Okay so for the first time ever I started dating a DA (without knowing anything about the subject then) and it took me by surprise, we dated for almost a year and I decided to end things when I felt that this relationship was taking a toll on my self esteem and that I was the only one concerned about making things work. So I just took the same attachment-style test twice, one time thinking of my ex (the DA) and the second time thinking of an other ex who is mostly securely attached and what I found was really insightful. My test results thinking of the DA stated that I was up on anxious and low on avoidance (basically an AA), but then the results that came from the second test stated that I was low on anxious and avoidant traits which meant I was securely attached as well (which I know I’ve always been) so the takeaway from this story is that there are people who can bring out the best of you and people who can do the opposite, choose wisely.
Wow! This was really helpful to me! I have driven myself mad trying to cope with a dismissive partner and over 13 years of my marriage to him,i have become very anxious. I wasn't like that before this relationship happened! I do feel that I had a secure attachment style previously but after personalizing his behaviour i became prone to people pleasing,being bullied by others,always being afraid that if I speak my mind I will lose the other person. My relationship with my DA partner has set me up for being abused. Trying to heal.
@@winnieamar9368 Im glad you found this helpful! That means that you can reverse back to your old attachment style working on eat each day and if the right be person comes along then the process will be even faster 🙏🏼
If this is your free content? Your courses must be ah’mazing because you’re really making a huge difference by helping people heal and grow with this YT university content Lol. Thank you Thai!
Thank you for this! This really reinforces that I haven't just been stumbling around in the dark not knowing anything or doing anything to get better. I'm glad I was able to find you! It's been very healing for me. ☺️
At the end of my marriage my wife had attempted to have me diagnosed as having high functioning autism. But the truth that I’d later come to realize was that I was actually AP and my erratic behavior in the relationship was attributable to that. I knew something was wrong after the honeymoon when she wouldn’t let down her walls. She, being a DA, would never let me in. I suffered for 17 years until she finally left me and I’ve never been more capable of learning how to function in a stable relationship thanks to information like what’s presented here. Thank you.
Dear Thais, thank you so much for this video! ❤️ I’m new to the attachment theory and I am overwhelmed by discovering that I’ve actually been transforming a lot during the past 2 years. I’ve been an anxious preoccupied/codependent my entire life and I am happy to discover that I’m doing every single thing you’ve mentioned in the video! 🙏🏻 I am definitely feeling more and more empowered, more safe in my relationships and definitely more comfortable communicating my needs & boundaries. Still lots of work to do but it’s definitely worth it. I feel like for the first time I’m being and becoming my own person and loving it! 🥰
I am definitely a secure attachment now for the most part!!! 🙌🏼 thank you for your help!!! 🙏🏼
3 года назад+8
I'm an AA making my path to the secure attachment, and I can't help but feeling under pressure. As a man I feel the "obbligation" of showing up as a very confident guy in every situation and if I say I'm feeling insecure about something, I'm saying "I'm a weak man".
This is one video where I've felt really, really understood as an anxious preoccupied becoming securely attached person. Usually other videos make us sound so extremely clingy and this is not always the case. Sometimes we can be a bit overbearing with affection, or a little clingy but we are not always excessively clingy calling 50 times a day types.
Thank you for suggesting that! That's exactly what I'm going through with my boyfriend. Long distance relationship and avoidant. I'm an anxious preoccupied. Would love to get more information on this topic. He recently ghosted me and are in one month of no contact. Just wondering if he'll ever contact me again.
I am never not going to see pulling away as a sign. If my partner is creating distance, I give it to them. Experience has taught me that there is no saving things at that point and they are already on their way out the door. Just let them walk.
These videos are everything! Thanks Thais. I am working on two other personal development programs right now, but once those cycles are finished I look forward to joining your program.
I just wanted to say i really love your videos and apreciate all the effort you put into them. About a week ago my dismissive avoidant bf broke up with me for the second time in 2 and a half years. I have the anxious attachment style (yay!). I am obviously heart broken but am trying to take this time as an opportunity to work on myself and try to understand me and him (obviously hoping we will get back together again... but i don know if we will). It was kind of a shock to me because it was going really well and we were seriously talking about moving in together and moving to another city together. Among other plans. But maybe that set him over the edge.. who knows. He says he cant make me happy and is not enough for me. But he is, i just need more time to be secure (for myself!). I dont wánt to be in a relationship where someone will meet all my super anxious needs.. I think i know exactly how and why i am axiously attached.. I feel really abused by my mother growing up. She used to take me everywhere, super clingy, saying she loved me 100times a day, and then sometimes she would come into my room at night, while i was sleeping as a little girl and she would curse me out telling me i am a horrible person. Other things like this have happened in my childhood. I also have never really broken free from my parents an i am already 29. Anyway. Your video;s are helping me out a lot. And i am feeling secure in getting a more secure attachment style :)
Hi Thais, I want to express deep gratitude for the work you’re doing as it is transforming my life and my relationships in the short while I’ve been watching your channel. You’ve mentioned requesting videos we’re interested in, and as a predominant FA I struggle with identifying my emotions and bodily sensations. I use body maps and an emotion wheel as resource, but working with my alexithymia feels like a block while doing this work. If possible, can you make a video fleshing out strategies to attach or anchor emotion with our repetition reprogramming? Thank you for all you’re doing!
You are amazing darlin love all your stuff I've be trying to figure out just what the heck was going on with a man I was seeing I definitely Knew it was a different level of avoidance I knew he had trauma throughout his life and that was his core issue but this shut down was absolutely like a flix of a light switch now I have a name for it and have my closer. Thanks for all your hard work and excellent education.
I love your content!! However, healing with a partner requires both parties to be self aware and receptive of themselves and others. From my experience as an AP for instance, if I had to express myself that way, most people with their own insecure attachment do not take in what your actually saying therefore cannot respond in an open, caring manner. I feel stuck with this alot personally
Hi, I'd like to know why there is no information on anxious preoccupied and anxious preoccupied in a relationship, I've been with my partner one year and we are both anxious types, I feel safe with him as he always contacts me and gives me assurance. I have found a tiny bit by Jeb saying it's rare and doesn't work out, but we rarely argue. When I was with avoidants I was the most unhappy I've ever been in my life, they never worked and I was at my most anxious. X
Helpful video ....as an AA how can I connect with myself and begin the process of self love?..if there is already a video please help me out with the name. My work now is to teach myself how to love me
Thank you for sharing these insights! would you please consider doing a video on how to know when you are operating from your stories when something feels wrong or operating from your intuition. An example that comes to mind is when you are actually being vulnerable and communicate what you feel or your fears around a particular situation or action and they tell you what they think you want to hear. Basically, lying to you. You might be left feeling if you are the one making up the story or giving meaning OR there is something really wrong happening. There are people that will use your vulnerability and openness against you or just tell you what you want to hear to escape the situation. Would love to hear your thoughts about this distinction. Thank you!
You speak a lot of being open with what you’re feeling while an AA is in a relationship. What about when you are dealing with someone new? How open and honest should we be with the other person?
As much as possible. I dated an anxious preoccupied for 2 plus years. The more you hold in about what bothers you or your needs, expectations, and wants from the relationship, the more resentment and frustration will build and destroy the relationship. I didn’t know about attachment styles then, but learned the hard way. In our relationship, she bent to my needs and ignored her own, until she couldn’t do it. Lack of open, honest communication destroyed the relationship.
Thx. Gud 1. Pls mk more videos on SA. How they think & function. How to reach there etc. From Preoccupied I've become FA acc to ur quiz. Today's video also holds gud on my transformation sign posts .
Hi in the quiz I got equal percentages for anxious, secure and FA. Lower percentage avoidant. I dont know what to class my attachment style as - any ideas?
Okay so for the first time ever I started dating a DA (without knowing anything about the subject then) and it took me by surprise, we dated for almost a year and I decided to end things when I felt that this relationship was taking a toll on my self esteem and that I was the only one concerned about making things work.
So I just took the same attachment-style test twice, one time thinking of my ex (the DA) and the second time thinking of an other ex who is mostly securely attached and what I found was really insightful. My test results thinking of the DA stated that I was up on anxious and low on avoidance (basically an AA), but then the results that came from the second test stated that I was low on anxious and avoidant traits which meant I was securely attached as well (which I know I’ve always been) so the takeaway from this story is that there are people who can bring out the best of you and people who can do the opposite, choose wisely.
So true! Thx for sharing
@@emersonchang2357 No problem bro 👍🏼
Wow! This was really helpful to me! I have driven myself mad trying to cope with a dismissive partner and over 13 years of my marriage to him,i have become very anxious. I wasn't like that before this relationship happened! I do feel that I had a secure attachment style previously but after personalizing his behaviour i became prone to people pleasing,being bullied by others,always being afraid that if I speak my mind I will lose the other person. My relationship with my DA partner has set me up for being abused. Trying to heal.
@@winnieamar9368 Im glad you found this helpful! That means that you can reverse back to your old attachment style working on eat each day and if the right be person comes along then the process will be even faster 🙏🏼
Great Point!
If this is your free content? Your courses must be ah’mazing because you’re really making a huge difference by helping people heal and grow with this YT university content Lol. Thank you Thai!
Yes the courses are amazing
The inside courses are definitely ah-mazing!
Thank you for this! This really reinforces that I haven't just been stumbling around in the dark not knowing anything or doing anything to get better. I'm glad I was able to find you! It's been very healing for me. ☺️
This was sooo neeeded, anxious preoccupied has been apart of my life longer than I thought. I'm declaring I'm closer and closer to being secure.
At the end of my marriage my wife had attempted to have me diagnosed as having high functioning autism. But the truth that I’d later come to realize was that I was actually AP and my erratic behavior in the relationship was attributable to that. I knew something was wrong after the honeymoon when she wouldn’t let down her walls. She, being a DA, would never let me in. I suffered for 17 years until she finally left me and I’ve never been more capable of learning how to function in a stable relationship thanks to information like what’s presented here. Thank you.
I feel for you.
Dear Thais, thank you so much for this video! ❤️ I’m new to the attachment theory and I am overwhelmed by discovering that I’ve actually been transforming a lot during the past 2 years. I’ve been an anxious preoccupied/codependent my entire life and I am happy to discover that I’m doing every single thing you’ve mentioned in the video! 🙏🏻 I am definitely feeling more and more empowered, more safe in my relationships and definitely more comfortable communicating my needs & boundaries. Still lots of work to do but it’s definitely worth it. I feel like for the first time I’m being and becoming my own person and loving it! 🥰
I am definitely a secure attachment now for the most part!!! 🙌🏼 thank you for your help!!! 🙏🏼
I'm an AA making my path to the secure attachment, and I can't help but feeling under pressure. As a man I feel the "obbligation" of showing up as a very confident guy in every situation and if I say I'm feeling insecure about something, I'm saying "I'm a weak man".
@Alejandro, "I am a weak man" is that what you think others are hearing you say when you share that you're feeling insecure about something?
@@coldkittn that’s exactly what I think, I had a girlfriend that was upset about my insecurities and I acknowledge I have that baggage
This is one video where I've felt really, really understood as an anxious preoccupied becoming securely attached person. Usually other videos make us sound so extremely clingy and this is not always the case. Sometimes we can be a bit overbearing with affection, or a little clingy but we are not always excessively clingy calling 50 times a day types.
Thank you! I’m secure leaning slightly anxious and sometimes I am the one who doesn’t want to talk or have company lol
I remember doing that. It hurt when i was told it was not my partner's problem. Thank you so much. I am trying to focus on this.
Can you please do a video on long distance and avoidants, a double whammy of unavailability
Oh boy is that worth seeing
Are u still together? That must be extremely hard.
I dated an avoidant and it was a long distance relationship. Needless to say that did NOT workout 😂
Thank you for suggesting that! That's exactly what I'm going through with my boyfriend. Long distance relationship and avoidant. I'm an anxious preoccupied. Would love to get more information on this topic. He recently ghosted me and are in one month of no contact. Just wondering if he'll ever contact me again.
How to make an AA feel more like themselves in a relationship? Rather than be anxious and cant be spontaneous and speak freely
Holy crud Thais, I've been sere since about 1k and my goodness has your channel grown! Really impressed! Keep up the amazing work!
thank u for this. i’m 18 and struggling in my relationship because i’m anxiously attached 😕
I am never not going to see pulling away as a sign. If my partner is creating distance, I give it to them. Experience has taught me that there is no saving things at that point and they are already on their way out the door. Just let them walk.
These videos are everything! Thanks Thais. I am working on two other personal development programs right now, but once those cycles are finished I look forward to joining your program.
This made me realize it wasn’t me. I was with someone who wasn’t holding up their end of growth and I needed to walk away.
This was so refreshing. Loved the approach you took with this. Great vid
I just wanted to say i really love your videos and apreciate all the effort you put into them.
About a week ago my dismissive avoidant bf broke up with me for the second time in 2 and a half years. I have the anxious attachment style (yay!). I am obviously heart broken but am trying to take this time as an opportunity to work on myself and try to understand me and him (obviously hoping we will get back together again... but i don know if we will). It was kind of a shock to me because it was going really well and we were seriously talking about moving in together and moving to another city together. Among other plans. But maybe that set him over the edge.. who knows. He says he cant make me happy and is not enough for me. But he is, i just need more time to be secure (for myself!). I dont wánt to be in a relationship where someone will meet all my super anxious needs..
I think i know exactly how and why i am axiously attached.. I feel really abused by my mother growing up. She used to take me everywhere, super clingy, saying she loved me 100times a day, and then sometimes she would come into my room at night, while i was sleeping as a little girl and she would curse me out telling me i am a horrible person. Other things like this have happened in my childhood. I also have never really broken free from my parents an i am already 29.
Anyway. Your video;s are helping me out a lot. And i am feeling secure in getting a more secure attachment style :)
Hi Thais, I want to express deep gratitude for the work you’re doing as it is transforming my life and my relationships in the short while I’ve been watching your channel. You’ve mentioned requesting videos we’re interested in, and as a predominant FA I struggle with identifying my emotions and bodily sensations. I use body maps and an emotion wheel as resource, but working with my alexithymia feels like a block while doing this work. If possible, can you make a video fleshing out strategies to attach or anchor emotion with our repetition reprogramming? Thank you for all you’re doing!
THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR VIDEOS.
You are amazing darlin love all your stuff I've be trying to figure out just what the heck was going on with a man I was seeing I definitely Knew it was a different level of avoidance I knew he had trauma throughout his life and that was his core issue but this shut down was absolutely like a flix of a light switch now I have a name for it and have my closer. Thanks for all your hard work and excellent education.
I love your content!! However, healing with a partner requires both parties to be self aware and receptive of themselves and others. From my experience as an AP for instance, if I had to express myself that way, most people with their own insecure attachment do not take in what your actually saying therefore cannot respond in an open, caring manner. I feel stuck with this alot personally
Hi, I'd like to know why there is no information on anxious preoccupied and anxious preoccupied in a relationship, I've been with my partner one year and we are both anxious types, I feel safe with him as he always contacts me and gives me assurance. I have found a tiny bit by Jeb saying it's rare and doesn't work out, but we rarely argue. When I was with avoidants I was the most unhappy I've ever been in my life, they never worked and I was at my most anxious. X
Are you two still together?
Helpful video ....as an AA how can I connect with myself and begin the process of self love?..if there is already a video please help me out with the name. My work now is to teach myself how to love me
suset I’ve found that it’s been more helpful for me to focus on self compassion, rather than self-love.
I clicked on this video so fast haha TELL MEEEE NOWW!! 🤣
Thank you for sharing these insights! would you please consider doing a video on how to know when you are operating from your stories when something feels wrong or operating from your intuition. An example that comes to mind is when you are actually being vulnerable and communicate what you feel or your fears around a particular situation or action and they tell you what they think you want to hear. Basically, lying to you. You might be left feeling if you are the one making up the story or giving meaning OR there is something really wrong happening. There are people that will use your vulnerability and openness against you or just tell you what you want to hear to escape the situation. Would love to hear your thoughts about this distinction. Thank you!
You speak a lot of being open with what you’re feeling while an AA is in a relationship. What about when you are dealing with someone new? How open and honest should we be with the other person?
As much as possible. I dated an anxious preoccupied for 2 plus years. The more you hold in about what bothers you or your needs, expectations, and wants from the relationship, the more resentment and frustration will build and destroy the relationship. I didn’t know about attachment styles then, but learned the hard way. In our relationship, she bent to my needs and ignored her own, until she couldn’t do it. Lack of open, honest communication destroyed the relationship.
How do overcome attachment styles of your are mixed but mostly secure?
Thx. Gud 1. Pls mk more videos on SA. How they think & function. How to reach there etc.
From Preoccupied I've become FA acc to ur quiz. Today's video also holds gud on my transformation sign posts
.
More videos on actions to take to become the things you have mentioned in this video! thank you!
Thanks for this!
Thank you.
Hi in the quiz I got equal percentages for anxious, secure and FA. Lower percentage avoidant. I dont know what to class my attachment style as - any ideas?
2:49
Thanks!
Wow…
Is it possible for you to slow your speech down? Very hard to grasp new concepts at the rapid fire pace used.
Kimberly Norris , you can slow down speed by clicking “play back speed” from drop drown menu on top (looks like three dots stacked).
Hi I am interested in your videos, but you need to speak more clearly. The kind of unclear rambling is hard to listen after a few minutes.