The tips start after min 8 1) Learn how to reconnect to ourselves (meditation, journaling) 2) Learn how to be alone( have hobbies and a mission you going after) and have time to process the experience to know how to improve the relationship 3) Learn to identify your own needs 4)Get into the habit to end self-abandonment by self-reflecting 5) Have a Healthy identity (Career, financial, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and social/family/ relationships) you really want to focus on the areas that are not involving other people 6)Become someone that has purpose(A mission that you connect) in their life 7) Learn how to self sooth, how to process your emotion
Thank you so much for sharing this with us❣. I am so focused on others and yes.. it starts already in the morning😊.. instead of taking good care of myself I think of others and how THEY are doing...so this is a really good advice for me Start to reconnect with myself.. it's a start😊🌹 Thank you so much. Take care❤ Love from The Netherlands
I'm anxious attached, healing towards secure, and I've been meditating every day for 38 days now and it's done wonders. I do it either as a general practice daily or specifically when core wounds come up and I feel triggered. My bf is seeing a lot of improvement as do I! It's still a work in progress ofcourse but I will get there for sure!
@@yvaz3373 I use guided meditation apps such as Insight Timer! It helps me stay focused! Not all meditations are great: sometimes my mind is all over the place but every day counts! I am still meditating every day!
@@Sara-vl9hi hi sara!! I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary of meditation! 😍 my bf and I broke up for 3 months because our attachment styles came into a heated powrr struggle phase. However we tried again and now def heading towards the stability phase 😍
Your most recent update gives me up! I was dating someone for about 5 months and we are taking some time to work on ourselves right now and for me I really need to work on my anxious attachment style. If I wouldn’t hear from him or talk everyday or constantly I would get this panic and the fear of abandonment, he doesn’t like me anymore, etc. and I don’t want to ruin it and hope w some time we can try again. Reading what you’ve gone through gives me hope. I do meditation but haven’t in a while and I’ll try again. But I know for me it’s just trying not to go into that panic mode.
You are saving my life, I was so lost and in so much pain, and now I found your videos and it gives me so much hope, thank you so much for what are you doing.
I feel like this can change over time too. I think at the beginning of my relationship I was thinking about my needs, I knew myself and I was happy etc but near the end of it I was extremely anxious all the time again. You can “relapse” into those old patterns without noticing I guess.
"Your thoughts are directed so externally..." Hurts to hear, heals to hear... I can identify TOTALLY with that self disconnection. It's incredible. Thanks! S2
Other people are ALWAYS unreliable to meet your needs, someone will always let you down. Don't rely on anyone else to meet your needs, it's not their job, it's yours. Your needs are too important to leave to others to fulfill (& disappoint you). Friends are important; if they meet some of your needs, that's a bonus. Always meet them yourself with God's love and support. It's not your job to meet others' needs either, or to keep someone else happy.
i had been having anxious attachment style for years and i was just not aware why my relationships kept failing until i realised i kept attracting avoidant partners who used to increase my anxiety ten folds and right now in my current relationship i am facing the same issue but with this knowledge im moving forward with love and compassion even avoidants anxious can workout it just needs a lot of time and patience
🥴🥴I would run for the hills the min I detect u r avoidant…my anxiety acts like it’s on crack around these types-they all end up being self absorbed Narcs.
So great! Thank you! For the ones who already are familiar for the reasons of this relationshiptype: First tip to healthy habit number one is introduced at minute 8:00. But still always important to remember where all this is coming from
You’re going to be at 100k subscribers soon! I am going to promote you. This is a major key. Your videos are gold. Do you realize that? So many people are waiting to hear from you.
I first looked at 'attachment issues' as a bit of a joke. My friends have always taken the mick out of me for always carrying my teddy around. Then I had a mental breakdown and was desperate to understand myself. That's when I looked up this attachment thing and read about pre occupied anxious attachment. It wasn't just a word anymore it's now an understanding. It's hard to get help as services are limited. These videos help when Noone else wants to
Been on my own for as long as I can remember, I don’t have a lot of friends and don’t know how to make friends either... I put it down to traveling as a kid for 7 years and not lying down those early skills. I hate being on my “own” as it happens a lot. I wasn’t in a romantic relationship for 5 years but was sort of dating. Life is hard as an anxious and it’s only now I’m really learning about it all as my now bf in an avoidant 🥺
I'm glad my friend shared me this page I have anxious attachment style and its not til I became 30 that it started to manage itself better but this one helps me process it better. I'm also in love with a avoidant (whatever variant he is) attachment guy and I'm committed to quadruple down on my growth. I understand where he comes from so I wont lose myself anymore. I want to shine better so he can trust me better. It will take time but I'm gonna work and have faith!
Definitely look into avoidant attachment style (which your partner may be) and the dynamic between anxious and avoidant attachment styles! I was in that position-I ended up leaving that relationship- and I’m now at the beginning of healing.
@@carajennings8027 yeah its tough enough to work on yourself let alone dealing with a fearful avoidant the worst fights ever come through people like that. They will remove affection and attention for days even to a healthy person that's painful to experience let alone someone who AA style that dynamic will gut your soul by the end. Not worth it. Find somebody that can help you in your journey to healthy and be there for you not make it worse!
im currently going through a spiritual awakening triggered by a narcissist and a really toxic relationship. i’ve learned that im an anxious attachment and it makes so much sense!! im currently doing shadow work on my attachment style. thank you for these videos, they’ve helped so much! ❤️
I had my awakening 2 years ago, propelled by one of the most disgustingly toxic Narcs I have ever encountered. The deception cut to the core and seeing the mask slip did something to me. I am also anxious attachment and whenever I find myself getting flustered and worried about a guy, I fall back…there is so much to contend with when u have this style of attachment. All my relationships have been with nasty Narcs- makes me question if I will ever experience a healthy relationship in this lifetime.
Useful questions to ask ourselves from the video: - How do i want to CONNECT with myself today? - How am I FEELING now & how do I want to FEEL today? - What INTENTION do i want to set today? - What do I NEED today? (My acronym is: CFIN) ❤️Thank you so much, Thais!
Thank you so much for these videos! I am the anxious attachment style, your videos are saving my relationship and myself! thank you so much! before I became close to a fearful avoidant I was completely content with myself, I knew who I was and what made me happy, I had self identity, but something happened when we both started working on an intimate, romantic connection and I lost who I was, I became focused on them, having this sort of engineering mindset to always fix what I thought to be a problem. I miss my hobbies and passions but I love this person dearly and keep becoming co-dependent on them and losing myself so this was helpful in waking me up to focusing on myself again but still building a healthy relationship with that special person I love
I am having such a hard, horrible time right now. For the past few days I have felt so much pain and I am so lost rn. I don't know how to handle it, I don't know if I can but I feel so desperate to find peace and quiet... As I am watching this video, it is helping me so much. This has been really tough on me lately and this video is making me feel like there is a way out of this... thank you so much.
I know this is a year old video & I hope you see this Thais but I just want to personally say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Partly for being so sweet, light & gentle with your choice of words. My therapist in the past has made me feel like something was terribly wrong with me when in actuality, it’s my AA attachment style that just needs some work. You have made this healing transition such a hopeful one & I will be signing up for the PDSchool now. Thank you very much.
I want to heal. Afraid of healing due to fear of losing my avoidant husband. How do I get past not wanting to hurt him. Together 19 years, stayed by my side through all my bullshit. We have 2 children. This anxiety nobody understands, my heart is breaking.
thank you so much. as a 17 year old who has gone through traumatic childhood experiences, i recognise my behaviour in this attachment style. i often feel vapid and abandoned. your video is awesome, i feel empowered and am hopeful that i am able to rewire myself. thank you so much!
Wow. I am attracted to your videos and knowledge. Funny, I created a businesses around healthier habits and my business healed me..after during the "worth it work" as I call it. I became a SA. I did a lot of the things you suggested. It works, I am living proof.
I have seen a lot of videos about attachment styles. You humanize then in ways I have not heard before. I believe I have an anxious attachment style and appreciate the info.
APs, we live with an ongoing, chronic, background pain. Not really different from someone who has chronic back pain from an accident or an ongoing toothache. That's how addictions develop. The pain. When you have a constant, nagging toothache, when you've had it for a while, you aren't really enjoying life, you aren't looking for things that are fun. Fun, that light, noncommittal, gentle pleasure of going for a nice walk on a sunny, breezy day becomes inaccessible. All you have left is chasing the pain relief. All you want, all you care about, all you can think of is the pain and how much you'd like to be relieved from it. And whatever gives you relief is the highest, most potent drug, a source of the most intense pleasure, the most intense reward.
Absolutely spot on and it is a difficult type to be. Explains a lot about my relationship at the moment which had me at the end of my tether and highly frustrated. I much prefer to be totally engulfed in a relationship but treat it as a holiday from reality. That way there are no other distractions other than the relationship. However, reality means separation and if it is someone who is avoidant like the one i am with now. I have adopted a strategy of not caring at all which i don't think is very healthy.
Thank you so much for this information. I am anxious/fearful attached, currently going through an unclear seperation with a DA partner. We have been together for 8 years, have 2 children, and a plethora of intensely challenging life events throughout those years....facing our biggest triggers and not knowing what was happening between us. We have reached a crossroads. I grew up with an abusive DA father and swore I would never let my children grow up the same. My childhood was lonely and I felt trapped and desperate. I internalized it into perfectionism and anxiety, and it grew into anger and bitterness. We are approaching the 1 year anniversary of my miscarraige and I am all alone yet again. Last year, I found myself in this exact situation with my partner as he chose to withdraw himself from the situation. I have been waiting for him to decide to join in therapy with me. In the past, this would have triggered me and I would be stuck in that desperate, trapped, and suffocatingly lonely childhood space again. I have learned from your videos, and this one in particular, I have found at a much needed time. I had no idea how to cultivate a connection with myself. My entire identity has been integrated within my relationships....that I no longer have. I have been stuck in such anger and victim mentality as to why I must go through this alone. I now see this as a gift. The gift of finally knowing and caring for myself, to release the hold of my childhood triggers, reconnect to myself, not as a vicitm, but as a safe and capable human being. And be able to share this with and guide my children into their own safe sense of self. Thank you for giving guidance on concrete steps to take in what feels complicated, foreign, and ovewhelming.
Why do you never mention art? Despite being an anxious preocupied individual, I am feeling whole through art to the point that I don't feel any need to be with people or dependency on a relationship when I am creating artistically. I believe that art offers a way to healing.
I love doing art too. It's a beautiful form of meditation and connecting to yourself and God. I get lost in my paintings and feel disappointed when I finish one because I want to carry on painting! I love adult colouring-in books too, I do them everywhere I go - cafes, church sermons, even at work x
I balled too! I felt so understood! this video is incredibly accurate, and the attachment style stuff is really saving my current romantic partner and I's "relationship" it was communicating needs with them and being honest and vulnerable and them responding with making me feel secure and safe and validated that made me feel so loved and at peace and able to go on with my day knowing they aren't going to abandon me
This video has made me realize that true APs definitely have the most severe trauma. Even compared to FAs. So severe that the entire sense of self fails to develop. Imagine the void, when whenever you are not around your source of validation and reassurance, you just tune out, dissociate, wait for the time to pass, much like you distract yourself by watching TV while in a dentist's chair. Just trying to distract yourself from feeling the pain.
My understanding is that if your parents didn't meet your physical and safety needs, then you're more likely to be avoidant. Whereas if they didn't meet your emotional needs consistently, then that's anxious. The anxious one, you're constantly trying to make sure the relationship is still there. For me that is feeling like love is conditional on good behaviour. The avoidant one seems to be more when the child has to be too independent, like left at home alone, or left to do task for themselves that are too hard. Eg. 3yo making their own breakfast. They know they have a need a they learn not to rely on anyone to meet it. Does that help?
@@KateLate____ I was thinking about my childhood being raised in a strict Christian home. I am an FA leaning anxious but all my needs were met. My mom did struggle with depression for a few years, but perfect otherwise. So that made me wonder if the religion and being taught that I am "evil from chilhood" (Genesis 8:21-22) so evil in fact, that nothing I do could ever make up for it. But lucky for me, God sent his perfect son to be punished for my transgressions. Imagine hearing that pounded into you head repeatedly during the most formative years of your life.
I think it's definitely possible. i had all my needs met growing up but i still turned out with a very anxious attachment style and i think that is partially because i grew up in Christianity, worrying about whether god would really help me or really cared etc. So yeah i think it's possible, at least from personal experience
I have been single for the last 4 years. I know my wants and needs. Now it's just starting a relationship. I'm working on my physical appearance. But I have worked in all my other areas. Maybe I need the spiritual growth. Meditation.
Dialectical behavioral therapy? I think I had just heard about it from my therapist. I don’t remember what it’s used for. I’m probably starting on EMDR when I have an extra $700 a month. If you have a clingy Attachment type, it’s typically from abandonment issues. I found a really amazing video by Dr. Margaret Paul about inner bonding. Best video on abandonment issues I’ve ever seen. Going to try her workbooks. Check them out
You literally are talking about me lol. I feel like I found my soulmate by watching this video ;D You pointed out everything that I have and I am glad that I found out whats up with myself. Thank you very much, I am on the road to becoming a healthy person now.
I'm FA, leaning anxious and my biggest worry is that if I start focusing on myself and my needs, that I will swing to the other extreme and abandon everyone else (which tends to happen)
Thank you so much for helping me understand my husband’s attachment style. Can you make a similar video for Healthy habits for a dismissive avoidant attachment style? I haven’t been able to set my boundaries in my relationship. Can I get some help in ways to be interdependent in my relationship?
Fur Baby just my own experience: believe firmly that there is a purpose and keep finding, BE PATIENT, haven’t find yet doesn’t mean I will never find out. Remember that my job doesn’t necessarily the direct way to realize my purpose. Focus on practical life, do the things that need to be resolved at the present moment. When there is nothing urgent to focus, follow the flow. And, keep in mind that there is a purpose and I need to keep finding. One day, we all will find it.
Hi ! I absolutely love your videos; I just found your channel and it's been really eye-opening! I just wondered where I can find the 'need-list' that you mentioned in this video? Couldn't find it on your website :-(
Journal your thoughts, cry, hit the pillow, meditate, listen to worship music, read Psalm 139 in the Bible, stroke a pet to calm yourself and connect, do art, anything that relaxes you.
My twin flame is an avoidant and im anxious our relationship is on the verge of breaking. HELP how do i get him to at least watch these videos so we can start understanding one another?
What if i feel like i connect to this attachment style except I dont spend a lot of time with other people. Im very introverted and find it exhausting to be around others sometimes. I only like being with a few people i really care about like my family and a boyfriend for example but im,not constantly trying to be around people, i often cancel plans last minute because I dont want to be around others, does that still make me this attachment style?
Great content and delivery. The background of the book shelf is distracting as the plant looks like it's growing out of your head and the objects on the shelf look like giraffe horns growing out of the sides of your head. These videos are well informed and helpful, thanks for making them.
The tips start after min 8
1) Learn how to reconnect to ourselves (meditation, journaling)
2) Learn how to be alone( have hobbies and a mission you going after) and have time to process the experience to know how to improve the relationship
3) Learn to identify your own needs
4)Get into the habit to end self-abandonment by self-reflecting
5) Have a Healthy identity (Career, financial, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and social/family/ relationships) you really want to focus on the areas that are not involving other people
6)Become someone that has purpose(A mission that you connect) in their life
7) Learn how to self sooth, how to process your emotion
It honestly feels like I'm getting myself ready for my next relationship.
@@CthulusFavoriteTreat lol yes
I think if I could do all of these things, i would be englightened.
king shi
Thank you so much for sharing this with us❣. I am so focused on others and yes.. it starts already in the morning😊.. instead of taking good care of myself I think of others and how THEY are doing...so this is a really good advice for me Start to reconnect with myself.. it's a start😊🌹
Thank you so much. Take care❤
Love from The Netherlands
I'm anxious attached, healing towards secure, and I've been meditating every day for 38 days now and it's done wonders. I do it either as a general practice daily or specifically when core wounds come up and I feel triggered. My bf is seeing a lot of improvement as do I! It's still a work in progress ofcourse but I will get there for sure!
Fantastic..how do you meditate? I find it difficult, two minutes on it and my mind is already somewhere else!
@@yvaz3373 I use guided meditation apps such as Insight Timer! It helps me stay focused! Not all meditations are great: sometimes my mind is all over the place but every day counts! I am still meditating every day!
@@estherh.1106 any update on your progress? I’d love to hear more! I struggle with the same thing and I’m ready to fix it for good.
@@Sara-vl9hi hi sara!! I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary of meditation! 😍 my bf and I broke up for 3 months because our attachment styles came into a heated powrr struggle phase. However we tried again and now def heading towards the stability phase 😍
Your most recent update gives me up! I was dating someone for about 5 months and we are taking some time to work on ourselves right now and for me I really need to work on my anxious attachment style. If I wouldn’t hear from him or talk everyday or constantly I would get this panic and the fear of abandonment, he doesn’t like me anymore, etc. and I don’t want to ruin it and hope w some time we can try again. Reading what you’ve gone through gives me hope. I do meditation but haven’t in a while and I’ll try again. But I know for me it’s just trying not to go into that panic mode.
You are saving my life, I was so lost and in so much pain, and now I found your videos and it gives me so much hope, thank you so much for what are you doing.
Also look into craig kenneth on RUclips they caused me to go deeper in this
Same
I was stuck. Then Attachment theory got my attention. Then I found your channel. Now I cannot thank you enough. :)
What has happened since?
I feel like this can change over time too. I think at the beginning of my relationship I was thinking about my needs, I knew myself and I was happy etc but near the end of it I was extremely anxious all the time again. You can “relapse” into those old patterns without noticing I guess.
Yea, especially if your partners behavior triggers some old wounds
"Your thoughts are directed so externally..." Hurts to hear, heals to hear... I can identify TOTALLY with that self disconnection. It's incredible. Thanks! S2
Your videos are life changing
Other people are ALWAYS unreliable to meet your needs, someone will always let you down. Don't rely on anyone else to meet your needs, it's not their job, it's yours. Your needs are too important to leave to others to fulfill (& disappoint you). Friends are important; if they meet some of your needs, that's a bonus. Always meet them yourself with God's love and support. It's not your job to meet others' needs either, or to keep someone else happy.
One can have good friends, and when there is no romantic setting, it might not be triggering either.
i had been having anxious attachment style for years and i was just not aware why my relationships kept failing until i realised i kept attracting avoidant partners who used to increase my anxiety ten folds and right now in my current relationship i am facing the same issue but with this knowledge im moving forward with love and compassion even avoidants anxious can workout it just needs a lot of time and patience
🥴🥴I would run for the hills the min I detect u r avoidant…my anxiety acts like it’s on crack around these types-they all end up being self absorbed Narcs.
So great! Thank you!
For the ones who already are familiar for the reasons of this relationshiptype:
First tip to healthy habit number one is introduced at minute 8:00.
But still always important to remember where all this is coming from
You’re going to be at 100k subscribers soon! I am going to promote you. This is a major key. Your videos are gold. Do you realize that? So many people are waiting to hear from you.
I first looked at 'attachment issues' as a bit of a joke. My friends have always taken the mick out of me for always carrying my teddy around. Then I had a mental breakdown and was desperate to understand myself. That's when I looked up this attachment thing and read about pre occupied anxious attachment. It wasn't just a word anymore it's now an understanding. It's hard to get help as services are limited. These videos help when Noone else wants to
Been on my own for as long as I can remember, I don’t have a lot of friends and don’t know how to make friends either... I put it down to traveling as a kid for 7 years and not lying down those early skills. I hate being on my “own” as it happens a lot. I wasn’t in a romantic relationship for 5 years but was sort of dating. Life is hard as an anxious and it’s only now I’m really learning about it all as my now bf in an avoidant 🥺
How are you feeling now, one year on?
I'm glad my friend shared me this page I have anxious attachment style and its not til I became 30 that it started to manage itself better but this one helps me process it better. I'm also in love with a avoidant (whatever variant he is) attachment guy and I'm committed to quadruple down on my growth. I understand where he comes from so I wont lose myself anymore. I want to shine better so he can trust me better. It will take time but I'm gonna work and have faith!
All my issues are with my romantic relationship. He is dismissive and I'm anxious. I'm at the end of rope x100.
Definitely look into avoidant attachment style (which your partner may be) and the dynamic between anxious and avoidant attachment styles! I was in that position-I ended up leaving that relationship- and I’m now at the beginning of healing.
@@carajennings8027 yeah its tough enough to work on yourself let alone dealing with a fearful avoidant the worst fights ever come through people like that. They will remove affection and attention for days even to a healthy person that's painful to experience let alone someone who AA style that dynamic will gut your soul by the end. Not worth it. Find somebody that can help you in your journey to healthy and be there for you not make it worse!
@@PriyankaGupta-ew1li what's the upside
im currently going through a spiritual awakening triggered by a narcissist and a really toxic relationship. i’ve learned that im an anxious attachment and it makes so much sense!! im currently doing shadow work on my attachment style. thank you for these videos, they’ve helped so much! ❤️
Same 🤍. Glad to know I’m not alone
Same!!
I had my awakening 2 years ago, propelled by one of the most disgustingly toxic Narcs I have ever encountered. The deception cut to the core and seeing the mask slip did something to me. I am also anxious attachment and whenever I find myself getting flustered and worried about a guy, I fall back…there is so much to contend with when u have this style of attachment. All my relationships have been with nasty Narcs- makes me question if I will ever experience a healthy relationship in this lifetime.
Me too. I found Jesus and realised he's the only person who will always love me unconditionally and will never ever leave me. Beautiful!! X
Useful questions to ask ourselves from the video:
- How do i want to CONNECT with myself today?
- How am I FEELING now & how do I want to FEEL today?
- What INTENTION do i want to set today?
- What do I NEED today?
(My acronym is: CFIN)
❤️Thank you so much, Thais!
I relate a lot with this and I appreciate your tone and free service of giving ppl like me ideas how to work on ourselves
Thank you so much for these videos! I am the anxious attachment style, your videos are saving my relationship and myself! thank you so much! before I became close to a fearful avoidant I was completely content with myself, I knew who I was and what made me happy, I had self identity, but something happened when we both started working on an intimate, romantic connection and I lost who I was, I became focused on them, having this sort of engineering mindset to always fix what I thought to be a problem. I miss my hobbies and passions but I love this person dearly and keep becoming co-dependent on them and losing myself so this was helpful in waking me up to focusing on myself again but still building a healthy relationship with that special person I love
How are you doing now? I am 2 months into a similar situation.
I love the points you make here. Describing the style and how to heal. This has helped me personally and in my practise. Loving your videos
I am having such a hard, horrible time right now. For the past few days I have felt so much pain and I am so lost rn. I don't know how to handle it, I don't know if I can but I feel so desperate to find peace and quiet... As I am watching this video, it is helping me so much. This has been really tough on me lately and this video is making me feel like there is a way out of this... thank you so much.
I know this is a year old video & I hope you see this Thais but I just want to personally say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Partly for being so sweet, light & gentle with your choice of words. My therapist in the past has made me feel like something was terribly wrong with me when in actuality, it’s my AA attachment style that just needs some work. You have made this healing transition such a hopeful one & I will be signing up for the PDSchool now. Thank you very much.
Thaïs, you help me understand and understanding is healing. I can’t thank you enough.
I want to heal. Afraid of healing due to fear of losing my avoidant husband. How do I get past not wanting to hurt him. Together 19 years, stayed by my side through all my bullshit. We have 2 children. This anxiety nobody understands, my heart is breaking.
thank you so much. as a 17 year old who has gone through traumatic childhood experiences, i recognise my behaviour in this attachment style. i often feel vapid and abandoned. your video is awesome, i feel empowered and am hopeful that i am able to rewire myself. thank you so much!
Hope you’re doing well
Wow. I am attracted to your videos and knowledge. Funny, I created a businesses around healthier habits and my business healed me..after during the "worth it work" as I call it. I became a SA. I did a lot of the things you suggested. It works, I am living proof.
I have seen a lot of videos about attachment styles. You humanize then in ways I have not heard before. I believe I have an anxious attachment style and appreciate the info.
I can totally tell that you are passionate about helping people! Your videos have really helped me. Thank you soooooooo much!
Wooooow this is exactly what I needed, I can cry right now! Thank you soooo much for this ❤️❤️❤️
APs, we live with an ongoing, chronic, background pain. Not really different from someone who has chronic back pain from an accident or an ongoing toothache. That's how addictions develop. The pain. When you have a constant, nagging toothache, when you've had it for a while, you aren't really enjoying life, you aren't looking for things that are fun. Fun, that light, noncommittal, gentle pleasure of going for a nice walk on a sunny, breezy day becomes inaccessible. All you have left is chasing the pain relief. All you want, all you care about, all you can think of is the pain and how much you'd like to be relieved from it. And whatever gives you relief is the highest, most potent drug, a source of the most intense pleasure, the most intense reward.
Crying and watching these but they are happy tears
Good morning 🙏
Wishing you an awesome day.
Absolutely spot on and it is a difficult type to be. Explains a lot about my relationship at the moment which had me at the end of my tether and highly frustrated. I much prefer to be totally engulfed in a relationship but treat it as a holiday from reality. That way there are no other distractions other than the relationship. However, reality means separation and if it is someone who is avoidant like the one i am with now. I have adopted a strategy of not caring at all which i don't think is very healthy.
Thank you so much for this information. I am anxious/fearful attached, currently going through an unclear seperation with a DA partner. We have been together for 8 years, have 2 children, and a plethora of intensely challenging life events throughout those years....facing our biggest triggers and not knowing what was happening between us.
We have reached a crossroads.
I grew up with an abusive DA father and swore I would never let my children grow up the same. My childhood was lonely and I felt trapped and desperate. I internalized it into perfectionism and anxiety, and it grew into anger and bitterness.
We are approaching the 1 year anniversary of my miscarraige and I am all alone yet again. Last year, I found myself in this exact situation with my partner as he chose to withdraw himself from the situation. I have been waiting for him to decide to join in therapy with me. In the past, this would have triggered me and I would be stuck in that desperate, trapped, and suffocatingly lonely childhood space again.
I have learned from your videos, and this one in particular, I have found at a much needed time. I had no idea how to cultivate a connection with myself. My entire identity has been integrated within my relationships....that I no longer have. I have been stuck in such anger and victim mentality as to why I must go through this alone. I now see this as a gift. The gift of finally knowing and caring for myself, to release the hold of my childhood triggers, reconnect to myself, not as a vicitm, but as a safe and capable human being. And be able to share this with and guide my children into their own safe sense of self.
Thank you for giving guidance on concrete steps to take in what feels complicated, foreign, and ovewhelming.
Why do you never mention art? Despite being an anxious preocupied individual, I am feeling whole through art to the point that I don't feel any need to be with people or dependency on a relationship when I am creating artistically. I believe that art offers a way to healing.
What kind of art do you do? I also find that I get more pleasure and fulfillment through creation than socializing with people
It may not work for everyone.. not everyone is inclined or knows how to do art.. but good for u
I love doing art too. It's a beautiful form of meditation and connecting to yourself and God. I get lost in my paintings and feel disappointed when I finish one because I want to carry on painting! I love adult colouring-in books too, I do them everywhere I go - cafes, church sermons, even at work x
God bless you you’re changing so many lives!❤️❤️
Well, that was so accurate it was uncomfortable and I teared up before the 3-minute mark. Feels like hope.
I balled too! I felt so understood! this video is incredibly accurate, and the attachment style stuff is really saving my current romantic partner and I's "relationship" it was communicating needs with them and being honest and vulnerable and them responding with making me feel secure and safe and validated that made me feel so loved and at peace and able to go on with my day knowing they aren't going to abandon me
This video has made me realize that true APs definitely have the most severe trauma. Even compared to FAs. So severe that the entire sense of self fails to develop. Imagine the void, when whenever you are not around your source of validation and reassurance, you just tune out, dissociate, wait for the time to pass, much like you distract yourself by watching TV while in a dentist's chair. Just trying to distract yourself from feeling the pain.
I like how her eyes lights up 😍
this is super helpful, thank you
you are simply amazing, Thias!
Thank you for sharing
The sound is difficult to listen to because it’s echoing. Excited to hear what you have to share though 😌
Can this be caused by being raised in a strict religious home? More so the fearful avoidant but any of the anxious one's.
My understanding is that if your parents didn't meet your physical and safety needs, then you're more likely to be avoidant. Whereas if they didn't meet your emotional needs consistently, then that's anxious.
The anxious one, you're constantly trying to make sure the relationship is still there. For me that is feeling like love is conditional on good behaviour.
The avoidant one seems to be more when the child has to be too independent, like left at home alone, or left to do task for themselves that are too hard. Eg. 3yo making their own breakfast. They know they have a need a they learn not to rely on anyone to meet it.
Does that help?
@@KateLate____ I was thinking about my childhood being raised in a strict Christian home. I am an FA leaning anxious but all my needs were met. My mom did struggle with depression for a few years, but perfect otherwise. So that made me wonder if the religion and being taught that I am "evil from chilhood" (Genesis 8:21-22) so evil in fact, that nothing I do could ever make up for it. But lucky for me, God sent his perfect son to be punished for my transgressions. Imagine hearing that pounded into you head repeatedly during the most formative years of your life.
I think it's definitely possible. i had all my needs met growing up but i still turned out with a very anxious attachment style and i think that is partially because i grew up in Christianity, worrying about whether god would really help me or really cared etc. So yeah i think it's possible, at least from personal experience
This is the channel to marathon. Forget Netflix for a while, people.
I have been single for the last 4 years. I know my wants and needs. Now it's just starting a relationship. I'm working on my physical appearance. But I have worked in all my other areas. Maybe I need the spiritual growth. Meditation.
DBT is supposed to be pretty helpful.
@@phoebebuffay3314 what's dbt?
Dialectical behavioral therapy? I think I had just heard about it from my therapist. I don’t remember what it’s used for. I’m probably starting on EMDR when I have an extra $700 a month. If you have a clingy Attachment type, it’s typically from abandonment issues. I found a really amazing video by Dr. Margaret Paul about inner bonding. Best video on abandonment issues I’ve ever seen. Going to try her workbooks. Check them out
this was very helful for me. Thank you so much Thais! :)
You are truly amazing. Such gratitude I have for you reflection. You deserve every good thing. ❤️❤️❤️
You are amazing Thais!
This makes so much sense! THANK YOU
Wow. I really needed this video. Thank you so much 🙏
Thank you
bruh, game changer this stuff, aint it
I wish I could pay you...thank you 😑. My appreciation to you.
Thank you so much for your appreciation
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool It's has changed my life.
I can't find the self discovery questions on the website you mentioned.
Also I think there is nothing wring with attraction as long as you also pay attention to your needs.
Thank you so much for this wonderful information! I really appreciate your help
You literally are talking about me lol. I feel like I found my soulmate by watching this video ;D You pointed out everything that I have and I am glad that I found out whats up with myself. Thank you very much, I am on the road to becoming a healthy person now.
Thank you so much for this. So helpful.
It was indeed very helpful...Thanks 😊
I'm FA, leaning anxious and my biggest worry is that if I start focusing on myself and my needs, that I will swing to the other extreme and abandon everyone else (which tends to happen)
I am so grateful for this content. Thank you!
your videos have helped me so much.
Thank you! I'm so happy to hear that!!
Starts at 1:30
Went thru a bad breakup or breakdown lol. I went to my close friend and asked her to hold me. She was telling me it will be ok. I needed to be held.
I have this and was not showed a lot of love in my childhood, rather a like of physical abuse!
same
Thank you so much for helping me understand my husband’s attachment style.
Can you make a similar video for Healthy habits for a dismissive avoidant attachment style?
I haven’t been able to set my boundaries in my relationship. Can I get some help in ways to be interdependent in my relationship?
This is so me literally to a T
I have anxious attachment abs really need to get out of it.
This is biggest question in my life though, how to find a PURPOSE?? I have no dreams/goals/ passions so how the hell do I find a purpose in life?
Fur Baby just my own experience: believe firmly that there is a purpose and keep finding, BE PATIENT, haven’t find yet doesn’t mean I will never find out. Remember that my job doesn’t necessarily the direct way to realize my purpose. Focus on practical life, do the things that need to be resolved at the present moment. When there is nothing urgent to focus, follow the flow. And, keep in mind that there is a purpose and I need to keep finding. One day, we all will find it.
ruclips.net/video/mDRO_XAUYfw/видео.html
Just do things that you like and enjoy and it will come to you. Also try lots of new things. It won't necessarily be some big grand moment either.
Great job presenting the issue in conjunction with solution.
Yes. I agree.
Thank u sooooo much ! U saved me
If I have DA attachment to both of my parents but AP attachment w romantic partners does that mean I was raised AP or DA?
Thais Gibson Haha Thanks! I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this! Keep up the great videos! ❤️
Honestly I was about to click away. I'm glad I stayed
Hi ! I absolutely love your videos; I just found your channel and it's been really eye-opening! I just wondered where I can find the 'need-list' that you mentioned in this video? Couldn't find it on your website :-(
Is the Needs worksheet free?
I want to get healthy with this Just learn how to live. I'm too ugly for relationships so I'm just gonna live with myself.
I hate that you feel this way about yourself 😢
How to self soothe instead of self abandonment? 😫😭
Journal your thoughts, cry, hit the pillow, meditate, listen to worship music, read Psalm 139 in the Bible, stroke a pet to calm yourself and connect, do art, anything that relaxes you.
My twin flame is an avoidant and im anxious our relationship is on the verge of breaking. HELP how do i get him to at least watch these videos so we can start understanding one another?
Did u figure it out?
Same here. I showed him the videos and he understands... it’s just irreparable because he can’t change and I can’t
I couldn’t find the worksheet you mentioned :(
Me too
Could this attachment style develop from treatment from siblings as well or is it only parents?
I have been wondering the same thing.
Me too, I’m wondering about this as well
I think so, especially if the sibling was a caregiver
Just wondering myself as my mother never protected me from serious emotional and physical sibling abuse.
I am sure it has an effect especially if the siblings were older.
What if i feel like i connect to this attachment style except I dont spend a lot of time with other people. Im very introverted and find it exhausting to be around others sometimes. I only like being with a few people i really care about like my family and a boyfriend for example but im,not constantly trying to be around people, i often cancel plans last minute because I dont want to be around others, does that still make me this attachment style?
Yes.
Great content and delivery. The background of the book shelf is distracting as the plant looks like it's growing out of your head and the objects on the shelf look like giraffe horns growing out of the sides of your head. These videos are well informed and helpful, thanks for making them.
Should someone marry a guy who has anxious attachment behaviour? Need your advise please
I can't find the needs list on your website
Self discovery. Which course is this on the website?
This would have saved my last relationship and my marriage :'(
Can anyone signpost me to the subconscious reprogramming video please?
dude omg
As an introvert I basically see all extroverts as this.
Put another way care more about your life and a whole lot less about others especially if you are a PA
"Self soothing"
Me: Dad, I'm sad.
Dad: You're a man. Suck it up and move on.