My current psychosis and why I was admitted to the psych ward. 🧠
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- Опубликовано: 5 сен 2024
- Hi!
Just me talking about my current psychosis and why I was admitted to the psych ward. Schizophrenia basically means recurring psychosis and this includes delusions and hallucinations. And here i'm talking about my own current psychosis and delusions.
thank you for watching! 💚
contact: kimberlyhallberg95@outlook.com
#schizophrenia #psychosis #mentalhealth #livingwithschizophrenia
Equipment:
Camera: iphone 13
Editing software: final cut pro
Thumbnails: canva, procreate
Music: epidemicsound or youtube studio
www.epidemicso...
Am I the only one who gets happy to watch ads while watching her videos? I know she is struggling financially so I'm glad I could help by watching
oh thats so sweet of you! 🥺💚
I do the same! ❤️🐞🦋
@@shawnah.2492 thank you! 🥰
Kind
I want to offer this as encouragement, so I hope that it lands as encouragement. I live with CPTSD and am hyper vigilant, never really feel safe, always need a plan and always need to know how to get away quickly from or hide wherever I am. I have worked many, many years in therapy learning about myself, my reality, my past, my symptoms and learning methods to manage myself. CPTSD is a permanent part of my life and I will always need to manage my symptoms. Something that has helped me is thinking about mental illness in the same way I think about physical illness. For example, if someone has diabetes, they will always need to be aware of their illness, manage their symptoms, be aware of anything that will impact their diabetes and pay close attention to their body. No one thinks twice about someone with diabetes who is daily managing their illness. Why is a mental illness any different? I decided to love, value and respect myself with CPTSD and embrace that daily care for CPTSD is a part of my routine life. I began to feel less "broken" or "undesirable" because of CPTSD. This has been a very slow and not steady process, but it has been worth the effort. I can have peace and joy while living with a mental illness.
@@hollywebster6844 what a comment! Thank you Holly! 🥹💚 and I also believe in treating mental illness like physical illness, being kind and aware 💚
That’s exactly how my therapist explained it to me when I was 12 years old I was so ashamed to take adhd meds and people see me take them at lunch at school and she explained exactly like you did with diabetes and it changed the whole way I view mental health I am now 25, with a son with autism and I advocate for autism here in my city. ❤ being aware is key once we become aware we can do what we need to do to be kind to ourselves and take care of ourselves ❤
Yep I have the CPTSD dx too and yep it's a pita and a lifetime thing. I've had it all my life and at age 67 know it's something to be managed.
I was at a dermatologist office and I thought the lady across the waiting room was laughing at me, but when I told my husband about her. He said there was no lady across the room period. Okay mania is upon me, but as usual I don't accept its mania. Two weeks later I'm at my GPs office for a wellness check, and when I was done I exited out to the waiting room to leave, and again heard a lady say here she comes and started laughing. I looked up and there was nobody laughing and there was nobody who looked like the woman at dermatologist office. We went to my psychiatrist office and he increased my dosage of lithium. Thank God it worked. Your never alone Kimberly, because your RUclips Fam is always here to listen. Love and Peace to you💕✌️🌹
Thank you and what a terrible experience! I'm glad the increase with lithium helped! 🥰💚
What an awful experience for you! So sorry but happy the lithium helped
Short note about olfactory hallucinations: I have them from vestibular migraine. When it first started happening, I really thought I was breaking with reality. When I finally had a reason for smelling things that aren't really there, I became more comfortable with asking people if they also smell whatever it is. I only ask if it's the smell of something dangerous, like burning electrical wires or gas. Olfactory hallucinations are really terrible. I never smell anything nice! It's always something awful!
@@hollywebster6844 they are! And always and smells 🙃
I experienced the same thing!!!
I appreciate your channel a lot. My husband developed paranoid schizophrenia at age 25 tho I now realize he was beginning at about 18. His mother was schizophrenic as well. When I had my son I educated myself about the disease and knew to look for the signs when he became 18. I knew there was a genetic predisposition doing my research. My son avoided schizophrenia. So now the odds were more favorable that his children may never have it. But that isn’t the case. My granddaughter has paranoid schiz. Too. I think her symptoms started at about 16 but we had no idea. Now she’s in full psychosis most of the time because she self medicates with street drugs. Any medicine (to quiet her mind ) for the psychosis won’t work if she’s using drugs. So I’m watching my granddaughter fall deeper and deeper, cannot work or have meaning ful relationships with anyone. It saddens me terribly. She’s losing her life as we all live it because she’s so sick. I do text her and tell her how much I love her. I’m praying for a miracle. She doesn’t go out cause she thinks everyone is watching her.
Your video today is helping me a lot in regards to her. When her grsndfather was so ill the meds didn’t really help but we’ve come a long way in science. You are functioning well because of the great medicines now available. Someday I hope she can resemble you. College, friends and a relatively normal life.
So thank you so much sharing about what goes on. ❤ I want the best life can offer you. I respect you so much. I do not agree with Swedens approach at all. I’m glad your therapist may be able to get you some funding.
Btw a lot of artist’s never completed a formal degree yet have successfully done well with their art financially. There is a possibility for you too! 🌈
Oh wow thank you for sharing your family's story with me, I'm so sad to hear about your granddaughters situation. Id really recommend another RUclips channel here with a man who also have schizophrenia and self medicated with drugs and talks about this: Kody Green.
And thank you for your kind comment. 💚
@@Kimberly_Viktoria thank you Kimberly! Big hugs to you! ❤️
@@janwarriner6554 thank you and you too! 💚
I had no insight 99.9% of the time and I also had persecutory delusions about intelligence agencies. It's utter hell and I feel so bad when anyone has to deal with that. I gotta say insight makes it a bit less miserable but it's still difficult. I'm so glad you're getting better. That's amazing. Yours sounds a lot like mine. I hope you continue to get better!
Oh, I've also had a few olfactory hallucinations and one clue that it's a hallucination is that it's sudden and powerful and not influenced by breathing the scent in, it doesn't get worse when breathing in.
Thank you and yes, insight helps! 💚
God bless you sweet lady. You have a lovely gentle voice. I think you would be very good at asmr.
Oh thank you!🥰
@@lindamcauley4728 I agree! I also think Kimberly would be wonderful at narrating children's books, both in English and in Swedish. The way she speaks to Edward and Ior, I can hear how she would sound reading a bedtime story or children's book.
im worried about my finances too. its a constant worry. esp with the cost of living crisis.
Sad to hear, the prices on food are insane here... ❤️🩹
@@Kimberly_Viktoria same in the UK
@@sabahatnaheed1435 Its horrible... 😔
@@Kimberly_Viktoria yes i completely agree!
Psychotherapy is very important for Schizophrenia so hope you have more sessions. Hope you full recovery.
thank you!
@@Kimberly_Viktoria Welcome
It's really great that youre planning on going to art school, i think many great things could come from it. There's not a lot that can take your mind off things, the way art does. ☺️ i hope art school will be an awesome experience, and that you wont have to worry too much about financial matters anymore. 🙂
I hope so! Thank you! 🥰
Yes art school !
Thanks! ❤😂🎉
Oh my god, wow thank you so much!! ❤❤
Another video this week? We are blessed! Thank you Kimberly
You are so welcome!💚
You’re fortunate that you knew you were having trouble. Glad you’re getting help. Stay on your meds. Prayers for healing.
Thank you! 😊
I'm glad to hear you're doing okay now
thank you! 💚 oh wow, thats awful, I really hope you're feeling better, sending you some love too! 💚
My sister has schizophrenia but she isn’t as present in dealing with her mental illness as you appear to be. You seem very coherent & knowledgeable! I’m glad the algorithm brought me here as this can definitely be a space for me to find out more about schizophrenia & you seem like a very genuine & interesting person. Thank you for sharing & best wishes ❤️
Oh thank you! Sad to hear about your sister, I hope she'll be better soon too. Sending you my best wishes as well! 💚
I have the same issue with noise from neighbors, and just loud noises in general. I fight back by being as quiet as possible and practically tiptoe around my apartment. I say this even as somebody who owns a very powerful component stereo system with thousands of records and CDs, so I could make a lot of noise if I so wished.
Same here! Tiptoeing around in my own apartment... 💚
Hi Kimberly! Thank God for family support. I'm so sorry you got so stressed out but the way you explained it made sense. Maybe the money from your mom will help for awhile. I wish I knew what to do for psychosis but I still don't know, we just got to do our best. Glad you got some help and hopefully that doesn't happen for years at a time now!
I hope so too! And thank you, I am very lucky to have a good support system. 💚
Hope you feel better soon and manage to sort out your finances. I have also had the same thoughts about my neighbours, they have a pigeon scarer and I've asked them not to turn it on but I get convinced it's on because of my cats or they don't like me when I'm unwell. A good tip when you are not sure if it's the psychosis or not is when you describe something as them or they. Like they can read my thoughts, they are watching me etc.
@@originalvonster thank you and thank you for the advice! 💚
Thank you for sharing your experience.
thank you for watching!
Thanks
Thank you so much for the super thanks! 💚
Hope the art school goes well. But just to say having a job is so good for mental health. Connecting with others through a job gives self esteem and will help the voices subside
Thank you! I hope to find some kind of part time job after. 😊
Hi, i am a 60yr young man who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in my early 20s in the UK. Then, i also had the paranoia, and concern of the police surveillancing me and hidden cameras..etc I rarely had any auditory hallucinations . Now 40yrs on, my condition is well controlled by depot injection. Wishing you all the best for your future in Sweden. God bless.❤😊
Thank you! 🥰
Love imagining your kitties using the computer to make an order and sending you to pick up their packages 😄🐱💕
My kitty is staying at a kennel waiting to go on an airplane, because we’re moving to a different country. I miss her so much and it’s only been 1 day 😢 But I know we will be so happy when we’re together again. 🥲
Glad to hear that you’re feeling better lately!! I really hope you’ll be able to continue accessing therapy care, but at least you have art as a self-therapy. Art has saved me so many times when I was struggling. It’s so soothing to take shapeless materials and turn them into something new. Making art turns me into something new.
Oh I hope everything goes well for both you and the kitty! Have a safe flight! And thank you! 🥰
Kimberly! Watching now. :-) 🫖🍵 your mom and ex boyfriend are wonderful. 🤍
They are! 💚
I don't know if you are frugal, but if you're not, it would definitely help your financial situation. I also wish you excellent grades on your next assignment. Keep healing.
Yes Im currently working on that, being more mindful of my expenses. 😊 Sadly though I had to drop out of the history course.. 🥲
@KimberlyHallberg Yes, that is sadly true, but you still have history in your heart!
@@finn_blacklaws Very true! And I can always retake the course someday maybe. 😊
@@Kimberly_Viktoria Of Course!
Thank you Kimberly your sharing helps a lot of people. ❤
@@jenjencannon3224 thank you for watching and commenting 🥰
I wish you a fast recovery
thank you! 🥰
great video! Glad your starting to feel better😁
thank you! 😊
I love you channel Kimberly. You're so down to earth, you can express how you feel. I get it.
Thank you so much! 🥰
hope you don't misunderstand me... but i can't help but laugh at how many psychotic things we have in common. sometimes you just gotta laugh at how silly we can be. like everything you say, i do too. ugh 😭 it's not easy. but i am glad to hear that there is progress!! 💗 and that you located the source of your stress.
i live in denmark you know, so i completely get the money thing. it's almost not possible to live on that salary ! i have been retired now. so i finally have a little more money now. it's not easy. i hate the system so much. because IF you could work, you would!! to get money. and so you're just stuck in the system and stuck kinda poor. it s****cks so much
No worries I get it! And as you it's not easy so im glad you can laugh a little about it. 😊It is sadly, and currently we have a right wing government here who is wanting to decrease the amounts and disability even more... 🥲 Thank you for watching and for your comment! 💚
You are very well spoken and have very good insight regarding your mental health and how it affects your life. I always watch your videos when they come up in my timeline 🙂
Thank you! 💚
thank you for sharing . we both have the same symthoms..
Thank you for watching! 💚
I'm still thinking if it would be good to know who my neighbors are. So I could ask if I'm making too much noise because I have a habit of walking around the apartment. Many things are so familiar in your good description of your experiences. 🙏
@@mizachs knowing your neighbours is very valuable, makes me less anxious of asking and making noise 😊
Hello Kimberly! I love your channel. I also have paranoid schizophrenia and I can relate with you about so many things! Keep making videos. 💖
Thank you! 💚
Kimberly I just thought of something. You might want to try talking to your teacher and telling him what happened with your test trouble. I have heard of someone who couldn't finish a course and had to be accommodated due to her ADHD. She was part of the way through and had to stop due to getting so overwhelmed, and her instructor let her carry the grades forward to the next time he was giving the class, he was just going to let her keep the grades she already had and finish the course at the later time. Where I went to night school they did the same courses once a year, so you might have to wait until 2025 to complete yours for all I know. AFAIK she didn't even have to pay for it again. He just put her final grade in once she was done.
They are doing accommodations for ADHD now in some schools and I don't see why they shouldn't also make accommodations for schizophrenia. It's about time and people shouldn't be held back just because they aren't perfectly healthy.
A young lady I knew wanted to get into pre-med and needed calculus but didn't have the confidence to take it, so she audited the course for a lower fee to get her feet wet. Lots of people take calculus 2 times because it's so hard. I think to audit at the time was $200, this is how long ago it was (30 yrs maybe). Then it turned out she was acing it and the dean invited her to take it for credit instead of waiting for the next year. So she updated from audit to credit and got the A she needed. You need an A in calculus for pre-med.
So anyway for all I know educators are getting hip to the conditions that slow people up and maybe you can get lucky.
I hope you keep making videos.
Shoot for the moon and don't make any small plans. I know you are very bright and believe you should be allowed to go at your own pace. It took me 17 years to get a bachelor's degree part time, so I feel your pain lol. I had no idea I had ADHD and it really screwed me up.
Hold on to your dreams and DON'T MAKE ANY SMALL PLANS.
Don't overdo it and make yourself sick either of course.
:)
-Gardner
Thank you for the advice! I'll keep this in mind. 💚
Interesting! Today I was afraid a friend would know my thoughts. I didn't think much about it, but now I realize it might be a psychotic symptom. I'm quite often afraid people know my thoughts. Is this something an increased dosage can help me with? When I think about it I'm quite sure no one can read my thoughts, but in the moment the fear is still there. God bless! ✝️
Sad to hear! I now have so that I can temporarily increase the dose if I feel some symtoms. so it might help! but you should check with a doctor of course. 😊
Ta hand om dig vännen! Hoppas det löser sig med ekonomi och utbildning. Du kanske kan få pengar via Patreon?
Tack och det har löst sig lite nu iallafall och jag har gått i tanken på en patreon men det verkar inte finnas intresse för det just nu. 🥰
So I'm in the US in Massachusetts and was on MassHealth from the age of 52. This had something to so with disability SSI. Then I got retirement Social Security at 62-1/2 and the MassHealth insurance got shut off so I only get federal Medicare. You have to pick which Medicare plan you want. How to decide? If you decide wrong then you might wind up with a lot of med bills because the plan you picked doesn't cover the illness you got after deciding.
I wound up with a heart issue and have some bills but at least the operation was mostly covered. But when you get old and can't work anymore you just don't need the extra bills, and I incurred a few. We'll survive, but yet again we aren't going on a vacation.
Anyway if I were you I'd advocate for myself and try to get your nurses and doctors to agree to report that you just don't need to try to work right now so you can keep your benefits and keep your stress level down as low as possible. If you are sick enough I would think they would go along with it as it would make sense and plus I understand that Sweden, Norway, Finland et al are pretty progressive as far as social services and education are concerned? I think I went to school with a girl from Sweden and she wound up being our class valedictorian. You guys have a great ed. system afaik.
Yep I had independence/money stress 15 yrs ago and got delusions from it. Had microphones in my walls. Felt as real as I'm sitting here. I'm lucky I survived but it was iffy there for a bit.
Anyway keep your fans (us) up to date on how you are faring. I hate to see young people saddled with illness but I'm afraid it's just part of living. "Life entails suffering," as the Buddha said. You're not the only one; my wife's family is loaded with schizophrenia. Nice people and they have their share of millionaires too, so it doesn't necessarily have to hold you down flat. Anything can happen. Let's hope you get lucky! It def. does make life harder though. It sucks and I wish you didn't have it.
Oh thank you for sharing some part of your story with me, Im even more confused by the US health care system now... And yes you're right about the more progressive social services here so i'm lucky in a sense, sadly though we currently have a right wing government who's cracking down on some of this and our health care system is in a crisis.. but it still allows me to live a decent life alone despite schizophrenia. And thank you for the encouragement! Im hoping to publish a vlog soon. 💚
@@Kimberly_Viktoria Kimberly do you check your email? I tried to send you $10 by paypal and I don't think you've picked it up yet. Some channels like PsychToGo have a donate button too. Maybe that would work for you?
@@engleharddinglefester4285 Yes I did receive it! I just didn't realize it was you, I was so confused there for a few days since I havent linked my PayPal anywhere. But Thank you so much! 🥰 And there should be a donating button under my videos, it's just called Superthanks I think. 💚 Again Thank you, it was very kind of you! 💚
I’m so happy you’re feeling better!! Do you have a PO Box or somewhere we can send you stuff? -Love from California, Shawna ❤️🐞🦋
Thank you Shawna! And no I currently don't. They're quite expensive here and not very common from what I know...? 🤔💚
@@Kimberly_Viktoria okay, no worries. If you ever have somewhere you can get things sent, let me know! ❤️🐞🦋
@@shawnah.2492 Of course! thank you! 🥰
Hi Kimberly, my heart goes out to you, but you sound much better! Stress is awful in so many ways. But thank you for sharing with us. I wanted to ask you is your bookcase, and where you do your art in your bedroom? I think you have a nice apt, better than mine! Your eyeliner looks great too girly! And is the painting behind you the pear you did before, or is it a new one, like an eggplant? Not being critial, I really like it! LOL Hugs from you know who! 🤗💚💜
Thank you Mary Ann! And yes, I live in what I believe is called a studio apartment? I only have one room except for my kitchen and bathroom. 🥰It's small but I like it. It's a red onion actually, I tried an exercise with painting with oil paints 💚 Have a great day! 🥰
@@Kimberly_Viktoria Ohhh okay! It looked like two seperate rooms, I love it! Red onion, that makes sense! LOL Looks good. Have a greatday and weekend yourself. Do something nice for you! 😍
@@gypsyskyy9451 Thank you! I'm actually hoping of filming a small weekend vlog but we'll see if I have the energy to do so. 🥰
@@gypsyskyy9451 thank you! Im hoping to be filming a weekend vlog this weekend but I'll see if I have the energy to do so. 🥰
@@Kimberly_Viktoria Sounds good! 😘
I've had psychosis four times and admitted twice, now I hear voices am going to art college, I am a mum, I get frustrated. 🎉
I hope you're doing better soon, you're probably doing great and the best that you can! 💚
Mental illness doesn't allow for consistent work
It sadly doesn't... 😔
Danke!
Thank you! 🥹💚
Do you have that feeling when people walk towards you and look in your eyes that they can put some harm? For example someone looks into your eyes and wish that you would get sick. Do you believe it will come true?
No not like that really. 🤔
Buda is meditación 🕉️🧘🕉️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️
Det kostar pengar att ligga inne hos psykiatrin är det värt det? 💲
Har bara varit inlagd 2 gånger och bägge gångerna mindre än en vecka. Men i mitt fall har det varit värt det för att dom kan öka medicinerna kraftigare under uppsynen. 🥰
@@Kimberly_Viktoria jag förstår de gör ju så att det ska bli bättre för oss patienter som är där...
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Did you have to work to gain insight ? I don’t have any when I’m not well and I don’t remember most either
A little, I had to learn what early signs to look out for but other than that no, I'm lucky to have kind of good insight to begin with I think. 💚
It helps to recognize stress, anxiety in yourself. When you learn to recognize those feelings at an earlier stage… it helps. My advice is to be more present in your body and feel if you are tense or relaxed. ❤
@@PhoenixFeathers very good advice!
@@Kimberly_Viktoriafrom experience 😉
❤ 🙏 ❤
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Word is Magic soul is uno universo is luna is Magic body You baby Star soul
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Hi Kimberly, I also have experienced thought broadcasting. When those fears of other people hearing my thoughts comes to mind I try to combat it with a funny thought, so that if they can hear me maybe I can make them laugh, or nice thoughts, like compliments or kind words. Also even if they could hear my thoughts that would mean that they could hear everyone's thoughts as well. And that would be overwhelming. I don't know if you have seen the Buffy episode when she is able to hear everyone's thoughts and at first she thought is was fun and cool, but then she was drowning in other peoples thoughts, and it was terrible. So yeah, I think of something funny or of compliments. Being fearful of those things doesn't help you or anyone. And I know in the Bible it says many times over, Do not be afraid. I also remember a part in the original movie Dune, where Bene Gesserit says that "Fear is the Mind Killer!" Being fearful cuts your thoughts and body down and can make you physically sick. But having no fear and believing that no one will hurt you will open your mind to thoughts and creativity and freedom! ❤🫂☺
Thank you! And I do the compliments thing too but I'll definitely dry the funny thought too next time!😍 And thank you for your kind comment. 💚
Dear Kimberly, I don't want to be intrusive, but have you perhaps considered earning some money by selling your art works online? Perhaps through Etsy?
You are very talented and I am sure you could earn something that way ☺️❤
hi! Sadly I don't think it would be worth it in the long run since it would probably count as a type of work and then my disability would decrease... but thank you for the suggestion. 🥰
@@Kimberly_Viktoria oh, I didn't know they count even that as a work.. that is so strict.. 😟
@@pianno55 yes sadly 🥲
Look for the video of Matt Baszucki, he went through 29 medications and other treatments. Not until he got on the medical ketogenic diet, he no longer has his bipolar illness, and is only on 5mg of ONE medication.
cool, I have tried eating low carb/Lchf but did only lose weight with it. 😊
😢😢😢
Have you watched the movie Odd Thomas? I think you might find it interesting...
No I havent, I havent even heard of it? 🤔
@@Kimberly_Viktoria It's still listed as free to watch on my youtube.
@@artistmimic Thank you! 😊
I like your onion
thank you! 🥰
I think it's a bit of rant
Hello how are you ❤❤❤❤ are you fell good ? 😍🦝🦝🦇🐰🐕🦺🦮🐕
Hi! Yes i'm doing good. 🥰
@@Kimberly_Viktoria 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰👍