Father Knows: Tough Conversations
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 18 янв 2022
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something!
Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD.
This episode features write-ins about problems people are having with tough conversations.
Follow up on Instagram or TikTok @ Father Knows Something
Submit your write-in! forms.gle/aSMAnkrLf8TJ35BAA
Audio versions available on all platforms :))
And please subscribe to this channel to show your favorite bonus dad some love!
Join our Patreon! / fatherknows
First story: if you feel SAFE, ok yes great advice. If you feel you may be in a volatile situation. It may be best for you to wait until you are out of the house to tell family. Only you can decide this. Not all parents want the best for you. Take care of yourself.
YES. Came here to say this.
I completely agree. Idk if straight ppl should be speaking on this. Some people literally cannot come out for fear of being kicked out of their home, disowned by family, ect. Not everyone is entitled to your story. It’s okay to not come out to family and to come out in queer friendly spaces.
@@1waydown08 the person submitted their question to them specifically though so I don’t fault them for trying to help
Btw hiding your sexuality from homophobes is not "lying", it's self preservation.
EXACTLY straight ppl should not be speaking on this :/
Nah
I want to say for the first write in, if you are a minor and your parents are very stuck to their beliefs and there is a chance that they will react badly or harshly to you coming out, then you should wait until you 18 or independent from them, living on your own etc to come out. That whole give it time thing is right but if they do decide that they want to cut you out or off because of the conflict between you being you and their beliefs, then things can get messy really quick. And if they do something to harm your well-being like kick you out of the home or emotionally abuse you after, it’s going to be a lot harder to come back together and work it out once they’ve slighted you in that way. I hope that makes sense.
To the person in that’s first story: Be prepared for a bad outcome as well. My nieces friend was kicked out for telling his parents he was gay. He spends Christmas at my sisters house now and his friends are now his family so even if it goes bad the truth is needed to be lived just be prepared in case it’s a rough road ahead. It will get better.
Agree. I’d add that they need to identify a support system and let them know about of the conversation they’re about to have because there’s a chance that things go bad. That theyre not alone if things go bad. Rooting for the first person so hard, i hope everything goes well💕
I am also imagining that super fundamentalist Christian parents sometimes try to send their gay or bisexual children to conversion therapy. I really feel like Jerry gave some dangerous advice, and if you feel your family may react badly/ harmfully, I agree with maybe waiting until you move out and have a support network to help you through it.
First story: Have you finished high school or secondary school? If you haven't, I can't recommend telling them until you have your own place and job. I've seen go wrong for plenty of people.
I told my parents, and they didn't believe me. Then I was told I was crazy and needed counselling. It wasn't worth it for me in the end. People don't react well to a person being bisexual. It is an absolute disgust that bisexials are often not accepted by the gay community. It is sad.
I feel for you as I was where you are at now. Sending you lots of love.
I will always say that you DO NOT have to come out if you’re housing/food etc are in jeopardy. “The overwhelming answer would be go for it” absolutely not. If you are dependent on your parents in any way and they are not accepting, my opinion is to keep it in for a bit. It’s very scary bc no matter how much we want to think all parents will be accepting, that’s just not the case sometimes.
The part where dad was talking about Morgan and their connection and how much love there is between and around them.. How he was gushing over how proud he is of her.. Oh my lord I swear it made me want to cry!! I could feel the love in ever word he uttered. Ugh, papa is such a sweetie, they're the best! And then the "I love her little voice" at the end 🥺😭💖💖💖
That- I love her little voice screams the fact that he STILL sees her as his little girl... so cute!!!!
You guys are wonderful, I love the podcast.
Unfortunately, lots of kids come from homes where they are not safe to express alternative lifestyles or opinions. I am one of them.
That’s why I listen, feels like I’m looking inside of a healthy family dynamic
I am certain that your wisdom and acceptance will make a difference in the cases you've read 😊 thank you for passing it forward
You are so welcome!
Ja
I don't always leave messages on your videos, but they always leave an impression on me. Your perspective is new to me, and it really challenges me to think about things in more mature ways, to be more compassionate with others, and to focus on what is important in tough conversations. Thank you, it was a great #7.
Thank you for sharing with me how this effects you. Jerry
You inspire me....
Thank you for the advice, love and support you share on this podcast! It is truly amazing to see you’ve created a place where people can be so vulnerable ❤️
As for the first story, I’m not sure that at the age of 16, with no way of providing for herself, encouraging a kid to come out is the best idea… I know your heart is in the right place, and that might be what she wants to hear, but in such cases shelter and financial safety is very important. Unless she has somewhere to go and someone to take care of her, coming out might make her homeless, or exposing her to abuse within her parents’ home when she has no means to escape. Maybe her parents won’t pay for her to get an education because of this and her future prospects might suffer. As a queer person, I’ve seen this in my community way too many times. Finding a safe space where she can truly be herself outside of her parents’ place is crucial. Sometimes, coming out is about the right timing, even if it is tough, her safety and future have to come first. I hope she gets to live her truth and stay safe.
I love Morgan chiming in 😂
The way I CACKLED when Morgan corrected Justin about her rejecting him 🤣🤣🤣
this is one of my favorite and most appreciated channels on youtube!
You are such a wonderful man, thank you for sharing your knowledge with us ❤️
Love the socks.
Aj, Me tooooo!! Jerry
Wait ...that last story is eerily similar to a situation I'm dealing with too and I was thinking of asking him on a date date too..🙃
1st story: homophobic "reform" camps are still very legal in most states. OP should wait till they are 18 or out of the home.
To the graduation one do NOT allow your step-mom to walk all over you like this and do not allow your father to push this, stand up for you and your mother set boundaries, if she’s gonna lie to your brothers that’s on her and later down the road they will realize the damage she’s done, try to talk to your brothers. Do not allow step mom to show up to anything and do not have your father come if he is not gonna respect you and your wishes.
I came from tiktok and I so desperately need an update
To those coming out who aren't certain how their parents will react: make sure you're financially stable and if it's not looking likely they'll accept, be already moved out before broaching that topic. You can send a letter or an email if you don't think their reaction will be pleasant. Then they can get their true reaction out of their system. Sometimes the face to face talk isn't the best option and that's okay. I'm 27 and in the closet lol. Don't feel pressured to come out unless you're ready.
As a child from a shit family dynamic of a step mom who is worried about her and only her and a dad who won't do anything about it I will say no matter how many times I wanted or tried to talk to my dad he sided with her or she would inject herself in the conversation because she refused to let him do or go anywhere without her and its anoyying and I personally had to cut ties with both cold turkey and not look back and honestly life Is so much calmer and nice I have my mom and her husband and they are great
Great advice!
Very insightful
im gonna be honest. the first story should not have been adressed by you two. my explanation for why is that two straight men who have never had to come out or deal with being in the closet in a homophobic family will never truly understand that position. this is something you guys shouldve asked an LGBTQ guest
YEP YEP YEP
I can’t wait for Jerry to respond to my write in
Jxoxo, me too. Jerry
Same here ahh
I need to know where these chairs are from!!! They look so comfy in every episode 😍😍😍
God father turns step dad? Shaddy.
Lol if I told My fam I was bisexual, they would slap me and disown me
I can't help but disagree with Dad on this first one. There are people in this world, that there is no amount of "standing your ground" and being open-hearted that will make homophobic people accept you. It's a sad fact, but it is their problem, not yours. However, with that being said, the better question here, is what to do AFTER the conversation. If it goes well, great. If not? then you cut them out of your life until they make the decision to be decent human beings. No contact until they can accept you for who you are. Establishing that boundary is hard, but it is safest for you.
Edit: I say this as a homosexual male. Also, not to minimize Dad and Justin's knowledge here, but they're both straight men (or at least as far as I am aware). No matter how tolerant they are, they don't have the experience to adequately advise around the dangers of coming out.
Question, can parents get charged with child abuse and neglect if they kick their under 18 year old LGBTQ+ child out of the house? I'm assuming probably yes correct?
For the gay kid or any reading this, it is illegal for a parent or legal guardian to kick out or financially and physically abandon a child. Even if you’re almost 18, you aren’t yet and it’s still child abandonment. They still have to feed, clothe you, and make sure you have a roof over your head and everything you need for school.
While that is true, that also opens the door for a lot of abuse if they attempt to "legally force" their parents to house, clothe, and feed them. The law (at least in the US) isn't exactly kind, at least not all the time.
For the first story, I'd try to make sure you're able to be independent first and maybe say something about how it's God's place to judge you, not theirs as a way to put it inb terms they can relate to?