How to Meet Your Own Needs (For Love, Romance & Emotional Connection) | How To Control Your Emotions
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- Опубликовано: 2 авг 2024
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll recieve an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
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#Relationships #MeetYourOwnNeeds #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #Love #Dating #Romance #EmotionalMastery
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6 Basic Human Needs
1. Certainty (Safety, security, order, structure)
2. Uncertainty (Novelty, change, adventure)
3. Growth
4. Contribution
5. Love and Connection
6. Significance (Meaning, having a sense of purpose, approval)
I would add Ease. We don't just need achievement and forward movement
After 2 years with someone I thought was finally 'my person', she ended things 7 weeks ago, while I'm enduring extreme isolation with basically 6 months of lockdown in Australia. Coupled with severe BDD, at age 43 this last few months have been the hardest since my early 20s. Your videos have helped me cling to sanity, and I know I can continue to grow and be a better person, even when all hope feels lost. Thankyou.
Oh dear one, I so feel you. I just went through the same thing this summer.... In solidarity.
Same here, stuck in WA Australia, family back in Europe, breakup after 8 years together, it was my decision but nevertheless the most difficult one, this year has been by far the hardest of my life but what a time of growth and reflection, there is a reason to everything hey.....2021 will be better, you can do it, we can do it. Look after yourself for now
Felt that. My partner from Australia left me and then passed away in January of last year. Here's to personal growth.
I wouldn't take this video as gospel.
You don't need other people to be compatible with you to meet your needs.
She speaks about ways we were nurtured and that makes us who we are. It's only nurture, so you can always adapt.
I don't think you have to feel like you know she was for you when there's no way to know that. You wanted to assume it. Let it go. You'll get someone more fitting for you.
You matter and you are enough. What you seek is your own unconditional love, not theirs.
Self care has been helpful to me. Setting up things that feel good: electric fireplace, pink salt lamp, oils diffuser, furry rugs, blankets and pillows, my sweet cat, a fan for white noise. These work collectively to create a safe and nurturing place for me in my loft bedroom. 💗
Wow that sounds already soothing 🤗
This is really inspiring... I am working on this now. I like the white noise idea. I also need to stop doom scrolling social media too...raises my anxiety :(
Pink salt lamp? That sounds v interesting
Oh your list is really good. Thank you.
I'd like how you had some concrete things to do, this teacher said a few good things but basically it's not that helpful
I took Thais' needs course almost a year ago, and it helps me everyday to know what I need and find ways to efficiently meet those needs in creative ways. This has definitely impacted my life in many positive ways. Highly recommend!!!
Thank you for sharing
Thanks. I'm seriously considering it.
There's literally courses for any struggle you may be going through and the webinars are awesome.
Is it really that good?
@@LilBoyBlues85 I am one to fully jump in and do the work so it was that good but only for the people who really do the work it requires to change. I think you can try it for 7 days for free
6 basic human needs:
Certainty
Uncertainty! Interesting!!
Growth
Contribution
Love and connection
Significance
Triggered by people who "threaten" an unmet need.
How do we meet our own needs? Knowing what we need and being able to communicate that need effectively. Need to "fill our own cup halfway" before being able to get needs met from others. Needs are like buckets, when filled feel happy and fulfilled. Desperation pushes people away and sabotages our efforts to get needs met from others.
Recognize what basic human (unmet) need is driving your (bad) behavior.
For anyone interested, Rosenberg's nonviolent communication is another good resource on this topic 🙂
That is some amazing stuff!!!
Regarding blame and judgement being about others using it to let you what is this need that is not getting met..
Could actually be a gift or opportunity to allow someone express or even discover their needs and can help the attachment grow closer by discovering what is alive in your caring, loving partner and help discover how you can both help each other by wanting to provide what you can and want to do for them and your life together while also getting your needs met either with them or by yourself.. nonviolent communication and all his videos are remarkable in discovering this.. so beneficial in relationships!!!
Very true :-)
Totally agree! I'm reading this book now. 🙂
@@w.o.r.d7516 me too
Seriously get triggered when I see it when mentioned because of how people with abusive tendencies use it it gaslight/bring it up to shutdown discussion by criticizing the person's communication style.
Your videos have done more for me than years of seeing a therapist. Thank you!
I am particularly interested in understanding why we are prone to sabotaging things when trying to get your needs met from a position of desperation. I'm AA and my wife is DA, we get into these feedback loops where she detaches from me, I react in a way that's wanting reassurance from her, and she reacts by detaching more. Once this has escalated enough (I'm sufficiently desperate) I start to sabotage the relationship. I start talking earnestly about divorce, and in those moments it feels like achieving the certainty that the relationship is over is infinitely better than the continual detachment.
I can empathized 100%. Have you learned how to improve in any way? How’s it going?
She left a month and a half ago and we're going through divorce. She made the final call to end the relationship. I think if we could have made things work we would have. In the end I have been iced out and emotionally abandoned for too many years, and she got tired of me being angry about it.
You did the right thing. Since ending a situationship that went on for three years I am at peace because it was a daily struggle asking and looking for connection. I know it hurts and I know you were married but you should not have to beg and chase anyone to love you. Work on your emotional regulation and do the inner work. So happy I found this channel. I know ots easier said then done to love yourself but everything Thais is saying is correct. You have this information and it is impossible for you to grow and learn and still accept what you had in the past. You will be in eternal and internal conflict with yourself. God bless you.
I am only happy when I am living like a teenager constantly. I like having fun, lights, cameras, noise and action, entertainment, such a self-date at the cinema, watching movies, (going to theme parks, zoos, aquariums), clubbing, most of the time being on my own doing this stuff. I feel connected to my soul and that I need to do to this to care for my inner child, and if I don’t, I cannot do much work.
I literally get my inner child talking to me in the background of my mind, and putting her foot down and saying you need to watch a movie now, like I will feel I have to watch a movie to relax, and feel magical and special, and Motivated more to pursue my dreams, and feel like a superhero myself. And if I don’t I start feeling poorly.. I feel better going to sleep in the early hours, doing stuff all the time, and fill myself up again. i like living a high octane, energetic life, and living this unconventional life.
And it was going to an event with Tony Robins as part of it, that made me realise I need to constantly live like a teenager, regardless of my birth certificate age and what people may think, to be my true authentic self. It’s going back to the source of who I am truly am.
But I don’t understand which of those basic needs would this meet? Why do I need to often watch movies to feel good otherwise I just cannot work? I feel like that should be my reward after I have worked, but it doesn’t work like that for me. I feel guilty, as I sometimes have a lot of self employment work to do, but cannot do it until or unless I watch movies as and when my inner child demands. Could you please tell me why this is the case? I feel like having constant fun and magical feelings is my base default and need, almost like food and oxygen. And I get debilitated without this, but I have no idea why it feels like a basic need. Like my soul is dying and I am running on empty, why is this so essential , almost equivalent to breathing for me? When, I feel it shouldn’t be the case. I don’t think it’s uncertainty as it’s a regular thing for me, unless I have misunderstood? Please, so what need would this be? I am really stuck with this and confused?
As an extrovert I do also get energised from other people being around me, even if not talking to them, I feel like I get re-booted up like Iron man. I can literally soak up the energy of others to be stronger in myself. And I do believe I have some real life superhero qualities.
When I know I need desire physical affection I get myself a massage. I remember as a kid I wanted my mom to rub my back because that was a way to meet my need for a hug which she was incapable of doing but she would rub my back.
Yes, please create a video on self-sabotage :)
Wow! This video is gold. I listen to a LOT of self-help material and no one has taken this angle (not even Tony Robbins really). This is valuable and nuanced knowledge. I definitely need to listen a couple of more times to digest it. Thank you Thais! You are amazing.
ps. Don't reduce the playback speed to .50 because then Thais goes from caffeinated genius to drunk college girl. Dial it down to .75 for best results.
I just did that, thanks!! 0.75 is perfect
@@pasmetha At 2x Thais starts speaking Swahili.....
@@LoreMIpsum-vs6dx 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Caffeinated genius 😂💯
1.5x speed is how I get my listening needs met.
a video about the self-sabotage when coming from a place of desperation and unmet needs would be great!
I’m able to meet my own needs very well almost intuitively as a DA. My issue is that I don’t know how to articulate them so as to invite partner to fill the other half. Plus deep down inside I feel I don’t have the right to ask my partner to fill the other half so I just do it myself.
I would love to see a video about sabotage when we are coming from a position of desperation. Just joined the school and I have much to learn but everything I've learned so far has been super helpful and enlightening (including the knowledge that I'm an FA). BTW: You were were recommended to me by my therapist.
Who on earth gives a thumbs down to these precious informations?!!
Please do this video about sabotage😔
Super interested about the sabotage reasons when we look for affection from a place of desperation!
At about 11 something minutes you mentioned about how if certainty is highly ranked, then a reckless person can threaten our need. It’s interesting because my thought was that if safety is a need but chaos was your upbringing then maybe we’d be more threatened by the unfamiliarity of a calm person - like a maladaptive need. Something to definitely try to work on and change, at least for myself!
Wow. I pretty much never comment on RUclips videos, but this just changed my life. Thank you so much. I've been in therapy and working on myself and relationships for a long time, and this is like the piece of the puzzle that I've been desperately missing. THANK YOU. Will be signing up for the needs course today!
I'm a fearful avoidant and I try to fulfill my need for significance by "love bombing" intimate partners. I know you stated that should look at how i feel when i am recognized as significant and what it fills in me, but im having difficulty trying to find other ways to fulfill my need of significance by myself. Maybe charity? I dont know, you really got my brain thinking Thais. Thank you for everything you do.
I feel the same way. I think charity is a good start
By serving others, our own highest needs are met...
People complaining that Thais talks too fast
Meanwhile I'm watching her video at x2 speed.
"Talk to me, Wisdom Squirrel."
maybe we got adhd friend 😂
Regarding the need for sex: If we address the emotional aspect by filling our own tank, what about the physical aspect? I read so much about the health benefits of sexual activity with a partner, and don’t feel like I get it the same way by doing it myself or through exercise. But if sex is lacking in frequency with our partner, how do we meet that need of the glow/health we’re looking for through sex? I would love some resources on replacements for this that have the same neurochemical & biological effects.
Yesss. That was exactly what I was going to ask. Could someone please answer this for us?
you need sex and for that you need a healthy relationship and in order to get you nned to work on yourself as fast as possible..
Very good Q. Sometimes in a relationship drives are different I have learned this. I don’t think you can make someone want it as much as you want it or as often. Etc.
This makes a lot of sense ! I resonate very well with this and this gives me tons of clarity on un met needs I wasn't even aware of. Now I feel more aware of them and feeling confident to express them in communication.
Thais!! This was truly amazing. I suspected some of these needs were unmet, but hearing that there are basic needs and personality needs and these unmet needs manifest through our subconscious mind as emotional pain is so clarifying! Loved this so much. I watched this video at least 3-4 times and took notes. Thanks so much! Love all your videos. 💗
Amazing video! I feel that healing the AA in me will actually require me to learn how to feel my own needs. And sadly that’s the biggest struggle.
Nobody talks about needs the way you do. Your videos has brought unexplainable amount of clarity in my life in just past few weeks & m so grateful for that. Thank you.
Thank you for hearing me 💞. This has helped. My need for certainty and love and connection is spilling over so much into my ocd. I think having some order in my life will help me. Eternally grateful for this . Claire w
just being able to see the positive and negative associations we have 😢 absolute game changer
No tell me more 😂
I love story time with you I can’t get enough of it! I just learned so freaking much and it all makes sense the puzzle pieces are coming together 🥳
I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which is probably a combination of lack (lack of boundaries,lack of emotional support etc). So I am very happy about your Videos,thank you!
I'm a PDS member. Thais is changing my life. Thank you so much! ❤️❤️❤️
I have been listening and watching thais for the last 7 months, it is always so good
I always start listening a little bit guarded, and she is so good at softening me up and I completely open up and wanting to understand what she is saying. This is so much needed for me in my life and I'm very appreciative and I can see how it can benefit my whole family.
If I could just figure out a way to to offer it without without them being offended Or just feeling goofy about it. There's some really good information in here
Thankyou thais
You're so kind! Loved this video, thanks a lot for this wonderful content :)
This is life-changing, Thais. Thank you so much 🥺
Wow. This. 100% ❤️❤️❤️ thank you Thaïs...I’ve been a subscriber and familiar with your channel for quite some time, but the level to which I relate to some of the content you out put never fails to surprise and move me! Thank you for everything you do in sharing this valuable information, you are an absolute diamond 💎 ❤️❤️❤️
This video came up at such an eerily perfect time for me I couldn't be more grateful. Exactly what I've been struggling with lately and definitely challenged me to think about me emotions differently.
This makes so much sense -great information
This was really useful. Thank you 😊 the analogies really help my understanding and what you say about coming to a person with your needs already at least half met makes complete sense. I will work on creating more life structure and stronger connections with F&F.
Finally, cracked the tip of the iceberg. This is all starting to make sense to me. We need to get are unmet needs met to be able to live a more happy and fulfilling life. You are true gem 💎 Thank you
This video helped me more than all of the therapists that I've seen combined! Thank you!
Yes, would love to hear the content you mentioned towards the end of video. Very nice video.
Thanks to you, I understand the principles of human needs and how to manage them. You are so passionate about this... you have saved me from years of not knowing myself. Thanks to you ,many people are healing from neediness and frustration. Tremendous work. 👍
Yes !! Can’t wait to start the needs course today
Thank you so much for your videos, they have become my go to when going through tough times and they really speak to me. I am not sure if this video has already been made, but would love a video on sabotaging as I am guilty of this and would love to work on it. Thank you again for helping through really tough times
I love how you communicate and explain so well! Thank you beautiful soul!!!
I’ve been binging this channel and she is amazing! It seems like if I get THIS figured out then I will heal and become secure and won’t need the other videos. Isn’t this the foundation for secure attachment? Isn’t this how to parent ourselves? I think this is gold! Thank you for all you do! You are a gem. Tony Robbins who? He is the Slim Fast of self help. You will get some quick results but they won’t last and you can’t live on Slim Fast. You’re the Whole Foods of self help. The fruit and fiber!! 🙏🤣💕
This is the best daily breakthrough video I listened to. I took so many notes. You're presenting us with the fundamentals to develop and grow our own identity. Excellent stuff. Thank and so grateful.
I love the comparison to an amusement park! Totally makes it relatable and easier to apply. Thanks!
Spot on. I completely understand. Thank you so much for making this video. I'm really grateful to understand myself more at my core because of this video.
Thais, you are changing lives out here. Thank you
Thais, your pace of speaking stimulates my mind and emotions. You pack in alot of info in short time. Your knowledge is vast and detailed around this stuff. I may listen to a video twice, but do as you do, the information brings so much awareness and insight. And tools! Thank you!
I love your videos. You are so knowledgeable and have such a talent to express yourself concisely, eloquently and very clearly. Thank you so much for your work, Thais!
Such a powerful video!! Thank you 🙏🏾
This is incredibly profound!
I'm so happy I came across this video! I'm ready to figure out what my needs are, since I'm struggling in identifying them. This was super helpful. Thank you 😊 💜🙌
I don’t want/ feel so much to meet my needs for connection with friends but from a partner yes when I’m in a relationship.. but I can’t say I had positive experiences with family, peers in childhood or previous relationships.. still with the partner is my favorite..
You make these lessons so easy to apply. In a few months i have learned to feel fuller so much more of the time. More like i was when i was younger before I let myself be in several unhealthy situations.
Wow! This video is life changing!
You are amazing! This is the first channel I have subscribed to.
I am going to give this another listen. Some eternal wisdom right here
Thank you for sharing your knowledge ♥️
Wow. Thank you so much. I didn't realize how much I depended on other people to feel safe, it makes so much sense why I have a dependency on certain people.
I've just purchased this course and so excited to find out what my needs are and work on it😅
Please make a video about these mechanisms of rejecting and sabotaging the receive of needs.
Thank you for this amazing lecture 💖
Yes! Please do a follow up on sabotaging with a lack mentality.
Love love your videos!!! And enjoying the online school 🏫 I was very overwhelmed by how much there is to learn but I am learning to take it one day at a time. Love , FA
Want to add to the list of people who want to see the video on why you sabotage when coming from attachment.
Thank you for what you do!!!
Yes please a video on sabotaging 😍🙏🏻♥️
Thank you for all you do, you are simply the BEST 😇
Thank you Thais, this was so helpful. I realized I wanted to be chosen and by being chosen as the only option, I would feel safe. So I realized that I didn´t choose myself in a way. Thank you again
I love your videos, they are so helpful to me in understanding myself! I process things a little slower, so I am one that slows down the video playback speed to 75%. That is helpful to know! Thanks!
Best video! Thank you for all this great information.
Just want to Thank you for making this video, I feel so lucky to have seen this one and this is the video makes me decided to enroll for pds courses.
YES more on self sabotage of needs sought in desperation
Great info! Thanks Thais! 🙏
This kind of deep explanation is actualy needed. :) Brilliant examples - imagination helps me understand more. Thank You so much for Your time. :)
Thank you! This was super insightful, helpful, educational, and hope producing.
Glad that i could understand this. Thank you.
Great Video. Gave clarity💜💜. Much Love to you❤❤❤
this is awesome stuff! thank you! and your speed is fine for me💕 I actually speed it up to 1.5x so I can absorb more videos in the same time
Yes please cover why we sabotage when we come from a place of need and deficit!!
Thank you so much for sharing this information. This has helped me
to see where I was and how far I have come on my healing process. Your information has allowed me to put the puzzle pieces together on where I was coming from in previous platonic/romantic relationships and current relationships ! Sending Love and Light! This has also given me confirmation for what I know my purpose is and how close I am to achieving my goals🤗 God blessings 🦋
Thanks for that glowing comment! So happy to hear things are going so well for you. You are amazing - PDS team member
Thank you so much 💞 you've helped me tremendously with all this information.
Thais, I love your videos. Your messages are SO SPOT ON. And I am seriously just blown away by the depth of insight that I am receiving from you.
But! I just want to let you know that I am struggling with the speed with which you speak. You speak and deliver your message so fast, that sometimes it's hard to take in the information or process what you're saying. There are moments during your video where you take a pause or slow down for a moment, and it is a refreshing moment that allows me to catch my breath. I find my nervous system a little bit overwhelmed by the fast talking.
I'm seriously considering signing up for your monthly membership, but this is something that makes me nervous - because I am feeling impacted by the frenetic energy.
But let me just reiterate that messages are so spot on. You have a lot of incredible insight. Thank you so much for all the work you are doing and have done. I wish I had known any / all of this 2 years ago.....
Why not use the speed function of RUclips and play the videos at lower speed?
pause and rewind
@@CbosEasyRecipes7 On the video, bottom right in the computer browser (and I think upper right corner in the RUclips mobile app) there's the SETTINGS wheel. Click the wheel and select PLAYBACK SPEED, which opens a menu where you have various speed options. In the computer browser, if you open a new video from the same page where you changed the speed, the new video will keep the speed you selected. But if you close the browser and reopen, I think the selected speed option resets. I'm not exactly sure when the speed resets and when it carries over, so you'll have to experiment a little.
What a great eye-opening education. I am loving all your tapes. Thank you for the slowing down hint… really helps me digest it better. Thank you
Wow I think this vid changed my life lol. Just the beginning
THANK YOU SO MUCH💫
That gas tank theory helped me to understand so much like reality just hit me
14:45 (describes specificity like having a precise map to meaning your unmet needs 'destination')
Thanks so much for your tips I appreciate it and you are perfect at your speed of talking. Lots of content should be delivered fast! I feel relaxed at ease listening to you!❤❤👌
Very good indeed
God bless
Wow this video is AMAZING! so so insightful and helpful. Thank you!
Have been binging your videos all weekend Thais but this one here has to be by far the most profound and insightful one yet.
Thank you so so much for bringing your life's work to us in such a well articulated and conscicely explained manner 😭💜 you are without a doubt saving so many lives and lives to come!! Thank you! X
This is amazing, Thank you
Thank for this video ♥️ this does helps in some extent
Great work Thais. Subbed and looking forward to more learning. 👍
This is such a great video! Thank you so much for it 😊
What a useful mind blowing video. Yet it all makes sense , I need to do this course soon .Amazing video
This was very helpful thank you 🌹
thank you Thais! this was so insightful ❤