These Skills Attract Great Friends to Your Life (4-Video Compilation)
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- Опубликовано: 23 мар 2024
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Having a few good friends is a great blessing in life. But if you grew up with trauma, you may have had trouble finding and keeping friendships with people you love and respect. This is partly because of abuse and neglect can harm your sense of feeling connected -- and partly because people with CPTSD can't always see the red flags that uncaring "friends" are mistreating them. In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos about upgrading your friendships.
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Thank you so much Anna, for embodying healing and strength so much that your approach to what you teach is so fresh and unique and efficient. It's so clear how intentional this all is. Not to mention I have always longed for a video exactly like this and I'm sure a very many others have as well. I'm so thankful to have found you, you have fundamentally changed my life.
Wonderful! Glad you are here. Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
Exactly. Building friendships is intentional. It takes effort like any other great thing in our lives.
Same here.
CPTSD survivor here. My biggest challenge is having one sided friendships where they call and dump on me but are nowhere to be found when I need them. It’s a very lonely place to be because I give them so much of my focus and care. I’m not perfect and probably hurt them too in other ways, but I’m starting to wonder why I’m so invested in people who don’t feel invested in me.
I am currently working on the same issue, which is basically a conditioned behavior to put others first - "be of sevice to others". I changed it to " be of service to myself first". The only reason I've made a lot of progress in that area is due to a freak accident that caused "brain pain", which basically caused brain cells in parts of my brain to die. When it was happening I noticed a change in my personality, manipulation didn't work on me anymore, I started to speak up and basically would tell people to piss off. These were people who would take advantage of me and I'd "feel" like a bad person if I didn't help. These same people wouldn't lift a finger to help, even when I had multiple surgeries.
A blind neighbor and his family really took advantage of me and I fell for their sob story. In one incident I'd just come back from the surgical center and was still under the effects of anesthesia, when he called to asked me to walk him to the barbershop. I agreed and went back to sleep. Then I woke up and was like "WTF??". I called him back and asked where his grandmother was, she was his caretaker. He said she was watching her show and didn't want to take him. I screamed at him and told them f***off, I'd just had surgery and don't bother me any more.
During the surgeries and physical therapy, none of the people I'd help lifted a finger to help and I struggled often wondering where I went wrong. At one point I needed to fill a prescription and ended up asking someone I didn't know if they could walk me to the pharmacy.
I currently don't experience any guilt in protecting my boundaries and being of service to myself. I do reciprocate to people who are kind to me, however I don't respond to people who take and give nothing back. The great news is those people have fallen off of field and life is great.
@@Eliz2011abc I’m so sorry that happened to you, but it’s really encouraging to hear that you’ve been able to prioritize yourself. You give me hope, thank you! ❤
If you haven't already try Daily Practice (a free course) which is a good tool to help sort out things like this: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will, thank you so much! ❤️
People suck. It seems more & more selfish jerks are showing their true colors these days. Good for you in healing & recognizing it's NOT YOU. ❤
Have zero friends. 78 year old is very lonely. Many traumas throughout.
I'm so sorry for all that you've been through.
I can relate….let’s not give up….we deserve happiness….my uncle married for the first time at 80🌼🌼
I wish you fantastic friendships going forward. 💛
Hey Justine, happy Palm 🌴 Sunday 🕊️😇💐. How are you feeling today. I love your comment. I will love us both to mingle with each other if only you allow me 💞
I’ll be your friend if you’ll have me. 😊here’s a first cyber hug.
There aren’t enough of the “right” people out in friendship-land.
We often talk about boundaries in friendship; what is ignored is standards. What is one's standard for friendship is probably more important for deciding who you want in your life.
I agree. I think the way we were raised led us to accept abuse.
Absolutely right. When my standards got higher people dropped away.
@@nancybartley4610 And disrespect and putdowns are abuse too.
@@thenewyorkcitizen Thank you for sharing. If I may ask, did you go through a difficult, lonely phase as a result of these people dropping away?
@@behroozshahdaftar4209 it was more like bewilderment
I’m 53 and I’ve spent my life alone.. I have zero friends and I don’t really want any.. I love my son and my dog and enjoy my quiet time
I can relate
Same
I'm with y'all...I understand completely
I have 3 adult children, 11 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren and a cat that are my world. I’m content.
Same!
You are not licensed therapist but Omg you are million times more helpful than them. I worked with couple of licensed professional and all they are concerned with is building up their hour of money!
You understand CTPSD to its depths and are a guiding light for me! Thank you so so much! Very grateful!
This topic is not discussed enough. Life happens to us all. Hard times reveal REAL people. I am so grateful that my heart is opened. After so much enlightenment, I’m adjusting and making different choices. Looking forward to building meaningful friendships with good, supportive and encouraging people. In the meantime, I pray a lot and take care of my plants.
Transformation is allowing people to be who they are without the need to change them. It’s a space of true freedom.
You're doing a great job. Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
I;m 71 . My good friends died, one right after another in the early 2000’s. After that, I weeded out the narcissists. Most of the women I’ve met since then are either shallow,users or whatnot. Crapfits. It’s very hard. Very hard. ThankGod for pets.
Love this! Great mindset and healing. You got this!
Beautiful comment. Thank you.
Making friends causes me anxiety sometimes because in the past I've had a couple of people I met who suddenly became very clingy. They had no boundaries and then when I could not give them everything they wanted they would get very upset with me and it would feel awful. I have learned that making friends is not as scary once you can trust yourself to be really strong with your boundaries.
In German their is a word: Strumfrei which means "storm free." Meaning, we have the freedom to be alone without the storms of others and do what interests US. Peace ❤
❤❤❤
Ich wusste nicht, woher der Begriff kommt oder in welchem Zusammenhang er steht. Danke 😄
People dont like boundaries, when you apply a boundary, like saying no, you're the bad one. Ive cut people out of my life, that drain the energy out of me, including family. Blood is not thicker than water.
So I realized I isolated and needed to get out and make friends, I'm doing so, good ones I hope.
I have isolated as well, I came up with many excuses to do so, the more I learn about cptsd I am finding they don’t make sense any more. Not sure where to start because I truly am isolated now and I want out. I wish things were simple, like when my daughter was a little girl she would just go up and ask other children if he or she wants to be friends, or other kids would ask her.
Even better when giving people compliments: make it about the person! So instead of saying "I really like your dress, where did you get it?" say: "I really like how that dress looks on you, it makes you shine and it really fits your style!". It is so much better to be complimented about something that is really about you and not about something you wear for example.
Good point❤
More like this please. I think an entire channel could be dedicated to better friendship practices for people with social deficits. Could have used this info twenty five years ago, lol. You're right, almost no one covers this subject very much. Niche alert!
This is the subject of my second book, coming out October 2025!
The more I invest in friends and potential friends the more disappointed I become.
That sounds hard but maybe Anna's course can help you connect with the right people. Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Wish I found your channel when I was younger
I'm so glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I LOVE this woman. This page.
This new….hope.
I have so much HOPE now after finding this page.
I was just getting into childhood trauma and CPTSD vs other mental issues and I was just seeing how they all often flow together. I was learning about the actual NEURO effects our childhoods can have on us. Like stress and cortisol and overall health and reactions and much more.
I’m learning so much about myself, about others, about my kids, my Mom, my siblings…my friends. Everything.
I love that ALL perspectives are considered here. Not just one. Not just MINE, or YOURS or ours. I love that VALIDATION and ACCOUNTABILITY live in harmony here.
I love all this too. Thank you!
In recovery, I have learned that I really like people! I am learning how to set healthier boundaries and say no when appropriate. Learning how to make friends, take care of ourselves and balance it all out is worth pursuing. I guess, it will be a lifelong journey and I will keep learning a long the way. Thank you for your video, I know I am not alone.
Love that! Keep up the great work!
Nika@TeamFairy
❤
I love the way you see yourself and others. You make a lot of healthy good sense! Thanks
My parents actually encouraged us to have friends of different ethnic backgrounds. No racist words were ever spoken in my parents house . My fathers alcohol ism, my mothers enabling denial, my older brother's hatred of me , him beating me any chance he got and allowing kids at school to beat me gave me CPTSD. So I ventured into alcohol and Marijuana to alleviate the pain, with a sprinkling of LSD and peyote buttons. I didn't realize I had CPTSD until 3-4 years ago when a longtime friend mentioned it and your website. I took the test and SCORED BIGLY. And started watching your videos and learning , it was like living in a dark cave and suddenly someone came in with a very bright lantern. Thank you very much. My friend was is born again and I was recently born again. I use the Bible Scripture to re regulate myself, and believe Jesus has Healed me of a lot of symptoms of cptsd. God Bless you and everyone here 🙏
Thanks for saying that and congratulations for the healings you've received. It isn't spoken enough but for many, modern healing modalities doesn't resonate fully. It's a trust issue, I believe. For many, Jesus is the way. My sister relies heavily on Jesus for most of her healing and I encourage her to do so, even though personally I use other modalities but what's important is we all receive the help we need. Kudos to everyone who call upon Jesus for their healing. :)
I lost two of my what I thought were best friends last year. I realize how dysfunctional and terribly selfish they were and how boxed in I felt. Funny thing is one of them came back and told me how “right” I was about the other mutual friend between us. It was a huge block of txt I simply replied “no thanks and I know”. It is hard to be strong sometimes but when you are you really see people for who they are and I’d rather be alone than have friends “like that” and give time to people who are truly there for me. Sometimes an apology is disguised as someone really wanting validation for their ego. So glad I found your page you have helped me so much stay strong and keep healthy boundaries and build better more authentic relationships ❤
Thank you for being a part of our community here and for sharing your experience with us. Keep up the great work!
Nika@TeamFairy
Doing things does help. I am trying to make friends. It is hard at 40 years old to make new friends
Same here.. I get out and try to do different things. ( hobbies I like or enjoy) Still difficult at 46 making true friends.
I have no friends
I grew up with my father. He was very abusive. He drank a lot and hit me and my brother for fun. We had a much better relationship before he passed.
I didn't really know my mother but we tried. And she was very abusive and extremely controlling and aggressive.
I didn't trust anyone and never really had one group of friends. I ran away when I was 14. The school, police and social services conducted a meeting with my mother and father. I asked to live with my mother, infront of all of them, and she said no. I dont want you. That day has ruined my whole life. I meet someone, a new friend or a new relationship, and go deep in straight away every single time. The minute I hear or see something that I dont like, I close off. And I run a mile.
That day my mother did that, has put me on the most loneliest road. And now I've split from the most amazing person I've ever met.
Tbh, watching these videos, I have learnt that I have cptsd. I've had EMDR and it was amazing. I've had therapy for jealousy. CBT, but coming across this is honestly the best thing I've done for a very long time. Thank you
The story you shared with us is heartbreaking. Sorry you have experienced that! Daily Practice can help with the understandable fears and resentments, and if you’re looking for more, Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
I can say that at nearly 60, I have 3 friends , have lost interest in people more and more. More discerning and Love my own company and dogs, I really love 🐕 dogs. Am the most content. Friends don't live near but we stay in contact and it's a deep knowing . Perfect ❤
Would also add - boundaries are immensely important, coz same with friends and men, I attract the ones that feel familiar BUT are no good for me ❤
I'm too immersed in my own healing right now and the last thing I need is another fake "friend" who demands I pay attention to their needs and boundaries rather than attend to my own. I'm my own best friend now, thanks to all those people who told me I have to "learn to love myself" as if an infant lying in her crib cold, naked, messy diaper, hungry, can't sleep because the adults are partying has a problem with "self love". I don't need "friends"; I need me.
AMEN 😂!
I’m so sorry for the trauma you have endured in your past. Making friends isn’t easy when you have been hurt and have mountains of trauma in your past. It makes us lose our trust of people.
You’re right, as we get older (I’m 74) it’s harder to find people to be potential friends.
For now, be your own best friend, be kind to yourself, treat yourself to a manicure or something that treats you well because you deserve it! ❤
Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment.
Nika@TeamFairy
Yes❤
I really appreciate this knowledge. I don't have friends because I feel uncomfortable around people any more. I recently realized I grew up abused and neglected. I didn't know. I need to build social skills and this gives me wisdom and knowledge on how to do so. I'm tired of being lonely. I have a crappy marriage on top of that.
It's great that you are ready to begin your healing! If you're interested, try Connection Bootcamp. It's a course Anna developed that provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Hooked me in the first 30 seconds. Adopted by older parents who were socially inept...always felt like a square peg in a round hole. Now in my early 60s and only recently do I find myself with friends I feel are good for me, spiritually, emotionally, just "healthy." Thank you God for connecting us. So many years of unhealthy drama and bad advice...
You are in the right place. Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
I had to end several friendships that got stuck in the "don't talk about yourself, listen to them" loop. Even years after the friendship beginning, I was still just listening. When I tried to share what was happening in my world, I was labelled "selfish." In hindight, the flags were there, but I ignored them. I'm better off without having "friends" who needed to be listened to and validated constantly.
I have similar but opposite. I was the one that talked about myself more because whenever I asked questions when they shared I was labeled an interrogator and literally it would just be me asking who they were visiting in their old neighborhood and apparently that was too much info to ask. 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️😒 can't win
I have also encouraged people and they tell me that I am being disingenuous
It’s more simple than that for me. I had no one growing up so I’d just settle in all forms of relationships for survival, the need for love and acceptance, and so I wouldn’t be alone.
Sadly😢 that is ever so common for cptsd survivors like us.
Oh that reply and explanation about not saying anything about oneself being normal made me feel so relieved as I've been chastised by my middle daughter and she is right. Your lesson on how to deal with this issue is so helpful. Thank you.
I'm so glad!
Nika@TeamFairy
Narcissistic women friends and sisters are conniving, competitive and jealous. I have been abused and bullied by these insecure women. Be careful. I’d rather be alone.
Bowling, playing billiards, darts, cards, board games, planting flowers, washing a car, volunteering, all great activities to get to know a petson over.
Ive got 2 fur babies on the bed with me. I prefer their company at present. They are authentic unlike the majority of people.
I have no friends who do any of these things for me. I just keep to myself except for my family.
I don’t have friends, I would say people I talk to are more so acquaintances. I try to be friend them outside of where I might usually see them and they don’t ever follow through. Friendships are so crucial yet so exhausting! Especially when one person is putting in all the work and the other isn’t doing anything to allow the friendship to flourish.
This video made me realize I have wonderful friends and I've come a long way in regards to friendships, kind of proud as someone with CPTSD! :) Love your videos, thank you so much for all the knowledge you share with us!
Wonderful!
Nika@TeamFairy
I was never allowed to have any friends at church to come over to my parents house growing up, except the ones that seemed to have the same financial background as their parents. So I never was able to choose my friends based on who I wanted to invite over. I also was told by my mom that I would never be able to date anyone from the church because I was not in the same background. She never said that directly but what I got from the conversation was that I was not good enough.
I have a blind spot for friends who are really artistically talented and successful. I let them totally bulldoze me. I am slowly getting better at spotting it earlier but damn I do keep falling into this
This video was so wonderful! I am working toward being a friendship coach and I think it's because I also found it difficult to make friendships myself at points in my life. This compilation felt like going through the rollercoaster I've been on and still struggle with at times 😅 I always appreciate your honest insight.
I love this channel. It’s comforting with harsh truths. I love that you tell us how to heal and what actions to take.
Most channels I come across is new age, motivational, or just tell people to be better. There is never true guidance.
Glad you find Anna's content helpful! Stay tuned, more to come!
Nika@TeamFairy
It’s strange. I had strong friendships that lasted for 20+ years and 10+years. Things seemed so good. I felt like a valued friend. But all 3 BFFs were gone after… I started healing work. Some friendships can’t keep up with our changes.
In friendship experiences there are also needs to watch out for controlling relationships. In such matters it can not be centered on. one person.
Excellent advice. Better than the therapist I've seen.
She's amazing. I don't think other therapists are as knowledgeable as she is
Anna you are the contemporany version of Mr. Rogers. Thank you for your work here and please continue videos like this explaining how to be a good friend. I long for friendships but in reality I don't know how to be one and this is very helpful 💛
Really great tips and nuggets of wisdom here! My NAM (narcissistic assigned mother), is a Tina Two Stoves. If someone mentioned their stove, she would have to talk about her two stoves, and then her friends stoves, totally cutting the person off. I think from this I learned to be a good listener, and we also get invited to a lot of dinner parties. Was literally told it was because we are great neutral guests than can get along with anyone... Pass... LoL
I'd say I'm not surprised that you are a good listener given that you had a mom who was rather dominating with needing to be heard.
@@temi4116 Indeed. Gave up my own voice to try and raise hers, now it's the root of many hard wired triggers of neuro disregulation. But that's why we're here, doing the work! 😅
@user-jl8yy5ir7s Yup! You know it!
I am content with being alone with just me and my family. I have healthy people in my life who have the same faith in God the Father. What I learnt is that a lot of people are not healing mentally and emotionally. A lot of people make excuses for their behavior instead of looking at why they are a certain way. You have to continue to keep your peace and move on with your life. A lot of hiding their trauma symtoms and like living in the dark. You have to keep moving on with God and let people be. Go back to college take a trade do something to better yourself. Do not allow yout past to stop you from being the best version of yourself
I appreciate your honesty! Thank you for this. 😊
My parents had 7 children and they just thought our siblings could do it. I’m old and have had many friends but illness had totally made me isolate. I don’t have the energy to do this now
This Chanel makes the world a better place I hope the CrappyChildhoodFairy exists forever 🧡🧡🧡
So nice of you! We appreciate you here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Most all of us need this, thank you so much ❤️
Thank you for these helpful insights.
Your you tubes are so great and helpful. Thank you ❤
I like the company of animals people are not my strong point
Yes!
2 horses. 2 cats, and a dog here❤
This is too much work lol. I’m just gonna have a dog and call it a day.
2 dogs!
Dogs are fine friends!
Or cats…
It is work . A compromise is to just be around people but don't expect things from them . Enjoy nature and dscover new places around you . Have a pet or take time around animals that are domesticated.
It’s not work if you pick the right friends, which is her point.
SO thankful to have learned these important lessons about friendship. Just had one fall apart because she was far too controlling. Starting a new friendship now. Thankfully I have these skills.
Good luck!
Nika@TeamFairy
I just want to say THANK YOU. I am so glad i have found your channel ❤
This is great Anna. I am learning a lot. Thank you for your energy and sharing your wisdom.
Here's my 2 cents. I was able to watch my folks in grown-up atmospheres and then the different old grind at home. Shut up, no, you shut up!!!😮😂 mother taught me that alliances were never gangs but were good for info. Trades. I slowly learned,( slowly), how to carefully trade or not trade with people and know there might be desolving events also. I was sad about this part but was proud that i hadn't said too much and injured my pride or theirs. Its hard to do. Most of my chatter isn't building anything. No pressure is my way. Then, suddenly, someone like me is there chatting and exchaging. Most people can't!!! They're uneducated about how or why. If they have 1 relative or a cat, they don't feel the need until they are suddenly alone. You can tell who they are. They only talk about troubles. Grocery checkers are great teachers of interesting easy exchange.
What a great video. I need to sit back and listen to people more. ❤
I'm overwhelmed by how profound and true is everything you told here
It sounds like you're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I have discovered you recently. I deeply appreciate your ability to teach me through reactive states of distraction, anger, apathy, and more. Reading that letter as one of the voices in the writer’s head really struck me.. such a great way to illustrate that is so normal, understandable, and relatable to feel bad and like something wasn’t right in that friendship. Learning about what boundaries really are is so freeing. Thank you for what you do and for sharing your difficult and vulnerable journey with us. It is so special and important for so many people.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! Glad you are a part of our community here. Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
You are so wise! And so kind, diplomatic and caring! So glad I discovered you!
Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy
My parents never had any 'strangers' in the home.I realize now that he was isolating us from the outside world b/c he was abnormal. I had many friends growing up; most of my friends were in my buidling or in the neighborhood and school. We were running around the streets all day and i appreciate that i grew up at a time when this was the norm. However, I was never allowed to go sleep away camp or even sleep overs at friends, nor could friends sleep over my home. I have lost many friends over the years, mostly for no apparent reason, we just drifted apart, I travelled solo alot for decades, and some of my friends became parents, which almost always results in them seeking out other parents as friends. When i married, i lost more friends for some reason.When i divorced no one had any kind words to say. When my life went to shit for the last 3 years, none of my long term friends were there for me and have not been. It seems that many relationships are superficial these days. I don't do those kinds of relationships. The moment i sense that the friendship is not real, i am out. I prefer to spend my time with my dog and cats.
Such great advice.❤
Fantastic and kind guidance! Thanks!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Nika@TeamFairy
I’ve found that most Christian church’s have small groups you can join to make new friends. Most of the people I’ve met through those have been really nice! They have tons of groups to join from moms groups to Bible studies, to hike meet ups, & everything in between. You don’t have to be “religious” to join, the people are friendly & just glad you joined most of the time. Or volunteering also is a great way to make new friends & generally good hearted people you can connect with.
I wonder if one of the reasons friends just drop off of the earth is that they are uncomfortable setting boundaries with their friends. I have a friend since high school that we never agreed on topics when we were younger but as we have both matured and had life experiences, maaaaan I agree with more of the things she says and there have been times I've corrected her and she accepted not being right in that moment and you can tell she's very humble. She's more successful than I am but I've never once felt jealous, just inspired and she's never made me feel less than because I'm not as accomplished. We don't talk often because we are adults living our lives and she's planning to start a family, but when we do it's always nice and she's told me that even if we don't talk often we have a stable foundation.
I think your boundary theory is a good one.
This hit home.
Thank you, I can confirm a lot of these techniques are helpful in dealing with friends. As someone that's had closer friends than family I try to cherish the relationships I have and I learned to maybe keep it to myself a little more and not fear the small talk. Making continuing this paragraph a bit much? But I just want to say that trying not to burn bridges as you walk away is a strong move. Silent treatment is understandable and maybe called for but used sparingly and never forever in my opinion.
Just now getting into the reaching out to new good people phase, it's just that my family seems to re traumatize each day, when they ignore my accident. They act like they don't understand how difficult it has been adapting to paraplegic life, or that I even had an accident making me this way. They're always asking why I don't dance and sing anymore, ugh 😢 on top of the cptsd, new daily downers.
❤❤I realized thah I have not been a good friend. Thanks startintg today May 1th doing these practices
You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
You are so great!
I notice that people are turning to dogs more and more.😂lol
Thank you for the video
Thanks for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
My relationship with my parents and my bf have gotten so much better. I feel like I’m finally healing in that aspect but now I’m sinking a bit in the friendship department. I simply feel drained or don’t make the effort with friends anymore .. like I don’t try😕
You might like Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp. It can help improve relationships with acquaintances and the people close to you. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Mira's story hit home for me. This happened to me twice. My circle of friends was infiltrated by the new friend and then I was excluded. The trick is to slow down with new people and observe.
Please be our good friends.
❤
I ❤️ you, CCF!🧚♀️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
You are great at defining the problems to the point I cant put up with it. I doubt you are nearly as good at describing the solution. Frankly, you move me in the wrong direction.
I sort of have the opposite problem. I get really good at identifying people who have issues, stay away and that ironically causes me more issues. I haven't found enough normal people to hang out with so I keep to myself. Thankfully I am pretty introverted anyway.
I never had any friends ever in my life. All my life, I felt like an outsider trying to get inside somehow. I learned that that psyche was mostly created by the feeling that my mother & father didn't want me but it's healing lately. I also had my share of relationship failure. I guess friendship failure and relationship failure are one and the same thing.
If there is one thing I've learned in my healing journey that's life changing, it's the importance of learning the importance of boundaries and learning to set it.
I see, especially in these groups, where many guys experience same heartbreaks I experience and I can almost see others walking into the same pain I walked into or repeating the cycles that gave me sleepless nights. And in all of them, the one thing I see is that the individual hasn't imbibed the energy of boundaries in their relationships. Whenever I see others walking to relationships with their hopes up, I wanna scream to them to not jump in until and unless they've installed boundaries in their system... but I think it's also a harsh thing to say outloud, bluntly but I feel it's the truth.
I just hope we all receive the help, support and love we deserve and need.
I have always gravitated towards people who take up a lot of space, as such that the friendship is always one sided, they talk and i listen. I wouldn't say that they are terrible people but just all about themselves, and i probably have fed into it overtime and made it worse. Now when i meet new people and they are interested in getting to know me and ask me questions it kind of freaks me out. I also kknd of worry alot because i don't want to share any bad stuff but having to lie over time has gotten so tiresome. So i just prefer not to share and it just beces awkward and gets worse.
Sadly those space takers - are taking up the entire space - leaving no space for the real you. They are monologers and those who are perpetual listeners are hiding themselves from themselves and the rest of the world.
Please talk more about friendship😢
10:08 Instant classic advice.
As someone with CPTSD I'm oddly pretty good at making great friends - never managed to build a romantic relationship. But platonic friendships should be fairly easy - look for group activities, look into forming hobbies or get involved with your religious community (depends on the religion). Close friendships can take time to build, unless you find that person you just immediately click with, it depends. Intimacy isn't something you look for or build, it's something that you just do as part of who you are. You should be able to have an intimate conversation with a stranger on a bus, for example. I kind of disagree that you shouldn't talk about your trauma because it puts people off. If that's something you're going through, use it as a filter to find people who still stick around and talk to you. But also pay attention to the age of the recipient. Younger people don't know how to react and are just afraid, older people know how to get real a lot better. Heidi Priebe, on her channel, made a good point that when you really want to talk about something, but the people around you shame you out of your true authentic self, then look for other people who do share that interest rather than conform yourself. Sorry this was a bit long.
How do we heal trauma? Im 46 and been trying to sort my head out since the age 15. The older i get the harder and complex things get. You described my life of friendship here. I have no friends really these day and am quite reclusive.😢
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step to heal the symptoms. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
I am the same, at peace sometimes and really lonely other times❤sending hugs.
NOOOooo...Let her have it and tell her! LOL...I leaned this way while listening, but it may never do any good for anybody. People are in different places at different times, it seems.
I always quote from the movie "A Beautiful Mind." Russell Crow plays the character of John Nash. He says that the famous philosopher/economist Adam Smith was wrong who believed that one should do what is right for oneself alone and that this is the best thing for the economy (group, or society). John Nash believed that the better way is to do what it is right for oneself AND for the group. That the best outcome of any relationship problem is considering both at the same time.
Can we send this to all social media around the planet plz❤
Clip it. Remix it. Share it. The power is ours. We can if you do. ❤
Sometimes I feel that I'm wrong and this video is helpfull😢
Couldn’t live without my friends. We’ve been friends for thirty years and they are loyal to me.
Most of the things you talk about I can totally relate to, but not the stuff about having a hard time making friends. My problem is just the opposite - people LOVE me, or at least they LOVE the person they think I am - the one who will feed their dog and listen to their problems, and lend them my stuff. The thing is, I just mostly want them all to go away and leave me alone! In my experience "friend" is just another word for "leech." I KNOW the problem is me - I feel like people are always wanting me to do stuff for them, and I'm ALWAYS in the position of saying no, which makes me feel like I'm a horrible selfish person. But seriously, your story about going to a party and just listening... not talking about yourself at all - that's sort of my life when it comes to friends. People LOVE it, but honestly, I'd rather be Tom Hanks in Castaway or Will Smith in I am Legend. I barely have time and energy enough to take care of myself, why do I need a bunch of "friends" to suck dry whatever's left? I've actually just cut off communication with most of my friends because I can't stand the constant demands. So my question is, how do I make people leave me alone?
This is a really good video, this is helping me with the problem I’m going through .i want to ask and tell my story to the adviser what happen to me at work with my friend I really consider her as a sister . Can you reach out to me.
Thank you for watching! If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
Hearing all that makes me feel like im not a good friend at all. But it makes me wonder... am i just not a good friend because i dont really need that much connection? I have a social job in a Kindergarden. I am very much liked by the staff and the children. I have good conversations with them and on parties everybody tells my boyfriend "your girlfriend is so nice!". My point is that its maybe enough for me to have those very loose friends, a close boyfriend and thats it??? Back then i was pften sad because i had no close friends but honestly i didnt really try to get close to someone because it always felt like work being close to most people (because they're not my cup of tea). I now think that i was just sad that nobody liked me and not because i was lonely. I like being alone.
I like being alone most of the time. I could really relate to your comment❤
While nobody's perfect, I feel like I'm doing most of the warm & friendly behaviors yet others are not. I can talk with anyone, but what if they're quiet & withdrawn? You can ask Q's all day long & be an active listener, yet it's awkward when they don't engage. It's also difficult to have decent conversations in crowded environments without getting interrupted. Even if we're away from the group someone will ultimately approach & change the topic or pull the other person(s) away. It takes participation by BOTH sides to find or maintain meaningful connections. Any advice (besides moving to another city or state)?
The struggle I’ve always had is once you start getting close to someone then becomes like a competition, does anyone else have to deal with that?
Hi! That hearing thing does the magic until you realise that 2 years have passed and they still haven't asked a single question about you and you were just used...
Can someone please answer this for me: is drama inevitable with friends? and at workplaces? I am trying to live a drama-free (or as drama-free as possible) life but this is all so new to me, am I playing a game that I am doomed to lose?
It is exhausting is all I know.
6:00
You may have ptsd, but if a person is fake and they are an asshole. If you respond accordingly, it's not because you have ptsd. Its because THEY ARE AN ASSHOLE. Own your own, but it isn't always your fault because you have ptsd.
So true...lots of fake personalities.
I have a difficult time finding friends who "get me" because of several traumas I have had to endure..1) sexual abuse in my childhood,2) Physical Injuries( Including a Traumatic Brain Injury(TBI),and 3) the murder of a dear female friend by her fiance... I feel like I live on an island sometimes . Sad😢..
You may like Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- that provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy