Differing Morals || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This week's episode has Jerry, Morgan, and Justin going through some listener write-ins involving situations that shed the spotlight on differing or conflicting morals. Stories like a family that "won't approve" their 26 year old daughter moving in with her boyfriend, and another about having a partner with parents that have extremely different morals than you. Some of these situations seem like they are lose-lose but there's always a way to set the boundary and make the best decision for yourself. Please head to the comments to leave your advice for these listeners!
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Index:
00:00 -- Start
07:07 -- Story 1
18:02 -- Story 2
28:14 -- Story 3
40:53 -- Story 4
48:41 -- Story 5
I hope Morgan’s grandma and mom both realize how well they did. I was surprised it was said they were both so nervous because they both totally slayed
We need a holly cam 🤣 I couldn’t stop watching her try to get comfy
YESSSS to Holly cam!!! Lol
I literally opened the comments to be like “can you quit switching cams so I can keep watching Holly be goofy?” 😅😂
Holly is the start of this show 😂❤
For story #3 I agree 100%. My ex and his family were very conservative and he was against LGBTQ. I’m bi so this really bothered me. I asked him the same thing, what if we were to have a child and they came out as gay, and he said “I’d tell them they were just confused”. Needless to say, I ended that relationship. Morals need to align.
I’m a poc who married a white person and my in laws are on the conservative side of the political spectrum. But they don’t bring it up constantly and tend to drop it without much fuss. Our relationship is good otherwise but it weighs on me for sure, and I often worry about any future grandkids. But I know if it came down to it, my partner would prioritize me 100%. The parents not letting it go gave me pause, but your partner not sticking up for you? It honestly scares me just thinking about it. I’d run far, far away
Grandma Margaret's episode has been my favorite yet! I loved her perspective and would love to see her come on again if she ever wanted to.
I have always had a strong belief that no matter the relationship core values need to be aligned for it to survive or even be healthy. There is a major difference between different opinions on taxes, infrastructure, etc and beliefs about human rights. I cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone who has core beliefs that are: homophobic, transphobic, sexist, racist etc and simply not "talk about it". These are in my views against human rights, and hateful beliefs that would come through even if we didn't talk about it. Especially as a woman of colour I don't even have the privilege nor the want to be with someone who didn't care about vulnerable groups of people. I love and am close to many people who have very different opinions to that of my own, but these values we share as this is the bear minimum I want from the people I surround myself with. I also study politic, so I of course engage with a lot of different people and know the difference between people challenging us to grow and those who are hateful. And if you plan to live with someone for the rest of however long and build a future and family with them, you ought to respect who you are and what you stand for with acknowledging who it is that you are choosing.
Very well said.... imagine bringing kids into this world and ur partner with those views instilled those things on the children.. people always focus on the bigger things classed as white privilege
/gender privilege (but leaning more to human decency)and tend to forget small things like this too that are as much impacful.
Conservative lady here… YOUR POLITICAL BELIEFS DONT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE SOMEONE UNCOMFORTABLE! Like Lord have mercy. I cannot stand people that make others feel bad for their different beliefs. I respect you! Even if you believe some crazy ass shit, it might not be crazy to YOU! And that’s OKAY! Ugh. Just got out of a relationship with a guy who’s family was ULTRA conservative/Christian and they literally were so extreme I was uncomfortable. They would make fun of me for not being a good enough Christian/conservative bc I don’t wanna stay home and have babies rn…. Sooooo there’s that.
There was a lot of similar qualities to the family in the story… the whole making fun of my beliefs, not accepting LGBTQ+ and being judgmental of EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! We were having premarital sex and they couldn’t get over it. They were stuck on it for all three years we were together. Finally they told him that it’s been 3 years and we need to get married or I’m not to come around the fam anymore… so I broke it off… they told him marriage would atone our sins. Nah. That’s not a fam I wanna be in
Unfortunately MAGA has taken over the word “conservative “ and took out the values. I often have said I feel bad for real Republicans because their party was taken over… I wish they would just refer to themselves as MAGA instead of Conservative or Republican because they are the problem… not people like you.
The details you provided kiiiiiinda tell me you’re mislabeling yourself as “conservative”
@@cadiie6289 😂 I read it like that too but I am majority conservative. I just don’t care what people do if it doesn’t effect me. Who knows! Labels are useless anyway 😂
For Story 5, my parents explained to me how sex releases a lot of endorphins and hormones that make you feel good but that does not mean you are in love or have an emotional connection with the person your with. They told me I should try and recognize the difference between feeling good physically and feeling good emotionally with someone. Then they frankly talked about masturbation and that if I wanted to feel good physically that I did not always need a partner to do that.
I think that convo really helped me navigate being a young girl and navigating relationships. I never let people pressure me or do something I was not ready for because I knew the difference between sex and intimacy and how the two were not always the same.
It was awkward but I’m glad my parents talked not only about sex but masturbation because it led me to learn about my own body and what I liked and didn’t in my own time and safely without partners or American culture influencing that.
Wow I really really love this. They broke down any shame around masturbation while also teaching you what sex means emotionally. I feel like most people who even try to address sex with their kids just mention ways to have safe safe, but nobody really talks about the importance of intimacy and the emotional impact of having sexual relationships. Shoutout to your parents, I feel like I didn’t really learn this myself until my 20s. Taking notes for my future kiddos!
@@makailareid They handled it really well and what I learned from that convo did stick with me. I cannot give them all the credit though because they did watch an Oprah special about sex and how to address it with your kid which touched on all those topics I mentioned then we watched it together and talked about it, so I also have to give a shoutout to Oprah XD
Story 5- my niece is 14 and having that conversation with her, I started if off by telling her something like this " my job isn't to stop you from having sex, my job is to help you understand your body and your mind. So that way you don't regret it or feel pressured into sex. My job is to make sure youre being safe- Physically, emptional and health wise. Only you can make the decision to have sex. But I want to make sure youre listening to your body and mind. To be your safe place to ask question, cry to, ask for help, to educate". From there she felt less tense and started to ask questions.
wow i love that!!
Me, stopping cleaning to write this comment to confirm the clean and listen method Lol!
Y’all tripped me out when you said people watch it cleaning & then Justin said keep cleaning that sink, get the counters as I’m cleaning my sink & counters lmao
For Story 3: My parents are conservative, and can be quite vocal. Especially early on in my relationship with my now husband. Especially during certain presidential elections. Me, hubby, my brother, and his significant other are all liberal.
My brother and I have struggled with navigating the management of our parents’ speaking of their political beliefs around our partners. For me it stems from people pleasing/anxiety and for him being neurodivergent.
The main difference is 1) we are aligned with our SO’s, so we’d never dog pile on, 2) our parents never got nasty or resorted to personal attacks (though they can be domineering, or as they like to say, ‘passionate’), and 3) despite it being a real challenge to stand up to them for our individual reasons, we’ve both continually put effort into enforcing those boundaries (progress was slow, particularly for me, as hubs and I have been together for 14yrs, and since we were 19yo).
Over time they’ve come to accept our preferred “agree to disagree, next topic” and in current times politics are rarely if ever brought up. We are on the same page regarding valuing the limited quality time spent with family, and do not wish to ruin it. Anyway, they have my sister and her SO to discuss political stuff with, as they align. We are literally split down the middle (4-4), but it’s a complete waste of time to fight about it.
Mutual respect is the foundation for a healthy dynamic when it comes to mixed beliefs within a group. Without that respect, it’s not a safe environment for the OP who wrote in, because not only does the BF’s parents not respect her or her boundaries, but it feels like he doesn’t either. Which should absolutely be a deal breaker for the relationship.
I love the comment at the end saying people are watching while cleaning cause this is 1000% true with me. Both with THT & FKS 💛😂
Justin’s voice is so calming I would love to hear a whole guided cleaning motivation from him! Like ok start by clearing your clutter. Then a lil story. Ok now you can move on to the kitchen! You got this! Then another story. And so on. Maybe a patreon episode? And the theme could be does this gross you out?! Amazing episode as always with y’all. Thank you!!!
I’m in a situation where my then boyfriend(now fiancé) has a horrible mom and sister, and in the first instance he didn’t stand up for me because he never stood up to them in his life because then they would tear him apart. After I told him that I can’t be with someone (2 years in) who would let them do that to me and despite my feelings for him I cannot live that way (plus therapy) he slowly grew a nice shiny spine and now is no contact with them ❤
We were each others first real relationship and we met in college
I'm watching while doing home renovations 😁 call me out. I'm hand scraping a plaster ceiling, though 😒 fun times. Great episode!
Also, as a 5 years sober recovering heroin addict, thank you for standing up for us! Getting sober is not easy or accessible to many people. Becoming an addict was not something I wanted. Yes, I made a series of bad choices, and I take responsibility for those. I didn't make those choices knowing I'd become dependent on opioids. I'm a normal gal. Like anyone else. Most of us die or end up in prison. Our families suffer. It's just overall awful for those involved. So, seeing you all have empathy is so refreshing! Trust me, it will give hope to people still suffering in active addiction, too. ❤ thank you.
So about the liberal girl with the boyfriend with conservative family. I’m extremely liberal and from West Virginia. I lived this exact thing with no only my boyfriends family, but it also happened at work. It gets to you after a while. The truth is that I can’t deal with the values these people have. They care more about not wearing a mask than thousands of people dying? And you can’t talk logic to them. I’ve done the research and presented them facts to show they were incorrect, but they don’t care. 2000 people were dying daily and they didn’t care. People were living in fear everyday just being themselves because of the hate going around, but they don’t care. I’ve realized these aren’t my people. I left the guy and went to management at work and was able to work remote. Let me say, I don’t have a problem with Republicans, but I do have a problem with MaGA people. The lack of values is something I can’t get past. It at least shows me who people are pretty quickly now….
I'm also from WV and left my fiancé because his family are extremely conservative and big Trump people. You are right you literally can not talk facts to them.
It’s funny that you mentioned people listen while cleaning because I do too! I have a 1 yr old so I listen while doing dishes, laundry, sweeping/mopping etc. 🤣🤣
Can't understate just how comforting/enjoyable this show is 🥰 thanks for all the takes/time!
Story 3- I dealt with an unsupportive partner with his family and chose to stay. Over time it became extremely abusive and it was a warning sign I wished I had listened to. If you read this please be careful if you choose to stay and keep your connections with your friends and family strong
I don’t let myself know the day you post to keep myself on my toes
i have a little advice for the last person. The big talk is kind of awkward for everyone. My parents bought a book called "whats the big secret" and when I was old enough, my mom read it to me. It covered all subjects including what sex and masturbation were, how babies were born and how our bodies are different. You could look into books about it! I think it made it a lot easier. Then I was free to ask questions.
Story #3 OP if you are in these comments READ THIS! I was engaged in a family exactly like this. We are both gay and every time we were with his conservative family they would pick and pick and pick about politics. Making fun of BLM, LGBT rights, Addiction, etc. I would beg them "let's just not talk about it" and they would stop for a few minutes then start up again. I let it keep happening and once we got engaged things got so much worst. Every family Holiday they would all get together and ask us biting mean questions while smirking. Often, we would end up totally alone on one side of the room while they smirked and condescended to us and made fun of us. Eventually when I asked, "can we please stop talking about it" his dad would say stuff like "I pay for this house if you have an issue go home". The boundaries left and all pretense disappeared they just straight up bullied us. Every gift I received was Trump gear. Every word spoken to me was nasty. Then on Christmas the kids were all playing in the basement and screaming the N-word. I lost my temper and snapped at them to stop and his brother flew into my face screaming about how I wasn't gonna talk to his kids. I had 4 of his family members screaming in my face in seconds. I went outside and had a massive panic attack. After that I told my fiancé "Them or me". He picked them and we broke up. Do not let it get to that point it is not worth it I still have flash backs to his brother rushing across the room and him and his wife screeching in my face. The trauma is not worth it.
I'm so sorry 😢
For story 5, as a mom myself, what worked for me as a kid amd as a mom (17m/6f) is establishing a culture in the home that makes body and sex not being taboo. Dont avoid talks about normal body functions, don't shame sex (they listen to everything, so don't shame others) at 11, the menstration talk is something to address now, and its a good segway into what menstruation means (puberty, hormones, bleeding, able to get pregnant, etc). And of course, always listen. Dont just talk, ask her questions, what she knows already and with afab individuals, consent and bodily autonomy and not allowing herself be ashamed by others for her body
i relate to story 1 about the girl and her negative father. that’s how my grandma has turned over the years and it’s really sad. the older she’s gotten, the more deep into catholicism she gets and she loses the lively spark that i used to see in her, and instead she’s so negative when we’re trying to celebrate a holiday saying things like “we’re a broken family, what’s the point” when we really aren’t a broken family at all. she’s said a couple vile things to me in the past so my family tries to distance from her. the fun, lively, crafty grandma i had growing up has turned into a negative, mega-catholic with a really bad hoarding problem. she’s only 68, i have no idea where this all came from.
I listen while I do dishes and put my clothes away 😂😂😂
I was vacuuming when you did the cleaning shout out lol I have a cleaning business and mostly listen while I’m cleaning 🙃
It drives me nuts when Jerry says something and morgan combats it, tries to prove him wrong, taking it out of context, etc. 😭❤️
agh yes! i love morgan, no hate to her, but she tends to misread things and has to be right on little things. its probably just a father/daughter thing
@@lolabnic definitely is a father daughter thing but its so comfortable to watch haha love both podcasts tho fr
For the last story, i was kinda the same as her daughter when i was that age. My mom just let me chose between some "teen books" where it wasn't only about sex (all options had this topic though) but also about other struggles or topics in your teens, i chose which one i wanted and my mom bought it for me. I read it and because of that i had a lot of education that way. She just told me if you ever have further questions, you can always ask me them. I think this may be a great approach also :)
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. When someone shows actual red flags like the guy letting his family mistreat his girlfriend, run. Also, if you don’t see eye to eye on core beliefs.. it rarely ever works out and don’t count on that other person changing their mind… move on!! Or end up spending even more time learning the lesson the hard way like me lol. I’m speaking from experience. Luckily I’m now happily married and we’ve been together almost ten years.
Me listening to the podcast as I’m scrubbing the sink 😂
Thanks guys !
Thanks for the cleaning motivation at the end!
Story #4 - they’re being judgmental. I’m poly & queer, and just because the friend’s relationship doesn’t look stereotypical doesn’t mean it’s any less valid and beautiful!
OMG I HAVE THOSE EXACT SAME "I NEVER FART" SOCKS THAT JUSTIN WAS WEARING
Omg never been this early 😂 I've been trying to find a podcast to listen to all day and this literally made me so happy lol
just finished washing the dishes and cooking when you mentioned that people usually watch when cleaning lol
Both of my parents are hardcore conservatives Christians and my dad has anger issues and yells a lot. My husband is lib/progressive like I am and I can’t even count how many times we have had to leave in the middle of a family dinner because my dad won’t stop demeaning us and our political beliefs. My husband stays quiet but i will fight with my dad for a few minutes before eventually walking out and leaving. My parents are amazing people and great to be around when we don’t discuss politics, but sometimes I can’t recognize them because they are so brainwashed my Fox News.
I hate politics because at the end of the day I think most people are good and want the same thing- to be happy, to do no harm, and to live their life the way they want without others telling them what to do. Why bring up conversation that will only escalate into a fight? I can explain over and over why I might need access to abortion while trying to start a family because I am already considered high risk. Having only daughters doesn’t change their stance on a woman’s right to choose. I can scream til I’m blue in the face but it won’t change the fact that medically necessary abortions (or any type of abortion for that matter) is still “killing babies” in their eyes.
My advice for the last story and the mom who hasn’t had the sex talk: totally needs to happen with her going to middle school. Kids have sex in middle school. What I suggest though is expressing it in a scientific way to start. My mom had a book with scientific diagrams and she explained more of the biology so I knew what it was and that it equaled babies and I’m very glad she did it. She didn’t approach it in a way of pleasure and all that. When I got a little older she had the more serious talk about birth control, STDs, safety and all that. I owe my smart decisions throughout life to that.
16:06 😂😂 Justin
I commented this on a different video once and Jerry responded, I think last year 😅 But it has been proven it takes at least four years to get to know someone fully, and that if you get married after that, your likelinees of not getting divorced is either doubled or tripled, I'm not sure.
So, yeah, I think a long relationship before engagement or a long engagement are both good ideas. There's no rush, especially if you know for sure it's your person.
I've been with my partner for 8 years (since my junior year in high school), and I still feel like there are things I notice or learn about him to this day. We just started talking about settling down. I'm glad I'll fully know who I'm marrying when the time comes. 😊
So this makes you about 25/26 years old? I am in the same exact boat, been together since junior year and still together 7 years later. And I do learn stuff about my partner still but, I think we will always be learning about eachother because we evolve over time.
Going from that young through the start of adult hood and in between Is a ton of growth happening between that time. You become your own person
@taylorn3250 I was a junior and he was a senior! 16 and 17. I am 24, he is 25 :)
I agree! People are constantly changing. My partner and I talk about that a lot. As long as we're growing and bettering ourselves as a form of change, there's just more to love ❤️
Me existing with FKS for a whole hour and getting offended when its over...
14? SERIOUSLY? That isn’t a case of “if your ready”, it’s a case of That’s ILLEGAL!!!
It’s illegal to have sex at 14?
None of what they discussed is remotely illegal
When it comes to politics my husband and I don’t see eye to eye we do agree on major things but there are still things that we just don’t speak about. We’ve agreed to not talk politics when the topic we know for sure isn’t one we can agree on, we also have an agreement that when in the company of others we don’t engage in the topic of politics if and when it comes up. Not many people are willing to actually engage and discuss and learn from either side and in the end it makes things awkward.
Adding to the Morgan dictionary: Spouts (noun) - A bout of spats. A short period of quarrel.
Today 8 yrs together with my BoO its our anniversary we met and i knew he was my soulmate but i always wanted long engagement and a kid(because if you can handle a kid together you can handle marriage) which everything is awesome. ❤
thanks so much for an awesome episode
I def am cleaning 😂 love the pod
yayyy new episode
Morgan definitely tried to argue her dad's point for the sake of inclusion. The dad clearly stated that it is possible to get along with in-laws and she tried to clarify his point by saying, "we have our issues, we aren't perfect." He kept saying, I understand that but we make an effort to get along. She finally agreed that they are "fortunate". Side note, I hate the word "fa*t. It is so crass.
For the mom looking to talk to her kids about sex. There are a lot of books that are made for kids age 9 & up that you could get and let her read or read with her. You can talk to her about her questions. I think the best way to bring it up is to start with the puberty conversion and let that lead into you might start liking boys or girls and that might make you feel a certain way and so on. My youngest went to a catholic middle school and they skipped over the reproductive section in the text books. He told me all the kids knew what pages it was on and everyone was looking at it. He then told me he was disappointed because those pages didn’t tell him anything I hadn’t already told him😂. The sex “talk” isn’t a talk, it’s a lifetime of conversations that change overtime with your child and their needs.
We love timestamps 😍
My sisters lucked out and got terrific in-laws, so I’ve rarely seen bad in-law relationships. Actually my oldest sister’s mother-in-law lives with them most of the time. Hi Holly, snoot BOOPS and kisses.
On story 3. This was my family to my boyfriend. He is Hispanic/Native and I am white. My family is very conservative to the point where growing up I was told I'm not allowed to date Mexicans. Fast forward to now, I am in a healthy 5 year relationship with the love of my life and my family can't comprehend it. I had to cut my grandparents out of my life because of this. My grandfather called my bf a slur years ago behind my back. I am still navigating my relationship with the rest of my family but currently I see my mom once a week to catch up and am starting to consider cutting my dad off as well. My bf does not have contact with them and refuges to go to function unless it's a holiday. We have planned on having kids and we will most likely not let my family near our kids. It's tough but I, as the person with the bad family, stick up for him when they get out of hand or say something disrespectful, racist, cruel, trans or homophopic. I hope this helps as a different perspective.
lol i watch while i smoke but go off cleaner watchers 🤣
The poly one, the obvious concern to me is that the bride is doing it without her partners consent. Poly women can get interest so much more easily than a man and she can do it behind their back on their travel. It isn’t clear that the fiancé knows just because they are mentioned in the profile
If it makes you feel any better Morgan..I didn't see any redness at all. Hope you feel better 💕
Justin did a good job on the color correction 🙌🏼 miracle worker because my face was on fire
Negative people are hard. It’s hard because when it’s your parent it’s like I want to spend time with you but when I do it’s always woah is me or my life is horrible and you’re just like what do you want me to say? Because at a certain point you just aren’t going to be happy or even try to be positive. And being around that your whole life can make you a negative person when hard things happen so you just give up 10:34
My parents never gave a sex-ed talk, and the schools here in Texas for sure dont do it. My sister is starting her freshman year, which I when I started having sex so I want to be proactive and give her this education to help her not make any mistakes. Doesn't anyone have any video recommendations that they have found?
Oprah had a few episodes on sex, intimacy, masturbation and how to talk about it with your kids that my parents showed me when I was young that I found really educational and helpful.
I don’t know the exact episode but I know other people have written about their parents showing them Oprah specials as a way to start having that talk 😂
I think the best way to deal with religious people saying Moving in together is evil,is saying Mary and Joseph weren't married, Mary got orpregnant by the holy Ghost, sje didnt even know him before getting pregnant
With story 3, very similar with my ex's mother (Childs grandmother so I still see her). I'm bisexual and an recovered addict (5years clean and sober). She hasn't yet said anything against LGBTQIA+ community, but she did say some very degrading stuff about addicts last time I saw her. Managed to keep my cool, she doesn't know about my past (to my knowledge, my ex did though) but I think it's disgusting to talk about people that way whatever their difficulties, even if she wasn't aware. Although she's generally quite horrific in stuff she says and doesn't care about my feelings so I wouldn't put it past her to be digging at me on purpose.
For the sex ed Mama Dr Jones is AMAZING!!!
definitely need a holly cam
When I was like 11 I watched a lot of the classic 2000s rom coms, and so many of them reference sex. My mom picked up on that and sat me down and drew me a picture, she used the dogs red rockets as an example when explaining boners 😂😂😂 I was freaked out, but looking back on it I’m so grateful. A lot of people would be like wtf that’s so young, but I appreciated knowing because it was so relevant in the media I consumed
The pic wasn’t like graphic btw lmao it was just a woman’s internal anatomy so I understood the implantation process
not me actually cleaning while listening to this on a tuesday morning 😅
Didn’t the episode with Morgan’s mom already air?
I'll have your back next times but he also says I don't want to choose sides. He's not going to have her back at all
The sex Ed talk is sooooo crazy my mom has 4 kids and then two adopted (her brother and sister aka my aunt & uncle). I have 3 sisters two very young and one older but out of the main 4 of us that grew up together ages (25, 23, 19 & 19) I’m the only one without a child. Primarily due to the fact that I’m bi/bi-curious and I’ve only been with 1 female but even then I’ve done my fair share of “the deed” and ended up with an STD scare(I’m clean) but schools DO NOT & SHOULD NOT TEACH SEX EDUCATION!!! They don’t teach you right at all!!!!!! Parent should be responsible for this!
i had a wonderful sex education in school, i feel it equipped me with a lot more knowledge than a lot of people i’ve met since moving around to different states though, sadly.
it’s statistically proven that states that don’t provide sex education have higher rates of teen pregnancy and stds, completely getting rid of sex education would be incredibly reckless. however, the quality of the education needs to be greatly improved.
First yayayayay
I LOVE the idea of putting the ball in the court of the child as to when to start talking about sex. That’s something I’ve never considered and I love that approach!
second woo
Raising a child on religious or conservative values isn’t inherently wrong and just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean they have to accept your choices esp when it goes against the values they raised you on. They’re allowed to be disappointed, that’s not abuse, that’s a natural human emotion. Grow up and be confident enough to live differently without your parent’s validation, just as your parents probably did. If what you’re doing requires your parent’s validation, you’re probably just doing it for attention seeking purposes like a rebellious teenage child and you can’t be mad when you get the reaction you went looking for.
Morgan you should have Shallon Lester as a guest in THT, who cares if people think she's controversial, she has a lot of common sense and excellent advice.
Not a fan of this episode :( too much being okay with things i disagree with..