📚Pre-order my book to get an exclusive ticket to The Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop Website: www.feelgoodproductivity.com/? Amazon: go.feelgoodproductivity.com/alienorhunter
00:28 🗣 Confidence in speaking can be learned and isn't solely innate. 01:23 📚 Pre-orders for a book on productivity are available, offering access to an exclusive event for those who pre-order. 02:30 🗨 Overcoming social anxiety involved addressing deep-seated beliefs and rules, challenging self-imposed limitations. 04:23 🤔 Shyness and social anxiety can differ semantically; shy being more relatable, anxiety carrying a medical connotation. 06:26 🌟 Shyness isn't inherently negative; it provides a unique perspective and observation skills. 08:45 🤝 Shyness and extroversion both have underlying beliefs influencing communication styles. 11:46 ⚠ Shyness becomes problematic when it significantly impedes daily life and interactions. 13:41 🔄 Both shyness and extreme extroversion might stem from underlying insecurities or beliefs. 16:12 🚀 Personal transformation from extreme shyness to coaching involved challenging self-imposed rules and seeking coaching. 18:14 🧠 Therapeutic strategies included challenging and evaluating evidence for self-limiting beliefs. 19:47 🔍 Use distancing statements to reduce the impact of negative thoughts by adding phrases like "I'm thinking that" or "I'm noticing that" before them. 21:51 🎭 Putting distance between your thoughts and beliefs can help you see them objectively rather than as absolute truths. 22:19 📝 Writing down your beliefs can reveal their impact and help challenge them more effectively. 23:11 ⏰ Confidence takes time and effort to develop, often shifting between different areas of your life. 24:33 🌍 Breaking down limiting beliefs can lead to increased empathy and a more flexible worldview. 26:53 🪜 Confidence doesn't mean feeling nothing; it's about accepting and managing the feelings that come with speaking situations. 37:16 🚀 Engaging in speaking exercises and receiving positive feedback can transform self-perception and confidence. 38:40 🤔 Recognizing and embracing personal strengths uncovered through feedback can shift self-perception positively. 39:08 🗣 Speaking games can enhance confidence by making speaking enjoyable while emphasizing the need for practice and feedback loops. 40:03 🗨 Trust the first thought that comes to mind when speaking rather than overthinking, a habit that often hampers conversation flow. 41:25 🧠 Live situations might access intelligence differently than scripted scenarios, allowing for more confident and free expression. 43:56 💬 Building confidence in speaking shouldn't focus solely on external skills but also challenge internal beliefs about self-worth. 45:21 🚫 The problem isn't inability butthe belief of being a bad speaker, hindering the expression of one's capabilities. 47:58 🎓 External feedback can be pivotal in realizing the need to improve confidence in speaking, prompting actions for self-improvement. 51:32 🔀 Confidence isn't solely acquired over time; it can be chosen in the moment, altering perceptions of oneself and others. 54:08 🤔 Understanding that internal feelings may not match external perceptions can shift how confidence is projected and perceived. 56:16 💡 Conviction in speech, even if uncertain, often translates as confidence, influencing how others perceive and respond to information shared. 59:32 🎙 Conviction in speech isn't about knowing everything; it's about believing in what you say. Most people fall short on the scale of conviction in communication. 01:00:55 🗣 Mistakes in speaking can trip beginners up if they apologize or lose momentum. Recovering quickly from errors is a mark of experienced speakers. 01:07:06 📑 The "One Thing" concept: Before a presentation, identify the one message you want your audience to remember. Build your content around this central idea for clarity and impact. 01:11:49 🕒 Use the "Accordion Method" in speech prep: Start with a longer time, then gradually reduce it. This refines your message to focus on the most important elements. 01:13:51 💡 Recovering from a speaking mistake involves strategies like upping energy, taking a breath, or using "summary prompts" to redirect focus back to your message. 01:17:08 🔇 Silence in speaking has a dual role: externally, it demonstrates confidence, and internally, it allows speakers to recalibrate their thoughts and direction. 01:19:50 🗣 Pausing longer than feels necessary in practice helps your delivery seem more natural and less rushed to your audience. 01:21:02 💭 Mindset often lags behind speaking skill-bridging this gap is crucial for confidence in public speaking. 01:21:59 💡 Overcoming self-doubt involves consciously projecting confidence and authority, even if it feels exaggerated. 01:24:18 🌟 Pushing past comfort zones can start with simply committing to asking a question or initiating a conversation. 01:29:54 🤔 Most people share feelings of inadequacy; understanding this helps navigate social situations with less pressure. 01:32:14 📈 To boost self-esteem, start small and celebrate incremental progress rather than aiming for drastic changes. 01:36:58 🗨 Practice speaking in situations that challenge you, preferably with feedback, to improve your public speaking skills. 01:38:51 😄 Recognize the fun and opportunities that come from overcoming fears-public speaking can positively impact various aspects of life. 01:40:55 🎮 Games like "Rapid Fire Autocomplete" and "Blindfolded Slideshow" are available for free on Ultraspeaking.com, aiding in boosting confidence and communication skills. 01:41:10 🎭 Using games like these during learning sessions, like the "RUclipsr Academy," helps with confidence building and public speaking exercises. 01:42:04 🗣 The "Podcast Game" involves swapping names on the screen while continuing each other's sentences to enhance listening skills and staying in the moment during conversation. 01:43:40 🤔 Reflecting on life choices in a scenario where money isn't a factor can help prioritize what truly matters beyond financial concerns. 01:44:34 🎭 "Blindfolded Slideshow" helps improve impromptu speaking skills by presenting random slides that you have to incorporate into your speech in the moment. 01:45:59 🌟 The "Survival Mode" of "Triple Step" involves rapid-fire speaking where the time for response decreases, helping to improve speaking speed and clarity under pressure. 01:48:03 🧠 Self-expression games like these foster creative thinking, adaptability, and the ability to speak confidently on various topics. 01:51:21 🌟 Encouragement to focus on strengths rather than dwelling solely on weaknesses, suggesting asking friends for strengths and displaying them as a reminder.
24:58 "Life is a lot more fluid, there's no right, there's no wrong, there's no right ways to be, and so.. it give me a lot more empathy for my friends and family with the ways they express themselves, the ways they are struggling, that made me less rigid and that probably made me more able to speak with people, and curious about other." That's really good.
I loved this podcast episode, which is one of my favourites. I relate so much with Aliénor and her experience of feeling shy. I also related to being told by teachers that I'm too quiet and smart but don't ask questions or engage compared to other students. I learned so many great tips and mindset shifts from this video. Thank you Ali and Aliénor for this
The ONE THING I took away from this podcast - is that being confident is an instantaneous choice, made over and over again. As easy as flipping a switch - that's it. You already have everything else it takes - just throw yourself at it lol.
@@FatTonyTheSkipper being introverted & "shy" myself - I have always felt that - Whenever I am overthinking, "should I say something or do something in a particular way or not - should I make this call or not - should I go ask for a raise or not - should I ask that friend out or not" - in all such states my brain always knows its overthinking, I always have this gut feeling that I am overthinking. I still choose to continue. So for me, in this state its a matter of choice - either I can stay silent and continue thinking - fighting my imaginary dragons - or I can just say eff it and say whatever I was gonna say anyway. So if I make the second choice - That. Is the choice to be confident in that particular moment. Just rinse and repeat this enough times and - voila, I am now a confident person.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 absolute delusions. You can’t become confident no matter how much you listen/read about it, that’s completely absurd. Confidence comes from a basis in knowledge, skill, appearance, positive attributes etc.
Shyness is something that comes with you, social anxiety is something that happens to you. The first is about not being able to trust yourself enough, the second is about not being able to trust people after the devastating experiences you have had.
I actually appreciate people who don't show too much conviction until they are really sure. Not having conviction in the thing that they are not sure of does not mean not having conviction in themselves or not having conviction in general
32:58 there is something so lovely and calming about the little clink of a teacup in this moment and and mandarin skin on the desk. I feel like it really brings the tone together and feels so much more relatable and relaxed just by those small details whether intentional or not. I love that.
I am 8 mins into the podcast & Aliénor immediately comes out like a friend who knows me deeply. THAT - made me lower my "shy" walls and got me excited to see what she has to teach :)
2023 was the first year where anyone ever described me, to my face, as a confident person. The first time it happened I was quite shocked, I simply had never thought of myself as a confident person. Rather, I thought of myself as insecure. It was pretty weird but also rewarding to hear! Looking forward to improving that more in 2024, this time consciously!
THIS IS VERY INSPIRING! THANK YOU ALI AND ALIENOR HUNTER! In my whole life there are bunch of people who just gifted in Public Speaking and when they give tips for "shy" poeple to speak in confidence is not just resonate.. But this is different, the transformation Hunter did not only inspiring but encourage us to do better at speaking. Fyi, I put this video in watch later playlist for months until the title change from charisma to confidence 😅.
I think people are not practically shy if they are listener or would prefer to be quiet in some case, being introvert is in reality it can make the life of these kinds of people so challenging. Everyone does love to talk loudly, freely. I am thinking about life without talking freely, give your idea to others, communicating in the birthday party or wedding, what would have happened to these kinds of people. Absolutely, if this is not anxiety, it will have bring out anxiety gradually. That's true that many people fear of speech in front of audiences, no matter how many audiences are, it is hard to do that, it is too much pressure, but speaking with others, it might not have been a big deal. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing experience.
What an amazing podcast! I was blown away by how relatable and open Aliénori is. Ali, your podcasting style is so natural and effortless. Keep up the great work and continue bringing on fascinating guests like this.
I grew up very social and because later in life either I changed, or society charged, people began to treat me with disdain, annoyance, or disgust so I stopped going out. Even going to the grocery store was hard. I do not think I ever had a fear of speaking, but i did have a strong fear of having to sit through judgement. Anyway, I ended up working at a hotel where I was forced to meet 40 plus people a day (at least), and by the end of that job (2 years) I was almost back to my original self. What had helped wasn’t really the practice of speaking, as much as realizing their judgement isn’t so bad and talking with them mostly resulted in good moments. Shy people are probably more sensitive than outgoing people.
Wow thank you for this. My whole life people have told me i am shy but i dont feel shy. The way you pointed out how ‘shyness’ is a super power because you enhance your listening skills and pick-up on people’s subtle needs : i resonate with that so much. Thank you for making me feel better about myself for being an observer. I love talking to people but i do prefer to listen a lot of the time. Its so annoying that people make it out like these behaviors mean youre not comfortable with yourself: not always true. Again, thank you
Love your idea of doing this with a person with this history. You can tell how hard she's struggling and it's absolutely amazing how far she's come. From my point of view, though, it's hard to connect her to unshakeable confidence, since she obviously hasn't gotten there yet herself. More along the lines of - how to overcome shyness. I still find the video interesting, even if expectations are somewhat dampened
I feel this story with eriting that email soooo goood!! Like feeling that something i want from another person might be too pushy, too demanding. Feel that truly. Thanks for the story.
What helped me was a combination of the quote "You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!"- Olin Miller and the section in Groundhog Day where Bill Murray basically says if nothing I do matters then I can do what I want. In other words, if people are indifferent and nothing I do really affects them because they are completely indifferent to me then I can just be my true and authentic self around them because they are completely indifferent to who I am and what I do. Also, if the average person has 40,000-60,000 thoughts a day, and those thoughts are about what they're having for dinner or what their kids are doing then things like me bumping into a lamppost, dropping a water melon in a shop, publishing a novel few people read or even writing a random post to a RUclips video, will hardly register in their mind. I mean, are you really going to remember what I write here? I doubt it.
Aliénor, your expression of your early history is incredibly relatable, and your way through it is marvelous. My past self would have felt less outcast and more hopeful on hearing this. My current self is reminded to treat myself and others with grace. Today I learned that we all could use a little more positive feedback. Thank you, too, for the strategies for building confidence.
Why does the thumbnail say "you can learn charisma"? It should be something about "be better at public speaking", "overcome shyness", "gain confidence".
For me, social anxiety means that I think the majority of people want to take advantage of me and are seeking to disrespect me. I do not see kindness in other people automatically. I'm always on guard waiting to be attacked and I am always very surprised when someone is kind to me without their being strings attached.
It is the first podcast I listened to almost totally They discuss very well on the topic how to speak confidently They speak many ways to improve, the one point is vivid in my mind The point is almost all people think that I am speaking correctly or not,that is a problem ,you get scared so just start a conversation and don't think a lot more about it I think , I am also in the same situation as I want to change that in my personal life Podcast so many points Regards with how to improve confidence and public speaking I hope to watch this podcast while you struggle with confidence
Paramount tip: Change your mindset, the "inside", and once that's done, change the strategies that you use to boost your confidence when speaking; the "outside". The inside-out approach is the foundation.
I watched this full podcast till end for the very first time it's really helpful for me to improve my skills as well and really it can be life changing it can giv me more oppourtunities in my career as well as making good friends sheis just guiing as a friend and the one who passed through this sitution understand more better than any one else.More what i came to know about is peoples perspective about you like it happend with everyone nooneis perfect
Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. Shy people can be extroverted. I was shy and introverted but I learned public speaking and charisma for work. I am still an introverted person.
I think shyness and social anxiety it's just the person being afraid of rejection from ppl around ,and when u're shy to the point u can't live ur life like a normal person is a problem u need to work on it and everyone can
Best deep dive discussion yet. I really relate to this topic. I'm glad I'm not alone. Thank you Ali and Alienor. I'll check out Ultraspeaking and see where my journey leads from there
Where has Aliénor Hunter been hiding? And why am I just now finding her? Upon watching the new video UNlocking your potential, I was directed to this and am so glad I was! Had to share this with my hubs! Really enjoyed the connection made with the Barbie movie lol. I hope she shares more like this in the future!
Oh my God , i am exactly her . I can’t accept coffee or tee from anybody , avoid talking with receptionist in doctors office, i contact my landlord for my water boiler after i spend months having cold shower and i got ill.
As a public speaking coach myself - I think this could have been useful but some fundamentals weren’t covered & I found myself disagreeing with a few things. Would love to one day jump on the podcast 🤞
It's sad that western culture is so fixated on extroversion. Unless there is an actual psychological problem as the speaker seemed to have, most people who identify as shy are introverts who just prefer their own company. I have met some quiet people who had tremendous charisma and more importantly, depth. To be honest, I find most extroverts entertaining at first but they tend to be superficial and self involved. In Asian culture, there is more of a balance where the more senior or knowledgeable one is, the less there is a need to be loud and noisy.
I completely agree that in western culture we value extroversion, but I think you're mixing up introversion and shyness. Looking up the definition: "Shyness involves fear of negative evaluation", which is completely different from introversion, which is more about wanting to be alone. Also I would say those are stereotypes of extroversion/introversion that you've mentioned. Why does an extrovert have to be loud/noisy? Why does an introvert have to be quiet? I've met some very extroverted people who are not at all loud/noisy, and I've met some introverted people who love to scream and sing and dance. You could get your energy alone and not be shy at all. You could get your energy from being around others and still not be the center of attention or the "entertainer".
Ali - I’ve preordered your book but why do you keep saying “I know people don’t like preordering books” in your promo message? Psychologically although I preordered your book i keep realizing my thoughts going to “oh I don’t like preordering books”…. Just something I’ve noticed!
Being afraid to talk anyone who isn't a close family member or friend is not "shyness". That is a severe instance of generalized anxiety disorder at minimum. Especially when she says that her anxiety was because she had a vague sense of fear that something bad was going to happen to her for no reason all of the time. That is a classic symptom of ptsd and demands professional treatment, not self-help videos. Can we please stop conflating serious anxiety disorders with being "quiet" or "shy"? I thought we were done doing that years ago.
I don’t know man, you ever notice how some people symptoms get waaay worse once they’re diagnosed? I think looking at it from her perspective is actually a hell a lot better than getting thrown straight on the pharmaceutical for quite a lot of people. Not to mention the distinct lack of access to MH services in the UK so healthy alternative and natural ways of dealing with these things should be welcomed. She clearly didn’t need to have all the stuff you talk about to get herself over her shyness and make a success of herself… just saying😊
@@bradybytheseagreat thought, 💭 while I very much agree to what the person above states that her state of mind back then can be hardly defined as „shyness“ I do think you absolutely are on to something with your point of view!!
PTSD ? You are speaking with the authority of a Shrink but the very fact that you said what you said must mean you’re not a Shrink, cos no one who would’ve studied Psychology (seriously at least )would draw such a myopic Conclusion about fear of speaking to strangers. If you are, you must be the kind that needs therapy first. 😂
@@bradybythesea I don’t think the symptoms get worse, I think a diagnosis legitimises how people really feel on the inside and they feel like they don’t have to hide anything and can be more true to themselves
people often conflate introversion and social anxiety. If you’re ‘shy’ in the sense that you’re reserved and enjoy your own company that’s fine but if you want to interact with people and are unable to do so then that’s really problematic
I think what she could be is a highly sensitive person (hsp) which counts for 20% of people. If so the shyness comes from being a hsp and the benefits mentioned like noticing people's body language more than most come from this too and not directly from the shyness which imo as being someone who was shy for most of my childhood I would say there's nothing really great about it
I don’t think it’s shyness afraid to ask for a duvet in that situation. I can relate I am too afraid to call or ask something or push boundaries with people as I am anxious that person may get angry, shout at me or they say I am not polite or something will go wrong. And it is based on real situations in my life.
This was almost helpful and then it wasn't 😒. I wanted to hear what to do in the situation she described - you're at a party and everyone else is engaged in lively conversation. Your conversations just fizzle out and nobody is interested in you for more than a couple of moments. What do you do then? What do you do to avoid this situation from occurring again?
i don't get it as much, difference between self talk and thinking. u said speak before u think and later on that self talk is important, i have that confusion in real life and actually my thoughts delay and slutter my speaking i trying to balance that out
Being shy is worse for a man than a woman when it comes to attracting the opposite sex and it is worse for a man to have social anxiety, you will be judged more harshly for it, not necessarily in an overt way but you will not form the relationships with women that a confident guy who isnt shy and socially anxious would. Women dont in the mainneven have to approach men as women are usually the ones.with more options in the main.
I really really really dislike too much conviction in others and try to avoid it myself/tune it closely to my knowledge. I think it can be pretty misleading and I don’t like it when others are susceptible to it. I disagree that 99% of people could do well with more conviction. To me, this number is much closer to 50% than to 99%.
Am I the only one or did we really miss on the "how did it all fucking started?" Because in my case it's my mother that's been groundlessly keep telling me that "I can't do this, I can never be that, those stuffs aren't for you" and on top of that, she planted this on me "You listen to me whenever I speak because I don't lie, I speak only the truth" since I started to learn to communicate.. yea that's been going on since I was 1 year old.. and yea of course, she doesn't tell lies.. she considers herself to be more saint than God himself because God was a man and she beliefs God is a woman, and that's her.. For me, listening to Guns N Roses songs changed the way I think, the way I speak, the way I view the world because they are so relatable.. kinda ironic but you gotta do what you gotta do. With that aside, the idea of "speak first, think later" is the exact opposite of gaining "charisma"... a lot of time you'd find yourself in a funny situation, almost clown like situation.. this is more like "break your mental block" stuff than "how to be charismatic".. that's my opinion.
People are not necessarily shy if they are quiet and good listeners. Same goes for those who can pick up on other people’s body language. The fact that she didn’t want to say that “being shy is bad” is crazy to me. It feels like she’s trying not to offend shy people. I can guarantee that shy people would love to be able to speak to anyone freely. When you gain confidence you are able to communicate and not stumble over your own words. I just don’t like how she can’t say that having more confidence in yourself is a good thing.
Being shy doesn’t equal not being confident. You can be a person that’s very outgoing and talk very freely to everyone and still not have confidence in yourself.
@@amberali9248 Confident is quite literally the opposite of shy. Being able to talk freely to everyone and have no confidence sounds more like self esteem issues. But yea a shy person is not out there talking to everyone and being the center of attention.
I really want to listen to the whole conversation but the voices of them both are sounding really weird and making me uncomfortable, there is different kind of dept and bass or wht i donno it's really weird to hear especially in earphones also the weird hollow silence around 😓
What helped me was a combination of the quote "You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!"- Olin Miller and the section in Groundhog Day where Bill Murray basically says if nothing I do matters then I can do what I want. In other words, if people are indifferent and nothing I do really affects them because they are completely indifferent to me then I can just be my true and authentic self around them because they are completely indifferent to who I am and what I do. Also, if the average person has 40,000-60,000 thoughts a day, and those thoughts are about what they're having for dinner or what their kids are doing then things like me bumping into a lamppost, dropping a water melon in a shop, publishing a novel few people read or even writing a random post to a RUclips video, will hardly register in their mind. I mean, are you really going to remember what I write here? I doubt it.
📚Pre-order my book to get an exclusive ticket to The Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop
Website: www.feelgoodproductivity.com/?
Amazon: go.feelgoodproductivity.com/alienorhunter
Which email to share the proof of purchase. Thanks
Conference in speaking is the true way to learn English. Shy person couldn't learn anything in future ❤
I ordered in July from Amazon but I don't know where to send proof of purchase.
@@juliereeves5625same here i donno where to send the receipt
@clement2148
00:28 🗣 Confidence in speaking can be learned and isn't solely innate.
01:23 📚 Pre-orders for a book on productivity are available, offering access to an exclusive event for those who pre-order.
02:30 🗨 Overcoming social anxiety involved addressing deep-seated beliefs and rules, challenging self-imposed limitations.
04:23 🤔 Shyness and social anxiety can differ semantically; shy being more relatable, anxiety carrying a medical connotation.
06:26 🌟 Shyness isn't inherently negative; it provides a unique perspective and observation skills.
08:45 🤝 Shyness and extroversion both have underlying beliefs influencing communication styles.
11:46 ⚠ Shyness becomes problematic when it significantly impedes daily life and interactions.
13:41 🔄 Both shyness and extreme extroversion might stem from underlying insecurities or beliefs.
16:12 🚀 Personal transformation from extreme shyness to coaching involved challenging self-imposed rules and seeking coaching.
18:14 🧠 Therapeutic strategies included challenging and evaluating evidence for self-limiting beliefs.
19:47 🔍 Use distancing statements to reduce the impact of negative thoughts by adding phrases like "I'm thinking that" or "I'm noticing that" before them.
21:51 🎭 Putting distance between your thoughts and beliefs can help you see them objectively rather than as absolute truths.
22:19 📝 Writing down your beliefs can reveal their impact and help challenge them more effectively.
23:11 ⏰ Confidence takes time and effort to develop, often shifting between different areas of your life.
24:33 🌍 Breaking down limiting beliefs can lead to increased empathy and a more flexible worldview.
26:53 🪜 Confidence doesn't mean feeling nothing; it's about accepting and managing the feelings that come with speaking situations.
37:16 🚀 Engaging in speaking exercises and receiving positive feedback can transform self-perception and confidence.
38:40 🤔 Recognizing and embracing personal strengths uncovered through feedback can shift self-perception positively.
39:08 🗣 Speaking games can enhance confidence by making speaking enjoyable while emphasizing the need for practice and feedback loops.
40:03 🗨 Trust the first thought that comes to mind when speaking rather than overthinking, a habit that often hampers conversation flow.
41:25 🧠 Live situations might access intelligence differently than scripted scenarios, allowing for more confident and free expression.
43:56 💬 Building confidence in speaking shouldn't focus solely on external skills but also challenge internal beliefs about self-worth.
45:21 🚫 The problem isn't inability butthe belief of being a bad speaker, hindering the expression of one's capabilities.
47:58 🎓 External feedback can be pivotal in realizing the need to improve confidence in speaking, prompting actions for self-improvement.
51:32 🔀 Confidence isn't solely acquired over time; it can be chosen in the moment, altering perceptions of oneself and others.
54:08 🤔 Understanding that internal feelings may not match external perceptions can shift how confidence is projected and perceived.
56:16 💡 Conviction in speech, even if uncertain, often translates as confidence, influencing how others perceive and respond to information shared.
59:32 🎙 Conviction in speech isn't about knowing everything; it's about believing in what you say. Most people fall short on the scale of conviction in communication.
01:00:55 🗣 Mistakes in speaking can trip beginners up if they apologize or lose momentum. Recovering quickly from errors is a mark of experienced speakers.
01:07:06 📑 The "One Thing" concept: Before a presentation, identify the one message you want your audience to remember. Build your content around this central idea for clarity and impact.
01:11:49 🕒 Use the "Accordion Method" in speech prep: Start with a longer time, then gradually reduce it. This refines your message to focus on the most important elements.
01:13:51 💡 Recovering from a speaking mistake involves strategies like upping energy, taking a breath, or using "summary prompts" to redirect focus back to your message.
01:17:08 🔇 Silence in speaking has a dual role: externally, it demonstrates confidence, and internally, it allows speakers to recalibrate their thoughts and direction.
01:19:50 🗣 Pausing longer than feels necessary in practice helps your delivery seem more natural and less rushed to your audience.
01:21:02 💭 Mindset often lags behind speaking skill-bridging this gap is crucial for confidence in public speaking.
01:21:59 💡 Overcoming self-doubt involves consciously projecting confidence and authority, even if it feels exaggerated.
01:24:18 🌟 Pushing past comfort zones can start with simply committing to asking a question or initiating a conversation.
01:29:54 🤔 Most people share feelings of inadequacy; understanding this helps navigate social situations with less pressure.
01:32:14 📈 To boost self-esteem, start small and celebrate incremental progress rather than aiming for drastic changes.
01:36:58 🗨 Practice speaking in situations that challenge you, preferably with feedback, to improve your public speaking skills.
01:38:51 😄 Recognize the fun and opportunities that come from overcoming fears-public speaking can positively impact various aspects of life.
01:40:55 🎮 Games like "Rapid Fire Autocomplete" and "Blindfolded Slideshow" are available for free on Ultraspeaking.com, aiding in boosting confidence and communication skills.
01:41:10 🎭 Using games like these during learning sessions, like the "RUclipsr Academy," helps with confidence building and public speaking exercises.
01:42:04 🗣 The "Podcast Game" involves swapping names on the screen while continuing each other's sentences to enhance listening skills and staying in the moment during conversation.
01:43:40 🤔 Reflecting on life choices in a scenario where money isn't a factor can help prioritize what truly matters beyond financial concerns.
01:44:34 🎭 "Blindfolded Slideshow" helps improve impromptu speaking skills by presenting random slides that you have to incorporate into your speech in the moment.
01:45:59 🌟 The "Survival Mode" of "Triple Step" involves rapid-fire speaking where the time for response decreases, helping to improve speaking speed and clarity under pressure.
01:48:03 🧠 Self-expression games like these foster creative thinking, adaptability, and the ability to speak confidently on various topics.
01:51:21 🌟 Encouragement to focus on strengths rather than dwelling solely on weaknesses, suggesting asking friends for strengths and displaying them as a reminder.
Incredible
God will reward you for this massive help.
Hearing her yapp is really irritating.
amazing summary! what AI tool do you use to get this? thanks so much!
Oh mahn ❤
Thank you !
24:58
"Life is a lot more fluid, there's no right, there's no wrong, there's no right ways to be,
and so.. it give me a lot more empathy for my friends and family with the ways they express themselves,
the ways they are struggling, that made me less rigid and that probably made me more able to speak
with people, and curious about other."
That's really good.
Your ig
I loved this podcast episode, which is one of my favourites. I relate so much with Aliénor and her experience of feeling shy. I also related to being told by teachers that I'm too quiet and smart but don't ask questions or engage compared to other students. I learned so many great tips and mindset shifts from this video. Thank you Ali and Aliénor for this
The ONE THING I took away from this podcast - is that being confident is an instantaneous choice, made over and over again.
As easy as flipping a switch - that's it.
You already have everything else it takes - just throw yourself at it lol.
How can we do that?
@@FatTonyTheSkipper being introverted & "shy" myself - I have always felt that -
Whenever I am overthinking, "should I say something or do something in a particular way or not - should I make this call or not - should I go ask for a raise or not - should I ask that friend out or not" - in all such states my brain always knows its overthinking, I always have this gut feeling that I am overthinking. I still choose to continue.
So for me, in this state its a matter of choice - either I can stay silent and continue thinking - fighting my imaginary dragons - or I can just say eff it and say whatever I was gonna say anyway.
So if I make the second choice - That. Is the choice to be confident in that particular moment. Just rinse and repeat this enough times and - voila, I am now a confident person.
So kinda just trusting yourself, having that self confidence in how you move forward is the right way ? self belief
@@AmanSharma-sn8js
Did you miss the part where she was in therapy for years?
🤣🤣🤣🤣 absolute delusions. You can’t become confident no matter how much you listen/read about it, that’s completely absurd. Confidence comes from a basis in knowledge, skill, appearance, positive attributes etc.
Shyness is something that comes with you, social anxiety is something that happens to you. The first is about not being able to trust yourself enough, the second is about not being able to trust people after the devastating experiences you have had.
Finally! This exactly speaks to what I've gone through most of my early years - was so difficult to explain to other people. Well now I'm past it.
😊
I actually appreciate people who don't show too much conviction until they are really sure. Not having conviction in the thing that they are not sure of does not mean not having conviction in themselves or not having conviction in general
32:58 there is something so lovely and calming about the little clink of a teacup in this moment and and mandarin skin on the desk. I feel like it really brings the tone together and feels so much more relatable and relaxed just by those small details whether intentional or not.
I love that.
Wow.. thank you for pointing out the glimmer
I am 8 mins into the podcast & Aliénor immediately comes out like a friend who knows me deeply. THAT - made me lower my "shy" walls and got me excited to see what she has to teach :)
2023 was the first year where anyone ever described me, to my face, as a confident person. The first time it happened I was quite shocked, I simply had never thought of myself as a confident person. Rather, I thought of myself as insecure. It was pretty weird but also rewarding to hear! Looking forward to improving that more in 2024, this time consciously!
THIS IS VERY INSPIRING! THANK YOU ALI AND ALIENOR HUNTER!
In my whole life there are bunch of people who just gifted in Public Speaking and when they give tips for "shy" poeple to speak in confidence is not just resonate..
But this is different, the transformation Hunter did not only inspiring but encourage us to do better at speaking.
Fyi, I put this video in watch later playlist for months until the title change from charisma to confidence 😅.
It's amazing how she is doing a podcast with him after she has watched so many of his videos and has been one of his fans for so long!
this was the best podcast episode I've ever listened to. Of all podcasts. Aliénor is a gem
I think people are not practically shy if they are listener or would prefer to be quiet in some case, being introvert is in reality it can make the life of these kinds of people so challenging. Everyone does love to talk loudly, freely. I am thinking about life without talking freely, give your idea to others, communicating in the birthday party or wedding, what would have happened to these kinds of people. Absolutely, if this is not anxiety, it will have bring out anxiety gradually. That's true that many people fear of speech in front of audiences, no matter how many audiences are, it is hard to do that, it is too much pressure, but speaking with others, it might not have been a big deal. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing experience.
that pause in 1:45:23 was..* chefs kiss* learned a lot from this podcast thank you to both!
What an amazing podcast!
I was blown away by how relatable and open Aliénori is. Ali, your podcasting style is so natural and effortless. Keep up the great work and continue bringing on fascinating guests like this.
I grew up very social and because later in life either I changed, or society charged, people began to treat me with disdain, annoyance, or disgust so I stopped going out. Even going to the grocery store was hard. I do not think I ever had a fear of speaking, but i did have a strong fear of having to sit through judgement. Anyway, I ended up working at a hotel where I was forced to meet 40 plus people a day (at least), and by the end of that job (2 years) I was almost back to my original self. What had helped wasn’t really the practice of speaking, as much as realizing their judgement isn’t so bad and talking with them mostly resulted in good moments. Shy people are probably more sensitive than outgoing people.
Wow thank you for this. My whole life people have told me i am shy but i dont feel shy. The way you pointed out how ‘shyness’ is a super power because you enhance your listening skills and pick-up on people’s subtle needs : i resonate with that so much. Thank you for making me feel better about myself for being an observer. I love talking to people but i do prefer to listen a lot of the time. Its so annoying that people make it out like these behaviors mean youre not comfortable with yourself: not always true. Again, thank you
Love your idea of doing this with a person with this history. You can tell how hard she's struggling and it's absolutely amazing how far she's come. From my point of view, though, it's hard to connect her to unshakeable confidence, since she obviously hasn't gotten there yet herself. More along the lines of - how to overcome shyness. I still find the video interesting, even if expectations are somewhat dampened
I feel this story with eriting that email soooo goood!! Like feeling that something i want from another person might be too pushy, too demanding. Feel that truly. Thanks for the story.
What helped me was a combination of the quote "You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!"- Olin Miller and the section in Groundhog Day where Bill Murray basically says if nothing I do matters then I can do what I want. In other words, if people are indifferent and nothing I do really affects them because they are completely indifferent to me then I can just be my true and authentic self around them because they are completely indifferent to who I am and what I do. Also, if the average person has 40,000-60,000 thoughts a day, and those thoughts are about what they're having for dinner or what their kids are doing then things like me bumping into a lamppost, dropping a water melon in a shop, publishing a novel few people read or even writing a random post to a RUclips video, will hardly register in their mind. I mean, are you really going to remember what I write here? I doubt it.
Aliénor, your expression of your early history is incredibly relatable, and your way through it is marvelous. My past self would have felt less outcast and more hopeful on hearing this. My current self is reminded to treat myself and others with grace. Today I learned that we all could use a little more positive feedback. Thank you, too, for the strategies for building confidence.
This is the first podcast of yours I sat for two hours listening. Thank you! It was incredible
Why does the thumbnail say "you can learn charisma"? It should be something about "be better at public speaking", "overcome shyness", "gain confidence".
Agreed
It’s probably based off of research that shows people are more likely to click on something with the word charisma
How is that different?
For me, social anxiety means that I think the majority of people want to take advantage of me and are seeking to disrespect me. I do not see kindness in other people automatically. I'm always on guard waiting to be attacked and I am always very surprised when someone is kind to me without their being strings attached.
It is the first podcast I listened to almost totally
They discuss very well on the topic how to speak confidently
They speak many ways to improve, the one point is vivid in my mind
The point is almost all people think that I am speaking correctly or not,that is a problem ,you get scared so just start a conversation and don't think a lot more about it
I think , I am also in the same situation as I want to change that in my personal life
Podcast so many points
Regards with how to improve confidence and public speaking
I hope to watch this podcast while you struggle with confidence
This was a great podcast. Learned so much and the discussions were so relatable and honest and real. Thank you so much!
Very useful practical tips. Loved this episode!
Underrated podcast episode - such tactical insights and tips
Paramount tip: Change your mindset, the "inside", and once that's done, change the strategies that you use to boost your confidence when speaking; the "outside". The inside-out approach is the foundation.
I watched this full podcast till end for the very first time it's really helpful for me to improve my skills as well and really it can be life changing it can giv me more oppourtunities in my career as well as making good friends sheis just guiing as a friend and the one who passed through this sitution understand more better than any one else.More what i came to know about is peoples perspective about you like it happend with everyone nooneis perfect
Speaking in a emotional intelligent manner is such a important character trait in life. Thanks Ali and Aliénor!
How can we do that?
Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. Shy people can be extroverted. I was shy and introverted but I learned public speaking and charisma for work. I am still an introverted person.
I think shyness and social anxiety it's just the person being afraid of rejection from ppl around ,and when u're shy to the point u can't live ur life like a normal person is a problem u need to work on it and everyone can
What a great storyteller!
Best deep dive discussion yet. I really relate to this topic. I'm glad I'm not alone. Thank you Ali and Alienor. I'll check out Ultraspeaking and see where my journey leads from there
I love the distancing method. So good! My therapist gave it to me
0k i swear this podcast just healed me! thankyuuuuuuuuu
Where has Aliénor Hunter been hiding? And why am I just now finding her? Upon watching the new video UNlocking your potential, I was directed to this and am so glad I was! Had to share this with my hubs! Really enjoyed the connection made with the Barbie movie lol. I hope she shares more like this in the future!
Great talk. Appreciate her and you both.
I’m crying watching this 😢…feels like I’m seeing myself in Alienor
She did great and I could have listened for longer😊
i looooove this podcast. Exactly what I needed, thank you!
Oh my God , i am exactly her . I can’t accept coffee or tee from anybody , avoid talking with receptionist in doctors office, i contact my landlord for my water boiler after i spend months having cold shower and i got ill.
*Ask yourself question n shi*
This video is extremely valuable
As a public speaking coach myself - I think this could have been useful but some fundamentals weren’t covered & I found myself disagreeing with a few things. Would love to one day jump on the podcast 🤞
Go for it mate the world is yours ✌️
Any free online resources you can recommend to get started with public speaking?
I LOVE her❤! she looks charming and this episode really help me, it’s related .
It's sad that western culture is so fixated on extroversion. Unless there is an actual psychological problem as the speaker seemed to have, most people who identify as shy are introverts who just prefer their own company. I have met some quiet people who had tremendous charisma and more importantly, depth. To be honest, I find most extroverts entertaining at first but they tend to be superficial and self involved. In Asian culture, there is more of a balance where the more senior or knowledgeable one is, the less there is a need to be loud and noisy.
Agree
I completely agree that in western culture we value extroversion, but I think you're mixing up introversion and shyness.
Looking up the definition: "Shyness involves fear of negative evaluation", which is completely different from introversion, which is more about wanting to be alone.
Also I would say those are stereotypes of extroversion/introversion that you've mentioned. Why does an extrovert have to be loud/noisy? Why does an introvert have to be quiet? I've met some very extroverted people who are not at all loud/noisy, and I've met some introverted people who love to scream and sing and dance. You could get your energy alone and not be shy at all. You could get your energy from being around others and still not be the center of attention or the "entertainer".
This is great! Thank you for sharing
سفندي ده الي شمالك ياعلي 😂😂 great podcast i watched on your chanel i'm following you from Egypt
Hey my brother take my respect love from Bangladesh 🇧🇩❤️
আরে কেমন আছো 👋
I see the shy in you and how everything else is still an explicit decision :3
I love British accent 🥰♥️
Hey, that our coach amazing Alienor❤
What course are they talking about ? Can anyone help with a link or something
Woman looks like a gaming character
Ali - I’ve preordered your book but why do you keep saying “I know people don’t like preordering books” in your promo message? Psychologically although I preordered your book i keep realizing my thoughts going to “oh I don’t like preordering books”…. Just something I’ve noticed!
Being afraid to talk anyone who isn't a close family member or friend is not "shyness". That is a severe instance of generalized anxiety disorder at minimum. Especially when she says that her anxiety was because she had a vague sense of fear that something bad was going to happen to her for no reason all of the time. That is a classic symptom of ptsd and demands professional treatment, not self-help videos. Can we please stop conflating serious anxiety disorders with being "quiet" or "shy"? I thought we were done doing that years ago.
I don’t know man, you ever notice how some people symptoms get waaay worse once they’re diagnosed?
I think looking at it from her perspective is actually a hell a lot better than getting thrown straight on the pharmaceutical for quite a lot of people. Not to mention the distinct lack of access to MH services in the UK so healthy alternative and natural ways of dealing with these things should be welcomed.
She clearly didn’t need to have all the stuff you talk about to get herself over her shyness and make a success of herself… just saying😊
I mean, she's better now so sharing how she overcame it is useful. Not all therapists are good and not everyone can or will go see one.
@@bradybytheseagreat thought, 💭 while I very much agree to what the person above states that her state of mind back then can be hardly defined as „shyness“ I do think you absolutely are on to something with your point of view!!
PTSD ? You are speaking with the authority of a Shrink but the very fact that you said what you said must mean you’re not a Shrink, cos no one who would’ve studied Psychology (seriously at least )would draw such a myopic Conclusion about fear of speaking to strangers. If you are, you must be the kind that needs therapy first. 😂
@@bradybythesea I don’t think the symptoms get worse, I think a diagnosis legitimises how people really feel on the inside and they feel like they don’t have to hide anything and can be more true to themselves
“Back in the days when we used to live in tribes…in the jungle “ lost me there sorry 😂😂
Thank you Alienor
people often conflate introversion and social anxiety. If you’re ‘shy’ in the sense that you’re reserved and enjoy your own company that’s fine but if you want to interact with people and are unable to do so then that’s really problematic
"The problem isn't the problem. The problem is your solution for the problem."
I think what she could be is a highly sensitive person (hsp) which counts for 20% of people. If so the shyness comes from being a hsp and the benefits mentioned like noticing people's body language more than most come from this too and not directly from the shyness which imo as being someone who was shy for most of my childhood I would say there's nothing really great about it
Wow, listening to her describing her anxiety breaks my 💔.
I don’t think it’s shyness afraid to ask for a duvet in that situation. I can relate I am too afraid to call or ask something or push boundaries with people as I am anxious that person may get angry, shout at me or they say I am not polite or something will go wrong. And it is based on real situations in my life.
I seriously thought she was that man that is trying to reverse aging, and he actually succeeded
Yesss, click on this because charisma sounds interesting but public speaking is way more interesting/useful
Highly sensitive person! ✨
Inspiring 💖
3:35 😲Who is this!? Who is this second person in her that's speaking to us!???
🎉 Thank you 🎉 Have a wonderful day 🎉 Sun 🎉 Peace 🎉
Would love to buy the book but money wooh
wow! she is the prettiest girl in the world!
I love her ❤️
This was almost helpful and then it wasn't 😒. I wanted to hear what to do in the situation she described - you're at a party and everyone else is engaged in lively conversation. Your conversations just fizzle out and nobody is interested in you for more than a couple of moments. What do you do then? What do you do to avoid this situation from occurring again?
this is really helpful!
i don't get it as much, difference between self talk and thinking. u said speak before u think and later on that self talk is important, i have that confusion in real life and actually my thoughts delay and slutter my speaking i trying to balance that out
Love from India 🇮🇳
Has Alienor written a book?
She's just lovely. 🤩
unfortanaly i can only understard a few wors, she speak very fast, souuns a pretty interesting
Ali and Aliénor hadn't heard of or seen The Mask
Me: I'm noticing that I'm feeling old 😅
Interesting. Thanks for being open and sharing your way. Listening the vocal fry the whole time is very disturbing. Voice is part of charisma.
It 's the Right Time ❤️ it's a problem i work to solve it ❤️
Being shy is worse for a man than a woman when it comes to attracting the opposite sex and it is worse for a man to have social anxiety, you will be judged more harshly for it, not necessarily in an overt way but you will not form the relationships with women that a confident guy who isnt shy and socially anxious would. Women dont in the mainneven have to approach men as women are usually the ones.with more options in the main.
what about shy vs quiet?
Dear lord those eyes u have one of the most beautiful eyes i see in my entire life 💗💖
I really really really dislike too much conviction in others and try to avoid it myself/tune it closely to my knowledge. I think it can be pretty misleading and I don’t like it when others are susceptible to it.
I disagree that 99% of people could do well with more conviction. To me, this number is much closer to 50% than to 99%.
What's the name of the intro song?
For a Second I thought this was the Ginger from the YT shorts 😂
1:29:00
If money didn't exist? Nice way to find out what really matters. I would love to see the answer of a devoted economist, or someone in the finance.😅😂☺
People will like/dislike your communication based on...7% words/38% tonality and face/55% body language
You can learn Rizz 😮
Am I the only one or did we really miss on the "how did it all fucking started?" Because in my case it's my mother that's been groundlessly keep telling me that "I can't do this, I can never be that, those stuffs aren't for you" and on top of that, she planted this on me "You listen to me whenever I speak because I don't lie, I speak only the truth" since I started to learn to communicate.. yea that's been going on since I was 1 year old.. and yea of course, she doesn't tell lies.. she considers herself to be more saint than God himself because God was a man and she beliefs God is a woman, and that's her..
For me, listening to Guns N Roses songs changed the way I think, the way I speak, the way I view the world because they are so relatable.. kinda ironic but you gotta do what you gotta do.
With that aside, the idea of "speak first, think later" is the exact opposite of gaining "charisma"... a lot of time you'd find yourself in a funny situation, almost clown like situation..
this is more like "break your mental block" stuff than "how to be charismatic".. that's my opinion.
How come her contact info isn’t included in here?
People are not necessarily shy if they are quiet and good listeners. Same goes for those who can pick up on other people’s body language. The fact that she didn’t want to say that “being shy is bad” is crazy to me. It feels like she’s trying not to offend shy people. I can guarantee that shy people would love to be able to speak to anyone freely. When you gain confidence you are able to communicate and not stumble over your own words. I just don’t like how she can’t say that having more confidence in yourself is a good thing.
Being shy doesn’t equal not being confident. You can be a person that’s very outgoing and talk very freely to everyone and still not have confidence in yourself.
@@amberali9248 Confident is quite literally the opposite of shy. Being able to talk freely to everyone and have no confidence sounds more like self esteem issues. But yea a shy person is not out there talking to everyone and being the center of attention.
I really want to listen to the whole conversation but the voices of them both are sounding really weird and making me uncomfortable, there is different kind of dept and bass or wht i donno it's really weird to hear especially in earphones also the weird hollow silence around 😓
What helped me was a combination of the quote "You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!"- Olin Miller and the section in Groundhog Day where Bill Murray basically says if nothing I do matters then I can do what I want. In other words, if people are indifferent and nothing I do really affects them because they are completely indifferent to me then I can just be my true and authentic self around them because they are completely indifferent to who I am and what I do. Also, if the average person has 40,000-60,000 thoughts a day, and those thoughts are about what they're having for dinner or what their kids are doing then things like me bumping into a lamppost, dropping a water melon in a shop, publishing a novel few people read or even writing a random post to a RUclips video, will hardly register in their mind. I mean, are you really going to remember what I write here? I doubt it.