11:50 what you just said hit home so closely that my eyes and throat started burning. The shut down in anticipation of rejection is so visceral and strong.
I just experienced this the other night again and I had to tell myself over and over don't shut down and pull away. At least I understand now why I always used to do that and can hopefully break the cycle going forward a little bit at a time.
Bonding sexually and physically with someone before bonding emotionally and mentally is not the best way to go. The relationship usually doesn’t work out. I’m speaking from personal experience here.
This is spot on. I’ve always wanted an emotional connection first but I’m also very sexual so that has lead a lot. But the one time I was sexual before emotions, it wasn’t the same as previous relationships. It’s like the emotional bond wasn’t there which really surprised me since I usually fall in love after sex. I didn’t like it at all.
@@impossiblegems She said in the video that sex releases vasopressin which is a bonding chemical that makes men want to bond and protect. I don't think it's accurate to say men don't bond during sex.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
What you’re feeling is natural and has no timeline. Put the energy back into yourself and give him an opportunity to both miss you and understand what he wants. Stay strong ❤
I’m watching and learning to better understand myself, on a journey of wellness and self awareness this year, pleased to have found you, watched other channels and stopped after the way they’ve delivered the content, so thank you for being more “user-friendly “👍🏽
I do tract the interactions of the person😅 you are spot on about the deep talks. I tend to deactivate once i see that you are surface level although i thought initially that we could have something special.
Wow, this is really good insight. My FA was always telling me to be more "vulnerable," which I found odd because I told her everything, including things she didn't want to hear. I even asked her what she wanted to know, which she could never tell me. Eventually she brought up marriage and the topic came up again. I told her that I only show/share positive, uplifting emotions with my partners such as happiness, motivation, and joy (i.e. things I'm passionate about) and she said something I didn't quite understand. This video confirms that it was the right decision for us to go back to being friends since I sensed I couldn't give her what she needed (although at the time I couldn't pinpoint what it was). All that said, I have to thank you Thais for the daily videos. I'm currently writing a book and as I'm developing the personality traits of the various characters, I'm using attachment theory as a guide to how I'm creating those personality traits! The two main characters are DA and FA who initially fight their growing attraction for reach other, one for the sake of survival and the other for her career. These videos have been great!
Not to intrude, but did you try having a conversation with your FA about this and pinpointing what she truly needs before deciding that you weren't able to give her those things and using this video as supporting evidence? Did you try to work toward cultivating those things in your relationship before backtracking? If this is someone you truly love and enjoy spending time with, I think it's worth trying before throwing in the towel. I've noticed a lot of your previous comments on other videos and the last comment I remember seeing from you things seemed to be working out for the both of you. I'm aware the DA/FA relationship can be difficult sometimes, but in my experience it allows you to confront some places in yourself you weren't aware of and allows you to grow. And in turn, you both become better people from it and grow closer together. No relationship or person is perfect. Maybe you both can try a couple's counseling session and get a more personalized look and feedback instead of the feedback from this general video. Sending you both well wishes
Thais, you've definitely brought awareness to self-protection mode and shutting down, which is likely due to a misunderstanding (yes, I agree). I'm definitely a better and a tracker. Thank you so much😁🙏🏽.
I learned these last few years that I got my emotional needs through sex and now that I stopped doing that I feel like I'm almost asexual because my parents never talked about that. Sadly I'm also in my mid 40s so perimenopause is hitting so I've got a lot to figure out. 😮💨
I had to let my f.a go, he only wanted me around for sex and I know my worth! Yes I did see him becoming vulnerable little by little but then shut down and completely ignore me. I know what I want in my life and I refuse to have less than partner who at least shows effort!
It’s exhausting dating an FA. They’re lovely fun people, but God knows that if they don’t work on themselves, like any other attachment, the relationship can consume you.
@@magalydeleon8336im 17 yr with Fa and only last one year I realised that. We have issues, he doesnt reciprocate love. And like something missing in his brain. No marriage. We prepared or at least I and all fell off. He scares comitmet and beying a dad. But we either cannot have children. So after that he become lukewarm and shuts down, no empathy no kindness, and no libido.
@@emey444 Oh if know what these push/pull cycles are. I've been in a predicament for the longest time, I see my FA’s efforts to work on the relationship, but they don't last enough. I've noticed every 6 months we fall into this cycle where he deactivates, and when he's calmed reaches for connection. I love him but my nervous system and emotional well-being are a wreck.
I feel like this is the video that makes me confirm I was probably FA and not AP or at least FA leaning AP, because hell I didnt want to act on the feelings for the longest time but the more emotional intimacy we shared the more I felt like it was going somewhere. I started to feel like I should try something before their interest goes elsewhere because it was slowly becoming apparent over the months I dont see it as a friendship anymore as much as I want to keep things casual. Thankfully I did get both sides after the commitment, I dont like getting mushy or over the top with people I just want to show my respect and appreciation is genuine by wanting to spend quality time continuing to have those deep conversations of where were at emotionally.
It's ironic they prioritize physicality, yet you can push them out of that physicality very easily by not satisfying their other needs. (Eg [they perceive] smothering, criticism, etc). And that's just because they never conveyed their needs... Then once the physicality disappears they discredit the entire relationship. Your typical catch-22.
It makes sense. My partner is avoidant f and I secure with tendency to litle anxious. Jes after 10 yr living together with no marriage,and now going celibacy, he shutsdown more. It really hard, now he is more lukewarm, no love no kindness, no empathy, no cherishing ,compliments. Nothing. Just routine. Really sad
Can't a FA become extremely anxious if feelings are not reciprocated? I notice in myself I either want to run away to escape or I become so anxious that I end up ruining the connection anyway because my mind starts overanalysing shifts in my partner's behaviour and when I discuss it, I push my partner's away. How do you fix this?
This is very interesting because I notice that in relationships where I'm not getting the emotional depth I want, I crave sex a lot more and find my partner "hotter", maybe a subconscious way to make me want sex and get my emotional need met. Even as an FA, I've found the stoic and emotionally distant guys really attractive sexually. And then I've found the emotional guys very attractive emotionally. And then when my emotional needs are met, it's much easier for me to take things slow physically and go at my own pace. In my current relationship, I didn't feel emotionally connected during the dating stage and jumped into sex to feel close and wanted, because he wasn't very emotional. I'm still in this relationship and rarely turn down sex because I'm still emotionally unfulfilled and sex is the only way I feel close to him, like when he looks into my eyes for a long time, it fills a lot of needs for me, I feel seen and wanted and special. But it's becoming too painful as my emotional needs feel so unmet and I feel like I'm disrespecting myself by giving my body to someone who hasn't been able to care for me emotionally even though he tries. I'm so confused. I keep hoping he'll open up more but he holds a lot in and doesn't like to go deep. It's hard to be in a relationship that feels superficial. It feels like the relationship can just float away like a piece of paper. Depth is so important to create a strong bond and feel safe.
@@Himunich Haha!! How are things going for you guys? I been working on myself more and it helped me feel more connected in our relationship! Codependency is real in this one
Wait-I'm confused. How are these feelings and reactions not normal? Who wants to be taken for granted by others? Who doesn't want to feel safe and connected on many levels with their lover? 🤔
As an FA, It is common for us to break up with our partner WE LOVE and keep them away for more than a year because we don't know how to tell them we are sorry we broke up?
Yes, it's very common for us FAs to break up with our SO while still in love with them, which makes it a lot harder to move on. We have a proclivity to have on and off relationships, but when we keep our exes at bay for a long time, it usually has to do with our fear of rejection. We'd rather never find out how it could be than run the risk of being pushed away.
@@aamacphisto I'm not sure about that one since it's something I've never experienced myself, but I would think it's a way to numb the pain away, to ignore it, especially while deactivated.
I think you are on to something. I am an ex-bf of a FA. She broke up with me over text after a week of peak connection and just as we were moving into a committed relationship. It's been over a year, and I am in No Contact. We have seen each other over 15 times in social events (dance) but she has never said anything or done anything more than a couple of moments of eye contact. Last time was this recent Sunday. It appears to me that she *really* wants to be at these events where she knows I will be there, AND she is uncomfortable with any contact or interaction. As a non-FA, this is very odd to me. Why would anyone put themselves through this? The only explanation seems to be that she is struggling with mixed feelings and mixed memories. My guess is that she wants to apologize about the breakup, but is afraid of how I might react, either positive (wanting to get back into relationship) or negative (criticism, exposing core wounds). I'm not feeling strong emotions around this, or any urge to do something about it. I have grieved, healed, and moved on. But I haven't forgotten and the relationship and ending has left its imprints on me. I wish her well, especially healing core wounds associated with FA. But so far, I'm not seeing much sign of progress. Best wishes to you on your healing journey!
This is a genuine question. Do you think about how the other person feels or are you only focused on not being hurt? Also is blocking after breaking up common?
I think it's totally possible for that to happen because there's still a huge fear of being hurt for the FA. We desperately want to connect very deeply, but we're also very much afraid our partner will hurt us, so we sabotage the relationship from a subconscious space.
The what if monster and the push and pull the endless strange friends that were really more than friends at one time or another and all the other things that go on make your head spin communication is key and respect and compassion I believe they do have them but for some reason they shut it out and their fears when and they run away the thing that I don't get is of course on the other side of the relationship the person needs to try to stay grounded but even as a secure that leans anxious you become anxious with the amount of communication they don't do or when they mainly don't like to have conflict resolution on the other side of it they will sometimes talk about things and be very articulate so you get really confused because sometimes the work things through and other times they get upset Stonewall and run away It's a super tough thing because sometimes people can overthink sometimes people can over-communicate and over talk about an issue but when you feel like you're constantly being shut out it hardly feels that way to you and when you're able or willing to try to self-reflect and work on things that might be bringing your fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant too much pressure Etc when that doesn't seem to be showing results even though it does show results because then you have all the other outside factors strange people texting them sometimes their own stress with their own bodies and depression about their past all these different things and you try to be supportive on every level and it can just become very anxiety ridden this was the fourth time she left me and she's talking to me again this time after the longest discard of 24 days after I sent her a letter and a package for her kid but she's only communicating with me by phone once was supposed to call me yesterday but only texted and then kind of left me on read when she started texting conversation first by sending me a video of an AI version of my father hugging me who died last year talked about her job saying that she's doing really good and show me a video she was watching and that was about all the interaction I got it's all very stressful I pray for everybody dealing with these situations including the people that have this attachment style and don't realize how much people really love them and value who they are if they would just be vulnerable and not run away
As an F.A, sex with my partner is the easiest way I feel emotionally connected with him. We did rush into sex though in the beginning- which has made it challenging to navigate conflicts as they arise because the trust just isn’t there yet and he tends to go into flight mode when I’m in fight mode. Trying to stay emotionally regulated while sharing my vulnerabilities & needs is challenging, as my partner just gets really stoic & quiet, so I feel like I’m doing all the emotional labor and managing the whole convo. At least he cleans the dishes and walks the dog without being asked lol. I broke up with him one night though after feeling he just wasn’t going to meet my needs for honesty & transparency, and he showed up unannounced the next morning, cleaned the house, and took me on a date. I think F.A.s enjoy the passion of make-up sex. And strangely- when an F.A. Deactivates is sometimes the only way their partner gets the point when vulnerable sharing of needs and feelings is met with resistance and a recovering F.A. has no choice but to deactivate…. Which often signals to their partner that they do need to try harder in the areas that led to the fight or break-up.
the FA never wanted to have s3x after the initial honeymoon phase wore off. his s3x drive switched off and he refused to address it ever again (until I finally left). Is that normal for an FA? no s3x at all after any initial disagreement/criticism/trigger. it can't be healthy.
Same happened to me yes and left me completely worrying and took it personally. I feel devastated now as fpr months she was saying that she just can not have s@x at all. She even cried and had weird spasms, it was like her body did not let her to have s@x with me again even if she wanted that so much. Kept me close and love bombing me the last 6 months but on the same time she kept me away, always saying she was missing but on the same time we did not see each other more than 2 or 3 times a week. All this push pull left me completely exhausted mentally.
I was good with just sex and respect, but I didn't realize my partner was a dimissmissave avoident, and oddly enough, she just kept chipping away at my walls over time and gradually I let her see behind them and showed my feelings and well that was it she pulled the rug out and it hurt.
An angel came to me in a dream and told me I'll never be touched by a woman again. I asked why and does God have a higher plan for me? He just laughed and said, "Later loser"
Min 4:36 threw me off - I’m sure these are stock videos but the male looked like a minor. Maybe you have no way of confirming that - but at min 4:38 consider editing out that stock video.
You really don't need that much make up and those carefully crafted eyebrows, or so much eyeliner. Less is definitely more in your case. You'd look beautiful with less makeup, and so would most women who believe otherwise so strongly..... I'm one who learned that, and now I'm so much more confident without all the painting on my face. You're welcome! X
11:50 what you just said hit home so closely that my eyes and throat started burning. The shut down in anticipation of rejection is so visceral and strong.
I just experienced this the other night again and I had to tell myself over and over don't shut down and pull away. At least I understand now why I always used to do that and can hopefully break the cycle going forward a little bit at a time.
@davidr20 inner child and inner teen guided meditation helps
Now add ADHD rejection sensitivity dysphoria !😢
Bonding sexually and physically with someone before bonding emotionally and mentally is not the best way to go. The relationship usually doesn’t work out. I’m speaking from personal experience here.
This is spot on. I’ve always wanted an emotional connection first but I’m also very sexual so that has lead a lot. But the one time I was sexual before emotions, it wasn’t the same as previous relationships. It’s like the emotional bond wasn’t there which really surprised me since I usually fall in love after sex. I didn’t like it at all.
I am the same but women bond during sex and men don’t- so i think fearful avoidant women can bond during men but not men-
@@impossiblegems She said in the video that sex releases vasopressin which is a bonding chemical that makes men want to bond and protect. I don't think it's accurate to say men don't bond during sex.
This explains why my FA ex said he couldn't have casual sex without catching feelings
The shutdown / overwhelm after is fact - thanks for highlighting it.
time stamp?
@@GunjanChavan10:52
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
What you’re feeling is natural and has no timeline. Put the energy back into yourself and give him an opportunity to both miss you and understand what he wants. Stay strong ❤
@@sammyott5288I think this might be spam or bots. I’ve seen comments like this before to promote a ‘spiritual counsellor’
I’m watching and learning to better understand myself, on a journey of wellness and self awareness this year, pleased to have found you, watched other channels and stopped after the way they’ve delivered the content, so thank you for being more “user-friendly “👍🏽
I do tract the interactions of the person😅 you are spot on about the deep talks. I tend to deactivate once i see that you are surface level although i thought initially that we could have something special.
Wow, this is really good insight. My FA was always telling me to be more "vulnerable," which I found odd because I told her everything, including things she didn't want to hear. I even asked her what she wanted to know, which she could never tell me. Eventually she brought up marriage and the topic came up again. I told her that I only show/share positive, uplifting emotions with my partners such as happiness, motivation, and joy (i.e. things I'm passionate about) and she said something I didn't quite understand. This video confirms that it was the right decision for us to go back to being friends since I sensed I couldn't give her what she needed (although at the time I couldn't pinpoint what it was).
All that said, I have to thank you Thais for the daily videos. I'm currently writing a book and as I'm developing the personality traits of the various characters, I'm using attachment theory as a guide to how I'm creating those personality traits! The two main characters are DA and FA who initially fight their growing attraction for reach other, one for the sake of survival and the other for her career. These videos have been great!
You are avoiding...yourself.
@@linnie14 no I'm not. You're just trolling. Go fix your life.
No external "support" could heal them.
@@gaborb6577 if you say so. 🤷🏿♂️
Not to intrude, but did you try having a conversation with your FA about this and pinpointing what she truly needs before deciding that you weren't able to give her those things and using this video as supporting evidence? Did you try to work toward cultivating those things in your relationship before backtracking? If this is someone you truly love and enjoy spending time with, I think it's worth trying before throwing in the towel. I've noticed a lot of your previous comments on other videos and the last comment I remember seeing from you things seemed to be working out for the both of you. I'm aware the DA/FA relationship can be difficult sometimes, but in my experience it allows you to confront some places in yourself you weren't aware of and allows you to grow. And in turn, you both become better people from it and grow closer together. No relationship or person is perfect. Maybe you both can try a couple's counseling session and get a more personalized look and feedback instead of the feedback from this general video. Sending you both well wishes
Thais, you've definitely brought awareness to self-protection mode and shutting down, which is likely due to a misunderstanding (yes, I agree). I'm definitely a better and a tracker. Thank you so much😁🙏🏽.
Yeah, thanks. Safety and trust, again, resonate. Exploration, discovery, and non-judgement too.
I learned these last few years that I got my emotional needs through sex and now that I stopped doing that I feel like I'm almost asexual because my parents never talked about that. Sadly I'm also in my mid 40s so perimenopause is hitting so I've got a lot to figure out. 😮💨
Same. I'm feeling my libido is non existent now I'm trying to find emotional connection 😢
I had to let my f.a go, he only wanted me around for sex and I know my worth! Yes I did see him becoming vulnerable little by little but then shut down and completely ignore me. I know what I want in my life and I refuse to have less than partner who at least shows effort!
It’s exhausting dating an FA. They’re lovely fun people, but God knows that if they don’t work on themselves, like any other attachment, the relationship can consume you.
@magalydeleon8336 exactly!! Imagine being in a cycle not a relationship for years! That's horrible
@@magalydeleon8336im 17 yr with Fa and only last one year I realised that. We have issues, he doesnt reciprocate love. And like something missing in his brain. No marriage. We prepared or at least I and all fell off. He scares comitmet and beying a dad. But we either cannot have children. So after that he become lukewarm and shuts down, no empathy no kindness, and no libido.
@@emey444 Oh if know what these push/pull cycles are. I've been in a predicament for the longest time, I see my FA’s efforts to work on the relationship, but they don't last enough. I've noticed every 6 months we fall into this cycle where he deactivates, and when he's calmed reaches for connection. I love him but my nervous system and emotional well-being are a wreck.
absolutely. But what to do if all secure bonding people are happily married?
Thank you for this information. It’s extremely helpful.
I feel like this is the video that makes me confirm I was probably FA and not AP or at least FA leaning AP, because hell I didnt want to act on the feelings for the longest time but the more emotional intimacy we shared the more I felt like it was going somewhere. I started to feel like I should try something before their interest goes elsewhere because it was slowly becoming apparent over the months I dont see it as a friendship anymore as much as I want to keep things casual. Thankfully I did get both sides after the commitment, I dont like getting mushy or over the top with people I just want to show my respect and appreciation is genuine by wanting to spend quality time continuing to have those deep conversations of where were at emotionally.
It's ironic they prioritize physicality, yet you can push them out of that physicality very easily by not satisfying their other needs. (Eg [they perceive] smothering, criticism, etc). And that's just because they never conveyed their needs...
Then once the physicality disappears they discredit the entire relationship. Your typical catch-22.
It makes sense. My partner is avoidant f and I secure with tendency to litle anxious. Jes after 10 yr living together with no marriage,and now going celibacy, he shutsdown more. It really hard, now he is more lukewarm, no love no kindness, no empathy, no cherishing ,compliments. Nothing. Just routine. Really sad
Excellent video!👍
this format really suits me
Can't a FA become extremely anxious if feelings are not reciprocated? I notice in myself I either want to run away to escape or I become so anxious that I end up ruining the connection anyway because my mind starts overanalysing shifts in my partner's behaviour and when I discuss it, I push my partner's away. How do you fix this?
Would love to hear more on this
This is very interesting because I notice that in relationships where I'm not getting the emotional depth I want, I crave sex a lot more and find my partner "hotter", maybe a subconscious way to make me want sex and get my emotional need met. Even as an FA, I've found the stoic and emotionally distant guys really attractive sexually. And then I've found the emotional guys very attractive emotionally. And then when my emotional needs are met, it's much easier for me to take things slow physically and go at my own pace. In my current relationship, I didn't feel emotionally connected during the dating stage and jumped into sex to feel close and wanted, because he wasn't very emotional. I'm still in this relationship and rarely turn down sex because I'm still emotionally unfulfilled and sex is the only way I feel close to him, like when he looks into my eyes for a long time, it fills a lot of needs for me, I feel seen and wanted and special. But it's becoming too painful as my emotional needs feel so unmet and I feel like I'm disrespecting myself by giving my body to someone who hasn't been able to care for me emotionally even though he tries. I'm so confused. I keep hoping he'll open up more but he holds a lot in and doesn't like to go deep. It's hard to be in a relationship that feels superficial. It feels like the relationship can just float away like a piece of paper. Depth is so important to create a strong bond and feel safe.
Are you talking about me and my partner 🤯🤯🤯😆💜
@@Himunich Haha!! How are things going for you guys? I been working on myself more and it helped me feel more connected in our relationship! Codependency is real in this one
Wait-I'm confused. How are these feelings and reactions not normal? Who wants to be taken for granted by others? Who doesn't want to feel safe and connected on many levels with their lover? 🤔
As an FA, It is common for us to break up with our partner WE LOVE and keep them away for more than a year because we don't know how to tell them we are sorry we broke up?
Yes, it's very common for us FAs to break up with our SO while still in love with them, which makes it a lot harder to move on. We have a proclivity to have on and off relationships, but when we keep our exes at bay for a long time, it usually has to do with our fear of rejection. We'd rather never find out how it could be than run the risk of being pushed away.
@@nuschb and what about FAs and rebound relationships while we are still in love with our exs?
@@aamacphisto I'm not sure about that one since it's something I've never experienced myself, but I would think it's a way to numb the pain away, to ignore it, especially while deactivated.
I think you are on to something. I am an ex-bf of a FA. She broke up with me over text after a week of peak connection and just as we were moving into a committed relationship. It's been over a year, and I am in No Contact. We have seen each other over 15 times in social events (dance) but she has never said anything or done anything more than a couple of moments of eye contact.
Last time was this recent Sunday. It appears to me that she *really* wants to be at these events where she knows I will be there, AND she is uncomfortable with any contact or interaction. As a non-FA, this is very odd to me. Why would anyone put themselves through this?
The only explanation seems to be that she is struggling with mixed feelings and mixed memories. My guess is that she wants to apologize about the breakup, but is afraid of how I might react, either positive (wanting to get back into relationship) or negative (criticism, exposing core wounds).
I'm not feeling strong emotions around this, or any urge to do something about it. I have grieved, healed, and moved on. But I haven't forgotten and the relationship and ending has left its imprints on me.
I wish her well, especially healing core wounds associated with FA. But so far, I'm not seeing much sign of progress.
Best wishes to you on your healing journey!
This is a genuine question. Do you think about how the other person feels or are you only focused on not being hurt? Also is blocking after breaking up common?
What about when your closeness in all of the 5 pillars builds to the point where they deactivate and sabotage the relationship out of fear?
I think if they felt all 5 pillars (on their end), they would have to feel really safe in the relationship. So they wouldn't need to sabotage.
I think it's totally possible for that to happen because there's still a huge fear of being hurt for the FA. We desperately want to connect very deeply, but we're also very much afraid our partner will hurt us, so we sabotage the relationship from a subconscious space.
Some days all these maneuverings get old. Very old. The place I need to focus on is why do I stick around waiting for a crumb?
The what if monster and the push and pull the endless strange friends that were really more than friends at one time or another and all the other things that go on make your head spin communication is key and respect and compassion
I believe they do have them but for some reason they shut it out and their fears when and they run away the thing that I don't get is of course on the other side of the relationship the person needs to try to stay grounded but even as a secure that leans anxious you become anxious with the amount of communication they don't do or when they mainly don't like to have conflict resolution on the other side of it they will sometimes talk about things and be very articulate so you get really confused because sometimes the work things through and other times they get upset Stonewall and run away
It's a super tough thing because sometimes people can overthink sometimes people can over-communicate and over talk about an issue but when you feel like you're constantly being shut out it hardly feels that way to you and when you're able or willing to try to self-reflect and work on things that might be bringing your fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant too much pressure Etc
when that doesn't seem to be showing results even though it does show results because then you have all the other outside factors strange people texting them sometimes their own stress with their own bodies and depression about their past all these different things and you try to be supportive on every level and it can just become very anxiety ridden this was the fourth time she left me and she's talking to me again this time after the longest discard of 24 days after I sent her a letter and a package for her kid but she's only communicating with me by phone once was supposed to call me yesterday but only texted and then kind of left me on read when she started texting conversation first by sending me a video of an AI version of my father hugging me who died last year talked about her job saying that she's doing really good and show me a video she was watching and that was about all the interaction I got it's all very stressful I pray for everybody dealing with these situations including the people that have this attachment style and don't realize how much people really love them and value who they are if they would just be vulnerable and not run away
Because it feels familiar and you trauma bonded
As an F.A, sex with my partner is the easiest way I feel emotionally connected with him. We did rush into sex though in the beginning- which has made it challenging to navigate conflicts as they arise because the trust just isn’t there yet and he tends to go into flight mode when I’m in fight mode. Trying to stay emotionally regulated while sharing my vulnerabilities & needs is challenging, as my partner just gets really stoic & quiet, so I feel like I’m doing all the emotional labor and managing the whole convo.
At least he cleans the dishes and walks the dog without being asked lol. I broke up with him one night though after feeling he just wasn’t going to meet my needs for honesty & transparency, and he showed up unannounced the next morning, cleaned the house, and took me on a date. I think F.A.s enjoy the passion of make-up sex. And strangely- when an F.A. Deactivates is sometimes the only way their partner gets the point when vulnerable sharing of needs and feelings is met with resistance and a recovering F.A. has no choice but to deactivate…. Which often signals to their partner that they do need to try harder in the areas that led to the fight or break-up.
the FA never wanted to have s3x after the initial honeymoon phase wore off. his s3x drive switched off and he refused to address it ever again (until I finally left). Is that normal for an FA? no s3x at all after any initial disagreement/criticism/trigger. it can't be healthy.
Same happened to me yes and left me completely worrying and took it personally. I feel devastated now as fpr months she was saying that she just can not have s@x at all. She even cried and had weird spasms, it was like her body did not let her to have s@x with me again even if she wanted that so much. Kept me close and love bombing me the last 6 months but on the same time she kept me away, always saying she was missing but on the same time we did not see each other more than 2 or 3 times a week. All this push pull left me completely exhausted mentally.
best!!!
awesome
Confusing. I thought emotional closeness was threatening for FA's as well as DA's?
Did you make 2 different videos about this on the same day, or am I trippin'?
I was thinking the same thing. The other was decent but I'm getting more out of this one.
10:22 hits the nail on the head for real 💯
I disagree...Emotional and Mental comes 1st
I was good with just sex and respect, but I didn't realize my partner was a dimissmissave avoident, and oddly enough, she just kept chipping away at my walls over time and gradually I let her see behind them and showed my feelings and well that was it she pulled the rug out and it hurt.
An angel came to me in a dream and told me I'll never be touched by a woman again.
I asked why and does God have a higher plan for me?
He just laughed and said, "Later loser"
Welcome to hell
Ahahah
How can you show a DA that you want to be close if you're abstaining from sex?
Min 4:36 threw me off - I’m sure these are stock videos but the male looked like a minor. Maybe you have no way of confirming that - but at min 4:38 consider editing out that stock video.
Everyone here is slow… sex before marriage will DAmage you
You really don't need that much make up and those carefully crafted eyebrows, or so much eyeliner. Less is definitely more in your case. You'd look beautiful with less makeup, and so would most women who believe otherwise so strongly..... I'm one who learned that, and now I'm so much more confident without all the painting on my face. You're welcome! X
And you really don't need to tell anyone how they should look or style themselves...
She’s helping us!!! Not appropriate to discuss her physical appearance
Dude you can clearly see that you are NOT getting any sex from anyone at all😂😂😂😂😂I can't stand it when a none factor is in the comments 😂😂😂😂
Saying you're welcome after some subjective unsolicited advice is really something.
Unnecessary comment honestly
THANK YOU! But:
Why are your eyebrows drawn so fake?
I was trying not to say it.. I see this a lot with youtube women. What's wrong with natural eyebrows??