Brilliant. A partner is an extension of the Narcissist, and Narcissists don't want to be reminded that you or they are actually human with imperfections.
100%! 🤝 To accept someone's bodily noises, it shows humility, compassion, acceptance and a genuine sense of humor. Those offended tend to be uptight, judgemental, hyper-controlling, disconnected and fail to see humor in the most simplest things in life. Those that care( about your functions), will get offended. Those that don't care, will overlook or even laugh with you.
Absolutely! I have scoliosis and once dated a man who would insult me about my shoulders not being even. He'd act like I was ruining the entire date because of the imperfection. Not once did he ask if the condition caused me pain.
I love this candor. I was in a new relationship following a toxic (likely narcissistic) abusive relationship of 5 years. The two of us were sitting at our kitchen table eating dinner and I burped. My new boyfriend told me I was 'disgusting' for it. Though I didn't know why, I knew it was time to nip this in the bud after just 5 weeks.
Perfect example of projection like only a narcissistic person or a misogynist could deliver on cue! Either way you need to put them in the rear view mirror ASAP 😉 congratulations for passing the fart test!
One of my husband's proudest moments was when he made me laugh so hard that I farted and rolled out of the bed, continuing to laugh and fart while lying on the floor, because I just couldn't control myself.
My ex narc was cunning. He made me feel at ease about the first fart. Then he spent the next 18 years reminding me how great he was for accepting me, farts and all. He even told our kids about the first time! It created such cognitive dissonance because I felt like "oh he doesn't mind it"and at the same time felt really embarrassed. Now that I am away from him, and after reflecting on this video, I can see how disgustingly abusive it was!
My ex would frequently relay embarrassing stories to family and often friends, and sometimes would tell his coworkers about said stories when I wasn't there to defend myself, but he made a point to tell me he told them, he always made it sound like it was funny, but it embarrassed me and he didn't seem to think it was a big deal, even when I told him I didn't like it and even when I tried to get him to stop, he didn't- it just changed from public to private humiliation. I honestly, never thought of it before... this opened my eyes too.
My father is a malignant narcissist. He would be appalled when anyone else farted, however, he was also sadistic and would proudly fart and especially "crop dust" anyone present and laugh boisterously when he did this.... Rules for thee, not for me; that sort of attitude.
This happened with a guy I dated. He would say funny things so I would laugh and sometimes snort, and he got disgusted saying ‘no one snorts around me’! And he was serious! He started off with comments then started making digs so I stopped seeing him. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The first fart moment IS more memorable than the first kiss. I recall a night where the man I was dating and I had been playing a board game on the floor. Something funny was said, and we both broke out in belly laughs. He put his arm around me and tickled me during this moment of laughter, and out slipped a fart. We were already laughing uncontrollably, but this occurrence raised the laughter even higher. I was embarrassed, but this fart moment revealed a solid loving relationship.
We have to make it funny, it cuts through the embarrassment and makes it a normal thing. He it happens. I’m plant based an brand are in my menu daily so by 8 pm if you tickle me you will get some farting haha
I enjoyed this segment very much & just want to remind women who are still dating men now… we need to discern projection & walk away ASAP even if we don’t know whether it’s from narcissism or misogyny or plain immaturity
Lol. A friend once told me that as a child he was convinced for the longest time women don't fart. Then, one memorable day his mom rocked his world view
Thank you for keeping it real, Dr. R.!! My second husband and I have been married for over 20 WONDERFUL years. When we started dating, I was "warned" that he is VERY gassy!! Well, Dave was raised as a gentleman and withheld his "talent" from me until I "broke" the ice. We were out of town, in our hotel room and I told him that I wasn't feeling well. I said that I needed to pass gas. He said, "Go ahead". So, I did. It was the LOUDEST, LONGEST, SMELLIEST fart I have EVER produced. And I was MORTIFIED!! Dave covered his face with his pillow, had tears streaming down his face and HOWLED with laughter!! He said, "WOW, I wasn't expecting that!!" My embarrassment quickly shifted into my own howls of uncontrollable laughter. There was no shaming and no judgement. I knew from his reaction that this was a SAFE relationship.
Hahahaha!! That’s so wonderful!😂 I always thought I must be a little crazy to think that my relationship with ‘ Mr. Perfect’ went south after I’d thought he’d left for work as I slept & I let out a big one. I think it’s hilarious now but at the time, he shamed me big time & our relationship changed. He left me for someone else soon after. So, the fart test is a good metric. Let them rip, empaths, if you must & see if the person has a sense of humor.
Something I've always wondered, and it really does stick in my mind a lot for some reason. The relationship between a narcissist and food. Be that the food preparation, obsessions regarding food, or even food hygiene. I think it'd be an interesting topic for a video if you've not already done one on it.
Don't know exactly what area you wanted to know on this - but I just spotted the comment and made me think of a very early indicator of incredibly odd behaviour I had from someone in the past... at the time I'd just met them, it was maybe the second or third time I think of being at their place casually, and they made dinner for themselves, me and the rest of their family, despite me saying no thank you and I'd eat at home later, then consistently badgered me that I wasn't eating the food, joking, mocking, I thought at the time - light-hearted, despite it going on too long to be a 'normal' joke. It was dropped, or so I thought, until later when I'd been convinced to stay over despite initially saying I couldn't, acted as if I was really wanted there, as soon as any opportunity to leave was gone (out of hours for public transport and no available lift), I was completely ignored for the remainder of the evening, while they left me alone and sat on the computer at the other end of the room without engaging with me once. When I eventually inquired what was going on, they immediately became enraged at me about the dinner (?!?) again, and when I shut down the conversation by not engaging, because it seemed ridiculous, they disappeared. I assumed they'd popped out and were coming back, but no, they'd gone to bed, and left me alone in a house I didn't know... a family member came in hours later and asked where the person was and I said I had no idea. In the morning, after sitting awake/trying to make some sort of bed on a couch, all they had to say was 'well, was I hard to find?' as if I'd been in the wrong/should have known what to do. I should have noticed from that, and many other things (!), but of course I was always made to feel I had been in the wrong somehow, and ended up in a relationship with that person - who, throughout, would get very angry at me/ignore me/belittle me/demean me to others any time I didn't eat food they'd made/bought, or drink a drink they'd made/bought, even if I'd said I didn't want or didn't like it or I felt unwell. Interestingly, they, among other accusations, had accused their 'crazy ex' of previously poisoning their drinks/food, while we were together and they were convincing me and anyone else their ex was the bad guy and they were the poor victim good guy, but when I left, they accused me of all the same things I'd heard them say of the ex, and I knew I wasn't doing them, but they were... so I've since wondered what was in that food they were so angry about...
@HarlemRiver 777 That's the way to do it. I saved money for three years. Had a little safe hidden away, all in cash. While you're at it before you leave, make sure to crop dust wherever he is or will be every chance you get. It's so incredibly passive aggressive, but it's fun. Then leave! 😂😂😂 👊. 💪💪💪
Damn this is so Crazy, I thought about this yesterday! I was in relationship with someone who farted from time to time, he even gave his farts a weird name because they were so intense. I just laughed it off. After months I was with him in the car and I farted but it wasn‘t intentionally. When he noticed, he stared at me in disbelief and said very upset: „Did you just fart?“. I started laughing because I thought he was joking but nope. He was actually angry and disgusted with me and a few weeks later he broke up with me because he „lost feelings“. I have to say we were both in our early 20‘s but there were other red flegs too. I always thought it was just misogyny, now I see the superficiality and the huge double standard in this.
😮 wow! Gas happens, people. It just does (and yeah, it often is even worse as one gets older: maybe because older bodies just don't digest food quite as efficiently 🤷♀️).
Whats that new thing they call, yeah "the ick." I don't really understand that, but from what I've seen from TV, it sounds like he got "the ick." The closest thing I got to that is when I see them mistreating animals or children. Being a mean person is a turn off for me.
My ex would physically harm me if I farted anywhere near him. On the 2 occasions two tiny ones slipped out while near him he flew into a rage, hurt me, and said I disrespected him by farting on him. If this sounds familiar to anyone RUN! I’m glad I can still find farts funny even if they will always remind me of that loser.
Only a narcissist could actually take a fart, burp or whatever, as a personal insult. Mine was offended by food & if I had something on my plate he didn’t like because it reminded him of baby food or poop, he’d make a scene even in a restaurant! Wish I had just got up & left him there but that was his tactic & finally he just disappeared from my life 😉
I was married for 33 yrs and NEVER deliberately farted in front of my husband because he would mock me, shame me and basically tell me how disgusting I was. He would even comment when I was in the bathroom with the door closed! He hated any bodily noise. Coughing, sneezing, hiccuping even choking!!! He would get super annoyed at me AND our children. I’m so glad I’m away from him and in my own space where I can do whatever the heck I want!!
Maggie! 😂 I'm laughing my head off at the way you wrote your comment, because oh my god, the things we go through with these people! Poor you! I'm so happy you can do whatever you want now!
Good for You. I had an ex partner who I farted a lot in bed with and she wasn't impressed. Sometimes things were so sweaty during sex that an occasional skid mark showed on the bed sheet and she would get so angry with me. None of it was deliberate but sometimes shit happens
My ex-narcissist had no problems with bodily functions, farts, etc... what he did have a problem with was any negative emotion where I was upset or angry with him and clearly defined my boundaries. I was never one to lose my shit at all, wouldn't throw a temper tantrum or anything like that, but when he pushed my boundaries and I i pushed back, even if i was completely calm in my demeanor, that's when he decided I was no longer attractive to him and would end things with me, that happened about 4 or 5 times before i finally walked for good, but keeping such strict control over my emotions to avoid his outbursts and threats massively took it's toll on me
My ex had just left the house in a fit of rage, I was in my own bedroom nursing our daughter and I guess was having some bad gas so I let one go. He came back in the house and to my room right after I farted to get something he forgot and was so disgusted and angry. He said, "God what is wrong with you?!?! I KNOW you did that on purpose because you want her (our baby) to be basking in it (my gas), that's the kind of person you are!!!" I felt so ashamed and humiliated, not only because I farted but because it was just another chance for him to tell me what a horrible person I am. That was one of those moments that really stuck with me, which is kind of good, whenever I start to think maybe he wasn't so bad and maybe it was just me, that memory brings me back to reality. Now its just me and my daughter in the house and we think its hilarious when one of us farts : )
I have never in my life ever heard my narcissistic mother fart. My sister and I joke about it still. If we farted, it was always regarded as shameful and my mom would be very offended and she would shake her head. This was even when we were kids.
😂 My inner child immediately responded with laughter! It felt good. I knew a narcissist who actually enjoyed farting very loudly at odd times just to test people’s reactions and he was NOT mortified in the least. Loud and proud.
LOL love this - I was in a prolonged on and off again relationship for 7 years that destroyed me. HE DID NOT FART ONCE. Not ONCE! I farted for the first time while he was breaking up with me, I was nervous my stomach was twisting and I tried to hold it in but I let a little toot out, and he NEVER let me live it down.
I also dated a narcissist and he would purposely try to humiliate me in front of other people and chose the moment to reveal my human side for everyone to hear ..
I never felt comfortable farting around my ex-husband. Come to think of it, I don't think he farted around me either. Can't remember us burping. I used to apologize for yawning. He refused to take off his socks at home. I rarely ever saw his bare feet in ten years of our relationship. We had some weird quirks. Mine stemmed from my parents (mother) getting mad if I made a peep, much less let a noxious odor escape my person, so I tried to be as non-gross as possible. It was a personal failure if I farted or burped or had any sort of bodily function around my family. I was shamed for being normal. Seen and certainly not heard, ever. Not sure what my ex's hang-up was, but I'll bet it originated from the same place. Thank you for the chuckle this morning, Dr. Ramani. I will now think of the fart test to test if I am really comfortable with a person. I realize now, all my life, that I haven't been. I've never felt safe to do those natural things around anyone. Three cheers for insecurity and childhood trauma! Woo!
I remember a clip from Good Will Hunting, where Robin Williams confronted Matt Damon about Matt Damon's experience of true love. Robin Williams mentioned about his deceased wife, who farted during her sleep and woken up because of it and blamed Robin Williams for farted so loud, and he accepted it for his deep love to his wife.
I wish that I am as calm as Robin Williams in that movie clip. In reality, I have too much pride and easily offended even from a narcissistic spouse. Which mean, I am also narcissist. Sad. They say calm and cool spouse would tame hot and aggressive spouse. But, I don't know. What do you think?
This isn’t a narcissism problem, it’s a problem with expectations of women put in place by media over the past 100 years. Men rarely see women without makeup (actually without makeup, no foundation, nothing), so when they do they react like a soda drinker reacts when they drink lacroix. It’s the same thing for women when they see a man cry. It grosses them out because it’s extremely rare to see a man cry due to societal expectations put in place by media.
I've never been grossed out by seeing a man cry. It concerns me when I see it because they're so trained to hide their emotions, they have to really be under serious strain to show an emotion that society says is a sign of weakness.
No one wears makeup where I live. It’s for special occasions, celebrities, or high powered people in thousand dollar suits running companies and secretaries at beauty salons. You might wanr to get out of your cultural bubble before you make universal statements.
i'm happily divorced and thus single. i'll never have to worry about the fart test again, thank goodness. i get to just be myself all the time and love myself just as i am. and i could not be more thankful to be who and where i am right now.
A few months before he discarded me, he would sit in the recliner next to me and “aim” his farts at me. It was definitely disrespectful. So, farts can be aggressive and purposely launched by a narcissist in order to demean a partner.
HiLARious!!! This topic has loomed LARGE my entire life! The fact that many people feel utterly embarrassed and sheepishly mutter "Excuse me" for something that occurs on average 20 times a day each and every day for every single person...mystifies me, despite the fact that I'm one of the many. I recall having such bad gas pains in school from holding back all day. They were so bad some days that I had to walk slightly bent over to ease the pain.
Well there we go. You have answered my longstanding question from where comes that outlandish statistical average. Some people had to be making up for my lack. I figured a hardy group of flatulants must be expressing to the extreme their innermost thoughts with their hairy puckered lower lips because my daily life produced no such number blasts. Perhaps in sleep an occasional release happened --- of which I was unaware. However it was not until 5 decades of living passed, after a celebratory dinner of roast Turkey, 🦃 , a usual suspect fowl known for prompting foul gaseous explosions, that without warning, no abdominal pressure nor hint of pain, a rush of air burst free, ascended the scales of the Treble Clef, descended and ceased, as abruptly as it began. Standing in a kitchen doorway, I was talking with the narcopathic control-freak who was breaking my brother's spirit, sucking his soul from him, mentally, psychologically, abusing him. I was trying to get a read on her, in conversation, find what further manipulations she secretly planned before months later, the demonic soul-sucking emotional vampire drove him to suicide by shotgun fired at his heart. I look upon that memorable moment of shock scale farting as my body trying to tell me this banally evil schemer deserved tagging with the Old World curse: "May the stench of a thousand fly-swarmed outhouses perfume your passage through life" 🪰💩. That frequency statistic I cannot believe without further reveal how it was arrived at 'scientifically', not anecdotally.
My husband would act all disgusted with me when I farted declaring, "Women don't fart!" After him treating me like garbage for years on end, I would just let go instead of trying to hide it.
Hahaha good for you!! 🎉 I sort of started doing the same. The first time, I did it away from him quietly but the fan was on, and it went into the fan and spread it all around 😂 he was traumatised and never let it go 😂 yet he'd been farting loudly and obnoxiously and ceaselessly for TWO years!!! 😂
Yup, even farting can be weaponised by narcissists. I've known narcissistic folks who eat large amounts of gas inducing foods (e.g. cabbage, beans) and then will deliberately crop dust rooms to annoy people with their nasty stink. One such person I know even had the nerve to go up to people who were sitting and fart in their faces. All so they can have a laugh at others expense. Heaven forbid if anyone else farts unintentionally, though.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Steve_porss1 is the man , I share similar experiences with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and addiction. Psilocybin mushrooms have been a game-changer for me, aiding greatly in my recovery and sobriety."
I suffered severe depression several years ago. I could remember several years ago after divorce with my wife which brought me into my disastrous journey on Alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with cptsd. I wish those were more easily accessible where I live. Microdosing was my next step for my husband. He's 59 & dealing with lots of mental health challenges, possible CTE & a TBI that put him in a coma for 8 days. Unfortunately, I had to get a TPO since he's 6'6, over 300 pounds, and showing violent behavior, constantly talking about harming others. He's aggressive. To anyone reading this, if you're familiar with BPD, is it common to have an obsession with violence?
If you can’t be yourself or fart near your partner, that’s a red flag. “ True love is the person who listens to you fart, and just draws you closer when it happens.” 😂 Great topic, Dr Ramani!💕
Love is standing in line with your bud. And slipping out a real stinky smelly silent one. And telling your bud you need to go get something else. I’ll be right back😂
My very narcissistic ex would lay in bed and purposely force smelly farts. Even with bearing down and grunting sounds. I had asked him multiple times to please stop gassing me. He had total lack of consideration for anyone else. I am totally understanding if an accidental fart occurs (we all have them and usually excuse ourselves afterwards), but to purposefully force it to happen just to stink your partner out?! No “excuse me” because it was deliberate. That’s just inconsiderate. He would also leave feces on the shower walls, the handheld shower head, in the tub drain, light switches, you name it! Because he claims he farted in the shower 🤮
@@ArtistProtagonist thank you for this validation. Because, of course, he would gaslight me and try to tell me it was completely normal. I would have to wash doorknobs and light switches constantly because he wouldn’t wash his hands, even after having a bowel movement! 🤮 He would accuse me of being OCD when I would ask him to please not empty the dishwasher unless he washed his hands first. He worked in construction and his hands were always filthy. I was hopeful that when the pandemic hit and there were all these videos on how to wash your hands properly, that he would learn how. He never did! He still doesn’t know how to wash them. 🤦🏼♀️
@@dk5755 Omg my sweet sister I'm so so incredibly sorry 😥🫂🫂 Not only is it so disgusting and dehumanising...(I feel like I'm reading the account of someone in a concentration camp or North Korean camp) He has the evil, cruel nerve to Gaslight you on top of it by saying you have ocd (which is just a stepping stone to probably worse mental things he might tack on to strip away your agency and self trust) What a horrific disgusting man... Its so tragic that you had to go through that 🫂 I couldn't write more earlier cuz I was really stumped and lost for words
He made fun of how I talked and how I laughed. He actually got mad of me and told me to talk like a normal person. That was just after we got married. What a shock.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
I’m smiling as I remember watching Frankie and Grace and Grace started dating the younger gentleman. She made a point of going out of her way so to look look her best in the morning and doing everything she could to hide her physical limitations with this gentleman, I’m smiling.
You are adorable, Doctor Ramani! It made me laugh a little bit, but so adorable. Absolutely loved this video. I’ve heard that holding in gas can be really painful and uncomfortable and it may lead to severe health issues, so, please, let it out, haha, without fear. Whether it is burping, farting, or whatever, the person will love you for who you are, they’ll fall in love with your heart, not your bodily functions.
My wife of 36 years is a narcissist. She demands absolute control over our finances. She’s a good financial manager, almost a financial hoarder. I didn’t care while I was working, as long as I had fifty bucks in my wallet every day. I’m retired now and still want to live a little. We have plenty of money. Three of our kids graduated from college without student loans. We have one more starting college next year. If I say I want control over x amount a month, she goes ballistic. She calls me inconsiderate among other names. She says she needs the money for the child’s college. We have enough in savings for several colleges. I’m contemplating legal separation. She’s never going to change. It’s just sad to walk after so many years. I’m truly torn. Help.
Thank you for this, video❤ Dr. R, you said it so well ! It's exhausting living with them. Holding back and calculating your "fart" to make sure it comes out at the right time, if ever, with the right sound, right rhythm, and the right way is what makes a partner of a narcissistic person literally sick in mind and body. Thank you for these amazing videos to remind us that" it's not us." Hence, your amazing book, " it's not you." Thank you❤
I knew him almost 40 years, and we were married for 21 years, and I NEVER heard him fart. NEVER. It was something my girlfriends and I would laugh over because it blew their minds as much as it blew mine, but it always bothered me. There was a closeness, an intimacy, that was always missing. Yet another sign of the narcissism I dealt with all those years. Thank you Dr. Ramani, this video hit home for me in a way I never expected!
That's weird and funny: because the narcissist (abusers) I was once with, I never fully recalled them doing that either; not that they didn't, but very seldomly. I did see them starting to do it more frequently when discarding me: and to mock me when no one else was around to witness their other side or behavior. They just stop caring and aloud for their true and disgusting nature to come out in every aspect. Side note: It still pays to be respectful about it. Don't do it out of spite. If you can't hold it, that's understandable; but because of respect, be respectful about it; say Excuse me, or dismiss yourself if you can, and truthfully explain to them why.
Dated someone for too long..past tense! He would always tease, laugh, & joke about 'wind', to the point where he'd tickle & press into my stomach. 'Wind' was apparently hilarious, right up until the reality 'wind' appeared. You guessed it, disdain, criticism, judgment, & disgust. Another character revealing moment that confirmed the relationship was not a healthy one.
Dear Dr Ramani... I reach out to your videos each time I feel I want to text him..or when the thoughts(ruminating you call it) in my head become unbearable.. Your videos, they way you speak and explain those difficult & complicated things it is all life saving.. Really, I mean it..😢Thank you.
I remember hearing someone’s loser husband, tell people how gross it was, when his wife went #2, while giving birth to his baby. As though she could somehow help something, that is extremely normal and natural. It’s so disgusting how some people treat their significant other.
I was not allowed to fart in the toilet because it was close to the bedroom and always he used to say: I can hear you... that was so absurd ! I should have been knowing that something is not OK at all.
That confuses me, because my father, a grandiose narcissist farted and burped as a way to overpower and "express" himself. I felt ashamed and inhibited. It was as if he was "communicating" his disgust and hate in this way. So I'm very interested in the "human side" of this.
I relate to this completely. I didn't realize it until I left my ex husband but I also think he did it to convey his hate and disgust of me. I never thought about the conveying his power but that fits him too. I was very inhibited and made to feel ashamed of I passed gas accidentally or in my sleep. I would actually get out of my bed and go to another room if I was about to pass gas. So sad these people make you feel this way.
@Lulu-Godsbeloved Thank you for sharing! I started to feel myself so dirty from all this hate-display, since it has this physical expression..like someone vomits all over you. I am glad we are on the journey to freedom. 💠
Another great video from Dr Ramani! I'm happy to "toot" your horn, haha! I still am like a juvenile when it comes to this topic and I don't care. Belly laughs are good for you even if you let one slip. Here's an acronym I learned when I was a kid. FART = Federally Authorized Rectal Turbulence. LOL! 😂
It's true that the 'let it go' moment can be a bit of a challenge, but it's also a test of true love. After watching this video, you'll understand that sometimes, the little things are the biggest tests in a great relationship.
Oh, my ex narc used to enter the bathroom (we had 2 bathroom, he had his and I had mine as he was messy and never cleaned). I would tell him I’m going to the bathroom not to disturb and of course he would enter to talk to me while on the toilet, then he would tell me how disgusting it smelled or gross I have my period…the bathroom lock was broken and it was a temporary rental so never replaced the lock. It happen allot, when I would tell him to not enter the bathroom he won’t have to witness my feminine hygiene. He would leave the bathroom furious becasue I couldn’t comfortable talk to me on the spot. Yet, he smell far worst than me considering I was on a clean diet and he wasn’t.
When I fart 💨, my partner in crime doesn’t even blink , this is how I know she unconditionally loves me ❤ Her name is Willow and she is a beautiful Brindle Bullmastiff ….lol…
Awe, a tue unconditional love ❤️🐾🐶🦴 I had a Doxie named Abby who jumped out of her skin in fear of farts, she was and desable senior dog maybr her earring was off and it sounded like a gun shot to her, LOL RIP my baby girl. My other dogs are like Willow :))
I know this! I experienced heavily my parents’ narcissistic side and shame as soon as I wanted to look more like a woman (neat looks, makeup, nice eyebrows…). Also they made me feel ashamed for my not a little girl anymore body, interest in dating… I also remember that I was punished and labeled as a bad girl when I was little and I had displayed curiosity for some parts of my body. This things just leave you with scars. I think doctor Rahmani should do a video on parents ridiculizing kids that grow up, are curious about their body…At least we can keep the main message of this video and adapt it to the parents' situation: a healthy stable parent would never make you feel bad for this things
This is VERY oddly specific! I dated a guy who literally thought women shouldn't fart. Me being young, naive, and having low self-esteem, I would hold in my farts, but it would become painful. One time I let one slip (better out than in) and he threatened to leave my apartment...it wasn't even bad smelling and I wasn't being gross about it either (like when ppl do a dutch oven with a blanket lol). He was a paramedic so obviously he knows women and all ppl have intenstines. It's kind of delusional for him to think i wouldnt have normal human bodily functions... I also need sleep, water, and air too, or does that make me too high maintenance? 🙄
But I would like to say. If a person is a narcissist that person doesn’t care about you, about putting you in a difficult and disgusting situation and they will fart with NO limits. With no care about you. If it happends (fart) when you are laughing together at a movie and you haven't expected. But narcissist will fart next to you when you are eating, you know what I mean? 😂 And it is not about intimacy, it's only about breaking through your boundaries. You are not here, you are an object, you are not a person.
Just got blindsided by a breakup from a narcissist who told me I was no longer attractive to him before he broke up with me. I wasn’t aware that I was dating a NPD until I found this channel! ❤thanks for all the knowledge sharing, I am so grateful that I did all the not so perfect thing of just being myself however it made the narcissist ended the relationship himself cuz I was not perfect anymore. I dodged a huge bullet! And also learnt about myself even more.
Other people accidentally farting is funny to me and hubby. But, we don’t fart in front of each other. It’s gross and a turn off. If he accidentally does it, that’s okay. But, be classy. We are older BTW. 😷 🤢We can control it.
I am SORRY to see that class & respect is gone in this society. What we need to do in bathroom shouldn’t be done in front of our partners & friends & then consider it CUTE!
My ex-husband was obsessed with backdoor sex even though I refused. If I pooped or farted he'd say, "good, now you're all cleaned out. Go wash." Effing disgusting. My new hubby has been with me in the hospital and helped me when I had explosive diarrhea and other complications. He didn't even flinch.
OMG! It's the first time that my Ex would have passed a test that could prove he was NOT a Narcissist! Maybe because it was at the very beginning of our relationship on our first New Years Eve together! He definitely drawed me closer to him as I couldn't retain it and showed me his loving care. And it was due to a non-vintage champagne that did not bubble and had gone bad because it was too old... Years later I found out it had been a gift from one of his favorite patients (narc supply🤮)
My narc hit the roof the first time I farted in bed - said it was the most disrespectful thing he could think of. I told him that expecting me to get up and leave the room in the middle of the night just to trump (British English for fart!) was actually disrespectful and completely unrealistic. I fart. Get over it!! There were sooo many textbook incidents of narcissism, but I didn't know anything about it back then - it took 10 years to get most of my self-esteem back...
One of the first times my girlfriend spent the night, I made pasta with browned butter and garlic for dinner, and that night we both had the most incredible garlic gas. My bedroom was small and we were both contributing to quite an aura hanging in the room. Together almost ten years now, we still chuckle about that night. We're both human, we both have bodily functions, is it even a serious relationship if you can't fart in front of your partner?
Thank you for this Dr. Ramani! Another extension of this "fart" metaphor highlights an interaction I am having with my friend who is struggling with illness. Due to the pain and suffering her recent medical diagnosis is bringing, she feels really down and negative, and I try to encourage her saying " it's normal to feel negative in this situation. It would be concerning if you didn't feel that way at times. It's like gas and farting. We need to release those feelings to get them out of our system." And it made her smile when I told her about how a while ago, when my son wanted to fart, he used to do it near the plants because he learned they like carbon dioxide. Eventually there were mushrooms growing in the dirt of those plants. I joked with her telling her that with our psychological farts, we can make a mushroom farm and enjoy that! I think psychologically we need to feel comfortable passing gas with people who understand. Psychological gas might be worry, might be sadness, might be frustration or any other emotion deemed as socially impolite. When we can feel comfortable and own it, then I think it takes the edge of guilt off the emotion. In a world that demands performative perfection, it's the humanity of feeling ok to share our psychological farts in an honest way that creates space to breathe. Of course, farting too much can be a problem too, so it's striking a balance between politeness and honesty. Thanks for the video and the opportunity to reflect!!
Reminds me of a special quote “Love is the fart Of every heart: It pains a man when ’tis kept close, And others doth offend, when ’tis let loose.” ~ Sir John Suckling
My ex narcissist husband felt the same way. Where he got that idea I have no clue. Maybe his idea of women developed from porn magizines or porn movies or a blow up doll. Who knows but it sure showed how ignorant he was about females!
I guess im still a juvenile when it comes to this. I still laugh when it happens...whether its me or someone else. Especially in inappropriate situations like church. But with my wife i dismiss it as "barking spiders" and she smiles and never reacts negatively. She doesnt find it childishly funny like i do but it never turns into an issue. Btw...i think the reason i still laugh at it is because growing up i was forbidden to laugh at it. My dad made that very hard as he was quite flatulent.
This is my 2nd favorite video you've produced :) Thank you. (The first is "10 things narcissists can do to change their narcissistic behavior") Thank you!
My former spouse is a narcissist and he never even tried to be polite, even at the beginning. My family would just say "excuse me" if we didn't make it to the restroom or another room. But he literally never cared to be polite. He was very strange about "bathroom" issues.
"I'm not advocating for passing gas as a first date opener..." 🤣😂🤣😂 Thanks for a good laugh! The first time I spent the night with the man I'm dating right now, he made us homemade chili for dinner. We got that "first fart" moment out of the way soon after that.
If you have to suppress ANYTHING that is fundamental to who you are as a person, they are not your friend. The right person will love you, and that's why I'm not afraid to be a goofball in public. The people you want in your life will be the ones that stick around, and the trash will take itself out. "Be yourself because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
I I have been in situations where someone makes it a point to be disgusting. I'm all for being human and I'm all for accepting the passing of gas or accepting belches. But I have also been in situations where people know that it bothers me and they and they go ahead and don't bother about my feelings. That's a strange form of gaslighting. No pun there.
I learned this in such a brutal way ..I think I'm permanently broken by the cruelty....maybe my heart can heal. I'm not sure. I feel so worthless, reduced down to what I would or wouldn't do sexually....discarded for strangers who could care less about her, but I guess "perform" as required I pray I'll heal ..
@softpawsasmr It takes time. You will heal but you have to work on that, healing. I've healed, it took about three years to unwind my psyche from the conditioning.
I knew this guy at uni who I'm sure was a vulnerable narcissist. One of his favourite stories he told over and over was how once his ex girlfriend farted in her sleep and he laughed so hard he woke her up.
😢. OMG This vid is so humanly important for woman. After having kids some woman just don’t have control. It is because of episiotomies. One woman sued her delivery doctor because her husband left her, because she couldn’t control farts a couple times. Yep probably both narcissists. 😢
This was my life growing up around my parents. I’m older now so I see the error of their ways but no excuse for the way they acted. My dad was the main culprit and I notice now that the same put downs that where said to us kids was also being said to my mom. My dad was constantly making my mom the butt of every joke and berating her for just burping or chewing too loud. It’s not right that my mom said some of these same means things back at me but I don’t blame her one bit. My dad having us all on edge all the time was so abusive and toxic. I only now years later see how abusive and weird it was that my dad would go on a witch hunt to find out who had gone #2 in the bathroom just to embarrass them infront of everyone. I’m in the beginning stages of trying to heal and finding therapy that can help me. I have all this shame and guilt for everything that I do. I was made to feel this was my whole life. It’s incredibly debilitating and I won’t forgive my dad for this. Parents are suppose to support you will love and care. It’s not based on how much money or funds are spent on the kids or that you didn’t physically beat us. Edit: for reference my mom died 7 years ago from cancer. She was abused and tormented by my dad for years. It was the best blessing she could have gotten.
Ladies: IMO - Mark Brocklebank (1973) Buxted, Uckfield, East Sussex UK 🇬🇧- covert narcissist- beware of him on socials and apps. Very deceptive and manipulative for supply and gain. Plays the depressed victim. Lots of lies including that he is divorced.
The only way to pass the fart test is to not get yourself “gaslighted” 😅
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😂😂😂😂😂
Brilliant. A partner is an extension of the Narcissist, and Narcissists don't want to be reminded that you or they are actually human with imperfections.
100%! 🤝
To accept someone's bodily noises, it shows humility, compassion, acceptance and a genuine sense of humor.
Those offended tend to be uptight, judgemental, hyper-controlling, disconnected and fail to see humor in the most simplest things in life.
Those that care( about your functions), will get offended.
Those that don't care, will overlook or even laugh with you.
Absolutely! I have scoliosis and once dated a man who would insult me about my shoulders not being even. He'd act like I was ruining the entire date because of the imperfection. Not once did he ask if the condition caused me pain.
💯🙄
I love this candor. I was in a new relationship following a toxic (likely narcissistic) abusive relationship of 5 years. The two of us were sitting at our kitchen table eating dinner and I burped. My new boyfriend told me I was 'disgusting' for it. Though I didn't know why, I knew it was time to nip this in the bud after just 5 weeks.
Perfect example of projection like only a narcissistic person or a misogynist could deliver on cue! Either way you need to put them in the rear view mirror ASAP 😉 congratulations for passing the fart test!
One of my husband's proudest moments was when he made me laugh so hard that I farted and rolled out of the bed, continuing to laugh and fart while lying on the floor, because I just couldn't control myself.
My ex narc was cunning. He made me feel at ease about the first fart. Then he spent the next 18 years reminding me how great he was for accepting me, farts and all. He even told our kids about the first time! It created such cognitive dissonance because I felt like "oh he doesn't mind it"and at the same time felt really embarrassed. Now that I am away from him, and after reflecting on this video, I can see how disgustingly abusive it was!
Yes! Sounds like a form of public humiliation. Glad you're out of that relationship!
My ex would frequently relay embarrassing stories to family and often friends, and sometimes would tell his coworkers about said stories when I wasn't there to defend myself, but he made a point to tell me he told them, he always made it sound like it was funny, but it embarrassed me and he didn't seem to think it was a big deal, even when I told him I didn't like it and even when I tried to get him to stop, he didn't- it just changed from public to private humiliation. I honestly, never thought of it before... this opened my eyes too.
My 8 year old daughter overhearing this: “Is this a fart podcast? Can I hear it?” Me: “YES!”
My kids will come soon as I watch 😂
I don't wear makeup and i have a lot of gas. I'm a narcissist's worst nightmare! Thank God!
@@kimapel1528 😂
🤣🤣
This should keep them at bay. Brilliant strategy!
@@kimmieshimmie It's my secret weapon! 😂
Its from eating fruit and vegetables and beans etc
My father is a malignant narcissist. He would be appalled when anyone else farted, however, he was also sadistic and would proudly fart and especially "crop dust" anyone present and laugh boisterously when he did this.... Rules for thee, not for me; that sort of attitude.
This happened with a guy I dated. He would say funny things so I would laugh and sometimes snort, and he got disgusted saying ‘no one snorts around me’! And he was serious! He started off with comments then started making digs so I stopped seeing him. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The first fart moment IS more memorable than the first kiss. I recall a night where the man I was dating and I had been playing a board game on the floor. Something funny was said, and we both broke out in belly laughs. He put his arm around me and tickled me during this moment of laughter, and out slipped a fart. We were already laughing uncontrollably, but this occurrence raised the laughter even higher. I was embarrassed, but this fart moment revealed a solid loving relationship.
😊
Such a sweet story 💕
We have to make it funny, it cuts through the embarrassment and makes it a normal thing. He it happens. I’m plant based an brand are in my menu daily so by 8 pm if you tickle me you will get some farting haha
You'd think farts wouldn't be funny past a certain age, but here we are. 😂
That’s gross 🤢
I enjoyed this segment very much & just want to remind women who are still dating men now… we need to discern projection & walk away ASAP even if we don’t know whether it’s from narcissism or misogyny or plain immaturity
Good luck finding a date in this day and age.
Please warn the Men also. This runs both ways....thanks
Lol. A friend once told me that as a child he was convinced for the longest time women don't fart. Then, one memorable day his mom rocked his world view
Thank you for keeping it real, Dr. R.!! My second husband and I have been married for over 20 WONDERFUL years. When we started dating, I was "warned" that he is VERY gassy!! Well, Dave was raised as a gentleman and withheld his "talent" from me until I "broke" the ice. We were out of town, in our hotel room and I told him that I wasn't feeling well. I said that I needed to pass gas. He said, "Go ahead". So, I did. It was the LOUDEST, LONGEST, SMELLIEST fart I have EVER produced. And I was MORTIFIED!! Dave covered his face with his pillow, had tears streaming down his face and HOWLED with laughter!! He said, "WOW, I wasn't expecting that!!" My embarrassment quickly shifted into my own howls of uncontrollable laughter. There was no shaming and no judgement. I knew from his reaction that this was a SAFE relationship.
That is awesome 🤩 thank you for sharing!
Moments you can't pay for. A bonding experience.
Bravo!
Hahahaha!! That’s so wonderful!😂 I always thought I must be a little crazy to think that my relationship with ‘ Mr. Perfect’ went south after I’d thought he’d left for work as I slept & I let out a big one. I think it’s hilarious now but at the time, he shamed me big time & our relationship changed. He left me for someone else soon after. So, the fart test is a good metric. Let them rip, empaths, if you must & see if the person has a sense of humor.
Something I've always wondered, and it really does stick in my mind a lot for some reason. The relationship between a narcissist and food. Be that the food preparation, obsessions regarding food, or even food hygiene. I think it'd be an interesting topic for a video if you've not already done one on it.
Don't know exactly what area you wanted to know on this - but I just spotted the comment and made me think of a very early indicator of incredibly odd behaviour I had from someone in the past... at the time I'd just met them, it was maybe the second or third time I think of being at their place casually, and they made dinner for themselves, me and the rest of their family, despite me saying no thank you and I'd eat at home later, then consistently badgered me that I wasn't eating the food, joking, mocking, I thought at the time - light-hearted, despite it going on too long to be a 'normal' joke. It was dropped, or so I thought, until later when I'd been convinced to stay over despite initially saying I couldn't, acted as if I was really wanted there, as soon as any opportunity to leave was gone (out of hours for public transport and no available lift), I was completely ignored for the remainder of the evening, while they left me alone and sat on the computer at the other end of the room without engaging with me once. When I eventually inquired what was going on, they immediately became enraged at me about the dinner (?!?) again, and when I shut down the conversation by not engaging, because it seemed ridiculous, they disappeared. I assumed they'd popped out and were coming back, but no, they'd gone to bed, and left me alone in a house I didn't know... a family member came in hours later and asked where the person was and I said I had no idea. In the morning, after sitting awake/trying to make some sort of bed on a couch, all they had to say was 'well, was I hard to find?' as if I'd been in the wrong/should have known what to do. I should have noticed from that, and many other things (!), but of course I was always made to feel I had been in the wrong somehow, and ended up in a relationship with that person - who, throughout, would get very angry at me/ignore me/belittle me/demean me to others any time I didn't eat food they'd made/bought, or drink a drink they'd made/bought, even if I'd said I didn't want or didn't like it or I felt unwell. Interestingly, they, among other accusations, had accused their 'crazy ex' of previously poisoning their drinks/food, while we were together and they were convincing me and anyone else their ex was the bad guy and they were the poor victim good guy, but when I left, they accused me of all the same things I'd heard them say of the ex, and I knew I wasn't doing them, but they were... so I've since wondered what was in that food they were so angry about...
13 years, and I still don't feel comfortable to fart... I'm taking notes and getting my ducks ready to line up and get out of here.
I never will. It's my upbringing.
@HarlemRiver 777
That's the way to do it. I saved money for three years. Had a little safe hidden away, all in cash.
While you're at it before you leave, make sure to crop dust wherever he is or will be every chance you get. It's so incredibly passive aggressive, but it's fun. Then leave!
😂😂😂 👊. 💪💪💪
Damn this is so Crazy, I thought about this yesterday! I was in relationship with someone who farted from time to time, he even gave his farts a weird name because they were so intense. I just laughed it off. After months I was with him in the car and I farted but it wasn‘t intentionally. When he noticed, he stared at me in disbelief and said very upset: „Did you just fart?“. I started laughing because I thought he was joking but nope. He was actually angry and disgusted with me and a few weeks later he broke up with me because he „lost feelings“. I have to say we were both in our early 20‘s but there were other red flegs too. I always thought it was just misogyny, now I see the superficiality and the huge double standard in this.
😮 wow! Gas happens, people. It just does (and yeah, it often is even worse as one gets older: maybe because older bodies just don't digest food quite as efficiently 🤷♀️).
I've said this before, but we're all human. Your body noise was just an excuse to berate you.
Whats that new thing they call, yeah "the ick." I don't really understand that, but from what I've seen from TV, it sounds like he got "the ick." The closest thing I got to that is when I see them mistreating animals or children. Being a mean person is a turn off for me.
My ex would physically harm me if I farted anywhere near him. On the 2 occasions two tiny ones slipped out while near him he flew into a rage, hurt me, and said I disrespected him by farting on him. If this sounds familiar to anyone RUN! I’m glad I can still find farts funny even if they will always remind me of that loser.
Farts are funny by nature and it takes strength to admit it!
Only a narcissist could actually take a fart, burp or whatever, as a personal insult. Mine was offended by food & if I had something on my plate he didn’t like because it reminded him of baby food or poop, he’d make a scene even in a restaurant! Wish I had just got up & left him there but that was his tactic & finally he just disappeared from my life 😉
110%!
I was married for 33 yrs and NEVER deliberately farted in front of my husband because he would mock me, shame me and basically tell me how disgusting I was. He would even comment when I was in the bathroom with the door closed! He hated any bodily noise. Coughing, sneezing, hiccuping even choking!!! He would get super annoyed at me AND our children. I’m so glad I’m away from him and in my own space where I can do whatever the heck I want!!
Maggie! 😂 I'm laughing my head off at the way you wrote your comment, because oh my god, the things we go through with these people! Poor you! I'm so happy you can do whatever you want now!
Fart away till your heart's content!
And yet when they fart they would swear it doesn't smell!!! Such hypocrisy even in farting! Hahahaha
I'm so glad he's an ex. I don't really think he was disgusted. It was just an excuse to berate you. ❤❤❤
Good for You. I had an ex partner who I farted a lot in bed with and she wasn't impressed. Sometimes things were so sweaty during sex that an occasional skid mark showed on the bed sheet and she would get so angry with me. None of it was deliberate but sometimes shit happens
My ex-narcissist had no problems with bodily functions, farts, etc... what he did have a problem with was any negative emotion where I was upset or angry with him and clearly defined my boundaries. I was never one to lose my shit at all, wouldn't throw a temper tantrum or anything like that, but when he pushed my boundaries and I i pushed back, even if i was completely calm in my demeanor, that's when he decided I was no longer attractive to him and would end things with me, that happened about 4 or 5 times before i finally walked for good, but keeping such strict control over my emotions to avoid his outbursts and threats massively took it's toll on me
My ex had just left the house in a fit of rage, I was in my own bedroom nursing our daughter and I guess was having some bad gas so I let one go. He came back in the house and to my room right after I farted to get something he forgot and was so disgusted and angry. He said, "God what is wrong with you?!?! I KNOW you did that on purpose because you want her (our baby) to be basking in it (my gas), that's the kind of person you are!!!" I felt so ashamed and humiliated, not only because I farted but because it was just another chance for him to tell me what a horrible person I am. That was one of those moments that really stuck with me, which is kind of good, whenever I start to think maybe he wasn't so bad and maybe it was just me, that memory brings me back to reality. Now its just me and my daughter in the house and we think its hilarious when one of us farts : )
Thats a lousy memory. He was cruel.
I have never in my life ever heard my narcissistic mother fart. My sister and I joke about it still. If we farted, it was always regarded as shameful and my mom would be very offended and she would shake her head. This was even when we were kids.
My N Mom never passed gas and did not allow us to say “fart” - we had to say “poot.”
😂 My inner child immediately responded with laughter! It felt good. I knew a narcissist who actually enjoyed farting very loudly at odd times just to test people’s reactions and he was NOT mortified in the least. Loud and proud.
Was he my husband?
Or mine😂
@ 😂
@@katechisham9345I'm sure there's a whole "Farting Squad" around of them. 😁😂😂
I grew up around a narcissistic stepfather just like that, and he'd always blame everyone else for the fart too!
Couples who fart together stay together! Farting is a sign of intimacy in a relationship because they are able to be human and vulnerable.
LOL love this - I was in a prolonged on and off again relationship for 7 years that destroyed me. HE DID NOT FART ONCE. Not ONCE! I farted for the first time while he was breaking up with me, I was nervous my stomach was twisting and I tried to hold it in but I let a little toot out, and he NEVER let me live it down.
Your body never lies!
He never let you live it down after breaking up?
My ex of two years never farted once either! I tried to encourage him 😂 but he was too perfect to do it apparently! 😂
❤
You're so right! They never make any mistakes. And when they do fart and they absolutely do fart, it's still our fault
I think he farted😂 but never believed it was him. I bet it was always your fault if he farted 😅
in the love bombing phase even the fart will be cherished, later on nothing will ever be enough no matter what
I also dated a narcissist and he would purposely try to humiliate me in front of other people and chose the moment to reveal my human side for everyone to hear ..
I never felt comfortable farting around my ex-husband. Come to think of it, I don't think he farted around me either. Can't remember us burping. I used to apologize for yawning. He refused to take off his socks at home. I rarely ever saw his bare feet in ten years of our relationship. We had some weird quirks. Mine stemmed from my parents (mother) getting mad if I made a peep, much less let a noxious odor escape my person, so I tried to be as non-gross as possible. It was a personal failure if I farted or burped or had any sort of bodily function around my family. I was shamed for being normal. Seen and certainly not heard, ever. Not sure what my ex's hang-up was, but I'll bet it originated from the same place.
Thank you for the chuckle this morning, Dr. Ramani. I will now think of the fart test to test if I am really comfortable with a person. I realize now, all my life, that I haven't been. I've never felt safe to do those natural things around anyone. Three cheers for insecurity and childhood trauma! Woo!
Lol... if they can't handle that it's a no go. Facts are a poor man's toy 😅
I remember a clip from Good Will Hunting, where Robin Williams confronted Matt Damon about Matt Damon's experience of true love. Robin Williams mentioned about his deceased wife, who farted during her sleep and woken up because of it and blamed Robin Williams for farted so loud, and he accepted it for his deep love to his wife.
My husband and I love that scene! 😂
I wish that I am as calm as Robin Williams in that movie clip. In reality, I have too much pride and easily offended even from a narcissistic spouse. Which mean, I am also narcissist. Sad. They say calm and cool spouse would tame hot and aggressive spouse. But, I don't know. What do you think?
@@ivangeo3319 Talk to a therapist.
This isn’t a narcissism problem, it’s a problem with expectations of women put in place by media over the past 100 years. Men rarely see women without makeup (actually without makeup, no foundation, nothing), so when they do they react like a soda drinker reacts when they drink lacroix. It’s the same thing for women when they see a man cry. It grosses them out because it’s extremely rare to see a man cry due to societal expectations put in place by media.
I've never been grossed out by seeing a man cry. It concerns me when I see it because they're so trained to hide their emotions, they have to really be under serious strain to show an emotion that society says is a sign of weakness.
No one wears makeup where I live. It’s for special occasions, celebrities, or high powered people in thousand dollar suits running companies and secretaries at beauty salons. You might wanr to get out of your cultural bubble before you make universal statements.
@@camogrrl sorry i dont live in the woods lol
i'm happily divorced and thus single. i'll never have to worry about the fart test again, thank goodness. i get to just be myself all the time and love myself just as i am. and i could not be more thankful to be who and where i am right now.
👍🌹🍀
What a gas!! Love this Dr. R!! You rock!
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😂😂😂
A few months before he discarded me, he would sit in the recliner next to me and “aim” his farts at me. It was definitely disrespectful. So, farts can be aggressive and purposely launched by a narcissist in order to demean a partner.
You crack me up, Dr. Ramani! Thanks for adding levity to a hard discussion!
HiLARious!!! This topic has loomed LARGE my entire life! The fact that many people feel utterly embarrassed and sheepishly mutter "Excuse me" for something that occurs on average 20 times a day each and every day for every single person...mystifies me, despite the fact that I'm one of the many. I recall having such bad gas pains in school from holding back all day. They were so bad some days that I had to walk slightly bent over to ease the pain.
Well there we go. You have answered my longstanding question from where comes that outlandish statistical average. Some people had to be making up for my lack. I figured a hardy group of flatulants must be expressing to the extreme their innermost thoughts with their hairy puckered lower lips because my daily life produced no such number blasts.
Perhaps in sleep an occasional release happened --- of which I was unaware. However it was not until 5 decades of living passed, after a celebratory dinner of roast Turkey, 🦃 , a usual suspect fowl known for prompting foul gaseous explosions, that without warning, no abdominal pressure nor hint of pain, a rush of air burst free, ascended the scales of the Treble Clef, descended and ceased, as abruptly as it began. Standing in a kitchen doorway, I was talking with the narcopathic control-freak who was breaking my brother's spirit, sucking his soul from him, mentally, psychologically, abusing him. I was trying to get a read on her, in conversation, find what further manipulations she secretly planned before months later, the demonic soul-sucking emotional vampire drove him to suicide by shotgun fired at his heart. I look upon that memorable moment of shock scale farting as my body trying to tell me this banally evil schemer deserved tagging with the Old World curse: "May the stench of a thousand fly-swarmed outhouses perfume your passage through life" 🪰💩.
That frequency statistic I cannot believe without further reveal how it was arrived at 'scientifically', not anecdotally.
My husband would act all disgusted with me when I farted declaring, "Women don't fart!" After him treating me like garbage for years on end, I would just let go instead of trying to hide it.
Hahaha good for you!! 🎉 I sort of started doing the same. The first time, I did it away from him quietly but the fan was on, and it went into the fan and spread it all around 😂 he was traumatised and never let it go 😂 yet he'd been farting loudly and obnoxiously and ceaselessly for TWO years!!! 😂
🤣
"Let it go, let it go!" - subtext of 'Frozen'
Damn girl, I'd load up on broccoli and boiled eggs, and deny everything!
😅😅😊
Yup, even farting can be weaponised by narcissists.
I've known narcissistic folks who eat large amounts of gas inducing foods (e.g. cabbage, beans) and then will deliberately crop dust rooms to annoy people with their nasty stink. One such person I know even had the nerve to go up to people who were sitting and fart in their faces. All so they can have a laugh at others expense.
Heaven forbid if anyone else farts unintentionally, though.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Steve_porss1 is the man , I share similar experiences with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and addiction. Psilocybin mushrooms have been a game-changer for me, aiding greatly in my recovery and sobriety."
I suffered severe depression several years ago. I could remember several years ago after divorce with my wife which brought me into my disastrous journey on Alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with cptsd.
I wish those were more easily accessible where I live.
Microdosing was my next step for my husband. He's 59 & dealing with lots of mental health challenges, possible CTE & a TBI that put him in a coma for 8 days. Unfortunately, I had to get a TPO since he's 6'6, over 300 pounds, and showing violent behavior, constantly talking about harming others. He's aggressive. To anyone reading this, if you're familiar with BPD, is it common to have an obsession with violence?
Is he on instagram?
Steve_porss1 is the man
But can you both laugh it off? If so, then you’ve met your match. 💕💨
If you can’t be yourself or fart near your partner, that’s a red flag. “ True love is the person who listens to you fart, and just draws you closer when it happens.” 😂 Great topic, Dr Ramani!💕
He was prolific. Disgustingly so. If I quietly passed gas, I was disgusting.
@@nancylang4294 That’s insane.😱
‘Listens to your farts’ 😂😂😂😂
Love is standing in line with your bud. And slipping out a real stinky smelly silent one. And telling your bud you need to go get something else. I’ll be right back😂
@ 🫢😂
My very narcissistic ex would lay in bed and purposely force smelly farts. Even with bearing down and grunting sounds. I had asked him multiple times to please stop gassing me. He had total lack of consideration for anyone else. I am totally understanding if an accidental fart occurs (we all have them and usually excuse ourselves afterwards), but to purposefully force it to happen just to stink your partner out?! No “excuse me” because it was deliberate. That’s just inconsiderate. He would also leave feces on the shower walls, the handheld shower head, in the tub drain, light switches, you name it! Because he claims he farted in the shower 🤮
Mine, too! It was like his superpower! 😂
The crazy thing is when I started pulling away from him, I stopped hearing him fart.
The leaving feces bit🤢🤢 wtf....how can any self respecting adult do that
@@ArtistProtagonist thank you for this validation. Because, of course, he would gaslight me and try to tell me it was completely normal. I would have to wash doorknobs and light switches constantly because he wouldn’t wash his hands, even after having a bowel movement! 🤮 He would accuse me of being OCD when I would ask him to please not empty the dishwasher unless he washed his hands first. He worked in construction and his hands were always filthy.
I was hopeful that when the pandemic hit and there were all these videos on how to wash your hands properly, that he would learn how. He never did! He still doesn’t know how to wash them. 🤦🏼♀️
@@dk5755 Omg my sweet sister I'm so so incredibly sorry 😥🫂🫂 Not only is it so disgusting and dehumanising...(I feel like I'm reading the account of someone in a concentration camp or North Korean camp) He has the evil, cruel nerve to Gaslight you on top of it by saying you have ocd (which is just a stepping stone to probably worse mental things he might tack on to strip away your agency and self trust)
What a horrific disgusting man...
Its so tragic that you had to go through that 🫂 I couldn't write more earlier cuz I was really stumped and lost for words
@ thank you. I’m so glad to finally be out of there. It wasn’t easy though.
I thought it would be an acronym like DEEP. 😂 But, now, our fart test has evolved into a fart challenge.
💯 truth. This was my relationship for 15 yrs. I even waited until he was out of town for a business trip so I could prep and have a colonoscopy.😮
Hi Wendy, how's your day going with you?
He made fun of how I talked and how I laughed. He actually got mad of me and told me to talk like a normal person. That was just after we got married. What a shock.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
I’m smiling as I remember watching Frankie and Grace and Grace started dating the younger gentleman. She made a point of going out of her way so to look look her best in the morning and doing everything she could to hide her physical limitations with this gentleman, I’m smiling.
You are adorable, Doctor Ramani! It made me laugh a little bit, but so adorable. Absolutely loved this video.
I’ve heard that holding in gas can be really painful and uncomfortable and it may lead to severe health issues, so, please, let it out, haha, without fear. Whether it is burping, farting, or whatever, the person will love you for who you are, they’ll fall in love with your heart, not your bodily functions.
The first time I really felt this is when I could no longer have babies.
My wife of 36 years is a narcissist. She demands absolute control over our finances. She’s a good financial manager, almost a financial hoarder. I didn’t care while I was working, as long as I had fifty bucks in my wallet every day. I’m retired now and still want to live a little. We have plenty of money. Three of our kids graduated from college without student loans. We have one more starting college next year. If I say I want control over x amount a month, she goes ballistic. She calls me inconsiderate among other names. She says she needs the money for the child’s college. We have enough in savings for several colleges. I’m contemplating legal separation. She’s never going to change. It’s just sad to walk after so many years. I’m truly torn. Help.
But does she fart around you...?
Thank you for this, video❤
Dr. R, you said it so well ! It's exhausting living with them. Holding back and calculating your "fart" to make sure it comes out at the right time, if ever, with the right sound, right rhythm, and the right way is what makes a partner of a narcissistic person literally sick in mind and body.
Thank you for these amazing videos to remind us that" it's not us." Hence, your amazing book, " it's not you."
Thank you❤
I knew him almost 40 years, and we were married for 21 years, and I NEVER heard him fart. NEVER. It was something my girlfriends and I would laugh over because it blew their minds as much as it blew mine, but it always bothered me. There was a closeness, an intimacy, that was always missing. Yet another sign of the narcissism I dealt with all those years. Thank you Dr. Ramani, this video hit home for me in a way I never expected!
That's weird and funny: because the narcissist (abusers) I was once with, I never fully recalled them doing that either; not that they didn't, but very seldomly.
I did see them starting to do it more frequently when discarding me: and to mock me when no one else was around to witness their other side or behavior.
They just stop caring and aloud for their true and disgusting nature to come out in every aspect.
Side note: It still pays to be respectful about it. Don't do it out of spite. If you can't hold it, that's understandable; but because of respect, be respectful about it; say Excuse me, or dismiss yourself if you can, and truthfully explain to them why.
Dated someone for too long..past tense!
He would always tease, laugh, & joke about 'wind', to the point where he'd tickle & press into my stomach. 'Wind' was apparently hilarious, right up until the reality 'wind' appeared.
You guessed it, disdain, criticism, judgment, & disgust. Another character revealing moment that confirmed the relationship was not a healthy one.
Dear Dr Ramani... I reach out to your videos each time I feel I want to text him..or when the thoughts(ruminating you call it) in my head become unbearable.. Your videos, they way you speak and explain those difficult & complicated things it is all life saving.. Really, I mean it..😢Thank you.
Farts can also be hilarious. It can also be a sense of humor test.
I remember hearing someone’s loser husband, tell people how gross it was, when his wife went #2, while giving birth to his baby. As though she could somehow help something, that is extremely normal and natural. It’s so disgusting how some people treat their significant other.
😂 Dr. Ramani, you are priceless and I bless the day I found you! 😅❤
I was not allowed to fart in the toilet because it was close to the bedroom and always he used to say: I can hear you... that was so absurd ! I should have been knowing that something is not OK at all.
That confuses me, because my father, a grandiose narcissist farted and burped as a way to overpower and "express" himself. I felt ashamed and inhibited. It was as if he was "communicating" his disgust and hate in this way. So I'm very interested in the "human side" of this.
I relate to this completely. I didn't realize it until I left my ex husband but I also think he did it to convey his hate and disgust of me. I never thought about the conveying his power but that fits him too. I was very inhibited and made to feel ashamed of I passed gas accidentally or in my sleep. I would actually get out of my bed and go to another room if I was about to pass gas. So sad these people make you feel this way.
@Lulu-Godsbeloved Thank you for sharing! I started to feel myself so dirty from all this hate-display, since it has this physical expression..like someone vomits all over you.
I am glad we are on the journey to freedom. 💠
Another great video from Dr Ramani! I'm happy to "toot" your horn, haha! I still am like a juvenile when it comes to this topic and I don't care. Belly laughs are good for you even if you let one slip. Here's an acronym I learned when I was a kid. FART = Federally Authorized Rectal Turbulence. LOL! 😂
😂😂 👏🏾👏🏾 😁❤
F. Around. ( and) Rip Toots!!
It's true that the 'let it go' moment can be a bit of a challenge, but it's also a test of true love. After watching this video, you'll understand that sometimes, the little things are the biggest tests in a great relationship.
Oh, my ex narc used to enter the bathroom (we had 2 bathroom, he had his and I had mine as he was messy and never cleaned). I would tell him I’m going to the bathroom not to disturb and of course he would enter to talk to me while on the toilet, then he would tell me how disgusting it smelled or gross I have my period…the bathroom lock was broken and it was a temporary rental so never replaced the lock. It happen allot, when I would tell him to not enter the bathroom he won’t have to witness my feminine hygiene. He would leave the bathroom furious becasue I couldn’t comfortable talk to me on the spot. Yet, he smell far worst than me considering I was on a clean diet and he wasn’t.
When I fart 💨, my partner in crime doesn’t even blink , this is how I know she unconditionally loves me ❤
Her name is Willow and she is a beautiful Brindle Bullmastiff ….lol…
Awe, a tue unconditional love ❤️🐾🐶🦴 I had a Doxie named Abby who jumped out of her skin in fear of farts, she was and desable senior dog maybr her earring was off and it sounded like a gun shot to her, LOL RIP my baby girl. My other dogs are like Willow :))
😂
This video doesn’t pass the smell test but sure has a lot of wisdom. Thanks Dr. Ramani!
Just when I think I can’t love you more 😅 thank you 🙏🏻 your channel has literally saved my life
Omg my parents got so offended when I farted 😂 I got in trouble for natural body functions… weirdos
I know this! I experienced heavily my parents’ narcissistic side and shame as soon as I wanted to look more like a woman (neat looks, makeup, nice eyebrows…). Also they made me feel ashamed for my not a little girl anymore body, interest in dating… I also remember that I was punished and labeled as a bad girl when I was little and I had displayed curiosity for some parts of my body. This things just leave you with scars. I think doctor Rahmani should do a video on parents ridiculizing kids that grow up, are curious about their body…At least we can keep the main message of this video and adapt it to the parents' situation: a healthy stable parent would never make you feel bad for this things
I love you Dr. R, you are real and absolutely 💯 fantastic. You are making me chuckle like crazy. 🥰😉🤣
This is VERY oddly specific! I dated a guy who literally thought women shouldn't fart. Me being young, naive, and having low self-esteem, I would hold in my farts, but it would become painful.
One time I let one slip (better out than in) and he threatened to leave my apartment...it wasn't even bad smelling and I wasn't being gross about it either (like when ppl do a dutch oven with a blanket lol).
He was a paramedic so obviously he knows women and all ppl have intenstines.
It's kind of delusional for him to think i wouldnt have normal human bodily functions... I also need sleep, water, and air too, or does that make me too high maintenance? 🙄
But I would like to say. If a person is a narcissist that person doesn’t care about you, about putting you in a difficult and disgusting situation and they will fart with NO limits. With no care about you. If it happends (fart) when you are laughing together at a movie and you haven't expected. But narcissist will fart next to you when you are eating, you know what I mean? 😂 And it is not about intimacy, it's only about breaking through your boundaries. You are not here, you are an object, you are not a person.
I agree with this 💯 percent
“…dozens of things that you feel in your body, but try to wave away.” (like farts) Great analogy there! 😀
Just got blindsided by a breakup from a narcissist who told me I was no longer attractive to him before he broke up with me. I wasn’t aware that I was dating a NPD until I found this channel! ❤thanks for all the knowledge sharing, I am so grateful that I did all the not so perfect thing of just being myself however it made the narcissist ended the relationship himself cuz I was not perfect anymore. I dodged a huge bullet! And also learnt about myself even more.
Other people accidentally farting is funny to me and hubby. But, we don’t fart in front of each other. It’s gross and a turn off. If he accidentally does it, that’s okay. But, be classy. We are older BTW. 😷 🤢We can control it.
I am SORRY to see that class & respect is gone in this society. What we need to do in bathroom shouldn’t be done in front of our partners & friends & then consider it CUTE!
My ex-husband was obsessed with backdoor sex even though I refused. If I pooped or farted he'd say, "good, now you're all cleaned out. Go wash." Effing disgusting. My new hubby has been with me in the hospital and helped me when I had explosive diarrhea and other complications. He didn't even flinch.
OMG! It's the first time that my Ex would have passed a test that could prove he was NOT a Narcissist! Maybe because it was at the very beginning of our relationship on our first New Years Eve together! He definitely drawed me closer to him as I couldn't retain it and showed me his loving care. And it was due to a non-vintage champagne that did not bubble and had gone bad because it was too old... Years later I found out it had been a gift from one of his favorite patients (narc supply🤮)
My narc hit the roof the first time I farted in bed - said it was the most disrespectful thing he could think of. I told him that expecting me to get up and leave the room in the middle of the night just to trump (British English for fart!) was actually disrespectful and completely unrealistic. I fart. Get over it!! There were sooo many textbook incidents of narcissism, but I didn't know anything about it back then - it took 10 years to get most of my self-esteem back...
💪🙏
One of the first times my girlfriend spent the night, I made pasta with browned butter and garlic for dinner, and that night we both had the most incredible garlic gas. My bedroom was small and we were both contributing to quite an aura hanging in the room. Together almost ten years now, we still chuckle about that night. We're both human, we both have bodily functions, is it even a serious relationship if you can't fart in front of your partner?
I wouldn't pass. I would pass wind when it is required. It's far more detrimental to not pass wind.
its so refreshing to see a video from you that isnt completely negative
Thank you for this Dr. Ramani! Another extension of this "fart" metaphor highlights an interaction I am having with my friend who is struggling with illness. Due to the pain and suffering her recent medical diagnosis is bringing, she feels really down and negative, and I try to encourage her saying " it's normal to feel negative in this situation. It would be concerning if you didn't feel that way at times. It's like gas and farting. We need to release those feelings to get them out of our system." And it made her smile when I told her about how a while ago, when my son wanted to fart, he used to do it near the plants because he learned they like carbon dioxide. Eventually there were mushrooms growing in the dirt of those plants. I joked with her telling her that with our psychological farts, we can make a mushroom farm and enjoy that! I think psychologically we need to feel comfortable passing gas with people who understand. Psychological gas might be worry, might be sadness, might be frustration or any other emotion deemed as socially impolite. When we can feel comfortable and own it, then I think it takes the edge of guilt off the emotion. In a world that demands performative perfection, it's the humanity of feeling ok to share our psychological farts in an honest way that creates space to breathe. Of course, farting too much can be a problem too, so it's striking a balance between politeness and honesty. Thanks for the video and the opportunity to reflect!!
That's a real *banger* of a title, if you know what I mean.... It really pops!
Reminds me of a special quote “Love is the fart
Of every heart:
It pains a man when ’tis kept close,
And others doth offend, when ’tis let loose.”
~ Sir John Suckling
Let'er rip, Dr Ramani!😂
My ex narcissist husband felt the same way. Where he got that idea I have no clue. Maybe his idea of women developed from porn magizines or porn movies or a blow up doll. Who knows but it sure showed how ignorant he was about females!
Your just real not crude being real is priceless.
I guess im still a juvenile when it comes to this. I still laugh when it happens...whether its me or someone else. Especially in inappropriate situations like church. But with my wife i dismiss it as "barking spiders" and she smiles and never reacts negatively. She doesnt find it childishly funny like i do but it never turns into an issue.
Btw...i think the reason i still laugh at it is because growing up i was forbidden to laugh at it. My dad made that very hard as he was quite flatulent.
This is my 2nd favorite video you've produced :) Thank you. (The first is "10 things narcissists can do to change their narcissistic behavior") Thank you!
oh my god, I needed this this morning. You crack me up🤣
I accepted all of her flaws until the gaslighting and head games started. Then I was discarded.
My former spouse is a narcissist and he never even tried to be polite, even at the beginning. My family would just say "excuse me" if we didn't make it to the restroom or another room. But he literally never cared to be polite. He was very strange about "bathroom" issues.
My family always laughs it off. Both sides dad and mom. I wouldn't have it any other way it is pretty hilarious 😂
"I'm not advocating for passing gas as a first date opener..." 🤣😂🤣😂 Thanks for a good laugh!
The first time I spent the night with the man I'm dating right now, he made us homemade chili for dinner. We got that "first fart" moment out of the way soon after that.
If you have to suppress ANYTHING that is fundamental to who you are as a person, they are not your friend. The right person will love you, and that's why I'm not afraid to be a goofball in public. The people you want in your life will be the ones that stick around, and the trash will take itself out. "Be yourself because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
- Dr. Seuss
I I have been in situations where someone makes it a point to be disgusting. I'm all for being human and I'm all for accepting the passing of gas or accepting belches. But I have also been in situations where people know that it bothers me and they and they go ahead and don't bother about my feelings. That's a strange form of gaslighting. No pun there.
Sex with them also has to be performative.
And you will be very objectified.
I learned this in such a brutal way ..I think I'm permanently broken by the cruelty....maybe my heart can heal. I'm not sure. I feel so worthless, reduced down to what I would or wouldn't do sexually....discarded for strangers who could care less about her, but I guess "perform" as required
I pray I'll heal ..
@softpawsasmr It takes time.
You will heal but you have to work on that, healing.
I've healed, it took about three years to unwind my psyche from the conditioning.
I knew this guy at uni who I'm sure was a vulnerable narcissist. One of his favourite stories he told over and over was how once his ex girlfriend farted in her sleep and he laughed so hard he woke her up.
I loved this line of conversation! LOL😄😂
😢. OMG This vid is so humanly important for woman. After having kids some woman just don’t have control. It is because of episiotomies. One woman sued her delivery doctor because her husband left her, because she couldn’t control farts a couple times. Yep probably both narcissists. 😢
This was my life growing up around my parents. I’m older now so I see the error of their ways but no excuse for the way they acted. My dad was the main culprit and I notice now that the same put downs that where said to us kids was also being said to my mom. My dad was constantly making my mom the butt of every joke and berating her for just burping or chewing too loud. It’s not right that my mom said some of these same means things back at me but I don’t blame her one bit. My dad having us all on edge all the time was so abusive and toxic. I only now years later see how abusive and weird it was that my dad would go on a witch hunt to find out who had gone #2 in the bathroom just to embarrass them infront of everyone. I’m in the beginning stages of trying to heal and finding therapy that can help me. I have all this shame and guilt for everything that I do. I was made to feel this was my whole life. It’s incredibly debilitating and I won’t forgive my dad for this. Parents are suppose to support you will love and care. It’s not based on how much money or funds are spent on the kids or that you didn’t physically beat us.
Edit: for reference my mom died 7 years ago from cancer. She was abused and tormented by my dad for years. It was the best blessing she could have gotten.
I have always thought that love is only true love when one secretly loves the smell of her/his farts!
I actually worked with a man who said if his wife ever farted in front of him he would divorce her. 😮
Haha!LOL! Now that I have my own space this no longer bothers me!!!!!
Leaving was good!
Ladies: IMO - Mark Brocklebank (1973) Buxted, Uckfield, East Sussex UK 🇬🇧- covert narcissist- beware of him on socials and apps. Very deceptive and manipulative for supply and gain. Plays the depressed victim. Lots of lies including that he is divorced.