When the avoidant GHOSTS you
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- Опубликовано: 21 ноя 2024
- #ghosted #discard #breakup #divorce #heartbroken #avoidant #dating #relationshipcoach #situationship #avoidantattachment #relationship #attachment #dismissiveavoidant #fearfulavoidant #insecureattachment
We were together 13 years, and she didn't want to try any type of counseling or anything. She said she had been feeling like this for the past 2 years. I thought we were doing good, but in our last conversation, she brought up many things that she didn't like about the relationship or things I did. It made me question our whole relationship. I was heartbroken 💔
13 years wow you deserve so much more
She obviously didn't have the emotional maturity to handle a REAL relationship. Stay strong brother, you're better off without her.
@Chrissycolelive thank you, I know I had flaws too, but I always thought we could work things out. In our last conversation, she wouldn't even let me see her for 5 mins, I had to talk to her in my truck while she was in the house. It's been about 6 months since we separated, and she's already in a new relationship. It feels like I never mattered.
@bigboss6867 Thank you, I'm trying. It's been hard, but I know I will overcome this. 🫂
10 years with a DA. The last 2 I could sense she was becoming slowly distant. I suggested to have weekly check in conversations and she would say everything was ok and she had no worries. Then the blindside discard and I was told about really silly things that bothered her (like she did not like the carpet color). Really immature. I learned the hard way to avoid avoidants. They are really not worth it. When they deactivate, they become unrecognizable (it is like Hulk waking up). Months later I woke up from the shock and recognized that the whole thing was one-sided. Attachment theory gave me a framework to better understand myself, my ex DA, and other people. At least, I stopped blaming myself for everything and I recognized my DA's "unintentional" manipulation (gaslighting, stonewalling, controlling closeness). In a way, I am happy it ended. I am no longer living in that agony. I am no longer abandoning myself.
DEEP DOWN THEY ALL KNOWS THAT THEY ARE A BIGGEST COWARD !
That's called self protection.
It’s called a CHOICE, and therefore is extremely cowardice!
The first time after he ghosted me, a few weeks later I asked him if he was okay. He then apologized with a long text. After that I withdrew because I was just so hurt. He then came back to me just to ghost me a second time, that was two years ago and it still hurts
I’m sorry that happened to you. My ex did the same and I text her to reach out when she’s ready but I’m moving on. It looks like an endless cycle
I’m only here to remind myself of all the things I don’t miss. I don’t have much of anything left for what I feel and absolutely will not allow a FA that close to me again. I hope he heals quickly
HS sweetheart of 10 years ghosted me for an entire month then ended thru text. We lived together too. He just stopped coming home. No txts or calls. It was so painful and traumatizing. Coward.
How is it traumatizing ?
@@kunntakentay What kind of a question is this?!
I can relate.. I had a similar traumatic experience 😞
@@rose-of-theoasis I’m asking the question from the perspective of someone who did the ghosting. My ex was manipulative and emotional abusive so I ghosted her without notice a couple years ago. I just want to know how that experience is traumatizing for someone as I myself do not mind being ghosted but I’m sure others do so it’s hard for me to relate. I just feel like the word “traumatizing” is a bit extreme in this context
@@kunntakentay You think ghosting is ok?! You could’ve told that to your partner “I don’t want to continue being in a relationship with you because you are manipulative and emotionally abusive” Why didn’t you tell her that?!
Why do you think so low of yourself that you accept a hard blow & an insult such as ghosting?! do you not have feelings?! Do you like it when you are treated like disposable trash by someone you loved and cherished?! Does disrespect not matter to you?! Why is it that an action like this from your partner is acceptable?!
It’s really hard to explain how traumatic such an experience can be. And it’s not an exaggeration at all
I use to think It was something I said or did! But your so right it's a reflection of the person ghosting ❤
Great explanation
Anyone ghosts me, regardless of relationship. I simply use that contact chat as my new shopping list. I let them see all the wonderful and weird sh*t I’m buying. Places I’m going and things I’m doing, people are so nosy they can’t help but react, that’s your cue to say goodbye in whatever way you chose.
Yes it hurts
Can you discuss how those feels WILL come up eventually? Because we can’t push feelings down forever. Eventually this will haunt someone. We can run from our subconscious.
At some point they Will collapse... No doubt... They are tryin to hide an elephant in a room, that at somenpoint... Will start moving... And they won't be ready for that
@@samchezrockseven if they are in a new relationship?
They can go on without feeling a thing. That is the scary part. Not human.
They jump from the next to the other or they stay alone. And that feels so good for them.
The older they get the less they try tho.
One night stand once in a while for some. Celibacy for the other.
Sad life.
@@Ytdeletesallmycommentsas an avoidant I can confirm this to be true
@@kunntakentay
Well thank you.
I have studied them and observed them well. 😂😂
Its been a month he ghosted me
Edit: its been 2 months
Interesting 📝
So do you move on not reach out or try and be there for them?
When I’ve experienced this, I reach out after about a month just to give them one last chance to open up before I never try again.
It can happen as you axactly said. But what is the solution?
Walk away
Do the avoidant people do once they leave do they come back or they just leave and just never come back
Dismissive Avoidants tend to leave and never come back or make contact. Fearful Avoidants tend to leave, come back, leave, come back, leave, etc. They will continue this cycle until you put a stop to it or they begin working to become securely attached. Do yourself a huge favor and find an emotionally healthy, securely attached person that can participate in an intimate relationship in a healthy way. You will be so glad that you did.
Why keep me on socials if you’re ghosting.
Because everything they do is based on temporary feelings.
@@gracetomaszczyk2145 what does that mean? Like they’re keeping me on the back burner?
@@bruhh8820 it is a fact That they like to come back. When they deactivate/ghost/discard/dump you, their feelings for you are buried & supressed. Assuming you were good to them & treated them well & after the discard you go into No contact, they can, in Time, allow themselves to revisit their feelings for you & re-feel them. This is why they dont give their exes their things back straight Away & dont delete/block etc. This is all according to the experts
Coach, can fearful avoidant behave like a psychopath? If so what causes that and what should be done?
Psychopaths dont feel shame or guilt. Avoidants/ covert narcs do.
@@Ytdeletesallmycomments Yes, but what if a fearful avoidant start to behave like a psychopath in some ways?
@@ahmedarif9023
Maybe she was not an avoidant at all like most are mislabeled.
Cluster b types all lovebomb lie and do thehot and cold crap and discard.
The name doesnt matter.
Dont take such toxic disrespect from a soul.
Nomatter what fake label they get.
Sick people. 😂😂😂
@@ahmedarif9023
You can be more then just an avoidant. Most have more issues going on 😂😂😂
Just stay away. Doesnt matter what the diagnose is. It wont change and live a drama free live with respect for self.
I left
Were you the avoidant?
@@rose-of-theoasis no i was attached fear of abundance
But they come back, right? Actually I ghost them better than they can ever ghost me lol. Yes it hurts for a while, but then when i climb back out of the rabbit hole, I come back stronger than ever, after having learned my lessons, I beat them at their own game. I'm a sigma female super empath, exponential Scorpio, and have lions and tigers in my chart, I have a badass reputation to uphold after all lol.
Love, you would've looked stronger if you just walked away. You may have beaten them at their game, but the they tricked of lowering yourself to their level to play their game. So despite you having beaten them, they still won because you played their game.
@eppsislike Actually, I did walk away. That's how I beat them. I did it for myself, not to beat them. Winning at their game was an unexpected bonus. I did it to win at my own game with myself, the game of self respect.
No one can handle all that ego 😅 and no, they usually do not come back
sounds a lot like narcissim
It‘s not the same
It's a selfish move and lack of empathy. Narcissists have both those traits, but non narcissists can as well.