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Can a minimalist live with a hoarder?
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2024
- Joshua and Ryan discuss checking ourselves for compatibility and compassion in our relationships. Watch the full episode on Patreon: • The Minimalists Privat...
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I get really excited about minimalism, it's so weird. Just the other day I was cleaning out my closet and I put all my clothes I don't wear in an empty closet just to hide them away. Now two weeks later I have shown myself that I don't need those clothes because I never even thought about them. Minimalism makes me so happy
me going through same issue
I totally get that feeling! Good on you for being able to let go of what's no longer adding value to your life 😁
I've moved in with my family, and they all hoard in one way or another. It's frustrating - because I don't get it, why do we need 50 used ice cream containers that fill a kitchen draw, or multiple pieces of furniture that take up an entire garage.
At the end of the day, I cant control what they keep and hang on to. But it's their choice and their house. Even though it's not what I'd want for my own place, I'm super lucky and grateful to be given a place to live and given all the support that one could ever hope for :) Great conversation guys
I agree with you. Im glad the minimalists tackled accumulating packaging junk in one of their podcasts. My own reflection on this: Since I was in 4th grade I have been taught to Reduce Re-use and recycle. I was stuck on re-use. Thing is, I could only re-use so much, and so it piles up. I really got tired of multiple bottles and plastics. So my rule is, re-use once and then throw it away.
My grandma always said in spanish "when you get married and one of you likes to clean and the other likes to be messy/dirty, you'll either both end up clean or both end up messy" and in relationships or even with roommates its always turned out to be true.
Sounds like my husband! I found minimalism, Konmari, and Dave Ramsey after our miscarriage in 2016. I think I went in one direction and he went further in the other with "things". A dear friend of ours passed away and we helped to clear his stuff. I could see that was his trigger point. He finally was able to let go of some things he held on for years. It's still a work in progress, but it's heading in the right direction.
I experienced the same thing. Multiple miscarriages shut me down. I just started neglecting to care for the home and did the bare minimum. Im finally in a place where i can let go of the past. I cannot change what happened and it made me a more sensitive and kinder to other people because we just dont know what they're going through.
What a fantastic answer! I'm an autistic minimalist and my boyfriend is a hoarder with OCD. We are both in our 50s and super duper compatible. I am completely in favour of your response. We'll not be able to live together, but I enjoy the relationship one hundred percent!
A duplex is a good idea for couples like this.
My wife is a hoarder. Years of clothes never worn and books and CDs never used. Refuse to get rid of because 'just in case'. Has driven me insane.
Right?! And you can't clean the f*ckin house because there's sh*t everywhere making it impossible!
You can't clean because she is always watching to make sure nothing ever gets thrown away by accident. She always complains that I don't help her.
If he truly is a hoarder…then you’ll have to look past the stuff and at the mental triggers. Hoarding Disorder stems from anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, etc. You can recover from hoarding disorder but you need different strategies to start that recovery. I’ve gone from a Level 4 hoarder to a Level 2 hoarder and that has taken 2-3 years…so been patient while they rewire an entire self-coding they programmed since childhood or trauma.
Hello! Thanks for sharing your heart everywhere. xxoxx
@@Shiryone awe!! Thank you so so much for being my friend!! It’s helped me so much on my recovery journey 💞
This! People hoard out of fear. The help they need isn't a declutter, it's finding a way to feel about one's self that, "I am enough." It's a message everything in our society screams against.
I was kind of a hoarder as a kid/young teen, my room was a disaster and I kept buying kids toys even though I was a teen and I probably want gonna play with them, now that I’m 16 I’m actually kind of a neat freak and I’ve gotten rid of a lot of stuff (besides my hobbies and my laundry basket of stuffed animals lol)
damm this is clarity at best
"Our house is littered with the remains of all the hobbies he tried to start" I can honestly relate to that. I have accumulated things with the intention of making a weekend project. It took me years to finally accept at to be able to say that I am not that kind of crafter. And that at this stage of my life I can only recognize that crafting is an interest but not a priority, so I have to let go of these things to make room for my priority which is family.
This question reminds me so much of Dave Bruno's book, The 100 Thing Challenge. The thing is, you can't convince someone they have a stuff problem, only they can convince theirself they have a stuff problem.
Perhaps the "if you want to change them, you're lacking the love component" is not entirely accurate? I'd like to suggest that what someone DOES is not necessarily a true reflection of who they ARE (perfect example: I am acting all tough because I am jelly inside). If we agree that you can dislike someone's behaviour without disliking them (love), then surely you can try to change someone's behaviour (hoarding) without necessarily trying to change who they are as a person?
My mum is a hoarder and I can't even reach for wall sockets or get through a door without coming in sideways. Moving out soon and never looking back. Fuck this shit
RUN, Chicka, Run!! My step mom is a hoarder, and it doesn't get better for the majority of them. It gets worse. They will put their stupid stuff at a higher value than you. Broken lamps: more valuable than you. Dirty paper napkins: More valuable than you. Etc, etc. You won't be able to have people over. You will work yourself to death for their spending addictions. Find someone else.
Okay I came here thinking my bf was a hoarder but I think he's more of a maximalist. I'm a recovering hoarder working towards minimalism. We moved in our first appartment together a few months ago and its a small space, and we have to make do with few storage space. This pushed me into the direction of minimalism like my life depended on it bc when we started settling in, i was overwhelmed ALL THE TIME, and I couldnt get my partner to get rid of his stuff too and it was really frustrating at first, amd we wouldnt even have this problem if our space was bigger, but we cant afford bigger.
I'm glad I was able to find some insight in your podcast. I love my boyfriend, and with me reducing my possessions i feel like its easier to let his take a bit more space if it makes him feel safe, it's his home too after all. Thank you.
Yes
Can you live with them? Yes.
Will you be happy/at peace/comfortable? Hell no.
Beavis and Butt-Head moment with the genitalia talk;-)
While you deal with compatibility, you do not address the lifelong heartache of a relationship with a hoarder. It is not maximalism in the way an interior designer uses the term. Real hoarding disorder is a mental illness separate from OCD in the DM-V , and is usually diagnosed with one or more other mental illnesses (most often ADHD and anxiety). It is diagnosed based on the uncontrolled impulse to acquire things and the inability to dispose of things -even trash - and the encroachment of things on the home so that the rooms are storage areas that can’t be used for their intended purpose. At it’s worst, the person chooses things over people, which never works. Brain researchers have identified issues with the executive decision making part of the brain and difficulty sorting things into categories and a different spatial ability than normal. Genetic researchers have identified inherited issues with chromosome 14. Therapists have identified fear of loss, no memory problems but fear of forgetting if the item isn’t in plain sight, and inability to assign realistic importance or market value to items.
NO👿👿
Time for her/ him to cut the cord and move on
"I'm not saying you should break up with him ... but... you should probably break up with him"