy
So this is what Jane Austen was talking about when she wrote Emma. May as well be subtitled 'A Codependent Redemption Story"
I thought the 911 steel is in a hanger in Queens. At least that's what the articles say from a basic Google search.
dynamite.. chock full of dynamite. Thank you. This happened with a girl friend (vs boyfriend/dating mate/lover....but it felt like that). You are a truly a gift from God, doing His work. Period.
The craziest relationship I ever witnessed was a couple who "used to date but now are just BEST friends"...the most co dependent, abusive nightmare I've ever witnessed. I might be wrong but if you introduce someone as your BEST friend and your older than 10 years old, there's some kind of baggage there...almost like that person is claiming the other as "mine".
Try to go easy on people. Many have no friends at all.
How to heal 😊
This one resonates
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
🙌
😢
Codependent helpers as Christian who wants to help. Blurred lines.
I don't know what happened to the other comment. I saw a response but the comment is gone. There is definitely too much of this in the church. Paul warned us it would happen - I think there is a serious lack of daily reading and too much worldly compromise. 😊
@@mindonthespirit1543 I believe many are hiding behind Christ, vs following Him. A lot of power tripping. And I am a practicing christian, so mot bashing. I've had a lot of spiritual abuse and arrogant delusional 'advice' from within the church.
Yes, Jesus warned of the tares among the wheat. And there are far too many tares. It is damaging to the body of Christ and the nonbelievers are watching. It sure gives the Faith a negative image. God bless.
My friend is codependent with her husband, who has ASD and has verbally abused her for 40 years. She has wanted to leave him but said that she “senses” that God doesn’t want her to so she stays even though she is unhappy and no longer loves him. She is using God as an excuse to stay.
wow, your sympathy for codependent people who are usually children of alcoholics is astounding.
unfollow maybe you should actually read some psychology on the matter
Where do you get these women , ! I only know ' hustlers and coldness n gold diggers.
Revelations to me to reconnect with my inner child and deepen the healing journey. Brilliant content and generosity! Huge Thank you! ❤